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American Dad! S03E03
Failure is not a Factory-installed Option
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00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:06,340
Good morning, USA!
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I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day
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The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
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And he's shining a salute
to the American race
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Oh, boy, it's swell to say
Good morning, USA
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www.forom.com
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Subtitles : Brass
Correction : Fogia
Transcript : Raceman
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His name is Achmed al-Paula
Abdul al-Paul Anka
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00:00:36,997 --> 00:00:39,200
al-Casey Kasem
bin-Shakira.
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We must find out
who he works for.
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Leave it to me, sir.
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I'll crack him faster
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than Condoleezza Rice
cracked the glass ceiling
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with her beautiful,
straightened hair.
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It's no use, CIA man.
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I will never talk. Never!
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Shh!
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Every man has a weakness.
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What is his?
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His teeth are yellow,
so he's a smoker.
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The handcuffs around his wrists
mean he's in some sort of trouble.
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00:01:07,448 --> 00:01:10,203
The haunted look in his eye
suggests that he doesn't know
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what Eric McCormack'a going to
do after Will & Grace either.
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He's got a wedding ring,
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but his shirt
doesn't match his pants,
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which means his wife
has stopped caring.
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Gotcha!
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Oh, man, another
spot on my tie!
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It's like my wife
doesn't even care anymore.
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I'm soy. You shouldn't have
to listen to my complaints.
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It's not likcould relate.
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Actually, you might
be surprised.
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00:01:32,748 --> 00:01:36,020
My wife and I haven't been getting along
for quite some time now.
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It's like she's no longer the woman
I traded goats for, you know?
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Preaching to
the mosque, Achmed.
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Preaching to the mosque.
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Dude, it's okay.
She'll come around.
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It just sucks, you know?
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It's like she's jealous of my work
as chief bomb maker at Arabs for Chaos.
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Ooh! Probably shouldn't
have told you that.
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I thought we were friends!
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You thought
what I made you think.
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I still want to get
the wives together!
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Well done, Smith.
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I'm going to pat you
on the bottom. Ready?
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There it is.
48
00:02:11,105 --> 00:02:12,923
Look! It's Jenny Bowen.
49
00:02:12,926 --> 00:02:14,821
She's got the body
of Lara Croft,
50
00:02:14,845 --> 00:02:18,093
the pouty good looks of Resident
Evil's Jill Valentine,
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00:02:18,097 --> 00:02:20,971
and the frank eroticism
of Rosie O'Donnell.
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God, I'd love to bend Rosie
O'Donnell over a buffet table
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and just let her
eat all she wants.
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Yes, Rosie O'Donnell is every
teenage boy's Mrs. Right.
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But these girls
are Mrs. Right Here.
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Those girls will
never talk to us.
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They'll give us boo-boos
on our feelings!
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Trust me, guys.
We can do this.
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But what if they...?
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No ifs, no buts,
no coconuts!
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Afternoon, ladies.
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What do you
little kids want?
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"Little kids"?
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Would a little kid have a $50 watch
he bought with "good boy" points?
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Sorry. We only
date guys with cars.
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Oh!
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I'm home.
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Oh! If I had known you were
going to be home so early,
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I wouldn't have taken care
of myself in the bathtub.
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Hey, you know
how we were talking
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about getting me a new car?
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Well, I know exactly
what I want:
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The Femwagon.
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It's a little pricey.
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Hey, you've got one of the CIA's
top negotiators on your side.
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You know, I negotiated my way
through negotiator training.
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I should have failed
the hell out of that class.
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That's how good I am.
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Hi. I'm Felix.
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Can I help you?
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Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!
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Every man has a weakness.
What is his?
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I notice you shave
against the grain.
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What?!
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I do the same thing.
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My dad wasn't around
to teach me any different.
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Neither was mine.
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So, what do you think
of your new car?
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Do you love it?
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I told you I wanted
the Femwagon.
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This is the Phallus.
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00:04:01,737 --> 00:04:03,462
No, it's the Phallus ES.
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Felix said it was
the last one on the lot.
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I had to act fast or this other
guy was totally going to buy it.
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Son of a bitch!
He mind-raped me!
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Don't worry, honey.
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No car salesman is going
to get the better of me.
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Is she a beauty or what?
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00:04:19,745 --> 00:04:21,540
Stan, that's my old car.
