1 00:00:00,017 --> 00:00:05,167 American Dad! "Black Mystery Month" 2 00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:08,700 www.forom.com 3 00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:27,926 Subtitles : Kemar Transcript : Kemar, Bouliii 4 00:00:32,706 --> 00:00:37,895 How many of you sitting in this room, have even seen a black person? 5 00:00:41,455 --> 00:00:42,506 None of you! 6 00:00:43,591 --> 00:00:47,046 The average white man thinks about sex every 6 seconds, 7 00:00:47,069 --> 00:00:51,519 but he only thinks about sex with a black man, once a year! 8 00:00:52,275 --> 00:00:55,582 I have no idea what he's talking about but I feel terrible. 9 00:00:55,619 --> 00:00:58,956 So the next time you privileged suburban white boys 10 00:00:58,985 --> 00:01:00,800 think Beethoven wasn't black, 11 00:01:00,824 --> 00:01:03,413 maybe you should look in the mirror! 12 00:01:05,542 --> 00:01:09,041 Yeah, uh, so... Pick a black guy and do a report. 13 00:01:11,503 --> 00:01:14,837 Hey, Steve, you wanna play that game where you start with a tower of blocks 14 00:01:14,859 --> 00:01:18,091 and one by one you take them out and stack them on top until it collapses. 15 00:01:18,115 --> 00:01:19,161 You mean Jenga? 16 00:01:19,185 --> 00:01:21,520 Well, I think it's pronounced "Henga," 17 00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:24,463 but if you want to crap all over the Spanish language, go ahead. 18 00:01:24,495 --> 00:01:27,121 Sorry, I have to write a Black History Month report, 19 00:01:27,136 --> 00:01:28,683 I haven't pick the subject yet. 20 00:01:28,718 --> 00:01:31,011 How about George Washington Carver? 21 00:01:31,035 --> 00:01:33,811 - He invented peanut butter. - Of course! 22 00:01:33,848 --> 00:01:36,120 Peanut butter is my favorite thing in the world! 23 00:01:36,147 --> 00:01:38,603 If it were for Io, the ice moon of Jupiter, 24 00:01:38,648 --> 00:01:42,173 it will be my favorite thing in the solar system! Great idea, Mom! 25 00:01:42,385 --> 00:01:45,613 Oh, my goodness! Did someone just take my advice? 26 00:01:45,666 --> 00:01:49,222 I have something I've been saving for just this occasion. 27 00:01:54,825 --> 00:01:57,881 If anyone needs me, I'll be celebrating in the bathtub. 28 00:01:57,927 --> 00:02:00,472 - Why would anyone need you? - Shut up, Klaus! 29 00:02:05,555 --> 00:02:09,012 Hey, Hayley-kins. Want to play Jenga? 30 00:02:09,025 --> 00:02:10,373 That game's kind of lame. 31 00:02:10,425 --> 00:02:13,212 Unless you want to make it a little more... interesting. 32 00:02:13,245 --> 00:02:16,123 - Uh, no thanks. - I thought you loved to gamble. 33 00:02:16,146 --> 00:02:17,812 Oh, is that what that means? 34 00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:20,893 I thought you were hitting on me. No, sure, yeah, let's play. 35 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,990 Hey, lights out! It's past your bed time. 36 00:02:24,026 --> 00:02:26,300 Dad, I'm too old for a bed time. 37 00:02:26,315 --> 00:02:28,312 Steve, how many times have I told you, 38 00:02:28,335 --> 00:02:30,490 if children get less than 8 hours of sleep, 39 00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:34,023 their boy glands emit a pleasant berry scent that attracts pedophiles. 40 00:02:34,058 --> 00:02:37,150 I'm not a kid, you don't have to tell me lies anymore. 41 00:02:37,177 --> 00:02:39,853 And I don't need this stupid child proof lock on the internet. 42 00:02:39,887 --> 00:02:42,562 Everytime I try to access a site, I get this. 43 00:02:44,656 --> 00:02:46,620 What kind of filthy are you trying to look up anyway? 