1
00:00:01,695 --> 00:00:04,914
Oh, I agree. The top is the best part.
2
00:00:04,999 --> 00:00:06,716
I don't even know why they
make the rest of the muffin.
3
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,751
'Cause of this.
4
00:00:11,889 --> 00:00:14,874
You need something to hold the donut.
5
00:00:14,925 --> 00:00:16,766
Okay, I'm gonna make
a professional assessment.
6
00:00:16,844 --> 00:00:20,713
Eating, depression, not getting laid.
7
00:00:22,349 --> 00:00:24,734
- It's been three months.
- Three months?
8
00:00:24,818 --> 00:00:26,936
I didn't know it was
possible to go that long.
9
00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:29,656
You're like some kind of a sex camel.
10
00:00:30,435 --> 00:00:33,304
Well, without the humps.
11
00:00:34,495 --> 00:00:36,996
Can't you meet any girls at work?
12
00:00:37,064 --> 00:00:39,916
It's impossible to meet women
when you're in real estate.
13
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,868
You know who comes to open houses?
14
00:00:41,919 --> 00:00:43,419
Couples.
15
00:00:43,504 --> 00:00:45,538
You know who doesn't
come to open houses?
16
00:00:45,589 --> 00:00:48,458
Drunk women with low self-esteem
who can't find their cars.
17
00:00:48,542 --> 00:00:52,578
That question would be
who are my favorite people.
18
00:00:54,882 --> 00:00:56,299
We still going out tonight or what?
19
00:00:56,383 --> 00:00:58,351
Yes, and Michael is coming with us.
20
00:00:58,418 --> 00:00:59,802
We got to get this guy laid.
21
00:00:59,887 --> 00:01:03,306
You think I have
that kind of money on me?
22
00:01:03,390 --> 00:01:05,892
Oh, come on. He's gone
three months without sex.
23
00:01:05,943 --> 00:01:08,394
( Sighs ) Okay, you're not gonna
bail on me, though, right?
24
00:01:08,445 --> 00:01:10,947
- Dude, why would I bail?
- ( Phone chimes )
25
00:01:12,733 --> 00:01:15,368
Sorry, I got to bail.
26
00:01:15,435 --> 00:01:18,488
Come on. I don't want to hang
out with this guy by myself.
27
00:01:18,572 --> 00:01:21,440
He's eating muffin sandwiches.
Look at him.
28
00:01:21,492 --> 00:01:23,910
That's not fair. I'm in pain.
29
00:01:25,663 --> 00:01:27,183
Look, I am sorry, but I've been trying
30
00:01:27,248 --> 00:01:28,915
to hang out with this girl for months.
31
00:01:28,966 --> 00:01:30,616
She's only in town for one night.
32
00:01:30,668 --> 00:01:32,635
What, is she a flight attendant?
33
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:34,420
A drifter?
34
00:01:34,471 --> 00:01:36,956
Uh, she's an Oakland
Raiders cheerleader.
35
00:01:37,007 --> 00:01:39,142
So a little of both.
36
00:01:41,762 --> 00:01:43,813
- Hey, guys.
- You're late again.
37
00:01:43,897 --> 00:01:46,065
You guys are on time again.
Should have learned by now.
38
00:01:47,801 --> 00:01:50,136
Charlie, Ed's picking on me.
Make him stop.
39
00:01:50,187 --> 00:01:52,522
This genius went to the DMV
40
00:01:52,606 --> 00:01:55,141
to file for unemployment.
41
00:01:55,192 --> 00:01:57,410
They're both government agencies.
42
00:01:57,477 --> 00:01:59,162
They're different things.
43
00:01:59,246 --> 00:02:01,864
One is driving, the other is money.
44
00:02:01,949 --> 00:02:04,284
Well, shoes and makeup are
two different things, too,
45
00:02:04,335 --> 00:02:05,835
but I can get them both at Saks.
46
00:02:07,538 --> 00:02:08,921
Why can't everything be like Saks?
47
00:02:08,989 --> 00:02:10,873
I'm happy there.
48
00:02:10,958 --> 00:02:13,543
I'm in the group,
but the group is not in me.
49
00:02:13,627 --> 00:02:17,213
I'm in the group,
but the group is not in me.
50
00:02:17,298 --> 00:02:20,350
Patrick, when I said to come
up with a relaxing mantra,
51
00:02:20,434 --> 00:02:23,720
I didn't mean to create one that
insulted everyone simultaneously.
52
00:02:23,804 --> 00:02:25,805
Oh.
53
00:02:25,856 --> 00:02:28,174
Then maybe you need to be more clear.
54
00:02:30,010 --> 00:02:32,812
Anyway, Lacey, what happened after you
55
00:02:32,863 --> 00:02:34,981
assumed the government
was a department store?
56
00:02:35,032 --> 00:02:37,850
I went down there to get my unemployment
57
00:02:37,901 --> 00:02:40,853
and the DMV bitch said
they only do car stuff.
58
00:02:40,904 --> 00:02:43,856
And I said, "Well, I can't
afford to drive my car"
59
00:02:43,907 --> 00:02:46,709
"unless I get my unemployment, DMV bitch."
