1
00:00:01,411 --> 00:00:03,811
Does anyone know where Ed is?

2
00:00:03,836 --> 00:00:07,549
When he's going to be late, he
always leaves me a voice-mail.

3
00:00:07,612 --> 00:00:09,246
I mean, usually it's the
sound of him texting,

4
00:00:09,314 --> 00:00:11,074
but at least he's trying.

5
00:00:11,082 --> 00:00:12,482
Well, don't look for him.

6
00:00:12,550 --> 00:00:15,519
I can finally think straight
without him here.

7
00:00:15,587 --> 00:00:17,287
And it's nice to be able
to say "think straight"

8
00:00:17,355 --> 00:00:20,424
without somebody saying, "You gotta
be straight to think straight."

9
00:00:20,491 --> 00:00:23,594
That Ed. He's so quick.

10
00:00:23,661 --> 00:00:25,262
I just made that up.

11
00:00:25,330 --> 00:00:27,731
Why are you so intolerant?

12
00:00:27,799 --> 00:00:30,067
Why are you so stupid?

13
00:00:30,134 --> 00:00:31,702
Damn it.

14
00:00:31,769 --> 00:00:34,805
Why am I more clever as Ed
than I am as me?

15
00:00:34,872 --> 00:00:37,174
Okay, let's just go ahead and start.

16
00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:40,477
Lacey and I had our first
fight as a couple.

17
00:00:40,545 --> 00:00:42,112
Wow, Nolan, I remember a day

18
00:00:42,180 --> 00:00:43,547
when you never would have
stood up to Lacey.

19
00:00:43,615 --> 00:00:45,816
I kicked his ass.

20
00:00:45,883 --> 00:00:47,184
I'm shocked.

21
00:00:48,286 --> 00:00:49,407
But good for you, Nolan.

22
00:00:50,888 --> 00:00:52,923
I'm here!

23
00:00:52,991 --> 00:00:54,224
Sorry I'm late.

24
00:00:54,292 --> 00:00:55,759
I've been looking for another person

25
00:00:55,827 --> 00:00:59,296
to officiate the renewal
of vows with my wife.

26
00:00:59,364 --> 00:01:01,765
Ed, I texted you a hundred times.

27
00:01:01,833 --> 00:01:03,834
I'm sorry I missed the rehearsal,

28
00:01:03,901 --> 00:01:05,369
but I have two good reasons.

29
00:01:05,436 --> 00:01:07,638
Let me guess. Heather and Heidi?

30
00:01:09,073 --> 00:01:10,907
Okay, that's not fair, Ed.

31
00:01:10,975 --> 00:01:13,410
I didn't get their names.

32
00:01:13,478 --> 00:01:17,047
Maybe I should get somebody
more reliable to officiate.

33
00:01:17,115 --> 00:01:20,684
Like a meth-addicted teen mom.

34
00:01:20,752 --> 00:01:23,887
Ed, doing your ceremony
means the world to me.

35
00:01:23,955 --> 00:01:25,556
I promise I'll be there
tomorrow morning.

36
00:01:25,623 --> 00:01:28,792
I swear it on the lives of...

37
00:01:28,860 --> 00:01:30,027
what's her name

38
00:01:30,094 --> 00:01:31,595
and her friend with the great boobs.

39
00:01:31,663 --> 00:01:33,730
The reason I asked you
was because you're the one

40
00:01:33,798 --> 00:01:35,798
who got Dottie and me back together.

41
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:37,200
Don't make me regret this.

42
00:01:37,268 --> 00:01:39,069
- I won't.
- Okay, then don't.

43
00:01:39,137 --> 00:01:40,470
You okay, Ed?

44
00:01:40,538 --> 00:01:42,205
You still seem like you're pretty upset.

45
00:01:42,273 --> 00:01:44,007
No, I'm happy.

46
00:01:44,075 --> 00:01:46,476
I'm getting remarried tomorrow.

47
00:01:47,514 --> 00:01:49,355
Ed, instead of leaving here

48
00:01:49,380 --> 00:01:51,048
and taking out this frustration

49
00:01:51,115 --> 00:01:53,850
on some poor soul behind
the counter at McDonald's,

50
00:01:53,918 --> 00:01:55,952
why don't you just take it out on Bobo?

51
00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:58,689
Because Bobo doesn't give me free fries

52
00:01:58,756 --> 00:02:00,824
to shut up when I make a scene.

53
00:02:03,261 --> 00:02:05,996
I'm telling you, man,
it's gotta be Jerry Rice.

54
00:02:06,064 --> 00:02:08,565
I saw him play in person
and there's no question.

55
00:02:08,633 --> 00:02:10,267
Oh, no, you could not be more wrong.

56
00:02:10,334 --> 00:02:11,868
It's Randy Moss.

57
00:02:11,936 --> 00:02:13,257
That boy was fast down the field.

58
00:02:13,304 --> 00:02:14,738
It's like watching a gazelle

59
00:02:14,806 --> 00:02:16,573
in a helmet and tight pants.

60
00:02:16,641 --> 00:02:20,177
Are you guys talking about the
best wide receiver of all time?

