1
00:00:00,359 --> 00:00:03,789
All I'm saying is that when you
take a creature into your home
2
00:00:03,820 --> 00:00:06,338
and you feed it
and you clean up after it,
3
00:00:06,372 --> 00:00:08,507
you don't expect him to bark at you
4
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:10,158
every time you walk in the door.
5
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:12,177
Okay, first of all,
the creature has a name.
6
00:00:12,211 --> 00:00:13,962
It's Ed.
7
00:00:13,996 --> 00:00:17,999
And vegetarian risotto
is not feeding me.
8
00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:20,468
A meal has meat.
9
00:00:20,502 --> 00:00:24,472
That's why meat and meal
are practically the same word.
10
00:00:24,506 --> 00:00:27,225
You should be thankful
I'm feeding you at all.
11
00:00:27,276 --> 00:00:29,728
The only thing I did was make
you think you won the lottery.
12
00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:31,479
I didn't think you were gonna leave
13
00:00:31,513 --> 00:00:34,015
the woman you were with
for over 40 years.
14
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,034
That's because you never met her.
15
00:00:36,068 --> 00:00:37,786
Hold on, guys. Hold on.
16
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:40,789
Even a snake and a mongoose
can be taught to get along.
17
00:00:40,823 --> 00:00:43,024
Of course, they don't have
to share a toilet.
18
00:00:43,059 --> 00:00:46,044
Ed, how fast can you
get back with your wife?
19
00:00:46,078 --> 00:00:48,046
I don't know. I gotta
get back in my own bed.
20
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,498
My insomnia's acting up again.
21
00:00:50,532 --> 00:00:51,883
Have you tried watching
a little TV before bed?
22
00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:53,335
I don't know why he'd have a little TV
23
00:00:53,369 --> 00:00:55,670
when the big ones are so cheap now.
24
00:00:56,672 --> 00:00:58,840
I usually watch TV before bed,
25
00:00:58,874 --> 00:01:01,760
but... get this...
"Gaybraham Lincoln" here
26
00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:03,211
doesn't have a television.
27
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,897
And, frankly, I couldn't be happier.
28
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:09,267
Now I'm reading and thinking...
29
00:01:09,318 --> 00:01:11,987
Well, why don't you read
the ads in the Sunday paper
30
00:01:12,021 --> 00:01:14,439
and think about buying a television?
31
00:01:16,392 --> 00:01:17,993
Oops, I thought you guys were done.
32
00:01:18,027 --> 00:01:21,529
I'll just be in the kitchen, Charlie.
33
00:01:21,563 --> 00:01:23,615
Well, we're running over anyway.
What do you say we wrap it up?
34
00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:25,400
See you guys on Tuesday.
35
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:29,421
Ed, Patrick, try to be more
patient with each other.
36
00:01:29,455 --> 00:01:32,424
So, like, how do you keep up
with the Kardashians
37
00:01:32,458 --> 00:01:35,377
without watching "Keeping
up with the Kardashians"?
38
00:01:35,411 --> 00:01:37,745
'Cause I'm keeping up with Voltaire.
39
00:01:37,763 --> 00:01:40,215
Is he the pool boy on "Real Housewives"?
40
00:01:40,249 --> 00:01:42,601
Yes.
41
00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:45,971
Voltaire, one of the greatest
writers of all time,
42
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:50,925
is the pool boy on "Real Housewives."
43
00:01:50,943 --> 00:01:54,562
Well, I guess everybody
just wants to be on TV.
44
00:01:59,735 --> 00:02:02,270
So, where's your new boyfriend?
45
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:04,656
At home, naked in your bed?
46
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:06,958
Rolling around in my alimony money?
47
00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:08,609
No, we did that the other night.
48
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:11,279
Tonight, we're using it
to make a papier-mâché piñata
49
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:14,615
shaped like a jackass,
but we'll need your picture.
50
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:18,086
Jen, Sean's got no job. He lives in your
house. He eats your food.
51
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,055
He's using you. He's a sponge.
52
00:02:20,089 --> 00:02:22,841
He's "Sponge Sean No Moneypants."
53
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,627
No, you're wrong, Charlie.
54
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,463
Sean is kind and considerate.
55
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:31,799
And I'll tell you more about him on
the way to bail him out of jail.
56
00:02:31,817 --> 00:02:34,152
- He's in jail?
- It was not his fault.
57
00:02:34,186 --> 00:02:37,155
We took the subway
to the Long Beach Aquarium,
58
00:02:37,189 --> 00:02:39,774
some guy grabbed my ass,
and he punched him
59
00:02:39,808 --> 00:02:41,476
in front of an undercover cop.
60
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,662
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Something's not adding up.
61
00:02:43,696 --> 00:02:45,113
Charlie, he was just defending me.
62
00:02:45,147 --> 00:02:46,831
You would've done the same thing.
63
00:02:46,866 --> 00:02:48,649
No, not that.
64
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:51,086
There's a subway in Los Angeles?
65
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,654
Yes, LA has a subway.
66
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,640
Do other people know about this?
