1 00:01:25,380 --> 00:01:26,600 I'm back, 2 00:01:26,860 --> 00:01:29,925 and you're Black, which is cool. I'm a big fan of Black Jesus. 3 00:01:30,065 --> 00:01:32,929 High five. Don't leave me hanging. There you go. 4 00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:38,200 - Can I help you, my son? - Hey, padre. 5 00:01:38,378 --> 00:01:41,294 No, I was just trying to check in with J.Z. up there. 6 00:01:42,740 --> 00:01:44,257 Anything I can help you with? 7 00:01:44,454 --> 00:01:47,037 Sure you don't have a grab-ass appointment with an Altar Boy? 8 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,122 There's plenty of time for that. 9 00:01:54,837 --> 00:01:56,296 You checking out my package? 10 00:01:57,868 --> 00:02:00,551 You don't want to suck my cock, do you? 11 00:02:01,475 --> 00:02:03,053 Do you want me to suck your cock? 12 00:02:03,678 --> 00:02:04,930 Do you want me 13 00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:08,199 to want you to suck my cock? 14 00:02:09,277 --> 00:02:13,042 - You want to tell me why you're here? - It's about a girl. She's beautiful. 15 00:02:13,182 --> 00:02:15,190 She's smart and funny, 16 00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:18,318 - up for all kinds of intercourse. - But she's not Karen. 17 00:02:18,836 --> 00:02:21,363 - I didn't say that. - Karen doesn't love you, Hank. 18 00:02:22,888 --> 00:02:23,991 She loves me. 19 00:02:42,436 --> 00:02:43,759 With a gay priest! 20 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:47,248 Fuck me. 21 00:02:48,071 --> 00:02:51,339 Has anyone ever told you you have a lot of bad dreams? 22 00:02:52,155 --> 00:02:54,859 What's wrong with Black Jesus and a gay priest 23 00:02:55,084 --> 00:02:58,034 just looking for a little oral to get him through his night? 24 00:02:58,985 --> 00:03:00,262 L.O.L. 25 00:03:00,661 --> 00:03:02,088 What was that? 26 00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:05,149 What'd you just say just now? L.O.L.? 27 00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:08,972 - "Laugh out loud"? - Yep. 28 00:03:09,745 --> 00:03:13,018 That's a part of your lexicon? Really? L.O.L.? 29 00:03:13,801 --> 00:03:15,740 Shouldn't it be part of yours, too? 30 00:03:15,881 --> 00:03:18,232 You are writing for cyberspace, you know. 31 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,125 And there goes my boner. Wave bye-bye. 32 00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:24,737 - What is your issue with "L.O.L."? - I don't have an issue, 33 00:03:24,877 --> 00:03:27,074 unless you count the fact that every time you say it, 34 00:03:27,225 --> 00:03:30,051 you're contributing to the death of the english language. 35 00:03:31,351 --> 00:03:33,117 So, let me get this straight. 36 00:03:33,318 --> 00:03:36,285 You're gonna let the fact that I just said "L.O.L." 37 00:03:36,593 --> 00:03:40,323 get in the way of me giving you the best b.j. of your life? 38 00:03:41,982 --> 00:03:44,029 Not when you put it that way. 39 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:52,803 Yeah, I'm not the biggest fan of the term "b.j." Either. 40 00:04:39,427 --> 00:04:42,504 Baby, don't make me beg. We haven't had sex 41 00:04:42,764 --> 00:04:46,013 since my last period. You know how fucking horny I get. 42 00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:51,889 You can have the ass if you want. 43 00:04:53,152 --> 00:04:54,308 You can keep it. 44 00:04:54,857 --> 00:04:57,176 Last time we tried anal during the light of day... 45 00:04:57,316 --> 00:04:58,992 Not pretty, remember? 46 00:04:59,349 --> 00:05:01,774 You used to be all about the morning sex. 47 00:05:01,914 --> 00:05:04,883 - What's going on with you? - I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry. 48 00:05:05,024 --> 00:05:07,612 I'm really stressed out right now, okay? 49 00:05:07,872 --> 00:05:09,656 It's work stuff, really. 50 00:05:09,911 --> 00:05:11,126 I know. 51 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,660 - Pretend I'm paralyzed. - What? 52 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,593 - Come on. This will be fun. - You need to shoot some glue. 53 00:05:19,734 --> 00:05:21,837 I'll just lay here. Do what you got to do. 54 00:05:22,063 --> 00:05:23,772 I'll be your vessel. 