44 00:02:46,658 --> 00:02:50,110 I'm doing a report on George Washington Carver for Black History Month. 45 00:02:50,167 --> 00:02:52,262 Carver? The peanut butter guy? 46 00:02:52,316 --> 00:02:55,530 Come on, Steve, why don't you pick an interesting black person, like 47 00:02:55,557 --> 00:02:58,893 Dr. Daniel Williams, who performed the first successful open heart surgery. 48 00:02:58,927 --> 00:03:01,363 Or Tim Middles, the luckiest man in show business. 49 00:03:01,395 --> 00:03:04,331 Dad, I think I'm old enough to decide who to do my report on. 50 00:03:04,368 --> 00:03:07,041 I guess I'm gonna have to start treating you like an adult. 51 00:03:07,997 --> 00:03:10,970 Now, don't forget to brush your teeth or gobelins will kill your mother. 52 00:03:15,625 --> 00:03:18,981 Why do you need to go to a grocery store to research this Carver guy? 53 00:03:19,006 --> 00:03:21,713 To know the man, I must taste the man. 54 00:03:22,027 --> 00:03:23,221 That's weird. 55 00:03:23,267 --> 00:03:25,311 - Hand me a magnifying glass. - Which one? 56 00:03:25,348 --> 00:03:26,272 5X. 57 00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:30,720 Look at the belt buckle on the Robin Hood peanut butter label. 58 00:03:30,795 --> 00:03:33,863 It's the same symbol as the dot over the "I" in Jiffy. 59 00:03:33,906 --> 00:03:37,082 It's even on Union Brand, America's first peanut butter! 60 00:03:37,127 --> 00:03:39,380 - Where? - In President Peanut's monocle. 61 00:03:39,405 --> 00:03:41,942 - That's just his eye! - Look closer. 62 00:03:44,616 --> 00:03:46,843 Curiouser and curiouser. 63 00:03:46,858 --> 00:03:49,013 We've got to get to the bottom of this mystery. 64 00:03:49,057 --> 00:03:50,333 Count me out. 65 00:03:50,358 --> 00:03:52,923 I gave up sleuthing when the case of the missing bicorn 66 00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:55,041 turned into a double rape homicide. 67 00:03:57,497 --> 00:04:00,712 I need some more time for my report on George Washington Carver. 68 00:04:00,757 --> 00:04:02,790 Why? The brother invented peanut butter. 69 00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,722 Just stretch it over 5 pages and hand it in. 70 00:04:04,767 --> 00:04:06,410 It's deeper than that, sir. 71 00:04:07,117 --> 00:04:10,672 Look, every jar of peanut butter has this same symbol on it. 72 00:04:10,738 --> 00:04:13,911 I think there might be some kind of conspiracy. 73 00:04:13,957 --> 00:04:17,091 That's ridiculous. Turn in your paper or face the consequences. 74 00:04:17,136 --> 00:04:19,773 I'm sorry, sir, I'm going to follow this through. 75 00:04:19,818 --> 00:04:23,372 Even if it means I have to talk to the creepy librarian with the burned ear. 76 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:31,873 Yes? 77 00:04:31,916 --> 00:04:35,170 I'm afraid we've got some chocolate in our peanut butter. 78 00:04:37,898 --> 00:04:40,922 Hello, are you the curator of the Smithsonian Peanut Museum 79 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,233 in Washington D.C.? 80 00:04:42,255 --> 00:04:44,282 - Who wants to know? - Steve Smith. 81 00:04:44,307 --> 00:04:46,601 I'm doing a report on George Washington Carver. 82 00:04:46,636 --> 00:04:50,591 And I have some questions about a weird symbol I found on peanut butter jars. 83 00:04:50,627 --> 00:04:53,870 - It's probably nothing, but... - No! It's like a huge, huge thing! 84 00:04:53,977 --> 00:04:57,260 It's time the truth came out. Come see me at 3 o'clock. 85 00:04:57,336 --> 00:04:59,400 And be careful, they're watching you. 86 00:05:05,456 --> 00:05:09,270 Don't worry, I wasn't trying to kill you. I'm just a drunk driver. 