1 00:00:03,099 --> 00:00:05,989 Good morning, USA! 2 00:00:05,990 --> 00:00:09,535 I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day 3 00:00:09,536 --> 00:00:12,631 The sun in the sky has a smile on his face 4 00:00:12,632 --> 00:00:16,311 And he's shining a salute to the American race 5 00:00:16,572 --> 00:00:19,102 Car radio turned up as girls approach 6 00:00:19,137 --> 00:00:22,236 Oh, boy, it's swell to say 7 00:00:22,237 --> 00:00:25,729 Good morning, USA 8 00:00:26,983 --> 00:00:30,153 Good morning, USA! 9 00:00:33,311 --> 00:00:35,799 Ah, nothing better than being home for dinner. 10 00:00:35,807 --> 00:00:37,800 It's like I'm king of the castle. 11 00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:40,208 Dance, fools! Dance for your king! 12 00:00:40,409 --> 00:00:43,248 Hayley, your cold sore is dripping in the potatoes. 13 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:46,533 That's the last time I use lip liner I find on the bus. 14 00:00:46,539 --> 00:00:48,730 Oh, honey, no one believes that. 15 00:00:49,185 --> 00:00:51,522 I got it! Called it! Oh, yeah! 16 00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:53,242 Yay! 17 00:00:53,247 --> 00:00:55,053 Mom, it's Grandma and Grandpa. 18 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,810 Damn it, your parents always show up unannounced. 19 00:00:57,816 --> 00:01:01,120 Steve, low the table Hayley, hide the cutlery. 20 00:01:01,908 --> 00:01:03,581 Everyone, shoes off! 21 00:01:03,586 --> 00:01:05,411 Francine, don't open that door. 22 00:01:05,418 --> 00:01:07,351 Stan, they're my parents. 23 00:01:08,005 --> 00:01:09,110 - Francine. - Francine. 24 00:01:09,116 --> 00:01:11,871 Mah Mah! Bah Bah! 25 00:01:13,335 --> 00:01:14,210 You bow! 26 00:01:14,218 --> 00:01:16,031 Shoes off in house! 27 00:01:18,557 --> 00:01:21,432 You just had to be adopted, didn't you? 28 00:01:23,746 --> 00:01:26,641 - What is this? - It's fish face with cabbage stem. 29 00:01:26,646 --> 00:01:28,470 In the West, we call that garbage. 30 00:01:28,475 --> 00:01:31,523 Oh, Mah Mah, this takes me back. 31 00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:34,732 Eating trout lips, watching T.J. Hooker. 32 00:01:34,738 --> 00:01:36,110 - Hooker! - Hooker! 33 00:01:40,145 --> 00:01:41,371 Devil sticks! 34 00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:43,902 No fork. 35 00:01:43,918 --> 00:01:45,182 Listen, Baba, this is my... 36 00:01:45,187 --> 00:01:46,153 Bah Bah. 37 00:01:46,157 --> 00:01:47,452 That's what I said. Baba. 38 00:01:47,458 --> 00:01:49,631 Bah Bah. Aye ya. 39 00:01:49,637 --> 00:01:51,890 20 years, you still not get it right. 40 00:01:52,337 --> 00:01:54,351 Has it been a half hour already? 41 00:01:54,355 --> 00:01:56,031 Well, what a lovely visit. 42 00:01:56,036 --> 00:01:58,613 Please, let me help you throw your trunk onto the lawn. 43 00:01:58,616 --> 00:02:00,780 What Stan's trying to say is 44 00:02:00,786 --> 00:02:03,140 you're welcome to stay as long as you want. 45 00:02:03,147 --> 00:02:04,801 Eh, we only stay for weekend. 46 00:02:04,808 --> 00:02:06,520 We're on our way cross country. 47 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,353 Mah Mah and I are fulfilling dream 48 00:02:08,357 --> 00:02:10,611 to see world's largest everything. 49 00:02:10,615 --> 00:02:12,380 This week: thermometer. 50 00:02:12,385 --> 00:02:14,333 Next week: ball of twine. 51 00:02:14,337 --> 00:02:17,753 Better hurry before world's largest kitty bat it away. 52 00:02:20,968 --> 00:02:22,443 No. 53 00:02:27,805 --> 00:02:29,341 Oh, no, no ducks. 54 00:02:29,348 --> 00:02:30,670 Ducks okay. 55 00:02:30,678 --> 00:02:32,051 Present for you, grandson. 56 00:02:32,058 --> 00:02:34,240 Fireworks fromfamily business. 57 00:02:34,258 --> 00:02:37,741 Steve, you canlight one off now and save the restfor later. 58 00:02:37,745 --> 00:02:40,121 I don't know,these look dangerous. 59 00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:42,651 The donkey slap,the spurting cobra, 60 00:02:42,656 --> 00:02:44,211 the Mao Tse Boom... 61 00:02:44,216 --> 00:02:44,992 The Exxon Valdez... 