1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,603
I can't do a job interview right
now. My head's not in the right place.

2
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:07,439
I should be in jail, not lacey.

3
00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:10,709
Lacey was on probation. She should've
known better than to be shoplifting.

4
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:14,313
"I should've put the
marshmallows in my clothes."

5
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:18,550
I watched her put her hands in her
dress and I tried to say "stop,"

6
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:22,021
And then the only sound
that came out was "oh-hh."

7
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:24,723
You can't sit around
thinking about lacey.

8
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,459
You gotta move forward. The best
way to do that is to get a job.

9
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,762
It's what lacey would want you to do...

10
00:00:29,764 --> 00:00:32,631
If she ever thought about
anybody other than herself.

11
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,666
Why would kate even hire me?

12
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:38,037
Because you have all the qualifications
to make a great receptionist.

13
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,439
You can talk, you can push buttons,

14
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:43,675
You're a carbon-based life form.

15
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:46,812
But what if kate and I don't get along?

16
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,781
Look, you have a history
of seeking out women

17
00:00:48,783 --> 00:00:51,150
Who are cold, domineering,
and borderline abusive.

18
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,751
You're gonna love her.

19
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,788
So you think she'll yell at me?

20
00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:57,589
I don't see why not.

21
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:02,161
Hey, come on. I got a lot of work to do.

22
00:01:04,697 --> 00:01:07,199
Fix your hair. This is a job interview.

23
00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:10,803
I like her.

24
00:01:10,805 --> 00:01:13,072
<i>( theme music playing )</i>

25
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:19,411
So, nolan, tell me about yourself.

26
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,781
Well, I think my resume
speaks for itself.

27
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:26,251
From '98 to '98,

28
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,653
I worked at taco bell.

29
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:31,623
And then from '98 to '98,

30
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,292
I worked at jiffy lube.

31
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:35,294
<i>Uh...</i>

32
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:38,330
- And then in '98, uh...
- Can I see that for a minute?

33
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:45,204
But I still have 14 more years to go.

34
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,439
On your resume or to tell
us what's left in '98?

35
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:51,877
Would you mind waiting in the
reception area while kate and I talk?

36
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:57,449
Oh. I should tell you.

37
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,751
I do suffer from migraines,

38
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:03,155
So there'll be days that the
office has to be pitch-black.

39
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:10,362
So what's it gonna
take to land this guy?

40
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:13,465
I know, I know. He's a mess,
but hire him and I'll owe ya.

41
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,200
Okay. What do I get?

42
00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:17,669
How does an entire night of
passionate lovemaking sound?

43
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:21,140
- Exhausting.
- Then give him the job or that's what you'll get.

44
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:24,910
Uh-uh. You're gonna have to do better.

45
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,845
This guy's like a human rescue dog.

46
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,581
He's cute and he's sweet,
but soon as I leave,

47
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,617
He'll whine and pee on the couch.

48
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,352
Okay, how 'bout this?

49
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:36,455
I give you my credit card and
you go crazy at agent provocateur.

50
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:39,158
Ooh, can I get the fishnet
bodysuit with the horsehair whip?

51
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,661
- You can if you hire nolan.
- Fine.

52
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:47,533
You know the whip isn't for show.

53
00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:54,640
After four hours of trying to
lead this woman to fashion sanity,

54
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,909
She picks out the
pink leopard-skin coat.

55
00:02:56,911 --> 00:02:58,944
I thought, "she has to be a hooker."

56
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:02,548
Patrick, you really gotta
work on being less judgmental.

57
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,850
Just because she has
a bold fashion sense

58
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,251
Doesn't mean she's a prostitute.

59
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:09,188
She offered to pay me with her mouth.

60
00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:12,391
<i>Well, that does mean she's a prostitute.</i>

61
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:16,361
That reminds me, how's
lacey doing in the hoosegow?

62
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:19,298
I talked to her last night.
She's having a hard time in jail.

63
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,766
And, big surprise,

64
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:22,868
She's getting into it with
some of the other inmates.

65
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,804
So I've arranged to do an anger
management session at the jail.

66
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:29,408
Might wanna consider wearing
some protection over your, eh,

67
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,276
Private parts.

68
00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:34,780
Otherwise, those cats will
be scratching at your post.

