1
00:00:00,398 --> 00:00:03,445
Hey, everybody. Sorry I'm late.

2
00:00:03,508 --> 00:00:05,759
Won't happen again.

3
00:00:05,811 --> 00:00:07,628
All right, let's begin today

4
00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:10,932
by talking about the lies we've told.

5
00:00:10,983 --> 00:00:14,185
Remember when I told you
I wouldn't be late again?

6
00:00:14,270 --> 00:00:17,021
I was lying.

7
00:00:17,106 --> 00:00:18,356
What happened to your hand?

8
00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:19,941
I'm not sure.

9
00:00:19,992 --> 00:00:24,579
I either punched a wall
or a guy with a wall for a face.

10
00:00:24,646 --> 00:00:26,698
Either way, when I buy you a drink,

11
00:00:26,782 --> 00:00:29,584
you say, "Thank you."

12
00:00:29,651 --> 00:00:31,536
Were you in a bar fight?

13
00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:33,654
- I don't know.
- Were you in a bar?

14
00:00:33,706 --> 00:00:37,625
It was either a bar
or a TV store that sold booze.

15
00:00:38,877 --> 00:00:41,129
Was there a woman involved?

16
00:00:41,180 --> 00:00:43,298
Yes, yes. This is good.

17
00:00:43,349 --> 00:00:44,766
Keep it coming. We'll
figure this out together.

18
00:00:44,833 --> 00:00:46,801
I know.

19
00:00:46,852 --> 00:00:49,637
You were in a cowboy bar and stabbed a
mechanical bull with a butter knife

20
00:00:49,688 --> 00:00:53,141
and when it didn't die,
you punched it in the face.

21
00:00:53,192 --> 00:00:55,509
Oh, my God. That's it. How'd you know?

22
00:00:55,561 --> 00:00:58,446
You drunk dialed me last night and
told me not to tell the group,

23
00:00:58,513 --> 00:01:00,782
which, by the way, I didn't,

24
00:01:00,849 --> 00:01:02,483
so you're welcome.

25
00:01:03,902 --> 00:01:06,037
Come on, Lacey. Tell me.

26
00:01:06,121 --> 00:01:09,290
Are we only gonna talk about
drunken white trash problems?

27
00:01:09,358 --> 00:01:11,709
Because I don't have anything
about moonshine or anything,

28
00:01:11,794 --> 00:01:14,528
but I do have something about school.

29
00:01:14,580 --> 00:01:17,799
Okay, when he's done, I've got
something about moonshine.

30
00:01:19,168 --> 00:01:20,534
Shoot, Patrick.

31
00:01:20,586 --> 00:01:23,221
We have a design competition
at school on Thursday

32
00:01:23,305 --> 00:01:27,675
and they're making us all design
dresses for plus-size women.

33
00:01:27,726 --> 00:01:31,379
Are we talking, like,
a size four or six?

34
00:01:31,430 --> 00:01:33,898
Add those, double it,
then multiply by pie.

35
00:01:33,982 --> 00:01:36,984
And I mean the dessert.

36
00:01:37,052 --> 00:01:39,220
They're just so hard to design for.

37
00:01:39,271 --> 00:01:42,740
I have no idea what to do
with a woman of this size.

38
00:01:42,825 --> 00:01:46,327
You have no idea what to do
with a woman of any size.

39
00:01:46,395 --> 00:01:50,331
These drawings look like car covers

40
00:01:50,399 --> 00:01:53,234
with a head sticking
through the sunroof.

41
00:01:53,285 --> 00:01:55,069
They're terrible, I know.

42
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,121
That's because you're hiding
all the good parts.

43
00:01:59,408 --> 00:02:01,759
Where are the bald-headed
train engineers?

44
00:02:03,011 --> 00:02:04,629
The bald-headed...

45
00:02:04,713 --> 00:02:07,298
Her boobies, boy.

46
00:02:07,383 --> 00:02:10,268
Ed, Ed, Ed. I don't think
that you're qualified

47
00:02:10,352 --> 00:02:11,919
to criticize Patrick's sketches

48
00:02:11,970 --> 00:02:14,522
without some sort of a
background in... oh, my God.

49
00:02:14,589 --> 00:02:16,607
It looks like she's
being tented for termites.

50
00:02:24,566 --> 00:02:26,451
What? I'm eating donuts.

51
00:02:27,769 --> 00:02:29,821
My sponsor said I should reward myself

52
00:02:29,905 --> 00:02:32,373
every once in a while for not drinking.

53
00:02:32,441 --> 00:02:36,961
So, is the idea to make you too
fat to fit into a liquor store?

