1
00:00:01,063 --> 00:00:02,809
- Hey, Charlie.
- Charlie.
2
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:05,480
Hey, Sean. Glad you're back at group.
3
00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:06,588
Thank you.
( Door shuts )
4
00:00:06,656 --> 00:00:09,001
You guys just did a bro hug.
5
00:00:09,069 --> 00:00:10,404
That's like the male version of,
6
00:00:10,472 --> 00:00:12,844
"Oh, my God, I love your shoes."
7
00:00:12,912 --> 00:00:15,272
Sean, the group will be here any
minute if you wanna head in.
8
00:00:15,286 --> 00:00:17,592
- I'm gonna miss you, babe.
- Oh.
9
00:00:17,660 --> 00:00:21,164
- I'm gonna miss you, too, babe.
- Ah, young love.
10
00:00:21,231 --> 00:00:23,299
It's so much cuter than
what's going on right here.
11
00:00:25,907 --> 00:00:27,507
Sean, do you wanna grab this?
12
00:00:27,575 --> 00:00:28,775
- Mm-hmm.
- I'll follow you with the coffee.
13
00:00:28,843 --> 00:00:30,243
All right.
( Jen sighs )
14
00:00:30,310 --> 00:00:32,545
- See you later, babe.
- Keep walking, babe.
15
00:00:34,850 --> 00:00:37,253
I finally get to use the shower
16
00:00:37,321 --> 00:00:39,823
and Ed has once again helped himself
17
00:00:39,891 --> 00:00:42,361
to my milk and honey soap
with oatmeal and shea butter.
18
00:00:42,429 --> 00:00:44,500
Can you blame him?
19
00:00:44,568 --> 00:00:46,604
Sounds delicious.
20
00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:48,974
What makes you think
I'm using your soap?
21
00:00:49,041 --> 00:00:50,509
Your hairs are all over it.
22
00:00:50,577 --> 00:00:52,211
They can't be Ed hairs.
23
00:00:52,279 --> 00:00:55,216
He doesn't have any... oh, my God!
24
00:00:55,284 --> 00:00:57,085
I'm at the age where
they're jumping ship.
25
00:00:57,153 --> 00:00:59,221
I can't stop 'em.
26
00:00:59,289 --> 00:01:00,846
You know how they say that
27
00:01:00,914 --> 00:01:03,681
any conversation in therapy
can lead to something good?
28
00:01:03,749 --> 00:01:05,949
Well, they were wrong.
29
00:01:06,017 --> 00:01:07,480
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
30
00:01:07,548 --> 00:01:09,347
Uh, why is the old man
31
00:01:09,414 --> 00:01:11,248
living with the gay man?
32
00:01:12,717 --> 00:01:15,517
It's a long story, but the gay man
33
00:01:15,585 --> 00:01:17,665
tricked the old man into
thinking he won the lottery.
34
00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:20,821
I told Patrick
35
00:01:20,888 --> 00:01:23,925
if Ed thought he was rich, he'd
go crazy and leave his wife.
36
00:01:23,992 --> 00:01:25,659
You said nothing.
37
00:01:25,727 --> 00:01:27,528
You said it would be funny.
38
00:01:27,596 --> 00:01:29,130
Oh, yeah. That's right.
39
00:01:31,501 --> 00:01:34,503
Aren't you guys supposed to be
helping each other not be angry?
40
00:01:34,571 --> 00:01:36,272
Yeah, what's wrong with you people?
41
00:01:36,340 --> 00:01:38,909
You're such idiots.
42
00:01:38,976 --> 00:01:40,477
See you all next week.
43
00:01:48,452 --> 00:01:49,685
Did you see what I saw?
44
00:01:49,753 --> 00:01:52,454
Yeah. I noticed it
all throughout session.
45
00:01:52,522 --> 00:01:56,157
A man Ed's age should wear
socks with his shoes.
46
00:01:56,225 --> 00:01:58,993
Yeah, that could destroy
a relationship, too.
47
00:01:59,295 --> 00:02:02,795
Anger Management 2x28
- Charlie and the Cheating Patient -
Original air date July 18, 2013
48
00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:04,998
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com
49
00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:07,134
It's been the happiest
11 years of my life
50
00:02:07,202 --> 00:02:09,771
and I can't imagine
not being married to her.
51
00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:12,474
Oh, thanks. Me, too.
52
00:02:12,541 --> 00:02:14,301
Well, thank you both
very much for coming in.
53
00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:16,645
- Real pleasure.
- Thanks.
54
00:02:16,713 --> 00:02:18,381
- Nice to meet you.
- Bye-bye.
55
00:02:18,449 --> 00:02:20,083
- Bye.
- Bye.
56
00:02:22,420 --> 00:02:23,981
It is so nice to see a couple that happy.
