1
00:00:01,134 --> 00:00:02,301
( Cans rattle )
2
00:00:08,072 --> 00:00:11,574
Well, it looks like Charlie
had another classy party.
3
00:00:11,642 --> 00:00:13,843
Ooh. Beer in a can.
4
00:00:13,911 --> 00:00:15,645
I wonder if the Queen was here.
5
00:00:15,713 --> 00:00:17,780
I'm gonna get some coffee.
6
00:00:17,848 --> 00:00:19,649
Don't.
( Screams )
7
00:00:21,185 --> 00:00:23,319
That coffee is a day old.
8
00:00:23,387 --> 00:00:25,555
Charlie, what are you doing under there?
9
00:00:26,774 --> 00:00:28,534
Had a party here last night
10
00:00:28,559 --> 00:00:31,828
celebrating Jordan and I
finishing our sex study.
11
00:00:31,896 --> 00:00:35,031
Looks like you had
a hell of a shindig here.
12
00:00:35,099 --> 00:00:36,633
Yeah, but...
13
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:38,168
I forgot to invite Jordan
14
00:00:38,235 --> 00:00:40,103
so I could actually have some fun.
15
00:00:40,171 --> 00:00:42,105
Of course you were drinking.
16
00:00:42,173 --> 00:00:44,541
That's why we all got
this text at 2:00 A.M.
17
00:00:44,608 --> 00:00:46,276
that said we've made a lot of progress
18
00:00:46,343 --> 00:00:49,112
and you love our "rad spirits."
19
00:00:49,180 --> 00:00:51,147
I'm a very honest drunk.
20
00:00:51,215 --> 00:00:52,815
I didn't get that text.
21
00:00:52,883 --> 00:00:55,451
I'm a very honest drunk.
22
00:00:55,519 --> 00:00:58,254
I can respect that.
23
00:00:58,322 --> 00:01:00,089
Not only did we complete our research,
24
00:01:00,157 --> 00:01:01,958
but it looks like
we're gonna get published.
25
00:01:02,026 --> 00:01:04,227
Oh, cool. Can I read it on my Nook?
26
00:01:04,295 --> 00:01:07,330
Do you get "The New England Journal
of Medicine" on your Nook?
27
00:01:07,398 --> 00:01:11,734
Ooh. That is the one journal
of medicine she doesn't get.
28
00:01:11,802 --> 00:01:14,037
Quit looking at my Nook.
29
00:01:14,104 --> 00:01:16,506
Can I look at your Nook?
30
00:01:16,574 --> 00:01:17,941
Do you even know what a Nook is?
31
00:01:18,008 --> 00:01:19,609
I think I do.
32
00:01:20,874 --> 00:01:23,155
Anyway, it's almost a done deal.
33
00:01:23,180 --> 00:01:25,648
We just gotta meet the publisher,
34
00:01:25,716 --> 00:01:28,785
say some sciencey type things...
35
00:01:28,852 --> 00:01:31,354
"gravity makes stuff fall"...
36
00:01:31,422 --> 00:01:33,590
and we're in.
37
00:01:33,657 --> 00:01:36,659
All right, guys,
let's start our session.
38
00:01:36,727 --> 00:01:38,161
I'm freaking out.
39
00:01:38,229 --> 00:01:41,264
My parents cut me off
because of my sham wedding.
40
00:01:41,332 --> 00:01:44,567
Now I have to move out
of my beautiful apartment.
41
00:01:44,635 --> 00:01:46,869
Or you could just get a job.
42
00:01:46,937 --> 00:01:48,938
A job?
43
00:01:49,006 --> 00:01:50,966
This is like a nightmare
and I can't wake up.
44
00:01:52,610 --> 00:01:54,730
Hey, I know a guy who just
moved out of his apartment.
45
00:01:54,745 --> 00:01:57,313
It's cozy and super affordable.
46
00:01:57,381 --> 00:02:00,950
Cozy is poor person code for crappy.
47
00:02:01,018 --> 00:02:04,153
It's like when they call fat women real.
48
00:02:04,221 --> 00:02:07,023
Fat chicks are fun.
49
00:02:07,091 --> 00:02:08,725
( Groans )
50
00:02:08,792 --> 00:02:12,362
Hey, anybody want to go
to Denny's for pancakes?
51
00:02:12,429 --> 00:02:14,497
Sean, this is anger therapy.
52
00:02:14,565 --> 00:02:15,632
Get the hell out.
53
00:02:18,302 --> 00:02:20,236
Is anybody...
54
00:02:20,304 --> 00:02:22,264
upset over the way I just treated Sean?
55
00:02:24,375 --> 00:02:26,676
Who wants to see me
apologize over pancakes?
56
00:02:28,045 --> 00:02:30,146
Good. I'm starving. Let's go.
