1 00:00:00,813 --> 00:00:03,164 This study proposes to show that people 2 00:00:03,227 --> 00:00:05,011 in "friends with benefits" arrangements 3 00:00:05,062 --> 00:00:08,397 are as happy as those in traditional monogamous relationships. 4 00:00:08,432 --> 00:00:10,399 And we'll examine the sustainability 5 00:00:10,434 --> 00:00:12,602 of nontraditional relationships. 6 00:00:12,636 --> 00:00:15,571 Yeah, let me think about it. Maybe we'll tuck it in on the second draft. 7 00:00:15,606 --> 00:00:17,273 Why don't you just say you don't want to put it in? 8 00:00:17,307 --> 00:00:18,474 I can handle it. I'm a professional. 9 00:00:18,492 --> 00:00:20,526 Okay, I don't want to put it in. 10 00:00:20,577 --> 00:00:22,645 Okay, then put this in. 11 00:00:22,663 --> 00:00:24,747 You're a bossy little snot pants. 12 00:00:24,782 --> 00:00:27,366 ( Sighs ) It's a press release, Charlie. 13 00:00:27,417 --> 00:00:28,918 We don't want it to get too wordy. 14 00:00:28,952 --> 00:00:30,953 Well, fine. Bring it over here. I'll type it. 15 00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:34,207 Oh, fine, I'll let the 10,000 monkeys 16 00:00:34,258 --> 00:00:35,675 take a crack at it. 17 00:00:38,962 --> 00:00:41,163 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 18 00:00:41,181 --> 00:00:43,666 "By Kate Wales, PhD, and Charles Goodson"? 19 00:00:43,684 --> 00:00:45,885 It would've been nice if you'd asked me before putting your name first. 20 00:00:45,936 --> 00:00:47,887 I listed them alphabetically. 21 00:00:47,938 --> 00:00:50,606 Goodson, Wales? 22 00:00:50,641 --> 00:00:52,275 By first name. 23 00:00:52,309 --> 00:00:55,478 Charlie, Kate. 24 00:00:55,512 --> 00:00:57,680 By degree. 25 00:00:57,698 --> 00:01:00,516 Masters, PhD. 26 00:01:00,534 --> 00:01:03,319 No, D. Doctorate. 27 00:01:03,353 --> 00:01:06,906 As in I have one and you D-don't. 28 00:01:06,957 --> 00:01:08,958 There it is, the one millionth mention of doctorate. 29 00:01:08,992 --> 00:01:10,409 Johnny, let's tell her what she's won. 30 00:01:10,460 --> 00:01:11,711 Well, Charlie, Kate's won 31 00:01:11,745 --> 00:01:13,996 a congratulatory pat on the back delivered by herself. 32 00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:16,833 You are so blowing this way out of proportion. 33 00:01:16,867 --> 00:01:19,869 I'm just tired of you throwing your degree in my face. 34 00:01:19,887 --> 00:01:22,555 What's the big deal? You wrote a dissertation. 35 00:01:22,589 --> 00:01:26,676 So did Dr. Dre, I assume. 36 00:01:26,710 --> 00:01:28,928 Hey, I am very proud of my dissertation. 37 00:01:28,979 --> 00:01:30,546 It is a huge accomplishment, 38 00:01:30,564 --> 00:01:33,232 and as my esteemed colleague Dr. Dre would say, 39 00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:36,068 "Stop drinking the haterade, player." 40 00:01:39,055 --> 00:01:41,023 Heyo. 41 00:01:41,057 --> 00:01:43,225 Wow, that's a change. 42 00:01:43,243 --> 00:01:44,727 You're bringing food over now? 43 00:01:44,745 --> 00:01:46,829 Yeah, well, I'm always eating your snacks, 44 00:01:46,864 --> 00:01:48,197 so I figure the least I can do 45 00:01:48,231 --> 00:01:50,082 is bring you a bag of chips. 46 00:01:50,117 --> 00:01:51,367 Mm-hmm. 47 00:01:53,737 --> 00:01:55,872 - Would you like some? - Oh. 48 00:01:55,906 --> 00:01:57,089 You got any dip? 49 00:01:58,926 --> 00:02:00,843 I'm sorry, it's not you, it's Kate. 50 00:02:00,878 --> 00:02:02,879 She wants to control everything in this sex study. 51 00:02:02,913 --> 00:02:04,747 Well, that kinda makes sense. 52 00:02:04,765 --> 00:02:06,465 I mean, she is the one with the doctorate. 53 00:02:06,516 --> 00:02:09,752 ( Crunching ) 54 00:02:15,058 --> 00:02:17,927 Wow, you are angry. 55 00:02:17,945 --> 00:02:21,430 You know, it might be a good time to find a new shrink 56 00:02:21,448 --> 00:02:24,317 now that you've stopped seeing Kate. 57 00:02:24,368 --> 00:02:26,118 I don't need a shrink. 58 00:02:26,153 --> 00:02:27,370 I've been in therapy for over a year 59 00:02:27,404 --> 00:02:28,938 and I think I've got things under control 60 00:02:28,956 --> 00:02:30,439 I don't know, man. 61 00:02:30,457 --> 00:02:32,742 When you don't see a shrink, you get all surly. 62 00:02:32,776 --> 00:02:35,544 And you stop buying the good dip. 63 00:02:35,579 --> 00:02:37,947 Then everyone suffers. 