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00:00:00,068 --> 00:00:03,068
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com

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00:00:03,140 --> 00:00:05,758
Patrick, you seem pretty pissed today.
What's going on?

3
00:00:05,826 --> 00:00:08,694
Pissed? Oh, no, I'm not pissed.

4
00:00:08,761 --> 00:00:10,329
Everyone always thinks I'm so dramatic.

5
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"There's always something
wrong with Patrick."

6
00:00:11,731 --> 00:00:14,833
Well, I'm sorry, folks. No show today.

7
00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:17,202
All right. Lacey, what's
going on with you?

8
00:00:17,270 --> 00:00:19,437
I am dying of loneliness.

9
00:00:19,505 --> 00:00:22,607
Ah, there it is.

10
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The matinee performance of "Okla-homo."

11
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I can't find anyone of any substance.

12
00:00:30,049 --> 00:00:33,285
Every guy I go out with turns
out to be a superficial idiot.

13
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The last guy thought PBS
was a peanut butter sandwich.

14
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That's dumb. Everyone knows
it's Pabst Blue Ribbon.

15
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"I'll have a PBS."

16
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That's not even the same letters.

17
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He's right, Lacey.
PBS is a delivery service.

18
00:00:50,736 --> 00:00:53,271
No, that's UPS.

19
00:00:53,339 --> 00:00:56,908
Actually, I was thinking of FedEx.

20
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Okay, not even one initial.

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Patrick, I get that you're frustrated,

22
00:01:03,917 --> 00:01:05,217
but why do you think
this keeps happening?

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I know this is gonna sound horrible,

24
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but the reason superficial men
are attracted to me

25
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is I'm too good-looking.

26
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Wow, that must've been
really hard for you to admit.

27
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I understand you, Patrick.

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I, too, suffer from incredible hotness.

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It's a curse.

30
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Everyone's attracted to this, not this.

31
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You know what? That gives me an
idea for an interesting experiment.

32
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Putting a dog in a wind tunnel?

33
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Great idea. You think they'll like it,

34
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but let's see if they really like it.

35
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I'm talking about changing
Patrick's appearance.

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If you make yourself unattractive,

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you'll know that people are interested
in you and not just your looks.

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( Gasps )
Ooh, let me help you be unattractive.

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I've done this before.

40
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For one week, I went to a club
without lashes or heels

41
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and every guy I slept with
was really into me for me.

42
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Hey, I took a special effects
makeup class in college.

43
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I can make a real-lookin' ugly nose.

44
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And Ed can give you one of his
real-lookin' ugly shirts.

45
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Ed: Hey.

46
00:02:12,655 --> 00:02:16,124
Well, I guess I do
have something laying around.

47
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You've gotta pick your battles.

48
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There you are.

49
00:02:23,066 --> 00:02:24,834
What the hell are you doing here?

50
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If you're not gonna come to the office,

51
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I'm gonna bring the office to you.

52
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Look at how much work has piled up
since you started slacking off.

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Uh...

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these are all blank.

55
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Yeah, I know. I wanted to
make a dramatic statement,

56
00:02:41,252 --> 00:02:43,619
but it's hard when everything's digital.

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Look at how much work has piled up
since you started slacking off.

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I get it.

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So, should I lose this
in the couch cushion now

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or let it happen naturally?

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Hey, Charlie, you got a second?

62
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Oh, hey, Sean. Jordan, you two
remember each other, right?

63
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Of course.

64
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Uh, no.

65
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But you remember me
and I totally get that.

66
00:03:08,877 --> 00:03:11,545
Well, I've got work to do. So do you.

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Maybe between making forts
and looking at porn,

68
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you could stop by the office.

69
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If we had a table saw, I bet
we could make an awesome fort.

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Yeah, that's where
we could watch our porn.

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( Groans )

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( Door closes )

73
00:03:26,261 --> 00:03:27,962
So, what's the deal with you and Jordan?

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You guys, uh... hmm.
( Gurgles )

75
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Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no.

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She's too...

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because of all the...

78
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makes me just wanna...

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Hey, so where do we stand
with the whole Jen thing?

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Did you put in a good word for me yet?

81
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I'm sorry, I just don't see Jen
as the right pick for you.

