1
00:00:00,852 --> 00:00:03,382
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.

2
00:00:04,281 --> 00:00:05,748
Doing some paperwork.

3
00:00:07,429 --> 00:00:08,829
Nolan, you start.

4
00:00:08,897 --> 00:00:11,298
What is bothering you today?

5
00:00:11,366 --> 00:00:13,700
Well, for starters,

6
00:00:13,768 --> 00:00:16,203
you're wearing a woman's shirt.

7
00:00:16,270 --> 00:00:19,005
All right, I wasn't doing paperwork.

8
00:00:19,073 --> 00:00:20,673
I needed a shirt, it was dark,

9
00:00:20,741 --> 00:00:23,210
and luckily the nude girl
in my bed wasn't wearing hers.

10
00:00:25,747 --> 00:00:28,115
And there she goes now.

11
00:00:28,183 --> 00:00:30,584
Bye, sweetie.

12
00:00:30,652 --> 00:00:32,352
Now, on a more serious note,

13
00:00:32,420 --> 00:00:35,022
Patrick, why are you Ed?

14
00:00:36,591 --> 00:00:37,857
I took Nolan's chair

15
00:00:37,925 --> 00:00:40,393
because I've got to
look at you straight on.

16
00:00:40,461 --> 00:00:42,896
I hurt my neck in a car accident.

17
00:00:42,963 --> 00:00:45,232
I rear-ended a guy
and he got out of his car

18
00:00:45,299 --> 00:00:48,034
and punched me in the neck.

19
00:00:48,102 --> 00:00:49,936
But you kept your cool,

20
00:00:50,004 --> 00:00:52,339
which I think is a testament
to my mad skills

21
00:00:52,406 --> 00:00:54,674
as an anger management therapist.

22
00:00:54,742 --> 00:00:57,510
Actually, my seat belt locked up on me

23
00:00:57,578 --> 00:01:01,548
and I couldn't reach
the crowbar in my back seat.

24
00:01:01,616 --> 00:01:02,883
Minor detail.

25
00:01:02,950 --> 00:01:04,684
I am still putting this
in the win column.

26
00:01:06,687 --> 00:01:08,521
I'm very uncomfortable.

27
00:01:08,589 --> 00:01:10,457
Everything's different today.

28
00:01:10,525 --> 00:01:12,426
I'm sitting in the wrong chair

29
00:01:12,494 --> 00:01:14,629
and you look like my mom...

30
00:01:14,696 --> 00:01:17,064
but hotter.

31
00:01:17,132 --> 00:01:19,266
Hey, Charlie. I'm going on
a talent scout tonight.

32
00:01:19,334 --> 00:01:21,135
You got 40 singles on you?

33
00:01:22,404 --> 00:01:23,972
Oh, hey, you guys are all here.

34
00:01:24,039 --> 00:01:26,441
- Hey, Lacey.
- I'm not talking to you.

35
00:01:26,508 --> 00:01:28,876
Too late. You just did.

36
00:01:28,944 --> 00:01:32,646
That was me just telling you
I'm not talking to you, loser.

37
00:01:32,714 --> 00:01:34,681
Cool, so now we're
having a conversation.

38
00:01:36,618 --> 00:01:37,885
Uh, Sean, I don't have any singles,

39
00:01:37,952 --> 00:01:40,488
but if you wanna
make yourself some "coffee,"

40
00:01:40,555 --> 00:01:43,824
there's a "coffee" can
in the pantry. Ahem.

41
00:01:45,126 --> 00:01:46,566
There's a bunch of singles in there.

42
00:01:49,865 --> 00:01:51,833
How could you be friends
with that dirtbag?

43
00:01:51,901 --> 00:01:53,702
That son of a bitch was sleeping with me

44
00:01:53,770 --> 00:01:55,771
while he was living
with Charlie's ex-wife.

45
00:01:55,838 --> 00:01:57,539
You slept with Sean?

46
00:01:57,607 --> 00:02:00,108
This is turning into my
favorite therapy session ever.

47
00:02:00,175 --> 00:02:01,542
Except for that. Ed, look at that.

48
00:02:01,610 --> 00:02:03,745
Ow!

49
00:02:03,812 --> 00:02:05,914
It had to be done.

50
00:02:07,783 --> 00:02:11,185
Lacey, I don't like Sean,
I'm just hanging out with him.

51
00:02:11,253 --> 00:02:12,587
I mean, haven't you ever
had a friend that you hated?

52
00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:14,755
- I hate all my friends.
- Well, there you go.

53
00:02:16,992 --> 00:02:18,559
Excuse me.

54
00:02:20,162 --> 00:02:22,062
You got Charlie.

