1
00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:03,640
So the doc says my blood
pressure is too high.
2
00:00:03,665 --> 00:00:06,267
You've got to learn to relax more, Ed.
3
00:00:08,070 --> 00:00:11,372
You should get yourself a massage chair.
4
00:00:14,242 --> 00:00:17,445
Nolan, didn't you have a phone
interview for a job yesterday?
5
00:00:17,512 --> 00:00:21,015
Mmm, how did that go?
6
00:00:21,083 --> 00:00:22,984
Would you turn that off?
7
00:00:23,051 --> 00:00:26,120
It's like trying to have a
therapy session in a Brookstone.
8
00:00:26,188 --> 00:00:30,458
You know, we should do that sometime.
9
00:00:30,525 --> 00:00:32,845
I postponed it till tomorrow.
10
00:00:32,894 --> 00:00:35,262
Although I may change it to Friday
11
00:00:35,330 --> 00:00:37,965
or Monday... or just cancel it altogether
12
00:00:38,033 --> 00:00:41,068
because I worry that I...
13
00:00:41,136 --> 00:00:44,472
come across as indecisive
over the phone.
14
00:00:44,539 --> 00:00:48,142
You know what, guys?
Let's try some role-playing.
15
00:00:48,210 --> 00:00:50,611
Lacey, why don't you
pretend that you're hiring
16
00:00:50,679 --> 00:00:53,614
and, Nolan, you call her on the phone
17
00:00:53,682 --> 00:00:55,116
for a job interview?
18
00:00:55,183 --> 00:00:57,103
Okay.
19
00:00:57,119 --> 00:00:59,453
Hi, this is Nolan Johnson
20
00:00:59,521 --> 00:01:01,522
and I'm calling about
the assistant manager job.
21
00:01:01,590 --> 00:01:04,325
Hold, please.
22
00:01:04,393 --> 00:01:06,927
- Patrick.
- Yes, ma'am?
23
00:01:06,995 --> 00:01:08,562
Could you push my lunch?
24
00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:11,365
You've pushed it twice already.
Don't make me do it again.
25
00:01:11,433 --> 00:01:14,869
I don't like your attitude.
You're fired.
26
00:01:14,936 --> 00:01:16,737
Good. And just so you know,
27
00:01:16,805 --> 00:01:19,006
every time you made me run down the
street to get your skinny latte,
28
00:01:19,074 --> 00:01:21,242
I put whole milk in it
and stirred it with my finger.
29
00:01:21,309 --> 00:01:22,677
That's right.
30
00:01:22,744 --> 00:01:25,946
Enjoy your saddlebags, bitch.
31
00:01:26,014 --> 00:01:29,350
And that's the story of why I never
suggested role-playing again.
32
00:01:31,186 --> 00:01:33,020
They did it again, Ed.
33
00:01:33,088 --> 00:01:36,057
Those people down the hall
dumped all our wet laundry
34
00:01:36,124 --> 00:01:38,292
on the floor before I had a
chance to put it in the dryer.
35
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:39,960
I'll have to use yours, Charlie.
36
00:01:40,028 --> 00:01:41,429
Dad, we're in the middle
of something here.
37
00:01:41,496 --> 00:01:43,798
Thanks to them, I don't
have any underpants on
38
00:01:43,865 --> 00:01:46,133
and I can't tell you
how uncomfortable it is.
39
00:01:46,201 --> 00:01:49,370
For everybody. Can we go now?
40
00:01:49,438 --> 00:01:52,840
You guys can. I'm stuck here
hanging out with my dad,
41
00:01:52,908 --> 00:01:55,810
who is also hanging out.
42
00:01:58,513 --> 00:02:01,315
I've just about had it
with those damn Mexicans.
43
00:02:01,383 --> 00:02:02,783
Are your neighbors Mexican, Ed,
44
00:02:02,851 --> 00:02:04,251
or is this generic racism?
45
00:02:04,319 --> 00:02:05,786
Yes.
46
00:02:07,589 --> 00:02:10,291
No, this has nothing to do
with racism, Charlie.
47
00:02:10,358 --> 00:02:12,660
I mean, it could be any family
48
00:02:12,728 --> 00:02:15,029
who plays loud Spanish music
49
00:02:15,097 --> 00:02:16,897
through their open windows all night
50
00:02:16,965 --> 00:02:20,367
after screaming at a televised
soccer game all day.
51
00:02:21,603 --> 00:02:23,504
And on top of that,
52
00:02:23,572 --> 00:02:25,773
your dad had to come and pick me up
53
00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:28,976
because they blocked
my car in with theirs.
54
00:02:29,044 --> 00:02:31,378
You'd think if there was one
thing a Mexican is good at,
55
00:02:31,446 --> 00:02:33,647
it's parking cars.
