1
00:00:05,297 --> 00:00:06,577
Now I'm sure we all have opinions

2
00:00:06,615 --> 00:00:07,966
on what's happened here
in the last few weeks,

3
00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:09,530
so I thought we should talk about it.

4
00:00:09,585 --> 00:00:12,086
Who wants to start? Charlie?

5
00:00:18,093 --> 00:00:21,679
An important relationship has ended.

6
00:00:21,764 --> 00:00:23,264
<i>And if we're to be honest with ourselves</i>

7
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:24,849
and speak from the heart,

8
00:00:24,934 --> 00:00:27,485
we'd understand that
we need time to reflect,

9
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,354
heal, meditate.

10
00:00:29,438 --> 00:00:32,357
Ah, dear sinless Jesus,

11
00:00:32,441 --> 00:00:34,475
shut your facial anus.

12
00:00:37,446 --> 00:00:38,997
Why is he even here?

13
00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:41,165
I have a much better idea.

14
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:44,118
- Me, too. Who wants to go play some ball?
- I do.

15
00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:51,826
Anyone mind if I
"trailblaze" a solution?

16
00:00:53,212 --> 00:00:55,213
I say we have an epic party.

17
00:00:55,297 --> 00:00:57,432
I don't think that Charlie

18
00:00:57,499 --> 00:01:00,101
is the healthiest person
to listen to right now.

19
00:01:00,168 --> 00:01:02,688
When he needs a kidney...
( chuckles ) let's not give it to him.

20
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:06,024
Charlie, will you let him speak?

21
00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:07,475
Charlie?

22
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:10,645
We gotta get back out there, man.

23
00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:13,648
We've been body-snatched, people.

24
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,616
We've wasted the last
three years of our lives

25
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:19,537
trading our freedom for
warm beer and a cold steak.

26
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:22,957
I propose we purge
the demons of responsibility

27
00:01:23,025 --> 00:01:24,459
and fill up this house

28
00:01:24,526 --> 00:01:27,161
with booze, girls, and napalm.

29
00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:30,748
Yeah, a party does sound awesome.

30
00:01:30,833 --> 00:01:33,001
I'm just not sure it's going
to accomplish anything.

31
00:01:33,052 --> 00:01:34,552
Of course not.

32
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:37,204
Some hedonistic bacchanal is
not gonna solve our problems.

33
00:01:37,256 --> 00:01:38,973
It's merely avoidance.

34
00:01:39,041 --> 00:01:40,591
Let's spend some time journaling

35
00:01:40,676 --> 00:01:42,477
and sit in quiet reflection.

36
00:01:42,544 --> 00:01:44,846
If I punch him, will it hurt me?

37
00:01:48,050 --> 00:01:49,216
Ow!

38
00:01:49,268 --> 00:01:50,818
( Chuckles )

39
00:01:52,354 --> 00:01:53,855
Yes, yes, it will.

40
00:01:55,557 --> 00:01:57,224
Charlie, what do you want to do?

41
00:01:57,276 --> 00:02:00,445
Have the party of the gods, or...

42
00:02:00,529 --> 00:02:03,898
"Dear diary, today I
discovered my first pube"?

43
00:02:05,701 --> 00:02:08,119
Well, it is a tough decision.

44
00:02:08,203 --> 00:02:11,572
I mean, on one hand there will
be booze and naked women.

45
00:02:11,623 --> 00:02:13,583
On the... you know what?
That's what I want to do.

46
00:02:16,628 --> 00:02:18,012
All right. I'm in.

47
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,847
One night's not gonna
wreck my whole season.

48
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,134
We're not talking about one night, man.

49
00:02:23,218 --> 00:02:24,719
We're talking about a lifestyle.

50
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:27,188
- Yes! I love it!
- What about your patients?

51
00:02:27,255 --> 00:02:29,774
- Yeah, what about us?
- You're all coming along for the ride.

52
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,610
- So we're invited to your party?
- Not a chance.

53
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,612
( Laughs )

54
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,647
I'm proud of you, man. I missed you.

55
00:02:42,821 --> 00:02:44,438
Good to be back.

56
00:02:44,490 --> 00:02:46,607
Let the games begin.

57
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,912
Hey, Charlie, your dreams are the best.

58
00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:53,280
There's an Indy car in the driveway

59
00:02:53,332 --> 00:02:55,049
and a naked lady in the pantry

60
00:02:55,117 --> 00:02:57,552
and they're both revved up
and rarin' to go.

61
00:02:58,754 --> 00:03:01,806
Wait a minute, wait a minute.

