1
00:00:01,266 --> 00:00:03,146
Well, we have a few minutes left.

2
00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:06,773
You can tell because Ed started putting
pastries in his sweaty gym bag.

3
00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:11,196
Nothing like a warm sweat sock muffin.

4
00:00:11,264 --> 00:00:14,233
I've got my poker game tomorrow night

5
00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:17,402
and everybody's too cheap
to bring their own snacks.

6
00:00:17,470 --> 00:00:21,039
You know, Ed, you guys really
are the greatest generation...

7
00:00:21,107 --> 00:00:23,275
of cheapskates the world has ever seen.

8
00:00:25,178 --> 00:00:27,446
Anybody else have any big plans
for the weekend?

9
00:00:27,514 --> 00:00:31,650
Well, I guess this weekend's gonna
be exactly like last weekend.

10
00:00:31,718 --> 00:00:33,785
Nolan and I are gonna stay home

11
00:00:33,853 --> 00:00:36,722
and watch epic fail videos on YouTube.

12
00:00:36,789 --> 00:00:38,590
( Laughing )
That lady stomping on the grapes

13
00:00:38,658 --> 00:00:41,126
falls out of the bucket every time.

14
00:00:41,194 --> 00:00:42,461
<i>( Beeping )</i>

15
00:00:42,529 --> 00:00:44,796
( Sighs )
I gotta go.

16
00:00:44,864 --> 00:00:46,798
I told the limo company
I only wanna work nights,

17
00:00:46,866 --> 00:00:48,467
but they keep calling me during the day.

18
00:00:48,535 --> 00:00:50,602
Well, why don't you
just tell them again?

19
00:00:50,670 --> 00:00:52,070
I don't wanna make waves.

20
00:00:52,138 --> 00:00:55,974
In fact, I don't even know
if I told them the first time.

21
00:00:56,042 --> 00:00:57,776
You know, Lacey,
when you were talking about

22
00:00:57,844 --> 00:00:59,678
your weekend plans,
I couldn't help but notice

23
00:00:59,746 --> 00:01:02,881
that you seemed... genuinely unhappy.

24
00:01:02,949 --> 00:01:07,653
- How could you tell that?
- From your genuine lack of happiness.

25
00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,122
Look, if you don't wanna
watch epic fail videos,

26
00:01:10,190 --> 00:01:11,823
then why'd you agree to do it?

27
00:01:11,891 --> 00:01:14,693
Because most of my relationships
are epic fail videos,

28
00:01:14,761 --> 00:01:17,696
so this time I thought
I should just do what he wants

29
00:01:17,764 --> 00:01:19,731
and be a good girlfriend
because I care about him.

30
00:01:19,799 --> 00:01:22,000
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

31
00:01:22,068 --> 00:01:25,537
Okay, "blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah" quickly turns into

32
00:01:25,605 --> 00:01:28,440
"hate, hate, hate, hate, hate."

33
00:01:28,508 --> 00:01:31,376
Followed, in my case,
by "divorce, divorce, divorce"

34
00:01:31,444 --> 00:01:33,512
and then "half my money, money, money"

35
00:01:33,580 --> 00:01:36,181
goes down the drain, drain, drain."

36
00:01:36,249 --> 00:01:37,816
So what am I supposed to do?

37
00:01:37,884 --> 00:01:40,018
Look, if Nolan wants
to stay home and watch

38
00:01:40,086 --> 00:01:44,122
weathermen accidentally draw
penises on maps, let him.

39
00:01:44,190 --> 00:01:45,657
You can still go out.

40
00:01:45,725 --> 00:01:48,727
- By myself?
- Or with your friends.

41
00:01:48,795 --> 00:01:51,563
Time apart may even strengthen
your relationship.

42
00:01:51,631 --> 00:01:54,132
- Really?
- Yes.

43
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,934
And on that note,

44
00:01:56,002 --> 00:01:58,503
I'd like to strengthen our relationship

45
00:01:58,571 --> 00:02:00,772
by kicking you all out.

46
00:02:05,778 --> 00:02:08,480
Ed, just take the tray.

47
00:02:09,882 --> 00:02:11,683
<i>Anger Management 2x87</i>
Charlie and The Epic Relationship Fail

48
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:22,704
You know, I was just saying to
myself, "I'm worried about Ed."

49
00:02:22,729 --> 00:02:25,249
"I don't know if he's getting
enough pastry in his diet."

50
00:02:26,232 --> 00:02:27,966
It's for my poker game.

51
00:02:28,034 --> 00:02:30,736
That's cute, a bunch of
old guys playing poker.

52
00:02:30,803 --> 00:02:32,504
Guess it breaks up the monotony

53
00:02:32,572 --> 00:02:35,674
of doctor visits and funerals.

54
00:02:35,742 --> 00:02:38,377
( Laughs )
That's funny. You play poker?

55
00:02:38,444 --> 00:02:39,878
'Cause we got a game tomorrow night

56
00:02:39,946 --> 00:02:41,747
and we're short a guy.

57
00:02:41,814 --> 00:02:44,816
Gee, let me guess what happened.

58
00:02:44,884 --> 00:02:47,853
Just shut up! And you're right.

59
00:02:49,289 --> 00:02:51,123
Now, you in or out?