57
00:02:24,021 --> 00:02:26,189
They'll be divorced in six months.
58
00:02:26,257 --> 00:02:28,592
What? How do you know?
59
00:02:28,660 --> 00:02:30,861
I just know. I felt it
the second I saw them.
60
00:02:30,929 --> 00:02:33,931
That's so unlike you,
you know, to feel something.
61
00:02:33,999 --> 00:02:36,501
It's not a feeling, it's science.
62
00:02:36,569 --> 00:02:38,103
It's like that Gladwell book "Blink."
63
00:02:38,171 --> 00:02:41,140
Our subconscious makes
a thousand calculations
64
00:02:41,208 --> 00:02:43,476
and decides things before
we're even aware of it.
65
00:02:43,544 --> 00:02:45,913
I knew they were doomed
the second they walked in.
66
00:02:45,980 --> 00:02:48,015
Come on. You don't know
what you're talking about.
67
00:02:50,352 --> 00:02:53,855
Excuse me. My lovely wife left
her $600 sunglasses here.
68
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,423
Third time this month and next time,
69
00:02:55,491 --> 00:02:56,825
I make the bitch pay for them.
70
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:01,664
"B-link."
71
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:05,969
Oh, man.
( Sighs )
72
00:03:06,037 --> 00:03:07,738
What is it?
73
00:03:07,806 --> 00:03:10,541
I think I "blinked" something
today in group.
74
00:03:10,609 --> 00:03:14,179
The guy Jen's "blinking"
is blinking someone else.
75
00:03:14,246 --> 00:03:16,281
Here's the worst part...
76
00:03:16,349 --> 00:03:18,450
I think he's cheating on her with Lacey.
77
00:03:18,518 --> 00:03:20,319
You'd think it goes without saying,
78
00:03:20,387 --> 00:03:22,668
but that's why you don't have
your ex-wife's new boyfriend
79
00:03:22,723 --> 00:03:24,624
in your therapy group.
80
00:03:24,692 --> 00:03:26,726
Just once, I'd like something to actually
81
00:03:26,794 --> 00:03:29,162
"go without saying."
82
00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:31,098
That wouldn't be any fun,
but, of course,
83
00:03:31,165 --> 00:03:32,766
that goes without saying.
84
00:03:37,345 --> 00:03:40,414
Ed, I bought you some socks.
( Water running )
85
00:03:40,482 --> 00:03:42,317
No more excuses.
86
00:03:44,186 --> 00:03:46,821
- Where are you?
- Ed: In the shower.
87
00:03:46,889 --> 00:03:48,323
( Sighs )
Of course.
88
00:03:48,390 --> 00:03:50,158
( Cell phone rings )
89
00:03:52,161 --> 00:03:54,095
Nolan, you don't need
to keep checking in.
90
00:03:54,162 --> 00:03:56,597
I already told you, Ed and I are
never going to have a party
91
00:03:56,664 --> 00:03:58,632
and forget to invite you.
92
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:01,067
No, that's not what
I'm calling about this time.
93
00:04:01,135 --> 00:04:02,569
I've been robbed!
94
00:04:02,637 --> 00:04:04,104
Are you serious? Are you okay?
95
00:04:04,171 --> 00:04:06,473
Yeah, I guess.
96
00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:08,208
They took just about everything.
97
00:04:08,276 --> 00:04:10,044
I'm pretty shaken up.
98
00:04:10,111 --> 00:04:11,178
Are you hurt?
99
00:04:11,246 --> 00:04:13,246
A little.
100
00:04:13,314 --> 00:04:16,350
They kept saying my stuff was crap.
101
00:04:16,418 --> 00:04:17,818
Okay, we'll be right over.
102
00:04:17,886 --> 00:04:20,354
- Okay, thanks.
- Bye.
103
00:04:20,422 --> 00:04:23,591
Ed, hurry up. Nolan's been robbed
and we have to get over there.
104
00:04:23,658 --> 00:04:26,627
- I'm almost done.
- Seriously, what are you doing?
105
00:04:26,694 --> 00:04:28,495
I'm washing your soap.
106
00:04:28,563 --> 00:04:30,864
It's a damn oxymoron.
107
00:04:33,535 --> 00:04:36,303
This is a pretty racy costume
for a high school musical.
108
00:04:36,371 --> 00:04:37,971
We're doing "Chicago."
109
00:04:38,039 --> 00:04:40,174
We have to stay authentic to
the times and the story, Mom.
110
00:04:40,242 --> 00:04:41,942
Yeah, right.
111
00:04:42,010 --> 00:04:43,644
Admit it, you just like looking hot.
112
00:04:43,711 --> 00:04:45,578
I get it.
