1
00:00:00,430 --> 00:00:02,195
Welcome, everyone.

2
00:00:02,258 --> 00:00:04,342
You may have noticed
we have a new member with us.

3
00:00:04,410 --> 00:00:05,794
- This is Bob.
- Hey, guys.

4
00:00:05,878 --> 00:00:07,012
- Hey.
- Hello.

5
00:00:07,079 --> 00:00:08,747
Bob got into a little legal trouble

6
00:00:08,798 --> 00:00:12,434
where he works... at Wendy's.

7
00:00:12,518 --> 00:00:15,420
You want to tell the group what caused
the judge to recommend counseling?

8
00:00:15,471 --> 00:00:18,724
I had a disagreement with my boss.

9
00:00:18,775 --> 00:00:21,443
And you felt that warranted
taking your Subaru

10
00:00:21,527 --> 00:00:24,312
and turning the regular entrance
into a drive-thru entrance?

11
00:00:24,397 --> 00:00:27,699
Truth is I've always
had issues with anger.

12
00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:31,119
My boss at Wendy's
was kind of disrespectful.

13
00:00:31,204 --> 00:00:33,288
Oh, also, I'm the Devil.

14
00:00:34,707 --> 00:00:37,442
Bob, just because people vilify us

15
00:00:37,493 --> 00:00:39,327
or we feel guilty
about a certain incident,

16
00:00:39,412 --> 00:00:41,046
that doesn't mean we're the Devil.

17
00:00:41,113 --> 00:00:42,914
You're right, we're not the Devil.

18
00:00:42,965 --> 00:00:45,917
I'm the Devil and I don't
feel guilty about anything.

19
00:00:45,968 --> 00:00:49,454
Okay, did the new guy just
say that he was the Devil?

20
00:00:49,505 --> 00:00:51,790
Yes, but we need confirmation.

21
00:00:51,841 --> 00:00:54,309
Ed, is this the man you work for?

22
00:00:56,295 --> 00:01:00,098
No! And I'm pretty sure
that's just an expression.

23
00:01:00,149 --> 00:01:02,967
Back in the day, when a fella
called himself the Devil,

24
00:01:03,019 --> 00:01:05,687
that just meant he liked big gals.

25
00:01:05,772 --> 00:01:08,106
No, actually, I meant that I am Satan.

26
00:01:08,157 --> 00:01:11,326
Ruler of the underworld.
He of the cloven hoof.

27
00:01:13,646 --> 00:01:15,113
Well, this is all news to me, Bob.

28
00:01:15,164 --> 00:01:17,148
But there's nothing here in
your file that says anything

29
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,451
about you being the Prince of Darkness.

30
00:01:19,502 --> 00:01:21,286
Although I did kind of
skip over that you listed

31
00:01:21,337 --> 00:01:24,339
your emergency contact
as Charles Manson.

32
00:01:24,423 --> 00:01:27,509
He's always home. Seemed like a natural.

33
00:01:27,593 --> 00:01:29,828
Okay, I got to go.
I can't sit here anymore.

34
00:01:29,879 --> 00:01:31,379
Lacey, if Bob's making you
uncomfortable...

35
00:01:31,464 --> 00:01:34,850
No, I just got waxed
and my shorts are sticking.

36
00:01:34,934 --> 00:01:36,351
I did that.

37
00:01:38,104 --> 00:01:40,839
So you're the Devil, huh?

38
00:01:40,890 --> 00:01:44,025
Tell your buddy Barack
he's doing a hell of a job.

39
00:01:45,311 --> 00:01:47,562
I will. Oh, just so everybody knows,

40
00:01:47,647 --> 00:01:49,364
I'm still in the market for souls.

41
00:01:49,448 --> 00:01:52,350
So if you have one to sell for
an unfulfilled dream or desire,

42
00:01:52,401 --> 00:01:54,119
I'm your guy.

43
00:01:54,186 --> 00:01:56,354
Bob, I'm going to let you stay in group

44
00:01:56,405 --> 00:01:58,039
under one condition:

45
00:01:58,124 --> 00:01:59,708
that you stop talking about
all this Devil stuff.

46
00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:01,126
Deal.

47
00:02:01,193 --> 00:02:02,360
I have something I'd like to talk about.

48
00:02:02,411 --> 00:02:03,695
Nolan has the floor.

49
00:02:03,746 --> 00:02:06,531
I really like Lacey a lot

50
00:02:06,582 --> 00:02:09,301
and I would do anything
to get her to like me.

51
00:02:09,368 --> 00:02:12,203
I would give anything.

52
00:02:12,255 --> 00:02:13,638
Sell anything.

53
00:02:13,706 --> 00:02:15,090
- Nolan!
- Done.

54
00:02:16,726 --> 00:02:18,977
- She's yours.
- Bob, we had a deal.

55
00:02:19,044 --> 00:02:21,346
Yeah, but it was with the Devil.

56
00:02:21,397 --> 00:02:24,316
Okay, I'm going to say something
that I've never said before.

57
00:02:25,852 --> 00:02:29,220
No selling souls in group.

58
00:02:29,272 --> 00:02:31,222
I never put that in the rules

59
00:02:31,274 --> 00:02:33,608
'cause I didn't think I had to.

60
00:02:33,693 --> 00:02:37,693
Anger Management 2x40
- Charlie and the Devil -
Original air date October 31, 2013

61
00:02:37,718 --> 00:02:40,718
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com

62
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,735
Yay! Mom's dead.

63
00:02:43,786 --> 00:02:46,037
You're no fun.

