1
00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:03,435
Charlie, stop.
I really have to go.
2
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,704
I thought PIs worked
at night in the shadows.
3
00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:07,473
We just got up.
It's like the crack of--
4
00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:09,575
oh, crap, it's 11:00.
I have to get to work.
5
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:12,344
I will see you later.
6
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,779
In the meantime,
you can work
7
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:16,648
on solving the case
of my missing panties.
8
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:19,685
Well, they've been missing
since dinner last night.
9
00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:22,488
Most cops will tell you
if they don't come back
within the first 12 hours,
10
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,056
well, they're not
coming back at all.
11
00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:28,193
Hey, Charlie.
12
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,629
Hello, Maggie.
13
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:31,797
Hi, Jordan.
14
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:33,432
How's it going?
15
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,100
Still betraying
your clients?
16
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,368
She didn't betray you.
17
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,404
It was an innocent
misunderstanding.
18
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:41,573
Charlie, she double-crossed me
and almost got me fired.
19
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,809
In order to keep my job,
I had to spend four weeks
in rehab
20
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:46,378
for a heroin addiction
I don't even have.
21
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,047
Hey, you got
your job back
22
00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,249
and now we know
you're not allergic
to methadone.
23
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,685
Okay, I am gonna
leave this to you.
24
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,387
Charlie,
I'll see you later.
25
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,589
- Bye, Jordan.
- Maggie.
26
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:03,228
Ugh, God, I didn't
need that today.
27
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:05,264
Sorry about that.
I didn't know she'd
be here this late.
28
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:06,598
We had sex, like,
three times this morning--
29
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,167
Charlie, I don't
need to hear it.
30
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,269
Will you let me
finish my apology?
31
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:13,205
And it was fantastic.
32
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,573
So, is there anything
I need to know
33
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,475
before I get started
with your group today?
34
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,676
Well, Ed recently
discovered
35
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:20,446
the timeless classic,
"That's what she said,"
36
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:23,082
so try not to open with,
"Who wants to go first?"
37
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:25,617
'Cause I guarantee
that'll be what she said.
38
00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:31,190
- You okay?
- I just found out
that Sean...
39
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,092
took another job
at a strip club.
40
00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:36,628
Oh, is it the Distinguished
Gentlemen Executive
Prestige Club?
41
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,264
'Cause that place
is basically a whorehouse.
42
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:43,302
No, it's the Shaved Fox.
43
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,804
Oh, that place is lovely.
44
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:48,640
A strip club is a really bad
environment for a guy
45
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,710
who has a history
of cheating on his girlfriends
with strippers.
46
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:54,179
From where he works.
47
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:56,215
Look, I know
you're upset right now,
48
00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:58,750
so are you gonna be okay
to go in there and handle
my group today?
49
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:01,253
Oh, yeah.
Yes, I'm fine.
I'm a professional.
50
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:02,688
And if I haven't
said it enough,
51
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:05,290
I really appreciate
you trusting me with
your patients
52
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,226
while your license
has been suspended.
53
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,627
Well, hey, you're
doing a great job.
54
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:11,363
Look, Lacey just texted me
the other day
55
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:14,133
that she wishes
that she'd gone
to high school with you.
56
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:18,403
Yeah, she said she totally
would have dumped blood
on my head at the prom.
57
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,739
That's not true.
58
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:24,276
Oh, yeah.
"Dump blood."
There it is.
59
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,545
I really should scroll
all the way down when
I read these things.
60
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,882
Go get 'em, sport.
61
00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,650
( theme music playing )
62
00:02:33,888 --> 00:02:36,388
So, how's everybody
doing today?
63
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,857
That's what she said.
( laughs )
64
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:42,928
Okay, Ed, Charlie
told me about this
65
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,597
and, well, you're kinda
using it wrong.
66
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:48,400
That's what she said.
( laughing )
67
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:52,604
Okay, actually
that was better.
68
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:55,741
Moving on.
Nolan, why don't you start?
69
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:59,344
Well, everything's okay
except I don't know what
I want to do with my life
70
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:02,281
and, uh, every day
I'm being crushed
71
00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:04,583
by the weight
of each new failure.
72
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:08,187
Oh, and I got
a new Xbox.
73
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:10,589
Does anybody have anything
they want to add to this?
74
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:14,259
- Yes, Lacey betrayed me.
- I did not.
75
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:16,662
That's not related,
but it sounds more interesting.
76
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:19,498
Let's go with that.
What happened?
77
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,533
Well, I was on a date
with Akennedy...
