1
00:00:23,266 --> 00:00:24,440
synchro: mpm
2
00:00:34,375 --> 00:00:36,318
Francine, if your cooking
gets any better
3
00:00:36,443 --> 00:00:40,195
I'm gonna have to get a stomach staple,
then bust it out Roker-style.
4
00:00:40,491 --> 00:00:43,000
Poor Roker.
He will always be fat.
5
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,174
It's this new deep fryer.
6
00:00:45,299 --> 00:00:48,441
It just makes every
single thing delicious.
7
00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:50,920
Look, I dropped my pen
in there by mistake.
8
00:00:53,027 --> 00:00:54,135
Fantastic.
9
00:00:54,658 --> 00:00:56,525
Speaking of things fantastic,
10
00:00:56,650 --> 00:00:57,838
behold.
11
00:00:57,963 --> 00:01:00,434
I've sewn on all
my new scout badges.
12
00:01:00,706 --> 00:01:02,257
That's for pervert awareness,
13
00:01:02,382 --> 00:01:04,131
that's for interior design
14
00:01:04,256 --> 00:01:05,815
and that one's sushi.
15
00:01:06,123 --> 00:01:10,069
I can identify over 60 types of sushi
with their correct Japanese names.
16
00:01:10,345 --> 00:01:12,253
Unagi, hamachi...
17
00:01:12,526 --> 00:01:14,052
salmon roll.
18
00:01:15,322 --> 00:01:17,157
What ever happened
to "pitching a tent?"
19
00:01:17,282 --> 00:01:19,281
That was part of
"pervert awareness".
20
00:01:20,845 --> 00:01:23,272
Lines like that are what earned me
my zinger badge.
21
00:01:23,747 --> 00:01:26,544
Okay, let's see who made
the crime beat today.
22
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:29,451
No better way to shame
a first-time petty lawbreaker
23
00:01:29,576 --> 00:01:32,322
than by plastering their picture
all over the paper.
24
00:01:32,447 --> 00:01:34,558
- My God, guess who's in here?
- Santa?
25
00:01:34,683 --> 00:01:36,637
It's a local crime beat.
26
00:01:36,982 --> 00:01:38,708
- Is it Hayden Panettiere?
- Who?
27
00:01:38,833 --> 00:01:40,824
I don't even know who...
It's a local... Forget it.
28
00:01:40,949 --> 00:01:43,366
- It's Kristy White.
- What'd she do?
29
00:01:43,491 --> 00:01:46,860
She got busted getting high
in the parking lot of the multiplex.
30
00:01:46,985 --> 00:01:50,122
- What movie was she seeing?
- The new Pixar movie,Clothes.
31
00:01:50,358 --> 00:01:52,486
It's about the secret lives
of clothes.
32
00:01:52,611 --> 00:01:54,575
John Ratzenberger plays a tie.
33
00:01:56,679 --> 00:01:59,278
Hey, neighbor.
Nice mug in the local crime beat.
34
00:01:59,403 --> 00:02:02,584
Listen, I just mowed my lawn.
You wanna smoke the excess grass?
35
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:07,136
My wife's brought shame to
my entire family.
36
00:02:08,016 --> 00:02:10,812
I guess you ate a slice
of "Humboldt" pie.
37
00:02:11,354 --> 00:02:14,319
Like Humboldt county
where they grow the best stuff?
38
00:02:14,573 --> 00:02:17,373
I have no idea how I know that.
I blame rap lyrics.
39
00:02:17,498 --> 00:02:18,763
Damn you, Heavy D.
40
00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,796
First I engaged in hyperbole,
then I made a pun,
41
00:02:22,921 --> 00:02:24,257
and finally I blamed rap.
42
00:02:24,382 --> 00:02:26,562
- There, you're all caught up.
- That is so unfair.
43
00:02:26,934 --> 00:02:28,731
The law against pot makes no sense
44
00:02:28,856 --> 00:02:31,609
and people shouldn't be publicly
shamed for not following it.
