1 00:00:01,391 --> 00:00:02,925 Okay. Who would like to start today? 2 00:00:02,992 --> 00:00:04,830 I would. 3 00:00:04,897 --> 00:00:07,236 Whoa, what's with the attitude? 4 00:00:07,304 --> 00:00:09,340 It's a splint. 5 00:00:09,408 --> 00:00:11,244 I broke my finger last night because of you. 6 00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,146 See, everybody? 7 00:00:14,651 --> 00:00:16,653 And how exactly was I involved in that? 8 00:00:16,721 --> 00:00:18,225 You didn't answer your phone. 9 00:00:18,292 --> 00:00:20,462 I was in line at a club when some dog-faced bitch 10 00:00:20,530 --> 00:00:22,598 shoved me and I tripped and fell on the ground. 11 00:00:22,666 --> 00:00:25,669 - And that's how you broke your finger? - No. 12 00:00:25,737 --> 00:00:27,936 I was angry, so I called Charlie to talk me down, 13 00:00:28,004 --> 00:00:29,334 but you didn't pick up. 14 00:00:29,402 --> 00:00:31,772 So I found said bitch, took her face, 15 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,008 shoved it into the turntables, got my finger caught 16 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:35,877 in her cheap-ass weave, and it broke. 17 00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:38,946 First of all, said therapist 18 00:00:39,014 --> 00:00:40,680 takes no responsibility for said bitch slam. 19 00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:43,717 But, Lacey, if you had gotten a hold of me, 20 00:00:43,785 --> 00:00:45,186 what would I have said? 21 00:00:45,255 --> 00:00:47,189 You would have said for me to use 22 00:00:47,257 --> 00:00:49,558 my communication skills, express my hurt, 23 00:00:49,625 --> 00:00:51,893 breathe deeply, and walk away. 24 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:53,060 So why didn't you do that? 25 00:00:53,128 --> 00:00:55,863 I couldn't get in touch with you. 26 00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,363 Okay, let's solve this problem. 27 00:00:57,431 --> 00:00:59,933 Well, if we took some of that tape around her wrist 28 00:01:00,001 --> 00:01:02,368 and put it over her mouth, I think that would solve it. 29 00:01:05,606 --> 00:01:08,242 Look. You all know the basic techniques of anger management. 30 00:01:08,309 --> 00:01:10,210 Now, in the event that you can't get through to me, 31 00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:12,012 there's no reason you can't contact each other. 32 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,980 We'll call it the anger buddy call system. 33 00:01:14,048 --> 00:01:16,850 This is actually a really good idea. 34 00:01:16,917 --> 00:01:19,886 - Ed, you'll call Patrick. - Oh, crap. 35 00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:22,556 Patrick, you'll call Nolan. And, Nolan... 36 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:25,793 - Ed calls me, I call Patrick. - Oh, crap. 37 00:01:25,861 --> 00:01:28,429 Nolan, you'll call Lacey, and, Lacey, you call Ed. 38 00:01:28,497 --> 00:01:31,232 ( Cell phone ringing ) 39 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:34,369 - Hello? - Hi. 40 00:01:34,437 --> 00:01:36,806 Guys, I don't think you're getting the idea. 41 00:01:36,873 --> 00:01:39,509 - Nolan, if you call Lacey again, you better be... - On fire. 42 00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:42,579 - With rage and about to... - Stab yourself in the face. 43 00:01:42,647 --> 00:01:44,782 Lacey, sometimes I worry that you're... 44 00:01:44,850 --> 00:01:47,819 Too bitter to ever find a good guy to love me? 45 00:01:47,887 --> 00:01:49,254 That I'm going to end up living 46 00:01:49,322 --> 00:01:51,790 in some '90s stucco condo 47 00:01:51,858 --> 00:01:53,826 in Burbank with some loser? 48 00:01:53,894 --> 00:01:55,461 Like Nolan! 49 00:02:06,576 --> 00:02:08,443 Hey, Charlie. 50 00:02:13,283 --> 00:02:15,785 - Hi, Kate. - Don't worry about it, Charlie. 51 00:02:15,853 --> 00:02:17,521 This is my friend Victor. 52 00:02:17,589 --> 00:02:18,956 - Nice to meet you. - Pleasure. 53 00:02:19,023 --> 00:02:20,624 Victor and I met at a silt auction 54 00:02:20,692 --> 00:02:21,992 for the Museum of Contemporary Arts. 55 00:02:22,060 --> 00:02:23,427 We got into a little bidding war 56 00:02:23,495 --> 00:02:25,730 over one of Andy Warhol's wigs. 57 00:02:25,798 --> 00:02:29,568 - We were outbid by the Sultan of Brunei. - Barely. 