1 00:00:02,030 --> 00:00:05,869 American Dad! Bush Comes to Dinner 2 00:00:05,870 --> 00:00:08,953 www.forom.com 3 00:00:24,198 --> 00:00:28,052 Synchronisation : Kemar Transcript : Raceman 4 00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:36,199 Not a day goes by where you are not in my thoughts. 5 00:00:36,254 --> 00:00:39,795 The love and respect I have for you knows no limits. 6 00:00:39,796 --> 00:00:41,832 I long to caress your... 7 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:45,098 Stan, are you still writing that letter to President Bush? 8 00:00:45,099 --> 00:00:46,639 It's not a letter, it's an essay. 9 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,680 And the CIA operative who writes the best one 10 00:00:48,687 --> 00:00:50,540 gets to meet the big cheese in person. 11 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,262 11:40. 12 00:00:52,262 --> 00:00:55,081 If I don't e-mail this to work by midnight, it doesn't count. 13 00:00:55,083 --> 00:00:57,517 I just need one last sentence to make it perfect. 14 00:00:57,519 --> 00:01:01,192 - Can't you do this downstairs? - No, I need you, you're my muse. 15 00:01:01,196 --> 00:01:03,251 Now shut up. I can't think with your babbling. 16 00:01:03,256 --> 00:01:04,932 Wait. I've got it. 17 00:01:04,937 --> 00:01:06,801 A brilliant ending to my... 18 00:01:06,926 --> 00:01:07,993 What was that? 19 00:01:07,998 --> 00:01:10,443 Probably just a loud noise. 20 00:01:11,428 --> 00:01:14,982 Ah, pillow gun, where danger and comfort meet. 21 00:01:14,997 --> 00:01:16,590 200-thread count... 22 00:01:17,055 --> 00:01:19,140 200-dead count. 23 00:01:27,618 --> 00:01:30,491 Yeah, chokehold, you miserable bastard thief! 24 00:01:30,948 --> 00:01:32,522 That's all you got, huh? 25 00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:34,863 You're gonna die in my arms! What do you think of that? 26 00:01:34,866 --> 00:01:38,022 Wanna see yourself die? Come on. Let's go watch you die. 27 00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:39,902 Oh, it's you. 28 00:01:41,587 --> 00:01:44,080 What the hell is the matter with you? 29 00:01:44,085 --> 00:01:47,052 Don't turn this around. You missed your curfew. 30 00:01:47,058 --> 00:01:48,920 Is that a hickey on your neck? 31 00:01:48,928 --> 00:01:51,290 What? No, it's a choke bruise. 32 00:01:51,297 --> 00:01:54,520 You kids with your autoerotic asphyxiations. 33 00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:55,831 What's this? 34 00:01:56,338 --> 00:01:57,353 Rum?! 35 00:01:57,356 --> 00:01:59,593 Hey, it's not mine. I don't know how it got there. 36 00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:01,973 Sure, throw that in with two measures of gin 37 00:02:01,978 --> 00:02:05,173 and a splash of vermouth and you got yourself a liar's martini. 38 00:02:05,175 --> 00:02:07,020 Look, I put my purse down at the party. 39 00:02:07,038 --> 00:02:09,653 Some girl must have put the flask in there thinking it was hers. 40 00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:12,840 I don't have time for your nonsense. I have to finish my Bush essay. 41 00:02:12,848 --> 00:02:14,591 You're still working on that? 42 00:02:14,685 --> 00:02:18,583 You've officially put more time into that essay than he has on his presidency. 43 00:02:18,587 --> 00:02:21,233 How dare you talk that way about The Dub. 44 00:02:21,236 --> 00:02:24,520 At least he's not a lush. He's been sober for 15 years. 45 00:02:24,528 --> 00:02:26,713 I'm pretty sure that makes him a black belt. 46 00:02:28,455 --> 00:02:29,590 My essay! 47 00:02:31,055 --> 00:02:33,062 I had the perfect last sentence. 48 00:02:33,068 --> 00:02:35,361 What was it? Damn it! No time! 49 00:02:35,567 --> 00:02:38,723 Let the e-mail soar! 50 00:02:49,167 --> 00:02:51,551 Ben, help me. 51 00:02:54,987 --> 00:02:56,222 Roger? 52 00:02:58,306 --> 00:03:01,723 Roger, why am I in a bathtub full of ice? 53 00:03:02,167 --> 00:03:05,442 My baby, everything's gonna be fine. 54 00:03:05,978 --> 00:03:08,022 What the hell are you doing?! 