55
00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:23,497
Yeah?

56
00:02:23,565 --> 00:02:24,932
What?

57
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,667
All right, I'll be right there.

58
00:02:26,735 --> 00:02:28,536
Sorry, guys. I gotta get
down to the college.

59
00:02:28,603 --> 00:02:30,270
It's an emergency.

60
00:02:30,338 --> 00:02:32,940
A bunch of frat guys are throwing
a party in my research lab.

61
00:02:36,345 --> 00:02:39,313
Hey, you only had a dollar in the can.

62
00:02:39,381 --> 00:02:42,450
What can I say? I've been
drinking a lot of coffee.

63
00:02:42,518 --> 00:02:44,352
Hey, can you give me
a ride to my office?

64
00:02:44,419 --> 00:02:46,979
That girl drove me home last night.
I left my car where I met her.

65
00:02:46,988 --> 00:02:50,257
- Where did you meet her?
- I have no idea.

66
00:02:50,325 --> 00:02:53,566
Maybe afterwards you could drive me around
Los Angeles while I click my car alarm?

67
00:02:54,581 --> 00:02:58,081
Anger Management 2x37
- Charlie's New Sex Study Partner -
Original air date October 3, 2013

68
00:02:58,106 --> 00:03:00,106
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com

69
00:03:00,140 --> 00:03:01,600
Hey, backwards baseball hat.

70
00:03:01,668 --> 00:03:03,169
What the hell's going on here?

71
00:03:03,237 --> 00:03:04,737
We're conducting a serious study

72
00:03:04,805 --> 00:03:07,340
on the effects of
whiskey and electricity

73
00:03:07,407 --> 00:03:08,774
on some pledge's balls.

74
00:03:11,678 --> 00:03:14,379
- Bring it!
- Oh, this is really bad.

75
00:03:14,447 --> 00:03:18,083
- Right? This is the cheapest beer I've
ever had. - I know, right?

76
00:03:18,151 --> 00:03:20,853
Ooh.

77
00:03:20,921 --> 00:03:23,723
Well, that does kinda make up for it.

78
00:03:26,260 --> 00:03:28,060
All right, guys, listen up. Listen up.

79
00:03:28,128 --> 00:03:30,162
I hope you're all done
'cause the party is over.

80
00:03:30,230 --> 00:03:32,697
The guy who pays for this office
is gonna be here any minute.

81
00:03:32,765 --> 00:03:34,866
Oh, no, dude, he never comes in.

82
00:03:34,933 --> 00:03:37,168
Word is that his partner ditched him

83
00:03:37,235 --> 00:03:39,403
and he had some kind
of breakdown or something.

84
00:03:39,471 --> 00:03:42,907
No, no. I heard that she was
a royal pain in the ass

85
00:03:42,975 --> 00:03:44,816
and he's been celebrating
ever since she split.

86
00:03:46,045 --> 00:03:47,979
Now, go on. Go... go... go someplace else

87
00:03:48,047 --> 00:03:50,348
to play with each other's nuts
on your parents' dime.

88
00:03:54,887 --> 00:03:56,621
Oh, no.

89
00:03:56,688 --> 00:03:58,189
What? What's wrong?

90
00:04:00,725 --> 00:04:03,094
Damn.

91
00:04:03,161 --> 00:04:06,063
The grant foundation wants the
first run of data by Friday.

92
00:04:06,131 --> 00:04:08,532
And on top of that, I've
got to hire a new partner.

93
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,067
Without a PhD's name on this thing,

94
00:04:10,135 --> 00:04:12,203
they're gonna pull the plug.

95
00:04:12,271 --> 00:04:14,105
Wait, this is a sex study, right?

96
00:04:14,173 --> 00:04:15,607
Are you telling me
that you need a doctor

97
00:04:15,675 --> 00:04:18,910
to run a video camera
and shoot people doing it?

98
00:04:18,978 --> 00:04:20,212
I can do that.

99
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:22,880
This isn't the bang bus, you idiot.

100
00:04:25,017 --> 00:04:28,052
This study's gonna take my
career to a whole new level.

101
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,454
I've just got to keep my
head clear and stay focused.

102
00:04:30,522 --> 00:04:32,523
So, Dr. Miller...

103
00:04:34,727 --> 00:04:37,429
I see you've authored several well-received
papers, and, oh, look at that.

104
00:04:37,497 --> 00:04:40,533
You were runner-up
for Miss Hawaiian Tropic.

105
00:04:40,601 --> 00:04:43,102
Technically, I wasn't in the contest.

106
00:04:43,169 --> 00:04:45,904
I just stopped by for a piña
colada and they gave me an award.