55 00:05:30,729 --> 00:05:32,983 What the fuck are you doing back there? 56 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,223 What? You don't like that? 57 00:05:35,483 --> 00:05:37,010 No, I just... 58 00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:41,691 You can't just go send probes into unexplored territory 59 00:05:41,831 --> 00:05:44,388 without any advance warning. You know what I'm saying? 60 00:05:44,615 --> 00:05:47,652 I was just trying to spice things up a little bit. 61 00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:49,760 Things haven't been hot enough for you? 62 00:05:49,978 --> 00:05:52,209 It was just a finger up the ass. 63 00:05:52,881 --> 00:05:54,618 I could use the littler one. 64 00:05:57,294 --> 00:06:00,916 I've got to get to work, okay? I'm gonna be late. 65 00:06:03,887 --> 00:06:05,070 Love you. 66 00:06:09,242 --> 00:06:10,594 Fuck off! 67 00:06:16,399 --> 00:06:18,124 "B" to the "I" to the double "l." 68 00:06:18,264 --> 00:06:20,340 What's up, my nig nog? 69 00:06:20,961 --> 00:06:22,187 I need to talk to you. 70 00:06:22,327 --> 00:06:25,036 Well, you should have called. I wouldn't have answered, 71 00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:28,101 but you could've left a message, which I would have quickly erased. 72 00:06:28,912 --> 00:06:31,446 Yeah, this isn't something I would choose to discuss 73 00:06:31,664 --> 00:06:32,941 over the phone. 74 00:06:33,364 --> 00:06:34,735 This is about Mia. 75 00:06:38,597 --> 00:06:40,497 You're aware she's in high school, correct? 76 00:06:41,137 --> 00:06:42,391 Really? No. 77 00:06:42,531 --> 00:06:45,001 I mean, I-I was thinking she was older than that... 78 00:06:45,261 --> 00:06:48,422 College, grad school maybe, something like that. 79 00:06:48,682 --> 00:06:51,044 Quit fucking around, Hank. this is serious. 80 00:06:51,559 --> 00:06:52,828 Shit, Bill. 81 00:06:53,645 --> 00:06:56,346 I'm sorry, man. I'm really sorry, 82 00:06:56,606 --> 00:06:59,421 and I... You know, this is just a fucked-up situation. 83 00:06:59,693 --> 00:07:02,352 And it should have never happened, but nobody's to blame, really. 84 00:07:02,502 --> 00:07:05,080 I mean, I'm glad, in a way, that you're here, 85 00:07:05,365 --> 00:07:08,165 you know, so we can get on the same page, all right, man? 86 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,271 Your turn. 87 00:07:12,544 --> 00:07:14,103 What are you talking about? 88 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:18,078 I don't know. What are you... It depends. What are you talking about? 89 00:07:18,322 --> 00:07:20,912 Are you stoned or drunk? 90 00:07:21,172 --> 00:07:23,874 What am I talking about? What am I talking about? 91 00:07:24,134 --> 00:07:26,560 I don't know half the fucking time what I'm talking about. 92 00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:28,140 I got to ask you a favor, Hank. 93 00:07:28,825 --> 00:07:31,623 Fuck. Well, a favor. 94 00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,884 Okay, this should be entertaining. 95 00:07:35,381 --> 00:07:38,216 I was supposed to be the guest speaker at Mia's school today, 96 00:07:38,481 --> 00:07:39,833 but I have to go out of town. 97 00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:44,756 And this concerns me how exactly, Willamina? 98 00:07:44,896 --> 00:07:48,522 Well, I was hoping that you might consider stepping in for me. 99 00:07:49,039 --> 00:07:51,414 It's a creative-writing class, and... 100 00:07:51,828 --> 00:07:53,577 I was gonna talk about publishing. 101 00:07:53,717 --> 00:07:56,188 You can talk about writing or not writing 102 00:07:56,328 --> 00:07:58,107 or whatever works. 103 00:08:00,586 --> 00:08:02,605 And what's in it for me? 104 00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:04,229 What do you want? 105 00:08:06,438 --> 00:08:08,001 Call off the wedding. 106 00:08:08,610 --> 00:08:09,952 Anything else? 107 00:08:12,856 --> 00:08:14,761 That's a nice jacket. 