60
00:02:46,794 --> 00:02:49,379
Okay, I only have one question.
61
00:02:49,463 --> 00:02:51,530
Who hit who first?
62
00:02:51,582 --> 00:02:53,366
They're still looking at the tapes.
63
00:02:53,417 --> 00:02:55,301
But you and I have
to be in court at 5:00.
64
00:02:55,369 --> 00:02:57,920
You have to tell them
that I'm working on my anger.
65
00:02:58,005 --> 00:02:59,889
I can't go to court today. Can't
I just write them a note?
66
00:02:59,973 --> 00:03:02,258
I already wrote one,
but you misspelled your name,
67
00:03:02,343 --> 00:03:04,977
so they wouldn't accept it.
68
00:03:05,045 --> 00:03:09,399
Charlie, how could you forget
how to spell your own name?
69
00:03:09,483 --> 00:03:11,734
Son, I've known Cambodians
70
00:03:11,819 --> 00:03:13,719
with shrapnel in their heads
71
00:03:13,771 --> 00:03:16,322
who made more sense when they talked.
72
00:03:16,390 --> 00:03:17,657
I get it, Ed.
73
00:03:17,724 --> 00:03:21,444
You've travelled and I haven't.
74
00:03:21,528 --> 00:03:23,288
I'm in the group,
but the group is not in me.
75
00:03:23,330 --> 00:03:26,082
- I am in...
- Stop it!
76
00:03:26,166 --> 00:03:28,701
All right, I'll go to court.
I don't want you to go to jail.
77
00:03:28,752 --> 00:03:30,837
What? You didn't tell me
you could go to jail.
78
00:03:30,904 --> 00:03:32,622
Charlie, you have to
get her out of this.
79
00:03:32,706 --> 00:03:35,208
We have a cake tasting on
Monday for our fake marriage.
80
00:03:35,259 --> 00:03:39,262
The reception, however,
is going to be very real.
81
00:03:39,346 --> 00:03:41,547
This is great. Maybe if you go with me,
82
00:03:41,598 --> 00:03:43,216
I can get put under house arrest.
83
00:03:43,267 --> 00:03:44,583
Okay, fine. But we've
got to make it fast.
84
00:03:44,635 --> 00:03:45,885
I've got to pick up
someone from the airport.
85
00:03:45,936 --> 00:03:47,576
Who is it, some girl
you're trying to bang
86
00:03:47,587 --> 00:03:49,772
before she becomes too annoying to bang?
87
00:03:49,857 --> 00:03:52,442
Lacey, what kind of gentleman would I be
88
00:03:52,526 --> 00:03:54,560
if I answered yes to that?
89
00:03:54,611 --> 00:03:56,562
So...
90
00:03:56,613 --> 00:03:59,282
anybody else got
something to talk about?
91
00:03:59,303 --> 00:04:03,303
Anger Management 2x45
- Charlie and Lacey Shack Up -
Original air date December 12, 2013
92
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,223
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com
93
00:04:05,224 --> 00:04:07,440
Why are we starting?
Shouldn't we be waiting
94
00:04:07,491 --> 00:04:09,158
a couple of minutes
until my therapist gets here?
95
00:04:09,243 --> 00:04:11,961
I like to clear my docket
as soon as possible.
96
00:04:12,045 --> 00:04:14,613
Don't worry.
He won't miss any of the fun.
97
00:04:14,665 --> 00:04:18,050
Based on your record, you're
facing two weeks in jail.
98
00:04:18,118 --> 00:04:19,635
Two weeks?!
99
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,221
I can't go that long without waxing.
100
00:04:22,289 --> 00:04:23,569
That's what you're crying about?
101
00:04:23,590 --> 00:04:26,225
If you had seen my mom
in a bikini in the '80s,
102
00:04:26,293 --> 00:04:28,627
you'd be crying, too.
103
00:04:28,679 --> 00:04:30,813
Can't you just put me
under house arrest?
104
00:04:30,898 --> 00:04:33,466
What, and sentence you
to a party at your house?
105
00:04:33,517 --> 00:04:35,651
- Forget it.
- I wasn't talking about my house.
106
00:04:35,736 --> 00:04:39,305
I was talking about...
my therapist's house.
107
00:04:39,356 --> 00:04:42,641
If I went there, it would be
like a giant therapy session,
108
00:04:42,693 --> 00:04:44,527
which is like punishment.
109
00:04:44,611 --> 00:04:46,863
And he agreed to this?
110
00:04:46,947 --> 00:04:48,448
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
111
00:04:48,499 --> 00:04:50,500
We talked about it a lot.
112
00:04:50,584 --> 00:04:52,919
He was like, "Let's do this."
113
00:04:52,986 --> 00:04:54,820
And I was like, "Are you sure?"
114
00:04:54,872 --> 00:04:57,423
And he was like, "Yeah, totally."
115
00:04:59,293 --> 00:05:01,994
Wow, you got in early.
116
00:05:02,045 --> 00:05:05,214
Yeah, just wait for me at
baggage and I'll be on my way.
117
00:05:05,299 --> 00:05:06,766
Oh, don't worry about that.