62 00:02:44,997 --> 00:02:48,161 - Hayley, your soreis leaking again. - ... the Empress Headbomb... 63 00:02:48,175 --> 00:02:50,363 I have remedy for whore lip. 64 00:02:50,368 --> 00:02:52,232 - Thanks, Grandma. - ... the Fever Dream, 65 00:02:52,236 --> 00:02:53,401 the Screaming... 66 00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:54,961 Ugh! It smellslike doodie. 67 00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:57,572 It is doodie. From a monkey. 68 00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:59,521 ...the painful squirtbomb, 69 00:02:59,525 --> 00:03:01,411 the me-explode-you-long-time. 70 00:03:01,418 --> 00:03:03,013 For God's sake,you're an American. 71 00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:05,891 Stop thinking about the consequences and blow something up. 72 00:03:06,898 --> 00:03:08,091 Ah! 73 00:03:08,145 --> 00:03:09,272 Bad choice. 74 00:03:09,278 --> 00:03:11,352 That one is named English Patient. 75 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:16,012 It looks beautiful,but it takes a very long time for unsatisfying payoff. 76 00:03:16,018 --> 00:03:19,492 Bah Bah, you didn't wrap Jergen'sin Ziplock. 77 00:03:19,495 --> 00:03:21,922 Lotion on everything. 78 00:03:21,926 --> 00:03:24,062 - I lock spout. I lock spout. - What I tell you? 79 00:03:24,067 --> 00:03:25,351 Why you bring Jergen's? 80 00:03:25,795 --> 00:03:29,180 Francine, did somebody bet me how many wash clothsI could fit in my butt 81 00:03:29,188 --> 00:03:30,831 or did I do this just for fun? 82 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:33,001 Doesn't matter. 17! 83 00:03:33,007 --> 00:03:34,541 Roger, company. 84 00:03:36,676 --> 00:03:38,610 Ugh! It is filthy in here. 85 00:03:38,616 --> 00:03:40,681 If only I had a... oh, wait, here's one. 86 00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:41,802 And another. 87 00:03:41,806 --> 00:03:44,703 Look at that, I'm like a Clorox wipe dispenser. 88 00:03:46,448 --> 00:03:48,241 I wish I could get rid of them that easy. 89 00:03:48,247 --> 00:03:50,203 You will show them some respect. 90 00:03:50,206 --> 00:03:52,412 Why? It's not like they're your real parents. 91 00:03:52,416 --> 00:03:55,583 Stan, they're the only parents I've ever known. 92 00:03:55,587 --> 00:03:58,143 They raised me with the same loving kindness 93 00:03:58,217 --> 00:04:00,341 they showed their own biological daughter. 94 00:04:00,348 --> 00:04:01,833 Ooh, Gwen. 95 00:04:01,835 --> 00:04:03,211 God, she's hot. 96 00:04:03,217 --> 00:04:04,710 Playboy hot. 97 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,560 Great, bad enough I was aggravated, 98 00:04:06,565 --> 00:04:08,002 now I'm also turned on. 99 00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:09,942 You can be so insensitive,Francine. 100 00:04:09,946 --> 00:04:12,560 Kiss me like your sister. You know what, forget it. 101 00:04:14,615 --> 00:04:16,942 We are so crazy! 102 00:04:16,946 --> 00:04:19,751 Gentlemen, have your mailforwarded to the edge, 103 00:04:19,756 --> 00:04:21,740 'cause that's where we're living. 104 00:04:24,526 --> 00:04:26,232 Lindsay Coolidge. 105 00:04:26,236 --> 00:04:29,131 The stuff lunchroomboners are made of. 106 00:04:29,216 --> 00:04:31,330 You guys drinkingbeers or something? 107 00:04:31,336 --> 00:04:32,861 Ha! Beers. 108 00:04:32,967 --> 00:04:34,241 Sparklers. 109 00:04:34,248 --> 00:04:36,351 Check it out, I'm John Williams. 110 00:04:39,645 --> 00:04:40,883 Ah! My face! 111 00:04:40,888 --> 00:04:42,442 Barry, I'm sorry. I... 112 00:04:42,457 --> 00:04:43,950 Burned your friend in the face. 113 00:04:43,955 --> 00:04:45,221 That's extreme. 114 00:04:45,227 --> 00:04:47,333 Extreme is awesome. 115 00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:48,852 Aah! 116 00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,412 I never knew you were so crazy. 117 00:04:51,446 --> 00:04:52,830 Totally crazy. 