1
00:00:00,904 --> 00:00:03,205
Is Sam still out with your dad?
2
00:00:03,239 --> 00:00:05,140
It's been almost six hours.
3
00:00:05,207 --> 00:00:06,741
Maybe he took her
to the mall again.
4
00:00:06,809 --> 00:00:09,100
I mean, for a guy his age,
that's like three hours
5
00:00:09,168 --> 00:00:12,465
to find a parking spot and
three more hours to back out.
6
00:00:12,532 --> 00:00:14,876
Actually, I think he was
taking her to Long Beach
7
00:00:14,944 --> 00:00:16,989
to see the cargo ships come in.
8
00:00:17,057 --> 00:00:20,261
Oh, well, then she's probably just
waiting for the adrenaline to wear off.
9
00:00:20,329 --> 00:00:22,331
He's monopolizing all her time.
10
00:00:22,399 --> 00:00:24,399
It's not fair to Sam.
She's not me.
11
00:00:24,467 --> 00:00:27,173
I'm good at making up excuses
and I'm running out.
12
00:00:27,241 --> 00:00:30,146
I mean, how many quinceañeras
can one white lady go to?
13
00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:33,654
I thought you guys loved
hanging out with my dad.
14
00:00:33,722 --> 00:00:37,128
No, we do it because his wife
kicked him out and he's lonely.
15
00:00:37,196 --> 00:00:39,165
But we can only take so much.
16
00:00:39,232 --> 00:00:40,952
I mean, you've got to
do something about it.
17
00:00:41,002 --> 00:00:42,238
What am I supposed to do?
18
00:00:42,305 --> 00:00:45,042
I grew up with the guy.
I did my time.
19
00:00:45,110 --> 00:00:46,678
Well, Sam's 15.
20
00:00:46,745 --> 00:00:48,713
She should be up
in her room hating us,
21
00:00:48,780 --> 00:00:54,425
listening to some super sincere
neo-folk bearded jug band BS.
22
00:00:55,695 --> 00:00:58,398
What happened
to metal, Charlie?
23
00:00:58,466 --> 00:01:00,936
What a day. What a day.
24
00:01:01,004 --> 00:01:02,638
Hey, you're back.
25
00:01:02,706 --> 00:01:04,908
- Did you see the ships?
- We saw the ships.
26
00:01:04,975 --> 00:01:07,277
We visited a cemetery
for war veterans.
27
00:01:07,344 --> 00:01:11,150
We read a terrific brochure about
California's largest flag.
28
00:01:11,217 --> 00:01:13,018
And what was
the best part, Sam?
29
00:01:13,085 --> 00:01:15,752
Hard to beat the cemetery.
30
00:01:15,820 --> 00:01:18,189
No, the best part is we're
going out again tonight.
31
00:01:18,257 --> 00:01:20,926
I'm taking Sam to
a little Italian restaurant
32
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:23,896
I discovered where all the
waiters sing Bobby Darin songs.
33
00:01:23,963 --> 00:01:25,729
"Splish Splash." You
want to go with us, Jen?
34
00:01:25,797 --> 00:01:27,861
Tonight? Oh, I can't.
35
00:01:27,928 --> 00:01:30,881
I got my online banjo lessons.
36
00:01:30,944 --> 00:01:33,274
You should play
for us sometime.
37
00:01:33,342 --> 00:01:36,511
All right, I'm gonna
go home for a nap,
38
00:01:36,579 --> 00:01:38,539
and then I'll be back to
pick you up at 6:30 sharp.
39
00:01:38,547 --> 00:01:40,747
Be there or be square.
40
00:01:40,815 --> 00:01:42,315
Bye-bye, sweetheart.
41
00:01:43,784 --> 00:01:45,519
Oh.
42
00:01:45,586 --> 00:01:48,688
Sam, you know you don't have to go
out with Grandpa again tonight.
43
00:01:48,756 --> 00:01:51,357
Or ever, really.
44
00:01:51,425 --> 00:01:55,225
But he's my grandpa. I mean, who
knows how much time he has left?
45
00:01:55,293 --> 00:01:57,694
I know. The suspense
is killing me.
46
00:02:00,863 --> 00:02:03,303
Okay, we still have a few minutes left.
Anybody have anything?
47
00:02:03,362 --> 00:02:07,298
Well, if I'm being
totally honest,
48
00:02:07,366 --> 00:02:10,034
I'm a little worried I've been
smoking too much pot lately.
49
00:02:10,102 --> 00:02:12,504
Nolan, if I'm being
totally honest,
50
00:02:12,571 --> 00:02:15,240
you just said the exact
same thing 10 minutes ago.
51
00:02:16,543 --> 00:02:17,843
Anybody else?
