1 00:00:08,511 --> 00:00:10,983 I've had sex with a lot of women, 2 00:00:11,083 --> 00:00:15,478 and let me tell you, you should probably get tested. 3 00:00:18,139 --> 00:00:19,274 He just left. 4 00:00:46,526 --> 00:00:48,219 Oh, yeah!USA to the rescue! 5 00:00:48,459 --> 00:00:50,888 Smith, I don'tneed your help! 6 00:00:50,988 --> 00:00:52,665 Nobody needsAmerica's help... 7 00:00:52,797 --> 00:00:54,309 until they need it. 8 00:01:00,119 --> 00:01:01,608 Dang! No tunes! 9 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:38,227 Argh! What the hell? Wait, you're a gun? 10 00:01:38,327 --> 00:01:40,940 I always thought you were,like, an eyeball or something. 11 00:01:41,994 --> 00:01:42,928 Douche! 12 00:01:59,659 --> 00:02:02,078 13 00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:10,753 14 00:02:14,879 --> 00:02:16,720 15 00:02:21,246 --> 00:02:24,330 16 00:02:29,636 --> 00:02:33,520 Morning, Peacenickel. Morning, government- sanctioned murderer. 17 00:02:34,098 --> 00:02:36,762 Oh, Peacenickel, why don't you shut up? 18 00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:37,412 Is he in? 19 00:02:38,688 --> 00:02:40,051 Smith, sit down. 20 00:02:40,158 --> 00:02:42,041 This is Tchochkie Schmear, 21 00:02:42,255 --> 00:02:44,023 a ruthless international arms dealer 22 00:02:44,125 --> 00:02:46,123 who is now, suddenly, producing movies. 23 00:02:46,335 --> 00:02:48,761 As we speak he's shooting 20 films, 24 00:02:48,866 --> 00:02:50,550 all with A-list celebrities. 25 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,763 But, according to our intel, 26 00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:54,440 they're absolutely atrocious. 27 00:02:54,548 --> 00:02:55,860 How bad can they really be? 28 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,520 His latest film is Bark of the Covenant. 29 00:02:58,967 --> 00:03:00,470 It's a remake of Raiders 30 00:03:00,577 --> 00:03:02,410 with a German shepherd as Indiana Jones. 31 00:03:02,787 --> 00:03:05,891 It also stars Matthew McConaughey as Karen Allen. 32 00:03:06,138 --> 00:03:07,641 Clearly, these horrible movies 33 00:03:07,747 --> 00:03:10,180 are a cover for some diabolical scheme. 34 00:03:10,286 --> 00:03:13,162 I don't know, sir. Was Lady in the Water a cover for anything? 35 00:03:13,268 --> 00:03:16,362 We need you to infiltrate the set, and find out what he's up to. 36 00:03:16,578 --> 00:03:18,413 The world is at stake. 37 00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:20,073 - Really? - Could be. 38 00:03:20,178 --> 00:03:22,511 - You know who's going to find out? - Me? 39 00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:23,992 Bingo! 40 00:03:24,498 --> 00:03:26,923 So, what new gadgets have you got for me, S? 41 00:03:27,278 --> 00:03:29,983 Seems like an ordinary fancy gold pen, right? 42 00:03:30,086 --> 00:03:31,272 Turn the top. 43 00:03:32,228 --> 00:03:34,843 When that gas comes in contact with a woman, 44 00:03:34,946 --> 00:03:36,581 it makes her breasts grow bigger. 45 00:03:36,686 --> 00:03:38,323 Don't you have anything a little more... 46 00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:40,492 - useful ? - Ah! Right, right. 47 00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:42,022 Perhaps you'll like this. 48 00:03:42,127 --> 00:03:44,202 Looks like an ordinary cell phone, yes? 49 00:03:44,306 --> 00:03:46,261 Well, open it and press three. 50 00:03:47,815 --> 00:03:49,420 Yeah. See, if you were a woman 51 00:03:49,528 --> 00:03:51,281 you'd have some pretty big cans by now. 52 00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:02,751 Here's your coffee, Mr. McConaughey. 53 00:04:02,857 --> 00:04:05,763 And thanks for hiring me as your college intern,Mr. Schmear. 