1 00:00:00,116 --> 00:00:02,078 Okay, Lacey, you're up next. 2 00:00:02,101 --> 00:00:03,675 Describe the image you've chosen 3 00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:05,466 to be your happy place when you get upset. 4 00:00:05,504 --> 00:00:07,336 Well, I've been thinking about it 5 00:00:07,404 --> 00:00:10,100 and I saw this deserted white-sand beach 6 00:00:10,168 --> 00:00:12,003 in a magazine, and there I am 7 00:00:12,071 --> 00:00:15,514 sitting in front of a thatched hut bungalow sipping a mojito. 8 00:00:15,585 --> 00:00:18,086 That's very good. Patrick? 9 00:00:18,154 --> 00:00:20,224 I was gonna say the penthouse at the Four Seasons 10 00:00:20,292 --> 00:00:22,798 off of Central Park, but mojitos there are, like, 30 bucks. 11 00:00:22,866 --> 00:00:25,102 I'm going to Lacey's beach. 12 00:00:25,170 --> 00:00:28,307 Here, I made you a mojito. 13 00:00:28,375 --> 00:00:31,447 Gracias. 14 00:00:31,514 --> 00:00:34,987 We're in Greece. That's why my top's off. 15 00:00:35,055 --> 00:00:37,924 Okay, I know I said Disneyland earlier, 16 00:00:37,991 --> 00:00:39,526 but I'm changing it. 17 00:00:39,593 --> 00:00:41,094 How do I get to this beach? 18 00:00:41,162 --> 00:00:43,732 I'm sorry, it's private. 19 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,969 Yeah, we don't want the wrong element. 20 00:00:47,037 --> 00:00:49,740 I have to say, guys, I sit here and I am kind of amazed. 21 00:00:49,808 --> 00:00:51,475 You found a way to make a happy place 22 00:00:51,543 --> 00:00:52,977 something petty and divisive, 23 00:00:53,045 --> 00:00:55,580 just like the happy song, the happy memory, 24 00:00:55,649 --> 00:00:58,217 and our field trip to the senior center. 25 00:00:58,285 --> 00:00:59,685 Ed, what about you? 26 00:00:59,753 --> 00:01:03,691 My happy place is my own house for the next six days. 27 00:01:03,758 --> 00:01:07,096 The wife's gone to Texas to bury her aunt. 28 00:01:07,164 --> 00:01:09,666 Oh, I'm sorry. What happened? 29 00:01:09,734 --> 00:01:11,234 Who cares? 30 00:01:11,302 --> 00:01:14,805 She's a mean old troll and I'm glad she's gone... 31 00:01:14,872 --> 00:01:17,841 to bury her aunt. 32 00:01:17,908 --> 00:01:19,309 Okay, everybody, we're out of time. 33 00:01:19,376 --> 00:01:21,711 I will see you all next week. 34 00:01:21,779 --> 00:01:24,214 Oh, and, Ed, remember, if you have any issues, 35 00:01:24,282 --> 00:01:25,649 Nolan's your anger buddy. 36 00:01:25,716 --> 00:01:27,684 Oh, do I really have to have Nolan? 37 00:01:27,752 --> 00:01:29,986 Yes. We picked names out of a hat. 38 00:01:30,053 --> 00:01:32,355 We drew straws. I even played eenie meenie miney mo. 39 00:01:32,423 --> 00:01:34,123 Bottom line... nobody ever likes their anger buddy, 40 00:01:34,191 --> 00:01:35,558 so we're done. 41 00:01:36,994 --> 00:01:39,797 Oh, and, Ed, we were all offended 42 00:01:39,864 --> 00:01:42,033 by your version of eenie meenie miney mo. 43 00:01:42,101 --> 00:01:44,602 From now on, let's just stick with tiger. 44 00:01:46,539 --> 00:01:49,074 - Hey, Dad. - Group's over? 45 00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:50,576 Yeah, we can watch the game now. 46 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,846 ( Sniffing ) 47 00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:55,382 God, you smell like an ashtray. 48 00:01:55,450 --> 00:01:57,351 There was a fire at the dry cleaners. 49 00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,420 You're smoking again, aren't you? 50 00:01:59,488 --> 00:02:02,191 Leave me alone. I'm going through a lot of stress with this divorce. 51 00:02:02,258 --> 00:02:03,625 I need something to help me relax. 52 00:02:03,693 --> 00:02:07,830 Yeah, but those things will slowly kill you. 53 00:02:07,898 --> 00:02:09,498 The key word being slowly. 54 00:02:12,370 --> 00:02:14,772 Look, it's my life and I can do with it what I want. 55 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,201 Besides, you know I've been trying 56 00:02:16,241 --> 00:02:17,675 to quit for years and I just can't. 57 00:02:17,743 --> 00:02:19,143 You have to quit. 58 00:02:19,211 --> 00:02:21,580 You're a huge influence on your granddaughter. 59 00:02:21,648 --> 00:02:24,150 Just yesterday she told me it was about to rain 'cause she could feel it in her hip. 60 00:02:24,217 --> 00:02:25,218 Oh. 61 00:02:26,954 --> 00:02:28,088 Hello, guys. 62 00:02:28,155 --> 00:02:30,757 Kate, perfect timing. 63 00:02:30,825 --> 00:02:32,626 Are you still doing cognitive behavior work with smokers? 