52
00:02:17,911 --> 00:02:23,149
Okay, there's this douchebag who
tormented me in high school
53
00:02:23,216 --> 00:02:24,696
and, according to
my schedule at work,
54
00:02:24,718 --> 00:02:26,719
he's coming in
for a fashion consultation.
55
00:02:26,787 --> 00:02:28,655
It may not even
be the same guy.
56
00:02:28,722 --> 00:02:31,625
Could be some random non-douchebag
with the same name.
57
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:36,898
He's a Mexican Jew and his
name is Gonzalo Rosenblatt.
58
00:02:36,965 --> 00:02:39,167
You were saying?
59
00:02:39,235 --> 00:02:41,803
Give me five minutes
and I'll show you
60
00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:43,605
how to sever
his Achilles tendon
61
00:02:43,672 --> 00:02:46,574
with a credit card
and a ballpoint pen.
62
00:02:46,642 --> 00:02:50,078
Ed, I am already here because
of an incident at work.
63
00:02:50,146 --> 00:02:51,714
If he starts in,
I'm gonna lose it.
64
00:02:51,781 --> 00:02:53,515
And if that happens again,
I'm out of a job.
65
00:02:53,583 --> 00:02:55,751
You're just being
dramatic, Patrick.
66
00:02:55,819 --> 00:02:58,420
You were probably an
insignificant bug to this guy.
67
00:02:58,488 --> 00:03:00,488
I bet he doesn't even remember
you from high school.
68
00:03:00,490 --> 00:03:02,458
I bet nobody remembers you
from high school.
69
00:03:02,526 --> 00:03:04,293
Thank you, Lacey.
70
00:03:04,361 --> 00:03:06,801
You can now get back to the top
of your slutty Christmas tree.
71
00:03:09,933 --> 00:03:11,900
I think what Lacey
is trying to say is...
72
00:03:11,968 --> 00:03:13,769
no, even I can't save that one.
73
00:03:15,338 --> 00:03:16,805
Lacey, you just
bought yourself a job
74
00:03:16,873 --> 00:03:18,373
as Patrick's anger buddy.
75
00:03:18,441 --> 00:03:20,009
I want you there for him when
this guy comes in the store.
76
00:03:20,076 --> 00:03:22,211
- What does it pay?
- It doesn't pay anything.
77
00:03:22,278 --> 00:03:23,518
You're there
to support Patrick.
78
00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:25,381
Oh, what does that pay?
79
00:03:25,448 --> 00:03:28,551
Tell you what, you see a
pair of shoes you like,
80
00:03:28,618 --> 00:03:31,053
- I will look the other way.
- I'm there.
81
00:03:31,121 --> 00:03:32,855
Patrick, that's not
gonna happen.
82
00:03:32,923 --> 00:03:34,957
Come on, I was
obviously kidding.
83
00:03:38,128 --> 00:03:39,462
I saw that.
84
00:03:41,665 --> 00:03:44,066
Ed, you were gonna find
a hobby as a way
85
00:03:44,134 --> 00:03:46,636
to bring some joy back in your life.
Any luck with that?
86
00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:48,571
Well, I was looking
for a choir group
87
00:03:48,639 --> 00:03:51,307
like I was in in Texas, but
the wife wouldn't have it.
88
00:03:51,375 --> 00:03:52,708
You sing?
89
00:03:52,776 --> 00:03:55,344
Like a goddamn angel.
90
00:03:56,980 --> 00:03:58,881
I sing.
91
00:03:58,949 --> 00:04:01,817
Not out loud, obviously.
92
00:04:03,687 --> 00:04:05,589
Ed, what kind
of stuff did you sing?
93
00:04:05,656 --> 00:04:08,726
Well, it was a heritage choir.
We sang folk songs.
94
00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:12,263
You know, things like "That
Old Cotton Field Back Home"
95
00:04:12,330 --> 00:04:15,332
and "Big Old Shiny Smile."
96
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:18,702
Ed, those songs sound
horribly racist and offensive.
97
00:04:18,770 --> 00:04:20,737
Oh, no. It's real Americana.
98
00:04:20,805 --> 00:04:23,907
♪ Old Jim Dandy
dancing in the streets ♪
99
00:04:23,975 --> 00:04:26,142
♪ Folks come
from miles around ♪
100
00:04:26,210 --> 00:04:28,044
♪ To see his dancing feets. ♪
101
00:04:30,381 --> 00:04:32,382
Oh.
102
00:04:33,718 --> 00:04:35,752
Ed, if you enjoyed
the choir so much,
103
00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:37,154
why'd your wife make you quit?
104
00:04:37,221 --> 00:04:39,223
She said it takes up
all my time.
105
00:04:39,290 --> 00:04:42,059
Really? All your time?