64 00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:42,785 I don't need a therapist. I've got my tools for disengaging. 65 00:02:42,803 --> 00:02:44,053 Yeah, but don't you think at some point... 66 00:02:44,087 --> 00:02:46,555 End of discussion, snack whore! 67 00:02:47,557 --> 00:02:50,059 Way to use your tools. 68 00:02:50,093 --> 00:02:52,178 And I am not a snack whore. 69 00:02:52,229 --> 00:02:54,964 I'm a hungry man that's made a few mistakes. 70 00:02:56,265 --> 00:03:00,265 Anger Management 2x21 - Charlie and his New Therapist - Original air date June 3, 2013 71 00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:03,656 Okay, before Ed gets here, you know that monthly dinner 72 00:03:03,690 --> 00:03:05,658 Charlie told us to do as a bonding exercise? 73 00:03:05,692 --> 00:03:08,160 The one we bonded over deciding never to do? 74 00:03:08,195 --> 00:03:09,478 Yes. 75 00:03:09,513 --> 00:03:11,580 But tomorrow night, we're really doing it. 76 00:03:11,615 --> 00:03:14,951 I already told Ed, and you guys do not wanna miss it. 77 00:03:14,985 --> 00:03:17,787 I am finally gonna get even with him. 78 00:03:17,821 --> 00:03:19,205 For all those Indian slurs 79 00:03:19,256 --> 00:03:20,840 like calling me a "Taj Mawhore"? 80 00:03:20,874 --> 00:03:23,676 Yeah, and calling me a lazy stoner? 81 00:03:23,710 --> 00:03:26,012 I've been meaning to talk to him about that 82 00:03:26,046 --> 00:03:28,514 but I never seem to get around to it. 83 00:03:28,548 --> 00:03:30,549 Yeah, for all of that, but more importantly, 84 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,935 for all the crap he's thrown at me. 85 00:03:32,970 --> 00:03:36,105 I mean, "Taj Mahomo"? 86 00:03:36,139 --> 00:03:37,440 10 minutes after he said it to you. 87 00:03:37,474 --> 00:03:39,892 I mean, it's just sloppy. 88 00:03:39,943 --> 00:03:42,445 So, what are we gonna do, kill him? 89 00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:46,515 No. 90 00:03:49,319 --> 00:03:52,371 I'm gonna make him think he won the lottery. 91 00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:53,706 How? 92 00:03:53,740 --> 00:03:55,858 I'm buying everybody lottery tickets, 93 00:03:55,876 --> 00:03:59,712 but for Ed, I'm gonna pick last week's winning numbers. 94 00:03:59,746 --> 00:04:02,364 And then we're gonna all watch a recording of last week's drawing 95 00:04:02,382 --> 00:04:05,217 and Ed will think we're watching it live. 96 00:04:05,252 --> 00:04:08,554 Oh, my God. We should so do that to Nolan, too. 97 00:04:11,374 --> 00:04:13,042 He's standing right next to you. 98 00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:15,311 It doesn't matter. 99 00:04:17,264 --> 00:04:18,981 Oh, hi, Ed. 100 00:04:20,984 --> 00:04:22,151 What's your deal? 101 00:04:22,185 --> 00:04:25,738 You're smiling like the "Homona Lisa." 102 00:04:25,772 --> 00:04:29,325 ( Laughs ) Oh, yay. 103 00:04:32,362 --> 00:04:34,580 Hey, everybody. What's so exciting? 104 00:04:34,614 --> 00:04:36,499 Oh, nothing. We're just looking forward 105 00:04:36,533 --> 00:04:39,251 to our group bonding dinner tomorrow night. 106 00:04:39,286 --> 00:04:41,504 Oh, you mean the one you always pretend to have, 107 00:04:41,538 --> 00:04:43,589 but never do? 108 00:04:43,623 --> 00:04:45,624 That's the one. 109 00:04:45,675 --> 00:04:49,178 But tomorrow night, we're really gonna do it. 110 00:04:49,212 --> 00:04:51,597 - Well, good for you. - And you, too. 111 00:04:51,631 --> 00:04:53,466 I just saw the press release about the big sex study 112 00:04:53,517 --> 00:04:55,684 you and Dr. Wales are doing. 113 00:04:55,719 --> 00:04:58,804 Wait, what... what? The press release came out? 114 00:04:58,855 --> 00:05:01,357 Yeah. I get alerts on everyone I know 115 00:05:01,391 --> 00:05:03,442 in case someone becomes successful. 116 00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:06,645 I want to be able to start hating them right away. 117 00:05:08,148 --> 00:05:09,698 "The Wales-Goodson Study." 118 00:05:09,733 --> 00:05:11,367 How interesting. 119 00:05:11,401 --> 00:05:15,371 She put out the press release all by herself. 120 00:05:15,405 --> 00:05:18,874 How come her name's first? Is she, like, the boss? 121 00:05:18,909 --> 00:05:21,510 No, it's alphabetical. 