1
00:00:01,093 --> 00:00:03,502
So I'm buying this bag
and the lady tells me

2
00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:05,638
there's extra pockets inside

3
00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:08,174
to keep my kid's snacks in.

4
00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:11,362
And I'm like, "Does this body look
like it's had a child, bitch?"

5
00:00:11,411 --> 00:00:14,347
So she calls her manager and...

6
00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:16,279
And you make out with him
so he looks the other way

7
00:00:16,326 --> 00:00:18,101
and you steal the bag.

8
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:21,153
Patrick, I told everybody
at the beginning of session

9
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:23,862
if you interrupt and don't have
something deeply personal to say...

10
00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:25,491
ahem...

11
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,860
...you have to suffer the consequences.

12
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,129
- Stick out your tongue.
- Not the habañero sauce.

13
00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:33,859
Rules are rules. Tongue.

14
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,771
( Groaning )

15
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,306
Now, here's the antidote,

16
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,841
but you don't get it
until you say something

17
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:43,709
personal and revealing.

18
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,811
My father never loved me.

19
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,047
Something we don't know.

20
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:49,849
I write erotic fan fiction

21
00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:51,996
based on old reruns
of "The Facts of Life."

22
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:53,819
Not good enough.

23
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:57,189
Last night Tootie
made Blair wear a saddle.

24
00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:59,625
That's milk worthy.

25
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:04,163
( Whispers )
Send me a copy.

26
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:06,999
Hey, Charlie. Oh, sorry, I
thought you'd be done by now.

27
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,368
I just came by to tell Nolan

28
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:13,205
that I sold all 16 of your
grandmother's silver teakettles

29
00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:14,874
on eBay in three hours.

30
00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:16,609
That's great. I really need the cash.

31
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,844
I'm always saying to my pot dealer,

32
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,580
"I don't know where all my money goes."

33
00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:24,884
- That's all. I'm gonna go.
- Too late. New rules.

34
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:27,653
When you interrupt my group,

35
00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:29,655
you get habañero sauce on your tongue.

36
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,557
You gotta be kidding me.

37
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:32,758
Tongue.

38
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,997
( Whimpering )

39
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:40,132
Now, to get the milk,

40
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,468
say something personal and revealing.

41
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,571
My ex-husband cheated
on me with the babysitter

42
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:47,573
and he's a dick.

43
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:49,681
Very good, no names, please.

44
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,015
Ahem. Where were we?

45
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:58,851
You were fixing to wind up the session.

46
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:01,554
No, I wasn't. We still have,
like, 20 minutes left.

47
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:04,090
It was worth a try.

48
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:06,358
Hey, Charlie.

49
00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:07,860
Sorry to interrupt.

50
00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:10,863
Your girlfriend's gotta do it, too.

51
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,532
I'm sorry, sweetie.

52
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,401
Anybody who interrupts the group

53
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:16,836
has to put hot sauce on their tongue.

54
00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:19,371
Oh, all right.

55
00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:23,209
Anyway, I got great news.

56
00:02:24,929 --> 00:02:27,289
I got the permit from the
city for my halfway house.

57
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:29,415
Well, congratulations.

58
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,050
Hey, guys, Sasha is opening up a place

59
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:34,386
where prostitutes can live
so they're not on the streets.

60
00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:37,323
Damn, how do you do that? Your
eyes aren't even watering.

61
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:40,593
Oh. I had this freaky client from Japan

62
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:43,429
who used to pay big bucks
to watch me eat ghost peppers.

63
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:46,298
( Exhales )
So, yeah, this? It's nothing.

64
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:52,671
Your girlfriend is such an
inspiration for women everywhere.

65
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:55,141
I mean, who would've thought
you could make money

66
00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:58,611
by eating food in front
of Japanese businessmen?

67
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:02,081
Clearly, you missed the point.

68
00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:04,216
I'll cut you in on my teakettle money

69
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:05,417
if you look me in the eye

70
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,720
while you eat a bag of potato chips.

71
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:10,189
Okay.

72
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:13,526
All right, guys. Next week,
if you go off on a tangent,

73
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,561
you have to snort a line of wasabi.

74
00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:19,031
I will not be defeated.

75
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,370
So great news about the halfway house.

76
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:27,706
Well, actually, I'm a little nervous.