64 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:35,095 Yeah, I've tried to stop, 65 00:02:35,163 --> 00:02:37,365 but I just can't seem to quit. 66 00:02:37,432 --> 00:02:39,767 ( Laughs ) That really kills at addiction seminars. 67 00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:43,438 Forget it, Charlie. And no offense, Kate, 68 00:02:43,505 --> 00:02:46,475 but I can't see how any shrink could ever get me to quit smoking. 69 00:02:46,542 --> 00:02:48,310 Really? 70 00:02:48,378 --> 00:02:50,045 Well, I'm not just any shrink. 71 00:02:50,113 --> 00:02:52,481 Be at my office tomorrow at 9:00 sharp. 72 00:02:52,549 --> 00:02:54,029 You will sit there, you will shut up. 73 00:02:54,084 --> 00:02:55,785 It will take five sessions. You will be cured. 74 00:02:55,853 --> 00:02:57,220 Charlie, kitchen, now. 75 00:03:00,024 --> 00:03:01,658 Whoa. 76 00:03:01,726 --> 00:03:04,928 That is one very bossy, frightening woman. 77 00:03:04,996 --> 00:03:06,864 Hands off, she's mine. 78 00:03:11,003 --> 00:03:12,704 What's up? 79 00:03:12,772 --> 00:03:15,373 You left this in my cupboard. 80 00:03:15,441 --> 00:03:17,075 Travel-sized deodorant 81 00:03:17,143 --> 00:03:19,645 which you left there because you think 82 00:03:19,712 --> 00:03:23,349 you'll eventually sleep over and use it in the morning. 83 00:03:23,417 --> 00:03:24,750 Fine, you got me. 84 00:03:24,818 --> 00:03:28,254 I guess I owe you a travel-sized apology. 85 00:03:28,322 --> 00:03:29,856 This is couples stuff, Charlie, 86 00:03:29,924 --> 00:03:32,025 and we're not a couple. 87 00:03:32,093 --> 00:03:34,328 We don't leave personal things at each other's houses, 88 00:03:34,395 --> 00:03:36,063 we don't do bed and breakfast, 89 00:03:36,131 --> 00:03:37,998 and I don't send you out to the store to buy me tampons. 90 00:03:38,066 --> 00:03:40,735 I have no problem buying you tampons. 91 00:03:40,802 --> 00:03:43,171 That way we could go horseback riding, swimming, 92 00:03:43,239 --> 00:03:45,907 play beach volleyball any day of the month. 93 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,676 It's not just a deodorant, Charlie, it's a symbol. 94 00:03:48,744 --> 00:03:51,780 It is a perfumed cover-up that can't mask the stink 95 00:03:51,847 --> 00:03:55,483 of a sweaty armpit that is a relationship. 96 00:03:55,551 --> 00:03:57,686 Fine, I'll take it back. 97 00:03:57,753 --> 00:04:00,922 But just keep in mind one day you're gonna be on your deathbed 98 00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:05,494 and you're gonna regret never being in a big sweaty armpit. 99 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,397 ( Theme music playing ) 100 00:04:06,422 --> 00:04:10,422 Anger Management 2x19 - Charlie, Kate and Jen Get Romantic Original air date May 23, 2013 101 00:04:10,447 --> 00:04:12,735 Sync and corrections by atrn97g for www.addic7ed.com 102 00:04:12,736 --> 00:04:14,937 Hey, Sam. 103 00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:17,039 Come on, Sam. 104 00:04:17,107 --> 00:04:18,807 You know you're gonna have to talk to me sooner or later. 105 00:04:18,875 --> 00:04:20,409 Charlie: What's going on? 106 00:04:20,476 --> 00:04:22,544 Sam's decided not to talk to Martin 107 00:04:22,612 --> 00:04:24,512 until he actually quits smoking. 108 00:04:24,580 --> 00:04:28,049 Hey, I got a better idea. How about Sam starts smoking and Martin quits talking? 109 00:04:29,317 --> 00:04:30,684 - Charlie. - Oh, come on. 110 00:04:30,752 --> 00:04:33,553 He'll be quiet and she'll look cool. 111 00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:36,624 Listen, princess, I know you're just doing this 112 00:04:36,692 --> 00:04:38,359 to pressure me into quitting sooner, 113 00:04:38,427 --> 00:04:41,396 but I just want you to know that if I died tomorrow 114 00:04:41,464 --> 00:04:44,098 and you're still not talking to me, you shouldn't feel guilty. 115 00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:46,534 - Don't say that, Grandpa. - Aha! I got you. 116 00:04:46,602 --> 00:04:49,103 You amateur. ( Laughs ) 117 00:04:49,171 --> 00:04:51,873 Hey, Martin, we picked up a few things to help you quit. 118 00:04:53,976 --> 00:04:56,778 - All right, got nicotine gum. - Oh. 119 00:04:56,846 --> 00:04:59,548 Sunflower seeds. 120 00:04:59,615 --> 00:05:02,017 And from the hospital just to scare you, 121 00:05:02,085 --> 00:05:04,252 a cancerous lung. 122 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,888 - What? - I'm just kidding. It's fudge. 123 00:05:06,955 --> 00:05:08,356 Oh. 124 00:05:08,424 --> 00:05:10,525 Wow, you can't light the pilot on a water heater, 125 00:05:10,593 --> 00:05:12,160 but you can make a lung out of fudge? 