54
00:02:37,045 --> 00:02:40,331
The idea is to keep me sober
so I don't go crazy

55
00:02:40,416 --> 00:02:43,584
and stab you with a letter opener.

56
00:02:43,635 --> 00:02:45,636
All right, all right, I'll
stop... I'll stop criticizing you

57
00:02:45,721 --> 00:02:47,082
for buying yourself a dozen donuts

58
00:02:47,122 --> 00:02:49,140
and then inhaling them
like an unattended dog.

59
00:02:51,260 --> 00:02:53,594
My sponsor Blake says it's fine

60
00:02:53,645 --> 00:02:56,147
to have a substitute
indulgence every now and then.

61
00:02:56,231 --> 00:02:59,133
Wait, wait, wait. Blake Dunkin?

62
00:02:59,184 --> 00:03:01,769
- Blake Dunkin?
- Yeah, of Dunkin' Donuts.

63
00:03:03,405 --> 00:03:05,239
The woman is saving my life, Charlie.

64
00:03:05,307 --> 00:03:07,992
She is a beacon of hope
that shines for me

65
00:03:08,076 --> 00:03:10,478
day and night without fail.

66
00:03:10,529 --> 00:03:12,580
Kind of like a sign
outside of a Dunkin' Donuts.

67
00:03:14,316 --> 00:03:16,117
- Are you done now?
- I don't know.

68
00:03:16,168 --> 00:03:17,328
Depends on what you say next.

69
00:03:19,421 --> 00:03:22,089
Blake is amazing, Charlie.

70
00:03:22,157 --> 00:03:25,793
Anytime I'm feeling tempted by alcohol,

71
00:03:25,844 --> 00:03:28,379
she comes over and makes me feel better.

72
00:03:28,464 --> 00:03:30,331
So this woman is either
seriously dedicated

73
00:03:30,382 --> 00:03:32,333
or has less of a social
life than you do.

74
00:03:36,054 --> 00:03:38,005
I shouldn't be telling you this,

75
00:03:38,056 --> 00:03:40,057
but since you are a therapist,

76
00:03:40,142 --> 00:03:42,860
theoretically,

77
00:03:42,945 --> 00:03:45,112
not only is Blake in AA,

78
00:03:45,180 --> 00:03:47,198
she's also a recovering sex addict.

79
00:03:47,282 --> 00:03:48,900
She's sworn off men for a while.

80
00:03:48,984 --> 00:03:50,868
In fact, she's celibate.

81
00:03:50,953 --> 00:03:52,570
I feel really bad for her,

82
00:03:52,654 --> 00:03:54,355
but it works out great for me.

83
00:03:56,074 --> 00:03:57,575
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where
the heck are you going?

84
00:03:57,659 --> 00:03:59,544
I'm going to a meeting.

85
00:03:59,628 --> 00:04:00,788
Blake is coming to pick me up.

86
00:04:00,796 --> 00:04:02,696
And instead of bashing me,

87
00:04:02,748 --> 00:04:04,799
it would be great if you could
support me every once in a while.

88
00:04:04,866 --> 00:04:07,585
- Maybe come to a meeting?
- Oh, hell, yeah.

89
00:04:07,669 --> 00:04:09,387
There's no other way
I'd rather spend my afternoon

90
00:04:09,471 --> 00:04:12,873
than in some dingy church basement
with a bunch of dirty hobos.

91
00:04:12,925 --> 00:04:14,708
Besides, I'm going to lunch with Sean.

92
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:17,762
- Jordan.
- Blake.

93
00:04:17,846 --> 00:04:20,014
Hey.

94
00:04:20,065 --> 00:04:21,682
Blake.

95
00:04:21,733 --> 00:04:24,185
Blake, this is Charlie.

96
00:04:24,236 --> 00:04:26,153
He just called us hobos.

97
00:04:26,221 --> 00:04:29,240
Hey, buddy. Ready to grab some lunch?

98
00:04:29,324 --> 00:04:30,724
Ladies.

99
00:04:30,776 --> 00:04:33,077
Oh, I'm sorry. Sean, this
is Jordan, who I work with,

100
00:04:33,161 --> 00:04:37,114
and this is her friend Blake.

101
00:04:37,199 --> 00:04:40,568
You know what, Sean? Today,
we're not going to lunch.

102
00:04:40,619 --> 00:04:43,754
We're going to an AA meeting because you
are ruining your life with alcohol.

103
00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:46,340
No, I'm not.

104
00:04:46,408 --> 00:04:48,175
See that? Right there.

105
00:04:48,243 --> 00:04:50,077
Denial. Classic alkie behavior.

106
00:04:50,128 --> 00:04:51,929
All right, let's do this.