77
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,276
I told the girls to cut
ties with their pimps

78
00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:32,411
and that I'd take them
to the new place tonight.

79
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:34,046
Well, what's there to be nervous about?

80
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:37,216
I mean, pimps are usually pretty
understanding people, right?

81
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:40,419
Well, the contractor just called

82
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:43,389
and the halfway house isn't
gonna be ready for two days.

83
00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:46,625
So they've got nowhere to stay.

84
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:50,162
Okay, now I'm getting nervous.

85
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:53,666
Come on, Charlie. It'd
only be a couple of days.

86
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,901
Please?

87
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,208
I don't know.

88
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:03,776
Where are they gonna sleep?

89
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,411
I don't have enough towels.

90
00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:07,198
And they can't even
eat cereal for breakfast

91
00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:09,548
because I just used up all my milk.

92
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,552
Please?

93
00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:18,324
All right, fine.

94
00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:21,794
<i>Anger Management 2x78</i>
Charlie and the Houseful of Hookers

95
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,769
Ladies, ladies, look.

96
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:32,327
I know that you all just got here,

97
00:04:32,388 --> 00:04:34,656
but please stop using my Vaseline.

98
00:04:35,386 --> 00:04:38,587
Especially after you've
been eating cheese puffs.

99
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:42,882
I bet it was Kimmy. You know
she got them alligator elbows.

100
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,918
Which are, mysteriously,
cheese puff-free.

101
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,989
I got sandwiches, everybody.

102
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:52,456
You cut the crust off their sandwiches?

103
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,059
You don't have to coddle them.

104
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,829
Angelina's eating cheese
puffs dipped in Vaseline.

105
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:59,665
I just want them to know
they're cared for.

106
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:02,268
Truth is, they're just
lost little girls.

107
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:05,437
- <i> I'll cut you, bitch.</i>
- <i> Screw you, whore.</i>

108
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,908
I think I know why no one's
trying to find them.

109
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,076
You don't even know
how to play the game.

110
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:14,280
- Don't touch me.
- Hey, hey, hey. What's going on?

111
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,215
Nikki picked up the eight ball,

112
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:18,417
asked it a question and shook it.

113
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:21,120
When you touch the balls,
you forfeit the game.

114
00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:24,187
- Is that true, Charlie?
- Uh, well, yeah, those are the rules.

115
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:27,126
Ah. I'm gonna kill you
as soon as you fall asleep.

116
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:29,295
I understand.

117
00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:31,597
All right, you handle this.
I'm gonna go find a weapon

118
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,665
and drink a case of Red Bull.

119
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,568
<i>( Phone chimes )</i>

120
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,673
Charlie, wait.

121
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,673
I just got a text from my mom.

122
00:05:42,737 --> 00:05:45,079
- There has been a terrible accident.
- What happened?

123
00:05:45,149 --> 00:05:46,545
Well, her neighbor has this chimpanzee...

124
00:05:46,612 --> 00:05:48,613
Oh, no. I've heard about this.

125
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,817
She offered the monkey some
food and it tore her face off?

126
00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:53,885
No, no. It's the monkey's birthday

127
00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:55,320
and she went to get it a card

128
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:57,422
and she fell in the store
and hit her head.

129
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:59,558
When are people going to learn
that these are wild animals

130
00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:02,494
that don't care about cards?

131
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:05,964
- I mean, is she okay?
- She might have to have surgery

132
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,667
- and I've got to go.
- Well, of course you do...

133
00:06:08,734 --> 00:06:11,670
in a couple of days when all the
girls are out of the house, right?

134
00:06:11,737 --> 00:06:14,472
I know it is a lot to leave you with.

135
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,909
You're the only one I
trust to look after them.

136
00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:21,313
- So, will you do it?
- Yeah, I'll be fine.

137
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:22,981
It's just me and a house
full of hookers.

138
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,290
I've been training for
this moment my whole life.

139
00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:33,511
Hey, Charlie. Your car's
parked out on your front lawn.

140
00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:36,600
- How the hell did it get there?
- That's where I left it.

141
00:06:38,118 --> 00:06:41,086
- You took my car?
- Don't accuse me like that.

142
00:06:41,154 --> 00:06:43,088
Yes, I did.

143
00:06:44,925 --> 00:06:47,045
If my pimp's not gonna
drive me around anymore,

144
00:06:47,060 --> 00:06:49,862
I need to learn how. I did good, too.

