1
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:04,014
- Hey.
- Hey.
2
00:00:04,837 --> 00:00:06,712
My sister's flying into town today
3
00:00:06,780 --> 00:00:08,675
and she just sent me a text message.
4
00:00:08,841 --> 00:00:11,550
She forgot to bring makeup
remover and cotton balls.
5
00:00:11,618 --> 00:00:14,765
Do you have any of that stuff in
your things-chicks- left-behind drawer?
6
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:17,351
Things-chicks- left-behind drawer?
7
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:18,852
Yeah, you don't have one of those?
8
00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:20,479
Oh, yeah. I just don't call it that.
9
00:00:23,463 --> 00:00:24,858
Let's see.
10
00:00:25,024 --> 00:00:28,233
A bunch of ChapStick.
Here's some lip gloss.
11
00:00:28,301 --> 00:00:31,503
A few contact lens cases,
two pairs of glasses.
12
00:00:31,571 --> 00:00:34,406
You bang a lot of nearsighted
chicks with dry lips.
13
00:00:36,242 --> 00:00:38,080
This one's your moms.
14
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,946
She left it here
the night I banged her.
15
00:00:42,982 --> 00:00:45,045
In case you hadn't
put that together yet.
16
00:00:46,419 --> 00:00:49,054
Yeah, that crap's
not really that funny.
17
00:00:49,122 --> 00:00:51,056
Do you have the stuff or not?
18
00:00:51,124 --> 00:00:52,469
I’m sure your mom left
some of that stuff behind--
19
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:54,096
Dude.
20
00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:55,596
I'm sorry, sorry.
21
00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:57,185
Oh, you know what?
22
00:00:57,310 --> 00:00:58,934
I do have another leave-behind
drawer upstairs.
23
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,186
You have two leave-behind drawers?
24
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:02,938
( whispers )
Three.
25
00:01:08,608 --> 00:01:10,946
- Hey.
- Oh.
26
00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:12,544
Hi.
27
00:01:12,612 --> 00:01:13,907
Where's Charlie?
28
00:01:14,073 --> 00:01:15,848
He's upstairs.
29
00:01:15,915 --> 00:01:17,452
He'll be down in a minute.
30
00:01:17,618 --> 00:01:20,519
Okay. Well, would you give him this?
31
00:01:20,587 --> 00:01:22,207
It's a file he needs.
32
00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:23,834
Sure.
33
00:01:26,359 --> 00:01:27,726
So how have you been?
34
00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:32,676
Pretty good.
How 'bout you?
35
00:01:35,034 --> 00:01:36,602
Good. Good.
36
00:01:36,669 --> 00:01:38,070
I'm not going to be able
to come by tonight,
37
00:01:38,138 --> 00:01:40,839
but tomorrow night,
you're in big trouble.
38
00:01:40,907 --> 00:01:44,143
Shh. I don't want anyone
to know that we're having
39
00:01:44,210 --> 00:01:46,773
casual, intimate encounters.
40
00:01:46,939 --> 00:01:49,948
The fact that just tried to clean
that up made it sound really dirty.
41
00:01:51,985 --> 00:01:54,234
Charlie: I don't have cotton balls.
Just got Puffs.
42
00:01:54,359 --> 00:01:56,288
- Are they the same thing?
- I don't think so.
43
00:01:56,356 --> 00:01:58,201
- Yes, they are.
- Yes, they are.
44
00:01:59,692 --> 00:02:01,793
- Okay, I got to go.
- All right, see you tomorrow.
45
00:02:01,861 --> 00:02:04,263
Oh, I just got an idea.
46
00:02:04,330 --> 00:02:08,066
I'll answer the door wearing nothing
but two cotton balls and a Puff.
47
00:02:08,134 --> 00:02:09,838
You'll see they're exactly the same.
48
00:02:14,307 --> 00:02:17,176
- Here you go.
- Oh, that's perfect.
49
00:02:17,243 --> 00:02:19,645
Thank you. My sister's
a little scattered right now.
50
00:02:19,712 --> 00:02:22,851
She's flying in for
her first art show in LA.
51
00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:25,812
Wow. That's great.