107
00:04:48,408 --> 00:04:50,709
Well, this may be a knee-jerk reaction,

108
00:04:50,777 --> 00:04:54,046
but I like you the best.

109
00:04:54,114 --> 00:04:55,848
So you've seen the other applicants?

110
00:04:55,916 --> 00:04:57,450
Nah, I got a bunch more.

111
00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:03,022
That's all fine and well, but what makes you
believe you'd be an asset to this study?

112
00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:06,626
I'm meticulous when it
comes to research protocol.

113
00:05:06,693 --> 00:05:09,027
As for my preferred methodology...

114
00:05:09,095 --> 00:05:11,262
Pink Taco!

115
00:05:11,330 --> 00:05:12,497
Excuse me?

116
00:05:12,564 --> 00:05:15,132
I just remembered where I left my car.

117
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:16,701
Excuse me.

118
00:05:18,537 --> 00:05:22,373
- Charlie Goodson?
- You must be my 5:00.

119
00:05:22,441 --> 00:05:24,742
Dr. Denby. It's a pleasure to meet you.

120
00:05:24,810 --> 00:05:26,911
Oh, and I will not
be having sex with you.

121
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,715
Well, then there won't be any pleasure.

122
00:05:30,782 --> 00:05:32,750
Please.

123
00:05:32,818 --> 00:05:35,320
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that.

124
00:05:35,388 --> 00:05:37,356
But I do mean it. I just
didn't mean to say it.

125
00:05:38,825 --> 00:05:40,259
I do want the job.

126
00:05:40,326 --> 00:05:42,528
But I specialize in research
and I did mine on you.

127
00:05:42,595 --> 00:05:45,363
You like to party, you can't
keep your zipper zipped.

128
00:05:45,431 --> 00:05:48,400
Ergo, no sex.

129
00:05:48,467 --> 00:05:50,635
So I shaved my legs for nothing?

130
00:05:52,138 --> 00:05:53,806
I do my research, okay?

131
00:05:53,874 --> 00:05:55,341
Well, so do I,

132
00:05:55,409 --> 00:05:58,878
and I came up with a few juicy
tidbits about you, Renee.

133
00:05:58,946 --> 00:06:00,413
It's Jordan.

134
00:06:00,481 --> 00:06:01,948
Wrong file.

135
00:06:03,884 --> 00:06:05,852
Oh.

136
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,956
This is you, Jordan.

137
00:06:09,023 --> 00:06:11,558
What is me?

138
00:06:11,626 --> 00:06:13,961
Well, six months ago, a Dr. Jordan Denby

139
00:06:14,029 --> 00:06:16,864
was arrested for "decorating
a waitress at Denny's"?

140
00:06:19,267 --> 00:06:20,768
Okay.

141
00:06:20,835 --> 00:06:23,136
Very good.

142
00:06:23,204 --> 00:06:25,472
I was having a bad Christmas.

143
00:06:25,540 --> 00:06:28,908
I'd just gotten divorced. My
antidepressants hadn't been adjusted yet,

144
00:06:28,976 --> 00:06:30,577
so I took the ornaments off
the tree next to the register

145
00:06:30,645 --> 00:06:32,345
and decorated the waitress.

146
00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:35,916
Her name was Noelle.
It seemed logical at the time.

147
00:06:35,984 --> 00:06:38,786
How about "resisting arrest at Macy's"?

148
00:06:38,854 --> 00:06:40,521
Bad New Year's.

149
00:06:40,589 --> 00:06:43,624
"Relieving yourself in an elevator"?

150
00:06:43,692 --> 00:06:47,795
Really, really bad Valentine's Day.

151
00:06:47,863 --> 00:06:50,197
Look, I don't want to waste
any more of your time here.

152
00:06:50,265 --> 00:06:52,400
You're obviously qualified and capable,

153
00:06:52,468 --> 00:06:54,402
but I've already interviewed
somebody who's...

154
00:06:54,470 --> 00:06:55,670
how do I put this?

155
00:06:55,738 --> 00:06:57,839
Sane.

156
00:06:57,907 --> 00:06:59,474
I've been on lots of meds

157
00:06:59,542 --> 00:07:01,576
and there's been a lot of adjustments.

158
00:07:01,643 --> 00:07:05,079
He married my twin sister.

159
00:07:05,147 --> 00:07:08,216
What was he looking for?

160
00:07:08,283 --> 00:07:10,551
I'm really not sure.

161
00:07:13,288 --> 00:07:15,189
You know what? Thanks for stopping by.

162
00:07:15,257 --> 00:07:18,359
All I wanted to do was come by

163
00:07:18,427 --> 00:07:20,461
and be super confident

164
00:07:20,529 --> 00:07:23,164
and have you give me
the job on my merits.