126 00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:14,863 Don't pay any attention to him, Jen. 127 00:05:14,931 --> 00:05:16,498 This is very thoughtful of you. 128 00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:19,034 My son was a damn fool to let you go. 129 00:05:19,102 --> 00:05:22,437 Thank you, Martin, but he was a fool long before that. 130 00:05:22,505 --> 00:05:25,174 Pilot light. What? 131 00:05:27,143 --> 00:05:28,464 Hey, thanks for the goodies, Jen. 132 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:33,015 So how did your first session with Kate go? 133 00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:36,585 I think her plan is to kill me before the cigarettes do. 134 00:05:36,653 --> 00:05:38,921 Just don't give up. You're my dad 135 00:05:38,988 --> 00:05:41,256 and I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to you. 136 00:05:41,324 --> 00:05:43,525 Uh-huh. 137 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,727 What do you want, Charlie? 138 00:05:45,795 --> 00:05:47,996 Yeah, that might have been pushing it. 139 00:05:48,064 --> 00:05:49,632 I need a little help with Kate. 140 00:05:49,699 --> 00:05:51,567 I want to take her away on a romantic weekend, 141 00:05:51,635 --> 00:05:54,136 but she'll never go for that. She'll say it's too coupley. 142 00:05:54,204 --> 00:05:55,604 I'm not surprised. 143 00:05:55,672 --> 00:05:58,140 She's a cold, cold woman. 144 00:05:58,208 --> 00:06:00,609 You're only saying that 'cause she's forcing you to quit smoking. 145 00:06:00,677 --> 00:06:02,845 Well, and her personality. 146 00:06:04,648 --> 00:06:06,015 I need you to pretend you're going up 147 00:06:06,083 --> 00:06:08,051 to Monterey Bay with me for the weekend to race cars. 148 00:06:08,119 --> 00:06:10,486 But here's the deal. I need you to drop out at the last second. 149 00:06:10,554 --> 00:06:12,121 That'll force Kate to go. 150 00:06:12,189 --> 00:06:15,391 I don't know why you keep pushing this rock uphill 151 00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:16,893 when you've got Jen in your life. 152 00:06:16,961 --> 00:06:19,528 Dad, it is over between me and Jen. 153 00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:21,530 She's the past, Kate's the future. 154 00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:24,967 Sure, she's a dystopian future where machines take the place of people, 155 00:06:25,035 --> 00:06:26,969 but I find that exciting. 156 00:06:28,539 --> 00:06:30,740 Are you gonna help me or not? 157 00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:33,176 All right. But you're gonna owe me big-time. 158 00:06:33,244 --> 00:06:35,812 I already pay your rent, your cable, and make your car payment. 159 00:06:35,879 --> 00:06:37,346 Yeah, it's gonna be a challenge, 160 00:06:37,414 --> 00:06:39,215 but I'll come up with something. 161 00:06:41,419 --> 00:06:44,387 Hey. How'd it go today? 162 00:06:44,455 --> 00:06:47,856 She had me write a good-bye letter to cigarettes. 163 00:06:47,924 --> 00:06:50,592 "We have a toxic relationship." 164 00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:53,829 "You're a waste of time and money and will drive me to an early grave." 165 00:06:53,897 --> 00:06:56,497 Wow, that's just like the letter I wrote to you last Father's Day. 166 00:06:58,034 --> 00:06:59,635 You're part of a support group. 167 00:06:59,703 --> 00:07:01,470 You should be a little more encouraging. 168 00:07:01,538 --> 00:07:03,005 Oh, I am. In fact, this weekend we're going to 169 00:07:03,073 --> 00:07:04,507 the Monterey Racing School 170 00:07:04,574 --> 00:07:06,275 to celebrate his not smoking. Right, Dad? 171 00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,511 Wait a minute. Did you say we're going this weekend? 172 00:07:08,578 --> 00:07:09,678 Yeah, everything's set. 173 00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:11,814 Oh, Charlie, I am so sorry. 174 00:07:11,882 --> 00:07:13,950 I forgot I've got a funeral. 175 00:07:14,018 --> 00:07:15,551 Oh, I'm so sorry. Who died? 176 00:07:15,619 --> 00:07:17,253 ( Stammering ) Steve. 177 00:07:17,321 --> 00:07:19,522 Steve died, of course. 178 00:07:19,590 --> 00:07:21,758 - Oh, no, Steve died? - Yes. 179 00:07:21,825 --> 00:07:23,626 Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. 180 00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:26,054 You guys worked together at that company for years and years. 181 00:07:26,063 --> 00:07:29,199 At that company. That was a great company. 182 00:07:29,266 --> 00:07:32,502 All the years at... at that company. 