Where's she coming in from?
52
00:02:26,052 --> 00:02:28,774
You can't have sex with my sister.
53
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:32,224
- What? That is not what I asked.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
54
00:02:32,292 --> 00:02:35,260
She lives in
Stay-out-of-my-sister's- pantsville,
55
00:02:35,328 --> 00:02:37,324
Illinois.
56
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,631
Really?
Because I'm from
57
00:02:39,699 --> 00:02:43,202
Wasn't-even-an-issue-
until-you-brought-it-upberg.
58
00:02:43,269 --> 00:02:44,915
Let's say Florida.
59
00:02:46,940 --> 00:02:49,007
Listen, I'm serious, all right?
60
00:02:49,075 --> 00:02:52,256
She's off-limits. She's a really
sweet kid, but she's a little naive.
61
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,179
Look, you're my friend.
62
00:02:54,247 --> 00:02:56,343
I'm not going to hit on your sister.
I have some boundaries.
63
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:57,290
You have no boundaries.
64
00:02:57,415 --> 00:03:00,152
You have a free-range
trouser hog that roams the countryside.
65
00:03:01,788 --> 00:03:03,684
I am not going to touch your sister.
66
00:03:04,591 --> 00:03:07,479
That would just be weird doing
your sister and your mom.
67
00:03:08,729 --> 00:03:12,567
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
68
00:03:12,832 --> 00:03:14,566
All right, before we go,
69
00:03:14,634 --> 00:03:16,635
Ed, Nolan,
70
00:03:16,703 --> 00:03:19,204
last week I asked you two to
spend some quality time together.
71
00:03:19,272 --> 00:03:21,373
- How'd that go?
- Good.
72
00:03:21,441 --> 00:03:23,442
I wanted to stay home
and play video games
73
00:03:23,509 --> 00:03:25,444
and Ed wanted to stay home
and drink beer.
74
00:03:25,511 --> 00:03:26,623
So we compromised.
75
00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:29,248
Yeah, I stayed home and drank beer,
76
00:03:29,315 --> 00:03:31,116
he stayed home
and played video games.
77
00:03:31,184 --> 00:03:33,318
We called each other
once an hour to make sure
78
00:03:33,386 --> 00:03:36,633
we were still having quality time.
79
00:03:36,889 --> 00:03:38,557
That was you?
80
00:03:39,993 --> 00:03:42,828
Well, at least you two
found a way to--
81
00:03:42,895 --> 00:03:44,433
nah, you didn't do nothing.
82
00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:49,021
Patrick, Lacey, I believe you
two had the same assignment.
83
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,398
Actually, we went to
the same club last night.
84
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,692
Well, there it is.
That's how it's done.
85
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,607
Well, we didn't know
until we ran into each other
86
00:03:55,675 --> 00:03:58,488
much later in the evening.
87
00:03:58,654 --> 00:04:00,907
Yeah, it was super awkward.
88
00:04:01,073 --> 00:04:05,412
Okay, so nobody did
last week's assignment.
89
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,486
Well, here's this week's--
90
00:04:07,554 --> 00:04:09,291
do last week's.
91
00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:10,989
Which if you are keeping track,
92
00:04:11,057 --> 00:04:13,158
was the assignment
from the week before.
93
00:04:13,226 --> 00:04:15,394
I will outlast you.
94
00:04:15,462 --> 00:04:16,590
See you Thursday.
95
00:04:17,931 --> 00:04:20,218
By the way,
I met a guy at the club last night.
96
00:04:20,384 --> 00:04:23,735
He was blond-haired, blue-eyed,
97
00:04:23,803 --> 00:04:27,267
amazing body, and great personality.
98
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,686
You met a crazy hot
blond guy? So did I.
99
00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:32,522
He had a tattoo of a bulldog on his arm.
( growls )
100
00:04:32,688 --> 00:04:34,358
So did mine.
101
00:04:34,581 --> 00:04:38,111
Wait, your guy's name wasn't
Benjamin Maddox, was it?
102
00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:39,651
No, thank God.
103
00:04:39,719 --> 00:04:41,253
His name was Lengerman Haddox.