118
00:05:06,833 --> 00:05:08,434
I got a full box of those in the drawer.
119
00:05:09,336 --> 00:05:10,436
All right, see you soon.
120
00:05:13,474 --> 00:05:15,174
I'm sorry. That was a patient.
121
00:05:15,225 --> 00:05:17,860
She needs contact lens solution.
122
00:05:20,697 --> 00:05:22,365
All right, let's do this.
123
00:05:22,449 --> 00:05:25,485
Mr. Goodson, thank you for coming in.
124
00:05:25,536 --> 00:05:27,370
Before I decide on Lacey's case,
125
00:05:27,454 --> 00:05:29,414
I would like to hear
your take on how she's doing.
126
00:05:29,490 --> 00:05:31,690
Oh, yeah, she's doing great.
127
00:05:31,742 --> 00:05:34,794
She pulled a weave off a DMV worker.
128
00:05:34,861 --> 00:05:38,498
Yes. Yes. But before that and since then,
129
00:05:38,549 --> 00:05:40,550
she's been doing great.
130
00:05:40,634 --> 00:05:42,668
Well, I've determined that Lacey needs
131
00:05:42,719 --> 00:05:45,004
to have some consequences
for her actions.
132
00:05:45,055 --> 00:05:47,473
I understand you two discussed house
arrest and you're on board with that?
133
00:05:47,541 --> 00:05:50,543
Absolutely.
134
00:05:50,594 --> 00:05:52,311
You understand it's for two weeks?
135
00:05:52,379 --> 00:05:54,313
Perfect. Two months would be fine.
136
00:05:54,381 --> 00:05:56,649
Because he cares.
137
00:05:57,851 --> 00:06:00,152
Okay, then.
138
00:06:00,220 --> 00:06:01,771
Just sign here.
139
00:06:01,855 --> 00:06:04,190
You know, I must say,
it's wonderful to see
140
00:06:04,241 --> 00:06:06,859
a therapist making a sacrifice
like this for his patient.
141
00:06:06,910 --> 00:06:09,579
Oh, it's okay. It was on
the way to the airport.
142
00:06:12,749 --> 00:06:15,201
So, you two are roommates?
143
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,505
Cool.
144
00:06:19,573 --> 00:06:21,257
- Very cool.
- Okay, I'm gonna take this.
145
00:06:23,577 --> 00:06:26,712
( Clears throat )
What do you ladies like to do for fun?
146
00:06:26,763 --> 00:06:28,381
Oh, I love hot yoga.
147
00:06:28,432 --> 00:06:30,082
Yesterday they had the room so hot,
148
00:06:30,133 --> 00:06:31,801
everybody was down to their underwear.
149
00:06:31,885 --> 00:06:34,387
Every part of my body
felt completely open.
150
00:06:34,438 --> 00:06:36,856
How much is this class?
151
00:06:36,923 --> 00:06:38,858
It's $20.
152
00:06:38,925 --> 00:06:41,227
- And how much to watch?
- Okay. Okay.
153
00:06:43,697 --> 00:06:45,598
What do you like to do for fun?
154
00:06:45,649 --> 00:06:47,650
I collect stamps.
155
00:06:47,734 --> 00:06:49,785
Like hot stamps?
156
00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:53,489
No, they have to be kept at room
temperature to preserve their value.
157
00:06:53,574 --> 00:06:55,124
I learned that the hard way.
158
00:06:55,208 --> 00:06:57,159
( Laughs )
159
00:06:57,244 --> 00:06:59,412
I'm gonna go use the little girls' room.
160
00:06:59,463 --> 00:07:00,997
- Oh, I'll go with you.
- Okay.
161
00:07:01,081 --> 00:07:03,082
Don't you guys go anywhere, okay?
162
00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:05,635
And don't you do that thing
that girls always do
163
00:07:05,719 --> 00:07:07,953
where you say you're going to the
bathroom and actually leave.
164
00:07:08,005 --> 00:07:09,589
( Laughs )
165
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,624
Don't... don't do that.
166
00:07:16,179 --> 00:07:17,930
Good luck with the stamp
collector, buddy.
167
00:07:17,981 --> 00:07:19,515
Hey, if she says anything interesting,
168
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,567
you can mail it to me tomorrow.
169
00:07:21,635 --> 00:07:24,820
Just so you know, I'll be taking
the hot yoga chick, okay?
170
00:07:24,905 --> 00:07:26,972
No, I'll be taking the hot yoga chick.
171
00:07:27,024 --> 00:07:28,641
Oh, really? And why would
you get the hot yoga chick?
172
00:07:28,692 --> 00:07:32,161
Because we have certain
obvious things in common.
173
00:07:32,245 --> 00:07:34,664
I can't believe
you're calling racial dibs.
174
00:07:34,748 --> 00:07:36,866
- Yup, that's what I'm doing.
- That's very unfair.
175
00:07:36,950 --> 00:07:38,951
Let me tell you about unfair.
176
00:07:39,002 --> 00:07:41,170
How about 400 years of oppression
177
00:07:41,254 --> 00:07:43,756
that we are still feeling
the effects of to this day?
178
00:07:43,823 --> 00:07:45,708
( Sighs )
Huh?