69
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:39,284
Well, thanks for that homespun wisdom.

70
00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:41,587
So, nolan. How do you
like working for kate?

71
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,488
I've never been so fulfilled.

72
00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:45,991
I made some coffee, did some filing,

73
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,827
Saw some crazy half-naked
pictures of her,

74
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:52,998
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's this about pictures?

75
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,901
That was my bad.

76
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:58,337
I opened up her outgoing mail by mistake

77
00:03:58,339 --> 00:03:59,771
And a lingerie photo fell out.

78
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,873
With a lot of shaking...

79
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:05,010
A bunch of other photos
fell out by mistake, too.

80
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:08,447
How can you not tell the
difference between outgoing

81
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:09,982
And incoming mail?

82
00:04:09,984 --> 00:04:12,284
When you're facing the desk,

83
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:15,354
The outgoing is on the right, but then
when you're sitting behind the desk,

84
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:16,922
It switches to the left.

85
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:19,258
It's like stairs.

86
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:21,026
Are they going up? Are they going down?

87
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,728
Who knows?

88
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,998
All right. I'll see everybody next week.

89
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:31,003
Nolan, can I talk to you for a minute?

90
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:33,038
- Is everything okay?
- Everything's fine.

91
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,807
Everything's fine. It's
just there's a lot of stress

92
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:38,477
In a new job and it
can affect one's memory.

93
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,646
So I thought we'd do some
quick memory exercises

94
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,981
- And make sure everything's okay.
- Okay.

95
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:45,017
Completely off the top of my head

96
00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:46,918
And unrelated to anything,

97
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,621
Can you remember

98
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:53,325
Where dr. Wales was sending
those naked pictures of herself?

99
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:56,028
Oh, man. I don't know.

100
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:58,530
Work must be really stressing me out.

101
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:00,565
Think, nolan, think.

102
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:03,802
All I can tell you is
what she was wearing.

103
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:06,571
It was black and see-through.

104
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:08,907
Her boyfriend bart's a lucky guy.

105
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,910
Bart? Who's bart?

106
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,546
I don't know. She
wrote it on the picture,

107
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,316
"bart, for your eyes only. Katie."

108
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:19,418
Katie? Since she was eight years old,

109
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,920
Her nickname's been dr. Wales.

110
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:25,657
- Is it bad I saw those?
- I wouldn't tell dr. Wales

111
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,060
And I certainly wouldn't
tell her that you told me.

112
00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:32,931
Based on the pictures of her
crawling around on the mirror,

113
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:35,600
I don't think she embarrasses easily.

114
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:38,704
Yeah, she is a confident woman.

115
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:41,773
Who drinks milk out
of a saucer like a cat.

116
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:48,013
Hi, everybody. I'm charlie goodson.

117
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,749
I am an anger management therapist.

118
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,918
There's been some
issues on this cellblock,

119
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,820
So dr. Cynthia thought
it'd be a good idea

120
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:57,956
If I sat in for her while she
recovered from her injuries.

121
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,592
Oh, and she wanted me to tell you guys,

122
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,661
"that was not cool at all."

123
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:06,131
You know, you look like you
keep it real nice down there.

124
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,001
Yeah, bet you're bigger than
your wrists would indicate.

125
00:06:11,604 --> 00:06:13,372
Let's keep it professional, ladies.

126
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:16,742
But, yes, my wrists
are misleadingly slim.

127
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,845
Now, I know some of
you might be wondering,

128
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:23,148
"can a man relate to
women's anger issues?"

129
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:24,983
<i>Well, the truth is,</i>

130
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,952
Most men have female traits.

131
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,554
Just as I'm sure most of you have...

132
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,823
Female traits.

133
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:35,694
It says here there was
an incident recently.

134
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,095
And as an unbiased observer

135
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,930
Who doesn't know anybody here...

136
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:46,571
I think I can mediate objectively. Ahem.

137
00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:49,875
Now, I understand it's easy
for men to voice their anger

138
00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:52,577
And women are taught sometimes
to withhold their anger--

139
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,646
I'ma gut this ho like a puppy.

140
00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:57,783
Actually, I believe the expression is

141
00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,619
"gut this ho like a trout."