104
00:04:42,856 --> 00:04:45,327
Boy, the music really was
blasting in there, wasn't it?
105
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:47,287
Yeah, it was.
Why?
106
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:49,394
Because you actually thought
there was a human being
107
00:04:49,462 --> 00:04:51,597
on this planet named Lengerman.
108
00:04:51,664 --> 00:04:54,044
Lengerman?!
109
00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:58,131
You're dating the same person,
you idiot.
110
00:04:58,297 --> 00:04:59,967
You're dating Lengerman, too?
111
00:05:00,206 --> 00:05:02,678
It's Benjamin and you
stay away from him.
112
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,110
- If I want him, he's mine.
- Ha!
113
00:05:05,178 --> 00:05:07,112
Wait a minute.
114
00:05:07,180 --> 00:05:09,601
This guy likes you and you?
115
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,270
How's that possible?
116
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:14,019
- Maybe he's bisexual, Ed.
- No.
117
00:05:14,087 --> 00:05:17,067
I mean, they're both
such mean, selfish people.
118
00:05:19,492 --> 00:05:20,993
( knocks on door )
119
00:05:24,531 --> 00:05:25,701
Hey.
120
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:26,868
Wow.
121
00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:31,081
Did I say hello?
I meant to say hello.
122
00:05:31,304 --> 00:05:33,292
Let me-- let me try again.
123
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,419
Wow.
124
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,744
So you must be Charlie.
125
00:05:38,811 --> 00:05:40,173
I'm Sean's sister Lauren.
126
00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:42,781
Oh.
Let me try that again.
127
00:05:42,849 --> 00:05:44,553
Hello.
128
00:05:46,386 --> 00:05:48,473
I like the "wow" better.
129
00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:50,822
Your brother wouldn't.
Ahem.
130
00:05:50,890 --> 00:05:52,060
Come on in.
131
00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:54,359
What is the matter with that guy?
132
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:57,399
Did he give you that whole
don't-touch-my-sister speech?
133
00:05:57,630 --> 00:05:59,865
Uh, I think that's
the one he gave me.
134
00:05:59,933 --> 00:06:02,029
Does it end with "or I'll kill you"?
135
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,970
Ooh, you got "or I'll kill you"?
136
00:06:05,038 --> 00:06:07,272
He must hold you in very low regard.
137
00:06:09,275 --> 00:06:11,830
Shucks.
138
00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:16,251
All right, well, I came by to
see if you have any linseed oil.
139
00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:17,920
I need some to prep my canvas.
140
00:06:18,184 --> 00:06:21,253
Look, you have an awesome canvas
141
00:06:21,321 --> 00:06:22,955
and I would love to prep it,
142
00:06:23,022 --> 00:06:25,177
but if I did,
your brother would kill me.
143
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,970
I'm an artist.
144
00:06:27,193 --> 00:06:28,627
Oh, right, right.
145
00:06:28,695 --> 00:06:30,929
Yeah, no, I'm sorry.
I don't have any linseed oil,
146
00:06:30,997 --> 00:06:33,810
but something tells me
that you already knew that.
147
00:06:34,033 --> 00:06:36,101
All right, fine.
148
00:06:36,169 --> 00:06:39,004
The truth is I came here
because I wanted to meet the guy
149
00:06:39,072 --> 00:06:41,573
that my brother told me
to stay away from.
150
00:06:41,641 --> 00:06:43,445
And I'm not disappointed.
151
00:06:43,710 --> 00:06:45,811
Well, that's very nice to hear
152
00:06:45,878 --> 00:06:48,413
and I'm not disappointed either.
153
00:06:48,481 --> 00:06:51,049
But I think the safest thing
for us to do is not--
154
00:06:54,454 --> 00:06:56,917
do that.
155
00:06:57,223 --> 00:07:00,525
Do not tell my brother I was here.
156
00:07:02,028 --> 00:07:03,423
I'll see you later.
157
00:07:09,902 --> 00:07:12,237
Damn it.
Why couldn't she look like Sean?
158
00:07:18,554 --> 00:07:19,955
Okay, guys.
159
00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:22,023
Today we're going to
talk about avoiding
160
00:07:22,091 --> 00:07:24,736
misunderstandings
that can lead to anger.
