1
00:00:00,734 --> 00:00:01,977
Hey, Charlie.
2
00:00:01,978 --> 00:00:04,359
Whatever it is, I can't
deal with it right now.
3
00:00:04,391 --> 00:00:06,125
I've got a lot on my mind
and I'm about to start group.
4
00:00:06,193 --> 00:00:07,326
But this is huge.
5
00:00:07,394 --> 00:00:09,695
Fine. What is it?
6
00:00:09,763 --> 00:00:11,930
I'm into fat chicks.
7
00:00:11,998 --> 00:00:14,700
I went to a party this weekend
8
00:00:14,768 --> 00:00:17,036
and the big girls are awesome.
9
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,852
If you're holding the dip bowl,
10
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,954
you're in the center of the action.
11
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,357
What kind of a low-rent,
suburban shindig were you at
12
00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:26,558
where they made you hold the dip bowl?
13
00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:28,127
You don't seem happy for me.
14
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:29,461
I just spoke to Kate.
15
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,130
She went out with a guy
16
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,232
who might give us the grant
money for our research.
17
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,067
Sounds like she came within
an inch of sleeping with him.
18
00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:36,869
Wait, wait, wait.
19
00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:38,738
I thought you wanted her
to sleep with the guy
20
00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:41,307
so you could get the grant
to keep your sex study going.
21
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,209
That was only when the guy was a woman.
22
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:46,279
Sleeping with a guy who's
a guy is totally unsavory.
23
00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:49,715
Oh, so you're okay with her having
sex as long as it's lesbian sex.
24
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,584
- Well, that's totally savory.
- Right.
25
00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:55,788
Ed: What are you blaming me for?
26
00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:57,189
If you were in better shape,
27
00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:58,578
you wouldn't have hurt your back.
28
00:00:58,591 --> 00:00:59,758
Oh, for heaven's sakes.
29
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,327
Whoa, Martin, are you okay?
30
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,494
No, I'm fine.
31
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:03,629
Getting old is tough.
32
00:01:03,696 --> 00:01:05,131
My grandpa sneezed once
33
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:07,666
and now he looks like the letter N.
34
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,135
Oh, please.
35
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:11,670
He threw his back out
this morning in the park
36
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,706
playing chess with the local Negroes.
37
00:01:14,774 --> 00:01:16,809
Was it the chess, Ed,
38
00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:18,877
or was it the running away
39
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:22,114
after you called them "local Negroes"?
40
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:24,116
Well, what's the big deal?
41
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,518
They call it the United
Negro College Fund.
42
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,287
How come when I say it,
43
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:31,057
I end up hiding behind a jungle gym?
44
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:33,259
Because, Ed,
45
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:36,128
you called the man
you were playing chess with
46
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,997
"Jungle Jim."
47
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:40,399
Oh.
48
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,068
Martin, if your back hurts,
49
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:44,270
you could come with me
to yoga tomorrow afternoon.
50
00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,005
I think it'll totally help you.
51
00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:47,806
No, thanks for the offer, Lacey,
52
00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:48,907
but there's nothing wrong with my back.
53
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,576
And even if there was,
54
00:01:50,643 --> 00:01:52,378
I'm afraid yoga's a little
out of my price range.
55
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,080
No problem.
56
00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:56,107
I've got a two-week guest
pass for family members.
57
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,250
You could pretend to be my dad.
58
00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:00,219
When I was 14, I found out my dad
59
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,588
was pretending to be my dad.
60
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:05,157
I also found out I was 16.
61
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:09,595
Please, Martin?
62
00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:13,299
Sure, I'd be delighted
to play your father,
63
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:14,633
but not because I need it,
64
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,302
because, you know, I don't need it.
65
00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:21,573
What's the matter?
66
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:24,477
Aren't you gonna pick up those
keys with that healthy back?
67
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:29,215
You know me, I like to
make a game out of life.
68
00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:31,984
For example, let's see
if I can get these keys
69
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,752
up and out the door,
70
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,355
down to the curb, and up
onto the hood of my car
71
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:38,290
while only using my feet.
72
00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:43,629
Since when do you care
about Martin's back?
73
00:02:43,696 --> 00:02:45,064
( Keys jingle )
Or anybody's back?
74
00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:47,699
Or anybody? Or anything?
75
00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:51,037
Shh. My yoga teacher is super hot.
( Keys jingle )
76
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,739
The only bad thing about him is
he cares about family and karma
77
00:02:53,806 --> 00:02:55,141
and all that crap.
