1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,023
The wife and I went to the
Merry Peasant last night.

2
00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:05,296
Oh, that's nice.

3
00:00:05,298 --> 00:00:07,465
Yeah, we decided since
we're getting back together

4
00:00:07,467 --> 00:00:10,551
that we'd have two date nights a week.

5
00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:13,104
That is, unless I get lucky
on the first one.

6
00:00:13,106 --> 00:00:15,139
( Laughing )

7
00:00:15,141 --> 00:00:17,808
Say, do you want
a magazine or something?

8
00:00:17,810 --> 00:00:22,563
I can't, Ed. We're in
the middle of group.

9
00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:24,982
So, Patrick, how was your week?

10
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:27,818
I had another dream about my mother.

11
00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:31,239
She was talking to a little boy
in a sailor suit

12
00:00:31,241 --> 00:00:33,624
and she was telling him
he's not good enough.

13
00:00:33,626 --> 00:00:35,243
He's not good enough!

14
00:00:35,245 --> 00:00:38,045
And he desperately wanted
her love and...

15
00:00:38,047 --> 00:00:40,748
Okay, I can't do this
while you're getting a haircut.

16
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:44,669
I told you guys, I have a very important
meeting after group and I need a haircut.

17
00:00:44,671 --> 00:00:46,921
Since Dad cut hair in the Army,
I figured he could do it.

18
00:00:46,923 --> 00:00:48,222
I didn't cut hair in the Army.

19
00:00:48,224 --> 00:00:49,890
I said I wanted to cut hair in the Army,

20
00:00:49,892 --> 00:00:54,061
but they wouldn't let me
because of my shaky hands.

21
00:00:54,063 --> 00:00:56,147
Well, then just keep going.

22
00:00:56,149 --> 00:00:59,483
Whatever you do, you can't hurt this.

23
00:00:59,485 --> 00:01:01,435
Well, I got something
that's making me angry.

24
00:01:01,437 --> 00:01:03,688
They're cutting down the tree
in the Merry Peasant.

25
00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:05,523
Forget about the tree, you know
what they need to get rid of

26
00:01:05,525 --> 00:01:07,358
is that big, nasty
women's room attendant

27
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:08,859
who's always handing out toilet paper.

28
00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:11,862
They don't have
a women's room attendant,

29
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:14,365
but I know the dude
you're talking about.

30
00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:16,367
We can't let them cut down the tree!

31
00:01:16,369 --> 00:01:19,537
There's a hummingbird nesting up there
with eggs that are about to hatch.

32
00:01:19,539 --> 00:01:21,038
The valet told me about it.

33
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,374
The Merry Peasant doesn't have a valet!

34
00:01:23,376 --> 00:01:26,367
They really need to get a security
guard down at that place.

35
00:01:26,765 --> 00:01:29,236
Ow! Ed, you cut my ear!

36
00:01:29,261 --> 00:01:31,507
Oh, I'm sorry, Ma'am. I didn't realize

37
00:01:31,532 --> 00:01:34,022
I was cutting the lady's hair.

38
00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:36,971
Why do you care so much
about this stupid bird?

39
00:01:36,973 --> 00:01:38,389
Just forget about her!

40
00:01:38,391 --> 00:01:40,141
Like the father did who flew in,

41
00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:43,227
made a bunch of promises, had his
way with her, and then split?

42
00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:46,731
Well, you're only getting
her side of the story.

43
00:01:46,733 --> 00:01:50,067
Maybe he got a great job
downtown crapping on windshields

44
00:01:50,069 --> 00:01:52,570
and he was gonna send
for her in a month.

45
00:01:52,572 --> 00:01:55,956
- Uh-oh.
- What?

46
00:01:55,958 --> 00:01:58,242
Oh, nothing.

47
00:01:58,244 --> 00:02:00,411
Is there gonna be
anybody at that meeting

48
00:02:00,413 --> 00:02:03,464
who's real tall
that might be looking down,

49
00:02:03,466 --> 00:02:05,299
I don't know, at the top of your head?

50
00:02:07,253 --> 00:02:09,470
- Why?
- Oh, just making chitchat.

51
00:02:11,474 --> 00:02:13,758
All right, you're finished.

52
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,226
Are you sure it looks okay?

53
00:02:15,228 --> 00:02:16,927
'Cause I'm meeting with a guy
who wants to franchise

54
00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:18,729
my prison clinic nationwide.

55
00:02:18,731 --> 00:02:21,349
Ooh, an investor! Is he single?

56
00:02:21,351 --> 00:02:23,434
Hey, you're dating me now!

57
00:02:23,436 --> 00:02:27,321
Oh, are we still together? I thought
you were dating a hummingbird.

58
00:02:27,323 --> 00:02:28,856
Jordan: <i>Charlie, are you home?</i>

59
00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:30,274
Oh, crap, it's Jordan.

60
00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:31,942
Look, don't tell her about my meeting.

61
00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:33,994
I don't want her to get all
excited in case it falls apart.