142
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:04,689
She always talks like that. Yesterday,
she said she was gonna stab me in the face.

143
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:08,593
Not true. She said, "you got a
face that was good for stabbing."

144
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:11,596
- It was a compliment.
- Ladies, ladies.

145
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:14,766
Donna certainly seems to
have a big problem with lacey,

146
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,835
- But let's hear it from her directly.
- All right.

147
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:19,638
Curry spice over here is
trying to steal my girlfriend.

148
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,907
I am not, bitch. I just
gave her a makeover.

149
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:25,210
- Yeah, makeover, my ass.
- I would, but I don't have that kind of time.

150
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:27,112
Women: Hey-yy!

151
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:30,682
Sounds to me like kim and
donna are in a relationship

152
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:33,919
And donna is experiencing jealousy
over lacey giving kim a makeover.

153
00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,854
I just wanted to feel pretty.

154
00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:38,690
And you totally are. You look crazy hot.

155
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,625
- Hey!
- Easy, donna. Easy, donna.

156
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:44,596
There's no way she could've
possibly meant that.

157
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,631
You got the nerve to come in here

158
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,567
With your fancy education

159
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:51,136
And your belt and your shoelaces.

160
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,806
What do you know about
what goes on in here?

161
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,542
Yeah, you don't know
nothing about jealousy.

162
00:07:57,544 --> 00:08:00,078
Oh, I know jealousy. Believe me.

163
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,713
I'll share a little.

164
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,549
Recently I found out that my girlfriend

165
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:07,686
Was sending some suggestive
pictures to another man.

166
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:09,855
I'm struggling with jealousy as well,

167
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,690
But I've got it under control.

168
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,825
Mm-hmm. If you got
everything so under control,

169
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,862
Why is your lady sending
naked pictures to another man?

170
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,797
We have an arrangement.
We see other people.

171
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,566
( scoffs ) pss-shew, I
wouldn't lick that stamp.

172
00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:22,868
Somebody else been licking it.

173
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:26,705
- Am I right?
- ( women yell )

174
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:29,975
No, no, no. Ours is not really
a traditional relationship.

175
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:32,711
Yeah, it's a relationship built on lies.

176
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:35,013
It's a little more
sophisticated than that.

177
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,915
We have a noncommittal, purely physical,

178
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:40,118
Friendly, but not
emotional arrangement...

179
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,754
Built on lies.

180
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:45,123
Look, donna. I didn't
mean to humiliate you

181
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:48,560
The way this woman is
obviously humiliating charlie.

182
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:50,762
All right.

183
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,764
I won't stab you in the face.

184
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:56,101
Thanks.

185
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:59,671
Think maybe you could
give me a makeover, too?

186
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:02,574
That depends-- is that
really just a trick

187
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,109
So you can stab me in the face?

188
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:07,712
Kinda.

189
00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:12,817
A dream analysis is tricky,

190
00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:15,787
But the flat tires could
represent your frustration

191
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:18,290
With the slow progress of
your ongoing anger issues

192
00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:21,293
And the scary hermaphrodite

193
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:24,796
Might relate to when you
were at the women's prison

194
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:27,832
And you saw the scary hermaphrodite.

195
00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:32,671
You see, that's why you've got the phd.

196
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:35,340
Well, I gotta go, charlie. My
4:00 will be here any minute.

197
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:38,877
- Kate, before I go, can I ask
you a quick question? - Mm-hmm.

198
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,746
- Our arrangement hasn't changed, right?
- What arrangement?

199
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,950
You know, if one of us is seeing
somebody, they tell the other.

200
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,953
Are you trying to tell
me you're seeing somebody?

201
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:50,121
<i>No, no. I'm not.</i>

202
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:53,758
<i>Well, o-kay.</i>

203
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,193
See ya later.

204
00:09:57,330 --> 00:10:00,865
- So our arrangement is the same.
- Yes.

205
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,902
'cause if I was seeing somebody,
you'd be the first to know.

206
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:08,239
Obviously, I'd be the first
and then the girl, of course,

207
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:11,610
She'd be in on it, too, but then you.

208
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:14,212
Well, I got the bronze.
Hey, at least I medaled.

209
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,814
Goodbye, charlie.