145
00:06:49,930 --> 00:06:52,571
I only hit two of your
neighbors' mailboxes.

146
00:06:54,301 --> 00:06:57,102
"Char-wie," it's my turn in the shower.

147
00:06:57,170 --> 00:06:59,038
I'm scared to be "a-wone" up there.

148
00:06:59,105 --> 00:07:00,906
Would you come in with me?

149
00:07:00,907 --> 00:07:03,943
Yeah, look, it'd be different
if I wasn't with Sasha

150
00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:06,178
or if I was completely deaf.

151
00:07:06,246 --> 00:07:09,482
But I'm sorry, that's not gonna happen.

152
00:07:09,549 --> 00:07:12,618
( Moans )
Okay, well, if you change your mind

153
00:07:12,686 --> 00:07:14,620
and you wanna join me...

154
00:07:14,688 --> 00:07:17,209
( In normal voice)
I will rock your world.

155
00:07:17,265 --> 00:07:19,764
That's a hard one, I knew you could do it.

156
00:07:21,924 --> 00:07:24,826
Good call. That bitch is crazy.

157
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,131
Hello.

158
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,966
What's the deal with all the women?

159
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:34,069
They're a bunch of hookers
who don't hook anymore.

160
00:07:34,137 --> 00:07:36,505
Oh, no. What happened?

161
00:07:36,572 --> 00:07:39,207
Apparently the American
dream of selling your body

162
00:07:39,275 --> 00:07:41,476
on the street to strangers
doesn't pan out for everyone.

163
00:07:43,513 --> 00:07:47,082
- Sasha dumped 'em on me.
- Listen, I hope you can get away

164
00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:49,885
because a buddy of mine
who manages The Roxy

165
00:07:49,952 --> 00:07:51,253
told me that the Rolling Stones

166
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:52,988
are playing a secret show there tonight.

167
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:56,291
The Roxy? That place is tiny.

168
00:07:56,359 --> 00:07:57,826
That close we could definitely

169
00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,996
steal a vial of whatever's
making Keith Richards immortal.

170
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:04,366
Dude, it's a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.

171
00:08:04,433 --> 00:08:07,602
Nobody even knows about it. They're
playing under the name "Ruby Tuesdays."

172
00:08:07,670 --> 00:08:10,739
Oh, it's... it sounds
awesome, but I can't.

173
00:08:10,806 --> 00:08:13,875
I promised Sasha I'd keep an eye
on the girls until she got back.

174
00:08:13,943 --> 00:08:16,912
All right, so you're gonna miss the
greatest rock band in the world

175
00:08:16,979 --> 00:08:19,681
to not bang five hookers?

176
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,910
Look, I got to do the
responsible thing here.

177
00:08:23,016 --> 00:08:25,096
Trick Jordan into watching them

178
00:08:25,121 --> 00:08:27,255
so I can go to the concert.

179
00:08:27,323 --> 00:08:29,191
Those girls will eat her alive.

180
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:30,959
You're right, you're right, but
she's the only person I know

181
00:08:31,027 --> 00:08:34,228
who definitely will not have
plans on a Saturday night.

182
00:08:34,530 --> 00:08:36,498
Hey, Jordan.

183
00:08:36,566 --> 00:08:38,433
What are you doing tonight?

184
00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:40,435
Oh, really?

185
00:08:43,906 --> 00:08:45,407
<i>( Knocking on door )</i>

186
00:08:45,474 --> 00:08:47,709
Coming.

187
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:50,178
Hey, Nolan. What are you doing here?

188
00:08:50,246 --> 00:08:51,680
I won't have your money
for a couple days.

189
00:08:51,747 --> 00:08:53,448
It's not that.

190
00:08:53,516 --> 00:08:56,117
I figured out why the
teakettles sold so quickly.

191
00:08:56,185 --> 00:08:57,719
Oh, I know why, Nolan.

192
00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:00,322
It's because I put the word
"rare" in the description.

193
00:09:00,389 --> 00:09:02,257
Yeah, it could be that.

194
00:09:02,325 --> 00:09:05,527
Or it could be because every
picture of a teakettle

195
00:09:05,595 --> 00:09:08,363
has a reflection of your naked boobs.

196
00:09:11,867 --> 00:09:13,501
Oh, my God.

197
00:09:13,569 --> 00:09:15,503
Oh, my God. It was, uh, hot.