60
00:02:51,190 --> 00:02:52,624
Well, I'm not into cleaning out

61
00:02:52,692 --> 00:02:54,393
a bunch of old guys on a fixed income.

62
00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:56,261
Talk about things being fixed,

63
00:02:56,329 --> 00:02:59,598
looks like you got no eggs
in your carton, son.

64
00:02:59,666 --> 00:03:01,900
Are you saying I have no testicles?

65
00:03:01,968 --> 00:03:06,338
That's right, no testicles.

66
00:03:06,406 --> 00:03:09,274
All right, yeah, sure,
I'll... I'll come to your game.

67
00:03:09,342 --> 00:03:11,062
Just text me your address.

68
00:03:13,413 --> 00:03:15,113
Um...

69
00:03:16,616 --> 00:03:17,916
I'll just write it down.

70
00:03:20,620 --> 00:03:23,689
You know, I've never been with an
air traffic controller before.

71
00:03:23,756 --> 00:03:25,490
- That was amazing.
- Really?

72
00:03:25,558 --> 00:03:26,758
I wasn't being too bossy?

73
00:03:26,826 --> 00:03:28,427
No, no, and I really appreciated

74
00:03:28,494 --> 00:03:30,128
all your help during the landing.

75
00:03:30,196 --> 00:03:32,798
And you were right,
I was coming in too hot.

76
00:03:34,667 --> 00:03:36,948
But you did keep your nose up.

77
00:03:38,338 --> 00:03:41,340
- You're a great pilot.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.

78
00:03:41,407 --> 00:03:43,241
I'll call you tomorrow.

79
00:03:43,309 --> 00:03:46,912
And you're parked right over there.

80
00:03:49,349 --> 00:03:50,910
Lacey: <i> Hey, skank.</i>

81
00:03:50,917 --> 00:03:52,651
Hi, Charlie.

82
00:03:54,857 --> 00:03:56,698
Lacey, what are you doing here?

83
00:03:56,723 --> 00:03:59,958
Well, I took your advice
and it totally made me

84
00:04:00,026 --> 00:04:01,626
rethink my entire life.

85
00:04:01,694 --> 00:04:03,795
Well, that's great. Good for you.

86
00:04:03,863 --> 00:04:05,430
Don't take this personally,
but I have no idea

87
00:04:05,498 --> 00:04:06,965
what you're talking about.

88
00:04:07,033 --> 00:04:09,568
Okay, last night
I went to a club by myself

89
00:04:09,635 --> 00:04:11,203
like you wanted me to.

90
00:04:11,270 --> 00:04:13,071
Oh, that advice. That's right.

91
00:04:13,106 --> 00:04:14,806
Well, I am a genius.

92
00:04:14,874 --> 00:04:16,541
So you went out and had a good time

93
00:04:16,609 --> 00:04:18,276
and now you're not
so resentful of Nolan.

94
00:04:18,344 --> 00:04:20,946
Oh, no, no. I am way more resentful.

95
00:04:21,013 --> 00:04:22,381
I was talking to these guys

96
00:04:22,448 --> 00:04:24,015
who were so much more ambitious

97
00:04:24,083 --> 00:04:27,719
and they were starting
companies and taking chances.

98
00:04:27,787 --> 00:04:30,155
And then I went home and saw Nolan

99
00:04:30,223 --> 00:04:31,790
sitting by himself on the couch

100
00:04:31,858 --> 00:04:34,860
with a stopwatch and
an empty box of Oreos.

101
00:04:34,927 --> 00:04:37,396
Did you happen to see the
time on the stopwatch?

102
00:04:37,463 --> 00:04:40,132
No, but he was upset.

103
00:04:40,199 --> 00:04:42,300
He said something about it took
him more than two minutes.

104
00:04:42,368 --> 00:04:45,103
Yes! I win 40 bucks!

105
00:04:45,171 --> 00:04:47,372
I'm sorry, you were saying?

106
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,641
I don't know if I can stay with Nolan.

107
00:04:49,709 --> 00:04:50,842
What?

108
00:04:50,910 --> 00:04:52,611
Getting out there made me realize

109
00:04:52,678 --> 00:04:54,780
that I want to be with
a guy who's not afraid

110
00:04:54,847 --> 00:04:57,082
to do something with his life.

111
00:04:57,150 --> 00:04:59,584
I mean, Nolan won't even ask for a raise.

112
00:04:59,652 --> 00:05:02,053
No, no, Lacey, you can't do this.

113
00:05:02,121 --> 00:05:04,456
Nolan is good for me in so many ways

114
00:05:04,524 --> 00:05:07,092
and not just because he's
an animal in the sack.

115
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,927
He is?

116
00:05:10,062 --> 00:05:11,897
Oh, yeah.

117
00:05:13,332 --> 00:05:15,700
But if he doesn't show me something,

118
00:05:15,768 --> 00:05:18,136
like anything, soon,

119
00:05:18,204 --> 00:05:20,138
then I don't think we're gonna
have a future together.

120
00:05:20,206 --> 00:05:22,207
Lacey, I totally disagree.

121
00:05:22,275 --> 00:05:24,543
I think Nolan is the right guy for you.

122
00:05:24,610 --> 00:05:26,378
Let's examine some of his finer points.