57
00:02:30,214 --> 00:02:35,214
Anger Management 2x55
- Charlie and Jordan Go to Prison -
Original air date April 3, 2014
58
00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:36,889
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com
59
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,131
Will you please get up
and help me clean this place?
60
00:02:39,156 --> 00:02:40,290
The publisher is gonna
be here any minute.
61
00:02:40,357 --> 00:02:42,158
You do realize
the messier this place is,
62
00:02:42,226 --> 00:02:43,793
the harder it looks
like we've been working.
63
00:02:43,861 --> 00:02:46,821
Will you please get up and help
me make this place a mess?
64
00:02:47,865 --> 00:02:50,300
( Knocks )
Hey, Charlie.
65
00:02:50,367 --> 00:02:52,168
Hey, Shauna.
66
00:02:52,236 --> 00:02:54,537
- Nice to see you.
- Hi.
67
00:02:54,605 --> 00:02:56,806
Jordan, this is Shauna
from the grant foundation.
68
00:02:56,874 --> 00:02:58,141
Nice to meet you.
69
00:02:58,208 --> 00:02:59,776
Sorry the place is such a mess.
70
00:02:59,843 --> 00:03:03,363
As you can see, we've been
very, very busy working.
71
00:03:04,515 --> 00:03:07,784
Well, I usually think, "meticulous
office, meticulous research,"
72
00:03:07,851 --> 00:03:09,952
but, hey, maybe that's just me.
( Chuckles )
73
00:03:12,489 --> 00:03:15,291
Charlie, Jordan, this is Peter Mazer.
74
00:03:15,359 --> 00:03:17,593
He's a publisher who's very
excited about your work.
75
00:03:17,661 --> 00:03:20,061
- Ah, Peter. Nice to meet you.
- Pleasure.
76
00:03:20,931 --> 00:03:22,932
So, which journal is it again?
77
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,301
"American Psychologist" or "The
Journal of Social Psychology"?
78
00:03:25,369 --> 00:03:27,070
I'm from "Maxim."
79
00:03:28,739 --> 00:03:30,340
Maxim...
80
00:03:30,407 --> 00:03:33,943
Journal of Social Psychology?
81
00:03:34,011 --> 00:03:37,680
I think he means "Maxim" on the
newsstand next to "Juggs."
82
00:03:41,018 --> 00:03:42,418
Oh.
83
00:03:42,486 --> 00:03:45,421
Juggs Journal of Social Psychology?
84
00:03:45,489 --> 00:03:48,358
I know it's unorthodox,
but the university thought
85
00:03:48,425 --> 00:03:50,159
that a popular magazine, like "Maxim,"
86
00:03:50,227 --> 00:03:52,395
could raise the profile
of the grant foundation
87
00:03:52,463 --> 00:03:54,030
and hopefully attract new funding.
88
00:03:55,390 --> 00:03:57,710
Charlie, say something.
89
00:03:57,735 --> 00:04:01,471
Uh, to be honest,
I never thought our work
90
00:04:01,538 --> 00:04:03,906
would wind up on the floor
of a fraternity bathroom.
91
00:04:03,974 --> 00:04:05,208
You tell 'em.
92
00:04:06,977 --> 00:04:10,780
Then again, a lot of fraternity
bathrooms do have magazine racks.
93
00:04:10,848 --> 00:04:12,882
What?
94
00:04:12,950 --> 00:04:16,390
One of the most respected sex studies
ever was published in "Playboy."
95
00:04:17,121 --> 00:04:18,841
Jordan, this could be big.
96
00:04:20,724 --> 00:04:24,560
So, are we gonna be in the "Sex
in the South" double issue?
97
00:04:24,628 --> 00:04:26,095
'Cause that would be awesome.
98
00:04:26,163 --> 00:04:28,564
The magazine is so excited
99
00:04:28,632 --> 00:04:30,500
about giving your study a wide audience,
100
00:04:30,567 --> 00:04:33,469
they're publishing excerpts
over four different issues.
101
00:04:33,537 --> 00:04:36,005
Actually, we're calling them "sexerpts."
102
00:04:36,073 --> 00:04:37,640
What are you gonna call us?
103
00:04:37,708 --> 00:04:40,510
- "Sexperts"?
- That's correct.
104
00:04:41,779 --> 00:04:44,013
"Sex-a-lent."
105
00:04:44,081 --> 00:04:46,382
Well, best part is we're
gonna feature the two of you
106
00:04:46,450 --> 00:04:49,252
in a full-page photo in the magazine.
107
00:04:49,319 --> 00:04:50,820
I see Charlie in a tuxedo
108
00:04:50,888 --> 00:04:53,623
and you in a towel.
109
00:04:53,690 --> 00:04:56,692
That is not even remotely
related to our study.
110
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,728
Why don't you just put
Charlie behind a desk
111
00:04:58,796 --> 00:05:00,930
and me wearing nothing but a lab
coat with my boobs hangin' out?
