1
00:00:00,169 --> 00:00:02,169
Hey, we still have a few minutes left.
2
00:00:02,202 --> 00:00:04,656
Lacey, didn't you have some
kind of big test at work?
3
00:00:04,681 --> 00:00:06,529
Yeah, and I totally aced it.
4
00:00:06,530 --> 00:00:08,331
I'm officially allowed to sell drugs.
5
00:00:08,399 --> 00:00:11,301
Welcome aboard.
6
00:00:11,368 --> 00:00:13,736
Tomorrow's my first day representing
7
00:00:13,804 --> 00:00:15,405
Galaxy-Payson Pharmaceuticals.
8
00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:18,233
They also make peanut butter
and nuclear submarines,
9
00:00:18,301 --> 00:00:20,540
but I'm not licensed to sell those.
10
00:00:20,614 --> 00:00:22,693
Well, they do have to worry
about national security.
11
00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:26,095
You don't want peanut butter
to fall into the wrong hands.
12
00:00:26,162 --> 00:00:29,665
So, you aced your test with ease, huh?
13
00:00:29,732 --> 00:00:31,532
Which one did you cheat off of?
14
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,941
Chinese? Japanese?
15
00:00:35,009 --> 00:00:37,479
Vietnamese?
( Laughs )
16
00:00:37,547 --> 00:00:39,448
Excuse me, I did not cheat.
17
00:00:39,516 --> 00:00:41,615
I just double-checked
my answers with somebody else's
18
00:00:41,683 --> 00:00:42,983
before writing them down.
19
00:00:43,051 --> 00:00:45,784
So you didn't cheat?
20
00:00:45,852 --> 00:00:47,619
But it does sound like you...
21
00:00:47,687 --> 00:00:50,454
what's the right word?... cheated.
22
00:00:50,522 --> 00:00:54,625
Okay, but there's only one test
that I really need to pass.
23
00:00:54,693 --> 00:00:56,795
How much of this crap can I sell?
24
00:00:56,863 --> 00:00:58,831
And I think I'm gonna do okay
25
00:00:58,898 --> 00:00:59,998
because in case you haven't noticed,
26
00:01:00,066 --> 00:01:02,934
I'm superhot.
27
00:01:03,001 --> 00:01:05,335
You still have to know your products.
28
00:01:05,403 --> 00:01:06,369
I do.
29
00:01:06,437 --> 00:01:07,870
Okay, then quick,
30
00:01:07,938 --> 00:01:11,474
give me the chemical name,
class and major side effects
31
00:01:11,542 --> 00:01:13,709
of even one of the drugs you're selling.
32
00:01:13,777 --> 00:01:15,844
Anti...
33
00:01:15,912 --> 00:01:18,346
dexta...
34
00:01:18,413 --> 00:01:20,081
metho...
35
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:22,316
ooh, I dropped something.
36
00:01:22,384 --> 00:01:26,187
So how many boxes
of Proloft do you want?
37
00:01:27,857 --> 00:01:29,724
( Alarm beeping )
38
00:01:29,792 --> 00:01:32,594
This is it!
( Alarm stops )
39
00:01:32,661 --> 00:01:34,581
Sorry, Charlie. I just
finished hooking things up
40
00:01:34,596 --> 00:01:36,564
and I was testing the alarm system.
41
00:01:36,632 --> 00:01:39,100
No problem. This is Monica, my IT person.
42
00:01:39,168 --> 00:01:41,368
Ed, what did you think that was?
43
00:01:41,436 --> 00:01:43,570
I don't know. I thought
it was just a fire.
44
00:01:43,638 --> 00:01:47,240
Or a race war.
45
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:50,109
No, no, Ed. My race war alarm
sounds totally different.
46
00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:55,348
So you hooked up
my alarm to my cell phone?
47
00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:56,982
And I did some other stuff, too.
48
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,211
Now you can run your whole
house from wherever you are.
49
00:01:59,251 --> 00:02:01,286
Your TV, your lights, your thermostat.
50
00:02:01,354 --> 00:02:03,188
You can turn on your oven from your car.
51
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:05,725
- How cool is that?
- That is very cool.
52
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,627
I can't tell you how many
times I'm stuck in traffic
53
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:10,897
thinking, "Oh, no, I left my oven off."
54
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:13,833
( Laughs )
Ooh, I should hook up your blender.
55
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:17,004
That way you can make
margaritas from the bedroom.
56
00:02:24,446 --> 00:02:27,082
All right, with these
sessions here at my house,
57
00:02:27,150 --> 00:02:29,551
I guess it was inevitable
that my personal life
58
00:02:29,619 --> 00:02:31,753
would intrude occasionally.