108 00:08:28,697 --> 00:08:30,547 You a smoker? There you go. 109 00:08:33,455 --> 00:08:34,986 All right, so, at the end of day, 110 00:08:35,246 --> 00:08:38,900 if you can do anything else... telemarketing, 111 00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:42,330 pharmaceutical sales, or ditch digging, 112 00:08:42,587 --> 00:08:46,077 major league umpire... I would suggest that you do that, 113 00:08:46,341 --> 00:08:47,861 because being a writer blows. 114 00:08:48,039 --> 00:08:50,991 It's like having homework every day for the rest of your life. 115 00:08:52,013 --> 00:08:53,462 Any more questions? 116 00:08:54,213 --> 00:08:55,650 Yikes. Yeah? 117 00:08:56,423 --> 00:08:58,176 - Are you single? - Of course I am. 118 00:08:58,436 --> 00:08:59,678 Who would have me? 119 00:08:59,938 --> 00:09:01,012 I would. 120 00:09:01,623 --> 00:09:04,759 Okay, girls, let's thank Hank for coming in on such short notice. 121 00:09:07,609 --> 00:09:09,604 Cigarette break, everybody. All right. 122 00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:19,610 - Dude, you're a fucking rock star. - Please. It's an all-girls school. 123 00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:22,957 Anything with a half a cock and one ball is gonna get a rise out of these kids. 124 00:09:23,116 --> 00:09:25,852 Tell me about it. Best job I've ever had. 125 00:09:26,789 --> 00:09:29,362 - They're very young. - Oh, say that again... 126 00:09:29,841 --> 00:09:31,143 Slower this time. 127 00:09:31,283 --> 00:09:32,971 My... My fleshy T.A. didn't hear you. 128 00:09:33,111 --> 00:09:35,036 Stop. Laugh it up, funny man, 129 00:09:35,306 --> 00:09:38,215 but you could go to jail for that shit. 130 00:09:38,355 --> 00:09:40,863 You're acting like it's a fucking Mommy & Me class. 131 00:09:41,069 --> 00:09:43,763 These girls are right on the cusp of their womaninity. 132 00:09:44,023 --> 00:09:45,790 What else is out there for guys like us? 133 00:09:45,978 --> 00:09:48,467 - Guys like us? - I wrote a novel... 134 00:09:49,247 --> 00:09:51,335 - Three of them, actually. - Oh, yeah? 135 00:09:51,656 --> 00:09:54,169 They never came out of the drawer, but I fucking wrote them. 136 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,105 I wrote the shit out of them. 137 00:09:56,227 --> 00:09:57,364 So, what do I do? 138 00:09:57,504 --> 00:09:59,983 Write screenplays like the rest of the fucking herd? 139 00:10:00,146 --> 00:10:04,268 Or do I fight the good fight and promote an appreciation of great writing? 140 00:10:04,408 --> 00:10:06,728 And just fuck the ones who are just bored 141 00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:09,034 and stupid enough to spread 'em for you? 142 00:10:09,345 --> 00:10:10,790 Speaking of which, Mia 143 00:10:11,050 --> 00:10:13,243 - is a seriously good writer. - Yeah? 144 00:10:13,553 --> 00:10:16,150 She's written a couple good short stories, but nothing since. 145 00:10:16,306 --> 00:10:17,418 But they're good. 146 00:10:18,548 --> 00:10:19,628 Who knows? 147 00:10:20,013 --> 00:10:22,619 Maybe I'm grading on a curve 'cause she gives me wood. 148 00:10:24,070 --> 00:10:25,934 Not so much with the character development. 149 00:10:26,074 --> 00:10:28,689 The prose was a little stiff. She was trying too hard, really. 150 00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:30,191 Right. 151 00:10:30,612 --> 00:10:31,990 Van fuckin' Halen. 152 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,099 Is there another motive ingress? 153 00:10:50,377 --> 00:10:52,515 - Busted. - Oh, god, you don't understand. 154 00:10:52,655 --> 00:10:54,215 I could've been there for hours. 155 00:10:54,355 --> 00:10:55,511 Poor Hank Moody. 156 00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,784 What's the deal with you and Mr. Chipwich? 157 00:10:57,933 --> 00:11:00,379 - Meaning what exactly? - You know what I mean. 158 00:11:00,519 --> 00:11:02,416 - Does he have carnal knowledge? - Yeah, that. 159 00:11:02,566 --> 00:11:03,629 Not yet. 160 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,172 Be careful. 161 00:11:05,845 --> 00:11:08,110 Says the much-older man who did sleep with me. 162 00:11:08,246 --> 00:11:10,256 - It was an accident. - Right, there you were, 163 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,078 minding your own business, walking down 164 00:11:12,218 --> 00:11:14,448 Abbot Kinney when your dick on me. Oopsie. 