1
00:00:01,805 --> 00:00:03,873
Then my wife bought
a TV recorder

2
00:00:03,941 --> 00:00:06,610
so she could fast-forward
past the commercials.

3
00:00:06,677 --> 00:00:09,948
Well, I like commercials.
They tell me what to buy.

4
00:00:10,015 --> 00:00:12,350
I'd tell you to buy
another TV, Ed,

5
00:00:12,418 --> 00:00:13,752
but I guess you wouldn't
know which one to get

6
00:00:13,820 --> 00:00:15,387
since you haven't seen
the commercials.

7
00:00:15,455 --> 00:00:18,491
I don't know what's new,
I don't know what's improved,

8
00:00:18,559 --> 00:00:20,528
I don't know what's
for a limited time only...

9
00:00:20,596 --> 00:00:23,699
Your days on this planet.
Can we move on?

10
00:00:25,269 --> 00:00:27,137
You don't need
the commercials, Ed.

11
00:00:27,205 --> 00:00:28,338
I think there's more
underneath this.

12
00:00:28,406 --> 00:00:31,910
All fascinating stuff.
I showed Russell Brand

13
00:00:31,978 --> 00:00:33,513
100 pairs
of skinny jeans today.

14
00:00:33,581 --> 00:00:34,814
<i>He ends up buying jeggins.</i>

15
00:00:34,882 --> 00:00:36,984
Can I talk now?

16
00:00:38,487 --> 00:00:40,122
Hold that thought, Patrick.

17
00:00:40,190 --> 00:00:41,725
Ed, what do you think is
really underneath your anger?

18
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,794
Yeah, say it.
Get it out.

19
00:00:43,862 --> 00:00:45,597
Get mad. Yell.

20
00:00:47,601 --> 00:00:50,336
Nolan, just because you vicariously
enjoy other people's anger

21
00:00:50,404 --> 00:00:51,604
doesn't mean you
should prod them.

22
00:00:51,671 --> 00:00:53,539
I'm sorry.

23
00:00:58,178 --> 00:01:00,380
Also, you're not invisible.

24
00:01:03,651 --> 00:01:06,687
I think we all know what
Ed's really angry about.

25
00:01:06,754 --> 00:01:08,923
Just get to the brown
people, old man.

26
00:01:08,991 --> 00:01:10,825
It's always about
the brown people.

27
00:01:10,893 --> 00:01:13,395
It's not about the brown
people, brown girl.

28
00:01:14,864 --> 00:01:16,933
I just like commercials.

29
00:01:17,001 --> 00:01:19,870
I've cried twice
in the last 20 years.

30
00:01:19,937 --> 00:01:22,039
One of them
was about a commercial.

31
00:01:22,106 --> 00:01:25,710
It was the one with those
puppies and that Chinese kid.

32
00:01:25,777 --> 00:01:27,811
I don't know whether
they were trying to sell

33
00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,714
the puppies or the Chinese kid.

34
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,751
But if that one
don't get to you,

35
00:01:32,818 --> 00:01:34,820
you're a freakin' robot.

36
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:38,424
Hey, he fooled us.
He went yellow people.

37
00:01:38,492 --> 00:01:39,958
No, no, no, no.
This is good.

38
00:01:40,026 --> 00:01:42,161
Ed is finally expressing
some vulnerability.

39
00:01:42,229 --> 00:01:45,131
It's peppered with racism,

40
00:01:45,199 --> 00:01:47,200
but therapy is a
marathon, not a sprint.

41
00:01:47,268 --> 00:01:50,638
Well, either way, some kid
from Kenya is going to win it.

42
00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:54,976
Are you done?
Good. Fine. My turn.

43
00:01:55,043 --> 00:01:57,678
Sorry, Patrick.
We're going to have to call it a day.

44
00:01:57,746 --> 00:01:59,580
- Great session, gang.
- What?

45
00:02:02,751 --> 00:02:05,086
Well, we certainly learned

46
00:02:05,153 --> 00:02:07,222
a lot about Ed today,
didn't we?

47
00:02:07,289 --> 00:02:09,357
That's the nature of group.
Next time, it will be your turn.

48
00:02:09,425 --> 00:02:11,326
Oh, no, no, no.
We don't need to talk about me.

49
00:02:11,393 --> 00:02:13,294
After all, there is no
I in therapy.

50
00:02:13,362 --> 00:02:16,297
There's just a Y,
as in why do I bother?

51
00:02:18,267 --> 00:02:20,202
Because of the P, which stands
for the progress you're making,

52
00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,905
and the H, which stands for,
hey, I'll see you next week.

53
00:02:24,307 --> 00:02:26,442
Hi, Dad.