78
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,569
Wow, a Kennedy?
Which one?
79
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,571
Oh, no.
Akennedy's his first name.
80
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,906
Akennedy Mambaso.
He's African.
81
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,978
Anyway, we're at the bar,
everything's going great,
82
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:36,381
and then this one
shows up out of nowhere,
83
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,417
mentions
I'm in anger therapy,
84
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:41,220
which puts a bullet
right through my relationship
with Akennedy.
85
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,857
I really wish I hadn't
used that metaphor.
86
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:48,760
Sorry, the therapy thing
just slipped out.
87
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,929
That's the thanks I get
for helping her get a job.
88
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,831
Patrick helped you
get a job?
89
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,633
It's a one-time thing.
90
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,935
I'm gonna be
a fully-clothed model
91
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,438
in one of his art classes
at fashion school.
92
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,240
Uh, that's not true.
93
00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:04,743
She's posing for the artist,
but she's gonna be a nude model.
94
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,445
I know what I want
to do with my life.
95
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:07,813
I want to be an artist.
96
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:13,252
Patrick, this is
exactly why I told you
not to say anything.
97
00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,020
Sorry.
It just slipped out.
98
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,789
That's what she said.
99
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:20,859
I-- I think
I've got this thing now.
100
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,794
( sighs )
101
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:25,731
Lacey, of all of the jobs
in the world,
102
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:28,333
why would you want
to be a nude model?
103
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:30,035
There's a lot of designers
in that class,
104
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:33,372
and if one of them
becomes famous, I can
be their muse
105
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:36,341
or their beard
or their new best friend
106
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:37,843
who gets
their Paris apartment
107
00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:40,979
when they wrap
their new Lamborghini
around a pole.
108
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:44,583
Do you realize that
there are men in this class
109
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,285
with girlfriends
and wives,
110
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:48,387
and if they see someone
as hot as you bare-ass naked,
111
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:49,755
shakin' what your mama
gave ya,
112
00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:51,757
they'll hate what
they've got at home?
113
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:54,526
I'm just taking off my robe
and sitting on a stool.
114
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,628
It's the same damn thing!
115
00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,666
Uh, Jordan, can I talk to you
in the kitchen?
116
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,668
I have
a cooking question.
117
00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:06,705
When you're making spaghetti
and it goes crazy
118
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,907
and starts screaming at people,
what do you do?
119
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,980
What's going on
out there?
120
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,816
Anger management therapists
should not be the ones
getting angry.
121
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,018
I wasn't angry.
122
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:24,389
I was discussing
the pros and cons
of Lacey posing naked
123
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:25,891
like meat
in a butcher's window
124
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:28,093
when the butcher's wife
is at home eating rice cakes
125
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:30,629
just to lose a couple pounds
before bathing suit season!
126
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,966
My mistake.
I thought I heard yelling.
127
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:39,438
Dude, I just got
a new job at a strip...
128
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:43,475
mall.
129
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,010
Oh, come on.
It's just a job.
130
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,712
You think I want
to spend all my time
131
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:49,514
around a bunch
of hot, naked women
with perfect bodies?
132
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,417
No, I'd rather be
with you.
133
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,754
Excuse me,
I'm gonna go home
134
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,122
and take a handful
of laxatives.
135
00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:03,995
Dude I'm not saying
that you won't get
laid tonight,
136
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,932
but it's pretty much
gonna be all about her.
137
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,971
You know, I've never
seen Jordan lose it
like that.
138
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:15,741
She's really convinced
that Sean's gonna
cheat on her.
139
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:18,910
Just so you know,
you never have to worry
about me getting like that.
140
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:21,012
Because you trust me.
Thank you.
141
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,982
No, because you'd never
get away with it.
142
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,752
I'm a PI.
I catch guys who cheat
for a living.
143
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,787
I'd always be two steps
ahead of you.
144
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,555
Okay, okay,
slow down there, Magnum.
145
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:35,827
Look, I don't wanna brag
because I find this whole
subject matter distasteful,
146
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,696
but other than
one little hiccup
147
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,898
that cost me a house
and half my money,
148
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,100
I was a pretty good cheater.
149
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,569
I'm sorry, Charlie.
I know you think you're
pretty clever,
150
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,438
but I'm a professional.
151
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,640
I could outsmart you
every time.
152
00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:51,510
Wow, you're that confident
that you're smarter than me.
153
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:54,579
Well, I guess there's only
one way to find out.
154
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,181
Really, just one?
155
00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:59,050
'Cause I can think
of two, but go on.