106
00:04:42,126 --> 00:04:44,528
She says she hardly
ever sees me.
107
00:04:44,596 --> 00:04:46,797
- Even on the weekends?
- Especially on the weekends.
108
00:04:46,865 --> 00:04:49,466
This is perfect.
109
00:04:49,534 --> 00:04:52,203
That's okay. I've already
got another hobby.
110
00:04:52,270 --> 00:04:54,672
I've been building
ships in a bottle.
111
00:04:54,739 --> 00:04:57,274
Slave ships in a bottle?
112
00:04:57,342 --> 00:04:59,276
No.
113
00:05:01,679 --> 00:05:03,547
Oh.
114
00:05:06,318 --> 00:05:09,953
Give it up, Charlie. I am not
a men's choir kind of guy.
115
00:05:10,021 --> 00:05:13,257
These are all guys
your age, Dad.
116
00:05:13,325 --> 00:05:15,393
They're all retired professionals
and they're funny.
117
00:05:15,461 --> 00:05:18,196
Who else would name themselves
The Artificial Hipsters?
118
00:05:18,264 --> 00:05:20,164
Nah.
119
00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:23,468
Besides, it would take up a lot of
the time I normally spend with Sam.
120
00:05:23,536 --> 00:05:25,271
All the more reason
to join the choir.
121
00:05:25,338 --> 00:05:28,044
Give Sam a little push out of
the nest like a baby bird.
122
00:05:28,111 --> 00:05:29,748
I know it's not
going to be easy.
123
00:05:29,815 --> 00:05:33,289
She was really looking forward to
that tour of the oatmeal factory.
124
00:05:33,357 --> 00:05:36,192
Two tons of cinnamon per day.
125
00:05:38,763 --> 00:05:41,065
Well, well.
Martin and Charlie Goodson.
126
00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:43,935
I can never remember which is the
father and which is the son.
127
00:05:44,002 --> 00:05:46,403
Brett, you'd be
a good judge of this.
128
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,973
Do you think guys in
singing groups are losers?
129
00:05:49,041 --> 00:05:51,008
Hell, no.
130
00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:53,778
Charlie, every woman knows a guy
who can keep a beat onstage
131
00:05:53,846 --> 00:05:56,715
can keep a beat in bed or a van
132
00:05:56,783 --> 00:05:59,352
or the first aid station
at Burning Man.
133
00:06:00,554 --> 00:06:02,990
Let me see that flyer
again, Charlie.
134
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:04,826
You're gonna love it, Dad.
135
00:06:04,894 --> 00:06:07,929
And just how did you
wind up at Burning Man?
136
00:06:07,997 --> 00:06:10,865
Well, I took three Ambien at a
fireworks show in Bakersfield
137
00:06:10,933 --> 00:06:14,569
and to this day I have not
been able to connect the dots.
138
00:06:18,607 --> 00:06:20,074
Are you sure they're gone?
139
00:06:20,142 --> 00:06:22,810
I don't want to bust in
on your dad's choir practice.
140
00:06:22,878 --> 00:06:25,913
I know. If they saw you in
that outfit, they'd die.
141
00:06:25,981 --> 00:06:28,262
Of course, if they miss the
damn baby aspirin, they'd die.
142
00:06:29,651 --> 00:06:31,985
So why didn't they just
rehearse at your dad's place?
143
00:06:32,053 --> 00:06:35,021
His apartment's tiny, so I told him
as long as he keeps the place neat...
144
00:06:35,089 --> 00:06:37,690
Oh, well, I was hoping we could
make it a little dirtier.
145
00:06:40,294 --> 00:06:42,361
- Oh, my God.
- Damn right.
146
00:06:42,429 --> 00:06:44,030
And that's just one hand.
147
00:06:44,097 --> 00:06:46,666
No, Charlie, look.
148
00:06:50,537 --> 00:06:52,237
I'm gonna kill him.
149
00:06:52,305 --> 00:06:53,572
He might be dead already.
150
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,640
(Snores)
151
00:06:56,943 --> 00:06:59,210
Oh, good. I'm gonna kill him.
152
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,146
(Theme music playing)
153
00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:05,771
Sync & corrections by No1
www.addic7ed.Com
154
00:07:05,827 --> 00:07:09,563
I'd dip his hand in warm
water, but that's my couch.
155
00:07:09,631 --> 00:07:12,565
Oh, just let him sleep.
He looks so peaceful.
156
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:16,236
That's what makes this
so much fun.
157
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,171
- Dad!
- Oh!
158
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,808
Oh.
159
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,943
Oh, hey, guys.
160
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,745
How's it going?
161
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,313
What the hell happened here?
162
00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:31,551
I guess the choir practice
got a little out of hand.
163
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:34,587
A little?