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Tell you what, you forget about Jen
and I'll throw in two IHOP waitresses

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and a part-time lesbian letter
carrier to be named later.

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Cheryl? I already banged her.

85
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Oh, come on, brah.

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Jen and I have an incredible connection.

87
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I'm just... I'm worried
that somebody else

88
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is gonna grab her up before I do.

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Cheating on her is the dumbest
thing I've ever done.

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Other than the time you
zip-lined across that bonfire

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wearing a marshmallow suit.

92
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- That was a great night.
- One of the best.

93
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Please, just put in a word for me.
I'll never ask again.

94
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Fine, but if she's insane
enough to take you back

95
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and you cheat on her again,

96
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I will hunt you down, kill you,

97
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and leave you to rot in the porn fort.

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Anger Management 2x41
- Charlie and Sean and the Battle of the Exes -
Original air date November 7, 2013

99
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This was a great idea, Charlie.

100
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Exactly what I needed. Margarita Monday.

101
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- It's Thursday.
- Even better.

102
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This is so nice
seeing you exes get along.

103
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My first husband was so bitter,
he drove off with the house.

104
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- You lived in a trailer?
- No.

105
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I can't thank you enough
for getting me out.

106
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My social life is a wreck.

107
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I keep going out with
all these one-date dorks.

108
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At this rate, I'm never
gonna get laid again.

109
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- I might have a solution for you.
- What?

110
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- Have sex on the first date.
- Charlie.

111
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I'm joking, but I do have someone in
mind for you and you already know him.

112
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Oh, yeah? Tell me more about "him."

113
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Well, you're probably gonna say no.

114
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- Don't be so sure.
- Okay.

115
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- Sean.
- Blah-hh!

116
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Well, you didn't say no.

117
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I hate him.

118
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I hate him, I hate him, I hate him,

119
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I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.

120
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Look, I have mixed feelings
about him, too.

121
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But he asked me to talk to you.

122
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He really wants to see you again.

123
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Forget it.

124
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The only women who'd want Sean

125
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are screwed-up party girls
with no self-esteem.

126
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Besides, I thought you were
talking about someone else.

127
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- Who?
- You.

128
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Me?

129
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I knew you were gonna say me. I
just thought I'd act surprised.

130
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What's the big deal?

131
00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:03,951
We hooked up that one time
a couple months ago.

132
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It was pretty good.

133
00:06:05,554 --> 00:06:07,889
I'm down for that again.

134
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Aren't you?

135
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I bet that seemed sexier in your head.

136
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It really did.

137
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Then let's go back to my place.

138
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But we cannot tell Sean.

139
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Why, are you cheating on him?

140
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A little.

141
00:06:37,545 --> 00:06:40,659
All right, we're gonna talk about
anger and racial intolerance.

142
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The sign around your neck represents the
race you're gonna be for today's session.

143
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I think we're very
racially tolerant in here.

144
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Cleo, last week, you
called someone a "beaner."

145
00:06:49,634 --> 00:06:52,569
And, Ernesto, you used
the word "chinky."

146
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And, Wayne, your manifesto
on keeping the white race pure

147
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,975
is a jailhouse bestseller.

148
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I used to be a white supremacist.

149
00:07:00,612 --> 00:07:02,813
Then I was just proud to be white.

150
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:06,584
Now I'll be happy if there are still
white people around in 50 years.

151
00:07:06,651 --> 00:07:09,019
Well, that's a slightly
healthier attitude.

152
00:07:09,086 --> 00:07:11,454
Yeah, I mean, with all these Mexicans

153
00:07:11,522 --> 00:07:13,589
humping and pumping out babies...

154
00:07:13,657 --> 00:07:15,157
Oh, don't you talk
about my people that way.

155
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We are proud descendants
of "Aztekian" warriors.

156
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We can't help it if we wanna
make love and sleep all day.

157
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You'd better watch what
you're saying about Mexicans.

158
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What are you worried about?

159
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You're Asian.

160
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I get the feeling he's one of
those Asians that loves Mexicans.

161
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Yeah, that's exactly what I am.

162
00:07:34,844 --> 00:07:36,946
And if he says stuff like that again,

163
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I will kung fu his Mexican black ass.

