1
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Previously on Californication.

2
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so...why the vasectomy?

3
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i hate the rubbers

4
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what happened  back there could have happened to anybody

5
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wrong place,wrong time,wrong vagina

6
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i think it's time i go have a little chat with our president

7
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That's it.  Runkle is ankling.

8
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you'r sure you don't want me to step outside?

9
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I've had way grosser dudes than you

10
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staring into the business end of my cooter all day long.

11
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porn

12
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julian is a writer too

13
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really?my condolenses

14
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what i write about is accessing the artist

15
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it exists within every single ones

16
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so why not get this straight. your name is trixie

17
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and you'r a whore

18
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lew ashby

19
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hank moody

20
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the writer?

21
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i got this book deal

22
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They want to write about why everything i touched

23
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turns to gold

24
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you'll write?

25
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Hey, great.you'r out

26
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i made some coffee

27
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hey becca.let's go

28
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hmm..you know the house that we'r visiting on

29
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is over the value

30
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so i thought i could just get sonja drop me

31
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at lew ashby's house tonight

32
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maybe we could go get dinner some place in the hollywood

33
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what do you think?  i'm listening.

34
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but with your hands?

35
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i'm like a blind man

36
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some of us have jobs to go to

37
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you know,like responsibility

38
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so do i.but i balance that shit

39
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i don't like the crushing pressures

40
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that will interfere the regions of my life as a  sexual being

41
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i notice  that

42
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But I don't know if getting paid six-figure sums

43
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to hang out with rock Stars all day really constitutes work

44
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-but, you know... -of course it does.

45
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Don't you want to send me off to the salt mines

46
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with a smile on my face?

47
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You're not giving up, right? okay.

48
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Oh, my god. that's -- no. hey!

49
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That's the mailman. that's the wrong number.

50
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Becca. it's mia. she's here.

51
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Hello, hello!

52
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-Nobody's home! -Knock, knock, foster family.

53
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Becca, come on.

54
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You don't want to be late on your first day.

55
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You can sulk later. honey, come on.

56
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Did you have breakfast?

57
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Did I mention I hate you?

58
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Yes, you did. I know.

59
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I'm evil, but just get out here now. please?

60
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You promise you won't make fun?

61
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Yes.

62
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No! no.

63
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Come on. we're kidding.

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No one's gonna make the fun.

65
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I'm sure you never looked lovelier.

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Parents who truly love their children

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make sacrifices to homeschool them.

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Let's go. come on. get your stuff.

69
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And, you...

70
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Good luck today.

71
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You too. kick some architectural ass.

72
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And may the force be with you,

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my preppy-goth princess.

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Hey, and whatever you do, don't be another brick in the wall!

75
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The chorus is the verse.

76
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What -- what the fuck does that mean?

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Work it out, grasshoppers.

78
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Smoke?

79
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Aw, no, thanks. I quit.

80
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Chorus was the verse.

81
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Yeah. the chorus was the verse.

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So you know you just --

83
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you just listened to that song one time?

84
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I hear. I speak. I move on. that's my job.

85
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Right. so you just operate on pure instinct?

86
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What the fuck else is there?

87
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I don't know -- intellect, technique,

88
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For instance.

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Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

90
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Warren zevon could sit down

91
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and talk 12-tone theory with, uh, stravinsky.

92
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Half the cockbags that come through

93
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Here barely play their fucking instruments.

94
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Yesterday the lead singer's girlfriend comes by with

95
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All these sprinkles cupcakes,

96
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and one of those little screamo fags in there

97
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pulls out this little plastic knife,

98
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Cuts one in half, shares it with the other johnny cupcake.

99
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Elton john going down on george michael in a public washroom --

100
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less gay.

101
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It would've been more gay

102
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if he shoves a cupcake up the other guy's ass and then ate it out of there,

103
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but thank you for putting that in my head, you know?

104
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Because I love me some elton john.

105
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Oh, you love me some elton john?

106
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What are you -- get off of my ass.