161
00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:26,928
Like when somebody tries
to lowball you for a kilo
162
00:07:26,996 --> 00:07:29,464
and you got to shoot them to
establish the fair market value.
163
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,001
No. Not at all.
164
00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:37,005
It's about telling the truth
to prevent a problem.
165
00:07:37,073 --> 00:07:39,074
For example,
166
00:07:39,142 --> 00:07:41,962
my best friend's sister came on to me
and now I've got to go tell him about it
167
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,840
before he finds out and thinks
that I encouraged it.
168
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,342
Why would he think
you encouraged it, Charlie?
169
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:49,985
Because he thinks
I slept with a lot of women
170
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:53,321
based on the amount of women he's
seen come and go from my house...
171
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:55,392
who I've slept with.
172
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:57,978
Well, then you can't tell him.
173
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,354
Well, why not?
174
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,263
Let me tell you a story, Charlie.
175
00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:03,632
The other day, I walked
into the laundry room
176
00:08:03,699 --> 00:08:06,001
and found Dino Rossini
laying there dead.
177
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:07,869
Stabbed 32 times.
178
00:08:07,937 --> 00:08:10,472
Even though they finally
realized that I didn't do it,
179
00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:12,374
I was the first one they blamed.
180
00:08:12,442 --> 00:08:14,286
You want to know why?
181
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:17,446
Your unparalleled record
of killing people?
182
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:20,682
And because you're especially fond
183
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:23,685
of stabbing people
in multiples of 32?
184
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,621
That's what I'm saying.
185
00:08:26,689 --> 00:08:28,623
People jump to conclusions.
186
00:08:28,691 --> 00:08:30,926
Like the Tulsa Police Department.
187
00:08:30,993 --> 00:08:33,895
Let's follow the trail of
blood back to Wayne's house.
188
00:08:33,963 --> 00:08:36,264
Let's dig up the body
in Wayne's backyard.
189
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,302
Let's see if the skull
he uses as a flower vase
190
00:08:40,369 --> 00:08:42,604
matches up to the homeless
guy without a head.
191
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:47,361
It's not all me, people.
192
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,978
So they thought you stabbed
the Rossini guy
193
00:08:50,046 --> 00:08:52,491
because you're a killer
and a guy got killed?
194
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,483
Exactly.
195
00:08:54,550 --> 00:08:57,185
You have a rep
for being a dog, Charlie.
196
00:08:57,253 --> 00:08:59,221
It doesn't matter
what you tell your friend,
197
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,999
he's never going to believe you.
198
00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:02,626
What am I supposed to do?
199
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,392
Stay away from that girl.
200
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:07,262
But if she comes around,
get a chaperone.
201
00:09:07,330 --> 00:09:09,331
That way nothing can happen.
202
00:09:09,398 --> 00:09:11,566
Unless the chaperone joins in.
203
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,902
In which case, you have
a terrible chaperone.
204
00:09:16,839 --> 00:09:19,434
So you just moved here from Nebraska.
205
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,644
What was that like?
206
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,688
It was all right.
207
00:09:22,945 --> 00:09:25,774
What's it like over there?
What kind of things did you do?
208
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,235
Lift stuff.
209
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,445
Oh. What kind of stuff?
210
00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,020
Heavy stuff.
211
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,624
Could you be more specific?
212
00:09:35,691 --> 00:09:39,621
Because I feel like when I first
saw you, you seemed interesting.
213
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:43,031
Well, we would lift it
214
00:09:43,099 --> 00:09:46,225
because it had to be put into trucks.
215
00:09:49,972 --> 00:09:52,440
Like, what?
What did you put in the trucks?
216
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,378
The stuff.
217
00:09:58,481 --> 00:10:00,282
Oh, my God.
218
00:10:03,085 --> 00:10:05,720
So the stuff
219
00:10:05,788 --> 00:10:08,400
you put in trucks...
220
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,193
The heavy stuff.
221
00:10:10,359 --> 00:10:12,227
Right.
222
00:10:12,295 --> 00:10:14,029
That stuff.
