1
00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:02,290
Previously on "Californication"...

2
00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:04,590
- So, Hank.
- Mereth.

3
00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:06,190
Have you written anything
I might have read?

4
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:08,490
Well, that depends on whether
or not you read, meredith.

5
00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:12,890
The good people hell-a are very
interested in your thoughts.

6
00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:16,190
They would like you to blog for them.

7
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:19,490
Jesus H.Christ.

8
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:20,790
I am 16, you know.

9
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:21,890
So I've been told.

10
00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:23,990
- Hi, d...!
- Honey, put some clothes on.

11
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,090
We have company.

12
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:27,390
Are you totally serious
about marrying bill?

13
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,290
Yes.Why?

14
00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:30,590
What about hank?

15
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,390
Game on, broheme.

16
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,390
You want to get fucked up?

17
00:00:36,900 --> 00:00:38,790
Oh, god.

18
00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:42,190
- Must be weird, though.
- What?

19
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,690
Becoming the employee of
a man you so clearly hate.

20
00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:45,890
What are you talking about?

21
00:00:45,900 --> 00:00:49,290
My father -- he
owns hell-a magazine.

22
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,790
Once upon a time, I wrote a book.

23
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,990
People seemed to dig
it, so I wrote another

24
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:04,390
and one after that.That's when
hollywood came knocking at my back door.

25
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:05,890
As soon as I cashed that check,

26
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:10,990
I wrapped my lips around the mighty erection
that is the film industry and sucked hard --

27
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,290
just like a good whore should.

28
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,890
Unfortunately, I had to be
taught not to orphan the balls.

29
00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:17,190
Moody!

30
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,390
Ladies and gentlemen, todd
carr -- the caramel-coated,

31
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:24,490
chrome-domed auteur who took my
precious little novel, wiped his ass,

32
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:26,890
and transformed it into
the craptastic crowd-pleaser

33
00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:30,990
also known as "crazy
little thing called love.

34
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:32,990
" My people.

35
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,090
You still bitching about whoring
yourself out to hollywood?

36
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:37,190
Only when my pimp's not around.

37
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,990
You're no goddamn fucking
faulkner, you know.

38
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,490
And you're no brett fucking ratner.

39
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,390
Although that could be a compliment,
and in that case, I didn't mean to.

40
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,190
I'm sick of you talking
shit about me in the press.

41
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,590
Oh, that's why you're here.

42
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:50,490
I thought you might have come by

43
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:53,790
because you found out I fucked your
wife in almost every room of your house.

44
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,190
No?Every room of your house.

45
00:01:56,200 --> 00:02:00,690
And I'm sorry about the rug.I didn't
realize the old lady was a squirter.

46
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:19,090
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
Proudly presents...

47
00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:24,890
Sync:YTET-addychristen
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-

48
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:57,090
Californication
Season 1 Episode 03

49
00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:09,490
Hank.

50
00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:11,790
Where's karen?

51
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:13,890
Home, with becca.

52
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:15,290
She's funny, that one.

53
00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:17,090
- Becca?Yeah, she is a
real character. -No --

54
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:18,290
karen.

55
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:20,090
She knows how to push my all buttons.

56
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,490
I don't think she's trying
to push your buttons, hank.

57
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:26,290
Bill, I'm not really interested in what
you think, but thank you for sharing.

58
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,190
I wanted to come.

59
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,390
You did?

60
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:30,690
I'm not the bad guy.

61
00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:32,290
You're not the bad guy?

62
00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:34,590
Life is complicated, man.

63
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,490
"Life is complicated,
man." That's what you got?

64
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:39,690
Way to dip into the platitudes.

65
00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:41,990
I guess that's why
you're the writer, hank.

66
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,390
Oh, fuck.I didn't ask for you
to fucking come bail me out.

67
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,290
I didn't ask for a fucking job.I don't
know who the fuck you think you are.

68
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,590
You think I'm dying to
be in business with you?

69
00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:54,890
Some rude, disrespectful jackass
who can't get out of his own way?

70
00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:57,090
You looking for a dick punch?

