On six.
Mr. Anderson, LAPD. Open up.
Take it down.
How may I help you? Ugh!
Go, go, go, go, go!
I don't know what you're looking for, but it's not here.
Bedroom one ... nothing.
Nothing in bedroom two.
Oh, thank God you're here.
Damn it! Nothing in the bathroom.
- Sorry to disturb you sir. - No, no, no!
I've been here for six months.
I told you. There's nothing here.
It's here.
Mr. Anderson, it's illegal to have a pet ferret
in the state of California.
You're going away for a long time.
Let's take out the trash.
You were right about Anderson. He did have an illegal ferret.
Anderson may have had the ferret,
but he definitely didn't bring him into the state.
We got to find out who's running this thing.
I think we've let him sweat long enough.
- How you doing, Ian? - Pretty good.
Wrong answer.
- Fine? - That's more like it.
You're looking at 50 years for possession of a ferret,
unless you're willing to play ball.
We could use another power hitter.
Where'd you get the ferret? Just give me a name.
- Don't you have a name? - Yeah, it's Angie, but I never liked it.
- How about Meegan? - Where'd you get the ferret?
If I tell you his name, he'll kill me.
"If I tell you his name, he'll kill me."
No, no, no. It's more like, "he's gonna kill me.
The bad guy, I'm afraid he's gonna kill me."
I got it. I got it. It's like,
"I'm a dead man if I tell you his name.
"Nyah, nyah, nyah." That's really good.
That's really good. Yeah.
Okay. His name is...
Aah!
Alan.
- Uh, Oscar. - Arthur.
- Arthur. Arthur? - Ira.
Ira. Ira? Ira?
Oh.
I wish I could fall asleep that fast.
I just toss and turn.
Tribeca, Geils! Get out here.
We have a problem.
What are you doing here?
Hello, Meegan. I heard you were thinking about changing your name.
How'd I know that? Because I'm fish and game, and we know everything.
Bless you.
What? Damn it.
This is special agent Laurie Partridge,
Fish and Game Division, rodent task force.
The best of the best of the best.
I believe you have a ferret for me.
That ferret is evidence from our bust, Laurie.
Wait, is there some history here?
As a matter of fact, this building used to be a ball bearing factory.
Aah!
Tribeca and I were roommates in the academy.
We were like brothers, except we were girls and unrelated.
That all ended when we were both up for the same spot in the Fish and Game Division
and Laurie threw me under the bus.
You fell under that bus, and I thought that was water under the bridge.
It was a dry riverbed, and you know it.
- Didn't we bury the hatchet? - You buried the hatchet.
It was my favorite hatchet, and I never found it.
All right, since you have no ax to grind,
I'll be taking that ferret.
Lieutenant, you're gonna let this happen?
Sorry, Tribeca, we have no choice.
It's Fish and Game's game.
Its a multimillion dollar underground ferret operation,
and we could bust the whole thing right now.
Why don't you go back to solving people murders
and leave the real police work to us?
You son of a... It's not worth it, Tribeca!
Oh, you need your partner to bail you out?
You son of a... it's not worth it!
Is this the kind of precinct you run?
You son of a... hey, hey, it's not worth it.
You better watch out, or I'll have to take your partner to animal control.
You son of a...
It's not worth it! Nice try, Missy, you already went.
Back of the line.
LAPD. Hmm. Bunch of animals.
Oh, excuse me.
Without that ferret, we're back to square one.
Oh, you mean this ferret?
How did you...
I'm pausing so you can tell us.
It was simple.
Oh, excuse me.
Nice work, Scholls.
It's okay, sweetie, you're safe now.
Ow! You son of a...
It's not worth it! It's not worth it! It's not worth it!
Dr. Edelweiss will be able to tell us
where this ferret came from.
Computer: What can I do for you, Detectives Tribeca and Julie?
Sorry, Gails.
Sorry,Geles.
Sorry, Gills.
Sorry, Gladstone.
Oh, this isn't more efficient at all.
What can I do for you?
We're hoping you could tell us about our furry little friend.
Oh, very well. Greg!
Yeah?
We were actually talking about the ferret.
Sorry, Greg. Never mind.
Sure, I understand.
We need some help figuring out where this thing is from.
He's not a thing. He's a living creature.
More specifically, it's a rare Himalayan soft belly.
Now, lucky for us, ferrets eat everything in their path,
so all we have to do is look inside its belly,
find out where it's been, and possibly,
that might lead us to the smuggler.