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Correction: It's your
new pre-owned car,
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and I got it for
a sweet ten grand.
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We sold it to him for seven.
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Yeah, but he let me keep the
Phallus for no extra charge.
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Because you already paid for it!
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00:04:34,238 --> 00:04:36,882
Francine, there's a lot
of math-- man math --
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involved in a car
purchase that...
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Damn it!
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Why... does... this...
keep... happening?!
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Sorry about this mess, Klaus.
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They cleared out the garage
to make room for Stan's stupid cars.
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The one time I invite
the fish up here for drinks.
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Oh, don't worry about it.
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I'm having fun. I'm having fun.
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Oh, my God! A movie projector!
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Is there anything more magical
than movies?
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Wait. There's no movies.
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It's like having the world's
biggest wine cooler,
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and no girls from New Jersey.
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Hey, what are you doing
with my dad's movie projector?
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If I'm living in a storage unit
so he can buy 20 cars,
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I'm going to get
something out of it.
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Get something out of it.
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cars...
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Yes! The girls would go crazy
over these cars. That's it!
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Hey, Algernon,
what's wrong with you?
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Can't you get an idea without
saying it out loud?
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Smith, I told you to interrogate
that prisoner an hour ago.
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Uh... lost my confidence
because a car salesman
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bested me eight times?
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00:05:50,358 --> 00:05:51,783
Of course I haven't
lost my confidence
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because a car salesman
bested me eight times.
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Good! Then get in there!
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Okay. So, here's
a passport, $1,000,
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and the names
of all our operatives.
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Great. And you should be receiving
your first issue of Essence
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00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,033
in six to eight weeks.
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Awesome!
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00:06:06,868 --> 00:06:09,952
Smith! What in God's
name are you doing?!
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Feets, don't
explode on me now!
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You gave away state
secrets to a terrorist?!
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00:06:20,108 --> 00:06:21,290
Freedom fighter?
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Smith, until you get
your head in the game,
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I'm suspending you without pay.
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Clean out your desk
and leave immediately.
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Janet, when's my next
appointment?
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- Not for two hours, sir.
- Excellent.
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All day up this ladder,
I'm as happy as can be
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Ying, ting-ting-ting,
yada, ting
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The things I shouldn't see
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Oh, the blushing bride
looks divine
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00:06:45,326 --> 00:06:47,321
The bridegroom,
he is doing fine
152
00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:49,373
I'd rather have his job
than mine
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When I'm cleaning windows
All day up this ladder...
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- See ya, buddy.
- See ya, pal.
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Ah! The joys of work.
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These car payment bills are
really starting to pile up, Stan.
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I know! Because
I'm an idiot!
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My sensei would
be disgusted.
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00:07:07,925 --> 00:07:11,300
He spent 16 months training me
in the art of mental manipulation,
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and then some car salesman
makes my brain his bitch!
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Well, maybe you should
go visit your sensei.
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You know, get a tune-up.
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- Stan, you return.
- Yes, Sensei.
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I've come back
to you for guidance.
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Enter, young one.
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I'm right in the middle of trying
to get the toaster to pop,
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and I'm afraid to put
anything metal in there.
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Well, ladies,
start your engines.
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Wow! You actually
do have cars.
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I want to brush your hair.
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Hey, we should
go to the beach!
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Yeah. Um...
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We don't exactly know
how to drive these cars.
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- Are you kidding me?
- No, no. No, I'm not.
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00:08:03,725 --> 00:08:04,850
But we can sit in them.
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On a clear night,
this one gets Radio Disney!
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00:08:07,456 --> 00:08:08,690
Why did I say that?
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Roger, this package
came for you.
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My films!
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Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme!
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Ah! Chinema.
182
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Porky's? Meatballs 2?
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Enjoy your crapfest!
184
00:08:26,536 --> 00:08:29,201
Oh, go read The Bell Jar,
you poser!
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Klaus, prepare
to feast your eyes
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00:08:32,165 --> 00:08:35,891
on the majestic grandeur
of the silver screen!
187
00:08:39,108 --> 00:08:41,103
Wahhh-wahhh!
188
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Damn it!
189
00:08:47,705 --> 00:08:49,943
You guys have your own drive-in?
190
00:08:50,736 --> 00:08:52,860
Yes. Yes. Yes, we do.
191
00:08:54,107 --> 00:08:56,521
Turkey pot pie or chicken pot pie?