223
00:10:14,096 --> 00:10:17,326
So that's your job?
224
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:19,119
Yeah.
225
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:22,664
Okay. Uh, so what do you
like to do for fun?
226
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,439
I don't know.
227
00:10:24,507 --> 00:10:26,441
Um, lift stuff.
228
00:10:30,313 --> 00:10:32,013
You realize, Benjamin,
229
00:10:32,081 --> 00:10:34,849
that I can't be with you romantically
230
00:10:34,917 --> 00:10:38,720
if I feel like
I'm taking advantage of you.
231
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:44,353
How are your fries, Charlie?
232
00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:45,771
They're good.
233
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:47,596
They don't taste like blood
234
00:10:47,663 --> 00:10:49,691
or Mexican finger or nothing?
235
00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:51,443
What the hell are you talking about?
236
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:54,002
I'm funning with you.
It's fine.
237
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,004
Um, here's a beer...
238
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,372
on the house...
239
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:58,740
for no reason.
240
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:04,346
- Charlie. Hey.
- Charlie: Hey.
241
00:11:05,948 --> 00:11:08,316
- What are you guys doing here?
- Just grabbing dinner.
242
00:11:08,384 --> 00:11:10,552
This is my sister.
This is Lauren. Lauren, Charlie.
243
00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:13,006
- Oh, hi.
- Hi-- hi, Lauren. Nice to meet you.
244
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,090
- You, too.
- All right,
245
00:11:15,157 --> 00:11:16,958
I'm just going to get
back to my dinner here.
246
00:11:17,026 --> 00:11:18,627
I'm having a burger and some fries
247
00:11:18,694 --> 00:11:21,348
which may or may not have
a surprise at the bottom.
248
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,433
Stop it. No, we're eating, too.
Come sit with us.
249
00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:25,934
- Nah, it's okay.
- It's fine.
250
00:11:26,002 --> 00:11:28,503
Yeah, it'll be fun.
I'm going to grab us a table.
251
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,140
You sure about this?
I mean, it's your sister.
252
00:11:32,208 --> 00:11:33,610
You guys should catch up.
253
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,211
We've spent the past
five hours together.
254
00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:38,847
She called me a dick,
I called her a brat,
255
00:11:38,914 --> 00:11:41,049
so we're caught up.
256
00:11:46,822 --> 00:11:50,002
So Sean tells me you're
an anger management therapist.
257
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,545
Yes, I am.
258
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:55,924
So you, uh, help people
with their problems?
259
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:59,067
Uh, yes.
Yes, I do that.
260
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,512
When they ask me to.
261
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,937
Otherwise, I stay out
of other people's business.
262
00:12:06,742 --> 00:12:09,077
Oh, darn it.
I dropped my spoon.
263
00:12:10,346 --> 00:12:13,025
So, let's see...
264
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,944
what looks good.
265
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:17,904
You okay?
266
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,754
- Yeah.
- Oh, got it.
267
00:12:23,459 --> 00:12:26,661
Just reached down there
and there it was.
268
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:30,932
I'm going to go grab us some drinks.
269
00:12:34,937 --> 00:12:36,715
Okay, you need
to stop this right now.
270
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:39,134
I'm telling you there's
nothing happening between us.
271
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,209
Oh, well, in my mind, it already has.
272
00:12:41,277 --> 00:12:42,679
Check this out.
273
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,512
I did this painting last night
274
00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:46,548
and I'm going to put it
in my show tomorrow.
275
00:12:46,615 --> 00:12:49,413
Holy crap. That's a painting
of you and I having sex.
276
00:12:49,538 --> 00:12:51,146
- Mm-hmm.
- You and I never had sex.
277
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,899
But Sean will think we did.
278
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,257
What kind of sick
279
00:12:56,325 --> 00:12:58,320
and incredibly talented
person are you?
280
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:02,063
Look, Sean is a huge jerk
and he judges people.
281
00:13:02,131 --> 00:13:04,699
He thinks you're a dog
and that I can't make an adult decision.
282
00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:06,161
He needs to learn a lesson.
283
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:08,622
So you're just going to
throw me under the bus?
284
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,832
Yeah, but it's a small bus.