55 00:03:08,075 --> 00:03:11,270 Oh, I'm harvesting one of your kidneys to sell on the black market 56 00:03:11,288 --> 00:03:12,921 then I'm gonna buy Dollywood. 57 00:03:12,935 --> 00:03:15,801 - Dollywood? - Dolly Parton's theme park. 58 00:03:15,818 --> 00:03:18,731 The rides give you the same experience as looking at her : 59 00:03:18,738 --> 00:03:21,722 fun from far away, but really scary up close. 60 00:03:21,727 --> 00:03:24,352 Anyway, it's on sale for $50 million! 61 00:03:24,355 --> 00:03:28,052 You moron. You can't get $50 million for a kidney. 62 00:03:28,055 --> 00:03:31,852 Just once would it kill you to say, "Good idea, Roger"? 63 00:03:36,358 --> 00:03:38,340 This was to celebrate! 64 00:03:41,657 --> 00:03:44,301 Which is why it's better to put too many bullets 65 00:03:44,306 --> 00:03:46,233 in the head than too few. 66 00:03:46,238 --> 00:03:47,803 So, let's review. 67 00:03:49,078 --> 00:03:52,363 Mr. Bullock, Dick just shot me with a curare dart. 68 00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:53,883 He started it... 69 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,483 Okay, people, again, 70 00:04:00,497 --> 00:04:02,751 the curare darts are not toys. 71 00:04:02,755 --> 00:04:05,443 They're for temporarily paralyzing your enemies. 72 00:04:05,447 --> 00:04:07,852 Or just chilling out to some Zeppelin. 73 00:04:08,805 --> 00:04:12,130 Before you go, I have your Bush essays. 74 00:04:12,287 --> 00:04:15,062 Smith, I was extremely impressed by your essay. 75 00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:17,930 Your passion for our commander in chief is inspiring... 76 00:04:18,246 --> 00:04:22,172 but I couldn't help feeling you were one good sentence away. 77 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:27,042 Duper, the President will be coming to your house for dinner. 78 00:04:27,048 --> 00:04:30,792 - No, it's not fair! - Stan, go to the quiet area. 79 00:04:32,125 --> 00:04:33,800 It's not milk time. 80 00:04:37,328 --> 00:04:39,871 Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumping 81 00:04:39,877 --> 00:04:42,031 Out on the street the traffic star jumping 82 00:04:42,038 --> 00:04:45,710 With folks like me on the job from 9:00 to 5:00. 83 00:04:46,147 --> 00:04:47,882 Roger, what's going on? 84 00:04:47,886 --> 00:04:51,882 Steve, good, you're here. I've been up all night. Sit down. I've got news. 85 00:04:53,117 --> 00:04:55,261 I figured out how to buy Dollywood. 86 00:04:55,275 --> 00:04:59,822 There's a $50 million reward for Osama bin Laden and I know where he is! 87 00:04:59,828 --> 00:05:01,472 What? Yeah, right. 88 00:05:01,485 --> 00:05:04,183 I'm serious. Look, there's coded messages everywhere : 89 00:05:04,187 --> 00:05:07,713 in the New York Times, on the Internet, even in Catcher In The Rye. 90 00:05:07,725 --> 00:05:09,280 Filthy, filthy book. 91 00:05:09,286 --> 00:05:11,831 Well, you did use an awful lot of string. 92 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:14,232 Yes! He's posing as a junior accountant 93 00:05:14,237 --> 00:05:17,103 at McMillan and Sachs right here in D.C. 94 00:05:17,105 --> 00:05:20,343 I even have his home address : 17 Lake Drive. 95 00:05:20,345 --> 00:05:23,320 Roger, this is incredible! We can save America! 96 00:05:23,328 --> 00:05:25,112 And its Zionist allies. 97 00:05:25,115 --> 00:05:28,032 But even better we can use the $50million reward 98 00:05:28,037 --> 00:05:30,500 - to buy Dollywood. - And get girls! 99 00:05:30,507 --> 00:05:32,872 Chicks dig a guy with a fatwa on his head. 100 00:05:32,876 --> 00:05:34,112 I'll go tell my dad! 101 00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,712 Let's just keep this between us. 102 00:05:36,718 --> 00:05:39,622 I don't want to have to go threesies on the reward money. 103 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,953 Hello, White House? We found bin Laden. 104 00:05:43,287 --> 00:05:44,251 Hello? 105 00:05:44,505 --> 00:05:46,122 Bitch hung up on me. 106 00:05:48,828 --> 00:05:53,020 It should be me eating dinner with the President right now, not Duper. 