71
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,090
Do you want to punch me in the dick?

72
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:00,190
I kind of do, yeah,

73
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,790
but standing here talking about it
is beginning to sound kind of gay.

74
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,890
Go ahead.Take a
shot.But think --

75
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:08,490
would you want becca to see this?

76
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,590
I'll settle for a titty twister.

77
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,090
God.You're 11.

78
00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:17,690
Fuck.

79
00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:19,690
Keep the job, hank.

80
00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:21,290
Get back on your feet.

81
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:22,890
Get on with your life.

82
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:26,490
And forget about the woman
you didn't want to marry.

83
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:31,190
Don't make me get up and kick
your ass all over again, bill!

84
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:16,190
hi.Remember me?

85
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:17,990
How could I forget?

86
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,090
Best blind date of my life, asshole.

87
00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:20,990
We don't have much time.

88
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,990
Your suitor will be returning
from the shitter posthaste,

89
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,790
but in his absence, I would like
to offer my sincere apologies.

90
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:30,690
My behavior the other night was beyond
appalling, despicable, reprehensible.

91
00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:33,090
I was a mess.I have no words.

92
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,990
For a guy with no words,
that was a lot of words.

93
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:40,090
That's funny.I-I wouldn't
have expected that from you.

94
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:42,590
Because you had me so nailed.

95
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:47,590
Well, let me make it up to you.Let
me -- can I...take you out sometime?

96
00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:51,690
I'm out right now -- with
a guy who's not an asshole.

97
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:54,990
Right.Well, do you see
yourself marrying this fella?

98
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,290
You never know.

99
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:59,690
Girls know in a matter of seconds whether
they want to fuck, marry, or kill a guy.

100
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:02,490
Which begs the question, how am I doing?

101
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:04,090
Bye now.

102
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:10,090
Be good to her, my friend.I had a
shot with her once, but I blew it.

103
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:16,390
Hang out with your wang out, but
remember -- no gloving, no loving.

104
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,890
Au revoir, mes enfants.***

105
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:29,890
So...

106
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,390
you were brought up on the east coast.

107
00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,090
Jersey maybe.

108
00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:35,890
No -- long
island.

109
00:06:35,900 --> 00:06:38,590
Dad had a chip on his
shoulder, blue on his collar.

110
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,390
Mom was a little beat down by it all,

111
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,690
but she was the one who
encouraged you to dream big.

112
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:43,890
They fought like cats and dogs,

113
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:46,590
but they stayed together
through good times and bad.

114
00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,490
You had sisters.You learned about girls.

115
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:53,290
You were good with them
-- maybe a little too good.

116
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:57,490
You read books, and you didn't want to
die five miles from where you were born.

117
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,790
So you escaped into the
city you romanticized

118
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:03,090
and reinvented yourself
as a poor man's mcinerney.

119
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:04,990
How am I doing?

120
00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:09,090
Pretty good -- a lot
more gracious than mine.

121
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:11,190
I-I blacked out there in the middle,

122
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:15,190
when you were really strumming
my pain with your fingers, but...

123
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:17,190
well done.

124
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,390
How long you been working on that?

125
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,390
A couple of weeks.

126
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,190
It's a good story.

127
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,890
Any idea how it ends?

128
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,190
Hey, where are you going?

129
00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,890
I have to get to work.

130
00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:02,590
A job?What do you do?

131
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,790
Well, don't you remember?I'm
a poor gal's martha stewart.

132
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,390
Don't you remember I'm an asshole?

133
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,690
Right.I'm an attorney.

134
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:13,090
Oh, then we're both assholes.

135
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,590
What's your thing?

136
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:15,990
Divorce.

137
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,490
Aye, you must be a busy girl.

138
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:20,490
That I am, which is
why I have to skedaddle.

139
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,790
I can't believe you were trying to slink
out of here without saying goodbye to me.

140
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:27,990
Hank.Please.I assume
this was a one-time thing.

141
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,390
Why would you assume
something like that?

142
00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:37,090
No offense, but you don't seem like the kind of
guy who's looking for a lot of repeat business.