56
00:02:33,715 --> 00:02:36,751
Guys, have you talked to them
and tried to work this out?
57
00:02:36,818 --> 00:02:38,652
Obviously you didn't, Ed,
'cause they'd have taken you
58
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,756
to a public park and beaten
you like a cheap piñata.
59
00:02:41,823 --> 00:02:44,058
Look, Charlie, you do this sort
60
00:02:44,126 --> 00:02:46,026
of conflict resolution all the time.
61
00:02:46,094 --> 00:02:49,663
Could you just please come by tonight
and talk to these wretched people?
62
00:02:49,731 --> 00:02:52,032
Dad, I don't want to get involved.
63
00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:53,234
If you'll come by
and help us out tonight,
64
00:02:53,301 --> 00:02:54,869
we'll share something special with you.
65
00:02:54,936 --> 00:02:56,771
Yeah, we're bottling up our first batch
66
00:02:56,838 --> 00:02:59,119
of homemade moonshine.
67
00:02:59,141 --> 00:03:01,776
You guys are making your own
moonshine in your apartment?
68
00:03:01,843 --> 00:03:04,378
Yeah. Doctor said
I was drinking too much
69
00:03:04,446 --> 00:03:07,148
and I need a hobby.
70
00:03:07,215 --> 00:03:10,584
Well, looks like somebody has
certainly outsmarted somebody.
71
00:03:13,054 --> 00:03:15,956
Hey. Charlie around?
72
00:03:16,024 --> 00:03:19,160
Charlie's not here.
Go away. I don't like you.
73
00:03:19,227 --> 00:03:21,562
You know, every single
girl starts like that,
74
00:03:21,630 --> 00:03:23,998
but they all end up sleeping with me.
75
00:03:24,065 --> 00:03:25,933
And then they all
end up hating you again.
76
00:03:26,001 --> 00:03:27,968
I'm just taking the shortcut.
77
00:03:28,036 --> 00:03:29,970
I'll wait.
78
00:03:36,678 --> 00:03:40,314
Hey, what's another word
for multiple male orgasms?
79
00:03:40,382 --> 00:03:42,583
Is this for a crossword?
80
00:03:42,651 --> 00:03:44,985
No, I'm sending a thank-you
note to your mother.
81
00:03:51,026 --> 00:03:53,060
So whatcha doing?
82
00:03:53,128 --> 00:03:55,963
I'm about to transcribe the interactions
83
00:03:56,031 --> 00:03:59,567
of couples having intercourse
for our study.
84
00:03:59,634 --> 00:04:02,570
Amateur porn, I love it.
Are you guys hiring?
85
00:04:02,637 --> 00:04:05,906
No, and if you don't leave,
I am calling campus police.
86
00:04:05,974 --> 00:04:09,176
They don't have guns,
but they are fat and slow.
87
00:04:09,244 --> 00:04:11,045
What's wrong with you?
What, are you afraid
88
00:04:11,112 --> 00:04:13,152
I'm gonna see you getting
turned on watching videos?
89
00:04:13,181 --> 00:04:15,216
No, I hate watching these.
90
00:04:15,283 --> 00:04:17,785
I don't get aroused
by anything but being alone
91
00:04:17,853 --> 00:04:19,820
in a bedroom with a man that I love.
92
00:04:19,888 --> 00:04:21,155
You know who I feel bad for?
93
00:04:21,223 --> 00:04:22,990
That guy.
94
00:04:23,058 --> 00:04:26,126
That's it. I am calling campus police.
95
00:04:26,194 --> 00:04:28,028
You have exactly one hour
to get out of here.
96
00:04:28,096 --> 00:04:29,930
Will you stop it? Hang up the phone.
97
00:04:29,998 --> 00:04:31,732
I'm just being a dick.
98
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,602
Look, I'll watch the videos
and make the notes for you.
99
00:04:34,669 --> 00:04:38,138
I am a grown woman. I can do this.
100
00:04:42,077 --> 00:04:44,144
See?
101
00:04:44,212 --> 00:04:46,847
No problem.
102
00:04:46,915 --> 00:04:49,516
Naked man, naked woman.
103
00:04:51,119 --> 00:04:53,159
Naked man bending over. I'm tapping out.
104
00:05:02,831 --> 00:05:05,266
Excuse me.
105
00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:07,401
Before I get on this elevator,
106
00:05:07,469 --> 00:05:09,737
that's not a warning saying that
this thing isn't safe, is it?
107
00:05:09,804 --> 00:05:12,273
Oh, no. But I'd take the stairs.
108
00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:14,575
The safety certificate in there
109
00:05:14,643 --> 00:05:17,278
is a kids' menu from Denny's.
110
00:05:17,345 --> 00:05:19,680
Thank you. I'm Charlie, by the way.