107
00:04:54,583 --> 00:04:55,749
Oh, yeah, cool. Okay.

108
00:04:56,641 --> 00:05:00,141
Anger Management 2x38
- Charlie and the Sex Addict -
Original air date October 10, 2013

109
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,667
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com

110
00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:05,574
You know, sometimes we've said the
Serenity Prayer so many times

111
00:05:05,642 --> 00:05:09,111
that we don't actually think about
what we're saying when we say it.

112
00:05:09,179 --> 00:05:11,997
Can we please get
out of here and grab a beer?

113
00:05:12,082 --> 00:05:13,833
Shh.

114
00:05:13,917 --> 00:05:15,251
I'm trying to impress
that girl over there.

115
00:05:15,318 --> 00:05:18,337
I want to make it seem
like I care about you.

116
00:05:18,421 --> 00:05:19,782
Well, if you really cared about me,

117
00:05:19,789 --> 00:05:23,375
you'd stop cuddling me
like a creepy uncle.

118
00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:26,879
And remember the most important part...

119
00:05:26,963 --> 00:05:29,598
it's the "wisdom
to know the difference."

120
00:05:29,666 --> 00:05:31,350
Thank you.

121
00:05:39,226 --> 00:05:40,860
That was really inspiring.

122
00:05:40,944 --> 00:05:43,384
- Super inspiring.
- Totally inspiring. Beyond inspiring, wow.

123
00:05:44,981 --> 00:05:47,222
Sean, I hope you were listening
to what Blake had to say.

124
00:05:47,234 --> 00:05:49,017
I gotta be honest, I tried,

125
00:05:49,069 --> 00:05:50,709
but I'm still pretty
buzzed from breakfast

126
00:05:50,737 --> 00:05:52,521
because I'm an alcoholic.

127
00:05:52,572 --> 00:05:55,374
Okay, who'd like to share next?

128
00:05:55,458 --> 00:05:56,575
Sean would.

129
00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,360
I'm okay, thanks.

130
00:05:58,411 --> 00:06:00,663
Come on, you can do it, Sean.
He can do it, right, Blake?

131
00:06:00,714 --> 00:06:02,882
Yeah, we're all scared the first time,

132
00:06:02,966 --> 00:06:04,884
but then you're up there
and it feels great.

133
00:06:04,968 --> 00:06:06,968
- That's right.
- You've got a lot of support here.

134
00:06:08,221 --> 00:06:09,555
Now, go.

135
00:06:13,876 --> 00:06:15,928
I am so proud of him.

136
00:06:16,012 --> 00:06:18,397
It's like pushing a bird with a
broken wing out of the nest.

137
00:06:18,481 --> 00:06:20,266
I hope not.

138
00:06:20,350 --> 00:06:22,384
Then the bird would fall to its death.

139
00:06:22,435 --> 00:06:25,404
Yeah, you have crazy soft hands.

140
00:06:27,107 --> 00:06:28,941
Hi, I'm Sean.

141
00:06:29,025 --> 00:06:32,828
I... am apparently an alcoholic.

142
00:06:32,895 --> 00:06:34,246
Hi, Sean.

143
00:06:34,331 --> 00:06:35,897
Okay, that's, uh...

144
00:06:35,949 --> 00:06:39,001
I'll give you all a chip
to not do that again.

145
00:06:39,068 --> 00:06:42,254
So, Jordan was telling me
about how great you are.

146
00:06:42,339 --> 00:06:44,623
Oh, funny, she never mentioned you.

147
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:46,709
I guess she wanted to keep
you all to herself.

148
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,511
Oh, no, we're not...

149
00:06:49,579 --> 00:06:52,080
we just work together,
but I try to keep a distance.

150
00:06:52,132 --> 00:06:53,382
I know how easy it is
to fall in love with me.

151
00:06:55,101 --> 00:06:58,854
I was joking. Jordan says
she can't stand you.

152
00:06:58,921 --> 00:07:02,191
I hated the bitch first. God,
you're so easy to talk to.

153
00:07:03,777 --> 00:07:05,444
Clearly this is a bad time,

154
00:07:05,528 --> 00:07:07,613
but I don't know when
I'm going to see you again.

155
00:07:07,697 --> 00:07:09,365
Would you like to go out tonight, maybe?

156
00:07:09,432 --> 00:07:11,400
I'm supposed to have dinner with Jordan.

157
00:07:11,451 --> 00:07:14,069
- Who?
- Jordan.

158
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,655
Oh, yeah, yeah.

159
00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:19,575
I suppose I could make an excuse.

160
00:07:19,626 --> 00:07:21,327
What are you two whispering about?