179
00:07:45,792 --> 00:07:48,592
What's a brother got to do to get
another cranberry flirtini over here?
180
00:07:50,497 --> 00:07:52,348
So wait a minute.
181
00:07:52,432 --> 00:07:54,684
So you don't have any luggage?
182
00:07:54,768 --> 00:07:57,887
No, I left it all in the
Panda Express Express.
183
00:07:57,971 --> 00:07:59,889
There were so many
different kinds of chicken,
184
00:07:59,973 --> 00:08:01,357
I lost track of my bags.
185
00:08:03,644 --> 00:08:06,345
Well, the good news is
I have an extra toothbrush...
186
00:08:06,396 --> 00:08:08,280
- Ooh.
- ...a hairbrush.
187
00:08:08,348 --> 00:08:10,232
And you won't be needing those clothes.
188
00:08:10,317 --> 00:08:11,734
( Laughs )
189
00:08:11,818 --> 00:08:13,402
( Knocking )
190
00:08:13,487 --> 00:08:15,454
Damn.
191
00:08:15,522 --> 00:08:17,683
If that's your clothes, I'm
gonna be really disappointed.
192
00:08:23,130 --> 00:08:24,363
Hi, Charlie. I'm here.
193
00:08:26,166 --> 00:08:28,250
What the hell is going on? I thought
you were under house arrest.
194
00:08:28,335 --> 00:08:30,720
I am under house arrest. At your house.
195
00:08:30,804 --> 00:08:33,372
Wasn't that clear? Oh, hey, girl.
196
00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:36,801
I hope that ho can cook,
'cause I'm starving.
197
00:08:41,065 --> 00:08:44,234
Does this ankle bracelet
make my calves look fat?
198
00:08:44,301 --> 00:08:46,969
- Was this your idea?
- I did what I had to do.
199
00:08:47,021 --> 00:08:49,572
They were gonna strip me down,
put me in an orange jumpsuit,
200
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,941
and feed me to the lesbians.
201
00:08:51,993 --> 00:08:54,811
Charlie, what's going on?
202
00:08:54,862 --> 00:08:56,696
I'm sorry. This is one
of my patients, Lacey.
203
00:08:56,781 --> 00:08:58,815
And apparently she's moving in.
204
00:08:58,866 --> 00:09:02,318
I'm super confused. First all
the different kinds of chicken,
205
00:09:02,370 --> 00:09:05,488
and now this? It's just been a crazy day.
206
00:09:05,539 --> 00:09:08,625
Not exactly a rocket surgeon, is she?
207
00:09:08,676 --> 00:09:10,176
Scientist.
208
00:09:10,261 --> 00:09:12,929
She's a scientist? No way.
209
00:09:12,996 --> 00:09:16,549
Hey, I'm a scientist on
getting a crowd on their feet
210
00:09:16,634 --> 00:09:18,518
and into a game. What are you?
211
00:09:18,602 --> 00:09:23,005
Have you seen this?
I don't have to be anything.
212
00:09:23,057 --> 00:09:25,942
You know what? I'm gonna
call a cab and get a hotel.
213
00:09:26,009 --> 00:09:27,444
This has just been too weird.
214
00:09:27,511 --> 00:09:29,779
No, no, no, no. Kiana, please, wait.
215
00:09:29,847 --> 00:09:31,514
You better open the door
for her, Charlie.
216
00:09:31,565 --> 00:09:33,149
She's gonna walk right into it.
217
00:09:35,903 --> 00:09:37,287
( Door slams )
Ah.
218
00:09:37,354 --> 00:09:40,323
How glad are you
that that bitch is gone?
219
00:09:40,374 --> 00:09:43,209
Lacey, it took me five
months to get her here.
220
00:09:43,294 --> 00:09:45,295
You got rid of her in five minutes.
221
00:09:45,362 --> 00:09:48,298
I am that good.
222
00:09:48,365 --> 00:09:50,550
That girl was really annoying.
223
00:09:50,634 --> 00:09:52,869
It's like she didn't
even want me around.
224
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:55,371
So let's just forget about her.
225
00:09:55,423 --> 00:09:59,092
I'll go get a bottle of wine and we can
decide whether or not I should get bangs.
226
00:09:59,176 --> 00:10:00,877
No, no.
227
00:10:00,928 --> 00:10:02,896
You are going to stay
in your room for two weeks
228
00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:05,148
and think about how your anger
has screwed up your life
229
00:10:05,215 --> 00:10:07,216
and mine and how it's never
going to happen again.
230
00:10:07,268 --> 00:10:09,218
Nah, I'll go get the wine.
231
00:10:12,323 --> 00:10:14,157
This is weird.
232
00:10:14,224 --> 00:10:16,242
I feel like I'm 16 again, you know?
233
00:10:16,327 --> 00:10:19,746
Me and my wingman hooking up with
roommates at their apartment.
234
00:10:19,830 --> 00:10:23,249
At 16 you hooked up with girls
who had their own apartment?
235
00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:25,668
( Laughs )
I hate you.
236
00:10:25,736 --> 00:10:28,088
Why? What happened?