112
00:05:00,998 --> 00:05:02,331
I love it!
113
00:05:02,399 --> 00:05:04,560
See, that's why you're the sexpert.
114
00:05:05,436 --> 00:05:07,270
We are not going to allow this.
115
00:05:07,337 --> 00:05:10,173
We are taking our study and we are
shopping it to a real journal.
116
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:11,874
We own it, you don't.
117
00:05:11,942 --> 00:05:14,010
Well, then, we will not be doing that.
118
00:05:15,462 --> 00:05:17,623
But if you do this,
we are gonna go to the press
119
00:05:17,648 --> 00:05:20,783
and we will destroy
the foundation's credibility.
120
00:05:20,851 --> 00:05:23,853
Jordan, what are you doing? We
could reach a huge audience.
121
00:05:23,921 --> 00:05:25,688
This magazine is one of the last reasons
122
00:05:25,756 --> 00:05:28,925
that men still read.
123
00:05:28,992 --> 00:05:31,794
You know what, Shauna? I don't
think this is gonna work out.
124
00:05:31,862 --> 00:05:34,430
What? Of course it's gonna work out.
125
00:05:34,498 --> 00:05:37,533
A lot of my business decisions
are based on vibes.
126
00:05:37,601 --> 00:05:39,502
And I'm not really feeling this anymore.
127
00:05:39,570 --> 00:05:42,271
Wait, wait, wait. You're
basing this on her vibes?
128
00:05:42,339 --> 00:05:43,840
She doesn't have any vibes.
129
00:05:43,907 --> 00:05:46,027
Stand next to her, you'll see.
130
00:05:48,045 --> 00:05:50,580
Can't we just put this
in a smaller journal?
131
00:05:50,647 --> 00:05:52,515
Any journal?
132
00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:55,618
This was going to be really
huge for our foundation.
133
00:05:55,686 --> 00:05:58,488
You blew it for us. We're
gonna blow it for you.
134
00:05:58,555 --> 00:05:59,555
You're done here.
135
00:05:59,623 --> 00:06:02,124
I expect you both out by Thursday.
136
00:06:06,330 --> 00:06:08,498
What did you just do?
137
00:06:08,565 --> 00:06:11,467
I saved our integrity.
138
00:06:11,535 --> 00:06:14,604
No, no. You ruined my chance
to make a name for myself.
139
00:06:14,671 --> 00:06:16,672
And meet hot Maxim
girls at Maxim parties.
140
00:06:18,547 --> 00:06:21,587
I guess the only upside to any of this
is I'll never have to see you again.
141
00:06:21,612 --> 00:06:24,046
Well, I don't care
if we're never famous.
142
00:06:24,114 --> 00:06:25,848
I'd rather sit home with my cat
143
00:06:25,916 --> 00:06:28,684
and scrapbook horse pictures
with my head held high.
144
00:06:28,752 --> 00:06:31,020
You know what? If your
life wasn't already
145
00:06:31,088 --> 00:06:34,326
such a complete train wreck,
I would ruin it.
146
00:06:37,453 --> 00:06:39,354
Sorry I'm late.
147
00:06:39,421 --> 00:06:42,257
I was busy photoshopping someone's face
148
00:06:42,324 --> 00:06:44,759
onto naked photos
that I sent to "Maxim."
149
00:06:46,409 --> 00:06:49,530
Anyway, guys, I'd like you to meet
someone who's joining us today.
150
00:06:49,555 --> 00:06:50,790
This is Gene.
151
00:06:50,860 --> 00:06:53,028
Oh, I know Gene. We're
in the same book club.
152
00:06:53,095 --> 00:06:55,063
Also, I beat Gene down in the laundry.
153
00:06:55,131 --> 00:06:57,766
- Hey, Gene.
- Hey, man.
154
00:06:57,833 --> 00:07:00,168
You know, beat-downs
just don't get enough credit
155
00:07:00,236 --> 00:07:02,070
for bringing people together.
156
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:06,252
Anyway, Gene, uh...
157
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,455
it says here that you're
a nonviolent offender,
158
00:07:08,522 --> 00:07:10,356
you did 10 years,
159
00:07:10,424 --> 00:07:12,592
and now you're back
after a month for assault.
160
00:07:12,660 --> 00:07:13,927
What the hell happened?
161
00:07:13,994 --> 00:07:16,930
Well, I'm enjoying my first dinner out
162
00:07:16,997 --> 00:07:19,432
and I'm sitting there
with my fork in one hand
163
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,634
and my shiv in the other.
164
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:24,170
Gene, Gene. You know outside of
prison that's called a knife.
165
00:07:24,238 --> 00:07:26,072
Continue.
166
00:07:26,140 --> 00:07:29,109
Um, and the waiter started
to take my plate away
167
00:07:29,176 --> 00:07:31,077
while I was still eating.