Well, let's cut this bad boy open, then.
You can't cut open this ferret. He's a human being.
Actually, he's a she. You can tell by her teats.
Don't worry, Detective. As the expression goes,
there's more than one way to look inside a ferret.
I spent some time as a veterinary gynecologist.
I don't think that's a thing.
Yes, and a judge agreed with you.
Now, let's see what we have here.
Looks like she ate an apple.
That's good. Apples, apples, apples.
Uh, apples, orchard, farm, Granny Smith,
grandma, nursing home, soft food, applesauce.
Apples, apples, orchard, farm.
Granny Smith?
Grandma, nursing home,
soft food, applesauce, apples, farm.
Granny Smith, grandma, nursing home,
soft foods, applesauce, apples.
Let's just keep looking, shall we?
Hey, that's my badge.
And those are my handcuffs.
Are you guys looking at me?
Ooh, that's interesting.
I thought we had just one valuable ferret.
In fact, we have six. She's pregnant.
- Adorable. - Disgusting.
Six Himalayan soft bellies.
On the black market, in today's economy,
I would say that puts our mystery supplier out
roughly $193,850.
That's a lot of money for a sack of long rats.
It doesn't bring us any closer
- to figuring out who the supplier is. - Hey, what's that?
It appears to be a cufflink.
Zoom in.
F.B.
Looks like we found our first...
Lead.
I don't get it.
This guy runs an animal rights charity.
How could he get caught up in illegal ferrets?
I don't know, but I do know
that I have a lot of questions for Mr. Frontbut.
It is pronounced "Froont boot."
- Thank you for seeing us. - Mm.
Yes, my animal conservation efforts keep me very busy,
but it is my life's passion, or as we say in German...
Es ist eine arbeit der liebe!
Oh, such a beautiful language.
Danke. Mr. Frontbut.
"Froont boot." Fr...
Front? "Froont boot."
"Frountbut."
"Froont boot." "Frount."
"Froont boot." "Froont boot."
"Frount."
Frontbut. No, sir. Sir?
It's "froont boot."
Frontbut.
No, you're not making any effort to change the sounds.
- Mr. "froont boot." - Frontbut.
You wouldn't happen to know anything
about illegal ferret trafficking, would you?
No, no.
No, I have devoted my entire life to protecting animals,
not to exploiting them.
And for the record, I love ferrets.
I believe they deserve much better than to be pets.
That's very admirable, but you are aware that since the ban,
the price of illegal ferrets has skyrocketed.
Oh, yeah, it has...
Which is terrible.
Someone stands to make a lot of money
smuggling them into the state.
If I were rolling in illegal ferret money,
would I be hosting a charity poker tournament tonight
with a $50,000 buy-in?
$193,850?
That's an oddly specific number.
Excuse me.
Oh, never mind.
I've dabbled in poker.
- Is this tournament open to anyone? - Absolutely.
Anyone who has the $50,000 buy-in.
One last question.
Any idea how your cufflink was found inside an illegal ferret?
Well, I travel all over the world.
It may have fallen when I was in the mountains.
You know, these Himalayan soft bellies, they'll eat anything.
I didn't say it was a Himalayan soft belly.
Well, you didn't say it wasn't. Damn it, he's good.
Thank you.
So, if there's nothing else,
I have a very busy day protecting animals.
Guten tag.
We got to get into this tournament.
- Where are we gonna get $50,000? - We'll figure it out.
Let's just hope that Laurie partridge doesn't get in our way.
Aah! Once again, Tribeca,
you see that there's nothing you can possess
that the Fish and Game cannot take away.
No, not Ferret Fawcett.
And as for your decoy,
the joke's on you because they were delicious.
And now I'm off to take down Frontbut.
Toodles.
We're getting that money.
$50,000? Are you nuts?
It's the only way to take Frontbut down.
If we win, he has no money to run his ferret network.
I'm not gonna let you risk the department's money on a gamble.
It's only gambling if there's chance involved,
and I've never lost at poker.
The only way to get that kind of money
would be to shut the police department down for a day.
Is that what you want? All right, let's give it a try.
All right, Tribeca, there is another option.
There is one place we could get our hands on that kind of money,
but it is gonna be a hell of a reach.
Yeah, I can't...
Geils, can you get up?
Yeah. I can't get it. I can't.
It's so...
Yeah. You got it?