113
00:04:45,646 --> 00:04:47,447
I got sent home by the principal
114
00:04:47,515 --> 00:04:49,949
for wearing a blouse
that was too revealing.
115
00:04:50,017 --> 00:04:52,318
Really? What grade were you in?
116
00:04:52,386 --> 00:04:54,720
All of 'em.
117
00:04:54,788 --> 00:04:56,388
( Knocks on door )
118
00:05:01,161 --> 00:05:03,462
All right, freeze.
119
00:05:03,530 --> 00:05:05,965
What is she doing wearing
your old wedding dress?
120
00:05:06,033 --> 00:05:08,567
We're doing "Chicago" and I'm
going to be a chorus girl.
121
00:05:08,635 --> 00:05:10,903
( Exhales sharply )
Mom said it was okay.
122
00:05:13,540 --> 00:05:16,843
- I can't believe this.
- What, that our little girl's growing up?
123
00:05:16,911 --> 00:05:19,078
No, that I have to go to a musical.
124
00:05:19,146 --> 00:05:21,714
- Jen, let me ask you something.
- Hmm.
125
00:05:21,782 --> 00:05:23,483
How did you know I was cheating?
126
00:05:23,550 --> 00:05:27,353
I walked in on you in that
hotel room in Atlanta.
127
00:05:27,421 --> 00:05:30,823
And you said she was a physical
therapist, but I didn't buy it.
128
00:05:30,891 --> 00:05:32,592
Because you had a gut feeling, right?
129
00:05:32,659 --> 00:05:35,094
Because you had your penis inside her.
130
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:38,765
Right. Again, so sorry about all that.
131
00:05:40,334 --> 00:05:43,003
Well, Jen, I've got
a gut feeling about Sean.
132
00:05:43,070 --> 00:05:45,972
- He's cheating?
- I think so.
133
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:49,409
Oh, my God. What did you see?
134
00:05:49,477 --> 00:05:52,412
- Was he kissing someone?
- Well, no, no.
135
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,147
Her shoulder kind of
136
00:05:54,215 --> 00:05:56,582
brushed up against his shoulder.
137
00:05:56,650 --> 00:05:58,117
And then what happened?
138
00:05:58,185 --> 00:06:00,387
That... that was about it,
139
00:06:00,454 --> 00:06:02,355
but that... that was enough.
140
00:06:02,423 --> 00:06:04,257
Damn it.
141
00:06:04,325 --> 00:06:07,360
That lying, cheating shoulder-brusher.
142
00:06:07,428 --> 00:06:10,297
- You're not taking me seriously, are you?
- No, I am not.
143
00:06:10,364 --> 00:06:14,067
Charlie, you have had it out
for this guy from day one.
144
00:06:14,135 --> 00:06:16,103
Get out!
145
00:06:16,171 --> 00:06:18,072
I'm only telling you this
because I care about you.
146
00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:19,640
Get out!
147
00:06:19,708 --> 00:06:21,276
Jen, I know cheating.
148
00:06:21,343 --> 00:06:23,911
If it walks like a Charlie
and talks like a Charlie,
149
00:06:23,979 --> 00:06:25,780
it's screwing somebody...
150
00:06:27,450 --> 00:06:28,883
( Knocks on door )
Who is it?
151
00:06:28,951 --> 00:06:32,754
- Patrick: It's us.
- Prove you're not the robbers.
152
00:06:32,822 --> 00:06:34,723
Ed: You're an idiot.
153
00:06:36,326 --> 00:06:37,960
Robbers wouldn't know that.
154
00:06:40,631 --> 00:06:43,500
- Thanks for coming, guys.
- Oh, my God.
155
00:06:43,568 --> 00:06:45,302
They really did take everything.
156
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:47,671
I'm so sorry, Nolan.
157
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:49,640
Did you write a list for the police?
158
00:06:49,708 --> 00:06:51,575
Yeah, right here.
159
00:06:54,579 --> 00:06:56,147
TV, PlayStation...
160
00:06:57,949 --> 00:06:59,049
okay, where's the rest?
161
00:06:59,117 --> 00:07:00,417
That was it.
162
00:07:00,485 --> 00:07:03,687
You're telling me that's all they took?
163
00:07:03,755 --> 00:07:06,990
This is how you live?
164
00:07:07,058 --> 00:07:09,927
What about your furniture?
Where'd you sit?
165
00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:11,996
Oh, my God.
They took my milk crate, too.
166
00:07:13,765 --> 00:07:17,168
Well, at least they didn't take
the thing I care about the most.
167
00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:19,237
Turtle.
168
00:07:20,405 --> 00:07:22,540
Turtle the parakeet?
169
00:07:22,607 --> 00:07:24,742
Turtle's great. He keeps me company.