54 00:04:05,867 --> 00:04:06,922 Oh, Mr. Schmear, 55 00:04:07,235 --> 00:04:09,220 I'm writing a paper on the history of cinema, 56 00:04:09,328 --> 00:04:10,671 and I was wondering, 57 00:04:10,778 --> 00:04:12,910 Are you making so many bad movies at once 58 00:04:13,017 --> 00:04:15,240 as part of some evil plot to dominate the world? 59 00:04:15,345 --> 00:04:17,443 And, also, I need to leave early on Friday' 60 00:04:17,545 --> 00:04:20,182 cause my roommate's mother is coming to take us out to dinner. 61 00:04:22,185 --> 00:04:23,500 What did you do?! 62 00:04:23,605 --> 00:04:24,991 Was there milk in that coffee?! 63 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,871 McConaugheycan't have milk! 64 00:04:35,018 --> 00:04:36,263 Take my hand! 65 00:04:41,728 --> 00:04:44,081 This isn't McConaughey! It's a robot! 66 00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,500 The robot McConaughey went haywire, sir. 67 00:04:47,558 --> 00:04:48,471 He is kaput. 68 00:04:48,778 --> 00:04:50,663 Thank you, Tchochkie. 69 00:04:51,538 --> 00:04:54,053 Well, Professor, it appears your crappy robots 70 00:04:54,156 --> 00:04:56,081 still malfunction when they drink milk. 71 00:04:56,188 --> 00:04:59,631 You're a lunatic with a mad man's dream of a milk-proof robot! 72 00:05:02,847 --> 00:05:04,580 Good-bye, Professor. 73 00:05:04,795 --> 00:05:06,890 I'll weep for you. 74 00:05:12,227 --> 00:05:13,622 Yeah, that's ridiculous. 75 00:05:13,728 --> 00:05:16,163 The contractor who built this place screwed me good. 76 00:05:16,266 --> 00:05:18,193 Gums, he's stuck on the Death Slide. 77 00:05:22,158 --> 00:05:23,450 Okay, there we go. 78 00:05:28,947 --> 00:05:31,251 Mani, Pedi, dance for me. 79 00:05:44,087 --> 00:05:45,711 Thank you for flying out here, Smith. 80 00:05:45,816 --> 00:05:48,322 Of course, sir, but why are we dressed up like this? 81 00:05:48,427 --> 00:05:51,833 Because I thought we could be Secret Asians. 82 00:05:52,117 --> 00:05:54,561 A 16-hour flight for a bad pun? 83 00:05:55,657 --> 00:05:56,360 Yes. 84 00:05:57,335 --> 00:05:58,202 Yes. 85 00:05:58,308 --> 00:06:01,901 So you think it was milk that made the McConaughey robot go crazy. 86 00:06:02,146 --> 00:06:04,511 Yes. But, more importantly, where's the real McConaughey, 87 00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:06,183 and why was he replaced with a robot? 88 00:06:06,396 --> 00:06:07,610 We're not sure. 89 00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:08,972 What we do know is that, 90 00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:11,880 before McConaughey agreed to do Tchochkie's film, 91 00:06:11,988 --> 00:06:14,691 he spent a week at an exclusive celebrity spa 92 00:06:14,797 --> 00:06:16,750 in the remote Teardrop Islands. 93 00:06:18,248 --> 00:06:19,772 Your mission is to go to the spa 94 00:06:19,877 --> 00:06:21,211 and find out what's going on. 95 00:06:21,458 --> 00:06:24,150 The spa is owned by mysterious business tycoon 96 00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:25,093 Tearjerker. 97 00:06:27,536 --> 00:06:29,531 But, sir, how do I getinto the resort? 98 00:06:29,635 --> 00:06:31,500 Tearjerker's anotorious gambler 99 00:06:31,606 --> 00:06:33,863 who's currently at the casino in Monte Carlo. 100 00:06:33,966 --> 00:06:35,812 Go challenge him to a game of chance, 101 00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:37,691 and win yourself an invitation. 102 00:06:38,028 --> 00:06:39,862 Oh, looks like I've got a bite. 103 00:06:52,358 --> 00:06:54,580 - What is your drink, sir? - Beer. 104 00:06:54,685 --> 00:06:56,201 Shaken, not stirred. 105 00:06:59,106 --> 00:07:00,501 Hey, handsome. 106 00:07:01,675 --> 00:07:02,821 Got a light? 