1 00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,938 [Chorus] Good morning, U.S.A. 2 00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,909 [Pigeons Coo] 3 00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:23,884 - Where's Smith? - He was supposed to meet us here. 4 00:00:23,990 --> 00:00:26,083 Hey! Gimme a chance to emerge! 5 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,422 - Oh, look. You stained the sleeve! - I'm sorry. 6 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:32,089 Oh! Sorry's useful. Sorry's not a Shout Wipe, is it? 7 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:34,996 Men, this is the most difficult mission we've ever faced. 8 00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:39,470 The target? Our boss, Deputy Director Bullock. 9 00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:41,699 We've got to plan a surprise party... 10 00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:44,072 honoring his 25 years at the C.I.A.! 11 00:00:46,646 --> 00:00:52,551 Oh, Ernest and Julio Gallo, you make a glorious wine and a handsome couple. 12 00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:55,314 Francine! Roger, have you seen Francine? 13 00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:57,413 Not since she came back from the store with this. 14 00:00:57,524 --> 00:01:00,118 Look at its magnificent size! 15 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:03,161 I'm completely off my ass, and I'm barely down to the label! 16 00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:06,391 Come on, Hayley! You're goin' to the movies with Jeff anyway. 17 00:01:06,499 --> 00:01:08,990 - Just gimme a ride! - You know the rule. 18 00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:11,366 [Sighs] You're the most environmentally conscious... 19 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:14,269 self-actualized feminist in the world. 20 00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:17,309 - And? - And... I'm a douche bag. 21 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,470 Bye, Dad. We're goin' to see the new Michael Moore documentary. 22 00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:23,777 Michael Moore? Oh, you mean Michael Bin Laden! 23 00:01:23,883 --> 00:01:26,681 America is the greatest country in the world! 24 00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:30,722 Nay, the universe! If that whiny troublemaker doesn't like it... 25 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:34,988 he can pack up his admittedly pithy baseball caps and take a slow Prius to Canada! 26 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,825 - Hayley, I forbid you to see that movie! - [Tires Screeching] 27 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,491 Damn! She took my gold card. 28 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,000 And my lucky condom from 10th grade! 29 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,003 Hi, everyone. Sorry I'm late. 30 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,665 There's my clever little shopper. 31 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:50,208 Oh, this four-liter jug- screamin'! 32 00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:53,575 Francine, good news. I'm in charge of planning Bullock's party... 33 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,012 which means you're in charge of planning Bullock's party. 34 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:59,415 - It's on Saturday night. - You planned a party for Saturday? 35 00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:02,181 - That's opening night of my play! - Play? What play? 36 00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:04,950 I'm in the Langley Players production of Beauty and the Beast. 37 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:08,459 I play the teapot. It's kind of an important role. 38 00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:10,461 The teapot is everything! 39 00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:12,793 Without Mrs. Potts, the Beast would have killed himself years ago! 40 00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:16,164 I'm sorry. This story is rather personal to me. 41 00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:19,466 For who could ever love... a beast? 42 00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:22,302 Francine, this is the first I'm hearing of any play. 43 00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:23,568 No, Stan. It isn't. 44 00:02:23,676 --> 00:02:25,974 I aced the play audition! 45 00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:28,013 Play rehearsals are going well. 46 00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:31,811 We got the playbills today at the playhouse of the play I'm in! 47 00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:34,113 "Mama, there's a girl in the castle." 48 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:37,553 [In British Accent] "Now, Chip, I won't have you makin' up such wild stories." 49 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:40,091 Uh, I'd hit the you, not the wild. It's better. 50 00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:44,186 - Mmm. Doesn't ring a bell. - Well, too bad. I'm doing the play. 51 00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:47,164 - It's important to me. - And this party is important to me. 52 00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:50,668 - I forbid you to do that play! - You forbid me? Ha! 53 00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:54,499 Hey! I "forbidded" you! 54 00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:58,671 [Michael Moore's Voice] I'm visiting Sarah Swanson... 55 00:02:58,778 --> 00:03:01,474 whose husband would still be alive today... 56 00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:05,608 if her H.M.O. Had approved a medically vital operation. 57 00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:11,385 Hey, that's Angelina Jolie! I thought this was a documentary. 58 00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:14,392 - [Crying] - [Moore's Voice-over] Even though I was a journalist... 59 00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:17,327 I knew I had to comfort her. 60 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:21,127 [Both Moaning] 61 00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:24,260 I don't believe it! Michael Moore has sold out? 62 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:28,067 - Jeff, that's a corn dog! We're vegetarian! - Still? 