118 00:04:52,837 --> 00:04:54,991 There's nothing you won't do. 119 00:04:54,998 --> 00:04:56,430 Nothing I won't do. 120 00:04:56,446 --> 00:04:58,623 That makes me hot. 121 00:04:58,628 --> 00:04:59,691 Tell you what, 122 00:04:59,705 --> 00:05:03,770 I'll let you touch my breast if you can topburning fat so here. 123 00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:07,712 That's what my nana calls me. 124 00:05:17,028 --> 00:05:19,082 I'll give you $48 to assimilate. 125 00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:20,830 Shoes off in house. 126 00:05:22,268 --> 00:05:24,842 What are you...? You don't have towash paper towels. 127 00:05:24,848 --> 00:05:25,782 I'll buy more. 128 00:05:25,788 --> 00:05:29,343 Wasteful! You waste. Every penny counts. 129 00:05:35,866 --> 00:05:37,780 What'd you say? You just said my name. 130 00:05:37,785 --> 00:05:39,382 You tried to bury it in your China talk, 131 00:05:39,387 --> 00:05:40,893 but I heard it. See if you like it. 132 00:05:40,897 --> 00:05:42,292 Blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah. 133 00:05:42,305 --> 00:05:43,883 Francine. Blah, blah, blah, blah. 134 00:05:43,886 --> 00:05:45,442 Look at your face. You hate it. 135 00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:47,852 Grandma, I don't know if this is working. 136 00:05:47,857 --> 00:05:50,743 You must take the whole course of monkey dung. 137 00:05:50,747 --> 00:05:53,880 You must leave it on and reapply after een hours. 138 00:05:53,885 --> 00:05:55,251 Are you tryingto say "nine"? 139 00:05:55,266 --> 00:05:56,372 Yes, een. 140 00:05:56,377 --> 00:05:57,683 The word is "nine. " 141 00:05:58,307 --> 00:05:59,882 - Say "nine. " - Een. 142 00:05:59,885 --> 00:06:00,803 Just follow me here. 143 00:06:00,808 --> 00:06:01,540 - One. - One. 144 00:06:01,544 --> 00:06:02,448 - Two. - Two. 145 00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:03,068 - Three. - Three. 146 00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:03,783 - Four. - Four. 147 00:06:03,789 --> 00:06:04,403 - Five. - Five. 148 00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:05,233 - Six. - Six. 149 00:06:05,247 --> 00:06:06,031 - Seven. - Seven. 150 00:06:06,035 --> 00:06:06,740 - Eight. - Eight. 151 00:06:06,806 --> 00:06:07,480 - Nine. - Een. 152 00:06:07,488 --> 00:06:08,050 No. 153 00:06:10,295 --> 00:06:11,891 Damn duck grease! 154 00:06:12,656 --> 00:06:14,980 I just cleaned those paper towels. 155 00:06:14,987 --> 00:06:16,270 Never mind. 156 00:06:16,278 --> 00:06:19,590 I'll wash it along with tampon I find in garbage. 157 00:06:19,607 --> 00:06:20,643 Wasteful! 158 00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:22,443 I can't take another minute of this. 159 00:06:22,458 --> 00:06:25,120 They're cheap, they're pushy, they come inand take over. 160 00:06:25,127 --> 00:06:27,021 I feel like a visitor in my own home. 161 00:06:27,026 --> 00:06:29,562 Stan, please,it's just one more day. 162 00:06:30,228 --> 00:06:32,070 Hey, look at me. 163 00:06:32,075 --> 00:06:33,850 Is that my new swimsuit? 164 00:06:33,857 --> 00:06:35,432 I haven't even worn it yet. 165 00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:38,910 I like it here. 166 00:06:38,917 --> 00:06:41,142 We're going to stay two weeks. 167 00:06:41,147 --> 00:06:43,263 No! Come back here, Baba! 168 00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:45,621 Uh-oh. Gambled and lost. 169 00:06:46,608 --> 00:06:47,811 I want them out. 170 00:06:47,818 --> 00:06:50,310 Not tomorrow,not in two weeks, now. 171 00:06:50,318 --> 00:06:52,352 I am not kicking my parents out. 172 00:06:52,358 --> 00:06:55,163 They're not your real parents. They didn't give birth to you. 173 00:06:55,168 --> 00:06:57,052 Just because they're not my birth parents 174 00:06:57,086 --> 00:06:58,943 doesn't mean they're not my real parents. 175 00:06:58,947 --> 00:07:02,332 And I never want to hear anything about it ever again. 176 00:07:02,977 --> 00:07:04,171 Damn it. 177 00:07:04,606 --> 00:07:06,241 They're out there somewhere. 178 00:07:06,248 --> 00:07:08,582 And I'm not gonna rest until I find... 179 00:07:08,986 --> 00:07:11,172 my birth in-laws. 180 00:07:16,915 --> 00:07:20,600 All right, here's where we'll find out who my real birth in-laws are. 181 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,412 Did I ever tell you about my parents? 