165
00:07:23,231 --> 00:07:24,832
Well, you failed.

166
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:27,401
I can't leave.

167
00:07:27,469 --> 00:07:29,670
Why not?

168
00:07:29,738 --> 00:07:32,439
I already have the job.

169
00:07:32,507 --> 00:07:34,775
Okay, I see we're still trying to find

170
00:07:34,843 --> 00:07:36,177
a balance with the meds.

171
00:07:36,244 --> 00:07:38,479
No,

172
00:07:38,547 --> 00:07:41,716
the grant foundation was worried that
the project was becoming unstable,

173
00:07:41,784 --> 00:07:44,051
so they interviewed
potential partners for you

174
00:07:44,119 --> 00:07:47,355
and they decided on me.

175
00:07:49,525 --> 00:07:52,226
They hired you to add stability?

176
00:07:52,294 --> 00:07:54,128
Yes.

177
00:07:56,198 --> 00:07:58,533
I am supposed to give you
a copy of this contract.

178
00:08:03,072 --> 00:08:05,039
What the hell happened to it?

179
00:08:05,107 --> 00:08:08,142
When I'm nervous, I eat paper.

180
00:08:09,611 --> 00:08:11,712
I'm not proud of it.

181
00:08:15,617 --> 00:08:17,617
I know, I know,
I said I wanted to hire you.

182
00:08:17,686 --> 00:08:19,687
But the grant foundation is forcing me

183
00:08:19,754 --> 00:08:21,722
to hire this emotional train wreck.

184
00:08:23,991 --> 00:08:25,391
I can't. She's looking right at me.

185
00:08:26,927 --> 00:08:27,860
All right, bye-bye.

186
00:08:31,965 --> 00:08:35,133
Look, I know you're not
happy that I'm here,

187
00:08:35,201 --> 00:08:37,503
but I'm a professional
and I am damn good.

188
00:08:37,570 --> 00:08:40,490
And I would appreciate it if you would
behave like a professional as well.

189
00:08:41,641 --> 00:08:44,443
Okay. Okay, then,

190
00:08:44,510 --> 00:08:47,345
why don't you watch the DVDs
of the last run of couples

191
00:08:47,413 --> 00:08:49,981
and summarize the computer readouts?

192
00:08:50,049 --> 00:08:51,649
What are the couples doing?

193
00:08:51,717 --> 00:08:52,951
Well, let's see. It's a sex study,

194
00:08:53,018 --> 00:08:56,388
so they are building
furniture from Sweden.

195
00:08:56,456 --> 00:08:57,989
They're having sex.

196
00:08:58,057 --> 00:09:01,226
- Live sex?
- Yes, live.

197
00:09:01,293 --> 00:09:04,293
Unless you're looking for the necrophilia
study. Well, that's down the hall.

198
00:09:05,330 --> 00:09:07,164
Uh, wouldn't it be faster

199
00:09:07,232 --> 00:09:10,700
if I just looked at
the computer readouts?

200
00:09:12,236 --> 00:09:14,537
Oh, my God.

201
00:09:14,605 --> 00:09:17,841
You're a sex researcher and you don't
like watching people have sex.

202
00:09:17,909 --> 00:09:21,378
Look, most of the research
that I've done is dry,

203
00:09:21,446 --> 00:09:23,980
and this is... wet.

204
00:09:24,048 --> 00:09:27,350
Oh, God. Look what you made me say.

205
00:09:27,417 --> 00:09:28,618
You think sex is dirty.

206
00:09:28,685 --> 00:09:30,753
I think sex is beautiful.

207
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:33,256
I think people make it dirty.

208
00:09:33,324 --> 00:09:36,225
That's what makes it beautiful.

209
00:09:36,293 --> 00:09:38,961
So everything I've heard
about you is true.

210
00:09:39,028 --> 00:09:40,462
Wow, that is really judgmental

211
00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:42,298
coming from a gal who pees in elevators.

212
00:09:42,366 --> 00:09:44,867
Hey, I was stood up on Valentine's Day

213
00:09:44,935 --> 00:09:47,770
and I had to drink an entire
bottle of champagne by myself.

214
00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:51,541
You know why you got stood up?

215
00:09:51,609 --> 00:09:53,743
Because you only like sex
when it's beautiful

216
00:09:53,811 --> 00:09:55,278
under an enchanted rainbow.

217
00:09:55,346 --> 00:09:57,046
Well, guess what?

218
00:09:57,114 --> 00:09:58,481
At the end of that rainbow,

219
00:09:58,548 --> 00:10:01,183
all the leprechauns
and unicorns are watching you.

220
00:10:01,251 --> 00:10:03,019
And they're all playing with themselves.