63 00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,870 God! Is there no integrity left in America? 64 00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,138 Come on, Steve. We're leaving. 65 00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:35,714 Two more buttons! Two more buttons! 66 00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:39,774 - Usher! There's a little kid, alone, in an R-rated movie! - Aah! 67 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:44,255 Oh, no. I'm about to lose my... coverage. 68 00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:47,224 No! 69 00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:52,892 Francine, hurry up! We'll be late for my boss's party! 70 00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:55,331 What the- 71 00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:58,632 Shut the trunk. I'm sneaking into the drive-in. 72 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,672 Francine, you've gotten so fat! 73 00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:03,537 Stan! This is my costume for the play! 74 00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:06,305 - Our performance is tonight. - Play? What play? 75 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:09,347 This is the first I'm hearing of any play. Go get ready for the party. 76 00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:11,974 Look, Stan. I don't have to do whatever you say. 77 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:15,111 Marriage is an equal partnership! 78 00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:18,748 - [Door Slams] - One of these days, Francine! One of these days! 79 00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:21,793 Right in the kisser! 80 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:28,093 [Chattering] 81 00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:34,434 Hey, Agent Smith. Jay Leno. Your boss ready to be roasted? 82 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:37,532 Oh, I guess so. I was hoping my wife would show up before you went on. 83 00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:41,705 Ooh! Wife not here to support you? Guess we know who wears the pants in your fam- 84 00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:43,714 [Snaps, Thud] 85 00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:50,078 Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Jay. I'm sorry. Wake up. Wake up, funny man. 86 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:52,987 - Wake up. Wake up, damn you! - [Snap] 87 00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:55,788 Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Jay. I'm sorry. 88 00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:59,661 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, Jay Leno has come down with a broken neck... 89 00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:01,666 so I'll be doing the roast. 90 00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,668 Luckily, I have his hilarious jokes. 91 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,005 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm. 92 00:05:08,107 --> 00:05:11,133 Okay, moving on. Uh, funny insult comedy- 93 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:14,873 Uh, so you know how Bullock prides himself on knowing everything? 94 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:18,348 Well, he didn't know his mother had cancer until it was too late to operate. 95 00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:21,079 - [Gasps] - [Laughs] 96 00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:25,886 Ah, what else? Oh, we all know Bullock's wife is a hostage in Fallujah, right? 97 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:29,553 Well, that hasn't stopped him with the ladies. Especially the big 'uns. 98 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:32,529 Oh, yeah! He's an Asian chubby chaser. 99 00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:36,398 [Chuckles, With Asian Accent] Oh, him so horny! 100 00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:40,336 [Slowly] So horny! 101 00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:45,970 Damn it! If Francine had been here, she could have started a wave of laughter. 102 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,912 Laughter is infectious, like smallpox or gay. 103 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:52,007 She wants to be equal partners? Well, I say, "No way!" 104 00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:57,078 I don't want a partner I want a wife 105 00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:01,923 Someone who's happy taking care of my life 106 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:05,020 Where's my Edith Bunker 107 00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:08,100 Laura Petrie Wilma Flintstone 108 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,034 I would never let Archie go to a party alone. 109 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:21,510 I want to go back to a simpler time 110 00:06:21,614 --> 00:06:25,778 When men were men and women had no say 111 00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:29,412 - Content to love honor and obey - [Yells] 112 00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:33,618 I want to be greeted with a massage and a martini 113 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:38,163 The way master was by his Jeannie 114 00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:43,600 I don't buy this independence and doing your own thing 115 00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:48,140 I want a woman to make me feel like a king 116 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:54,043 This ship is sinking and I'm swimming for my life 117 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:58,447 I don't want a partner Damn it! 118 00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:08,449 I want a wife 119 00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:13,164 Oh, did I just sing my way in here? 120 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,894 Yes. Please, just take what you want and leave! 121 00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:18,368 - Are we gonna die, Mommy? - Yes, Brandy. 122 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,634 - I'm not going to fire you, Smith. - Oh, really? 