111
00:05:19,748 --> 00:05:21,849
Oh, hi. Livi.
112
00:05:21,917 --> 00:05:24,418
Pleased to meet you, Livi.
I'll take one of those.
113
00:05:24,486 --> 00:05:27,922
I'd love to attend your yard sale
or help you find your lost dog
114
00:05:27,989 --> 00:05:29,356
or even be your roommate.
115
00:05:29,424 --> 00:05:31,859
You don't live here, do you?
116
00:05:31,927 --> 00:05:34,828
No, unless the roommate thing pans out.
117
00:05:34,896 --> 00:05:37,331
I'm trying to get a petition together
118
00:05:37,399 --> 00:05:39,300
to get these guys kicked out.
119
00:05:41,636 --> 00:05:44,138
"Evict the dicks in 206."
120
00:05:44,205 --> 00:05:46,006
It's catchy.
121
00:05:46,074 --> 00:05:47,841
Thanks.
122
00:05:47,909 --> 00:05:50,978
My family lives down the hall from them.
123
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:53,681
The bald one calls my gay cousins
124
00:05:53,748 --> 00:05:55,249
the "refried queens."
125
00:05:56,808 --> 00:05:58,728
These guys sound like monsters.
126
00:05:58,753 --> 00:06:00,721
You have beautiful eyes.
127
00:06:00,789 --> 00:06:03,624
Oh, thank you.
128
00:06:03,692 --> 00:06:06,060
I'd ask you to help me out
with the rest of these flyers,
129
00:06:06,127 --> 00:06:08,128
but I guess you're here to see somebody.
130
00:06:08,196 --> 00:06:10,864
Not anymore.
131
00:06:10,932 --> 00:06:13,892
You know a great place to
hang up some of these flyers?
132
00:06:13,935 --> 00:06:15,602
That little Italian place on the corner.
133
00:06:15,670 --> 00:06:17,738
Oh, that's a good idea.
134
00:06:17,806 --> 00:06:20,407
I bet they get a lot
of traffic from this building.
135
00:06:20,475 --> 00:06:22,109
Absolutely.
136
00:06:22,177 --> 00:06:24,712
And if we wind up having dinner,
137
00:06:24,779 --> 00:06:27,681
splitting a bottle of wine, getting
drunk, and going back to my place,
138
00:06:27,749 --> 00:06:30,589
that's the risk we must take
to evict these gringos.
139
00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:35,123
Anger Management 2x52
- Charlie and the Hot Latina -
Original air date March 13, 2014
140
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,160
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com
141
00:06:37,202 --> 00:06:40,482
Hey, thanks again for helping
me put up the flyers.
142
00:06:40,507 --> 00:06:42,408
Hey, it's for a good cause.
143
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,781
Look, I have a confession.
144
00:06:48,849 --> 00:06:50,683
I knew that I didn't have six more rolls
145
00:06:50,751 --> 00:06:52,985
of Scotch Tape at my house.
146
00:06:53,053 --> 00:06:54,854
I've got a confession, too.
147
00:06:54,921 --> 00:06:58,357
I had a ton of extra
Scotch Tape in my car.
148
00:06:58,425 --> 00:07:01,494
Listen, you know how hard it
is to get someone evicted?
149
00:07:01,561 --> 00:07:04,363
I mean, can't you just ignore
these two old misfits?
150
00:07:04,431 --> 00:07:07,266
Oh, please. You don't
know what they're like.
151
00:07:07,334 --> 00:07:09,535
I can kind of picture it.
152
00:07:11,672 --> 00:07:13,873
They make so much noise.
153
00:07:13,940 --> 00:07:16,042
Like yelling and screaming.
154
00:07:16,109 --> 00:07:17,943
The one with the hair
is always going off
155
00:07:18,011 --> 00:07:20,179
about having some ungrateful son
156
00:07:20,247 --> 00:07:23,783
who spends all his time chasing women.
157
00:07:23,850 --> 00:07:26,585
Sounds like the ramblings of a madman.
158
00:07:26,653 --> 00:07:31,023
And the bald one,
he is so angry and racist.
159
00:07:31,091 --> 00:07:33,092
I guess he's seeing a therapist,
160
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,627
but that guy must suck.
161
00:07:36,363 --> 00:07:39,565
Please. I'll bet his therapist is great.
162
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:42,568
You know, sometimes
it's the patient who...
163
00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:46,238
can't we just pity them
and act like they're dead?
164
00:07:46,306 --> 00:07:50,643
I can't. In my country, my
family owns a large house.
165
00:07:50,711 --> 00:07:53,379
The taxes were too high,
so it was our dream
166
00:07:53,447 --> 00:07:55,927
to come to America and have
a place that we could rent.