182 00:07:22,418 --> 00:07:23,730 Tragic story. 183 00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:24,560 Very good. 184 00:07:24,567 --> 00:07:27,562 Now while I hack the database, you create a diversion. 185 00:07:27,566 --> 00:07:28,530 A diversion?! 186 00:07:28,546 --> 00:07:31,532 Oh, this is a caper, like in the movies. 187 00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:34,003 Speaking of movies, you ever see Man on Fire? 188 00:07:34,007 --> 00:07:35,203 Is that the one with... 189 00:07:37,877 --> 00:07:40,370 "Name. " Francine Ling. 190 00:07:40,397 --> 00:07:41,902 "Year of birth. " 191 00:07:41,978 --> 00:07:43,192 Enter. 192 00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:46,250 Here they are, Nicholas and Cassandra Dawson. 193 00:07:46,255 --> 00:07:48,170 Hilton Head, South Carolina. 194 00:07:48,448 --> 00:07:50,343 File print. 195 00:07:50,485 --> 00:07:53,520 "Failure to find printer. L-5 error. " 196 00:07:58,655 --> 00:07:59,920 All right, I turned off the printer. 197 00:07:59,928 --> 00:08:01,682 I'm waiting for it to come back on. 198 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:03,972 Okay, it's back on. 199 00:08:04,498 --> 00:08:06,242 Okay, I'm walking to the computer. 200 00:08:06,498 --> 00:08:07,843 I'm by the computer. 201 00:08:08,108 --> 00:08:10,661 File print, and... 202 00:08:11,077 --> 00:08:12,911 No, L-5 error again. 203 00:08:17,337 --> 00:08:19,631 I'll just reroute it to another printer in our system. 204 00:08:19,797 --> 00:08:21,362 Nope. L-5. 205 00:08:21,398 --> 00:08:22,490 So it's not the printer. 206 00:08:22,496 --> 00:08:25,243 Strange. I guess you could just write the information down. 207 00:08:25,247 --> 00:08:26,442 Technology, huh? 208 00:08:26,445 --> 00:08:28,552 Three steps forward, four steps back. 209 00:08:28,558 --> 00:08:29,653 Keeps me in business. 210 00:08:29,656 --> 00:08:31,653 That it does. That it does. 211 00:08:36,108 --> 00:08:37,942 How'd you know I was fireproof? 212 00:08:37,948 --> 00:08:39,150 I didn't even know. 213 00:08:39,215 --> 00:08:41,380 Wait, you did know I was, right? 214 00:08:41,995 --> 00:08:44,682 I'm just gonna go with "yes" and preserve the friendship. 215 00:08:44,685 --> 00:08:48,750 Look, guys, if I can pull this off, Lindsay Coolidge will give me boob! 216 00:08:48,758 --> 00:08:51,261 Snot, remember that time I gave you half an orange? 217 00:08:51,265 --> 00:08:52,281 Yeah. 218 00:08:52,288 --> 00:08:55,080 Well, then let me put a firecracker up your ass. 219 00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:58,120 No, I don't remember you giving me half an orange. 220 00:08:58,128 --> 00:08:59,360 So, no, you can't. 221 00:08:59,366 --> 00:09:01,690 Why does everybody hate me so much?! 222 00:09:01,696 --> 00:09:03,883 Hey, guess what? I'm flame retardant. 223 00:09:03,888 --> 00:09:05,300 Can I blow you up with firecrackers? 224 00:09:05,308 --> 00:09:06,363 I don't see why not. 225 00:09:06,366 --> 00:09:07,563 Awesome! 226 00:09:11,458 --> 00:09:13,840 Oh, my God, they're rich! 227 00:09:16,438 --> 00:09:18,433 Mommy-in-law! Daddy-in-law! 228 00:09:18,435 --> 00:09:19,610 I found you! 229 00:09:19,615 --> 00:09:21,210 Love me! 230 00:09:25,576 --> 00:09:29,373 Okay, I will now recklessly blow up my cousin Roger. 231 00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:32,792 For good measure, 232 00:09:32,795 --> 00:09:37,732 I'm going to set the whole thing off with this... the finger blaster. 233 00:09:37,738 --> 00:09:42,032 Nothing gets a girl going like a good old-fashioned Finger-blaster. 234 00:09:44,028 --> 00:09:45,420 Ah! My thumb! 235 00:09:45,425 --> 00:09:47,103 I blew off my thumb! 236 00:09:47,106 --> 00:09:48,511 We're gonna get in trouble! 237 00:09:48,518 --> 00:09:49,713 Run! 238 00:09:52,117 --> 00:09:53,942 Okay, golden opportunity. 239 00:09:53,947 --> 00:09:56,692 Say "Charlie, they took my thumb. " 240 00:09:57,435 --> 00:09:59,630 Eric Roberts. Pope of Greenwich Village. 