64
00:02:46,088 --> 00:02:48,573
You used to love my Halloween
pranks when you were little.

65
00:02:48,624 --> 00:02:50,926
You'd cry, you had nightmares,
you peed your bed.

66
00:02:51,010 --> 00:02:52,711
It was awesome.

67
00:02:52,762 --> 00:02:55,714
Mom, I want to talk
to you about Halloween.

68
00:02:55,765 --> 00:02:58,183
- I can't wait.
- Stacy's having a party,

69
00:02:58,250 --> 00:02:59,690
so I'm not going to be able to stay.

70
00:02:59,719 --> 00:03:02,103
Okay.

71
00:03:02,188 --> 00:03:04,105
You can go to Stacy's at 9:00,

72
00:03:04,190 --> 00:03:05,774
but until then,

73
00:03:05,858 --> 00:03:08,593
we're having forced mother-daughter fun.

74
00:03:08,644 --> 00:03:10,595
( Screams )

75
00:03:10,646 --> 00:03:12,263
My thumb!

76
00:03:12,315 --> 00:03:13,949
Oh, I cut my thumb!

77
00:03:14,033 --> 00:03:15,567
Nice try, Mom.

78
00:03:15,618 --> 00:03:18,904
Oh, God, this isn't about you!
This is real!

79
00:03:18,955 --> 00:03:21,039
This is bad.
I need to go to the hospital.

80
00:03:21,106 --> 00:03:22,306
You're going to have to drive.

81
00:03:22,375 --> 00:03:24,159
I get to drive?!

82
00:03:24,243 --> 00:03:26,661
No, sucker!

83
00:03:29,782 --> 00:03:31,132
- Hey.
- Hey.

84
00:03:32,952 --> 00:03:35,754
So are you going to
dress up for Halloween?

85
00:03:35,805 --> 00:03:39,557
I was going to go as a giant
dick, but you beat me to it.

86
00:03:39,625 --> 00:03:42,727
That's painful and I'm hurt.

87
00:03:42,795 --> 00:03:45,964
Seriously, why do you
look like an idiot?

88
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,517
Well, with Halloween coming up,
I asked everyone in my group

89
00:03:49,602 --> 00:03:51,903
to dress in whatever costume

90
00:03:51,971 --> 00:03:54,522
they felt expressed where
they're at in their life.

91
00:03:54,607 --> 00:03:56,247
So you're the Johnnie Walker whiskey guy?

92
00:03:57,326 --> 00:03:59,477
No, I'm the Mad...

93
00:03:59,528 --> 00:04:01,746
yes, I'm the Johnnie Walker whiskey guy.

94
00:04:04,417 --> 00:04:05,784
Why are you here?

95
00:04:05,835 --> 00:04:09,120
I wanted to see if you would join me

96
00:04:09,171 --> 00:04:10,755
for a double date on Halloween.

97
00:04:10,823 --> 00:04:12,340
A double date?

98
00:04:12,425 --> 00:04:14,158
Gee whiz, who do I get,
Laverne or Shirley?

99
00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:18,680
You get Carlita.

100
00:04:18,764 --> 00:04:21,766
Whoa. She's hot. What's her story?

101
00:04:21,834 --> 00:04:23,668
She's a motorcycle model.

102
00:04:23,719 --> 00:04:26,805
Really helps to get into soft-core porn.

103
00:04:26,856 --> 00:04:29,841
Hey, Charlie. I just dropped Ed off.

104
00:04:29,892 --> 00:04:31,860
Hi, I'm Martin. Charlie's dad.

105
00:04:31,944 --> 00:04:34,178
- How are you, sir?
- Sir, I like that.

106
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:35,864
- And you are?
- I'm Sean.

107
00:04:35,948 --> 00:04:37,315
I'm Charlie's new neighbor.

108
00:04:37,366 --> 00:04:40,151
I was just setting your son up

109
00:04:40,202 --> 00:04:42,620
with a young lady that I met in church.

110
00:04:42,688 --> 00:04:45,407
Church going young man.
I like that, too.

111
00:04:45,491 --> 00:04:48,410
- My dad is a hard-core Catholic.
- Oh, really?

112
00:04:48,494 --> 00:04:51,913
The girl I'm setting him up
with is more like soft-core.

113
00:04:53,382 --> 00:04:55,633
Please, God, someday
she'll be be hard-core.

114
00:04:55,701 --> 00:04:57,502
Fingers crossed.

115
00:04:59,338 --> 00:05:00,922
What's her name?

116
00:05:01,007 --> 00:05:02,974
- Carlita.
- So, Charlie,

117
00:05:03,042 --> 00:05:04,509
maybe you could take this Carlita

118
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,811
to a church function
for your first date.

119
00:05:06,879 --> 00:05:08,396
I'm not going back to church, Dad.

120
00:05:08,481 --> 00:05:11,016
It took me years to get
going-to-hell stuff out of my head.

121
00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:14,519
Now if you'll excuse me, the Devil
wants his blueberry muffin.

122
00:05:17,990 --> 00:05:21,359
So, Sean, could we talk?

123
00:05:21,410 --> 00:05:24,562
Nolan, you're supposed to wear a costume

124
00:05:24,613 --> 00:05:26,564
that represents where you
think you are in life.

125
00:05:26,615 --> 00:05:28,166
I am.

126
00:05:28,233 --> 00:05:30,085
I think I'm in California.

127
00:05:32,588 --> 00:05:35,006
Hey, Charlie, can I talk to you?