87 00:05:15,505 --> 00:05:18,662 What's going on? I have an appointment with the curator. 88 00:05:18,707 --> 00:05:21,720 - The curator was murdered. - Oh, my God! 89 00:05:21,746 --> 00:05:25,323 - Someone killed him? - Funny. I never said he was murdered. 90 00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,450 Yes... yes, you did. 91 00:05:27,665 --> 00:05:32,372 God, he's wedged into the mouth of a giant bust of George Washington Carver! 92 00:05:33,836 --> 00:05:36,000 That's classified. How do you know that? 93 00:05:36,035 --> 00:05:38,001 Uh, I can see it from here. 94 00:05:51,538 --> 00:05:53,580 Uh, okay. That checks out. 95 00:05:53,635 --> 00:05:57,161 Why would the killer stick the curator to the roof of the statue's mouth? 96 00:05:58,128 --> 00:05:59,592 Like peanut butter. 97 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:02,113 You don't get it, kid. He did it to himself. 98 00:06:02,147 --> 00:06:04,060 He was stabbed and left for dead. 99 00:06:04,095 --> 00:06:06,151 He managed to climb up there right after he scrawled 100 00:06:06,176 --> 00:06:08,343 a dying message in his own blood. 101 00:06:08,488 --> 00:06:11,571 "In the elf condom." What does it mean? 102 00:06:11,587 --> 00:06:12,952 I'll tell you what it means. 103 00:06:12,978 --> 00:06:16,070 It means we're looking for a horny midget that plays it safe. 104 00:06:16,128 --> 00:06:17,363 Come on, boys! 105 00:06:18,915 --> 00:06:20,651 "In the elf condom." 106 00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:27,611 Wait. That's an anagram for "find the monocle." 107 00:06:27,847 --> 00:06:30,842 My selective dyslexia disorder finally pays off! 108 00:06:33,038 --> 00:06:34,442 "Find the monocle." 109 00:06:35,358 --> 00:06:37,041 Let's see. "Mono" means "one," 110 00:06:37,066 --> 00:06:39,770 And "cole" is a type of slaw. 111 00:06:39,808 --> 00:06:42,092 We're looking for one slaw. 112 00:06:42,737 --> 00:06:45,343 Oh! I can't think with that clock ticking. 113 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,901 Oh! The symbol! 114 00:06:53,087 --> 00:06:55,022 - This is the monocle! - Hey! 115 00:06:55,057 --> 00:06:56,991 - What are you doing in here? - Nothing. 116 00:07:00,577 --> 00:07:02,153 Sweet berries. 117 00:07:02,238 --> 00:07:04,453 Hey, champ. Got enough sleep last night? 118 00:07:08,108 --> 00:07:10,993 Roger, it's been hours. You gonna make a move or not? 119 00:07:11,048 --> 00:07:12,871 I'm thinking. 120 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,431 Uh, you can't take it from the top. 121 00:07:28,485 --> 00:07:29,752 I'm gonna need a minute. 122 00:07:31,026 --> 00:07:32,320 Peanut butter. 123 00:07:32,405 --> 00:07:33,773 Crunchy. 124 00:07:33,848 --> 00:07:35,060 Creamy. 125 00:07:35,558 --> 00:07:36,673 Creamy! 126 00:07:36,955 --> 00:07:38,542 No, no, that means nothing. 127 00:07:39,046 --> 00:07:41,200 Steve Smith, you need to come with us. 128 00:07:41,216 --> 00:07:43,380 - Why? - You won a free air conditioner. 129 00:07:43,405 --> 00:07:44,353 Awesome. 130 00:07:46,638 --> 00:07:48,341 Don't even think about running. 131 00:07:49,987 --> 00:07:51,760 Sorry. Just me again. 132 00:07:51,786 --> 00:07:54,200 Looks like I'm hitting everything but rock bottom, huh? 133 00:07:54,255 --> 00:07:55,773 Huh? I gotta go. 134 00:08:06,935 --> 00:08:08,560 Let go of me! 135 00:08:15,448 --> 00:08:17,051 Don't worry, they're just blanks. 136 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:18,561 Why did you do that? 137 00:08:18,608 --> 00:08:21,501 'Cause that's the last fun you're gonna have for a long time. 138 00:08:21,536 --> 00:08:24,172 What are you talking about? Why are these people chasing me? 139 00:08:24,215 --> 00:08:28,113 You stumbled upon the most dangerous secret in American history. 