58 00:02:29,636 --> 00:02:32,137 I feel ya. I can't tell you how many wigs 59 00:02:32,205 --> 00:02:34,874 I've lost to that guy. What a dick. 60 00:02:37,111 --> 00:02:39,245 Okay, well, I'll see you tonight. 61 00:02:43,217 --> 00:02:45,786 Excuse me, but don't you want to have a little playdate tonight? 62 00:02:45,854 --> 00:02:48,456 Uh-h. Victor and I are going to engage 63 00:02:48,523 --> 00:02:51,759 in some pseudointellectual one-upmanship over dinner, 64 00:02:51,827 --> 00:02:54,329 then the symphony, and then I'm coming over to your place to bang. 65 00:02:55,598 --> 00:02:57,099 So how are you feeling today? 66 00:02:57,166 --> 00:02:59,534 Stupid, but bangable. 67 00:02:59,602 --> 00:03:01,136 Oh, come on. You're not jealous. 68 00:03:01,204 --> 00:03:03,038 Of Grandpa Victor? 69 00:03:03,106 --> 00:03:06,976 No, I'm sure his tales of the Old West are spellbinding. 70 00:03:07,043 --> 00:03:10,446 He just has a brilliant intellect and I find him fascinating. 71 00:03:10,514 --> 00:03:11,881 Do you guys ever go out during the day 72 00:03:11,949 --> 00:03:14,818 or does the sunlight make him burst into flames? 73 00:03:14,885 --> 00:03:17,387 Charlie, I can't believe you're this upset. You barely met the guy. 74 00:03:17,455 --> 00:03:20,123 You saw how he was. The Sultan of Brunei stole my wig. 75 00:03:22,293 --> 00:03:25,628 Look, just because I like someone smart doesn't mean you're dumb. 76 00:03:25,696 --> 00:03:28,698 You are the smartest ex-baseball player I know. 77 00:03:28,766 --> 00:03:32,135 Victor has just been a cultured intellectual all his life. 78 00:03:32,203 --> 00:03:34,370 You're nouveau smart. 79 00:03:34,438 --> 00:03:36,372 I've been smart my whole life. 80 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:37,640 I just happened to be a good-looking athlete 81 00:03:37,708 --> 00:03:40,143 that didn't need to use it to get girls. 82 00:03:40,211 --> 00:03:42,947 But I've always had that bullet in the chamber. 83 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:45,983 Just waiting for my looks to fade. 84 00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:47,919 I'm still waiting. 85 00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:52,891 Charlie, double-shot latte. 86 00:03:52,959 --> 00:03:54,760 I'm sorry, Allie, 87 00:03:54,828 --> 00:03:56,662 but I ordered a double-shot espresso. 88 00:03:56,730 --> 00:03:58,130 Would you mind drinking this anyway? 89 00:03:58,198 --> 00:03:59,932 'Cause if you return it, then I got to pay for it. 90 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,868 I'll tell you what. I'll bet that in the next five minutes 91 00:04:02,936 --> 00:04:06,071 someone will want a double-shot latte, and if not, I'll pay for it. 92 00:04:06,139 --> 00:04:08,875 Statistically, considering the number of drinks that we offer, 93 00:04:08,942 --> 00:04:10,410 the foot traffic this time of day, 94 00:04:10,477 --> 00:04:12,411 and the relative popularity of a double-shot latte, 95 00:04:12,479 --> 00:04:14,680 you're looking at odds of 20 to 1. 96 00:04:14,748 --> 00:04:17,383 Wow. Impressive. Where did that come from? 97 00:04:17,450 --> 00:04:20,319 I'm working on my PhD in applied statistical economics. 98 00:04:20,387 --> 00:04:22,488 And you just used it in your real life? 99 00:04:22,556 --> 00:04:23,923 You might be the first person to ever do that. 100 00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:27,394 But I think your odds are way off. 101 00:04:27,462 --> 00:04:29,764 - You want to bet? - Okay, but I'm legally bound 102 00:04:29,831 --> 00:04:31,866 to warn you that I'm a psychotherapist and I know the power 103 00:04:31,933 --> 00:04:34,401 of subliminal primitive and cognitive influence. 104 00:04:34,469 --> 00:04:35,769 Wow. Impressive. 105 00:04:35,837 --> 00:04:38,139 And I guarantee that someone 106 00:04:38,207 --> 00:04:40,141 will order one of these in the next five minutes. 107 00:04:40,209 --> 00:04:43,511 You're on. Okay, clock starts right... now. 108 00:04:43,579 --> 00:04:45,146 Hello. 109 00:04:45,214 --> 00:04:48,250 I'd like a double-shot latte, please. 110 00:04:48,318 --> 00:04:50,185 If you have one at room temperature, that would be great. 111 00:04:50,253 --> 00:04:52,688 - Well played. - Thank you. 112 00:04:52,756 --> 00:04:54,190 Too bad we didn't decide on a wager. 