1
00:00:00,148 --> 00:00:02,398
Can someone please explain to me
2
00:00:02,445 --> 00:00:05,137
how this thing that Patrick
and Lacey are doing
3
00:00:05,176 --> 00:00:06,626
is not a crime?
4
00:00:06,677 --> 00:00:08,929
Who should I pick
to answer that question?
5
00:00:08,996 --> 00:00:10,496
Oh, I know.
6
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,081
If you spin that wheel one more
time and it lands on me...
7
00:00:19,223 --> 00:00:21,608
God!
8
00:00:21,675 --> 00:00:24,010
Patrick, would you please explain to Ed
9
00:00:24,061 --> 00:00:26,313
how your fake marriage
to scam Lacey's parents
10
00:00:26,364 --> 00:00:28,064
out of $1 million is not a crime?
11
00:00:28,149 --> 00:00:31,034
It is not a fake marriage.
We're really getting married.
12
00:00:31,118 --> 00:00:33,954
It's just we can't stand each other
and we're never gonna have sex.
13
00:00:35,406 --> 00:00:37,457
Anyone?
14
00:00:37,524 --> 00:00:40,243
Sounds like a real marriage to me.
15
00:00:40,328 --> 00:00:42,746
Pretty good, huh? I get a free spin.
16
00:00:48,702 --> 00:00:50,503
Ed.
17
00:00:50,555 --> 00:00:52,973
I think they're a couple
of damn con artists
18
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,925
scamming her folks the way they are.
19
00:00:55,009 --> 00:00:57,978
My parents were forcing me
into an arranged marriage,
20
00:00:58,045 --> 00:01:00,513
so I'm marrying Patrick
to get out of it.
21
00:01:00,565 --> 00:01:02,548
If they want to give me
a million-dollar wedding gift,
22
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,352
- I'm not gonna turn it down.
- So you're scamming them.
23
00:01:05,403 --> 00:01:07,237
Yeah, we're probably scamming them.
What do you think, Patrick?
24
00:01:07,321 --> 00:01:10,824
Yeah, we're definitely scamming them.
25
00:01:10,891 --> 00:01:12,659
I just want to issue
my standard disclaimer
26
00:01:12,726 --> 00:01:14,661
that when felonies
are discussed in here,
27
00:01:14,728 --> 00:01:17,781
just because I'm listening
does not make me an accessory.
28
00:01:17,865 --> 00:01:19,699
Speaking of accessories,
29
00:01:19,750 --> 00:01:22,419
my parents gave me an extra $100,000
30
00:01:22,503 --> 00:01:24,004
to throw the actual wedding
31
00:01:24,071 --> 00:01:26,539
that I would much rather
spend on accessories.
32
00:01:28,092 --> 00:01:29,876
$100,000?
33
00:01:29,927 --> 00:01:32,345
That's like $30,000.
34
00:01:34,382 --> 00:01:38,435
Boy, did you eat the whole bowl
of stupid this morning?
35
00:01:38,519 --> 00:01:40,270
I just want some attention.
36
00:01:40,354 --> 00:01:43,089
My name never comes up on that wheel.
37
00:01:44,609 --> 00:01:48,144
It drives me crazy
that I have this $100,000
38
00:01:48,229 --> 00:01:49,980
that I want to spend on me,
39
00:01:50,064 --> 00:01:52,616
but I have to waste it on a dumb wedding
40
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,652
that everybody's gonna enjoy.
41
00:01:55,736 --> 00:01:57,904
Anybody have any suggestions
42
00:01:57,955 --> 00:02:00,040
on how Lacey can deal
with these frustrations?
43
00:02:00,107 --> 00:02:01,741
And please do not recommend
44
00:02:01,792 --> 00:02:03,752
that she fly to Vegas
and try to double the money.
45
00:02:04,879 --> 00:02:06,779
Oh, my God. That's a great idea.
46
00:02:08,299 --> 00:02:09,966
No, no, no. That is a terrible idea.
47
00:02:10,051 --> 00:02:11,668
Let's go tonight.
48
00:02:11,752 --> 00:02:13,553
- Don't go at all.
- Should we fly or drive?
49
00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:14,888
- Neither.
- Let's fly.
50
00:02:14,955 --> 00:02:16,723
Okay.
51
00:02:18,309 --> 00:02:20,060
Well, awesome session, everyone.
52
00:02:23,681 --> 00:02:26,632
Just so you know, there will be a
childhood trauma slot on the wheel,
53
00:02:26,684 --> 00:02:28,735
so start working on those
recovered memories.
54
00:02:30,438 --> 00:02:33,773
When I was seven, a clown
touched me at the circus.
55
00:02:33,824 --> 00:02:35,191
Next week, Nolan.
56
00:02:39,613 --> 00:02:41,364
Jordan?
57
00:02:41,449 --> 00:02:43,783
All right, Charlie,
I'm ready to go to prison.