210
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,688
Nolan, remember the guy

211
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,790
That kate sent those
pictures to the other day?

212
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,126
I sure do.

213
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,829
Hey, my memory's back.

214
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,797
Guess I'm not so stressed anymore.

215
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:36,901
Great. I need you to go in kate's
phone and get me his address.

216
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:38,770
Oh, I'm sorry, charlie.

217
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,105
I like kate, I like this job,

218
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,973
And if I go through her
phone, she'll fire me.

219
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:45,076
Okay. I didn't want to
have to tell anybody this,

220
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,245
But I'm throwing a
surprise party for her

221
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:50,215
And it just wouldn't be
the same without good old...

222
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:52,751
That bart guy.

223
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:53,952
Where you gonna have it?

224
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,121
At a bowling alley.

225
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,156
So you'll get me that address?

226
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,158
But kate hates bowling. We
gotta find another place.

227
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,193
Fine. You get me that address
and I'll find another place.

228
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:05,830
You know what's good? A batting cage.

229
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,933
- Perfect. We'll have the party at a batting cage.
- Or disneyland.

230
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:12,003
Just get me the address, okay?

231
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:16,007
Fine. You know, it doesn't seem like
you put a lot of thought into this.

232
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,110
Remember, don't tell kate anything.

233
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:22,113
Well, there's nothing to tell
because of your poor planning.

234
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:26,351
<i>( knocks on door )</i>

235
00:11:32,224 --> 00:11:33,958
- Hey, nolan.
- Hey.

236
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,460
You get that guy's name
and address I asked for?

237
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:39,164
Yeah. I got it out of her phone
when she went to the bathroom.

238
00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:42,267
Oh, that is great. I
really appreciate this.

239
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:44,335
See ya later.

240
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:48,940
- Everything okay?
- Yeah.

241
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:51,076
It's just, uh...

242
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,144
I haven't got my invitation yet.

243
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,182
- Invitation?
- To the surprise party.

244
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:59,350
I virtually planned the thing.

245
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:02,187
Oh.

246
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:04,055
Turns out her buddy
bart told her about it.

247
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,390
Ruined the whole thing.

248
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,358
Then why do you need his address?

249
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,994
Well, someone's gotta
write him an angry letter.

250
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,733
No, sam. I'm not buying
you another pair of boots.

251
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:17,168
You got one pair at my
house and two pair here.

252
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,204
Yeah, but if you guys
hadn't gotten divorced,

253
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,106
Then all of my boots
would be at one house

254
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:23,208
And this wouldn't even be a problem.

255
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,210
Don't you guys even
feel guilty about that?

256
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,078
Sam, your mom and I were doing fine.

257
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,180
It was your boot habit
that tore us apart.

258
00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:33,118
Okay. Different approach.

259
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,352
Sincerity.

260
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,888
It would really mean a lot to me

261
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,356
If you guys bought me these boots.

262
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,959
Different approach. Sarcasm.

263
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:44,195
Yeah, sure. You'll have
those boots any day now.

264
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,865
Final approach. Lying.

265
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,333
Love you.

266
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:55,106
- Here you go.
- Thank you.

267
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,242
Can I ask you something?

268
00:12:57,244 --> 00:13:00,278
All that time that I cheated on you,

269
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,114
Did you ever get the urge
to confront any of the women?

270
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,917
What? You cheated on me?

271
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:09,554
Seriously, I know it's a weird question,

272
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,189
But do you think you
would've gotten some

273
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,124
Sense of satisfaction from it?

274
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,993
For all I know,

275
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:17,228
I've met a bunch of 'em
and didn't even know it.

276
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:20,498
I mean, at the movies,
at the grocery store,

277
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:24,102
At the homewrecking skank convention.

278
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:27,205
You know, every year,
I say I'm gonna go.

279
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:28,807
( sighs )

280
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:31,342
And every year, I don't.

281
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:34,913
I thought about it, but then I realized

282
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:37,282
It's not gonna make me feel any better

283
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:39,551
To confront them
face-to-face.

284
00:13:39,553 --> 00:13:43,254
And showing up on some stranger's
doorstep just makes you pathetic.

285
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,323
Yeah, you're probably right.