107 00:05:53,026 --> 00:05:54,802 You! This is all your fault! 108 00:05:54,805 --> 00:05:58,101 If you hadn't distracted me by coming home late with a purse full of booze, 109 00:05:58,117 --> 00:06:01,230 - this wouldn't have happened. - I told you that flask wasn't mine. 110 00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:02,942 - Liar! - Where?! 111 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:05,600 Oh, I thought you said "fire." 112 00:06:05,606 --> 00:06:07,843 I've had water in my ear all day. 113 00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:10,863 You know what? I don't even care anymore. I'm through with you! 114 00:06:10,865 --> 00:06:13,132 You are a lost cause. 115 00:06:13,568 --> 00:06:16,562 Lost cause? What an awful thing to say. 116 00:06:16,567 --> 00:06:19,131 It's nice to know what you really think of me, Dad. 117 00:06:19,138 --> 00:06:20,802 You know what? I'm out of here. 118 00:06:21,845 --> 00:06:22,920 Howdy. 119 00:06:23,636 --> 00:06:25,111 President Bush! 120 00:06:33,385 --> 00:06:37,372 I-I don't understand, sir. I though Duper won the essay contest. 121 00:06:37,376 --> 00:06:38,203 He did, 122 00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:41,462 but then we discovered he plagiarized a good chunk of it from Willy Wonka. 123 00:06:41,465 --> 00:06:42,650 Please, please, come in. 124 00:06:42,658 --> 00:06:44,940 I'd like you to meet my wife Francine. 125 00:06:44,945 --> 00:06:45,891 Hello. 126 00:06:45,895 --> 00:06:47,280 My son Steve. 127 00:06:47,285 --> 00:06:50,831 Holy *****. We just tried to call you! Don't move! 128 00:06:51,768 --> 00:06:53,661 And who is this lovely young lady? 129 00:06:53,678 --> 00:06:55,562 Oh, uh, my-my daughter Hayley. 130 00:06:55,568 --> 00:06:58,130 - She was just leaving. - I'm not going anywhere. 131 00:06:58,146 --> 00:07:00,653 Mr. President, there's so much I want to ask you. 132 00:07:00,668 --> 00:07:02,410 Like how in the hell...? 133 00:07:03,026 --> 00:07:04,290 As I was saying, 134 00:07:04,297 --> 00:07:06,690 - how in the hell...? - ...is dinner not ready yet? 135 00:07:06,698 --> 00:07:08,411 Great final question, Hayley. 136 00:07:08,426 --> 00:07:10,773 Francine, go get dinner ready. The President's hungry. 137 00:07:10,786 --> 00:07:12,780 You're gonna love my wife's cooking, sir. 138 00:07:12,786 --> 00:07:14,633 And her dessert's are to die for. 139 00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:17,133 Actually, Stan, I didn't make a dessert tonight. 140 00:07:17,138 --> 00:07:20,663 Is exactly what you would say if we were getting a divorce tomorrow. 141 00:07:21,278 --> 00:07:22,910 There she goes. 142 00:07:22,928 --> 00:07:25,850 - How about a tour, Mr. President? - Better make it quick, sir. 143 00:07:25,858 --> 00:07:28,570 You've got to prepare for your early press conference tomorrow. 144 00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:31,303 I got plenty of time. Already took my bath. 145 00:07:31,312 --> 00:07:33,491 Wait. I have a question about Iraq. 146 00:07:36,803 --> 00:07:39,737 - I had that one extended. - This isn't over! 147 00:07:40,219 --> 00:07:41,420 Trap door. 148 00:07:42,565 --> 00:07:45,433 And this is my most prized possession. 149 00:07:45,435 --> 00:07:48,641 An exact replica of your cheerleading outfit from Andover, 150 00:07:48,647 --> 00:07:50,333 your old prep school. 151 00:07:50,475 --> 00:07:54,172 Andover's legions, her ancient foe defy 152 00:07:54,177 --> 00:07:57,810 Over the hilltop, a war song is ringing. 153 00:07:57,817 --> 00:08:00,013 Oh, my God, Steve said you were here. 154 00:08:00,016 --> 00:08:02,641 Mr. President, I have something important to show you. 155 00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,242 I hope you brought your checkbook. 156 00:08:04,467 --> 00:08:05,840 That's our maid. 157 00:08:05,845 --> 00:08:08,202 Oh, fun! I love Mexicans. 158 00:08:08,208 --> 00:08:10,270 Some say they're essential to our economy. 159 00:08:10,276 --> 00:08:12,521 Others say they're a drain on our resources. 