237
00:10:28,172 --> 00:10:31,174
You didn't have a good time
with your smoking hot
238
00:10:31,241 --> 00:10:33,093
black yoga chick
239
00:10:33,177 --> 00:10:36,212
who's the same black
color as you, black guy?
240
00:10:37,381 --> 00:10:39,048
We didn't even have sex.
241
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:41,885
That's what you get for calling
racial dibs, my friend.
242
00:10:41,936 --> 00:10:43,586
You know what? Never again.
243
00:10:43,637 --> 00:10:46,356
According to her,
every single problem I have
244
00:10:46,423 --> 00:10:48,391
can be cured by yoga.
245
00:10:48,442 --> 00:10:50,276
I can tell you
what can't be cured by yoga.
246
00:10:50,361 --> 00:10:51,444
Blue balls.
247
00:10:53,447 --> 00:10:55,448
( Laughing )
( TV playing )
248
00:10:57,935 --> 00:11:00,620
Who the heck is this?
249
00:11:00,704 --> 00:11:02,772
- Excuse me.
- Shh. Shh.
250
00:11:02,823 --> 00:11:05,241
- Who the hell are you?
- This is funny part.
251
00:11:05,292 --> 00:11:07,961
( Boing on TV )
( Laughs )
252
00:11:08,045 --> 00:11:11,280
Did you see that? There
was a bee in his cupcake.
253
00:11:11,332 --> 00:11:13,333
He's scared.
254
00:11:13,417 --> 00:11:15,952
You know, I did have
a few beers last night.
255
00:11:16,003 --> 00:11:18,922
- Did I order you?
- No, you not Lacey.
256
00:11:18,973 --> 00:11:20,340
Oh, there's another bee.
257
00:11:20,424 --> 00:11:22,642
( Boing on TV )
( Laughs )
258
00:11:25,646 --> 00:11:27,180
( Music playing )
259
00:11:31,902 --> 00:11:33,269
( Music stops )
260
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:34,971
What the hell is going on?
261
00:11:35,022 --> 00:11:37,941
Good morning, sleepyhead.
I hope you're hungry.
262
00:11:37,992 --> 00:11:41,310
I'm making sangria in here,
poaching eggs in this one.
263
00:11:41,362 --> 00:11:43,112
But don't eat that. It's wax.
264
00:11:43,164 --> 00:11:44,697
Quan's gonna hook me up.
265
00:11:44,782 --> 00:11:47,667
You don't need a treasure
trail to find the treasure.
266
00:11:47,751 --> 00:11:49,471
Yeah, everybody already
knows where that is.
267
00:11:50,754 --> 00:11:53,339
Lacey, this is not cool at all.
268
00:11:53,424 --> 00:11:56,759
Why such a grumpy face?
269
00:11:56,827 --> 00:12:00,263
Because I'm supposed to be on round one
of awesome morning sex with Kiana.
270
00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:02,015
Instead, I've got a nail salon
271
00:12:02,099 --> 00:12:05,351
and an East Indian
disco breakfast joint.
272
00:12:05,436 --> 00:12:08,354
I bet sangria and eggs
would make it all better.
273
00:12:08,439 --> 00:12:10,190
- Yes?
- No.
274
00:12:10,274 --> 00:12:12,642
Okay, then dance with the Indian girl.
275
00:12:12,693 --> 00:12:14,978
( Music playing )
276
00:12:22,152 --> 00:12:24,020
( Music stops )
277
00:12:24,071 --> 00:12:26,322
Put your pants on. The party's over.
278
00:12:26,373 --> 00:12:28,157
Oh, my God.
279
00:12:28,209 --> 00:12:30,450
I've heard that a million
times, I've just never said it.
280
00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:34,831
Why are you so mad?
281
00:12:34,882 --> 00:12:38,167
I'm just trying to show you a little
gratitude for letting me stay here.
282
00:12:38,219 --> 00:12:40,659
Excuse me for being a ray of
freaking sunshine in the morning.
283
00:12:42,006 --> 00:12:43,840
Patrick, what the hell
are you doing here?
284
00:12:43,891 --> 00:12:46,876
Don't look at my feet. Don't look at my feet.
Don't look at my feet.
285
00:12:46,927 --> 00:12:49,229
Quan usually comes
to our place on Tuesdays.
286
00:12:49,313 --> 00:12:51,981
Look, there's another bee.
( All laughing )
287
00:12:54,818 --> 00:12:57,186
( TV turns off )
All: Aw.
288
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,107
And I'm not letting you stay here.
289
00:13:01,191 --> 00:13:03,660
I'm stuck with you because
of that ankle bracelet.
290
00:13:03,727 --> 00:13:06,863
My only option now is to push
you 31 feet away from my house
291
00:13:06,914 --> 00:13:09,032
and let the cops take you down
during your escape attempt.
292
00:13:09,083 --> 00:13:11,200
Could you guys keep it down?
293
00:13:11,252 --> 00:13:13,920
You're bringing a lot of
negative energy into the spa.
294
00:13:15,673 --> 00:13:18,508
Okay, why don't you go to work
295
00:13:18,575 --> 00:13:21,077
and when you come back, we'll chill
296
00:13:21,128 --> 00:13:23,596
and watch a movie?