62
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,792
Is it Miss Reeby
from seventh grade science?

63
00:03:04,843 --> 00:03:06,094
I think so.

64
00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:08,295
I'll be right back.

65
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:12,517
Hey, Charlie. Hey, Charlie.

66
00:03:12,601 --> 00:03:14,318
- Hey, Charlie.
- Shut up.

67
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,571
Hey, Charlie. Hey, Charlie.

68
00:03:16,638 --> 00:03:19,490
Hey, Charlie.
( Chuckles )

69
00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:21,692
- Hey, Charlie.
- Hey.

70
00:03:21,777 --> 00:03:23,277
- Hey, Charlie!
- Hey.

71
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:24,579
Wake up!

72
00:03:29,151 --> 00:03:31,318
What are you guys doing in my bedroom?

73
00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:33,821
( Groans )
What time is it?

74
00:03:33,872 --> 00:03:35,456
Two o'clock.

75
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:36,924
I'm sorry, guys.

76
00:03:36,992 --> 00:03:39,326
He looks better than he did last week,

77
00:03:39,378 --> 00:03:43,097
but he still looks pretty insane.

78
00:03:43,165 --> 00:03:45,299
I don't want to waste any
more of your session time,

79
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:49,220
so let's do this right here.

80
00:03:49,304 --> 00:03:51,384
- Who wants to start?
- My boss wants to talk to you.

81
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,274
I'm up for this huge promotion,

82
00:03:53,341 --> 00:03:55,843
but he won't consider me until he's sure

83
00:03:55,894 --> 00:03:58,229
that I'm making progress
with my anger issues.

84
00:03:58,313 --> 00:04:03,067
And I think also he said something
about my attitude problem,

85
00:04:03,152 --> 00:04:05,119
but screw him. He's a jerk.

86
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,122
Text me his number. I'll talk to him.

87
00:04:08,190 --> 00:04:10,158
Oh, no, he wants to meet you in person

88
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:12,126
at the store tomorrow at 9:00.

89
00:04:12,194 --> 00:04:14,545
In the morning? God, he is a jerk.

90
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:18,749
I got something.

91
00:04:18,834 --> 00:04:21,586
My wife is seeing a younger man.

92
00:04:21,670 --> 00:04:23,554
What is he, like, 100?

93
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:28,176
No. He's 65.

94
00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:29,894
And I'm trying to win her back,

95
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,730
but I can't compete
with that youthful energy.

96
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:35,433
You know, I could get
you some sample tubes

97
00:04:35,517 --> 00:04:37,985
of TestosterGel from my work.

98
00:04:38,053 --> 00:04:40,154
It totally rips your bod.

99
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:45,226
You'll feel like a
65-year-old in no time.

100
00:04:45,277 --> 00:04:48,062
Do you have anything that
will make me feel younger?

101
00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:50,531
It's hard to learn a second
language when you're older

102
00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,583
and I'd really like to learn Portuguese.

103
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,671
Okay, guys, I'm gonna
have to wrap it up here.

104
00:04:56,738 --> 00:04:59,006
- But we just started.
- To be honest,

105
00:04:59,074 --> 00:05:01,876
I really need to take
some time for myself.

106
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,578
You know, to reflect

107
00:05:04,630 --> 00:05:07,748
and heal...
( Chuckles )

108
00:05:07,799 --> 00:05:10,101
and meditate.
( Exhales )

109
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,602
( Women giggling )

110
00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,921
So your new dancer names

111
00:05:13,972 --> 00:05:17,358
are Reflect, Heal, and Meditate.

112
00:05:17,425 --> 00:05:19,894
Come on, ladies, I need
somebody up on the stage.

113
00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,585
Whoa, whoa, whoa, these
girls are with me.

114
00:05:21,596 --> 00:05:23,764
They're VIP guests at
a party I'm throwing tonight.

115
00:05:23,815 --> 00:05:25,149
In fact, you should come.

116
00:05:25,234 --> 00:05:27,314
I could use a big guy
out front with his arms folded.

117
00:05:27,319 --> 00:05:29,370
Crystal, you're up.

118
00:05:29,437 --> 00:05:31,489
No, no, no. Crystal, you stay.

119
00:05:31,573 --> 00:05:33,791
Enjoy your Cristal.
( Clears throat )

120
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,159
I'll cover your shift.

121
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,614
All right, ladies, make it rain.

122
00:05:40,666 --> 00:05:42,333
Let's see those singles.

123
00:05:42,417 --> 00:05:45,886
- DJ, some Van Halen.
- Sir.