67
00:02:56,401 --> 00:02:59,601
Anger Management 2x23
- Charlie & The Secret Gigolo -
Original air date June 10, 2013
68
00:02:59,626 --> 00:03:01,626
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com
69
00:03:01,663 --> 00:03:04,883
Dude, thank you for bailing me out of jail
70
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,968
and for picking up the tab
at the drive-through.
71
00:03:07,002 --> 00:03:08,503
My pleasure.
72
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:09,688
You know, I've never seen any one person
73
00:03:09,722 --> 00:03:11,339
spend more than 20 bucks
at a McDonald's.
74
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,974
Impressive.
75
00:03:13,008 --> 00:03:15,527
I don't understand what happened.
76
00:03:15,561 --> 00:03:17,112
I mean, everything's only a dollar.
77
00:03:17,146 --> 00:03:19,397
You ordered 20 things.
78
00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:21,449
You really don't
understand what happened?
79
00:03:21,484 --> 00:03:24,685
I gotta be honest. I don't
understand anything anymore.
80
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:25,853
I mean, come on.
81
00:03:25,871 --> 00:03:26,854
Why'd I have to go to jail?
82
00:03:26,872 --> 00:03:28,239
I barely hit the guy.
83
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:30,308
How was I supposed to know
he would drop with one punch?
84
00:03:30,342 --> 00:03:32,694
Yeah, the little ones
go down pretty easy.
85
00:03:32,728 --> 00:03:35,330
He was, like, 6'5", 260.
86
00:03:35,364 --> 00:03:37,332
Nerds come in all shapes and sizes.
87
00:03:37,366 --> 00:03:39,751
You know what I found out
after the fact?
88
00:03:39,785 --> 00:03:41,586
He used to be a linebacker
for the Chargers.
89
00:03:41,637 --> 00:03:43,471
Hmm. White guy, though, right?
90
00:03:43,506 --> 00:03:44,506
Black guy.
91
00:03:44,540 --> 00:03:46,591
- Light-skinned?
- Charlie!
92
00:03:48,511 --> 00:03:50,044
Look, I know I shouldn't
have hit him, all right?
93
00:03:50,062 --> 00:03:51,513
But he insulted Jen.
94
00:03:51,547 --> 00:03:53,148
Come on. What would you have done?
95
00:03:53,182 --> 00:03:54,349
I woulda told him that
what he did was wrong
96
00:03:54,383 --> 00:03:55,483
and then disengaged.
97
00:03:55,518 --> 00:03:58,319
Yeah, chicks dig that.
98
00:03:58,354 --> 00:04:00,388
You know what chicks really dig?
99
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,223
Guys who aren't in jail.
100
00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:03,858
You smell like French fries
and crime, dude.
101
00:04:03,892 --> 00:04:05,777
Take a shower.
102
00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:08,446
They're not fries, they're nuggets.
103
00:04:08,497 --> 00:04:10,165
I got a bag of 'em in my pocket
104
00:04:10,199 --> 00:04:11,833
and I am gonna eat 'em later.
105
00:04:11,867 --> 00:04:14,285
Burn.
106
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:22,260
I just don't le him.
107
00:04:23,796 --> 00:04:26,747
Well, you were sweet to bail him out.
108
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:29,584
And I'm afraid the favors
don't stop there.
109
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:33,521
The court says he has to go
to anger management therapy.
110
00:04:33,556 --> 00:04:34,589
Forget it, Jen.
111
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,392
Please, Charlie. Do this for me.
112
00:04:37,426 --> 00:04:38,977
He doesn't have an anger problem,
113
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,095
so he doesn't need to
talk about his childhood
114
00:04:41,113 --> 00:04:43,782
with one of those
court-ordered douchebags.
115
00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:47,152
Hey, I'm one of those
court-ordered douchebags.
116
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:50,605
Wow, I really am bad
at asking for favors.
117
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:57,695
Will you look at that? My
connection is way stronger now.
118
00:04:58,289 --> 00:04:59,930
First throw.
119
00:04:59,955 --> 00:05:03,300
Who lands a Frisbee on the
roof on their first throw?
120
00:05:03,354 --> 00:05:05,329
A guy who wants to learn to toss a Frisbee
121
00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:07,665
so he can meet girls in the park.
122
00:05:07,716 --> 00:05:11,168
Well, screaming like one when it
lands on the roof is not gonna help.
123
00:05:12,454 --> 00:05:14,483
Dad's right. You're hopeless.
124
00:05:15,841 --> 00:05:17,958
Is this how you guys talk
about me when I'm not here?
125
00:05:17,976 --> 00:05:19,143
Yes.
126
00:05:21,146 --> 00:05:22,813
Well, thanks for getting
my Internet working again.
127
00:05:22,848 --> 00:05:25,099
I will see you Thursday for dinner.
128
00:05:25,133 --> 00:05:27,485
And by the way, I recorded your call
129
00:05:27,519 --> 00:05:29,236
for quality purposes, too.
130
00:05:29,271 --> 00:05:30,654
And you did great.
131
00:05:33,141 --> 00:05:36,810
Wait, you're dating a woman
you met on a tech support call?