107 00:07:03,958 --> 00:07:06,162 Looks like you got yourself a cigarette there. 108 00:07:06,267 --> 00:07:08,212 I'm Sexpun T'Come. 109 00:07:08,606 --> 00:07:11,572 I get a good feeling from you. 110 00:07:11,927 --> 00:07:14,740 - Do you get a good feeling from...? - Are you a whore? 111 00:07:14,816 --> 00:07:16,083 It's cool if you're a whore, 112 00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,132 but know right now, I don't get with no whore. 113 00:07:18,236 --> 00:07:19,951 Another martini for Tearjerker. 114 00:07:23,845 --> 00:07:26,033 Good evening, Tearjerker. Smith. 115 00:07:26,378 --> 00:07:27,711 Stan Smith. 116 00:07:27,818 --> 00:07:29,930 Didn't really ask who you were, but okay. 117 00:07:30,036 --> 00:07:32,022 I'd like an invitation to your spa. 118 00:07:32,125 --> 00:07:33,740 I only invite celebrities. 119 00:07:33,847 --> 00:07:36,562 Well, perhaps I can play you for an invitation. 120 00:07:36,775 --> 00:07:38,441 - Name your game. - Okay. 121 00:07:38,546 --> 00:07:40,913 - Baccarat. - I don't know how to play that. 122 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,790 - Okay, then, craps. - I don't get that either. 123 00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:46,142 I mean, seven's good, but then seven's not good. 124 00:07:46,247 --> 00:07:47,602 How do you play the horn? 125 00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:49,421 - Then they get mad at me... - Okay. Okay. 126 00:07:49,496 --> 00:07:51,461 Perhaps you should name your game. 127 00:07:51,567 --> 00:07:52,711 But I must warn you, 128 00:07:53,175 --> 00:07:54,933 I never lose. 129 00:07:55,176 --> 00:07:57,271 Okay, let's play Highest Number. 130 00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:58,773 I'm not familiar with it. 131 00:07:59,018 --> 00:08:01,031 Whoever says the highest number wins. 132 00:08:01,135 --> 00:08:02,711 - You go first. - Thank you. 133 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:06,483 - 6,000. - 17,000. 134 00:08:08,957 --> 00:08:10,170 Well-played. 135 00:08:10,277 --> 00:08:12,870 I guess I'll see you on the Teardrop Islands. 136 00:08:13,457 --> 00:08:16,071 - Did you get it? - Yes, baby. 137 00:08:16,177 --> 00:08:18,252 I trust you'll enjoy my spa, 138 00:08:18,435 --> 00:08:20,791 Mr. Stan Smith of the CIA. 139 00:08:21,148 --> 00:08:23,732 In fact, you'll like it so much, 140 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,892 you'll never leave. 141 00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:30,893 Oh, my God! You smell that? 142 00:08:30,996 --> 00:08:33,862 I ate a pickle an hour ago. Came with my Reuben 143 00:08:34,455 --> 00:08:35,910 I'm so fat. 144 00:08:40,014 --> 00:08:43,108 I am a huge fan, Mr. Depp. What are you reading there? 145 00:08:43,209 --> 00:08:45,458 A film I just signed on to do with Spielberg. 146 00:08:45,730 --> 00:08:47,573 Your milkshake,Mr. Depp. 147 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,210 Hmm. Milkshake. 148 00:08:50,456 --> 00:08:52,413 - So you're not a robot. - No. 149 00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,491 If you ever become a robot, will you tell me? 150 00:08:54,685 --> 00:08:56,013 Sure. 151 00:08:57,906 --> 00:08:58,930 Nice. 152 00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:02,751 We're now beginning our descent into the Teardrop Islands. 153 00:09:02,857 --> 00:09:04,141 Look at that. 154 00:09:04,246 --> 00:09:06,893 We're landing in his mouth. It's like he's eating us. 155 00:09:06,996 --> 00:09:09,840 I bet we're delicious. I know you're delicious. 156 00:09:11,707 --> 00:09:13,952 Mani, Pedi, Sexpun 157 00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:17,492 I'm going to need you guys to go give our guests their 158 00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,853 spa treatments. 