160 00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:15,122 All I know is burritos are delicious. 161 00:08:15,175 --> 00:08:17,960 Stan, the President, dinner! 162 00:08:18,435 --> 00:08:20,793 Actually, Stan, I'll meet you downstairs. 163 00:08:20,796 --> 00:08:23,752 I've got some legislation I need to pass. 164 00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:25,461 I don't understand. 165 00:08:25,467 --> 00:08:28,541 I, um, have a justice I need to push through. 166 00:08:28,545 --> 00:08:30,592 For the Supreme Court? Is there a vacancy? 167 00:08:30,608 --> 00:08:33,380 - I got to poop, Stan. - Oh. Oh, right. Okay, gotcha. 168 00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:34,352 Hayley! 169 00:08:34,945 --> 00:08:37,963 Your one mistake was leaving me alive. 170 00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:41,542 Now, I have a question for the President about Iraq. 171 00:08:42,137 --> 00:08:44,251 What the hell, man...? 172 00:08:44,426 --> 00:08:46,393 Just something to help her relax. 173 00:08:46,398 --> 00:08:48,980 She was clearly nervous about meeting her hero. 174 00:08:50,717 --> 00:08:52,581 Oop, there's already a guy in here. 175 00:08:52,597 --> 00:08:54,391 Oh, no. That's just a mirror. 176 00:08:58,745 --> 00:09:01,110 Francine, this roast is terrific 177 00:09:01,116 --> 00:09:03,281 and your getup is beautiful. 178 00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:07,810 Not every day you have the president to dinner. 179 00:09:07,818 --> 00:09:10,691 All my regular clothes felt silly. 180 00:09:10,707 --> 00:09:13,691 So, like, can you make Tony Blair do whatever you want? 181 00:09:13,696 --> 00:09:16,600 Like, if you told him to eat a bug, he'd have to eat a bug? 182 00:09:16,605 --> 00:09:19,570 Like any type of bug? Like a bug with a lot of legs? 183 00:09:19,576 --> 00:09:21,011 That's right, Stan. 184 00:09:26,897 --> 00:09:29,513 - Meet me in the attic. - Pardon, junior ranger? 185 00:09:29,518 --> 00:09:32,831 I have something big you'll want to get your hands on. 186 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:36,410 I'll get the ice cream a la mode. 187 00:09:37,685 --> 00:09:39,401 Blood for oil. 188 00:09:39,407 --> 00:09:42,380 Sounds like somebody needs their after-dinner walk. 189 00:09:42,387 --> 00:09:45,132 Steve, help me put your sister in the pit of no return. 190 00:09:45,137 --> 00:09:46,450 We'll be right back. 191 00:09:53,906 --> 00:09:56,562 And autographed George Brett baseball? 192 00:09:57,385 --> 00:09:59,242 Come back here, baseball! 193 00:10:01,285 --> 00:10:02,830 Baseball! 194 00:10:03,727 --> 00:10:05,340 Sit down, Mr. President. 195 00:10:05,346 --> 00:10:09,361 I am about to tell you something that will change the face of history. 196 00:10:09,366 --> 00:10:12,281 Sure thing, maid. Baseball seems to take a shine to you. 197 00:10:12,287 --> 00:10:15,161 Your long search for the terrorist mastermind 198 00:10:15,165 --> 00:10:18,291 who's responsible for tormenting our great nation is about... 199 00:10:18,296 --> 00:10:20,602 You know what? Where are my manners, would you like a snack? 200 00:10:20,615 --> 00:10:21,873 Here, have a Dollypocket. 201 00:10:21,877 --> 00:10:24,681 They're Hot Pockets I stuffed with rhinestones. 202 00:10:25,836 --> 00:10:27,820 Oh, my God, you're choking! 203 00:10:27,826 --> 00:10:30,340 I'll get you something to drink right away. 204 00:10:48,665 --> 00:10:50,271 Now for your drink. 205 00:10:54,457 --> 00:10:57,193 - This is gin! - Oh, my mistake. 206 00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:02,432 This is scotch! I quit alcohol 15 years ago! 207 00:11:02,436 --> 00:11:04,962 Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry. 208 00:11:04,966 --> 00:11:06,673 I feel light-headed. 209 00:11:07,307 --> 00:11:08,923 Here. Drink this. 210 00:11:10,717 --> 00:11:12,991 Don't look at me. That's tap water. 211 00:11:13,008 --> 00:11:14,843 Oh, wait. That was vodka. 212 00:11:14,897 --> 00:11:16,052 Mr. President? 213 00:11:16,138 --> 00:11:17,342 Mr. President? 