161
00:07:21,411 --> 00:07:22,944
I was just telling Charlie

162
00:07:22,996 --> 00:07:25,748
about this annoying fundraiser
I have to go to tonight.

163
00:07:25,799 --> 00:07:27,400
Oh, I thought we were gonna have dinner.

164
00:07:27,417 --> 00:07:29,802
Damn it. I'm so sorry.

165
00:07:29,886 --> 00:07:31,170
We could do it Sunday night.

166
00:07:31,254 --> 00:07:32,588
Oh.

167
00:07:32,639 --> 00:07:34,890
Unless it's the best damn
fundraiser you've ever had

168
00:07:34,957 --> 00:07:37,726
and you wanna do it again on Sunday.

169
00:07:37,794 --> 00:07:41,647
And as I was jumping off the
roof of the apartment building

170
00:07:41,731 --> 00:07:44,466
into the pool three stories below,

171
00:07:44,517 --> 00:07:46,852
I thought, "I could really get hurt."

172
00:07:46,936 --> 00:07:49,188
Um, but I didn't.

173
00:07:49,272 --> 00:07:52,107
And do you know why? Glug, glug, glug.

174
00:08:05,839 --> 00:08:08,340
Oh, Ed, thank you so much for coming.

175
00:08:08,425 --> 00:08:10,843
This anger problem of yours
better be pretty serious

176
00:08:10,927 --> 00:08:13,995
to get me out of bed at 8:00 at night.

177
00:08:14,047 --> 00:08:15,431
I can't do it, Ed.

178
00:08:15,498 --> 00:08:17,633
I've made dozens of sketches

179
00:08:17,684 --> 00:08:20,052
of the fat lady dress
and I hate all of them.

180
00:08:20,136 --> 00:08:22,388
- Good-bye.
- No, Ed, please don't go.

181
00:08:22,472 --> 00:08:23,689
Just...

182
00:08:23,773 --> 00:08:25,507
tell me what I'm doing wrong.

183
00:08:25,558 --> 00:08:27,693
I... I... I'm open to anything.

184
00:08:27,777 --> 00:08:30,729
You're still trying
to hide the woman's figure.

185
00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:33,065
It's like driving a mountain road, boy.

186
00:08:33,149 --> 00:08:36,485
You've got to enjoy the curves.

187
00:08:36,536 --> 00:08:39,521
I just can't do it, Ed.
There's too much mountain.

188
00:08:39,572 --> 00:08:43,459
I don't have time
to design and sew a dress.

189
00:08:43,526 --> 00:08:45,711
I've only got two days.

190
00:08:45,795 --> 00:08:47,546
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

191
00:08:47,630 --> 00:08:50,999
I know more about...

192
00:08:51,051 --> 00:08:53,702
making dresses than I should.

193
00:08:53,753 --> 00:08:57,306
When I was growing up, my
mama had to take in sewing,

194
00:08:57,373 --> 00:09:00,559
make clothes for the neighbors.

195
00:09:00,643 --> 00:09:03,929
And I was kind of puny,
so I was always the...

196
00:09:05,682 --> 00:09:07,733
model for the little girls' dresses.

197
00:09:09,552 --> 00:09:13,105
Oh, Ed, that must've
been horrible for you.

198
00:09:13,189 --> 00:09:15,724
Thank you, God.

199
00:09:15,775 --> 00:09:20,362
Well, I learned to sew
in 'Nam during the war,

200
00:09:20,413 --> 00:09:22,063
so let's get to it.

201
00:09:22,115 --> 00:09:23,866
Ed, we're sewing a dress on a fat lady,

202
00:09:23,917 --> 00:09:26,902
not an ear onto a head.

203
00:09:26,953 --> 00:09:28,670
This is hopeless.

204
00:09:28,738 --> 00:09:32,458
Look here. You don't give up on
something just because it's hard.

205
00:09:32,542 --> 00:09:34,960
Did I quit calling
my neighbor a Chinaman

206
00:09:35,044 --> 00:09:38,046
after he pointed out
that he was a Mexican?

207
00:09:38,098 --> 00:09:39,882
You? No.

208
00:09:41,101 --> 00:09:42,768
No, exactly.

209
00:09:42,852 --> 00:09:46,221
We've got an understanding.
I call him Hong Kong Chui,

210
00:09:46,272 --> 00:09:50,893
he calls me El Gordo Pendejo Putino...

211
00:09:50,944 --> 00:09:52,861
which I understand means,

212
00:09:52,929 --> 00:09:55,981
"the great white king."

213
00:09:56,065 --> 00:10:00,319
No, Ed, it means "fat,
jackass little manwhore."