285
00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:14,442
Small buses kill thousands
of people every year.
286
00:13:14,510 --> 00:13:16,900
Okay, that's not a fact,
but it seems possible.
287
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,838
Hey, guys, ahem, it's time to go.
288
00:13:19,963 --> 00:13:22,937
Someone just found a "Dora
the Explorer" Band-Aid in their food.
289
00:13:25,087 --> 00:13:26,821
Apparently, she was exploring
290
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:29,157
for something at
the bottom of a Cobb salad.
291
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,457
( computer chimes )
292
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:41,071
- Hello?
- Hi.
293
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,990
Oh, hello, Patrick.
294
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,932
I just Skyped so you could
see the look on my face.
295
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,400
Do you see this?
296
00:13:47,468 --> 00:13:49,288
It's the face of a winner.
297
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:51,039
What are you talking about?
298
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:55,586
I just spent a mind-numbing
eight hours with Benjamin.
299
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:58,745
He is unbearable in public,
300
00:13:58,813 --> 00:14:00,780
the sex is completely boring--
301
00:14:00,848 --> 00:14:02,482
I know that for a fact.
302
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,484
But as of this moment,
303
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,848
he is completely mine.
304
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,456
You're a liar.
305
00:14:09,523 --> 00:14:11,625
And I know that for a fact
because I just spent
306
00:14:11,692 --> 00:14:14,294
the worst afternoon
of my life with Benjamin.
307
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:18,483
And he's mine.
I win.
308
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:19,799
Oh, oh, really?
309
00:14:19,867 --> 00:14:22,736
Well, one of us is a liar
310
00:14:22,803 --> 00:14:24,771
and I think I know who.
311
00:14:24,839 --> 00:14:26,339
Oh, Benjamin.
312
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,120
- Oh.
- Hi.
313
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,581
- ( gasps )
- Who are you?
314
00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:34,714
What? Oh, my God.
315
00:14:34,782 --> 00:14:35,849
Benjamin.
316
00:14:37,718 --> 00:14:39,753
Why do you keep calling me that?
317
00:14:39,820 --> 00:14:41,840
- My name's Lengerman.
- ( gasps )
318
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:45,458
Oh, hey, Benjamin.
319
00:14:48,663 --> 00:14:50,390
How do you guys know my brother?
320
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,699
You're twins?
321
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:55,270
Oh, my God.
We're dating different people.
322
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:58,732
See, I knew his name
was Lengerman, you idiot.
323
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,975
Hey, Lengerman,
I finally got a boyfriend.
324
00:15:02,043 --> 00:15:05,322
- And I can lift him up.
- Don't, don't, don't.
325
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:08,575
Cool, bro. Nice.
326
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,583
- ( giggles )
- ( sighs )
327
00:15:10,651 --> 00:15:13,853
Okay, it's a draw.
328
00:15:13,921 --> 00:15:15,540
I'm going to go
break up with mine now.
329
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,751
I bet I can break up with mine faster
than you can break up with yours.
330
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,962
I bet you you're wrong.
Go!
331
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,395
Lengerman, get out.
Sweetie, get out.
332
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:25,865
Just because you pay me alimony
333
00:15:25,933 --> 00:15:27,534
doesn't mean I have to
be your art mule.
334
00:15:27,601 --> 00:15:29,554
Why can't you buy
your own damn panting?
335
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,205
Because I'm in it,
it's kind of risqué,
336
00:15:32,273 --> 00:15:34,643
and I'd feel weird
buying it for myself.
337
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:37,312
Well, grow up. It's art.
Sometimes people are naked.
338
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,779
Holy crap!
339
00:15:39,847 --> 00:15:41,815
You're full-on having sex
with that woman.
340
00:15:41,882 --> 00:15:43,316
I'm not buying that.
341
00:15:43,384 --> 00:15:45,404
And if you ask me,
that frame's kind of tacky.
342
00:15:45,686 --> 00:15:48,573
Good luck getting a new one 'cause no
frame store's going to touch that thing.
343
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,286
Hey, hey, hey.
When we were married,
344
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,590
I bought a lot of stuff for
you that was embarrassing.