78
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:57,276
( Keys clatter )
79
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,677
Voilà.
80
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,012
Good-bye, everyone.
81
00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:02,408
Are these your keys, Grandpa?
82
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:03,815
You're not allowed to touch them.
83
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,384
He's playing a game.
84
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:06,852
Oh.
85
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,587
Sorry, Grandpa.
86
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,058
Kate?
87
00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:15,327
Kate?
88
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,630
Oh, hello, Charlie.
89
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,232
Leslie.
90
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,767
What the hell are you doing here?
91
00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:23,001
I'm taking Kate to lunch.
92
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,803
We're going to discuss the grant.
93
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,773
She's waiting in the car.
94
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,241
Hey, wait a second.
95
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:30,870
You're the guy in charge of the grants?
96
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,012
Surprise.
97
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:39,218
Your entire future is in my hands.
98
00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:41,954
You're a tool and I don't buy the accent.
99
00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:44,223
So what did I do to incur such wrath?
100
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,792
You tried to stop me from sleeping
with one of my ex-patients.
101
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:48,727
Oh, oh, so I'm a terrible person
102
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:51,029
because I have morals and standards
103
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:53,632
and I try to stop you
doing something unethical?
104
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:54,900
You were trying to screw her, too!
105
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,302
Let's not nitpick.
106
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,240
Look, you obviously
have feelings for Kate.
107
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:03,309
It must be very difficult
for you knowing that
108
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:05,177
we'll be going on a trip
together this weekend.
109
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,579
Oh, really? Where?
110
00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:09,681
A sleepy little hamlet
about an hour north.
111
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,283
Perhaps you've heard of it.
112
00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:13,085
Pound Town.
113
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:18,257
Hey, Lis, you got a minute?
114
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:20,192
( Laughing )
115
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,163
I was just talking to
your boss about my grant.
116
00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:26,198
Isn't it awful?
117
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,400
- What's that?
- Talking to him.
118
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:31,604
Yeah, what a dick.
119
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:34,140
I wanted to talk to you more
about that off the record.
120
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,142
Oh...
( Laughs )
121
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:39,111
I don't know if I feel
comfortable with that.
122
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:42,181
Look, I'm not asking you
to undermine your boss.
123
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:44,916
I'm asking you to help me dig up
some dirt so we can ruin him.
124
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,587
And why would I do that?
125
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,822
Because if we don't
do something by Friday,
126
00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:54,593
Kate, that raven-haired goddess
you had a crush on,
127
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,662
is going to be groped by Leslie's
128
00:04:56,729 --> 00:04:59,598
pasty, British, inbred man hands.
129
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:01,500
( Laughing )
130
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,437
I think you should probably leave.
131
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,541
He's a man. A disgusting, hairy man.
132
00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:09,975
Oh, stop it.
133
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:12,244
You know, sometimes when
I get out of the shower,
134
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,072
I look in the mirror
and I cry. You know why?
135
00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:15,914
- Uh-uh.
- Because I'm a man.
136
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,916
All right, all right, all
right, all right, all right.
137
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,318
I'll tell you everything,
138
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,119
but it's not gonna do you any good.
139
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:23,722
Okay, he does this all the time.
140
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:26,659
He promises women he'll fund their
research in exchange for sex,
141
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:28,194
and then after he sleeps with them,
142
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,595
he doesn't give them the money.
143
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,330
What?
144
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:34,400
What kind of a lowlife has
sex and doesn't pay for it?
145
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:37,967
Anger Management 2x34
- Charlie and the Sting -
Original air date September 12, 2013
146
00:05:37,992 --> 00:05:40,492
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com
147
00:05:40,517 --> 00:05:42,188
Oh, my God, here he comes.
148
00:05:42,505 --> 00:05:44,439
Hi, Tyler.
149
00:05:44,507 --> 00:05:46,741
Namaste.
150
00:05:46,810 --> 00:05:49,044
Is that all you're wearing?
151
00:05:49,112 --> 00:05:50,512
You look like a streetwalker.
152
00:05:50,579 --> 00:05:51,479
At least I can walk.
153
00:05:53,516 --> 00:05:56,651
- Namaste. Lacey, right?
- You remembered.
154
00:05:56,719 --> 00:05:58,086
This is my father.
155
00:05:58,154 --> 00:05:59,788
I brought him here to help him heal.