170
00:07:24,810 --> 00:07:26,878
Sometimes I feel like he's
the only one who listens
171
00:07:26,945 --> 00:07:28,846
- without interrupting...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it.
172
00:07:28,914 --> 00:07:32,316
Look, what do you need from us?
173
00:07:32,384 --> 00:07:33,884
I don't know.
174
00:07:33,952 --> 00:07:36,220
Can you just hang for a while?
175
00:07:36,288 --> 00:07:38,422
I'm a little nervous to be here alone.
176
00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:40,024
Sure.
177
00:07:40,091 --> 00:07:42,459
If they come back, we'll be prepared.
178
00:07:44,396 --> 00:07:46,197
Wow. Is that real?
179
00:07:46,265 --> 00:07:48,099
Sure, it's real.
180
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:49,968
Feel how heavy that is.
181
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,804
Ed, what the hell are you thinking?!
182
00:07:52,872 --> 00:07:54,807
Did you have a gun
183
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:56,709
in my apartment this whole time?!
184
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:59,445
No. I had three guns.
185
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:02,414
Look at me, I'm in a John Woo movie.
( Mimics gunshots )
186
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,817
Hey, give me that.
187
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:09,055
Patrick, there is
nothing wrong with guns.
188
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:12,492
If somebody breaks into your home,
189
00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:14,961
what are you gonna do, their hair?
190
00:08:15,029 --> 00:08:16,796
No.
191
00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:18,397
Bang! Too late, I shot ya.
192
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:19,999
- No, I would...
- Bang!
193
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:23,168
I shot you again. You're dead.
Stop moving.
194
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,639
So without any real evidence,
195
00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,575
you told Jen her boyfriend's cheating?
196
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:30,843
I had the "Blink" instinct.
197
00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,611
Oh, that's different.
198
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,047
I read that book and it's true.
199
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,416
I can walk into a bar and instantly spot
200
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:39,151
every single woman
201
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:42,087
who's not gonna wanna sleep with me.
202
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,556
So you mean "every single woman"?
203
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,594
( Knocks on door )
Sean: Hey, Charlie,
204
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:51,531
why don't you come open the
door so I can kick your ass?
205
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,867
- You better get outta here. I gotta deal
with this guy. - Are you sure?
206
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:57,337
My "Blink" instinct tells me
this guy wants to kick your ass.
207
00:08:57,405 --> 00:08:59,806
Don't worry. He's not gonna hurt me.
208
00:08:59,874 --> 00:09:01,942
He lives off Jen and Jen lives off me.
209
00:09:02,010 --> 00:09:04,044
If he kills me, he'll starve to death.
210
00:09:04,112 --> 00:09:05,813
- See ya.
- All right.
211
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,051
Hi. What's going on?
212
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,586
You lying son of a bitch.
213
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,155
You told Jen
214
00:09:15,223 --> 00:09:17,624
that I was cheating on her
and she kicked me out.
215
00:09:17,692 --> 00:09:20,294
Whoa, whoa, whoa. She didn't believe me.
216
00:09:20,361 --> 00:09:22,829
So if she kicked you out, that's from
something she found out on her own.
217
00:09:22,897 --> 00:09:25,165
She found a couple of calls
that I made to Lacey.
218
00:09:25,233 --> 00:09:26,934
I knew it! The shoulder bump.
219
00:09:28,637 --> 00:09:30,104
I was calling Lacey
220
00:09:30,172 --> 00:09:31,806
because she has club connections
221
00:09:31,874 --> 00:09:33,841
and that's my industry, dude.
222
00:09:33,909 --> 00:09:36,444
I'm busting my ass to try and get a job.
223
00:09:36,511 --> 00:09:38,179
Spinning an excuse
224
00:09:38,246 --> 00:09:40,247
to cover your tracks
and look like a hero.
225
00:09:40,315 --> 00:09:42,082
Cheating technique number one.
226
00:09:42,150 --> 00:09:45,953
Look, you are talking to a
former professional cheater.
227
00:09:46,021 --> 00:09:47,721
Really, what happened?
228
00:09:47,789 --> 00:09:50,757
It got in your way of your new
career as a full-time douchebag?
229
00:09:50,825 --> 00:09:52,592
Accusing the accuser?
230
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,094
You bore me, son.
231
00:09:54,162 --> 00:09:55,829
Oh, and by the way,
232
00:09:55,897 --> 00:09:57,498
consoling a newly divorced friend...
233
00:09:57,565 --> 00:09:59,166
I invented that.
234
00:09:59,234 --> 00:10:01,801
The divorce rate in the '90s
was like a gift to me.
235
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:04,271
All right. That was a lie.
236
00:10:04,339 --> 00:10:05,840
Because I was on a job interview.
237
00:10:05,907 --> 00:10:07,827
Why would you lie about
being on a job interview?
