1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:05,671 Sam, I am so sorry we didn't believe you that there was mold in the house. 2 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,040 I can't believe you guys let it go two weeks 3 00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:11,210 Do you know what we've been breathing and touching? 4 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,746 Honey, we don't know if this is bad mold. 5 00:00:13,748 --> 00:00:17,082 What if it's good mold? Like penicillin. 6 00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:19,218 Right, your mom's reluctance to scrub anything 7 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,120 Might be making us much healthier. 8 00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:23,622 Seriously, how dirty can a shower get? 9 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:26,158 It's just soap and water in there. 10 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,160 let's-- let's just wait to hear from the inspector 11 00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:31,296 Before we all overreact. 12 00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,665 All right, you've got black mold everywhere. 13 00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,134 I'd get outta here today. 14 00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:37,503 Wait a second, I lived here for 10 years. 15 00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:40,172 We never had a problem with black mold. Are you sure? 16 00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,274 I've been in the mold game for a long time. 17 00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:44,676 Trust me, I know black mold when I see-- 18 00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:51,216 - You okay? - Yeah, just can't shake this flu. 19 00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:55,654 Okay, sam. Let's go. You've got clothes at my place. 20 00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:59,191 Hey, what about me? We have no idea how long this will take. 21 00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,827 My friend had mold, she was out of her house for a month. 22 00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,329 Well, then go stay with her. It's already nice and clean. 23 00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,365 Look, jen. 24 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,400 The last time we lived together, it didn't end well. 25 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,135 There was-- there was-- there was 26 00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:12,271 Screaming, crying, police, helicopters. 27 00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:15,274 It was like the end of "e.T." except we wound up with joint custody of the alien. 28 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,077 So where am I gonna go, charlie? 29 00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:20,312 - What about your new boyfriend? - He's not my boyfriend. 30 00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:24,249 We've only dry-humped in the parking lot behind the olive garden... 31 00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,085 Twice. 32 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:28,620 Also, he might be married. 33 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:31,323 Well, there's gotta be somebody you can stay with. 34 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:34,126 You probably need some space to remember who that is. 35 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,627 Shine on, you hummingbird. 36 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:38,163 I-I don't know what that means. 37 00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:39,865 I think the mold is getting to me. 38 00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,867 I'd get outta here quick if I were you. Later. 39 00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:48,640 Okay, here we go. 40 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,275 Are you a sociopath? 41 00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,277 I turned it into a drinking game. 42 00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:54,880 I'll read the traits and if you got it, you drink. 43 00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:56,648 Awesome. Go for it. 44 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,317 Number one. 45 00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:01,753 Shows no apparent sense of remorse, shame, or guilt. 46 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:04,356 Me, me, and me. 47 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,658 How many questions are there? 48 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:10,329 - 20. - I should probably call you a cab now. 49 00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,364 Wait a minute. Aren't you the guy who just left his wife 50 00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:13,866 In a house full of black mold? 51 00:02:13,868 --> 00:02:15,534 Bottoms up, psycho. 52 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,669 Hey, I am not a psycho. 53 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,338 Jen and I get along great now. 54 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,873 When we're living together, it's a disaster. 55 00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:24,276 I'm doing this because I care about her so damn much. 56 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:28,413 Unconvincing displays of human emotions. 57 00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:31,250 Eh, you got me on that one. 58 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:34,553 Maybe we should just check alcohol abuse, thrill-seeking behavior, 59 00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:37,322 And get right to sexually promiscuous. 60 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,431 You taste like kentucky. 61 00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:51,270 Charlie, you here? 62 00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:58,243 Charlie? 63 00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:01,547 I need to talk to you about the house right now. 64 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:04,850 - Hey, jen. What's up? - Where'd you guys come from? 65 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:08,187 We were right behind you. We just left a seminar on sociopaths. 66 00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:11,290 Did you know they lie easily and without remorse? 67 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:13,192 You know where I slept last night? 68 00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:15,627 On a bunk bed in the kid's room at my cousin bonnie's house. 69 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,262 You know who was on the top bunk? 70 00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:20,365 Her daughter louise, fourth grade, 200 pounds-- 71 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,334 Not judging. Still wets the bed. 72 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,436 I basically slept in a lean-to 73 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,572 In a rain forest and it's all your fault. 