168
00:07:31,145 --> 00:07:33,185
So, I stabbed him in the leg
169
00:07:33,247 --> 00:07:35,448
with my, uh, knife.
170
00:07:35,516 --> 00:07:39,052
You do understand that he was just
trying to clear your table, right?
171
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,688
Yeah. I understood that better
172
00:07:41,755 --> 00:07:43,490
when he was on the ground screaming,
173
00:07:43,557 --> 00:07:45,959
"I was just trying to clear the table."
174
00:07:47,378 --> 00:07:49,138
I get why he did it, Charlie.
175
00:07:49,163 --> 00:07:50,997
When you're in prison,
if another prisoner
176
00:07:51,065 --> 00:07:52,765
takes your food, it's a power move.
177
00:07:52,833 --> 00:07:55,235
I've never tried the powdered eggs here.
178
00:07:55,302 --> 00:07:56,469
Are they that good?
179
00:07:58,539 --> 00:08:02,008
Does anyone here know
what Gene's real problem was?
180
00:08:02,076 --> 00:08:04,116
I do. First thing you do
when you get out of prison,
181
00:08:04,178 --> 00:08:06,513
you make love to a hooker,
you kill your lawyer,
182
00:08:06,580 --> 00:08:08,581
then you go eat.
183
00:08:08,649 --> 00:08:11,810
His way, he's gonna be too full when
he's making love to the hooker.
184
00:08:13,487 --> 00:08:15,455
Good answer, Wayne.
185
00:08:15,523 --> 00:08:17,423
To a much scarier question.
186
00:08:17,491 --> 00:08:19,692
No, no. Gene was still operating
187
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,440
under a prison mentality.
188
00:08:21,495 --> 00:08:23,863
Didn't anybody counsel
you before you got out?
189
00:08:23,931 --> 00:08:27,100
Some guy in the weight room
told me to stay hydrated.
190
00:08:29,607 --> 00:08:31,647
Has anybody ever talked
to you guys about
191
00:08:31,672 --> 00:08:34,541
the frustrations of dealing
with society after you get out?
192
00:08:34,608 --> 00:08:37,888
Only once. And by the way, we
don't call it society in here.
193
00:08:37,912 --> 00:08:41,114
We call it "When I get out, I'm
gonna kill my lawyer land."
194
00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:46,319
Yeah, a lady came in here a
couple years ago with puppets.
195
00:08:46,387 --> 00:08:48,221
Told us to talk about our feelings.
196
00:08:48,289 --> 00:08:50,423
( Chuckles )
Not a good day for her.
197
00:08:50,491 --> 00:08:53,326
God rest her soul.
198
00:08:53,394 --> 00:08:55,295
This is crazy.
199
00:08:55,362 --> 00:08:58,531
Why isn't there some sort of an
anger clinic for guys getting out?
200
00:08:58,599 --> 00:09:02,368
Because then Gene
wouldn't be back in here.
201
00:09:02,436 --> 00:09:05,238
And I have plans for Gene.
202
00:09:10,844 --> 00:09:12,312
You know what?
203
00:09:12,379 --> 00:09:14,681
I should open a clinic
like that right here.
204
00:09:14,748 --> 00:09:16,216
It'd be a total game changer.
205
00:09:16,283 --> 00:09:19,953
Yeah. But don't use puppets.
206
00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:22,088
If you do, though, I recommend learning
207
00:09:22,156 --> 00:09:23,456
the art of ventriloquism.
208
00:09:23,524 --> 00:09:25,925
'Cause if any of these
boys see your mouth move,
209
00:09:25,993 --> 00:09:27,560
you're a dead man.
210
00:09:32,933 --> 00:09:35,969
Thanks for letting me
help you move in, Lacey.
211
00:09:36,036 --> 00:09:38,338
You're welcome.
212
00:09:38,405 --> 00:09:42,275
So, uh, what do you think?
213
00:09:42,343 --> 00:09:44,177
I never knew people lived like this.
214
00:09:44,245 --> 00:09:47,146
I don't understand why
anyone would want to be poor.
215
00:09:49,917 --> 00:09:52,986
Uh, what's wrong with this window?
It's stuck.
216
00:09:53,053 --> 00:09:56,089
No, actually, they're not supposed
to open more than an inch.
217
00:09:56,156 --> 00:09:58,658
I heard the building had a problem
with people falling out the windows
218
00:09:58,726 --> 00:10:01,261
with notes taped to themselves.
219
00:10:01,328 --> 00:10:03,730
Those are suicides, Nolan!
220
00:10:03,797 --> 00:10:06,633
I don't know. I never read the notes.
221
00:10:08,469 --> 00:10:11,204
What did I do to deserve this?
222
00:10:11,272 --> 00:10:13,513
You tried to cheat your parents
out of a million dollars.
223
00:10:13,540 --> 00:10:15,341
I know what I did!