62
00:02:33,996 --> 00:02:36,447
Sorry to interrupt,

63
00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:39,450
the warden needs these
reports by 6:00 today.

64
00:02:39,452 --> 00:02:41,786
We can knock 'em out in a couple
of hours as soon as you're done.

65
00:02:41,788 --> 00:02:43,537
I can't.

66
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,005
Why not?

67
00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:48,342
Because Patrick is in the middle
of an intense breakthrough

68
00:02:48,344 --> 00:02:50,594
and it's gonna take awhile.

69
00:02:50,596 --> 00:02:53,214
Tell her, Patrick.

70
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:54,682
When I was 10 years old,

71
00:02:54,684 --> 00:02:57,768
I was walking down the
rail road track with my friends

72
00:02:57,770 --> 00:03:01,389
and we stumbled across a dead body.

73
00:03:01,391 --> 00:03:04,225
We made a pact that day never
to talk about it to anybody.

74
00:03:05,728 --> 00:03:08,362
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

75
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:11,949
I'll just take care of these.

76
00:03:11,951 --> 00:03:13,484
I'll see you later at the office.

77
00:03:16,656 --> 00:03:19,740
Nice job, Patrick. Luckily,
she never saw "Stand by Me."

78
00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:21,826
- What?
- You just described

79
00:03:21,828 --> 00:03:24,161
the storyline to
the movie "Stand by Me."

80
00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:25,996
No, I didn't.

81
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:28,549
That actually happened to me.

82
00:03:30,136 --> 00:03:31,836
Give me a chance to even that up on top.

83
00:03:31,838 --> 00:03:35,089
Don't come near me.

84
00:03:37,343 --> 00:03:38,759
Take a look at this.

85
00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:40,978
By my estimates, we could
have your anger clinics

86
00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:44,321
in 25 prisons by the end
of the first year alone.

87
00:03:44,346 --> 00:03:46,776
- How does that sound?
- I'd have to check the numbers,

88
00:03:46,815 --> 00:03:48,853
but I'm pretty sure that sounds like

89
00:03:48,855 --> 00:03:52,740
25 times the number
of clinics I have now.

90
00:03:52,742 --> 00:03:55,693
- So what do you think?
- I think it sounds great.

91
00:03:55,695 --> 00:03:58,162
I'll just have to run it past
my partner and get back to you.

92
00:03:58,164 --> 00:04:01,615
Terrific, but before you do,
I gotta be honest with you,

93
00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:04,535
I kind of misrepresented myself today.

94
00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:07,588
Oh, you mean when you pulled up in
your friend's Ferrari to impress me?

95
00:04:07,590 --> 00:04:08,923
You didn't need to do that.

96
00:04:08,925 --> 00:04:11,342
That's kind of a douche car anyway.

97
00:04:11,344 --> 00:04:14,879
No, that's my Ferrari.

98
00:04:14,881 --> 00:04:18,849
Way to break the stereotype!

99
00:04:18,851 --> 00:04:22,436
My last name isn't really Smith.
It's Denby.

100
00:04:23,723 --> 00:04:25,806
I'm Jordan's ex-husband.

101
00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,559
Wait a minute, you're that Darren?

102
00:04:28,561 --> 00:04:32,029
- Jordan hates you.
- Yeah, I made a few mistakes.

103
00:04:32,031 --> 00:04:33,697
You left her for her sister.

104
00:04:33,699 --> 00:04:37,618
I gotta say,
that was probably the biggie.

105
00:04:37,620 --> 00:04:39,904
So what the hell's this all about?

106
00:04:39,906 --> 00:04:44,408
I actually do want to invest in
your clinic, but mostly for Jordan.

107
00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,877
I feel so guilty about what I did to her

108
00:04:46,879 --> 00:04:49,713
and this way I can
help her out financially.

109
00:04:49,715 --> 00:04:52,833
Well, here's an idea:
give her a bunch of money.

110
00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:54,335
I mean, first, invest in my clinic,

111
00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:56,086
then give her a bunch of money!

112
00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:59,223
I can't. She wouldn't even take alimony.

113
00:04:59,225 --> 00:05:00,925
She said she wouldn't touch a dollar

114
00:05:00,927 --> 00:05:03,677
that came from my filthy,
cheating hands.

115
00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:06,597
You lucky bastard.

116
00:05:06,599 --> 00:05:08,315
So what do you say?

117
00:05:08,317 --> 00:05:10,935
Will you let me invest
and we'll keep it our secret?

118
00:05:10,937 --> 00:05:14,355
I appreciate the offer,
but I do have ethics

119
00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:17,658
and one of the things I will
not do is lie to my partner.

120
00:05:17,660 --> 00:05:22,112
We project you could earn up to $2
million by the end of the first year.

121
00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:26,750
Of course, we all know that ethics
do not apply to the very rich.

122
00:05:27,987 --> 00:05:29,954
<i>Anger Management 2x84</i>
Charlie Gets In Bed with Jordan's Ex

123
00:05:37,044 --> 00:05:39,151
Nolan, honey, it's been four hours.