167
00:07:55,982 --> 00:07:58,651
You know, a small place that
we would not call our own.
168
00:08:02,155 --> 00:08:03,956
Wow.
169
00:08:04,024 --> 00:08:06,265
If it was up to me,
I would open the border
170
00:08:06,326 --> 00:08:08,761
to all of you beautiful
and confusing people.
171
00:08:10,922 --> 00:08:13,842
I'm having an anger problem
I'd like to discuss, Charlie.
172
00:08:13,867 --> 00:08:15,401
Well, shoot, Wayne.
173
00:08:15,469 --> 00:08:18,604
Well, as you know, I'm my
cell block's distributor
174
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:20,806
of fine handcrafted prison wines
175
00:08:20,874 --> 00:08:23,709
and spirits since 2004.
176
00:08:23,777 --> 00:08:26,245
Of course. In fact, I'm
still saving a bottle
177
00:08:26,313 --> 00:08:30,449
of your '07 toilet tank chardonnay
for a special occasion.
178
00:08:30,517 --> 00:08:34,186
Well, as it turns out,
someone from the Latin Lords
179
00:08:34,254 --> 00:08:37,456
is making a competing wine
that some people are reviewing
180
00:08:37,524 --> 00:08:39,458
as lighter, crisper,
181
00:08:39,526 --> 00:08:42,328
and less toilety.
182
00:08:42,395 --> 00:08:45,264
The Latin Lords are making wine now?
183
00:08:45,332 --> 00:08:49,602
Huh. I guess they gave up
on their jockstrap tequila.
184
00:08:49,669 --> 00:08:52,469
That's too bad, 'cause I
heard really good things.
185
00:08:53,804 --> 00:08:55,684
Yeah, especially because the Aryans
186
00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:57,777
made a truce with the Latin Lords
187
00:08:57,844 --> 00:08:59,578
by giving them my wine as a gift.
188
00:08:59,646 --> 00:09:01,714
But now that they can make their own,
189
00:09:01,782 --> 00:09:04,183
our fragile peace is in jeopardy.
190
00:09:04,251 --> 00:09:07,253
Wait a minute. So exchanging
gifts stopped a race war?
191
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,522
Yeah, we gave 'em our toilet wine
192
00:09:09,589 --> 00:09:12,429
and they gave us baklava
made of Cheetos and tobacco.
193
00:09:13,827 --> 00:09:16,328
- Opa.
- Opa.
194
00:09:16,396 --> 00:09:18,364
That's exactly what I should do.
195
00:09:18,431 --> 00:09:20,065
What are you talking about, Charlie?
196
00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:23,035
Well, I've been dating this woman
whose family hates my father.
197
00:09:23,103 --> 00:09:25,938
So I'm thinking if I can get them
together to exchange peace offerings,
198
00:09:26,006 --> 00:09:28,774
she won't hate me when she
finds out that I'm his son.
199
00:09:28,842 --> 00:09:30,743
Ooh, it's just like when I played Maria
200
00:09:30,811 --> 00:09:33,679
in our prison production
of "West Side Story."
201
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,748
I also played Officer Krupke
202
00:09:35,816 --> 00:09:37,696
and dead Puerto Rican number four.
203
00:09:40,921 --> 00:09:42,922
I'm sorry I missed that.
204
00:09:42,989 --> 00:09:46,025
Oh, yeah, I got a Tony.
He lives in the bunk beneath me.
205
00:09:47,828 --> 00:09:50,563
And when he leaves,
I'm gonna get myself an Oscar.
206
00:09:54,968 --> 00:09:56,235
Go for Sean.
207
00:09:56,303 --> 00:09:57,670
Sean, it's Jordan.
208
00:09:57,737 --> 00:09:58,971
Hey. What's up?
209
00:09:59,039 --> 00:10:00,606
Where are your notes on the sex tapes?
210
00:10:00,674 --> 00:10:02,274
I'm almost done.
211
00:10:02,342 --> 00:10:04,342
Had to watch that hipster
couple, like, four times.
212
00:10:04,377 --> 00:10:07,980
I couldn't tell if they were having
real orgasms or ironic ones.
213
00:10:08,048 --> 00:10:10,716
Well, it's almost midnight
214
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:14,253
and I still have to correlate those notes
with the EEG readings by tomorrow.
215
00:10:14,321 --> 00:10:16,088
Listen, why don't I just e-mail you
216
00:10:16,156 --> 00:10:17,489
the stuff that I'm done with
217
00:10:17,557 --> 00:10:19,317
and then instead of typing up
the rest of it,
218
00:10:19,326 --> 00:10:21,366
I can just read it to you
over the phone?
219
00:10:22,562 --> 00:10:24,830
- Okay, go ahead.
- All right.
220
00:10:24,898 --> 00:10:27,833
This is couple #223.