221
00:10:03,086 --> 00:10:06,022
- You're disgusting.
- You're a prude.

222
00:10:06,090 --> 00:10:08,091
- I'm leaving.
- No, I'm leaving.

223
00:10:08,159 --> 00:10:10,093
Then we're both leaving.

224
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,329
Fine... but I'm taking the stairs.

225
00:10:12,396 --> 00:10:13,730
I know what you do in elevators.

226
00:10:16,801 --> 00:10:18,201
So, did you totally freak out

227
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:20,309
when you looked down at your
phone and saw it was me?

228
00:10:20,337 --> 00:10:22,771
Well, when you called,
I thought, "This is odd."

229
00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:24,639
And then I thought, "I'm kinda cool."

230
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:25,907
You might wanna hang out with me."

231
00:10:25,975 --> 00:10:28,276
Oh, God, no.

232
00:10:30,079 --> 00:10:32,114
Did you know Sean is back in town?

233
00:10:32,181 --> 00:10:34,316
- Ugh.
- God, I hate him.

234
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,820
You know he had the balls to call
me and try and get back together?

235
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:37,988
He called you? He didn't call me.

236
00:10:38,056 --> 00:10:39,256
I thought you hated him.

237
00:10:39,323 --> 00:10:40,924
Oh, yeah. That's right.

238
00:10:40,992 --> 00:10:42,826
That's why I wanted to see you.

239
00:10:42,894 --> 00:10:46,262
We never got back at him for sleeping
with both of us at the same time,

240
00:10:46,330 --> 00:10:48,431
so I say we should do it now.

241
00:10:48,499 --> 00:10:50,133
What do you have in mind?

242
00:10:50,201 --> 00:10:51,901
I have an idea, but we're gonna need

243
00:10:51,969 --> 00:10:54,704
some roofies and a tattoo gun.

244
00:10:54,772 --> 00:10:57,174
Your evil little heart
is in the right place,

245
00:10:57,242 --> 00:10:59,510
but I have a better idea.

246
00:11:03,681 --> 00:11:06,717
Wow, not a good day to be ice.

247
00:11:06,784 --> 00:11:09,019
It's my new PhD. She's driving me nuts.

248
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:11,486
- Is she cute? - Well,
sure, if you think sexually repressed,

249
00:11:11,522 --> 00:11:13,156
emotionally screwed-up women are cute.

250
00:11:13,224 --> 00:11:15,258
How are the boobs?

251
00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:17,161
Those are adorable.

252
00:11:20,699 --> 00:11:22,199
It's Sean, go.

253
00:11:22,267 --> 00:11:24,301
Hi, Sean, it's Jennifer.

254
00:11:24,369 --> 00:11:25,803
Hey, Jen.

255
00:11:25,870 --> 00:11:27,004
What's happening?

256
00:11:27,071 --> 00:11:28,205
We need to talk.

257
00:11:28,272 --> 00:11:29,639
Yeah, what's up?

258
00:11:29,707 --> 00:11:32,943
I'm pregnant.

259
00:11:33,011 --> 00:11:35,779
Oh, my God.

260
00:11:35,847 --> 00:11:38,481
Are you sure it's mine?

261
00:11:38,549 --> 00:11:40,583
Yes, I'm absolutely sure.

262
00:11:43,987 --> 00:11:46,789
Uh, boy, wow.

263
00:11:46,856 --> 00:11:49,291
I gotta think about this.
I'll call you back.

264
00:11:50,593 --> 00:11:52,227
He couldn't even talk.

265
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:53,996
He was like, "I guess, uh, hmm",

266
00:11:54,063 --> 00:11:55,431
I'm gonna have to call you back.

267
00:11:55,498 --> 00:11:57,800
"'Cause, hmm, I'm about
to go crap my pants."

268
00:12:03,407 --> 00:12:05,688
Of course she's not pregnant.
I had a vasectomy years ago.

269
00:12:08,445 --> 00:12:10,813
Wow, a vasectomy.
Didn't you ever want kids?

270
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,748
No, kids are just little people

271
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,283
you're not allowed to drink with.

272
00:12:17,822 --> 00:12:20,791
- Hey there.
- Afternoon.

273
00:12:20,858 --> 00:12:22,859
Sorry I'm late.

274
00:12:22,927 --> 00:12:25,328
I had a thing this morning.
It's called sleeping in.

275
00:12:26,897 --> 00:12:28,297
Anyway, in the spirit of compromise,

276
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,965
today I will watch the DVDs,
you analyze the data.

277
00:12:31,033 --> 00:12:34,602
You know, I felt guilty all night
that I didn't watch those DVDs.