61
00:02:20,244 --> 00:02:22,244
Because let's not forget Lynn Swann.

62
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,448
He took ballet.

63
00:02:24,515 --> 00:02:26,249
We're talking about who would be

64
00:02:26,317 --> 00:02:28,717
the hardest NFL player
to catch and kill.

65
00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:31,288
Oh.

66
00:02:31,355 --> 00:02:35,125
I'd still say Lynn Swann.

67
00:02:35,193 --> 00:02:38,361
It's hard to cut a guy's jugular
when he's doing a pirouette.

68
00:02:38,429 --> 00:02:40,564
No, it's not.

69
00:02:40,631 --> 00:02:43,911
You just hold the knife and
let him spin around it.

70
00:02:46,047 --> 00:02:48,047
Jordan, can I speak to you
in private for a second?

71
00:02:48,072 --> 00:02:49,539
Oh, sure. What's up?

72
00:02:51,433 --> 00:02:53,753
I think Cleo and Ernesto
are up to no good.

73
00:02:53,778 --> 00:02:55,779
No, it's nothing sinister.

74
00:02:55,847 --> 00:02:57,314
They were just figuring out
which wide receiver

75
00:02:57,381 --> 00:02:59,316
would be the hardest to catch and kill.

76
00:02:59,383 --> 00:03:00,851
Why do it piecemeal

77
00:03:00,918 --> 00:03:02,319
when you can just shoot down the blimp

78
00:03:02,386 --> 00:03:04,746
and take out half the stadium?

79
00:03:04,789 --> 00:03:06,189
But it's not that.

80
00:03:07,764 --> 00:03:11,204
I heard them planning to
riot and take a hostage.

81
00:03:11,229 --> 00:03:13,430
I also heard "Jordan" and "10 AM,"

82
00:03:13,498 --> 00:03:15,739
but I don't think
that part means anything.

83
00:03:16,868 --> 00:03:18,602
Oh, really?

84
00:03:18,669 --> 00:03:20,137
Are you sure you heard this?

85
00:03:20,204 --> 00:03:21,972
Oh, it gets worse.

86
00:03:22,039 --> 00:03:23,907
Last thing I heard them say was, "Shh",

87
00:03:23,975 --> 00:03:26,176
here comes Wayne."

88
00:03:26,244 --> 00:03:28,378
Sure, something bad may happen to you,

89
00:03:28,446 --> 00:03:32,015
but nothing's more painful than
being on the outside looking in.

90
00:03:33,584 --> 00:03:36,119
Come on, Wayne, I think this is about

91
00:03:36,187 --> 00:03:37,721
you being jealous that
they've had more time

92
00:03:37,789 --> 00:03:39,523
working in the clinic than you have.

93
00:03:39,590 --> 00:03:41,124
I can't believe you would
throw them under the bus

94
00:03:41,192 --> 00:03:42,526
for something as petty as that.

95
00:03:42,593 --> 00:03:44,694
You don't believe me,
see how fast they hush up

96
00:03:44,762 --> 00:03:46,329
when you walk up on 'em.

97
00:03:46,397 --> 00:03:48,598
And I would never throw
anybody under the bus.

98
00:03:48,666 --> 00:03:50,834
It's an inefficient way to kill someone.

99
00:03:50,902 --> 00:03:54,063
Plus, it inconveniences a whole
bunch of innocent commuters.

100
00:03:55,039 --> 00:03:57,707
When I kill a man,
nobody's late for work.

101
00:03:58,933 --> 00:04:00,453
Except for the one guy.

102
00:04:00,478 --> 00:04:02,612
I stand corrected.

103
00:04:04,873 --> 00:04:07,393
So with the certificate
you got on the Internet,

104
00:04:07,418 --> 00:04:08,819
you're allowed to marry people?

105
00:04:08,886 --> 00:04:11,521
Yes. All I had to do was click "print"

106
00:04:11,589 --> 00:04:13,723
and I'm the pope of my own church.

107
00:04:13,791 --> 00:04:15,325
Frankly, I'm a little
concerned I won't be able

108
00:04:15,393 --> 00:04:18,061
to get into my own heaven,
but I'm gonna work that out.

109
00:04:20,131 --> 00:04:23,366
Hey, so the girls are gonna
finish their lemon drops

110
00:04:23,434 --> 00:04:26,236
and then we are gonna Uber it
to an after-hours downtown.

111
00:04:26,304 --> 00:04:27,904
Mmm. I'll order it.

112
00:04:27,972 --> 00:04:30,015
Yeah, listen, bro.

113
00:04:30,063 --> 00:04:33,124
I'm... I'm glad that you brought
Julie and Melanie by again, tonight.

114
00:04:33,164 --> 00:04:36,750
They're refreshingly unencumbered
by the rules of polite society,

115
00:04:37,657 --> 00:04:41,160
but I've got Ed's ceremony in the morning
and I wanna do a good job, so...

116
00:04:41,227 --> 00:04:43,595
So we should keep the party here.

117
00:04:43,663 --> 00:04:44,863
We should crank it up a notch

118
00:04:44,931 --> 00:04:46,231
and we should make
a whole bunch of memories

119
00:04:46,299 --> 00:04:48,299
that we'll be ashamed of
for the rest of our lives.