183 00:07:32,569 --> 00:07:34,804 - With Steve. - With Steve. 184 00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:36,806 Well, if you're not going, I'll just have to eat the deposit 185 00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:38,241 on the race time and the hotel. 186 00:07:38,309 --> 00:07:39,742 I'd invite this one to race, 187 00:07:39,810 --> 00:07:42,211 but when I kick her ass, she'd go crazy. 188 00:07:42,279 --> 00:07:44,613 Like you'd kick my ass. 189 00:07:44,681 --> 00:07:47,183 Oh, please, Kate. You've read the studies. 190 00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:49,852 Men have far superior hand-eye coordination. 191 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:54,190 You, however, have terrific shoes and purse coordination. 192 00:07:54,257 --> 00:07:56,859 I could beat you with one hand tied behind my back. 193 00:07:56,927 --> 00:07:58,328 In fact, I have. 194 00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,663 Maybe I'll get Michael to go. 195 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:02,566 Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm going. 196 00:08:02,633 --> 00:08:05,234 - No, Kate, please. - I'm going. 197 00:08:05,302 --> 00:08:06,937 All right, fine. I'll pick you up tomorrow night. 198 00:08:07,004 --> 00:08:08,572 Great, or you can follow me up there. 199 00:08:08,639 --> 00:08:10,540 That way you can get used to eating my dust. 200 00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:15,679 You couldn't come up with a name of a company? 201 00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:17,781 Hey, I came up with Steve. 202 00:08:20,883 --> 00:08:23,018 ( Knocking ) Who is it? 203 00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:25,787 It's your anger buddy, Nolan. 204 00:08:25,855 --> 00:08:29,024 You called me. I said I was coming over. I'm here. 205 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,692 Just come on in. 206 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,861 I never lock the door. I've got a gun. 207 00:08:35,998 --> 00:08:37,599 I got here as quick as I could. 208 00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:39,068 What are you so upset about? 209 00:08:39,135 --> 00:08:41,203 I finally get the house to myself 210 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:44,273 and my damn neighbor decides to fix his damn motorcycle. 211 00:08:44,340 --> 00:08:46,475 He revs it up in his driveway. 212 00:08:46,543 --> 00:08:47,977 Never stops. 213 00:08:48,044 --> 00:08:49,712 He's not doing it now. 214 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:52,581 What are you, an anger buddy or motorcycle detective? 215 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:57,319 Grab a beer and sit down. The game's about to start. 216 00:08:57,387 --> 00:09:00,722 Park it in that dent where the missus always sits. 217 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,991 Springs are no match for that woman. 218 00:09:05,828 --> 00:09:08,831 Okay, but I'm not really into sports. 219 00:09:08,898 --> 00:09:11,767 Nobody's asking you to do color commentary. 220 00:09:11,834 --> 00:09:14,403 All I want you to do is sit here with me 221 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:16,771 until I'm not angry anymore. 222 00:09:16,839 --> 00:09:18,673 ( Cheering on TV ) 223 00:09:26,548 --> 00:09:27,548 I'm still angry. 224 00:09:31,186 --> 00:09:33,621 - Hey, Charlie. - Hey, Dad. 225 00:09:33,689 --> 00:09:35,356 How'd the weekend go with Kate? 226 00:09:35,424 --> 00:09:37,325 We had fun. The instructor said 227 00:09:37,393 --> 00:09:39,194 she could have been a professional race car driver 228 00:09:39,261 --> 00:09:41,897 if she cared a little more about not dying. 229 00:09:41,965 --> 00:09:43,565 So are we watching the game tonight? 230 00:09:43,633 --> 00:09:46,302 No, actually, I'm calling in my favor. 231 00:09:46,370 --> 00:09:49,505 You, me, Jen, and Sam 232 00:09:49,573 --> 00:09:51,107 are all going bowling tonight. 233 00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:53,343 That's your favor? A bowling night? 234 00:09:53,411 --> 00:09:56,312 Hey, we haven't gone out as a family in forever. 235 00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:58,081 I know you don't like hanging out with me, 236 00:09:58,149 --> 00:09:59,649 but you're just gonna have to put up with it tonight. 237 00:09:59,717 --> 00:10:01,852 That's what I want. 238 00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:04,321 Wow, I didn't realize you felt so cut off from the family. 