107
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Looks like we're just in time.

108
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Uh, take-out has arrived.

109
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How you doing? good.

110
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Hank moody.

111
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Beatrice trixie.

112
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You two know each other?

113
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Uh, I seem to recall... an exchange of currency, yes.

114
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Well, cool.

115
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Then you take trixie, I'll take amber,

116
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unless you want to go together? no.

117
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Swap midstream? no!

118
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No? cool.

119
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Catch you on the flip side.

120
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Amber!

121
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So...

122
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How's trix?

123
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Charlie runkle from -- um...j-just -- just charlie runkle.

124
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Where? f-from planet earth.

125
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That's where I'm calling from, okay?

126
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Meanwhile, how about we just get a lunch on...

127
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The books.

128
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Nice.

129
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Hey.

130
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Hey, I know you. how you doing?

131
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You -- you don't remember me?

132
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We met at my wife's salon.

133
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Yeah, you were having your lady needs tended to,

134
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and I was -- oh,

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Marcy's dude.

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Yes. charlie runk

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Daisy.

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Daisy. that's right. daisy. so, the lovely daisy.

139
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Where are you off to this lovely afternoon?

140
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You know, just work.

141
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Work? well, that's great. that means you scored a part.

142
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Well, you're not psyched.

143
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These guys are just total amateurs, and I hate working for them.

144
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I ju-- I understand basic impulse

145
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to want to stick your dick in something.

146
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Like, I get that.

147
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I'm just not one of these chicks that's down with objects.

148
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Objects? you know, like bottles of booze, cellphones, and whatnot.

149
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Uh, toys, sure.

150
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Food -- maybe. food's organic.

151
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Well, some of it is.

152
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I mean, you really -- you got to read the labels.

153
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But once you become that chick,

154
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you're in a box, right?

155
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Forever and ever, you're the girl that sticks stuff up there.

156
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And I just didn't get into this business to become some kind of freak show

157
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no, no. you most certainly did not. no.

158
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That's why you got to stand up for yourself with those people.

159
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You got to tell them what you just told me.

160
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Yeah, right,

161
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Like they really want to hear that from some

162
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Chick just off the bus from hicksville.

163
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How are you gonna get what you want if you don't ask for it, huh?

164
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I'll tell you what we're gonna do -- let me talk to them for you.

165
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That sounds really nice, but -- I'm gonna go with you to the set,

166
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Actually, that -- I'll put in a few well-chosen words...

167
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-That sounds really great but, um... -what's up, sweetheart?

168
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You and, uh, uncle fester need a lift?

169
00:07:50,223 --> 00:07:51,856
Um, look, mister, you've been really...

170
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Nice, but that's actually my ride, so I have to go.

171
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Hey, hey. not so fast.

172
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Are you going to the set? I'll come with.

173
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How you doing, pal?

174
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Okay, shove over, make room.

175
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One real hollywood agent at your service.

176
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In case they don't want to do that,

177
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i-i've prepared a couple of options.

178
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But -- so we've got...

179
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The safe...approach, which is that.

180
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And then we've got the more radical approach -- honey, honey.

181
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I think you're throwing karen off. jesus. no, no. it's fine.

182
00:08:21,256 --> 00:08:22,703
I'm the one that's intruding.

183
00:08:22,789 --> 00:08:23,300
I, um,

184
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I just wanted to check in with you

185
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Before we meet the clent and to through£Ĵum...

186
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It's not really your forte, is it...

187
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Selling yourself?

188
00:08:33,124 --> 00:08:35,256
Well, I'm not selling myself.

189
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I'm selling my works.

190
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Hey, give me your wrist.

191
00:08:39,191 --> 00:08:41,290
I don't really want to give you my wrist.

192
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Karen? go with it, okay?

193
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Trust me. the man knows his shit.

194
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-Oh, of course, i-i just... -give me your wrist.

195
00:08:47,590 --> 00:08:49,256
Oh, my god. here's my wrist.