124
00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:47,471
I'm gonna need you to get down.

125
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,223
Believe me, when he starts playing
"Runnin' With The Devil,"

126
00:05:49,291 --> 00:05:52,059
- I'll be gettin' down.
- All right, that's enough.

127
00:05:52,127 --> 00:05:54,679
( Grunting )

128
00:05:54,763 --> 00:05:57,515
- How's it going, Charlie?
- Sean?

129
00:05:57,599 --> 00:06:00,518
Could you give me a minute?
I'm in a fight with Bill.

130
00:06:00,602 --> 00:06:03,821
Which is a shame, 'cause I thought
Bill and I were gonna be friends.

131
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,807
Bill, I know him. It's good, all right?

132
00:06:09,361 --> 00:06:10,995
You must spend a lot of money here.

133
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,830
Actually, I manage the place.

134
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:15,149
You know, it's funny,
after I broke up with Jen...

135
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,200
After you cheated on Jen.

136
00:06:16,285 --> 00:06:17,535
After things didn't work out

137
00:06:17,619 --> 00:06:18,859
with your ex-wife and myself...

138
00:06:18,870 --> 00:06:20,154
Because you cheated on her.

139
00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:22,340
Long story short, I'm doing well.

140
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:25,293
I work with a great company
that buys strip clubs.

141
00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:27,211
We, uh, renovate 'em and sell 'em.

142
00:06:27,296 --> 00:06:29,680
To be honest with you, I'm
kind of wanting to settle down

143
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:31,332
and maybe even buy a house.

144
00:06:31,383 --> 00:06:33,551
Could you do me a favor and let
Jen know that I'm doing better

145
00:06:33,635 --> 00:06:35,186
and that I'd really like
to start dating her again?

146
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:36,637
Look, I like you,

147
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:39,006
but Jen hates you, and so do I.

148
00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:42,893
So if you'll excuse me, I gotta
go recruit some more girls

149
00:06:42,978 --> 00:06:44,258
for a party I'm throwing tonight.

150
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,896
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, all right,

151
00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:48,783
what if I help you out with your soiree?

152
00:06:48,850 --> 00:06:51,786
I'll bring free booze, more girls.

153
00:06:51,853 --> 00:06:54,655
I got that covered. What I need is
fire-eaters and contortionists.

154
00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:57,792
Done. And down the line,
you'll help me with Jen, right?

155
00:06:57,859 --> 00:07:00,294
There's no downside to that.

156
00:07:00,362 --> 00:07:01,829
The downside is if she finds out

157
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,364
we're hanging out together,
she'll kill me.

158
00:07:03,415 --> 00:07:06,751
All right, what if I bring one of these?

159
00:07:08,203 --> 00:07:10,044
What is that, a dog being
shot out of a cannon?

160
00:07:10,088 --> 00:07:12,423
That is a little person
dressed like a dog

161
00:07:12,507 --> 00:07:14,308
being shot out of a cannon.

162
00:07:14,376 --> 00:07:16,761
Jen's on vacation. She'll never know.

163
00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:20,648
Where is she going?

164
00:07:20,715 --> 00:07:22,266
Haven't figured that out yet.

165
00:07:22,794 --> 00:07:26,294
Anger Management 2x35
- Charlie Gets The Party Started -
Original air date September 19, 2013

166
00:07:26,310 --> 00:07:28,810
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com

167
00:07:28,836 --> 00:07:30,518
That's very generous of you, Charlie,

168
00:07:30,539 --> 00:07:32,493
- but I don't want to go to Santa Barbara.
- You have to go.

169
00:07:32,529 --> 00:07:34,080
One of my patients
gave me this spa weekend

170
00:07:34,103 --> 00:07:36,042
for my birthday
and it's about to expire.

171
00:07:37,574 --> 00:07:39,324
Can we talk about this later?

172
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,726
I got to change my Facebook information

173
00:07:41,778 --> 00:07:43,862
and get a new email address.

174
00:07:43,913 --> 00:07:46,281
Sean's back in town and he's
trying to get a hold of me.

175
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:49,868
Sean? I hate that guy.

176
00:07:49,919 --> 00:07:54,123
I hear he's running a chain of
low-rent strip clubs for losers.

177
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:57,292
And he's got some
stupid adult party business

178
00:07:57,377 --> 00:08:01,180
throwing stupid parties
for stupid adults.

179
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:03,048
Sean, Sean, Sean!

180
00:08:03,099 --> 00:08:05,917
It's like all we ever
talk about anymore is Sean.