You know, my fingers are touching it,
- but I think I'm pushing it back. - Don't push it back.
Just step aside, okay?
I-I got it. I got it.
Well done, Tribeca.
Swear jar... I forgot about this. Yeah.
All right.
We're $1 short.
- Shit! - Oh! Oh!
Oops. That's on me, guys. Sorry.
- All right, let's go. - Perfect.
Be careful out there, you guys.
Hey.
That's a cute little number.
Thanks. Let's go.
Oh, Detectives.
I'm so surprised to see you at such a high-stakes game.
You know what the buy-in is.
Yes, it's the minimum amount you have to pay
to enter a poker tournament.
Have a seat.
Hello, Tribeca.
Partridge! Stand down.
This is my bust.
And this... is my bust.
The game is Texas Hold 'em. Minimum bet... $10,000.
Are you sure about this?
I told you, I've never lost.
You don't play the cards. You play the players.
Everyone has a tell.
My cards suck! I got no chance of winning.
I've got two 7s!
- A Jack and a 5. - Oy vey.
I'm all-in.
What the hell are you doing?
You didn't even look at your cards.
It's called bluffing.
I fold.
I'm all-in, as well.
I have a 3 and a card that tells you how to play.
Pair of kings. Oh, good lord.
Don't worry, we get five more cards.
King, king, king, king, king. Seven kings wins.
- Damn it! - You told me you never lose.
Don't feel bad, Detectives. As we say in Germany...
Es war ein vergnugen, mit ihnen zu spielen!
I don't have to listen to this. We won the war.
Vodka rocks.
I'm sorry, Tribeca. I thought I had it back there.
We're not out yet.
I think I know how we can get some money.
We just need some help.
Good luck with that. I'm gonna get some air.
All right, Tribeca. I'ma see what I can do.
Mother [Bleep]
dumb [Bleep] [Bleep]
[Bleep] [Bleep]
stupid... uh, a little help here?
[Bleep] [Bleep]
I think this is gonna take too long.
Thanks, anyway. Never mind.
- Damn it. - Wait.
- Let me buy you back in. - Why?
It took us six years to get this close to Frontbut.
- You did it in two days. - One day, actually.
Damn it, I hate you so much.
Why? What did I do to you?
I was always the best at everything,
and then I met you in the academy, and suddenly,
I was "most likely to be overshadowed by Angie Tribeca."
- You still carry that around with you? - Every day.
The crazy thing is, I always thought that you were the best.
Can't we just agree to both be the best,
only I'm slightly better?
Yeah, I can live with that.
Thank you, Laurie Partridge.
Come on, get happy.
Take the lunch pail... leave the sandwich.
Hmm.
Well, it looks like it's down to you and me, Tribeca.
Shall we make this a little more interesting?
No, let's keep it exactly this interesting.
$10,000.
What are we going to do about that chip on your shoulder?
Oh.
I see your $10,000. There it is.
And I raise you $40,000.
Hmm.
All-in.
I call.
Tribeca.
It's me. What do you have?
Two pair.
You should have learned from your friend.
Don't bluff a bluffer.
Full house.
I've only got two pair of two 9s.
Ooh!
Huh! Yeah! Walked right into that one!
Not so fast!
I'm afraid you can't take the money at any pace, Detective.
Danke, Fish and Game.
How did you know?
You and your associates are not exactly subtle.
Drop the guns and back away slowly!
Now, you and I are going to collect these chips,
exchange them for cash, and then I'm going to continue
to smuggle illegal ferrets into the state of California.
Not on my watch!
Huh?
Geils!
Oh!
Oh! I feel fuzzy.
Wait, this is a tranquilizer gun?
Of course, it is. We're Fish and Game.
Ow!
This is way lighter than a real gun.
Ah!
It's going to take more than one dart
to stop the likes of Helmet Frontbut.
That should do it.
Got my heart.
You're going down.
Nein.
You have the right to remain... sleepy.
You...
Will never take me... awake.
Helmet Frontbut, you're under arrest for...
Terrific work, Tribeca.
If you want, I could put in a word for you at Fish and Game.
No, thanks. I'm good here.
I guess this is goodbye, then.
I guess it is.
Whoa. I'm... I'm sorry, I...
I must have misread this.
That's okay.
Okay. See ya.
All right. Hey.
I get it. I totally get it.
Okay. Take care.
You, too.
No. All right, I'll see ya.
- synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com -