156
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,653
Let's see
if I can catch you.
157
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,755
If you can get a picture
of you and a woman
158
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,757
in any hotel room
in the city
159
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,092
by tomorrow night,
160
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:10,662
24 hours from now
at exactly 8:00--
161
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:14,132
you send me that picture
before I find you, you win.
162
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,001
It's not gonna happen.
163
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:18,503
So you think
that you can track me.
164
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:19,704
Well, guess what.
165
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,873
I'm not even here
right now.
166
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:24,676
This is my Charlie
hologram.
167
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,445
Really?
168
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:30,749
Pretty impressive
technology, huh?
169
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,857
Here's your room, Rabbi.
170
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,629
Thank you, son.
171
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:45,931
Are you sure that nobody
followed us up here?
172
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,533
- Yes.
- Good.
173
00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:53,038
'Cause it says in the Bible
that "thou shalt not be followed
into a hotel room."
174
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:56,074
- There you go.
- Oh, no, no, I couldn't.
175
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:59,644
Especially because I have
a religious question
I'd like to ask you.
176
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:04,115
Um... okay.
177
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:07,819
My uncle is a Hebrew teacher
at our temple
178
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,955
and he and I are having
a bit of a disagreement.
179
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:10,956
Maybe you can settle it.
180
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,824
Aw, Jesus.
181
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,927
I'm sorry.
What is it?
182
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,629
Where do you stand
on the claim
183
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:22,701
that the Rambam makes teshuva
a prerequisite for Geulah?
184
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,838
A wise man once said,
185
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,942
"It is not you who should be
asking questions of me,
186
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:34,579
it is I who should be
asking questions of you."
187
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,214
Where's the minibar key?
188
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:40,252
Hey, Charlie.
Whoa, look at you.
189
00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:41,753
( whispers )
Just get in here.
190
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,722
Up high, Rabbi.
191
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:48,760
Thanks for coming by
on such short notice
to take this photo.
192
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:51,630
- You're a champ, Lacey.
- Sure, no problem.
193
00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:54,900
Wow, you are really
going out of your way
to win this thing.
194
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,068
Well, I had to make sure
that Maggie didn't follow me,
195
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,070
so that's why I paid
for the rental car in cash
196
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,006
and registered
at two other hotels.
197
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,608
And wore
the ZZ Top outfit?
198
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:07,579
Yes, and wore
the ZZ Top outfit.
199
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,681
I still don't understand
why it's so important
200
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,716
for you to outsmart
this woman.
201
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,286
Ow!
202
00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:16,821
It just seems so whack.
203
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:19,824
Oh, it is very whack.
But I have to win.
204
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,293
All right,
let's take this picture.
I gotta go.
205
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:23,194
I'm posing
for Patrick's art class.
206
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:25,063
Oh, no, no, no.
We can't take the picture now.
207
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,132
We have to wait
until exactly 8:00.
208
00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:30,302
Okay, then change
the time on the clock to 8:00
209
00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:31,803
so we can take
the picture now.
210
00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:34,205
No, no, no.
I'm not gonna win
by cheating.
211
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:37,876
Even when I was
a baseball player,
I never took steroids.
212
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:42,013
I mean, sure, I couldn't get
the ball out of the infield,
but I held my head high.
213
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,882
Unless they threw garbage
at me from the stands.
214
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:45,317
Then I'd duck.
215
00:09:45,319 --> 00:09:47,686
You're just gonna
have to find somebody else.
216
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:51,289
But there's
only one hour left.
Who am I gonna ask?
217
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,925
- Did you ask Jordan?
- I can't ask Jordan.
218
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,127
She's worried about
Sean cheating on her,
219
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:59,331
and if I ask her to help me
win a cheating contest,
she'll lose her mind.
220
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:03,134
( sighs )
So, I'm, like,
your only hope.
221
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,870
And you've done
so much for me
in the past.
222
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,072
- So you'll stay?
- Oh, no.
223
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:10,041
Like I told you,
I gotta go.
224
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:12,644
Hi, everybody.
I'm Lacey.
225
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,212
Nice to meet you.
226
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:17,082
Everything is real.
227
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:19,951
Follow me on Twitter.
228
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,152
Find me on Instagram.
229
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,054
Hi, sweetie.
230
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,790
- Hey.
- Nolan?!
231
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,026
What the hell are you
doing here? Patrick?
232
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:31,196
I swear to God I had no idea
he would do this.
233
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:32,698
I'm auditing the class.