58
00:02:43,834 --> 00:02:47,704
Is it for a specific crime or has society
become fed up with you in general?
59
00:02:47,788 --> 00:02:50,507
I'm observing your prison
group today, remember?
60
00:02:52,176 --> 00:02:54,177
I thought about it and I
don't think you should go.
61
00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:56,796
What? You said I could.
62
00:02:56,847 --> 00:02:59,165
I told you I'm thinking about
becoming a criminal psychologist,
63
00:02:59,216 --> 00:03:00,884
so I need to observe criminals.
64
00:03:00,968 --> 00:03:03,336
You got 'em, so quit hogging 'em.
65
00:03:03,387 --> 00:03:06,606
Sweetie, it's just that
prison is no place
66
00:03:06,673 --> 00:03:09,476
for someone as... squeamish as you.
67
00:03:09,527 --> 00:03:12,062
I'm a big girl and I can take it.
68
00:03:13,847 --> 00:03:15,681
All right. All right. Fine.
69
00:03:15,733 --> 00:03:19,018
But I'm only letting you come
because you're really annoying
70
00:03:19,070 --> 00:03:22,072
and there's a good chance that
something might happen to you.
71
00:03:22,156 --> 00:03:26,656
Anger Management 2x48
- Charlie Sets Jordan Up With A Serial Killer -
Original air date January 30, 2014
72
00:03:26,709 --> 00:03:28,828
Okay, Ernesto, it's your turn.
73
00:03:28,879 --> 00:03:32,465
Why don't you show us your list of the
top three things that make you angry?
74
00:03:32,533 --> 00:03:35,885
Not until she shows me the top
three things that make me happy.
75
00:03:37,388 --> 00:03:39,556
Oh, my.
76
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:43,009
I apologize for my colleague's
uncivil tongue, Dr. Denby.
77
00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:44,728
Thank you, Wayne.
78
00:03:44,812 --> 00:03:47,713
I'll accept his apology
on your behalf, Ernesto.
79
00:03:47,765 --> 00:03:51,050
Thank you. Hey, you want
to see my uncivil tongue?
80
00:03:52,403 --> 00:03:54,354
That's enough.
81
00:03:54,405 --> 00:03:56,322
Now I know that you've all
been in here for so long
82
00:03:56,390 --> 00:03:58,491
that Jordan looks attractive to you.
83
00:04:00,027 --> 00:04:02,028
I'm sorry. That's not what I meant.
84
00:04:03,998 --> 00:04:06,032
It's a little what I meant.
85
00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:07,917
Charlie, stop teasing her.
86
00:04:08,002 --> 00:04:09,702
I think she's a beautiful woman.
87
00:04:09,754 --> 00:04:12,071
- Thank you, Cleo.
- Oh, you're very welcome.
88
00:04:12,123 --> 00:04:13,603
And I just have one question for you.
89
00:04:13,624 --> 00:04:15,258
Can I have your hair?
90
00:04:16,544 --> 00:04:17,910
Not all of it.
91
00:04:17,962 --> 00:04:21,548
Just enough to make an updo
for when I entertain.
92
00:04:21,599 --> 00:04:25,218
- Um...
- I would say no.
93
00:04:25,269 --> 00:04:26,752
No.
94
00:04:28,088 --> 00:04:29,973
Okay, before we go,
95
00:04:30,057 --> 00:04:31,757
Wayne, you mentioned last time
that there was an inmate
96
00:04:31,809 --> 00:04:33,610
you were having trouble
getting along with.
97
00:04:33,694 --> 00:04:36,112
Yeah, he was making fun
of the way I talk.
98
00:04:36,197 --> 00:04:38,231
So after I got his attention
in the laundry room
99
00:04:38,282 --> 00:04:41,651
by accidentally steam-pressing his face,
100
00:04:41,735 --> 00:04:45,822
I politely reminded him this is
how people from Nashville speak.
101
00:04:45,906 --> 00:04:48,324
Oh, my God. You're from Nashville?
102
00:04:48,409 --> 00:04:50,126
- Me, too.
- Where'd you go to high school?
103
00:04:50,211 --> 00:04:51,828
- McKinley.
- No kidding.
104
00:04:51,912 --> 00:04:54,614
My first kidnapping
was a McKinley graduate.
105
00:04:54,665 --> 00:04:56,966
No way.
106
00:04:57,051 --> 00:04:59,452
You're the guy that
kidnapped Clea Lambert.
107
00:04:59,503 --> 00:05:02,922
I hated her.
Why'd you have to let her go?
108
00:05:02,973 --> 00:05:04,757
You hated her?
109
00:05:04,809 --> 00:05:06,976
Try spending three days
in five different cars
110
00:05:07,061 --> 00:05:10,146
with her waiting for a ransom
to be delivered.
111
00:05:10,231 --> 00:05:13,399
Yeah, it must have been
a real trauma for you, Wayne.