124
00:05:39,156 --> 00:05:41,774
People are just ignoring you now.
You've made your point.

125
00:05:41,796 --> 00:05:43,985
You need to leave or the owner's
gonna have to do something.

126
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,696
I'm not leaving until you promise
not to cut down this tree.

127
00:05:47,540 --> 00:05:49,187
I know you haven't eaten all morning,

128
00:05:49,189 --> 00:05:52,641
so I brought you onion rings, lemonade,

129
00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:55,810
chocolate milk shake and a cheeseburger.

130
00:05:55,812 --> 00:05:57,696
Wow, thanks, Brett.

131
00:06:00,163 --> 00:06:02,279
Oh, can you move it
a little closer, please?

132
00:06:02,281 --> 00:06:03,904
No, I cannot.

133
00:06:08,204 --> 00:06:09,954
- Hey, Nolan.
- Oh, it's so good to see you.

134
00:06:09,956 --> 00:06:12,456
Do you mind passing me the plate?

135
00:06:12,458 --> 00:06:14,959
Oh, I would, but it says "do not feed."

136
00:06:16,763 --> 00:06:18,629
So are you done yet?

137
00:06:18,631 --> 00:06:20,347
Because I was sitting at home

138
00:06:20,349 --> 00:06:21,966
thinking about doing something fun,

139
00:06:21,968 --> 00:06:24,185
but my boyfriend is here,
chained to a tree.

140
00:06:24,187 --> 00:06:26,437
I know, and I wanna do that too,

141
00:06:26,439 --> 00:06:28,022
but what about the bird?

142
00:06:28,024 --> 00:06:31,559
The birds will find another
tree in another restaurant.

143
00:06:31,561 --> 00:06:33,577
They always do.

144
00:06:35,314 --> 00:06:36,781
But there's a nest.

145
00:06:36,783 --> 00:06:38,783
Look, you adorable moron,

146
00:06:38,785 --> 00:06:40,317
you're embarrassing the hell out of me.

147
00:06:40,319 --> 00:06:42,153
I don't know why you're
so angry all of a sudden,

148
00:06:42,155 --> 00:06:44,288
a second ago you wanted to go home

149
00:06:44,290 --> 00:06:45,990
and make the sweet-sweet love.
( Gasps )

150
00:06:45,992 --> 00:06:50,327
Okay, first of all, I told you
to never use that phrase.

151
00:06:50,329 --> 00:06:53,914
And second, I was just trying
to trick you into leaving.

152
00:06:53,916 --> 00:06:56,250
So there wasn't gonna be any sex?

153
00:06:56,252 --> 00:06:59,086
Of course there was. I have needs.

154
00:06:59,088 --> 00:07:01,255
But when the newspeople
come around and start asking me,

155
00:07:01,257 --> 00:07:03,557
"Did you always know he was weird
when you first started dating him?"

156
00:07:03,559 --> 00:07:06,894
I'm not gonna be able to lie.

157
00:07:06,896 --> 00:07:11,565
Here's the bottom line:
it's me or the tree.

158
00:07:11,567 --> 00:07:14,185
The tree.

159
00:07:14,187 --> 00:07:15,769
Okay, I want you to take your time

160
00:07:15,771 --> 00:07:17,354
because this is gonna be
your final answer...

161
00:07:17,356 --> 00:07:19,824
The tree.

162
00:07:19,826 --> 00:07:21,609
Okay, I want you to take your time now,

163
00:07:21,611 --> 00:07:23,577
because I don't think you fully
understand what I'm saying...

164
00:07:23,579 --> 00:07:24,862
The tree.

165
00:07:24,864 --> 00:07:27,498
- I'm a woman, this is...
- The tree.

166
00:07:30,703 --> 00:07:33,370
Okay, I'm gonna go now.

167
00:07:33,372 --> 00:07:36,123
Why don't you call me when you decide?

168
00:07:36,125 --> 00:07:37,508
The tree.

169
00:07:37,510 --> 00:07:39,260
Call me.

170
00:07:47,637 --> 00:07:48,886
Hey.

171
00:07:48,938 --> 00:07:51,472
What are you doing eating
my Otter Pops in the dark?

172
00:07:51,557 --> 00:07:53,724
It's called "sensory deprivation"

173
00:07:53,754 --> 00:07:56,117
and it heightens the taste experience.

174
00:07:56,142 --> 00:08:00,095
Of course. That way you get
the full flavour of the blue.

175
00:08:01,252 --> 00:08:03,252
What are you coming back from?

176
00:08:03,279 --> 00:08:05,560
I just met with a guy who thinks
that we can make millions

177
00:08:05,571 --> 00:08:07,905
by opening my prison clinics
across the country.

178
00:08:07,957 --> 00:08:09,406
Wow, so you're about to be rich

179
00:08:09,458 --> 00:08:12,626
and you're complaining about
me eating your Otter Pops.

180
00:08:12,712 --> 00:08:14,461
Well, it's not exactly a done deal

181
00:08:14,547 --> 00:08:15,963
and there is a catch:

182
00:08:16,048 --> 00:08:19,416
the investor also happens
to be Jordan's ex-husband.