345
00:15:54,715 --> 00:15:57,916
Hemorrhoid cream, breast pumps,
346
00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,085
that Goo Goo Dolls album.
347
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:03,589
I just had a baby and that music
made me not want to kill you.
348
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:04,971
Yeah, but it was the Goo Goo Dolls
349
00:16:05,039 --> 00:16:07,551
and it kind of made me
want to kill you.
350
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,261
Just get the damn painting
and let's get out of here.
351
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:10,844
Well, what do I do?
352
00:16:10,911 --> 00:16:13,246
Just walk up to one of these
snooty art guys and say,
353
00:16:13,314 --> 00:16:17,019
"Hey, I'd like the painting of that guy
boning the woman who's half his age"?
354
00:16:17,284 --> 00:16:19,938
First of all,
it's art and it has a title.
355
00:16:22,401 --> 00:16:26,028
- "Charlie Boning the Young Artist."
- ( laughs )
356
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,530
Well, you were close.
357
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,365
Fine, what do you want me to do?
358
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,332
Here.
Take my checkbook.
359
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,536
Just go buy the damn thing so we can
get it out of here before Sean shows up.
360
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:37,414
Okay.
Hi.
361
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,708
Can I help you?
362
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,542
I see a lot of people drinking wine.
363
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:44,210
- Do you have any beer?
- Jennifer.
364
00:16:44,278 --> 00:16:48,281
Fine. I'll take that screw
picture of there. How much?
365
00:16:48,349 --> 00:16:51,219
- $3,000.
- Quit kidding around.
366
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,555
That is the price the artist set.
367
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,855
Just buy it.
368
00:16:55,923 --> 00:16:58,756
I guess he likes looking at
his own junk. We'll take it.
369
00:17:00,294 --> 00:17:02,064
I will give you $3,500.
370
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:05,899
Hey, buddy, I'm in the painting.
Why do you want it so bad?
371
00:17:05,966 --> 00:17:07,967
Well, I like the composition
372
00:17:08,035 --> 00:17:10,203
and the way the artist uses light.
373
00:17:10,271 --> 00:17:11,638
Sure you do, you pervert.
374
00:17:13,707 --> 00:17:16,203
I will give you $5,000.
375
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,745
- Sir?
- He can have it.
376
00:17:18,813 --> 00:17:22,015
Oh, and you were right,
I am a pervert.
377
00:17:25,553 --> 00:17:27,420
I will write you a check,
378
00:17:27,488 --> 00:17:29,424
Jennifer,
you take the painting off the wall,
379
00:17:29,690 --> 00:17:33,116
and, Sean, you just stand
there with murder in your eyes.
380
00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:37,030
( gasps )
381
00:18:00,774 --> 00:18:03,482
Gentlemen, we cannot get drunk
if you're not going to cooperate.
382
00:18:06,830 --> 00:18:08,839
I am so sorry, Charlie.
383
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,717
For what? Your plan worked perfectly.
384
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:13,998
I didn't realize he'd go that far.
385
00:18:14,065 --> 00:18:16,267
When I got to the gallery
and they told me what happened,
386
00:18:16,334 --> 00:18:18,502
I couldn't believe it.
387
00:18:18,570 --> 00:18:20,142
How bad is your face?
388
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,394
Oh, crap.
389
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:26,343
Well, I guess there's only
one thing we can do now...
390
00:18:26,411 --> 00:18:27,878
have sex.
391
00:18:29,514 --> 00:18:31,582
- Are you kidding me?
- No.
392
00:18:31,650 --> 00:18:33,784
He thinks we're guilty
393
00:18:33,852 --> 00:18:35,741
and you've already been punished.
394
00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:37,288
Well, that's true.
395
00:18:37,355 --> 00:18:39,911
I got a black eye,
a countertop martini,
396
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,525
and a $5,000 piece of doink art
397
00:18:41,593 --> 00:18:43,999
I have no idea what
I'm going to do with.
398
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:48,799
Charlie, look, I really do want you.
399
00:18:48,867 --> 00:18:51,840
I mean, did you see that painting?
400
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:53,971
- Hmm?
- Yeah, it was pretty hot.