128
00:05:35,074 --> 00:05:37,625
- I got a big problem.
- What is it?

129
00:05:37,710 --> 00:05:39,544
I'm really scared.

130
00:05:39,595 --> 00:05:42,075
I never should have sold my soul
to Bob so Lacey would love me.

131
00:05:42,098 --> 00:05:44,916
Nolan, you didn't sell
your soul to anybody.

132
00:05:44,967 --> 00:05:46,601
Trust me, as a recovering Catholic,

133
00:05:46,685 --> 00:05:48,470
I know that the Devil
goes by many names.

134
00:05:48,554 --> 00:05:50,221
Bob ain't one of them.

135
00:05:52,108 --> 00:05:53,641
Trust me, you're safe.

136
00:05:55,594 --> 00:05:58,262
Patrick, an astronaut.
What's up with that?

137
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:01,449
Well, I looked at my life

138
00:06:01,534 --> 00:06:03,952
and I feel

139
00:06:04,036 --> 00:06:06,988
like I'm floating in space

140
00:06:07,073 --> 00:06:09,607
completely alone.

141
00:06:09,658 --> 00:06:12,110
Also, I'm really
kind of above everybody.

142
00:06:14,747 --> 00:06:16,498
Ed, I love what you got going on here.

143
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:20,118
Your wife threw you out of the house,

144
00:06:20,169 --> 00:06:22,637
you're shacking up somewhere
else, money's tight.

145
00:06:22,721 --> 00:06:23,788
Is that why you dressed like a hobo?

146
00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:25,790
No, no, that's Patrick.

147
00:06:25,841 --> 00:06:28,843
I'm not... oh, you said hobo.

148
00:06:33,732 --> 00:06:35,850
You heard him just fine, didn't you?

149
00:06:35,935 --> 00:06:37,569
Yeah.

150
00:06:37,636 --> 00:06:40,238
I picked this costume just for that joke.
( Laughs )

151
00:06:43,642 --> 00:06:46,194
And, Bob, you are dressed like...

152
00:06:46,278 --> 00:06:47,645
The Devil.

153
00:06:49,448 --> 00:06:50,982
Where's Lacey?

154
00:06:51,033 --> 00:06:52,650
She should be here any minute.

155
00:06:54,253 --> 00:06:55,537
Hey.

156
00:06:57,623 --> 00:06:58,957
Speak of the me.

157
00:07:00,709 --> 00:07:03,161
Behold, Cleopatra,

158
00:07:03,212 --> 00:07:05,213
Queen of the Nile.

159
00:07:05,297 --> 00:07:06,714
Way to go, Lacey.

160
00:07:06,799 --> 00:07:08,833
And what makes you feel like Cleopatra?

161
00:07:08,884 --> 00:07:11,386
Well, she was super strong

162
00:07:11,470 --> 00:07:13,555
and, like, super smart

163
00:07:13,639 --> 00:07:17,025
and she totally ruled her people

164
00:07:17,109 --> 00:07:19,310
and she was great in the sack.

165
00:07:19,361 --> 00:07:21,012
But ultimately,

166
00:07:21,063 --> 00:07:23,731
she gave up her entire kingdom

167
00:07:23,816 --> 00:07:26,317
for the man that she loved.

168
00:07:26,368 --> 00:07:28,453
Holy hell.

169
00:07:29,989 --> 00:07:32,323
( Laughing devilishly )

170
00:07:32,374 --> 00:07:33,958
Shut up, Bob.

171
00:07:34,026 --> 00:07:35,627
Sorry.

172
00:07:39,397 --> 00:07:42,166
So, Cleo, I hear your parole
hearing didn't go so well.

173
00:07:42,234 --> 00:07:44,368
No, it did not go so well.
No, it did not.

174
00:07:44,435 --> 00:07:46,620
I understand you used the defense

175
00:07:46,705 --> 00:07:49,106
that one of your
other personalities did it.

176
00:07:49,157 --> 00:07:52,743
That your crimes were committed by

177
00:07:52,794 --> 00:07:55,746
Monique Detwoliterfresca.

178
00:07:57,082 --> 00:07:58,499
She's a bad girl

179
00:07:58,583 --> 00:08:00,384
who really likes Fresca.

180
00:08:01,786 --> 00:08:04,388
I don't know why it didn't work.

181
00:08:04,455 --> 00:08:07,141
I'll tell you why,
'cause you're full of it.

182
00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:09,466
I see this all the time. People
want to get out of crimes.

183
00:08:09,478 --> 00:08:11,011
People want attention.

184
00:08:11,096 --> 00:08:12,462
There's a patient
in my group right now who

185
00:08:12,514 --> 00:08:14,064
says he's the Devil.

186
00:08:14,132 --> 00:08:15,649
I don't know, Charlie.

187
00:08:15,734 --> 00:08:17,601
Any guy who says he's the Devil,

188
00:08:17,652 --> 00:08:19,320
you gotta take that seriously.

189
00:08:19,404 --> 00:08:22,306
Because one of those guys
that says he's the guy,

190
00:08:22,357 --> 00:08:25,309
is "the guy."

191
00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,278
But he's not "the guy,"
but one of my other patients

192
00:08:27,329 --> 00:08:29,313
thinks he's "the guy"
and sold him his soul.

193
00:08:29,364 --> 00:08:32,032
Oh, he's doomed.

194
00:08:32,117 --> 00:08:34,651
All you can do now,
Charlie, is protect yourself.