123 00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:26,871 No. I'm going to promote you. 124 00:07:26,979 --> 00:07:30,107 It will require you and your family to relocate. 125 00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:31,843 Relocate? 126 00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:48,729 Wait a minute! This isn't a promotion! 127 00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:55,906 All right, everyone stay calm. 128 00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:59,000 We may be in Saudi Arabia, but that doesn't mean we have to panic or blame your mother. 129 00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:01,636 Just stay close, so we don't leave ourselves open to an ambush. 130 00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:03,647 Dad, that is so ignorant. 131 00:08:03,749 --> 00:08:07,412 Hey, these people are extremists. That's not ignorance. That's fact. 132 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,580 Quick! Cover your mouths! That's how they enter your body to lay their eggs. 133 00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:14,859 Bullock can't hold a grudge forever. 134 00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:17,794 I'll call him every hour until he gives me my old job back. 135 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:22,334 I think this is an opportunity to really breathe in a culture that's so different from- 136 00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,733 - [Explosion] - Roll 'em up. 137 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:28,273 - How come all the women are dressed like ninjas? - They're wearing abayas. 138 00:08:28,374 --> 00:08:30,934 Saudi women aren't objectified like women in Western cultures. 139 00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,943 The beauty myth doesn't exist here. 140 00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:35,605 It doesn't exist in Idaho either. Why couldn't we go there? 141 00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:37,615 Talk about a bunch of dogs. 142 00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:41,278 Oh, good, a Shwarma King. I'm starving. Pull over, Stan. 143 00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,753 Are you insane? We're not stopping for their food! 144 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:45,756 Next, you'll want to use their bathrooms. 145 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,656 I'll be damned if I'm going to use their sandpapery toilet scrolls... 146 00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:50,285 on my proud American button! 147 00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:52,364 Come on! We're hungry! Pull over. 148 00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:54,262 God, you women are driving me crazy. 149 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,892 I guess what I want doesn't matter. 150 00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:59,597 If they have Mr. Pibb, get me a medium! 151 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,267 Uh, Director Bullock, Stan Smith. 152 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,538 Calling to apologize about the roast again. 153 00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:09,979 I only said those things because I was dehydrated and exhausted. 154 00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:13,745 It happens. Just google Martin Lawrence, plus "arrested," plus "jogging." 155 00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:17,084 Eh, guess you forgot to unpack me in the car. 156 00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:21,148 Good thing I remembered to drop a deuce in your nylons, huh? 157 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:23,160 I need a drink. Where's the booze? 158 00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:26,060 There is no booze. Saudi Arabia is a dry country. 159 00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:29,333 Seriously, where's the booze? 160 00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:31,596 Francine, I have to report to my new assignment. 161 00:09:31,704 --> 00:09:34,172 Now, I've installed extra locks on the doors and windows. 162 00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:36,241 - So you won't get beheaded while I'm out. - Stan- 163 00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:39,573 Way ahead of you. I'll find us a satellite so we can watch Lost when I get home. 164 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:42,807 Just because we're stuck in this wasteland doesn't mean it's not Wednesday! 165 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,815 There's no alcohol in the kitchen either. 166 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,817 I'll look in the closets. You check the pantry. 167 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:49,149 Stan, I'm not staying inside all day. 168 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:53,487 I'm taking the kids to meet our neighbors. When you get home, we'll all go see the palace. 169 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,118 Fine. We'll do it your way... again. 170 00:09:56,228 --> 00:10:00,927 Oh, my God! I am freaking out! I am totally freaking out! 171 00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:06,031 Yes. Mr. Smith, the C.I.A. Told us you'd be coming. 172 00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:09,301 Your assignment is to protect this oil pipeline. 173 00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,638 Here are the guards you will be supervising. 174 00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:15,441 This is Ali, Khalid and Fazziz. 175 00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:18,608 - Are you okay? - I'm fine! And quick! Like a cat! 176 00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:21,346 A cat that could kill you. 177 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:26,858 [Yowling] 178 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,859 [Hisses] 179 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,191 [Knocks] 180 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,197 Hello, neighbor. 181 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,496 Hayley, you should meet my eldest son, Mamood. 182 00:10:36,602 --> 00:10:40,231 - He's educated, well-traveled. - He sounds great. 