45
00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:34,236
Hayley's against the pot laws.
46
00:02:34,618 --> 00:02:36,905
Well, like it or not,
Hayley, it's the law.
47
00:02:37,030 --> 00:02:38,868
Laws protect us and create order.
48
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:42,397
We don't question them, we obey them.
Or they put you in the paper.
49
00:02:42,522 --> 00:02:43,896
Well, it's a stupid law.
50
00:02:44,021 --> 00:02:46,207
Well, I think your face
is a stupid law.
51
00:02:46,694 --> 00:02:48,825
I was captain of the debate team
in high school.
52
00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:51,814
Well, because the rest of the team
died in a horrible bus accident.
53
00:02:51,992 --> 00:02:53,992
They based that movie
The Sweet Hereafter on it.
54
00:02:54,117 --> 00:02:55,971
Never saw it.
Francine wanted to see it,
55
00:02:56,096 --> 00:02:58,310
but I convinced her
to see Ace Ventura 2.
56
00:02:58,435 --> 00:03:01,616
Because I was captain
of the debate team. And we're back in.
57
00:03:01,741 --> 00:03:03,057
Hayley, here's what I know:
58
00:03:03,364 --> 00:03:06,895
I'm off to deliver food to the elderly
to earn my gerontology badge.
59
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,480
I have this bike helmet
which crushes my ears,
60
00:03:09,605 --> 00:03:12,163
itches my head, and gives
me Bonnie Franklin hair.
61
00:03:12,288 --> 00:03:14,698
Now, why do I wear it?
Because it's the law.
62
00:03:14,823 --> 00:03:16,741
- Right, Dad?
- Right, Steve.
63
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,588
Good kid.
64
00:03:20,851 --> 00:03:21,999
Going the wrong way.
65
00:03:22,124 --> 00:03:23,661
I get turned around sometimes.
66
00:03:26,566 --> 00:03:28,266
1,199,
67
00:03:28,616 --> 00:03:29,500
1,200.
68
00:03:30,881 --> 00:03:31,701
Pretty.
69
00:03:32,940 --> 00:03:33,755
One,
70
00:03:34,304 --> 00:03:35,262
two...
71
00:03:35,875 --> 00:03:38,122
- Did I miss happy hour?
- Yeah, just.
72
00:03:41,366 --> 00:03:44,534
- What's troubling you, friend?
- My great aunt has died.
73
00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:47,998
Will you look at...
Somebody picked out all the wasabi peas.
74
00:03:48,175 --> 00:03:50,447
When's the next time I'm
gonna get to Trader Joe's?
75
00:03:50,572 --> 00:03:52,022
The parking lot's a nightmare.
76
00:03:52,712 --> 00:03:53,754
Anyway,
77
00:03:54,156 --> 00:03:55,722
there was a notice in the paper.
78
00:03:55,847 --> 00:03:58,904
Some lawyers in D.C. are looking for me
to give me an inheritance.
79
00:03:59,629 --> 00:04:01,156
Okay, not bored yet.
Keep talking.
80
00:04:01,498 --> 00:04:04,016
They say I have to claim
the money in person,
81
00:04:04,141 --> 00:04:07,091
but I can't because the CIA
made me a freaking fish!
82
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,350
Well, now bored.
83
00:04:12,062 --> 00:04:12,879
Three...
84
00:04:13,364 --> 00:04:16,334
four... I'll be the best-looking
one at the car show.
85
00:04:16,459 --> 00:04:18,215
Five... six.
86
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:19,758
Wait a minute.
87
00:04:20,864 --> 00:04:23,345
You are given to disguises
from time to time, yes?
88
00:04:26,327 --> 00:04:27,543
If it's the same Roger
89
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,788
who takes pints down
at the Cat and the Fiddle,
90
00:04:29,913 --> 00:04:31,663
he is prone to disguises.