195
00:08:34,703 --> 00:08:37,037
First thing you gotta do
is say his name backwards.

196
00:08:37,122 --> 00:08:39,089
It's Bob.

197
00:08:39,157 --> 00:08:41,175
So, let me see...

198
00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:42,492
Bob.

199
00:08:43,995 --> 00:08:46,547
Oh, damn, the Devil's so tricky.

200
00:08:46,631 --> 00:08:49,800
He made it so you can
never say his name backwards.

201
00:08:49,851 --> 00:08:53,003
Y'all done talking?

202
00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:56,357
Y'all done playing around?

203
00:08:56,441 --> 00:08:59,162
'Cause there ain't no way in hell
that Charlie's patient is the Devil.

204
00:08:59,177 --> 00:09:01,445
Any rational human being knows that.

205
00:09:01,512 --> 00:09:03,314
Exactly. Everyone listen to Wayne.

206
00:09:03,365 --> 00:09:06,516
The Devil's right here in Cell Block D.

207
00:09:06,568 --> 00:09:08,736
Okay, no one listen to Wayne.

208
00:09:08,820 --> 00:09:11,155
This dude is Satan.

209
00:09:11,206 --> 00:09:13,240
When you meet him, oh-oh, you'll know.

210
00:09:13,325 --> 00:09:16,693
You know, if your friend Bob
took a trip to Cell Block D,

211
00:09:16,745 --> 00:09:18,913
he wouldn't dare call
himself the Devil anymore.

212
00:09:18,997 --> 00:09:21,882
Wayne, there is no Devil.

213
00:09:21,967 --> 00:09:23,367
But you know what?

214
00:09:23,418 --> 00:09:25,469
Maybe if Bob met somebody
with a similar delusion,

215
00:09:25,536 --> 00:09:27,471
it might jar him back to reality.

216
00:09:27,538 --> 00:09:29,256
Just make sure, when you
go down to Cell Block D,

217
00:09:29,341 --> 00:09:31,141
you say the Dark Lord's name backwards.

218
00:09:31,209 --> 00:09:32,476
And his name is?

219
00:09:32,543 --> 00:09:33,811
Otto.

220
00:09:35,230 --> 00:09:37,181
Of course it is.

221
00:09:39,401 --> 00:09:40,818
Sam: <i>So, change of plans, Mom.</i>

222
00:09:40,885 --> 00:09:43,553
I can only hang out with you
till 7:00 on Halloween.

223
00:09:43,605 --> 00:09:45,906
What? We had a deal.

224
00:09:45,991 --> 00:09:48,108
You promised me you'd stay until 9:00.

225
00:09:48,193 --> 00:09:49,827
But Stacey's rich.

226
00:09:49,894 --> 00:09:51,328
Okay, that buys you an hour.

227
00:09:53,448 --> 00:09:55,916
8:00, but bring me home
some rich people cake.

228
00:09:56,001 --> 00:09:58,002
And if the soap is good,
take some of that, too.

229
00:09:59,404 --> 00:10:01,571
Fine, I'll stay till 8:00.

230
00:10:01,623 --> 00:10:03,624
8:00.

231
00:10:03,708 --> 00:10:05,509
Hello.

232
00:10:05,576 --> 00:10:07,378
Well, hello.

233
00:10:07,429 --> 00:10:10,180
I'm Jeff. I just moved in next door.
I wanted to say hi.

234
00:10:10,248 --> 00:10:12,466
Hi, I'm Jennifer.

235
00:10:12,550 --> 00:10:14,518
This is my daughter Sam.

236
00:10:14,585 --> 00:10:16,971
You and your wife got a great place.
I love that house.

237
00:10:17,055 --> 00:10:18,305
Divorced.

238
00:10:18,390 --> 00:10:20,274
Oh, great. Me, too. Come in.

239
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:22,693
Listen, why don't you

240
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,528
come here for Halloween?

241
00:10:24,595 --> 00:10:27,114
I can give you all the local
gossip over my witch's brew.

242
00:10:27,198 --> 00:10:30,234
It's just juice with a lot of vodka.

243
00:10:30,285 --> 00:10:33,404
I'll be by myself because
Sam's going to a party early.

244
00:10:33,455 --> 00:10:34,538
Right, Sam?

245
00:10:34,605 --> 00:10:36,156
I am. At 7:00.

246
00:10:36,241 --> 00:10:37,741
You can go at 6:00 if you want.

247
00:10:39,628 --> 00:10:41,412
So what do you say?

248
00:10:41,463 --> 00:10:43,330
I would love to,
but I need to ask Quinn.

249
00:10:43,415 --> 00:10:45,449
We plan to spend Halloween together.

250
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:48,252
Quinn, drop the box,
come meet the neighbors.

251
00:10:48,303 --> 00:10:50,638
He just got back from class.

252
00:10:50,722 --> 00:10:52,673
Hey, cool skeleton.

253
00:10:52,757 --> 00:10:55,309
Yeah, we found it in a shallow grave

254
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:57,678
in your backyard before
you guys moved in.

255
00:10:57,762 --> 00:11:00,180
Is it okay if Quinn comes, too?

256
00:11:00,265 --> 00:11:02,232
Totally. Right, Mom?

257
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:03,484
Of course.

258
00:11:03,568 --> 00:11:04,935
I mean, what about your party?

259
00:11:04,986 --> 00:11:06,687
Oh, that party's not important.

260
00:11:06,771 --> 00:11:09,473
I really want to spend
Halloween with you.

261
00:11:09,524 --> 00:11:10,807
What a nice thing to say to your mother.