120
00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:49,968
No.

121
00:04:50,036 --> 00:04:52,805
Then I don't understand what you want.

122
00:04:52,872 --> 00:04:55,074
No, dude, I am serious.

123
00:04:55,141 --> 00:04:57,209
I'm falling asleep on my feet.

124
00:04:57,277 --> 00:05:00,279
Oh, my God! It's 5:00 in the morning
and I gotta be there by 11:00.

125
00:05:00,346 --> 00:05:03,682
So we have six more hours to party.

126
00:05:03,750 --> 00:05:06,185
Sorry, but everybody out.
Come on, let's go.

127
00:05:06,252 --> 00:05:07,986
- Really?
- Yes, really.

128
00:05:09,155 --> 00:05:11,990
Mmm.
( Clicking tongue )

129
00:05:15,506 --> 00:05:18,306
Are you sure you wanna leave me
alone with these two hot girls?

130
00:05:18,331 --> 00:05:19,798
You know what's going
to happen, don't you?

131
00:05:19,866 --> 00:05:21,967
Yeah, you're gonna spend a
fortune on bottle service,

132
00:05:22,035 --> 00:05:25,370
then pass out in the back
of an Uber on the way home.

133
00:05:25,438 --> 00:05:27,539
I was looking for a pep
talk, buddy, and...

134
00:05:27,607 --> 00:05:29,041
you let me down.

135
00:05:44,691 --> 00:05:46,592
Damn it, where's the sugar?

136
00:05:57,871 --> 00:05:59,805
( Sighs )

137
00:06:05,661 --> 00:06:07,222
Ed: <i> Damn it!</i>

138
00:06:07,247 --> 00:06:09,348
Where the hell's Charlie?

139
00:06:09,415 --> 00:06:11,950
We're 30 minutes out and
he's nowhere to be found.

140
00:06:12,018 --> 00:06:15,120
Relax, Ed. Maybe he's in his
car somewhere, you know?

141
00:06:15,188 --> 00:06:16,455
Getting his thoughts together,

142
00:06:16,523 --> 00:06:18,857
smoking a bowl, eating donuts.

143
00:06:20,393 --> 00:06:22,594
Anyway, I'll be in my car.

144
00:06:25,465 --> 00:06:26,465
<i>( Knock at door )</i>

145
00:06:27,734 --> 00:06:29,968
<i>( Rapid knocking )</i>

146
00:06:30,036 --> 00:06:31,837
All right, all right.

147
00:06:31,905 --> 00:06:33,405
I'm comin'.

148
00:06:37,010 --> 00:06:39,678
- Oh, my God, hi!
- Hey, baby!

149
00:06:39,746 --> 00:06:41,680
( Sean imitates gunshots )
The hell are you guys doing here?

150
00:06:41,748 --> 00:06:43,415
I thought you were going downtown.

151
00:06:43,483 --> 00:06:45,651
I thought you were supposed to
be officiating Ed's ceremony.

152
00:06:45,718 --> 00:06:46,985
Well, I am.

153
00:06:47,053 --> 00:06:49,154
Oh, damn it! Did I oversleep?

154
00:06:49,222 --> 00:06:52,057
Well, maybe you should ask Bobo.

155
00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:55,360
- Bobo?
- ( British accent ) Hello, Charles.

156
00:06:56,496 --> 00:06:58,030
Holy crap!

157
00:06:58,097 --> 00:06:59,998
Oh, relax, Nancy boy.

158
00:07:00,066 --> 00:07:02,534
You're simply having a crazy dream.

159
00:07:03,903 --> 00:07:05,270
You're British?

160
00:07:05,338 --> 00:07:08,841
I'm also an inanimate object who speaks,

161
00:07:08,908 --> 00:07:11,577
but let's answer the important question.

162
00:07:11,644 --> 00:07:14,279
Yes, I'm British.

163
00:07:15,982 --> 00:07:18,217
So do you know what time
it is in the real world?

164
00:07:18,284 --> 00:07:19,985
Oh, now, let me check.

165
00:07:20,053 --> 00:07:22,855
I'll just look into
my real-world-o-scope...

166
00:07:22,922 --> 00:07:24,223
but of course I don't know!

167
00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:26,625
I'm in the dream with you!

168
00:07:26,693 --> 00:07:28,627
Look, I don't have time for this.

169
00:07:28,695 --> 00:07:30,729
- What am I supposed to do?
- I don't know,

170
00:07:30,797 --> 00:07:32,698
but what I do know is...

171
00:07:32,765 --> 00:07:34,600
( Mocking )
♪ You're going to be late ♪

172
00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:37,897
- ♪ You're going to be late... ♪
- Oh, shut up, you moron.

173
00:07:37,965 --> 00:07:39,565
- ♪ You're going to be late ♪
- You're made in Hong Kong.

174
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:41,200
Aah!

175
00:07:41,268 --> 00:07:43,502
You've given in to your anger.

176
00:07:43,570 --> 00:07:47,340
I win.

177
00:07:50,577 --> 00:07:52,478
<i>Anger Management 2x85</i>
Charlie's Living the Dream

178
00:07:59,134 --> 00:08:00,601
Oh, hey, guys.