224
00:10:17,077 --> 00:10:20,037
All right. Well, I'm gonna
start heading home.
225
00:10:24,116 --> 00:10:26,996
Do you need a ride, Nolan? I
have to move my car anyway.
226
00:10:27,021 --> 00:10:28,741
No, I could use the walk.
227
00:10:30,190 --> 00:10:32,825
Well, see you later.
228
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:35,061
You live next door?
229
00:10:35,129 --> 00:10:36,462
I know. Isn't it great?
230
00:10:36,530 --> 00:10:38,531
If you need anything,
just knock on the wall.
231
00:10:38,599 --> 00:10:40,833
My bed's on the other side.
232
00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:42,769
You tricked me, Nolan!
233
00:10:42,836 --> 00:10:44,771
You said your friend lived here.
234
00:10:44,838 --> 00:10:46,939
He did, and then he
jumped out the window.
235
00:10:47,007 --> 00:10:49,127
But they fixed that.
So, you're gonna be fine.
236
00:10:51,111 --> 00:10:53,246
( Grunts )
237
00:10:54,548 --> 00:10:56,616
( Knocks )
Hello.
238
00:10:56,684 --> 00:10:58,551
Charlie Goodson?
239
00:10:58,619 --> 00:11:01,954
Oh, hey, if you're the next study
coming in, I'll be out by tomorrow.
240
00:11:02,022 --> 00:11:04,991
Might want to hire a cleaning crew.
241
00:11:05,059 --> 00:11:06,993
Hundreds of people have had sex in here.
242
00:11:07,061 --> 00:11:09,061
This place could use
a real good hosing down.
243
00:11:10,464 --> 00:11:13,399
Well, then I won't touch anything.
244
00:11:13,467 --> 00:11:15,802
I'm Richard from the
state funding office.
245
00:11:15,869 --> 00:11:17,603
We talked on the phone
about your prison clinic?
246
00:11:17,671 --> 00:11:19,839
Oh, of course. I thought we were
gonna meet at your office next week.
247
00:11:19,907 --> 00:11:22,809
Yeah, well, my daughter
goes to college here,
248
00:11:22,876 --> 00:11:25,077
and she's sleeping with a pothead.
249
00:11:25,112 --> 00:11:27,432
So, every now and then,
I like to stop by
250
00:11:27,481 --> 00:11:30,216
and flush his primo stuff down the john.
251
00:11:30,284 --> 00:11:32,151
Okay.
252
00:11:33,687 --> 00:11:35,688
Please, please sit.
253
00:11:35,756 --> 00:11:37,590
So, did you read my proposal?
254
00:11:37,658 --> 00:11:39,359
Yes.
255
00:11:39,426 --> 00:11:42,261
And I think your prisoner
re-entry program is a great idea.
256
00:11:42,329 --> 00:11:44,697
Well, thank you. And in five years,
257
00:11:44,765 --> 00:11:46,699
we could have one in every prison.
258
00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:50,236
We'll be like the McDonald's
of rehabilitation.
259
00:11:50,304 --> 00:11:53,439
One billion served... their time.
260
00:11:53,507 --> 00:11:56,307
( Clears throat )
Now they're out and doing great.
261
00:11:58,011 --> 00:11:59,879
- Hello.
- Afternoon.
262
00:11:59,947 --> 00:12:01,947
Selling something to "Orgasm Magazine"?
263
00:12:03,684 --> 00:12:05,718
That's my ex-partner.
264
00:12:05,786 --> 00:12:09,455
She has a lot of
integrity and no friends.
265
00:12:09,523 --> 00:12:10,790
Nice to meet you.
266
00:12:10,858 --> 00:12:12,558
Screw you, Charlie.
267
00:12:12,626 --> 00:12:15,495
See? You see? That's why
she has no friends.
268
00:12:17,297 --> 00:12:20,137
That's a shame you guys can't
work together anymore.
269
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,834
Why?
270
00:12:21,902 --> 00:12:24,570
Because... well, look.
271
00:12:24,638 --> 00:12:27,607
If she was your female business partner,
272
00:12:27,674 --> 00:12:29,642
you'd have a better shot
at getting funding.
273
00:12:29,710 --> 00:12:31,043
With her.
274
00:12:31,111 --> 00:12:33,246
Wait. So, you're saying
that I have to have a woman
275
00:12:33,313 --> 00:12:35,014
working on my project
to get state funding?
276
00:12:35,082 --> 00:12:36,582
I never said that.
277
00:12:36,650 --> 00:12:38,484
That would be discrimination.
278
00:12:38,552 --> 00:12:41,721
But my chances would be better if I did.
279
00:12:41,789 --> 00:12:42,922
Much.
280
00:12:42,990 --> 00:12:44,390
Because she's a woman.
281
00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:46,392
I never said that.
282
00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:47,927
( Sighs )
283
00:12:47,995 --> 00:12:49,962
Why won't you just tell me
that I have to have a woman?