262
00:11:10,859 --> 00:11:12,776
She wasn't talking to me.

263
00:11:14,779 --> 00:11:16,080
I know this seems unusual, Bob,

264
00:11:16,147 --> 00:11:18,115
but seeing people locked up
because of their anger

265
00:11:18,166 --> 00:11:20,417
is part of your therapy.

266
00:11:20,485 --> 00:11:22,486
Hey, can we swing by death row
later on before we leave?

267
00:11:22,537 --> 00:11:25,289
I want to thank them for their service.

268
00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:27,708
Why don't you wait here and
I'll bring you in in a second?

269
00:11:27,792 --> 00:11:28,876
Okay.

270
00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:40,854
Hello.

271
00:11:40,939 --> 00:11:44,608
Who dares to stand before me?

272
00:11:44,675 --> 00:11:46,343
My name is Charlie Goodson.

273
00:11:46,394 --> 00:11:47,611
I run a therapy group in this prison.

274
00:11:47,678 --> 00:11:49,897
State your purpose.

275
00:11:49,981 --> 00:11:53,400
But know full well that all
who doubt my supreme power

276
00:11:53,485 --> 00:11:57,854
shall burn in the lake
of fire for all of eternity.

277
00:11:57,906 --> 00:12:00,874
Good to know.

278
00:12:00,959 --> 00:12:03,410
Anyhoo,

279
00:12:03,495 --> 00:12:05,662
I brought someone who I thought
might benefit from meeting you.

280
00:12:05,714 --> 00:12:07,581
Bob.

281
00:12:13,054 --> 00:12:16,306
Uh, Bob, Otto. Otto, Bob.

282
00:12:21,429 --> 00:12:23,931
Oh, my Lord of Darkness,

283
00:12:24,015 --> 00:12:26,316
I submit to you my mortal soul.

284
00:12:26,384 --> 00:12:29,019
Rise, my son,

285
00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:32,906
for as my minion, you shall rule
by my side at the gates of hell.

286
00:12:32,991 --> 00:12:33,491
Really?

287
00:12:37,061 --> 00:12:40,080
That's how this is going?

288
00:12:40,165 --> 00:12:41,532
And you,

289
00:12:41,583 --> 00:12:43,784
for doubting me, I curse thee.

290
00:12:43,868 --> 00:12:45,869
You shall now lose
something that you love.

291
00:12:47,338 --> 00:12:49,540
Sorry to get all formal, I'm working.

292
00:12:55,288 --> 00:12:56,522
What the hell?

293
00:12:56,590 --> 00:12:58,190
How can you do a Google
search of the Bible

294
00:12:58,258 --> 00:13:00,926
and still come up with porn?

295
00:13:00,994 --> 00:13:02,494
Martin: <i>Charlie, where are ya?</i>

296
00:13:02,562 --> 00:13:04,897
I'm in here.

297
00:13:04,964 --> 00:13:06,348
Hey, son, we have to talk.

298
00:13:07,967 --> 00:13:11,103
Ed tells me that you have
the Devil in your group?

299
00:13:11,154 --> 00:13:13,972
No, no, no, no. I have a guy
who thinks he's the Devil.

300
00:13:14,024 --> 00:13:16,308
So I'm trying to find some logical evidence
here to prove to him that he's not.

301
00:13:16,359 --> 00:13:19,445
Charlie, there is nothing
in any one of these books

302
00:13:19,496 --> 00:13:21,480
that can disprove
the existence of the Devil.

303
00:13:21,531 --> 00:13:23,082
He's as real as you and me.

304
00:13:23,149 --> 00:13:26,335
So you're saying that the
curse he put on me is real?

305
00:13:26,419 --> 00:13:27,703
Curse? What curse?

306
00:13:27,787 --> 00:13:28,837
He said I was going
to lose something I love.

307
00:13:28,922 --> 00:13:30,923
Oh, God, I'm a dead man.

308
00:13:30,990 --> 00:13:31,957
Trust me, Dad, you're safe.

309
00:13:32,008 --> 00:13:34,093
Oh.

310
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,995
Charlie, if there was ever a time
for you to come back to the Church,

311
00:13:37,047 --> 00:13:38,297
now is that time.

312
00:13:38,348 --> 00:13:40,799
"Put on the whole armor of God"

313
00:13:40,850 --> 00:13:44,520
"that ye may be able to stand
against the schemes of the Devil."

314
00:13:44,604 --> 00:13:47,022
Ephesians 6:11.

315
00:13:47,107 --> 00:13:50,842
Get out of my kitchen.
Los Angeles, 7:45.

316
00:13:50,894 --> 00:13:52,194
Look, son...

317
00:13:52,279 --> 00:13:53,696
I'm not going back to church, Dad.

318
00:13:53,780 --> 00:13:55,698
Now, I'm just saying, you
are dealing with the Devil.

319
00:13:55,782 --> 00:13:57,566
I deal with the Devil once a year.

320
00:13:57,651 --> 00:14:00,402
I hand him his Father's Day
card and then I walk out.

321
00:14:04,574 --> 00:14:07,543
Lacey, for the last time,

322
00:14:07,627 --> 00:14:09,295
please get back in your seat
and leave Nolan alone.

323
00:14:09,362 --> 00:14:13,132
But this is the only time
I get to see him.

324
00:14:13,199 --> 00:14:16,535
He won't let me into his house
and he won't answer my calls.

325
00:14:16,586 --> 00:14:19,888
Because you're under
the control of the Devil.