183
00:08:19,502 --> 00:08:22,136
- That's a problem. She hates him.
- I know, I know.

184
00:08:22,221 --> 00:08:24,088
That's why if I wind up doing this,

185
00:08:24,140 --> 00:08:25,589
she can't know that it's
coming from him,

186
00:08:25,641 --> 00:08:27,341
but I don't want to lie to my partner.

187
00:08:27,426 --> 00:08:29,510
Ah, it's kind of a special case.

188
00:08:29,595 --> 00:08:33,264
I mean, I don't think lying is bad
when you're helping somebody get rich.

189
00:08:33,316 --> 00:08:35,733
Or if you're having sex with a woman
and you call her by the wrong name,

190
00:08:35,768 --> 00:08:38,288
but then say, "I think that's what
we should name our daughter."

191
00:08:40,656 --> 00:08:43,407
You know, I found a way
around that problem.

192
00:08:43,442 --> 00:08:45,609
Remember the name of the woman
you're having sex with!

193
00:08:45,661 --> 00:08:48,112
Yeah, sure.

194
00:08:48,164 --> 00:08:51,582
I'll remember that next time
I'm having sex when I'm sober.

195
00:08:51,617 --> 00:08:54,501
You know what, though?
Maybe you're right.

196
00:08:54,587 --> 00:08:55,786
If Jordan gets rich off this thing,

197
00:08:55,838 --> 00:08:57,504
of course she'll forgive me.

198
00:08:57,590 --> 00:08:59,373
I just gotta keep
the lie going until then.

199
00:08:59,458 --> 00:09:03,460
Listen, if it were me, I would
just create some fake guy

200
00:09:03,512 --> 00:09:05,592
- that she can't ever meet.
- All right, that's good.

201
00:09:05,631 --> 00:09:08,265
That's good, but why
couldn't she ever meet him?

202
00:09:08,301 --> 00:09:13,437
He's a billionaire, germophobic recluse.

203
00:09:15,441 --> 00:09:17,441
That's ridiculous.

204
00:09:17,476 --> 00:09:18,976
Really?

205
00:09:19,061 --> 00:09:20,581
Can you come up with something better?

206
00:09:20,613 --> 00:09:23,897
I can come up with 100 different
things that are better than that.

207
00:09:23,983 --> 00:09:25,282
That's right.

208
00:09:25,318 --> 00:09:27,651
He's a billionaire, germophobic recluse.

209
00:09:29,322 --> 00:09:31,405
- That's crazy.
- Well, yes, yes,

210
00:09:31,490 --> 00:09:34,959
but the good news is he wants to
fund a boatload of our clinics.

211
00:09:34,994 --> 00:09:36,543
We're gonna help a lot of people

212
00:09:36,629 --> 00:09:38,746
and if we make
a lot of money doing it...

213
00:09:38,831 --> 00:09:41,165
well, that's why we're doing it.

214
00:09:41,217 --> 00:09:44,134
I don't know, Charlie.

215
00:09:44,170 --> 00:09:47,838
Would you file these, please?

216
00:09:47,890 --> 00:09:51,175
I became a serial killer so I
wouldn't get stuck in an office job.

217
00:09:51,227 --> 00:09:53,844
Now look at me. Life is funny.

218
00:09:55,931 --> 00:09:58,515
Come on, Jordan. We can't pass this up.

219
00:09:58,567 --> 00:09:59,850
Look, it sounds great,

220
00:09:59,935 --> 00:10:01,068
but setting up all these clinics

221
00:10:01,153 --> 00:10:03,437
is gonna be a tremendous
amount of work for us.

222
00:10:03,522 --> 00:10:06,156
I'm not going through all that
without meeting this investor.

223
00:10:06,192 --> 00:10:07,947
How about a phone call?

224
00:10:07,972 --> 00:10:10,307
I'm sorry, I've got to meet
this guy face-to-face

225
00:10:10,329 --> 00:10:12,029
before I get into bed with him.

226
00:10:12,114 --> 00:10:15,002
Well, who knows? Maybe you already have.

227
00:10:15,027 --> 00:10:17,494
- Pardon me?
- I... I'm just saying

228
00:10:17,519 --> 00:10:20,587
that... that sometimes we
all take a leap of faith.

229
00:10:20,623 --> 00:10:22,339
Yeah, you guys took a leap of faith

230
00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:25,376
by letting me work here,
and I'm a murderer.

231
00:10:25,428 --> 00:10:27,878
I haven't killed you guys yet.

232
00:10:27,930 --> 00:10:31,181
That's true, I just wish
you hadn't used the word "yet."

233
00:10:31,217 --> 00:10:33,884
Sorry, I probably won't kill you.

234
00:10:33,969 --> 00:10:36,020
Now you just used the word "probably."

235
00:10:37,273 --> 00:10:38,806
So what do you say, Jordan?

236
00:10:38,891 --> 00:10:40,724
This is a huge opportunity for us.