198
00:09:15,571 --> 00:09:16,871
I was cleaning the house.

199
00:09:16,939 --> 00:09:18,106
I took my shirt off

200
00:09:18,174 --> 00:09:20,742
and then I decided
to take the pictures and...

201
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,245
- I feel so stupid!
- Oh, don't feel bad.

202
00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:26,181
People make mistakes
like this on eBay a lot.

203
00:09:26,249 --> 00:09:30,485
I've seen boobs reflected
in cars, toasters, mirrors.

204
00:09:32,188 --> 00:09:34,556
Sometimes you have to spend
a whole day looking.

205
00:09:34,624 --> 00:09:37,292
No! I was gonna start a business.

206
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,361
They sold so fast,
I thought silver teakettles

207
00:09:39,428 --> 00:09:41,563
were gonna be the next big thing.

208
00:09:41,631 --> 00:09:42,764
Well, it's not like
you went out and bought

209
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,867
- 500 silver teakettles.
- That's true.

210
00:09:45,935 --> 00:09:48,937
I bought 386.

211
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,339
And I can't return them
because I bought them all

212
00:09:51,407 --> 00:09:53,675
at flea markets and estate sales.

213
00:09:53,743 --> 00:09:56,444
I maxed out all my credit cards.
What am I gonna do?

214
00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:59,080
Wow. Too bad your boobs
weren't reflected

215
00:09:59,148 --> 00:10:00,749
in something less expensive.

216
00:10:00,816 --> 00:10:03,285
Like a spoon.

217
00:10:04,553 --> 00:10:06,288
<i>( Knocking on door )</i>

218
00:10:10,826 --> 00:10:12,961
Hi...?

219
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,297
Did Frankie B. send you
here with the stuff?

220
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,525
I don't know what you're talking about.

221
00:10:18,167 --> 00:10:20,201
Then I don't either.

222
00:10:24,974 --> 00:10:27,942
- Sorry about that.
- Charlie, what is going on?

223
00:10:28,010 --> 00:10:31,046
Why did you make me rush over here?

224
00:10:31,113 --> 00:10:33,415
Who are all these women?

225
00:10:33,482 --> 00:10:36,683
Sasha's opening a safe
house for streetwalkers

226
00:10:36,686 --> 00:10:38,320
and, uh, they're staying
here for a few days.

227
00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:41,956
Wow, a house full of prostitutes.

228
00:10:42,024 --> 00:10:44,793
How many falling stars did you
have to wish on to get this?

229
00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:48,530
Anyway, I figured since one day

230
00:10:48,597 --> 00:10:50,165
we're gonna open a clinic
in a women's prison,

231
00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:51,533
this would be a great
opportunity for us to learn.

232
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,635
And you included me?

233
00:10:53,703 --> 00:10:56,504
Well, of course. We're a team.

234
00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:58,306
We'll always be together and...
<i> ( Phone honks )</i>

235
00:10:58,374 --> 00:11:00,108
Sorry.

236
00:11:00,176 --> 00:11:02,644
Oh, no. Bad text.

237
00:11:02,712 --> 00:11:03,778
What's wrong?

238
00:11:03,846 --> 00:11:06,047
My dad fell and hit his head

239
00:11:06,115 --> 00:11:08,483
at a monkey's birthday party.

240
00:11:08,551 --> 00:11:11,820
He's gonna have to
have emergency surgery.

241
00:11:11,887 --> 00:11:13,988
I gotta go. I'll see you in a few hours.

242
00:11:14,056 --> 00:11:16,858
Charlie, you can't leave
me alone with these women.

243
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,160
You'll do great.
Everybody, this is Jordan.

244
00:11:19,228 --> 00:11:20,228
She's gonna take my spot
for a few hours.

245
00:11:20,296 --> 00:11:22,263
See y'all soon.

246
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:30,271
Okay.

247
00:11:30,339 --> 00:11:32,474
Hey, everybody.

248
00:11:34,176 --> 00:11:37,145
Who's up for a team-building exercise?

249
00:11:37,213 --> 00:11:39,481
Like, I don't know. How about
we make some brownies?

250
00:11:39,548 --> 00:11:40,682
Anybody allergic to nuts?

251
00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:42,450
No, but I am allergic

252
00:11:42,518 --> 00:11:45,019
to perky-ass little white girls.