132
00:05:36,828 --> 00:05:38,079
She was very nice.
133
00:05:38,113 --> 00:05:40,081
She doubled the speed of my DSL...
134
00:05:40,115 --> 00:05:43,817
and tested it by sending me some
surprisingly quick-loading videos.
135
00:05:43,835 --> 00:05:45,336
That's not fair.
136
00:05:45,370 --> 00:05:47,705
You just break up with Kate
and you're already dating.
137
00:05:47,756 --> 00:05:49,006
Yep, I'm back in.
138
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,361
I've been back in for three years
139
00:05:50,375 --> 00:05:52,293
and no one cares.
140
00:05:52,327 --> 00:05:54,962
I'm this close to getting a billboard.
141
00:05:54,996 --> 00:05:57,631
Well, don't use your profile
picture from Facebook.
142
00:05:57,665 --> 00:05:58,966
You look crazy.
143
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,352
I'm trying to smile
like I know a secret.
144
00:06:03,388 --> 00:06:06,107
Is the secret that you're crazy?
145
00:06:09,277 --> 00:06:11,028
- Hey, Sean.
- Hey, Charlie.
146
00:06:11,062 --> 00:06:12,846
Glad you could make it.
147
00:06:12,864 --> 00:06:15,682
Please take a seat on the couch
over here with Ed and Patrick.
148
00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:17,118
I was gonna watch
some videos during group.
149
00:06:17,152 --> 00:06:18,569
Can I get your Wi-Fi password?
150
00:06:18,620 --> 00:06:19,853
My password, sure.
151
00:06:19,871 --> 00:06:21,522
It's notonyourfrickinlife, all one word.
152
00:06:23,125 --> 00:06:25,075
Look, if you're gonna be here,
you have to participate.
153
00:06:25,127 --> 00:06:27,044
I thought this was
gonna be like traffic school.
154
00:06:27,078 --> 00:06:28,245
I could show up, sit in the back,
155
00:06:28,296 --> 00:06:30,531
watch a couple car crash
movies, go home.
156
00:06:30,549 --> 00:06:31,882
It's a little different here.
157
00:06:31,917 --> 00:06:33,250
There aren't so many car crashes
158
00:06:33,301 --> 00:06:35,052
as there are, you know, train wrecks.
159
00:06:35,086 --> 00:06:37,588
Hi, I'm Lacey.
160
00:06:37,639 --> 00:06:40,224
- Who are you?
- All aboard.
161
00:06:40,258 --> 00:06:42,143
I'm Sean, hi.
162
00:06:42,177 --> 00:06:44,345
Look at you. If I'd
known you were coming,
163
00:06:44,379 --> 00:06:46,063
I woulda worn nicer clothes.
164
00:06:46,097 --> 00:06:49,817
Or fewer clothes. It's
really your preference.
165
00:06:53,071 --> 00:06:54,438
Everyone, this is Sean.
166
00:06:54,489 --> 00:06:55,856
He's gonna be joining us
for the next six weeks
167
00:06:55,890 --> 00:06:58,242
because of a little
nudge from the judge.
168
00:06:58,276 --> 00:07:01,529
What'd you do, Sean?
169
00:07:01,563 --> 00:07:05,082
Uh, fight on the subway. That's it.
170
00:07:05,116 --> 00:07:08,735
And they sent you here
all the way from New York?
171
00:07:08,753 --> 00:07:11,572
Apparently, there's a subway in L.A.
172
00:07:11,590 --> 00:07:13,457
Well, I don't know how
we're supposed to be honest
173
00:07:13,491 --> 00:07:17,077
when our therapist
makes up crazy stories.
174
00:07:18,547 --> 00:07:20,931
Anyway, why don't we start
where we left off last week?
175
00:07:20,966 --> 00:07:22,716
Ed, how's it going over at Patrick's?
176
00:07:22,750 --> 00:07:25,636
Lousy. I'm still not sleeping.
177
00:07:25,687 --> 00:07:28,138
William "Shakesqueere" over here...
178
00:07:29,441 --> 00:07:31,141
still thinks he's too sophisticated
179
00:07:31,193 --> 00:07:32,893
to buy a television.
180
00:07:32,927 --> 00:07:36,096
Yeah, well, maybe you should read
a book for once in your life.
181
00:07:36,114 --> 00:07:40,150
Ralph... "Baldo" Emerson.
182
00:07:41,453 --> 00:07:43,370
How do you come up with those so fast?
183
00:07:44,939 --> 00:07:46,907
Listen, guys, guys.
We've talked about this.
184
00:07:46,941 --> 00:07:49,276
You gotta find a way...
185
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:51,111
Sean.
186
00:07:51,129 --> 00:07:52,613
Sean!
187
00:07:52,631 --> 00:07:53,964
Yeah?
188
00:07:53,999 --> 00:07:57,084
Sorry to interrupt your
Top 10 Bitchin' Bro Jams...
189
00:07:58,970 --> 00:08:00,387
we're trying to have therapy here.