156
00:05:59,856 --> 00:06:01,423
Because like you said,
157
00:06:01,490 --> 00:06:04,626
"Who you are on the mat
is who you are in life."
158
00:06:04,694 --> 00:06:07,696
"The universe is a circus."
159
00:06:07,763 --> 00:06:09,097
- Circle.
- Circle.
160
00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:12,835
We have a very close-knit family.
161
00:06:12,902 --> 00:06:15,304
Sadly, her mother died
recently of a heart attack.
162
00:06:15,371 --> 00:06:17,239
Probably because she saw the way
163
00:06:17,307 --> 00:06:18,974
her daughter dresses for yoga class.
164
00:06:20,143 --> 00:06:22,010
Oh, Dad.
165
00:06:22,078 --> 00:06:24,646
My mom's body was a lot like mine,
166
00:06:24,714 --> 00:06:27,349
so I like to show it off in her memory.
167
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,354
I think the angriest
I've ever been in my life
168
00:06:32,421 --> 00:06:33,822
was the first time I got arrested.
169
00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:35,891
Understandable.
170
00:06:35,959 --> 00:06:38,460
Followed by the fourth
time I got arrested.
171
00:06:38,527 --> 00:06:41,063
Also understandable.
172
00:06:41,130 --> 00:06:43,631
Second and third are both tied.
173
00:06:43,699 --> 00:06:47,435
And five through 12...
whew... kind of a blur.
174
00:06:47,503 --> 00:06:49,771
But I was actually asking everybody
175
00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:51,206
to tell a story from their childhood.
176
00:06:51,274 --> 00:06:53,141
( Chuckles )
That was my childhood.
177
00:06:53,209 --> 00:06:55,043
( Cell phone chiming )
178
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,813
Hello, Kate?
179
00:06:58,882 --> 00:07:00,749
Oh, hi.
180
00:07:00,816 --> 00:07:02,584
No, no, it's not time for my Pap smear.
181
00:07:05,054 --> 00:07:07,555
Sorry, guys, I was really
hoping that was somebody else.
182
00:07:07,623 --> 00:07:09,258
What's going on, Charlie?
183
00:07:09,325 --> 00:07:11,760
You know that woman that I talk
about occasionally... Kate?
184
00:07:13,396 --> 00:07:14,462
Robot lady.
185
00:07:14,530 --> 00:07:18,400
( Chattering )
186
00:07:18,467 --> 00:07:20,269
Anyways, she's going
out of town this weekend
187
00:07:20,336 --> 00:07:22,504
to have sex with a total scumbag.
188
00:07:22,571 --> 00:07:24,973
This guy promises women
grant money for sex
189
00:07:25,041 --> 00:07:26,574
and then never gives them the grant.
190
00:07:26,642 --> 00:07:28,377
The problem is I've only got 48 hours
191
00:07:28,444 --> 00:07:30,279
to bring the guy down,
but I don't have any evidence.
192
00:07:30,346 --> 00:07:32,714
You need to break the law, Charlie.
193
00:07:32,782 --> 00:07:34,983
Cleo's right. You need to tape him.
194
00:07:35,051 --> 00:07:37,252
Tape him? You mean like wear a wire?
195
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,521
No. Tape his mouth, tape his hands,
196
00:07:39,588 --> 00:07:41,290
take him out to the desert
and dig a hole.
197
00:07:43,426 --> 00:07:44,759
No.
198
00:07:46,462 --> 00:07:48,230
Yes.
199
00:07:48,298 --> 00:07:50,365
I'll tape him and I'll use
that for the evidence.
200
00:07:50,433 --> 00:07:51,800
Wayne: Whatever you do,
201
00:07:51,867 --> 00:07:53,468
don't wear one of those hidden cameras
202
00:07:53,536 --> 00:07:54,869
they hide in glasses.
203
00:07:54,938 --> 00:07:56,504
People catch on to that
204
00:07:56,572 --> 00:07:58,106
and you end up dead in the
shower like that guy.
205
00:07:58,174 --> 00:07:59,341
What's that boy's name again?
206
00:07:59,409 --> 00:08:01,509
Fake-ass-glasses-dead-snitch-Pete.
207
00:08:04,780 --> 00:08:05,880
This guy have a nickname?
208
00:08:05,949 --> 00:08:08,050
"John."
209
00:08:12,088 --> 00:08:14,989
Hey, Saundra. It's Charlie Goodson.