181
00:08:05,969 --> 00:08:09,021
This guy has taken over our lives.

182
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:12,591
One of us has to get away,
to Santa Barbara. It's only an hour!

183
00:08:12,642 --> 00:08:16,261
Why do you keep pushing Santa Barbara?

184
00:08:16,312 --> 00:08:18,897
( Sighs )
Okay, Jen, you want to hear it?

185
00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:22,767
You look like crap.

186
00:08:22,819 --> 00:08:24,403
What?

187
00:08:24,454 --> 00:08:26,438
Look at all this stress
you're carrying around.

188
00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:28,273
It's affecting you.

189
00:08:28,324 --> 00:08:30,576
Here. Does this hurt?

190
00:08:30,627 --> 00:08:32,661
Ow!

191
00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:35,280
- You see that?
- Well, you squeezed me really hard.

192
00:08:35,331 --> 00:08:38,000
I barely touched you.

193
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:40,669
You need to get away.
Get a massage, get a facial.

194
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:42,287
You'll feel great.

195
00:08:42,338 --> 00:08:44,122
All right, all right! I'm going.

196
00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:47,176
Good. Just make sure that you do.

197
00:08:48,812 --> 00:08:50,613
Oh, and I mentioned
you look like crap, right?

198
00:08:55,819 --> 00:08:58,770
I can't believe you used
a whole tube in one day.

199
00:08:58,822 --> 00:09:02,140
Well, I did, okay? Now I need more.

200
00:09:02,192 --> 00:09:04,243
I told you to only use a little.

201
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,661
Why didn't you listen to me?

202
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,613
I'm a professional.
This stuff has, like,

203
00:09:07,664 --> 00:09:10,815
chemicals or sperm in it or something.

204
00:09:10,867 --> 00:09:13,752
It's not sperm, it's hormones.

205
00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:15,654
And I couldn't quit using it.

206
00:09:15,705 --> 00:09:18,090
For the first time in 30 years,

207
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:20,992
I feel like I've got
what every woman wants.

208
00:09:21,044 --> 00:09:23,295
Saggy old balls?

209
00:09:23,346 --> 00:09:25,097
Confidence,

210
00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:27,332
and that cream made 'em jump right up

211
00:09:27,383 --> 00:09:29,334
like two gophers looking for cover.

212
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:34,139
Fine, take it. But after
this, you're cut off.

213
00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:36,058
Lose my number.

214
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:41,063
- This is only 40.
- Well, I'm a little short.

215
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,348
I had to buy condoms.

216
00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:47,185
( Chuckles )
With this Hercules sauce,

217
00:09:47,237 --> 00:09:49,905
I'm afraid that I'm gonna
blast right through the wife

218
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:52,541
and hit a fertile woman.

219
00:09:56,412 --> 00:09:57,713
I'm sorry I ever touched this.

220
00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:02,701
<i>( Dance music playing )</i>

221
00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:14,980
All right, we gotta do
this on a regular basis.

222
00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:16,715
Yes.

223
00:10:16,766 --> 00:10:18,406
Check it out. House next door's for sale.

224
00:10:18,434 --> 00:10:21,820
You guys move in there,
we build a tunnel,

225
00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:24,489
and then you guys come over
here and live with me.

226
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,158
What's the tunnel for?

227
00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:28,727
I don't know. Not even sure
why we bought the house.

228
00:10:28,778 --> 00:10:31,062
Hey! So, huh?

229
00:10:31,114 --> 00:10:33,615
Did I come through enough for
you to help me out with Jen?

230
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,140
Are you kidding me? This is amazing.

231
00:10:35,698 --> 00:10:37,416
<i>( Cell phone chiming )</i>

232
00:10:40,256 --> 00:10:42,574
Ah, crap, it's Patrick.

233
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:44,409
Hey, Patrick.

234
00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:48,430
What do you want? I'm meditating.

235
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:50,465
With all that noise?

236
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:52,434
Hey, any fool
can meditate in a quiet room.

237
00:10:52,518 --> 00:10:54,553
What's up?

238
00:10:54,604 --> 00:10:56,972
This is your reminder call
about the meeting tomorrow.

239
00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:58,523
What meeting?

240
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:01,226
The one about my job.

241
00:11:01,277 --> 00:11:02,894
Oh, right, yeah.

242
00:11:02,946 --> 00:11:04,446
Just, uh, good luck with that

243
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:06,648
and be confident, but not cocky.

244
00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:09,067
No, it's your meeting, Charlie.