143
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,590
I'm offended.How about tonight?

144
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:40,890
Are you sure?

145
00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:45,590
Yeah, a proper date --
dinner, 20th-century style.

146
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,890
I'd be just as happy to come back here.

147
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:50,390
No.No, no, no.Dinner.

148
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,890
A girl's got to eat.

149
00:08:57,700 --> 00:09:00,190
That she does.

150
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:24,790
are you gonna flush?

151
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,790
What the fuck are you doing here?

152
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,390
The redhead let me in.

153
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:33,390
Question -- does the carpet
match the drapes, hanky-panky?

154
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:34,590
You scared the shit out of me.

155
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,190
I know.You screamed
just like a little girl.

156
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,690
Kind of a turnoff, actually.

157
00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:40,390
What the fuck do you want?

158
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,490
- I'm late.
- What?!That's not possible.

159
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,390
I-I-I wore
a condom.

160
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,490
That's -- that would be like
the immaculate conception.

161
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,990
And you -- you're the one who
-- y-you -- and then you left.

162
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,390
I'm late for school.

163
00:09:56,100 --> 00:10:00,790
Okay.Well, then, what do you
want from me, besides the obvious?

164
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,690
Don't flatter yourself, champ.

165
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:07,690
I have a creative-writing course, and
I need to turn something in today, so...

166
00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:09,190
okay, what's the problem?

167
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,790
It's creative writing.Be
creative.Write something.

168
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,390
This from a guy who hasn't
written a word in five years?

169
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:17,690
Nobody likes a smartass.

170
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:21,590
You must have some piece-of-shit short story
you nevepublished around here somewhere.

171
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:22,690
No.No, nothing.

172
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:24,590
Hank?

173
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:32,890
Stop that.And don't move.Don't
fuck around.Do not fuck around!

174
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,790
It's not funny.

175
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,190
Hey, look who's here.

176
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,990
***You don't call.You don't write.

177
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:45,590
- You look like shit. -
And you look beautiful --

178
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,590
far too beautiful for these four
walls.Let's go out and get some breakfast.

179
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,990
- I'm getting coffee.
- No, we'll go out.We'll get it.

180
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,390
- Get dressed.
- Fuck!

181
00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,490
- Hank?
- Yeah?

182
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,090
I just
wanted --

183
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,590
what, no points for safety?

184
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,190
Yes, but magnums?Wow.

185
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,090
Yeah, well, you know.

186
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:10,690
Did you have a growth spurt?

187
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:12,990
Well, no, I been --
I been working out.

188
00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:16,990
Just a lot of vitamins.I
got whole -- I got a regimen.

189
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:21,090
Hank, do not quit this job.

190
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:22,890
It's hardly a job, karen.

191
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:24,190
It's a blog.

192
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,890
It's by far the best thing that's happened
to you in a long time, and you're good at it.

193
00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:29,690
Well, I just can't work for bill.

194
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:31,290
Why not?

195
00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:33,490
Well, for one, he's a dick.

196
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:37,790
Could you just swallow your
stupid pride and keep the job,

197
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,590
keep writing, keep doing what
you were put on this planet to do?

198
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:45,590
What else is there for you besides
drowning in a sea of pointless pussy?

199
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,790
- It's the neighbors.
- Okay.

200
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,590
Do you know what?I should go in there.

201
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:55,790
- I'm gonna go in there.
- no

202
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,590
I'm gonna go in there and tell her
what to expect and how to treat it.

203
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:00,590
It's only fair.

204
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:05,690
There are some images you don't want
floating around your pretty little head.

205
00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:10,990
Trust me, it's like a mapplethorpe
shoot in there, except with less cock.

206
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:15,490
Shut up, okay?Shut up.

207
00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:20,590
Keep the job, hank.

208
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,690
Do it for becca's sake.

209
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:26,090
Give her something to look up to.

210
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,790
Thanks for stopping by.

211
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:53,090
Just suppose you're a guy and you're
getting a massage from another guy,

212
00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:55,290
and it's nice, it's relaxing.