238
00:10:07,876 --> 00:10:09,643
Because it was the 15th job interview
239
00:10:09,711 --> 00:10:11,412
I've been on in the last month.
240
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:14,214
And every time that I fail,
I have to see my girlfriend
241
00:10:14,282 --> 00:10:15,816
pretend like she's not disappointed,
242
00:10:15,884 --> 00:10:17,985
but I can see it in her eyes.
243
00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:19,620
And then when you look in the garbage
244
00:10:19,688 --> 00:10:21,755
and you see a cupcake
with "Congratulations"
245
00:10:21,823 --> 00:10:23,724
written on the top of it...
246
00:10:23,792 --> 00:10:25,393
you don't eat that cupcake.
You know why?
247
00:10:25,461 --> 00:10:27,195
Because it was touching
248
00:10:27,262 --> 00:10:29,630
an old Q-tip and a banana peel?
249
00:10:29,698 --> 00:10:32,066
Because you feel like dirt.
250
00:10:32,134 --> 00:10:34,769
And you feel like
you don't deserve a cupcake.
251
00:10:34,836 --> 00:10:36,670
Cheating technique number two:
252
00:10:36,738 --> 00:10:39,606
( Mimics crying )
the sob story.
253
00:10:39,674 --> 00:10:41,508
Nice try, but it's not gonna work on me.
254
00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:44,043
Especially when I can call Lacey
right now and find out the truth.
255
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:45,478
- Call her.
- I will.
256
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,916
( Cell phone rings, beeps )
Oh, hey, Charlie.
257
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,585
- Can you talk?
- Yeah, I'm not doing anything.
258
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,387
Oh, and I took your advice.
259
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,890
I'm hand-free. Super safe.
260
00:10:57,957 --> 00:11:00,793
( Horn honks )
One lane, Grandma. I'm doing my eyes.
261
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:03,295
Lacey, I need you to tell me the truth.
262
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,924
Are you and Sean having a relationship?
263
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:06,799
Hot Sean from the group?
264
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,333
Yes, Lacey,
265
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:11,036
"hot Sean from the group."
266
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,639
No. I'm just helping him find a job,
267
00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:15,807
you know, because I care about people.
268
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:18,910
( Horn honks )
Walk faster, you fat ass.
269
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:22,381
Lacey, you've never lied to
me before, so if you tell me
270
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,888
there's nothing going on with you
and Sean, I will believe you.
271
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:27,185
Of course not 'cause that
would be against the rules.
272
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:28,687
I mean, you've still got
that rule, right?
273
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:29,855
'Cause if you don't have
that rule, then...
274
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,657
I still got the rule!
275
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:34,693
I'm sorry to bother you. I'll
see you in group. Bye-bye.
276
00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:35,761
God.
277
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:41,900
So, uh, what technique
278
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:44,408
do you call it when you find out
that I was telling the truth?
279
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:47,672
Technique 14b:
280
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:50,942
where the accuser realizes
that he was wrong all along
281
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:52,577
and should've minded his own business.
282
00:11:52,644 --> 00:11:54,145
Huh.
283
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:57,015
So...
284
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,484
♪ Someone deserves a cupcake. ♪
285
00:12:03,478 --> 00:12:04,678
( Knocks on door )
286
00:12:04,746 --> 00:12:06,981
Go away, you lying,
cheating piece of crap!
287
00:12:08,784 --> 00:12:11,152
It's Charlie.
288
00:12:11,220 --> 00:12:12,921
Oh.
289
00:12:12,989 --> 00:12:15,157
Well, then, it still applies.
290
00:12:15,225 --> 00:12:16,792
I hate you all.
291
00:12:19,262 --> 00:12:21,229
Look, I know you're upset,
292
00:12:21,297 --> 00:12:24,232
but I'm gonna tell you something that's
gonna make you very, very angry.
293
00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:27,001
And then I'm gonna kill you.
294
00:12:27,069 --> 00:12:29,270
But wait, there's more.
295
00:12:29,338 --> 00:12:32,218
I'm also gonna tell you something
that's gonna make you very, very happy.
296
00:12:32,241 --> 00:12:35,710
So why don't we just focus on the
happy and blow off the rest?
297
00:12:35,777 --> 00:12:38,112
- What is it? - Remember
that stupid thing I told you about Sean?
298
00:12:38,180 --> 00:12:39,647
He was all, you know,
cheating and everything.
299
00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:41,282
Well, guess what.
300
00:12:41,350 --> 00:12:43,718
Turns out, I goofed.
301
00:12:43,786 --> 00:12:45,120
And a goof doesn't sound so bad, right?
302
00:12:45,188 --> 00:12:47,622
So he wasn't cheating?
