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American Dad
Episode 305
Dungeons and Wagons
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www.forom.com
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Synchronisation : Kemar
Transcript : Raceman
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Well, date night was a rousing success.
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Me and my lady, eating steaks,
drinking martinis,
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and I'm not too drunk
or too full for sex.
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Too bad it's not sex night.
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Stan, every Friday night,
we go to the same restaurant
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and get the same steak dinner.
I feel like we're in a rut.
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A good rut like 200 years of democracy
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or a bad rut like UNICEF?
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A rut with nothing exciting in it.
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He's challenging us.
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Oh, Stan, are you gonna do what
I hope you're gonna do?
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You bet I am.
This punk doesn't stand a chance.
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- What are you doing?
- Writing down his license plate
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so I can report him to
the proper authorities for speeding...
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and for wastefully burning rubber.
There's a war on, Francine.
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And it's going great.
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Okay, babe, the show's about to start.
Let's get ready.
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What are you doing?
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It's my half of our favorite
TV cuddle position.
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How about we just sit and watch?
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You have the best ideas.
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I'm gonna write that down in my Journal
of Amazing Things Hayley Said, Volume 3.
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- I'm going to the kitchen.
- Cool.
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I'm gonna decorate this page
with glitter.
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- Hello.
- Hey, babe.
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I missed you so much,
I wrote a song for you.
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- I'm dumping you.
- What?!
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You're clingy, and you're smothering me,
and it's over.
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I can't believe you're doing this
over the phone.
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- Good-bye, Jeff.
- Hayley, wait!
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She hung up.
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Francine, I've told you,
sandwiches should be cut in triangles
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like a neatly folded flag.
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What am I supposed to do with
this rectangular monstrosity?
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Can't you just pretend
it's an unfolded flag?
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No.
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God, you can be such a douche.
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Agathor! Agathor!
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Oh, crap. Steve's friends.
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Into your cupboard.
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Oh, good, now it's my cupboard.
That doesn't make me feel like a loser.
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That was awesome how you killed
that ice giant.
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Steve, you are the king of Dragonscuffle.
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Peasant! I am not Steve.
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Forgive me, oh,
great and powerful Agathor!
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As punishment for your insolence,
you must now carry
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my Backpack of Holding!
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And you, Agathor does not choose
to use his muscles.
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Walk me forward!
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Goobalek, work your dwarvish magic
on that portal.
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What about Little League?
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I thought he was going to be
in Little League.
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Tuluk nuk nuk?
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Oh, I'm sorry.
I've been locked in there for so long,
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I went all Nell and invented
my own language.
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What do you think that street racer
we saw last night eats for lunch?
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I bet he measures his seasonings
using a hooker's navel.
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What an exciting life!
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Well, that was about as obvious
as the setup for the sequel
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at the end of Batman Begins.
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What are you talking about?
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You know, when Inspector Gordon
gives him that Joker playing card.
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No. What about Francine?
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What about her?
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You sounded like you were gonna
say something important about Francine.
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No. Don't think so.
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Okay.
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Oh, I remember. Francine is fantasizing
about the street racer you saw last night.
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- Why would she do that?
- Why would who do what?
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- Francine! Street racers!
- Oh, right. My mind,
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my mind's all drifty today.
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Uh, anyway, you're boring,
and Francine's stuck on the street racer
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because he represents danger and thrills.
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That's ridiculous. Francine doesn't
think things that doesn't say.
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She's not a dog.
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- Please let me play!
- I don't think you ready yet.
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Not ready?!
I've been watching you for four years!
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Night time.
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I'm not a parrot.
That trick won't work on...
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- Jeff?
- I'm sorry, dude.
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I just had to be near Hayley.
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That's her room, right?
I just want to feel close to her again.
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Hayley.
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Knock yourself out, buddy.
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I'll be over here killing goblins.
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Excuse me?
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I'm playing Dragonscuffle online
with my friends. See?
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This is Agathor,
my mighty warrior character.
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I've spend four years developing him
to the most dangerous
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fighter in the entire
Kingdom of Krathnor.
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Don't you feel like you're kind of
missing out on your actual life?