74 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,340 How is it my fault? 75 00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,943 I'm the one who told cousin bonnie not to get pregnant at 50. 76 00:03:30,945 --> 00:03:33,312 No, when we got divorced, 77 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,380 You gave me a house with a mold problem. 78 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:38,317 Last night, wide-awake, wearing my poncho, 79 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:41,286 I remembered you wouldn't let me get an inspection. 80 00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:43,889 I thought if there was mold, the termites would eat it 81 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,959 I didn't think it was possible to have both. 82 00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:50,329 Charlie, I wanna be near my daughter and you owe me. 83 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,297 If you don't wanna live with me again, fine. 84 00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:56,335 I'll stay here, you go sleep under the 200-pound sea sponge. 85 00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:58,503 Again, not judging. 86 00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:01,506 Look, you can stay here. 87 00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:05,310 I'm sorry, I was incredibly selfish. 88 00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,479 I should've offered in the first place, and just because we're not married 89 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,481 Doesn't mean we're not family. 90 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:12,417 God, thank you, charlie. I feel the same way. 91 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,853 I'll go get my stuff out of my car. 92 00:04:16,522 --> 00:04:20,993 Wow, charlie, as your therapist, I am impressed. 93 00:04:20,995 --> 00:04:23,462 - You've come a long way. - Yeah. 94 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,330 I didn't mean a word of it. 95 00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,833 Who's the sociopath now? 96 00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:35,874 Okay, before we break. 97 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,509 You might remember when you all joined the group 98 00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:39,344 That I asked each of you to write a letter 99 00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:42,714 I think now would be a great time to read them 100 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:45,317 And see just how far you've come. 101 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,919 - Ed, would you like to start? - Fine, but I gotta tell ya, 102 00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:51,356 I ain't gonna be getting nothing out of this. 103 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:53,992 "dear ed, keep working this pencil 104 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,895 So he thinks you're doing something. 105 00:04:56,897 --> 00:05:00,299 This whole thing is idiotic." 106 00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:01,900 Well, you're right. 107 00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:04,703 I don't recognize this guy at all. 108 00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,738 Patrick, would you like to read your letter? 109 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,674 Would I? 110 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,376 "charlie, I'm sorry I won't be there 111 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:13,378 When you read this in your little therapy club, 112 00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:16,682 But if you watch tv or follow the tabloids, 113 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:20,652 You'll know that I have my own hit reality show now, 114 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,421 'personal shopper wars,' 115 00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,656 Hosted by me and my close friend anderson cooper." 116 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,492 I can't read any more of this. 117 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,996 Anybody else in our little "therapy club" like to read their letter? 118 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:35,400 - Lacey? - "hey, hottie. 119 00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:38,337 The old guy is creeping me out, 120 00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:40,339 I may have to punch this gay dude in the throat, 121 00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:42,441 And I'm pretty sure 122 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:45,944 Shaggy next to me is special needs." 123 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:48,580 And look, now you know all their names. 124 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:51,516 Progress. 125 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,452 "hey, future nolan. 126 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:55,354 I just wanna let you know that I'm proud of you 127 00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:57,656 And if you've had any progress, 128 00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,691 You're a success. 129 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:03,428 And you should feel great about yourself 'cause you're awesome." 130 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:05,430 Nolan, can I see your letter? 131 00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:10,502 It's a picture of a cat driving a race car. 132 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,808 Okay. 133 00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,577 Let's see what I wrote. 134 00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:22,147 "look how hard they're working on their letters. 135 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:25,050 Obviously, they respect the process and are dedicated 136 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,618 To getting better quickly 137 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,387 Rather than meandering along 138 00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:31,556 Week after week after week." 139 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,625 Okay, I'll see you all next week. 140 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,467 - Hey. - Hey. 141 00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:45,737 Patrick, did they talk about your sweater in group today? 142 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:49,474 - It's a real cry for help. - Thanks, sam. 143 00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:51,943 I'm so glad that you finally took my advice 144 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:54,179 And suffocated your wardrobe. 