113 00:04:54,258 --> 00:04:55,625 Well, we're both so smart, 114 00:04:55,693 --> 00:04:57,160 I just assumed we were talking about a dinner date. 115 00:04:57,228 --> 00:04:58,428 How do I know you're my type? 116 00:04:58,496 --> 00:05:00,697 Maybe you can gather some empirical evidence 117 00:05:00,765 --> 00:05:02,298 by going out to dinner with me. 118 00:05:02,366 --> 00:05:04,668 Okay. I'd love to. 119 00:05:04,735 --> 00:05:07,003 But only because you used the word empirical properly. 120 00:05:08,639 --> 00:05:11,241 Thank God. Gripping the wheel on that one. 121 00:05:11,568 --> 00:05:13,458 ( Theme music playing ) 122 00:05:13,578 --> 00:05:17,249 Sync and corrections by Sp8ky for www.addic7ed.com. 123 00:05:18,460 --> 00:05:20,361 Wow. You are on fire tonight. 124 00:05:20,428 --> 00:05:22,096 It's that opera Victor took me to. 125 00:05:22,163 --> 00:05:24,231 You wouldn't think a woman who kills her husband 126 00:05:24,299 --> 00:05:26,767 in the bridal chamber would be such a turn-on. 127 00:05:26,835 --> 00:05:29,203 You know, I've been looking for a good 128 00:05:29,271 --> 00:05:31,805 husband-murdery opera to go to and this sounds like the one. 129 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:34,374 You're going to an opera? 130 00:05:34,442 --> 00:05:38,112 - I made a new friend. - Oh, a new friend? 131 00:05:38,179 --> 00:05:40,347 We've gone out a couple of times. 132 00:05:40,414 --> 00:05:42,749 Saturday we're celebrating that she finished her dissertation, 133 00:05:42,817 --> 00:05:43,984 so we're going to go to the opera. 134 00:05:44,051 --> 00:05:46,186 Opera? Dissertation? 135 00:05:46,254 --> 00:05:48,755 Does she know you're only going out with her to get back at me for Victor? 136 00:05:48,823 --> 00:05:52,760 She's extremely smart, she'll figure it out. 137 00:05:52,827 --> 00:05:55,362 That's only part of the reason I'm doing it. 138 00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:57,264 She's the smartest woman I've ever met 139 00:05:57,332 --> 00:05:59,099 and she finds me fascinating. 140 00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:01,401 We have a meeting of the minds. 141 00:06:01,469 --> 00:06:03,203 Is this meeting at the corner 142 00:06:03,271 --> 00:06:05,539 of wishful and thinking? 143 00:06:05,607 --> 00:06:07,808 Well, actually, it's in your building. 144 00:06:07,876 --> 00:06:10,411 She works in the coffee shop. 145 00:06:10,478 --> 00:06:12,480 Wait. 146 00:06:12,547 --> 00:06:14,148 You're not talking about Allie, are you? 147 00:06:14,216 --> 00:06:16,951 - You know her? - Yes. 148 00:06:17,018 --> 00:06:20,054 She's a patient of mine. I don't think you should be seeing her. 149 00:06:20,122 --> 00:06:21,589 Oh, come on. Why? 150 00:06:21,657 --> 00:06:23,691 Because it's a huge conflict for me. 151 00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:25,827 You're dating her now, you're going to be sleeping with her, 152 00:06:25,894 --> 00:06:28,696 and I need to be objective about your relationships when I analyze you. 153 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:32,867 Now pull my underwear down with your teeth. 154 00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:34,302 No problem. I'll just go out with her as a friend, 155 00:06:34,370 --> 00:06:36,070 just like you do with the guys that you see. 156 00:06:36,138 --> 00:06:39,241 Yes, but you can't just have women friends. 157 00:06:39,308 --> 00:06:40,909 Sex is your Achilles' heel. 158 00:06:40,977 --> 00:06:42,978 The longest you've ever resisted a vagina is now 159 00:06:43,045 --> 00:06:44,780 and it's starting to get me upset. 160 00:06:47,750 --> 00:06:49,752 All right. I don't like it, but fine. 161 00:06:49,820 --> 00:06:51,754 I'll explain to her that I can't see her any more. 162 00:06:51,822 --> 00:06:54,958 Thank you for respecting my wishes. 163 00:06:55,025 --> 00:06:57,594 Okay. Underwear, teeth, now. 164 00:06:58,929 --> 00:07:00,763 Aren't you forgetting something? 165 00:07:00,831 --> 00:07:02,165 Please? 166 00:07:06,537 --> 00:07:08,371 - ( Phone ringing ) - ( Snorts ) 167 00:07:08,439 --> 00:07:10,139 What the hell? 168 00:07:12,710 --> 00:07:14,244 Hello? 169 00:07:14,311 --> 00:07:17,280 - ( Loud music playing ) - Ed, it's Patrick. 170 00:07:17,347 --> 00:07:19,449 - From group. - What are you calling me for? 171 00:07:19,517 --> 00:07:22,385 - It's the middle of the night. - It's 9:30. 