112
00:05:13,467 --> 00:05:16,853
But he was very nice. He never hurt her.
113
00:05:16,937 --> 00:05:19,305
And he let her go
at Fillmore's ice cream shop.
114
00:05:19,356 --> 00:05:21,991
Yeah, like that girl
needed any more ice cream.
115
00:05:23,744 --> 00:05:25,445
Wait a second.
116
00:05:25,496 --> 00:05:28,781
You weren't the guy that
stabbed Fillmore, were you?
117
00:05:28,833 --> 00:05:32,085
Hey, in my defense, I wanted a
second taste of cookies and cream
118
00:05:32,152 --> 00:05:34,254
and he would not give it to me.
119
00:05:34,321 --> 00:05:38,174
Wayne, don't you know they
only have a one-taste limit?
120
00:05:38,259 --> 00:05:41,160
I did not know that.
121
00:05:41,212 --> 00:05:44,013
I have a letter to write.
122
00:05:44,098 --> 00:05:45,965
All right, let's call it a day.
123
00:05:46,016 --> 00:05:48,852
See you all next week.
124
00:05:48,936 --> 00:05:51,170
Charlie, can I speak to you for a minute
125
00:05:51,222 --> 00:05:54,307
in my cell before you leave in private?
126
00:05:54,358 --> 00:05:57,510
Sure. Jordan, I'll see you at the car.
127
00:05:57,561 --> 00:06:00,563
I just wanted to say I've never
done anything like this before
128
00:06:00,648 --> 00:06:02,065
and you all were delightful.
129
00:06:02,149 --> 00:06:05,034
And I am sorry about my uncivil tongue.
130
00:06:05,119 --> 00:06:06,286
Don't worry about it.
131
00:06:06,353 --> 00:06:08,288
You want to see my uncivil wiener?
132
00:06:10,541 --> 00:06:12,292
I would say no.
133
00:06:15,796 --> 00:06:17,881
I'll just be a minute, Wayne.
134
00:06:17,965 --> 00:06:19,666
Taser check.
135
00:06:22,136 --> 00:06:23,670
Kettles, what the hell?
136
00:06:23,721 --> 00:06:25,755
Well, don't startle me like that.
137
00:06:29,727 --> 00:06:31,594
What's on your mind, Wayne?
138
00:06:31,679 --> 00:06:34,314
They want to transfer me
to a prison in Texas.
139
00:06:34,381 --> 00:06:36,816
Only problem is there are many evildoers
140
00:06:36,883 --> 00:06:38,434
at that prison that wish me dead.
141
00:06:38,519 --> 00:06:40,186
What do they have against you?
142
00:06:40,237 --> 00:06:42,989
If I told you that,
I'd have to kill you.
143
00:06:43,056 --> 00:06:44,607
Well, then let's move on.
144
00:06:47,411 --> 00:06:50,496
Get the Taser ready.
145
00:06:50,564 --> 00:06:54,567
Anyway, State of California
is very clear.
146
00:06:54,618 --> 00:06:56,669
They won't transfer a prisoner
147
00:06:56,737 --> 00:07:00,039
if there is any undue hardship
on a family member or loved one.
148
00:07:00,090 --> 00:07:02,959
Are you asking me to pretend
to be your life partner?
149
00:07:03,043 --> 00:07:06,379
'Cause I'm sorry, Wayne,
but I am really into women.
150
00:07:06,430 --> 00:07:09,799
They can be a little mannish, but they
still have to have all the stuff.
151
00:07:11,302 --> 00:07:14,754
No, what I need
is a pretend female fiancée.
152
00:07:14,805 --> 00:07:17,857
I was thinking maybe you could
ask Dr. Denby for me.
153
00:07:17,924 --> 00:07:19,859
Jordan?
154
00:07:19,926 --> 00:07:22,645
Wayne, I'd love to help
with this arrangement...
155
00:07:22,730 --> 00:07:26,449
in fact, if it were a reality
show, I would watch...
156
00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:28,901
but I'm sorry,
I can't be a part of this.
157
00:07:30,154 --> 00:07:32,205
Let me sweeten the pot.
158
00:07:36,660 --> 00:07:39,295
I've been approached by
a number of publishing houses
159
00:07:39,380 --> 00:07:42,248
who are ready to pay handsomely
for the story of my life.
160
00:07:42,299 --> 00:07:44,083
Now, I can't write this book,
161
00:07:44,134 --> 00:07:46,469
but I can certainly pick
the man who does.
162
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:50,306
They're willing to pay
someone seven figures
163
00:07:50,391 --> 00:07:53,643
to write an intimate portrait
of the Austin Mangler?
164
00:07:53,727 --> 00:07:56,596
I hate that nickname. Austin Mangler.
165
00:07:56,647 --> 00:07:59,015
People get me confused
with the Boston Strangler.