303
00:12:47,690 --> 00:12:50,025
Actually, I found out that
he was going out at night
304
00:12:50,092 --> 00:12:52,861
trying to get a job at a club
and Lacey was helping.
305
00:12:52,929 --> 00:12:54,529
I'm sorry.
306
00:12:54,597 --> 00:12:57,132
I kicked him out of the
house all because of you?
307
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,900
Yes.
308
00:12:58,968 --> 00:13:01,369
That's the great news! Congratulations!
309
00:13:03,439 --> 00:13:04,907
Hi, babe.
310
00:13:04,974 --> 00:13:06,709
Perfect timing.
311
00:13:06,776 --> 00:13:08,744
Babe, why did you bring me flowers?
312
00:13:08,812 --> 00:13:11,114
- I'm the one who was wrong.
- No, babe.
313
00:13:11,181 --> 00:13:13,983
I know how bad you felt when
you thought I cheated on you
314
00:13:14,051 --> 00:13:15,552
and I don't ever want you to go
through something like that.
315
00:13:15,619 --> 00:13:18,689
I should have just told you
where I was in the first place.
316
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:21,158
Oh, babe.
317
00:13:24,563 --> 00:13:26,397
Oh.
318
00:13:28,033 --> 00:13:30,101
( Moans )
319
00:13:30,169 --> 00:13:31,969
All right, well, I'm gonna...
320
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,140
just gonna...
321
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,278
Unless, of course,
you guys need anything.
322
00:13:41,346 --> 00:13:42,780
Nothing at all?
323
00:13:42,847 --> 00:13:43,981
You're both good? Awesome.
324
00:13:47,685 --> 00:13:50,686
Gin. I win.
325
00:13:50,754 --> 00:13:53,089
Seems a little unfair
you won't teach us the rules.
326
00:13:56,626 --> 00:13:58,227
Does anybody want anything to eat?
327
00:13:58,294 --> 00:13:59,661
I'm going to the bedroom.
328
00:13:59,729 --> 00:14:02,097
Why do you keep food in the bedroom?
329
00:14:02,164 --> 00:14:04,032
Why do I sleep in the kitchen?
330
00:14:04,099 --> 00:14:05,666
I like to mix it up.
331
00:14:09,404 --> 00:14:11,472
Should we be worried about Nolan?
332
00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:12,940
I mean, I had no idea he was living
333
00:14:13,008 --> 00:14:14,876
in such abject poverty
334
00:14:14,943 --> 00:14:16,945
with only a bird to talk to.
335
00:14:17,012 --> 00:14:18,980
Are you kidding me?
336
00:14:19,048 --> 00:14:20,415
When I was his age,
337
00:14:20,482 --> 00:14:23,118
I was sloshing through
the jungle dodging enemy fire
338
00:14:23,185 --> 00:14:26,622
with nothing but a necklace
of ears to talk to.
339
00:14:28,558 --> 00:14:30,727
Which is why this baby
is my best friend.
340
00:14:30,794 --> 00:14:34,030
Ed, would you please put
that thing back in your...
341
00:14:34,098 --> 00:14:36,032
belt bag.
342
00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:39,036
It's called a holster, Patrick.
343
00:14:39,104 --> 00:14:41,272
And if you knew anything about guns,
344
00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:44,241
you would know that they
don't go off randomly.
345
00:14:44,309 --> 00:14:46,510
They can't be fired if the safety's on
346
00:14:46,578 --> 00:14:49,380
or if the clip is out.
347
00:14:50,649 --> 00:14:52,649
Here. Hold it.
348
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,887
I will hold it this one time.
349
00:14:59,257 --> 00:15:00,557
Just to say that I...
350
00:15:08,433 --> 00:15:10,000
Oh, my God. I killed his bird.
351
00:15:12,504 --> 00:15:14,272
Oops.
352
00:15:15,974 --> 00:15:18,075
Must have been one left in the chamber.
353
00:15:18,143 --> 00:15:20,211
Why does that always happen?
354
00:15:20,278 --> 00:15:22,179
Are the robbers back?!
355
00:15:22,247 --> 00:15:24,715
Uh, yeah, they did a drive-by.
356
00:15:24,782 --> 00:15:27,317
We're okay, but I think
your bird got winged.
357
00:15:30,922 --> 00:15:33,190
Oh, man.
358
00:15:33,258 --> 00:15:34,958
I am so sorry, Nolan.
359
00:15:35,026 --> 00:15:36,460
I was holding the gun
360
00:15:36,528 --> 00:15:39,162
and it just went off.
361
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,864
I'll never forgive myself.
362
00:15:40,932 --> 00:15:43,100
Poor little guy.
363
00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,707
( Stapler clicks )
364
00:15:51,775 --> 00:15:53,308
There.
365
00:15:53,376 --> 00:15:54,743
Good as new.