401
00:18:54,039 --> 00:18:56,907
- Yeah.
- That's actually how I do look during sex.
402
00:18:59,044 --> 00:19:00,911
Come on.
Right now.
403
00:19:00,979 --> 00:19:02,813
- Come on. Right now, right now, come on.
- All right, all right.
404
00:19:02,881 --> 00:19:04,648
You win.
Let's do it.
405
00:19:04,716 --> 00:19:06,684
I cannot think of one reason not to.
406
00:19:11,056 --> 00:19:14,112
I got the reason.
407
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,727
You're still Sean's sister
408
00:19:16,795 --> 00:19:19,163
and it's not going to happen.
409
00:19:19,231 --> 00:19:21,565
I mean, you should know, though,
410
00:19:21,633 --> 00:19:25,035
that I don't normally turn
down somebody as hot as you,
411
00:19:25,103 --> 00:19:27,805
but when I do,
I know one thing for sure--
412
00:19:27,872 --> 00:19:29,573
I always regret it.
413
00:19:32,177 --> 00:19:34,299
( knocks on door )
414
00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:36,213
Hang on, hang on.
415
00:19:36,281 --> 00:19:38,549
I'm working with
one eye, three martinis,
416
00:19:38,617 --> 00:19:40,451
and a pain killer.
417
00:19:40,518 --> 00:19:42,886
I don't even remember
how I got down the stairs.
418
00:19:46,658 --> 00:19:48,146
Hey.
419
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,761
If you're here to punch me again,
420
00:19:50,829 --> 00:19:52,776
save your energy,
I won't even feel it.
421
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:55,799
I'm not, all right?
I'm not here to fight.
422
00:19:55,867 --> 00:19:58,035
I had it out with Lauren.
423
00:19:58,103 --> 00:20:00,471
She told me that you could've
slept with her and you didn't,
424
00:20:00,538 --> 00:20:03,120
so I'm sorry.
425
00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:04,843
Thank you.
426
00:20:05,197 --> 00:20:07,442
Charlie's not here right now,
but if you'd like to leave a message,
427
00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:10,544
- he'll never call you back.
- Okay, come on. Are you serious?
428
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,449
I just said I was sorry.
I don't get it.
429
00:20:12,517 --> 00:20:14,673
What more do I have to do
to get off the hook?
430
00:20:16,130 --> 00:20:18,135
I think you owe me
431
00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:20,721
5,000 bucks for the painting.
432
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,760
Ouch.
433
00:20:22,827 --> 00:20:25,095
Okay, okay.
434
00:20:25,163 --> 00:20:26,864
All right.
See you tomorrow.
435
00:20:26,931 --> 00:20:29,800
And the aforementioned painting
436
00:20:29,868 --> 00:20:32,603
needs to hang above your fireplace.
437
00:20:32,671 --> 00:20:35,773
So for the next two months,
every time you walk downstairs,
438
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,030
you have to face
your greatest nightmare.
439
00:20:40,145 --> 00:20:42,046
So you're telling me
that the centerpiece of my living room
440
00:20:42,113 --> 00:20:44,915
has to be a painting of you
racking up my sister?
441
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:48,152
You're-- whoa, whoa, whoa,
that's your sister.
442
00:20:48,219 --> 00:20:50,167
Show a little respect.
443
00:20:51,602 --> 00:20:52,586
Son of a bitch.
Okay.
444
00:20:55,493 --> 00:20:57,007
So are we good?
445
00:20:57,696 --> 00:21:00,030
We're good.
446
00:21:00,098 --> 00:21:01,887
What about you and Lauren?
447
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,201
We're fine.
448
00:21:04,269 --> 00:21:06,704
Apparently, I have to accept
the fact that she's a grown woman
449
00:21:06,771 --> 00:21:07,893
and she can do whatever she wants.
450
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,746
But still, don't have sex with her.
Okay?
451
00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:15,943
I am not gonna sleep
with your sister.
452
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:19,474
Besides, everyone knows that the real
hot piece of ass in the family is your mom.
453
00:21:20,728 --> 00:21:22,950
You want to come up and say hi?
454
00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:24,952
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com