164
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All right, well, this was
a complete train wreck.

165
00:07:44,554 --> 00:07:46,121
Experiment's over. Turn in your signs.

166
00:07:47,924 --> 00:07:49,959
You don't know what it's like
in prison, Charlie.

167
00:07:50,027 --> 00:07:53,062
Your race defines you.
It helps you survive.

168
00:07:53,130 --> 00:07:55,731
You're just a white guy
living on the outside.

169
00:07:55,799 --> 00:07:59,167
Yeah, what's the biggest problem
you've had in the last 24 hours?

170
00:07:59,235 --> 00:08:01,303
You wanna know?

171
00:08:01,370 --> 00:08:02,938
I'm having sex with my ex-wife,

172
00:08:03,005 --> 00:08:04,806
and I'm just worried that if my buddy,

173
00:08:04,874 --> 00:08:06,154
who really likes her, finds out,

174
00:08:06,208 --> 00:08:08,042
then it's gonna hurt his feelings.

175
00:08:08,110 --> 00:08:12,446
( All laugh )

176
00:08:12,514 --> 00:08:14,715
You are so white, bro.

177
00:08:14,783 --> 00:08:17,719
Maybe you should discuss this
with your friends at the bank.

178
00:08:17,787 --> 00:08:18,854
( All laughing )

179
00:08:18,922 --> 00:08:20,589
He said, "At the bank." He's funny.

180
00:08:20,657 --> 00:08:22,457
He's gonna find out, Charlie.

181
00:08:22,525 --> 00:08:24,393
It's just a matter of time,

182
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:26,594
and the longer you wait to tell him,

183
00:08:26,662 --> 00:08:28,028
the worse it's gonna get.

184
00:08:28,096 --> 00:08:30,397
Just find a way to soften the blow.

185
00:08:30,465 --> 00:08:32,066
Like when they give you your last meal

186
00:08:32,133 --> 00:08:33,867
before they put you
in the electric chair.

187
00:08:33,935 --> 00:08:35,575
You're thinking,
"Oh, crap, I'm gonna die."

188
00:08:35,604 --> 00:08:38,105
"Oh, boy. Salisbury steak."

189
00:08:38,173 --> 00:08:39,974
You're right, I'll talk to him tomorrow.

190
00:08:40,042 --> 00:08:41,576
It's just stupid for me to sit around

191
00:08:41,643 --> 00:08:43,545
waiting for him to get hit by a car.

192
00:08:43,612 --> 00:08:45,747
You want me to make a call?

193
00:08:47,516 --> 00:08:49,350
Our kind's gotta stick together.

194
00:08:54,256 --> 00:08:56,123
Man, gay bars are really cool.

195
00:08:56,191 --> 00:08:58,325
Everybody's friendly, the music's good,

196
00:08:58,393 --> 00:09:00,861
and the bathroom attendants
are really helpful.

197
00:09:00,928 --> 00:09:03,230
There are no bathroom attendants.

198
00:09:03,297 --> 00:09:04,965
Well, whoever that was,

199
00:09:05,033 --> 00:09:08,068
my shoulders feel a whole lot better.

200
00:09:08,136 --> 00:09:10,337
Can we go now?

201
00:09:13,241 --> 00:09:14,942
I think I've learned a lot.

202
00:09:15,009 --> 00:09:17,611
No one's gonna love me for me
and I'm gonna die alone.

203
00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:20,782
Maybe you need to just put
yourself out there a little more.

204
00:09:20,849 --> 00:09:23,918
People are probably
just intimidated by you.

205
00:09:23,986 --> 00:09:26,187
I bet that's what you
tell all your ugly friends.

206
00:09:26,255 --> 00:09:27,689
Oh, I totally do.

207
00:09:27,756 --> 00:09:30,191
But then when they take
my advice and get out there...

208
00:09:30,259 --> 00:09:32,461
They humiliate themselves
and go home alone?

209
00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:36,398
Yeah, but I did my part,
so I feel great.

210
00:09:36,466 --> 00:09:37,967
That's it. I'm done.

211
00:09:40,303 --> 00:09:41,670
You're not leaving, are you?

212
00:09:41,738 --> 00:09:43,418
I was just gonna
come over and talk to you.