Oh, and pick up some wine
297
00:13:23,681 --> 00:13:25,465
because I dumped all your
good stuff in the sangria.
298
00:13:25,549 --> 00:13:27,350
No. No.
299
00:13:27,417 --> 00:13:29,636
I think we should
separate for a little bit.
300
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,320
I'm going out tonight and hopefully
not coming back till tomorrow.
301
00:13:32,389 --> 00:13:35,591
Oh, okay, so banging another bimbo
is gonna make everything all right?
302
00:13:35,643 --> 00:13:37,277
You better pray that it does.
303
00:13:37,361 --> 00:13:38,478
And they're not all bimbos.
304
00:13:38,562 --> 00:13:40,813
( Laughs )
305
00:13:40,898 --> 00:13:43,483
Sorry, I have a very
ticklish middle toe.
306
00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:45,451
Also, what you said is ridiculous.
307
00:13:47,705 --> 00:13:49,539
Here we go.
308
00:13:49,606 --> 00:13:52,108
So where were we? Human trafficking?
309
00:13:52,159 --> 00:13:54,610
Oh, I'm sorry. I keep going on and on.
310
00:13:54,662 --> 00:13:56,245
It's just that I'm very passionate.
311
00:13:56,297 --> 00:13:59,499
Oh, I'm very passionate
about stopping it, too.
312
00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:02,335
Are you just agreeing
with everything I'm saying
313
00:14:02,419 --> 00:14:03,636
so you can get me into bed?
314
00:14:03,721 --> 00:14:05,138
No.
315
00:14:05,222 --> 00:14:07,123
See?
316
00:14:07,174 --> 00:14:10,426
I don't know. Look, I think
that you are very cute
317
00:14:10,477 --> 00:14:11,794
and I wouldn't mind going home with you,
318
00:14:11,845 --> 00:14:14,296
but I think you might be full of it.
319
00:14:14,348 --> 00:14:16,632
I mean, what have you actually
done to make a difference?
320
00:14:16,684 --> 00:14:18,768
What have I done?
I'll tell you what I've done.
321
00:14:20,771 --> 00:14:23,139
I rescued a young woman who's
living in my house right now.
322
00:14:25,159 --> 00:14:26,409
You did?
323
00:14:26,476 --> 00:14:28,978
She's a sweet, kind,
innocent young lady.
324
00:14:29,029 --> 00:14:32,148
She's doing some housekeeping for
me while I put her through school.
325
00:14:32,199 --> 00:14:34,751
You know, maybe you haven't done
enough to make a difference.
326
00:14:34,818 --> 00:14:37,170
I think I should maybe leave.
327
00:14:37,254 --> 00:14:39,956
No, no. Wait.
328
00:14:40,007 --> 00:14:42,458
Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
329
00:14:42,509 --> 00:14:45,211
I misjudged you.
330
00:14:45,295 --> 00:14:46,996
Ah, it's okay.
331
00:14:47,047 --> 00:14:48,931
Why don't we continue this
back at your place?
332
00:14:48,999 --> 00:14:52,685
Actually, I was thinking we
could go back to your place
333
00:14:52,770 --> 00:14:54,187
so I can meet her.
334
00:14:54,271 --> 00:14:57,140
I don't know. My place is a mess.
335
00:14:57,191 --> 00:14:58,691
She's a terrible housekeeper.
336
00:14:58,776 --> 00:15:00,977
I can't bring myself to criticize her.
337
00:15:03,147 --> 00:15:04,513
Come on, Charlie.
338
00:15:04,565 --> 00:15:07,116
Afterwards, we can go back to my place.
339
00:15:07,184 --> 00:15:08,517
( Sighs )
340
00:15:08,569 --> 00:15:10,953
Okay.
341
00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:13,022
I'm really excited to meet her.
342
00:15:13,073 --> 00:15:14,857
But just know
it'll only be for a minute.
343
00:15:14,908 --> 00:15:17,026
She needs to be in bed by 10:00 so
she can have a solid eight hours
344
00:15:17,077 --> 00:15:19,045
of horrific nightmares.
345
00:15:23,198 --> 00:15:25,582
Woman on TV:
Twist. Really feel it in the waistline.
346
00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:28,702
What a tragedy. He said
he had vanilla fro-yo
347
00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:30,537
and when you went
to get it, he was all out?
348
00:15:30,588 --> 00:15:32,339
Are you gonna be okay?
349
00:15:32,406 --> 00:15:35,092
Lacey, please, I need to talk to you.
( TV turns off )
350
00:15:35,176 --> 00:15:38,128
Okay, take an Ambien. I've got to go.
351
00:15:38,213 --> 00:15:40,580
Hey.
352
00:15:40,632 --> 00:15:43,133
What are you doing back? Are you
finally ready to hang out with me?
353
00:15:43,218 --> 00:15:44,718
Yes.
354
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:46,253
Cool. What do you want to do?
355
00:15:46,304 --> 00:15:49,356
There is a gorgeous girl outside.
356
00:15:49,423 --> 00:15:50,903
And the only way she'll sleep with me
357
00:15:50,925 --> 00:15:52,476
is if you say you're a sex slave.