54
00:02:26,510 --> 00:02:28,879
Hi. Am I allowed
to say hi to him?

55
00:02:28,947 --> 00:02:31,916
No, no, just ignore me.
That's what we're doing today.

56
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:36,321
Sync and corrections by Sp8ky for
www.addic7ed.com.

57
00:02:36,588 --> 00:02:38,822
Sorry, Charlie. I should have
brought Sam in the back door.

58
00:02:38,890 --> 00:02:41,092
I forgot you were doing
group at your house.

59
00:02:41,159 --> 00:02:43,061
You know, they look
just like regular people.

60
00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:46,965
So do you.

61
00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:49,768
- By the way, you owe me $20.
- For what?

62
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,739
That's your half for the SAT prep
books we just bought for Sam.

63
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:55,875
- SAT prep books?
- Mm-hmm.

64
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:58,411
You're in middle school.
You don't take that test for another four years.

65
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,313
The competition is unreal.

66
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:01,881
I read that
Asian-Americans

67
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:04,218
only make up 5.6%
of the population,

68
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:06,019
but they make up 25%

69
00:03:06,087 --> 00:03:07,855
of the kids
in the top 10 schools.

70
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:09,756
Do you know how many times
more likely they are

71
00:03:09,824 --> 00:03:11,892
to get into a good school
than I am?

72
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,760
No, but if I were an Asian kid,
I could probably figure it out.

73
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:19,732
Look, you want to stand out?

74
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,202
Get some extracurricular
activities. Start a club.

75
00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:24,003
Yeah, I was in a club
in high school.

76
00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:27,173
Smoking in the bathroom
is not a club.

77
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,275
The vice principal
said it was a club.

78
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:31,110
He should know.
He was there.

79
00:03:32,756 --> 00:03:34,839
I have an idea.
What about a college prep club?

80
00:03:34,959 --> 00:03:37,193
You and the rest of your
nerd army can get together

81
00:03:37,261 --> 00:03:39,796
and talk about all the tests, the
applications, the personal essays.

82
00:03:39,863 --> 00:03:42,599
Personal essays?
What am I going to write about?

83
00:03:42,666 --> 00:03:44,634
The worst thing that has
happened to me is your divorce,

84
00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:46,502
and you guys insist
on getting along.

85
00:03:48,372 --> 00:03:49,605
Listen, kiddo.

86
00:03:49,673 --> 00:03:51,940
Everything is going to be fine.

87
00:03:52,008 --> 00:03:54,610
When the time comes, you're going to be
totally prepared to do what you need to do.

88
00:03:54,677 --> 00:03:56,445
- You really think so?
- Nah.

89
00:03:56,512 --> 00:03:58,213
It's just a load of crap
my dad laid on me.

90
00:03:59,516 --> 00:04:01,016
Now I'm passing it on to you.

91
00:04:04,855 --> 00:04:07,457
- Sam, you forgot a book.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

92
00:04:07,524 --> 00:04:09,058
That's okay.
I'll give it to her.

93
00:04:09,126 --> 00:04:10,960
Give it to me.

94
00:04:13,364 --> 00:04:17,133
"Sabrina's Satin Surrender."

95
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,134
This is yours, isn't it?

96
00:04:19,202 --> 00:04:23,038
It's a historical novel set against
the backdrop of the Civil War.

97
00:04:23,106 --> 00:04:26,642
One woman's heroic journey to find
true love and defend her land

98
00:04:26,709 --> 00:04:28,944
amidst the ashes
of a bitter conflagration.

99
00:04:30,846 --> 00:04:33,982
No, that's
"Gone with the Wind."

100
00:04:34,049 --> 00:04:36,251
This is just a spank book.

101
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,119
It is not a spank book.

102
00:04:38,186 --> 00:04:39,787
How about a little support?

103
00:04:39,854 --> 00:04:41,955
I'm just trying
to broaden my horizons.

104
00:04:42,023 --> 00:04:45,291
Okay, let's see how broad your
horizons get in chapter two.

105
00:04:47,428 --> 00:04:50,196
"Her breathing quickened as
she felt his turgid manhood"

106
00:04:50,264 --> 00:04:53,099
urge itself against
her satin skirt.

107
00:04:53,166 --> 00:04:54,900
These weren't the soft
hands of an aristocrat.

108
00:04:54,968 --> 00:04:57,470
"They were the calloused hands
of a man who knew the plow."

109
00:04:59,273 --> 00:05:01,608
And plow he does.

110
00:05:01,675 --> 00:05:03,910
Oh, give me that.
You're making it dirty.

111
00:05:03,978 --> 00:05:07,280
- It is dirty.
- Okay, you're making it creepy.

112
00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:09,516
All I'm saying is why don't you
read something worthwhile?