366
00:15:56,613 --> 00:15:59,080
Honey, you can't staple
a bird back to life.
367
00:15:59,148 --> 00:16:01,516
Sure, you can. Turtle's
been dead for 10 years.
368
00:16:01,584 --> 00:16:03,384
He was my best friend,
369
00:16:03,452 --> 00:16:05,286
so I had him stuffed.
370
00:16:06,621 --> 00:16:08,922
I'm scared. I wanna go home.
371
00:16:11,526 --> 00:16:13,860
Thank you for taking me
out to dinner, Charlie.
372
00:16:13,928 --> 00:16:15,495
Are you kidding me?
373
00:16:15,563 --> 00:16:17,731
After everything I put you
through, it's the least I can do.
374
00:16:17,798 --> 00:16:19,433
I'm just glad she took you back.
375
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,502
Yeah, the last few days have been great.
376
00:16:21,570 --> 00:16:23,337
The first night she felt bad,
377
00:16:23,405 --> 00:16:25,907
we had some of the most
amazing makeup...
378
00:16:25,974 --> 00:16:27,475
conversation that I have ever had.
379
00:16:29,044 --> 00:16:30,411
I could barely talk the next day.
380
00:16:33,216 --> 00:16:34,983
So you boys ready to order?
381
00:16:35,051 --> 00:16:37,119
Yes, I am.
382
00:16:37,186 --> 00:16:39,488
I think I'm gonna do the prime rib.
383
00:16:39,555 --> 00:16:41,189
Maybe two.
384
00:16:41,257 --> 00:16:43,558
I had a boyfriend
who ate two prime ribs once.
385
00:16:43,626 --> 00:16:45,860
Of course, he was getting
executed the next morning.
386
00:16:47,530 --> 00:16:49,464
Can I have one more minute, please?
387
00:16:49,532 --> 00:16:51,132
That's the last thing he said.
388
00:16:54,236 --> 00:16:55,837
- Hi, Lace.
- Hey, Charlie.
389
00:16:55,905 --> 00:16:58,807
Hey, Sean. What's going on?
390
00:16:58,874 --> 00:17:00,875
I just wanted to buy you both a drink
391
00:17:00,943 --> 00:17:03,463
and apologize to you guys for
accusing you of sleeping together.
392
00:17:04,179 --> 00:17:06,247
Thanks, but not necessary.
393
00:17:06,314 --> 00:17:08,015
No, no.
394
00:17:08,083 --> 00:17:10,551
I owe you an explanation.
395
00:17:10,618 --> 00:17:12,820
I overreacted because
396
00:17:12,887 --> 00:17:14,854
Sean's been living with my ex-wife.
397
00:17:17,625 --> 00:17:18,959
Oh, really?
398
00:17:19,026 --> 00:17:20,860
You're living with Charlie's ex-wife?
399
00:17:20,928 --> 00:17:23,529
Did I not mention that while
we were talking about clubs?
400
00:17:25,032 --> 00:17:27,233
You son of a bitch.
401
00:17:28,802 --> 00:17:30,470
But you guys aren't
seeing each other, Lacey.
402
00:17:30,537 --> 00:17:31,904
Why would you be so upset?
403
00:17:31,972 --> 00:17:35,174
Because I've been
screwing him for two weeks.
404
00:17:36,410 --> 00:17:38,812
Charlie: Oh, wow.
405
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,014
This may be a little awkward,
406
00:17:41,082 --> 00:17:42,649
but wanna join us for dinner?
407
00:17:45,587 --> 00:17:47,054
Gut instinct.
408
00:17:47,122 --> 00:17:48,856
The flowers, the candy,
409
00:17:48,924 --> 00:17:51,927
you were showing up with way too much
stuff for a guy who was innocent.
410
00:17:51,994 --> 00:17:53,161
All right.
411
00:17:53,229 --> 00:17:56,031
My love for Jen
is so strong that I got...
412
00:17:56,099 --> 00:17:57,466
( Mimics buzzer )
Not good enough.
413
00:17:57,533 --> 00:17:59,301
Okay. All right.
( Chuckles )
414
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:02,070
This is really... this is
hard for me to admit, okay?
415
00:18:02,138 --> 00:18:03,673
It is.
416
00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:06,175
I don't believe that anybody
could love me unconditionally.
417
00:18:06,243 --> 00:18:08,744
( Mimics buzzer )
I'm a sex addict.
418
00:18:08,812 --> 00:18:11,313
( Mimics buzzer )
My babysitter touched me.
419
00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,782
( Mimics buzzer )
420
00:18:13,850 --> 00:18:17,252
The correct answer is...
I'm leaving town.
421
00:18:22,117 --> 00:18:24,266
( Knocks on door )
Come in.