192
00:08:56,708 --> 00:08:59,162
Turkey pot pie or chicken pot pie?
193
00:08:59,246 --> 00:09:00,501
Turkey pot pie...
194
00:09:01,755 --> 00:09:02,231
Oh!
195
00:09:02,285 --> 00:09:05,290
Perhaps the answer is not
what is inside the pie,
196
00:09:05,506 --> 00:09:07,320
but what is inside you.
197
00:09:07,425 --> 00:09:09,552
Stan, you scared
me half to death.
198
00:09:09,627 --> 00:09:11,300
Better to be
scared half to death,
199
00:09:11,557 --> 00:09:15,580
than to death
half scared be to.
200
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:19,710
Oh. Okay. Well, we're
glad to have you home.
201
00:09:19,715 --> 00:09:21,441
Especially with
the bills piling up.
202
00:09:21,467 --> 00:09:22,930
The bills will be dealt with.
203
00:09:23,028 --> 00:09:24,482
But now I rest.
204
00:09:24,566 --> 00:09:27,021
At dawn, I go down
to the dealership,
205
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,653
wait four hours
until they open,
206
00:09:28,745 --> 00:09:32,311
and then kick the mental ass
of a certain car salesman.
207
00:09:32,407 --> 00:09:34,153
He will take
back these cars,
208
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,822
and I will take
back my pride.
209
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,650
Farewell, my concubine.
210
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:38,423
Wha...?
211
00:09:42,377 --> 00:09:44,962
We accept the fact that we had
to sacrifice a whole Saturday
212
00:09:45,006 --> 00:09:46,963
in detention for whatever
it was we did wrong,
213
00:09:47,718 --> 00:09:49,792
but we think you're crazy
to make us write an essay
214
00:09:49,795 --> 00:09:51,753
telling you who we think we are.
215
00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:53,630
You see us as you want to see us,
216
00:09:53,837 --> 00:09:55,311
in the simplest terms
217
00:09:55,698 --> 00:09:57,561
and the most convenient
definitions.
218
00:09:57,977 --> 00:09:59,473
But what we found out
219
00:10:00,055 --> 00:10:03,500
is that each one of us
is a brain and an athlete
220
00:10:03,996 --> 00:10:05,780
and a basket case;
221
00:10:06,055 --> 00:10:08,570
a princess and a criminal.
222
00:10:09,177 --> 00:10:10,801
Does that answer your question?
223
00:10:12,068 --> 00:10:13,630
Sincerely yours,
224
00:10:14,485 --> 00:10:15,793
the Breakfast Club.
225
00:10:18,105 --> 00:10:20,741
Thanks, guys,
but we were just wondering.
226
00:10:20,747 --> 00:10:22,293
Why didn't you try anything?
227
00:10:22,297 --> 00:10:24,200
We... we could've
tried something?
228
00:10:24,266 --> 00:10:26,102
That's what drive-ins are for!
229
00:10:26,135 --> 00:10:27,651
Getting down and dirty.
230
00:10:27,737 --> 00:10:29,712
Oh, okay, baby.
231
00:10:29,726 --> 00:10:31,042
Well, let's get busy!
232
00:10:31,766 --> 00:10:33,533
The movie's over,
you little pervert.
233
00:10:33,685 --> 00:10:35,302
But we'd love
to do this again.
234
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:36,710
Say, next weekend?
235
00:10:36,718 --> 00:10:39,032
Weekends are when I clean
out my belly button.
236
00:10:39,047 --> 00:10:40,013
Ew!
237
00:10:40,267 --> 00:10:42,183
My boy's wicked hygienic.
238
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,153
Chicken pot pie!
My favorite!
239
00:10:54,206 --> 00:10:56,411
Actually, it's turkey.
-Aw, gross!
240
00:10:56,415 --> 00:10:58,302
Why don't we just eat
a big pile of vomit?
241
00:10:59,668 --> 00:11:01,212
Giant bumblebees!
242
00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:02,663
They've come at last!
243
00:11:04,375 --> 00:11:05,740
What the hell is that?
244
00:11:10,595 --> 00:11:12,580
You bought a blimp?!
245
00:11:12,585 --> 00:11:14,643
Francine, with today's
low helium prices,
246
00:11:14,645 --> 00:11:16,140
we'd be crazy not to buy!