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See, the problem is that in the
"real world,"
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things often suck.
But when I'm Agathor...
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there is no pain, no wedgies,
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no heartache, only...
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victory.
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Wow, I'm really intrigued.
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Although that could just be the
intriguinol I took this morning.
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Francine?
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Stan!
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That's 2 Fast 2 Furious!
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Which means you've already seen
the first one!
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How else could you possibly follow
the highly cerebral storyline?
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It's true.
You're bored of me, aren't you?
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Um, uh...
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This is all just a dream you're having.
I represent your father.
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You never lived up to the goals
I set for you!
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Bad Stan. Bad Stan!
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Bad Stan!
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Roger! Roger, wake up. I need you.
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Okay, here we go.
I knew it was only a matter of time.
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You know I won't hold you back now...
(By Toto)
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You were right.
Francine's hot for that street racer.
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Awkward.
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Okay, look, you big tub of booze,
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she doesn't want him,
she just wants some excitement.
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So what do I do?
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Simple : you find a street racer
and challenge him.
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That's a great idea.
I'll show Francine I'm not boring!
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Now you're talking!
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But if you're gonna street race,
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first thing you got to do is
let me soup up your car a skootch.
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What do you know about cars?
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Well, i know a muscle car
is any off the line street vehicle
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with a horsepower
to weight divisor of 18 or above.
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Yeah, when you're lock in a cadillac
sinking to the bottom of the ocean,
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you either learn about cars or you die.
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Agathor, cover me!
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- Dude, what I am doing wrong?
- Press "Shift-Ctrl-P."
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Oh, cool.
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We're gonna dead like my uncle's left hand!
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Take heart, men! They always
put in a way to win these games.
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All hail!
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Agathor! You were awesome dude!
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Hey, Dork of Ages have you seen my...
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Jeff, what are you doing here?
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I know it must be hard for someone
like you to lose someone like me. But...
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Oh, my God! Hell hounds are coming out
of the lava!
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- I'm on it.
- Uh, Jeff, hello?
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Woman you whorship talking.
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This isn't the way to the steak house.
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We're not going to a steakhouse,
but there will be stakes...
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high stakes.
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- What do you mean?
- Think about it.
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Never mind. We're here.
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Where are we?
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The Corner of Excitement Street
and Unpredictability Avenue.
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Huh.
I thought we decided against that.
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Ho'dup, ho'dup. Yo, I heard there's a
new badass driver in this mug.
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They call him "The Suit."
I tell you something right now, he crazy.
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Yo, yo, Suit's in the house.
Oh, hey, girl. Holla atcha boy.
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Hey, look, it's The Suit!
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So, you're the fabled Suit I've been
hearing about for the past 20 seconds.
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- Let's race.
- You're on, minority person.
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Stan, you don't have to prove
anything to me. This is dangerous!
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My God, I did it! I won!
What a rush!
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I hope this is sweat.
Where's Francine?
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Oh, God, I hope she's not mad
at me for...
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I was so sick of Jeff, and now
I can't stop thinking about him.
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I have to figure out a way to win
him back from my stupid brother.
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Your brother is not the problem.
The problem is Agathor.
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Kill him, and you'll get Jeff back.
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Oh, my God, you know how to kill him?
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The question isn't can I kill him.
The question is :
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- "Do you like me?"
- Not really.
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Anyway, I know how to defeat Steve.
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Mighty Agathor, once again your strong
arm has proved the salvation of...
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Ugh, it's hard to talk like this.
Dude, you rule.
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I do, don't I?
Fladnag, check these bodies for treasure,
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and don't forget to look in
their weirdly deep orc butts.
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Yes, sir.
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- And, Zamfir?
- Yes, Great One?
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Give us a lively tune for butt searching.
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- Halt, fair stranger.
- Out of my way, Dork of Ages.
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- Hayley?
- No.
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I am Morwen Nerdbane. Here to challenge
Agathor to mortal combat.
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00:11:46,477 --> 00:11:49,691
Klaus, he's gonna kill me.
Say Agathor's name backwards.
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I shall strike you down with a single...
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"Rohtaga."
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That felt good.