239 00:10:04,388 --> 00:10:07,425 I thought I was doing a better job of hiding that. 240 00:10:07,492 --> 00:10:10,628 Just do this for your old man tonight and we're even. 241 00:10:10,696 --> 00:10:13,397 - You got it. - Thank you. 242 00:10:13,465 --> 00:10:15,900 - Hey, guys. - Wow. 243 00:10:15,968 --> 00:10:19,470 Jen, look at you. 244 00:10:19,538 --> 00:10:21,639 You look fantastic. 245 00:10:21,706 --> 00:10:24,608 So, Dad, I'm guessing it's the grand opening 246 00:10:24,676 --> 00:10:26,744 at the bowling alley? 247 00:10:26,811 --> 00:10:29,547 - Bowling alley? - He's mispronouncing it. 248 00:10:29,614 --> 00:10:31,682 It's Bocelli. 249 00:10:31,750 --> 00:10:33,617 Andrea Bocelli. 250 00:10:33,685 --> 00:10:35,185 The Italian tenor. 251 00:10:35,253 --> 00:10:37,420 You guys are going to his concert tonight. 252 00:10:37,488 --> 00:10:39,589 But what about you? I thought you were going. 253 00:10:39,657 --> 00:10:41,757 I pulled my back out. I can't go. 254 00:10:41,825 --> 00:10:44,293 Carrying the casket at Steve's funeral. 255 00:10:44,361 --> 00:10:47,029 I wish I could join you, but I'm afraid you two 256 00:10:47,097 --> 00:10:49,464 are gonna have to see Bocelli alone. 257 00:10:49,532 --> 00:10:51,232 He's that blind opera singer. 258 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,502 I saw him on "Sesame Street" once. He crushed it. 259 00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:55,137 ( Phone chimes ) Now go on. 260 00:10:55,205 --> 00:10:57,372 Get dressed, Charlie. The limousine just arrived. 261 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:58,774 No way! You got a limo? 262 00:11:00,777 --> 00:11:02,311 You're trying to put us back together, you son of a bitch. 263 00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:04,314 Hey, I can understand why you're upset. 264 00:11:04,381 --> 00:11:06,449 But don't worry. We can go bowling tomorrow night. 265 00:11:11,501 --> 00:11:12,768 Yes. 266 00:11:14,171 --> 00:11:16,205 Well, how'd it go with Jen? 267 00:11:16,273 --> 00:11:18,440 You're still here? You've got to leave. 268 00:11:18,508 --> 00:11:20,242 She's on her way in and she's planning on spending the night. 269 00:11:20,310 --> 00:11:22,912 Oh, my God, Charlie! That's wonderful news. 270 00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:24,814 Yeah, well, what can I say? 271 00:11:24,881 --> 00:11:26,682 There we were sitting under the stars 272 00:11:26,750 --> 00:11:29,284 and I saw that twinkle in her eyes that I used to love. 273 00:11:29,352 --> 00:11:31,987 And long story short, I think we're getting back together. 274 00:11:32,054 --> 00:11:33,789 Yes! I can't believe it. 275 00:11:33,856 --> 00:11:35,691 ( Laughs ) And you shouldn't. 276 00:11:37,527 --> 00:11:38,761 She got drunk on limo booze 277 00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:40,595 and spent half the night talking way too loud 278 00:11:40,663 --> 00:11:43,732 and yelling out for Bocelli to sing "Bohemian Rhapsody," 279 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,169 which is her, and I quote, "favorite opera song ever." 280 00:11:47,236 --> 00:11:50,438 Oh, come on, it couldn't have been that bad. 281 00:11:50,506 --> 00:11:53,742 No? Do you know how embarrassing it is to have a blind opera singer 282 00:11:53,810 --> 00:11:55,544 glaring in your general direction? 283 00:11:57,013 --> 00:12:00,315 I don't know why you can't keep an open mind. 284 00:12:00,382 --> 00:12:03,084 Dad, I love Jen and I always will, 285 00:12:03,151 --> 00:12:05,052 but Kate is the woman I want to be with. 286 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,754 But she won't make a real commitment to you. 287 00:12:07,822 --> 00:12:09,823 And is that what you want? 288 00:12:09,891 --> 00:12:13,560 I mean, would you call Kate a happy person? 289 00:12:13,627 --> 00:12:14,948 No, that would just piss her off. 290 00:12:17,265 --> 00:12:19,466 - Good night, Dad. - Good night, son. 291 00:12:28,943 --> 00:12:30,444 Kate, it's Martin. 292 00:12:30,512 --> 00:12:33,713 Listen, I know my next session isn't until Thursday, 293 00:12:33,781 --> 00:12:35,281 but I really need to talk to you. 294 00:12:35,349 --> 00:12:37,250 Please call me back. 295 00:12:37,318 --> 00:12:39,853 Charlie: - Dad? - Yeah? 296 00:12:39,921 --> 00:12:42,389 - You still here? - Yeah. 297 00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:44,124 - Go home. - Yeah. 298 00:12:46,762 --> 00:12:49,631 Hand me another beer, will you? 299 00:12:49,698 --> 00:12:52,401 But first, turn down that thermostat. 