140 00:08:28,136 --> 00:08:30,100 Now they want you to pay for it. 141 00:08:30,127 --> 00:08:31,142 With your life. 142 00:08:31,937 --> 00:08:33,353 Steve, keep it down. 143 00:08:33,375 --> 00:08:35,360 I don't think we're supposed to be on this roof. 144 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:39,113 Dad, what the hell is going on? 145 00:08:39,122 --> 00:08:40,341 Look, you're in over your head. 146 00:08:40,403 --> 00:08:42,347 Forget about your report on Carver. Just... 147 00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:43,950 do it on Will Smith. 148 00:08:44,318 --> 00:08:45,713 Oh, wait, you need a black guy. 149 00:08:45,728 --> 00:08:48,213 Dad, a museum curator was murdered 150 00:08:48,226 --> 00:08:50,221 and his dying message led me to this. 151 00:08:50,548 --> 00:08:52,751 - The monocle! - You know what this is? 152 00:08:52,776 --> 00:08:55,032 Steve, just give it to me. This isn't child's play. 153 00:08:55,075 --> 00:08:56,643 And I'm not a child. 154 00:08:57,527 --> 00:08:59,220 Okay, Steve, you win. 155 00:08:59,287 --> 00:09:01,230 We'll solve this thing together. 156 00:09:02,058 --> 00:09:03,670 Bobby Brown! He's black. 157 00:09:03,866 --> 00:09:04,991 Bobby Brown. 158 00:09:05,158 --> 00:09:06,283 I did it. 159 00:09:08,985 --> 00:09:12,473 Steve, this conspiracy dates back to the Civil War. 160 00:09:12,588 --> 00:09:14,143 This is what I know. 161 00:09:14,207 --> 00:09:16,783 - Is that President Lincoln? - Yes. 162 00:09:16,915 --> 00:09:18,760 It was 1865. 163 00:09:18,796 --> 00:09:21,293 The North's victory over the South was imminent. 164 00:09:21,305 --> 00:09:24,232 We can force emancipation of the slaves upon the South. 165 00:09:24,257 --> 00:09:27,591 But I fell those crackers will never embrace the negro as their equal. 166 00:09:27,637 --> 00:09:29,182 Speaking of crackers, 167 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:32,493 what is this delicious paste about which I am snapping? 168 00:09:32,527 --> 00:09:35,620 It tastes as if derived of the nutted pea. 169 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:36,571 Don't eat that. 170 00:09:36,596 --> 00:09:40,832 That's one of my wife's lunatic concoctions for staving off evil spirits. 171 00:09:42,596 --> 00:09:45,730 One day a man will walk on the moon. 172 00:09:46,346 --> 00:09:49,620 His name: Army Neilstrong. 173 00:09:51,738 --> 00:09:54,391 - This is delicious. - What? 174 00:09:54,558 --> 00:09:57,193 Upon my chain you surely do, Yank. 175 00:09:58,696 --> 00:09:59,873 Gentlemen, 176 00:09:59,946 --> 00:10:03,453 the solution to our problem is spread before us. 177 00:10:03,497 --> 00:10:05,092 Lincoln's plan was simple. 178 00:10:05,118 --> 00:10:08,041 He would introduce this delicious new spread to the South, 179 00:10:08,078 --> 00:10:10,453 and credit its invention to a black man. 180 00:10:10,528 --> 00:10:14,191 He was certain even the most bitter confederate would embrace former slaves, 181 00:10:14,226 --> 00:10:17,051 if one of them was responsable for such a tasty treat. 182 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,340 Unfortunately, John Wilkes Booth, 183 00:10:19,376 --> 00:10:22,203 who despised legume-based racial harmony, 184 00:10:22,236 --> 00:10:25,031 got wind of the plan and made sure it died with Lincoln. 185 00:10:29,915 --> 00:10:33,940 Without the salve of peanut butter, the nation's wounds healed slowly. 186 00:10:34,278 --> 00:10:36,393 It wasn't until 31 years later, 187 00:10:36,417 --> 00:10:39,640 that the plan was resurrected by our nation's greatest President. 