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00:11:59,948 --> 00:12:03,901
And I've almost died from autoerotic
asphyxiation, so I know from good.
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Domino, bitch.
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Hey, Suit, you're the bomb.
All these other guys got nothing on you.
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00:12:09,866 --> 00:12:13,121
- You are the...
- Second fastest racer on the street.
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00:12:14,577 --> 00:12:17,511
Oh, it is on.
Somebody hold my rings.
189
00:12:17,568 --> 00:12:19,361
You talk a big game
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but what do you say we settle this like
adolescents with very poor judgment?
191
00:12:22,865 --> 00:12:27,101
- I'm gonna kick your ass.
- Nuh-uh, I'm gonna kick your ass.
192
00:12:27,106 --> 00:12:30,500
- I kicked your ass.
- I know.
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00:12:30,506 --> 00:12:32,993
I guess I was wrong about
who was going to kick whose ass.
194
00:12:32,996 --> 00:12:35,322
You lost?! You never lose.
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00:12:35,327 --> 00:12:37,903
So I lost a little street cred.
I'll get it back.
196
00:12:37,908 --> 00:12:40,952
- It's all part of the dance.
- Stan, you don't understand. I...
197
00:12:40,956 --> 00:12:44,282
- Where's my money?
- If you're smart, in U.S. Savings Bonds.
198
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:46,952
- Your wife put down 50 G's on the race.
- What?!
199
00:12:46,955 --> 00:12:49,401
Francine, why would you bet 50 grand?
200
00:12:49,405 --> 00:12:53,432
I needed more excitement.
I just wanted that extra rush,
201
00:12:53,436 --> 00:12:55,162
to feel that high.
202
00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:58,873
Good God, woman. Couldn't you have
just had a Red Bull and a sugar cookie?
203
00:12:58,875 --> 00:13:02,932
- We don't have $50,000.
- Well, you have three hours to get it.
204
00:13:02,938 --> 00:13:05,410
Until then, we keep your wife.
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00:13:05,465 --> 00:13:07,333
Like hell you will.
206
00:13:07,665 --> 00:13:08,861
Stan!
207
00:13:10,358 --> 00:13:15,150
Sorry I missed the race.
I was getting us victory slushees.
208
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:20,380
I can't believe they took Francine.
How am I gonna get $50,000?
209
00:13:20,386 --> 00:13:22,651
We'll think of something.
Wait. Pull over.
210
00:13:23,617 --> 00:13:26,473
- What?
- I kind of want a coconut popsicle.
211
00:13:29,306 --> 00:13:31,852
- Drive! Drive! Drive!
- What? What's going on?
212
00:13:31,855 --> 00:13:33,733
- I robbed the place.
- What?!
213
00:13:33,735 --> 00:13:35,961
I was trying to settle on
a pair of sunglasses
214
00:13:35,965 --> 00:13:38,152
when I realized how we could
get the money.
215
00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:40,330
"Yes" to these? Stan?
216
00:13:40,407 --> 00:13:41,701
"Yes" to these?
217
00:13:41,705 --> 00:13:42,853
Floor it!
218
00:13:44,058 --> 00:13:46,380
I do love this night air.
219
00:13:49,765 --> 00:13:51,943
Jeff, you wanna get some pizza?
220
00:13:51,945 --> 00:13:54,263
You killed Agathor.
How could you do that?
221
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,801
Oh, come on, it was just a character
in a game.
222
00:13:56,805 --> 00:13:58,602
Yeah, but to Steve, it was everything.
223
00:13:58,608 --> 00:14:00,913
You know, when you dumped me,
I blamed myself.
224
00:14:00,918 --> 00:14:04,061
But after what you did to your brother...
you're just heartless.
225
00:14:04,106 --> 00:14:06,071
You're bad candy, babe.
226
00:14:06,698 --> 00:14:09,122
And stop enjoying my mural.
227
00:14:12,545 --> 00:14:16,453
So, if my husband can't come up with
the money, what are you gonna do to me?
228
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,753
- We're gonna kill you.
- Oh, my God.
229
00:14:20,157 --> 00:14:24,133
Here i go again on my own
230
00:14:24,147 --> 00:14:25,350
Shut up!