247
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,182
Oh, my God! He did
it to me again!!
248
00:11:20,286 --> 00:11:21,662
Now, Stan...
249
00:11:21,688 --> 00:11:22,640
Don't look at me!
250
00:11:22,685 --> 00:11:25,010
I'm not worthy to be
the head of this family.
251
00:11:25,106 --> 00:11:26,003
I'm leaving.
252
00:11:26,056 --> 00:11:29,520
I'm going someplace where
I won't bring shame to this house.
253
00:11:29,775 --> 00:11:31,473
Stan, please. You're not...
254
00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:37,781
Damn! I can't even exit
mysteriously anymore.
255
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,180
When's Dad coming back?
256
00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:44,283
Don't know.
257
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:45,972
Don't, uh...
258
00:11:47,086 --> 00:11:48,120
don't know.
259
00:11:49,686 --> 00:11:52,221
Oh, my God,
we're a broken home!
260
00:11:52,258 --> 00:11:56,101
And I'm too drunk and they're
too dumb to channel it into art.
261
00:11:56,158 --> 00:11:57,962
Everything's gonna be fine.
262
00:11:58,057 --> 00:12:01,271
Once he finds his confidence,
he'll be right back here.
263
00:12:01,276 --> 00:12:03,091
But what are we
gonna do for money?
264
00:12:05,345 --> 00:12:06,962
We're here
to clean the house.
265
00:12:06,978 --> 00:12:09,010
Buenos dias.
266
00:12:09,016 --> 00:12:11,441
I am Judy.
267
00:12:12,456 --> 00:12:14,700
La toilet.
La toilet!
268
00:12:14,786 --> 00:12:16,403
No es poopoo!
269
00:12:16,406 --> 00:12:18,623
Are you saying you would like me
to clean the toilet?
270
00:12:18,625 --> 00:12:21,321
No. No! No es poopoo!
271
00:12:22,678 --> 00:12:24,321
Dad better come home soon.
272
00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:26,031
Hang in there, sweetheart.
273
00:12:26,337 --> 00:12:28,371
Did you break my coffee maker?
274
00:12:28,418 --> 00:12:30,522
I don't know
what you're talking about.
275
00:12:30,606 --> 00:12:32,391
Coffee maker!
276
00:12:32,465 --> 00:12:35,773
El burro por los coffee!
277
00:12:36,037 --> 00:12:39,452
I know what a coffee maker is.
We weren't even in the kitchen.
278
00:12:39,456 --> 00:12:40,991
No dinero today!
279
00:12:41,026 --> 00:12:42,911
But we worked for 12 hours!
280
00:12:42,915 --> 00:12:44,432
You want me to call INS?
281
00:12:44,435 --> 00:12:45,761
You comprende that?
282
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,002
Yeah, you do.
283
00:12:53,575 --> 00:12:54,640
Stan?
284
00:12:57,446 --> 00:12:58,570
Just a minute!
285
00:12:59,697 --> 00:13:01,653
Francine! What a nice surprise.
286
00:13:01,908 --> 00:13:03,401
What brings you
to the neighborhood?
287
00:13:03,435 --> 00:13:04,790
Can I offer you
something to drink?
288
00:13:04,796 --> 00:13:06,733
Half a can of Tab? Rain water?
289
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:10,102
Stan, you have to come home.
We're totally broke.
290
00:13:10,107 --> 00:13:11,463
The kids need a father,
291
00:13:11,466 --> 00:13:13,481
and I have this jar
I can't open.
292
00:13:13,557 --> 00:13:14,711
And quit now?
293
00:13:14,716 --> 00:13:16,962
No, I've got some really
exciting things happening.
294
00:13:16,967 --> 00:13:19,283
A whole new entrepreneurial
thing that is gonna be
295
00:13:19,288 --> 00:13:21,262
the next big thing
for Stan Smith.
296
00:13:21,306 --> 00:13:22,250
Check it out!
297
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,772
- What are you selling?
- Still working on that.
298
00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:28,471
But once I nail it, it's
gonna take off like a rocket.
299
00:13:29,687 --> 00:13:32,090
I'll give you five dollars
for all of them.
300
00:13:32,136 --> 00:13:33,152
Go to hell!
301
00:13:50,086 --> 00:13:51,790
I killed my best friend.
302
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:53,723
And for what?