190
00:08:00,422 --> 00:08:01,788
I gotta be honest, man.
191
00:08:01,806 --> 00:08:03,224
I don't really care
about their problems.
192
00:08:03,258 --> 00:08:04,475
I don't know any of these people.
193
00:08:04,509 --> 00:08:06,143
I know, right?
194
00:08:07,812 --> 00:08:09,330
Well, you might want to start caring
195
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,482
because one phone call from me
to your probation officer
196
00:08:11,516 --> 00:08:13,183
and you go to jail.
197
00:08:13,235 --> 00:08:15,603
God, why are you being so mean to him?
198
00:08:15,637 --> 00:08:17,855
Can't you see he's clearly handsome?
199
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:22,243
I don't remember her name,
but she's very observant.
200
00:08:22,277 --> 00:08:24,912
It's Lacey.
201
00:08:24,946 --> 00:08:27,031
Like my underwear.
202
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,421
All right, all right, that's enough.
203
00:08:34,456 --> 00:08:37,007
You either participate or you're out.
204
00:08:37,042 --> 00:08:39,660
Listen, if you wanna
call my probation officer,
205
00:08:39,678 --> 00:08:41,328
do it, all right? Call him.
206
00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:44,014
Better yet, maybe I should just
find a different therapist.
207
00:08:44,049 --> 00:08:47,217
I think that's exactly
what you should do.
208
00:08:47,269 --> 00:08:49,670
- There's the door.
- Oh, great.
209
00:08:49,688 --> 00:08:51,472
That thing over there? Perfect.
210
00:08:51,506 --> 00:08:54,942
If you hadn't told me, I would've
just wandered around here for days.
211
00:08:54,976 --> 00:08:58,178
He's so funny.
212
00:08:58,196 --> 00:09:00,447
By the way, I hacked into your Wi-Fi.
213
00:09:00,482 --> 00:09:03,617
Uh, so everybody knows,
his super cool password...
214
00:09:03,652 --> 00:09:05,736
therapystud47.
215
00:09:10,959 --> 00:09:12,993
I know it sounds like
an amazing coincidence,
216
00:09:13,027 --> 00:09:15,496
but that password came with the router.
217
00:09:19,367 --> 00:09:22,987
Come on, puree one time for Daddy.
218
00:09:26,975 --> 00:09:30,227
Ed, it's 3:00 in the morning.
What the hell are you doing?
219
00:09:30,261 --> 00:09:31,979
Trying to make a milk shake,
220
00:09:32,013 --> 00:09:35,099
but first I had to fix
your stupid blender.
221
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:36,984
Have you ever connected the dots
222
00:09:37,018 --> 00:09:39,019
between milk shakes
in the middle of the night
223
00:09:39,053 --> 00:09:42,222
and your current silhouette?
224
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,825
When I was at home, my wife would get up
225
00:09:44,859 --> 00:09:46,560
when I couldn't sleep
and make me a milk shake
226
00:09:46,578 --> 00:09:48,779
and we'd sit on the sofa
and rub each other's feet
227
00:09:48,830 --> 00:09:51,332
while we watch TV till we fell asleep.
228
00:09:51,366 --> 00:09:53,967
Yeah, ain't gonna happen.
229
00:09:54,002 --> 00:09:55,252
I wasn't asking.
230
00:09:55,286 --> 00:09:58,455
What are we going to do, Ed?
231
00:09:58,506 --> 00:10:01,375
How are we gonna get you home?
232
00:10:01,409 --> 00:10:03,010
I don't know. It was a bad fight.
233
00:10:03,044 --> 00:10:04,511
I said some awful things.
234
00:10:04,546 --> 00:10:06,079
Like what?
235
00:10:06,097 --> 00:10:07,914
Well, like she should burn in hell
236
00:10:07,932 --> 00:10:10,934
like every meal she ever cooked for me.
237
00:10:12,037 --> 00:10:13,354
- Ouch.
- Yep.
238
00:10:13,388 --> 00:10:16,306
I told Mark that
I hated his cooking, too.
239
00:10:16,358 --> 00:10:18,359
I mean, if you're gonna
kill animals for food,
240
00:10:18,393 --> 00:10:20,811
at least marinate them properly.
241
00:10:20,862 --> 00:10:23,697
And then I told him
I hated his mustache.
242
00:10:23,732 --> 00:10:27,618
Weird, I told my wife the same thing.
243
00:10:29,154 --> 00:10:31,455
Well, would you like me
to make you a milk shake?
244
00:10:31,489 --> 00:10:33,440
I'd like that.
245
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:34,941
Then I'll tell you the story about
246
00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:38,128
the horrible cruise I took with my wife.
247
00:10:38,163 --> 00:10:39,296
What was so horrible?
248
00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:41,832
I told you, I was with my wife.
249
00:10:44,285 --> 00:10:45,836
Think of the Internet as a freeway.
250
00:10:45,887 --> 00:10:48,672
Now, your old DSL only had
four lanes open to traffic,
251
00:10:48,723 --> 00:10:51,809
but with the new bandwidth,
it's like having 12.