How much drinking went on?
164
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,454
I don't know.
It doesn't take much.
165
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:40,156
They're all on
prescription meds.
166
00:07:40,224 --> 00:07:43,793
Ooh, looks like somebody
had a lady over.
167
00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:46,461
Ooh, yes, that would be Sal.
He's got a hernia.
168
00:07:49,399 --> 00:07:52,200
You know, at your age, I thought I
could trust you to be responsible.
169
00:07:52,268 --> 00:07:54,535
Oh, I was just trying
to be one of the guys.
170
00:07:54,603 --> 00:07:56,837
I'm sorry.
It won't happen again.
171
00:07:58,339 --> 00:07:59,906
You're right,
it won't happen again
172
00:07:59,973 --> 00:08:02,041
because your friends
are never allowed back here.
173
00:08:04,911 --> 00:08:06,445
Were you guys smoking pot?
174
00:08:06,512 --> 00:08:09,447
That was Morten.
He's got glaucoma.
175
00:08:09,515 --> 00:08:10,682
Uh-huh.
176
00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:12,850
What about Sal?
177
00:08:12,918 --> 00:08:14,752
He's got anxiety.
178
00:08:14,820 --> 00:08:16,587
What about you?
179
00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:21,092
I thought about having anxiety,
but then I chickened out.
180
00:08:26,398 --> 00:08:27,998
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
181
00:08:28,066 --> 00:08:29,800
I'm worried about my dad, Jen.
182
00:08:29,868 --> 00:08:31,602
I think he might have fallen
in with the wrong crowd.
183
00:08:31,670 --> 00:08:33,304
Cut him some slack.
184
00:08:33,372 --> 00:08:35,573
You know, he's not
bothering Sam anymore.
185
00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,208
He's making friends.
186
00:08:37,275 --> 00:08:39,110
And you know
how stubborn he is.
187
00:08:39,178 --> 00:08:41,913
If you come down too hard on him,
he's gonna end up rebelling.
188
00:08:41,981 --> 00:08:43,915
Yeah, you're right.
Maybe I'm overreacting.
189
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:46,450
But I do kind of want
to be the cool son
190
00:08:46,518 --> 00:08:48,186
that "gets it," you know?
191
00:08:48,253 --> 00:08:50,755
(Phone rings)
192
00:08:52,124 --> 00:08:53,991
Hello?
193
00:08:54,059 --> 00:08:55,559
What?
194
00:08:55,627 --> 00:08:57,995
Charlie, it's your daddy.
You need to come pick him up.
195
00:08:58,063 --> 00:09:00,064
He and the rest
of the Gray Men's Choir
196
00:09:00,132 --> 00:09:02,633
are chasing away all my
customers with their singing.
197
00:09:02,701 --> 00:09:06,004
Apparently they like to go
swimming with bowlegged women.
198
00:09:06,071 --> 00:09:09,140
Sea shanties? Are they drunk?
199
00:09:09,208 --> 00:09:12,277
They might be a bit overserved.
200
00:09:12,345 --> 00:09:14,146
Well, that's because
you overserved them.
201
00:09:14,214 --> 00:09:16,015
Don't worry, I took
your daddy's car keys
202
00:09:16,083 --> 00:09:17,589
and I put them where I
put all drunks' keys.
203
00:09:17,602 --> 00:09:19,118
They're in my bra.
204
00:09:19,185 --> 00:09:20,853
Okay, I'll be right down.
205
00:09:20,921 --> 00:09:22,755
Well, hurry up.
It's a busy night
206
00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:25,383
and every time I circle the bar,
I sound like a team of reindeer.
207
00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:28,594
Hope you're happy, Jen.
208
00:09:28,662 --> 00:09:30,764
My dad's friends got him
kicked out of a bar.
209
00:09:30,832 --> 00:09:33,303
Is there anything
I can do to help?
210
00:09:33,371 --> 00:09:35,106
Yeah, you can go down there
211
00:09:35,173 --> 00:09:37,244
and drag my stupid,
drunken dad home.
212
00:09:46,288 --> 00:09:48,823
I'd love to, Charlie, but I'm
in no condition to drive.
213
00:09:56,733 --> 00:09:58,667
(Turns on radio,
music playing)
214
00:10:02,508 --> 00:10:04,275
(turns radio off)
215
00:10:06,111 --> 00:10:08,579
I can't even listen
to my music?
216
00:10:08,647 --> 00:10:11,249
That's not music. That's noise.
217
00:10:11,317 --> 00:10:14,119
Do you think I like coming to get
you in the middle of the night?
218
00:10:14,186 --> 00:10:16,021
Fine, then don't do it.
219
00:10:19,626 --> 00:10:23,195
You really embarrassed me
in front of the guys.
