Previously on Californication...
How come you never told me Bill's daughter was a writer?
What you...
This young woman's written what could be the book of the year.
Is that right?
The girl's gonna sell five million copies based on the jacket photo alone.
- People can recognize my writing - No, see? I covered my tracks.
I added little bits of me when I re-typed it.
You've done some fucked up shit in your time,
But...I didn't think you'd do that
Not knowingly.
- I'll take it off the counter, you say the word - are there offers?
- Many - well, I'm fucked
Baby, come on. Hey, hey, hey. We were taking a break.
- Are you totally serious about marry Bill? - Yes
What about Hank?
- Are you questioning things? - I question everything. It's very healthy.
It is very healthy. I just think you can't run off and marry a guy
after making sweet love to yours truly.
If anyone knows of a reason why the couple should not wed
Speak now or forever hold your peace
What up?
Oh, wait, hold on, hold on, stop. One minute. Time out.
Unless you just bringing it up, uh...
there's something I'd like to express
I just wanna put on the table
Karen, I've got a car
There's more...
You just say the word now and I pull it around, frank
You get in, we grab the Becca, off we go.
Bill, I'm sorry you're not invited, there's not much of the back sit
What do you say, Karen?
It's not too late
It's never too late
Fly down...
- Are you okay? - Oh, sweety...
Yeah, just a bad dream
Better get moving. Wedding is at 3
I let out your clothes
there's coffee
Oh, happy day
subsBusters.blogspot.com proudly presents
Season 1 Episode 12 "The Last Waltz"
the fucking running, just around the fucking left...
Oh, my God, honey. You look so beautiful.
- Dad? - Yeah
- It happened.. - What happened?
"it"
- "it" what? - "it".
- "it"? - The "it".
Oh, "it"
Shit!
So, I'm so sorry, sweetheart I should have been...
set up for such a moment of subvertible life of a young woman
They should have some kind of kit prepared for something like that. Are you okay?
- maybe you need, a new set of... - Ehi Dad.
It's me, Becca, I'm fine. I' not going to die
and I think I've just got my period, so...
- Can we keep moving? - Yeah
- Oh, dear - What?
- I kinda need those - Yeah, I probably need 'em more than you.
- Let me buy 'em from you. - No.
- Ca-can I buy a couple? - Hell, no.
- Let me just buy a couple of Tampons from you? - No!
- I can't buy one Tampon? One Tampon. - No. No!
No, I won't sell you one Tampon
I can't buy one Tampon from you? Do you have any cash? I don't...
There's an idea: why don't you try another store? 'Cause they make a lot of this things, you know?.
I, I know, but you don't understand,
- I, I'm in a big hurry. - Oh, are you?
I got somewhere to be. I need those, actual Tampons.
- Buy now - Ehi, Lady, You know what? you're not very nice.
- Excuse me? - Yeah, you know, if I was in the market,
for say... i don't know
adult diapers and some poor incontinent soul walk by...
obviously need them a lot more than I, I'd surrender those diapers.
Good to know, asshole
- Honey, are you okay? - This guy's been a total dick.
He's trying to steal my Tampons
What the fuck is wrong with you? Why you wanna steal a woman Tampons?
I wasn't trying to steal her Tampons, I was just trying to buy 'em from her.
Ok, what the fuck you wanna buy my wife's Tampons for?
You two are charming couple. Have you been together along?
Are you looking to get your ass kicked?
Normally I'd say: "Go for it. Kick his ass"
- but we're running out of time here, Dad. - I know, sweety, you're right.
When you're right, you're right. Let's blow this pop circumstance.
- Enjoy the shit out of your Tampons. - Thanks a lot.
Go, go, Becca, go.
- Come here. - Wait.
- Becca. - Gimme that!
...nook like the Heineken
You're open, yes
Jesus
She's the one who needs them?
Oh, no. They are for me. I like to use 'em as ears plugs
- First time? - First time.
- Where's your mother? - She's gettin' married today.
we'are on the way of the wedding
Oh, she's not marry to your father, what a surprise!
Do you need some help, sweety?
It's not a terrible idea, honey
I'm sorry
- What we gonna do? - You know, when I'm close to the woman I love...
- I don't think, I just act. - Yeah, yeah...yeah.
- I messed you up - No, I'm cool.
Come here
I'm sorry
- Am I good? - Yeah
- How's the hair? - Is good.
- Ehi Dad. - Ehi
Where's Karen? Cold feet?
It's very...uh, sweety from you honey, very supportive...
No, don't worry. You two have a couple of drinking pulse in there
a refill too, she's not going anywhere
You're lucky I have a very sofisticated snse of humor
You'll miss my dark side when I'll chris-crossing the nation on my book tour
Yes, uh...about your book
Oh you red it? What you think?
Well...uh, I wanna to say this, after we get back from the honey moon, but...
I can't, in good conscience, let you publish it, not giving a kinda national clima
- What the fuck are you talking about? - Mia, watch your language.
where is this coming from?
Well, believe it or not, I'm fairly successful at what I do. And something called...