165 00:11:14,695 --> 00:11:17,652 What is this? Open-mike night? Look, just be careful of him 166 00:11:18,158 --> 00:11:19,271 and those of his ilk. 167 00:11:19,411 --> 00:11:21,055 Hank moody, as I live and breathe, 168 00:11:21,195 --> 00:11:23,408 - are you looking out for me? - Why wouldn't I? 169 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:27,067 Aside from the fact that you're mad as a hatter, you're a good kid. 170 00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:31,548 Well, seeing as I can't seem to get you back in the sack, 171 00:11:31,688 --> 00:11:33,439 I guess I'll just have to settle for him. 172 00:11:33,574 --> 00:11:35,580 I'm sure he won't play as hard to get. 173 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,012 Out of the car. 174 00:11:41,245 --> 00:11:42,729 Have a nice day at school, dear. 175 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,231 Bye, Hankarella. 176 00:11:48,866 --> 00:11:50,028 How do I look? 177 00:11:50,373 --> 00:11:52,287 Sweetie, you look great. But you know what? 178 00:11:52,410 --> 00:11:54,813 It's a guitar lesson. It's not a fashion show. 179 00:11:54,953 --> 00:11:58,161 Mother, rock, fashion... It's all one world. 180 00:11:58,303 --> 00:12:00,108 Okay, Avril. 181 00:12:00,368 --> 00:12:01,846 - He is cute. - He is? 182 00:12:02,359 --> 00:12:04,387 - I hadn't noticed. - I look like a geek. 183 00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:05,804 No, you don't. 184 00:12:06,568 --> 00:12:08,392 It's okay. I'll get it. 185 00:12:12,306 --> 00:12:13,334 Ladies. 186 00:12:13,935 --> 00:12:14,937 Your shirt. 187 00:12:15,404 --> 00:12:17,768 What? You're not a fan, are you? 188 00:12:18,177 --> 00:12:19,576 That would make me so sad. 189 00:12:20,013 --> 00:12:22,599 - I think it's cool. - Well, it's just, you know... 190 00:12:23,036 --> 00:12:24,078 - Becca. - Yeah. 191 00:12:24,218 --> 00:12:26,166 Right. Sorry about that. 192 00:12:26,288 --> 00:12:27,956 - I wasn't thinking. - It's okay. 193 00:12:28,079 --> 00:12:29,557 She's my youngest student 194 00:12:29,996 --> 00:12:32,848 - and my most promising. - Oh, she is? Well, that's great. 195 00:12:33,136 --> 00:12:36,409 I probably have some smelly, old thing in my car somewhere. 196 00:12:36,835 --> 00:12:38,840 Or you could just turn it inside out. 197 00:12:38,985 --> 00:12:40,793 You know, you could use the bathroom on... 198 00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:43,067 Or not. 199 00:12:48,282 --> 00:12:50,215 Hey... Dave. 200 00:12:50,585 --> 00:12:52,004 Hey, sweetie. 201 00:12:52,598 --> 00:12:54,151 - Better? - Much. 202 00:12:54,291 --> 00:12:56,102 I liked it better off, but that's just me. 203 00:12:57,446 --> 00:12:58,923 - How you doing? - Good. 204 00:12:59,192 --> 00:13:00,530 You been practicing? 205 00:13:10,754 --> 00:13:12,203 I'm here with Hank Moody, 206 00:13:12,474 --> 00:13:15,421 author of celebrated underground novels 207 00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:16,905 like South of Heaven, 208 00:13:17,195 --> 00:13:19,750 Seasons in the Abyss, and most famously, 209 00:13:19,926 --> 00:13:22,449 God Hates Us All. How are you, Hank? 210 00:13:22,589 --> 00:13:25,317 I'm a little under the weather, but it's good to be here. Thanks. 211 00:13:25,457 --> 00:13:29,061 Some folks have compared the wait for your next novel 212 00:13:29,201 --> 00:13:32,520 to the decade-plus wait for the new Guns N' Roses album. 213 00:13:32,948 --> 00:13:35,192 Which one do you think will see the light of day first? 214 00:13:35,332 --> 00:13:37,928 Well, I certainly hope that I beat Guns N' Roses to the punch, 215 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,314 because I want to get on Oprah's book club. 216 00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:42,290 I want that sticker from the book club. 217 00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:44,874 I want to get on that show, and I want to ask her... 218 00:13:45,981 --> 00:13:48,303 About that scene in Beloved where she squats and pees. 219 00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:50,205 How many takes did she do? Was she method? 