91
00:04:31,870 --> 00:04:35,091
I also hear he's wanted in a string
of prostitute murders, he is.
92
00:04:35,657 --> 00:04:36,589
Wunderbar!
93
00:04:36,714 --> 00:04:39,172
You can pretend to be me,
go to the lawyers' office,
94
00:04:39,297 --> 00:04:41,030
and claim the inheritance.
95
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:42,971
I do like pretend...
96
00:04:43,289 --> 00:04:44,615
but I don't like you.
97
00:04:45,078 --> 00:04:46,778
But I do like lawyers...
98
00:04:47,137 --> 00:04:48,771
but I don't like offices.
99
00:04:49,132 --> 00:04:50,832
But I do like peaches...
100
00:04:51,765 --> 00:04:53,692
Throw in a peach and I'll do it.
101
00:04:56,001 --> 00:04:57,669
Who loves cute little kitties?
102
00:04:57,794 --> 00:04:58,679
Guilty.
103
00:04:58,804 --> 00:05:00,113
Then you'll love this.
104
00:05:00,238 --> 00:05:03,049
The city pound is now keeping
cats for only two days
105
00:05:03,174 --> 00:05:05,047
before they have them destroyed.
106
00:05:07,094 --> 00:05:08,878
In other news, citing
health concerns,
107
00:05:09,003 --> 00:05:10,848
the Langley Falls city
council has banned
108
00:05:10,973 --> 00:05:13,781
the sale, use and consumption
of all trans fats.
109
00:05:13,906 --> 00:05:17,274
Which is good news for health nuts,
bad news for Kirstie Alley.
110
00:05:19,304 --> 00:05:21,645
Now you reminded me
of the dead kittens.
111
00:05:24,235 --> 00:05:26,867
Well, if that's the law,
then we're gonna have to follow it.
112
00:05:29,323 --> 00:05:31,502
What the hell, Francine?
This tastes like crap!
113
00:05:31,627 --> 00:05:32,627
I know.
114
00:05:32,752 --> 00:05:35,872
I used to cook everything
in oil containg trans fat,
115
00:05:35,997 --> 00:05:38,420
but since the new law,
you can't get it anymore.
116
00:05:38,662 --> 00:05:40,317
That's what trans fat is?
117
00:05:40,442 --> 00:05:42,453
The stuff that makes
everything taste wonderful?
118
00:05:42,578 --> 00:05:45,350
Why doesn't the city council
just declare a war on flavor?
119
00:05:45,475 --> 00:05:47,188
Like the English did years ago.
120
00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:49,682
- Their food is atrocious.
- I miss Lady Di.
121
00:05:49,968 --> 00:05:52,400
- She was the peoples' princess.
- I know who she was, Steven.
122
00:05:52,525 --> 00:05:54,278
You know what?
If the city council says
123
00:05:54,403 --> 00:05:56,716
I have to live without
trans fat, so be it.
124
00:05:56,841 --> 00:05:59,039
Won't stop me from
enjoying my dinner.
125
00:06:07,846 --> 00:06:10,744
Good boy, Cheesers.
Later we'll go for ice cream.
126
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:13,421
127
00:06:37,044 --> 00:06:39,396
Because corn dogs are fried.
128
00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:51,473
I haven't seen you
round these parts.
129
00:06:51,598 --> 00:06:54,246
Well, I was hanging out over there
by the batteries for a while,
130
00:06:54,371 --> 00:06:56,206
but, yeah, now I'm here...
in this part.
131
00:06:57,202 --> 00:06:59,801
You know, as long as I'm here,
I might as well do my marketing.
132
00:06:59,926 --> 00:07:03,921
- Anything I can help you find?
- Well, there is one thing...
133
00:07:06,241 --> 00:07:08,385
Are you gonna tell me what it is?
134
00:07:49,357 --> 00:07:51,261
You know what,
I'm just gonna eat at my desk.