326
00:14:19,973 --> 00:14:23,425
Where is Bob? Did he go down to Georgia?

327
00:14:23,510 --> 00:14:25,928
No, he took the night off for Halloween.

328
00:14:26,012 --> 00:14:28,647
To make a few extra bucks,
he tries to win costume contests

329
00:14:28,715 --> 00:14:30,566
in "winged form."

330
00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:33,552
But you have to do something about this.

331
00:14:33,603 --> 00:14:35,988
I don't want to lose my soul.

332
00:14:36,055 --> 00:14:38,107
You know who else lost their soul?

333
00:14:38,191 --> 00:14:41,410
Usher, Usher, Usher, Usher.

334
00:14:41,494 --> 00:14:43,662
Nolan, it's meaningless.

335
00:14:43,730 --> 00:14:46,448
The guy even cursed me. He said
that I would lose something I love.

336
00:14:46,533 --> 00:14:49,752
Like the way the world lost
Usher when he lost his soul?

337
00:14:49,836 --> 00:14:52,738
Everything isn't about Usher!

338
00:14:52,789 --> 00:14:54,957
Okay, let me try one more time.

339
00:14:55,041 --> 00:14:57,042
Lacey, honey,

340
00:14:57,093 --> 00:14:58,794
Nolan's car has cloth seats.

341
00:14:58,878 --> 00:15:00,879
I don't care.

342
00:15:00,930 --> 00:15:04,350
Well, there's nothing more I can do.

343
00:15:04,417 --> 00:15:07,302
Lacey, just try one more
time to explain to us

344
00:15:07,387 --> 00:15:09,021
why you're so in love with Nolan.

345
00:15:09,088 --> 00:15:11,724
I think it's because of his

346
00:15:11,775 --> 00:15:13,859
stained T-shirt.

347
00:15:13,926 --> 00:15:16,645
Or maybe it's the way
he cuts his own hair

348
00:15:16,730 --> 00:15:20,199
that makes me want his
Cheeto-powdered fingers all over me.

349
00:15:20,266 --> 00:15:23,452
Get away from me, you succubus.

350
00:15:23,536 --> 00:15:24,620
Lacey: <i>No.</i>

351
00:15:24,704 --> 00:15:25,788
- Get her off me.
- No.

352
00:15:25,872 --> 00:15:27,072
- Get her off me.
- No, no, no.

353
00:15:27,123 --> 00:15:28,374
All right, all right,
come on, come on, come on.

354
00:15:28,441 --> 00:15:31,326
- No! No! No!
- Come on, come on, come on.

355
00:15:31,411 --> 00:15:32,878
You got her, come on, come on.

356
00:15:34,831 --> 00:15:37,299
All right, all right, all right.
Everybody just chill out.

357
00:15:37,384 --> 00:15:39,385
Bob is not the Devil. Nolan's
not going to lose his soul.

358
00:15:39,452 --> 00:15:40,969
We all just need to stop.

359
00:15:41,054 --> 00:15:44,306
I can't, I want him.

360
00:15:44,391 --> 00:15:45,791
Nolan, you got a head start. Take it.

361
00:15:45,809 --> 00:15:48,927
I'm watching your ass. It's adorable.

362
00:15:48,978 --> 00:15:50,646
Don't look at my ass!

363
00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:53,682
You know I'm gonna catch
him, Charlie, right?

364
00:15:53,767 --> 00:15:56,151
He runs like a girl, and I love that.

365
00:15:58,238 --> 00:16:00,572
I hope you're right about
Bob not being the Devil.

366
00:16:02,975 --> 00:16:05,494
Charlie, Charlie.

367
00:16:05,578 --> 00:16:09,782
Couple of Puerto Rican chicks in here
that are just dying to meet you.

368
00:16:09,833 --> 00:16:13,151
If you're waiting for me
to sing something back,

369
00:16:13,203 --> 00:16:15,871
not gonna happen.

370
00:16:15,955 --> 00:16:18,841
- He's on his way, okay.
- Awesome.

371
00:16:18,925 --> 00:16:20,209
Charlie,

372
00:16:20,293 --> 00:16:22,044
this is Maria

373
00:16:22,128 --> 00:16:23,762
and Carlita.

374
00:16:23,830 --> 00:16:25,764
Hi, I'm Charlie.

375
00:16:25,832 --> 00:16:27,099
Sean, why don't you make
us all a quick drink

376
00:16:27,166 --> 00:16:28,467
and I'll go upstairs and change.

377
00:16:28,518 --> 00:16:31,520
I've never been out with
a psychologist before.

378
00:16:31,604 --> 00:16:33,689
I hope you're not gonna analyze me.

379
00:16:33,773 --> 00:16:35,173
Too late.

380
00:16:35,225 --> 00:16:37,008
Anybody who says that is intelligent,

381
00:16:37,060 --> 00:16:39,511
sexy, confident with their body,

382
00:16:39,562 --> 00:16:41,346
and attracted to guys named Charlie.

383
00:16:41,397 --> 00:16:43,031
You're cute.

384
00:16:43,116 --> 00:16:45,534
I know, I'm Charlie.

385
00:16:45,618 --> 00:16:47,369
Oh, my God,

386
00:16:47,454 --> 00:16:49,288
I am so sorry.

387
00:16:49,355 --> 00:16:51,356
Holy crap, where the
hell did that come from?

388
00:16:51,407 --> 00:16:52,691
From your head.

389
00:16:52,742 --> 00:16:54,359
What?