286
00:13:54,066 --> 00:13:55,834
Hi. Can I help you?

287
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,902
Wow, look at the wrists on you.

288
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:02,106
Look, I don't exactly know why I'm here.

289
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:04,609
I just felt like we had to meet.

290
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,444
Obviously, kate means
a lot to both of us.

291
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:08,146
Who?

292
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:11,015
Kate. Kate wales.

293
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,951
Katie.

294
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:16,020
Oh, the girl in the pictures.

295
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,555
She got it going on.

296
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:20,859
Hey, bart, show some respect.

297
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:23,161
Oh, you're here to see
bart. I'm his nurse.

298
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,629
His nurse?

299
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:27,999
Yeah. Come on in.

300
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,301
I still enjoyed the
naked pictures, though.

301
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:33,004
I get it, I get it. You're
a nurse, but you're straight.

302
00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:36,207
<i>( machine beeping )</i>

303
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:41,512
Bart, somebody's here to see you.

304
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:46,584
Wow. You're bart?

305
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:49,254
<i>Computerized voice: Are you
here to fix the keyboard?</i>

306
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:53,291
<i>The va-va-va-vee
is sticking.</i>

307
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,226
No, no. No, I'm not.

308
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:58,229
I'm charlie goodson. I'm
a friend of kate wales.

309
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,332
<i>Oh, so what can I do for you?</i>

310
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:04,369
Look, I'm sorry to barge in like this.

311
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:07,472
Truth is, I'm involved with kate
and I care about her very much.

312
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:10,141
Are you and kate in a relationship?

313
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:12,677
<i>A relationship with kate?</i>

314
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:16,180
<i>Sarcastic ha. Sarcastic ha.</i>

315
00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:18,149
<i>Sigh.</i>

316
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,517
So you're not?

317
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,319
<i>We were once,</i>

318
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,588
<i>But as soon as it got serious,</i>

319
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,556
<i>She broke up with me.</i>

320
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:27,025
So she ended it, huh?

321
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:30,561
<i>Yes, and it hit me like a ton of bricks,</i>

322
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:34,365
<i>As did the actual ton of bricks</i>

323
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,301
<i>That hit me a week later</i>

324
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:39,337
<i>On a construction site.</i>

325
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:42,240
Oh, so that's how
you ended up in the--

326
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:44,175
Dumb question.

327
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,311
<i>It's all right.</i>

328
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:49,147
<i>I still have a fulfilling life.</i>

329
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:53,084
<i>Sarcastic ha. Sarcastic ha.</i>

330
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,552
Look, again, I'm sorry to bother you.

331
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:57,388
I just-- I found out kate
was sending you pictures.

332
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:59,390
Kate and I are in a relationship.

333
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,392
Well, it's not really
a relationship. It's--

334
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,361
<i>And it never will be.</i>

335
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:05,330
You'll never get more than that.

336
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:08,733
<i>She's a cold one, that kate.</i>

337
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:11,002
She is kind of robotic

338
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:14,205
And hearing it in that
voice really drives it home.

339
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,674
<i>It would be intolerable</i>

340
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:19,143
If she didn't have such a sweet

341
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,512
<i>
Va-va-va-va--</i>

342
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:23,548
<i>Heart.</i>

343
00:16:26,418 --> 00:16:28,019
Yeah, I feel your pain.

344
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:30,555
<i>Stop bragging.</i>

345
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,490
Okay. I'm gonna get going now.

346
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,225
Is there anything I can do for you?

347
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,326
<i>Yes.</i>

348
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,562
<i>Can you pull out that plug?</i>

349
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,698
<i>The grey one. It goes to the lamp.</i>

350
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,734
Sure.

351
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:48,106
Hey, this is the plug to your life
support machine. You want me to kill you?

352
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:51,542
<i>If it's not too much trouble.</i>

353
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:54,412
I'm sorry. I can't do that.

354
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,147
<i>Never mind,</i>

355
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,282
<i>But could you help me</i>

356
00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:01,219
<i>With my medication before you go?</i>

357
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,621
Turn it up to 10.

358
00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:06,791
It's on one now. Wait.

359
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,659
That'll kill you, too.

360
00:17:10,729 --> 00:17:14,032
How 'bout I turn it up to three

361
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,666
And just get you really high?