135
00:08:25,362 --> 00:08:26,921
I want you in my mouth!
136
00:08:27,622 --> 00:08:29,228
Are you alone in there?
137
00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:32,288
What's going on in there?
138
00:08:32,576 --> 00:08:34,157
I smell good things,
139
00:08:34,282 --> 00:08:36,920
And I've never smelled good things
in here before.
140
00:08:38,093 --> 00:08:39,331
Be out in a moment.
141
00:08:41,490 --> 00:08:42,684
Finishing up now.
142
00:08:44,401 --> 00:08:46,720
Just one guy left...
he fell behind his friends.
143
00:08:50,648 --> 00:08:52,216
Why do you have a fork?
144
00:08:53,224 --> 00:08:55,264
It's not a pretty story, sir.
145
00:08:55,843 --> 00:08:57,000
Withdrawn.
146
00:09:03,016 --> 00:09:05,920
Remember, Roger, if you're gonna
help me get that inheritance,
147
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,391
- you're going to have to be me.
- Got it.
148
00:09:08,516 --> 00:09:09,977
What's my favorite food?
149
00:09:10,102 --> 00:09:11,909
Trick question.
You have no taste buds.
150
00:09:12,125 --> 00:09:14,672
- What's my first pet's name?
- Monkey, the golden retriever.
151
00:09:15,038 --> 00:09:17,089
- My favorite movie?
- Dude, Where's My...
152
00:09:17,214 --> 00:09:18,773
We're doing this the wrong way.
153
00:09:18,898 --> 00:09:21,020
Perhaps I should tell you
all this stuff first.
154
00:09:22,372 --> 00:09:23,270
Do that.
155
00:09:26,292 --> 00:09:27,635
Mom, this is delicious.
156
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:30,903
Too delicious.
This is fried in trans fat.
157
00:09:31,343 --> 00:09:33,439
- Mom, how could you...
- Don't you judge me.
158
00:09:33,564 --> 00:09:36,023
Do you know how hard it is
to cook for this family?
159
00:09:36,148 --> 00:09:38,469
Not very.
But I can't handle much.
160
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:42,497
Steve, don't eat those.
Trans fats are illegal.
161
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,609
Dad, are you breaking the law?
162
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:47,852
Yes, son, but it's a stupid law.
It shouldn't exist to begin with.
163
00:09:47,977 --> 00:09:51,148
So, since the trans fat law is stupid,
we don't have to follow it?
164
00:09:51,273 --> 00:09:52,283
Smart boy.
165
00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:54,587
What can I buy you?
New baseball mitt, skateboard?
166
00:09:54,712 --> 00:09:56,401
- Can I have a bunny?
- To kill?
167
00:09:56,526 --> 00:09:58,085
No, to love.
168
00:09:58,369 --> 00:09:59,210
Geez.
169
00:09:59,731 --> 00:10:01,270
Dad, you're such a hypocrite.
170
00:10:01,395 --> 00:10:04,449
Besides that law is totally legit.
Trans fat can kill...
171
00:10:04,766 --> 00:10:06,698
Now am I supposed to get that?!
172
00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:09,027
It's too much!
It's all too much!
173
00:10:11,474 --> 00:10:13,122
Okay, Jer, see you in a few days.
174
00:10:13,247 --> 00:10:16,034
Sure thing, Stan. Let me know
if that lotto ticket's a winner.
175
00:10:16,159 --> 00:10:17,742
You'll be the first to hear, buddy.
176
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,166
Well, after my boss when
I tell him to stick it.
177
00:10:24,293 --> 00:10:26,595
There goes the only man
I'll ever love.
178
00:10:36,868 --> 00:10:38,982
Evening, Officer.
What brings you here?
179
00:10:39,107 --> 00:10:41,199
Turlington, Internal Affairs.