213
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:59,490
Then all of a sudden, you get a little
tingle, a little unintentional stim.

214
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:03,990
What do you call that, where
you get a little turgidity?

215
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,490
You know, you get a
rollover going there.

216
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:07,390
That was nora from hell-a magazine.

217
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,190
She wants to know when she
can expect the new piece.

218
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,690
What would you call that phenomenon?

219
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:15,690
Hank, the whole idea behind the
blog is an ongoing narrative.

220
00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:16,590
You understand?

221
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,690
A series of events that follows
another series of events.

222
00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:21,490
I get that.I get that.I really do.

223
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:24,090
I just can't whore myself
out to the tall man anymore.

224
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:26,990
Ongoing or not, I can't do it.Capisce?

225
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:31,290
With all due respect, hank,
grow the fuck up already.

226
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:34,390
Come on, you're the lying cocksucker
that got me into this in the first place.

227
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:35,790
You set me up.

228
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:36,890
If by set you up,

229
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:41,090
you mean contrive a situation in which you
might actually start to produce words again,

230
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:42,890
then, yes, okay, guilty as charged.

231
00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:46,290
You should have told me what
you were up to.That was bullshit.

232
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:50,390
You wouldn't have done it!Okay, you
see?You see what I'm getting at here?

233
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,590
Oh, fuck you.You're fired.

234
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:57,390
You know that you've fired me roughly every
90 days since we started to work together.

235
00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:00,390
Yeah, because I'm a
consistent motherfucker.

236
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,590
Don't do this, hank, okay?Not now.

237
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,790
No other agent in their right mind
would take you on at this point.

238
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,090
And the ones who would wouldn't be able
to get you a job writing kiddy porn.

239
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:13,690
Yeah, we'll see about that.It's
a broner.It's a broner --

240
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:14,890
the word I'm looking for.

241
00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:16,790
Unintentionally
man-inspired boner --

242
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,690
broner.Duly noted.

243
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:24,990
Broner!

244
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:29,090
What is so fucking difficult about
distinguishing diet from regular, huh?

245
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,990
Here.Just go.You're fired, all right?

246
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,890
Get out.Go!Fucking get out of here!

247
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:45,390
You okay there, tiger?

248
00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:49,590
Did you ever have one of those
days where you feel like a tired,

249
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,990
old whore whose uterus
is about to fall out?

250
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:56,090
I think I'm in touch with that emotion.

251
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,490
Really?I was just
being dramatic.Do tell.

252
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,990
That guy you saw me with last night?

253
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,290
He's married.

254
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:06,090
Oh, you dirty cheater, you.

255
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:07,290
Five years.

256
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:09,990
Been fucking a married
guy for five years?

257
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,790
Classy, huh?

258
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:16,390
I tend to think of myself as a
whatever-makes-you-happy kind of a guy,

259
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:20,990
but I have to ask --
what's in it for you, lady?

260
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,090
I love him.

261
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:26,090
And I tend to believe him
when he says he loves me.

262
00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:29,190
That sounds like a
charming little romcom,

263
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,090
except for the part where
he won't leave his wife.

264
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:35,490
The guy's richer than god.He
doesn't want to cut it in half.

265
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:36,890
I haven't known you very long,

266
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:39,590
and this probably means
precious little coming from a guy

267
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:43,790
who treated you like a piece
of prison ass on a blind date,

268
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:47,090
but I think you deserve
a hell of a lot more.

269
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,790
My baby.

270
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:55,890
You have a baby with the
married guy?Holy fuck.

271
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:59,490
No, my dog...

272
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,790
cat stevens.

273
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:07,390
You have a dog named
cat stevens.Holy fuck!

274
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:11,690
A gift from married guy.

275
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:16,890
I know it sounds incredibly
lame, but he was like our baby.

276
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:19,890
The one thing that
was ours -- just ours.

277
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:25,590
So, his wife goes out of town, and I
bring cat stevens over to the house.

278
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,190
Naturally, the bitch comes home early.

279
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:32,190
I barely have enough time to put on
my clothes and sneak out the back.