122 00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:24,830 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 123 00:05:24,881 --> 00:05:26,749 I am fine. I am absolutely fine. 124 00:05:26,783 --> 00:05:30,386 If you'll excuse me, I have to send somebody a text. 125 00:05:31,421 --> 00:05:33,139 It's not what it looks like! 126 00:05:34,791 --> 00:05:35,925 Why aren't you still in session? 127 00:05:35,959 --> 00:05:38,094 I'm shooting a text to Kate. 128 00:05:38,128 --> 00:05:39,795 And send! 129 00:05:39,813 --> 00:05:41,514 ( Clatters ) 130 00:05:48,989 --> 00:05:51,240 Yeah, you don't need a therapist. 131 00:05:51,274 --> 00:05:54,026 The button was sticking. 132 00:05:57,501 --> 00:06:00,259 Charlie Goodson, my God. 133 00:06:00,306 --> 00:06:02,574 How long has it been, 12 years? 134 00:06:02,608 --> 00:06:06,745 You get more handsome every time I see you. 135 00:06:06,779 --> 00:06:08,830 And you're taller than me now. 136 00:06:08,864 --> 00:06:11,533 Yeah, I was 35 when I took your class, Dr. Murphy. 137 00:06:11,584 --> 00:06:13,952 I'm exactly the me height. 138 00:06:13,986 --> 00:06:17,756 Best Developmental Psychology class I ever taught. 139 00:06:17,790 --> 00:06:20,041 That was a very special group. 140 00:06:20,092 --> 00:06:22,544 Oh, except, you know, that one boy 141 00:06:22,595 --> 00:06:25,046 who went on to be a serial killer. 142 00:06:25,097 --> 00:06:27,882 He used what I taught him 143 00:06:27,934 --> 00:06:31,803 to evade the police for many, many years. 144 00:06:31,837 --> 00:06:35,140 Now I feel better about hitting my phone with a pan. 145 00:06:35,174 --> 00:06:36,641 Oh, Charlie. 146 00:06:36,675 --> 00:06:39,611 Are you having those anger issues again? 147 00:06:39,645 --> 00:06:41,679 Well, that's why I'm here. 148 00:06:41,697 --> 00:06:43,565 And I respect you as an academic 149 00:06:43,616 --> 00:06:46,034 and I know you have great connections throughout the university. 150 00:06:46,068 --> 00:06:47,736 I thought maybe you could refer me to someone. 151 00:06:47,787 --> 00:06:49,520 I'd be glad to give you a name. 152 00:06:49,538 --> 00:06:52,157 But you should know that I've gone back 153 00:06:52,191 --> 00:06:54,659 into clinical practice myself 154 00:06:54,693 --> 00:06:57,379 and I'm accepting new patients. 155 00:06:57,413 --> 00:06:59,998 Oh, wow. That's great. 156 00:07:00,032 --> 00:07:01,883 We could start tomorrow. 157 00:07:01,917 --> 00:07:03,718 Well, if I could be honest, I'm not sure I'm comfortable 158 00:07:03,753 --> 00:07:05,420 talking to someone your age 159 00:07:05,471 --> 00:07:07,756 about, you know, everything. 160 00:07:07,807 --> 00:07:10,008 I was in a relationship that was very complicated 161 00:07:10,042 --> 00:07:13,345 and post-Cold War. 162 00:07:13,379 --> 00:07:16,097 - Try me. - Okay. 163 00:07:16,148 --> 00:07:18,433 It was a noncommittal, purely sexual, 164 00:07:18,484 --> 00:07:21,019 friends-with-benefits relationship 165 00:07:21,053 --> 00:07:23,104 with my last therapist. 166 00:07:23,155 --> 00:07:24,406 And now... 167 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:26,241 now we're conducting a sex study together. 168 00:07:26,275 --> 00:07:29,911 Oh, my. 169 00:07:29,945 --> 00:07:32,864 That's almost as complicated as my last patient, 170 00:07:32,898 --> 00:07:36,001 who was in a polyamorous, sadomasochistic, 171 00:07:36,035 --> 00:07:38,870 bisexual relationship with the other members 172 00:07:38,904 --> 00:07:42,290 of his Journey tribute band. 173 00:07:42,341 --> 00:07:44,042 Wow. 174 00:07:44,076 --> 00:07:46,878 But he didn't stop believing. 175 00:07:46,912 --> 00:07:49,881 And you shouldn't either. 176 00:07:49,915 --> 00:07:51,516 Well, the music reference is dated, 177 00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:53,685 but you seem current on your dysfunctional relationship stuff, 178 00:07:53,719 --> 00:07:55,937 so, yeah, let's give it a shot. 179 00:07:55,971 --> 00:07:57,439 Great. 180 00:07:57,473 --> 00:08:00,442 - How's Wednesdays at 2:00? - I'll see you then. 181 00:08:00,476 --> 00:08:04,312 Oh, you're not leaving without a sweater. 182 00:08:04,363 --> 00:08:05,980 I'm just gonna walk right out of the car. 183 00:08:06,032 --> 00:08:07,615 No, you're not leaving, mister, 184 00:08:07,650 --> 00:08:08,817 until you put something on. 185 00:08:08,868 --> 00:08:12,370 - Well, here. - Really, I'm fine. 186 00:08:12,405 --> 00:08:14,155 Just take it. 187 00:08:14,206 --> 00:08:16,607 Now, you call me when you get home 188 00:08:16,625 --> 00:08:19,744 so that I know that you made it all right. 