210
00:08:15,057 --> 00:08:18,226
Yeah, that was an awesome date.
211
00:08:18,294 --> 00:08:19,860
Listen, I'm back from the Sudan now.
212
00:08:19,928 --> 00:08:21,963
Yeah, just put the bags over there.
213
00:08:22,030 --> 00:08:24,199
Anyway, I need your help.
214
00:08:24,266 --> 00:08:27,435
There's this sketchy guy who's
tricking women into having sex...
215
00:08:27,503 --> 00:08:29,604
no, it's not me.
216
00:08:29,671 --> 00:08:31,806
But I am gonna be taping it and...
217
00:08:31,873 --> 00:08:33,441
wait, hello?
218
00:08:35,317 --> 00:08:36,817
Charlie, none of these girls
219
00:08:36,885 --> 00:08:38,319
are gonna do pervy stuff with you
220
00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:40,054
if you just come out and ask 'em.
221
00:08:40,122 --> 00:08:42,356
No, no, no. It's not what you think.
222
00:08:42,424 --> 00:08:44,424
There's this sleazebag
who's trying to seduce Kate,
223
00:08:44,426 --> 00:08:47,061
so I'm trying to find a way to
trick him into revealing himself.
224
00:08:47,129 --> 00:08:49,230
And now you can't
find anyone to help you.
225
00:08:49,298 --> 00:08:52,499
No, no. I've asked every
remotely bangable woman I know
226
00:08:52,567 --> 00:08:56,103
who could possibly seduce...
227
00:08:56,171 --> 00:08:58,605
and then I thought, "Why not go classy?"
228
00:08:58,673 --> 00:09:00,074
Would you do this for me, Jen?
229
00:09:00,142 --> 00:09:01,542
I'm gonna pass.
230
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:04,578
Oh, come on. I really need this.
231
00:09:04,646 --> 00:09:06,380
Well, I like Kate
232
00:09:06,448 --> 00:09:08,416
and I don't wanna see her get hurt.
233
00:09:08,483 --> 00:09:10,084
Plus, I'm bored out of my mind.
234
00:09:10,152 --> 00:09:12,686
The old lady across the street
invited me mall walking
235
00:09:12,754 --> 00:09:14,422
and I thought, "Maybe."
236
00:09:16,858 --> 00:09:18,592
Well, you'll do it. Great. Thank you.
237
00:09:18,660 --> 00:09:21,628
Now this guy has to really believe
that you're applying for a grant.
238
00:09:21,696 --> 00:09:23,730
Can you pretend to be a psychologist?
239
00:09:23,798 --> 00:09:26,300
Well, I've been watching you
pretend for the last 10 years.
240
00:09:26,368 --> 00:09:28,602
Hey, hey, hey.
241
00:09:28,670 --> 00:09:30,438
It's 12 years in June.
242
00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:35,209
Hello, Lacey. Sorry I'm late.
243
00:09:35,277 --> 00:09:37,044
You know you don't
have to be here anymore.
244
00:09:37,112 --> 00:09:39,546
You must have old man stuff to do.
245
00:09:39,614 --> 00:09:41,882
I'm not here to bother you, kid.
246
00:09:41,950 --> 00:09:43,985
After yesterday, my back
feels a whole lot better.
247
00:09:44,052 --> 00:09:46,572
In fact, Ed didn't have to help
me put on my socks this morning,
248
00:09:46,621 --> 00:09:48,022
which was a win-win for everybody.
249
00:09:48,090 --> 00:09:50,157
Okay, everybody.
250
00:09:50,225 --> 00:09:53,427
We're gonna start slowly today
with some cat-cow stretches.
251
00:09:56,264 --> 00:09:59,025
Tyler, could you come over here and
see if my butt's doing this right?
252
00:10:01,436 --> 00:10:02,669
You're doing great.
253
00:10:02,737 --> 00:10:04,872
But what you wanna do
is tilt your pelvis
254
00:10:04,939 --> 00:10:07,141
like this.
255
00:10:07,209 --> 00:10:08,675
All right, buddy.
256
00:10:08,743 --> 00:10:10,677
You wanna get your hands
off my daughter's body?
257
00:10:10,745 --> 00:10:11,945
Relax, Dad.
258
00:10:12,014 --> 00:10:13,614
He's just realigning my chakras.
259
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:16,117
Most of the best ones
are in the bathing suit area.
260
00:10:17,886 --> 00:10:20,221
He better stop before I realign his face.