196
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Thank you.

197
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Close your eyes.

198
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Close your eyes.

199
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Don't be scared.

200
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Good.

201
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:01,338
Now,

202
00:09:01,338 --> 00:09:04,110
We all have this pressure point in our

203
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:07,757
Wrists right about here that reduces nervousness.

204
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Your heart is racing.

205
00:09:11,924 --> 00:09:13,690
Why is that?

206
00:09:15,845 --> 00:09:18,124
Mm-hmm. because you're feeling judged.

207
00:09:19,598 --> 00:09:22,124
The artist within feels threatened...

208
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Under attack.

209
00:09:24,091 --> 00:09:26,457
Now, those are very primal emotions.

210
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You don't have to be ashamed. now, listen to me, karen.

211
00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:31,815
I'm here to tell you -- if you're operating from a

212
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Place of inner strength and conviction, anything is possible.

213
00:09:35,724 --> 00:09:37,057
Yes.

214
00:09:37,091 --> 00:09:44,057
And no dream that you dare to dream can be beyond your grasp.

215
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Thank you.

216
00:09:47,824 --> 00:09:50,091
Believe it.

217
00:09:54,824 --> 00:09:56,623
Thanks.

218
00:09:56,657 --> 00:09:58,256
This is totally uncool, daisy.

219
00:09:58,290 --> 00:10:00,356
What the fuck? you had to bring your boyfriend?

220
00:10:00,390 --> 00:10:01,857
He is not my boyfriend.

221
00:10:01,890 --> 00:10:03,457
I'm just along for the ride, fellas.

222
00:10:03,490 --> 00:10:05,390
Hey, hey, where we shooting today anyway, huh?

223
00:10:05,423 --> 00:10:06,890
Do you know what a hassle this is?

224
00:10:06,924 --> 00:10:09,091
You know what? we're just gonna have to fuzz him out.

225
00:10:09,124 --> 00:10:10,824
Fuzz me out of what?

226
00:10:10,857 --> 00:10:12,820
Listen, brother, if you want to ride in the slam van,

227
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:13,990
You've got to sign a release.

228
00:10:14,024 --> 00:10:16,356
I'm sorry. "the slam van"?

229
00:10:17,457 --> 00:10:18,990
Fuzz me out of what?!

230
00:10:19,024 --> 00:10:21,590
Look, I don't even understand what the problem is, all right?

231
00:10:21,623 --> 00:10:23,557
I'm just -- I'm catching a ride to the set.

232
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,457
I'm gonna say hello once to the director.

233
00:10:25,490 --> 00:10:27,957
The -- the set? this is the set.

234
00:10:27,990 --> 00:10:30,356
And I -- hello -- am the director.

235
00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:32,323
Oh, you're the director.

236
00:10:32,356 --> 00:10:35,557
Yeah. charlie runkle, utk -- or formerly utk.

237
00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:39,223
Listen, I'm not familiar with your work, per se, all right?

238
00:10:39,256 --> 00:10:43,523
But I think it's safe to say we're both big fans of daisy, here, right?

239
00:10:43,557 --> 00:10:44,890
Yeah, yeah. you know what?

240
00:10:44,924 --> 00:10:46,556
I'd be an even bigger fan of daisy

241
00:10:46,556 --> 00:10:48,523
If she would start schlobbing some knob.

242
00:10:48,557 --> 00:10:50,557
Now, daisy, can you hurry it up, please?

243
00:10:50,590 --> 00:10:52,557
We are losing daylight, sweetheart. all right, all right.

244
00:10:52,590 --> 00:10:54,857
You know what? um, fuck it.

245
00:10:54,890 --> 00:10:58,191
We're just gonna put popeye in this scene here anyway, man.

246
00:10:58,223 --> 00:11:01,623
You know what? you be her daddy or something in this one.

247
00:11:01,657 --> 00:11:03,657
Or maybe a creepy uncle, okay?