"Fucking & Punching", by my 16 years old daughter,
might bring me some undesirable attention
You can't do this. It's my book, I wrote it, I can do whatever the fuck I want,
You wanna test me on this young Lady? I'm in business with half of this publishers
If I wanna make something go away, it goes away
It's all what this is about? Your reputation?
Well, the content is just a little unsettling. Wouldn't you agree?
The whole thing reeves like some teeniest girl fantasy
about with having an a affair with some depravate asshole
Who bears and striking resemble to my list favourite American novelist
Who makes you think it's fantasy?
Mia...
- Take it - No!
I can't get high on my wedding day, you are insane?
Yes, you can! Yes, I did!!
Yeah, I'm looking at that end, though
Yeah, you're aware...
that, when you'd say "I do", is gonna be you...
and Bill's baby arm... for the rest of your life
- Can you handle that shit? - That's big, a baby arm, it's very big Marcy.
- That's gonna hurt. - Expecially in the ass.
- Has Bill requested the ass yet? - No, and he's not gonna get it.
- Not even on his wedding night? - No!
you don't denied your man the ass.
you'd give it to him. because once he knows he can have that...
he ain't gonna want that shit anymore. Believe that!
- Hank did that... - Yes, Man. The ass is always greater.
Seriously, though, I think you're doing the right thing
You're so fucking full of shit!!
You hated him. Last week you said, he made your flavor shrivel
My labia... sorry!
No one is a bigger hater than me, but Bill is a good guy.
- He is - He's a man of substance
- Yes - He's not a lost boy
No.
'Cause believe me... once you see the love of your life
hit in the face with another woman ejaculate...
Your prospective changes... It fucked you up.
You loose your innocence. It's a fucked up.
Ehi, Mars...
I slept with Hank.
Ok. Either I'm really fucking bad, or you just told me that you bond Hank.
His Dad's just died, so...
- You're such a slut! - I know
- Was it good? - Yeah
It was sad
Like "cumming and crying" sad?
or like "dirty and changeful" sad?
- I don't. - No, no, no!
- You stupid bitch! - I'm good!
- You gonna fuck your make-up! - I'm good!
Oh, happy thoughts!
What up, Rumkle?
Ehi there.
- You better pass yourself, young lady. - Why? I'm fucked.
My Dad won't let me publish "Fuckin' & Punching".
- National climate and why not... - Really?
I don't really know what are you talking about, National climate and why not...
but that's a good news.
- What? - I think you got, what's coming to you, after all.
What do you know about it?
I know you fucked him and punched him.
set him up, stole his book.
What you gonna do about that, uh? Spank me?
- You ladies talk about everything, don't you? - Just some stuff for talking about.
- So how long it takes to drop that one? - Two sips of a soia macchiato.
But, ehi, I was here to tell how kinky you are. I can tell!!
Ehi, you're looking to get a little of that, now?
You will age to gettin' under a teen-age girl, don't you?
Well. I thought that was your thing.
Gross!
At least, at all, we're taught for the best, right?
Hank had's book back and you get the crawl back to the hole, from where you came
Ehi, fuck that, Rumkle. Say no over till it's over.
You. Lilliputian, you are going with me.
- Don't scratch it. - And you, she wants to talk to you.
- You had sex with her! - She told you?
She told me.
And you gotta hit that shit again. Give her some of that dirty dick, you know
Fuck her and then do the right thing, here
There is something... seriously wrong with you
Are you stoned?
Don't be harsh. You're freaking me out!
Behave yourself
- Wow! - Ehi.
You look incredibile.
Except for the make-up Which is a little cocorish
Ehi, that is what you're going for, I don't know, is it?
Shut up.
What took you so long, where is she?
- Oh, there was bad traffic on the PCH... - Right?
- Yeah - You're so full of...
No, and Becca got the period.
- What? - Yeah
She did?
Yeah, makes perfect sense that were happen on my watch, doesn't it?
Oh, my God, how is she, what...?
What did you do?
What do you think I did. I hadle the fuck out of that shit.
- You did? - Yeah
You mean you showed her to...?
Oh, God, no, no, no. There was this very nice lady at the supermarket...
that helped us out
- Jesus Christ, Hank! - What?
Fuck!
I wasn't suppose to be like this. I mean, I wasn't suppose to be married of some other guy and...
You weren't suppose to flush your fucking career down the toilet
And Becca wasn't suppose to start her period and some strange woman
showing her to use the Tampon for the first time
All those things that weren't suppose to happen...
They happened.
What'll happen next is up to you
- I'm going through with it, Hank. - Then go through with it, Karen.
- I can't cancel it, is not that simple. - I'm not asking you too.
I'm not gonna make some grant romantic gest to ruin your wedding day
You're not?
- You promise? - I promise.
Good luck out there!
And if anyone knows any reason why these two should not be wed
please, speak now or forever hold your peace
Bill!
Yuhu! Over here!
- Mia, what are you doing? - Uhm, excuse me...
I was told to speak now or forever hold my peace...
I say just bullshit, I cannot find my agreement
this could be interesting...