189 00:08:23,799 --> 00:08:25,667 Well, that was tasty, Patrick. 190 00:08:25,718 --> 00:08:27,285 Thank you, Ed. 191 00:08:27,303 --> 00:08:29,144 Although I'm surprised you went with the pasta. 192 00:08:29,171 --> 00:08:33,558 I figured you'd go with the rump roast. 193 00:08:35,177 --> 00:08:37,812 Well, on that note... 194 00:08:37,847 --> 00:08:41,399 I have a surprise before dessert. 195 00:08:41,434 --> 00:08:44,069 I bought everyone lottery tickets. 196 00:08:47,189 --> 00:08:48,907 I'm not even gonna look at it. 197 00:08:48,941 --> 00:08:50,275 Lottery's a sucker game. 198 00:08:50,309 --> 00:08:53,144 Besides that, I've already won the lottery. 199 00:08:53,179 --> 00:08:55,530 I'm a white American male. 200 00:08:55,581 --> 00:08:59,984 But, Ed, you always say the white American male 201 00:09:00,002 --> 00:09:02,203 is the most oppressed ethnic group in... 202 00:09:02,254 --> 00:09:05,290 ( with Southern accent ) "these here United States of Mexico." 203 00:09:05,324 --> 00:09:07,058 All right, I'll look at it. 204 00:09:07,093 --> 00:09:10,661 All right, now let's just turn on the TV. 205 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:13,098 Oh, perfect. 206 00:09:13,132 --> 00:09:14,766 They're about to announce the numbers. 207 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,018 Man on TV: I guess now we know what not to do 208 00:09:17,052 --> 00:09:18,720 when you find a chimp in your car. 209 00:09:18,771 --> 00:09:20,305 ( Man on TV chuckles ) 210 00:09:20,339 --> 00:09:22,724 And now for tonight's lotto. 211 00:09:22,775 --> 00:09:26,528 We've got a big one tonight. $42 million. 212 00:09:26,562 --> 00:09:28,897 - Oh, that's a lot. - And the winning numbers are... 213 00:09:28,948 --> 00:09:30,698 four... 214 00:09:30,733 --> 00:09:33,067 15... 215 00:09:33,119 --> 00:09:34,619 eight... 216 00:09:34,653 --> 00:09:36,738 23... 217 00:09:36,789 --> 00:09:38,056 16... 218 00:09:38,090 --> 00:09:40,291 and here's the last number... 219 00:09:40,326 --> 00:09:41,376 - Hey, Patrick? - Hmm? 220 00:09:41,410 --> 00:09:42,877 Just because you bought the ticket 221 00:09:42,912 --> 00:09:44,879 doesn't mean I have to split this with you, does it? 222 00:09:44,914 --> 00:09:48,967 Oh, no, you don't. All the money would be yours. 223 00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:52,554 Man on TV: And 42. 224 00:09:52,588 --> 00:09:54,556 ( TV clicks ) 225 00:09:54,590 --> 00:09:56,090 So, how'd everybody do? 226 00:09:56,142 --> 00:09:58,593 - I lost. - Me, too. 227 00:09:58,644 --> 00:10:00,895 What about you, Ed? 228 00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:04,065 I'm a damn millionaire. 229 00:10:04,099 --> 00:10:06,518 You can all kiss my ass, 230 00:10:06,552 --> 00:10:08,853 if you can catch it. I'm buying a Jet Ski 231 00:10:08,887 --> 00:10:10,888 and riding it all the way to Branson, Missouri. 232 00:10:10,906 --> 00:10:12,907 Out of my way, peasants. 233 00:10:20,899 --> 00:10:24,085 You're gonna call him tonight, right? 234 00:10:24,119 --> 00:10:25,703 Well, of course I am. 235 00:10:25,737 --> 00:10:28,540 Anybody have his number? Oh, no, well, we tried. 236 00:10:32,044 --> 00:10:33,678 Kate, did you call the police? 237 00:10:33,712 --> 00:10:34,796 What? Why? 238 00:10:34,847 --> 00:10:36,431 Somebody snuck into your office 239 00:10:36,465 --> 00:10:38,583 and released the press statement that we were gonna do together. 240 00:10:38,601 --> 00:10:40,852 I'm sorry, Charlie. 241 00:10:40,886 --> 00:10:42,637 The university called and said they needed it immediately. 242 00:10:42,688 --> 00:10:44,272 I didn't know what to do. 243 00:10:44,306 --> 00:10:45,756 Yes, it must have been terribly confusing. 244 00:10:45,774 --> 00:10:47,809 Should I call Charlie? Should I not call Charlie? 245 00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:50,862 I mean, that decision alone would've cost you valuable seconds. 246 00:10:50,896 --> 00:10:54,065 I get it. But somebody has to take the lead on this paper, 247 00:10:54,099 --> 00:10:55,950 and I know you hate hearing this... 248 00:10:55,985 --> 00:10:58,069 If you say the word "doctorate" or "dissertation," 249 00:10:58,103 --> 00:11:00,605 I swear to God I will feed you through your own juicer. 