166
00:07:59,099 --> 00:08:02,435
And his strangling was shoddy at best.
167
00:08:02,486 --> 00:08:04,404
Wow, that is a lot of money.
168
00:08:04,471 --> 00:08:08,024
Yup. You could invest it
responsibly in a mutual fund
169
00:08:08,108 --> 00:08:10,493
or put it away for your
daughter's college education.
170
00:08:11,996 --> 00:08:14,980
Or I could buy a sweet party RV
171
00:08:15,032 --> 00:08:17,650
that tows two Jet Skis and a bar.
172
00:08:19,152 --> 00:08:22,655
And I am sure that Jordan
would want that for me, too.
173
00:08:25,415 --> 00:08:27,332
Sorry I'm late.
174
00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:29,835
I knew you'd make it.
You're an alcoholic.
175
00:08:29,919 --> 00:08:31,670
Finding a bar is like your superpower.
176
00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:34,723
Here's your beer, Charlie.
177
00:08:34,790 --> 00:08:36,391
And he ordered a Shirley Temple for you.
178
00:08:36,459 --> 00:08:38,460
I'm sober, Charlie, not five years old.
179
00:08:38,511 --> 00:08:39,928
Do you want some extra cherries?
180
00:08:39,979 --> 00:08:42,297
Yay! Fun! Yes, please.
181
00:08:42,348 --> 00:08:44,566
Don't do that again or I'll
squeeze a lime in your eye.
182
00:08:47,937 --> 00:08:49,804
You know, I am so proud of you.
183
00:08:49,856 --> 00:08:52,190
You handled yourself very well
with those prisoners today.
184
00:08:52,275 --> 00:08:54,276
You are gonna make one hell
of a criminal psychologist.
185
00:08:54,327 --> 00:08:56,027
Oh, no, you're being nice to me.
186
00:08:56,112 --> 00:08:57,496
What do you want? Money?
187
00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:00,082
I'm paying for this dinner, aren't I?
188
00:09:00,149 --> 00:09:02,617
No, of course not. I just think
that the best thing for you
189
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:05,087
would be to spend some
one-on-one time with a convict.
190
00:09:05,154 --> 00:09:07,539
Oh, my God, that would be great.
Thank you.
191
00:09:07,623 --> 00:09:09,424
It is just so hard to get access.
192
00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:14,045
You know what? I just got a great idea.
193
00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:16,831
What if you pretend
to be engaged to Wayne?
194
00:09:16,883 --> 00:09:19,334
What? I can't be engaged to a convict.
195
00:09:19,385 --> 00:09:21,553
Come on, think about it. What better way
196
00:09:21,637 --> 00:09:24,172
to get an in-depth view
into the mind of a sociopath?
197
00:09:24,223 --> 00:09:26,674
I get that from working with you.
198
00:09:26,726 --> 00:09:29,194
Oh, come on, Jordan. It would
just be for a couple of months.
199
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:31,530
And I want a party RV.
200
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:32,731
What?
201
00:09:32,815 --> 00:09:36,067
Okay, I'm sorry.
That came out all wrong.
202
00:09:36,152 --> 00:09:38,403
Let me be very clear.
203
00:09:38,488 --> 00:09:41,289
I need a party RV.
204
00:09:41,357 --> 00:09:42,958
I knew you couldn't just be nice.
205
00:09:43,025 --> 00:09:44,409
My mom said,
"Maybe he's just being nice."
206
00:09:44,494 --> 00:09:46,128
And I said, "There's no way."
207
00:09:46,195 --> 00:09:47,379
And she said, "Give him a
chance." And I said, "Fine."
208
00:09:47,463 --> 00:09:48,213
And then my dad got on the other line...
209
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,582
I get it! I get it!
210
00:09:50,666 --> 00:09:52,551
Wayne needs to pretend
that he's got a fiancée
211
00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:54,196
or they're gonna ship him off to Texas.
212
00:09:54,220 --> 00:09:56,087
And if I can help,
213
00:09:56,172 --> 00:09:58,306
he's gonna let me write a book about
him that would make a fortune.
214
00:09:58,374 --> 00:10:01,643
Fine. As long as we get
to write the book together
215
00:10:01,710 --> 00:10:04,312
- and I get half the money.
- Half?
216
00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:06,548
And half the rights
of anything else that follows...
217
00:10:06,599 --> 00:10:08,266
movies, TV, Broadway shows.
218
00:10:08,351 --> 00:10:11,686
Don't forget the action
figure... GI Wayne.
219
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:14,322
Now with super stabbing action.
220
00:10:16,025 --> 00:10:18,243
I guess all I have to do now
221
00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:20,395
is get to know Wayne
well enough to fool the board.
222
00:10:20,446 --> 00:10:22,164
I hope I can pull this off.
223
00:10:22,231 --> 00:10:23,748
Sure, you can.