214
00:10:02,322 --> 00:10:05,440
I believe the Chinaman speaks
better Mexican than you do.

215
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:12,714
Ah, that was a great dinner. Thank you.

216
00:10:12,782 --> 00:10:15,751
You are welcome.

217
00:10:15,802 --> 00:10:18,303
I've never seen anyone eat so fast.

218
00:10:18,388 --> 00:10:21,623
Yeah, I can down a lot pretty quick.
I have no gag reflex.

219
00:10:23,393 --> 00:10:24,593
So, should I put something in?

220
00:10:24,627 --> 00:10:25,811
I mean on? I mean, music?

221
00:10:25,895 --> 00:10:28,630
Oh, sure.

222
00:10:28,681 --> 00:10:30,649
Uh...

223
00:10:30,733 --> 00:10:32,401
what do you like?

224
00:10:35,405 --> 00:10:37,656
Okay, I think I know what you like.

225
00:10:44,113 --> 00:10:45,531
I have to tell you something,

226
00:10:45,615 --> 00:10:47,699
and please don't be mad at Jordan,

227
00:10:47,784 --> 00:10:50,318
but she did mention that you
struggled with sex addiction.

228
00:10:50,370 --> 00:10:53,422
Not as much as I'm
struggling with your belt.

229
00:10:53,489 --> 00:10:55,674
But aren't you celibate?

230
00:10:55,758 --> 00:10:57,826
Well, look, I haven't
had sex in two years.

231
00:10:57,877 --> 00:10:59,461
Wanna know why?

232
00:10:59,512 --> 00:11:01,162
Can't work a belt?

233
00:11:02,665 --> 00:11:04,833
Because I've been working the program

234
00:11:04,884 --> 00:11:07,135
and I've dealt with the underlying
issues behind my addiction

235
00:11:07,187 --> 00:11:09,805
and I have a healthy
attitude towards sex.

236
00:11:09,856 --> 00:11:11,440
So drop your pants and get to work.

237
00:11:11,507 --> 00:11:13,525
Okay.

238
00:11:18,364 --> 00:11:20,032
You need to get that?

239
00:11:23,185 --> 00:11:25,353
No, it's just Jordan.

240
00:11:25,405 --> 00:11:27,573
She's okay. I taught her
how to self-soothe.

241
00:11:29,792 --> 00:11:32,027
Why aren't you answering?

242
00:11:32,078 --> 00:11:33,495
Why?

243
00:11:33,546 --> 00:11:36,081
I came over to the office
to get my mind off of drinking

244
00:11:36,165 --> 00:11:38,300
and my old roommate
sent me a bottle of wine

245
00:11:38,367 --> 00:11:41,303
to congratulate me on my new job.

246
00:11:41,370 --> 00:11:42,671
Stupid bitch.

247
00:11:44,707 --> 00:11:48,727
And it's staring at me
and I want it so bad.

248
00:11:48,811 --> 00:11:52,731
Stop staring at me! Stop it!

249
00:11:52,815 --> 00:11:54,850
God, I'm talking to a bottle of wine.
Call me.

250
00:11:58,650 --> 00:12:00,484
I really appreciate this, Ed.

251
00:12:00,552 --> 00:12:03,454
You're the last person I thought would
come through for me, but you did.

252
00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:07,875
I wish my mama'd had one of these
dress dummies when I was a boy.

253
00:12:07,959 --> 00:12:10,494
It woulda saved me a lotta years

254
00:12:10,545 --> 00:12:13,848
of drinking and thinking.

255
00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:15,432
All right, let's take a look.

256
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:18,469
Well, we did it.

257
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,804
I gotta say, it looks pretty good.

258
00:12:20,856 --> 00:12:24,692
Well, all it needs now
is the belt and we're done.

259
00:12:24,776 --> 00:12:29,113
For the last time, Ed, the
dress does not need a belt.

260
00:12:29,180 --> 00:12:33,400
When I wore a dress, a belt
always made me feel sexy.

261
00:12:35,237 --> 00:12:36,687
Give her a belt.

262
00:12:36,738 --> 00:12:38,455
Fine, we'll give her a belt.

263
00:12:38,523 --> 00:12:41,542
You're such a diva.

264
00:12:41,626 --> 00:12:43,193
I know what works.

265
00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:47,047
There.

266
00:12:47,132 --> 00:12:49,300
Now that's a sweet little cherry

267
00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:51,886
with a whole lot of sundae.

268
00:12:53,838 --> 00:12:57,391
Yeah, baby. Work that thing.

269
00:13:00,545 --> 00:13:02,012
So, are you gonna come to the show?