234
00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:34,199
I told you I decided what
I want to do with my life.
235
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:36,234
I want to do...
236
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,770
whatever you call
what these people
are doing.
237
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:41,806
It's called fashion design,
and you can never do it.
238
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,108
You don't have the talent.
239
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,676
Well, you gotta
start somewhere,
240
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:47,312
and I've never
been more ready
for anything in my life.
241
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,780
Can I borrow a pencil?
242
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:52,817
Fine, you can stay.
243
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,820
But I'm warning you,
you can't handle this.
244
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,423
Okay? It's like that
"Raiders of the Lost Ark"
movie.
245
00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:02,293
When I open my robe,
your face will melt.
246
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,429
Oh, please,
I'll be fine.
247
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:08,700
As far as I'm concerned,
you're only a series of angles,
shapes, and shadows.
248
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,680
At least his face
didn't melt.
249
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:25,316
( knocking on door )
250
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,154
Hey, sorry to barge in
like this,
251
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:30,422
but you weren't
answering your phone.
252
00:11:30,424 --> 00:11:33,191
I'm in the middle
of a fight with Sean.
253
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,926
Oh, well, I have
a favor to ask you.
254
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:37,729
I have a favor to ask you.
This guy is a jerk.
255
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:40,932
That's not
really a favor.
256
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:43,101
She still thinks
that I'm gonna cheat on her.
257
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:45,036
Because you have a history.
258
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,839
Jeez, just because
you sleep with one girl...
259
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,875
a week
since I was 14...
260
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:54,112
Why would you
say that out loud?
261
00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:56,114
I'm kidding!
262
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,116
Will you please tell him
that cheating isn't funny?
263
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,885
It's not a joke.
It's not a game.
264
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,154
Now what did you want
to see me about?
265
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:08,159
Well, it's definitely
not about a funny, joking
cheating game.
266
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,995
I got you guys
a hotel room.
267
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:13,898
- What?
- That's the favor I need.
268
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,834
I just want
my two best friends
to stop fighting.
269
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,802
It's tearing me apart.
270
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:19,904
So you got us
a hotel room?
271
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,941
Yes. As a therapist,
I know that couples
272
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:25,510
cannot resolve
an argument about fidelity
273
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:29,047
unless they have
fantastic makeup sex...
274
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,815
in a bed they've
never had sex in before.
275
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:34,385
And room service.
276
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:38,123
I am a therapist
and I have never heard
of anything like that before.
277
00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:40,425
Yeah, well, have you read
every single study
278
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:45,230
about fidelity argumentation
in a non-married couple setting?
279
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:47,031
Is that even a thing?
280
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:50,802
You don't even know!
How can you challenge me!
281
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:52,837
Come on, Jordan.
What do you say?
282
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:56,274
- I don't know.
- All right, Jordan's in.
Sean?
283
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:59,177
It's crazy, but, honestly,
I would try anything
284
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,212
if it'll stop
all this ridiculous fighting.
285
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:04,916
And I'll try anything
to see Jordan standing
in that hotel room
286
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:08,052
smiling, happy,
and in a healthy relationship.
287
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:09,988
A little before 8:00.
Let's go.
288
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,962
Nice.
289
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,264
Good.
290
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:20,999
What do you think,
Mr. Hornsby?
291
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:23,868
I think you're much
too worried about
what I think.
292
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:25,804
You're right.
I think it's great.
293
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,438
If you think it's great.
Do you think it's great?
294
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:32,510
- I kind of do.
- Thank you, but you
don't matter.
295
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:37,248
Oh, my God.
296
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,284
Nolan:
I know, it's not finished.
297
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,920
I was gonna draw me
standing next to Lacey
in front of our house
298
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,454
with our kid
playing in the yard.
299
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:45,390
"Hey, Lacey."
"Yeah?"
300
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,025
"I don't know why
you're standing
outside naked,
301
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:49,961
but we had a boy."
302
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:52,463
No, it's-- it's wonderful.
It's extraordinary.
303
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:56,000
Oh, please!
This was an accident.
304
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,969
If you put a monkey
in front of a canvas,
305
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,205
eventually he's gonna
paint the Mona Lisa.
306
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:02,273
A monkey painted that?
307
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,375
That's why she had
that smile.
308
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,244
She was looking
at a monkey.
309
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:10,114
Okay, here we go.
310
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:13,384
So...
311
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,019
what do you think?
312
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,121
You didn't have to walk us
up to the room, Charlie.
313
00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:18,623
You could have just
given us the key.