123
00:05:26,446 --> 00:05:28,814
- Okay.
- He really loves you,

124
00:05:28,881 --> 00:05:32,281
and last night he came this
close to winning 40 bucks.

125
00:05:39,097 --> 00:05:40,865
I can't believe I'm
saying this about Nolan,

126
00:05:40,932 --> 00:05:43,134
but dating that stoner might be

127
00:05:43,201 --> 00:05:45,469
the healthiest relationship
that Lacey's ever been in.

128
00:05:45,537 --> 00:05:49,974
But I do sort of get why Lacey's
losing interest in him.

129
00:05:50,041 --> 00:05:52,610
I mean, most girls say
they just want a sweet guy,

130
00:05:52,677 --> 00:05:54,712
but there's still this primal attraction

131
00:05:54,780 --> 00:05:57,481
to someone who could
protect you in the wild.

132
00:05:57,549 --> 00:06:00,017
You been reading Sasquatch porn again?

133
00:06:00,085 --> 00:06:02,405
Just a little bit before bed.

134
00:06:02,913 --> 00:06:06,633
Anyway, you can't blame
yourself if they break up.

135
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:09,126
Unless you had something to do with it,

136
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,628
but you didn't.

137
00:06:10,695 --> 00:06:12,696
Did you?

138
00:06:12,764 --> 00:06:15,966
You know, sometimes I don't
like having lunch with you.

139
00:06:16,034 --> 00:06:18,769
Oh, God, Charlie. What did you do?

140
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:21,405
I may have accidentally told Lacey

141
00:06:21,473 --> 00:06:23,207
to spend some time away from Nolan

142
00:06:23,275 --> 00:06:25,709
and she may have met some other guys.

143
00:06:25,777 --> 00:06:28,112
- You what?
- I feel terrible.

144
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,848
I don't want my patients to get hurt.

145
00:06:30,916 --> 00:06:34,318
When they first come to me,
they're like lost little puppies.

146
00:06:34,386 --> 00:06:37,254
And then when your puppies start
having sex with each other,

147
00:06:37,322 --> 00:06:39,156
you don't want them to break up.

148
00:06:40,228 --> 00:06:42,469
Hey, Charlie. You wanted to see me?

149
00:06:42,494 --> 00:06:44,061
Yeah. Jordan, would you give us a second?

150
00:06:44,129 --> 00:06:45,930
- I just have a few bites left...
- There you go.

151
00:06:45,997 --> 00:06:47,031
Eat it walking.

152
00:06:50,206 --> 00:06:52,646
So what do you want to talk to me about?

153
00:06:52,671 --> 00:06:54,972
Well, Nolan, I'm concerned

154
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,941
that you're not doing
enough with your life.

155
00:06:57,008 --> 00:07:00,110
I'm not saying that eating 38 Oreos

156
00:07:00,178 --> 00:07:02,446
in half an hour isn't impressive.

157
00:07:02,514 --> 00:07:04,474
I think things are going great for me.

158
00:07:04,483 --> 00:07:06,817
I got a job, I got the girl of my dreams,

159
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,820
and now I got Jordan's leftover fries.

160
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:12,690
Look, I know you want
things with Lacey to last,

161
00:07:12,757 --> 00:07:15,025
but women tend to gravitate towards

162
00:07:15,093 --> 00:07:17,661
men who are fearless,
men who are leaders.

163
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:18,996
I don't know why.

164
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,866
Those are the first guys
to get killed in war movies

165
00:07:21,933 --> 00:07:23,868
and in horror movies
and science fiction...

166
00:07:23,935 --> 00:07:26,804
Nolan, Nolan, Nolan, stay with me!

167
00:07:26,872 --> 00:07:30,274
- I know you've been at that limo
job for a while now. - Yes, I have.

168
00:07:30,342 --> 00:07:33,110
Have you ever just marched in there
and told them you wanted a raise?

169
00:07:33,178 --> 00:07:36,247
- Absolutely not.
- Okay, well, that ends today.

170
00:07:36,314 --> 00:07:38,883
You're gonna walk into your
boss's office and demand one.

171
00:07:38,950 --> 00:07:42,219
- I don't know.
- You have to do this.

172
00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:44,355
- Can I finish my fries first?
- Forget the fries.

173
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:46,742
You get that raise and I'll buy
you all the fries you want.

174
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,526
You wouldn't have to buy me fries.

175
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,661
I'll just have the extra
cash from my raise.

176
00:07:51,863 --> 00:07:53,330
Well, there you go. You get it.

177
00:07:53,398 --> 00:07:55,833
- See? Eye of the tiger.
- I worry about Lacey.

178
00:07:55,901 --> 00:07:58,202
How do we know she doesn't
like me because I'm laid-back

179
00:07:58,270 --> 00:08:01,272
and not like one of those guys she
used to go out with at the clubs?

180
00:08:01,339 --> 00:08:03,607
Because I know.

181
00:08:03,675 --> 00:08:06,610
And who knows women? I'll tell you who.
Me, that's who.

182
00:08:06,678 --> 00:08:08,045
But, Charlie, you're divorced

183
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,446
and you haven't had a real relationship

184
00:08:09,514 --> 00:08:10,748
that's lasted over two weeks.