159 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:23,032 You can throw a knife. 160 00:09:23,236 --> 00:09:25,752 But you know what you can't throw? A party! 161 00:09:25,858 --> 00:09:27,222 For my birthday! 162 00:09:27,505 --> 00:09:29,143 Which was Wednesday! 163 00:09:29,877 --> 00:09:31,450 I remembered yours! 164 00:09:32,437 --> 00:09:34,953 What is the fascination with celebrity babies? 165 00:09:35,198 --> 00:09:37,893 There so many more important things going on in the world-- 166 00:09:37,998 --> 00:09:39,601 famine, war. 167 00:09:39,978 --> 00:09:42,292 Sharon Stone's baby is afraid of her! 168 00:09:42,597 --> 00:09:44,251 Just like the rest of us. 169 00:09:44,665 --> 00:09:46,310 Right this way,Mr. Depp. 170 00:09:47,138 --> 00:09:49,722 I'm going to try and touch Gilbert's grapes. 171 00:09:56,125 --> 00:09:57,930 Hello, again, Mr. Smith. 172 00:09:58,176 --> 00:10:00,872 Well, look what the whore cat dragged in. 173 00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:01,873 A whore. 174 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:05,062 No. I'm Tearjerker's personal masseuse, 175 00:10:05,836 --> 00:10:08,793 and he asked me to work on you myself. 176 00:10:14,008 --> 00:10:16,163 - Will you marry me? - Wha...? 177 00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,032 Look, I know where this is going, 178 00:10:18,135 --> 00:10:20,230 but I'm saving myself for marriage. 179 00:10:20,337 --> 00:10:21,843 So, beforewe have relations, 180 00:10:21,945 --> 00:10:24,701 we have to sanctify our union in theeyes of God. 181 00:10:24,928 --> 00:10:27,963 Then I'm gonna make love to you until you hate ====== 182 00:10:28,645 --> 00:10:31,100 - God you're so sweet, I, - Here. 183 00:10:31,205 --> 00:10:33,552 Think about it. I'm gonna go hit the juice bar. 184 00:10:33,655 --> 00:10:34,641 You probably wouldn't like it. 185 00:10:34,745 --> 00:10:36,521 It's not about living out childhood abuse 186 00:10:36,627 --> 00:10:37,971 through degrading sexual encounters. 187 00:10:38,077 --> 00:10:39,532 It's more about juice. 188 00:10:43,896 --> 00:10:45,732 Johnny! How's the Spielberg script? 189 00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:47,713 I'm not doing that film anymore. 190 00:10:47,817 --> 00:10:50,363 Tchochkie Schmear's got a project that's way better. 191 00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:53,112 Skateboarding Grandma? Wait a second. 192 00:10:53,355 --> 00:10:55,601 You're doing a crappyTchochkie Schmear movie 193 00:10:55,706 --> 00:10:57,411 instead of working with Spielberg? 194 00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,873 Here. You wanna try my milkshake? 195 00:10:59,975 --> 00:11:02,060 - I hate milkshakes. - Really? 196 00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,700 'Causeon the plane you... Open up! 197 00:11:03,805 --> 00:11:06,153 - Get off me, man! - Come on! Drink it like a bird! 198 00:11:09,406 --> 00:11:11,771 You promised me you'd tell me if you became a robot! 199 00:11:11,976 --> 00:11:13,462 You broke a pinky promise! 200 00:11:15,566 --> 00:11:19,482 I once found a robin's nest in ... 201 00:11:36,027 --> 00:11:37,690 - T Sexpun! - Stan. 202 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:41,111 Tearjerker only invited you here because he wants to kill you. 203 00:11:41,216 --> 00:11:43,082 And I'm only telling you this because I... 204 00:11:43,486 --> 00:11:45,450 think I'm falling for you. 205 00:11:45,696 --> 00:11:48,011 Ah, I remember when I first fell for me. 206 00:11:48,255 --> 00:11:51,370 Great feeling,isn't it? Warm... right in your belly. 