188 00:10:39,837 --> 00:10:41,321 Grover Cleveland. 189 00:10:41,467 --> 00:10:43,680 Cleveland learned that a young black botanist, 190 00:10:43,698 --> 00:10:45,891 who had developed hundreds of uses for peanuts. 191 00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:48,693 Incredibly mashing them up and eating them wasn't one of them. 192 00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:51,352 But Cleveland constructed an ingenious plan 193 00:10:51,376 --> 00:10:54,242 allowing Carver to receive credit for the invention. 194 00:11:02,637 --> 00:11:05,602 George Washington Carver didn't invent peanut butter! 195 00:11:05,637 --> 00:11:06,703 That's right. 196 00:11:06,748 --> 00:11:10,720 You're one of the few people outside of the Illuminutty who knows this secret. 197 00:11:10,767 --> 00:11:13,380 - The Illuminutty? - That's who's chasing us. 198 00:11:13,425 --> 00:11:17,590 A secret society dedicated to concealing this truth at all costs. 199 00:11:17,645 --> 00:11:21,890 - This is their mysterious symbol. - The peanut in the pyramid! 200 00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:25,302 Oh, yeah. I guess that is what it is. 201 00:11:25,338 --> 00:11:27,571 After the civil war, our nation was healed 202 00:11:27,588 --> 00:11:30,550 by the belief that peanut butter was invented by a black man. 203 00:11:30,585 --> 00:11:33,862 The Illuminutty is convinced that our country will descend into chaos, 204 00:11:33,875 --> 00:11:35,781 if this lie is ever exposed. 205 00:11:35,816 --> 00:11:39,543 - That's why they killed the curator! - Okay, loud. Loud. 206 00:11:39,578 --> 00:11:42,863 He said it was time the truth came out. We have to tell everyone! 207 00:11:42,908 --> 00:11:43,770 Yes. 208 00:11:43,807 --> 00:11:47,292 But no one will believe us unless we have the jar of proof. 209 00:11:47,336 --> 00:11:51,231 A jar containing physical evidence that Carver didn't invent peanut butter. 210 00:11:51,276 --> 00:11:54,151 - Where is this jar? - Only the curator knew. 211 00:11:54,195 --> 00:11:56,500 The Illuminutty's been looking for it for decades. 212 00:11:56,535 --> 00:11:58,783 And when they find it, they'll destroy it. 213 00:11:58,828 --> 00:12:02,042 We've got to find it first, so America will know the truth! 214 00:12:02,075 --> 00:12:05,350 Well, we do have one thing the Illuminutty doesn't. 215 00:12:05,417 --> 00:12:07,391 A map I found years ago. 216 00:12:07,428 --> 00:12:11,223 Unfortunately, it can only be read with a special ocular device. 217 00:12:11,745 --> 00:12:13,051 The monocle! 218 00:12:13,095 --> 00:12:15,943 Yes, Steve, the monocle! How does that feel? 219 00:12:18,695 --> 00:12:21,040 It works, you can read the map! 220 00:12:21,086 --> 00:12:23,453 Dad, it's not a map, it's a message. 221 00:12:23,475 --> 00:12:27,870 "Find the cane that bore Old Glory, 1730 M Street." 222 00:12:27,906 --> 00:12:29,393 Old Glory? 223 00:12:29,545 --> 00:12:32,542 - It must be a flagpole. - Good work, Dad. 224 00:12:32,598 --> 00:12:35,502 But why did we have to come to a Burger King to read the map? 225 00:12:35,605 --> 00:12:38,582 Because the economics of television have changed, Steve. 226 00:12:39,507 --> 00:12:41,832 Have it... your way! 227 00:12:48,867 --> 00:12:50,243 Oh, my God. 228 00:12:50,267 --> 00:12:52,900 You finally make your first move and you lose. 229 00:12:52,935 --> 00:12:55,822 - That's classic, I'm going to bed. - Not so fast! 230 00:12:55,846 --> 00:12:59,183 That was just my test model. The real one still stands. 231 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,062 It's permitted. 