183 00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:42,569 And this is my son, Rashad. 184 00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:45,303 Honey, maybe you and Rashad would like to go play. 185 00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:48,380 Mom, he's, like, eight years old. I'm not a little kid anymore! 186 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:51,541 My childhood died on July 18, 2003... 187 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,848 the day Kobe Bean Bryant was charged with sexual assault. 188 00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:58,219 - Steve- - Why was he even in Colorado in the first place? 189 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,224 Black men don't go to Colorado. 190 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,658 - Do you want to play guns? - Guns? 191 00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:06,163 Look, Beave, I stopped playing guns when l- Holy crap! 192 00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:08,165 Where'd you get all this stuff? 193 00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,531 In the bazaar. You can find anything there. 194 00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:13,503 Can I get bootleg DVDs, like the new Michael Moore documentary? 195 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:16,598 Sure. They have everything. Want to play rebuild Iraq? 196 00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:19,576 - [Both] I'm Halliburton! - I called it! I'm Halliburton! 197 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,374 [Laughing] 198 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,608 My husband cannot remember to put the toilet seat down! 199 00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:27,049 Better than leaving toenail clippings in the sink! 200 00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:28,882 My Stan is just as bad. 201 00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:32,549 I guess no matter where you go in the world, marriage is always the same. 202 00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:35,793 Oh, look! Husband is home! 203 00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:37,795 - How was your day? - Would you like a snack? 204 00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:39,762 Let me draw you a bath. 205 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,629 Oh. Huh. 206 00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:49,604 [Whistles] Sweet shot! 207 00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:52,438 Land mine! Ten points! 208 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:57,539 Wow! That looks like a game we play back in America called golf. 209 00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:00,886 Tell us about America, Stan. 210 00:12:00,986 --> 00:12:03,750 Have you ever floated to heaven on angel wings? 211 00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:06,256 Tasted a cinnamon bun fresh from the oven? 212 00:12:06,358 --> 00:12:09,987 Licked hot chocolate from Santa's beard? That's what America's like. 213 00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:12,189 Not like here, with the sand and the heat. 214 00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:14,823 Good Lord! How do you stand the sand and the heat? 215 00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:18,631 That is why we wear robes. It keeps us cool in hot temperatures. 216 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,730 Really? I thought it was because your God doesn't believe in pants! 217 00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:26,174 - [All Laugh] - Stan, what a funny guy! 218 00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:28,678 Thanks. You know, I once stood in for Leno. 219 00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:32,148 I don't understand. If you love America so much, why are you here? 220 00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:35,880 It's a long story. I asked my wife to help me plan this party for my boss... 221 00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:37,888 - and she said no, so- - What do you mean? 222 00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:41,016 You asked her, and she said no? You mean, you told her, and she obeyed. 223 00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:43,925 Uh, no. See, she had this play, and, uh- 224 00:12:44,029 --> 00:12:47,465 Stan, the rules are different here for more than just golf. 225 00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:49,466 Allow me to explain. 226 00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:54,706 Here in Saudi Arabia 227 00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:57,139 - [Gunshot] - No singing! 228 00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:59,609 Cheese and rice! Who are those guys? 229 00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:01,703 They are the police of vice and virtue. 230 00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:05,215 They make sure everyone follows our country's strict moral code. 231 00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:07,979 Public singing is illegal in Saudi Arabia. 232 00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:12,490 This was his third offense. Too bad. He had a lovely voice. 233 00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:16,254 Wow! It's like the Footloose town times a million! 234 00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:20,958 You think that's something? Wait till you hear the rules about women. 235 00:13:24,703 --> 00:13:28,696 Does this furniture polish have alcohol in it? [Gulps] 236 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,072 Mmm. Tastes like I might die. 237 00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:34,840 - Hello, assorted family members. - Wow! Someone's in a better mood. 238 00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:39,281 I sure am! I was thinking about how you said we should immerse ourselves in the culture. 239 00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:41,285 - I couldn't agree more. - Great. 240 00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,412 Let's talk in the car. I wanna see the palace before sunset. 