422
00:18:24,308 --> 00:18:25,842
( Music playing on TV )
423
00:18:32,719 --> 00:18:35,187
Okay.
424
00:18:35,254 --> 00:18:36,954
You're watching old movies,
425
00:18:37,022 --> 00:18:38,522
eating ice cream,
426
00:18:38,590 --> 00:18:40,558
drinking bourbon,
427
00:18:40,626 --> 00:18:42,426
and cutting up old pictures of Sean.
428
00:18:42,494 --> 00:18:44,328
I know already.
429
00:18:44,395 --> 00:18:46,396
Lacey called me to apologize.
430
00:18:46,464 --> 00:18:48,732
So you're doing every cliché,
431
00:18:48,799 --> 00:18:50,834
brokenhearted girl ritual at once?
432
00:18:50,901 --> 00:18:53,136
Yes, but I'm not feeling any better yet.
433
00:18:53,203 --> 00:18:55,938
I gotta find a way to speed this up.
434
00:18:59,543 --> 00:19:01,511
A bourbon float.
435
00:19:01,578 --> 00:19:04,314
That'll be perfect at birthday
parties for alcoholic kids.
436
00:19:06,350 --> 00:19:09,953
Sweetie, alcohol and ice cream are
not gonna solve your problems.
437
00:19:12,157 --> 00:19:13,958
Holy crap, that's good.
438
00:19:16,061 --> 00:19:18,129
You need to get away and go somewhere.
439
00:19:18,197 --> 00:19:20,732
( Crying )
I don't have any money.
440
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,534
It'll be my treat.
441
00:19:22,602 --> 00:19:24,036
Okay.
442
00:19:24,104 --> 00:19:25,871
I've always wanted to go to Italy.
443
00:19:30,244 --> 00:19:32,812
I was thinking more the
DoubleTree in Palm Springs.
444
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,948
They give you a cookie at check-in.
445
00:19:38,853 --> 00:19:40,987
Hey, she's back.
446
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:42,990
What's with leaving the front door open?
447
00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:45,025
What is a door, anyway?
448
00:19:45,093 --> 00:19:48,295
My heart's open, my mind's
open, my door's open.
449
00:19:48,363 --> 00:19:50,564
It's all the same thing,
you know what I mean?
450
00:19:50,632 --> 00:19:52,133
No, no one does.
451
00:19:54,536 --> 00:19:57,337
I just feel so enlightened after
the weekend in the desert.
452
00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:59,039
Thank you for sending me away.
453
00:19:59,107 --> 00:20:01,041
So I take it you had
a good time in Palm Springs.
454
00:20:01,109 --> 00:20:03,010
Mm. That kinda sucked,
455
00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:04,979
but I met these super-cool people.
456
00:20:05,047 --> 00:20:07,681
So I jumped in their van and spent
the weekend at Burning Man.
457
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:10,351
Wow. Well, at least you came
back with a cool story.
458
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:12,419
Oh, I came back with more than that.
459
00:20:12,487 --> 00:20:14,355
Hey, beautiful.
460
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:17,124
I made some kind, vegan
grilled cheese sandwiches.
461
00:20:18,627 --> 00:20:19,994
Blessing, friend.
462
00:20:23,064 --> 00:20:26,901
- Hugs are free.
- Yeah, so are not hugs.
463
00:20:26,968 --> 00:20:29,070
This is my ex-husband Charlie.
464
00:20:29,138 --> 00:20:30,605
Charlie, this is Canvas.
465
00:20:30,673 --> 00:20:33,741
- Canvas.
- I'm open to interpretation.
466
00:20:33,809 --> 00:20:36,377
Yeah, I get it. I know what a canvas is.
467
00:20:36,445 --> 00:20:39,347
Such a playful spirit he has.
468
00:20:39,415 --> 00:20:42,083
Ooh, I made some Superfood
goji berry lemonade.
469
00:20:42,151 --> 00:20:44,219
- I'll go get it.
- Okay.
470
00:20:47,157 --> 00:20:49,559
What is that?
471
00:20:49,626 --> 00:20:51,361
I'll tell you what that is.
472
00:20:51,428 --> 00:20:52,929
That's sweet.
473
00:20:52,997 --> 00:20:55,732
That's considerate. That's honest.
474
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,401
Yeah, but don't you think
he's maybe a little bit...
475
00:20:58,469 --> 00:21:01,738
Young, hot, and stupid?
Yeah, and I'm okay with that.
476
00:21:01,805 --> 00:21:04,807
In fact, I'm looking forward to
it two, maybe three times a day.
477
00:21:06,543 --> 00:21:09,179
Well, as a person who's been guilty of
478
00:21:09,246 --> 00:21:11,314
young, hot, and stupid... have fun.
479
00:21:11,339 --> 00:21:23,339
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com