248
00:11:03,690 --> 00:11:05,356
Daisy, you're going to get some ice cream.

249
00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:07,490
Your car breaks down -- shit like that. okay.

250
00:11:07,523 --> 00:11:08,824
Let's just start sucking. okay.

251
00:11:08,857 --> 00:11:11,157
All right. on my go!

252
00:11:11,191 --> 00:11:12,690
And...action!

253
00:11:12,724 --> 00:11:16,024
It was so cool of you to help me out like this.

254
00:11:16,057 --> 00:11:21,423
I just wish there was some way I could...thank you.

255
00:11:23,857 --> 00:11:28,290
What the f-- whoa! shit!

256
00:11:28,323 --> 00:11:30,024
Uh-oh. daddy no likey.

257
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,757
Daisy, what are you do-- oh, geez!

258
00:11:32,790 --> 00:11:34,857
Oh, come on, little girl. aw, fuck!

259
00:11:34,890 --> 00:11:37,423
Make daddy proud. little girl, make daddy proud.

260
00:11:37,457 --> 00:11:39,690
Okay, there you go.

261
00:11:39,724 --> 00:11:41,757
See, it's your friend. it's your friend.

262
00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:43,256
Uh-oh. it's getting bigger.

263
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:45,024
It's getting meaner. fight back!

264
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:50,990
Then she jumped into the car, and we drove off into the sunset.

265
00:11:51,024 --> 00:11:53,390
Well, no, it was -- it was actually dark already.

266
00:11:53,423 --> 00:11:54,957
But you get the idea, huh?

267
00:11:54,990 --> 00:11:56,423
Awesome. good for you.

268
00:11:56,457 --> 00:11:59,457
Yeah, and we've been living happily ever after ever since.

269
00:11:59,490 --> 00:12:00,457
Pretty much.

270
00:12:00,490 --> 00:12:02,523
"pretty much"?

271
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:08,057
It's a long story, but, um...

272
00:12:08,091 --> 00:12:12,277
One night, I ended up becoming the accidental oralist to this very naked,

273
00:12:12,277 --> 00:12:13,323
Very young girl.

274
00:12:13,356 --> 00:12:15,157
It's been a sticking point.

275
00:12:15,191 --> 00:12:17,757
I don't really know what that means, but it sounds bad.

276
00:12:18,957 --> 00:12:21,657
Do you want a tug job?

277
00:12:21,690 --> 00:12:23,924
Is that with the -- the foot?

278
00:12:25,256 --> 00:12:26,457
No -- what?

279
00:12:26,490 --> 00:12:28,890
A little hand release? oh, no, thanks.

280
00:12:28,924 --> 00:12:30,490
I'm not a big fan of hand work in general.

281
00:12:30,523 --> 00:12:32,418
And I don't think it would be appropriate,

282
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,990
Given the story I just told you.

283
00:12:34,024 --> 00:12:36,790
I was just asking. I am on the clock.

284
00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:38,423
Record company's dime.

285
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:40,990
Not that you're not doing a great job on my toes.

286
00:12:44,290 --> 00:12:46,657
I just thought I'd put it out there.

287
00:12:46,690 --> 00:12:48,024
It's hardly cheating.

288
00:12:48,057 --> 00:12:50,490
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is.

289
00:12:51,523 --> 00:12:52,724
Maybe you're right.

290
00:12:52,757 --> 00:12:55,457
Sometimes my whore logic gets all fucked up.

291
00:12:55,490 --> 00:12:57,988
But I can tell you that there's a lot of husbands and

292
00:12:57,988 --> 00:13:00,957
Boyfriends out there who would not file that under "cheating."

293
00:13:00,990 --> 00:13:03,112
Yeah, well, call me an old fuddy-duddy,

294
00:13:03,112 --> 00:13:07,356
But I think anytime the tumescent head makes an appearance, it's cheating.

295
00:13:07,390 --> 00:13:08,757
Is that good dirty talk?