214 00:11:17,347 --> 00:11:19,560 Francine, is the President in there with you?! 215 00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:21,702 - Who?! Klaus? - No. The President! 216 00:11:21,707 --> 00:11:24,790 - Klaus is here with me! - I'm in here, Stan. I'm fine! 217 00:11:24,795 --> 00:11:25,943 Thank you! 218 00:11:26,516 --> 00:11:28,300 Oh, thank God! Mr. President! 219 00:11:29,486 --> 00:11:31,831 You escaped the Pit of No Return? 220 00:11:31,836 --> 00:11:34,240 - How did you get past my... - They're all dead, Dad. 221 00:11:34,245 --> 00:11:35,452 Even the younglings? 222 00:11:35,455 --> 00:11:37,650 I made you a wallet out of their hides. 223 00:11:37,657 --> 00:11:38,473 No! 224 00:11:38,478 --> 00:11:41,023 A little change pocket. That's nice. What did you make this out of? 225 00:11:41,108 --> 00:11:43,441 No! My younglings! 226 00:11:48,116 --> 00:11:51,970 My wife would run me over with a car if she knew I was drinking again. 227 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,933 I think I hear your testicles. 228 00:11:54,938 --> 00:11:56,481 Yeah. Yeah, you hear that? 229 00:11:56,496 --> 00:11:58,783 "Save us! We're in the First Lady's purse," 230 00:11:58,788 --> 00:12:01,333 "and it's dark and smells like peppermint!" 231 00:12:05,205 --> 00:12:06,192 Boy! 232 00:12:06,198 --> 00:12:08,790 This is the first time I've relaxed since I took office, 233 00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,603 and it feels good! 234 00:12:10,916 --> 00:12:13,243 Mr. President, what are you doing? 235 00:12:13,247 --> 00:12:14,852 You're a recovering alcoholic! 236 00:12:14,858 --> 00:12:17,542 I've recovered my sense of fun is what I've recovered! 237 00:12:17,707 --> 00:12:18,650 Bang! 238 00:12:19,137 --> 00:12:22,722 Whoop! My finger's not a gun! Everybody do "The Skull and Bones"! 239 00:12:26,337 --> 00:12:28,473 Oh... my... God! 240 00:12:28,476 --> 00:12:31,250 - How dare you gloat at this?! - What did you expect? 241 00:12:31,257 --> 00:12:33,360 I'm a "lost cause." Remember? 242 00:12:33,365 --> 00:12:36,532 Hey! Look at me! I'm a TV antenna! 243 00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:39,080 Am I gettin' good reception? Can you see the game? 244 00:12:39,087 --> 00:12:41,361 Coffee! I'll get you some coffee! How do you take it? 245 00:12:41,366 --> 00:12:42,312 Well, Stan, 246 00:12:42,318 --> 00:12:45,132 I like my coffee like my Secretaries of State, 247 00:12:45,138 --> 00:12:47,371 not too dark and a little sweet. 248 00:12:48,645 --> 00:12:50,970 - Did you tell him about Osama? - What? 249 00:12:50,977 --> 00:12:53,392 Oh, no, no, no. We started drinking. 250 00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:54,840 Quick! Give me some coffee! 251 00:12:54,848 --> 00:12:57,363 The President's off his ass, and we have to sober him up! 252 00:12:57,368 --> 00:13:00,361 Oh, my God! Here. Here's some breakfast blend. 253 00:13:00,368 --> 00:13:03,662 The President falls off the wagon after 15 years of clean living, 254 00:13:03,668 --> 00:13:05,602 and you want to serve him breakfast blend?! 255 00:13:05,606 --> 00:13:07,200 Breakfast blend?! 256 00:13:07,248 --> 00:13:09,003 Yeah, that could work. Where are the filters? 257 00:13:09,006 --> 00:13:11,170 - Above the sink. - Above the sink? 258 00:13:11,177 --> 00:13:13,533 Above the sink?! Oh, yeah. Here they are. 259 00:13:13,537 --> 00:13:17,402 Wake up, you drunk! You were supposed to tell him we found Osama! 260 00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:18,810 Where's the President? 261 00:13:18,815 --> 00:13:21,600 He wanted to keep partying, so Hayley snuck him out the back. 262 00:13:21,605 --> 00:13:25,653 She wanted me to tell you something. What was it? What... was it? 263 00:13:25,656 --> 00:13:28,801 Oh, yeah. Uh... she said she's gonna bring down the presidency. 264 00:13:31,197 --> 00:13:32,380 Hayley! 265 00:13:32,447 --> 00:13:34,553 Mr. President! Damn it! 266 00:13:34,555 --> 00:13:37,271 Where would Hayley take a drunken President? 