390
00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:55,711
Dude,

391
00:16:55,795 --> 00:16:58,547
something is wrong with your hair.

392
00:16:58,631 --> 00:17:00,716
Oh, my God,

393
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,001
Bob the Devil said I would
lose something I love.

394
00:17:03,052 --> 00:17:06,305
Relax, it's fine, okay?
Everything is okay.

395
00:17:06,372 --> 00:17:09,141
Listen, ladies, the bald guy is
gonna go upstairs and grab a hat,

396
00:17:09,208 --> 00:17:10,425
and then we'll get going.

397
00:17:14,223 --> 00:17:17,325
Oh no, you are too young
to dress like that.

398
00:17:17,377 --> 00:17:19,211
Yeah, and you're too old.

399
00:17:19,295 --> 00:17:22,547
Come on, Sam, I think I
have a shot with this guy.

400
00:17:22,632 --> 00:17:24,933
Yeah, well, I actually think
I have a shot with his son.

401
00:17:25,001 --> 00:17:26,268
A shot to do what?

402
00:17:26,335 --> 00:17:28,887
A lot less than you.

403
00:17:28,972 --> 00:17:30,389
<i>( Doorbell rings )</i>

404
00:17:30,473 --> 00:17:32,474
Oh, it's them.

405
00:17:32,525 --> 00:17:34,109
Okay, sweetheart,

406
00:17:34,176 --> 00:17:35,610
you look beautiful.

407
00:17:35,678 --> 00:17:38,146
But you need to remember,
if it doesn't work out for you,

408
00:17:38,197 --> 00:17:40,065
don't ruin Mommy's night.

409
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,154
Tennis, anyone?

410
00:17:46,205 --> 00:17:48,457
Oh, I love your outfits.

411
00:17:48,524 --> 00:17:51,159
1970s tennis players, hilarious.

412
00:17:51,210 --> 00:17:53,045
I can't believe people
actually dressed like that.

413
00:17:53,129 --> 00:17:54,413
Yeah, I know, right?

414
00:17:54,497 --> 00:17:56,364
We wore these at the parade this summer.

415
00:17:56,416 --> 00:17:58,199
- The parade?
- Yeah, the Gay Pride Parade.

416
00:17:58,251 --> 00:17:59,918
It was insane this year.

417
00:18:00,003 --> 00:18:02,170
You hear that, Mom?

418
00:18:02,221 --> 00:18:03,422
They went to the Gay Pride Parade.

419
00:18:03,506 --> 00:18:05,891
Oh, good for you
for being so supportive.

420
00:18:05,975 --> 00:18:07,809
Do you have a cousin or a nephew

421
00:18:07,877 --> 00:18:09,210
or someone who's gay... oh!

422
00:18:09,262 --> 00:18:10,929
You're gay.

423
00:18:11,014 --> 00:18:14,232
You're gay. Okay.

424
00:18:14,317 --> 00:18:16,184
I love your outfit.

425
00:18:16,235 --> 00:18:18,103
Thanks, I'm a stupid nurse.

426
00:18:21,107 --> 00:18:23,825
Hey, don't worry about a thing.
You'll look great bald.

427
00:18:23,893 --> 00:18:27,395
Or maybe you'll win the lottery
and you can still get a woman.

428
00:18:27,447 --> 00:18:30,282
Dad, I am freaking out here.

429
00:18:30,366 --> 00:18:33,068
I know that you are, and that's why you're
going to mass with me this morning.

430
00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:36,338
Because as soon as you get your feet
set back on the path of righteousness,

431
00:18:36,405 --> 00:18:38,757
the power of the Devil over you
will be greatly diminished.

432
00:18:38,841 --> 00:18:40,959
Yeah, maybe, I just

433
00:18:41,044 --> 00:18:42,878
feel like such an idiot.

434
00:18:42,929 --> 00:18:45,047
I've rebelled against this
for the last 30 years.

435
00:18:45,098 --> 00:18:46,765
Why did it have to be my hair?

436
00:18:46,849 --> 00:18:49,101
Why couldn't he have
put a plague upon my family

437
00:18:49,185 --> 00:18:51,686
or taken my oxen or something?

438
00:18:51,754 --> 00:18:53,688
Hey, guys.

439
00:18:53,756 --> 00:18:55,256
What are you both so dressed up for?

440
00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:56,975
We're just leaving for the 10:00 mass.

441
00:18:57,060 --> 00:19:00,028
You're going to church?
That actually worked?

442
00:19:01,447 --> 00:19:04,116
What worked?

443
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,034
God's will.

444
00:19:06,102 --> 00:19:07,736
Now, come on, I don't
want to get a crappy pew.

445
00:19:07,787 --> 00:19:09,404
No, no, no, hold on, hold on.
That's not what worked.

446
00:19:09,455 --> 00:19:10,605
Something else worked.
What the hell worked?

447
00:19:10,656 --> 00:19:13,492
The hair thing. It was a trick.

448
00:19:13,576 --> 00:19:14,960
A trick?

449
00:19:15,044 --> 00:19:17,079
Charlie, your hair is fine.

450
00:19:17,130 --> 00:19:20,916
This guy comes to me with this crazy
plan to get you back into church,

451
00:19:20,967 --> 00:19:23,835
so I had Carlita pretend to pull
some hair out of your head.

452
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,454
You got to admit,
she was pretty convincing.

453
00:19:26,506 --> 00:19:29,724
Oh, yeah, she's gonna
kill in soft-core porn.

454
00:19:29,792 --> 00:19:31,259
Why would you do that to me?