253
00:11:46,689 --> 00:11:49,090
So nuts are okay, then?

254
00:11:52,431 --> 00:11:55,056
I'm so happy you saw
our ad on Craigslist.

255
00:11:55,103 --> 00:11:57,705
Yeah, I'm just happy
it was actually teakettles.

256
00:11:57,772 --> 00:12:00,772
Sometimes you open the door and
it's just a guy wagging his...

257
00:12:00,779 --> 00:12:03,514
I'm just happy it's teakettles.

258
00:12:04,713 --> 00:12:06,981
You know, you remind me
so much of my grandma.

259
00:12:07,048 --> 00:12:09,516
For old times' sake, would you mind

260
00:12:09,584 --> 00:12:11,819
telling me that I'm an
embarrassment to the family?

261
00:12:13,288 --> 00:12:15,089
So, uh, look around.

262
00:12:15,156 --> 00:12:17,224
The prices are all negotiable.

263
00:12:17,292 --> 00:12:18,859
No.

264
00:12:18,927 --> 00:12:20,828
No. No...

265
00:12:20,895 --> 00:12:24,031
Uh, how about this one? It's only $5.

266
00:12:24,099 --> 00:12:25,866
Don't push me.

267
00:12:27,402 --> 00:12:29,970
No, no, no.

268
00:12:30,038 --> 00:12:34,074
No, no, oh...

269
00:12:34,142 --> 00:12:35,476
tell me about this one.

270
00:12:35,543 --> 00:12:38,112
It's a teakettle.

271
00:12:39,247 --> 00:12:41,649
Don't sass me.

272
00:12:41,716 --> 00:12:43,676
Who was the first owner? Was he white?

273
00:12:43,685 --> 00:12:46,020
What?

274
00:12:46,087 --> 00:12:49,356
- Why does that matter?
- I'm looking for Chinese.

275
00:12:49,424 --> 00:12:52,026
Asians take better care
of their teakettles.

276
00:12:52,093 --> 00:12:55,462
Oh, why didn't you say so?
I got one right here

277
00:12:55,530 --> 00:12:57,598
owned by a nice Chinese family.

278
00:12:57,666 --> 00:12:59,746
They took very good care of it.

279
00:12:59,768 --> 00:13:00,968
$20.

280
00:13:01,036 --> 00:13:03,470
I'll give you 50 cents. You're a liar.

281
00:13:03,538 --> 00:13:05,572
Okay, get out.

282
00:13:08,176 --> 00:13:10,711
Nolan, you should probably leave, too.

283
00:13:10,779 --> 00:13:13,280
You're gonna take your top off

284
00:13:13,348 --> 00:13:16,549
and take dirty teakettle
pictures, aren't you?

285
00:13:17,619 --> 00:13:19,353
I have so many of these damn things,

286
00:13:19,421 --> 00:13:21,188
I don't know what else to do.

287
00:13:21,256 --> 00:13:23,296
I feel terrible for you.

288
00:13:23,324 --> 00:13:26,126
The only thing I can offer
is to take pictures

289
00:13:26,194 --> 00:13:28,435
of my naked body
and the teakettles, too.

290
00:13:29,931 --> 00:13:32,666
You know, Nolan, I don't think people

291
00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:35,769
really wanna see your junk
reflected on a teakettle.

292
00:13:35,837 --> 00:13:38,305
( Sighs )
I guess you're right.

293
00:13:40,141 --> 00:13:42,376
Uh, but, uh, on the other hand,

294
00:13:42,444 --> 00:13:45,412
I need to expand my fan base.

295
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,548
Why don't you take five home,
knock yourself out?

296
00:13:47,615 --> 00:13:49,583
- Thanks!
- All right.

297
00:13:52,187 --> 00:13:54,455
See? I told you we could do it.

298
00:13:54,522 --> 00:13:57,991
Four batches later
and we've got brownies.

299
00:13:58,059 --> 00:14:00,461
Jordan, it's hard to
spread icing with a spoon.

300
00:14:00,528 --> 00:14:03,797
Well, you proved you can't
be trusted with a knife.

301
00:14:03,865 --> 00:14:06,633
Well, you're the one
who pulled a knife on<i> us.</i>

302
00:14:08,002 --> 00:14:10,637
I lost my patience
and I apologize for that.