231
00:14:26,647 --> 00:14:27,742
Peasant.
232
00:14:27,747 --> 00:14:32,650
The Mighty Goobalek desires that you
carry all our backpacks to the arcade.
233
00:14:32,658 --> 00:14:34,750
Yes, Mighty Goobalek.
234
00:14:35,186 --> 00:14:38,392
And you're not allowed
to use the muscles in your legs.
235
00:14:41,827 --> 00:14:44,011
Oh, my God, I destroyed him.
236
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:48,812
He's not destroyed.
He's just very, very, very, very...
237
00:14:48,877 --> 00:14:50,072
sad.
238
00:14:50,187 --> 00:14:52,573
Okay, I'm going in. You cover me.
239
00:14:54,025 --> 00:14:56,853
Wait, what am I doing?
I'm a man of the law.
240
00:14:56,856 --> 00:14:59,253
I'm gonna handle this my way.
241
00:15:00,937 --> 00:15:02,991
Shoot 'em!
Shoot 'em in the face!
242
00:15:05,746 --> 00:15:08,131
I can't believe this turns
some people on!
243
00:15:15,387 --> 00:15:19,222
Jeff, there's a magical amulet.
I can bring Agathor back to life.
244
00:15:19,225 --> 00:15:21,150
And why would you do that?
245
00:15:21,158 --> 00:15:22,702
I realized you were right.
246
00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:25,721
I should have known
how important Agathor was to Steve.
247
00:15:25,738 --> 00:15:28,453
I want to fix it,
but it's a dangerous journey.
248
00:15:28,465 --> 00:15:30,223
I can't do it without you.
249
00:15:30,228 --> 00:15:33,430
Well, okay,
but we're not getting back together.
250
00:15:33,437 --> 00:15:37,140
- This isn't a make-up quest.
- Absolutely. All business.
251
00:15:37,945 --> 00:15:39,100
No hugs.
252
00:15:39,118 --> 00:15:43,532
It was a business hug, but okay,
you're the goat... man... thingy.
253
00:16:14,517 --> 00:16:17,510
This is it. The Amulet of Resurrection is in there.
254
00:16:17,517 --> 00:16:18,910
We made it.
255
00:16:21,915 --> 00:16:25,393
The Castle Roodpart.
Who comes up with these names?
256
00:16:25,395 --> 00:16:29,933
In this world, "Roodpart" is probably
some ancient mystic word with...
257
00:16:29,935 --> 00:16:32,440
Oh, crap.
It's "trapdoor" spelled backwards.
258
00:16:34,345 --> 00:16:36,102
Oh, there's my penis!
259
00:16:40,248 --> 00:16:42,712
All right, there they are.
260
00:16:42,718 --> 00:16:46,433
Oh, them you can see, but me getting
my ass kicked off the radar.
261
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:50,383
Look, your plan was never gonna work.
I'm gonna handle this my way.
262
00:16:51,368 --> 00:16:52,503
You got the money?
263
00:16:52,506 --> 00:16:54,751
You got the manners to say hello first?
264
00:16:54,777 --> 00:16:55,562
Hello.
265
00:16:55,568 --> 00:16:57,620
I got your money, let's do this.
266
00:16:58,478 --> 00:17:01,052
Phonebooks?
What the hell is this?
267
00:17:01,055 --> 00:17:03,403
Ooh, wow. See, uh... Ah!
268
00:17:03,405 --> 00:17:04,671
I opened it upside down.
269
00:17:04,677 --> 00:17:06,553
The money's supposed
to be on the top of the phonebooks...
270
00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:07,812
Run, Francine!
271
00:17:08,245 --> 00:17:10,540
Can't a brotha get a "Run, Roger"?
272
00:17:10,557 --> 00:17:13,612
Damn.
Gotta be all self-runnin' and whatnot.
273
00:17:21,755 --> 00:17:24,580
- They're catching up.
- Roger, we need more speed.
274
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:26,473
I gotta lighten this sucker up.
275
00:17:43,536 --> 00:17:46,733
- Is there anything else we can lose?
- No, nothing.