270
00:13:02,063 --> 00:13:03,764
Well, that depends.

271
00:13:03,848 --> 00:13:06,550
Do I get to help our Rubenesque model

272
00:13:06,601 --> 00:13:07,884
in and out of this thing?

273
00:13:07,936 --> 00:13:10,437
- Absolutely not.
- Let me know how it goes.

274
00:13:13,825 --> 00:13:15,192
Hey.

275
00:13:15,243 --> 00:13:16,327
Hey.

276
00:13:18,113 --> 00:13:19,496
What's this?

277
00:13:19,564 --> 00:13:22,666
Someone bought me
a bottle of wine as a gift.

278
00:13:22,734 --> 00:13:25,252
Really? Don't they know you're
an alcoholic and you're...

279
00:13:29,907 --> 00:13:31,959
No, that's why I electrified it.

280
00:13:32,043 --> 00:13:34,762
So I wouldn't touch it.
I guess it works.

281
00:13:36,881 --> 00:13:39,683
Why didn't you just throw
it away, Ben Franklin?

282
00:13:39,751 --> 00:13:42,970
Because I was freaked out.

283
00:13:43,054 --> 00:13:45,756
I tried calling Blake and she
hasn't called me back for two days.

284
00:13:45,807 --> 00:13:47,591
She's never done this to me before.

285
00:13:47,642 --> 00:13:50,144
Ah, I'm sure she's fine.

286
00:13:50,228 --> 00:13:52,696
No, this is weird.

287
00:13:52,764 --> 00:13:56,283
I hope she didn't fall back into
her old sex addict behavior.

288
00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:59,703
She'd go on this sex binge
with some creep

289
00:13:59,771 --> 00:14:02,206
and just forget about
everything for days.

290
00:14:02,273 --> 00:14:04,825
Keep in mind that
she's also an alcoholic.

291
00:14:04,909 --> 00:14:07,411
Maybe she's just facedown
in a gutter somewhere.

292
00:14:09,497 --> 00:14:11,778
I say we go with that story
until we have more information.

293
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,635
Maybe she's avoiding me.

294
00:14:14,719 --> 00:14:17,004
Hey, do me a favor.

295
00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:19,423
Will you call her and see if she answers

296
00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:21,508
and then I can at least stop worrying?

297
00:14:21,593 --> 00:14:22,593
Sure.

298
00:14:24,479 --> 00:14:26,063
Why do you have her number?

299
00:14:26,130 --> 00:14:28,182
I'm not calling Blake,
I'm calling my mother.

300
00:14:28,266 --> 00:14:29,466
Why?

301
00:14:29,517 --> 00:14:31,068
Because my mother knows what to do

302
00:14:31,135 --> 00:14:32,569
when I'm caught in a lie.

303
00:14:32,637 --> 00:14:34,638
I knew it!

304
00:14:34,689 --> 00:14:36,973
You are the creep who stole my sponsor.

305
00:14:37,025 --> 00:14:38,659
Hey, hey, hey. You don't
know the full story.

306
00:14:38,743 --> 00:14:40,811
You had sex with a sex addict
who also happens to be

307
00:14:40,862 --> 00:14:42,863
the only sponsor who has
ever been able to help me.

308
00:14:42,947 --> 00:14:46,483
Okay, you know a lot of the story.

309
00:14:46,534 --> 00:14:49,653
What you don't know is that she's got
her sex addiction under control.

310
00:14:49,704 --> 00:14:52,172
You're a therapist and you bought that?

311
00:14:52,257 --> 00:14:54,157
Yes, hook, line, and sinker.

312
00:14:54,209 --> 00:14:57,961
That's what all addicts say,
that they have it under control.

313
00:14:58,013 --> 00:15:00,130
But she doesn't. She has a disease.

314
00:15:00,181 --> 00:15:01,665
A disease?

315
00:15:01,716 --> 00:15:03,050
Sex addiction!

316
00:15:03,134 --> 00:15:04,385
Oh, thank God.

317
00:15:10,942 --> 00:15:13,060
You have got to stop
seeing her immediately.

318
00:15:13,144 --> 00:15:15,279
Why? She can date whoever she wants.

319
00:15:15,346 --> 00:15:17,481
But you can't because
she's my 24-hour donut shop

320
00:15:17,532 --> 00:15:20,183
and I can't have you
banging all the donuts.

321
00:15:21,619 --> 00:15:23,570
Well, I have needs, too.

322
00:15:23,655 --> 00:15:26,790
And what I need is a woman
who used to be a sex addict

323
00:15:26,858 --> 00:15:28,859
but isn't anymore
but still does all the stuff.