303
00:14:11,782 --> 00:14:13,583
But now that we've bonded like this,

304
00:14:13,608 --> 00:14:15,242
you guys are like my sorority sisters.

305
00:14:15,310 --> 00:14:16,944
Were they a bunch of whores, too?

306
00:14:17,011 --> 00:14:19,646
They slept with a few
more men than you guys did,

307
00:14:19,714 --> 00:14:21,281
so, yeah.

308
00:14:23,184 --> 00:14:25,744
Why don't you guys put on
a movie while I clean up?

309
00:14:27,672 --> 00:14:29,432
You know I went to Harvard.

310
00:14:29,457 --> 00:14:32,693
You did? You were accepted there?

311
00:14:32,761 --> 00:14:35,801
Oh, no. I drove there and had
sex with the professors.

312
00:14:37,232 --> 00:14:39,900
Those guys spend a lot
of money on prostitutes.

313
00:14:39,968 --> 00:14:42,469
A lot. I went to Stanford, too.

314
00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:48,242
So, you were in a sorority, huh?

315
00:14:48,309 --> 00:14:50,511
You know I was talking to Sasha.

316
00:14:50,578 --> 00:14:54,448
- I'm gonna go to college.
- Good for you, Angelina.

317
00:14:54,516 --> 00:14:57,317
That is so brave.

318
00:14:57,385 --> 00:15:00,053
I mean, just getting
into college is tough.

319
00:15:00,121 --> 00:15:01,822
<i>But here is the irony.</i>

320
00:15:01,890 --> 00:15:05,259
Those kids coming out of
college, they can't get jobs.

321
00:15:05,326 --> 00:15:08,595
- It's crazy, right?
- Huh?

322
00:15:08,663 --> 00:15:11,965
But college is amazing.

323
00:15:12,033 --> 00:15:13,200
Of course it takes the rest of your life

324
00:15:13,268 --> 00:15:14,935
to pay back your loans.
I'm still paying mine.

325
00:15:15,003 --> 00:15:18,172
- Huh?
- But you will.

326
00:15:18,239 --> 00:15:21,400
Just don't try to skip out. You think a
pimp will come after you for not paying?

327
00:15:21,409 --> 00:15:22,889
Try avoiding the student loan people.

328
00:15:22,944 --> 00:15:25,612
Those guys bitch-slapped me pretty good.

329
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,649
- Huh?
- But you know what?

330
00:15:28,716 --> 00:15:32,119
Everything's ahead of you.

331
00:15:32,187 --> 00:15:33,720
Nothing's impossible.

332
00:15:35,053 --> 00:15:37,133
Oh, we should watch "Pretty Woman."

333
00:15:37,158 --> 00:15:39,026
You guys can nitpick all the little
things that are wrong with the story.

334
00:15:39,093 --> 00:15:40,093
It'll be fun.

335
00:15:54,676 --> 00:15:57,010
- You are an idiot.
- <i> Oh, come on.</i>

336
00:15:57,078 --> 00:15:59,546
They called themselves
the "Ruby Tuesdays."

337
00:15:59,614 --> 00:16:02,316
That sounds like the perfect code
name for the Rolling Stones.

338
00:16:02,383 --> 00:16:04,751
It also sounds like
the perfect code name

339
00:16:04,819 --> 00:16:07,120
for a bunch of guys
who work at Ruby Tuesday's

340
00:16:07,188 --> 00:16:09,957
doing covers of Rolling Stones songs.

341
00:16:10,024 --> 00:16:12,459
Whatever. You gotta admit that busboy

342
00:16:12,527 --> 00:16:14,161
had a really nice voice.

343
00:16:14,229 --> 00:16:16,864
Dude, dude, there's a reason
they still work at a place

344
00:16:16,931 --> 00:16:20,400
that sells deep-fried pretzel
burgers to truckers.

345
00:16:20,468 --> 00:16:24,471
I gotta hit the head. Oh,
quick question for you.

346
00:16:24,539 --> 00:16:27,174
Any chance "Chili's"

347
00:16:27,242 --> 00:16:29,682
- are the code name for
the Red Hot Chili... - No!

348
00:16:32,831 --> 00:16:35,191
Oh, thank God you're here.

349
00:16:35,216 --> 00:16:38,352
- How's your dad?
- My dad?

350
00:16:38,419 --> 00:16:42,022
Oh, oh, oh, you can't even
tell he hurt his head.