213
00:09:43,473 --> 00:09:46,541
You want to talk to me?

214
00:09:46,609 --> 00:09:50,078
Have you seen this?
Oh, no, you're blind.

215
00:09:50,146 --> 00:09:52,215
Oh, no, no.

216
00:09:52,283 --> 00:09:54,117
I just saw you and your
smile and I thought,

217
00:09:54,185 --> 00:09:57,254
"This guy's got a nice vibe.
I'd like to meet him."

218
00:09:57,322 --> 00:09:59,990
I'd like to think that I am a nice guy.

219
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,960
Let me just go say
goodbye to my friends.

220
00:10:06,763 --> 00:10:08,843
Get the hell out of here, losers.
You're crowding me.

221
00:10:11,867 --> 00:10:14,869
Hey, got your text. What's up?

222
00:10:14,937 --> 00:10:18,840
Ooh... boy, that's
a really nice table saw.

223
00:10:18,908 --> 00:10:21,643
Yeah, I went over to Home Depot to pick
up a roll of duct tape and a light bulb,

224
00:10:21,710 --> 00:10:25,780
and I saw this and I thought, "Didn't Sean
mention that he wanted one of these?"

225
00:10:25,848 --> 00:10:28,249
So I bought it for you.

226
00:10:28,317 --> 00:10:31,252
That's weird. What are you doing?

227
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,523
Look, I talked to Jen.

228
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:36,358
I can't remember exactly what she
said, but it was something like,

229
00:10:36,426 --> 00:10:39,161
"I hate him, I hate him, I hate him,
I hate him, I hate him, I hate him."

230
00:10:39,229 --> 00:10:41,897
There was something else.

231
00:10:41,965 --> 00:10:44,266
Oh, yeah. "I hate him."

232
00:10:47,237 --> 00:10:50,039
And you felt bad for me,
so you bought me a table saw.

233
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,874
No, I felt bad for you
after I had sex with her,

234
00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:53,809
and then I bought you a table saw.

235
00:10:53,877 --> 00:10:55,511
Let's make something.

236
00:10:56,913 --> 00:10:59,514
Wait, you were supposed
to be talking to Jen for me

237
00:10:59,582 --> 00:11:01,116
and you ended up having sex with her?

238
00:11:01,184 --> 00:11:03,518
Yeah, but I talked about you first.

239
00:11:03,586 --> 00:11:06,955
You know what? I have to
be cool with it, right?

240
00:11:07,023 --> 00:11:08,423
I mean, she is your ex-wife.

241
00:11:08,491 --> 00:11:10,325
So we're good?

242
00:11:10,393 --> 00:11:12,260
( Sighs )

243
00:11:12,328 --> 00:11:14,396
Yeah. It's love and war, man.

244
00:11:14,464 --> 00:11:16,098
She made her choice. We're great.

245
00:11:18,568 --> 00:11:21,303
You know what? No, we're not.
We're not great.

246
00:11:21,371 --> 00:11:24,139
And I will not be bought
out with a table saw.

247
00:11:24,206 --> 00:11:26,874
- What about a riding mower?
- No.

248
00:11:26,942 --> 00:11:29,477
You broke the brah code, bro.

249
00:11:29,545 --> 00:11:33,715
I think you mean, "You
broke the bro code, brah."

250
00:11:33,783 --> 00:11:36,184
I'm sorry, but you said it yourself.
She made a choice.

251
00:11:36,252 --> 00:11:37,786
You were the only dude that was there.

252
00:11:37,854 --> 00:11:40,455
That's not a choice, man.
That's Communism.

253
00:11:42,192 --> 00:11:43,659
Are you accusing me
of being a Communist?

254
00:11:43,727 --> 00:11:45,295
( Laughs )
You know what?

255
00:11:45,363 --> 00:11:46,730
She is gonna make a choice again,

256
00:11:46,797 --> 00:11:48,898
and this time, she is gonna choose me.

257
00:11:48,966 --> 00:11:51,934
So you hang onto your table saw
for that broken heart

258
00:11:52,001 --> 00:11:54,403
because it is gonna need some mending.

259
00:11:54,470 --> 00:11:56,204
But a table saw cuts things.