220 00:13:50,345 --> 00:13:52,607 In all seriousness, your blog for Hell-A Magazine 221 00:13:52,747 --> 00:13:54,892 is prompting a lot of underground water-cooler talk. 222 00:13:55,033 --> 00:13:56,324 - It's great. - Thank you, 223 00:13:57,231 --> 00:13:59,945 but it's really... It's more like pissing out of my ass 224 00:14:00,085 --> 00:14:02,114 than anything else. You know, it's just... 225 00:14:02,334 --> 00:14:05,622 things bother me, and I vent, I write it down. 226 00:14:06,035 --> 00:14:07,533 What's your latest obsession? 227 00:14:07,673 --> 00:14:10,252 Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. 228 00:14:10,411 --> 00:14:12,686 I mean, we have all this amazing technology, and yet... 229 00:14:12,855 --> 00:14:15,451 computers have turned into basically four-figure wank machines. 230 00:14:15,803 --> 00:14:18,554 The internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but... 231 00:14:18,694 --> 00:14:22,285 But all it's really given us is Howard Dean's aborted candidacy and... 232 00:14:22,450 --> 00:14:24,547 24-hour day acces to kiddy porn. 233 00:14:24,883 --> 00:14:27,922 People... They don't write anymore. They blog. 234 00:14:28,062 --> 00:14:31,655 Instead of talking, they text... No punctuation, no grammar, L.O.L. this 235 00:14:31,936 --> 00:14:34,178 and l.M.F.A.O. that. It just seems to me 236 00:14:34,438 --> 00:14:36,947 that it's just a bunch of stupid people pseudo-communicating 237 00:14:37,087 --> 00:14:39,354 with a bunch of other stupid people in a protolanguage 238 00:14:39,494 --> 00:14:42,436 that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the king's English. 239 00:14:42,587 --> 00:14:46,434 Yet, you're part of the problem. You're blogging with the best of them. 240 00:14:46,556 --> 00:14:48,572 Hence my self-loathing, you know. 241 00:14:49,505 --> 00:14:51,276 Bar chords are tought, I know. 242 00:14:51,416 --> 00:14:52,852 But once you master them, 243 00:14:52,996 --> 00:14:55,812 all the secrets of the rock 'n' roll universe will be revealed... 244 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:56,960 Trust me. 245 00:15:00,047 --> 00:15:02,687 Hold on a second. I have something for you. 246 00:15:02,827 --> 00:15:04,552 - Wait right here, OK? - You got it. 247 00:15:07,181 --> 00:15:08,382 Hey, how'd it go? 248 00:15:09,849 --> 00:15:11,276 I'm sure you already know this, 249 00:15:11,416 --> 00:15:13,295 but you have a really sweet kid there. 250 00:15:13,435 --> 00:15:15,272 You know, you're preaching to the choir. 251 00:15:15,412 --> 00:15:16,910 But thanks. it never gets old. 252 00:15:17,226 --> 00:15:19,974 She's really into it, too, which is really cool to see. 253 00:15:20,701 --> 00:15:22,128 Makes my job a pleasure. 254 00:15:22,393 --> 00:15:24,471 Well, she comes by it honestly. 255 00:15:24,611 --> 00:15:27,294 I mean, her dad is really into music... 256 00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:31,733 - and I was in a band once. - I'd love to hear the stories sometime. 257 00:15:34,877 --> 00:15:35,956 Excuse me. 258 00:15:39,007 --> 00:15:40,077 Hello? 259 00:15:40,512 --> 00:15:42,366 Hey, sweetie. How are you? 260 00:15:43,731 --> 00:15:45,159 How was the flight? 261 00:15:46,559 --> 00:15:48,352 And the hotel... is it okay? 262 00:15:49,190 --> 00:15:51,416 Hey, yeah, hold on one second. 263 00:15:51,553 --> 00:15:52,553 Where'd he go? 264 00:15:52,698 --> 00:15:55,169 Breathe, honey. It's okay. he's just outside. 265 00:15:55,968 --> 00:15:56,929 I got to go. 266 00:15:57,051 --> 00:15:59,204 Um, Becca's just finishing her guitar lesson. 267 00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:01,178 What the music that you love? 268 00:16:01,318 --> 00:16:03,759 I am a sucker for Radiohead. 269 00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,758 Got any exciting plans, this week-end? 270 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,108 - Got to rehearse with the band. - What do you guys sound like? 271 00:16:10,368 --> 00:16:11,885 It's like Radiohead. 272 00:16:12,286 --> 00:16:13,778 We got a killer bassist. 273 00:16:14,001 --> 00:16:15,133 - Right. - Yeah. 274 00:16:15,273 --> 00:16:17,106 - All those things. - All those things. 