145 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,448 Ha! I win. 146 00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:02,421 - How did you do this? - I saw jen set up her chuck norris home gym 147 00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:04,756 In the garage and thought I'd sneak in a few reps 148 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:08,126 And I pinched my finger trying to adjust the seat. 149 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,562 If you need a band-aid for a pinch, 150 00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:13,532 Chuck norris doesn't want you using his gym. 151 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,834 So how weird is it 152 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,736 Having the ex living here? 153 00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:20,138 Well, I can't park in my garage, 154 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:23,108 The house is full of flies 'cause she won't close a door, 155 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,610 And we've restarted the thermostat wars of 1998. 156 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,079 How's that go down with your girl kate? 157 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,182 - Any jealousy? - No, no. 158 00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:33,552 - She's cool with it and it's making me nuts. - Let me ask you something. 159 00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,821 During sex, does she make a lot of noises? 160 00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,156 I-- I guess so. What does that tell you? 161 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,058 Nothing. I just wanna know stuff. 162 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:46,665 It's so cold in here. How did these flies even survive? 163 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:49,868 I don't know. It's like someone keeps letting in new ones. 164 00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:53,738 I gotta jet. I'm out. 165 00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,807 Stop by anytime, michael. 166 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,243 Apparently, our door is always open. 167 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,748 Hey, hey, hey. This isn't like one of those magic sinks 168 00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:05,617 At the airport that turns itself off. 169 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:08,553 I know. I got more fruit to wash in a minute. 170 00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:11,823 You're right. I'm gonna start the oven in case I wanna make a turkey at thanksgiving. 171 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,493 Here we go. Just like old times. 172 00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:16,761 I'll tell you what. I won't touch anything in your kitchen. 173 00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:19,564 We'll just call your housekeeper and have her do everything. 174 00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:22,534 - I don't have a housekeeper. - What? 175 00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:24,603 You're kidding. This place is immaculate. 176 00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:28,073 Well, anything that's not covered in mold would seem clean to you. 177 00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:31,543 - But thank you. - Since when did you get so domestic? 178 00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:34,246 You didn't do any of this stuff when we were married. 179 00:08:34,248 --> 00:08:36,848 Yeah, well, there were a lot of things you didn't do when we were married, too. 180 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:40,252 Yeah, well, I'm doing 'em now and I'm good at 'em. 181 00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:43,855 If you were really good at 'em, you'd have a place to stay. 182 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,857 Well, I do have a place to stay 183 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,126 And I don't have to do nothing, sucka. 184 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:55,000 - How does chinese sound? - Good. 185 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:57,269 I'm gonna get some mongolian beef. You want anything? 186 00:08:57,271 --> 00:09:00,605 - Sure, I'll have--- - lemon chicken-- take the skin off before you cook it, 187 00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:03,008 - Spring rolls, and white rice. - Wow, impressive. 188 00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,710 after 18 years of sending your chinese food back, 189 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,779 I think I finally got it right. 190 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,984 - Hi, kate. - Hi, just wanted to see 191 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,953 If you could come over early for our playdate tonight. 192 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,922 Oh, man. 193 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:19,958 I just made plans with jen to have chinese, but I'll stop by later on. 194 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,994 You and jen are having chinese? 195 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,964 - You're not fighting? - No, no, it's fine. 196 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,133 Oh, she's there. 197 00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:29,935 - You can't talk. - No, I can talk. 198 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,603 It's-- it's fine. 199 00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:36,074 So it's not awkward having her there? No control issues? 200 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,610 Nope. All good. I'll see ya later. 201 00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:41,646 Oh, by the way, 202 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,248 Did you want me to wear that 203 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,685 Latex bodysuit or the little schoolgirl outfit? 204 00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:54,659 The second one. 205 00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:57,762 Say it or you get nothing tonight. 206 00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,665 - Oh, come on. Really? - Scared? 207 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:03,802 - Not at all. - You don't have the balls to say it. 208 00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,638 The little schoolgirl outfit. 209 00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:10,241 And that outfit 210 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:13,078 Is a proud organization called the girl scouts of america. 211 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:18,717 So I'm not gonna sit here and listen to you demean them. 212 00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:21,119 I'll drop by later on and pick up my box of thin mints. 