59
00:02:31,821 --> 00:02:34,622
So I'm wide open to discussing it.
60
00:02:34,690 --> 00:02:36,590
Can you have sex with her
from the bedroom
61
00:02:36,658 --> 00:02:39,193
when she's in the kitchen?
62
00:02:39,261 --> 00:02:41,396
Okay, everybody get out.
63
00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:46,998
Monica, I really appreciate
everything you're doing,
64
00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:48,734
but I don't think I need all this stuff.
65
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:50,569
Charlie, you are going to love it.
66
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,604
Here, press this button on your phone.
67
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,774
This one? What happens now?
68
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,042
This.
69
00:03:01,413 --> 00:03:03,745
That is a good button.
70
00:03:03,813 --> 00:03:05,312
( Laughs )
71
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:07,578
Hey, have you decided
72
00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:09,413
if you're gonna come with me
to Comic-Con this weekend?
73
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:11,515
I really don't think so.
74
00:03:11,583 --> 00:03:13,450
I don't do well with that crowd.
75
00:03:13,518 --> 00:03:15,085
We never see eye to eye.
76
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,320
Mostly 'cause they're all
wearing Darth Vader helmets.
77
00:03:17,388 --> 00:03:19,322
Come on, Charlie. It's gonna be fun.
78
00:03:19,390 --> 00:03:21,758
And I'm finally going to get
to wear a sexy costume.
79
00:03:21,825 --> 00:03:23,826
My stupid, jealous
ex-boyfriend never let me.
80
00:03:23,894 --> 00:03:26,062
I don't know. Nerds hate me.
81
00:03:26,129 --> 00:03:27,930
There's something about me
that brings out their rage.
82
00:03:27,997 --> 00:03:29,998
It's been like this my whole life.
83
00:03:30,066 --> 00:03:32,634
In high school, when I was a
ballplayer, at my wedding.
84
00:03:32,701 --> 00:03:35,202
Something always happens, I lose it,
85
00:03:35,270 --> 00:03:38,190
and I wind up in a bathroom with some
brainiac wearing a toilet for a hat.
86
00:03:38,239 --> 00:03:41,174
At my wedding!
87
00:03:41,241 --> 00:03:44,241
Anger Management 2x26
- Charlie and the Hot Nerd -
Original air date June 27, 2013
88
00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:46,012
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com
89
00:03:46,013 --> 00:03:48,247
Thanks for the ride, Nolan, but
you don't have to wait up here.
90
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:49,448
You can wait in the car.
91
00:03:49,516 --> 00:03:51,517
I'm here for moral support.
92
00:03:51,585 --> 00:03:54,386
If you make your first sale and you're
looking for somebody to hug and kiss,
93
00:03:54,454 --> 00:03:56,221
I'm your guy.
94
00:03:56,289 --> 00:03:59,391
If it doesn't work out and you
want to slap somebody around,
95
00:03:59,458 --> 00:04:01,760
that's okay, too.
96
00:04:01,827 --> 00:04:04,095
Well, it's gonna go great.
97
00:04:04,163 --> 00:04:06,230
I stayed up all night
memorizing everything.
98
00:04:06,298 --> 00:04:08,666
So if you're just gonna sit here,
you might as well quiz me.
99
00:04:08,734 --> 00:04:11,835
Okay. What's the capital of Texas?
100
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:14,304
- About Proloft.
- Oh.
101
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,541
Okay, what are Proloft's
major side effects?
102
00:04:18,609 --> 00:04:21,109
Thank you for asking.
103
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:24,612
Proloft may cause cognitive impairment,
104
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:27,148
behavioral disinhibition,
lack of coordination,
105
00:04:27,215 --> 00:04:30,384
and hypotension.
Do not mix with alcohol.
106
00:04:30,451 --> 00:04:32,118
By the way, when they say,
"Do not mix with alcohol,"
107
00:04:32,186 --> 00:04:33,686
it means this will be awesome
mixed with alcohol,
108
00:04:33,754 --> 00:04:35,034
but I'm not gonna say that part.
109
00:04:36,856 --> 00:04:38,958
Are you the Galaxy-Payson rep?
110
00:04:39,025 --> 00:04:41,593
Yes, thank you for asking.
111
00:04:41,661 --> 00:04:45,229
I'm sorry, but Dr. Connor
has been called into surgery
112
00:04:45,297 --> 00:04:47,532
and he won't be available
till the end of the day.
113
00:04:47,599 --> 00:04:50,501
End of the day? Can't I just
pitch to him during surgery?