172 00:07:22,453 --> 00:07:25,021 I get up at 4:00. 173 00:07:25,089 --> 00:07:27,991 That's when I piss, shave, and have breakfast. 174 00:07:28,058 --> 00:07:29,792 That's three things I accomplish 175 00:07:29,860 --> 00:07:33,395 before you get your first peter in your face. 176 00:07:33,463 --> 00:07:36,598 Can you come over, please? I'm about to lose it with my neighbors. 177 00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:38,333 They've been having a party for the last 12 hours 178 00:07:38,401 --> 00:07:40,301 and it's driving me crazy. 179 00:07:40,369 --> 00:07:43,171 - Call the cops. - I did and they won't do anything. 180 00:07:43,238 --> 00:07:44,605 You're my anger buddy call. 181 00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:47,841 Could you please come over here and talk me down. 182 00:07:47,909 --> 00:07:50,977 If I come over there, somebody is going to get hurt. 183 00:07:51,045 --> 00:07:52,946 I don't want to beat them up. 184 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,149 I'm talking about you. 185 00:07:56,719 --> 00:07:58,920 Look at me, dude. You want me in there. 186 00:07:58,988 --> 00:08:00,956 ( Cell phone rings ) 187 00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,458 What's up, Patrick? 188 00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:06,829 - What do you want? - I am about to lose it with my neighbors. 189 00:08:06,897 --> 00:08:09,899 - I called Ed, but he blew me off. - What are they doing? 190 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:12,168 They're having a party with really loud music 191 00:08:12,236 --> 00:08:14,870 that has been going on forever. Listen. 192 00:08:14,938 --> 00:08:17,072 Sounds like the deejay is playing Skrillex. 193 00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:18,874 Cool, I'll be right over. 194 00:08:23,579 --> 00:08:26,213 ( Phone rings ) 195 00:08:26,281 --> 00:08:28,315 Nolan residence. 196 00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:31,118 Nolan, I need a ride to Patrick's, now. 197 00:08:31,185 --> 00:08:34,287 And I'm supposed to just stop whatever I'm doing? 198 00:08:34,355 --> 00:08:35,789 Yes. 199 00:08:35,857 --> 00:08:38,058 Okay. 200 00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:40,594 - I'm at the Abbey. - Yeah, you are. 201 00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,501 Charlie, sorry I'm late. 202 00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:49,037 It took me awhile to print out my dissertation. 203 00:08:49,105 --> 00:08:50,438 For you. 204 00:08:50,506 --> 00:08:52,274 Wow. Thank you. 205 00:08:52,342 --> 00:08:53,943 - I'm flattered. - Yeah. 206 00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:57,012 "Statistical deviations in the estimated gross domestic product 207 00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:00,983 of the Soviet Bloc, 1971-1972, as compared to the"... 208 00:09:01,051 --> 00:09:02,818 you know what, I'll read the rest of the title tonight. 209 00:09:02,886 --> 00:09:06,755 Okay, it may be a little dry for somebody who's not into statistics. 210 00:09:06,823 --> 00:09:09,992 Even for the casual statistics lover. 211 00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:11,693 You might want to think about ending the title 212 00:09:11,761 --> 00:09:14,396 with "Beyond Thunderdome." 213 00:09:14,464 --> 00:09:16,832 - I'm sorry, I don't know what that means. - Really? 214 00:09:16,900 --> 00:09:18,300 "Mad Max"? It's a movie. 215 00:09:18,368 --> 00:09:20,736 Eh, it doesn't matter. 216 00:09:20,803 --> 00:09:22,971 Allie, I can't go out with you any more. 217 00:09:23,039 --> 00:09:24,973 Okay, it's only, like, two hours of my life. 218 00:09:25,041 --> 00:09:26,408 I'll watch the movie. 219 00:09:27,744 --> 00:09:29,411 No, no, it's not that. 220 00:09:29,479 --> 00:09:32,547 Kate Wales is my best friend and we're both her patients 221 00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:34,782 and she doesn't want us to do this. 222 00:09:34,850 --> 00:09:37,151 - Really? - Yeah, she felt pretty strongly about it. 223 00:09:37,219 --> 00:09:38,752 There's no wiggle room here. It's forbidden. 224 00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:41,088 Forbidden, huh? 225 00:09:41,156 --> 00:09:42,990 Well, I mean, that just seems so silly. 