260
00:11:56,272 --> 00:11:59,241
Shut your face.

261
00:11:59,309 --> 00:12:00,809
You know what I mean.

262
00:12:02,712 --> 00:12:04,513
All right, well, if you don't want
it, I'll just have to return it.

263
00:12:04,581 --> 00:12:06,248
I still want it.

264
00:12:06,316 --> 00:12:08,150
See? I shouldn't have said that

265
00:12:08,218 --> 00:12:11,158
because now you're probably gonna
have sex with it, aren't ya?

266
00:12:13,292 --> 00:12:14,859
Hey.

267
00:12:14,927 --> 00:12:17,128
Oh, I guess you're waltzing in
here at 3:00 in the afternoon

268
00:12:17,196 --> 00:12:19,831
because you spent all morning
reading the report I wrote.

269
00:12:19,899 --> 00:12:22,367
Well, I read the first few
words, then fell asleep.

270
00:12:22,435 --> 00:12:25,838
I hit my head at the keyboard and
generated a series of random letters

271
00:12:25,906 --> 00:12:28,441
that were far more compelling
than anything you wrote.

272
00:12:28,509 --> 00:12:32,412
That's because you missed a couple special
words I put in there just for you.

273
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,215
They start with "B"
and end with "low me."

274
00:12:35,283 --> 00:12:38,185
See? If you'd started with a zinger
like that, I might've stayed awake.

275
00:12:40,488 --> 00:12:43,423
Well, have fun rewriting it
by yourself tonight

276
00:12:43,491 --> 00:12:45,959
because I have a date.

277
00:12:46,027 --> 00:12:47,861
Oh, yeah? What's his name?

278
00:12:47,928 --> 00:12:49,162
Does it start with an "S"

279
00:12:49,230 --> 00:12:51,999
and end with
"taying at home with my cat"?

280
00:12:52,066 --> 00:12:54,368
As a matter of fact,
it does start with an "S."

281
00:12:54,436 --> 00:12:56,304
I'm going out with
your friend Sean tonight.

282
00:12:56,371 --> 00:12:59,640
- Excuse me? - Yeah,
I ran into him a few days ago at Starbucks.

283
00:12:59,708 --> 00:13:02,410
Sean didn't run into you.
He's a predator.

284
00:13:02,477 --> 00:13:05,646
He ran into you like a hungry
wolf runs into a chipper...

285
00:13:05,714 --> 00:13:07,848
blonde little alcoholic bunny.

286
00:13:07,916 --> 00:13:11,084
So he's pursuing me.
What's wrong with that?

287
00:13:11,152 --> 00:13:12,852
Has he slept with you?

288
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,688
No, that doesn't happen
until the third date,

289
00:13:14,756 --> 00:13:16,457
which is tonight.

290
00:13:16,524 --> 00:13:18,192
He's been a complete gentleman.

291
00:13:18,260 --> 00:13:20,128
A complete gentleman who is
gonna hump you and dump you

292
00:13:20,196 --> 00:13:21,629
and you're gonna get hurt.

293
00:13:21,697 --> 00:13:23,098
The last thing I need
is to come into work

294
00:13:23,166 --> 00:13:25,166
and listen to you cry
any more than you already do.

295
00:13:25,168 --> 00:13:26,935
You know what?

296
00:13:27,003 --> 00:13:28,903
I'm a smart bunny
and I know the difference

297
00:13:28,971 --> 00:13:31,705
between a wolf and a good guy.

298
00:13:31,773 --> 00:13:33,606
Now, goodbye. I have to get ready.

299
00:13:33,674 --> 00:13:35,775
Sean is coming over tonight...

300
00:13:35,843 --> 00:13:38,578
and he's going to have
intimate knowledge of my body

301
00:13:38,646 --> 00:13:41,646
and then we are going to stare into each
other's eyes until the sun comes up.

302
00:13:41,649 --> 00:13:43,483
Yeah, if you want him to stay that long,

303
00:13:43,551 --> 00:13:46,151
you'd better have intimate knowledge
of how to tie him to the bed.

304
00:13:48,356 --> 00:13:49,957
( Laughing )

305
00:13:50,025 --> 00:13:52,560
You know, I know we've only known
each other a couple of days,

306
00:13:52,627 --> 00:13:56,797
but I feel like you're the first
person who really knows who I am.