Yeah, I just... don't think that I can follow indoors this union
There are a lot of the balls on this chick!
I told you we should cut this part from the cerimony, it's totally antiquated.
Let her speak... Mi-Mia, come on...
Ok, first of all...
You two don't even love each other! Yeah, you don't even know what love is!
- I love your Dad, of course I do! - Karen, all due respect...
Gimme a fucking break! You're still in love with Hank!
- Mia, that's good enough... - You know what?
You should be. Obviously he's the guy for you.
- Ok, I am so fucking high right now. - Dad!
I want you'll be happy! I do!
You totally deserve it! You got a bomb deal.
You loved someone with your all heart. I know you did!
and then happen die on you. That's sucks.
- But you gotta get real, not just play house! - There. It's good.
- Hank... - Hold on!
If you marry Karen, you'll always gonna be staring
down the barrel of Hank. Simple is that!?
Let's take a little walk!
- You like it, wouldn't you? - Yeah, I love to walk!
We gonna get some coffee, maybe we smoke some sigarettes, It's gonna be fun!
come here
Let it go, all right?
Just let it go. If I can, you can
- It doesn't mean anything... - All right?
You think you can just shut me up?
Of course you do, Hank! Just like you thought you can fuck me
and never talk to me again!!
Hank! What is she talking about?
You wanna tell her or should I?
You've fucked her, didn't you?
Ok, you wanna do this?
for real?
Do it right
Tell him the truth
Hank! What did you do?
Tell 'em
did you or did you not sleep with him?
Of course not!
Give a girl some credit?
It's just a book. I made up a story
It's fucking fiction, people!
Ok.
I don't give a damn about any moment that comes before of this
It's very simple, Karen
I love you
Do you love me? Do you wanna marry me?
Yes, I do.
[ # "Only Woman Bleed" Madeleine Martin]
You wanna talk about it?
you need a hug?
Oh, no...
- Come on, Bubi, let me love you! - You shut the fuck up...!
So, what now?
Was thinking maybe I'm good at the teaching
That's an idea
It's not a particulary good one, but is an idea non or less
- Good luck with that - I hate you
I hate myself
Dance with your daughter?
You don't mind if I do
Later, Rumkle.
- I'm very proud of you - Really? Why is that?
Because you got through it
and didn't get into a fight with anyone
Why you didn't started at least?
You tragically thought that...
But you gotta get hard
I'll take that
Hello sister. Mind if I get him?
I suppose I should thank you
- For what? - Saving my ass
So we're about even right now?
What's that?
My Dad decided to pubblish the book, so....
I think he feel a lot better in knowing that we didn't have sex
but we did
yeah
Yeah, we did
Once upon the time, i saw my favorite writer in a book store and...
I've seduced him...
So what?
Would have been better to loose my virginity in a back of some rage kids bimar?
Now you're really fucking with me
A girl never forget her first
Hank.
- How you holding up, darling? - Oh...Ehi.
Don't worry about me
worry about that poor simpleton over there
You can call me whenever...you know
- Take that! - Come on, Marcy!
I know you want that "baldingo" back! You made him suffer long enough!
Oh, he has been out there, trust me. Be spanked for bitter fruit...
and now he realises that he rather be....
shocking your hairless clam
Ehi, be nice to my clam
Ehi you. Danced with your fucking wife, already
Be nice to her vagina!
Well! I guess congratualation is in order...
You did it?
Looks like I did
Good for you
- Ok, this is starting to gimme **** - That's right, you're a woman now
- Shut up - Baby....
May I....?
Dance?
You?!
Why didn't I did this with you more often?
Remember you thought it was stupid
Sounds familiar
and once again the joke's on me because I'm the stupid one
You know, I'm sorry I never gave you a day like today
I don't know what I was so afraid of...
So negative.
Because I look around and...
I think at the most beautiful thing I ever seen
insight from you
I believe that's our daughter
- Oh, she has date... - Oh, don't stare, don't stare or she'll kill us.
Just *******, so fast
I don't know when I met you I thought just now
Seem like just a second ago.
Excuse me, Hank, I will mind to dance with my wife.
Bill, of course. Be good to her.
********
But I blew it
Oh, that's what I call fucking Rumkle.
You go, girl.
Ok, don't push your luck Clapton.
Becca, meet me in the car in 3 and half minutes and no more. And you?
No tongue. I'm serious. That's not cool
Check yourself for you're rigidy-rigidy-right yourself
Stay away from musicians. They're nothing but trouble.
He asked me out
On a date
Fantastic
Can I go?
Of course you can go
- Impressed? - Really.
Maybe is possible, after all this time, for your old man to grow the fuck up already
Maybe it'd happen anyway, whether you like it or not.
Yeah
I get my last trip to the Valley, you shit out of...
Hank!!!
Wait! Hank! Hank!!
Wait! Quick, quick! Let's go!!! Drive your car!
- Are you sure? - Yes, quick! Before I'll change my fucking mind
- I'm sorry, I'm late. - Karen!!!
Karen, wait! Come back!
Karen!!