224
00:10:23,833 --> 00:10:26,418
You're a great liar.
225
00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:28,620
You lied this morning
when you left the house
226
00:10:28,704 --> 00:10:31,089
and told yourself
that dress looked good.
227
00:10:34,243 --> 00:10:36,211
Hey, Charlie. It's Patrick.
228
00:10:36,262 --> 00:10:38,880
I'm just leaving you
a message to let you know
229
00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:42,551
we're still in Vegas, the room is nice,
230
00:10:42,602 --> 00:10:45,687
and, oh, yeah, you were wrong.
231
00:10:45,754 --> 00:10:48,640
I doubled the money. $200,000!
232
00:10:48,724 --> 00:10:50,609
In your...
( Phone beeps )
233
00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:53,428
Crap, I lost the call.
234
00:10:53,479 --> 00:10:55,930
Hey, Charlie. It's Patrick.
235
00:10:55,982 --> 00:10:57,899
Face!
236
00:10:57,950 --> 00:11:00,702
It's gone! It's all gone!
237
00:11:00,769 --> 00:11:03,071
- What's gone?
- The money.
238
00:11:03,122 --> 00:11:05,323
No, it's not. It's in
the safe in the closet.
239
00:11:05,408 --> 00:11:07,876
Oh, my God! Where's the money?
240
00:11:07,943 --> 00:11:10,278
It's gone! It's all gone!
241
00:11:10,329 --> 00:11:14,549
$200,000 is gone?
What the hell happened?
242
00:11:14,617 --> 00:11:16,167
When you were getting a massage,
243
00:11:16,252 --> 00:11:18,453
I grabbed $100 to go play roulette.
244
00:11:18,504 --> 00:11:20,788
But I lost it, so I used
the rest of the money
245
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,625
to try to get it back
so you wouldn't get mad.
246
00:11:23,676 --> 00:11:26,645
Well, I'm mad!
247
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:28,513
So it didn't work,
248
00:11:28,598 --> 00:11:30,565
but at least I tried.
249
00:11:30,633 --> 00:11:33,151
How... how could you let this happen?
250
00:11:33,236 --> 00:11:34,769
Hey, do not blame me.
251
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:37,856
If you hadn't gotten that
stupid two-hour massage,
252
00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:39,941
none of this would have happened.
253
00:11:39,992 --> 00:11:42,611
I only did it because
I thought I was rich.
254
00:11:42,662 --> 00:11:45,080
We're screwed.
255
00:11:45,147 --> 00:11:46,531
Your parents are gonna kill us.
256
00:11:46,616 --> 00:11:48,700
Okay.
257
00:11:48,784 --> 00:11:50,669
We're just gonna have
to downsize the wedding.
258
00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:53,488
Oh, great idea. I'm sure no
one will ask any questions
259
00:11:53,539 --> 00:11:55,156
when our Evite says
that we're holding it
260
00:11:55,207 --> 00:11:57,459
in the banquet room of a Sizzler.
261
00:11:57,510 --> 00:11:58,993
What are we gonna do?
262
00:11:59,045 --> 00:12:00,662
We're gonna do the same
thing we always do.
263
00:12:00,713 --> 00:12:02,764
Get drunk and watch "Fashion Place"?
264
00:12:02,831 --> 00:12:04,382
I don't see how that's gonna help.
265
00:12:04,467 --> 00:12:06,685
No, we're going to lie.
266
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,503
To my parents?
267
00:12:08,554 --> 00:12:10,855
Haven't we lied enough to them?
268
00:12:10,940 --> 00:12:12,357
Apparently not.
269
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:13,858
Okay.
270
00:12:15,978 --> 00:12:18,446
So far the answers to your questions
271
00:12:18,514 --> 00:12:20,815
verify that you two have spent
enough time with each other
272
00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:23,017
to conceivably be engaged.
273
00:12:23,069 --> 00:12:25,287
Just a couple more
and we'll wrap this up.
274
00:12:25,354 --> 00:12:29,457
Dr. Denby, is your fiancée
left-handed or right-handed?
275
00:12:29,525 --> 00:12:32,911
Well, according to the stories
he's told me, he's ambidextrous.
276
00:12:32,995 --> 00:12:34,829
He shoots with his left,
stabs with his right,
277
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,214
strangles with both.
278
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,634
She's my girl.
( Imitates gunshot )
279
00:12:39,702 --> 00:12:43,088
I mean...
( Imitates gunshot )
280
00:12:43,172 --> 00:12:45,873
One last question, Dr. Denby.
281
00:12:45,925 --> 00:12:48,843
How do you justify marrying a convict?
282
00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:52,597
Well, we do come from
the same part of the world.
283
00:12:52,682 --> 00:12:56,818
And I didn't expect this to happen,
284
00:12:56,885 --> 00:12:59,154
but I love him.