300 00:12:52,468 --> 00:12:54,503 It's like a boiler in here. 301 00:12:54,571 --> 00:12:57,773 That's six beers, Ed. Don't you think that's enough? 302 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,075 I'm asking you to fetch, not count. 303 00:13:00,143 --> 00:13:03,578 You keep talking to me like that, I'm gonna walk right out that door. 304 00:13:03,646 --> 00:13:05,714 Oh, please. Where you gonna go? 305 00:13:05,782 --> 00:13:08,083 I'm gonna go to my sister's. 306 00:13:08,151 --> 00:13:10,552 Wait, I don't have a sister. 307 00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,988 What is happening here? 308 00:13:13,056 --> 00:13:14,723 Look, I'm sorry. 309 00:13:14,791 --> 00:13:17,059 I just don't want to be left alone 310 00:13:17,127 --> 00:13:18,861 with my thoughts right now 311 00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:22,198 because I'm thinking of doing some things that I shouldn't. 312 00:13:23,767 --> 00:13:27,337 There's this widow who lives across the street. 313 00:13:27,404 --> 00:13:30,173 And she waters her lawn every morning 314 00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:32,309 wearing a bathrobe. 315 00:13:32,377 --> 00:13:35,779 This morning, she smiled at me 316 00:13:35,847 --> 00:13:38,715 and that bathrobe was open a little bit. 317 00:13:38,783 --> 00:13:42,919 She sounds like a real nice lady. 318 00:13:42,987 --> 00:13:44,954 I'm saying 319 00:13:45,022 --> 00:13:48,424 that I haven't had another woman in 40 years. 320 00:13:48,492 --> 00:13:51,627 If that woman waters her lawn tomorrow 321 00:13:51,694 --> 00:13:53,262 wearing that bathrobe 322 00:13:53,329 --> 00:13:55,497 and it pops all the way open... 323 00:13:57,333 --> 00:13:59,134 I don't know what's gonna happen. 324 00:13:59,201 --> 00:14:02,104 Don't worry. I'm there for you. 325 00:14:02,171 --> 00:14:04,105 What time does she water? 326 00:14:04,173 --> 00:14:05,306 8:00 A.M. 327 00:14:05,374 --> 00:14:07,308 My God. 328 00:14:07,376 --> 00:14:09,510 You old people are like farmers. 329 00:14:12,615 --> 00:14:14,582 Here you go. 330 00:14:14,650 --> 00:14:17,385 It's perfectly normal to relapse. 331 00:14:17,453 --> 00:14:19,688 I used to be a smoker myself, so I get it. 332 00:14:19,756 --> 00:14:22,224 We use these to cope with our anxieties. 333 00:14:22,292 --> 00:14:24,226 So before you were a smoker, 334 00:14:24,294 --> 00:14:26,461 what did you do to make yourself feel better? 335 00:14:26,529 --> 00:14:28,697 I would make love with my wife. 336 00:14:28,764 --> 00:14:30,198 And after the divorce? 337 00:14:30,266 --> 00:14:32,066 She wasn't that receptive. 338 00:14:33,635 --> 00:14:35,336 Well, there's usually not a lot of romance 339 00:14:35,404 --> 00:14:38,005 - after the divorce. - Well, not always. 340 00:14:38,073 --> 00:14:41,175 I mean, look what's going on between Charlie and Jennifer now. 341 00:14:41,243 --> 00:14:44,312 - What's going on? - They're rekindling the old spark. 342 00:14:44,379 --> 00:14:47,549 Jennifer and Charlie are seeing each other again? 343 00:14:47,616 --> 00:14:50,051 Yeah, but you knew about that, didn't you? 344 00:14:50,119 --> 00:14:51,786 Yes. Of course I did. 345 00:14:51,854 --> 00:14:53,487 Old news, Charlie and Jennifer. 346 00:14:53,555 --> 00:14:56,457 Jennifer and Charlie. Chennifer. 347 00:14:56,525 --> 00:14:58,693 Jarlie. 348 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,528 It was bound to happen. 349 00:15:00,596 --> 00:15:02,730 I mean, Charlie's grown up. 350 00:15:02,798 --> 00:15:05,700 He's done with all the empty, meaningless affairs. 351 00:15:05,768 --> 00:15:07,436 He wants to settle down now. 352 00:15:07,503 --> 00:15:11,073 Well, yes. That's... that's obvious. 353 00:15:11,141 --> 00:15:13,242 Yep. 354 00:15:15,446 --> 00:15:17,113 You know, sometimes people just come to a place 355 00:15:17,181 --> 00:15:19,516 where they have to make a change in their lives. 356 00:15:19,583 --> 00:15:21,517 And I couldn't be happy for him. 357 00:15:21,585 --> 00:15:23,720 Er. 358 00:15:23,788 --> 00:15:25,588 Happier. 359 00:15:25,656 --> 00:15:27,691 Oh, God, that's good. 360 00:15:36,151 --> 00:15:39,153 Kate, what's going on? Are we supposed to do something today? 361 00:15:39,221 --> 00:15:40,755 No. 362 00:15:40,823 --> 00:15:43,625 I just wanted to stop by 363 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:46,795 to give you these. 364 00:15:48,131 --> 00:15:51,533 Travel-size deodorant. 365 00:15:51,601 --> 00:15:53,834 Travel-size mouthwash. 366 00:15:55,637 --> 00:15:59,674 And travel-size toothbrush. 