250 00:11:00,623 --> 00:11:04,409 Okay, I should take the lead on this paper 251 00:11:04,443 --> 00:11:05,960 because I wrote a big, smart thing 252 00:11:05,995 --> 00:11:07,778 and I got a big, smart certificate, 253 00:11:07,796 --> 00:11:10,298 and you should understand that, you... 254 00:11:10,332 --> 00:11:12,166 big, smart man, you. 255 00:11:14,286 --> 00:11:15,753 You know what? 256 00:11:15,787 --> 00:11:18,387 You have control issues that you need to work on with a therapist. 257 00:11:18,390 --> 00:11:19,790 I'll work on my issues with mine. 258 00:11:19,808 --> 00:11:21,459 A new therapist? Oh, good. 259 00:11:21,477 --> 00:11:23,794 - Anyone I know? - As a matter of fact, I think you do. 260 00:11:23,812 --> 00:11:26,064 - Remember Dr. Murphy? - You're kidding, right? 261 00:11:26,098 --> 00:11:29,017 Charlie, that woman is not in her prime. 262 00:11:29,068 --> 00:11:31,302 Her kids are not in their prime. 263 00:11:33,322 --> 00:11:35,973 She was a therapist for 25 years before she started teaching. 264 00:11:35,991 --> 00:11:37,525 She studied with Erikson. The woman is brilliant. 265 00:11:37,576 --> 00:11:39,310 I'm not saying she's not brilliant, 266 00:11:39,328 --> 00:11:41,246 but don't you think she's a little soft? 267 00:11:41,248 --> 00:11:42,614 Well, there's nothing wrong with a therapist 268 00:11:42,648 --> 00:11:45,500 who's warm and nurturing and doesn't scare babies. 269 00:11:45,534 --> 00:11:47,985 Okay, that baby was skittish. 270 00:11:49,121 --> 00:11:51,822 I know what's going on here. 271 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,824 - You're jealous. - Jealous of what? 272 00:11:53,842 --> 00:11:56,661 My new therapist and the fact that she may turn out to be better than you. 273 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:58,996 No, what's going on here is that you want a therapist 274 00:11:59,014 --> 00:12:00,632 who doesn't call you out on your crap. 275 00:12:00,666 --> 00:12:02,934 What you want is a mommy. 276 00:12:02,968 --> 00:12:05,687 Oh, that's ridiculous. I don't want my mommy. 277 00:12:05,721 --> 00:12:07,855 I said "a mommy." 278 00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:11,142 I'd better go talk to my new therapist about that. 279 00:12:13,062 --> 00:12:15,346 She is just driving me crazy. 280 00:12:15,364 --> 00:12:18,449 I don't know where my anger issues begin and her narcissism ends. 281 00:12:18,484 --> 00:12:20,201 Oh, you poor thing. 282 00:12:20,235 --> 00:12:22,120 You're still blaming your anger on other people. 283 00:12:22,154 --> 00:12:24,572 That's not what this is about. 284 00:12:24,623 --> 00:12:25,907 You're blocked. 285 00:12:25,958 --> 00:12:30,027 You know what you need? A nice bowl of hot oatmeal. 286 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:35,633 Uh, I think we have different definitions of blocked. 287 00:12:35,668 --> 00:12:38,886 I've got instant and I've got some hot water here. 288 00:12:38,921 --> 00:12:42,590 Mm, apple cinnamon. 289 00:12:42,641 --> 00:12:46,094 Thank you, Dr. Murphy, but I'm really not hungry. 290 00:12:46,145 --> 00:12:48,346 ( Sighs ) Well, are you tired? 291 00:12:48,380 --> 00:12:49,741 Maybe you should take a little nap. 292 00:12:49,765 --> 00:12:51,182 You've got bags under your eyes. 293 00:12:51,216 --> 00:12:53,735 Sit, now. 294 00:12:53,769 --> 00:12:55,903 Sit. 295 00:12:55,938 --> 00:12:57,888 Now you put your head on my shoulder, 296 00:12:57,906 --> 00:12:59,490 take a little "shushie." 297 00:12:59,525 --> 00:13:01,442 - A "shushie"? - Yeah. 298 00:13:01,493 --> 00:13:04,612 Just close your eyes and relax 299 00:13:04,663 --> 00:13:08,750 for as long as you want. I have all day. 300 00:13:08,784 --> 00:13:10,368 What about your other patients? 301 00:13:10,402 --> 00:13:11,569 Don't worry about them, dear. 302 00:13:11,587 --> 00:13:14,288 I don't have any other patients. 303 00:13:20,565 --> 00:13:23,679 I'm sorry, Sam, but we are through talking about belly rings. 304 00:13:23,704 --> 00:13:25,593 Mom, please, I'm begging! 305 00:13:25,618 --> 00:13:27,119 I'm done talking about this. 306 00:13:27,144 --> 00:13:29,547 I'm getting the belly ring. 307 00:13:29,813 --> 00:13:31,991 Dad, will you please talk to her? 308 00:13:32,016 --> 00:13:35,156 Why can't you just get giant fake boobs, like a normal mom? 309 00:13:35,631 --> 00:13:37,163 You know what? That might be nice... 310 00:13:37,202 --> 00:13:39,405 with my belly ring. 311 00:13:39,445 --> 00:13:41,983 Why? Why? 312 00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:48,728 Whoa, a $600 speeding ticket? 