261
00:10:20,288 --> 00:10:21,389
Dad.
262
00:10:21,456 --> 00:10:23,257
Can't you see what he's doing?
263
00:10:23,325 --> 00:10:26,327
I'll bet you he's slept with
half the people in this class.
264
00:10:26,395 --> 00:10:28,295
Hey, come on, let's be honest.
265
00:10:28,363 --> 00:10:30,097
Who of you have slept with this guy?
266
00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:35,636
You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
267
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:37,938
I came here hoping to have
a spiritual experience
268
00:10:38,006 --> 00:10:39,473
and now I feel dirty.
269
00:10:39,541 --> 00:10:41,842
But not as dirty
as I was hoping to feel.
270
00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:46,847
( Laughs )
Wow.
271
00:10:46,915 --> 00:10:48,549
After everything I had heard about you,
272
00:10:48,616 --> 00:10:51,685
I'm surprised you're
so funny and charming.
273
00:10:51,753 --> 00:10:54,021
I say no to a lot of people
274
00:10:54,089 --> 00:10:56,590
and you know how catty the
scientific community can be.
275
00:10:56,658 --> 00:10:58,559
Oh, you don't have to tell me.
276
00:10:58,626 --> 00:11:00,861
Whenever I'm walking around
with the other scientists
277
00:11:00,929 --> 00:11:02,763
in my white lab coat,
278
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:06,400
they're all, "This scientist
is bad at science."
279
00:11:06,468 --> 00:11:09,537
And I'm all like, "Come on, guys.
Science."
280
00:11:13,675 --> 00:11:15,676
I couldn't have said it better myself.
281
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:18,079
So why don't you tell me more
282
00:11:18,146 --> 00:11:20,614
about your fascinating little study?
283
00:11:20,682 --> 00:11:22,083
Well,
284
00:11:22,150 --> 00:11:24,151
I wanna study
285
00:11:24,219 --> 00:11:26,320
dignity in rodents.
286
00:11:28,190 --> 00:11:30,357
I'm sorry, I thought you
said "dignity in rodents."
287
00:11:31,726 --> 00:11:33,260
I did.
288
00:11:33,328 --> 00:11:35,162
I wanna find out
289
00:11:35,230 --> 00:11:38,232
how much they'll sacrifice their dignity
290
00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:40,867
to get something that they really want.
291
00:11:43,105 --> 00:11:46,540
I see, my little field mouse.
292
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,377
Do you like magic?
293
00:11:50,445 --> 00:11:53,514
Card magic?
294
00:11:53,582 --> 00:11:56,617
Doesn't every woman love card magic?
295
00:11:56,684 --> 00:11:58,486
I'm actually quite good.
296
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:04,458
- I trained under the Great Couchelle.
- Ooh.
297
00:12:04,526 --> 00:12:06,260
Here, sign your name on this card.
298
00:12:08,230 --> 00:12:11,132
And then I'm going
to fold it with one hand.
299
00:12:12,934 --> 00:12:15,802
And place it inside your mouth.
300
00:12:19,341 --> 00:12:21,675
And then I'm going to write my name...
301
00:12:21,743 --> 00:12:23,477
"Leslie"...
302
00:12:25,013 --> 00:12:27,814
fold it and you are going to place it
303
00:12:27,882 --> 00:12:29,916
inside my mouth.
304
00:12:38,726 --> 00:12:41,495
And now we're going to kiss.
305
00:12:41,563 --> 00:12:44,298
And something magical
is going to happen.
306
00:12:49,538 --> 00:12:51,172
Look at your card.
307
00:12:54,442 --> 00:12:56,343
Wait, this has your name on it.
308
00:12:56,411 --> 00:12:58,445
- That's amazing!
- Thank you.
309
00:12:58,513 --> 00:13:01,114
And this is yours.
310
00:13:01,183 --> 00:13:02,849
And it says...
311
00:13:02,917 --> 00:13:05,486
"I'm Charlie Goodson's ex-wife."
312
00:13:05,554 --> 00:13:07,588
That's amazing, too!
313
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:09,856
In a less fun way.
314
00:13:14,696 --> 00:13:16,730
My office couldn't find your bio,
315
00:13:16,798 --> 00:13:18,432
so I did a bit of research
316
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:20,734
and I saw this picture of you sitting
in the back of a pickup truck
317
00:13:20,802 --> 00:13:22,436
drinking a PBR and I thought,
318
00:13:22,504 --> 00:13:24,271
"Ooh, that's not a titan of science."