307
00:13:56,864 --> 00:13:58,699
You know what's funny?

308
00:13:58,766 --> 00:14:00,467
The other night when we met,
I'd almost given up

309
00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:01,835
on finding somebody real.

310
00:14:01,903 --> 00:14:03,237
Then I met you.

311
00:14:03,304 --> 00:14:06,507
I am so real.

312
00:14:07,909 --> 00:14:10,111
To us.

313
00:14:12,247 --> 00:14:13,481
Oh.
( Laughs )

314
00:14:13,549 --> 00:14:15,516
You got a little something on your...

315
00:14:19,954 --> 00:14:22,455
So, you wanna go back to my place?

316
00:14:22,523 --> 00:14:24,724
Your nose is, uh...

317
00:14:24,792 --> 00:14:26,827
what the hell's going on with your nose?

318
00:14:26,894 --> 00:14:29,462
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I am so sorry.

319
00:14:29,530 --> 00:14:32,099
You weren't supposed to
find out like this.

320
00:14:32,167 --> 00:14:33,701
Find out what?

321
00:14:36,271 --> 00:14:38,105
I'm handsome.

322
00:14:42,511 --> 00:14:44,278
Why would you do this?

323
00:14:44,346 --> 00:14:46,914
My therapist told me to dress like this

324
00:14:46,982 --> 00:14:49,517
because I said I wanted to meet someone

325
00:14:49,585 --> 00:14:54,189
who didn't hit on me just
because I'm so good-looking.

326
00:14:54,257 --> 00:14:57,492
My therapist told me to only
approach unattractive men

327
00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:58,927
because I said I wanted to
meet someone of substance

328
00:14:58,995 --> 00:15:00,896
instead of the pretty boys
I'm always chasing.

329
00:15:00,964 --> 00:15:04,033
So you're superficial?

330
00:15:04,101 --> 00:15:06,868
Oh, big time. That's why I
never tried to kiss you.

331
00:15:06,936 --> 00:15:08,870
- You were so ugly.
- Oh, I know.

332
00:15:08,938 --> 00:15:11,707
I wouldn't have kissed me either.
I was hideous.

333
00:15:13,276 --> 00:15:14,709
We are both such terrible people.

334
00:15:14,777 --> 00:15:16,778
I know, we have so much in common!

335
00:15:16,846 --> 00:15:20,182
If you don't look too close,
we're perfect for each other.

336
00:15:20,249 --> 00:15:22,351
- Wait, what kind of car do you drive?
- A Porsche I can't afford.

337
00:15:22,418 --> 00:15:24,654
Oh, my God. You are amazing.

338
00:15:26,857 --> 00:15:30,358
All right, sex time. Upstairs. Move it.

339
00:15:30,425 --> 00:15:31,792
Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's it?

340
00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:34,229
- What am I, a piece of meat?
- You want romance?

341
00:15:34,296 --> 00:15:38,367
I got beer, I got Funyuns.
Let's do this.

342
00:15:38,434 --> 00:15:40,903
Excellent. Bring those Funyuns upstairs.
I have an idea.

343
00:15:42,405 --> 00:15:44,206
( Phone rings )

344
00:15:44,274 --> 00:15:45,841
Oh, God.

345
00:15:45,909 --> 00:15:47,710
Sean.

346
00:15:47,778 --> 00:15:50,346
"Hey, I know stuff's been weird with us,"

347
00:15:50,413 --> 00:15:52,581
"but Charlie introduced me to someone"

348
00:15:52,649 --> 00:15:56,584
"and it's serious, so I won't
be bothering you anymore."

349
00:15:56,652 --> 00:15:59,420
"Hope we can be friends. Smiley face."

350
00:15:59,488 --> 00:16:02,656
Wait, wait, wait. He actually wrote
out the words "smiley face"?

351
00:16:02,724 --> 00:16:06,628
Emoticons confuse him.
God, he's such an idiot.

352
00:16:06,695 --> 00:16:10,164
And why does he even think I care
about him being with another girl?

353
00:16:10,232 --> 00:16:11,365
I don't know. I told him
you weren't interested.