275 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:19,544 What's this? 276 00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:22,459 I made it for you... some songs I like. 277 00:16:22,670 --> 00:16:24,401 I thought you might like them, too. 278 00:16:25,616 --> 00:16:27,508 A mix tape... cd. 279 00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,447 No one's made me one of these in a long time. 280 00:16:32,290 --> 00:16:34,806 Thank you, sweetie. I will treasure it always. 281 00:16:35,648 --> 00:16:37,404 Same time next week? 282 00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:49,179 Look, I don't want to take sides here, 283 00:16:49,319 --> 00:16:52,994 but I want to say, for the record, categorically, never... 284 00:16:53,282 --> 00:16:56,147 never stick a finger up a grown man's ass without warning. 285 00:16:56,287 --> 00:16:57,408 Don't do it. 286 00:16:57,821 --> 00:16:59,437 - Hi. - Thank you. 287 00:17:00,414 --> 00:17:01,428 Write that down. 288 00:17:01,632 --> 00:17:03,603 You know what? I've been with other guys. 289 00:17:03,879 --> 00:17:07,583 And sometimes a little ass play is not only welcome, but it's appreciated. 290 00:17:07,723 --> 00:17:10,315 Yes, I understand, but you got to be gentle with the brown eye. 291 00:17:10,456 --> 00:17:11,987 Mr. Brown eye's a sensitive man. 292 00:17:12,263 --> 00:17:13,733 Hey, sorry I'm late. 293 00:17:14,822 --> 00:17:16,897 Found a redhead wandering the parking lot. 294 00:17:18,590 --> 00:17:21,482 - Brought her in for you. - Sorry I'm late. stuck in traffic. 295 00:17:21,966 --> 00:17:24,365 Listening to the radio... Very entertaining. 296 00:17:24,618 --> 00:17:26,108 - L.O.L. - Yes. 297 00:17:28,219 --> 00:17:31,123 So, have you been telling her what an airhead your new girlfriend is? 298 00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:34,735 No, I was just about to. 299 00:17:36,031 --> 00:17:37,505 I heard the interview, Hank. 300 00:17:37,914 --> 00:17:40,961 Nothing like being the object of scorn and derision on public radio. 301 00:17:42,251 --> 00:17:43,785 Well, that's the point, right? 302 00:17:44,045 --> 00:17:46,842 Because it's public radio. Who's listening? So... 303 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,500 So, is this why his relationships don't last? 304 00:17:50,801 --> 00:17:53,918 Because the girls can't live up to some ridiculous fucking gold standard? 305 00:17:54,632 --> 00:17:56,881 What did you do today? did you get your hair done? 306 00:17:57,195 --> 00:17:59,506 If you spent less time focusing on other people's flaws, 307 00:17:59,670 --> 00:18:01,826 you'd notice you've got some of your own. 308 00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,807 Speaking of flaws, Dodger game, Friday night? 309 00:18:03,930 --> 00:18:06,785 - I didn't say that I didn't. - Great. You want to hear some? 310 00:18:07,168 --> 00:18:09,762 - It seems like you want to tell me. - Yeah, I do. 311 00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:12,101 You drink too much, write too little, 312 00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:14,597 and the only exercise you get is in the bedroom. 313 00:18:14,723 --> 00:18:17,402 You love women, but you hate yourself, so any woman 314 00:18:17,524 --> 00:18:20,374 who actually really does like you is ultimately deemed a fool. 315 00:18:22,353 --> 00:18:24,882 And seeing as that woman could pretty much be anyone, 316 00:18:26,316 --> 00:18:27,820 this one is saying goodbye. 317 00:18:28,504 --> 00:18:32,139 Hold on just one second. I seem to have hurt you, and I apologize for that. 318 00:18:32,658 --> 00:18:34,722 But that's not what this is about. 319 00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,870 This is about something else. Tell me what it's about. 320 00:18:40,926 --> 00:18:42,074 "B.R.B.", Hank. 321 00:18:44,903 --> 00:18:47,650 I will go and make sure she doesn't kill herself this time. 322 00:18:47,910 --> 00:18:51,421 And by the way, getting all aggro about a little stinky pinky 323 00:18:51,571 --> 00:18:54,290 is definitely a symptom of a much bigger problem. 324 00:18:56,458 --> 00:18:57,469 Oh, jeez. 325 00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:04,369 I don't know what she's talking about. 326 00:19:07,353 --> 00:19:08,353 Bitches. 327 00:19:19,272 --> 00:19:20,272 Intruder. 328 00:19:22,183 --> 00:19:25,072 - What are you doing here? - You just spooked myself. 