280
00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:34,790
And then I realized I left him behind.

281
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:40,290
That fucking bitch thought sweet
little cat stevens was a gift for her.

282
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,090
Married guy doesn't say anything?

283
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,290
How could he?

284
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:47,490
Hmm, that is sick.Come on.

285
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:49,990
Where are we going?

286
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,290
We're gonna fix this.

287
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,890
i'm sorry***

288
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,890
Hey, honey.

289
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:34,290
You're insane.

290
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:36,690
You've been fucking a
married guy for five years,

291
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:39,490
you've got a dog named cat
stevens, and I'm insane?

292
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:40,490
Point taken.

293
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:44,390
I got to figure out a way to get in there
without breaking a window or something like that.

294
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,190
How about this?

295
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,190
Cat?

296
00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:06,090
And you'll never have dried-up
meat in the refrigerator.

297
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:10,490
Hey.Cat stevens.

298
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:11,790
Come here, cat.

299
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:12,400
Roast beef, lamb, turkey.

300
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,890
This knife is like a hot knife
going right through butter.

301
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:20,990
It has a fork with the end, so you
pick up the meat, dip it into the gravy.

302
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,090
Remember, here's a
grapefruit.Look at this.

303
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:26,990
Not a seed, not a drop
of juice comes out.

304
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,590
Come here.

305
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:32,490
I'll take you away from all this.

306
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:36,390
Cat!Yusuf islam!

307
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:41,890
"Be straight" is a good song.Come
here, cat.Come here.Come on.

308
00:19:56,500 --> 00:20:01,490
Go!Go!Go.

309
00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:04,490
Go, go, go.

310
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:13,490
Don't worry, I'll be gone
for good in a few minutes.

311
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:19,290
actually, I was, um --
I was gonna call you.

312
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:21,090
You could've e-mailed.

313
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,090
I-I think I overreacted yesterday,

314
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:31,990
and I'm sorry about that,
so, uh, the job is yours if --

315
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,790
if you still want it.

316
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,890
I want it.

317
00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:37,590
Good.

318
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,390
But...

319
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,790
but?

320
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:47,490
From now on, if I make a
mistake or I screw something up,

321
00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:52,190
you should feel free to discipline
me in whatever way you see fit.

322
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,790
You're the boss.

323
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:01,490
Oh, and, um, hank called.

324
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,590
He said you could still
be his agent if you want.

325
00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:25,190
I thought that was you.

326
00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:28,190
I would have focused on a
different area altogether.

327
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,290
Get your ass back in bed then.

328
00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:31,890
I got to go to work.

329
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:36,290
Ah, yes, I don't think I've ever
dated a woman who had a job before.

330
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,290
Is that what we're doing?Dating?

331
00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:47,090
It does feel that way -- kind
of, sort of, maybe, a little bit.

332
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,990
Yeah.I guess it kind of does.

333
00:21:52,100 --> 00:21:53,890
Too many tongues.

334
00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:58,890
Hey, take your fucking dog.

335
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,890
I didn't have the heart to tell
you, but that's not cat stevens.

336
00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:04,090
What?

337
00:22:04,100 --> 00:22:05,490
You took the wrong dog.

338
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:07,690
So not your fault -- the
bitch has a lot of them.

339
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,190
Look on the bright side.

340
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,190
He seems to really like you.

341
00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:21,990
Thank you.

342
00:22:23,700 --> 00:22:26,190
This is not a macchiato.

343
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,890
A
macchiato --

344
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:39,290
what am I going to do with you?

345
00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:41,990
Whatever you want, boss.

346
00:22:52,500 --> 00:22:55,390
Look what a mess I've made.

347
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,590
Guess who.

348
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,190
something's familiar.

349
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,090
Did you switch to camel lights?

350
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,590
that's cute.What you reading?

351
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:41,690
Oh, you're not gonna go through
with that barbaric ritual, are you?

352
00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:43,590
I was thinking about it.

353
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,090
You don't sound too excited.

354
00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:47,990
I am.It's just weird.