237
00:10:40,810 --> 00:10:42,726
Besides, the guy's leaving
on a red-eye tonight.

238
00:10:42,778 --> 00:10:44,728
Then I'll meet him before he
leaves, otherwise I'm out.

239
00:10:44,814 --> 00:10:48,782
- He sounds too sketchy.
- Oh, please.

240
00:10:48,868 --> 00:10:51,402
There's nothing sketchy
about getting rich

241
00:10:51,454 --> 00:10:53,320
off helping career criminals with money

242
00:10:53,406 --> 00:10:55,051
from a man you're not allowed to meet.

243
00:10:56,325 --> 00:10:58,308
Fine, I'll try to figure something out.

244
00:11:02,068 --> 00:11:04,668
Ernesto, make sure
your seams are straight.

245
00:11:04,670 --> 00:11:06,637
- What you mean?
- They're not straight.

246
00:11:06,639 --> 00:11:09,840
Make them straight. They're
supposed to look like this!

247
00:11:09,842 --> 00:11:13,844
Charlie, I live inside a tiny box.

248
00:11:13,846 --> 00:11:16,647
I don't need this
extra tension in my life.

249
00:11:18,517 --> 00:11:20,567
Ernesto speaks the truth.

250
00:11:20,569 --> 00:11:23,020
This is supposed to be
a relaxation exercise.

251
00:11:23,022 --> 00:11:24,354
Yeah, you're making me so nervous,

252
00:11:24,356 --> 00:11:26,323
I sewed this thing to my jumpsuit.

253
00:11:26,325 --> 00:11:27,524
Now I guess I'll just have to

254
00:11:27,526 --> 00:11:30,327
take my jumpsuit off and sew naked.

255
00:11:30,329 --> 00:11:31,529
You'd like that, wouldn't you?

256
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,503
I'm sorry, guys.
I'm a little stressed out,

257
00:11:37,528 --> 00:11:39,528
but I really don't want to talk about it.

258
00:11:39,553 --> 00:11:42,188
I can talk about it. I was there.

259
00:11:42,208 --> 00:11:44,208
Charlie and his beautiful
partner, Jordan,

260
00:11:44,210 --> 00:11:45,709
stand to make a lot of money.

261
00:11:45,711 --> 00:11:49,296
Ooh, so it's about making
lots of money this time.

262
00:11:49,298 --> 00:11:52,800
Good! I sold my toothbrush
for a pencil yesterday,

263
00:11:52,802 --> 00:11:55,385
but let's hear about Charlie's problem.

264
00:11:55,387 --> 00:11:57,855
I have to find somebody

265
00:11:57,857 --> 00:11:59,556
who Jordan believes
is a wealthy investor

266
00:11:59,558 --> 00:12:01,191
and I've got to find him by tonight.

267
00:12:01,193 --> 00:12:02,526
You're in luck, Charlie.

268
00:12:02,528 --> 00:12:04,311
I've got the perfect person for you.

269
00:12:04,313 --> 00:12:06,446
All right, all right. Let me
just stop you right there.

270
00:12:06,448 --> 00:12:10,200
The last time you set me up
with a con man, he sucked.

271
00:12:10,202 --> 00:12:12,903
I paid the guy a lot of money
and he didn't do a damn thing.

272
00:12:12,905 --> 00:12:17,241
Sounds like a pretty good con man to me!

273
00:12:17,243 --> 00:12:20,627
No, no, no. This fella just got
out and he's a financial whiz.

274
00:12:20,629 --> 00:12:24,047
You wanna know why Bernie Madoff
had to start that Ponzi scheme?

275
00:12:24,049 --> 00:12:26,917
'Cause he lost all of his
money to this guy.

276
00:12:26,919 --> 00:12:29,553
Okay, well, I'm desperate.

277
00:12:29,555 --> 00:12:32,723
But if he just got out, are you sure he's
willing to do this type of work again?

278
00:12:32,725 --> 00:12:34,758
Well, let's see.

279
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:38,846
Last week, he was selling coyotes
to blind people as Seeing Eye dogs.

280
00:12:38,848 --> 00:12:41,181
They kept dragging 'em up to the hills.

281
00:12:41,183 --> 00:12:44,017
So, yeah, I think he's fine
with lying to Jordan.

282
00:12:48,023 --> 00:12:49,940
Hey, Charlie.

283
00:12:49,942 --> 00:12:52,025
Oh, God.

284
00:12:52,027 --> 00:12:53,861
Not you again, what the
hell are you doing here?

285
00:12:53,863 --> 00:12:57,331
I'm your germophobic
billionaire investor.

286
00:12:57,333 --> 00:12:59,166
No, no, no, we are not doing this.

287
00:12:59,168 --> 00:13:01,285
I told the guys anybody but you.

288
00:13:01,287 --> 00:13:04,037
I realize our last endeavor
was less than fruitful,

289
00:13:04,039 --> 00:13:05,789
but the guys lied and sent me again

290
00:13:05,791 --> 00:13:08,542
when they realized you didn't
give me a chance to do my stuff.