179
00:08:00,669 --> 00:08:03,137
Oh, um, hi, um... Jordan.

180
00:08:04,206 --> 00:08:05,506
You're here early.

181
00:08:05,574 --> 00:08:07,541
So are you.

182
00:08:07,609 --> 00:08:10,929
Oh, well, we live here, so we
have a much shorter commute.

183
00:08:11,713 --> 00:08:13,480
Well, uh, don't mind us.

184
00:08:13,548 --> 00:08:15,749
We're gonna be over here
fixing the cubicle.

185
00:08:15,817 --> 00:08:17,918
Yes, the cubicle wall because it's, uh...

186
00:08:17,986 --> 00:08:18,919
it's wobbly.

187
00:08:20,689 --> 00:08:22,723
Okay.

188
00:08:22,791 --> 00:08:25,659
Well, while you do that,

189
00:08:25,727 --> 00:08:28,796
I just remembered
I left something in my car.

190
00:08:28,863 --> 00:08:30,664
<i>A hamster.</i>

191
00:08:30,732 --> 00:08:32,933
I got it for my nephew's birthday

192
00:08:33,001 --> 00:08:34,902
and I need to crack a window.

193
00:08:34,970 --> 00:08:37,304
Just a little bit. It's very small.

194
00:08:51,810 --> 00:08:53,570
I don't think she suspects a thing.

195
00:08:54,913 --> 00:08:57,281
- Did you get the knife?
- Oh, yes, I did.

196
00:08:57,348 --> 00:08:58,816
And I had to do unspeakable things

197
00:08:58,883 --> 00:09:00,563
with three different men to get it.

198
00:09:01,719 --> 00:09:03,520
Oh, wait, I already had the knife.

199
00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:07,700
Does everybody else know that
this is going down this morning?

200
00:09:07,725 --> 00:09:09,092
Oh, yes, the word is out.

201
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:10,761
<i>( Ernesto claps and laughs )</i>

202
00:09:10,829 --> 00:09:12,462
I can't wait to hear her scream.

203
00:09:12,530 --> 00:09:14,565
I know, it's gonna be incredible.

204
00:09:15,767 --> 00:09:18,101
( Clatters )
Aah!

205
00:09:20,238 --> 00:09:23,140
Oh, hi, guys.

206
00:09:23,208 --> 00:09:26,210
I thought you was going to your car.

207
00:09:26,277 --> 00:09:27,778
I was on my way to the car

208
00:09:27,846 --> 00:09:29,880
and I forgot to take this phone.

209
00:09:29,948 --> 00:09:31,081
The hamster has nothing to play with.

210
00:09:31,149 --> 00:09:32,516
They love the buttons.

211
00:09:37,488 --> 00:09:39,189
What are you doing?

212
00:09:39,257 --> 00:09:40,657
I am trying to wake
myself up from this dream

213
00:09:40,725 --> 00:09:42,626
so I can get to Ed's ceremony.

214
00:09:42,694 --> 00:09:45,829
So I put my hand in this warm water

215
00:09:45,897 --> 00:09:48,031
and when I get the urge
to go, it'll wake me up.

216
00:09:48,099 --> 00:09:50,167
We did it to this kid
at summer camp one year.

217
00:09:50,235 --> 00:09:53,170
Now, did he wake up before or after

218
00:09:53,238 --> 00:09:54,404
he had the urge to go?

219
00:09:54,472 --> 00:09:56,139
Dude, it was hysterical.
He went all over the...

220
00:09:56,207 --> 00:09:57,541
oh, towel, towel!

221
00:09:59,377 --> 00:10:00,744
Thanks.

222
00:10:03,248 --> 00:10:04,982
Michael?

223
00:10:05,049 --> 00:10:07,384
Where the hell have you been?

224
00:10:07,452 --> 00:10:08,886
You're not gonna believe this,

225
00:10:08,953 --> 00:10:10,721
but I'm not in real estate anymore.

226
00:10:10,788 --> 00:10:12,322
I'm an actor now.

227
00:10:13,424 --> 00:10:15,125
- You're acting?
- Yeah.

228
00:10:15,193 --> 00:10:17,928
Been on TV and everything.

229
00:10:17,996 --> 00:10:19,162
So, uh, what are you up to?

230
00:10:19,230 --> 00:10:22,232
I'm trying to wake myself up
from this dream.

231
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:25,636
This is your dream? Standing in a
kitchen trying to wet yourself?

232
00:10:25,703 --> 00:10:27,783
You should be fighting
in the Vietnam War

233
00:10:27,805 --> 00:10:31,108
or a Wall Street tycoon
or an assistant to a mayor

234
00:10:31,175 --> 00:10:34,135
or at the very least a jingle
writer living in Malibu.

235
00:10:35,146 --> 00:10:37,186
Well, the jingle writer thing sucks...

236
00:10:38,750 --> 00:10:41,151
but I do like the Wall Street idea.

237
00:10:41,219 --> 00:10:44,621
<i> ( Horse neighs )</i>
Dude! You're on a horse!

238
00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:46,123
I am?