241 00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,422 Baby, slow your roll. 242 00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:49,654 I learned something interesting today. Did you know- Hayley, you'll appreciate this too. 243 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:53,391 Do you know women can't leave the home unless accompanied by a man? 244 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,263 What are you talking about? We all left the house earlier. 245 00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:59,895 Right. And Steve was with you. In this culture, he's considered a man. 246 00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:02,371 - I am? - You sure are! 247 00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:05,773 Also, there's no cursing, dancing, singing, no bars, no movie theaters. 248 00:14:05,878 --> 00:14:08,346 Oh, and women can't drive or ride bicycles. 249 00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:12,941 And here's the best rule. The man has final say on everything. 250 00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:16,112 So, no, Francine. We're not going to see the palace. 251 00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:19,055 We're going to do whatever I want, and there's nothing you can do about it. 252 00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:23,390 This is ridiculous! If you don't want to go out, I'll go by myself. 253 00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:25,395 Francine, I forbid it! 254 00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:28,022 Yeah? Well, too bad. 255 00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,033 [Knocking] 256 00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:32,194 This belong to you? 257 00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:34,431 Thanks. Just, uh- Just put her anywhere. 258 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,974 - Morning, honey. - Stan, I've had it. I wanna go home! 259 00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:46,347 - Has Bullock called back yet? - Oh, not yet. I'll keep trying. 260 00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,682 Oh, I invited the fellas over for a feast after work... 261 00:14:48,787 --> 00:14:50,846 so I figured you could whip something up. 262 00:14:50,956 --> 00:14:52,947 Or as they say in this country- 263 00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:58,052 Forget it! You may keep me locked up in this house, but I control what I do in it. 264 00:14:58,163 --> 00:15:01,860 Or as they say in my country- [Snaps Twice] 265 00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:03,867 Fine, I'll cook it myself! 266 00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:08,068 Now, how do I do this without getting hair everywhere? 267 00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:11,734 Steve, come on! I'm supposed to meet the neighbor's son in 20 minutes. 268 00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:15,302 You know the rule. Say it, and I'll escort you to the bazaar. 269 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:19,180 [Sighs] You're the manliest man in the history of manly men. 270 00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:22,516 - And? - And when you're in your late 30s, you may have a chance... 271 00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:26,352 at convincing a long-time female friend to have awkward pity sex with you once. 272 00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,358 Oh, yeah. 273 00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:30,655 [Chattering] 274 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,857 Thanks for bringing me with. There's booze here somewhere. I just know it. 275 00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:35,866 - Oh, dead cow. - Oh, there he is! 276 00:15:35,968 --> 00:15:37,458 Mamood? 277 00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:41,369 Hayley, you are even more beautiful than I imagined. 278 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:47,537 - [Gasps] Who are you? - I am Mrs. Smith. 279 00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:50,672 Uh, no. I'm Mrs. Smith. 280 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,251 Ladies, ladies, you're both Mrs. Smith. 281 00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:57,186 - Stan, what on earth? - Surprise! I got us a second wife! 282 00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,280 You know, to help with cooking and cleaning. 283 00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:02,360 Her name's impossible to pronounce, so I just call her Thundercat. 284 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:05,396 What? You got a second wife? 285 00:16:05,497 --> 00:16:08,728 I love husband. I will serve him in this life and next. 286 00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:11,803 Look, Francine, it's just the way things are done here. 287 00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:14,429 Think of her as a full-time housekeeper we don't have to pay... 288 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,338 or give our out-of-style clothing to. 289 00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:22,345 Oh, I love Burger King! Don't you? 290 00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:24,678 Actually, I was thinking more falafel. 291 00:16:24,783 --> 00:16:29,777 It makes me feel close to America, the greatest culture in the world! 292 00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:32,550 I spent a semester at A.S.U. In 1995! 293 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:36,424 They ranked us the number two party school behind Chico State. 294 00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,826 But we partied so much harder! 295 00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:41,525 Hey, is Hootie still en fuego? 296 00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:43,567 Whatever happened with Ross and Rachel? 297 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:47,366 ThatJennifer Aniston! "Schwing!" Yes? 298 00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:49,441 I have to go to the bathroom. 299 00:16:49,541 --> 00:16:52,101 Ooh, Hayley, going to the bathroom. 300 00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:54,839 The Haylenator sitting on the toilet. 301 00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:58,282 You, woman.! Where is your man? 302 00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:02,252 Oh, uh, he's- 303 00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:05,551 Gin is close. My "Tanqueraydar" is going crazy. 304 00:17:05,657 --> 00:17:09,252 Not to mention my "Petronar." Get it? Like sonar. 