291
00:13:08,544 --> 00:13:11,845
And also they're criminals
and can't be trusted.

292
00:13:11,847 --> 00:13:13,797
Hey, Charlie.

293
00:13:13,799 --> 00:13:14,965
Oh, hey, what are you doing here?

294
00:13:14,967 --> 00:13:16,550
You're kind of early.

295
00:13:16,552 --> 00:13:18,135
I don't like to be late for a meeting.

296
00:13:18,137 --> 00:13:21,388
You must be our mysterious investor.

297
00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:23,473
- Well, actually...
- Actually, I am.

298
00:13:23,475 --> 00:13:27,144
And I believe your prison clinic
serves just the kind of niche market

299
00:13:27,146 --> 00:13:32,232
that has huge growth potential and should
be part of any diversified portfolio.

300
00:13:32,234 --> 00:13:34,318
And I agree with him.

301
00:13:36,121 --> 00:13:37,371
It's nice to meet you.

302
00:13:37,373 --> 00:13:38,956
I'm Jordan Denby, Charlie's partner.

303
00:13:38,958 --> 00:13:41,491
Good to meet you, I'm Goldman Sachs.

304
00:13:46,048 --> 00:13:49,583
Goldman Sachs, like
the investment company?

305
00:13:49,585 --> 00:13:53,677
Now, now, now, nobody's
named Goldman Sachs.

306
00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:56,819
His... his first name is Gold,

307
00:13:56,844 --> 00:14:00,327
and his last name is... Mansachs.

308
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,730
Boston family, we go way back.

309
00:14:03,732 --> 00:14:06,099
He comes from a long line of Mansachs.

310
00:14:06,101 --> 00:14:07,818
It's a very distinguished lineage.

311
00:14:07,820 --> 00:14:11,355
Although I have to say I'm the
first Mansachs that has hair.

312
00:14:11,357 --> 00:14:13,774
All the other Mansachs
are completely bald.

313
00:14:15,361 --> 00:14:17,110
Okay, we're done with that now.

314
00:14:17,112 --> 00:14:20,364
Well, now that you've met,
can we move forward?

315
00:14:20,366 --> 00:14:21,832
I just have one question.

316
00:14:21,834 --> 00:14:23,116
Have you built any businesses

317
00:14:23,118 --> 00:14:25,002
that would be a model
for developing this one?

318
00:14:25,004 --> 00:14:27,704
No, no, I haven't.

319
00:14:27,706 --> 00:14:29,089
You haven't?

320
00:14:29,091 --> 00:14:31,341
But that's what's
so exciting about this.

321
00:14:31,343 --> 00:14:34,544
I built my fortune
from tobacco, oil, and gambling.

322
00:14:34,546 --> 00:14:39,049
But at the end of the day, I want what any
germophobic, reclusive billionaire wants:

323
00:14:39,051 --> 00:14:40,934
to make a difference in the world.

324
00:14:40,936 --> 00:14:43,603
And also have no one
know who I am or touch me.

325
00:14:45,557 --> 00:14:46,890
I totally get it.

326
00:14:46,892 --> 00:14:51,395
Great, looking forward
to working with you.

327
00:14:51,397 --> 00:14:54,147
Okay, who is this clown?

328
00:14:54,149 --> 00:14:57,117
- What are you talking about?
- Germophobes don't shake hands!

329
00:14:57,119 --> 00:14:58,485
What are you trying to pull?

330
00:14:58,487 --> 00:15:00,871
And "Mansachs"? Are you high?

331
00:15:00,873 --> 00:15:04,408
That'll be 500 bucks.

332
00:15:04,410 --> 00:15:06,076
For what? You didn't fool her.

333
00:15:06,078 --> 00:15:08,662
Good point. I'll bill you.

334
00:15:12,301 --> 00:15:14,084
What the hell is going on, Charlie?

335
00:15:14,086 --> 00:15:16,470
Okay, okay, just hear me out.

336
00:15:16,472 --> 00:15:20,090
This project could be
worth millions to us.

337
00:15:20,092 --> 00:15:22,092
And I don't want you to reject it

338
00:15:22,094 --> 00:15:23,854
because it's being funded
by your ex-husband.

339
00:15:25,681 --> 00:15:28,515
And now I'm gonna tell you who it is.

340
00:15:28,517 --> 00:15:31,568
It's Darren?

341
00:15:31,570 --> 00:15:34,021
Yes, but he's only doing this
'cause he wants to help you.

342
00:15:34,023 --> 00:15:36,907
Well, he can help me by staying
the hell out of my life!

343
00:15:36,909 --> 00:15:39,609
I do not want to be in
business with a man who lies

344
00:15:39,611 --> 00:15:42,362
and cheats and has
no scruples whatsoever.

345
00:15:42,364 --> 00:15:44,114
And I'm not so crazy
about Darren either.

346
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,203
Lacey, you came back.

347
00:15:50,205 --> 00:15:51,538
I never heard from you.

348
00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:53,206
Are you coming home or not?

349
00:15:53,208 --> 00:15:55,926
No, I'll sleep against this
tree for a week if I have to.