226 00:09:43,057 --> 00:09:44,658 We're just friends. What do we have to hide? 227 00:09:44,725 --> 00:09:46,626 I know, I know. I agree with you. 228 00:09:46,694 --> 00:09:47,961 I just don't want to upset her. 229 00:09:48,029 --> 00:09:50,496 I mean, it's not like we're doing this. 230 00:09:50,564 --> 00:09:52,098 Doing wha... whoa! 231 00:09:52,165 --> 00:09:54,434 I mean, if Kate saw that, 232 00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:57,203 she would be pretty upset, right? 233 00:09:57,271 --> 00:10:00,773 If the vice squad saw that, they would be pretty upset. 234 00:10:00,841 --> 00:10:04,310 - Zipper, not buttons. - You're bad. 235 00:10:04,378 --> 00:10:07,247 I wonder what Kate would say if she walked in on us 236 00:10:07,314 --> 00:10:09,316 in the bathroom in the next 15 minutes? 237 00:10:09,383 --> 00:10:11,518 She would probably say, "I can't believe you're doing this" 238 00:10:11,585 --> 00:10:12,919 and I'm deeply disappointed in both of you." 239 00:10:14,488 --> 00:10:15,922 But there's only one way to find out. 240 00:10:21,226 --> 00:10:23,795 Sam, I promised my friend I would read her dissertation 241 00:10:23,863 --> 00:10:25,197 and I'm seeing her tonight. Are you done yet? 242 00:10:25,264 --> 00:10:27,900 - You got my 10 bucks? - Not so fast. 243 00:10:27,967 --> 00:10:30,135 The deal was you write me a one-page synopsis of it 244 00:10:30,203 --> 00:10:31,904 so I know what I'm talking about and then you get the money. 245 00:10:37,109 --> 00:10:39,644 Thank you. 246 00:10:39,712 --> 00:10:42,313 "This is a very interesting dissertation with multiple themes" 247 00:10:42,381 --> 00:10:44,883 that I have found to be very interesting. 248 00:10:44,951 --> 00:10:46,918 It is about the statistical deviations 249 00:10:46,985 --> 00:10:49,153 in the estimated gross domestic product of the Soviet Bloc, 250 00:10:49,221 --> 00:10:51,322 1971-1972"... 251 00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:53,290 Hey, all you did was copy the title. 252 00:10:54,626 --> 00:10:56,493 All you did was give me 10 bucks. 253 00:11:02,534 --> 00:11:05,336 Hey, hey, hey. Don't eat that. It's for the group. 254 00:11:05,404 --> 00:11:08,005 - Sorry. - Well, don't put it back. You touched it. 255 00:11:08,073 --> 00:11:10,708 - I'll toss it. - Don't throw it away. It's perfectly good food. 256 00:11:10,776 --> 00:11:13,511 What am I supposed to do with this? 257 00:11:13,579 --> 00:11:16,381 Well, you might as well eat it now. 258 00:11:16,448 --> 00:11:19,184 - Don't make a face when you taste it. - What is wrong with you? 259 00:11:19,251 --> 00:11:22,653 I'm sorry, Mike. I'm on edge. 260 00:11:22,721 --> 00:11:24,655 I did something that I shouldn't have done. 261 00:11:24,723 --> 00:11:26,724 Touched a muffin you weren't supposed to? 262 00:11:26,792 --> 00:11:29,594 Well, in a way. 263 00:11:31,864 --> 00:11:33,866 I had sex with one of Kate's patients last night. 264 00:11:33,933 --> 00:11:36,268 - Why is that a problem? - She told me not to, 265 00:11:36,336 --> 00:11:39,138 I agreed not to, and now I want to do it again. 266 00:11:39,206 --> 00:11:41,408 Well, Kate better not find out. 267 00:11:41,476 --> 00:11:43,877 Hell hath no fury like a woman's corn. 268 00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,448 No, Mike, it's Shakespeare. 269 00:11:47,516 --> 00:11:49,750 "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." 270 00:11:49,818 --> 00:11:52,053 Yeah, trust me, Charles. A woman doesn't throw a can of scorned 271 00:11:52,121 --> 00:11:54,489 at your head after you've had sex with her sister. 272 00:11:56,158 --> 00:11:58,326 I stand corrected. Is that why you got divorced? 273 00:11:58,393 --> 00:12:00,628 No, no, no. Political differences. 274 00:12:00,696 --> 00:12:03,131 Yes, that's why I got divorced. 275 00:12:03,198 --> 00:12:05,400 I betrayed her trust. 276 00:12:05,467 --> 00:12:06,768 Well, that's what's so weird. 277 00:12:06,835 --> 00:12:08,503 Kate and I have no emotional obligation to each other, 278 00:12:08,570 --> 00:12:10,071 but I still feel like I'm cheating on her. 279 00:12:10,139 --> 00:12:12,941 - Stop seeing the girl. - I don't want to. 280 00:12:13,008 --> 00:12:15,110 She's smart, she's attractive, 281 00:12:15,177 --> 00:12:16,578 she thinks I'm intelligent, 282 00:12:16,645 --> 00:12:19,081 and she's into all this crazy, dangerous sex. 283 00:12:19,148 --> 00:12:21,517 You can barely drive the woman home without risking your life. 284 00:12:22,685 --> 00:12:24,186 It's awesome. 