285
00:13:06,195 --> 00:13:08,196
Even though he has committed
286
00:13:08,247 --> 00:13:10,615
multiple murders in numerous states?
287
00:13:10,700 --> 00:13:13,284
Well, I'm not saying
he's not a fixer-upper.
288
00:13:14,954 --> 00:13:18,006
But Mom always said
you got to mold a man.
289
00:13:20,593 --> 00:13:22,210
Well, I'm satisfied.
290
00:13:23,713 --> 00:13:27,048
Mr. Earl, as our wedding gift to you,
291
00:13:27,099 --> 00:13:29,801
the California penal
system will allow you
292
00:13:29,885 --> 00:13:32,937
to stay in your current 6x9
cell for the next 200 years.
293
00:13:33,022 --> 00:13:34,639
Oh, thank you.
294
00:13:34,724 --> 00:13:36,474
That is a relief.
295
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,764
So, what happened?
296
00:13:42,815 --> 00:13:45,283
She was a real champ, Charlie.
She saved me.
297
00:13:45,368 --> 00:13:46,868
For the 12th time in my life,
298
00:13:46,935 --> 00:13:49,621
I think I'm in love.
299
00:13:49,705 --> 00:13:52,657
Okay, Wayne. We'll be in
touch about the book.
300
00:13:54,126 --> 00:13:55,710
I knew you loved me.
301
00:13:55,778 --> 00:13:58,446
Don't worry, we will be together.
302
00:14:04,119 --> 00:14:05,587
What did he say? Was it about the book?
303
00:14:05,638 --> 00:14:07,672
He said, "We will be together."
304
00:14:07,757 --> 00:14:10,058
But, like, with him driving
and me in the trunk.
305
00:14:11,594 --> 00:14:14,429
I should tell the board
that this was all a lie.
306
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,964
But then there won't be any book
'cause they'll ship him off to Texas.
307
00:14:17,016 --> 00:14:18,850
I know, and I'll feel much better.
308
00:14:18,934 --> 00:14:21,686
You know what will make you
feel even better than that?
309
00:14:21,771 --> 00:14:24,155
A new Jet Ski with cherries all over it.
310
00:14:25,658 --> 00:14:27,742
Yay. Fun.
311
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,615
So where were you when they broke in?
312
00:14:32,670 --> 00:14:34,554
I was getting gifts for you
313
00:14:34,639 --> 00:14:36,890
to show our appreciation
for the wedding.
314
00:14:38,676 --> 00:14:40,777
So let me understand.
315
00:14:40,844 --> 00:14:44,564
You cashed the check and brought
all that money back to the house?
316
00:14:44,649 --> 00:14:47,117
The bank said the money
would be safer here
317
00:14:47,184 --> 00:14:50,537
because they've had
so many bank robberies.
318
00:14:50,621 --> 00:14:53,740
So where did you keep all this money?
319
00:14:53,824 --> 00:14:58,044
In Patrick's suitcase in the closet.
320
00:14:58,129 --> 00:15:00,380
We might as well have just thrown
all the money away in Vegas.
321
00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:01,748
( Chuckles )
322
00:15:03,668 --> 00:15:07,337
You're expecting us to write you
another check for $100,000?
323
00:15:07,388 --> 00:15:10,757
- Yeah, that'd be great.
- Thank you, Daddy.
324
00:15:10,841 --> 00:15:12,559
Fine.
325
00:15:12,643 --> 00:15:14,728
I'll have my accountant take care of it.
326
00:15:14,812 --> 00:15:16,980
We're just happy that you're safe.
327
00:15:17,047 --> 00:15:19,432
- Let's go, Mira.
- Bye-bye, darling.
328
00:15:23,437 --> 00:15:26,690
By the way, next time
you stage a robbery,
329
00:15:26,741 --> 00:15:29,743
you might want to scuff up
a door or a window
330
00:15:29,827 --> 00:15:32,729
to make it look like someone was
actually trying to get in here.
331
00:15:34,615 --> 00:15:36,733
- Okay, Daddy, we will.
- Kisses.
332
00:15:39,537 --> 00:15:42,205
Jordan, I'm telling you he's
not gonna do anything to you.
333
00:15:42,256 --> 00:15:43,957
You're blowing this
way out of proportion.
334
00:15:44,041 --> 00:15:46,126
I have been listening
to you for five hours
335
00:15:46,210 --> 00:15:47,594
and I still don't feel better.
336
00:15:47,678 --> 00:15:49,596
I'm calling the board.
337
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,932
To tell them what? That you lied?
338
00:15:52,016 --> 00:15:54,584
Wayne will get killed in a Texas jail.
339
00:15:54,635 --> 00:15:56,419
You don't care about that.
340
00:15:56,470 --> 00:15:59,088
You're just worried about losing your
cool book deal and your stupid RV.
341
00:15:59,140 --> 00:16:01,391
Hey, hey, I can care about a lot
of things at the same time.