221
00:10:27,901 --> 00:10:30,369
Go on.
222
00:10:30,437 --> 00:10:33,439
At two minutes, 37 seconds in,
223
00:10:33,506 --> 00:10:36,075
he gently turns her over
224
00:10:36,142 --> 00:10:38,577
and starts caressing
the back of her neck.
225
00:10:38,645 --> 00:10:41,146
Okay.
226
00:10:41,214 --> 00:10:45,718
Now he is kissing her
along the curve of her back
227
00:10:45,785 --> 00:10:47,286
and down towards her...
228
00:10:49,155 --> 00:10:50,856
Go on.
229
00:10:56,429 --> 00:10:58,497
Yeah.
230
00:10:59,799 --> 00:11:01,834
Really?
231
00:11:03,303 --> 00:11:05,404
Okay.
232
00:11:06,673 --> 00:11:08,774
Go on.
233
00:11:10,176 --> 00:11:15,114
And she arches her back toward him.
234
00:11:15,181 --> 00:11:17,862
Are you okay? You're
breathing kind of funny.
235
00:11:19,219 --> 00:11:21,320
I'm fine. You know, it's just...
236
00:11:21,388 --> 00:11:24,523
keep going for the study.
237
00:11:24,591 --> 00:11:26,859
Now what's he's doing?
238
00:11:26,927 --> 00:11:30,229
Are you sure you want to know?
239
00:11:30,297 --> 00:11:32,197
Tell me.
240
00:11:36,636 --> 00:11:40,172
He is whispering into her ear,
241
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,207
"I want you."
242
00:11:42,275 --> 00:11:44,610
And she likes it.
243
00:11:44,678 --> 00:11:47,012
Oh, yeah, she does.
244
00:11:49,816 --> 00:11:52,451
Charlie, do you have
any dietary restrictions?
245
00:11:52,519 --> 00:11:54,853
Oh, just nothing with
beans, cheese, or rice.
246
00:11:54,921 --> 00:11:56,455
- Oh.
- I'm joking.
247
00:11:56,523 --> 00:11:59,658
I love your food. I find it Mexcellent.
248
00:12:01,561 --> 00:12:03,896
Yes, well, we're from El Salvador.
249
00:12:03,964 --> 00:12:05,531
Well, in that case,
may I say that your daughter
250
00:12:05,598 --> 00:12:07,967
is El Salvadorable?
251
00:12:08,034 --> 00:12:09,902
That's very funny.
252
00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:13,238
I've only heard that
like a Brazillion times.
253
00:12:13,306 --> 00:12:16,208
Anyway, I want to thank you
for having me over tonight.
254
00:12:16,276 --> 00:12:18,010
Well, you said it was important.
255
00:12:18,078 --> 00:12:19,745
It is. It is.
256
00:12:19,813 --> 00:12:21,914
Livi tells me that you have some
friction with a couple of neighbors
257
00:12:21,982 --> 00:12:23,315
and I think I have the solution.
258
00:12:23,383 --> 00:12:26,085
Why him? Who the hell is this guy?
259
00:12:26,152 --> 00:12:29,722
No, no, no, Charlie's very
good at conflict resolution.
260
00:12:29,789 --> 00:12:31,156
- Oh.
- He's a therapist.
261
00:12:31,224 --> 00:12:33,559
- A doctor?
- Well, actually, I'm...
262
00:12:33,626 --> 00:12:36,528
Oh, we always dreamed that Livi would
come to America and meet a doctor.
263
00:12:36,596 --> 00:12:40,199
Oh, a doctor, a small rental apartment.
264
00:12:40,266 --> 00:12:42,935
Well, we pretty much made it.
265
00:12:43,003 --> 00:12:45,738
Well, as a doctor in good standing,
266
00:12:45,805 --> 00:12:49,174
it is my opinion you should invite them
over and exchange a peace offering.
267
00:12:49,242 --> 00:12:51,910
A peace offering?
What, are we gangs in prison?
268
00:12:53,380 --> 00:12:56,081
No, I was thinking more
like pilgrims and Indians.
269
00:12:56,149 --> 00:12:59,551
Except without
all the VD and the genocide.
270
00:12:59,619 --> 00:13:01,186
Well, I'll tell you what.
271
00:13:01,254 --> 00:13:02,654
When they're ready to apologize,
272
00:13:02,722 --> 00:13:04,490
I'll consider a peace offering.
273
00:13:04,557 --> 00:13:07,026
What if I said that
they already did apologize?
274
00:13:07,093 --> 00:13:10,429
- They did? - Yes,
I took the liberty of talking to them
275
00:13:10,497 --> 00:13:12,364
and they said that they were
so ashamed of their behavior
276
00:13:12,432 --> 00:13:13,766
that they were sorry.