113
00:05:09,583 --> 00:05:11,584
There are so many great books
you haven't read, like...

114
00:05:11,652 --> 00:05:13,653
all of them.

115
00:05:13,721 --> 00:05:15,621
It's just harmless fun,

116
00:05:15,689 --> 00:05:17,623
like all those women you were
with when we were married.

117
00:05:19,159 --> 00:05:22,262
Wow. "What are you reading?"
just took a nasty turn.

118
00:05:23,864 --> 00:05:26,866
Let's start over.

119
00:05:26,934 --> 00:05:30,203
Oh, is this a historical
novel about the Civil War?

120
00:05:30,271 --> 00:05:31,638
Good for you, Jen.

121
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:34,340
- Thanks, Charlie.
- I won't tell you who wins.

122
00:05:34,408 --> 00:05:35,742
Oh, I know who wins.

123
00:05:35,810 --> 00:05:39,246
Every soldier who comes
in contact with Sabrina.

124
00:05:46,769 --> 00:05:49,371
I know it's just a stupid
romance novel,

125
00:05:49,439 --> 00:05:51,139
but I can't let it go.

126
00:05:51,207 --> 00:05:52,741
Well, it's not unusual
for a woman

127
00:05:52,809 --> 00:05:54,443
to be stimulated by reading.

128
00:05:54,511 --> 00:05:56,278
Men and women
are wired differently.

129
00:05:56,346 --> 00:05:59,015
Men are visual, and women are,

130
00:05:59,082 --> 00:06:00,883
you know, smart.

131
00:06:02,853 --> 00:06:04,988
Hey, we're not only
stimulated by dirty pictures.

132
00:06:05,055 --> 00:06:07,924
We're not that crude.

133
00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:10,093
If you're worried about me
seeing your thighs, don't be.

134
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:11,628
Last night I used
them as earmuffs.

135
00:06:13,365 --> 00:06:16,200
No, I cannot wear this skirt
to a televised trial.

136
00:06:16,268 --> 00:06:19,236
You know, I mean, I am whoring
myself out as an expert witness,

137
00:06:19,304 --> 00:06:20,838
but I don't want to look
like one of those hookers

138
00:06:20,905 --> 00:06:23,240
this whack-job killed.

139
00:06:23,308 --> 00:06:26,110
Allegedly. Damn it.
I have to remember to say allegedly.

140
00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:28,479
You might want to think twice
about whack-job as well.

141
00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:32,917
What is going on with me?

142
00:06:32,985 --> 00:06:36,622
Maybe a romance novel
fondled me as a child.

143
00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:38,724
More likely you're hostile
towards these novels

144
00:06:38,792 --> 00:06:40,993
because they hold men
to an unrealistic standard

145
00:06:41,061 --> 00:06:43,462
- you feel you can't compete with.
- You know what?

146
00:06:43,530 --> 00:06:45,364
I think you're right.

147
00:06:48,601 --> 00:06:50,803
Why are you taking
off your pants?

148
00:06:50,871 --> 00:06:53,939
- So we can have sex.
- We don't have sex during sessions.

149
00:06:54,007 --> 00:06:55,407
I thought we were done.

150
00:06:55,475 --> 00:06:57,509
You used Allport's
concept of expressive behavior

151
00:06:57,577 --> 00:07:00,012
to explain what I was doing,
I had an epiphany,

152
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,215
you got half naked,
I got another epiphany.

153
00:07:03,283 --> 00:07:06,418
Charlie, now that I'm your therapist
and not just your sex buddy,

154
00:07:06,486 --> 00:07:08,854
we need to keep our sessions
free of distractions.

155
00:07:08,922 --> 00:07:12,224
And for the record, it wasn't
Allport, it was Harlow.

156
00:07:12,292 --> 00:07:14,226
Sure, it was Harlow.

157
00:07:14,294 --> 00:07:18,097
If we're talking about monkeys
being raised by sock puppets.

158
00:07:18,165 --> 00:07:19,699
Otherwise, it was Allport.

159
00:07:19,767 --> 00:07:21,701
Why did they even let you graduate?
It was Harlow.

160
00:07:21,769 --> 00:07:25,238
You ready to put your
body where your mouth is?

161
00:07:25,305 --> 00:07:27,740
I wouldn't need you
if I could do that,

162
00:07:27,808 --> 00:07:32,145
but, sure, you're on.
Winner picks position.

163
00:07:32,212 --> 00:07:34,982
Done.

164
00:07:35,049 --> 00:07:36,783
You never learn.

165
00:07:36,851 --> 00:07:40,120
I guess Google wants you
to do a reverse cowgirl.