296
00:13:08,790 --> 00:13:12,190
Like, if I said to a client, "you're so fucking tumescent right now,

297
00:13:12,190 --> 00:13:13,256
" would that be hot?

298
00:13:13,290 --> 00:13:16,290
Makes my wiener feel a little weird, but that's just me.

299
00:13:16,323 --> 00:13:17,890
I like words.

300
00:13:17,924 --> 00:13:19,824
How come you never called me?

301
00:13:19,857 --> 00:13:22,824
If you remember, I was a little strapped for cash.

302
00:13:22,857 --> 00:13:25,523
You could have called to ask me out on a proper date.

303
00:13:25,557 --> 00:13:27,890
I did give you my card, didn't i?

304
00:13:27,924 --> 00:13:30,057
I just figured you give it to all the fellas.

305
00:13:30,091 --> 00:13:31,857
No. no?

306
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:33,290
No.

307
00:13:33,323 --> 00:13:35,924
You really got under my skin, hank moody.

308
00:13:35,957 --> 00:13:37,990
I just couldn't shake you off.

309
00:13:38,024 --> 00:13:38,280
Like,

310
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:41,607
I'd be blowing some gross persian dude at the whore

311
00:13:41,607 --> 00:13:45,390
Seasons and I'd be thinking, "i wonder how hank's doing?"

312
00:13:45,423 --> 00:13:48,256
Fuck, that's romantic.

313
00:13:52,423 --> 00:13:54,157
Are you guys gonna bang or what?

314
00:13:54,191 --> 00:13:55,757
What's it to you, bo bice?

315
00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:56,924
I don't know.

316
00:13:56,957 --> 00:14:00,228
I was just thinking about how rad it would be to bend you over that

317
00:14:00,228 --> 00:14:03,890
Balcony and scream, "i'm the king of the world!" as I'm about to pop, huh?

318
00:14:03,924 --> 00:14:05,724
How about in a bed with a condom?

319
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:06,790
Whatever, dude.

320
00:14:06,824 --> 00:14:07,890
Sure about this?

321
00:14:07,924 --> 00:14:09,157
All in a day's work.

322
00:14:09,191 --> 00:14:11,423
Hey, man, you want to watch for your book?

323
00:14:11,457 --> 00:14:13,690
Oh, hey, thanks, but I'll pass.

324
00:14:13,724 --> 00:14:15,091
Be good to the lady.

325
00:14:15,124 --> 00:14:16,957
Don't fuck up her toes.

326
00:14:47,957 --> 00:14:50,323
You might not want to sit there.

327
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:53,290
Why? have you got the herp or something?

328
00:14:55,057 --> 00:14:56,390
No.

329
00:14:56,423 --> 00:14:58,091
Then I'm good.

330
00:14:59,256 --> 00:15:00,790
Look, but s-seriously.

331
00:15:00,824 --> 00:15:04,390
If you sit here, people are gonna think you're weird.

332
00:15:06,057 --> 00:15:07,490
How unfortunate.

333
00:15:07,523 --> 00:15:12,124
And here I was planning to run for prom queen.

334
00:15:14,757 --> 00:15:16,390
You're weird.

335
00:15:16,423 --> 00:15:20,057
At least I'm not the only boy at an all-girls school.

336
00:15:21,824 --> 00:15:26,790
For your information, I don't actually go here.

337
00:15:26,824 --> 00:15:28,457
I got suspended from my real school.

338
00:15:28,490 --> 00:15:29,924
Some bullshit I didn't even do.

339
00:15:29,957 --> 00:15:30,855
And my mom was like,

340
00:15:30,855 --> 00:15:33,614
"there's no f'ing way you're sitting on the couch all day,

341
00:15:33,614 --> 00:15:34,824
Playing 'guitar hero.'"

342
00:15:34,857 --> 00:15:37,223
She's a teacher here.

343
00:15:37,256 --> 00:15:39,457
English, I presume.

344
00:15:40,623 --> 00:15:43,323
Uh, mrs. patterson.