319
00:13:24,339 --> 00:13:25,839
So...
320
00:13:27,842 --> 00:13:31,144
why are you really here, Jennifer?
321
00:13:31,213 --> 00:13:32,879
I'm sorry.
322
00:13:32,947 --> 00:13:34,515
I only did it to help Charlie.
323
00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:37,318
You know why he's out
to get me, don't you?
324
00:13:37,385 --> 00:13:42,055
A while back, we were competing
for a girl named Hope
325
00:13:42,123 --> 00:13:43,657
and he lost.
326
00:13:43,725 --> 00:13:45,392
What?!
327
00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:47,461
He's got me throwing myself at you
328
00:13:47,529 --> 00:13:48,995
because of some other woman?
329
00:13:49,063 --> 00:13:51,732
Leslie Moore.
330
00:13:51,799 --> 00:13:52,999
Didn't expect to see you here.
331
00:13:54,603 --> 00:13:57,204
That is one hot piece
of tail you got there.
332
00:13:57,272 --> 00:13:58,905
Is she gonna benefit from your special
333
00:13:58,973 --> 00:14:01,542
Pound Town endowments?
334
00:14:01,610 --> 00:14:03,444
( Cell phone ringing )
335
00:14:09,317 --> 00:14:11,418
Your chips are ringing.
336
00:14:11,486 --> 00:14:14,121
( Ringing continues )
337
00:14:14,188 --> 00:14:15,623
( Ringing stops )
338
00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:17,524
Charlie, he knows!
339
00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:22,630
I'm sorry, who are you
and how do you know my name?
340
00:14:22,697 --> 00:14:24,765
Why didn't you tell me
this was just part
341
00:14:24,832 --> 00:14:27,901
of some stupid, macho
revenge fantasy of yours?
342
00:14:27,969 --> 00:14:29,290
Is that what this snake told you?
343
00:14:29,304 --> 00:14:30,871
He's not a snake.
344
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:33,374
He's charming and smart.
345
00:14:33,441 --> 00:14:36,843
And you let me humiliate
myself over some random skank.
346
00:14:36,911 --> 00:14:39,946
Come on, Leslie, we can
finish this up at my place.
347
00:14:40,014 --> 00:14:43,116
Wait, you're doing this just to
get back at Charlie, aren't you?
348
00:14:43,184 --> 00:14:44,652
- Hells, yeah!
- I'm fine with that.
349
00:14:52,186 --> 00:14:53,820
I haven't had revenge sex in years.
350
00:14:53,888 --> 00:14:55,755
I forgot how good it is.
351
00:14:55,823 --> 00:14:58,124
I've never had revenge sex. I've
only ever been the reason for it.
352
00:14:58,192 --> 00:14:59,860
Charlie's jealous of you.
353
00:14:59,927 --> 00:15:01,194
That's what makes you so hot.
354
00:15:01,262 --> 00:15:02,595
I know.
355
00:15:06,234 --> 00:15:08,114
What exactly was he trying
to get on me, anyway?
356
00:15:08,169 --> 00:15:11,238
Something about you having sex
with women in exchange for grants.
357
00:15:11,305 --> 00:15:14,474
But don't tell me if it's true or not.
I don't want to know.
358
00:15:14,541 --> 00:15:16,977
Brilliant.
359
00:15:17,044 --> 00:15:19,212
I mean, we all understand
the way the world works.
360
00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,114
You have something these women want,
361
00:15:21,182 --> 00:15:22,515
they have something you want.
362
00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:24,351
Exactly. It's quid pro quo.
363
00:15:24,418 --> 00:15:26,219
Let's pretend I am a scientist
364
00:15:26,287 --> 00:15:28,421
and I do want a grant... really bad.
365
00:15:28,489 --> 00:15:29,522
Okay.
366
00:15:29,590 --> 00:15:31,224
What would I have to do?
367
00:15:31,292 --> 00:15:33,326
Would I have less dignity
than a field mouse?
368
00:15:33,394 --> 00:15:35,728
Oh, good Lord, no. I'm not a monster.
369
00:15:35,796 --> 00:15:38,064
I would just... I would just tell you
370
00:15:38,132 --> 00:15:39,900
that you have to have sex
with me to get the grant.
371
00:15:39,967 --> 00:15:42,468
And after that, you know,
it's good old-fashioned,
372
00:15:42,536 --> 00:15:45,738
me-in-women's-hosiery-woman-on-top sex.