313 00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:51,544 What did you do, cut through a playground? 314 00:13:51,903 --> 00:13:54,236 No, 30 in a 25. 315 00:13:54,238 --> 00:13:56,819 Then the cop asked why I was being pulled over and I said, 316 00:13:56,821 --> 00:13:59,523 "'Cause it's easier than tracking down real criminals?" 317 00:14:01,047 --> 00:14:02,157 And then, for some reason, 318 00:14:02,159 --> 00:14:04,086 it just went downhill after that. 319 00:14:04,921 --> 00:14:07,031 You having anger problems again? 320 00:14:07,033 --> 00:14:08,720 Sort of. 321 00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:10,382 I overslept at my new therapist's 322 00:14:10,384 --> 00:14:11,828 and I was late for an appointment with Kate, 323 00:14:11,830 --> 00:14:14,057 so she made another big decision without me. 324 00:14:14,059 --> 00:14:15,134 Wait, go back. 325 00:14:15,136 --> 00:14:17,370 You were sleeping at your therapist's? 326 00:14:17,372 --> 00:14:19,123 And you pay for this? 327 00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:21,059 I'm gonna go out and buy a bunch of futons 328 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,093 and open up a mental health center. 329 00:14:24,182 --> 00:14:25,543 It's just not gonna work out with this woman 330 00:14:25,545 --> 00:14:27,421 and I don't know how to tell her. 331 00:14:27,423 --> 00:14:30,195 Well, you just say what I said when I broke up with you. 332 00:14:30,197 --> 00:14:32,910 "I'm sorry, but I no longer require your services." 333 00:14:33,326 --> 00:14:35,466 It's not that easy. She's in her 80s. 334 00:14:35,468 --> 00:14:37,039 If I quit going, there's nothing in her future 335 00:14:37,063 --> 00:14:39,218 except an empty room and a shower with a chair in it. 336 00:14:40,030 --> 00:14:41,608 Oh, well, you're stuck. 337 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:44,101 My gynecologist is 95. 338 00:14:44,103 --> 00:14:47,402 Sometimes I think my visits are the only thing keeping him alive. 339 00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:51,247 Has anybody heard from Ed yet? 340 00:14:51,249 --> 00:14:52,898 He must be really upset. 341 00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:55,013 I know, isn't this fun? 342 00:14:55,617 --> 00:14:58,599 I wish I could've seen his face when he tried to cash in his ticket. 343 00:14:58,601 --> 00:15:00,623 I bet his eyebrows were all scrunched 344 00:15:00,625 --> 00:15:03,652 and he was all frowny and mad and... 345 00:15:03,691 --> 00:15:06,671 you know, pretty much just his regular face. 346 00:15:07,386 --> 00:15:10,665 I did it. I left my wife. 347 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,657 Oh, my God. You did what? 348 00:15:14,659 --> 00:15:18,929 Yeah, I wanted to be smart, so after consulting LegalZoom.com, 349 00:15:18,931 --> 00:15:20,842 I decided to make the break 350 00:15:20,844 --> 00:15:23,235 before she could claim any of this baby. 351 00:15:23,237 --> 00:15:24,954 You didn't try to cash it in yet? 352 00:15:24,956 --> 00:15:27,040 No, no. I'm on my way to pick up my winnings now. 353 00:15:27,042 --> 00:15:29,173 I just stopped by to say good-bye 354 00:15:29,175 --> 00:15:31,650 and take a picture of all of you 355 00:15:31,652 --> 00:15:34,651 before I do my island shopping. 356 00:15:35,794 --> 00:15:38,503 Ed, sit down. 357 00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:40,862 No, no, I don't need therapy anymore. 358 00:15:40,864 --> 00:15:44,549 You know those people that say "money can't buy happiness"? 359 00:15:44,551 --> 00:15:47,780 Well, those people aren't welcome on my island. 360 00:15:49,184 --> 00:15:52,437 Ed, you didn't win. 361 00:15:52,439 --> 00:15:54,419 The ticket is fake. 362 00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:55,654 What are you talking about? 363 00:15:55,656 --> 00:15:57,598 The numbers matched the one on television. 364 00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:01,492 We showed you the recording from last week's lottery. 