213 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,864 Oh, crap. 214 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,633 Charlie, wake up. 215 00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,635 We fell asleep. 216 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:39,771 Did we fall asleep watching hillbilly handfishin'? 217 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,940 Yes, we did. 218 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:44,809 You know, I'd written hillbillies off as a bunch of ignorant hicks, 219 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:47,712 But after-- how many episodes did we watch? 220 00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:50,382 Six. 221 00:10:50,384 --> 00:10:53,752 They're real human beings with real stories 222 00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:55,787 That just happen to revolve around 223 00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,856 Catching catfish with your hands. 224 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,894 Oh, crap. It's nine in the morning. 225 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:05,697 - I forgot all about kate. - Well, I'm sure she'll understand. 226 00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:08,767 It was just girl scout cookies. 227 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,869 But do me a favor, don't tell her that you had some wine 228 00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,971 And fell asleep with your ex-wife 229 00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,774 After some hillbilly hand fishing. 230 00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,776 It just sounds so dirty. 231 00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:23,915 Kate, I am so sorry about last night. 232 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,884 It's okay. I got your message. 233 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,886 So food poisoning, huh? 234 00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,188 Yeah, yeah, believe me, you do not want to spend an entire night 235 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,123 With a bad catfish. 236 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,759 Catfish? I thought you had chinese. 237 00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:37,829 I did and then we ordered catfish. 238 00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:40,965 Never mix asian and cajun. 239 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:43,935 Unless you want your kid to be a concert washboardist. 240 00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:51,743 Well, I'm glad you're okay. 241 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:54,479 So let's talk about jen. Is the house feeling crowded? 242 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,748 What's the dynamic? Where does she sleep? 243 00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:59,884 No, good, and in the guest room. 244 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,886 Oh, I'm surprised. 245 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,788 I mean, you guys were together so long, 246 00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:05,824 You could just probably 247 00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:08,059 Sleep in the same bed together. 248 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,161 Why, I think that would be a little strange. 249 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,797 Some men like a little strange. 250 00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:16,267 Especially a little strange that's familiar. 251 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:19,404 - Are you okay? - Hey, you're the patient, I'm the doctor. 252 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,373 I'll ask the questions here. So, did you bang her? 253 00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,476 No, no. 254 00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:27,412 We just fell asleep after a little hillbilly hand fishing. 255 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,081 That's disgusting. 256 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,817 It's not what you think. It's a tv show. 257 00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:36,254 I know. It's disgusting. 258 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:44,429 Last week, wayne was having some trouble empathizing with his victims. 259 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:47,932 So I asked him to write a play about his crime 260 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,100 To help him better understand 261 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,401 The pain of the people he wronged. 262 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,270 Thank you. 263 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,139 Cleo will play my wife. 264 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,941 Ernesto will play her lover. 265 00:12:56,943 --> 00:13:00,478 I call this play "the boy who couldn't cry." 266 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,113 Well, that's very insightful, wayne. 267 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,182 Oh, it's not me. It's the kid next door. 268 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,217 He's got his mouth duct-taped. 269 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,853 Spoiler alert. 270 00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:10,855 Charlie, you'll play the narrator. 271 00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:13,024 Old uncle stan. You start. 272 00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:18,930 Oh, I didn't see you there. 273 00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:21,499 Welcome to "pussytown." 274 00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,334 Oh, it's a real place. 275 00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,837 Full of crybabies and pussies. 276 00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:29,307 I guess you're all curious about our most famous citizen. 277 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:32,577 Wayne dwayne earl. 278 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:35,880 Wait, I think I hear his pickup pulling up to his house now. 279 00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:37,882 I sure hope his wife isn't having sex 280 00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:39,951 With his neighbor and best friend 281 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,587 And that wayne doesn't come in and shoot them both. 282 00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:48,493 Oh, wayne, you're home! 283 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,862 It's not what it looks like! 284 00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:53,598 Dios mio. 285 00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,936 - We had this coming. 286 00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:01,172 Ah! I've been a bad friend. 