114
00:04:50,568 --> 00:04:52,269
I won't touch anything.
115
00:04:52,337 --> 00:04:53,503
I'm sorry.
116
00:04:56,639 --> 00:04:58,940
In six hours, I don't even know if this
stuff is still gonna be in my head.
117
00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:01,976
- I'm freaking out.
- You should try some Proloft.
118
00:05:02,044 --> 00:05:05,447
Why, what does it do?
119
00:05:05,515 --> 00:05:07,516
It's an antianxiety drug that...
120
00:05:07,583 --> 00:05:09,618
I know what it does.
I'm just freaking out.
121
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,589
You're only supposed
to take one pill as needed.
122
00:05:16,894 --> 00:05:17,894
How you feeling?
123
00:05:17,961 --> 00:05:19,462
I'm still freaking out.
124
00:05:19,530 --> 00:05:21,431
Take some more.
125
00:05:25,836 --> 00:05:28,638
Hey, the system you set up works.
126
00:05:28,706 --> 00:05:31,475
I just turned on my dryer from my bed.
127
00:05:31,542 --> 00:05:34,144
I'm so glad you changed your
mind about going to Comic-Con.
128
00:05:34,212 --> 00:05:36,646
You ready to see what I'm going to wear?
129
00:05:36,714 --> 00:05:38,215
If it's Yoda in a bra and panties,
130
00:05:38,282 --> 00:05:40,284
I cannot be responsible for my actions.
131
00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:45,990
( Sputters )
Wow!
132
00:05:46,057 --> 00:05:49,593
What are you, like some
kind of a space stripper?
133
00:05:49,661 --> 00:05:52,563
Yeah, I'm saving up to go
to space nursing school.
134
00:05:54,232 --> 00:05:57,568
No, I'm Gina X from "Stargazers."
135
00:05:57,636 --> 00:05:59,737
She's an intergalactic spy.
136
00:05:59,805 --> 00:06:01,205
Let me get this straight.
137
00:06:01,272 --> 00:06:03,940
You're an alien being
from a galaxy far, far away
138
00:06:04,008 --> 00:06:05,709
and your name is Gina?
139
00:06:05,777 --> 00:06:07,210
( Phone chimes )
140
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,881
Oh, God. Not again.
141
00:06:10,948 --> 00:06:12,315
What is it?
142
00:06:12,383 --> 00:06:14,051
My ex-boyfriend keeps texting me.
143
00:06:14,118 --> 00:06:16,186
He heard I was going
to Comic-Con with another guy
144
00:06:16,254 --> 00:06:17,954
and he's totally losing it.
145
00:06:18,022 --> 00:06:20,290
You can't blame him.
He just lost Gina X,
146
00:06:20,358 --> 00:06:21,925
the intergalactic stripper nurse.
147
00:06:23,995 --> 00:06:25,428
Maybe we shouldn't go.
148
00:06:25,496 --> 00:06:27,564
Oh, come on. You look great.
149
00:06:27,632 --> 00:06:31,035
I went cape shopping yesterday.
I bought a really great cape.
150
00:06:31,102 --> 00:06:33,304
But he's going to be there
151
00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:35,306
and if we bump into him,
it's gonna get ugly.
152
00:06:35,374 --> 00:06:37,615
Oh, come on. Going to this
convention means a lot to you.
153
00:06:37,676 --> 00:06:39,644
You can't just let
some bully push you around.
154
00:06:39,712 --> 00:06:41,547
What would Gina X do?
155
00:06:41,615 --> 00:06:43,616
She would exhaust him sexually
156
00:06:43,684 --> 00:06:46,186
and then bury him alive.
157
00:06:46,253 --> 00:06:48,421
Okay, besides that.
158
00:06:49,923 --> 00:06:52,826
I think she'd do what she wants to do.
159
00:06:52,894 --> 00:06:55,362
All right, we'll go.
( Phone chimes )
160
00:06:55,430 --> 00:06:58,465
Unbelievable. He just won't stop.
161
00:06:58,533 --> 00:07:00,268
Kent Mosler, huh?
162
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:02,416
You know, I am a therapist.
I could talk to this guy.
163
00:07:02,439 --> 00:07:04,141
Please don't. He's unpredictable
164
00:07:04,209 --> 00:07:05,711
and you'll just make it worse.
165
00:07:05,778 --> 00:07:07,546
Promise me you won't do anything.
166
00:07:07,614 --> 00:07:09,715
Fine, I promise.
( Phone chimes )
167
00:07:12,252 --> 00:07:14,420
I just got another e-mail from my dryer.