232 00:13:00,077 --> 00:13:03,291 I called Hasbro. They said it violated the spirit of the game, 233 00:13:03,308 --> 00:13:05,061 but not the actual rules. 234 00:13:08,138 --> 00:13:09,913 Well, this is the address, but... 235 00:13:09,938 --> 00:13:12,882 I don't see any flagpoles, just an old strip club. 236 00:13:20,415 --> 00:13:22,602 Well, no flagpoles in the VIP room. 237 00:13:22,626 --> 00:13:24,970 It took you 45 minutes to figure that out? 238 00:13:24,995 --> 00:13:27,431 No, and it also didn't take me $300. 239 00:13:27,455 --> 00:13:29,992 Dad, Old Glory wasn't a flag! 240 00:13:30,065 --> 00:13:34,051 She was our nation's first stripper. And that's the pole that bore her. 241 00:13:35,477 --> 00:13:37,350 Look! The symbol! 242 00:13:38,355 --> 00:13:40,132 We got to get that pole. 243 00:13:40,205 --> 00:13:42,083 Uh, excuse me, ladies? 244 00:13:43,475 --> 00:13:46,380 If anyone has left a toddler locked in their car, 245 00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:48,593 he, uh... he just found your stash. 246 00:13:48,635 --> 00:13:50,831 - Oh, my God! - My baby! - My meth! 247 00:13:54,238 --> 00:13:56,823 I can't believe you brought in an engineer. 248 00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:59,122 - I can't believe you didn't. - Okay. 249 00:13:59,135 --> 00:14:00,840 Here's a list of 49 simple moves, 250 00:14:00,855 --> 00:14:02,862 that won't compromise the integrity of the strucutre. 251 00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:06,373 Yeah, I don't really trust computers. I'm just gonna go with my heart. 252 00:14:06,417 --> 00:14:07,971 Then, why did you hire me? 253 00:14:08,087 --> 00:14:09,562 Hire you? 254 00:14:13,788 --> 00:14:15,661 Steve, are you sure about this? 255 00:14:15,678 --> 00:14:17,413 Stop treating me like a little kid. 256 00:14:17,437 --> 00:14:19,223 I was right about the pole, wasn't I? 257 00:14:24,855 --> 00:14:26,303 It's working! 258 00:14:28,427 --> 00:14:32,071 Soon the beam of light will show us the exact location of the... 259 00:14:33,198 --> 00:14:36,741 Steve, what have you done?! You've ruined everything! 260 00:14:36,775 --> 00:14:38,471 I'm sorry, Dad, I'm... 261 00:14:38,887 --> 00:14:41,262 A genius. Look! 262 00:14:42,788 --> 00:14:46,161 "Lastly, tip your hat in the Garden of Eden." 263 00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:49,223 - It's the last clue! - Duh! Really?! 264 00:14:49,626 --> 00:14:53,722 - Sorry, it's been a really long night. - "The Garden of Eden." 265 00:14:53,746 --> 00:14:55,190 I'm on it, Steve. 266 00:14:55,636 --> 00:14:59,280 Yeah, I'm gonna need two tickets on your next flight to the Garden of Eden. 267 00:14:59,395 --> 00:15:02,551 "The Garden of Eden." The first Garden. 268 00:15:02,586 --> 00:15:04,970 What do you mean you don't fly to biblical allegories? 269 00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:07,473 See, this is why you people are going out the business. 270 00:15:07,506 --> 00:15:08,541 I've got it! 271 00:15:08,586 --> 00:15:10,571 The First National Garden! 272 00:15:14,235 --> 00:15:16,831 But this is the only peanut plant in this whole place. 273 00:15:16,867 --> 00:15:19,601 - The hat has got to be in here. - It's empty. 274 00:15:19,636 --> 00:15:21,001 It's a dead end. 275 00:15:21,508 --> 00:15:22,551 Fudge! 276 00:15:22,826 --> 00:15:23,921 Wait, Steve. 277 00:15:23,955 --> 00:15:26,201 Don't declare fudge just yet. Look. 278 00:15:26,235 --> 00:15:27,243 The symbol! 279 00:15:27,356 --> 00:15:29,550 And the pot is shaped like a hat! 280 00:15:29,586 --> 00:15:31,422 It's the last piece of the puzzle! 