367 00:15:59,741 --> 00:16:01,876 I don't know how many guys are trying to spend the night at your house, 368 00:16:01,944 --> 00:16:04,311 but those are not mine. 369 00:16:04,379 --> 00:16:07,147 Yes, they are. I bought them for you. 370 00:16:07,215 --> 00:16:08,449 So you can use them. 371 00:16:08,516 --> 00:16:10,918 When you sleep over. 372 00:16:10,985 --> 00:16:12,819 - Sleep over? - Yes. 373 00:16:12,887 --> 00:16:15,155 Isn't that what people do when they're a couple? 374 00:16:15,223 --> 00:16:18,292 Wait a minute. You want to be a couple? 375 00:16:18,359 --> 00:16:20,093 All right, let's get this out of the way. 376 00:16:20,161 --> 00:16:21,962 - Not pregnant? - Check. 377 00:16:22,029 --> 00:16:23,096 - Not dying? - Check. 378 00:16:23,164 --> 00:16:24,364 Oh, my God. Am I dying? 379 00:16:24,432 --> 00:16:26,333 No, just say you're happy and act stupid 380 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,902 so we can get on with the rest of our lives. 381 00:16:28,970 --> 00:16:30,303 So you're serious about this? 382 00:16:30,371 --> 00:16:32,439 Yes, now shut up and kiss me. 383 00:16:33,875 --> 00:16:35,308 Wait a minute. 384 00:16:35,376 --> 00:16:37,510 You want to kiss me and we're not having sex? 385 00:16:37,578 --> 00:16:39,079 My God, you are serious. 386 00:16:42,784 --> 00:16:44,385 But why now? 387 00:16:44,452 --> 00:16:46,386 You've always been so against being exclusive. 388 00:16:46,454 --> 00:16:49,223 People can change, right? 389 00:16:49,291 --> 00:16:52,560 Why am I looking a gift horse in the mouth? This is great. 390 00:16:52,627 --> 00:16:55,263 Now we can do something crazy I've always wanted to do. 391 00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:57,231 Something crazier than we usually do? 392 00:16:57,299 --> 00:16:59,401 Much crazier. 393 00:16:59,468 --> 00:17:02,471 - You and me... - Uh-huh. 394 00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:04,940 - ...in public... - Okay. 395 00:17:05,008 --> 00:17:08,077 - ...at the mall... - Mm-hmm. 396 00:17:08,145 --> 00:17:09,712 ...holding hands. 397 00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:12,882 Yay. 398 00:17:15,185 --> 00:17:16,619 Ed? 399 00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:19,087 It's me. 400 00:17:19,155 --> 00:17:20,723 I overslept. 401 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:23,125 She's not out there. 402 00:17:23,192 --> 00:17:25,527 There was just a hose line on the lawn. 403 00:17:25,595 --> 00:17:27,062 I'm worried. 404 00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:29,264 ( Bed squeaking ) 405 00:17:29,332 --> 00:17:32,000 Oh, no. Ed, don't do it! 406 00:17:32,068 --> 00:17:35,504 Or at least stop doing it! 407 00:17:35,572 --> 00:17:38,340 Think of your wife! 408 00:17:39,943 --> 00:17:42,211 What the hell are you doing here? 409 00:17:42,279 --> 00:17:43,880 I told you I'd come over to check on you. 410 00:17:43,881 --> 00:17:46,883 It's not worth it. 40 years, Ed. 40 years. 411 00:17:46,950 --> 00:17:50,153 Is what I'll get for killing you. 412 00:17:50,221 --> 00:17:52,989 That's my wife in there. She got home early. 413 00:17:53,057 --> 00:17:54,724 I don't believe you. I'm going to look. 414 00:17:58,229 --> 00:18:00,663 I still don't know. I've never seen your wife. 415 00:18:04,769 --> 00:18:06,302 Hey, Charlie. Glad I caught you. 416 00:18:06,370 --> 00:18:07,804 You want to have some lunch? 417 00:18:07,871 --> 00:18:09,972 Not a good time, Dad. 418 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,877 The woman that I'm in an exclusive relationship with is in the next room. 419 00:18:13,944 --> 00:18:15,879 Perhaps you've heard of her. Her name is Kate. 420 00:18:15,946 --> 00:18:18,147 The woman whose heart you said you could pack lobsters in 421 00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:20,283 wants to be my boo. 422 00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,618 That's crazy. 423 00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:25,121 Why is that crazy? She had a fear of intimacy, 424 00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:26,989 but because she cares so much about me, she got over it. 425 00:18:27,057 --> 00:18:29,692 Overnight? Come on, you don't really believe that, do you? 426 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,427 Why not? I had a fear of you and I got over it. 427 00:18:32,495 --> 00:18:34,863 Now get out of my house! See? 428 00:18:34,931 --> 00:18:37,766 Wait, Charlie, the only reason she's doing this 429 00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:39,902 is because I told her about you and Jen. 430 00:18:39,969 --> 00:18:42,371 What did you do, old man? 431 00:18:42,439 --> 00:18:45,173 I told her that you guys were getting back together. 