180
00:10:41,324 --> 00:10:44,100
I've been assigned to watch the city
line and inspect for trans fats.
181
00:10:44,225 --> 00:10:45,470
That sounds pretty boring.
182
00:10:45,595 --> 00:10:47,488
What do you say you and me
go around the corner
183
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:49,818
and make your job
a lot more exciting?
184
00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:52,572
I can tell by your lack
of interest that I was kidding.
185
00:10:52,697 --> 00:10:54,245
Pretty smart, aren't you?
186
00:10:55,158 --> 00:10:58,928
You wouldn't happen to be bringing any
trans fat across city lines, would you?
187
00:10:59,053 --> 00:11:01,297
'Cause I'd hate to see
your smart face on the crime beat.
188
00:11:01,422 --> 00:11:02,522
Crime beat?!
189
00:11:03,192 --> 00:11:05,872
Lovely day for a fast, short
backward drive, isn't it?
190
00:11:07,658 --> 00:11:09,241
What he's doing back there?
191
00:11:10,368 --> 00:11:14,086
Well, not my jurisdiction.
My jurisdiction lies this way.
192
00:11:14,847 --> 00:11:17,350
This quiet direction here.
193
00:11:19,268 --> 00:11:21,079
Well, that was just delightful.
194
00:11:21,204 --> 00:11:24,261
So, Officer, if you need to search
my car, feel free, because I've got...
195
00:11:24,386 --> 00:11:25,386
Oh, wait!
196
00:11:26,892 --> 00:11:27,978
... nothing to hide.
197
00:11:35,333 --> 00:11:36,326
Hello, all.
198
00:11:36,513 --> 00:11:38,470
Well, you have the smoking, down.
199
00:11:45,053 --> 00:11:47,147
- And the club foot.
- I have everything down.
200
00:11:47,272 --> 00:11:49,061
- Oh, do you?
- Indeed.
201
00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,875
- Favorite sausage?
- Weiswurst.
202
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,899
- With?
- Sauerkraut.
203
00:11:53,024 --> 00:11:55,297
- Baseball player?
- Shonweiss.
204
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:56,959
- Made-up word?
- Scheigelbarben.
205
00:11:57,084 --> 00:12:00,040
I have nothing left to teach you.
You are ready for the lawyers.
206
00:12:00,194 --> 00:12:02,180
Wait there is something else
you should know.
207
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:03,747
I bedazzled my genitalia.
208
00:12:03,872 --> 00:12:07,307
Then we have a happy
coincidence going on here!
209
00:12:07,629 --> 00:12:08,643
Mine says "ABBA."
210
00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:18,653
Honey, what's the matter?
What is it?
211
00:12:21,056 --> 00:12:22,699
I'm pregnant, aren't I?
212
00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:25,389
That's it, isn't it?!
I'm pregnant!
213
00:12:26,124 --> 00:12:28,205
You told me I was on the pill!
214
00:12:28,534 --> 00:12:30,219
No, you're not pregnant, thank God.
215
00:12:30,344 --> 00:12:32,205
I wouldn't want to bring
a child into a world
216
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:34,086
where I can't get
any more trans fat.
217
00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:35,585
- What?
- They're onto me.
218
00:12:35,710 --> 00:12:37,963
- I can't smuggle...
- Don't give me "can't".
219
00:12:38,088 --> 00:12:40,717
You're gonna have to try
harder or you're the one
220
00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:43,553
who's gonna tell this chick
it's not gonna be fried!
221
00:12:44,009 --> 00:12:47,264
You look into its sweet,
innocent face and say:
222
00:12:47,483 --> 00:12:48,688
"I'm sorry, Penny,
223
00:12:48,813 --> 00:12:51,645
"we're out of trans fat!
You won't be fried today!"
224
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,994
Because I will not do it.
225
00:13:06,722 --> 00:13:10,655
- How'd you like to get that bunny?