345
00:15:44,790 --> 00:15:46,523
What, do you have her or something?

346
00:15:46,557 --> 00:15:48,523
3rd period.

347
00:15:48,557 --> 00:15:50,757
But ethan frome gave you away.

348
00:15:50,790 --> 00:15:53,523
Tsk. right.

349
00:15:53,557 --> 00:15:56,356
Yeah, she's making me read this entire stupid book.

350
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:59,124
Some sort of punishment.

351
00:16:00,557 --> 00:16:02,157
I'm sorry. I talk a lot.

352
00:16:02,191 --> 00:16:04,057
You do.

353
00:16:04,091 --> 00:16:06,824
And you forgot the most important part...

354
00:16:06,857 --> 00:16:08,057
Are you any good?

355
00:16:09,824 --> 00:16:11,590
You know, "guitar hero."

356
00:16:28,690 --> 00:16:31,857
Oh, man, I think I just found the keys to my chi.

357
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:32,924
How's trix?

358
00:16:32,957 --> 00:16:34,690
She was fantastic. she's a real dame.

359
00:16:34,724 --> 00:16:37,191
We didn't do anything, though. we just hung out.

360
00:16:37,223 --> 00:16:39,444
Well, if I knew you were just gonna hang out,

361
00:16:39,444 --> 00:16:42,724
Talk about your feelings and shit, I would've gone with trixie.

362
00:16:42,757 --> 00:16:45,390
I mean, she's my favorite, my best. totally gets me.

363
00:16:45,423 --> 00:16:48,826
I know you reside in a whole other solar system and shit, but in mine,

364
00:16:48,826 --> 00:16:50,157
I don't cheat on my girl.

365
00:16:51,957 --> 00:16:55,457
Ladies and gentlemen -- hank moody, debauched moralist.

366
00:16:55,490 --> 00:16:57,423
Why don't you, uh...

367
00:16:57,457 --> 00:16:59,523
Why don't you tell me more about your girl?

368
00:16:59,557 --> 00:17:01,523
What girl? you know, the one. the one that got away.

369
00:17:01,557 --> 00:17:03,124
The one with the house in beverly hills.

370
00:17:03,157 --> 00:17:04,623
Your daisy buchanan.

371
00:17:04,627 --> 00:17:07,223
That's not cool, moody, calling back that shit. I was gorked.

372
00:17:07,256 --> 00:17:09,356
I don't talk about that stuff in broad daylight.

373
00:17:09,390 --> 00:17:11,690
I don't know if you got the memo, but I'm writing your biography.

374
00:17:11,724 --> 00:17:12,853
You might want to start getting

375
00:17:12,853 --> 00:17:14,857
Comfortable talking about this shit in broad daylight.

376
00:17:14,890 --> 00:17:16,323
This is it, lew. I am done.

377
00:17:16,356 --> 00:17:18,924
No more of you and your fucking white-trash lottery winners!

378
00:17:18,957 --> 00:17:20,490
What's wrong, sweetheart?

379
00:17:20,523 --> 00:17:22,349
That fucking asshole got rough with me,

380
00:17:22,349 --> 00:17:24,223
And he went way off the fucking menu!

381
00:17:24,256 --> 00:17:25,990
What'd he do, honey? you all right?

382
00:17:26,024 --> 00:17:27,857
I'm fine! luckily, he's a quick comer.

383
00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:29,523
Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, trix.

384
00:17:29,557 --> 00:17:31,623
They're animals. they don't know any better.

385
00:17:31,657 --> 00:17:32,033
Yeah, well,

386
00:17:32,033 --> 00:17:33,454
Someone's gonna have to deal with the

387
00:17:33,454 --> 00:17:35,490
Cleveland steamer that he left on your coffee table.

388
00:17:35,523 --> 00:17:36,857
Really? really.

389
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,024
Jesus!

390
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,490
Consuela!

391
00:17:39,523 --> 00:17:41,757
Consuela!