432 00:18:45,241 --> 00:18:46,942 - But we're not. - Listen to me. 433 00:18:47,009 --> 00:18:50,045 I was just trying to move Kate out of the way 434 00:18:50,112 --> 00:18:52,113 so that you'd have a real chance with Jen. 435 00:18:52,181 --> 00:18:55,784 God knows I would kill for a chance to be back with my ex-wife. 436 00:18:55,851 --> 00:18:58,020 The second one, of course. Not your mother, God rest her soul. 437 00:18:58,088 --> 00:18:59,922 Stop saying that. She's not dead. 438 00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:02,858 All I'm saying, son, is talk to her. 439 00:19:02,926 --> 00:19:06,696 Make sure that this woman is with you for all the right reasons. 440 00:19:06,764 --> 00:19:08,631 Who's with whom for what reasons? 441 00:19:08,698 --> 00:19:11,900 I'm sorry, Kate. I just found out that my dad lied to you. 442 00:19:11,968 --> 00:19:14,203 That whole thing about me and Jen, he made that up. 443 00:19:14,271 --> 00:19:16,305 Why would you do that? 444 00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,207 Maybe I'm old-fashioned, Kate, 445 00:19:19,275 --> 00:19:22,277 but I believe my son should be with the mother of his child. 446 00:19:22,345 --> 00:19:24,479 And he thinks the only reason you're with me 447 00:19:24,546 --> 00:19:25,980 is because you didn't want Jen to have me. 448 00:19:26,047 --> 00:19:28,215 But we both know that's not true. 449 00:19:28,283 --> 00:19:29,483 Tell him, Kate. 450 00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:32,720 That's right. 451 00:19:32,788 --> 00:19:34,989 Think carefully. Really lay him out. 452 00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:40,328 Anytime, sweetie. Ahem. 453 00:19:40,395 --> 00:19:42,430 You're really leaving me hanging here. 454 00:19:42,498 --> 00:19:44,132 I think I should go home. 455 00:19:48,037 --> 00:19:50,672 Oh, come on, don't go. Come back in the kitchen. 456 00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:53,142 We'll kick my father out and we'll talk this thing through. 457 00:19:53,210 --> 00:19:54,977 I wasn't ready to be a couple, Charlie, 458 00:19:55,045 --> 00:19:57,613 and the Jen thing pushed me over the edge. 459 00:19:57,681 --> 00:19:59,048 I know it's not your fault, 460 00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:01,617 but I need some time to reevaluate why I did this. 461 00:20:01,685 --> 00:20:03,485 Okay, okay, so you may have gotten here for the wrong reason, 462 00:20:03,553 --> 00:20:04,820 but you're in the right place. 463 00:20:04,888 --> 00:20:06,656 So what if my father tricked you? 464 00:20:06,723 --> 00:20:09,726 I tricked you into a couple's weekend in Monterey and that turned out great. 465 00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:13,062 - You what? - What? 466 00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:16,265 You just said you tricked me into going to Monterey. 467 00:20:16,333 --> 00:20:18,367 And you believed me? 468 00:20:18,435 --> 00:20:21,037 - That makes no sense. - I know. 469 00:20:21,105 --> 00:20:22,806 The important thing is we have each other 470 00:20:22,874 --> 00:20:24,307 to get through these confusing moments. 471 00:20:24,375 --> 00:20:26,676 That is the problem with relationships. 472 00:20:26,744 --> 00:20:28,378 The lies, the manipulations. 473 00:20:28,446 --> 00:20:30,681 There's no good reason for people to be couples 474 00:20:30,748 --> 00:20:35,085 except for game nights and murder-suicides. 475 00:20:35,153 --> 00:20:37,621 Okay, okay, so we don't have to do the couple thing. 476 00:20:37,689 --> 00:20:39,256 We'll just put that on hold. 477 00:20:39,324 --> 00:20:41,825 It's more than that. I need some space. 478 00:20:43,394 --> 00:20:47,297 I'm your friend. I can be your therapist. 479 00:20:47,365 --> 00:20:49,733 But that's all I can do right now. 480 00:20:49,801 --> 00:20:51,635 I'm sorry. 481 00:20:53,738 --> 00:20:56,040 ( Door opens ) 482 00:20:56,107 --> 00:20:58,108 ( Door closes ) 483 00:20:58,175 --> 00:21:01,511 Oh, Charlie, it's been a rough day all around. 484 00:21:03,047 --> 00:21:05,782 You know, my dad and me didn't get along well either. 485 00:21:05,849 --> 00:21:07,683 But there was one thing he told me... 486 00:21:07,751 --> 00:21:10,887 You are the root of all evil and you've ruined any chance I had at happiness. 487 00:21:10,955 --> 00:21:14,057 Yep, and then we'd go to bed and wait for Santa to come. 488 00:21:14,082 --> 00:21:24,082 Sync and corrections by atrn97g for www.addic7ed.com