285 00:12:27,690 --> 00:12:30,325 Problem is, Kate's our therapist. 286 00:12:30,393 --> 00:12:33,495 Wait, don't you have great sex with Kate, too? 287 00:12:33,563 --> 00:12:37,399 - Yes. - So let me get this straight. 288 00:12:37,467 --> 00:12:40,202 You have two women that you have great sex with, 289 00:12:40,269 --> 00:12:42,671 and I haven't been laid since the niblet incident. 290 00:12:44,574 --> 00:12:47,776 I got nothing and you're hassling me about a Danish? 291 00:12:47,844 --> 00:12:49,745 Shame on you! 292 00:12:52,915 --> 00:12:55,149 You were supposed to talk me out of it! 293 00:13:01,189 --> 00:13:04,057 - Hey, guys. - You owe me $750 294 00:13:04,125 --> 00:13:06,660 for bailing these morons out of jail. 295 00:13:06,728 --> 00:13:09,262 Jail? 296 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,064 Anyone want to tell me what happened? 297 00:13:11,132 --> 00:13:12,699 Moe? Larry? Curly? 298 00:13:14,202 --> 00:13:16,003 My neighbors were having a really loud party, 299 00:13:16,071 --> 00:13:18,205 so I used your anger buddy thing 300 00:13:18,273 --> 00:13:20,608 and called Lacey and Nolan, 301 00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:22,377 and they came over to try and calm me down, 302 00:13:22,444 --> 00:13:25,346 and then things got crazy. 303 00:13:25,414 --> 00:13:28,216 So neither of you were able to help him control his anger? 304 00:13:28,284 --> 00:13:30,418 You just went over there, went all "Thunderdome" and got arrested? 305 00:13:30,486 --> 00:13:32,187 What's that? 306 00:13:32,255 --> 00:13:34,689 No one knows that movie? 307 00:13:34,757 --> 00:13:36,558 For your information, 308 00:13:36,626 --> 00:13:38,627 Mr. Jump-To- Conclusions-Face, 309 00:13:38,695 --> 00:13:42,664 we calmly went over there to dialogue with them. 310 00:13:42,732 --> 00:13:45,100 Turns out they were really nice 311 00:13:45,168 --> 00:13:47,236 and had tequila shooters. 312 00:13:47,303 --> 00:13:50,739 Lots and lots of tequila shooters. 313 00:13:50,807 --> 00:13:52,440 Tequila? What were you thinking? 314 00:13:52,508 --> 00:13:54,542 It's the Mel Gibson of alcohol. 315 00:13:54,610 --> 00:13:56,878 But then when the cops got there, 316 00:13:56,946 --> 00:13:58,379 Patrick screwed up everything. 317 00:13:58,447 --> 00:14:00,781 All I asked was if they knew where the cowboy, 318 00:14:00,849 --> 00:14:02,716 the construction worker, and the Indian were. What? 319 00:14:04,686 --> 00:14:06,453 Then... and you'll be proud of us for this... 320 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,554 somebody else started a fight. 321 00:14:08,622 --> 00:14:10,823 We just ran away. 322 00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,860 I found us an awesome hiding place in the back of a car. 323 00:14:13,928 --> 00:14:16,029 Turns out it was a cop car. 324 00:14:16,096 --> 00:14:17,564 Yeah, and we were drunk. 325 00:14:20,434 --> 00:14:22,468 Then they got one phone call. 326 00:14:22,536 --> 00:14:24,236 They called me. 327 00:14:24,304 --> 00:14:26,739 Wait a second. So Patrick got mad 328 00:14:26,806 --> 00:14:28,340 and he called Ed, but he wouldn't come over? 329 00:14:28,407 --> 00:14:30,108 - Yeah. - Yes. 330 00:14:30,176 --> 00:14:32,077 And then Lacey and Nolan came over and you all got drunk, 331 00:14:32,144 --> 00:14:33,311 told off a cop, and got arrested? 332 00:14:33,379 --> 00:14:35,381 - Yeah. - Yeah. 333 00:14:35,448 --> 00:14:36,582 And you called Ed to bail you out? 334 00:14:36,650 --> 00:14:37,750 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 335 00:14:37,817 --> 00:14:38,851 You called Ed instead of me? 336 00:14:38,918 --> 00:14:40,352 - Yeah. - Yeah. 337 00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:42,254 Phone system works! 338 00:14:46,193 --> 00:14:48,061 Oh, great. 339 00:14:50,198 --> 00:14:52,933 Charlie? 340 00:14:53,001 --> 00:14:54,501 - Charlie! - It's not what you think! 341 00:14:54,569 --> 00:14:56,904 She's the maid. I slipped. It just happened. 342 00:14:56,971 --> 00:14:59,072 I'm sorry. Please, don't leave me. 343 00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:04,811 - Charlie, it's 2012. - What? 344 00:15:04,879 --> 00:15:06,747 Oh, right. We're divorced. 345 00:15:06,814 --> 00:15:08,982 Man, that was like riding a bicycle. 