241 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,161 No? 242 00:10:01,178 --> 00:10:02,692 You're a lot of fun. 243 00:10:04,735 --> 00:10:07,011 We're so gladyou contacted us, Stan. 244 00:10:07,018 --> 00:10:09,400 We've often thought of the daughter we had to give up. 245 00:10:09,406 --> 00:10:11,542 That was a terrible,terrible day. 246 00:10:11,546 --> 00:10:14,112 Oh, I can only immagine. So, Nick, Cassie, 247 00:10:14,115 --> 00:10:16,413 what do you guys want to do- see a movie or something? 248 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,670 Can I look at your movies? I bet you have Dave. 249 00:10:18,688 --> 00:10:21,912 You want to watch Dave? Kevin Kline plays two characters. 250 00:10:21,918 --> 00:10:24,293 Watch. Watching? Watch this. 251 00:10:24,505 --> 00:10:25,701 Boom! 252 00:10:25,965 --> 00:10:27,732 Thank you, Kalalo. 253 00:10:27,746 --> 00:10:30,692 Wow! You have Asians working for you, 254 00:10:30,708 --> 00:10:32,722 rather than being related to you. 255 00:10:32,725 --> 00:10:34,783 This is how it's supposed to be. 256 00:10:34,785 --> 00:10:36,491 I'm finally home. 257 00:10:36,768 --> 00:10:38,951 Mah Mah, Bah Bah 258 00:10:38,957 --> 00:10:41,083 In-laws show up uninvited 259 00:10:41,087 --> 00:10:43,321 Temper tantrums are incited 260 00:10:43,326 --> 00:10:46,101 Speak in English!Speak in English! 261 00:10:46,856 --> 00:10:51,090 Mah Mah, Bah Bah, so unrefined 262 00:10:51,495 --> 00:10:53,703 Stupid printer didn't get me down 263 00:10:53,735 --> 00:10:55,902 Drove out of town, look who I found 264 00:10:56,166 --> 00:10:58,010 Nick and Cass 265 00:10:58,046 --> 00:11:00,073 They're the in-laws of my dreams 266 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,711 Caucasian folksof well-off means 267 00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:05,443 Love the place I'm in, no more Mandarin 268 00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:08,261 - Steaks and cash - Pull! 269 00:11:08,298 --> 00:11:10,573 Shooting rolls Of paper towels 270 00:11:10,618 --> 00:11:12,821 As they enunciatetheir vowels 271 00:11:12,868 --> 00:11:15,500 God, I'm happy, hey, found a home today 272 00:11:16,747 --> 00:11:18,433 Ducks and chopsticks 273 00:11:18,468 --> 00:11:20,691 Boundaries? They don't give a hoot 274 00:11:20,737 --> 00:11:22,890 Pull! Farting in my bathing suit 275 00:11:22,926 --> 00:11:25,522 Who needs that, Stan? Who needs that, Stan? 276 00:11:26,856 --> 00:11:28,523 Nick and Cass 277 00:11:28,568 --> 00:11:30,563 Now I'm skiing on a yacht 278 00:11:30,967 --> 00:11:33,220 Suddenly, I'm drinking sparkling wine 279 00:11:33,266 --> 00:11:35,521 Living like a swell is mighty fine 280 00:11:35,555 --> 00:11:38,021 If you find your mate's adopted 281 00:11:38,066 --> 00:11:40,491 New in-laws can be co-opted 282 00:11:42,537 --> 00:11:44,412 Screw the past 283 00:11:44,455 --> 00:11:46,480 This is my new family now 284 00:11:46,526 --> 00:11:50,941 And my life is back to God's design 285 00:11:51,485 --> 00:11:53,751 These are not your in-laws 286 00:11:54,045 --> 00:11:59,943 Because they're mine! 287 00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:05,552 Well, this has been a great afternoon, Stan, 288 00:12:05,598 --> 00:12:07,660 but we should probably meet Francine. 289 00:12:07,705 --> 00:12:09,740 - Who's that, now? - Our daughter. 290 00:12:09,785 --> 00:12:11,231 Is that necessary? 291 00:12:11,268 --> 00:12:14,091 I mean, the triangle is the strongest structure in nature. 292 00:12:14,127 --> 00:12:16,300 Stan, we enjoy your company, 293 00:12:16,337 --> 00:12:19,992 but we can't possibly continue this relationship without Francine. 294 00:12:20,036 --> 00:12:21,740 She does know you're here? 295 00:12:21,787 --> 00:12:24,232 Of course. She cannot wait to meet you guys. 296 00:12:24,275 --> 00:12:25,551 Cannot wait. 297 00:12:27,937 --> 00:12:30,221 Hey, Francine. Stan. Can't talk. 298 00:12:30,257 --> 00:12:31,270 On a mission. Under fire. 299 00:12:31,308 --> 00:12:33,513 Let me throw a quick hypothetical your way. 300 00:12:33,556 --> 00:12:35,691 What if I told you I met the nicest couple, 301 00:12:35,735 --> 00:12:38,192 who have a ton of money, good old-fashioned values, 302 00:12:38,307 --> 00:12:40,313 and think my water skiingis top-notch? 