252
00:10:51,843 --> 00:10:54,228
Were you talking this way
last night at dinner?
253
00:10:54,262 --> 00:10:57,564
I don't know. I was pretty buzzed.
254
00:10:57,599 --> 00:10:59,183
Oh.
255
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:02,636
Mimosa?
256
00:11:02,654 --> 00:11:04,688
Sure.
257
00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:07,991
I really like this shirt.
258
00:11:08,026 --> 00:11:09,476
Can I keep it?
259
00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:12,830
After last night,
you can keep the house.
260
00:11:15,166 --> 00:11:17,484
I just want you to know,
I have never dated anybody
261
00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:19,119
I met during a tech support call,
262
00:11:19,153 --> 00:11:21,154
but I am really glad your computer went.
263
00:11:22,874 --> 00:11:24,925
I'm sorry, I'm going to have to
put you on hold for a minute.
264
00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:27,428
Please stand by. Your booty
call is very important to us.
265
00:11:32,634 --> 00:11:33,884
Coming.
266
00:11:36,721 --> 00:11:38,972
- Hey.
- Oh, it's you.
267
00:11:39,006 --> 00:11:40,808
Look, I have a tech person
in the kitchen
268
00:11:40,842 --> 00:11:43,343
and they're not gonna leave until I'm
100% satisfied with the service.
269
00:11:43,361 --> 00:11:45,345
You banging the computer girl?
270
00:11:45,363 --> 00:11:46,447
- Pretty much.
- Right.
271
00:11:46,481 --> 00:11:48,982
Look, I'll make it quick, all right?
272
00:11:49,016 --> 00:11:52,352
Uh, I'm really sorry about yesterday.
273
00:11:52,370 --> 00:11:54,321
What I did was stupid
and I would appreciate it
274
00:11:54,355 --> 00:11:55,789
if you'd let me come back to the group.
275
00:11:55,824 --> 00:11:57,291
Not gonna happen, dude.
276
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:58,625
You're not capable of taking
the process seriously.
277
00:11:58,660 --> 00:12:00,244
Try me.
278
00:12:00,295 --> 00:12:03,163
All right, why'd you hit
that guy in the subway?
279
00:12:03,197 --> 00:12:05,215
Because he grabbed Jen's ass
280
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:07,417
and he said some crap and I decked him.
281
00:12:07,469 --> 00:12:08,702
That's... I told you that already.
282
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,036
What did he say?
283
00:12:10,054 --> 00:12:13,206
He called me a boy toy.
284
00:12:13,224 --> 00:12:15,208
He what?
285
00:12:15,226 --> 00:12:16,506
He saw Jen give me a couple bucks
286
00:12:16,511 --> 00:12:18,061
and he called me a boy toy, all right?
287
00:12:19,731 --> 00:12:21,482
Look, I just...
I have some stuff in my past
288
00:12:21,516 --> 00:12:22,837
that I haven't shared with anybody
289
00:12:22,851 --> 00:12:24,485
and I'm a little sensitive about it.
290
00:12:24,519 --> 00:12:26,103
Like what, were you, like, a...
291
00:12:26,154 --> 00:12:28,238
like, a male hooker or something?
292
00:12:29,324 --> 00:12:31,224
Holy crap, you were.
293
00:12:32,494 --> 00:12:34,027
Charlie, are you gonna be a while?
294
00:12:34,061 --> 00:12:35,662
Yes.
295
00:12:37,165 --> 00:12:38,916
By the way, the term
is escort, all right?
296
00:12:38,950 --> 00:12:40,751
Ladies, they don't order hookers.
297
00:12:40,785 --> 00:12:42,402
They order escorts.
298
00:12:42,420 --> 00:12:45,289
Well, sure, then it's classy.
299
00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:47,908
So can I come back to the group?
300
00:12:47,926 --> 00:12:50,577
- Yes.
- Thank you.
301
00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:52,296
It's 100 bucks a session,
302
00:12:52,347 --> 00:12:54,181
but no kissing on the mouth.
303
00:12:55,266 --> 00:12:57,184
I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.
304
00:13:05,381 --> 00:13:06,902
Uhh.
305
00:13:06,928 --> 00:13:10,010
We should stop them, Charlie.
This won't be usable in the study.
306
00:13:10,036 --> 00:13:12,036
It is not representative of married sex.
307
00:13:12,062 --> 00:13:14,229
Why? Because they're enjoying themselves?
308
00:13:14,268 --> 00:13:16,782
Please! They're putting on
a show for us.
309
00:13:16,784 --> 00:13:19,024
This guy's flapping around
like one of those
310
00:13:19,026 --> 00:13:22,151
inflatable wind men
outside a used car lot.
311
00:13:26,134 --> 00:13:27,422
Really?
312
00:13:27,424 --> 00:13:30,190
Nothing for the wind guy?
313
00:13:30,708 --> 00:13:32,614
I'm sorry. I'm a little
distracted right now.
314
00:13:32,616 --> 00:13:33,942
What's going on?