287 00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:09,414 - Oh, my god! Oh, my god! - Okay, okay. 288 00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:11,015 Okay, wayne. Okay, okay. We get it. 289 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,984 We get it, we get it, we get it. 290 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:17,589 The point was to demonstrate that you learned something about your victims' feelings. 291 00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:20,124 Well, that's what the "ows" were for. 292 00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:22,861 The bullets hurt them. 293 00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:26,331 Okay, okay. Let's just talk about what was supposed to happen. 294 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:29,534 The point of this was to be able to put yourself in your victims' shoes. 295 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,870 I think charlie's trying to get us to think about 296 00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:33,872 How other people feel before we get all mad 297 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,007 And jealous and kill them. 298 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:40,044 Now, we all have anger issues, and jealousy is a trigger, 299 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,513 So it's important that we avoid extremely jealous partners. 300 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:46,417 - That leaves out women. - Well, that's a generalization. 301 00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,953 Some women get jealous, some women don't. 302 00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:52,523 And then some do and then won't admit it. 303 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:55,093 Oh, I call shenanigans. 304 00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:58,897 You're talking about yourself. 305 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:02,634 Okay, well, since you called shenanigans. 306 00:15:02,636 --> 00:15:05,436 Yes, yes, I am talking about a woman I'm seeing. 307 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:07,205 Why won't she admit she's jealous? 308 00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,274 Because she doesn't want a real relationship. 309 00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:12,010 If she admits that she's jealous, that means she has real feelings for me. 310 00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,912 Gotta force her hand, dude. 311 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,413 Do something with another girl 312 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,916 And make sure the robot lady finds out. 313 00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,684 robot lady. 314 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,053 That's pretty good. 315 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,956 Well, thanks for the advice, guys. I'll think about it. 316 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:27,659 Don't think, just do it. 317 00:15:27,661 --> 00:15:31,062 Like the time I stabbed a guy for a pair of sneakers. 318 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:33,064 Ernesto, in retrospect, 319 00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,600 Don't you wish you'd thought about that first? 320 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,335 In retrospect, 321 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:40,305 I wish I had checked the dude's shoe size first. 322 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,574 What a senseless crime. 323 00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:51,482 Somebody's getting laid tonight. 324 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,952 Hey, I'm just having a nice dinner with my ex. 325 00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:57,088 I'm not even talking about you. I've been meeting guys on jdate. 326 00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,190 Oh, dating jewish guys now, huh? 327 00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:02,060 Is that what the "j" stands for? 328 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,728 What did you think it stood for? 329 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:07,365 I didn't care. 330 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:11,002 - Waiting on a call? - No, I thought kate would text me. 331 00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:14,272 We were supposed to go out tonight, but I-- I bailed at the last minute. 332 00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,507 I wanted her to know I was going out with jen. 333 00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:21,279 Last week the same thing happened to me with shlomo and menachem. 334 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:24,549 And it-- it never crossed your mind 335 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,117 That the "j" stood for jewish? 336 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,586 I know, I feel like such a schmuck. 337 00:16:34,026 --> 00:16:35,526 - Thank you. - Sure. 338 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,428 Cheers. 339 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,097 This is nice. 340 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,099 I didn't think we'd be doing this kind of stuff 341 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:44,002 When I bullied you into letting me stay at your house. 342 00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,270 Well, I am a sucker for a sexy bully. 343 00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:49,640 I'm sorry. Where'd that come from? 344 00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:51,376 It's all right, you can call me sexy. 345 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:54,278 I know I got it going on. 346 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,214 It's a good thing we're not married anymore. 347 00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,182 We'd screw this up. 348 00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:01,119 I don't know. 349 00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,187 We're different now. 350 00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:08,760 Wow, look who's here. 351 00:17:08,762 --> 00:17:10,294 - Kate. - Hi. 352 00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:13,631 - What are you doing here? - I'm stalking you. 353 00:17:16,402 --> 00:17:18,569 So how's the food? 354 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:21,072 I'm thinking about buying the place. 355 00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:23,274 I didn't know you were thinking about buying a restaurant. 356 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,410 I'm not. 357 00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,311 - I'll tell you why I'm really here. - No, wait, wait, wait, wait. 358 00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:30,048 Before you do that, you know what can be really fun? 359 00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,516 Let's go to the bathroom and throw up a little bit. 360 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,785 I'm fine. 361 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,723 See how kind and giving he is? 362 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:43,061 Has he given anything to you lately? 