166
00:07:40,188 --> 00:07:42,423
Okay, fine. You win.
I don't care.

167
00:07:42,490 --> 00:07:44,024
Just help me figure out
something to wear

168
00:07:44,091 --> 00:07:46,092
to the trial
and then yee-haw.

169
00:07:47,529 --> 00:07:49,699
Sorry, gloating's over.

170
00:07:49,767 --> 00:07:51,602
There is a patient of mine
who's a personal shopper.

171
00:07:51,669 --> 00:07:53,772
Patrick.
I'll text you his number.

172
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,409
He can't make you smarter than me,
but he can make you look great.

173
00:07:58,012 --> 00:08:00,146
Oh, I guess the gloating
wasn't over.

174
00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:07,554
So we have to take as many
AP classes as we can

175
00:08:07,622 --> 00:08:10,157
because if we don't end up
in the top fifth percentile

176
00:08:10,225 --> 00:08:12,793
we fail in life.

177
00:08:12,861 --> 00:08:14,528
Who cares if I get
into a good college?

178
00:08:14,596 --> 00:08:16,297
The only reason I'm going
at all is so I can partake

179
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:19,200
in underage drinking and have lots
of protected, consensual sex.

180
00:08:19,267 --> 00:08:22,270
Lots.

181
00:08:22,337 --> 00:08:25,973
This immature attitude is exactly what
I want to rise above with this club.

182
00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:28,308
Sam, we know you're worried
that you'll never have sex

183
00:08:28,376 --> 00:08:29,977
because of your OCD stuff,

184
00:08:30,044 --> 00:08:32,212
but it's okay.
We'll all share our stories with you.

185
00:08:33,615 --> 00:08:36,216
You're right.
I will never have sex...

186
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:40,753
because I've already made love.

187
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,889
With who? You've never
even been to camp.

188
00:08:44,158 --> 00:08:46,793
No,

189
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,395
but I've been to my Aunt
Sabrina's horse farm,

190
00:08:49,463 --> 00:08:52,765
and that's where I met a
stable boy named Beauregard.

191
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:55,101
I called him...

192
00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,839
Beau.

193
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:04,544
We were on vacation
and I decided

194
00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:06,746
to cool off in the lake.

195
00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:11,650
As I emerged, my moist
skin glistened

196
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,820
like diamonds in the moonlight.
He approached...

197
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,422
- Was he wearing a condom?
- Yes.

198
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,057
He was standing in
the middle of the woods

199
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,893
wearing nothing but a condom.
You're an idiot.

200
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,995
Then what?

201
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:26,531
He pulled me to him and I felt

202
00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:29,800
the hard shape of his arousal.

203
00:09:31,670 --> 00:09:34,171
Then we rode back to the
farm and he encouraged me

204
00:09:34,239 --> 00:09:37,274
to take a lot of AP classes so that we
could meet up again at a good college.

205
00:09:37,341 --> 00:09:40,910
That's so unfair.
I went to my uncle's horse farm

206
00:09:40,978 --> 00:09:43,647
and all I did was
shovel crap all summer.

207
00:09:46,550 --> 00:09:48,652
Hey, guys.
Come on in.

208
00:09:48,719 --> 00:09:51,121
We can get started.

209
00:09:51,188 --> 00:09:53,757
I guess Patrick should
be here any minute.

210
00:09:53,824 --> 00:09:56,359
What's Patrick
even doing in this group?

211
00:09:56,427 --> 00:10:00,363
Passive-aggressiveness
is not anger.

212
00:10:00,431 --> 00:10:03,200
In my day we called it
being on the rag.

213
00:10:04,769 --> 00:10:06,970
There are 12 major
kinds of anger, Ed.

214
00:10:07,038 --> 00:10:10,139
And congratulations, with your
display of misogynistic homophobia,

215
00:10:10,207 --> 00:10:13,175
you've collected the whole set.

216
00:10:15,112 --> 00:10:16,779
<i>Oh, come on, guys.
We've talked about this.</i>

217
00:10:16,847 --> 00:10:18,915
You're supposed to turn
your phones off before group.

218
00:10:18,983 --> 00:10:21,718
- It's a text from Patrick.
- I got one, too.

219
00:10:21,786 --> 00:10:23,486
- He's quitting group.
- What?

220
00:10:23,554 --> 00:10:27,123
Mine's ringing, but there's
nobody on the other end.

221
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:30,659
It's a text, you old man.

222
00:10:30,727 --> 00:10:34,496
Holy crap.
I've got 70 of these things.

223
00:10:34,564 --> 00:10:36,298
Patrick is quitting, all right.

224
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,768
Well, I can't say
I'm not disappointed,

225
00:10:40,836 --> 00:10:44,238
but I'm not surprised that Patrick
would text everybody and leave me out.