281 00:15:31,447 --> 00:15:32,461 Wait a minute. 282 00:15:32,535 --> 00:15:35,202 Monocle, cane, hat... 283 00:15:35,458 --> 00:15:38,650 All the clues are things the President Peanut wears! 284 00:15:38,755 --> 00:15:40,332 Great work, Steve. 285 00:15:40,365 --> 00:15:44,183 All we need now is a 20-foot peanut with presidential aspirations. 286 00:15:44,207 --> 00:15:46,841 - To the Iowa caucuses! - No, Dad. 287 00:15:46,896 --> 00:15:49,811 What we need is a 20-foot President. 288 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,732 Of course! 289 00:15:56,757 --> 00:15:59,163 Lincoln was the father of the conspirancy. 290 00:15:59,205 --> 00:16:01,211 The original President Peanut. 291 00:16:01,326 --> 00:16:03,233 Well, here it goes. 292 00:16:17,735 --> 00:16:18,901 Oh, God. 293 00:16:19,518 --> 00:16:21,880 The jar of proof must be in there. 294 00:16:21,927 --> 00:16:24,241 Hidden up Lincoln's proof shoot. 295 00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:27,371 We did it, Dad. Soon the whole world will know the truth. 296 00:16:27,407 --> 00:16:29,263 Nothing can stop us now! 297 00:16:37,907 --> 00:16:39,192 I'll go first. 298 00:16:41,426 --> 00:16:44,872 Careful. These stairs will be dangerous without a balust... 299 00:16:45,536 --> 00:16:46,650 Dad! 300 00:16:47,517 --> 00:16:48,603 Dad! 301 00:16:48,767 --> 00:16:49,870 Dad! 302 00:16:50,256 --> 00:16:51,382 Dad! 303 00:16:51,685 --> 00:16:52,880 Dad. 304 00:16:52,918 --> 00:16:54,070 Dad. 305 00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,423 Almost there, Dad. 306 00:16:55,465 --> 00:16:59,981 Hey, look, funny pages from 1916. Ooh, the Katzenjammer Kids. 307 00:17:00,015 --> 00:17:01,180 Let's see. 308 00:17:01,226 --> 00:17:04,673 They're putting their dad in a barrel and rolling it down a stiff hill. 309 00:17:04,716 --> 00:17:07,120 And... now he's injured. 310 00:17:08,187 --> 00:17:11,653 That's not funny. I guess comedy has really evolved. 311 00:17:11,675 --> 00:17:13,340 Thanks Harvard! 312 00:17:14,475 --> 00:17:16,961 And that's where babies come from. 313 00:17:16,978 --> 00:17:18,080 Look out, Dad! 314 00:17:19,946 --> 00:17:22,903 I can't believe there's lava under Washington, D.C. 315 00:17:22,937 --> 00:17:25,493 Where do you think all the hot air comes from? 316 00:17:35,546 --> 00:17:38,401 Oh, my God, I see it. I'm going in. 317 00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:39,433 Finally. 318 00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,071 Okay, your turn. 319 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,052 Come on already! 320 00:18:00,137 --> 00:18:01,041 Funny. 321 00:18:01,155 --> 00:18:02,763 Dad, there it is! 322 00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:07,440 The jar of proof. 323 00:18:12,318 --> 00:18:14,721 Can't reach it... Steve, I'll help you up. 324 00:18:19,795 --> 00:18:21,023 Booby trap! 325 00:18:21,035 --> 00:18:22,630 There's something inside. 326 00:18:24,047 --> 00:18:27,033 It's the playbill from the night Lincoln was assassinated. 327 00:18:27,067 --> 00:18:28,322 It's got his blood. 328 00:18:28,345 --> 00:18:30,642 And all the names he considered for peanut butter. 329 00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:31,903 Ya, ya, now hand it over. 330 00:18:31,966 --> 00:18:34,092 Now the world can know the truth. 331 00:18:34,105 --> 00:18:35,342 Right, Dad? 332 00:18:35,367 --> 00:18:37,020 Yeah, sure. Gimme-gimme. 333 00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:41,413 Finally the... 334 00:18:41,457 --> 00:18:44,103 Wait, this isn't the jar of proof. 