363 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,463 Who wants pie? I want pie. 364 00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:50,601 How much pie do you need? I think you've had enough pie. 365 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,336 I think you're in no condition 366 00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:54,439 To operate a metaphor. 367 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,141 Kate, why are you really here? 368 00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:59,077 - Okay, you got me. - Okay. 369 00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:02,480 Back to one, everybody. Full reverse. 370 00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:06,617 I'm really here because I got stood up. 371 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,787 - Oh, god. - ♪ dun, dun, dun. 372 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:12,323 That sucks! 373 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,592 You know, I don't wanna offend you because I'm not that familiar 374 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,494 With the lesbian community, 375 00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,729 But sounds like this bitch needs her ass kicked. 376 00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:20,498 Oh, I wish you would. 377 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:23,568 The girl I'm seeing is such a girl. 378 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:27,238 Oh, we were just supposed to be having simple sex, 379 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,441 But she has feelings 380 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,478 And she wants me to have feelings. 381 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,746 And I'm supposed to be a bad person 382 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:38,850 Because I don't have feelings. 383 00:18:38,852 --> 00:18:40,885 Which I don't. 384 00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:43,654 - It's exhausting. 385 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,891 Okay, now it's a party! 386 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,760 Hey, charlie, maybe you should drive kate home. 387 00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:52,663 I don't know. It's like having an open bottle in the car. 388 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,367 Okay, come on, kate. Come on, let's go. 389 00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,805 Oh, you know what? - What? 390 00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:03,508 I changed my mind. I don't wanna buy this place. 391 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,376 The floor moves. 392 00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:11,482 - This is so embarrassing. - Don't worry about it. 393 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,750 I don't think anybody noticed. 394 00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,652 Lots of women squat down on the sidewalk 395 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,688 For a few moments, then walk away. 396 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,857 I don't care about that. 397 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,592 I got jealous. 398 00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,595 I can't believe I was like some stupid high school chick. 399 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,831 "oh, he's with another girl, 400 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,933 I'm gonna go key his car." 401 00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:31,736 Oh, yeah. You're gonna have to repaint your car. 402 00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:35,706 Look, it's okay. 403 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:37,608 I think it's nice that you care about me, 404 00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:38,943 Even though you haven't actually said it. 405 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:42,847 What, you need two women to say it to you? 406 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:46,584 - What? - I saw the way she was looking at you. 407 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,486 Come on. How was she looking at me? 408 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:50,555 Like this. 409 00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,327 Did her eyes roll around in her head like that? 410 00:19:57,896 --> 00:20:00,598 Okay, since you're being honest. 411 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,800 Tonight was a setup. 412 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:06,437 I told you about my date with jen to make you jealous. 413 00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:07,772 Oh, yeah? 414 00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:10,474 Well, I only said I was jealous 415 00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:13,444 To get you to admit you tricked me. 416 00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:15,713 - I take it back. 417 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,715 All right, you win. 418 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:20,818 - You were jealous. - That's better. 419 00:20:24,923 --> 00:20:27,758 - Oh, hey. - Hey. 420 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:31,295 - What's up? - Oh, while you were gone, I texted that guy I was seeing 421 00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:32,863 And he invited me to come stay with him. 422 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:36,567 - Oh. - Good news, right? 423 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,903 Sure. Whatever you wanna do. 424 00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,705 - So he's not married? - Nope. 425 00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:43,708 Wears a wedding ring to keep the crazies away. 426 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:46,644 - Didn't work this time. 427 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,012 Yeah. 428 00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:50,881 Yeah. 429 00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:54,652 Listen, I really appreciate you letting me stay here. 430 00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:57,755 It was fun to spend time with you again. 431 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,757 Okay. 432 00:21:03,862 --> 00:21:06,264 Look, anything you need... 433 00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,666 - I'm here. - You always are. 434 00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:12,270 - Bye. - Bye. 435 00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:17,975 Oh, just once, could she please shut the damn door?