346 00:15:09,050 --> 00:15:12,085 Hi, I'm Jen. Charlie cheated on me a lot. 347 00:15:12,153 --> 00:15:14,621 Hi, I'm Allie, and I kind of figured that out. 348 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,825 Hey, do you have the check for Sam's camp? 349 00:15:17,892 --> 00:15:20,160 - Yeah, it's in the kitchen. - Got it. 350 00:15:20,228 --> 00:15:23,330 Nice meeting you. Thanks for the tripp down memory lane. 351 00:15:27,001 --> 00:15:29,136 You know, if we start again right now, 352 00:15:29,203 --> 00:15:32,106 she might catch us on the way back out. 353 00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:34,842 Nah, she'll leave through the kitchen. 354 00:15:34,909 --> 00:15:37,110 You know, we could go do it on the front lawn, 355 00:15:37,178 --> 00:15:39,646 see if we get on Google Earth. 356 00:15:39,714 --> 00:15:42,315 I've already done that. 357 00:15:42,383 --> 00:15:43,917 I'll show you later. 358 00:15:47,922 --> 00:15:51,191 - ( Knocking ) - Crap. Kate. 359 00:15:51,259 --> 00:15:53,093 Just a sec. 360 00:16:01,636 --> 00:16:04,037 - Hey. - Hey, Charlie. Can I borrow your binoculars? 361 00:16:04,105 --> 00:16:07,107 I'm skipping work to go to the Heritage Blues Festival with Victor. 362 00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:09,242 You're probably in a hurry. Why don't you go back out to your car 363 00:16:09,310 --> 00:16:11,711 - and I'll bring them to you? - Actually, I've got 20 minutes. 364 00:16:11,778 --> 00:16:14,213 Why don't we go upstairs and knock out a quick one? 365 00:16:14,281 --> 00:16:16,749 Are you kidding? You've got to get to a blues festival early. 366 00:16:16,817 --> 00:16:19,418 Half of the fun is watching the blind musicians try to make it to the stage. 367 00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:23,623 You know what? I think they're in the kitchen. 368 00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,858 It's the big room with the stove. 369 00:16:27,861 --> 00:16:30,096 - Are they in one of these drawers? - I think so. 370 00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:35,434 All this cooking stuff. 371 00:16:37,070 --> 00:16:40,171 I think they're in one of these drawers somewhere. 372 00:16:40,239 --> 00:16:42,040 Check the pantry. 373 00:16:43,742 --> 00:16:46,144 - I don't see them. - Look on the top shelf. 374 00:16:49,081 --> 00:16:50,748 - I don't think they're in here. - Go back, go back. 375 00:16:50,816 --> 00:16:53,418 Look again. 376 00:16:53,485 --> 00:16:55,453 Charlie, this is ridic... 377 00:16:55,521 --> 00:16:58,624 - Oh, here they are. - See? 378 00:16:58,692 --> 00:17:00,226 You're all set. You better get going. 379 00:17:03,096 --> 00:17:05,064 Okay, go. 380 00:17:08,001 --> 00:17:09,402 Drive safe. 381 00:17:09,470 --> 00:17:12,305 Enjoy the songs of hard times and racial oppression. 382 00:17:13,507 --> 00:17:15,308 Thanks. See you later. 383 00:17:20,447 --> 00:17:22,949 That was so much fun. How turned on are you right now? 384 00:17:23,016 --> 00:17:25,317 Not as much as you. 385 00:17:25,385 --> 00:17:28,020 - Where's Kate going? - To a blues festival. 386 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:31,157 Let's do it in her office. 387 00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:32,591 You're insane. 388 00:17:32,659 --> 00:17:34,693 Oh, you're not kidding. 389 00:17:34,761 --> 00:17:37,996 - I don't think we should. - Oh, I know we shouldn't. 390 00:17:38,064 --> 00:17:39,965 - But we're going to, aren't we? - Uh-huh. 391 00:17:41,901 --> 00:17:44,502 By the way, remember how you thought I was really smart? 392 00:17:44,570 --> 00:17:46,604 - Yeah. - You were wrong. 393 00:17:51,462 --> 00:17:53,063 Oh, wow. 394 00:17:53,130 --> 00:17:56,599 How perfect is it that Kate trusts you enough 395 00:17:56,667 --> 00:17:59,169 to give you a key to her office? 396 00:17:59,236 --> 00:18:01,038 Have you ever fantasized about having sex in here? 397 00:18:01,105 --> 00:18:03,273 Fantasized? No. 398 00:18:04,843 --> 00:18:06,711 Well, I have. 399 00:18:11,751 --> 00:18:14,220 This is so exciting. Come here. 400 00:18:14,288 --> 00:18:16,556 You know, this may sound crazy, 401 00:18:16,624 --> 00:18:19,126 but I think I'm having one of those bungee jump moments. 402 00:18:19,193 --> 00:18:22,062 - What? - It all sounds great when you sign up, 403 00:18:22,129 --> 00:18:24,197 but all of a sudden you're up there, ready to go, 404 00:18:24,265 --> 00:18:26,299 and you think, "Who's that screaming?" 