185
00:08:10,815 --> 00:08:13,384
Yes, but in each of those situations

186
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:16,554
I knew exactly what those
women didn't like about me

187
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,489
because they told me.

188
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:23,093
Looks like it's just
Louie, Ed, and the kid.

189
00:08:23,161 --> 00:08:24,261
Everyone ready?

190
00:08:25,730 --> 00:08:28,566
Aw, crap, I'm out.

191
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,534
Not me, I'm...

192
00:08:30,602 --> 00:08:32,736
I'm feeling lucky. 300.

193
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,538
Thought the limit was 25.

194
00:08:34,606 --> 00:08:37,374
Our last hand of the game, no limit.

195
00:08:37,442 --> 00:08:40,110
- You in?
- I don't know.

196
00:08:40,178 --> 00:08:43,747
I think our young fella's scared.

197
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:46,016
( Chuckles )
Maybe I should have told you to bring

198
00:08:46,084 --> 00:08:47,685
an extra pair of drawers.

199
00:08:47,752 --> 00:08:50,020
( Men laugh )

200
00:08:50,088 --> 00:08:52,790
I would've, Ed, but I left them
at your mom's house last night.

201
00:08:55,093 --> 00:08:57,628
Once again, I'm sorry for your loss.

202
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:01,532
All right.

203
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,034
I'm in three and I will raise you 300.

204
00:09:04,102 --> 00:09:06,737
( Exhales )
You know what?

205
00:09:06,805 --> 00:09:10,941
Here's 300 and, uh...

206
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,910
have you ever driven a Maserati?

207
00:09:12,978 --> 00:09:14,511
No.

208
00:09:14,579 --> 00:09:18,115
It's an Italian sports car.
Incredibly smooth ride.

209
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:21,118
Almost as smooth
as the Rascal I'm throwing in.

210
00:09:22,532 --> 00:09:25,332
Okay, I'm not taking your Rascal.
You can't walk.

211
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:28,592
You'll never wait in line
for a ride at Disneyland again.

212
00:09:30,261 --> 00:09:31,762
Really?

213
00:09:31,830 --> 00:09:33,364
Yeah, it's awesome.

214
00:09:33,431 --> 00:09:34,565
<i>( Knocking on door )</i>

215
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,868
- Louie!
- Aw, jeez, here we go.

216
00:09:37,936 --> 00:09:39,036
Get outta here, Greta!

217
00:09:39,104 --> 00:09:40,771
How much money have you gambled?

218
00:09:40,839 --> 00:09:42,359
None of your business, woman!

219
00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:44,174
Ed? How much has he lost?

220
00:09:44,242 --> 00:09:45,909
I don't know, about 500.
( Sighs )

221
00:09:45,977 --> 00:09:48,512
- And he put in his Rascal.
- Louie:<i> Shut up!</i>

222
00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:51,448
Damn it, Louie. You lose
that Rascal every time!

223
00:09:51,516 --> 00:09:54,685
<i>I am done pushing you through
Safeway in a shopping cart.</i>

224
00:09:54,753 --> 00:09:56,954
It's not made for a man your size.

225
00:09:57,022 --> 00:09:58,922
It's embarrassing.

226
00:09:58,990 --> 00:10:01,091
I'm all in.
( Clears throat )

227
00:10:01,159 --> 00:10:03,527
This watch is worth five grand easy.

228
00:10:06,097 --> 00:10:07,631
Two pair.

229
00:10:07,699 --> 00:10:09,600
Oh, crap.

230
00:10:09,668 --> 00:10:11,802
Wait, what time is it?

231
00:10:11,870 --> 00:10:15,706
Oh, yeah, that's right, it's
time to show my full house.

232
00:10:15,774 --> 00:10:18,008
( All laughing )

233
00:10:21,212 --> 00:10:23,213
Hold on a second.

234
00:10:23,281 --> 00:10:25,182
You guys scammed me?

235
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:29,019
We always scam the new guy.
( All laughing )

236
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,207
Well, this is amazing. When
are you guys playing next?

237
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,856
Because I wanna do this to somebody.

238
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,292
Well, you're not a regular
member of the group,

239
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,028
but we'll let you bring in a sucker

240
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:41,131
under one condition... that it's Patrick.

241
00:10:41,199 --> 00:10:42,900
Patrick?

242
00:10:42,967 --> 00:10:46,904
Yeah, he's been sporting
a real nice Rolex watch lately.

243
00:10:49,874 --> 00:10:51,408
Okay, I'll call him.

244
00:10:54,746 --> 00:10:56,013
Well, there he is.

245
00:10:56,081 --> 00:10:58,401
Been waiting all day for you.

246
00:10:59,068 --> 00:11:01,428
So, tell me the good news.

247
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:05,255
Well, that mole on my leg that's been
getting darker and changing shape?

248
00:11:05,323 --> 00:11:08,325
It's just from a leaky pen in my pocket.

249
00:11:08,393 --> 00:11:10,060
- So what happened with the raise?
- Okay.

250
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:12,029
I went in there, I looked
him right in the eye,

251
00:11:12,060 --> 00:11:13,540
and I told him exactly what I wanted.

252
00:11:13,565 --> 00:11:14,932
That's fantastic. What did he say?

253
00:11:14,999 --> 00:11:17,434
You're fired.

254
00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:19,670
- What? Why?
- I don't know. I did what you said.