303 00:12:40,357 --> 00:12:41,863 Then what if I told you 304 00:12:41,896 --> 00:12:44,022 that couple were your birth parents? 305 00:12:44,065 --> 00:12:46,311 I'd be incredibly angry, hurt and betrayed. 306 00:12:46,356 --> 00:12:48,571 And, in addition to never wanting to meet them, 307 00:12:48,606 --> 00:12:50,681 I'd never want to see you again either. 308 00:12:51,708 --> 00:12:53,201 Fun game, these hypotheticals. 309 00:12:53,238 --> 00:12:54,712 Keeps me alive in the trenches. 310 00:12:54,755 --> 00:12:56,201 Bring you back a snow globe. 311 00:12:57,586 --> 00:12:59,423 Kalalo, dramatic sting! 312 00:13:01,256 --> 00:13:02,812 That was terrible. 313 00:13:07,065 --> 00:13:08,651 I'm back from my mission. 314 00:13:08,698 --> 00:13:10,352 Where's my snow globe? I know. 315 00:13:10,395 --> 00:13:13,392 Listen, I was just thinking about genetic disease. 316 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,220 For the kids' sake, we should probably 317 00:13:15,267 --> 00:13:17,641 meet your real parents and get their medical history. 318 00:13:17,677 --> 00:13:19,852 What if baldness runs in your family? 319 00:13:19,885 --> 00:13:22,022 Can you imagine anything more horrific 320 00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:24,421 than Steve losing his hair? 321 00:13:24,466 --> 00:13:26,790 My thumb! Where's my thumb?! 322 00:13:27,215 --> 00:13:30,362 Found it! Oh, no, no. It's a baby pinecone. 323 00:13:30,396 --> 00:13:32,270 Add that one to the collection. 324 00:13:33,615 --> 00:13:35,641 Oh, my God! Here it is! 325 00:13:35,955 --> 00:13:38,623 My thumb! Get out of here, crow! 326 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:41,321 My face! 327 00:13:41,455 --> 00:13:44,070 Why, crow? Why? 328 00:13:44,106 --> 00:13:47,483 Mah Mah and Bah Bahtreat me like their own flesh and blood. 329 00:13:47,516 --> 00:13:49,360 Stan, I have no interest 330 00:13:49,405 --> 00:13:51,810 in tracking down my birth parents, ever. 331 00:13:51,848 --> 00:13:53,991 So, if you were in The Matrix, you would have taken 332 00:13:54,026 --> 00:13:55,553 the blue pillin stead of the red pill, 333 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,721 and never would have seen the world for what it really was, 334 00:13:57,758 --> 00:13:59,493 and the movie would have only been 20 minutes long. 335 00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:01,572 I want you to think about that. 336 00:14:01,615 --> 00:14:03,501 You're not going to think about that. 337 00:14:03,547 --> 00:14:05,411 You don't even understand what I'm saying. 338 00:14:06,657 --> 00:14:09,171 The Lings must have a skeleton in their closet. 339 00:14:10,076 --> 00:14:11,523 Or in a trunk. 340 00:14:15,717 --> 00:14:17,112 Why would they need these? 341 00:14:17,787 --> 00:14:20,053 There must be something in here that's incriminating. 342 00:14:25,146 --> 00:14:26,733 Do they?! 343 00:14:26,776 --> 00:14:28,951 Do they what? Who's they? 344 00:14:28,996 --> 00:14:29,762 Oh, right. Sorry. 345 00:14:29,808 --> 00:14:32,012 You remember how, earlier, you said Mah Mah and Bah Bah 346 00:14:32,048 --> 00:14:33,580 treat you like their own flesh and blood? 347 00:14:33,627 --> 00:14:36,170 - Yeah. - Do they?! 348 00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:39,031 Stan, this is my parents' will. 349 00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:40,263 I can't read this. 350 00:14:40,306 --> 00:14:42,281 Even the part where they leave everything 351 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:44,111 to hot Gwen, and you get nothing? 352 00:14:44,148 --> 00:14:46,130 I don't believe it. 353 00:14:46,538 --> 00:14:48,842 No matter what the Lings may have told you, 354 00:14:48,878 --> 00:14:51,152 you're always going to be the adopted daughter 355 00:14:51,187 --> 00:14:52,831 that they'll never love like their own. 356 00:14:52,837 --> 00:14:55,782 I'm sorry, Francine. I'm sorry. 