365 00:16:02,052 --> 00:16:04,165 You were all in on this? 366 00:16:04,167 --> 00:16:06,921 Well, Patrick thought it would be a funny joke. 367 00:16:06,923 --> 00:16:09,212 I tried desperately to stop him. 368 00:16:09,214 --> 00:16:10,478 I'll never forget. 369 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,486 When he told us what he was going to do, 370 00:16:12,488 --> 00:16:14,959 he was standing right here by this door. 371 00:16:16,371 --> 00:16:19,460 You thought this would be funny? 372 00:16:20,340 --> 00:16:22,721 I left my wife. 373 00:16:22,723 --> 00:16:24,924 I said horrible things. 374 00:16:24,926 --> 00:16:27,403 I've got no place to live. 375 00:16:27,405 --> 00:16:30,043 I... I never meant to hurt you. 376 00:16:30,045 --> 00:16:31,780 Okay, I meant to hurt you. 377 00:16:32,862 --> 00:16:36,005 But I never meant to do anything that would make me feel bad. 378 00:16:39,004 --> 00:16:41,190 I made these last night. 379 00:16:41,192 --> 00:16:42,481 You'll like 'em. 380 00:16:42,483 --> 00:16:44,653 I used my secret ingredient. 381 00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:46,650 Don't tell me, love? 382 00:16:46,652 --> 00:16:49,978 And a sprinkle of understanding. 383 00:16:50,184 --> 00:16:51,928 Look, Dr. Murphy... 384 00:16:51,930 --> 00:16:54,759 as much as I appreciate the cookies 385 00:16:54,761 --> 00:16:56,963 and the oatmeal, the naps, 386 00:16:57,386 --> 00:16:59,326 and all the other nice things you do 387 00:16:59,328 --> 00:17:02,281 that make me feel radically uncomfortable, 388 00:17:03,376 --> 00:17:05,344 I have to terminate our therapy. 389 00:17:05,346 --> 00:17:06,725 All right, all right. 390 00:17:06,727 --> 00:17:09,763 I think I need to explain what I've been doing. 391 00:17:09,765 --> 00:17:11,817 Trying to make me a big, strong boy, I know. 392 00:17:11,819 --> 00:17:13,938 But my mother already did that. 393 00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:16,289 No, it's not about that, Charlie. 394 00:17:17,257 --> 00:17:20,762 You have serious trust issues, 395 00:17:20,764 --> 00:17:23,387 so I adopted a maternal persona 396 00:17:23,389 --> 00:17:26,598 based on Freudian oedipal techniques 397 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,046 that I pioneered 398 00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:31,249 to help strengthen your trust more quickly 399 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,712 so that we could move forward. 400 00:17:33,714 --> 00:17:36,173 Oh, my God. That makes perfect sense. 401 00:17:36,175 --> 00:17:38,398 I can't wait to tell Kate about how wrong she was 402 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,062 about you and I not being a good fit. 403 00:17:40,064 --> 00:17:41,327 Kate who? 404 00:17:41,329 --> 00:17:43,324 Kate Wales. You probably don't remember her. 405 00:17:43,326 --> 00:17:45,357 She was in one of your classes a long time ago. 406 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:47,482 Oh, of course, I remember Kate Wales. 407 00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:50,627 I advised her on her doctoral dissertation. 408 00:17:50,629 --> 00:17:55,296 And I think I know why she wouldn't want you to see me. 409 00:17:55,298 --> 00:17:56,717 What do you mean? 410 00:17:56,719 --> 00:17:59,244 I'm not comfortable saying this out loud, 411 00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:02,726 but frankly, she may have... 412 00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:09,231 P-L-A-G-I-A-R-I-Z-E-D. 413 00:18:09,233 --> 00:18:10,927 I got that she "ized" something, 414 00:18:10,929 --> 00:18:13,160 I just... I forgot the beginning. 415 00:18:13,643 --> 00:18:17,266 She plagiarized parts of her doctoral dissertation. 416 00:18:17,268 --> 00:18:19,610 Oh, my God. So you're saying she cheated? 417 00:18:19,612 --> 00:18:21,552 That's awful. 418 00:18:21,554 --> 00:18:23,212 How about you hook me up with a glass of milk 419 00:18:23,214 --> 00:18:25,845 for these cookies and tell me everything? 420 00:18:28,491 --> 00:18:31,128 Sorry, I'm late. Did you see my note? 421 00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:33,153 Yes, I did. 422 00:18:33,483 --> 00:18:35,335 "Had to run an errand." 423 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,077 "Be back soon". 424 00:18:37,102 --> 00:18:40,359 You expect me to believe you came up with this by yourself? 