255
00:11:19,738 --> 00:11:21,338
I didn't take "no" for an answer.

256
00:11:21,406 --> 00:11:23,507
I also didn't take "get the
hell out of my office"

257
00:11:23,575 --> 00:11:25,142
for an answer, so they called security

258
00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:27,711
and then they didn't take "please
don't Tase me" for an answer.

259
00:11:29,013 --> 00:11:31,215
Yeah, they never do.

260
00:11:31,282 --> 00:11:33,050
Yeah, caught me right in the head.

261
00:11:33,118 --> 00:11:35,052
I don't think it did any damage.

262
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,920
All right, look at me, Nolan. Look at me.

263
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,388
Who is the Vice President
of the United States?

264
00:11:40,091 --> 00:11:42,626
That lady from "Seinfeld"?

265
00:11:42,694 --> 00:11:43,934
Ah, you're fine.

266
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,297
Nolan, I'm so sorry.

267
00:11:47,365 --> 00:11:48,732
I had no idea this would happen.

268
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,068
Ah, it's okay, Charlie.

269
00:11:51,136 --> 00:11:53,303
I... I'd be devastated,
but luckily I got Lacey,

270
00:11:53,371 --> 00:11:55,205
who's gonna stick by me no matter what.

271
00:11:55,273 --> 00:11:57,574
You know what? Let's not tell Lacey.

272
00:11:57,642 --> 00:12:00,110
Why? I tell her everything.

273
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,945
Yeah, I don't want her
to worry about you

274
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:03,580
and she's so stressed out
about other things,

275
00:12:03,648 --> 00:12:05,883
like her shoe business, and
she's been killing herself

276
00:12:05,950 --> 00:12:07,317
day and night to make that work.

277
00:12:07,385 --> 00:12:09,319
Really? I saw her calendar.

278
00:12:09,387 --> 00:12:12,556
She's going to a spa today and the rest
of the week is lunch, lunch, lunch.

279
00:12:12,624 --> 00:12:14,558
Well, see, she's so stressed out,

280
00:12:14,626 --> 00:12:17,106
she has to remind herself to eat.

281
00:12:17,499 --> 00:12:19,539
Don't worry, Nolan, we're
gonna get you another job.

282
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:21,231
Aw, thank you, Charlie.

283
00:12:21,299 --> 00:12:23,567
I really appreciate all your advice.

284
00:12:23,635 --> 00:12:26,537
Except for the part that got me fired.

285
00:12:26,604 --> 00:12:28,885
Yeah, that wasn't very good.

286
00:12:33,074 --> 00:12:34,441
Raven, thanks for coming in early,

287
00:12:34,509 --> 00:12:35,809
helping us out.

288
00:12:35,877 --> 00:12:37,111
Sorry that Louie spit on you.

289
00:12:37,178 --> 00:12:39,446
He was trying to whistle.

290
00:12:39,514 --> 00:12:41,115
Sorry.

291
00:12:41,182 --> 00:12:44,785
Whoa! We should do this
at a strip club every week.

292
00:12:44,853 --> 00:12:46,987
Yes, well, it is just for today

293
00:12:47,055 --> 00:12:49,757
'cause my mom is staying with
me and she hates gambling.

294
00:12:49,824 --> 00:12:52,726
Okay, last card. Here we go.

295
00:12:54,129 --> 00:12:55,395
Uh, I'm out.

296
00:12:55,463 --> 00:12:57,264
Too rich for my blood.

297
00:12:57,332 --> 00:13:00,901
Well, that just leaves
me and you, Patrick.

298
00:13:00,969 --> 00:13:03,670
I'm feeling lucky.

299
00:13:03,738 --> 00:13:05,939
- I got 300.
- Oh, what do I do? What do I do?

300
00:13:06,007 --> 00:13:09,076
- What do I do?
- Sean!

301
00:13:09,144 --> 00:13:11,879
Oh, Ma, what are you doing here?

302
00:13:11,946 --> 00:13:13,347
How much money have you gambled?

303
00:13:13,414 --> 00:13:15,149
Not in front of the guys, Ma.

304
00:13:15,216 --> 00:13:18,519
- Greta: How much?
- I don't know, like 500.

305
00:13:18,586 --> 00:13:20,554
Ugh! Damn it, Sean!

306
00:13:20,622 --> 00:13:22,582
You can barely pay your mortgage

307
00:13:22,590 --> 00:13:24,591
and you're gambling away
that kind of money?

308
00:13:24,659 --> 00:13:26,426
But I've got a really good hand.

309
00:13:26,494 --> 00:13:28,328
That's good?

310
00:13:29,864 --> 00:13:31,198
All in.

311
00:13:31,266 --> 00:13:32,833
700 bucks

312
00:13:32,901 --> 00:13:35,869
and this Banana Republic gift card.

313
00:13:35,937 --> 00:13:37,738
There's still, like, 42 bucks on it,

314
00:13:37,806 --> 00:13:40,927
so you can get a really nice pair
of pants if you wait for a sale.

315
00:13:41,976 --> 00:13:43,510
How about that watch?

316
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:46,747
And the watch.

317
00:13:48,116 --> 00:13:50,551
I will call that with
this Italian leather jacket

318
00:13:50,618 --> 00:13:52,419
worth about $2,000.