245
00:11:09,118 --> 00:11:12,537
I already have a job.

246
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:15,040
Charlie, you're supposed to meet my
boss tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m.

247
00:11:15,107 --> 00:11:17,409
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah.

248
00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:21,246
I'm just on a really high
level of enlightenment.

249
00:11:21,297 --> 00:11:23,948
Don't worry. 9:00 a.m., I got it.

250
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,467
Just put it in your phone, okay?

251
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:31,556
Okay, it's in. 9:00 a.m. I'll be there.
Good night.

252
00:11:33,343 --> 00:11:36,461
Hey, Charlie.

253
00:11:36,512 --> 00:11:39,798
Hey, I told this girl
that I could juggle anything.

254
00:11:39,849 --> 00:11:41,066
Give me your phone.

255
00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:43,485
Hey, Charlie! You gotta see this.

256
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:46,438
One of the contortionists
is taking a bath in your sink.

257
00:11:46,489 --> 00:11:49,140
Is she hot or is it just weird?

258
00:11:49,192 --> 00:11:51,777
It's a compelling combination of both.

259
00:11:53,196 --> 00:11:55,163
Be careful with the phone, Tiny King.

260
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,416
Thank you very much.

261
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:02,153
Okay, check this out.

262
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:11,096
( Chuckles )
I can't juggle.

263
00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:12,926
We're still gonna do it, though, right?

264
00:12:18,554 --> 00:12:19,854
<i>( Dance music playing )</i>

265
00:12:19,922 --> 00:12:21,989
Come on, Sean, you can make it.

266
00:12:23,233 --> 00:12:24,583
I don't know, man.

267
00:12:24,668 --> 00:12:26,168
That's what you said last time

268
00:12:26,236 --> 00:12:27,953
and my knee still really hurts.

269
00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:30,789
But now you know to simplify the dive.

270
00:12:30,874 --> 00:12:32,258
Take out the somersault.

271
00:12:33,843 --> 00:12:37,880
Oh... my... God.

272
00:12:40,467 --> 00:12:43,602
What the hell do you think you're doing?

273
00:12:43,687 --> 00:12:46,555
You were supposed to meet with my
boss this morning about my promotion.

274
00:12:46,606 --> 00:12:48,557
Yeah, at 9:00.

275
00:12:48,608 --> 00:12:51,527
- It's 11:00.
- That's impossible.

276
00:12:51,594 --> 00:12:54,096
I set my alarm.

277
00:12:54,147 --> 00:12:56,565
Ah, crap. Tiny King,
where's my cell phone?

278
00:12:56,616 --> 00:12:58,284
I don't know.

279
00:12:59,435 --> 00:13:00,869
The last time I saw it,

280
00:13:00,937 --> 00:13:02,571
some tall jerk threw it in the Jacuzzi.

281
00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:07,293
<i>( Alarm blaring )</i>

282
00:13:07,377 --> 00:13:08,544
Oh, hey, look at that.

283
00:13:08,611 --> 00:13:09,945
Alarm's still going off.

284
00:13:11,114 --> 00:13:12,331
I can't believe this.

285
00:13:12,415 --> 00:13:14,216
I have been waiting on this promotion

286
00:13:14,284 --> 00:13:15,584
and now you blew it.

287
00:13:15,635 --> 00:13:17,336
I was gonna make twice as much money

288
00:13:17,420 --> 00:13:20,506
and get to look down on at least
three times as many people.

289
00:13:20,590 --> 00:13:22,474
I'm going down there
right now to talk to him.

290
00:13:24,177 --> 00:13:26,345
You must be kidding me.

291
00:13:26,429 --> 00:13:28,297
What? We're hot tub buddies.

292
00:13:28,348 --> 00:13:30,015
Look, in our condition,

293
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,900
it was not safe to go in here alone.

294
00:13:33,153 --> 00:13:34,469
Where's the key?

295
00:13:34,521 --> 00:13:36,405
I think that lame-o cop-stripper

296
00:13:36,472 --> 00:13:38,440
we stole the handcuffs from
still has it.

297
00:13:38,491 --> 00:13:40,971
That wasn't a stripper, that was
just a real cop getting naked.

298
00:13:42,662 --> 00:13:45,164
Sergeant Phil's a great guy.

299
00:13:45,248 --> 00:13:47,583
You really screwed me here, Charlie.

300
00:13:47,650 --> 00:13:50,202
Patrick, look at my eyes.

301
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:51,587
What do you see?

302
00:13:51,654 --> 00:13:54,039
Pinballs bouncing around

303
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,874
in a machine gone haywire.