305 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,852 Steve, this is me sober! 306 00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:15,065 Awesome! 307 00:17:16,635 --> 00:17:18,967 Oh, no. Forty-five foreign money. 308 00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:23,371 That's really expensive... or a great deal. I should've ordered Mom to gimme some cash. 309 00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:26,706 Come on, Steve. Baby needs his bottle. Come on, come on, come on. 310 00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:28,712 Shut up! God, you're annoying. 311 00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:31,783 - How much for the woman? - Woman? 312 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,580 Oh, no. That's just Rog- Sold! 313 00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:36,449 [Yelps] 314 00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:40,082 I don't know where you're taking me, but God help you if there's no schnapps. 315 00:17:40,192 --> 00:17:43,821 Whoa! What do I buy first? 316 00:17:43,929 --> 00:17:47,092 [Rock] 317 00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:54,230 [Steve] I am a man.! 318 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:58,706 Your adorable goat was delicious. I couldn't eat another bite. 319 00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:01,974 - It's all courtesy ofThundercat. - Pretty good. 320 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,343 Yum-a-dum-dum. 321 00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,349 It is privilege to serve you all. 322 00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:07,351 I hope you saved room for- 323 00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:12,720 [Unpronounceable Word] 324 00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:14,725 With caramel sauce. 325 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:18,456 For you, as thanks for inviting us into your lovely home. 326 00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:20,623 You knuckleheads What'd you do? 327 00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:23,326 Fazziz, was this you? Wow. 328 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,926 A man dress. It's beautiful! 329 00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:30,600 - In case your God decides to ban pants, huh? - [Laughing] 330 00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:34,568 - Back off, Thundercat. - Sorry? 331 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:38,707 Don't play innocent with me. Stan's just gone a little native, that's all. 332 00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:42,548 But he's still my husband, and only my husband. 333 00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:45,987 I love husband. I will serve him in this life and next... 334 00:18:46,091 --> 00:18:47,991 as number one wife. 335 00:18:48,093 --> 00:18:51,654 You can forget it! As soon as Stan talks to his boss... 336 00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:54,391 we're going back to America without you! 337 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:58,937 See that? That's a wedding ring. I'm Stan's only real wife. 338 00:18:59,037 --> 00:19:03,133 - Husband give me ring too. And it has inscription. - Where? 339 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,045 You wanna dance, bitch? Let's dance. 340 00:19:10,949 --> 00:19:13,008 [Ululating] 341 00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:18,420 Ooh, catfight! Take her top off! Rip it right off! Kiss her! 342 00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:20,424 [Grunts] 343 00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:25,192 [Groaning] 344 00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:30,367 [Groans] 345 00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:36,673 - Great. - It's fantastic! 346 00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:39,243 - The color really brings out your eyes. - [Cell Phone Rings] 347 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:41,574 As-salaam alaikum. 348 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,944 Director Bullock, I'm surprised to hear from you. 349 00:19:44,049 --> 00:19:48,145 Yes. Well, my sources tell me I may have overreacted to your speech. 350 00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:52,519 Your assertion was correct. I like big Asian butts, and I cannot lie. 351 00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:55,024 Therefore, I've decided to give you your old job back. 352 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,027 [Laughing] 353 00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,620 I don't know, sir. I... kind of like it here. 354 00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:03,064 Like it? Are you mad? What about your family? 355 00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:05,466 They can't possibly be enjoying it out there! 356 00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:07,869 My family? 357 00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:11,409 I'm about to lose my... coverage. 358 00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:14,445 - Aah! - [Horn Honks] 359 00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:23,987 Help! Where are you taking me? 360 00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:27,752 - I appreciate your culture! - Silence, whore! 361 00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:33,121 My family loves it here. 362 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,291 Think carefully about what you're doing, Smith. 363 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,062 If you turn me down now, you're finished! 364 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,331 You can never come back to the C.I.A.! 365 00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:47,571 Fine! I don't want to come back to the C.I.A. Or the U.S.A.! 366 00:20:49,348 --> 00:20:52,715 I officially renounce our American citizenship. 367 00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:57,346 - The Smiths are staying in Saudi Arabia forever! - [Beeps] 368 00:21:01,059 --> 00:21:03,152 This is my country now. 369 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:08,290 I am... Stan of Arabia! 370 00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:49,706 Bye! Have a beautiful time! 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net