329 00:19:26,069 --> 00:19:28,378 That was very cool, what you did today, 330 00:19:28,925 --> 00:19:31,527 - talking at Mia's school. - Oh, yeah, can we 331 00:19:31,725 --> 00:19:34,404 please agree right now to never send Becca there? 332 00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:37,532 - How's my girl? - I'm good. 333 00:19:37,655 --> 00:19:40,303 I've got a lot of work on, but, yeah... 334 00:19:40,425 --> 00:19:43,268 I was talking about Becca, but I like where your head's at. 335 00:19:43,623 --> 00:19:46,598 That's embarrassing. I just slipped into a past life for a second. 336 00:19:46,735 --> 00:19:48,307 I still get my mail there. 337 00:19:49,632 --> 00:19:50,967 I love your feet. 338 00:19:51,833 --> 00:19:54,226 She's got a crush on her guitar teacher. 339 00:19:54,348 --> 00:19:55,348 That's great. 340 00:19:55,490 --> 00:19:58,639 At least it's not the captain of the fucking football team. 341 00:19:58,817 --> 00:20:00,040 Is he crush worthy? 342 00:20:00,163 --> 00:20:02,350 Does he bring out your inner rocker slut? 343 00:20:02,937 --> 00:20:05,233 You know, he is pretty fucking hot, yeah. 344 00:20:05,731 --> 00:20:08,219 - Should I be worried? - Isn't that Bill's problem? 345 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,623 Yeah, I don't know if Bill worries enough. 346 00:20:11,033 --> 00:20:12,045 Whatever. 347 00:20:12,633 --> 00:20:14,081 Hey, you think I might... 348 00:20:14,806 --> 00:20:17,280 Take Becca out for some ice cream or something? 349 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,634 You could, but, you know, you just missed her. 350 00:20:21,757 --> 00:20:23,727 - She's snoozing. Sorry. - Shit. 351 00:20:28,076 --> 00:20:30,830 - Can I ask you something? - If you must. 352 00:20:32,703 --> 00:20:35,393 In this... past life of ours, 353 00:20:36,884 --> 00:20:39,993 was I mean to you? Did I ever... 354 00:20:42,385 --> 00:20:44,075 Did I make you feel stupid? 355 00:20:45,366 --> 00:20:46,901 You weren't mean, no. 356 00:20:48,660 --> 00:20:51,267 But you can be pretty hard on people, Hank. 357 00:20:53,308 --> 00:20:55,159 I wish it was different. 358 00:20:56,331 --> 00:20:57,547 And so do I. 359 00:20:58,853 --> 00:20:59,950 But it's not. 360 00:21:02,666 --> 00:21:04,893 How is that girl from the fund-raiser? 361 00:21:05,533 --> 00:21:07,370 She is pissed at me. 362 00:21:08,679 --> 00:21:10,123 - She's not. - Yeah. 363 00:21:11,723 --> 00:21:13,014 She'll get over it. 364 00:21:17,823 --> 00:21:19,150 Is that Bill's jacket? 365 00:21:20,805 --> 00:21:24,282 That's a long story. I got to go. Good night, foot. 366 00:22:21,653 --> 00:22:25,720 You know, it's not fair to say "B.R.B" and then never actually B.R.B.? 367 00:22:27,010 --> 00:22:28,610 But apology accepted. 368 00:22:29,101 --> 00:22:30,119 Come here. 369 00:22:30,992 --> 00:22:33,349 - Good morning. - Good morning. 370 00:22:33,988 --> 00:22:35,806 I needed my black skirt. 371 00:22:36,090 --> 00:22:38,397 That's understandable. It's probably hard 372 00:22:38,524 --> 00:22:41,394 to be taken seriously in a courtroom when you're bottomless. 373 00:22:41,868 --> 00:22:44,651 Though I would take you seriously. 374 00:22:46,214 --> 00:22:49,348 I... also wanted to give you this. 375 00:22:50,563 --> 00:22:51,636 Shit. 376 00:22:52,890 --> 00:22:54,811 So, you're gonna blow this whole thing 377 00:22:55,048 --> 00:22:57,479 my issues with the language of cyberspace? 378 00:22:57,717 --> 00:22:59,936 What's this whole thing you're talking about? 379 00:23:00,107 --> 00:23:02,780 We drink, we fuck, we watch old movies in your apartment. 380 00:23:03,071 --> 00:23:04,525 Sounds fucking awesome. 381 00:23:06,204 --> 00:23:08,744 You're just pissed 'cause I beat you to the punch. 382 00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:10,758 You were looking for an excuse to bail. 383 00:23:10,929 --> 00:23:12,220 So says you. 384 00:23:12,411 --> 00:23:15,201 - But I guess we'll never find out. - I guess not. 385 00:23:19,492 --> 00:23:20,834 He left his wife. 386 00:23:27,993 --> 00:23:29,993 That's what this was about. Fuck. 387 00:23:30,447 --> 00:23:32,138 In a way, I have you to thank. 