324
00:15:30,495 --> 00:15:31,495
You are infuriating.

325
00:15:38,214 --> 00:15:40,315
So, I heard you helped Patrick.

326
00:15:40,382 --> 00:15:43,185
How'd your little potato
sack project come out?

327
00:15:43,236 --> 00:15:46,721
Our little potato sack looked fantastic.

328
00:15:46,773 --> 00:15:48,907
I'm just surprised you know how to sew.

329
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:51,076
I kind of think of you as a man's man.

330
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:53,695
Oh, a man's man can sew, Nolan,

331
00:15:53,746 --> 00:15:56,698
and I'm not ashamed of it. You know why?

332
00:15:56,749 --> 00:16:01,253
Because I am the Grande Pendejo Putino.

333
00:16:01,337 --> 00:16:04,623
That's what the girl
at the Taco Bell calls me.

334
00:16:04,707 --> 00:16:07,575
I guess we're both super awesome dudes.

335
00:16:10,847 --> 00:16:14,382
Here's your stupid belt.

336
00:16:14,434 --> 00:16:18,920
- How'd we do? - You don't read
emotional cues very well, do you?

337
00:16:18,971 --> 00:16:21,940
They loved the dress.
They hated the belt.

338
00:16:22,024 --> 00:16:24,776
I told them it gave the dress
an illusion of a waistline.

339
00:16:24,861 --> 00:16:27,195
They said they were gonna give
me the illusion of a trophy.

340
00:16:27,263 --> 00:16:28,280
Here you go. It's yours.

341
00:16:30,199 --> 00:16:33,702
Hey, just because I'm passionate
doesn't mean I'm right.

342
00:16:33,769 --> 00:16:36,037
Now, see there, Nolan?

343
00:16:36,105 --> 00:16:38,490
A man's man can admit when he's wrong.

344
00:16:38,574 --> 00:16:40,208
Why couldn't you admit
you were wrong last night?

345
00:16:40,276 --> 00:16:41,943
I wasn't wrong yet.

346
00:16:48,885 --> 00:16:50,502
I'm sorry, Blake.

347
00:16:50,586 --> 00:16:54,289
Before we go any further,
we should talk about something.

348
00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:57,726
We both know that addicts
say that their addiction

349
00:16:57,793 --> 00:16:59,761
is under control even when it's not.

350
00:17:01,397 --> 00:17:02,764
All right, let me prove it to you.

351
00:17:02,815 --> 00:17:04,516
Let's stop for a while.

352
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:08,019
We can go miniature golfing
or we can go to a museum

353
00:17:08,104 --> 00:17:09,321
or, hell, we can go to a park

354
00:17:09,405 --> 00:17:12,240
and just sit and feed
the ducks and talk.

355
00:17:12,308 --> 00:17:14,192
Well, I'm convinced. Let's have sex.

356
00:17:14,277 --> 00:17:15,360
Yeah.

357
00:17:18,865 --> 00:17:21,149
Excuse me.

358
00:17:26,455 --> 00:17:28,990
Aha, there you are.

359
00:17:29,041 --> 00:17:30,876
Caught in the act.

360
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,295
Busted. Gotcha.

361
00:17:33,346 --> 00:17:36,348
God, are you drunk?

362
00:17:36,432 --> 00:17:39,217
What is this, "Jeopardy"?

363
00:17:39,302 --> 00:17:41,937
No, the questions
on "Jeopardy" are hard.

364
00:17:42,004 --> 00:17:43,972
Can I get you a water?

365
00:17:44,023 --> 00:17:46,174
I don't want anything from you.

366
00:17:46,225 --> 00:17:50,061
Give her the water,
she'll give it to me.

367
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:57,569
Oh, Jordan, how did this happen?

368
00:17:57,653 --> 00:17:59,287
Mm.

369
00:17:59,355 --> 00:18:02,407
You wouldn't answer my calls.

370
00:18:02,491 --> 00:18:04,359
Your voicemail's stupid, by the way.

371
00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:07,212
"Hey, this is Blake."

372
00:18:07,296 --> 00:18:09,831
I'm having sex with Charlie.

373
00:18:09,882 --> 00:18:12,700
Who cares about Jordan? Leave a message.

374
00:18:12,752 --> 00:18:14,669
"Beep."

375
00:18:16,205 --> 00:18:19,174
It doesn't say that.
You're just upset with me.

376
00:18:19,225 --> 00:18:20,892
I'm upset with him.

377
00:18:20,977 --> 00:18:22,594
You should hear his voice-mail.

378
00:18:22,678 --> 00:18:24,646
"Hey, this is Charlie."