207 00:11:51,758 --> 00:11:53,391 Right there, that's me. 208 00:11:53,607 --> 00:11:55,231 Now tell me what Tearjerker's up to! 209 00:11:55,338 --> 00:11:56,800 I'll tell you. 210 00:11:57,156 --> 00:11:58,170 All aboard 211 00:11:58,277 --> 00:12:01,300 "Tearjerker's Diabolical Plan" boat tour. 212 00:12:02,515 --> 00:12:05,832 Let us make nautical haste! 213 00:12:07,306 --> 00:12:09,441 Tearjerker has spent years 214 00:12:09,548 --> 00:12:13,323 replacing the world's foremost thespians with robots. 215 00:12:13,568 --> 00:12:14,663 Why? 216 00:12:14,765 --> 00:12:19,292 So he could make them perform in the worst films imaginable. 217 00:12:19,556 --> 00:12:21,952 Some, like Sylvester Stallone, 218 00:12:22,055 --> 00:12:26,623 already do that themselves and hence are not made into robots. 219 00:12:26,866 --> 00:12:28,663 Now, stay with me here, 220 00:12:28,906 --> 00:12:31,373 because the plan getsa little convoluted 221 00:12:31,477 --> 00:12:33,593 and a lot crazy. 222 00:12:34,037 --> 00:12:38,303 With the robots making terrible films that no one would want to see, 223 00:12:38,546 --> 00:12:40,520 the world will be forced to go see 224 00:12:40,628 --> 00:12:43,763 Tearjerker's very own cinematic masterpiece. 225 00:12:44,005 --> 00:12:47,432 This is all so Tearjerker can get people to see a movie? 226 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:50,693 Please hold your questions 227 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,671 until the end of the tour. 228 00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,003 Questions? 229 00:12:57,307 --> 00:13:00,570 The tour ends here? I thought that was a lap pool. 230 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,941 Mike, you ended the boat tour in my office? 231 00:13:06,045 --> 00:13:08,280 Unacceptable. Get over here and fix it. 232 00:13:08,385 --> 00:13:11,152 And don't send your 20-year-old stoner son. 233 00:13:11,418 --> 00:13:14,220 I know, because I'm not an idiot, Michael. 234 00:13:14,617 --> 00:13:16,671 I went through the same thing with Lily 235 00:13:16,777 --> 00:13:19,292 and she's at Yale now. Just talk to him. 236 00:13:19,398 --> 00:13:21,380 And by talk, I really mean listen. 237 00:13:21,615 --> 00:13:24,002 And fix my damn lair, you thieving bastard! 238 00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:31,522 Never hire a contractor just because he's gorgeous. 239 00:13:34,768 --> 00:13:37,531 So you've heard most of my brilliant scheme. 240 00:13:37,638 --> 00:13:39,571 Now I bet you want to know what drove me to this. 241 00:13:39,817 --> 00:13:42,841 - Not really. I just need to know... - The year was 2002. 242 00:13:43,077 --> 00:13:44,883 The place, Hollywood. 243 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,780 My dream was to make it on the silver screen. 244 00:13:47,887 --> 00:13:49,662 My first audition wasfor the lead 245 00:13:49,768 --> 00:13:51,821 in a little movie called Monster's Ball. 246 00:13:51,927 --> 00:13:56,671 "Make me feel good. Make me feel good." 247 00:13:58,936 --> 00:14:00,762 Yeah, the producers laughed, too. 248 00:14:01,117 --> 00:14:03,570 Laughed me out of that room and out of that town. 249 00:14:03,678 --> 00:14:07,003 So I swore that one day I'd make the whole world cry 250 00:14:07,108 --> 00:14:09,353 by making the saddest film of all time. 251 00:14:09,636 --> 00:14:10,830 Lights. 252 00:14:12,205 --> 00:14:15,902 In a world torn apart by war and intolerance, 253 00:14:16,008 --> 00:14:18,332 one voice stood out. 254 00:14:19,045 --> 00:14:21,150 A voice that was strong. 255 00:14:21,397 --> 00:14:23,540 A voice that was inspiring. 256 00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:28,062 A voice that was sometimes hard to understand. 257 00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:30,833 I wanna drive the truck! 