239
00:10:46,190 --> 00:10:48,759
Ha-ha! Look at that.

240
00:10:48,826 --> 00:10:50,946
I wonder what that represents.

241
00:10:50,962 --> 00:10:53,196
Oh, sometimes a horse is just a horse.

242
00:10:53,264 --> 00:10:54,865
Right, Beatrice?

243
00:10:54,908 --> 00:10:56,709
Wait, that's my mother's name.

244
00:10:56,734 --> 00:10:59,303
Does it bother you
that I'm straddling her?

245
00:10:59,370 --> 00:11:01,872
I gotta end this.

246
00:11:03,641 --> 00:11:05,409
And I know I'm in a dream

247
00:11:05,476 --> 00:11:08,779
and I know it's just a horse,
but get off of my mom!

248
00:11:14,319 --> 00:11:16,019
What the hell is this?

249
00:11:16,087 --> 00:11:17,554
Whoo!

250
00:11:17,622 --> 00:11:20,324
Oh, that was an hour.
I'm gonna go take a bath.

251
00:11:20,391 --> 00:11:22,225
That was an hour?

252
00:11:22,293 --> 00:11:23,854
Michael: <i> Wanna get in the tub with me?</i>

253
00:11:23,895 --> 00:11:25,395
What?

254
00:11:25,463 --> 00:11:28,398
I said, "Do you wanna get
in the tub with me?"

255
00:11:28,466 --> 00:11:30,500
I would, but I'm afraid

256
00:11:30,568 --> 00:11:32,648
that part of you might still be Michael.

257
00:11:34,706 --> 00:11:36,606
Wait a minute.

258
00:11:36,674 --> 00:11:38,575
You're that hot girl
who worked at the DMV.

259
00:11:38,643 --> 00:11:41,645
That's right. I took that
horrible driver's license picture

260
00:11:41,713 --> 00:11:45,549
of you in 2004 and you haven't
stopped thinking about me since.

261
00:11:45,616 --> 00:11:48,051
I had a fantasy that
you took that bad picture

262
00:11:48,119 --> 00:11:49,453
hoping that I'd come back.

263
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,488
I did.

264
00:11:51,556 --> 00:11:54,157
You know, every time I get
pulled over by the cops,

265
00:11:54,225 --> 00:11:56,760
I think of you, and that's a lot.

266
00:11:57,525 --> 00:11:59,405
Michael: <i> Don't do it, Charlie!</i>

267
00:11:59,430 --> 00:12:01,131
If you make love to that woman,

268
00:12:01,199 --> 00:12:03,033
you'll be late for Ed's ceremony.

269
00:12:03,101 --> 00:12:05,969
Come on, Charlie. Let's have fun.

270
00:12:06,037 --> 00:12:09,239
Don't they say that
time is condensed in dreams

271
00:12:09,307 --> 00:12:10,941
and that everything happens
in, like, one second?

272
00:12:11,009 --> 00:12:13,043
Well, let's see.

273
00:12:13,111 --> 00:12:15,545
I was in your kitchen,
then I rode Beatrice,

274
00:12:15,613 --> 00:12:18,315
then I had a crazy lunch with
Teddy Roosevelt in Paris,

275
00:12:18,383 --> 00:12:21,852
then I worked out, and all
that took two seconds.

276
00:12:21,919 --> 00:12:24,688
Cool, I can do this.

277
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,533
All right, Mike, hit the trail.

278
00:12:27,558 --> 00:12:29,893
And, Mom, get out of my bedroom.

279
00:12:29,961 --> 00:12:31,895
I'm with a girl.

280
00:12:39,173 --> 00:12:40,933
You sure this is going down at 10:00?

281
00:12:40,958 --> 00:12:42,124
That's what Wayne told me.

282
00:12:42,192 --> 00:12:43,926
And I heard them talking about a knife

283
00:12:43,994 --> 00:12:45,861
and surprising me and hearing me scream,

284
00:12:45,929 --> 00:12:47,697
but I don't want anybody to get hurt.

285
00:12:47,764 --> 00:12:49,098
Nobody's gonna get hurt.

286
00:12:49,166 --> 00:12:50,499
We just wanna talk to them.

287
00:12:50,567 --> 00:12:52,368
( Guns cock )

288
00:12:52,436 --> 00:12:54,370
That seems like a bit much.

289
00:12:54,438 --> 00:12:57,473
Ma'am, you never know what they're
gonna come through that door with.

290
00:12:57,541 --> 00:12:59,442
- Happy birthday, Jordan!
- Happy birthday, Jordan!

291
00:12:59,509 --> 00:13:02,345
- Oh, my God!
- It's a cake! It's a cake!

292
00:13:03,847 --> 00:13:04,914
It's a cake.

293
00:13:06,016 --> 00:13:09,251
A cake... which is something

294
00:13:09,319 --> 00:13:11,520
you may need a knife for.

295
00:13:11,588 --> 00:13:15,024
And I was surprised.

296
00:13:15,092 --> 00:13:16,392
( Fake screams )

297
00:13:18,562 --> 00:13:21,931
So this is not a hostage
situation, it's your birthday?

298
00:13:21,999 --> 00:13:24,266
Yes, well, technically not
for another half hour...