315
00:13:33,944 --> 00:13:35,887
I've got this really heavy
piece of information
316
00:13:35,889 --> 00:13:38,251
about a guy who's living
with a woman I know
317
00:13:38,253 --> 00:13:39,700
and I absolutely cannot tell you.
318
00:13:39,702 --> 00:13:41,425
Well, that's your call.
319
00:13:41,427 --> 00:13:44,726
When Jen's boyfriend was in his
20s, he was a male prostitute.
320
00:13:44,728 --> 00:13:47,048
There, you happy you
squeezed it out of me?
321
00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:50,023
Wow. But if it was that long ago,
322
00:13:50,025 --> 00:13:52,153
I don't see why you're so concerned.
323
00:13:52,155 --> 00:13:54,936
Because he's showing he has no
problem living off money from women.
324
00:13:54,938 --> 00:13:56,940
He's doing the same thing
with Jen right now.
325
00:13:56,942 --> 00:13:59,222
I can't tell her 'cause of
patient confidentiality.
326
00:13:59,224 --> 00:14:00,408
Well, Jen's a smart woman.
327
00:14:00,410 --> 00:14:02,237
She'll figure it out eventually.
328
00:14:02,239 --> 00:14:03,729
You think?
329
00:14:03,731 --> 00:14:06,150
Did I ever tell you that she once
asked me if wrestling was real?
330
00:14:06,152 --> 00:14:07,964
High school wrestling.
331
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,994
Or she may not.
332
00:14:10,996 --> 00:14:12,245
But you can't tell her.
333
00:14:12,247 --> 00:14:14,230
It would be completely unprofessional.
334
00:14:14,232 --> 00:14:16,114
Says the woman who
screams out "Yahtzee!"
335
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:18,262
when her test subjects
are done having sex.
336
00:14:18,264 --> 00:14:20,977
That's different. Soundproof glass.
337
00:14:20,979 --> 00:14:22,787
Well, she's gotta find out somehow.
338
00:14:22,789 --> 00:14:24,389
Ah, be careful, Charlie.
339
00:14:24,391 --> 00:14:26,311
The APA takes that stuff seriously.
340
00:14:26,313 --> 00:14:28,084
They're devoted to making
sure that psychologists
341
00:14:28,086 --> 00:14:30,427
are held to the highest
standard of ethics.
342
00:14:30,429 --> 00:14:33,041
And, Yahtzee.
343
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,667
Ta-da.
344
00:14:39,669 --> 00:14:42,880
Settle down. I've already
seen your outfit for today.
345
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,076
No, look.
346
00:14:45,078 --> 00:14:47,488
Ta-da.
347
00:14:47,490 --> 00:14:49,256
You bought a television.
348
00:14:49,258 --> 00:14:51,912
Well, you started
closing the bathroom door,
349
00:14:51,914 --> 00:14:54,493
so as a thank-you, I did this.
350
00:14:54,495 --> 00:14:57,669
Now you can get some sleep.
351
00:14:57,671 --> 00:14:59,651
Well, thank you, Patrick.
352
00:14:59,653 --> 00:15:01,291
I'm gonna read a book,
353
00:15:01,293 --> 00:15:03,971
but you feel free
to just give it a whirl.
354
00:15:05,691 --> 00:15:07,532
I ain't here to make friends.
355
00:15:07,534 --> 00:15:08,826
I'm here to show the world
356
00:15:08,828 --> 00:15:12,117
that some of the best fashion
ideas come out of Tuscaloosa.
357
00:15:13,047 --> 00:15:15,573
Oh, God. "Redneck Fabulous."
358
00:15:15,575 --> 00:15:18,643
I used to love this trash.
359
00:15:18,645 --> 00:15:21,136
I've seen better
clothes on a train-hoppin' hobo.
360
00:15:21,138 --> 00:15:22,690
- Oh, no, you di'n't.
- Oh, yes, I di-id.
361
00:15:22,692 --> 00:15:24,026
Ooh, that's a
country catfight right there.
362
00:15:24,028 --> 00:15:24,948
Shut your stupid...
363
00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:26,643
I mean, look at them.
364
00:15:26,645 --> 00:15:30,611
Why would people even waste
their time on this garbage?
365
00:15:31,275 --> 00:15:33,292
I agree.
366
00:15:33,294 --> 00:15:35,846
Why don't we turn this off,
make a couple of milk shakes,
367
00:15:35,848 --> 00:15:38,182
and swap stories about our exes?
368
00:15:38,184 --> 00:15:39,753
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
369
00:15:39,755 --> 00:15:42,858
I can't believe Jolene is back.
370
00:15:43,766 --> 00:15:47,046
And after she spit on the other Jolene.
371
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:52,054
That bedazzled bolo is everything.
372
00:15:54,455 --> 00:15:56,071
Hey, buddy.
373
00:15:56,073 --> 00:15:57,696
You're the guy who runs
trivia night, right?
374
00:15:57,698 --> 00:15:58,931
Yeah.
375
00:15:58,933 --> 00:16:00,395
What would it take for you to use
376
00:16:00,397 --> 00:16:02,254
these questions instead of yours?