314
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,124
But then I wouldn't
have seen your faces
315
00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:21,459
when you saw the room.
316
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,495
Here it is,
the room.
317
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:27,465
Here they are,
our faces.
318
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:31,035
Bye, now.
319
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,403
You're kicking me out?
320
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,272
It's not even 8:00.
321
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:38,209
You've got to give me at least
a minute and 45 seconds...
322
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:42,080
to tell you about the room,
maybe take a picture,
323
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,581
and then I'll get going.
324
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,450
- A picture?
- Yes, yes.
325
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:47,352
To capture the magic
of the moment.
326
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,387
Have you seen
this light switch?
327
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,457
It turns on those two lamps
all the way over there.
328
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,092
Look at this. Huh? Huh?
Look at that.
329
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,561
Huh?
330
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:59,230
Charlie, we really
appreciate this,
331
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,232
but Sean and I could use
some time alone to--
332
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,268
Boom!
A robe.
333
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,136
Wait, wait.
334
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,905
You're not gonna
believe this.
335
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:10,141
Boom!
Another robe.
336
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:13,077
Yes, Charlie.
We've both been
in a hotel room before.
337
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,947
Yeah, but have you ever
seen one of these?
338
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:18,416
A clock radio
that charges your iPhone.
339
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,985
We gotta get a picture
next to this bad boy.
340
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:23,521
In a minute.
341
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,456
Charlie, get out.
342
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,492
Get out, get out,
get out.
343
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:30,995
Oh, my God.
This bed is amazing.
344
00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:33,097
Ugh, no!
345
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,433
Don't you know
you're not supposed to
lay on the bedspread?
346
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,436
Do you have any idea
what goes on in a place
like this?
347
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,238
All right, all right.
I'm going, I'm going.
348
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,107
Let me just get a picture
for my scrapbook
349
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,442
and then I'm gone.
350
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,211
- Your scrapbook?
- Yeah, it's my new hobby.
351
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:48,713
I saw Jordan doing it
and I thought,
352
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:51,649
"Why am I drinking for fun
when I could be scrapbooking?"
353
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,022
( clicks )
354
00:15:58,024 --> 00:16:00,358
Oh, nice.
Charlie got his
creepy picture.
355
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,026
Now he can get going.
356
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:04,362
Okay, let me get one
with just me and Jordan.
357
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,998
If this is going
in your scrapbook,
I want to fix my hair.
358
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,533
Your hair looks great!
We gotta do this now.
359
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,638
- ( clicks )
- Okay, got it.
360
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,140
Now I just send this.
361
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:18,409
Okay, what the hell's
going on here?
362
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,644
- Give it back.
- I will give it back to you
363
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,279
when you tell me
what is going on.
364
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:24,148
Why are you sending
this picture to Maggie?
365
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,217
Maggie?
366
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:29,520
We're in a competition
over whether I can cheat
on her or not.
367
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,656
And if I don't send that photo
in the next 15 seconds,
I'm gonna lose.
368
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:34,726
- Oh, sorry, dude.
- Thanks.
369
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,398
And send.
And I win!
370
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:44,369
So this is all
about proving how good
of a cheater you are?
371
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:48,039
Do you understand
how sensitive of a subject
this is for me?
372
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,741
Yes, that's why
I lied about it.
373
00:16:49,743 --> 00:16:51,509
Because I respect you.
374
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:54,078
You are
a horrible person.
375
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,647
Okay, okay, clearly
this is a tense subject
for you,
376
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:58,683
so why don't you and Sean
just put on your robes
377
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,386
and crawl under
this dubious comforter
378
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,321
and I'll be on my way out?
379
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,289
No, I'll be
on my way out.
380
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:07,191
You go work
at your strip club
381
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,293
and you go accept your award
for Cheater of the Year.
382
00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:11,295
Where are you going?
383
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:14,799
Home to make a scrapbook
that celebrates dignity
and fidelity.
384
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,039
Just so you know,
I'm going after her
385
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:23,341
and I'm probably gonna be
trashing you quite a bit.
386
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:24,742
Do what you gotta do, bro.
387
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,352
- Hey.
- Hey, you made it.
388
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:35,653
What, you didn't
think I'd show
389
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,555
because you won
the cheating contest?
390
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,758
The cheating cont--
oh, that's right,
I did win.
391
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:44,362
I almost forgot
that I completely
outsmarted a PI.
392
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:46,431
( laughs )
In your face.
393
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,533
I'm breaking up
with you.
394
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,735
Because I said,
"In your face"?
I didn't mean that.