358
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,445
What the fro-yo?
359
00:15:57,098 --> 00:15:59,283
I told her that you were
a victim of human trafficking
360
00:15:59,367 --> 00:16:00,817
and that I rescued you.
361
00:16:00,902 --> 00:16:02,602
So all you got to do
is just say good night
362
00:16:02,654 --> 00:16:04,604
in broken English and go upstairs.
363
00:16:04,656 --> 00:16:06,373
You said you wanted to show
me your gratitude, right?
364
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,575
Okay, fine, I'll do it.
365
00:16:08,626 --> 00:16:10,777
Thank you.
366
00:16:12,797 --> 00:16:14,748
Jamie, come on in.
367
00:16:16,834 --> 00:16:18,835
Jamie, this is Lacey.
368
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,454
Lacey, this is Jamie.
369
00:16:23,558 --> 00:16:26,143
I wanted you to meet
before you went to bed
370
00:16:26,227 --> 00:16:29,346
in the nice soft bed that
you never had in that cage.
371
00:16:30,798 --> 00:16:34,268
It is such a pleasure to meet you.
372
00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:37,938
( With accent )
Thanking you for meet me.
373
00:16:39,974 --> 00:16:43,493
I had long, hard life.
374
00:16:43,578 --> 00:16:44,745
I tell you story.
375
00:16:44,812 --> 00:16:47,781
No, no, no, no.
376
00:16:47,832 --> 00:16:50,200
No, no, no, no. No story.
377
00:16:50,285 --> 00:16:52,369
You're very tired. Night-night.
378
00:16:53,671 --> 00:16:56,290
No. I awake.
379
00:16:56,341 --> 00:16:58,675
I took big nap.
380
00:16:59,994 --> 00:17:02,596
Lacey, there is nothing
more important tonight
381
00:17:02,663 --> 00:17:04,664
than me hearing your story.
382
00:17:04,716 --> 00:17:06,850
I could think of something.
383
00:17:09,567 --> 00:17:11,535
Oh, hey there.
384
00:17:11,586 --> 00:17:14,237
Got ourselves another Obama-Biden alert.
385
00:17:14,288 --> 00:17:15,956
All right, let's do this.
386
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,008
No, hold on.
387
00:17:18,075 --> 00:17:21,378
Remember, no matter what happens,
388
00:17:21,429 --> 00:17:23,547
you are not allowed to call racial dibs.
389
00:17:23,598 --> 00:17:25,081
Absolutely.
390
00:17:25,133 --> 00:17:26,633
I'm confident that I can get the girl
391
00:17:26,718 --> 00:17:29,052
based on the merits of who I really am.
392
00:17:29,103 --> 00:17:31,087
Don't forget, tonight
I'm a record producer.
393
00:17:33,608 --> 00:17:35,859
Hi, ladies. I'm Sean.
394
00:17:35,926 --> 00:17:37,894
- This is my friend Michael.
- Ladies.
395
00:17:37,945 --> 00:17:41,531
He's a record producer.
396
00:17:41,599 --> 00:17:44,451
Hi, I'm Janet and this is
my best friend Janelle.
397
00:17:44,535 --> 00:17:46,036
( High, nasally voice )
Hi, boys.
398
00:17:46,103 --> 00:17:47,821
Why don't you sit down and join us?
399
00:17:49,290 --> 00:17:51,441
Racial dibs.
400
00:17:51,492 --> 00:17:53,326
You said we couldn't do that.
401
00:17:53,411 --> 00:17:54,691
No, I said you couldn't do that.
402
00:17:56,798 --> 00:17:58,048
And when I 10,
403
00:17:58,115 --> 00:18:00,784
I work in furniture factory.
404
00:18:00,835 --> 00:18:02,386
I make sofa.
405
00:18:02,453 --> 00:18:04,788
And when it hot day,
406
00:18:04,839 --> 00:18:06,757
we share glass of water.
407
00:18:07,975 --> 00:18:09,593
Okay, Lacey.
408
00:18:09,644 --> 00:18:11,978
It's been two hours.
I think we've covered it all.
409
00:18:12,063 --> 00:18:13,563
The important thing is I
rescued you, I'm your hero.
410
00:18:13,631 --> 00:18:15,148
Period, the end. Time for bed.
411
00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:18,402
Mr. Charlie give me beautiful bed.
412
00:18:18,469 --> 00:18:20,353
Oh, he is a good man, isn't he?
413
00:18:20,438 --> 00:18:22,272
I am. I really am.
414
00:18:24,242 --> 00:18:27,310
Sometime he tuck me in and hug me.
415
00:18:27,361 --> 00:18:29,663
Isn't that sweet?
416
00:18:29,747 --> 00:18:32,165
Yes, I know, it is. Come on, sweetie.
Come on.
417
00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:35,085
Sometime he get on top of me
418
00:18:35,152 --> 00:18:38,872
and give me hug we not talk about.
419
00:18:38,956 --> 00:18:40,674
( Crying )
420
00:18:40,758 --> 00:18:42,342
If I say no,
421
00:18:42,427 --> 00:18:44,961
he no give me food next day.