357 00:14:56,328 --> 00:15:00,492 God, is Gwen hot! I mean, oh, my God! 358 00:15:01,198 --> 00:15:03,393 Hoo! Lookwhat I tape off TV! 359 00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:05,563 Four episodesof T.J. Hooker! 360 00:15:05,597 --> 00:15:09,260 Hookah! How come you no "Hookah" with me? 361 00:15:09,297 --> 00:15:10,962 You cut me out of your will?! 362 00:15:11,008 --> 00:15:12,713 You go through our trunk? 363 00:15:12,747 --> 00:15:14,380 You gave everything to Gwen! 364 00:15:14,428 --> 00:15:17,193 It's because she's your real daughter, isn't it? 365 00:15:17,236 --> 00:15:19,393 You dishonor us and yourself. 366 00:15:19,428 --> 00:15:21,553 Get out of my house, both of you! 367 00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:23,601 And get out of my life! 368 00:15:26,265 --> 00:15:28,502 - Bye-bye, Baba. - No. It's Bah... 369 00:15:28,547 --> 00:15:32,270 You were right, Stan. I want to meet my real parents. 370 00:15:32,315 --> 00:15:33,253 Don't worry, honey. 371 00:15:33,298 --> 00:15:36,000 I'll find them, no matter howlong it takes. 372 00:15:36,305 --> 00:15:37,912 They'll be here at 6:00. 373 00:15:44,456 --> 00:15:47,421 Duck... duck... duck... goose?! 374 00:15:50,276 --> 00:15:52,023 God! That's deeply programmed. 375 00:15:52,747 --> 00:15:53,653 They're here! 376 00:15:59,015 --> 00:15:59,680 Please come in. 377 00:15:59,727 --> 00:16:01,152 Francine's getting her hair done. 378 00:16:02,706 --> 00:16:04,472 So this is her. 379 00:16:04,778 --> 00:16:07,981 Oh! I remember the day we had to give her away. 380 00:16:08,888 --> 00:16:10,040 Oh, I'm sorry, 381 00:16:10,077 --> 00:16:12,142 but children aren't allowed in the first-class cabin. 382 00:16:12,176 --> 00:16:14,281 I can't fly coach. That would be awful. 383 00:16:14,317 --> 00:16:16,383 Can you just give this away for us? 384 00:16:16,425 --> 00:16:17,332 You're a doll. 385 00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:18,683 Oh, thank God. For a moment there, 386 00:16:18,717 --> 00:16:20,363 I thought we were going to have a problem. 387 00:16:21,656 --> 00:16:22,672 So... 388 00:16:22,978 --> 00:16:25,601 you completely abandoned Francine? 389 00:16:25,648 --> 00:16:28,973 Yes. Yes, we did. And we had a great vacation. 390 00:16:29,018 --> 00:16:32,313 And the money we saved not having to raise a child 391 00:16:32,345 --> 00:16:34,311 was put toward some very smart investments. 392 00:16:35,525 --> 00:16:37,362 I... I think I need a drink. 393 00:16:37,977 --> 00:16:40,363 Stan, these people are monsters. 394 00:16:40,405 --> 00:16:43,373 You know what my country has done, and even I find this repulsive. 395 00:16:43,415 --> 00:16:45,443 Well, they're rich and they speak English good. 396 00:16:45,486 --> 00:16:46,650 How bad could they be? 397 00:16:46,688 --> 00:16:47,491 But, Stan... 398 00:16:47,535 --> 00:16:49,301 La, la, la! Not listening! 399 00:16:49,337 --> 00:16:52,821 Uh... Stan, the English Patientis getting close to detonating. 400 00:17:03,475 --> 00:17:04,800 Stan! Stan! 401 00:17:05,865 --> 00:17:07,051 How did we get here? 402 00:17:10,607 --> 00:17:13,021 - Please! Help! - One sec. 403 00:17:13,067 --> 00:17:15,443 Hi, Sid. Quick question. 404 00:17:15,488 --> 00:17:18,482 I'm in a burning house, a man is caught under a beam. 405 00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,561 What's my liability if I help him? 406 00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:22,580 Uh-huh. I thought so. 407 00:17:23,228 --> 00:17:26,210 Stan, we're going to wait in the yard, see how this plays out. 408 00:17:27,076 --> 00:17:28,951 Wait! You can't leave me here! 409 00:17:28,985 --> 00:17:30,573 I'm your son-in-law! 410 00:17:46,548 --> 00:17:50,260 Don't worry, buddy. You're someone else's problem now. 411 00:17:54,798 --> 00:17:58,960 Mommy-in-law! Daddy-in-law! Save me! 412 00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:04,060 Ah! I knew you'd come back for me. 413 00:18:24,557 --> 00:18:26,250 Lucky I come back for trunk. 