168
00:07:14,487 --> 00:07:16,188
It's my neediest appliance.
169
00:07:16,256 --> 00:07:17,923
( Laughs )
170
00:07:17,991 --> 00:07:19,758
I'll be right back.
171
00:07:19,826 --> 00:07:22,328
Gina X's thong is giving
her a space wedgie.
172
00:07:29,269 --> 00:07:31,370
There you are, Kent Mosler.
173
00:07:37,011 --> 00:07:39,079
Hello, this message is for Kent Mosler.
174
00:07:39,146 --> 00:07:41,781
My name is Charles Goodson and I think
you and I should get together and talk.
175
00:07:41,849 --> 00:07:44,083
Monica: Are you talking to somebody?
176
00:07:44,151 --> 00:07:46,853
It's crazy. My microwave just called me.
177
00:07:52,203 --> 00:07:53,770
Hey, Brett.
178
00:07:53,837 --> 00:07:56,405
Hey, Charlie.
You're in here pretty early.
179
00:07:56,473 --> 00:07:59,774
It's been a while since you
threw on a day drunk.
180
00:07:59,841 --> 00:08:01,843
I've never thrown on a day drunk, Brett.
181
00:08:01,910 --> 00:08:04,245
Well, then you're due.
182
00:08:04,313 --> 00:08:06,247
And you know what? It's kind of nice.
183
00:08:06,315 --> 00:08:08,483
You're asleep by 7:00,
up with the birds,
184
00:08:08,551 --> 00:08:10,485
four hours crawling around
in the shower,
185
00:08:10,553 --> 00:08:13,888
then you're ready just to start
it back up all over again.
186
00:08:13,956 --> 00:08:15,990
Yeah, as appealing as all that sounds,
187
00:08:16,058 --> 00:08:17,959
I'm here to have a talk
188
00:08:18,026 --> 00:08:20,428
with a jealous ex-boyfriend
of a girl I'm seeing.
189
00:08:20,495 --> 00:08:22,530
Man, you want a weapon?
190
00:08:22,598 --> 00:08:25,366
I've got a bat, a knife, another bat.
191
00:08:25,434 --> 00:08:27,635
I've got a bat with knives in it.
192
00:08:27,702 --> 00:08:30,704
Jeez, Brett, what do you
think is gonna happen?
193
00:08:30,772 --> 00:08:33,040
I don't know. Race war?
194
00:08:35,343 --> 00:08:37,878
Is there something going on
that I don't know about?
195
00:08:37,945 --> 00:08:40,513
Charlie Goodson?
196
00:08:40,581 --> 00:08:42,748
You must be Kent.
197
00:08:42,816 --> 00:08:45,417
Thanks for coming by. I'm hoping you
and I can have a friendly dialogue.
198
00:08:45,485 --> 00:08:48,987
Oh, did you? Yeah? I don't think
that's gonna happen, jockstrap.
199
00:08:49,055 --> 00:08:52,625
Listen, Kent, I know that you're
angry about me and Monica, but...
200
00:08:52,693 --> 00:08:54,727
Oh, no, I'm angry
about a lot of things...
201
00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:57,396
"Star Wars" prequels, ending of "Lost,"
202
00:08:57,464 --> 00:09:00,767
my mom getting remarried to that guy
203
00:09:00,834 --> 00:09:03,436
Jack.
204
00:09:03,504 --> 00:09:05,839
But primarily I would
like my girlfriend back
205
00:09:05,906 --> 00:09:08,875
from the evil Dr. Slick.
206
00:09:08,943 --> 00:09:11,177
Look, Kent...
207
00:09:11,245 --> 00:09:13,079
Jeez, I'm a giant.
208
00:09:16,284 --> 00:09:18,952
I know it's hard losing someone
and it happens to all of us,
209
00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:22,356
but the best way to cope with
rejection is to move on.
210
00:09:22,424 --> 00:09:25,692
Ah, well said, Dr. Slick.
211
00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:29,029
But you need to harken, my friend.
212
00:09:29,097 --> 00:09:32,566
You have one day to break up with Monica
213
00:09:32,634 --> 00:09:34,634
or else.
214
00:09:34,702 --> 00:09:36,069
Or else what?
215
00:09:36,137 --> 00:09:39,906
You have no idea what I'm capable of.
216
00:09:39,974 --> 00:09:42,709
I will destroy you.
217
00:09:46,113 --> 00:09:48,714
Okay, now you know that
lightsabers aren't real, right?
218
00:09:48,782 --> 00:09:50,850
They have a prototype.