342
00:16:01,442 --> 00:16:03,944
I am an emotional multitasker.
343
00:16:04,028 --> 00:16:06,262
Then why can't you care about the fact
344
00:16:06,314 --> 00:16:07,814
that this guy gives me the creeps?
345
00:16:07,898 --> 00:16:11,117
A lot of people give people the creeps.
346
00:16:11,202 --> 00:16:13,870
For instance, there's a really creepy
guy who works at my liquor store,
347
00:16:13,937 --> 00:16:16,417
but that doesn't stop me from
going in there four times a week.
348
00:16:17,941 --> 00:16:19,743
Here's my best argument.
349
00:16:19,794 --> 00:16:21,544
Even if this guy is obsessed with you,
350
00:16:21,612 --> 00:16:23,163
you have nothing to be afraid of.
351
00:16:23,247 --> 00:16:24,581
You saw how he was chained up.
352
00:16:24,632 --> 00:16:27,917
And he lives behind
20-foot concrete walls.
353
00:16:27,969 --> 00:16:29,952
You're right.
354
00:16:30,004 --> 00:16:31,972
I'm probably just being silly.
355
00:16:32,056 --> 00:16:34,557
Sweetie, you have
nothing to worry about.
356
00:16:37,311 --> 00:16:38,728
Hey.
357
00:16:38,796 --> 00:16:41,631
Hello.
358
00:16:41,682 --> 00:16:43,650
Who are you?
359
00:16:43,734 --> 00:16:46,936
I'm a friend of Charlie's. Who are you?
360
00:16:46,988 --> 00:16:50,106
I live next door. How come
I haven't seen you around?
361
00:16:50,157 --> 00:16:53,159
I don't get out much.
362
00:16:53,244 --> 00:16:55,478
Well, how do I know that
you're actually his friend?
363
00:16:55,529 --> 00:16:58,147
Well, how do I know you're
not some serial killer?
364
00:17:01,318 --> 00:17:02,819
That's a good point.
365
00:17:04,705 --> 00:17:06,706
Ooh, SpaghettiOs.
366
00:17:06,791 --> 00:17:08,958
Is there another can of those in here?
367
00:17:09,010 --> 00:17:12,429
I think so. I know there's
a can of ravioli left.
368
00:17:12,496 --> 00:17:15,432
Sweet! It's my lucky day.
369
00:17:15,499 --> 00:17:17,133
You don't know how lucky.
370
00:17:19,553 --> 00:17:21,604
Hey, wait a second. Aren't
those Charlie's clothes?
371
00:17:21,672 --> 00:17:23,606
Yeah.
372
00:17:23,674 --> 00:17:26,526
That's cool. This is his shirt, too.
373
00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:45,812
Thanks so much for letting me
stay in your guest room.
374
00:17:45,863 --> 00:17:48,890
I guess I'm just still a little spooked.
375
00:17:48,945 --> 00:17:52,063
Oh, it's all right. But no
matter how scared you are,
376
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:54,733
do not sneak into my room in the middle
of the night and start humping me.
377
00:17:54,784 --> 00:17:56,868
What?
378
00:17:56,935 --> 00:17:58,286
Hey, your words, not mine.
379
00:18:03,042 --> 00:18:05,160
I'm just glad you changed your mind.
380
00:18:05,244 --> 00:18:07,746
And you'll see. Everything's
gonna work out just fine.
381
00:18:07,797 --> 00:18:09,447
I don't know why I'm so worried.
382
00:18:09,498 --> 00:18:11,383
I mean, the guy's behind bars.
383
00:18:11,450 --> 00:18:13,335
So who are we talking about?
( Both scream )
384
00:18:15,471 --> 00:18:18,790
- Wayne.
- I didn't mean to startle you, my precious flower.
385
00:18:18,841 --> 00:18:21,426
So, Wayne, it's...
386
00:18:23,846 --> 00:18:26,130
kind of funny you're here.
387
00:18:26,182 --> 00:18:29,234
Last time we saw you, you were
in a maximum security prison.
388
00:18:29,301 --> 00:18:31,353
Yeah, I remember that.
389
00:18:31,437 --> 00:18:33,355
What happened to that?
390
00:18:33,439 --> 00:18:35,807
When you turned to me
and told me you loved me,
391
00:18:35,858 --> 00:18:37,642
it sounded like you really meant it.
392
00:18:37,693 --> 00:18:39,911
Did it?
393
00:18:39,978 --> 00:18:41,946
Charlie, did it sound like that?
394
00:18:41,998 --> 00:18:43,748
I don't know. I wasn't in the room.
395
00:18:43,816 --> 00:18:46,918
Okay, thanks.
396
00:18:46,985 --> 00:18:49,421
Jordan, when a man is in love,
397
00:18:49,488 --> 00:18:53,425
he has a winged heart that can soar
over these earthly confinements.