277
00:13:13,833 --> 00:13:15,634
Liberty.
278
00:13:15,702 --> 00:13:18,203
Now there's a fickle bitch.
279
00:13:18,271 --> 00:13:20,406
You come to America,
get your dream apartment,
280
00:13:20,473 --> 00:13:21,774
and you end up living down the hall
281
00:13:21,841 --> 00:13:24,002
from the two old grumpy
dudes from the Muppets.
282
00:13:25,612 --> 00:13:28,947
What kind of peace offering
are you thinking of?
283
00:13:29,015 --> 00:13:31,717
I don't know. What if you brought
some of your delicious food?
284
00:13:31,785 --> 00:13:35,621
- Okay. - And they brought some
of their homemade moonshine,
285
00:13:35,688 --> 00:13:38,991
and before you know it, you'll be
getting along like rice and be...
286
00:13:39,059 --> 00:13:41,860
...lieve me you'll be glad you did it.
287
00:13:41,928 --> 00:13:44,029
Moonshine?
288
00:13:44,097 --> 00:13:45,431
They're making moonshine over there?
289
00:13:45,498 --> 00:13:47,366
Not only is it awesome, but a single jug
290
00:13:47,434 --> 00:13:50,536
will power your car
all the way to Vegas.
291
00:13:50,603 --> 00:13:52,905
Making moonshine is illegal.
292
00:13:52,972 --> 00:13:54,907
We'll get them busted
and get them out of here.
293
00:13:54,974 --> 00:13:57,943
- Thank you, Dr. Charlie.
- Wait, wait, hang on.
294
00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:00,913
Now my father loves you.
295
00:14:00,980 --> 00:14:04,149
Well, good, 'cause I'm
gonna need a new one.
296
00:14:04,217 --> 00:14:05,651
Why, is he sick?
297
00:14:05,718 --> 00:14:07,719
He will be.
298
00:14:11,732 --> 00:14:14,134
- Hey, guys.
- Oh, perfect timing.
299
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:16,136
Here.
300
00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:17,737
Have one of these.
301
00:14:17,805 --> 00:14:20,540
This is a fresh batch
right out of this...
302
00:14:20,608 --> 00:14:22,976
whatever this is.
303
00:14:24,912 --> 00:14:27,414
Well, it's not eating through the
glass, so that's a good sign.
304
00:14:27,481 --> 00:14:30,016
Yes, 'cause we just installed
305
00:14:30,084 --> 00:14:32,118
this brand-new purification system.
306
00:14:36,824 --> 00:14:38,525
Here's mud in your eye.
307
00:14:41,262 --> 00:14:43,797
Oh, wow.
308
00:14:45,599 --> 00:14:48,301
My mouth tastes like a nail salon.
309
00:14:48,369 --> 00:14:52,038
Yeah, we're gonna make
a fortune off of this.
310
00:14:52,106 --> 00:14:54,441
Hear, hear.
311
00:14:54,508 --> 00:14:56,609
This is actually the reason why
I came to talk to you guys.
312
00:14:56,677 --> 00:14:58,518
The family that you're fighting with,
313
00:14:58,546 --> 00:15:00,046
they know about the moonshine.
314
00:15:00,114 --> 00:15:02,115
How'd they find out about that?
315
00:15:02,183 --> 00:15:03,817
Me? Why would I tell them?
316
00:15:03,884 --> 00:15:05,404
- What?
- What?
317
00:15:07,088 --> 00:15:09,648
Look, the point is, you've got
six angry people living there
318
00:15:09,690 --> 00:15:11,491
that want to throw you
both out on your asses.
319
00:15:11,492 --> 00:15:14,461
Ah, you hear that, Ed? They got
six people living over there.
320
00:15:14,528 --> 00:15:16,730
The lease says they're
only allowed to have four.
321
00:15:16,797 --> 00:15:19,733
So now we can kick them
out on their asses.
322
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,480
I see your mouth moving,
323
00:15:21,535 --> 00:15:25,038
but I hear "The Star-Spangled Banner."
324
00:15:25,106 --> 00:15:27,107
So the only way to solve this
325
00:15:27,174 --> 00:15:28,942
is for all of us
to sit down and hash it out.
326
00:15:29,009 --> 00:15:30,710
All right, fine.
327
00:15:30,778 --> 00:15:33,646
You gonna give up that sneezily?
328
00:15:33,714 --> 00:15:36,249
Guys, the only way that I
can broker this peace deal
329
00:15:36,317 --> 00:15:38,518
is that they do not know
that I'm your son.
330
00:15:38,586 --> 00:15:40,720
You're my son?
331
00:15:40,788 --> 00:15:43,423
I don't want them thinking
that I'm on your side
332
00:15:43,491 --> 00:15:45,925
- even though I'm on your side.