299
00:13:24,334 --> 00:13:25,634
yes.

300
00:13:27,104 --> 00:13:29,538
Congratulations, you got half
the tactical team out here

301
00:13:29,606 --> 00:13:31,240
to celebrate your birthday!

302
00:13:31,308 --> 00:13:34,410
I just don't know why Wayne
would tell me all that stuff.

303
00:13:34,478 --> 00:13:36,112
Man on radio: <i> Security
breach in cell block D.</i>

304
00:13:36,179 --> 00:13:38,381
<i>We got a runner at the east
gate trying to escape.</i>

305
00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:40,729
And that would be Wayne.

306
00:13:45,288 --> 00:13:47,890
Anyway, I've been living
in your subconscious

307
00:13:47,958 --> 00:13:49,959
since 2004,

308
00:13:50,027 --> 00:13:52,308
and I figured a lot of things out.

309
00:13:52,329 --> 00:13:55,698
- Like what?
- Like the one thing you need

310
00:13:55,766 --> 00:13:58,601
to have a happy and fulfilling life is...

311
00:13:58,668 --> 00:14:00,369
Hold on, hold on, let me grab
a pen and write this down.

312
00:14:00,437 --> 00:14:02,004
I don't wanna forget it.

313
00:14:04,241 --> 00:14:05,908
Aah!

314
00:14:05,976 --> 00:14:08,511
Charlie, you really let me down!

315
00:14:08,578 --> 00:14:11,747
Oh, really? 'Cause I'm feeling
a little let down myself.

316
00:14:11,815 --> 00:14:14,683
You promised you'd be at my ceremony!

317
00:14:14,751 --> 00:14:17,620
And yet here you are in bed with another

318
00:14:17,687 --> 00:14:21,490
sexy, beautiful, young...

319
00:14:21,558 --> 00:14:24,527
well... me.

320
00:14:24,594 --> 00:14:28,297
Look, I'm sorry, Ed,
but I'm stuck in this dream.

321
00:14:28,365 --> 00:14:32,435
- You're in a dream? - You think I'd
be lying in bed with you if I wasn't?

322
00:14:32,502 --> 00:14:34,470
I just gotta find a way
to get out of it.

323
00:14:34,538 --> 00:14:37,606
Well, everybody knows that if
you're about to die in a dream,

324
00:14:37,674 --> 00:14:39,208
you'll wake up.

325
00:14:39,276 --> 00:14:41,977
Well, of course.
Why didn't I think of that?

326
00:14:42,045 --> 00:14:43,779
All right, then, Ed.

327
00:14:43,847 --> 00:14:46,982
- Will you kill me?
- Well, I would kill you if I had a gun,

328
00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:51,320
but I don't believe in guns or the NRA.

329
00:14:51,388 --> 00:14:56,158
My God, is this your
dream or my nightmare?

330
00:14:56,226 --> 00:14:58,594
All right, forget it, I'll
find someone else to do it.

331
00:15:01,598 --> 00:15:03,899
Lacey, I need someone to kill me.

332
00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:05,768
You shot a guy in the balls.
Would you shoot me?

333
00:15:05,836 --> 00:15:07,937
But not in the balls?

334
00:15:08,004 --> 00:15:10,673
I should kill you.

335
00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:12,975
You got me pregnant.

336
00:15:13,043 --> 00:15:15,377
How could I be the father?
We never even had sex.

337
00:15:15,445 --> 00:15:16,879
But you've thought about it.

338
00:15:16,947 --> 00:15:19,315
And if you know anything
about the subconscious,

339
00:15:19,382 --> 00:15:21,350
you know that's all it takes.

340
00:15:21,418 --> 00:15:23,385
Listen, are you gonna kill me or not?

341
00:15:23,453 --> 00:15:25,855
No, Charlie! You've got to stay alive.

342
00:15:25,922 --> 00:15:28,224
If not for me, then for our...

343
00:15:28,291 --> 00:15:30,192
( Groaning )

344
00:15:32,062 --> 00:15:35,097
( Whines )
...our baby.

345
00:15:36,766 --> 00:15:38,400
Snowball!

346
00:15:38,468 --> 00:15:40,536
That's our dog from when I was a kid.

347
00:15:40,604 --> 00:15:42,905
It's not your baby.

348
00:15:42,973 --> 00:15:44,773
It's obviously Nolan's.

349
00:15:44,841 --> 00:15:47,743
He's got that same
dumb look in his eyes.

350
00:15:49,012 --> 00:15:50,880
Come on, Nolan Jr.

351
00:15:50,947 --> 00:15:55,870
We're gonna get you fixed.

352
00:15:55,937 --> 00:15:57,271
Hey, Charlie.

353
00:15:57,339 --> 00:15:58,773
Oh, Wayne.

354
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,841
Thank God, a professional murderer.

355
00:16:00,909 --> 00:16:02,543
Would you do me a really big favor

356
00:16:02,611 --> 00:16:05,012
- and kill me?
- ( Sighs ) I can't.

357
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,047
Well, why not? You've
killed dozens of people.

358
00:16:07,115 --> 00:16:08,783
I know, and I'd like to oblige,

359
00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:12,119
but when somebody wants to die,
it takes all the fun out of it.