351
00:16:42,090 --> 00:16:44,558
But it caused a short-term memory loss.

352
00:16:44,626 --> 00:16:45,993
So, don't bring it up to him.

353
00:16:46,060 --> 00:16:48,060
He won't even know
what you're talking about.

354
00:16:50,198 --> 00:16:53,300
- Where are all the girls?
- Oh, they're upstairs sleeping.

355
00:16:53,368 --> 00:16:55,769
Except for one. Angelina.

356
00:16:55,837 --> 00:16:57,437
What, is she watching TV

357
00:16:57,505 --> 00:17:00,474
eating a peanut butter
and petroleum jelly sandwich?

358
00:17:02,443 --> 00:17:06,113
- Uh, she's gone.
- What?

359
00:17:06,180 --> 00:17:10,651
I was giving her a pep
talk on how hard life is.

360
00:17:10,718 --> 00:17:13,253
I don't know what happened.

361
00:17:13,321 --> 00:17:16,590
You talked to her. That's what happened.

362
00:17:16,658 --> 00:17:19,138
People run away from you
when you talk to them.

363
00:17:20,962 --> 00:17:23,922
The other girls think she went back to
her old neighborhood to turn tricks.

364
00:17:23,932 --> 00:17:26,833
Ah, I gotta go find her
before Sasha gets home.

365
00:17:26,901 --> 00:17:29,069
Promise me you won't talk
to any more of these girls?

366
00:17:29,137 --> 00:17:32,217
I need them to all still
be here when I get back.

367
00:17:34,061 --> 00:17:36,381
You're sure this is Angelina's block?

368
00:17:36,406 --> 00:17:38,307
That's what the girls said.

369
00:17:40,544 --> 00:17:43,446
Is that her?

370
00:17:43,513 --> 00:17:45,047
Angelina!

371
00:17:45,115 --> 00:17:48,217
Man: <i>I'm whoever you want me to be, baby.</i>

372
00:17:48,285 --> 00:17:51,354
Dude in a skirt. Dude in a skirt.

373
00:17:51,421 --> 00:17:52,989
Boy, that's proof, isn't it?

374
00:17:53,056 --> 00:17:56,192
Everybody looks good
in thigh-high boots.

375
00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:00,963
Wait a minute, over there.

376
00:18:01,031 --> 00:18:03,266
That's her. Stop the car.

377
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,134
All right, wait, wait, hold... just...

378
00:18:05,202 --> 00:18:08,304
just remember if she starts
taking off her earrings,

379
00:18:08,372 --> 00:18:10,640
puff yourself up. Make
yourself look bigger.

380
00:18:10,707 --> 00:18:13,987
Or play dead. Whatever you
would do with a bear.

381
00:18:15,479 --> 00:18:17,813
You ram it with your car.

382
00:18:17,881 --> 00:18:19,448
Be ready.

383
00:18:23,787 --> 00:18:26,455
- Angelina. - Keep walking
your dumb ass down the block.

384
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:29,392
Down by the truck scales, you could
probably turn a couple of tricks.

385
00:18:29,459 --> 00:18:32,028
Make $30.

386
00:18:32,095 --> 00:18:34,463
Look, I know you talked to Jordan.

387
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,532
I understand that that could send
anyone screaming out the door.

388
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,367
Damn straight.

389
00:18:38,435 --> 00:18:41,237
But the truth is you're way
better off with Sasha.

390
00:18:41,305 --> 00:18:42,672
You don't wanna be doing
this in a couple of years

391
00:18:42,739 --> 00:18:45,341
- when you're 40.
- I'm 27!

392
00:18:45,409 --> 00:18:47,129
( Scoffs )
Okay.

393
00:18:48,569 --> 00:18:51,690
Then you don't wanna be doing
this for another 13 years.

394
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:54,050
Look, this is the only
thing I'm good at,

395
00:18:54,117 --> 00:18:55,885
so get outta here and let me do my job.

396
00:18:55,952 --> 00:18:59,655
No, it's way too dangerous out here.

397
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,824
Look, there's a cop over there,

398
00:19:01,892 --> 00:19:03,693
so if you don't come home with me now,

399
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,428
I'm gonna flag him down and
tell him that you're hookin'.

400
00:19:05,495 --> 00:19:08,397
- Go ahead.
- Officer.