219
00:09:52,753 --> 00:09:54,853
24 hours.
220
00:09:54,921 --> 00:09:57,022
Until they develop the prototype?
221
00:09:57,090 --> 00:09:58,824
No! Our thing.
222
00:09:58,892 --> 00:10:00,692
Now, if you'll excuse me,
223
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,995
I have to go have dinner
with my mom and...
224
00:10:03,062 --> 00:10:05,097
Jack.
225
00:10:10,604 --> 00:10:12,505
( Knocking )
Come in.
226
00:10:13,674 --> 00:10:15,809
Hello.
227
00:10:15,877 --> 00:10:18,913
Oh, I am so sorry
to have kept you waiting.
228
00:10:18,981 --> 00:10:21,682
No, no, no, that's
totally understandable.
229
00:10:24,019 --> 00:10:26,020
( Giggles )
230
00:10:27,389 --> 00:10:29,423
Are you okay?
231
00:10:29,491 --> 00:10:33,160
Yes. I'm here to talk
to you about Proloft.
232
00:10:33,228 --> 00:10:36,430
Mmm, Proloft.
233
00:10:36,498 --> 00:10:38,932
If you've got anxiety,
not anymore you don't,
234
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,502
'cause this stuff really works.
235
00:10:45,374 --> 00:10:47,508
Are you sure you want to do this now?
236
00:10:47,576 --> 00:10:49,010
Thank you for asking.
237
00:10:49,078 --> 00:10:51,445
Proloft causes cognitive impairment,
238
00:10:51,513 --> 00:10:54,482
behavioral disinhibition
and lack of coordination.
239
00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:56,618
Nailed it.
240
00:10:56,686 --> 00:11:00,489
Miss, you look considerably impaired.
241
00:11:00,557 --> 00:11:02,825
No, I just dropped something.
242
00:11:02,893 --> 00:11:05,528
You want to buy some?
243
00:11:06,797 --> 00:11:08,931
Uh, I'm getting the nurse.
244
00:11:08,999 --> 00:11:11,701
Look at my boobs!
245
00:11:11,769 --> 00:11:14,070
Look at them!
246
00:11:24,349 --> 00:11:26,149
I look like a dick.
247
00:11:36,961 --> 00:11:38,728
I am Hrothgar
248
00:11:38,796 --> 00:11:41,097
and I look like a dick.
249
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,935
( Knocking )
Sam, would you get the door?
250
00:11:46,003 --> 00:11:48,805
I can't. I'm getting ready
to go to Caitlin's.
251
00:11:48,873 --> 00:11:50,807
Is that for Comic-Con?
252
00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:52,843
No, I'm gonna hit the gym.
253
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:55,346
What do you think?
254
00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:57,783
Wasn't sure if I wanted
to go away for college.
255
00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:58,984
Now I am.
256
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,955
( Knocking )
257
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,196
Patrick. What are you doing here?
258
00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:13,700
I got your e-mail. Why would you
say such a horrible thing to me?
259
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:19,005
Oh, I'm sorry. You've
obviously gone insane.
260
00:12:19,073 --> 00:12:22,208
It's for Comic-Con. What
e-mail are you talking about?
261
00:12:22,276 --> 00:12:24,311
The one you sent telling me
that I was beyond help
262
00:12:24,378 --> 00:12:26,013
and needed a psychic.
263
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:29,215
Patrick, I would never say
something like that to you.
264
00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:31,284
My God, somebody must
have hacked my e-mail.
265
00:12:31,352 --> 00:12:33,319
That's exactly what the
e-mail said you would say.
266
00:12:33,387 --> 00:12:36,289
- I didn't say that either.
- It said you would say that, too.
267
00:12:36,357 --> 00:12:38,458
( Machines humming )
268
00:12:38,526 --> 00:12:40,894
What the hell is that?
269
00:12:45,533 --> 00:12:46,900
You're seeing this, right?
270
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,234
Patrick: Yeah.
271
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:52,705
( Turns off )
272
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:54,607
Oh, my God.
273
00:12:54,675 --> 00:12:56,943
All the appliances turned
on by themselves.
274
00:12:57,011 --> 00:12:58,711
It's like "Beauty
and the Beast" in here.
275
00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:03,216
Oh, man.
276
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:13,326
What's going on
with your house, Charlie?
277
00:13:13,394 --> 00:13:15,361
Monica hooked everything
up to the Internet
278
00:13:15,429 --> 00:13:16,962
so I could control it wirelessly.
279
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,664
How's that working out?
280
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,765
So far, I don't like it.
281
00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,037
Whoa.