319
00:13:52,487 --> 00:13:54,655
But, Sean, your dad gave
you that leather jacket

320
00:13:54,722 --> 00:13:56,963
the night he died
in that hunting accident.

321
00:13:57,959 --> 00:13:59,399
Don't worry, there's no holes in it.

322
00:13:59,427 --> 00:14:01,929
He was shot in the leg and bled out.

323
00:14:01,996 --> 00:14:03,664
So, uh, here. Full house.

324
00:14:03,731 --> 00:14:06,066
Aces over 10s.

325
00:14:06,134 --> 00:14:07,501
Not so fast.

326
00:14:07,569 --> 00:14:11,371
Straight flush.
( Laughs )

327
00:14:11,439 --> 00:14:14,641
Oh, this leather is like butter.

328
00:14:14,709 --> 00:14:16,643
What the hell is going on here?

329
00:14:16,711 --> 00:14:19,813
( All laugh )
We got you again, sucker!

330
00:14:22,317 --> 00:14:23,717
You were in on this?

331
00:14:23,785 --> 00:14:26,086
It was the perfect con
because you'd never expect it.

332
00:14:26,154 --> 00:14:28,422
Me and Ed working together
like a well-oiled machine.

333
00:14:28,489 --> 00:14:30,157
( Laughing )

334
00:14:30,225 --> 00:14:33,594
What? What do you have...
what do you have against me?

335
00:14:33,661 --> 00:14:36,230
What does a lion have
against a baby zebra?

336
00:14:36,297 --> 00:14:38,031
Nothing. I was just hungry.

337
00:14:41,135 --> 00:14:42,669
Hey, Charlie. Don't start with me.

338
00:14:42,737 --> 00:14:44,605
I know I'm late. I'm sorry.

339
00:14:44,672 --> 00:14:46,974
Don't worry about it.
You look great, by the way.

340
00:14:47,041 --> 00:14:48,321
You should wear that more often.

341
00:14:48,376 --> 00:14:50,077
Are you on drugs?

342
00:14:50,144 --> 00:14:51,578
Are you playing a trick on me?

343
00:14:51,646 --> 00:14:53,780
Give me that coffee. What's in there?

344
00:14:53,848 --> 00:14:55,082
I'm just in a good mood.

345
00:14:55,149 --> 00:14:57,718
I told Nolan to demand
a raise to impress Lacey

346
00:14:57,785 --> 00:14:59,653
and it got him fired, but...

347
00:14:59,721 --> 00:15:02,356
but I got him an even better job to
replace the one I got him fired from.

348
00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:05,525
- And what is that?
- Driving a prison bus.

349
00:15:07,095 --> 00:15:09,029
Are you on drugs?
Are you playing a trick on me?

350
00:15:09,097 --> 00:15:10,577
Give me that coffee. What's in there?

351
00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:13,634
Hey, Charlie.

352
00:15:13,701 --> 00:15:15,402
Well, there he is.

353
00:15:15,470 --> 00:15:16,803
You ready for your first big day?

354
00:15:16,871 --> 00:15:17,971
I don't know.

355
00:15:18,039 --> 00:15:19,606
I'm not sure if I'm the right guy

356
00:15:19,674 --> 00:15:21,475
to drive a bus full of prisoners.

357
00:15:21,542 --> 00:15:23,410
I'm not good around dangerous people.

358
00:15:23,478 --> 00:15:25,879
Well, sure, you are.
You're dating Lacey.

359
00:15:25,947 --> 00:15:29,283
She has to tell the authorities before
she's allowed to leave the state.

360
00:15:29,350 --> 00:15:31,718
Yeah, but I don't think I'm
cut out to work in a prison.

361
00:15:31,786 --> 00:15:35,022
- I'm too soft.
- I work at a prison, Nolan.

362
00:15:35,089 --> 00:15:36,390
But you're hard.

363
00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,558
You are what they call a "hard woman."

364
00:15:40,194 --> 00:15:43,463
I'm a hard woman? Have you smelled me?

365
00:15:43,531 --> 00:15:45,372
I smell like daisies and vanilla.

366
00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:47,100
Smell me!

367
00:15:48,303 --> 00:15:50,404
Anyway...

368
00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:53,206
I was kinda looking forward to getting
unemployment and watching TV all day.

369
00:15:53,274 --> 00:15:55,509
Do you know that I've been working
for three months straight?

370
00:15:55,576 --> 00:15:58,979
Except for weekends, holidays,
and that two-week break I took.

371
00:15:59,047 --> 00:16:01,782
But this is a job worth getting up for.

372
00:16:01,849 --> 00:16:04,217
You are a leader of men.

373
00:16:04,285 --> 00:16:05,852
Because I'm at the front of the bus

374
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,455
and I get everywhere
a little before they do?

375
00:16:10,325 --> 00:16:12,566
Yes, let's go with that.
Now get to work.

376
00:16:17,465 --> 00:16:20,500
Charlie, how are you
going to convince Lacey

377
00:16:20,568 --> 00:16:23,503
that driving a prison bus
is a path to greatness?

378
00:16:23,571 --> 00:16:25,572
I don't know, maybe I'll tell her

379
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,175
that five of our greatest
presidents drove prison busses.