- Would I? I already have a name for it,
226
00:13:10,885 --> 00:13:12,809
but I'm not ready to tell anybody.
227
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:14,009
Whiskers.
228
00:13:14,491 --> 00:13:15,710
I'm mad at myself.
229
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:18,190
All right, there's your trans fats.
230
00:13:18,315 --> 00:13:21,599
I'll see you next week.
And, you know, kiss your dad for me.
231
00:13:22,652 --> 00:13:23,943
Kiss him hard!
232
00:13:24,068 --> 00:13:26,026
Take the breath out of his lungs.
233
00:13:26,237 --> 00:13:28,223
I want him to have to sit down.
234
00:13:33,794 --> 00:13:35,328
Look innocent, smile,
235
00:13:35,453 --> 00:13:36,844
and tell him "hello"
236
00:13:36,969 --> 00:13:38,895
as if you've got nothing to hide.
237
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,824
We did it, bike!
238
00:13:42,949 --> 00:13:46,338
I feel so good I'm going to ride
the next mile side-saddle.
239
00:13:51,711 --> 00:13:52,560
Well?
240
00:13:53,451 --> 00:13:55,801
My boy! Tonight we feast.
241
00:13:55,926 --> 00:13:58,553
- And this is for you, kiddo.
- A bunny!
242
00:13:58,678 --> 00:14:00,993
You've earned it.
You're a first-rate smuggler.
243
00:14:01,748 --> 00:14:03,508
What a cute little bunny!
244
00:14:04,075 --> 00:14:06,521
I'm gonna pop you
right in the fryer.
245
00:14:12,765 --> 00:14:14,843
Okay, here we are, Mrs. Washburn.
246
00:14:14,968 --> 00:14:16,524
Steve, I need my t-fats.
247
00:14:16,649 --> 00:14:19,270
Why are you wasting time helping
little old ladies across the street?
248
00:14:19,395 --> 00:14:22,289
Well, it's kind of page one
of the Scout Manual, Dad. And...
249
00:14:24,911 --> 00:14:27,472
Well played, son.
Way to mix it up.
250
00:14:28,506 --> 00:14:30,156
But what about me?
251
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:32,675
You walked me clear
across the city line
252
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,533
and 40 blocks more.
253
00:14:34,997 --> 00:14:37,568
I kept telling you,
"No, I live there!"
254
00:14:37,770 --> 00:14:39,428
I live back there!
255
00:14:39,553 --> 00:14:41,253
Not my problem, grandma.
256
00:14:44,272 --> 00:14:47,886
Time for 60 years of kegel exercises
to pay off.
257
00:14:55,619 --> 00:14:57,739
Gentlemen, my name is Klaus Heisler.
258
00:14:58,187 --> 00:15:00,205
Mr. Heisler.
We've been looking for you.
259
00:15:00,330 --> 00:15:03,565
Indeed. I was born to Peasants
in the quaint Hamlet of...
260
00:15:03,690 --> 00:15:05,823
Actually, we just need you
to sign this affidavit
261
00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:07,697
swearing that you are
who you say you are.
262
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:11,361
Really? But I had to sit through
so many boring stories about my life.
263
00:15:13,232 --> 00:15:15,063
- Kill him.
- What's happening?
264
00:15:15,188 --> 00:15:17,123
We're gonna give you
what you have coming.
265
00:15:17,737 --> 00:15:20,106
Wait! Why are you
bearing down on me menacingly?
266
00:15:20,231 --> 00:15:21,652
I'm Klaus, I tell you.
267
00:15:22,954 --> 00:15:25,463
Danke schön! Oktoberfest! German!
268
00:15:25,588 --> 00:15:28,447
Bye-bye, mein lieber Herr,
farewell mein lieber Herr,
269
00:15:28,572 --> 00:15:31,429
It was a fine affair,
but now it's over
270
00:15:42,102 --> 00:15:43,327
Stupid law.