398
00:18:53,492 --> 00:18:56,628
So I hid in the bottom
of a garbage truck.
399
00:18:56,679 --> 00:18:58,129
Wayne, I've got to ask,
400
00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:00,548
what are you hoping
to accomplish with this?
401
00:19:00,633 --> 00:19:02,884
You must be the center
of a huge manhunt.
402
00:19:02,968 --> 00:19:05,220
That is why my fiancée and I
403
00:19:05,304 --> 00:19:07,022
need to get out of here
404
00:19:07,106 --> 00:19:10,141
and find ourselves a hiding spot.
405
00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:11,393
Fiancée.
406
00:19:11,477 --> 00:19:13,361
Just hearing it gives me the chills.
407
00:19:13,446 --> 00:19:15,680
Me, too.
408
00:19:20,703 --> 00:19:23,288
Wayne, wait.
409
00:19:23,355 --> 00:19:24,989
You can't just run off with Jordan.
410
00:19:25,041 --> 00:19:27,208
She's not really your fiancée.
411
00:19:27,293 --> 00:19:29,527
Oh, my God. You're right.
412
00:19:29,578 --> 00:19:31,880
That was just for the prison board.
413
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:33,665
What was I thinking?
414
00:19:33,716 --> 00:19:35,750
Hey, you just got carried away.
415
00:19:35,835 --> 00:19:38,202
Yeah. We got to make this real.
416
00:19:39,722 --> 00:19:42,891
Jordan Joy Denby, will you marry me?
417
00:19:42,975 --> 00:19:44,893
I don't know what to say.
418
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:46,878
I'd say yes.
419
00:19:49,014 --> 00:19:50,565
Sure. I'll marry you.
420
00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:52,734
Yes. I knew it.
421
00:19:52,818 --> 00:19:55,236
The voices were wrong again.
422
00:19:55,321 --> 00:19:57,555
Awesome. This is great for the book.
423
00:19:57,606 --> 00:20:00,358
- What?
- It's Wayne's redemption story.
424
00:20:00,409 --> 00:20:03,194
You're the first woman he's gonna
marry that he's not gonna kill.
425
00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:04,729
Right, Wayne?
426
00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:06,948
Well, I'm no fortuneteller, Charlie,
427
00:20:07,032 --> 00:20:10,034
but I've got a good
feeling about this one.
428
00:20:10,086 --> 00:20:11,903
Me, too. Matter of fact,
429
00:20:11,954 --> 00:20:13,121
I'm gonna give you the keys to my cabin.
430
00:20:13,205 --> 00:20:14,706
Excuse me?
431
00:20:14,757 --> 00:20:16,091
Yeah, it's way out in the woods
432
00:20:16,175 --> 00:20:18,543
and no one will find
you two for a long time.
433
00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:20,912
Charlie, can I talk to you for a second?
434
00:20:20,963 --> 00:20:22,547
Just call me from the road.
435
00:20:22,598 --> 00:20:25,082
I must say, I'm very
humbled by your largess.
436
00:20:25,134 --> 00:20:27,552
You know what? Jordan,
you put on some music,
437
00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:29,437
I'll get the keys to the cabin, and,
Wayne, there's a really good bottle
438
00:20:29,522 --> 00:20:31,162
- of champagne in the fridge.
- I'm on it.
439
00:20:33,225 --> 00:20:36,027
So what kind of music am I
supposed to pick out for this?
440
00:20:36,094 --> 00:20:37,562
Come on, let's go.
441
00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:39,314
Is that like Journey or Springsteen?
442
00:20:39,398 --> 00:20:41,699
- No, it's come on, let's go!
- Oh!
443
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,571
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
444
00:20:46,622 --> 00:20:48,873
Brought back your can of ravioli.
445
00:20:48,941 --> 00:20:50,742
I noticed it was bulgy.
446
00:20:50,793 --> 00:20:52,460
I opened it, it smelled weird.
447
00:20:52,545 --> 00:20:54,462
I tasted it and it tasted funny.
448
00:20:54,547 --> 00:20:57,415
So here.
449
00:20:57,466 --> 00:20:59,116
Little morning martini?
450
00:20:59,168 --> 00:21:03,087
Yeah, I like to treat myself
when I've cheated death.
451
00:21:03,139 --> 00:21:06,591
Oh, right, right, right.
Yeah, he's back in jail.
452
00:21:06,642 --> 00:21:09,227
Yes, yes. And by the way, Sean,
453
00:21:09,294 --> 00:21:12,680
next time you come in and
find a stranger in my kitchen
454
00:21:12,765 --> 00:21:15,150
eating my food, wearing my clothes,
455
00:21:15,234 --> 00:21:17,735
do me a favor. Shoot
me a text, would you?
456
00:21:19,772 --> 00:21:21,656
Sure.
( Laughs )
457
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:23,440
Paranoid.
458
00:21:24,316 --> 00:21:34,316
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com