276
00:17:46,735 --> 00:17:49,403
- What are those?
- My Rod Stewart albums.
277
00:17:49,408 --> 00:17:51,000
- Lose 'em.
- Duck!
278
00:17:58,056 --> 00:17:59,223
I made it.
279
00:17:59,226 --> 00:18:02,322
Aw, the hell with it. Choke on my Rod.
280
00:18:15,966 --> 00:18:17,663
Look, there's the amulet.
281
00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:20,033
Aww, he's adorable.
282
00:18:38,896 --> 00:18:41,151
- We are so screwed.
- No, wait.
283
00:18:41,157 --> 00:18:43,570
They always put in some way
to win these games.
284
00:18:43,576 --> 00:18:45,782
Why is there a scuba tank on the wall?
285
00:18:46,886 --> 00:18:49,001
Of course. Grab your bow.
286
00:19:01,345 --> 00:19:02,971
Smile, you son of a...
287
00:19:11,606 --> 00:19:13,812
Dude! That was awesome!
288
00:19:13,817 --> 00:19:15,572
Thanks.
The Amulet!
289
00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:19,283
- What do we do with it?
- It's a suppository.
290
00:19:19,287 --> 00:19:20,191
Not it.
291
00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:32,000
It's... impossible.
292
00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:34,012
I'm alive!
293
00:19:34,017 --> 00:19:38,043
- All hail the mighty Agathor.
- Thank you, young warrior.
294
00:19:38,058 --> 00:19:40,622
And now with haste and grim dignity,
295
00:19:40,628 --> 00:19:44,442
I go to remove the amulet from
betwixt my cheeks.
296
00:19:46,128 --> 00:19:48,223
You know, we make a great team.
297
00:19:48,245 --> 00:19:50,612
I guess I could give us another
chance after all.
298
00:19:50,615 --> 00:19:51,752
Actually...
299
00:19:51,798 --> 00:19:53,731
I kind of met someone.
300
00:19:59,678 --> 00:20:01,561
- How's it goin'?
- What?
301
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:04,732
- When did you meet him?
- Remember that tavern and
302
00:20:04,765 --> 00:20:07,913
you went to the bathroom?
It just kind of happened.
303
00:20:12,496 --> 00:20:14,652
Boy, that-that was exciting, huh?
304
00:20:14,678 --> 00:20:17,973
Now listen, if you want to keep racing,
we'll-we'll build a new car.
305
00:20:17,985 --> 00:20:21,013
- A better, faster car.
- No, Stan.
306
00:20:21,018 --> 00:20:23,121
I don't think I needed all this.
307
00:20:23,208 --> 00:20:25,733
- You... you didn't?
- No.
308
00:20:25,945 --> 00:20:29,522
I wanted to mix up our routine,
but this was too much.
309
00:20:29,566 --> 00:20:34,022
I'd love to find something in between
going to the same restaurant every Friday
310
00:20:34,026 --> 00:20:36,943
and being kidnapped by
heavily armed skinheads.
311
00:20:37,048 --> 00:20:38,343
Something like,
312
00:20:38,396 --> 00:20:42,292
I don't know, going dancing or sailing,
or...
313
00:20:42,296 --> 00:20:45,353
- Having sex in the road?
- Or having sex in the road.
314
00:20:45,356 --> 00:20:48,033
See, that's perfect.
Why couldn't we do that?
315
00:20:48,036 --> 00:20:50,763
We can. We can totally do that.
Let's do it right now.
316
00:20:50,767 --> 00:20:53,353
I don't even think I have to take
these shorts off.
317
00:20:53,357 --> 00:20:54,971
Well let's find out.
318
00:21:00,445 --> 00:21:01,673
Hey, guys.
319
00:21:01,676 --> 00:21:02,791
Miss me?
320
00:21:03,538 --> 00:21:06,163
Now you shall learn the meaning of...
321
00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:07,380
"Rohtaga."
322
00:21:08,645 --> 00:21:10,353
Son of a bitch!
323
00:21:10,355 --> 00:21:11,082
Synchronisation : Kemar
Transcript : Raceman
www.forom.com
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00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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