226
00:10:44,306 --> 00:10:46,674
Classic passive-
aggressive behavior.

227
00:10:46,741 --> 00:10:49,376
Oh, here we go.

228
00:10:51,013 --> 00:10:53,314
"Please tell Lacey,
Nolan, and even Ed

229
00:10:53,382 --> 00:10:55,750
that I will miss them.
Respectfully, Patrick."

230
00:10:57,286 --> 00:10:59,253
He didn't say
respectfully, did he?

231
00:10:59,321 --> 00:11:01,856
Uh, let me check. No.

232
00:11:06,077 --> 00:11:09,279
OK, how many of you were able to keep
your kittens alive over the weekend?

233
00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:15,753
Okay, I guess we'll stop
doing this one.

234
00:11:17,722 --> 00:11:19,990
- We have a success story.
- We could use one of those.

235
00:11:20,058 --> 00:11:21,291
Why don't you tell
us what happened?

236
00:11:21,359 --> 00:11:23,860
Well, see, our anniversary
is coming up.

237
00:11:23,928 --> 00:11:25,328
So I made a nice fresh batch

238
00:11:25,396 --> 00:11:28,432
of toilet wine and I got
some Little Debbie snacks,

239
00:11:28,499 --> 00:11:31,702
and my brother smuggled in some coke
to make the toilet wine seem good,

240
00:11:31,769 --> 00:11:35,206
and somebody stole
my Little Debbie snacks.

241
00:11:35,273 --> 00:11:38,943
Seeing my baby so upset almost
sent me into a blind rage.

242
00:11:39,011 --> 00:11:42,647
- And the success story?
- Oh, yeah. Well...

243
00:11:42,715 --> 00:11:44,550
well, Cleo talked me down.

244
00:11:44,617 --> 00:11:47,253
I went through your steps

245
00:11:47,321 --> 00:11:50,323
and we ended up having the
best anniversary ever.

246
00:11:50,390 --> 00:11:53,559
See, it turns out that I had
misplaced my Little Debbies.

247
00:11:53,627 --> 00:11:57,396
They was in my ass
the whole time.

248
00:11:57,464 --> 00:11:59,766
Always the last place you look.

249
00:12:02,436 --> 00:12:06,072
You know, I'm going through
something similar right now.

250
00:12:06,140 --> 00:12:08,742
I lost something, and I'm
having some emotions about it.

251
00:12:08,809 --> 00:12:10,143
What did you lose, boss?

252
00:12:10,211 --> 00:12:12,846
Actually, it was a patient
from my private group.

253
00:12:12,914 --> 00:12:15,316
We worked together for years
to get him to a better place,

254
00:12:15,384 --> 00:12:16,951
and he just up and left.

255
00:12:17,018 --> 00:12:18,586
I'm feeling a little
disrespected.

256
00:12:18,653 --> 00:12:20,888
I got a story
that might help you out.

257
00:12:20,956 --> 00:12:23,157
A couple years ago,
this girl left me.

258
00:12:23,225 --> 00:12:25,360
I felt totally disrespected.

259
00:12:25,428 --> 00:12:28,530
Turns out my friend
stole her from me.

260
00:12:28,598 --> 00:12:31,567
It made me very angry,
but I thought to myself,

261
00:12:31,635 --> 00:12:34,237
"He's a good friend.
He probably had a good reason."

262
00:12:34,304 --> 00:12:37,206
Long story short, I killed him.

263
00:12:38,976 --> 00:12:40,810
I killed them both.

264
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:49,185
Thank you, Wayne.
That is a terrifying story.

265
00:12:49,253 --> 00:12:52,055
Man, Charlie.
In a gang,

266
00:12:52,123 --> 00:12:55,259
if somebody leaves,
you track them down,

267
00:12:55,326 --> 00:12:57,027
but you don't ever
go to the house

268
00:12:57,095 --> 00:12:59,764
because they're never going
to show up at the house.

269
00:12:59,832 --> 00:13:02,266
You just burn that down

270
00:13:02,334 --> 00:13:04,902
and go straight to their work.

271
00:13:04,970 --> 00:13:08,138
I can't go to his work.
It's an invasion of privacy.

272
00:13:08,206 --> 00:13:09,540
It could jeopardize
our confidentiality.

273
00:13:09,608 --> 00:13:11,542
But the ho left you!

274
00:13:16,248 --> 00:13:18,082
You know what?
I'm going to go to his work.

275
00:13:18,149 --> 00:13:21,852
- I deserve an explanation.
- Yeah, then you kill him.

276
00:13:23,355 --> 00:13:25,789
Then you kill
anybody who saw you.