414 00:18:26,286 --> 00:18:29,582 I can't believe you risked your life to save mine. 415 00:18:29,617 --> 00:18:31,653 Of course I save you, Stan. 416 00:18:31,688 --> 00:18:33,090 You're my son-in-law. 417 00:18:34,116 --> 00:18:35,753 You make my Francine happy. 418 00:18:35,788 --> 00:18:38,430 Her happiness is all I ever want. 419 00:18:38,475 --> 00:18:40,703 Well, then why did you cut her out of the will 420 00:18:40,748 --> 00:18:41,931 and leave everything to Gwen? 421 00:18:41,965 --> 00:18:43,532 Because Gwen is moron. 422 00:18:43,567 --> 00:18:45,510 She needs lots of help. 423 00:18:45,545 --> 00:18:47,420 She failed math in school. 424 00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:49,782 Imagine, Chinese girl can't do math? 425 00:18:49,817 --> 00:18:52,892 It's embarrassing when children don't adhere to stereotypes. 426 00:18:52,935 --> 00:18:55,013 Francine is our smart daughter. 427 00:18:55,048 --> 00:18:57,093 We never have to worry about her. 428 00:18:57,125 --> 00:19:00,142 Plus, she marry okay. 429 00:19:02,276 --> 00:19:05,212 I saw fire! I called een one one! 430 00:19:08,297 --> 00:19:10,642 We got your thumb sewed onjust in time. 431 00:19:10,647 --> 00:19:14,103 But your hand will be completely numb until the anesthesia wears off. 432 00:19:14,135 --> 00:19:14,851 Thanks, Doc. 433 00:19:17,077 --> 00:19:19,511 Hey, Steve. Not only did you blow your thumb off, 434 00:19:19,557 --> 00:19:21,232 you burned your house down. 435 00:19:21,265 --> 00:19:22,752 I burned my house down. 436 00:19:22,798 --> 00:19:24,873 That's so extreme! 437 00:19:24,905 --> 00:19:26,500 You get the grand prize. 438 00:19:26,536 --> 00:19:29,950 I want you to touch my whole breast. 439 00:19:29,957 --> 00:19:30,612 This is it! 440 00:19:30,657 --> 00:19:32,082 This is the moment! 441 00:19:32,767 --> 00:19:34,060 So, what do you think? 442 00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:37,293 I... I can't feel anything. 443 00:19:37,336 --> 00:19:39,203 Are you saying I have small breasts? 444 00:19:39,238 --> 00:19:41,112 No! No! That's not what I... 445 00:19:41,158 --> 00:19:42,961 You're a real jerk, Steve Smith! 446 00:19:42,998 --> 00:19:45,173 Come back! Let me try the other hand! 447 00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:48,983 Rip out the I.V.! Rip it out! Rip it out! Oh! 448 00:19:49,095 --> 00:19:53,053 I don't deserve this! Why the injustice? 449 00:19:58,508 --> 00:20:01,041 Why, crow? Why?! 450 00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:04,070 Oh, my God! Our house! 451 00:20:04,108 --> 00:20:05,730 Nothing to worry about. 452 00:20:05,777 --> 00:20:08,593 Just your averagegr easy Chinese duck fire. 453 00:20:08,626 --> 00:20:11,413 Is everyone okay? Steve? Hayley? Roger? 454 00:20:11,446 --> 00:20:12,633 Everyone's fine. 455 00:20:13,617 --> 00:20:16,291 Oh, and... and Klaus. Is Klaus okay? 456 00:20:16,335 --> 00:20:19,351 He's the only one I really care about. 457 00:20:19,398 --> 00:20:22,380 Too late, Francine. Too (beep) late. 458 00:20:24,026 --> 00:20:26,072 I'm so excited to meet them. 459 00:20:26,108 --> 00:20:28,401 Where are they, Stan? Where are my real parents? 460 00:20:32,068 --> 00:20:35,382 Your real parents are right over there. 461 00:20:36,355 --> 00:20:37,751 What are you talking about? 462 00:20:37,797 --> 00:20:39,823 The Lings are your real parents. 463 00:20:39,856 --> 00:20:42,260 I was wrong, Francine. They're good people. 464 00:20:42,306 --> 00:20:44,670 They would do anything for your happiness. 465 00:20:44,717 --> 00:20:46,451 - But the will? - Trust me. 466 00:20:46,485 --> 00:20:48,190 They know what they're doing. 467 00:20:50,725 --> 00:20:52,951 My own pony? 468 00:20:56,017 --> 00:20:59,233 Mah Mah and Bah Bah love you, Francine. 469 00:21:07,695 --> 00:21:09,700 Everything okay, Stan? 470 00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:11,913 I would have named her Buttercup. 471 00:21:11,955 --> 00:21:12,980 Traduzione: Revisione: 472 00:21:13,028 --> 00:21:14,113 Synch: Athana e Gatz_ 473 00:21:14,155 --> 00:21:15,210 www. subsfactory. it 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net