271
00:15:52,795 --> 00:15:55,287
Hello, officer.
What can I do you for?
272
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,229
I've seen you come this way
an awful lot, lately.
273
00:15:58,354 --> 00:16:00,792
I always figured you to be
a trustworthy scout ranger.
274
00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:04,329
Then I noticed you weren't wearing
your helmet and I thought,
275
00:16:04,454 --> 00:16:06,588
"Maybe he's not so trustworthy."
276
00:16:07,039 --> 00:16:09,963
Right. I donated it
to "Helmets for Humanity."
277
00:16:10,259 --> 00:16:13,855
They give me helmets to landmine victims
in developing countries.
278
00:16:14,155 --> 00:16:17,396
My helmet's the only thing holding
a Cambodian boy's head together.
279
00:16:17,521 --> 00:16:18,996
What's in the basket?
280
00:16:19,826 --> 00:16:21,284
Sandwiches for the poor.
281
00:16:21,409 --> 00:16:23,845
How about you throw a turkey sandwich
and I'll turn the other way.*
282
00:16:23,970 --> 00:16:25,275
I'll pay you 4.25 for it.
283
00:16:28,132 --> 00:16:31,392
Good. I'll get my money
which I keep under the passenger seat.
284
00:16:46,166 --> 00:16:47,727
4.22...
285
00:16:47,852 --> 00:16:49,841
4.23...
286
00:17:00,356 --> 00:17:01,977
Will you take 4.23?
287
00:17:17,181 --> 00:17:18,953
Mama! If you can hear me,
288
00:17:19,354 --> 00:17:20,500
it's Daniel.
289
00:17:20,836 --> 00:17:22,911
I want that sandwich.
290
00:17:24,774 --> 00:17:25,774
A nickel.
291
00:17:28,449 --> 00:17:29,871
Sorry, just ran out.
292
00:17:30,444 --> 00:17:31,452
Mama?
293
00:17:31,577 --> 00:17:33,132
Mama, we were too late.
294
00:17:36,712 --> 00:17:38,890
What's with all these empty
trans fat cans?
295
00:17:40,051 --> 00:17:41,098
Recycling.
296
00:17:41,223 --> 00:17:44,615
Just pleasuring Mother Earth,
like a young boy should. Bye!
297
00:17:45,445 --> 00:17:48,608
Look where he's headed, Mama.
Right into my jurisdiction.
298
00:17:50,693 --> 00:17:52,175
This isn't home.
299
00:17:52,531 --> 00:17:54,704
My coordinates must be off.
300
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,894
*
I gotta get this thing recalibrated.
301
00:18:05,097 --> 00:18:06,334
Ambush, huh?
302
00:18:06,935 --> 00:18:09,918
Now that I think about it,
there is one thing I left out.
303
00:18:10,043 --> 00:18:12,597
Back home,
I had a terrible gambling problem.
304
00:18:12,722 --> 00:18:14,899
Owed a fortune
to the East-German mafia.
305
00:18:15,671 --> 00:18:18,047
I guess they were trying
to smoke me out.
306
00:18:18,486 --> 00:18:20,932
Oh, my God, we fell for that one,
didn't we?
307
00:18:24,850 --> 00:18:27,377
Use your board.
Use your message board.
308
00:18:31,839 --> 00:18:34,638
"How cute is Daniel Day Lewis?"
309
00:18:35,289 --> 00:18:37,657
Good! The morphine
is finally kicking in.
310
00:18:43,606 --> 00:18:46,133
Dad! I got pulled over
at the city line,
311
00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:48,282
and then officer Turlington
followed me home.
312
00:18:48,407 --> 00:18:50,491
Steve, did he catch you with the...?
313
00:18:51,261 --> 00:18:53,606
I ate all the evidence
before he could find it.
314
00:18:53,878 --> 00:18:54,892
Attamule.
315
00:18:55,195 --> 00:18:57,704
I think I'm gonna go lie down.