278
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,638
- I can do that. - Well,
it obviously makes you uncomfortable,

279
00:12:36,706 --> 00:12:38,106
so today we'll switch.

280
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:39,975
It was eating me alive all night.
I have to do this.

281
00:12:40,042 --> 00:12:41,282
I chewed through my mouth guard.

282
00:12:41,310 --> 00:12:43,011
Okay, you can do it.

283
00:12:43,079 --> 00:12:44,579
Thank you.

284
00:12:47,417 --> 00:12:50,178
I take it back. I can't. You do it.
You're a guy, you like this stuff.

285
00:12:52,790 --> 00:12:55,391
All right, we are gonna go
about this in a different way.

286
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,028
How do you like your scotch?

287
00:12:59,095 --> 00:13:00,630
I don't.

288
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:02,698
Look, we both need to relax
so we can get over this hump

289
00:13:02,766 --> 00:13:04,133
and you can start watching people hump.

290
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:06,903
Alcohol and I don't mix.

291
00:13:08,272 --> 00:13:09,472
Tequila?

292
00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:11,775
I do like tequila.

293
00:13:11,842 --> 00:13:13,810
But I shouldn't.

294
00:13:13,878 --> 00:13:17,114
Look, booze can be our thing.

295
00:13:17,182 --> 00:13:19,683
It's obviously not gonna be sex.
You said so yourself.

296
00:13:19,751 --> 00:13:21,251
Can't it be psychology?

297
00:13:21,319 --> 00:13:22,653
I'm sorry, I wish it could be,

298
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,621
but booze and sex
are the only two choices.

299
00:13:25,823 --> 00:13:28,625
Fine. Just one.

300
00:13:28,693 --> 00:13:30,394
Great.

301
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,607
There, you happy now?

302
00:13:45,675 --> 00:13:47,943
Uh, yes. Are you?

303
00:13:48,010 --> 00:13:49,010
Nope, not yet.

304
00:14:00,091 --> 00:14:02,859
Well, that's the end of that.

305
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:06,028
- End of what?
- My sobriety.

306
00:14:08,999 --> 00:14:10,332
Your sobriety?

307
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,000
Yep.

308
00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:15,003
It's a battle, and I guess I lost today.

309
00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:18,040
Wait a minute. Are you a...

310
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,875
Alcoholic?

311
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:22,111
Oh, yeah.

312
00:14:22,179 --> 00:14:24,514
Big-time.

313
00:14:24,582 --> 00:14:27,350
So the Denny's incident,

314
00:14:27,418 --> 00:14:28,551
Macy's, the elevator...

315
00:14:28,619 --> 00:14:30,353
That was tequila.

316
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:32,755
Should never drink tequila.

317
00:14:32,822 --> 00:14:34,556
But you just drank,
like, half the bottle.

318
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,391
I know, we should switch to rum.

319
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:38,326
Great idea.

320
00:14:38,393 --> 00:14:40,328
There's a bottle under the bed
in the observation room.

321
00:14:40,396 --> 00:14:42,063
You grab that,
I'll get us some real glasses,

322
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,631
and we'll get some
work done around here.

323
00:14:43,699 --> 00:14:46,901
Oh, finally. This was a great idea.

324
00:14:49,370 --> 00:14:51,537
Hey.

325
00:14:51,604 --> 00:14:53,772
What are you doing? Let me out of here!

326
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,507
Not until you dry out.

327
00:14:55,574 --> 00:14:57,408
I'm not gonna have your
boozy meltdown on my head.

328
00:14:57,476 --> 00:15:00,244
You open this door
or I'm gonna knock it down.

329
00:15:00,312 --> 00:15:01,712
I have been drinking tequila

330
00:15:01,780 --> 00:15:04,014
and I have the strength
of four Mexicans.

331
00:15:04,082 --> 00:15:06,917
Sorry, one of us has to be sober
to do all of this work,

332
00:15:06,985 --> 00:15:08,886
and it's certainly not gonna be me.

333
00:15:11,777 --> 00:15:13,544
Hey, Sean.

334
00:15:13,927 --> 00:15:17,129
I'm just out shopping
for the baby. What's up?

335
00:15:17,196 --> 00:15:19,465
Listen, I've been
thinking a lot about this.

336
00:15:19,533 --> 00:15:22,636
- Ah, you're pretty freaked out, huh?
- What, are you kidding?

337
00:15:22,704 --> 00:15:26,206
This is the best thing
that has ever happened to me.

338
00:15:26,274 --> 00:15:29,609
- What? - Yeah,
I've never been so excited in my life.

339
00:15:29,677 --> 00:15:32,178
I hope it's cool, but I told my family.

340
00:15:33,948 --> 00:15:35,582
My mom couldn't stop crying.