- Mm-hmm.
333
00:15:45,993 --> 00:15:48,461
Also, for reasons way
too complicated to explain,
334
00:15:48,529 --> 00:15:51,131
I need you to call me Dr. Goodson.
335
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,334
Dr. Goodson.
336
00:15:54,402 --> 00:15:56,503
Nice to meet you, Dr. Goodson.
337
00:15:59,407 --> 00:16:02,108
Here are your DVDs.
338
00:16:02,176 --> 00:16:05,078
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Very good work.
339
00:16:05,146 --> 00:16:07,814
You know, for someone who
claims to not like dirty talk,
340
00:16:07,882 --> 00:16:10,950
you sure seem to like it a lot.
341
00:16:11,018 --> 00:16:14,320
Only question I have is did you
like it all the way a lot?
342
00:16:14,388 --> 00:16:15,889
Get out.
343
00:16:15,956 --> 00:16:18,158
Don't deny it.
This is a big day for you.
344
00:16:18,225 --> 00:16:20,326
I bet that was the first
one you ever had.
345
00:16:20,394 --> 00:16:21,795
Get a life.
346
00:16:21,862 --> 00:16:23,763
I think we should get a cake.
347
00:16:23,831 --> 00:16:27,200
A Bundt cake shaped like a big O.
348
00:16:27,268 --> 00:16:29,803
You want to know what really happened?
349
00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:31,938
I had an asthma attack.
350
00:16:32,006 --> 00:16:33,907
That's why I was breathing heavy.
351
00:16:33,974 --> 00:16:37,644
Then I had a series of sneezes
that built in intensity.
352
00:16:39,313 --> 00:16:40,580
That makes sense.
353
00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:44,593
You know, Charlie has cameras
hidden all over this office, right?
354
00:16:44,618 --> 00:16:46,052
What?!
355
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,954
That's all I needed to know.
356
00:16:49,848 --> 00:16:52,368
But look, if I'm going to
mediate these peace talks,
357
00:16:52,393 --> 00:16:54,661
you cannot let them know
that I'm dating your daughter.
358
00:16:54,728 --> 00:16:56,463
I don't want them thinking
that I'm on your side
359
00:16:56,530 --> 00:16:59,199
even though I'm on your side.
360
00:16:59,266 --> 00:17:01,501
Yeah, well, that's a good idea.
361
00:17:01,569 --> 00:17:04,671
Nice place. But you'd better watch out.
362
00:17:04,738 --> 00:17:08,775
I've heard the one with hair
talks about taking stuff
363
00:17:08,843 --> 00:17:11,344
out of his own son's house.
364
00:17:11,412 --> 00:17:14,814
Like what? His son's shower radio?
365
00:17:17,918 --> 00:17:19,919
I appreciate you helping,
366
00:17:19,987 --> 00:17:24,224
but I'll give you my
official thank you tonight.
367
00:17:24,291 --> 00:17:27,594
And I'll give you my official
"you're welcome" immediately after.
368
00:17:27,661 --> 00:17:29,829
Or before, your call.
369
00:17:39,732 --> 00:17:43,052
Dr. Goodson. It's good to see you again.
370
00:17:43,077 --> 00:17:45,745
Dr. Goodson.
371
00:17:45,813 --> 00:17:48,348
It's good to see you, too, Mr. Landry.
372
00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:50,483
Come on in.
373
00:17:50,551 --> 00:17:52,819
Well, since I've never been here before,
374
00:17:52,887 --> 00:17:55,255
I must say you have
a swell place, Doctor.
375
00:17:55,322 --> 00:17:58,091
Thank you, Mr. Good...
376
00:17:58,158 --> 00:17:59,926
Year.
377
00:17:59,994 --> 00:18:01,961
- Goodyear?
- Yes, that's right.
378
00:18:02,029 --> 00:18:04,097
- Like the tire company?
- That's it.
379
00:18:04,164 --> 00:18:06,366
My family owns that tire company.
380
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:08,674
Really? And you live in that apartment?
381
00:18:08,702 --> 00:18:11,204
They must have disowned you,
382
00:18:11,272 --> 00:18:13,373
which I totally understand.
383
00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:19,145
Hey, you're in my seat.
384
00:18:19,213 --> 00:18:21,247
What are you talking about?
I got here first.
385
00:18:21,315 --> 00:18:22,715
There's no assigned seating.
386
00:18:22,783 --> 00:18:24,684
Everyone can sit anywhere they want.
387
00:18:24,752 --> 00:18:27,987
Fine. I'll sit in the Lacey chair.
388
00:18:28,055 --> 00:18:32,125
Lacy? Actually, it's
more like a suede chair.
389
00:18:35,062 --> 00:18:37,830
Now, look, I know that
we all have our differences,
390
00:18:37,898 --> 00:18:40,166
but tonight we are here to communicate.