401
00:19:09,766 --> 00:19:11,701
This lady was soliciting me.

402
00:19:11,768 --> 00:19:13,803
- Is that true, Angelina?
- No.

403
00:19:13,870 --> 00:19:15,371
He was trying to get me
back to his place.

404
00:19:15,439 --> 00:19:17,840
- Is that true?
- Yes, but let me explain.

405
00:19:17,908 --> 00:19:19,709
I've got a bunch of hookers back there.

406
00:19:21,054 --> 00:19:23,255
Oh, really? Turn around.

407
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,047
No, no, no, no.

408
00:19:25,115 --> 00:19:28,718
See, my girlfriend brought them to my
place and she has big plans for them.

409
00:19:28,785 --> 00:19:30,653
Sounds like fun. Turn around.

410
00:19:30,721 --> 00:19:32,755
No, no, no, you don't understand.
I was just supposed to watch them

411
00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:34,457
and make sure that
none of them got away.

412
00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:38,486
You know what? I'm just
gonna turn around.

413
00:19:41,064 --> 00:19:44,433
I really like your dream board, Dillon.

414
00:19:44,501 --> 00:19:47,269
So it seems what you're
envisioning for your future

415
00:19:47,337 --> 00:19:49,739
is a lot of sugar.

416
00:19:49,806 --> 00:19:51,741
I got a bit of a sweet tooth myself.

417
00:19:51,808 --> 00:19:55,478
Nah, I want cocaine.

418
00:19:55,545 --> 00:19:58,781
They didn't have any pictures
of cocaine, so I used sugar.

419
00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:01,317
But I want cocaine.

420
00:20:01,385 --> 00:20:04,019
I'll just take the glue.
I could make that work.

421
00:20:06,093 --> 00:20:09,334
Oh, good. They let you out of jail.

422
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:11,694
- Who's this?
- Can't talk.

423
00:20:11,762 --> 00:20:13,529
Sasha's right behind me. I saw
her getting off the freeway.

424
00:20:13,597 --> 00:20:15,597
Lost Angelina. This is
Tammy, a replacement hooker.

425
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:17,366
Get out of here. Thanks for everything

426
00:20:17,434 --> 00:20:19,235
except for losing Angelina. That sucked.

427
00:20:22,393 --> 00:20:24,527
- Hey, Charlie.
- Hey, Sasha.

428
00:20:24,595 --> 00:20:26,329
( Laughs )
How's your mom doing?

429
00:20:26,397 --> 00:20:28,098
Much better.

430
00:20:28,165 --> 00:20:29,799
Who's this?

431
00:20:29,867 --> 00:20:31,334
Uh, this is Tammy.

432
00:20:31,402 --> 00:20:33,703
She's taking Angelina's place.

433
00:20:33,771 --> 00:20:35,538
Angelina decided that she
wanted to join the Peace Corps,

434
00:20:35,606 --> 00:20:37,207
so I pulled some strings

435
00:20:37,274 --> 00:20:40,043
and she's on a plane
to Guatemala right now.

436
00:20:40,111 --> 00:20:41,744
Really?

437
00:20:41,812 --> 00:20:44,514
So it's adios, Angelina,

438
00:20:44,582 --> 00:20:46,783
and hola, Tammy.

439
00:20:47,818 --> 00:20:50,259
And hola, Angelina.

440
00:20:51,285 --> 00:20:53,165
What the hell are you doing here?

441
00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:56,192
It's okay, Charlie.
Angelina told me everything.

442
00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:58,228
Yeah, the fact that you
came looking for me

443
00:20:58,295 --> 00:21:00,335
made me realize
I must be worth something.

444
00:21:01,095 --> 00:21:02,775
Plus, it started raining.

445
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,567
So everything worked out.

446
00:21:04,635 --> 00:21:06,703
We're cool and you got
yourself a new team member.

447
00:21:06,770 --> 00:21:08,838
Wait, Angelina?

448
00:21:08,906 --> 00:21:11,741
Dead-eyed Pete's ho?
You blowed up, girl.

449
00:21:11,809 --> 00:21:14,010
You better shut your face,
you sleestak-looking

450
00:21:14,078 --> 00:21:16,479
bean head, or I'll cut you.

451
00:21:16,547 --> 00:21:18,285
You're up.

452
00:21:19,091 --> 00:21:24,091
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