392
00:17:41,790 --> 00:17:45,157
You're a fucking prick! you know that? thank you.

393
00:17:45,191 --> 00:17:46,490
Show some respect.

394
00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:48,091
What, to a fucking whore? come on.

395
00:17:52,957 --> 00:17:55,557
What the fuck are you doing, moody?!

396
00:17:55,590 --> 00:17:58,423
Slash traded me that les paul for an eightball! fuck!

397
00:17:58,457 --> 00:18:00,924
Get him!

398
00:18:03,091 --> 00:18:06,423
I swear to god, I'll kill you!

399
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:12,857
Back to work, assholes.

400
00:18:12,890 --> 00:18:14,857
We're making rock history here.

401
00:18:14,890 --> 00:18:17,157
Act accordingly.

402
00:18:20,024 --> 00:18:22,657
Look how great your tits are!

403
00:18:22,690 --> 00:18:26,457
Celebrate them! that's it, daisy! moan!

404
00:18:26,490 --> 00:18:28,490
Moan like it hurts a little.

405
00:18:28,523 --> 00:18:32,623
Not like an operation, more like -- like a dentist visit.

406
00:18:32,657 --> 00:18:34,457
Come on, baby! slam her, flex!

407
00:18:34,490 --> 00:18:38,090
How long does this generally go on for, huh, these, uh, cinema

408
00:18:38,090 --> 00:18:39,290
Masterpieces of yours?

409
00:18:39,323 --> 00:18:41,490
Asshole, shut the fuck up!

410
00:18:41,523 --> 00:18:43,757
Okay! okay! okay! I'll mind my business.

411
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:48,323
I'm just a passenger on the slam van.

412
00:18:48,356 --> 00:18:51,690
Just along for the ride.

413
00:18:51,724 --> 00:18:52,896
Although I got to say, daisy,

414
00:18:52,896 --> 00:18:54,990
I'm a little bit surprised to see you like this.

415
00:18:55,024 --> 00:18:56,957
What are you talking about? you knew I did porn.

416
00:18:56,990 --> 00:18:57,433
Yes, I did,

417
00:18:57,433 --> 00:19:00,623
But the girl I met back at hot lips had bigger plans for herself, huh?

418
00:19:00,657 --> 00:19:03,057
She had goals, she had dreams, she had ambition.

419
00:19:03,091 --> 00:19:07,356
She did not -- and I quote -- "want to end up the ass-licker."

420
00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:08,356
Yeah, well, I'm not.

421
00:19:08,390 --> 00:19:10,191
You see any other girls in this van?

422
00:19:10,223 --> 00:19:12,157
I'm totally the star of this production.

423
00:19:12,191 --> 00:19:14,523
This production is one notch above snuff film.

424
00:19:14,557 --> 00:19:15,623
Hey, easy, brother.

425
00:19:15,657 --> 00:19:17,057
Two more payments, and I own this van.

426
00:19:17,091 --> 00:19:20,091
Did you negotiate before you got on this van, daisy, huh?

427
00:19:20,124 --> 00:19:22,757
Did you lay clear rules for what you will and will not do? no.

428
00:19:22,790 --> 00:19:24,390
Then how you gonna get respect, huh?

429
00:19:24,423 --> 00:19:25,757
How you gonna get paid accordingly?

430
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,356
What's the industry standard here, anyway?

431
00:19:27,390 --> 00:19:28,523
Double for anal? am I right?

432
00:19:28,557 --> 00:19:30,423
Dumb shit, we're shooting in a van.

433
00:19:30,457 --> 00:19:31,523
So what?

434
00:19:31,557 --> 00:19:33,256
Does fairness not exist in a van, huh?

435
00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:35,081
Just because we're not on a sound stage,

436
00:19:35,081 --> 00:19:37,372
Does this young lady not deserve the same dignity,

437
00:19:37,372 --> 00:19:40,223
The same respect as someone on a sitcom or a broadway play?