282
00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:28,439
Wow, look at you.
283
00:13:28,506 --> 00:13:31,609
Just call me Hrothgar.
284
00:13:31,676 --> 00:13:33,944
What's going on?
285
00:13:34,012 --> 00:13:36,446
You tell me. You're the one
who hooked all this up.
286
00:13:36,514 --> 00:13:37,794
Tell me you didn't talk to Kent.
287
00:13:37,849 --> 00:13:39,783
( Stammers )
Kent?
288
00:13:39,851 --> 00:13:42,986
Of course not. What makes you say that?
289
00:13:43,054 --> 00:13:45,355
( Music playing )
Kent: Charles Goodson.
290
00:13:47,425 --> 00:13:49,994
I told you I would
destroy you, and I will.
291
00:13:50,061 --> 00:13:53,364
You know, we might have bumped
into each other somewhere.
292
00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:00,305
Where are you?
293
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:03,375
I have taken over your TV.
294
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,677
You haven't really taken it over.
295
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,079
You're in the right-hand corner.
296
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:09,114
Really?
297
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,549
Give me a moment.
298
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,050
( Typing )
299
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:14,519
Now I have taken over your TV.
300
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:17,555
Prepare to suffer the full wrath of...
301
00:14:17,623 --> 00:14:19,924
No, no, you're still just in the corner.
302
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:24,195
I'm on your TV. I feel
like that's good enough.
303
00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:25,296
What do you want, Kent?
304
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,932
I want you back.
305
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:32,102
And I'm going to disrupt this
Neanderthal's house until I get you.
306
00:14:32,170 --> 00:14:34,004
- Is there anything you can do?
- I don't think so.
307
00:14:34,072 --> 00:14:36,706
He's a computer genius. He
was a hacker for the CIA.
308
00:14:36,774 --> 00:14:39,609
- Well, you didn't mention that.
- I said be careful.
309
00:14:39,677 --> 00:14:41,711
No, no, you have to put it
all in one sentence.
310
00:14:41,779 --> 00:14:45,214
Like, "Be careful,
he's a hacker for the CIA."
311
00:14:45,282 --> 00:14:48,550
Behold, I am your whole screen.
312
00:14:48,618 --> 00:14:50,219
Say good-bye, Kent.
313
00:14:50,287 --> 00:14:53,355
There's nothing you can do.
I will torment you forever.
314
00:14:53,423 --> 00:14:56,592
- I got all the time in the world.
- Shut up, punk.
315
00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:59,595
I've got a circuit breaker
and I know how to use it.
316
00:14:59,663 --> 00:15:00,996
I win.
317
00:15:01,064 --> 00:15:02,565
Oh!
318
00:15:02,632 --> 00:15:04,934
I've also got stairs.
319
00:15:05,002 --> 00:15:06,235
And a head lump.
320
00:15:13,523 --> 00:15:15,391
Hey.
321
00:15:15,459 --> 00:15:17,227
What's going on?
322
00:15:17,294 --> 00:15:18,561
I had to turn off my power.
323
00:15:18,629 --> 00:15:20,397
Want some rancid pork chops?
324
00:15:20,465 --> 00:15:22,299
Depends.
325
00:15:22,367 --> 00:15:24,368
How rancid?
326
00:15:24,436 --> 00:15:28,672
Could probably wash 'em down
with some of this milk.
327
00:15:31,409 --> 00:15:33,010
Why did you turn off your power?
328
00:15:33,077 --> 00:15:34,778
It's a long story. I met this girl
329
00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:36,813
and we're going to Comic-Con
this weekend, so...
330
00:15:36,881 --> 00:15:39,383
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're going to Comic-Con?
331
00:15:39,450 --> 00:15:41,852
It's like the Million Man
March but with nerds.
332
00:15:43,521 --> 00:15:46,823
Anyway, this girl's ex-boyfriend
hacked my entire house,
333
00:15:46,891 --> 00:15:50,360
took over my television, and
changed my outgoing message.
334
00:15:50,428 --> 00:15:52,929
- To what?
- Now it says, "Hi, thanks for calling."
335
00:15:52,997 --> 00:15:55,566
"Wait for the beep, then shove
the phone up your ass."
336
00:15:55,634 --> 00:15:58,102
Well, if you're going to Comic-Con,
337
00:15:58,169 --> 00:15:59,609
we might as well drive down together.
338
00:15:59,638 --> 00:16:01,539
Hold on. You go to this thing?
339
00:16:01,607 --> 00:16:03,474
No, I don't go.
340
00:16:03,542 --> 00:16:06,377
The mutant king of planet Nuru does.