388 00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:35,410 - You really did rattle his cage. - Yeah. 389 00:23:35,919 --> 00:23:37,756 Glad to be of service, Milady. 390 00:23:40,392 --> 00:23:41,409 I just... 391 00:23:42,319 --> 00:23:44,101 I just feel so used. 392 00:23:44,465 --> 00:23:47,046 Shut up, we were using each other. 393 00:23:49,134 --> 00:23:51,752 I love how you're taking the moral high ground here. 394 00:23:51,916 --> 00:23:54,029 I'm sure that if I canvassed the West Side, 395 00:23:54,161 --> 00:23:57,141 I'd find more than a few girls who feel used and abused by you. 396 00:23:57,684 --> 00:24:01,052 You seem to think that I have this narrow perception of you? 397 00:24:01,281 --> 00:24:03,645 But it's you with the narrow perception of me. 398 00:24:03,790 --> 00:24:05,772 I love women. I have all their albums. 399 00:24:06,190 --> 00:24:07,208 Shit! 400 00:24:08,044 --> 00:24:12,235 I think I'd just feel better about it if I didn't think you were re-entering 401 00:24:12,380 --> 00:24:14,488 this hopelessly dysfunctional relationship 402 00:24:14,615 --> 00:24:16,797 with an aggressively mediocre white guy. 403 00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:18,761 I've spent time with the man. 404 00:24:19,270 --> 00:24:20,583 Time stood still. 405 00:24:21,821 --> 00:24:25,014 This from someone who's still hopelessly in love with his ex... whatever. 406 00:24:25,294 --> 00:24:27,075 Well, at least she's cool. 407 00:24:28,565 --> 00:24:30,213 Okay, what are you... 4? 408 00:24:32,063 --> 00:24:34,599 Perhaps... I don't know. 409 00:24:36,255 --> 00:24:37,746 We just missed it, Hank. 410 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,462 In another lifetime, we would have been a scorching couple. 411 00:24:42,691 --> 00:24:43,976 But in this one, we... 412 00:24:44,285 --> 00:24:45,974 Missed it. Missed it. 413 00:24:47,792 --> 00:24:48,792 All right. 414 00:24:50,447 --> 00:24:52,411 Well, congratulations. 415 00:24:52,802 --> 00:24:54,984 Best of luck in all your future endeavors. 416 00:24:55,106 --> 00:24:58,850 And don't forget all the times I brought you to fruition. 33, to be exact. 417 00:25:00,581 --> 00:25:03,792 And when married guy goes back to his wife, 418 00:25:04,051 --> 00:25:08,178 which he will, I hope that you come try to find me. 419 00:25:08,976 --> 00:25:11,378 I hope that you know where to look. 420 00:25:12,496 --> 00:25:15,843 Face down in a puddle of your own sick? Still not writing? 421 00:25:17,112 --> 00:25:18,112 L.O.L. 422 00:25:18,766 --> 00:25:20,257 L.O. fucking L. 423 00:25:21,710 --> 00:25:23,783 - Bye. - Bye. 424 00:26:02,961 --> 00:26:04,218 You're quiet. 425 00:26:05,088 --> 00:26:07,288 - I like quiet. - Yeah, me too. 426 00:26:08,979 --> 00:26:10,652 As long as you're okay. 427 00:26:12,236 --> 00:26:13,472 My heart hurts. 428 00:26:14,690 --> 00:26:16,454 God, baby. Mine, too. 429 00:26:17,558 --> 00:26:18,958 Is it boy trouble? 430 00:26:19,176 --> 00:26:21,485 Me too. Well, girl trouble. 431 00:26:23,957 --> 00:26:25,685 You want to talk about it? 432 00:26:27,456 --> 00:26:29,838 I just want to know when it stops hurting. 433 00:26:31,603 --> 00:26:32,711 Here's the deal, 434 00:26:32,838 --> 00:26:35,983 and you won't wanna hear it, it's gonna sound like piss-poor parenting, 435 00:26:36,129 --> 00:26:37,956 but if you're lucky, never. 436 00:26:40,860 --> 00:26:43,280 Oh, what could ail thee, knight at arms, alone 437 00:26:43,462 --> 00:26:44,826 and palely loitering? 438 00:26:45,007 --> 00:26:48,577 The sedge has withered from the lake, and no birds sing. 439 00:26:49,650 --> 00:26:51,796 Keats, La belle dame sans merci? 440 00:26:52,596 --> 00:26:54,650 Is that the best you can do, dad? 441 00:26:54,915 --> 00:26:57,061 How about something from this century? 442 00:26:57,243 --> 00:27:00,279 How about... You got Dylan's Blood on the tracks? 443 00:27:00,470 --> 00:27:02,995 You ever listen to that? Classic heartbreak album. 444 00:27:03,140 --> 00:27:04,941 I can gift it to you on your Ipod. 445 00:27:05,620 --> 00:27:07,998 - If you see her, say hello. - Dad... 446 00:27:08,231 --> 00:27:11,046 - She might be in Tangier. - Dad... 447 00:27:11,479 --> 00:27:14,293 She left here last early spring. 448 00:27:14,858 --> 00:27:18,497 Is living there, I hear.