373
00:15:45,806 --> 00:15:48,474
Charlie, is that enough? I'm
starting to get grossed out.
374
00:15:51,745 --> 00:15:54,381
What do you think, Lisa? Is that enough?
375
00:15:54,448 --> 00:15:56,283
( Lisa laughs )
376
00:15:58,986 --> 00:16:00,387
What is the meaning of this?
377
00:16:00,454 --> 00:16:03,390
The meaning of this is you're busted.
378
00:16:03,457 --> 00:16:04,891
And I'm pretty sure by tomorrow morning,
379
00:16:04,959 --> 00:16:06,326
Lisa's going to have your job.
380
00:16:06,394 --> 00:16:08,895
Yeah, who's laughing now?
( Laughs )
381
00:16:08,963 --> 00:16:10,297
I am.
( Laughs )
382
00:16:12,133 --> 00:16:15,735
You have nothing on me.
It's your words against mine.
383
00:16:15,803 --> 00:16:18,704
Yeah, well, that's where
you're wrong, "Oliver Twit."
384
00:16:21,242 --> 00:16:23,609
We've got you admitting
everything on hidden camera.
385
00:16:23,677 --> 00:16:26,346
That's not a camera, Charlie,
that's just a clock.
386
00:16:26,414 --> 00:16:28,081
Well, where's the hidden camera?
387
00:16:28,149 --> 00:16:31,318
It's up on the mantle
disguised as a video camera.
388
00:16:31,385 --> 00:16:33,420
( Sighs )
Leslie: Okay, Charlie,
389
00:16:33,487 --> 00:16:35,255
give me the camera
390
00:16:35,323 --> 00:16:38,291
and I'll give you a grant to
study the beaches of Acapulco.
391
00:16:38,359 --> 00:16:39,792
Forget it, Leslie.
392
00:16:39,860 --> 00:16:43,563
He who laughs last laughs best.
393
00:16:47,268 --> 00:16:49,369
Oh, come on, Lisa. One time.
394
00:16:49,437 --> 00:16:51,271
( Laughing )
395
00:16:54,275 --> 00:16:55,976
Kate.
396
00:16:56,043 --> 00:16:57,510
I know you hate being wrong,
397
00:16:57,578 --> 00:16:59,645
but Leslie's out, Lisa's in,
and we got the grant.
398
00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:04,284
Hey, Kate.
399
00:17:06,187 --> 00:17:08,355
Are you in there?
400
00:17:08,422 --> 00:17:10,723
Where's all your stuff?
401
00:17:10,791 --> 00:17:12,459
What's going on?
402
00:17:12,526 --> 00:17:15,195
Why'd you leave a note?
403
00:17:15,262 --> 00:17:17,430
You're not in there, are you?
404
00:17:17,498 --> 00:17:19,299
Maybe I should read the note.
405
00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:31,277
Okay, Charlie is officially
20 minutes late.
406
00:17:31,345 --> 00:17:32,912
And there's nothing to eat.
407
00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:36,449
Therapy snacks are the most
important meal of the day.
408
00:17:36,517 --> 00:17:39,285
All right, here's what
I could scrounge up.
409
00:17:39,353 --> 00:17:41,454
A bottle of '94 Bordeaux,
410
00:17:41,522 --> 00:17:43,056
some Camembert cheese,
411
00:17:43,124 --> 00:17:45,191
a tin of caviar, and toast points.
412
00:17:45,259 --> 00:17:46,893
Didn't he have
413
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,429
any of his usual donuts and muffins?
414
00:17:49,497 --> 00:17:51,297
Yeah.
415
00:17:53,934 --> 00:17:56,236
Ahem. Hey, everybody. Sorry I'm late.
416
00:17:56,303 --> 00:17:58,171
Tons of traffic.
417
00:18:01,342 --> 00:18:03,462
I thought we'd pick it up
where we left off last week.
418
00:18:05,513 --> 00:18:07,313
I guess I'm going to be the one to ask.
419
00:18:08,682 --> 00:18:10,517
Do you have any donuts?
420
00:18:12,286 --> 00:18:15,321
Damn, son, what the hell happened to you?
421
00:18:15,389 --> 00:18:17,557
Why, because you all
decided to show up early
422
00:18:17,624 --> 00:18:19,659
and I'm comfortably dressed?