267 00:13:41,687 --> 00:13:44,590 Yes! Hole in one! Victory swig! 268 00:13:49,345 --> 00:13:52,020 - Sir, quick, come with me! - He doesn't have to go with you. 269 00:13:52,025 --> 00:13:53,430 Yeah. I wanna golf! 270 00:13:53,435 --> 00:13:55,322 I wanna golf! 271 00:13:57,646 --> 00:13:59,601 I wanna golf! 272 00:14:01,116 --> 00:14:04,751 Twisted Sister, man! Come on! Do the "Skull and Bones"! 273 00:14:08,278 --> 00:14:10,813 Good Lord! He's more liquor than man! 274 00:14:10,815 --> 00:14:12,771 This is what the Internet was made for. 275 00:14:12,777 --> 00:14:14,420 Hey! Check it out! 276 00:14:15,015 --> 00:14:16,671 - Look, Mr. President... - Touch it. 277 00:14:16,678 --> 00:14:19,232 Sir, you are very drunk and you have a press conference... 278 00:14:19,236 --> 00:14:19,890 Touch it! 279 00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:22,652 You've got a press conference in the morning, and I hate to be a wet blanket... 280 00:14:22,658 --> 00:14:23,463 Touch it! 281 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,952 Sir, we need to sober you up! 282 00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:31,632 Hayley, get me some cold water to splash on his face or something. 283 00:14:31,635 --> 00:14:33,320 Cold water? Great idea! 284 00:14:33,326 --> 00:14:34,592 Pool hopping! 285 00:14:38,247 --> 00:14:42,013 I'm not sure we should try and bring Osama Bin Laden in by ourselves. 286 00:14:42,016 --> 00:14:43,803 Steve, we don't have a choice. 287 00:14:43,818 --> 00:14:47,161 No one will listen to us, and you got too drunk to tell the President. 288 00:14:47,168 --> 00:14:49,711 - What? It wasn't me who... - Enough with the past! 289 00:14:49,715 --> 00:14:51,621 Are you sure you're okay to drive? 290 00:14:51,627 --> 00:14:55,853 I will be after I hear the sobering wisdom of Miss Dolly Parton. 291 00:14:59,178 --> 00:15:04,061 Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene. 292 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:08,541 I'm begging you, please don't take my man... 293 00:15:11,165 --> 00:15:14,670 Ha-ha! Look at me! I'm running unopposed! 294 00:15:16,296 --> 00:15:17,422 No pool. 295 00:15:19,196 --> 00:15:20,100 Nope. 296 00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:23,093 I can't believe it. This is a national disaster! 297 00:15:23,097 --> 00:15:26,121 Maybe we should call FEMA so they can rescue him in 4 or 5 days. 298 00:15:26,355 --> 00:15:28,372 I am sick of your snide comments! 299 00:15:28,376 --> 00:15:31,151 President Bush is a good, honest man, and you're a liar! 300 00:15:31,157 --> 00:15:33,603 I told you, that rum wasn't mine. 301 00:15:33,606 --> 00:15:36,131 Lies! It's like you have to lie to live. 302 00:15:36,148 --> 00:15:38,823 You're a lie-a-betic! You have lie-a-betes! 303 00:15:38,826 --> 00:15:41,562 Twice a day, you have to take a shot of insu-liene. 304 00:15:41,575 --> 00:15:43,313 Uh, Dad. Bush is gone. 305 00:15:45,888 --> 00:15:49,683 All right. 17 Lake Drive. This is where Osama's living. 306 00:15:49,686 --> 00:15:53,180 Now, we have to gain his trust so he invites us into his home. 307 00:15:53,188 --> 00:15:55,961 So remember your lines, and don't break character. 308 00:15:56,385 --> 00:15:57,273 Yes? 309 00:15:57,285 --> 00:15:58,413 Get him! 310 00:16:03,347 --> 00:16:06,533 I could live in the sea. I'd make friends with a whale, 311 00:16:06,537 --> 00:16:10,341 and we'd live in a sunken pirate ship. That'd show global warming. 312 00:16:11,396 --> 00:16:12,853 - Ooh! - Howdy. 313 00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:16,891 I don't want to wear a suit! I wanna be naked! 314 00:16:16,896 --> 00:16:19,513 - Sir, please don't fight me. - I wanna be naked! 315 00:16:19,515 --> 00:16:22,731 - Aw, let the man be naked. - Stop doing that! 316 00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:30,882 Look at him clear that fence! Didn't even scrape his junk. 317 00:16:32,288 --> 00:16:35,850 Where are you hiding Osama?! We broke the code. We know he's here! 318 00:16:35,856 --> 00:16:39,490 I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a med student at Georgetown. 