220
00:10:23,263 --> 00:10:26,098
You're drunk
and I embarrassed you?
221
00:10:26,166 --> 00:10:30,637
They were playing quarters and
Stan said if I didn't play,
222
00:10:30,705 --> 00:10:32,840
there weren't enough
guys for a game.
223
00:10:32,908 --> 00:10:36,344
If Stan told you to jump off
a bridge, would you do it?
224
00:10:36,411 --> 00:10:38,212
Yes.
225
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,681
He was a structural engineer.
226
00:10:42,852 --> 00:10:45,221
If he tells me to jump,
I have to assume
227
00:10:45,289 --> 00:10:48,457
there's something wrong
with the bridge's integrity.
228
00:10:50,094 --> 00:10:52,762
Well, I guess you have
an answer for everything.
229
00:10:54,832 --> 00:10:59,669
Dad, I understand peer pressure,
but you're not a kid anymore.
230
00:10:59,737 --> 00:11:01,672
You can't run around like one.
You understand?
231
00:11:01,739 --> 00:11:04,308
Whatever.
232
00:11:04,376 --> 00:11:06,110
Jerk.
233
00:11:06,178 --> 00:11:08,312
- What did you say?
- Nothing.
234
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:12,683
All right, Gonzalo
just walked in.
235
00:11:12,751 --> 00:11:15,153
Now, remember,
you're my assistant, okay?
236
00:11:15,220 --> 00:11:17,889
Yeah, no, look at me.
I'm obviously your manager.
237
00:11:17,956 --> 00:11:20,292
Yeah, no, you're my assistant.
238
00:11:20,359 --> 00:11:22,694
- Uh, yeah, no.
- Uh, yeah, no.
239
00:11:24,731 --> 00:11:27,899
Hi. You must be Mr. Rosenblatt.
240
00:11:27,967 --> 00:11:30,235
I'm Patrick. This is
Lacey, my assistant.
241
00:11:30,303 --> 00:11:31,970
Manager. So nice to meet you.
242
00:11:32,038 --> 00:11:34,139
Well, it's good to meet
the both of...
243
00:11:34,207 --> 00:11:35,841
Hang on. Don't I know you?
244
00:11:35,909 --> 00:11:37,912
Oh, no. I have a familiar face.
245
00:11:37,979 --> 00:11:40,214
- Shall we start with jackets?
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
246
00:11:40,281 --> 00:11:41,849
From Riverside High.
247
00:11:41,916 --> 00:11:43,884
Remember the homecoming game?
248
00:11:43,952 --> 00:11:46,087
We rolled you down
the bleachers in a trash can
249
00:11:46,155 --> 00:11:49,090
and you spilled out at the 50-yard
line in front of the whole school.
250
00:11:49,157 --> 00:11:50,424
Nah, it doesn't ring a bell.
251
00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:52,159
It's 50% silk,
so it lays beautifully.
252
00:11:52,227 --> 00:11:55,161
We called you... Patty.
253
00:11:55,229 --> 00:11:57,230
(laughs) You know why?
254
00:11:57,298 --> 00:11:59,065
Yeah, duh, 'cause he's gay.
255
00:11:59,133 --> 00:12:01,735
What? No, 'cause he's
a pasty Irish guy.
256
00:12:01,803 --> 00:12:03,837
Pat. Man.
257
00:12:03,905 --> 00:12:06,373
If I knew you were gay,
we would have called you...
258
00:12:06,441 --> 00:12:09,076
yeah, probably Patty.
259
00:12:09,144 --> 00:12:11,144
All right, it's me.
260
00:12:11,212 --> 00:12:14,681
And now I'm your personal stylist,
so what can I do for you?
261
00:12:14,749 --> 00:12:16,250
I need to get
a couple of suits.
262
00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:19,687
I've got some meetings with
JP Morgan and Goldman Sachs.
263
00:12:19,754 --> 00:12:24,192
So you must be what they call
in business a businessman.
264
00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:26,761
Yeah, I trade derivatives,
mostly currency swaps
265
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,529
for institutional clients,
266
00:12:28,597 --> 00:12:31,031
and I do a little merger
arbitrage on the side.
267
00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:32,432
Do you work out?
268
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:35,235
P90X every day.
269
00:12:35,302 --> 00:12:36,836
You got a boyfriend?
270
00:12:36,904 --> 00:12:38,604
I mean, I know
it ain't this guy.
271
00:12:38,672 --> 00:12:41,673
- (laughs)
- Right?
272
00:12:41,741 --> 00:12:44,709
Anyway, maybe we'll go
out for drinks tonight?
273
00:12:44,777 --> 00:12:46,511
Uh, yeah, we will.
274
00:12:46,579 --> 00:12:48,345
Just for size,
let's try these on.