303
00:13:54,237 --> 00:13:57,791
A turd made of solid gold.
304
00:14:00,885 --> 00:14:02,361
What have I done?
305
00:14:02,795 --> 00:14:04,901
What have I done?!
306
00:14:07,136 --> 00:14:08,661
This is all your fault.
307
00:14:25,366 --> 00:14:26,950
Why do you think
he did it, sir?
308
00:14:26,985 --> 00:14:29,323
Who knows? Probably
running from something.
309
00:14:29,355 --> 00:14:30,913
Himself, most likely.
310
00:14:36,048 --> 00:14:37,103
What the hell?
311
00:14:37,106 --> 00:14:38,252
Gold!
312
00:14:38,805 --> 00:14:40,372
Find something, Lieutenant?
313
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,880
Heh, just an old nickel, Chris.
314
00:14:43,987 --> 00:14:45,762
Just an old nickel.
315
00:14:47,505 --> 00:14:49,730
It's... beautiful.
316
00:14:49,736 --> 00:14:51,091
What do you think it is?
317
00:14:51,128 --> 00:14:53,133
It's a mistake.
That what it is.
318
00:14:53,188 --> 00:14:57,142
One week to retirement, I risk
my pension by stealing evidence?
319
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:58,770
What the hell was I thinking?
320
00:14:58,848 --> 00:15:00,763
You were thinking about us.
321
00:15:01,016 --> 00:15:02,902
Oh, Eddie, don't you see?
322
00:15:03,115 --> 00:15:05,280
The best your pension'll
buy us is
323
00:15:05,285 --> 00:15:09,021
some crappy little cracker box
on the Eastern shore!
324
00:15:09,146 --> 00:15:13,271
But now,
now we can go to Boca!
325
00:15:13,326 --> 00:15:14,920
This changes everything.
326
00:15:15,455 --> 00:15:16,591
This changes nothing!
327
00:15:16,857 --> 00:15:21,433
I've always been a good cop,
and I'm going out a good cop!
328
00:15:21,457 --> 00:15:23,492
You're going out a nothing!
329
00:15:23,515 --> 00:15:24,650
An honest nothing!
330
00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:27,441
Yeah, well,
I'm sick of your honesty!
331
00:15:27,465 --> 00:15:29,970
What about me? Huh?
332
00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:31,913
What about all those late nights
333
00:15:31,918 --> 00:15:34,261
I lied awake wondering
if you were in some gutter,
334
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,311
plugged in the groceries
by some hopped-up dope fiend?
335
00:15:37,465 --> 00:15:39,592
Don't I get something for that?!
336
00:15:39,716 --> 00:15:41,022
Listen to yourself, Marilyn.
337
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:43,521
This isn't you.
This isn't us.
338
00:15:43,666 --> 00:15:46,191
It's this... thing!
339
00:15:46,396 --> 00:15:49,110
It's... i-it's putting
bad thoughts in our heads!
340
00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:50,813
No.
341
00:15:51,178 --> 00:15:54,352
Tomorrow I'm just gonna turn it in
and face the music.
342
00:15:54,408 --> 00:15:57,353
Oh, you're right.
You're right.
343
00:15:57,848 --> 00:15:59,680
I'm sorry, Eddie.
344
00:16:00,316 --> 00:16:03,202
I'll get us some tea.
It'll calm us do.
345
00:16:03,958 --> 00:16:06,162
The sooner it's out of
our lives, the better.
346
00:16:06,667 --> 00:16:09,801
Besides, that cracker box
won't seem so bad
347
00:16:09,805 --> 00:16:11,552
when our grandkids
come to visit.
348
00:16:11,557 --> 00:16:12,213
Yeah.
349
00:16:12,578 --> 00:16:15,010
I hear Boca's
really humid, anyways.
350
00:16:18,257 --> 00:16:19,853
Besides, Eddie...
351
00:16:20,708 --> 00:16:22,333
you're all I need.
352
00:16:29,715 --> 00:16:31,781
Welcome back
to the drive-in, ladies.
353
00:16:31,788 --> 00:16:33,972
Your chariots
to pleasure await.
354
00:16:40,098 --> 00:16:42,961
Ah, Steve,
your first grope-fest.
355
00:16:43,145 --> 00:16:45,881
You won't truly appreciate
the awkwardness of this moment
356
00:16:45,885 --> 00:16:49,470
until you're fondly reminiscing
as a 35-year-old homosexual.