277
00:13:33,432 --> 00:13:34,699
Hello, Patrick.

278
00:13:34,767 --> 00:13:36,935
Charlie.

279
00:13:37,002 --> 00:13:39,003
Well, this isn't wildly
inappropriate,

280
00:13:39,071 --> 00:13:40,471
you showing up at my work.

281
00:13:42,574 --> 00:13:45,243
No one here knows who I am.
I didn't come to embarrass you.

282
00:13:45,311 --> 00:13:48,012
Then why are you
wearing that shirt?

283
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,081
Now, good-bye, Charlie.
I only talk to customers.

284
00:13:50,148 --> 00:13:52,383
If you think that's going
to get rid of me, it's not.

285
00:13:52,451 --> 00:13:55,386
I'll buy a shirt.

286
00:13:55,453 --> 00:13:57,555
How about this one?

287
00:13:57,623 --> 00:13:59,757
Yeah, I've got to stop
wearing these anyways.

288
00:13:59,825 --> 00:14:02,893
They don't breathe.
They stink.

289
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,462
I think I'll just chuck it.

290
00:14:05,529 --> 00:14:07,897
I know why you're here, Charlie, and
just so you know, my new therapist

291
00:14:07,965 --> 00:14:09,732
says the best thing to do
is make a clean break.

292
00:14:11,168 --> 00:14:13,302
Is this about you feeling
ignored at the last meeting?

293
00:14:13,370 --> 00:14:15,237
Because that was a conscious
effort on my part not to...

294
00:14:15,305 --> 00:14:17,506
new therapist?

295
00:14:18,842 --> 00:14:20,242
Is it Kate?

296
00:14:20,310 --> 00:14:22,611
Look, I'm a challenging case.

297
00:14:22,679 --> 00:14:24,680
I just needed a different
level of expertise

298
00:14:24,747 --> 00:14:26,482
or any expertise at all.

299
00:14:28,684 --> 00:14:31,419
- Is it Kate?
- Now this is really a better shirt for you.

300
00:14:31,487 --> 00:14:33,287
Now you almost look
professional.

301
00:14:33,355 --> 00:14:36,724
Come on. I know
you're dying to tell me,

302
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,092
but you won't
because your pattern

303
00:14:38,159 --> 00:14:39,860
is to be manipulative
in a hurtful way

304
00:14:39,928 --> 00:14:41,295
that allows you not to be
called out on your anger.

305
00:14:41,362 --> 00:14:44,064
You know, Kate doesn't do
as much of the blah-blah.

306
00:14:46,234 --> 00:14:48,669
I knew it!
She stole you.

307
00:14:48,736 --> 00:14:51,138
You were just supposed
to dress her, that's it.

308
00:14:51,206 --> 00:14:53,374
And I did it brilliantly.
The woman has boy hips

309
00:14:53,441 --> 00:14:55,076
and monkey arms,
and I made it work.

310
00:14:56,578 --> 00:14:58,513
You're making a mistake.
You need to continue with me.

311
00:14:58,580 --> 00:15:02,350
Need? You have no idea
what I need.

312
00:15:02,418 --> 00:15:05,053
Look, I will also say that Kate
is a highly trained professional

313
00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:07,590
and certainly a most
capable therapist.

314
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:10,626
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have to go.

315
00:15:10,694 --> 00:15:12,628
I'm having dinner with
the monkey-armed bitch.

316
00:15:18,535 --> 00:15:21,204
- Hey.
- Look, I got the good table.

317
00:15:21,271 --> 00:15:23,339
That's great.

318
00:15:23,407 --> 00:15:25,441
Did you steal it
from somebody else?

319
00:15:25,509 --> 00:15:27,744
After they spent years on it
trying to make it a better,

320
00:15:27,811 --> 00:15:30,479
more well-adjusted
table?

321
00:15:30,547 --> 00:15:33,349
Okay, I know what you're thinking,
but I would never do that to you.

322
00:15:33,417 --> 00:15:36,185
It was 100% Patrick's decision.

323
00:15:36,253 --> 00:15:39,088
I... I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
That outfit is fabulous.

324
00:15:39,156 --> 00:15:41,157
It makes your arms
look almost human.

325
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:45,560
- Are you feeling angry?
- <i>Don't therapize me right now.</i>

326
00:15:45,628 --> 00:15:48,030
We're talking as buddies.
Oh, and, buddy,

327
00:15:48,098 --> 00:15:50,432
that was a real dick
move you pulled.

328
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:52,468
Charlie, we're both
professionals.

329
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:55,237
Okay, people change
therapists all the time.

330
00:15:55,305 --> 00:15:57,539
This is payback for me being
right about the Allport thing.