275
00:12:48,413 --> 00:12:50,380
Okay.
276
00:12:50,448 --> 00:12:52,215
You put your digits in here.
277
00:12:52,283 --> 00:12:54,083
I'll be right back.
278
00:12:56,419 --> 00:12:58,554
What are you doing? You're
supposed to be helping me,
279
00:12:58,621 --> 00:13:00,188
not get a date
to the douchebag ball.
280
00:13:00,256 --> 00:13:01,756
Relax, Patty.
281
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:03,658
I'm just gonna make a date
with him and then not show up.
282
00:13:03,726 --> 00:13:05,760
- It'll be awesome.
- Really?
283
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,661
You would do that for me?
284
00:13:07,729 --> 00:13:10,230
Dude, I'm totally
gonna blue-ball the guy.
285
00:13:10,298 --> 00:13:12,298
When I get done with him,
he won't be able to walk.
286
00:13:12,299 --> 00:13:14,334
Oh, my God, Lacey.
287
00:13:14,401 --> 00:13:17,637
You are the most evil bitch
I've met in my entire life.
288
00:13:17,705 --> 00:13:19,806
Thank you.
289
00:13:21,542 --> 00:13:23,209
(Doorbell rings)
290
00:13:26,346 --> 00:13:28,413
Hi. Can I help you?
291
00:13:28,481 --> 00:13:31,216
This is a little awkward.
Are you Charlie Goodson?
292
00:13:31,283 --> 00:13:34,252
Well, you're both too old to
be my children, so, yes, I am.
293
00:13:35,954 --> 00:13:37,888
I'm Karen, this is Bob.
294
00:13:37,956 --> 00:13:40,424
Bob's father Stan is in
your dad's choir group
295
00:13:40,492 --> 00:13:41,759
and so is my father Sal.
296
00:13:41,826 --> 00:13:43,327
Ah, with the girdle.
297
00:13:43,394 --> 00:13:45,095
Sure. Come on in.
298
00:13:49,433 --> 00:13:52,267
So, what's going on?
299
00:13:52,335 --> 00:13:54,035
It's about your dad, Charlie.
300
00:13:54,103 --> 00:13:56,704
I'm afraid he's a bad
influence on our fathers.
301
00:13:56,772 --> 00:13:59,007
Look, I don't know what your
parents are telling you,
302
00:13:59,074 --> 00:14:01,909
but my dad says that your dads are
the ones starting all the trouble.
303
00:14:03,312 --> 00:14:05,780
Yeah, well, of course
he's gonna tell you that.
304
00:14:05,848 --> 00:14:07,248
He's scared
you'll get mad at him.
305
00:14:07,316 --> 00:14:09,883
My dad is not a ringleader.
306
00:14:09,951 --> 00:14:12,319
He just wants their approval
'cause he thinks they're cool.
307
00:14:12,387 --> 00:14:16,089
Let me tell you what's not
cool... assuming, blaming.
308
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,624
'Cause you know what
happens when you blame?
309
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:21,627
You... be lame.
310
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:25,630
Listen, one of these nights, one of
our dads is gonna drink too much
311
00:14:25,697 --> 00:14:27,457
and he's gonna wind up
dead behind the wheel.
312
00:14:27,465 --> 00:14:29,700
And when that happens,
we're holding you responsible.
313
00:14:31,703 --> 00:14:34,705
Well, then I'll see you
at your dads' funerals.
314
00:14:34,772 --> 00:14:36,740
I know that sounds
like a threat, but it's not.
315
00:14:36,808 --> 00:14:39,009
It is a common courtesy
since I assume
316
00:14:39,076 --> 00:14:41,177
that your family will be
at my dad's as well.
317
00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:52,457
Hey, Charlie.
318
00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:56,761
Got your message.
You wanted to see me?
319
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,262
Have a seat, Dad.
320
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,967
So what's going on?
321
00:15:08,473 --> 00:15:12,176
Just had a visit
from a Bob and a Karen.
322
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:15,112
Their fathers are in
your choir group.
323
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:17,281
You know what they told me?
324
00:15:17,348 --> 00:15:20,918
They told me that the real
troublemaker here is you.
325
00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:23,520
Get off my back.
It's none of your beeswax.
326
00:15:23,588 --> 00:15:25,689
Oh, it is my beeswax.
327
00:15:25,757 --> 00:15:27,992
It is very much
my beeswax, Dad.
328
00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:31,029
I am responsible for you.
329
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,131
Oh, yeah? You know, when
we go to Louie's house,
330
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,834
his son buys us beer
and he's cool about it.
331
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:38,503
Well, I'm not Louie's son
332
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:41,272
and I don't care what Louie's
son lets his father do.