304
00:13:55,959 --> 00:13:57,926
Yes.

305
00:13:57,994 --> 00:14:00,512
A pinball machine called determination.

306
00:14:00,597 --> 00:14:02,497
And guess who's got the high score.

307
00:14:02,549 --> 00:14:03,665
Me.

308
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,519
Come on, Michelle.

309
00:14:07,604 --> 00:14:10,022
I am going to get you that promotion

310
00:14:10,106 --> 00:14:13,008
if it's the last thing I do.

311
00:14:13,059 --> 00:14:15,277
All right, this might
be a super long shot,

312
00:14:15,345 --> 00:14:16,812
but is anybody here a locksmith?

313
00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:24,036
I nailed it! Yes!
( Cheering )

314
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,988
Thank you!

315
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:27,823
You think Patrick's boss

316
00:14:27,874 --> 00:14:30,209
is going to be weirded out
by the handcuffs?

317
00:14:30,293 --> 00:14:32,194
I couldn't find a hacksaw.

318
00:14:32,245 --> 00:14:35,998
I was lucky I found my pants.

319
00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:37,866
Here, give me this.

320
00:14:37,917 --> 00:14:39,534
He won't even notice.

321
00:14:39,586 --> 00:14:41,970
We'll stick to our story
that you're my grad student

322
00:14:42,038 --> 00:14:43,806
- and you're observing, okay?
- Okay.

323
00:14:43,873 --> 00:14:46,642
Hi. I'm Zac.

324
00:14:46,709 --> 00:14:48,644
Oh, that's cotton, it'll wrinkle.

325
00:14:48,711 --> 00:14:51,713
Let me hang that up.

326
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,516
Okay, so why do you have
a woman handcuffed to you?

327
00:14:56,052 --> 00:14:58,187
Michelle isn't just any woman.

328
00:14:58,238 --> 00:15:00,239
She's a patient of mine.

329
00:15:00,323 --> 00:15:02,191
And she has a terrible phobia

330
00:15:02,242 --> 00:15:04,159
of meeting other people's bosses,

331
00:15:04,227 --> 00:15:05,907
so I created a behavioral
therapy technique

332
00:15:05,912 --> 00:15:07,729
to force her to face her fears.

333
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:09,948
I have to say, your methods are...

334
00:15:10,033 --> 00:15:12,000
- Innovative?
- Insane.

335
00:15:12,068 --> 00:15:14,119
I'm not a mental patient.

336
00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:15,871
I'm perfectly well-adjusted.

337
00:15:15,922 --> 00:15:18,290
I'm a stripper.

338
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:21,844
We met at a club last night and then we got
handcuffed to each other at a coke party.

339
00:15:21,911 --> 00:15:23,462
That wasn't a coke party.

340
00:15:23,546 --> 00:15:26,026
You obviously weren't hanging out
downstairs in the guest room.

341
00:15:27,851 --> 00:15:30,269
You know what? We're not here
to talk about me, damn it.

342
00:15:30,353 --> 00:15:33,105
Trust me, Patrick is doing great.

343
00:15:33,189 --> 00:15:35,607
And I promise you that

344
00:15:35,692 --> 00:15:37,933
his passive-aggressive outbursts
are a thing of the past.

345
00:15:39,729 --> 00:15:42,281
And you, you, Zac,

346
00:15:42,365 --> 00:15:45,784
you...

347
00:15:45,869 --> 00:15:48,437
you are going to look like the
Grand High Priest of Einsteins

348
00:15:48,488 --> 00:15:50,939
if you promote this
very talented young man.

349
00:15:50,990 --> 00:15:53,826
How are you a therapist?

350
00:15:55,211 --> 00:15:57,880
You show up late reeking of booze,

351
00:15:57,947 --> 00:15:59,415
handcuffed to a stripper,

352
00:15:59,466 --> 00:16:01,467
and you expect me
to trust your judgment?

353
00:16:02,886 --> 00:16:05,170
I'm a victim of circumstance here.

354
00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:08,056
Charlie, I found the key.

355
00:16:08,124 --> 00:16:10,292
It's in my bikini top where you hid it.

356
00:16:10,343 --> 00:16:12,461
Of course it is.

357
00:16:12,512 --> 00:16:14,897
Do you mind turning around?
I got to get the key.

358
00:16:22,638 --> 00:16:25,257
- Where's Michelle?
- I dropped her off at her other job.

359
00:16:25,341 --> 00:16:27,542
She dresses up as a fairy
princess for kids' parties.