360
00:16:12,187 --> 00:16:14,355
I always said when
murdering stops being fun,

361
00:16:14,423 --> 00:16:15,656
I'd hang 'em up.

362
00:16:17,159 --> 00:16:19,894
All right, fine. I'll do it myself.

363
00:16:19,961 --> 00:16:22,930
I'm done with this stupid dream.

364
00:16:24,065 --> 00:16:25,800
( Screaming )

365
00:16:29,304 --> 00:16:31,105
The hell's going on?

366
00:16:38,113 --> 00:16:39,547
( Screaming )

367
00:16:42,651 --> 00:16:44,385
Damn it!

368
00:16:45,787 --> 00:16:47,555
Why isn't this working?

369
00:16:47,622 --> 00:16:50,662
Dreams don't always go the way
you want them to, Charlie.

370
00:16:52,093 --> 00:16:53,561
Fine, I give up.

371
00:16:53,628 --> 00:16:56,096
- So you don't wanna die?
- No, no.

372
00:16:56,164 --> 00:16:57,665
I guess I'll just marry the DMV girl

373
00:16:57,732 --> 00:17:00,768
and help Lacey housebreak Nolan Jr.

374
00:17:00,836 --> 00:17:03,237
Cool, so you got something to live for?

375
00:17:03,305 --> 00:17:05,873
Now it'll be fun to kill ya.

376
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:07,842
( Pops )

377
00:17:07,909 --> 00:17:09,577
( Panting )

378
00:17:09,644 --> 00:17:11,545
Sorry, I just popped my gum.

379
00:17:13,181 --> 00:17:15,382
- I'm awake!
- Ed sent me to get you

380
00:17:15,450 --> 00:17:16,884
because you weren't
picking up your phone.

381
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:18,319
You gotta get to the ceremony!

382
00:17:18,386 --> 00:17:20,488
That hasn't happened yet? Fantastic!

383
00:17:20,555 --> 00:17:23,457
I had the weirdest dream.

384
00:17:23,525 --> 00:17:25,445
I tried everything,
but I couldn't get out of it.

385
00:17:25,494 --> 00:17:28,762
Yeah, I had a turtleneck like that once.

386
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:31,665
Nolan, we've been over this before.

387
00:17:31,733 --> 00:17:34,573
If your head doesn't fit
through, it's a sleeve.

388
00:17:37,572 --> 00:17:39,974
You see, Ed? I made it.

389
00:17:40,041 --> 00:17:41,942
- Just like I said I would.
- Damn it, Charlie,

390
00:17:42,010 --> 00:17:43,644
why'd you have to cut it so close?

391
00:17:43,712 --> 00:17:46,380
Ed, Ed, if there's one thing
we worked on in group,

392
00:17:46,448 --> 00:17:49,116
it's let the little things go.

393
00:17:49,184 --> 00:17:52,019
Oh, by the way, I may have hit your
car accidentally while I was parking.

394
00:17:52,087 --> 00:17:55,623
- What?!
- Let it go, Ed. Let it go.

395
00:17:55,690 --> 00:17:57,925
Oh, thank God he's here.

396
00:17:57,993 --> 00:17:59,860
- Are you ready?
- I'm ready...

397
00:17:59,928 --> 00:18:01,495
sweetheart.

398
00:18:01,563 --> 00:18:03,731
Sweetheart?

399
00:18:03,798 --> 00:18:06,000
Oh, for now, but in 10 minutes

400
00:18:06,067 --> 00:18:09,503
we will be Mr. and Mr. Ed Landry.

401
00:18:09,571 --> 00:18:12,907
You guys are getting married?

402
00:18:12,974 --> 00:18:14,964
Oh, man, I'm still stuck in the dream.

403
00:18:14,989 --> 00:18:17,582
No, Charlie, it's no longer a dream.

404
00:18:17,646 --> 00:18:19,947
It's legal in this state.

405
00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:26,309
Charlie! Charlie!

406
00:18:26,334 --> 00:18:27,801
( Panting )

407
00:18:27,869 --> 00:18:29,536
Wait a minute.

408
00:18:29,604 --> 00:18:33,173
Am I awake or am I still dreaming?

409
00:18:33,241 --> 00:18:35,709
- Do you wanna have sex with me?
- What? No!

410
00:18:35,777 --> 00:18:37,217
Oh, thank God, the nightmare's over.

411
00:18:37,278 --> 00:18:38,879
Patrick just called.

412
00:18:38,946 --> 00:18:40,647
You have to be at Ed's
ceremony in 20 minutes.

413
00:18:40,715 --> 00:18:42,015
Oh, man. I gotta get ready!

414
00:18:42,083 --> 00:18:43,884
And, um, by the way,

415
00:18:43,951 --> 00:18:45,919
don't go into work afterwards.

416
00:18:45,987 --> 00:18:47,454
Okay, I wasn't going to,

417
00:18:47,522 --> 00:18:49,489
but just for fun,
let's pretend that I was.

418
00:18:49,557 --> 00:18:51,158
What did you do?