357
00:16:59,398 --> 00:17:01,091
Here to repo the cars.
358
00:17:01,138 --> 00:17:03,651
You can't do that--
we're about to become men!
359
00:17:03,738 --> 00:17:07,233
Well, you may have planned on
becoming men through sexual conquest,
360
00:17:07,315 --> 00:17:10,521
but perhaps an equally valid
preparation for adulthood
361
00:17:10,545 --> 00:17:13,620
would be a night filled with
disappointment and compromise.
362
00:17:17,666 --> 00:17:19,021
Oh!
363
00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:21,600
Ah, the death of the drive-in,
364
00:17:21,758 --> 00:17:24,701
harbinger of the slow demise
of American cinema.
365
00:17:24,958 --> 00:17:27,251
The grand images, the big stars.
366
00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:28,322
Where did they go?
367
00:17:28,428 --> 00:17:30,070
Now everyone just sits at home.
368
00:17:30,145 --> 00:17:32,782
Now it's all TV, TV, TV!
369
00:17:33,568 --> 00:17:35,720
Wait a second.
I have a TV!
370
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:38,840
How could I forget you,
my good-time gal?
371
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,523
Who needs the damn movies?
372
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:44,531
15 bucks to see who's chasing
Ashley Judd through the woods?
373
00:17:44,536 --> 00:17:45,643
Movies are dead.
374
00:17:45,695 --> 00:17:47,300
Long live TV!
375
00:17:50,817 --> 00:17:52,153
What's for breakfast?
376
00:17:52,297 --> 00:17:55,203
All we have left
is this one Cheerio.
377
00:17:55,357 --> 00:17:57,192
But if you hold it up
to your eye,
378
00:17:57,218 --> 00:17:58,980
it looks like
you're having a bagel.
379
00:17:59,038 --> 00:18:00,150
Grocery money!
380
00:18:00,157 --> 00:18:01,413
How'd you get
grocery money?
381
00:18:06,745 --> 00:18:08,103
Wait. Who's he?
382
00:18:08,135 --> 00:18:09,870
Steve, stop bothering
your sister.
383
00:18:09,878 --> 00:18:11,251
Hayley, you did good.
384
00:18:13,846 --> 00:18:15,423
Why'd we have
to walk here?
385
00:18:15,478 --> 00:18:17,263
Because we're poor as hell!
386
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,970
Stan? What are you
doing here?
387
00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:21,591
I'm selling candy to raise money
388
00:18:21,598 --> 00:18:23,471
so my soccer team
can get new uniforms--
389
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:24,471
will you help us?
390
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:25,331
No!
391
00:18:25,487 --> 00:18:27,033
I don't blame you--
it's a total scam.
392
00:18:27,086 --> 00:18:28,872
Stan, it's time to come home.
393
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,691
No! I don't deserve it!
394
00:18:34,206 --> 00:18:35,000
You!
395
00:18:35,006 --> 00:18:36,521
You smell like potty.
396
00:18:36,525 --> 00:18:37,533
You smell like potty!
397
00:18:37,537 --> 00:18:38,412
Let's get inside.
398
00:18:38,437 --> 00:18:39,721
You did this to me!
399
00:18:39,725 --> 00:18:42,333
I had everything!
A family, a great job!
400
00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:44,160
You took it all from me!
401
00:18:44,218 --> 00:18:45,410
Is that true?
402
00:18:45,507 --> 00:18:47,113
Oh, I'm sure it's
not that bad.
403
00:18:47,116 --> 00:18:48,593
Our lives are ruined!
404
00:18:48,696 --> 00:18:50,872
I've... done things.
405
00:18:50,875 --> 00:18:53,212
And it all started
with that damn car!
406
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:56,830
Daddy, I thought you
sold people cars to help them.
407
00:18:56,837 --> 00:18:57,920
I do. I...
408
00:18:58,757 --> 00:19:01,050
Look, why don't we go back
to my office,
409
00:19:01,097 --> 00:19:03,361
call the bank and get you
off the hook for your loans.
410
00:19:03,386 --> 00:19:04,931
Oh! Thank you!
411
00:19:04,946 --> 00:19:07,030
- No! No charity!
- Stan!
412
00:19:07,036 --> 00:19:09,352
Any car we need,
I will pay for with candy!