341
00:15:35,650 --> 00:15:37,417
She's been in pretty poor health

342
00:15:37,485 --> 00:15:39,986
and she was afraid that I wouldn't
have a baby before she died.

343
00:15:41,622 --> 00:15:43,457
I'll call you later, okay?

344
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,205
I thought of a whole bunch of names.
I did.

345
00:15:51,066 --> 00:15:53,467
Lacey, go.

346
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:55,235
He's fine with it.

347
00:15:55,303 --> 00:15:57,603
- What? - He thinks
I'm gonna be a wonderful mother.

348
00:15:57,671 --> 00:15:58,938
He told his family.

349
00:15:59,006 --> 00:16:01,507
What a dick.

350
00:16:01,574 --> 00:16:03,342
Let's see how cool he can be

351
00:16:03,410 --> 00:16:06,680
when he thinks he's gonna have two
babies with two wonderful moms.

352
00:16:06,747 --> 00:16:08,214
I'll call you back.

353
00:16:11,986 --> 00:16:14,820
- Sean, go.
- Hey, Sean.

354
00:16:14,888 --> 00:16:18,456
Lacey, hey, I wasn't expecting
to hear from you. What's up?

355
00:16:18,524 --> 00:16:20,458
I just got back from the doctor

356
00:16:20,526 --> 00:16:23,127
and I have some pretty shocking news.

357
00:16:23,195 --> 00:16:27,632
I am completely pregnant with your baby.

358
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:31,103
Oh, really?

359
00:16:31,171 --> 00:16:33,939
Yeah, this is a super big deal.

360
00:16:34,007 --> 00:16:36,875
It's, like, growing inside me.

361
00:16:38,044 --> 00:16:40,012
That sucks.

362
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,982
So, what do you need,
like 300 bucks or something?

363
00:16:43,050 --> 00:16:44,417
I mean, we kinda...

364
00:16:44,484 --> 00:16:46,452
we gotta get this
taken care of pronto, right?

365
00:16:46,519 --> 00:16:47,953
Before that thing starts
sucking its thumb in there.

366
00:16:48,021 --> 00:16:50,556
Have you seen those pictures?
It's really creepy.

367
00:16:50,623 --> 00:16:52,425
So, uh, wait.

368
00:16:52,493 --> 00:16:54,561
You don't want me to have your baby?

369
00:16:54,628 --> 00:16:57,430
No offense, but you as a mom?

370
00:16:57,498 --> 00:16:59,165
Come on, you can barely feed yourself.

371
00:16:59,233 --> 00:17:01,668
I am trying to stay thin!

372
00:17:10,177 --> 00:17:12,412
Is he freaking out?

373
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,983
He said I would be a horrible mom!

374
00:17:16,051 --> 00:17:18,686
Oh, I'm so sorry, Lacey.

375
00:17:18,754 --> 00:17:20,955
I hate him so much!

376
00:17:21,022 --> 00:17:23,491
Please, can we kill him?

377
00:17:23,558 --> 00:17:25,726
Oh, wait. I just remembered.
He had a vasectomy.

378
00:17:31,466 --> 00:17:35,403
It's been four hours.
Let me out of here.

379
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,705
Not until you sober up.

380
00:17:37,773 --> 00:17:39,607
Why don't you try
sleeping it off in that bed?

381
00:17:39,675 --> 00:17:41,976
It's like a little motel room in there.

382
00:17:42,044 --> 00:17:45,179
Hundreds of people
have had sex on that bed.

383
00:17:45,247 --> 00:17:48,348
Okay, like a seedy little motel room.

384
00:17:48,416 --> 00:17:52,252
Look, I am not even mad
at you anymore, okay?

385
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,288
I'm mad at me.

386
00:17:54,356 --> 00:17:58,293
I was really getting
my sobriety back together again

387
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,429
and I just threw it all away.

388
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:02,231
How long were you sober?

389
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:06,668
I was sober during the entire
10 years of my marriage.

390
00:18:06,736 --> 00:18:09,471
And when my husband left me
for my evil twin sister...

391
00:18:11,241 --> 00:18:13,242
I went straight to the bar

392
00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:14,610
and I spent the last six months

393
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:16,812
systematically destroying my career

394
00:18:16,879 --> 00:18:20,148
and winning wet T-shirt
contests for beer money.

395
00:18:20,215 --> 00:18:21,782
I'm not sure if this the right moment,

396
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:23,050
but I recently mentioned
to a friend of mine

397
00:18:23,118 --> 00:18:25,052
how adorable your boobs are.

398
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:27,321
Will you let me out now?

399
00:18:27,389 --> 00:18:29,424
I'd really like to get back to work.