319 00:16:39,496 --> 00:16:42,070 Well, terrorist, you leave us no choice. 320 00:16:42,076 --> 00:16:46,402 We will now torture you in my backless chair. 321 00:16:46,707 --> 00:16:48,992 - That's a stool. - It's a backless chair! 322 00:16:48,997 --> 00:16:50,620 Don't diminish my invention. 323 00:16:51,726 --> 00:16:54,653 - Can't catch this doggie! - Mr. President, stop! 324 00:17:01,765 --> 00:17:06,060 - Sir, you've got to put on your clothes. - You can't make me. I want pancakes! 325 00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:09,652 We have to get you home and in bed. You have a press conference in 4 hours. 326 00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:13,391 Oh, who gives a frog's fat ass? I didn't sign up for this. 327 00:17:13,395 --> 00:17:16,461 I was a frat dude who owned a baseball team! 328 00:17:16,467 --> 00:17:18,091 Life was fun! 329 00:17:18,097 --> 00:17:21,501 But now I've got all this responsibility and pressure. 330 00:17:21,617 --> 00:17:24,030 Maybe I ought to quit this whole President thing. 331 00:17:24,038 --> 00:17:26,791 - What? - Oh, I've seen my approval ratings. 332 00:17:26,798 --> 00:17:30,520 Truth is, Stan, America just don't like me no more. 333 00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:33,463 Sir, don't say that! This country loves you! 334 00:17:33,477 --> 00:17:37,783 - This country needs you! - Yeah, I appreciate that, Stan but... 335 00:17:37,796 --> 00:17:40,240 I think it's time for me to hang it up. 336 00:17:40,247 --> 00:17:43,430 - Love it. Love everything about it. - Guess I should call Cheney. 337 00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,341 Let him know he'll be taking the reins. 338 00:17:45,345 --> 00:17:46,872 This isn't my cell phone. 339 00:17:46,887 --> 00:17:50,533 No. You're wearing my jacket, sir. That's the essay I wrote for the contest. 340 00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:54,522 "Not since Reagan has a leader so perfectly embodied" 341 00:17:54,528 --> 00:17:57,762 "the American ideal." You really think so? 342 00:17:57,806 --> 00:18:00,352 Of course. Didn't you read my essay? 343 00:18:00,356 --> 00:18:02,691 Nah. I got a gal who reads things for me. 344 00:18:02,698 --> 00:18:04,892 Oh, well then, may I? 345 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:07,541 "He doesn't make his decision on polls," 346 00:18:07,547 --> 00:18:09,772 "expert opinion or even facts." 347 00:18:09,775 --> 00:18:12,143 "For almighty God is his copilot," 348 00:18:12,145 --> 00:18:15,850 "and in November, 2000, he was cleared for takeoff." 349 00:18:15,856 --> 00:18:18,762 - Oh, please. That is just... - Beautiful. 350 00:18:18,767 --> 00:18:21,491 - Read some more. - Not until you put on your pants. 351 00:18:24,087 --> 00:18:25,720 Not easy, is it? 352 00:18:25,727 --> 00:18:29,350 Sitting there for minutes on end with zero lumbar support. 353 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:31,282 Actually, I'm kind of getting used to it. 354 00:18:31,296 --> 00:18:34,371 You know, in Third World countries, most people don't sit in chairs at all. 355 00:18:34,378 --> 00:18:36,072 - They squat, which... - Enough. 356 00:18:36,077 --> 00:18:37,280 What the hell?! 357 00:18:37,287 --> 00:18:39,651 Tell me where Bin Laden is or I'll kill the boy! 358 00:18:39,656 --> 00:18:41,393 - Roger! - Don't think I'll do it? 359 00:18:41,407 --> 00:18:44,541 - I want to do it! - Give it up! You're wrong, okay?! 360 00:18:44,546 --> 00:18:46,572 Danny doesn't know where Bin Laden is 361 00:18:46,575 --> 00:18:49,013 because Bin Laden doesn't live in D.C., 362 00:18:49,018 --> 00:18:52,461 and he doesn't work as an accountant at MacMillian and Sachs! 363 00:18:52,468 --> 00:18:55,282 But the code... I was so sure. 364 00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:56,232 I... 365 00:18:56,347 --> 00:19:00,451 I guess I wanted Dollywood so bad I was willing to believe anything. 