341
00:16:06,445 --> 00:16:10,014
And believe me, it's a
weekend with major tail.
342
00:16:10,082 --> 00:16:12,951
I'm guessing Major Tail
is your sidekick.
343
00:16:13,018 --> 00:16:14,919
I'm afraid so.
344
00:16:16,822 --> 00:16:19,190
Charlie, chill. You can't
let this guy get to you.
345
00:16:19,258 --> 00:16:21,259
I know, but I just want to...
346
00:16:21,327 --> 00:16:23,762
I want to pull his Spiderman
Underoos over his head
347
00:16:23,830 --> 00:16:25,631
and stuff him through a basketball hoop.
348
00:16:25,699 --> 00:16:28,568
Just forget about it.
Let's just go see a movie.
349
00:16:28,636 --> 00:16:30,169
How do you get to your browser?
350
00:16:30,237 --> 00:16:32,005
There's usually a thing on the desktop.
351
00:16:32,073 --> 00:16:34,007
There's nothing on your desktop.
352
00:16:34,075 --> 00:16:35,842
You've got to be kidding me.
353
00:16:35,910 --> 00:16:37,544
Everything's gone.
354
00:16:37,612 --> 00:16:39,980
My patient records,
my billing, my novel.
355
00:16:40,048 --> 00:16:41,515
- Oh, you wrote a novel?
- Just a title.
356
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:42,983
I'm still noodling.
357
00:16:45,686 --> 00:16:48,288
It was him. That dirty bastard.
358
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:49,890
Charlie, think healthy thoughts.
359
00:16:49,957 --> 00:16:53,193
Screw healthy.
Let's go slam-dunk a nerd.
360
00:17:04,672 --> 00:17:06,073
Hello, Kent.
361
00:17:06,141 --> 00:17:07,775
Hey, get your hands off me.
362
00:17:07,842 --> 00:17:10,210
This man's a false Hrothgar.
363
00:17:10,278 --> 00:17:11,812
Help, guys. Back me up.
364
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,581
You're not getting away.
You screwed up my life
365
00:17:14,649 --> 00:17:17,351
and I can't remember
the title of my novel.
366
00:17:17,419 --> 00:17:19,387
- Dipwad.
- Whoa, whoa.
367
00:17:19,454 --> 00:17:21,088
Be very cool.
368
00:17:21,156 --> 00:17:24,058
Back off, nerds.
369
00:17:25,327 --> 00:17:27,528
Didn't you hear what I said?
370
00:17:27,596 --> 00:17:29,697
Back off.
371
00:17:29,764 --> 00:17:30,998
( Laughs )
Big deal.
372
00:17:31,066 --> 00:17:32,700
A rubber sword.
373
00:17:32,767 --> 00:17:35,036
( Chuckles )
( Clangs )
374
00:17:36,538 --> 00:17:39,173
Run away. Run away.
375
00:17:48,751 --> 00:17:51,820
You're dead, Blue...
376
00:17:51,887 --> 00:17:54,389
Turd.
377
00:17:54,456 --> 00:17:57,492
Unless you give me back
everything on my computer.
378
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,661
Then you'll be a little less dead.
379
00:17:59,728 --> 00:18:02,130
Just hit me already.
Okay, I know you want to.
380
00:18:02,198 --> 00:18:04,499
You people solve all your
problems with violence.
381
00:18:04,567 --> 00:18:06,167
Because you people drive us to it.
382
00:18:06,235 --> 00:18:08,036
You think I want to be like this?
383
00:18:08,104 --> 00:18:11,806
Living in the shadows, hiding behind
a wall of awesome technology?
384
00:18:11,874 --> 00:18:13,441
I don't get to be the cool athlete
385
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:14,830
that swoops in and gets the girl.
386
00:18:14,877 --> 00:18:17,079
Okay, I'm the nerd
that stands in the rain
387
00:18:17,147 --> 00:18:20,216
holding a boom box and realizes the
girl's on a date with another guy.
388
00:18:20,284 --> 00:18:23,285
I can't go toe-to-toe
with a jock like you.
389
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,587
I'd do anything to be like you.
390
00:18:27,991 --> 00:18:29,458
Fine, I get it.
391
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,727
Nobody's got it easy. Life's tough.
392
00:18:31,794 --> 00:18:34,930
So just give me back all my
stuff and we'll call it even.
393
00:18:36,566 --> 00:18:38,401
Nah.
394
00:18:41,271 --> 00:18:43,406
You almost had me, nerd.
395
00:18:43,474 --> 00:18:45,842
( Whimpers )
Charlie! Charlie!