350
00:15:55,928 --> 00:15:59,096
I do it every year at Coachella
and I'll do it here.

351
00:15:59,098 --> 00:16:00,931
Look, maybe you're not getting this,

352
00:16:00,933 --> 00:16:03,133
'cause I know sometimes
you have trouble with stuff.

353
00:16:03,135 --> 00:16:06,353
Remember the time you were
confused by the menu at Denny's?

354
00:16:06,355 --> 00:16:10,048
How can things be $2 and $4 and $6?

355
00:16:10,073 --> 00:16:12,766
Because they are different items!

356
00:16:13,219 --> 00:16:16,173
Now if you don't unlock
yourself from this tree,

357
00:16:16,198 --> 00:16:18,065
I am leaving you forever.

358
00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:21,735
All right, I get it.
You are serious about this.

359
00:16:21,737 --> 00:16:24,321
So I will choose you over the tree

360
00:16:24,323 --> 00:16:26,706
and the lives of the mama bird
and her three little babies

361
00:16:26,708 --> 00:16:28,825
who will most certainly perish.

362
00:16:28,827 --> 00:16:31,044
Thank you.

363
00:16:33,248 --> 00:16:35,465
Can I have a moment alone?

364
00:16:35,467 --> 00:16:37,217
Whatever.

365
00:16:41,056 --> 00:16:44,841
Little bird, I'm sorry
I failed you and your family.

366
00:16:44,843 --> 00:16:49,513
I don't want to give up,
but I don't have a choice.

367
00:16:49,515 --> 00:16:53,567
I will be thinking about you a lot
and hopefully you don't suffer much.

368
00:16:55,104 --> 00:16:57,904
And maybe someday,
we'll live in a world...

369
00:16:57,906 --> 00:16:59,856
Oh, Mother of God, fine.

370
00:16:59,858 --> 00:17:01,775
We can stay and save the birds.

371
00:17:01,777 --> 00:17:04,861
- Really?
- Yeah.

372
00:17:04,863 --> 00:17:08,698
If you're willing to abandon
your principles for me,

373
00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:11,835
what kind of girlfriend would I be
if I didn't support your beliefs?

374
00:17:11,837 --> 00:17:13,336
That's great,

375
00:17:13,338 --> 00:17:15,255
because the owner just
called me two hours ago

376
00:17:15,257 --> 00:17:17,874
to say he's not cutting down the tree!

377
00:17:17,876 --> 00:17:20,260
Why did you stay?
Why didn't you tell me?

378
00:17:20,262 --> 00:17:23,180
Because I wanted to see if you'd
come back and support me.

379
00:17:23,182 --> 00:17:24,214
And you did.

380
00:17:24,216 --> 00:17:29,136
So you lied to me. You manipulated me!

381
00:17:29,138 --> 00:17:31,721
You made me do things I never would do.

382
00:17:33,725 --> 00:17:37,688
I've always liked you,
but now I respect you.

383
00:17:42,138 --> 00:17:44,021
Hey, Jordan, it's Charlie.

384
00:17:44,023 --> 00:17:46,474
Listen, I really wish you'd
reconsider taking Darren's money.

385
00:17:46,476 --> 00:17:48,442
Think of it this way:

386
00:17:48,444 --> 00:17:50,311
you can either hate your ex-husband

387
00:17:50,313 --> 00:17:52,279
or be rich and hate your ex-husband.

388
00:17:52,565 --> 00:17:54,766
<i>( Doorbell rings )</i>

389
00:17:54,768 --> 00:17:56,434
Hold on a second.

390
00:17:59,439 --> 00:18:01,906
Hang on, I'm leaving you a message.

391
00:18:01,908 --> 00:18:03,880
Anyway, if you change your mind,

392
00:18:03,905 --> 00:18:05,905
stop by. I'll be waiting for you.

393
00:18:05,930 --> 00:18:07,930
Hey! You're here!

394
00:18:07,955 --> 00:18:10,007
You changed your mind, that's great!

395
00:18:10,033 --> 00:18:13,618
I came over to dissolve our partnership.

396
00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:16,120
This is insane.

397
00:18:16,122 --> 00:18:18,539
You know, a lot of guys
wouldn't have even cared enough

398
00:18:18,541 --> 00:18:20,708
to bring in an imposter.

399
00:18:20,710 --> 00:18:22,960
I've already signed.

400
00:18:22,962 --> 00:18:26,130
All you have to do is sign here,
here, and here and we'll be done.

401
00:18:26,132 --> 00:18:29,050
I can't believe you're dissolving
our partnership over this.

402
00:18:29,052 --> 00:18:30,802
I would've thought for
sure it would've been over

403
00:18:30,804 --> 00:18:34,055
you constantly singing show tunes
or me having sex on your desk or...

404
00:18:35,442 --> 00:18:36,691
Sign it, Charlie.

405
00:18:36,693 --> 00:18:38,526
<i>( Doorbell rings )</i>

406
00:18:38,528 --> 00:18:40,228
- It's Darren.
- He's here?