284
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:52,064
Because I don't want to lose my job.
285
00:12:52,132 --> 00:12:54,300
I'm gonna have to support
my daughter forever.
286
00:12:54,368 --> 00:12:57,303
She's dating a pothead!
287
00:12:57,371 --> 00:13:00,106
Okay, okay. I get it, I get it.
288
00:13:00,174 --> 00:13:02,974
( Sighs )
Now look, this is a bit of a long shot,
289
00:13:03,010 --> 00:13:06,779
but would your daughter be
interested in working in a prison?
290
00:13:06,847 --> 00:13:09,182
- With you?
- I never said that.
291
00:13:12,783 --> 00:13:14,743
( Knocking )
Woman: Who is it?
292
00:13:14,785 --> 00:13:16,819
Man: It's the plumber.
293
00:13:16,887 --> 00:13:19,528
Woman: Plumber? I didn't call a plumber.
294
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:22,158
( Music playing )
( Moaning )
295
00:13:27,230 --> 00:13:28,731
( Knocks )
296
00:13:28,799 --> 00:13:30,666
( Knocking )
297
00:13:35,572 --> 00:13:38,240
Lacey? Uh... what are you doing home?
298
00:13:38,308 --> 00:13:40,242
It's midnight, Nolan.
299
00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:43,012
I'm taking a nap before I go out.
300
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,160
I can hear your porn through the walls.
301
00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:46,849
That's not porn.
302
00:13:46,917 --> 00:13:49,819
It's a love story
between a man and a woman
303
00:13:49,886 --> 00:13:52,221
and another woman.
304
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:54,991
And then, like, three other women,
305
00:13:55,058 --> 00:13:57,827
and then this guy with a
crazy big monster hog.
306
00:13:57,894 --> 00:14:01,263
I can't take this.
I'm moving outta here.
307
00:14:01,331 --> 00:14:03,666
No, no, no, I promise
this is the last time
308
00:14:03,734 --> 00:14:06,335
you'll hear another love story
comin' out of my apartment.
309
00:14:06,403 --> 00:14:08,504
From now on, I'll use my headphones.
310
00:14:11,575 --> 00:14:13,643
Can I borrow some headphones?
311
00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:16,345
Fine, but after you're done watching
312
00:14:16,413 --> 00:14:18,414
your love stories, don't touch them.
313
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:21,250
Just shake your head
until they fall off.
314
00:14:23,553 --> 00:14:25,821
Hey, wanna shoot a round?
315
00:14:25,889 --> 00:14:27,823
No, I can't, Sean.
316
00:14:27,891 --> 00:14:29,125
I've got this one last interview,
317
00:14:29,192 --> 00:14:32,395
and if this one falls
apart, I am screwed.
318
00:14:32,462 --> 00:14:36,599
Turns out not a lot of women
want to work in a men's prison.
319
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:40,302
With men who, you know,
want to attack them.
320
00:14:40,370 --> 00:14:42,805
So sexist.
321
00:14:44,408 --> 00:14:46,409
I'd totally work
in an all girls' prison.
322
00:14:46,476 --> 00:14:48,678
Breakin' up catfights in the shower
323
00:14:48,745 --> 00:14:51,647
by spraying 'em down with the hose.
324
00:14:51,715 --> 00:14:54,984
Quick, quick, quick logic question.
325
00:14:55,052 --> 00:14:57,853
Why would you use the hose if
they're already in the shower?
326
00:14:57,921 --> 00:15:00,690
Ah, these are very, very dirty women.
327
00:15:02,759 --> 00:15:05,995
Of course. Anyway...
328
00:15:06,063 --> 00:15:08,764
there's another reason I'm having
a hard time finding someone.
329
00:15:08,832 --> 00:15:10,933
Hold on a second, I'm still
on the shower fight.
330
00:15:12,936 --> 00:15:15,217
All right, all the girls are
back in their cells. Go on.
331
00:15:16,557 --> 00:15:19,718
There's a vicious rumor in
the psychological community
332
00:15:19,743 --> 00:15:23,345
that I have occasionally/frequently
333
00:15:23,413 --> 00:15:25,047
enjoyed the company of the women
334
00:15:25,115 --> 00:15:28,317
that I work/sleep with.
335
00:15:28,385 --> 00:15:32,788
Oh. You're being slut/shamed.
336
00:15:32,856 --> 00:15:34,523
Which normally I'd be proud of.
337
00:15:34,591 --> 00:15:36,592
But it's really starting
to affect my career.
338
00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:38,260
I gotta find someone by Monday.
339
00:15:38,328 --> 00:15:40,029
( Doorbell rings )
340
00:15:40,097 --> 00:15:43,417
( Exhales )
God, I hope this one works out.
341
00:15:44,935 --> 00:15:47,303
Hi.