354
00:16:11,433 --> 00:16:13,901
Not interested? I hate him!

355
00:16:13,969 --> 00:16:17,004
So who is she? Is she prettier than me?

356
00:16:17,072 --> 00:16:19,406
What? Nobody could answer
a question like that.

357
00:16:19,474 --> 00:16:21,554
I'd never ask you if Sean
was better-looking than me.

358
00:16:21,575 --> 00:16:23,676
- He is.
- You see? You see?

359
00:16:23,743 --> 00:16:24,977
There are no answers to these questions.

360
00:16:25,044 --> 00:16:28,414
So she's pretty and you introduced them.

361
00:16:28,482 --> 00:16:30,716
She's just this doctor that I was
forced to work with on the study.

362
00:16:30,784 --> 00:16:32,251
She's a doctor?

363
00:16:32,319 --> 00:16:35,688
Not some skanky stripper
covered in tattoos?

364
00:16:35,756 --> 00:16:39,692
Oh, my God, so she's
real girlfriend material.

365
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,794
That's it.

366
00:16:41,862 --> 00:16:43,663
That's why Sean's dating Jordan.

367
00:16:43,730 --> 00:16:45,631
- He wants to make you jealous.
- That bastard.

368
00:16:45,699 --> 00:16:49,168
And I wasn't jealous.

369
00:16:49,236 --> 00:16:51,405
Now she's gonna throw herself at
him and be totally humiliated.

370
00:16:51,472 --> 00:16:52,639
- Give me your phone.
- Why?

371
00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:54,107
Because I am not gonna be outsmarted

372
00:16:54,142 --> 00:16:57,108
by a guy who doesn't
understand emoticons.

373
00:16:59,921 --> 00:17:01,755
( Spray hisses )

374
00:17:06,628 --> 00:17:08,929
( Humming )

375
00:17:20,509 --> 00:17:22,343
You're early, baby.

376
00:17:22,411 --> 00:17:24,212
I hope you're hungry.

377
00:17:24,279 --> 00:17:26,147
I just shaved dessert.

378
00:17:28,384 --> 00:17:29,851
Wow.

379
00:17:32,876 --> 00:17:34,410
Charlie, what are you doing here?

380
00:17:34,478 --> 00:17:36,579
I'm getting ready for Sean.
He's gonna be here any minute.

381
00:17:36,647 --> 00:17:38,948
That's exactly why I'm here.

382
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:42,852
Look, you cannot
sleep with Sean tonight.

383
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,987
I can prove that he's using
you and... holy crap.

384
00:17:45,055 --> 00:17:47,823
What's with all the horses?

385
00:17:47,891 --> 00:17:49,892
What? I like horses.

386
00:17:49,959 --> 00:17:53,061
I hope so, otherwise you're in a
full gallop to "Crazy Acres."

387
00:17:54,896 --> 00:17:57,564
Look, I finally figured out
why Sean's seeing you.

388
00:17:57,632 --> 00:18:00,334
Me, too. He likes horses.
He told me last night.

389
00:18:00,402 --> 00:18:02,036
No.

390
00:18:02,103 --> 00:18:03,704
See this phone?
It belongs to my ex-wife.

391
00:18:03,738 --> 00:18:06,440
That's whose ice
he really wants to shave.

392
00:18:06,507 --> 00:18:09,242
What is that supposed to mean?

393
00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:11,511
Oh.

394
00:18:11,579 --> 00:18:14,080
Ugh.

395
00:18:14,148 --> 00:18:16,550
He's using you to make her
jealous to get her back.

396
00:18:16,618 --> 00:18:19,053
Look at the text he wrote.

397
00:18:19,121 --> 00:18:22,090
Oh, he says we're serious.
That is so sweet.

398
00:18:22,157 --> 00:18:23,290
( Giggles )
( Sighs )

399
00:18:23,358 --> 00:18:24,825
( Knock on door )

400
00:18:24,892 --> 00:18:26,426
Okay, all right.

401
00:18:26,494 --> 00:18:28,761
Let's see what happens
when Jennifer sends him this.

402
00:18:28,829 --> 00:18:31,730
"Get over here right now.
I want you back."

403
00:18:31,798 --> 00:18:32,965
How do you do a winky face?