377
00:16:02,256 --> 00:16:04,848
I'm trying to keep my ex-wife
from making a huge mistake.
378
00:16:04,850 --> 00:16:07,133
Whatever they're paying you
tonight, I'll double it.
379
00:16:07,135 --> 00:16:09,368
$4,000!
380
00:16:09,370 --> 00:16:11,783
- Dude.
- All right.
381
00:16:11,785 --> 00:16:14,569
Two hot dogs and two beers.
382
00:16:17,766 --> 00:16:19,256
- Hey.
- Hey, Jen.
383
00:16:19,258 --> 00:16:21,897
Hey, Charlie.
Thanks for inviting me out.
384
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:23,562
Well, I figured you might be bored
385
00:16:23,564 --> 00:16:25,422
since Sean's out playing
poker with his buddies.
386
00:16:25,424 --> 00:16:27,334
Oh, by the way, just so you know,
387
00:16:27,336 --> 00:16:28,805
he's playing with his own money.
388
00:16:28,807 --> 00:16:30,094
Really? Where'd he get it?
389
00:16:30,096 --> 00:16:31,833
Well, he sold me a couple of his rings
390
00:16:31,835 --> 00:16:33,958
and a vintage guitar.
391
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,249
Oh, my God. You're a pawnshop.
392
00:16:37,554 --> 00:16:40,609
Okay, everybody.
It's time for trivia night.
393
00:16:40,611 --> 00:16:43,742
Ladies, if you need
some hints, I'm up front.
394
00:16:43,744 --> 00:16:46,097
Dudes, not so much.
395
00:16:46,099 --> 00:16:47,776
I'm kidding.
396
00:16:47,778 --> 00:16:49,368
Look, I don't mean to put Sean down,
397
00:16:49,370 --> 00:16:51,924
but what do you really
know about the guy?
398
00:16:51,926 --> 00:16:54,028
I mean, like, what did he do in his 20s?
399
00:16:54,030 --> 00:16:57,501
Question one. "What 1980 crime thriller"
400
00:16:57,503 --> 00:17:00,853
"stars Richard Gere and Lauren Hutton?"
401
00:17:00,855 --> 00:17:02,306
Oh, I know this one.
402
00:17:02,308 --> 00:17:04,225
"Officer and a Gentleman."
403
00:17:04,227 --> 00:17:07,480
No, Jen. It was "American Gigolo."
404
00:17:08,199 --> 00:17:10,485
Remember, he got paid
to have sex with women?
405
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:12,055
Maybe it was "Chicago."
406
00:17:12,057 --> 00:17:14,230
He was great in that.
407
00:17:14,651 --> 00:17:16,212
I don't know, I didn't see it.
408
00:17:16,214 --> 00:17:19,077
Was he paid to have sex
with women in that one?
409
00:17:19,823 --> 00:17:22,463
No, he tap-danced. It was wonderful.
410
00:17:23,963 --> 00:17:26,148
Anyway, Sean must have
mentioned something
411
00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:27,882
about his early jobs.
412
00:17:27,884 --> 00:17:31,476
Next question.
"What car manufactured by Ford"
413
00:17:31,478 --> 00:17:33,355
"was also released by Mazda"
414
00:17:33,357 --> 00:17:37,123
"under the name the 323?"
415
00:17:37,872 --> 00:17:39,686
I have no idea.
416
00:17:39,688 --> 00:17:42,727
I know. It was the Escort.
417
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,051
Maybe it was the Miata.
418
00:17:45,053 --> 00:17:46,917
No, Jen. It was the Escort.
419
00:17:46,919 --> 00:17:48,217
I don't think so.
420
00:17:48,219 --> 00:17:49,894
Two things we know for sure.
421
00:17:49,896 --> 00:17:52,496
"American Gigolo," Escort.
422
00:17:53,338 --> 00:17:54,883
"What Civil War general"
423
00:17:54,885 --> 00:17:57,428
"is best known for his stunning defeat"
424
00:17:57,430 --> 00:18:00,062
"at the Battle of
Chancellorsville in 1863?"
425
00:18:00,064 --> 00:18:02,109
Hooker! It was Hooker.
426
00:18:02,111 --> 00:18:05,230
It's Hooker, "American Gigolo," Escort.
427
00:18:05,232 --> 00:18:07,120
There's a pattern here.
428
00:18:07,122 --> 00:18:09,546
You're babbling.
I'm going to the bathroom.
429
00:18:10,418 --> 00:18:12,364
Charlie, hey. What's up?
430
00:18:12,366 --> 00:18:15,700
Hey, Sean, what are you doing here?
What happened to poker?
431
00:18:15,702 --> 00:18:17,669
It was a rough night. Took a beating.
432
00:18:17,671 --> 00:18:18,988
But then I remembered
you were bringing Jen out
433
00:18:18,990 --> 00:18:21,605
so I figured I'd come join you guys.
434
00:18:21,607 --> 00:18:23,847
Are these your sliders?
Can I have these?
435
00:18:23,849 --> 00:18:25,680
Yeah, sure...
436
00:18:25,682 --> 00:18:27,539
if you tell Jen about the escort thing.