413
00:19:09,395 --> 00:19:11,721
Stan, your family's
in bad shape here.
414
00:19:11,725 --> 00:19:12,863
Let me help you.
415
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:14,570
I'll set you up
with that Femwagon,
416
00:19:14,576 --> 00:19:16,071
I'll even knock off
ten bucks a month.
417
00:19:21,576 --> 00:19:23,902
Initial, initial,
and signature.
418
00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,751
And vengeance is mine!
419
00:19:26,755 --> 00:19:28,002
In your face!
420
00:19:28,966 --> 00:19:30,051
Yeah!
421
00:19:30,055 --> 00:19:31,532
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
422
00:19:31,535 --> 00:19:33,063
Yes! Me!
423
00:19:33,207 --> 00:19:34,831
Um... what?
424
00:19:34,887 --> 00:19:36,510
That's right, car salesman.
425
00:19:36,537 --> 00:19:38,422
How does it feel
to have fallen into my trap?
426
00:19:38,515 --> 00:19:42,091
My plan worked perfectly.
-Plan? What plan?
427
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:45,240
Why, my pretending-to-be-
depressed-and-go-crazy plan.
428
00:19:45,316 --> 00:19:46,943
Pretending?!
429
00:19:46,965 --> 00:19:49,221
You put us through all this
on purpose?!
430
00:19:49,276 --> 00:19:50,440
Let me walk you through.
431
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,271
I went to Nepal
to see my sensei,
432
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,151
but it turned out
to be a bad weekend for him,
433
00:19:55,298 --> 00:19:57,572
so he couldn't give me
the mind control techniques
434
00:19:57,577 --> 00:19:58,943
I so desperately needed.
435
00:19:59,287 --> 00:20:02,000
As you can imagine, it was
a depressing plane ride home...
436
00:20:02,246 --> 00:20:05,900
until I realized I was sitting
next to the foul-mouthed playwright
437
00:20:05,906 --> 00:20:08,250
and master of the con game,
David Mamet.
438
00:20:08,295 --> 00:20:10,700
We decided that
the whole "going crazy" shtick
439
00:20:10,706 --> 00:20:12,173
was the best way
to handle Felix.
440
00:20:12,256 --> 00:20:13,792
We knew that
if I bought a blimp
441
00:20:13,798 --> 00:20:15,673
and then abandoned
my impoverished family,
442
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,422
you and the kids
would be forced to shop
443
00:20:17,468 --> 00:20:19,163
at the off-brand grocery store,
444
00:20:19,256 --> 00:20:21,210
where I knew Felix must shop,
445
00:20:21,225 --> 00:20:23,110
because he's so obsessed
with the best deal.
446
00:20:23,118 --> 00:20:25,081
Therefore, it was only
a matter of time
447
00:20:25,087 --> 00:20:27,411
before we would all meet,
I would humiliate you,
448
00:20:27,486 --> 00:20:30,151
and Felix's alpha-male need
to impress his family
449
00:20:30,156 --> 00:20:31,891
would drive him to "save me"
450
00:20:31,907 --> 00:20:34,020
and give me a great
deal on the car!
451
00:20:34,128 --> 00:20:36,801
Not to pat myself on the back,
but we're way ahead of schedule.
452
00:20:36,807 --> 00:20:38,112
I thought it would take
two years.
453
00:20:38,207 --> 00:20:40,773
I... lost out on
becoming a man.
454
00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,822
I cleaned
strangers' toilets.
455
00:20:46,816 --> 00:20:49,483
All to save
ten dollars a month?
456
00:20:49,508 --> 00:20:51,541
That's right, baby.
Enjoy it.
457
00:20:53,675 --> 00:20:55,442
God, it's great
to win again!
458
00:20:55,448 --> 00:20:59,562
Uh! I still got it, honey!
Yeah! I won! I won!
459
00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:01,421
Hey, who's up for
some ice cream? Huh?
460
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:04,471
Hayley? Ice cream?
Steve? Francine? Hayley?
461
00:21:04,477 --> 00:21:06,723
Oh, I asked you already.
Can't remember what you said.
462
00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:09,360
God, I don't remember the
last time I felt so good!
463
00:21:10,485 --> 00:22:10,991
Subtitles : Brass
Correction : Fogia
Transcript : Raceman
0
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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