396
00:18:45,909 --> 00:18:49,178
Don't do it until I block the door.
397
00:18:49,246 --> 00:18:51,614
( Toilet flushes )
398
00:18:55,746 --> 00:18:57,447
So, Lacey, how you feeling?
399
00:18:57,514 --> 00:18:59,081
Nolan tells us you had an
interesting sales call yesterday.
400
00:18:59,149 --> 00:19:01,217
Yeah, slurring all your words,
401
00:19:01,285 --> 00:19:02,785
stumbling all over the place,
402
00:19:02,853 --> 00:19:05,455
and knocking over
a tray of urine samples.
403
00:19:05,523 --> 00:19:09,059
That last one was me.
404
00:19:09,126 --> 00:19:11,461
For your information, it went great.
405
00:19:11,529 --> 00:19:14,631
When the doctor found out how many
Proloft I took without dying,
406
00:19:14,699 --> 00:19:18,067
he was so impressed by the safety of
the product, he asked for a case.
407
00:19:18,135 --> 00:19:20,970
Or he waited for you to pass out,
408
00:19:21,038 --> 00:19:24,274
copped a feel,
and felt all guilty about it.
409
00:19:26,344 --> 00:19:28,612
Whatevs. The guy's a doctor.
410
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,982
Okay, speaking of crazy...
Charlie, I hope you don't mind,
411
00:19:32,050 --> 00:19:35,586
but I told everyone how the IT girl's
ex-boyfriend was messing with your house.
412
00:19:35,653 --> 00:19:37,321
Oh, right, right.
I took care of all that.
413
00:19:37,388 --> 00:19:38,856
Everything's back to normal.
414
00:19:38,924 --> 00:19:41,091
By the way, if anyone got
any unusual e-mail from me,
415
00:19:41,159 --> 00:19:43,193
it was from him. He hacked my account.
416
00:19:43,261 --> 00:19:45,229
That's a relief.
417
00:19:45,297 --> 00:19:48,018
I didn't really think you wanted to
raise your rates by $20 a session.
418
00:19:48,033 --> 00:19:51,436
Actually, that e-mail was from me.
419
00:19:51,504 --> 00:19:53,339
No problem. I just deleted it.
420
00:19:53,406 --> 00:19:55,774
Straight to trash.
421
00:19:55,842 --> 00:19:58,511
I got the same message from your hacker.
422
00:19:58,579 --> 00:20:01,281
But don't worry, I'm blocking
everything that comes from you.
423
00:20:02,983 --> 00:20:04,651
But then how will you get my bills?
424
00:20:04,719 --> 00:20:06,586
Oh, not a problem at all.
425
00:20:06,654 --> 00:20:08,421
( Laughs )
You're welcome.
426
00:20:11,893 --> 00:20:14,628
So, give us the deets.
427
00:20:14,696 --> 00:20:16,530
How did you finally get rid of the ex?
428
00:20:16,598 --> 00:20:18,966
Well, I went down to San Diego and
we had a frank and honest talk.
429
00:20:19,034 --> 00:20:21,135
So you're still with
the hot computer girl?
430
00:20:21,203 --> 00:20:23,137
- No, she dumped me.
- Why?
431
00:20:23,205 --> 00:20:25,907
Because I beat up her ex-boyfriend
after the frank and honest talk.
432
00:20:28,177 --> 00:20:30,612
She felt sorry for him and
now they're back together.
433
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,882
So, wait, the super hot chick
got back with the nerd
434
00:20:33,950 --> 00:20:36,419
because he got hurt fighting for her?
435
00:20:36,487 --> 00:20:38,054
Not gonna happen.
436
00:20:38,122 --> 00:20:40,957
What the hell, lady?
437
00:20:41,025 --> 00:20:42,658
But I think we can all learn
something from this.
438
00:20:42,726 --> 00:20:44,494
I didn't control my anger
439
00:20:44,561 --> 00:20:46,462
and I lost something very dear to me.
440
00:20:46,530 --> 00:20:48,131
I thought you weren't that into her.
441
00:20:48,198 --> 00:20:50,700
No, no, but we had
a lot of fun together.
442
00:20:50,768 --> 00:20:52,769
You said she was too geeky for you.
443
00:20:52,837 --> 00:20:55,806
Well, a little,
but she was very attractive.
444
00:20:55,874 --> 00:21:00,044
So you're saying you got mad
and lost a piece of ass?
445
00:21:01,889 --> 00:21:03,226
Essentially.
446
00:21:03,251 --> 00:21:05,551
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com