331
00:15:57,607 --> 00:16:01,043
And by the way, you're completely
undoing Patrick's therapy.

332
00:16:01,110 --> 00:16:03,245
So ignoring him was therapy?

333
00:16:03,313 --> 00:16:04,947
Oh, so, yes, it was.

334
00:16:06,482 --> 00:16:08,550
He was seeking attention
in a passive-aggressive way,

335
00:16:08,618 --> 00:16:10,352
and I wasn't
going to reward that.

336
00:16:10,419 --> 00:16:12,487
What you're doing is going to
make him completely backslide.

337
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:15,489
Okay, I understand
you are frustrated

338
00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:18,192
and I give you permission
to physicalize your anger

339
00:16:18,260 --> 00:16:19,560
appropriately
within the environment.

340
00:16:20,695 --> 00:16:22,763
You give me permission.

341
00:16:22,831 --> 00:16:25,065
I don't need permission
to do this.

342
00:16:34,175 --> 00:16:36,275
Thank you. If you could attack
me with some salt next,

343
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:38,177
that would be very helpful.

344
00:16:40,514 --> 00:16:43,483
You do understand
this means war.

345
00:16:43,551 --> 00:16:45,852
I'm sorry, nothing compared
to what you guys do.

346
00:16:47,121 --> 00:16:48,922
Thanks for that, by the way.

347
00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:50,924
This means intense conflict.

348
00:16:52,126 --> 00:16:54,160
It's not the same.

349
00:17:00,136 --> 00:17:02,637
Damn it.

350
00:17:05,341 --> 00:17:08,376
Charlie, I need to talk to you.
We have a problem.

351
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,412
Why can't you ever
come in here and say,

352
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,182
"Charlie, we have a solution"?

353
00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:15,617
It's Sam.
She's talking about sex

354
00:17:15,685 --> 00:17:17,486
during her college
prep club meetings.

355
00:17:17,554 --> 00:17:20,322
Finally, some real
college prep.

356
00:17:20,390 --> 00:17:22,124
I hope they cover how to
make a bong out of an apple

357
00:17:22,191 --> 00:17:24,493
and how to hump quietly
in a bunk bed.

358
00:17:24,561 --> 00:17:27,396
Rule number one,
always take the bottom bunk.

359
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:31,267
Charlie, your daughter is talking
about her own sexual encounters.

360
00:17:31,335 --> 00:17:32,835
But she hasn't had any.

361
00:17:32,903 --> 00:17:35,205
Well, according to the other
parents, she's talking about

362
00:17:35,273 --> 00:17:37,808
swimming naked,
loins, and erections.

363
00:17:37,876 --> 00:17:41,678
Loins and erections?
Sam?!

364
00:17:41,746 --> 00:17:45,049
You know, if Sam's had sex, it
certainly didn't happen on my watch.

365
00:17:45,117 --> 00:17:47,852
You know, I did drop her off at that
skinny-dipping erection party last week.

366
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,387
Was that bad?

367
00:17:51,690 --> 00:17:54,726
What's up? I'm in
a prep club meeting.

368
00:17:54,794 --> 00:17:57,162
Sweetie, we've heard that
you're telling all your friends

369
00:17:57,229 --> 00:17:59,297
that you're having sex.
What's going on, Sam?

370
00:17:59,365 --> 00:18:01,866
One of the girls said that I
was never going to have sex,

371
00:18:01,934 --> 00:18:04,235
so I made up a story,
but don't worry,

372
00:18:04,303 --> 00:18:06,471
I'm going to wait until
I'm 25 just like mom did.

373
00:18:15,849 --> 00:18:18,351
Let's get back to the
stuff Sam made up.

374
00:18:18,419 --> 00:18:20,119
It was just stuff I read.

375
00:18:20,187 --> 00:18:21,888
Aha!

376
00:18:21,956 --> 00:18:23,924
You see what happens when you leave
filth lying around the house?

377
00:18:23,991 --> 00:18:26,826
Hey, I don't have one single
piece of filth in this house.

378
00:18:26,894 --> 00:18:29,396
I got rid of all that
when I bought my Nook.

379
00:18:29,464 --> 00:18:31,365
Mom, it was one of your books.

380
00:18:31,432 --> 00:18:33,100
"Sabrina's Satin Surrender."

381
00:18:39,774 --> 00:18:41,709
Okay, now we know
where it came from.

382
00:18:41,776 --> 00:18:43,944
- It's not the end of the world.
- Sorry.

383
00:18:44,012 --> 00:18:46,313
Look, this isn't about blame.

384
00:18:46,381 --> 00:18:48,048
You felt peer pressure
to impress your friends.

385
00:18:48,116 --> 00:18:51,619
We all do that. I guess the only
other thing I have to say is... aha!