360
00:16:27,593 --> 00:16:29,177
Awesome. Which one?

361
00:16:29,228 --> 00:16:30,979
Sleeping Beauty, which is perfect

362
00:16:31,046 --> 00:16:32,898
because she was ready to pass out.

363
00:16:36,719 --> 00:16:38,386
I'm not sure what to say to you.

364
00:16:38,438 --> 00:16:40,772
Say the truth. Tell me
what you're feeling.

365
00:16:40,857 --> 00:16:43,024
You got to be mad at me.
I've screwed up twice now.

366
00:16:43,076 --> 00:16:45,393
You know what? I am mad.

367
00:16:45,445 --> 00:16:47,329
I'm mad that I can't yell at you

368
00:16:47,396 --> 00:16:49,448
because I got the damn promotion.

369
00:16:49,532 --> 00:16:53,034
That's impossible.
I was terrible in there.

370
00:16:53,086 --> 00:16:55,420
I know. My boss thinks the
fact that I've gotten better

371
00:16:55,505 --> 00:16:57,622
despite my therapist
being completely insane

372
00:16:57,707 --> 00:16:59,708
is a testament to my character.

373
00:16:59,759 --> 00:17:02,210
That's fantastic.

374
00:17:02,261 --> 00:17:04,096
I don't know if we have a pair
of swim trunks your size,

375
00:17:04,180 --> 00:17:06,300
- but if you want to...
- I'm not getting in the pool.

376
00:17:07,350 --> 00:17:09,217
Listen, you should, man,

377
00:17:09,268 --> 00:17:11,636
because this vodka will kill
anything that's alive in here.

378
00:17:13,639 --> 00:17:15,757
Okay, well, see you later.

379
00:17:15,808 --> 00:17:17,726
Enjoy the rest
of your nervous breakdown.

380
00:17:19,595 --> 00:17:20,779
Thanks, buddy.

381
00:17:22,899 --> 00:17:24,950
You know what, Sean?

382
00:17:25,034 --> 00:17:27,119
I really never liked you.

383
00:17:27,203 --> 00:17:29,905
But this party...
this party was awesome.

384
00:17:29,956 --> 00:17:32,440
- You're okay, man.
- Right on.

385
00:17:32,492 --> 00:17:35,210
- Honesty time?
- Please.

386
00:17:35,277 --> 00:17:37,445
I didn't think you were really
helping me out with Jen,

387
00:17:37,497 --> 00:17:40,615
so I posted pictures
of the party tonight

388
00:17:40,666 --> 00:17:42,167
on Instagram to make her jealous.

389
00:17:42,251 --> 00:17:44,118
Why are you telling me this now?

390
00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:46,087
Oh, she's standing over there.

391
00:17:49,725 --> 00:17:52,293
I really don't like you again.

392
00:17:52,345 --> 00:17:54,896
- So it's true.
- Hey, stranger.

393
00:17:54,964 --> 00:17:56,097
You want a beer?

394
00:17:56,149 --> 00:17:58,183
You son of a bitch.

395
00:17:58,267 --> 00:18:00,235
This is why you sent me
to Santa Barbara.

396
00:18:00,302 --> 00:18:01,803
So you could hang out with Sean.

397
00:18:01,854 --> 00:18:03,137
No, no. When I sent you to Santa Barbara,

398
00:18:03,189 --> 00:18:04,973
I had no idea that this
was going to happen.

399
00:18:05,024 --> 00:18:06,942
Oh, you didn't know that you were
going to throw a party with Sean?

400
00:18:06,993 --> 00:18:09,754
No, I didn't know you'd find out and
this thing with you would happen.

401
00:18:11,247 --> 00:18:12,447
Jen, you just left the spa.

402
00:18:12,498 --> 00:18:15,534
You're going to ruin your nails.

403
00:18:15,618 --> 00:18:17,369
You're pigs! I hate you both!

404
00:18:17,453 --> 00:18:18,503
Ah!

405
00:18:22,324 --> 00:18:23,758
You idiot!

406
00:18:23,826 --> 00:18:26,845
She showed up, Charlie.
She still likes me.

407
00:18:26,929 --> 00:18:29,297
Would you come plug this leak?
I got to get some duct tape.

408
00:18:29,348 --> 00:18:32,467
Listen, man, I don't think duct
tape is going to stop this.

409
00:18:32,518 --> 00:18:35,558
No, I'm going to use it to seal the tarp
I'm going to wrap your dead body in.

410
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,778
- Ed: <i>Hey!</i>
- Give me a reason.