380
00:16:28,242 --> 00:16:31,111
Oh, come on. Lacey's not
some uneducated bumpkin.

381
00:16:31,179 --> 00:16:34,114
You're gonna have to do
a little better than that.

382
00:16:34,182 --> 00:16:35,382
Really?

383
00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:38,518
Abraham Lincoln drove a prison bus?

384
00:16:38,586 --> 00:16:41,521
Yes, he went straight from bus driver

385
00:16:41,589 --> 00:16:43,924
to senator to president.

386
00:16:43,992 --> 00:16:46,727
That is what he did.

387
00:16:46,794 --> 00:16:48,061
Yeah, but he moved up.

388
00:16:48,129 --> 00:16:49,830
Nolan went from driving a limo

389
00:16:49,897 --> 00:16:51,531
to driving a prison bus.

390
00:16:51,599 --> 00:16:52,966
What's next?

391
00:16:53,034 --> 00:16:56,394
Pushing around homeless
people in a shopping cart?

392
00:16:56,637 --> 00:16:58,505
Well, hey, Reagan did that.

393
00:16:59,707 --> 00:17:01,508
Let me tell you something about Nolan.

394
00:17:01,576 --> 00:17:04,211
He wouldn't settle for the lousy money
they were paying him at that limo job,

395
00:17:04,278 --> 00:17:05,846
so after they Tased him...

396
00:17:05,913 --> 00:17:07,214
( Gasps )
He got Tased?

397
00:17:07,281 --> 00:17:10,984
Yeah, with 50,000 volts of ambition.

398
00:17:11,052 --> 00:17:13,420
Charlie, turn on the TV.

399
00:17:13,488 --> 00:17:15,555
There's been an accident. Nolan
and the prisoners are missing.

400
00:17:15,623 --> 00:17:18,792
You still think this was
an upward move for Nolan?

401
00:17:18,860 --> 00:17:20,861
It may not be as bad as we think.
Right, Jordan?

402
00:17:20,928 --> 00:17:22,896
They found the prison bus empty
on the side of the road.

403
00:17:22,964 --> 00:17:24,531
It is carrying five vicious murderers.
( Lacey gasps )

404
00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:26,433
Nolan might be dead.

405
00:17:26,501 --> 00:17:29,202
You know, you really had a chance to help
me out and soften the blow a little,

406
00:17:29,270 --> 00:17:30,771
but you didn't even try, did you?

407
00:17:35,789 --> 00:17:37,789
Man on TV: <i> ...in these financial times.</i>

408
00:17:37,814 --> 00:17:40,149
<i>So call the Gold People at...</i>

409
00:17:40,216 --> 00:17:41,650
This is supposed to be
an all-news channel

410
00:17:41,718 --> 00:17:43,485
and all they're trying to do
is sell me gold

411
00:17:43,553 --> 00:17:45,821
and discount catheters.

412
00:17:45,889 --> 00:17:47,323
If I can't afford a good catheter,

413
00:17:47,390 --> 00:17:48,857
do you think I'm buying gold?!

414
00:17:48,925 --> 00:17:50,559
He wouldn't even need the news

415
00:17:50,627 --> 00:17:52,594
if you hadn't put poor, sweet Nolan

416
00:17:52,662 --> 00:17:55,022
in charge of a bunch
of dangerous psychopaths.

417
00:17:56,166 --> 00:17:58,067
Maybe he'll be okay.

418
00:17:58,134 --> 00:17:59,768
He's not that sweet.

419
00:17:59,836 --> 00:18:01,870
The other day he called me
a "hard woman"

420
00:18:01,938 --> 00:18:04,640
for no reason.

421
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,308
This is terrible.

422
00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,943
I wonder if this happened
to President Kennedy

423
00:18:08,011 --> 00:18:09,979
when he was driving a prison bus.

424
00:18:10,046 --> 00:18:11,647
What am I thinking?

425
00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,849
Bad things never happen
to people like that.

426
00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:15,451
Oh, hey, look!

427
00:18:15,518 --> 00:18:18,020
It's Nolan! He's alive!

428
00:18:18,088 --> 00:18:20,622
So we were on our way to
Tehachapi when the tire blew out

429
00:18:20,690 --> 00:18:23,425
and the bus skidded and rolled over.

430
00:18:23,493 --> 00:18:25,094
The guard was knocked unconscious,

431
00:18:25,161 --> 00:18:27,763
but thank God the criminals were okay.

432
00:18:29,065 --> 00:18:31,800
Nolan's safe! He's okay!

433
00:18:31,868 --> 00:18:33,369
<i>He's...</i>

434
00:18:33,436 --> 00:18:35,871
dressed like a janitor. What is that?

435
00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:39,975
Wow, you went straight
from "thank God he's alive"

436
00:18:40,043 --> 00:18:42,411
to "Project Runway" really fast.

437
00:18:43,611 --> 00:18:46,091
We were basically stranded
in the middle of nowhere

438
00:18:46,116 --> 00:18:48,350
and the criminals were
pretty scared because...

439
00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:49,979
well, they had never been in the woods.

440
00:18:49,986 --> 00:18:51,653
This guy saved our lives.

441
00:18:51,721 --> 00:18:53,389
I ate squirrel.