342
00:15:48,505 --> 00:15:50,473
( Breathing heavily )
343
00:15:52,375 --> 00:15:55,611
Well, that really worked out.
344
00:15:55,679 --> 00:15:57,179
Yeah.
345
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:59,715
That was amazing.
346
00:15:59,783 --> 00:16:03,385
Well, I guess we should
discuss your job benefits.
347
00:16:03,453 --> 00:16:06,355
I mean, other than this one.
348
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:09,325
Yeah. About that.
349
00:16:09,392 --> 00:16:11,327
I don't think we can work together now.
350
00:16:11,394 --> 00:16:13,929
What? Why?
351
00:16:13,997 --> 00:16:16,499
Did you get another offer
while we were having sex?
352
00:16:16,566 --> 00:16:19,368
No. It's because we had sex.
353
00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:21,437
That? No, no, no.
354
00:16:21,505 --> 00:16:23,239
That was just to kill
the sexual tension.
355
00:16:23,306 --> 00:16:25,426
You know sexual tension
costs small businesses
356
00:16:25,475 --> 00:16:27,943
over $5 billion a year?
357
00:16:28,011 --> 00:16:31,447
I was just being fiscally responsible.
358
00:16:31,515 --> 00:16:33,516
( Sighs )
Sorry, Charlie.
359
00:16:33,583 --> 00:16:36,152
As a rule, I don't work with
anybody I've had sex with.
360
00:16:36,219 --> 00:16:39,922
Well, why didn't you tell
me that before we had sex?
361
00:16:39,990 --> 00:16:42,558
I did tell you that when I
was taking off my blouse.
362
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,026
Oh, was that what you were saying?
363
00:16:44,094 --> 00:16:46,662
I couldn't hear you over your body.
364
00:16:46,730 --> 00:16:49,698
- I gotta go.
- No, no. Wait, wait.
365
00:16:49,766 --> 00:16:53,035
There is virtually no one else
qualified to do this job.
366
00:16:53,103 --> 00:16:55,604
If you agree to work with me, I promise
367
00:16:55,672 --> 00:16:57,740
this will never happen again.
368
00:16:57,808 --> 00:16:59,341
You promise?
369
00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:01,143
I promise.
370
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:05,147
( Breathing heavily )
371
00:17:05,215 --> 00:17:06,916
I have no self-control.
372
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:10,686
Neither do I.
373
00:17:10,754 --> 00:17:14,290
- Good luck in your career.
- Yeah.
374
00:17:15,837 --> 00:17:18,571
- God, that club sucked.
- I know.
375
00:17:18,626 --> 00:17:21,028
That was the worst '80s night ever.
376
00:17:21,096 --> 00:17:23,464
I know. It was just a bunch of people
377
00:17:23,531 --> 00:17:25,899
wearing shoulder pads
and playing synthesizers.
378
00:17:25,967 --> 00:17:27,735
That's what the '80s were.
379
00:17:27,802 --> 00:17:30,471
Oh.
380
00:17:32,204 --> 00:17:34,284
I'm so glad we were
babies during that time,
381
00:17:34,309 --> 00:17:36,383
didn't know what the hell was going on.
382
00:17:37,912 --> 00:17:41,882
You know, we should have taken
our ecstasy before we got there
383
00:17:41,950 --> 00:17:43,884
and not waited until the cab ride home.
384
00:17:43,952 --> 00:17:45,486
Awesome cab ride, though.
385
00:17:45,553 --> 00:17:47,421
I was totally mackin'
on the driver's neck.
386
00:17:47,489 --> 00:17:50,224
That wasn't the driver,
387
00:17:50,291 --> 00:17:52,393
that was the glass partition.
388
00:17:52,460 --> 00:17:55,429
Whatever, it was hot.
389
00:17:55,497 --> 00:17:57,564
Sucks that we didn't meet any guys.
390
00:17:57,632 --> 00:17:59,500
Who needs guys anyway?
391
00:17:59,567 --> 00:18:02,770
I've got a bunch of windows here
we could just make out with.
392
00:18:02,837 --> 00:18:06,273
( Phone beeps )
Oh, it's Mike.
393
00:18:06,341 --> 00:18:08,335
Gross booty call.
394
00:18:09,377 --> 00:18:10,611
See ya.
395
00:18:12,247 --> 00:18:14,258
Wait! So you're just gonna bail?
396
00:18:14,749 --> 00:18:16,784
Oh, my God.
397
00:18:16,851 --> 00:18:19,053
You don't have anybody.
398
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,822
That's so sad.
399
00:18:21,890 --> 00:18:24,091
Lacey: No, it's not.
400
00:18:24,159 --> 00:18:25,826
I've got an even grosser booty call.
401
00:18:25,894 --> 00:18:27,928
Nolan! If you wanna have sex with me
402
00:18:27,996 --> 00:18:30,197
get over here right now. Nolan!