419
00:18:51,225 --> 00:18:54,294
( Scoffs ) Apparently somebody
helped Wayne try to escape

420
00:18:54,362 --> 00:18:56,042
by distracting the guards
with a riot scare

421
00:18:56,097 --> 00:18:58,432
that turned out to be that
person's birthday party.

422
00:18:58,499 --> 00:19:00,700
Wait, isn't today your birthday?

423
00:19:00,768 --> 00:19:03,703
You can't remember
the entire month of August,

424
00:19:03,771 --> 00:19:06,440
but you remember my birthday?!

425
00:19:06,507 --> 00:19:08,241
I remember the last day of July.

426
00:19:08,309 --> 00:19:09,443
That was killer.

427
00:19:12,380 --> 00:19:14,548
All right, Ed. I'm here.

428
00:19:14,615 --> 00:19:16,583
I am really here.

429
00:19:16,651 --> 00:19:18,852
I think.

430
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,554
Charlie, you made it.

431
00:19:20,621 --> 00:19:22,456
Of course I made it.
Why wouldn't I have made it?

432
00:19:22,523 --> 00:19:24,691
I don't know. I thought you
might have gone out last night

433
00:19:24,759 --> 00:19:27,794
partying with some ladies and overslept.

434
00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:30,263
I know when enough is enough.

435
00:19:30,331 --> 00:19:33,667
And enough was enough
at 5:00 this morning.

436
00:19:33,734 --> 00:19:34,801
Let's do this.

437
00:19:37,071 --> 00:19:38,839
Hey, so what's going on?

438
00:19:38,906 --> 00:19:40,407
'Cause we've been sitting
in there for 10 minutes

439
00:19:40,475 --> 00:19:41,675
and nothing's happening.

440
00:19:41,742 --> 00:19:44,111
Lacey, you're not pregnant, are you?

441
00:19:44,178 --> 00:19:48,181
Are you calling me fat? Because I
will punch you in front of Jesus.

442
00:19:48,249 --> 00:19:50,517
Ed, I gotta say

443
00:19:50,585 --> 00:19:52,385
you look really handsome in a tux.

444
00:19:52,453 --> 00:19:55,489
You know what? I'm gonna
take that as a compliment.

445
00:19:55,556 --> 00:19:58,058
It was a compliment.

446
00:19:58,126 --> 00:20:01,884
Oh.

447
00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,152
All right, fine.

448
00:20:03,220 --> 00:20:04,954
If it'll make you feel better,

449
00:20:05,022 --> 00:20:07,123
I'm glad you spent the extra
eight bucks at the Tux Wearhouse

450
00:20:07,191 --> 00:20:08,825
so you could get the hypno vest,

451
00:20:08,892 --> 00:20:10,927
you dirty old hillbilly.

452
00:20:10,995 --> 00:20:14,797
Well, thanks, twinkle
toes, that means a lot.

453
00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:17,500
All right, Mr. Landry,
your lovely bride is ready,

454
00:20:17,568 --> 00:20:18,701
so we're gonna get started.

455
00:20:18,769 --> 00:20:21,004
All right. Let's do this thing.

456
00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:25,608
- And are you the person officiating?
- I am, yes.

457
00:20:25,676 --> 00:20:27,343
Here, let me mic you.

458
00:20:30,551 --> 00:20:32,591
Did you used to work at the DMV?

459
00:20:32,616 --> 00:20:35,284
Yeah, a long time ago.

460
00:20:36,553 --> 00:20:38,554
You took...

461
00:20:38,622 --> 00:20:41,024
this.
( Laughs )

462
00:20:41,091 --> 00:20:43,860
Oh, yeah. I remember you.

463
00:20:43,927 --> 00:20:46,929
I took a bad picture of you
because I was hoping

464
00:20:46,997 --> 00:20:49,399
- you would come back.
- Well, I'm back.

465
00:20:49,466 --> 00:20:51,234
My hair is combed, my eyes are open.

466
00:20:51,301 --> 00:20:53,462
I'm not making that weird face anymore.

467
00:20:54,304 --> 00:20:56,739
So how about you and I
go out for a drink?

468
00:20:56,807 --> 00:20:58,641
Don't you have
to officiate the ceremony?

469
00:20:58,709 --> 00:21:00,443
No, I don't have to read
the whole speech.

470
00:21:00,511 --> 00:21:02,345
I can just cut it short, and then
you and I can get out of here.

471
00:21:02,413 --> 00:21:04,280
Ed and his wife will never
know the difference.

472
00:21:04,348 --> 00:21:05,481
Ed: <i> Your mic's on!</i>

473
00:21:05,549 --> 00:21:08,751
<i>We can hear every word you say!</i>

474
00:21:08,819 --> 00:21:11,576
Yeah, I meant for you to hear that.

475
00:21:11,601 --> 00:21:14,320
A good minister always opens with a joke.

476
00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:16,984
See you outside in 10 minutes?

477
00:21:17,939 --> 00:21:19,939
Dearly beloved,

478
00:21:20,003 --> 00:21:22,003
you know who's got a great sense of humor?

479
00:21:22,067 --> 00:21:24,067
Ed and Dottie.

480
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:32,325
Sync and corrections by addic7ed.com