I'm feeling a little sweaty.
316
00:18:57,829 --> 00:19:00,485
I wonder if it's connected
to all those cans of trans fat I ate.
317
00:19:00,610 --> 00:19:02,683
There's a shooting pain
in my left arm.
318
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,196
And my chest hurts.
319
00:19:04,696 --> 00:19:05,937
That's so weird.
320
00:19:07,995 --> 00:19:08,797
Dad!
321
00:19:08,922 --> 00:19:10,567
I think I'm having a heart attack.
322
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,597
Steve, we gotta get you
to the hospital.
323
00:19:13,429 --> 00:19:14,473
Don't do it.
324
00:19:14,598 --> 00:19:15,986
Turlington's on to us.
325
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:17,833
We'll be found out and...
326
00:19:19,028 --> 00:19:20,241
shamed in the paper.
327
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,476
But it's not too late.
328
00:19:22,601 --> 00:19:24,050
We can kill Turlington.
329
00:19:24,175 --> 00:19:26,607
Or firebomb the newspaper, or both!
330
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:27,540
We can't.
331
00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:31,393
Why? 'Cause it's illegal to kill
a cop who's up in your business?
332
00:19:31,518 --> 00:19:34,525
But that's a stupid law.
And it's okay to break those, right?
333
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:38,778
What have I done?
334
00:19:39,065 --> 00:19:41,713
I've turned my own son
into an amoral smuggler
335
00:19:41,838 --> 00:19:44,906
who believes you can pick and choose
which laws you follow.
336
00:19:47,005 --> 00:19:47,811
Dad!
337
00:19:48,155 --> 00:19:49,184
This is it.
338
00:19:51,681 --> 00:19:53,936
Steve, no! Don't go to the light!
339
00:19:54,181 --> 00:19:55,856
Go as close to the light as you can,
340
00:19:55,981 --> 00:19:58,837
and then ask my grand-father
why Jim Nabors was at his funeral.
341
00:19:58,962 --> 00:20:00,184
But then come back.
342
00:20:00,643 --> 00:20:01,944
Steve, can you hear me?
343
00:20:02,069 --> 00:20:05,243
Local crime beat be damned!
I'm taking you to the hospital.
344
00:20:05,591 --> 00:20:07,634
Unless of course
this kick revives you.
345
00:20:16,699 --> 00:20:18,561
- Dad?
- He's waking up.
346
00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:21,422
- What happened?
- Son, you're okay.
347
00:20:21,725 --> 00:20:23,840
Turns out you didn't have
a heart attack after all.
348
00:20:23,965 --> 00:20:26,601
Which in my opinion makes
all your dramatics on the kitchen floor
349
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,083
a bit uncalled for, but whatever,
you thought what you thought.
350
00:20:29,208 --> 00:20:30,709
You have angina.
351
00:20:30,834 --> 00:20:34,825
Which, according to Dr. Natterson,
sounds like vagina.
352
00:20:35,430 --> 00:20:38,111
I don't know about that,
but he's the doctor.
353
00:20:38,675 --> 00:20:41,239
Dad, you...
You brought me to the hospital?
354
00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:42,989
Of course I did, son.
355
00:20:43,114 --> 00:20:45,159
Having you safe and sound
is all that matters.
356
00:20:45,637 --> 00:20:47,954
But that means your picture
is gonna be in the paper tomorrow.
357
00:20:48,327 --> 00:20:51,550
It was in the paper 6 weeks ago,
you've been in a medically-induced coma.
358
00:20:51,675 --> 00:20:53,892
I was shamed, I suffered,
and I moved on.
359
00:20:54,017 --> 00:20:56,438
And frankly, the family's recently been
far more concerned
360
00:20:56,563 --> 00:20:58,153
with Roger's runaway banana boat.
361
00:20:58,278 --> 00:21:00,300
It's been quite a story.
A little big, but funny.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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