258 00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:33,142 Oscar, no, be quiet. 259 00:14:37,115 --> 00:14:40,171 As if it wasn't enough that he was Jewish. 260 00:14:41,166 --> 00:14:45,303 I am sorry to say that your son is mentally retarded. 261 00:14:45,545 --> 00:14:47,432 What does that mean, Doctor? 262 00:14:47,675 --> 00:14:51,103 It means... he'll never not be retarded. 263 00:14:52,948 --> 00:14:56,022 No! Oh, no! Why?! Why?! 264 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:59,760 And as if it wasn't enough that he was Jewish 265 00:14:59,865 --> 00:15:01,612 and mentally retarded... 266 00:15:01,858 --> 00:15:04,362 Borei pre hagafen. 267 00:15:04,906 --> 00:15:05,951 Where is the wine? 268 00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:09,163 ...he was an alcoholic. 269 00:15:09,407 --> 00:15:11,702 Oscar, no. You can't have that. 270 00:15:13,635 --> 00:15:15,832 I want more dizzy water. 271 00:15:23,395 --> 00:15:26,931 - I want to playmore, puppy. - Oscar, I... 272 00:15:27,038 --> 00:15:29,643 I have some bad news for you. 273 00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:32,181 Your puppy has cancer. 274 00:15:34,098 --> 00:15:37,792 And it took the death of his best friend to realize 275 00:15:37,897 --> 00:15:41,610 sometimes strength comes to us all. 276 00:15:47,505 --> 00:15:49,423 This holiday season, 277 00:15:49,525 --> 00:15:51,400 go for strength, 278 00:15:51,508 --> 00:15:53,893 go for inspiration, 279 00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:57,311 go for... Oscar Gold. 280 00:16:01,987 --> 00:16:04,633 - So sad. - Really sad. 281 00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:07,440 Yes, it's sad. I'm glad you guys got that. 282 00:16:07,485 --> 00:16:08,703 That was just the trailer. 283 00:16:08,877 --> 00:16:11,720 Imagine seeing the four-hour director's cut. 284 00:16:11,825 --> 00:16:15,101 People will cry so much, they'll cry themselves to death. 285 00:16:15,346 --> 00:16:17,801 - Tearjerker,that's impossible. - Is it? 286 00:16:17,907 --> 00:16:19,602 Tell that to the critics' screening. 287 00:16:23,317 --> 00:16:26,073 The film is opening on 500,000 screens 288 00:16:26,177 --> 00:16:28,533 all over the world in just a few minutes. 289 00:16:28,775 --> 00:16:30,800 With all the crap I'm releasing against it, 290 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,550 people will have no choice but to see Oscar Gold. 291 00:16:33,655 --> 00:16:37,852 And then... they... will... cry... 292 00:16:39,096 --> 00:16:41,043 and die. 293 00:16:42,026 --> 00:16:44,423 Pie? You can't have it. 294 00:16:48,865 --> 00:16:50,710 I'm away. 295 00:16:51,618 --> 00:16:54,392 Is there anything more terrifying than a hovering blimp? 296 00:16:54,635 --> 00:16:56,930 Tearjerker, you can't do this. You'll kill millions. 297 00:16:57,185 --> 00:16:59,723 Correction-- millions and two. 298 00:16:59,825 --> 00:17:02,963 Because you will also be viewing the film. 299 00:17:03,066 --> 00:17:04,941 Right after Coca-Cola's movie quiz. 300 00:17:05,186 --> 00:17:08,743 301 00:17:14,236 --> 00:17:16,721 People worldwide are already crying hysterically. 302 00:17:16,907 --> 00:17:18,792 Your fiendish plan is working perfectly. 303 00:17:20,315 --> 00:17:21,963 Well, this is it. 304 00:17:22,068 --> 00:17:23,700 We're going to cry to death. 305 00:17:23,806 --> 00:17:26,571 No, no, don't hug him, Oscar. He's Hermann Goring. 306 00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,133 - Stan... - Yes, Sexpun? 307 00:17:30,236 --> 00:17:32,223 - My answer is yes. - Yes to what? 308 00:17:32,606 --> 00:17:34,450 To your marriage proposal. 309 00:17:34,555 --> 00:17:38,102 If I die, I want to die Mrs. Stan Smith. 