404
00:18:33,032 --> 00:18:34,900
Ah, I'll just spell it out.

405
00:18:36,736 --> 00:18:38,837
- Answer the door.
- This is insane.

406
00:18:44,544 --> 00:18:46,245
Hi.
( Gasps )

407
00:18:46,313 --> 00:18:47,914
Are those for me?

408
00:18:49,550 --> 00:18:52,185
Baby, I am so sorry. I just got a text

409
00:18:52,253 --> 00:18:57,322
from my Grandma... Rose.

410
00:18:57,390 --> 00:18:59,825
And she just got in
a horrible car accident.

411
00:18:59,893 --> 00:19:02,127
Your grandma texted you?

412
00:19:02,195 --> 00:19:05,163
That's how she got in the accident.

413
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,733
I'm gonna take these to the hospital.

414
00:19:07,801 --> 00:19:09,435
It's probably... I'll call you, okay?

415
00:19:13,206 --> 00:19:15,141
( Sighs )

416
00:19:16,343 --> 00:19:17,910
Gosh.

417
00:19:17,978 --> 00:19:19,979
Sweetie, I'm so sorry.

418
00:19:20,046 --> 00:19:23,716
It's okay.

419
00:19:23,783 --> 00:19:25,317
Can I see that phone?

420
00:19:25,385 --> 00:19:27,286
Yeah, sure.

421
00:19:29,957 --> 00:19:31,892
"Hey, it's Jen."

422
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,027
"Changed my mind. Too horny to wait."

423
00:19:34,095 --> 00:19:36,396
"Meet me at the corner
of Lankershim and Roscoe."

424
00:19:36,464 --> 00:19:39,232
"Wait in your car, naked."

425
00:19:41,269 --> 00:19:42,536
What's that gonna do?

426
00:19:42,603 --> 00:19:44,237
Nothing, until I call the cops

427
00:19:44,305 --> 00:19:45,605
and tell them there's
a naked guy in his car

428
00:19:45,673 --> 00:19:47,234
on the corner of Lankershim and Roscoe.

429
00:19:52,514 --> 00:19:53,847
Hey.

430
00:19:53,914 --> 00:19:55,515
Hey.

431
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,654
So, I just got out of jail.

432
00:20:04,725 --> 00:20:06,526
Coffee?

433
00:20:10,364 --> 00:20:12,465
That's very clever.

434
00:20:12,533 --> 00:20:14,901
Rather large group of parishioners

435
00:20:14,968 --> 00:20:19,205
from "Our Lady of Let's All
Look At Sean's Package"...

436
00:20:19,272 --> 00:20:21,907
they got a pretty full show

437
00:20:21,975 --> 00:20:23,709
when the cops pulled me out of the car.

438
00:20:25,445 --> 00:20:27,446
That was all Jordan,

439
00:20:27,514 --> 00:20:28,794
but the first text from Jennifer,

440
00:20:28,815 --> 00:20:29,948
that was all me.

441
00:20:32,552 --> 00:20:34,286
Sugar?

442
00:20:34,354 --> 00:20:35,855
Yeah, thanks.

443
00:20:39,527 --> 00:20:41,060
Truce?

444
00:20:41,128 --> 00:20:43,230
Truce.

445
00:20:43,297 --> 00:20:45,065
Listen, Jordan sent me a text

446
00:20:45,132 --> 00:20:47,400
and I want your honest opinion.

447
00:20:47,468 --> 00:20:49,169
Now, she said that she really misses me

448
00:20:49,236 --> 00:20:51,371
and that she can get over what happened,

449
00:20:51,438 --> 00:20:54,807
but I need to get naked,
handcuff myself to my bed,

450
00:20:54,875 --> 00:20:57,577
and leave the front door unlocked.

451
00:20:57,644 --> 00:21:01,047
Well, I'm not surprised.
She said she really liked you.

452
00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:04,861
Cool, see you later.

453
00:21:05,713 --> 00:21:07,713
It is a trap, isn't it?

454
00:21:07,738 --> 00:21:09,738
Yeap.

455
00:21:11,442 --> 00:21:14,078
I'm gonna take my chances.

456
00:21:14,681 --> 00:21:24,681
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com