455
00:19:31,310 --> 00:19:32,928
It was Halloween.

456
00:19:32,979 --> 00:19:35,764
How could I believe you
were a good Catholic boy

457
00:19:35,815 --> 00:19:38,483
who was gonna help me get
my son back to the Church?

458
00:19:38,568 --> 00:19:41,686
It was Halloween.

459
00:19:41,771 --> 00:19:43,939
Well, you know what? You're both idiots.

460
00:19:43,990 --> 00:19:46,691
You, you're lucky
I still got laid last night.

461
00:19:46,776 --> 00:19:50,478
And you, you had to suffer
the indignity of...

462
00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:52,371
hearing about your son
getting laid last night.

463
00:19:54,316 --> 00:19:55,500
Well, as everyone can see,

464
00:19:55,585 --> 00:19:56,868
Bob is back with us today.

465
00:19:56,953 --> 00:19:58,453
Hey, guys.

466
00:19:58,504 --> 00:19:59,921
Would you please

467
00:19:59,989 --> 00:20:02,757
stop it with the whole
regular guy-Devil thing?

468
00:20:02,825 --> 00:20:04,459
The Devil would never say, "Hey, guys."

469
00:20:04,510 --> 00:20:06,761
If anything, he would say,
"Greetings, mortals."

470
00:20:06,829 --> 00:20:09,014
I don't even think he would say that.

471
00:20:09,098 --> 00:20:12,050
Bob talks like a regular guy
because that's all he is.

472
00:20:12,135 --> 00:20:13,501
Bob is not the Devil.

473
00:20:13,553 --> 00:20:15,854
What are you talking about?
Of course I am.

474
00:20:15,938 --> 00:20:17,556
You're not.

475
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,809
Even I fell for it, thanks
to that seed of superstition

476
00:20:20,860 --> 00:20:23,344
my father planted in me during
my Catholic upbringing.

477
00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:25,447
I even went to church
and talked to a priest.

478
00:20:25,514 --> 00:20:28,700
Those guys crack me up.

479
00:20:28,784 --> 00:20:30,152
Even had this...

480
00:20:30,203 --> 00:20:33,405
this ancient book
of old Latin exorcism prayers.

481
00:20:33,489 --> 00:20:35,740
I got to tell you, those books
never made sense to me.

482
00:20:35,825 --> 00:20:37,242
I never learned Latin.

483
00:20:37,326 --> 00:20:41,329
A little Spanish, you know,
just for the Inquisition.

484
00:20:41,380 --> 00:20:43,798
I even said one of those prayers, Bob.

485
00:20:45,885 --> 00:20:48,553
And that is how I know

486
00:20:48,638 --> 00:20:51,206
that you are not the Devil.

487
00:20:51,257 --> 00:20:52,674
Because if you were,

488
00:20:52,725 --> 00:20:54,559
your hair would be falling out.

489
00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:57,646
And plainly... oh, my God,

490
00:20:57,713 --> 00:21:00,548
your hair is falling out.

491
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,652
All hail, Baldy the Devil!

492
00:21:03,719 --> 00:21:05,386
Why is this happening?

493
00:21:05,438 --> 00:21:06,905
I... I... I'm not the Devil.

494
00:21:06,989 --> 00:21:09,491
I was just pretending to get
a little respect at Wendy's.

495
00:21:09,558 --> 00:21:11,660
You don't understand
the politics of that place.

496
00:21:12,995 --> 00:21:15,063
Thank you.

497
00:21:15,114 --> 00:21:17,415
And this is not your hair.

498
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,918
I gave my neighbor Sean a haircut.

499
00:21:20,002 --> 00:21:23,171
He owed me one, and plus,
he's a heavy sleeper.

500
00:21:23,239 --> 00:21:25,457
So long, Bob.

501
00:21:25,541 --> 00:21:27,425
Fine.

502
00:21:27,510 --> 00:21:29,294
( Deep voice )
Good-bye, Satan.

503
00:21:30,930 --> 00:21:32,547
Wait, this is amazing.

504
00:21:32,598 --> 00:21:34,249
I didn't sell my soul,

505
00:21:34,300 --> 00:21:36,468
which means Lacey really loves me.

506
00:21:36,552 --> 00:21:40,055
Hey, sorry I'm late.

507
00:21:40,106 --> 00:21:43,141
I just slept for 18 hours.
I bet my friend

508
00:21:43,226 --> 00:21:45,310
that I could do ecstasy
five days in a row

509
00:21:45,394 --> 00:21:46,695
and it wouldn't affect my life

510
00:21:46,762 --> 00:21:48,530
and I totally won the bet.

511
00:21:48,597 --> 00:21:51,399
Ecstasy?

512
00:21:51,450 --> 00:21:53,434
You said you were in love with me.

513
00:21:53,486 --> 00:21:56,404
You said my ass was adorable.

514
00:21:56,455 --> 00:21:59,407
Wow, I did?

515
00:21:59,458 --> 00:22:01,876
Well, that didn't affect my life,

516
00:22:01,944 --> 00:22:05,280
so I still won the 50 bucks. Yay me.

517
00:22:05,331 --> 00:22:07,414
Charlie,

518
00:22:07,439 --> 00:22:10,235
what the hell, you couldn't take
hair from the back,

519
00:22:10,299 --> 00:22:13,071
you had to take it from the top?

520
00:22:13,134 --> 00:22:15,134
It was Halloween.

521
00:22:15,198 --> 00:22:25,198
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com