362
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,802
<i>Sold.</i>

363
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:26,144
- Morning, nolan.
- Oh, hey, dr. Wales.

364
00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:28,312
When you borrowed my phone

365
00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:30,048
To make a call,

366
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,383
Did you do anything else with it?

367
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,651
No.

368
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,523
I'm going to give you one more
chance to tell me the truth

369
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,558
Before I show you the video

370
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,361
You accidently took when
you were on my phone.

371
00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:47,331
You're bluffing. Nobody's that stupid.

372
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:52,203
Oh, no. This isn't the address book.

373
00:17:53,372 --> 00:17:55,373
What were you doing in
my address book, nolan?

374
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:57,241
I'm sorry.

375
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,311
It's just that charlie needed
that bart guy's address.

376
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,280
( scoffs ) son of a bitch.

377
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:04,816
I can't tell you any
more because of the party.

378
00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:07,385
Damn it, nolan!

379
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:10,455
It's supposed to be a
surprise-- damn it, nolan!

380
00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:14,692
Kate, please, act like you don't know.

381
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,527
There is no party, nolan.

382
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,863
Perfect. Thanks.

383
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:22,633
<i>( knocks on door )</i>

384
00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:31,309
Oh, hey. If this is a booty
call, I can't right now.

385
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:34,645
- Sam will be home soon.
- How dare you!

386
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:37,415
Fine, I'll send 'em to
the movies for a few hours.

387
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:40,618
I can't believe you violated
my privacy like this!

388
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,386
And what kind of a therapist

389
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:44,589
Would use their patient
to spy on somebody?

390
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:47,358
I don't know. An unconventional one.

391
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,694
A maverick, if you will.

392
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:52,563
My relationship with bart
is none of your business.

393
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:55,500
Nothing is. You don't share anything
with me. I tell you everything.

394
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:58,336
My innermost thoughts, my feelings,
everything that's happened to me.

395
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:01,439
Because I'm your therapist, you dumbass.

396
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,574
I just don't understand why
you had to keep it a secret.

397
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,444
I mean, okay. You dated the guy,
he had this terrible accident,

398
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:09,380
And now you're doing
this sweet thing for him--

399
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:10,915
Wait a minute...

400
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:12,650
I know why you didn't want me to know.

401
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:15,786
- Why?
- Because it's sweet.

402
00:19:15,788 --> 00:19:18,156
( chuckles ) you are sweet.

403
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:21,425
- I am not.
- Yes, you are.

404
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:24,295
You're a big, soft pile of sentimental
goo and you don't want me to know it.

405
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:25,830
That is absolutely not true.

406
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,599
Just because I do
something decent for a guy

407
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:32,270
Who happened to fall in love with
me and have his whole world cave in

408
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:33,538
Does not make me
an emotional pile--

409
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,573
What are you doing?

410
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,341
Trying to comfort you.

411
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:41,445
I have to go rip nolan a new one.

412
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:43,781
Must be hard since you're such a softie.

413
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,216
Shut up!

414
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,451
It is so cute when you
try to act tough now.

415
00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:49,353
Oh, I hate you! I am leaving!

416
00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:55,393
If you need a hug, I'm here.

417
00:19:57,896 --> 00:20:00,264
Now you're sweet and off-balance.

418
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:08,306
Everywhere I look, there's
relax the back stores.

419
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:09,907
Relax the front.

420
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:12,410
Now, that's a business model.

421
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,478
It's actually the oldest business model.

422
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,380
Weren't you there for the grand opening?

423
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:21,285
Lacey just pulled up.
Everybody get ready.

424
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:23,921
Now, I wanna surprise her,
so don't tell her I got a job.

425
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:26,757
( cell phone chimes )

426
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,994
Okay, don't tell her I lost my job.

427
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:33,598
- I'm out!
- Oh, there she is.

428
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,367
Everything is so much different now.

429
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,469
The clothes, the music...

430
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:41,906
- No, it's just a really boring bar.
- Oh, thank god.

431
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,275
I wanna let you know, the
whole time you were inside,

432
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,310
- I was faithful.
- Oh.

433
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:48,980
Yeah, well, I was...

434
00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:50,648
I missed you, too. ( giggles )