355
00:23:48,300 --> 00:23:50,390
I never thought I'd get married.

356
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,290
You had me convinced it was
all a bullshit fairy tale.

357
00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:54,290
And it's not?

358
00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:56,190
Not if you meet the right person.

359
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,390
You say it's about meeting mr.Right.

360
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,390
I think you're settling for
mr.Right in front of you.

361
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:05,390
I'm asking you to consider
mr.Lurking right above you.

362
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,690
Hank, hank, hankie.

363
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:12,890
I wouldn't want to erase the fact that,
once upon a time, I used to love you.

364
00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:14,090
But
--

365
00:24:14,100 --> 00:24:15,090
Hank!

366
00:24:15,100 --> 00:24:16,190
Hello.

367
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,390
William.

368
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,890
I-I have something for you.

369
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,890
Hank, uh, hank, you
didn't have to do this.

370
00:24:23,900 --> 00:24:26,990
Considering I got my precious
bodily fluids all over yours,

371
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,390
I felt like, yeah, I kind of did.

372
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:35,190
But that piece of, um, art
is worth a small fortune.

373
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,190
Don't look a gift piece of
overpriced pop art in the mouth.

374
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,090
I know people who know
people.Just enjoy it.

375
00:24:41,100 --> 00:24:44,090
Consider it a belated
engagement present.

376
00:24:44,100 --> 00:24:46,490
Hang it over your marital bed.

377
00:24:46,900 --> 00:24:48,290
What's up with you?

378
00:24:48,300 --> 00:24:49,990
You seem
kind of, um --

379
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,290
- jaunty?
- Yes.

380
00:24:51,300 --> 00:24:52,790
- Devil-may-care?
- Yes.

381
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,790
- Happy?
- Even.

382
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,190
Well, maybe I met a girl.

383
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,390
- Hey, dad.
- Hey, honey.

384
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,690
I've got something for you,
too.Just hold on.Stay right there.

385
00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:09,190
I'm partial to yusuf islam, but
you can call him whatever you want.

386
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,090
And, bill, don't
worry.He can stay with me.

387
00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:13,690
That's so nice of you, hank.

388
00:25:13,700 --> 00:25:16,590
Yes, hank, that's very nice of you.

389
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,590
Well, you guys look like one big happy.

390
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:25,290
I am proud to report that my daughter has just
penned one of the most impressive short stories

391
00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:27,590
I have ever had the pleasure of reading.

392
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:31,190
Now, the prose was a bit on
the purple side, but still,

393
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,590
I had no idea she had it in her.

394
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:35,190
I'm sure the prose wasn't that purple.

395
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,990
No, it was, but still,
it was good stuff.

396
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,790
That is something.

397
00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:42,990
Well, it's what I do.

398
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:47,090
Speaking of which, dare
I ask about the blog?

399
00:25:48,500 --> 00:25:53,990
Honey, to quote the clash, should
I stay or should I rock the casbah?

400
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:57,990
Do what you want, dad.I
love you no matter what.

401
00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:02,790
Good morning, hell-A.

402
00:26:03,300 --> 00:26:07,090
In the land of the lotus-eaters,
time plays tricks on you.

403
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,590
One day you're dreaming.

404
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,990
The next, your dream
has become your reality.

405
00:26:12,900 --> 00:26:15,090
It was the best of times.

406
00:26:15,100 --> 00:26:17,990
If only someone had told me.

407
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:23,790
Mistakes were made, hearts were
broken, harsh lessons learned.

408
00:26:24,100 --> 00:26:31,190
My family goes on without me, while
I drown in a sea of pointless pussy.

409
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,590
I don't know how I got here.

410
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:41,290
But here I am, rotting away
in the warm california sun.

411
00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:46,290
There are things I need to figure
out, for her sake, at least.

412
00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:48,190
The clock is ticking.

413
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,590
The gap is widening.

414
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,990
She won't always love me no matter what.

415
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,890
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
Proudly presents...

416
00:26:58,900 --> 00:27:02,590
sync:YTET-addychristen
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-

417
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:06,290
Californication
Season 1 Episode 03