407
00:18:40,230 --> 00:18:41,696
I don't want to be
anywhere near that jerk.

408
00:18:41,698 --> 00:18:42,947
He's stopping by to find out

409
00:18:42,949 --> 00:18:44,532
whether we're still doing this or not.

410
00:18:44,534 --> 00:18:47,068
So, all kidding aside,

411
00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:48,202
are we?

412
00:18:49,656 --> 00:18:50,905
You are signing this tomorrow.

413
00:18:55,879 --> 00:18:57,662
- Hey.
- Hey.

414
00:18:57,664 --> 00:18:59,380
Come on in, please.

415
00:18:59,382 --> 00:19:02,667
So are we in business, partner?

416
00:19:02,669 --> 00:19:04,502
I wish.

417
00:19:04,504 --> 00:19:06,838
Jordan found out that you're
the guy behind the money

418
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,006
- and she dropped out.
- You told her?

419
00:19:09,008 --> 00:19:12,176
No, no, no, the guy
playing you shook her hand.

420
00:19:12,178 --> 00:19:14,011
It's a long story, but she's out.

421
00:19:14,013 --> 00:19:15,847
Typical Jordan.

422
00:19:15,849 --> 00:19:18,232
Always cutting her nose off
to spite her face.

423
00:19:18,234 --> 00:19:22,570
I'm so sorry, I was really
hoping this could work.

424
00:19:22,572 --> 00:19:24,689
You know what? It still can.

425
00:19:24,691 --> 00:19:27,775
I love this project, you and
I will do it without her.

426
00:19:27,777 --> 00:19:29,777
- Really?
- Sure, why not?

427
00:19:29,779 --> 00:19:31,162
I just wanted to get her some money

428
00:19:31,164 --> 00:19:34,115
so she wouldn't end up living
in a dump the rest of her life.

429
00:19:34,117 --> 00:19:35,500
She actually has a nice place

430
00:19:35,502 --> 00:19:37,335
if you don't mind
needlepoint horsey pillows

431
00:19:37,337 --> 00:19:39,420
and dry leaves on top of the toilet.

432
00:19:39,422 --> 00:19:40,788
So what do you say?

433
00:19:42,542 --> 00:19:43,875
I say let's do this.

434
00:19:45,879 --> 00:19:48,095
Jordan is so pathetic.

435
00:19:48,097 --> 00:19:50,631
It got so I couldn't even
stand to look at her face.

436
00:19:50,633 --> 00:19:54,051
So you married her twin sister?

437
00:19:54,053 --> 00:19:56,103
I'm just sayin', I always told her

438
00:19:56,105 --> 00:19:57,638
she'd be nothing without me.

439
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,974
Now she's proven it.

440
00:19:59,976 --> 00:20:02,193
You know she has "Dr."
in front of her name, right?

441
00:20:02,195 --> 00:20:05,196
Big deal. So do Dolittle and Seuss.

442
00:20:06,983 --> 00:20:09,116
Luckily, she has you.

443
00:20:09,118 --> 00:20:11,736
At least there's some guy
out there taking care of her.

444
00:20:11,738 --> 00:20:14,655
( Scoffs )
She doesn't need me to take care of her.

445
00:20:14,657 --> 00:20:16,240
Don't be so humble.

446
00:20:16,242 --> 00:20:18,826
She's just another
overly emotional woman

447
00:20:18,828 --> 00:20:25,750
who can't get her life together.

448
00:20:25,752 --> 00:20:28,586
She's just another
overly emotional woman

449
00:20:28,588 --> 00:20:29,837
if you don't get
the hell out of my house.

450
00:20:29,839 --> 00:20:32,557
What?

451
00:20:32,559 --> 00:20:34,642
You heard me. Get out.

452
00:20:34,644 --> 00:20:38,980
Fine, I guess you're never
gonna own a Ferrari.

453
00:20:38,982 --> 00:20:40,681
Fine, I don't want a damn Ferrari.

454
00:20:44,270 --> 00:20:47,071
Ah, I want a Ferrari.

455
00:20:49,609 --> 00:20:50,992
Hey.

456
00:20:50,994 --> 00:20:52,944
What are you still doing here?

457
00:20:52,946 --> 00:20:56,781
I was eavesdropping from the
kitchen and heard everything.

458
00:20:58,117 --> 00:20:59,700
Thank you.

459
00:20:59,702 --> 00:21:03,037
You know, I just gave up
millions of dollars.

460
00:21:03,039 --> 00:21:06,624
I know. Doesn't it feel good
because you did the right thing?

461
00:21:06,626 --> 00:21:08,926
Millions of dollars!

462
00:21:08,928 --> 00:21:11,963
You should be so proud of yourself.

463
00:21:11,965 --> 00:21:13,297
You stood up for a friend.

464
00:21:13,299 --> 00:21:15,516
Millions and millions.

465
00:21:15,518 --> 00:21:19,259
Okay, I'm gonna go. You're
clearly dealing with something.

466
00:21:19,799 --> 00:21:24,799
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