333
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:43,708
- (Phone chimes)
- Oh.
334
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:47,178
Will you get off your damn cell
phone while I'm talking to you?
335
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:48,913
It's Stan.
336
00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:51,616
He wants me to meet his sister at P.F.
Chang's.
337
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:54,185
Jeez, if she looks
anything like Stan...
338
00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:55,920
I wonder what Louie's up to.
339
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:57,488
(Sighs)
340
00:15:57,556 --> 00:16:01,092
You're not going anywhere, mister,
until we're done talking.
341
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,127
Oh, yeah?
How you gonna stop me?
342
00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:04,395
I'm gonna take away
your car keys.
343
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,163
I'd like to see you try.
344
00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:11,235
What else would you
like to see?
345
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:13,204
Now don't be a smart-ass.
346
00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:15,173
I can still take you.
Now give me the keys.
347
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,908
You're not going
anywhere tonight.
348
00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:18,576
It wouldn't kill you to not
go out every once in a while.
349
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,212
Okay, fine. Have it your way.
350
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,381
I'm taking a nap.
351
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:27,185
Unless sleeping in this house
is against the law, too.
352
00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:31,723
When does it get easier?
353
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,795
Hey, Patty.
354
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:38,597
Gonzalo, hi. How was
your date with Lacey?
355
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,733
Wait till you hear this.
356
00:16:40,801 --> 00:16:42,267
Oh, no, she stood you up?
That whore.
357
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,503
What? No.
358
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:47,940
One drink, we went back
to my place and got busy.
359
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,876
What? That whore.
360
00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:54,379
- Hey, is she here?
- No, she's not.
361
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:57,549
But I plan on seeing her
very, very shortly.
362
00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,352
Awesome. Tell her
Little Gonzalo says hi.
363
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:01,586
She'll know what that means.
364
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,188
I'm sure she will.
365
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:06,258
- Little Gonzalo is...
- Is your penis. I got it.
366
00:17:12,207 --> 00:17:13,575
You had sex with him?
367
00:17:13,643 --> 00:17:15,911
Yeah, it was awesome.
You owe me.
368
00:17:15,979 --> 00:17:18,681
I owe you for having
awesome sex
369
00:17:18,748 --> 00:17:20,516
with the guy
who was terrible to me?
370
00:17:20,584 --> 00:17:23,452
Hey, having crazy sex with him
was just part of a bigger plan.
371
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,122
I totally have your back, okay?
372
00:17:26,190 --> 00:17:28,792
Actually, I think
Gonzalo had your back.
373
00:17:28,859 --> 00:17:31,028
I'm just guessing.
374
00:17:31,095 --> 00:17:33,029
Okay, here's the plan.
375
00:17:33,097 --> 00:17:35,565
I keep going out with him,
get him totally hooked on me.
376
00:17:35,633 --> 00:17:37,166
And then in, like, 10 years
377
00:17:37,233 --> 00:17:39,368
when we have a boy
and a girl and an Escalade,
378
00:17:39,436 --> 00:17:41,237
I'll totally leave him
and take all his money.
379
00:17:43,073 --> 00:17:45,074
You know what?
You deserve each other.
380
00:17:45,142 --> 00:17:48,611
You're both selfish,
insensitive narcissists.
381
00:17:48,679 --> 00:17:49,846
I'm sorry,
what were you saying?
382
00:17:49,913 --> 00:17:51,581
I was distracted
by something amazing.
383
00:17:51,649 --> 00:17:54,517
I should have known better than
to think I could count on you.
384
00:17:54,585 --> 00:17:56,786
Hey, Patrick.
385
00:17:56,854 --> 00:17:59,021
What?
386
00:17:59,089 --> 00:18:03,460
If it makes you feel any better,
he's got some ugly-ass feet.
387
00:18:04,829 --> 00:18:06,563
- Really?
- Yeah.
388
00:18:06,631 --> 00:18:09,199
His big toe looks like
a baby bird's head.
389
00:18:09,267 --> 00:18:11,001
I'll take it.
390
00:18:16,507 --> 00:18:18,874
Nobody tells you how
to parent your parents.
391
00:18:18,942 --> 00:18:20,843
Yeah, it's tough, man.
392
00:18:20,911 --> 00:18:23,946
It's a very difficult age.
393
00:18:24,014 --> 00:18:25,782
They've got no children
to worry about.
394
00:18:25,849 --> 00:18:28,329
They've got no jobs. They can get
pills from all their friends.
395
00:18:29,754 --> 00:18:31,422
You can't trust them.
396
00:18:31,489 --> 00:18:32,923
Ever since my parents retired,
397
00:18:32,991 --> 00:18:36,060
all they seem to want to do
is gamble my money away.
398
00:18:36,128 --> 00:18:37,462
Stop giving them money.