422
00:18:45,012 --> 00:18:46,996
You are taking advantage of this girl?
423
00:18:47,048 --> 00:18:49,800
Okay, Jamie, here's the truth.
424
00:18:49,851 --> 00:18:52,636
Lacey is not a sex slave.
425
00:18:52,687 --> 00:18:56,106
She's my patient and I'm her therapist.
426
00:18:56,173 --> 00:18:58,859
And she's not allowed to leave my house.
427
00:18:58,943 --> 00:19:01,895
- Okay, that didn't sound much better
either, did it? - Wow.
428
00:19:01,979 --> 00:19:03,480
Okay, all right. You know what?
429
00:19:03,531 --> 00:19:05,699
I don't know what kind of role-playing,
430
00:19:05,783 --> 00:19:08,318
S&M therapy you guys have going on,
431
00:19:08,369 --> 00:19:09,769
but you know what? I'm out of here.
432
00:19:09,821 --> 00:19:12,405
No, no, no, Jamie. Wait, wait, wait.
433
00:19:12,490 --> 00:19:14,407
Wow.
434
00:19:16,527 --> 00:19:18,795
I can't believe you want to date a girl
435
00:19:18,863 --> 00:19:21,498
who would sit through
two hours of that crap.
436
00:19:21,549 --> 00:19:23,717
Why the hell did you do that?
437
00:19:23,801 --> 00:19:26,536
Okay, calm down.
Breathe. Use your tools.
438
00:19:26,587 --> 00:19:29,706
Oh, I'm gonna use my tools to
bury your body in my backyard.
439
00:19:29,757 --> 00:19:33,093
You can't just keep bringing
home these ridiculous women
440
00:19:33,177 --> 00:19:34,895
who aren't right for you.
441
00:19:34,979 --> 00:19:37,314
I've always done that. Why
does it suddenly matter now?
442
00:19:37,381 --> 00:19:40,650
Because I'm living with you
and you haven't even hit on me!
443
00:19:40,718 --> 00:19:43,570
What the fro-yo?!
444
00:19:47,441 --> 00:19:49,442
Lacey, I can't hit on you.
445
00:19:49,527 --> 00:19:51,661
I'm your therapist.
That would be so wrong.
446
00:19:51,729 --> 00:19:53,280
But that didn't stop my old boss,
447
00:19:53,364 --> 00:19:55,398
my gynecologist, or my second cousin.
448
00:19:56,734 --> 00:19:58,285
What if I wasn't your patient?
449
00:19:58,369 --> 00:19:59,920
It doesn't matter.
450
00:20:00,004 --> 00:20:02,172
Look, we both know you have
issues because of your father.
451
00:20:02,239 --> 00:20:04,040
And apparently your old boss,
452
00:20:04,091 --> 00:20:06,510
gynecologist, and second cousin.
453
00:20:06,577 --> 00:20:09,629
But you've got to stop trying
to make every man want you.
454
00:20:09,714 --> 00:20:11,932
I don't want every man to want me.
455
00:20:12,016 --> 00:20:14,134
I want you to want me.
456
00:20:14,218 --> 00:20:15,602
Why?
457
00:20:15,686 --> 00:20:17,637
Because you want everybody else.
458
00:20:17,722 --> 00:20:19,856
I've seen the girls you date.
459
00:20:19,924 --> 00:20:21,758
Am I not as hot as them?
460
00:20:21,809 --> 00:20:23,944
Am I stupider than them?
461
00:20:24,028 --> 00:20:26,730
Are you sure you've seen
the girls I date?
462
00:20:27,982 --> 00:20:29,950
Lacey, you're great.
463
00:20:30,034 --> 00:20:31,451
But you need to learn
to get your self-esteem
464
00:20:31,536 --> 00:20:33,436
from something other than men.
465
00:20:33,487 --> 00:20:35,288
But if I wasn't your patient
466
00:20:35,373 --> 00:20:38,375
and I was actually a good
person, would you want me?
467
00:20:38,442 --> 00:20:40,126
Nope.
468
00:20:40,211 --> 00:20:41,912
What if I had bigger boobs?
469
00:20:41,963 --> 00:20:43,163
Nope.
470
00:20:43,247 --> 00:20:45,949
What if we were stranded
on a ship at sea
471
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,584
with nothing to eat
472
00:20:47,635 --> 00:20:49,836
and I was a delicious piece of fruit?
473
00:20:49,921 --> 00:20:51,588
Nope.
474
00:20:51,639 --> 00:20:53,757
Wait, wait, wait, no. I'd need you
475
00:20:53,808 --> 00:20:57,143
so I wouldn't get scurvy,
but I wouldn't want you.
476
00:20:57,228 --> 00:21:00,680
If I was that chick who just left
477
00:21:00,765 --> 00:21:04,067
that you wanted, would you want me?
478
00:21:04,134 --> 00:21:06,570
Yes, I guess I would.
479
00:21:06,637 --> 00:21:08,572
Aha! I knew you wanted me.
480
00:21:08,639 --> 00:21:09,688
( Laughs )
481
00:21:11,236 --> 00:21:14,833
God! I'm your patient, you perv!
482
00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:25,241
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com