391
00:18:40,234 --> 00:18:41,868
And only in English.
392
00:18:41,936 --> 00:18:43,736
You're a disgusting man.
393
00:18:43,804 --> 00:18:45,805
So are you.
394
00:18:45,873 --> 00:18:47,840
- I will kill you. I will kill you.
- All right, all right!
395
00:18:47,908 --> 00:18:48,908
That's enough. That's enough.
396
00:18:48,976 --> 00:18:50,910
That's enough. That's enough.
397
00:18:50,978 --> 00:18:53,980
Look, if we all cannot resolve this,
you're gonna wind up homeless.
398
00:18:54,048 --> 00:18:56,168
You'd throw your own father
out on the street?
399
00:18:56,216 --> 00:18:58,484
Your father?
400
00:18:58,552 --> 00:19:01,321
Where?
401
00:19:01,388 --> 00:19:03,456
Let's go.
402
00:19:05,292 --> 00:19:07,827
Hey, hang on a second.
403
00:19:07,895 --> 00:19:10,663
Why didn't I see this before?
404
00:19:10,731 --> 00:19:12,832
Hey, come.
405
00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:14,367
They're...
406
00:19:14,435 --> 00:19:16,669
they're like the same guy.
407
00:19:18,439 --> 00:19:20,607
No, the other one is a lot fatter.
408
00:19:22,042 --> 00:19:23,643
It's the other one.
409
00:19:23,711 --> 00:19:26,212
The other one.
410
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,916
Oh, yeah! I see it now.
411
00:19:29,984 --> 00:19:32,251
Yeah.
412
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,398
I can't believe you lied to me.
413
00:19:35,423 --> 00:19:36,790
This man is your father?
414
00:19:36,858 --> 00:19:40,427
Hey, no one is more upset
about that than me.
415
00:19:40,495 --> 00:19:42,929
I will not allow you
to date the son of a man
416
00:19:42,997 --> 00:19:46,233
who dries his underwear on the
Ping-Pong table in the community room.
417
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:48,235
For your information, señor,
418
00:19:48,302 --> 00:19:50,904
it is a multipurpose table.
419
00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:53,440
And I am tired of being
insulted, Charlie.
420
00:19:53,508 --> 00:19:56,243
Make your pick. Me or your girlfriend?
421
00:19:56,310 --> 00:19:58,779
That's easy. I choose her.
422
00:19:58,846 --> 00:20:01,014
You choose me?
423
00:20:01,082 --> 00:20:03,784
What kind of man will turn
his back on his own blood?
424
00:20:03,851 --> 00:20:06,553
What? He's a thief
and a hillbilly moonshiner.
425
00:20:06,621 --> 00:20:08,355
Madre de Dios.
426
00:20:08,423 --> 00:20:10,824
How could you say that
about your own father?
427
00:20:10,892 --> 00:20:12,492
Because I know him.
428
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,128
This explains everything.
429
00:20:15,196 --> 00:20:17,664
You have been so disrespected
by your own child
430
00:20:17,732 --> 00:20:19,866
that you take it out on your neighbors.
431
00:20:19,934 --> 00:20:23,270
- Mmm.
- Like the production of a fine automobile,
432
00:20:23,337 --> 00:20:26,239
this is something that could
never happen in El Salvador.
433
00:20:26,307 --> 00:20:28,275
You know what?
434
00:20:28,342 --> 00:20:30,710
You should all listen
to me, I'm a doctor.
435
00:20:30,778 --> 00:20:32,345
Pshh-hh, he's no doctor.
436
00:20:32,413 --> 00:20:34,481
Give me back my shower radio.
437
00:20:36,350 --> 00:20:38,885
Ed, Martin, please know
438
00:20:38,953 --> 00:20:41,188
that if your own family
does not love you
439
00:20:41,255 --> 00:20:42,989
and respect you, we will.
440
00:20:43,057 --> 00:20:44,958
You will always have a home with us.
441
00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:47,861
I think I like my Mexican family
442
00:20:47,929 --> 00:20:49,770
more than I like my white family.
443
00:20:52,633 --> 00:20:54,234
Brilliant plan.
444
00:20:54,302 --> 00:20:57,237
You created a third enemy
and that's what united them.
445
00:20:57,305 --> 00:20:59,239
I never want to see you again.
446
00:20:59,307 --> 00:21:01,775
That's good. That's good,
stay in character.
447
00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:05,412
We are done, Charlie.
You lied about everything.
448
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,581
You're not even a doctor.
449
00:21:07,648 --> 00:21:09,950
Keep it going.
450
00:21:10,017 --> 00:21:11,985
I'll call you later.
451
00:21:12,032 --> 00:21:20,032
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com