423
00:18:21,195 --> 00:18:22,695
You brought out my wine. Sweet.
424
00:18:25,766 --> 00:18:27,806
I probably shouldn't drink
this on an empty stomach.
425
00:18:39,246 --> 00:18:41,581
I feel like this should be fun,
426
00:18:41,648 --> 00:18:43,716
but it's not.
427
00:18:47,588 --> 00:18:48,854
What happened to you?
428
00:18:48,922 --> 00:18:50,290
Nothing.
429
00:18:50,357 --> 00:18:52,725
Oh, Kate left. Probably forever.
430
00:18:52,793 --> 00:18:54,561
Kate?
431
00:18:54,628 --> 00:18:56,696
Oh, so now you can't
finish your research study.
432
00:18:56,763 --> 00:18:58,298
Oh, it goes deeper than that.
433
00:18:58,365 --> 00:19:00,700
She wasn't just my research
partner and best friend.
434
00:19:00,767 --> 00:19:04,070
We also had phenomenal sex together.
435
00:19:04,138 --> 00:19:06,739
Charlie, are you sure
you want to tell us this?
436
00:19:06,807 --> 00:19:09,008
Thank you. You're right. Too personal.
437
00:19:09,076 --> 00:19:11,144
She never ran out of saliva.
438
00:19:16,417 --> 00:19:19,319
But now she's gone.
439
00:19:19,386 --> 00:19:21,654
She did leave me this cool letter.
440
00:19:23,190 --> 00:19:25,625
If you could read that for me.
441
00:19:25,692 --> 00:19:27,527
( Sighs )
Try not to crease it.
442
00:19:27,595 --> 00:19:29,955
I'm saving that for my scrapbook.
Would you pass the caviar?
443
00:19:33,334 --> 00:19:34,900
"Dear Charlie,"
444
00:19:34,968 --> 00:19:37,103
I don't like what I've become.
445
00:19:37,171 --> 00:19:39,472
"I've done some
soul-searching recently..."
446
00:19:39,540 --> 00:19:41,040
If Kate's out looking for her soul,
447
00:19:41,108 --> 00:19:43,443
she'll be searching for a long time.
448
00:19:50,651 --> 00:19:52,718
Okay.
449
00:19:52,786 --> 00:19:54,287
"When I realized I was willing"
450
00:19:54,355 --> 00:19:57,457
to have sex with a stranger
to advance my career,
451
00:19:57,525 --> 00:19:59,058
it scared me.
452
00:19:59,126 --> 00:20:01,227
"I've lost my moral compass..."
453
00:20:01,295 --> 00:20:03,263
Kate never had a moral compass.
454
00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:05,890
She was always heading in the
direction of self-by-self-centered.
455
00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:08,968
Continue.
456
00:20:09,036 --> 00:20:10,603
I don't want to.
457
00:20:10,671 --> 00:20:12,539
Continue! We're playing a game.
458
00:20:14,975 --> 00:20:16,309
Yeah, never mind.
459
00:20:16,377 --> 00:20:19,111
It goes on and on like that.
460
00:20:19,180 --> 00:20:20,713
Long story short,
461
00:20:20,781 --> 00:20:22,748
she's moved to India to find herself
462
00:20:22,816 --> 00:20:26,186
and wants to live
in an ashram or something.
463
00:20:26,253 --> 00:20:27,487
How crazy is that?
464
00:20:27,555 --> 00:20:30,256
Said the man not wearing any pants.
465
00:20:31,725 --> 00:20:34,026
And, Ed, it feels great.
466
00:20:35,663 --> 00:20:38,831
Hey, anybody ever been to a gun range?
467
00:20:40,634 --> 00:20:43,303
Charlie, are you going to be okay?
468
00:20:43,370 --> 00:20:46,172
Of course I'm going to be okay.
469
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,474
I just woke up from
a three-year mistake.
470
00:20:48,542 --> 00:20:50,076
Look at me, I'm free.
471
00:20:50,143 --> 00:20:51,911
Now I can do whatever
the hell I want to.
472
00:20:54,147 --> 00:20:56,649
Ahh.
473
00:20:56,717 --> 00:20:58,318
That's where those go now.
474
00:21:05,326 --> 00:21:06,992
So, Ed,
475
00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:08,861
last week you were angry
because you broke a shoelace.
476
00:21:08,929 --> 00:21:10,230
How's that going for you?
477
00:21:11,841 --> 00:21:21,841
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com