386
00:18:54,256 --> 00:18:56,690
Sam, go back and send your
friends home for the night.

387
00:18:56,758 --> 00:18:58,459
We'll talk about this
when they're gone.

388
00:18:58,527 --> 00:19:01,929
Thank God it's over.
Beauregard died like four chapters ago

389
00:19:01,997 --> 00:19:04,265
and all I've been doing is planting
cotton and raising the kids.

390
00:19:08,770 --> 00:19:10,838
Maybe I should get a Nook.

391
00:19:12,607 --> 00:19:15,275
- So it is a turn-on.
- Yes.

392
00:19:15,342 --> 00:19:18,410
It's the way women
wish they were treated.

393
00:19:18,478 --> 00:19:21,680
A woman loves it when the guy
comes back and fights for her,

394
00:19:21,748 --> 00:19:24,049
sweeps her off
her feet and takes her.

395
00:19:24,117 --> 00:19:26,117
Hey, whoa, whoa.
So it's about making someone feel wanted

396
00:19:26,185 --> 00:19:28,553
with a dramatic display
of intense emotion.

397
00:19:28,621 --> 00:19:32,057
Yes, Mr. Spock.

398
00:19:32,124 --> 00:19:33,825
He's doing it
because he has to have her.

399
00:19:33,893 --> 00:19:36,495
It's about the passion,
being overwhelmed.

400
00:19:36,562 --> 00:19:38,430
That's irresistible to women,

401
00:19:38,498 --> 00:19:40,866
but you'll never hear a girl say it
because it sounds kind of rapey.

402
00:19:46,006 --> 00:19:48,874
- Patrick.
- Charlie, what are you doing here?

403
00:19:50,043 --> 00:19:52,078
Kate's all wrong for you.

404
00:19:52,146 --> 00:19:53,647
I need you back
and I need you back now.

405
00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:55,815
- I don't think...
- Don't think!

406
00:19:55,883 --> 00:19:57,984
There's nothing
but this moment.

407
00:19:58,052 --> 00:20:00,320
You are coming back to group, you
will be in that chair tomorrow,

408
00:20:00,387 --> 00:20:01,754
and if you need
extra attention,

409
00:20:01,822 --> 00:20:02,955
you'll pay me
and we'll do a private.

410
00:20:04,091 --> 00:20:05,491
Okay.

411
00:20:06,693 --> 00:20:08,661
I'll see you in session.

412
00:20:08,729 --> 00:20:10,363
You're not even
going to carry me off?

413
00:20:10,431 --> 00:20:12,665
I have a tendon
from my ass in my knee

414
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,500
and I don't want to test it.

415
00:20:19,273 --> 00:20:20,707
- Hey.
- Hey.

416
00:20:20,775 --> 00:20:23,410
I just got a text from Patrick.

417
00:20:23,478 --> 00:20:25,846
I understand he's back with
you and I'm okay with that.

418
00:20:25,913 --> 00:20:28,215
Good.
You coming in?

419
00:20:28,283 --> 00:20:30,617
It's up to you.
You know how much

420
00:20:30,685 --> 00:20:33,187
I hate apologizing
and so here's the deal.

421
00:20:33,254 --> 00:20:35,856
You can either have me
or you can have an apology.

422
00:20:35,924 --> 00:20:39,693
Can I have a peek
under that coat?

423
00:20:39,761 --> 00:20:42,262
Only if you don't pick apology.

424
00:20:42,330 --> 00:20:44,531
Let me say it's like
nothing you've ever seen.

425
00:20:44,599 --> 00:20:47,734
Are we talking
topiary, piercing...

426
00:20:47,802 --> 00:20:50,704
- Just pick sex.
- Not so fast.

427
00:20:50,771 --> 00:20:52,372
You're not going to
sucker me into this one.

428
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,241
As a matter of fact,
since you offered the apology,

429
00:20:54,309 --> 00:20:55,676
I know you already feel
that you were wrong.

430
00:20:55,743 --> 00:20:58,478
So I don't need an apology.
I'll take you.

431
00:20:58,546 --> 00:21:00,347
Very nice.
Pennington's theory

432
00:21:00,414 --> 00:21:02,549
of anticipatory reasoning.

433
00:21:02,617 --> 00:21:04,684
You did that on purpose,
didn't you?

434
00:21:06,186 --> 00:21:08,054
- What?
- Well, you said Pennington,

435
00:21:08,122 --> 00:21:10,423
but you know it's Wilmington.

436
00:21:10,491 --> 00:21:12,992
Okay... okay, fine.
Pennington, I don't care.

437
00:21:14,102 --> 00:21:22,663
Sync and corrections by Sp8ky for
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