442
00:18:54,082 --> 00:18:57,602
Anyway, I spent a lot
of time in the woods

443
00:18:57,627 --> 00:19:00,729
because it's cheap rent and
you can grow stuff out here

444
00:19:00,797 --> 00:19:02,431
without anybody...

445
00:19:03,833 --> 00:19:06,568
Anyway, uh...

446
00:19:06,636 --> 00:19:09,705
I calmed the prisoners
down and I led them here.

447
00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:11,874
What about the unconscious guard?

448
00:19:11,941 --> 00:19:14,376
Oh, yeah, the guys carried him.

449
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,311
I fashioned a crude stretcher

450
00:19:16,379 --> 00:19:17,913
out of a, you know...

451
00:19:17,981 --> 00:19:19,882
regular stretcher.

452
00:19:20,614 --> 00:19:24,295
I never saw Nolan as the kind
of guy who could do that.

453
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:25,687
It's pretty cool, right?

454
00:19:25,755 --> 00:19:28,424
Nolan just took command
of five dangerous killers,

455
00:19:28,491 --> 00:19:29,892
led them safely through the woods,

456
00:19:29,959 --> 00:19:32,039
and didn't tell the reporter
where he grows his weed.

457
00:19:32,062 --> 00:19:33,762
The guy's a hero!

458
00:19:33,830 --> 00:19:35,964
Hey, guys.

459
00:19:36,032 --> 00:19:37,933
( All sigh )
Nolan, thank God!

460
00:19:38,001 --> 00:19:39,902
- Are you okay?
- Oh, I'm fine, yeah.

461
00:19:39,969 --> 00:19:41,870
Turn on the TV.
I'm gonna be on the news.

462
00:19:41,938 --> 00:19:43,672
Ah, sorry, they already showed it.

463
00:19:43,740 --> 00:19:45,707
Damn it! It's the first time
I've ever been on the news

464
00:19:45,775 --> 00:19:47,209
when I wasn't high after a concert,

465
00:19:47,277 --> 00:19:48,644
wandering around the background

466
00:19:48,711 --> 00:19:51,380
looking for my car.

467
00:19:51,448 --> 00:19:54,016
- How'd I look? - You looked
great because you weren't dead,

468
00:19:54,084 --> 00:19:56,151
you stupid.

469
00:19:56,219 --> 00:19:58,987
Don't do that again
because I care about you.

470
00:19:59,055 --> 00:20:01,023
I'm sorry I worried you.

471
00:20:01,091 --> 00:20:03,158
Why did you take such a dangerous job?

472
00:20:03,226 --> 00:20:05,060
Okay, that's great.

473
00:20:05,128 --> 00:20:06,795
Time to go. Everybody's happy.

474
00:20:06,863 --> 00:20:08,864
Look, Jordan's so happy, she's crying.

475
00:20:08,932 --> 00:20:10,432
No, I'm not.

476
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,701
( Crying )
I'm a hard woman.

477
00:20:12,953 --> 00:20:15,313
It was all Charlie's idea.

478
00:20:15,338 --> 00:20:17,239
I took the job because he made me feel

479
00:20:17,307 --> 00:20:19,975
that you'd find somebody
else to love if I didn't.

480
00:20:20,043 --> 00:20:21,410
You what?

481
00:20:21,478 --> 00:20:23,312
I told you that in confidence!

482
00:20:23,379 --> 00:20:25,881
And I told Nolan in confidence.

483
00:20:25,949 --> 00:20:27,989
Why can't we all stop
hurting each other?

484
00:20:28,985 --> 00:20:30,619
Okay, here's your purse.

485
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:32,048
Street cleaning starts any minute.

486
00:20:32,055 --> 00:20:33,455
You don't wanna get towed.

487
00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:35,290
So you really feel that way?

488
00:20:35,358 --> 00:20:38,427
Yeah, I told Charlie
I wanted a relationship

489
00:20:38,495 --> 00:20:40,062
with a take-charge kind of guy

490
00:20:40,130 --> 00:20:42,431
and last night you proved that you are.

491
00:20:42,499 --> 00:20:44,366
Okay, so what now?

492
00:20:44,434 --> 00:20:47,069
The first thing is, you're
done with that horrible job.

493
00:20:47,137 --> 00:20:49,204
I'm borrowing money from my shoe company

494
00:20:49,272 --> 00:20:50,639
and buying you a limo.

495
00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,641
We're starting a business
and I'm your boss.

496
00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:53,842
Whatever you say, Lacey.

497
00:20:53,910 --> 00:20:56,711
- Way to take charge, bro.
- Thanks.

498
00:21:00,758 --> 00:21:04,113
Well, that worked out
exactly as I expected.

499
00:21:04,949 --> 00:21:07,714
Here's how this could have gone.

500
00:21:07,777 --> 00:21:10,300
Five killers are loose in the city
and little girl picking flowers

501
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:13,552
one day finds Nolan's
body in a shallow grave.

502
00:21:13,654 --> 00:21:15,654
Or she meets his friendly ghost.

503
00:21:15,726 --> 00:21:18,242
They team up to solve crimes,
and they save the city.

504
00:21:18,314 --> 00:21:21,109
And maybe have a little fun along the way.

505
00:21:22,079 --> 00:21:24,079
You are a hard woman.

506
00:21:24,627 --> 00:21:32,627
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