395
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:54,072
It was just a more
clever way of saying,
"Ha-ha."
396
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:57,075
I just don't
feel comfortable
being with a guy
397
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,110
who I know
could cheat on me
if he wanted to.
398
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,645
But I don't want to.
399
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,146
Then why
did you go through
all the trouble
400
00:18:02,148 --> 00:18:03,281
trying to prove
that you could?
401
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,750
Because we were
playing a game.
402
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,719
Trust me,
when I actually cheat,
I'm really sloppy.
403
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,221
You'd catch me
in a heartbeat.
404
00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:11,856
It's happened
a million times.
405
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:14,425
So you've been
caught cheating
a million times?
406
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:18,162
See?
Sloppy.
407
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,165
I'll see you later,
Charlie.
408
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:23,601
- It was fun.
- ( scoffs )
409
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,303
No, it wasn't.
410
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:26,804
You didn't have to run
all over town
411
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,774
looking for a beard
to match your eyebrows.
412
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:34,745
It was a disguise.
413
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,115
I was trying to prove
that I could cheat on her
414
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,684
and she's just mad
'cause I won.
415
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,787
Well, congratulations.
416
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:49,427
Being the best
used to mean something
in this town.
417
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:55,199
So, I showed up
at my mother's house
last night,
418
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:58,202
unannounced,
and I said,
419
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:00,538
"That's it, Mom.
We're through.
420
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:04,709
We're done with the anger
and the back-stabbing.
421
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,577
I love you, Mom."
422
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:09,480
Oh, my God, Patrick,
that's wonderful.
423
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,616
That's because
of you, Jordan.
424
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:14,385
You helped me find
the courage inside myself.
425
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,853
Thank you, Jordan.
426
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,655
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
427
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:21,159
Charlie,
did you hear that?
428
00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,327
Patrick had an incredible
emotional breakthrough
429
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,629
with his mother
last night
430
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,797
and he says
it's because of me.
431
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,633
Well, great work,
Jordan.
432
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,701
And, by the way, his mother's
been dead for years.
433
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,839
I'm sorry.
That was wrong.
434
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,909
It's just I had
a really rough day
in art class yesterday
435
00:19:37,911 --> 00:19:40,444
and I needed some praise
from an authority figure.
436
00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:42,813
I'm glad you felt
you could be so cavalier
437
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:44,916
about damaging our budding
therapeutic relationship.
438
00:19:44,918 --> 00:19:46,784
Eh.
439
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:52,456
Any other lies
you guys told Jordan
that you want to cop to?
440
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:53,291
- Nah.
- Nolan: No.
441
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:55,760
- No.
- Guys.
442
00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:01,832
I didn't donate a kidney
to an American Indian.
443
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,734
I didn't get a job
at the Apple store.
444
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:06,437
I had an apple
in a store.
445
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:11,409
And I didn't really think
you looked cute today.
446
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,544
For some reason,
that hurts the most.
447
00:20:14,948 --> 00:20:17,448
Well, I think
we should celebrate.
448
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,483
I got my license
back today.
449
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:22,353
( cheering )
450
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:25,356
And Jordan has done
a fantastic job
in my absence.
451
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:32,396
So, any final thoughts
for the group?
452
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:36,867
I want you guys to know
that this has been a very
enriching experience for me.
453
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:41,239
And, Lacey, once again
I apologize for getting upset
with you the other day.
454
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,840
It's just, um--
455
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,976
That I'm sexier than you
and you're jealous?
456
00:20:44,978 --> 00:20:46,611
No, it's that--
457
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:49,247
I'm younger than you
and you're jealous?
458
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,649
No, it's that, um--
459
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,584
Men stare at me
when I pass by
460
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,454
and they call you ma'am
and ask if you need help
crossing the street
461
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:58,489
because you're so old?
462
00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:01,392
Okay, I get it.
463
00:21:02,996 --> 00:21:04,762
Keep it together, Jordan.
Keep it together.
464
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:08,332
( sighs )
I'm fine.
465
00:21:08,334 --> 00:21:09,667
Just been a little
on edge this week
466
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:10,901
because of Sean's new job,
467
00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:13,037
but he came home last night
and told me
468
00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:14,839
that the only reason he was
working at the strip club
469
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:17,975
is to pay his way
though nursing school.
470
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,444
'Cause that's what
he really wants to do.
471
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:22,413
Uh, Jordan, I think
Sean said that--
472
00:21:22,415 --> 00:21:23,814
I'm gonna believe it, okay?
I have to believe it.