310 00:17:40,395 --> 00:17:43,322 Wait, Sexpun, do you still have that ring I gave you? 311 00:17:44,128 --> 00:17:46,402 I just remembered S gave me that ring. 312 00:17:46,505 --> 00:17:47,523 Quick, put it on. 313 00:17:52,318 --> 00:17:55,892 - Great work, Sexpun. - Stan, we have to stop Tearjerker. 314 00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:58,152 What? 315 00:17:58,868 --> 00:18:01,123 Right. Look, there's no way to stop the film. 316 00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,593 So we need to find something that the world 317 00:18:03,696 --> 00:18:05,891 wants to watch more than Oscar Gold. 318 00:18:06,337 --> 00:18:07,353 Wait, who is that? 319 00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:09,941 Is that Adrian Brody and Halle Berry? 320 00:18:10,268 --> 00:18:12,531 He's keeping robots in his dungeon? 321 00:18:12,638 --> 00:18:14,202 No, it's really them. 322 00:18:14,307 --> 00:18:17,682 Tearjerker kept a few celebrities alive to do blow with. 323 00:18:18,688 --> 00:18:21,100 Stan? Stan? 324 00:18:22,886 --> 00:18:26,412 What's Halle Berry holding? Oh, my God! 325 00:18:26,866 --> 00:18:28,003 I've got an idea. 326 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,233 Sexpun, get those celebrities up here right away. 327 00:18:43,157 --> 00:18:45,712 Um, Tearjerker, something's wrong. 328 00:18:50,628 --> 00:18:53,361 Why is everyone leaving? Why aren't they staying and dying? 329 00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,471 Oh, my God!Oh, my God! 330 00:18:56,728 --> 00:18:57,692 Smith! 331 00:18:57,797 --> 00:18:59,980 He found the one thing people want to see more 332 00:19:00,088 --> 00:19:02,221 than a Holocaust movie about a mentally retarded boy 333 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,542 with a cancer-riddled puppy. 334 00:19:04,247 --> 00:19:05,623 Celebrity baby! 335 00:19:05,726 --> 00:19:07,983 They're all going home to see them online! 336 00:19:09,057 --> 00:19:12,552 That's nice, guys. Matt Damonand Lucy Liu, you're next. 337 00:19:13,927 --> 00:19:15,832 Oh, look at the little guy. 338 00:19:15,935 --> 00:19:19,952 Its Dad's A-list and its Mom's B-list. So it's a B-plus right off the bat. 339 00:19:21,877 --> 00:19:24,793 No! This isn't over, Smith. 340 00:19:25,245 --> 00:19:26,373 Tears... drop. 341 00:19:33,707 --> 00:19:35,002 Really? 342 00:19:36,428 --> 00:19:38,261 You'll never catch me. 343 00:19:40,097 --> 00:19:42,492 Just climbed right up the ropes, didn't you? 344 00:19:42,596 --> 00:19:45,033 I told the contractor retractable ropes 345 00:19:45,138 --> 00:19:47,432 because I foresaw this very situation. 346 00:19:47,536 --> 00:19:50,881 I tell you, when I build my next lair, I'm going to do a lot of things differently. 347 00:19:50,988 --> 00:19:54,051 More quicksand,more death beams and a bench in the shower, 348 00:19:54,157 --> 00:19:57,033 - sometimesI like to sit down. - Face it, Tearjerker, 349 00:19:57,138 --> 00:19:58,933 you've jerked your last tear. 350 00:19:59,145 --> 00:20:01,643 You think so? Well, guess again. 351 00:20:13,416 --> 00:20:15,040 I'll be back, Mr. Smith. 352 00:20:15,145 --> 00:20:18,440 I've written another film, and it's even sadder than Oscar Gold. 353 00:20:18,546 --> 00:20:22,441 It's six hours of a baby chimp trying to revive its dead mother. 354 00:20:31,738 --> 00:20:35,970 Mike, you're the worst contractor ever! 355 00:20:42,278 --> 00:20:47,182 - I love you, Stan Smith. - And I love you,Sexpun Smith. 356 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,921 Oh, my God, you really are a virgin. 357 00:20:53,028 --> 00:20:54,461 What? That's not good? 358 00:20:54,928 --> 00:20:56,711 No, it's awful. 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net