403
00:18:31,830 --> 00:18:34,511
Lacey: Get over here! Nolan!
Let's do this!
404
00:18:34,536 --> 00:18:36,637
I'll do anything you want.
405
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:39,873
( Knocks )
406
00:18:46,281 --> 00:18:48,382
- What do you want?
- Can I come in?
407
00:18:48,450 --> 00:18:50,551
Look, I know you're really upset with me,
408
00:18:50,618 --> 00:18:53,020
but, I need to talk to you.
Just for a minute.
409
00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:55,155
Fine. One minute.
410
00:18:55,223 --> 00:18:57,724
I will use the stopwatch on my phone.
411
00:19:00,161 --> 00:19:01,762
( Camera shutter clicks )
412
00:19:03,631 --> 00:19:07,067
Hey. Why did someone take a
picture of you on my phone?
413
00:19:08,837 --> 00:19:11,805
What were you doing at my apartment?
414
00:19:13,575 --> 00:19:16,336
How about... how about we just talk?
415
00:19:17,075 --> 00:19:18,555
There's nothing to talk about.
416
00:19:18,580 --> 00:19:21,248
As of today, I'm no longer a scientist
417
00:19:21,316 --> 00:19:22,983
with a reputation to protect.
418
00:19:23,051 --> 00:19:24,918
I have found a new career
419
00:19:24,986 --> 00:19:26,653
where I can drink.
420
00:19:26,721 --> 00:19:28,155
I'm a tortured poet,
421
00:19:28,223 --> 00:19:30,390
like Dylan Thomas or Ted Kaczynski.
422
00:19:30,458 --> 00:19:32,226
Who?
423
00:19:32,293 --> 00:19:35,295
You know, the guy who wrote at the bars.
424
00:19:35,363 --> 00:19:36,797
You mean Bukowski?
425
00:19:36,865 --> 00:19:40,033
The Unabomber? No! You're sick.
426
00:19:41,269 --> 00:19:43,337
What do you want?
427
00:19:43,404 --> 00:19:47,174
Look, I... I pitched this
prison re-entry program
428
00:19:47,242 --> 00:19:49,476
to the state, and they loved it.
429
00:19:49,544 --> 00:19:51,664
But I can't do it without you.
430
00:19:51,713 --> 00:19:52,913
Why?
431
00:19:52,981 --> 00:19:55,215
One reason only.
432
00:19:55,283 --> 00:19:56,783
We make a great team.
433
00:19:56,851 --> 00:20:00,721
Or, because the state set a quota
434
00:20:00,788 --> 00:20:03,423
for funding projects
and you need a woman,
435
00:20:03,491 --> 00:20:05,058
but nobody will work with you
436
00:20:05,126 --> 00:20:07,361
because you've already
slept with everybody.
437
00:20:07,428 --> 00:20:10,397
Wow. For someone who claims to be drunk,
438
00:20:10,465 --> 00:20:12,466
you're pretty sharp.
439
00:20:12,534 --> 00:20:14,868
Well, forget it.
440
00:20:14,936 --> 00:20:17,004
You "lath essex."
441
00:20:17,071 --> 00:20:19,139
You "lass seg..."
442
00:20:19,207 --> 00:20:22,943
You wanted to put our science
in a boobie magazine.
443
00:20:23,011 --> 00:20:25,913
It was the only offer we had.
444
00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:28,549
And I don't "lath ekkicks."
445
00:20:28,616 --> 00:20:31,151
I "lath" recognition.
446
00:20:31,219 --> 00:20:33,053
And you're gonna "lath" a place to live
447
00:20:33,121 --> 00:20:34,788
if you don't get a job.
448
00:20:34,856 --> 00:20:37,958
You said I had no friends
449
00:20:38,026 --> 00:20:39,359
and no vibes.
450
00:20:39,427 --> 00:20:41,895
Hey, I'm your friend.
451
00:20:41,963 --> 00:20:44,831
I'm pretty sure you have a vibe...
452
00:20:44,899 --> 00:20:47,201
around here somewhere.
453
00:20:49,971 --> 00:20:52,806
Fine. I accept.
454
00:20:52,874 --> 00:20:54,107
Thank you.
455
00:20:54,175 --> 00:20:55,475
On one condition.
456
00:20:55,543 --> 00:20:57,477
We are equal partners,
457
00:20:57,545 --> 00:21:00,047
- and you treat me with respect.
- Done.
458
00:21:00,114 --> 00:21:03,951
And you listen to this poem
I wrote about a sad horse.
459
00:21:04,018 --> 00:21:06,753
You already read me that one.
460
00:21:06,821 --> 00:21:08,722
- I did?
- Yeah. Yeah.
461
00:21:08,790 --> 00:21:11,491
There's a picture of me
listening to it on your phone.
462
00:21:11,559 --> 00:21:13,894
Oh.
463
00:21:13,919 --> 00:21:21,919
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com