400
00:18:29,491 --> 00:18:31,259
Sure.

401
00:18:36,999 --> 00:18:39,601
This has been pretty hard for me.

402
00:18:39,669 --> 00:18:42,304
I know it's stupid,

403
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,772
but I could really use a hug.

404
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,474
Come here.

405
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,775
- Oof.
- Ow.

406
00:18:47,843 --> 00:18:49,377
Damn it.

407
00:18:49,444 --> 00:18:51,512
Good luck getting all this
work done without me.

408
00:18:51,579 --> 00:18:53,280
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

409
00:18:53,348 --> 00:18:54,849
If you stay until Friday,

410
00:18:54,917 --> 00:18:57,018
I'll let you knee me in the balls again.

411
00:19:00,135 --> 00:19:02,135
Anyway, I thought I could
do all of this by myself,

412
00:19:02,170 --> 00:19:03,805
but obviously I can't.

413
00:19:03,872 --> 00:19:06,807
So, the best way that you can help me

414
00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:10,612
is to watch the tapes
of the recent test couples

415
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,882
and document their sexual activity.

416
00:19:13,950 --> 00:19:15,883
I'm quite familiar with this process.

417
00:19:15,951 --> 00:19:18,319
Please feel confident that you can
do your work and I will accomplish...

418
00:19:18,387 --> 00:19:21,022
Shh, Jimbo, I'm trying to work.

419
00:19:23,325 --> 00:19:24,993
Hey, Charlie.

420
00:19:25,060 --> 00:19:26,527
What the hell are you doing here?

421
00:19:26,595 --> 00:19:28,663
- You quit.
- No, I didn't.

422
00:19:28,731 --> 00:19:29,998
I was just proving a point.

423
00:19:31,834 --> 00:19:34,235
So, to prove a point,

424
00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:36,637
I had to sleep with a bag
of frozen peas on my balls?

425
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:39,974
You had it coming.

426
00:19:40,042 --> 00:19:42,710
- Who's that?
- Your replacement.

427
00:19:42,777 --> 00:19:44,778
Oh, well, he can go now.

428
00:19:44,846 --> 00:19:46,713
Look, I hired Dr. Feedler

429
00:19:46,781 --> 00:19:48,348
because he's a preeminent psychologist

430
00:19:48,416 --> 00:19:49,816
and a consummate professional.

431
00:19:49,884 --> 00:19:51,418
Oh, yeah. Give it to her.

432
00:19:54,021 --> 00:19:55,822
Who comes highly recommended.

433
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:58,658
Oh, yeah. Oh, Mommy, oh, yeah. Come on.

434
00:20:01,496 --> 00:20:03,865
- By many doctors.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, oh.

435
00:20:03,933 --> 00:20:07,836
Gonna make Daddy cry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

436
00:20:07,903 --> 00:20:09,971
Hey, Jimbo?

437
00:20:10,039 --> 00:20:12,839
Why don't you take this in the next
room and actually write some notes?

438
00:20:14,477 --> 00:20:16,517
Don't worry, it's soundproof,
so knock yourself out.

439
00:20:19,883 --> 00:20:24,486
Look, the board forced me
to hire you, so I did.

440
00:20:24,554 --> 00:20:26,588
But you quit and I replaced you.

441
00:20:26,655 --> 00:20:31,026
My uncle is in charge
of the entire grant foundation,

442
00:20:31,093 --> 00:20:32,995
and he says if I'm not working here,

443
00:20:33,063 --> 00:20:35,164
he's going to shut down
your entire study.

444
00:20:35,232 --> 00:20:37,066
I'm sorry, what?

445
00:20:37,134 --> 00:20:40,036
It gets worse.

446
00:20:40,103 --> 00:20:42,805
He says that I am in charge,

447
00:20:42,873 --> 00:20:45,874
so I guess that
kind of makes me your boss.

448
00:20:45,942 --> 00:20:48,710
You're my boss?

449
00:20:48,778 --> 00:20:50,545
And we start at 9:00 AM here.

450
00:20:52,048 --> 00:20:54,683
And I think that our first priority

451
00:20:54,751 --> 00:20:58,321
should be making this
an alcohol-free office.

452
00:20:58,389 --> 00:21:00,257
Okay, why don't we take all the booze

453
00:21:00,324 --> 00:21:01,992
and put it in that room over there?

454
00:21:04,962 --> 00:21:08,164
Dr. Feedler is touching himself.

455
00:21:08,232 --> 00:21:10,199
Yeah, I thought you might enjoy that.

456
00:21:12,202 --> 00:21:13,669
Who wants a drink now?

457
00:21:15,694 --> 00:21:25,694
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com