425 00:18:40,384 --> 00:18:43,510 Did you fall down in the bathroom? 426 00:18:43,972 --> 00:18:45,972 I don't know. 427 00:18:45,997 --> 00:18:48,346 Let's do some convinent tests. 428 00:18:48,371 --> 00:18:51,026 Ask me if I remember what PhD stands for. 429 00:18:51,051 --> 00:18:52,865 Oh wait. I know. 430 00:18:52,890 --> 00:18:55,091 "Plagiarized Her Dissertation." 431 00:18:55,116 --> 00:18:59,188 I guess I am OK. Actually, I'm much, much better. 432 00:18:59,213 --> 00:19:01,651 All right! I... I know what Murphy said 433 00:19:01,676 --> 00:19:04,445 and I knew she would blow this out of proportion, so let me explain... 434 00:19:04,470 --> 00:19:06,617 So you did plagiarize, that's why you didn't want me to see her. 435 00:19:06,642 --> 00:19:08,976 That's not the only reason, I mean she's still ancient. 436 00:19:09,001 --> 00:19:10,381 If you took away her support hose, 437 00:19:10,406 --> 00:19:13,241 her legs would crumble like blue cheese. 438 00:19:13,608 --> 00:19:15,290 I can't believe this. 439 00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:16,744 No. It is not what you think. 440 00:19:16,769 --> 00:19:18,769 I was going through a really bad time. 441 00:19:18,794 --> 00:19:21,635 My mom went off her meds and had to be hospitalized again. 442 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,861 It was two lousy paragraphs about ethics. 443 00:19:24,886 --> 00:19:27,886 I know. The irony, blah blah blah blah... 444 00:19:28,697 --> 00:19:30,697 Wow, wow, you are really perceptive 445 00:19:30,722 --> 00:19:33,421 for someone who may or may not be a psychologist. 446 00:19:33,446 --> 00:19:36,334 I am a psychologist! 447 00:19:36,631 --> 00:19:38,404 It was only the first draft, 448 00:19:38,429 --> 00:19:41,240 and as soon as I had a chance, I rewrote the whole thing, 449 00:19:41,273 --> 00:19:44,513 and the doctoral panel said it was the best dissertation 450 00:19:44,538 --> 00:19:46,538 - they have read. - Okay. 451 00:19:46,563 --> 00:19:49,035 Okay. I understand. I just need you to agree 452 00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:51,316 that we're partners on this study. Equal partners. 453 00:19:51,348 --> 00:19:52,730 Fine. 454 00:19:52,755 --> 00:19:54,755 By the way, did I tell you what PhD stands for? 455 00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:56,160 Yes, Charlie. 456 00:19:56,185 --> 00:19:58,916 Because I was really excited when I came up with that. 457 00:19:58,941 --> 00:20:01,647 Had to pull the car over. 458 00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:07,311 Listen! I... I don't usually do this... 459 00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:09,336 kind of thing. 460 00:20:09,361 --> 00:20:12,197 I... it's fine that you stayed the night, 461 00:20:12,222 --> 00:20:15,443 but I have a really busy day today, so... 462 00:20:15,468 --> 00:20:17,755 you should probably go home now. 463 00:20:17,780 --> 00:20:19,780 Afraid not. 464 00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:23,671 Until my wife takes me back, 465 00:20:23,696 --> 00:20:25,696 I'm living here on your dime. 466 00:20:26,282 --> 00:20:28,010 Listen, 467 00:20:28,035 --> 00:20:30,424 tonight I'm gonna need you 468 00:20:30,449 --> 00:20:33,536 to turn me over about half way through the night. 469 00:20:33,561 --> 00:20:37,418 Otherwise, I might drown in my own saliva. 470 00:20:41,998 --> 00:20:43,998 How are we feeling today? 471 00:20:44,023 --> 00:20:46,023 Doing okay. 472 00:20:46,048 --> 00:20:47,848 But I'm a little confused. 473 00:20:47,873 --> 00:20:50,707 I feel like you kind of mislead me about the whole Kate Wales thing. 474 00:20:50,732 --> 00:20:53,006 It was only two paragraphs, and she rewrote them. 475 00:20:53,031 --> 00:20:55,803 You know, Charlie, I don't think this is about plagiarism. 476 00:20:55,828 --> 00:20:57,769 I think this is about trust 477 00:20:57,785 --> 00:21:00,925 between you and me, 478 00:21:00,950 --> 00:21:04,732 and I think we should reestablish our connection 479 00:21:04,757 --> 00:21:07,318 in a much deeper way. 480 00:21:07,343 --> 00:21:09,747 You know, there are some things 481 00:21:09,773 --> 00:21:13,208 only a mother can provide. 482 00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:18,634 You know what? I think I'm cured. 483 00:21:19,659 --> 00:21:29,659 Sync and corrections by atrn97g for www.addic7ed.com