366 00:19:00,588 --> 00:19:02,682 What am I gonna do now? 367 00:19:05,267 --> 00:19:07,612 You know, Danny, I think I'm gonna rob you. 368 00:19:09,355 --> 00:19:12,812 "The love and respect I have for you knows no limits." 369 00:19:12,817 --> 00:19:15,331 "I long to caress your..." 370 00:19:15,685 --> 00:19:17,393 My what? My what? 371 00:19:17,398 --> 00:19:19,273 Is that it? Is that how it ends? 372 00:19:19,276 --> 00:19:21,203 Uh... it has no end. 373 00:19:22,067 --> 00:19:25,011 Just like the legacy of George W. Bush! 374 00:19:25,716 --> 00:19:27,460 Now, that is awesome! 375 00:19:27,697 --> 00:19:29,643 I can't thank you enough, Stan. 376 00:19:29,655 --> 00:19:31,842 I was really starting to doubt myself, 377 00:19:31,845 --> 00:19:35,190 but knowing you feel this way has turned me right around. 378 00:19:35,197 --> 00:19:39,031 - It's been my honor, sir. - That's very touching. 379 00:19:39,038 --> 00:19:42,862 But none of that's gonna matter when Jon Stewart gets a hold of this! 380 00:19:43,296 --> 00:19:47,391 Me and X-Mac wanna keep partying, but the liquor stores are all closed. 381 00:19:47,397 --> 00:19:48,840 You got your flask on you? 382 00:19:49,515 --> 00:19:51,461 That was your flask! 383 00:19:51,467 --> 00:19:54,241 Great. You got me. I guess you were right. 384 00:19:54,247 --> 00:19:57,140 - I'm just a lost cause. - Wait a minute. 385 00:19:57,148 --> 00:20:00,381 Stan, you told her she was a lost cause? 386 00:20:00,386 --> 00:20:02,343 Sir, she's been nothing but trouble. 387 00:20:02,355 --> 00:20:05,461 She stays out late, she lies, she drinks. 388 00:20:05,465 --> 00:20:08,292 Stan, those things don't make your daughter a lost cause. 389 00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:09,253 Look at me. 390 00:20:09,256 --> 00:20:12,772 When I was her age, I was blitzed off my ass 24-seven. 391 00:20:12,788 --> 00:20:15,603 Doin' Tequila shots, Jell-O shooters, Mind Erasers, 392 00:20:15,606 --> 00:20:19,062 Cement Mixers, Dr. Pepper Bombs, Mud Slides, Kamikazes, 393 00:20:19,068 --> 00:20:21,570 Jageritas, Lemon Drops, B-52s, 394 00:20:21,575 --> 00:20:24,833 Fuzzy Navels, Gorilla Farts, Scorpion Bowls, Singapore Slings, 395 00:20:24,838 --> 00:20:27,433 Prairie Fires, Bloody Marys, Slippery Nipples... 396 00:20:27,438 --> 00:20:29,862 Point is, no matter how much I messed up, 397 00:20:29,866 --> 00:20:30,920 Flaming Everclears, 398 00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:35,173 no matter how much I messed up, my daddy always believed in me. 399 00:20:35,177 --> 00:20:38,081 Heck, Stan, your daughter's not a lost cause. 400 00:20:38,088 --> 00:20:40,843 She's right on track to be President. 401 00:20:43,395 --> 00:20:47,400 I never looked at it like that. I guess maybe I have been a little hard on you. 402 00:20:47,406 --> 00:20:49,341 Well, I'm sorry I lied. 403 00:20:50,487 --> 00:20:53,073 Thanks for standing up for me, President Bush. 404 00:20:53,076 --> 00:20:54,722 Oh, you're welcome, darlin'. 405 00:20:54,728 --> 00:20:58,892 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a press conference to stammer through. 406 00:20:58,897 --> 00:21:00,892 That means he has to poop. 407 00:21:06,296 --> 00:21:08,940 Well, I guess he's better than Cheney. 408 00:21:11,545 --> 00:21:13,963 Sorry about your Redskins on Sunday, Bill. 409 00:21:13,966 --> 00:21:15,742 Next week. Next week. 410 00:21:15,746 --> 00:21:18,443 Bill-bo, we still on for drinks after work? 411 00:21:18,457 --> 00:21:19,841 You know it, Ted. 412 00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,602 How do you like your new house, Bill? 413 00:21:21,608 --> 00:21:23,682 A lot better than the one on Lake Drive. 414 00:21:23,686 --> 00:21:25,901 Bill, I need those reports by 4:00. 415 00:21:25,907 --> 00:21:27,221 You got it, sir. 416 00:21:31,025 --> 00:21:33,830 Except there won't be a 4:00. 417 00:21:35,617 --> 00:21:38,170 - You okay, Bill? - Yeah. Just... 418 00:21:38,188 --> 00:21:40,211 can't get Powerpoint to open. 419 00:21:43,218 --> 00:21:46,720 Synchronisation : Kemar Transcript : Raceman www.forom.com 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net