379
00:18:24,713 --> 00:18:27,933
"Leave a message unless you're my
pain-in-the-ass partner Jordan."

380
00:18:28,017 --> 00:18:29,901
Honey, it doesn't say that either.

381
00:18:29,986 --> 00:18:31,853
Yeah, actually, it does.

382
00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:36,024
That was way before
you and I got together.

383
00:18:36,075 --> 00:18:37,993
Like, a week ago.

384
00:18:39,996 --> 00:18:42,614
Jordan, I know you're very angry,

385
00:18:42,698 --> 00:18:45,733
but, listen, drinking is not gonna
solve any of your problems.

386
00:18:45,785 --> 00:18:47,735
The only reason you're not drinking

387
00:18:47,787 --> 00:18:51,423
is because your hands
are full of Charlie.

388
00:18:51,507 --> 00:18:53,592
Take me home.

389
00:18:53,676 --> 00:18:55,627
Oh, of course.

390
00:18:55,711 --> 00:18:57,912
Here, let me get my purse. Hold on.

391
00:19:01,517 --> 00:19:04,019
Listen, Jordan, I am so sorry.

392
00:19:04,086 --> 00:19:08,139
I didn't realize how much
you truly needed Blake.

393
00:19:08,224 --> 00:19:11,276
I do a pretty good drunk act, don't I?

394
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:14,112
What?

395
00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:16,097
I'm taking my sponsor back, bitch.

396
00:19:19,652 --> 00:19:22,037
Come on, honey. Let's go.

397
00:19:22,104 --> 00:19:23,455
No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

398
00:19:23,539 --> 00:19:25,407
She's not drunk.

399
00:19:25,458 --> 00:19:28,460
- What? - She's not drunk.
The whole thing's an act.

400
00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:30,211
How can you say that? That's cruel.

401
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:33,781
She's making faces at me right now.

402
00:19:36,385 --> 00:19:39,337
Oh, my God. She's drunk.

403
00:19:39,422 --> 00:19:41,172
She has no control over herself.

404
00:19:41,257 --> 00:19:43,124
No, no, no. No, no.
She's completely sober.

405
00:19:44,894 --> 00:19:45,894
Watch.

406
00:19:50,733 --> 00:19:52,017
I'll get it.

407
00:19:53,969 --> 00:19:56,604
- Oh, my face.
- Oh, my God. You're an animal.

408
00:19:56,656 --> 00:19:58,690
Last night, that was a good thing.

409
00:19:58,774 --> 00:20:01,326
Jordan was right about you.

410
00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:03,144
You're a heartless, inconsiderate pig

411
00:20:03,195 --> 00:20:04,362
and I never want to see you again.

412
00:20:04,447 --> 00:20:05,997
Come on.

413
00:20:16,125 --> 00:20:18,259
Coming.

414
00:20:21,514 --> 00:20:22,830
Hi.

415
00:20:22,882 --> 00:20:24,349
Oh, God.

416
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:26,968
What is it now?

417
00:20:27,019 --> 00:20:29,220
I just wanted to let you know

418
00:20:29,305 --> 00:20:31,139
that I dropped Blake as my sponsor

419
00:20:31,190 --> 00:20:33,274
because, well, she has too many issues.

420
00:20:33,342 --> 00:20:35,360
<i>She</i> has too many issues? <i>She?</i>

421
00:20:35,444 --> 00:20:37,228
You wear underwear in the shower.

422
00:20:39,365 --> 00:20:40,848
How did you know that?

423
00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:43,068
Blake told me.

424
00:20:43,152 --> 00:20:46,404
Well, obviously
I made the right decision.

425
00:20:46,489 --> 00:20:49,207
But I also came over here
to give you the opportunity

426
00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:51,710
to thank me for breaking
the two of you up.

427
00:20:51,794 --> 00:20:54,195
To thank you? What, are you drunk?

428
00:20:54,246 --> 00:20:56,464
Or are you just faking being an idiot?

429
00:20:56,532 --> 00:20:59,167
Blake and I were great together.

430
00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:01,836
Well, I stole her phone.

431
00:21:01,887 --> 00:21:04,089
Let's see who else she was great with.

432
00:21:04,173 --> 00:21:05,924
Here are about 20 different guys

433
00:21:06,008 --> 00:21:08,042
she was planning on hooking
up with in the next few days.

434
00:21:08,094 --> 00:21:10,512
Oh, my gosh. You're right.

435
00:21:10,563 --> 00:21:13,148
I do owe you a thanks.

436
00:21:13,215 --> 00:21:15,411
Blake, time to go home!

437
00:21:15,686 --> 00:21:25,686
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com