399
00:18:37,530 --> 00:18:39,298
Oh, it's still their money.
400
00:18:39,365 --> 00:18:41,526
It's just that once they're
dead, it was gonna be mine.
401
00:18:42,702 --> 00:18:45,203
(Car engine starts)
402
00:18:48,508 --> 00:18:50,509
Where's your dad now?
403
00:18:50,577 --> 00:18:52,744
In the other room
watching "Judge Judy."
404
00:18:52,812 --> 00:18:56,047
Well, in that case, the ght of
Jack Kennedy is stealing your car.
405
00:18:57,416 --> 00:18:59,651
You're kidding me.
406
00:19:02,088 --> 00:19:05,023
That's it.
I'm calling the cops.
407
00:19:05,091 --> 00:19:07,759
You'd actually send
your dad to jail, Charlie?
408
00:19:07,827 --> 00:19:09,627
Hey, he likes oatmeal and the
toilet's right next to the bed.
409
00:19:09,695 --> 00:19:11,563
He'll love it.
410
00:19:14,027 --> 00:19:16,295
Still not picking up his phone.
411
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:18,564
Will you relax, Jen? You're
starting to make me nervous.
412
00:19:18,565 --> 00:19:20,365
No, I can't relax,
not when your father
413
00:19:20,433 --> 00:19:22,034
is out there
doing God knows what.
414
00:19:22,101 --> 00:19:24,103
Oh, so when he misbehaves,
he's my father?
415
00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:26,172
Yes, Charlie.
416
00:19:26,239 --> 00:19:28,541
Because he's your father.
417
00:19:28,609 --> 00:19:31,511
Oh, sure, throw that
in my face.
418
00:19:31,578 --> 00:19:33,512
(Doorbell rings)
419
00:19:38,151 --> 00:19:39,885
Good evening, folks.
420
00:19:39,952 --> 00:19:42,921
This gentleman was driving a
car that you reported stolen.
421
00:19:42,989 --> 00:19:47,161
And he was at the airport doing
five in a 15-mile-an-hour zone.
422
00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:49,563
Well, at least he's safe.
423
00:19:53,034 --> 00:19:55,035
Could you just tase him
once before you go?
424
00:19:56,605 --> 00:19:59,307
Thank you so much for
bringing him home, Officer.
425
00:19:59,374 --> 00:20:00,875
Well, I should get going.
426
00:20:03,412 --> 00:20:06,810
Oh, my gosh, I think I parked
in front of a hydrant.
427
00:20:06,878 --> 00:20:08,874
There's no hydrant.
428
00:20:08,942 --> 00:20:10,707
I'm going.
429
00:20:16,879 --> 00:20:19,547
Dad, what the hell were you doing
at the airport driving my car?
430
00:20:19,615 --> 00:20:21,315
I don't know.
431
00:20:21,383 --> 00:20:23,484
You do know. You drove there.
432
00:20:23,551 --> 00:20:24,751
I don't want to talk about it.
433
00:20:24,786 --> 00:20:26,026
You wouldn't understand anyway.
434
00:20:26,087 --> 00:20:29,423
Try me.
435
00:20:29,491 --> 00:20:32,960
I was gonna fly back to
Cincinnati and see Corinne.
436
00:20:33,028 --> 00:20:35,462
I got the divorce papers, okay?
437
00:20:35,530 --> 00:20:37,264
She wants to finalize it.
438
00:20:37,332 --> 00:20:40,900
Yeah, I'm sorry, Dad.
That sucks.
439
00:20:40,968 --> 00:20:42,501
It's bad enough
that I'm all alone.
440
00:20:42,569 --> 00:20:46,338
Now I get these damn papers
and I lose my mind completely.
441
00:20:46,406 --> 00:20:49,341
So, that explains
all the drinking.
442
00:20:49,409 --> 00:20:53,110
Yeah, that, and I love drinking.
443
00:20:55,246 --> 00:20:57,213
Now I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
444
00:20:57,281 --> 00:20:59,715
Come on, Dad.
445
00:20:59,783 --> 00:21:01,117
You're still a young guy.
446
00:21:01,185 --> 00:21:03,254
- No, I'm not.
- No, you're not.
447
00:21:04,424 --> 00:21:05,584
But you're certainly a catch.
448
00:21:05,593 --> 00:21:06,828
No, I'm not.
449
00:21:06,895 --> 00:21:08,496
No, you're not.
450
00:21:09,865 --> 00:21:11,105
Hey, you still got your health.
451
00:21:11,133 --> 00:21:12,867
I do.
452
00:21:12,935 --> 00:21:14,868
Maybe I'll live a long time.
453
00:21:14,893 --> 00:21:20,393
Sync & corrections by No1
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