335 00:18:44,135 --> 00:18:45,903 He switched them on me. 336 00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:47,490 Steve? 337 00:18:47,797 --> 00:18:49,023 You're one of them. 338 00:18:49,056 --> 00:18:51,921 You don't care about the truth, you're just gonna destroy it. 339 00:18:52,738 --> 00:18:54,831 It's over, boy. Give me the jar. 340 00:18:54,965 --> 00:18:57,722 - President Jimmy Carter? - That's right. 341 00:18:57,798 --> 00:19:00,131 The Second President Peanut. 342 00:19:00,908 --> 00:19:02,422 I'm sorry, son. 343 00:19:02,438 --> 00:19:05,330 When were you going to tell me you were part of the Illuminutty? 344 00:19:05,347 --> 00:19:07,792 Steve, that's crazy, I was never going to tell you. 345 00:19:07,817 --> 00:19:11,081 All this time, I thought I was proving I was so grown-up. 346 00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:12,941 But you just saw me as a stupid kid 347 00:19:12,976 --> 00:19:15,521 you could use to find your precious jar of proof. 348 00:19:15,577 --> 00:19:16,951 Precious indeed. 349 00:19:16,986 --> 00:19:20,483 Without this secret, our young nation would have never survived. 350 00:19:20,525 --> 00:19:24,420 Steve, if you are a grown-up, you'll understand why we have to destroy it. 351 00:19:24,475 --> 00:19:27,930 - The truth would tear this country apart. - Maybe back then, 352 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:30,732 but America is a big boy now, and so am I. 353 00:19:30,777 --> 00:19:32,421 We can handle the truth. 354 00:19:32,458 --> 00:19:35,080 Whatever it's about bed time or black people. 355 00:19:37,028 --> 00:19:39,662 Enough, give me the jar and let's be done with it! 356 00:19:39,677 --> 00:19:42,170 - Dad, don't do it! - Trust me, son... 357 00:19:42,876 --> 00:19:45,061 I'm doing the grown-up thing here. 358 00:19:49,408 --> 00:19:53,251 And so, the safety of our nation will forever be insured. 359 00:19:53,308 --> 00:19:55,533 God bless Americ... 360 00:20:03,778 --> 00:20:05,083 Let's get out of here! 361 00:20:13,017 --> 00:20:15,190 Wow, Dad, you switched jars on him. 362 00:20:15,218 --> 00:20:18,282 - That was so awesome! - Well, I learned it from you. 363 00:20:18,326 --> 00:20:21,422 - I guess maybe you are all grown-up. - Thanks, Dad. 364 00:20:21,455 --> 00:20:24,610 Now, come on! We've got some proof to spread. 365 00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:28,062 - Wait, that's the wrong jar! - What?! That's impossible! 366 00:20:28,097 --> 00:20:30,163 I thought you made the switch. What happened? 367 00:20:30,177 --> 00:20:31,651 I had to make the switch? 368 00:20:31,808 --> 00:20:34,292 I thought it was like a magic bagpack or something. 369 00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:36,213 No. It wasn't. 370 00:20:36,417 --> 00:20:38,593 Now, the world will never know the truth. 371 00:20:38,615 --> 00:20:41,882 If only there was a place where you can make any outrageous claim you want, 372 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:45,763 with absolutely no proof and millions of people would accept it as fact. 373 00:20:45,986 --> 00:20:47,082 That's it! 374 00:20:48,125 --> 00:20:50,631 Thanks for taking that block of the internet, Dad. 375 00:20:50,658 --> 00:20:52,371 Well, you're a young man now. 376 00:20:52,397 --> 00:20:54,862 You ready for everything the internet has to offer. 377 00:20:55,186 --> 00:20:57,881 - Even porn. - Wow, porn! 378 00:20:58,157 --> 00:21:00,922 This is the best Black History Month ever! 379 00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:10,263 Subtitles : Kemar Transcript : Kemar, thanks to Bouliii 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net