437
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:29,938
I'm not gonna do that because
that is ancient history
438
00:18:29,940 --> 00:18:32,219
and I already touched this slider,
439
00:18:32,221 --> 00:18:34,515
so I'm gonna eat it.
440
00:18:36,619 --> 00:18:39,277
Well, if you don't tell her, I will.
441
00:18:39,279 --> 00:18:41,697
I'm not sure how you're gonna do that
442
00:18:41,699 --> 00:18:43,613
with patient confidentiality.
443
00:18:43,615 --> 00:18:46,380
This next question is a combo.
444
00:18:46,382 --> 00:18:49,769
"007 was played by blank Connery,"
445
00:18:49,771 --> 00:18:52,820
"and what is the world's
oldest profession?"
446
00:18:52,822 --> 00:18:57,171
"Oh, and make it a sentence
by putting 'was a'"
447
00:18:57,173 --> 00:19:01,039
"between 'Sean' and 'prostitute.'"
448
00:19:02,656 --> 00:19:05,311
What the hell is your problem?
449
00:19:05,313 --> 00:19:07,501
If I have to make a choice
between protecting a patient
450
00:19:07,503 --> 00:19:08,875
and protecting the mother of my kid,
451
00:19:08,877 --> 00:19:10,234
she's gonna win that one every time.
452
00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:13,002
You know what? I haven't
done crap to Jen, all right?
453
00:19:13,004 --> 00:19:14,681
So why don't you get a life
454
00:19:14,683 --> 00:19:16,401
and stop trying to make it up to your ex
455
00:19:16,403 --> 00:19:18,079
for being a cheating douchebag
456
00:19:18,081 --> 00:19:19,885
for so many years, all right?
457
00:19:21,130 --> 00:19:23,493
Oh!
458
00:19:26,148 --> 00:19:28,375
What the hell's wrong with you?
459
00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:30,099
Sorry.
460
00:19:30,101 --> 00:19:31,847
I wasn't talking to you.
461
00:19:31,849 --> 00:19:34,030
Sorry.
462
00:19:34,032 --> 00:19:35,720
I'm going home.
463
00:19:35,722 --> 00:19:38,260
Drive safe.
464
00:19:40,216 --> 00:19:41,855
This sucks for you, dude.
465
00:19:41,857 --> 00:19:44,433
Please, you threw the first punch.
You're going to jail.
466
00:19:44,435 --> 00:19:46,977
And when it gets out that I assaulted
a client and my practice is ruined,
467
00:19:46,979 --> 00:19:48,665
then whose money are you gonna spend?
468
00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:50,108
Bang.
469
00:19:51,221 --> 00:19:52,719
Are you stupid?
470
00:19:52,721 --> 00:19:54,420
You really think that
I'm with Jen for the money?
471
00:19:54,422 --> 00:19:56,412
If that was the case, don't
you think I'd find a woman
472
00:19:56,414 --> 00:19:59,428
with a more successful ex-husband?
473
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:01,961
Could you scoot over, please, so
I could elbow you in the face?
474
00:20:03,512 --> 00:20:04,849
Yeah, well, maybe I'd like to see her
475
00:20:04,851 --> 00:20:06,733
with a more successful boyfriend
476
00:20:06,735 --> 00:20:08,523
who doesn't blow all her money on poker.
477
00:20:08,525 --> 00:20:10,019
You're a piece of work.
478
00:20:10,021 --> 00:20:11,590
You know what I did tonight?
479
00:20:11,592 --> 00:20:13,121
I won big, all right?
480
00:20:13,123 --> 00:20:15,035
And I lied to you because
I wanted to surprise Jen.
481
00:20:15,037 --> 00:20:17,828
There's a pile of cash sitting
on her kitchen counter.
482
00:20:17,830 --> 00:20:21,148
Twice what I owe her. So, bang.
483
00:20:22,867 --> 00:20:25,498
Another damn trivia fight.
484
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:27,170
What kind of questions do they ask
485
00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:29,361
that drives you people to do this?
486
00:20:30,102 --> 00:20:32,123
Listen, there's no reason to take us both
487
00:20:32,125 --> 00:20:33,793
down to the station, all right?
488
00:20:33,795 --> 00:20:35,593
I... I attacked him
489
00:20:35,595 --> 00:20:37,399
and he was just defending himself.
490
00:20:37,401 --> 00:20:39,140
Really? That saves me some time.
491
00:20:39,142 --> 00:20:41,254
Let me get those cuffs off.
492
00:20:41,999 --> 00:20:43,708
It sucks to lose your job.
493
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,301
I don't want to see you
have to go through it.
494
00:20:45,303 --> 00:20:46,524
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait, wait.
495
00:20:46,526 --> 00:20:48,641
- Sean...
- Do me a favor, too, by the way.
496
00:20:48,643 --> 00:20:52,200
Could you pick up my tab? I ordered a
bottle of Dom and some chili fries.
497
00:20:53,113 --> 00:20:55,375
Take him away, Officer.
498
00:20:55,400 --> 00:21:05,400
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com