405 00:18:26,367 --> 00:18:29,069 And you realize, "Oh, it's me." 406 00:18:29,136 --> 00:18:31,838 Yeah, and then you jump and you never knew anything 407 00:18:31,906 --> 00:18:34,140 could be so exhilarating. 408 00:18:37,378 --> 00:18:39,178 I'm going to set the mood a little bit. 409 00:18:48,122 --> 00:18:50,691 Okay. So the mood is set for all of Santa Monica. 410 00:18:51,859 --> 00:18:53,360 Oh, this is so hot. 411 00:18:53,428 --> 00:18:56,396 We have to do it on the couch. 412 00:18:56,464 --> 00:18:58,865 Or... different idea... 413 00:18:58,933 --> 00:19:02,136 we go down to the parking garage and we do it in Kate's spot. 414 00:19:02,203 --> 00:19:05,473 Let's just get it on where we can back in. 415 00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:07,742 Come on. 416 00:19:07,810 --> 00:19:09,811 I... I can't have sex on this couch. 417 00:19:09,879 --> 00:19:11,679 Hey, you said you wanted to do this. 418 00:19:11,747 --> 00:19:14,783 You can't just get me all revved up and then not follow through. 419 00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:18,086 Well, okay, you can, but then you have to finish strong. 420 00:19:18,153 --> 00:19:20,889 I'm sorry, but Kate's my best friend 421 00:19:20,956 --> 00:19:22,590 and I just can't do this to her. 422 00:19:22,658 --> 00:19:24,192 I don't know what it's called for the ladies, 423 00:19:24,260 --> 00:19:26,294 but I think I'm blue-balling you. 424 00:19:26,362 --> 00:19:28,630 There is no word for it 425 00:19:28,697 --> 00:19:31,165 because no one ever turned down sex from a hot woman. 426 00:19:31,233 --> 00:19:33,201 Let me tell you, I'm not crazy about being the fit... 427 00:19:34,703 --> 00:19:37,438 but this is really, really unhealthy. 428 00:19:37,506 --> 00:19:39,240 I think we both might want to do a little work with Kate 429 00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:41,242 on our obsessions with dangerous sex. 430 00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:44,045 That might be your problem, but that's not mine. 431 00:19:44,112 --> 00:19:46,647 I went to see Kate because I was morbidly shy. 432 00:19:46,715 --> 00:19:49,083 Oh, well, in that case, 433 00:19:49,151 --> 00:19:51,085 you're making terrific progress. 434 00:19:54,990 --> 00:19:57,525 On my couch?! 435 00:19:57,593 --> 00:20:00,094 I just had that cleaned. 436 00:20:00,162 --> 00:20:02,330 I told you, nothing happened. 437 00:20:02,397 --> 00:20:04,232 I felt horrible and I shut the entire thing down. 438 00:20:04,299 --> 00:20:05,834 I'm really sorry. 439 00:20:05,901 --> 00:20:09,271 Okay. Okay. 440 00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:11,340 Thank you for telling me. 441 00:20:11,407 --> 00:20:13,609 At least now I know 442 00:20:13,677 --> 00:20:17,045 that when Allie talks about that old guy who pink-balled her... 443 00:20:17,113 --> 00:20:20,950 - Pink-balled? - Blue-balling for women. 444 00:20:21,017 --> 00:20:23,686 I knew I wasn't the first. 445 00:20:23,753 --> 00:20:25,921 Old guy? 446 00:20:25,989 --> 00:20:28,257 Just so you know, 447 00:20:28,325 --> 00:20:31,794 I think a little of this might be my fault. 448 00:20:33,496 --> 00:20:35,631 I should have never teased you about Victor. 449 00:20:35,699 --> 00:20:39,335 I wouldn't be your friend if I didn't think your intellect 450 00:20:39,403 --> 00:20:43,239 wasn't, you know, borderline above average. 451 00:20:43,307 --> 00:20:45,541 I'd probably still sleep with you, though. 452 00:20:45,609 --> 00:20:48,411 Mmm. Charlie like. 453 00:20:48,478 --> 00:20:51,848 By the way, Victor and I are done. 454 00:20:51,915 --> 00:20:53,583 Really? What happened? 455 00:20:53,650 --> 00:20:54,884 He wrote me a love sonnet. 456 00:20:54,952 --> 00:20:57,853 Oh, rookie mistake. 457 00:20:57,921 --> 00:21:00,055 No wonder this guy's 90 and single. 458 00:21:00,122 --> 00:21:02,658 He's just not my type of guy. 459 00:21:02,725 --> 00:21:05,027 Come over here? 460 00:21:05,094 --> 00:21:07,696 I'd love to, but Jen's going to be over any minute. 461 00:21:07,764 --> 00:21:10,633 So you're afraid she'll catch us? 462 00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:13,299 - You know how you just said I was smart? - Yeah. 463 00:21:13,419 --> 00:21:14,801 You're wrong.