411
00:18:45,681 --> 00:18:48,850
- It's Ed.
- That's almost enough.

412
00:18:50,203 --> 00:18:51,570
What are you doing in my garage?

413
00:18:51,654 --> 00:18:54,122
I told you no more drugs, junkie.

414
00:18:54,189 --> 00:18:56,825
I came to give you your drug back.

415
00:18:56,876 --> 00:19:00,495
- It's the devil's medicine. It makes you
crazy. - What happened?

416
00:19:00,546 --> 00:19:03,865
My wife opened the door
and I didn't say anything.

417
00:19:03,916 --> 00:19:05,500
I just grabbed her and kissed her.

418
00:19:05,551 --> 00:19:07,869
Aw, that's disgusting. I got to go.

419
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,038
Wait. Then I got into the bedroom

420
00:19:10,089 --> 00:19:13,258
and she told me to take off my socks.

421
00:19:13,342 --> 00:19:16,094
Well, I didn't want to, so I
ripped the door off the hinges.

422
00:19:16,178 --> 00:19:18,396
Next thing I know,
I'm in the backyard naked

423
00:19:18,481 --> 00:19:20,048
punching a tree.

424
00:19:20,099 --> 00:19:23,068
You told me you were going
to read the warnings.

425
00:19:23,152 --> 00:19:24,519
It says right here,

426
00:19:24,570 --> 00:19:27,022
"This product may cause
aggressive behavior."

427
00:19:27,073 --> 00:19:29,223
And you used a tube and a half in a day.

428
00:19:29,275 --> 00:19:31,660
Don't you yell at me!

429
00:19:31,727 --> 00:19:34,412
( Sighs )
That was not me.

430
00:19:34,497 --> 00:19:36,164
That was the ointment talking.

431
00:19:36,231 --> 00:19:38,700
Wait, Ed.

432
00:19:38,751 --> 00:19:41,202
Here. Some medicine for your feet

433
00:19:41,254 --> 00:19:44,039
so you can take your socks off
with your wife next time.

434
00:19:44,090 --> 00:19:45,957
Thank you, Lacey.

435
00:19:46,042 --> 00:19:47,709
You're welcome.

436
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,461
You're gross.

437
00:20:05,111 --> 00:20:06,561
Hey, buddy.

438
00:20:06,612 --> 00:20:09,230
Hey, moron.

439
00:20:09,282 --> 00:20:11,099
Whew.

440
00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:12,901
That was some party, huh?

441
00:20:16,072 --> 00:20:18,206
Too small.

442
00:20:18,273 --> 00:20:20,125
So how'd it go with Jen?

443
00:20:20,209 --> 00:20:22,160
Having a giant hangover

444
00:20:22,244 --> 00:20:25,880
and spending four hours on the
phone with an angry chick...

445
00:20:25,948 --> 00:20:28,783
doesn't get better than that.

446
00:20:28,834 --> 00:20:30,969
So how'd you leave it?

447
00:20:31,053 --> 00:20:33,004
As long as you and I
aren't hanging out anymore,

448
00:20:33,089 --> 00:20:34,639
she and I are cool.

449
00:20:34,724 --> 00:20:36,391
Bummer for you.

450
00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:38,727
I just bought the house next door.

451
00:20:38,794 --> 00:20:40,228
I'm sorry, what?

452
00:20:40,295 --> 00:20:42,347
Listen, man, I've got to be close by

453
00:20:42,431 --> 00:20:44,516
if I'm going to work
my way back into Jen's heart.

454
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,484
Do me a favor, don't tell her.

455
00:20:46,569 --> 00:20:48,186
I want it to be a surprise.

456
00:20:48,270 --> 00:20:50,271
You can't live next door.

457
00:20:50,323 --> 00:20:52,974
The bank says that I can.

458
00:20:53,025 --> 00:20:55,493
You know what we should
really consider doing also?

459
00:20:55,578 --> 00:20:58,312
Building a tunnel that
connects the two houses.

460
00:20:58,364 --> 00:21:00,699
Forget it. You and I are
not hanging out anymore.

461
00:21:00,783 --> 00:21:02,417
All right.

462
00:21:02,484 --> 00:21:03,952
So what are we doing tonight?

463
00:21:04,003 --> 00:21:06,204
I just told you, nothing.

464
00:21:06,288 --> 00:21:08,590
- Barracuda Bar?
- Fine.

465
00:21:09,825 --> 00:21:11,593
But no tunnel.

466
00:21:12,649 --> 00:21:22,649
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com