438
00:19:40,256 --> 00:19:42,557
Look, mr. runkle, it's fine, really.

439
00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:44,157
No, no, no, daisy, it is not fine.

440
00:19:44,191 --> 00:19:46,197
There's a limit to how much someone can get

441
00:19:46,197 --> 00:19:48,390
Fucked in the ass without getting paid for it!

442
00:19:48,423 --> 00:19:51,523
And you, young lady, today, have reached that limit!

443
00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:53,323
That's it! bigs, stop the van!

444
00:19:53,356 --> 00:19:54,990
What?

445
00:19:55,024 --> 00:19:57,223
Ovitz! hit the bricks! get the fuck out!

446
00:19:57,256 --> 00:20:00,124
With pleasure!

447
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:02,124
Daisy? um, I'm good.

448
00:20:02,157 --> 00:20:04,690
Little girl, you're going too, sweetheart.

449
00:20:04,724 --> 00:20:05,790
Go make your dreams come true.

450
00:20:05,824 --> 00:20:07,390
But I didn't do anything!

451
00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:08,623
O-u-g-h-t -- out!

452
00:20:08,657 --> 00:20:10,223
She's real scared of you.

453
00:20:10,256 --> 00:20:12,024
Let me tell you something, al goldstein.

454
00:20:12,057 --> 00:20:13,024
Talent runs this town!

455
00:20:13,057 --> 00:20:14,623
See you at the oscars, pal.

456
00:20:14,657 --> 00:20:15,657
Let's go!

457
00:20:15,690 --> 00:20:18,590
Let's just shoot it solo, baby.

458
00:20:19,890 --> 00:20:22,457
Oh, you left your -- your shirt.

459
00:20:22,490 --> 00:20:23,990
No problem.

460
00:20:26,824 --> 00:20:28,191
Here you go.

461
00:20:28,223 --> 00:20:29,457
Thank you.

462
00:20:30,790 --> 00:20:32,924
Looks good.

463
00:20:35,290 --> 00:20:38,590
Where the fuck are we?

464
00:20:38,623 --> 00:20:40,390
It's basic instinct, really.

465
00:20:40,423 --> 00:20:42,557
When I see a girl in trouble, I just react.

466
00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:45,824
I don't think. I just do.

467
00:20:45,857 --> 00:20:48,590
Hank moody, my hero.

468
00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:51,857
Just say the word if you want to be properly rewarded.

469
00:20:51,890 --> 00:20:53,157
My treat, of course.

470
00:20:53,191 --> 00:20:54,924
Seriously, you'd comp him?

471
00:20:54,957 --> 00:20:57,623
Sure, why not? I've sampled the merchandise.

472
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:58,790
I know it's fresh.

473
00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:00,389
I do remember you telling me that you

474
00:21:00,389 --> 00:21:02,124
Never came that hard with a john before.

475
00:21:02,157 --> 00:21:04,031
I thought it was a line, but as you walked away,

476
00:21:04,031 --> 00:21:06,497
Your knees were a little wobbly, so I thought, "maybe, yeah --"

477
00:21:06,498 --> 00:21:07,690
Hold on. Slow down.

478
00:21:07,724 --> 00:21:10,690
Are you saying he's fucking better than me?

479
00:21:10,724 --> 00:21:12,157
Fucking better at the fucking, yes.

480
00:21:12,191 --> 00:21:13,757
I believe that's what she's getting at.

481
00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:15,590
No, that is not what I'm getting at.

482
00:21:15,623 --> 00:21:17,057
Please. What a stupid question.

483
00:21:17,091 --> 00:21:18,790
Are the stones better than the beatles?

484
00:21:18,824 --> 00:21:20,024
Fucking "a" they are.

485
00:21:20,057 --> 00:21:21,490
I must agree with the man.

486
00:21:21,523 --> 00:21:23,957
Okay, there's only one way to settle this.

487
00:21:23,990 --> 00:21:25,356
We both have to have her.

488
00:21:25,390 --> 00:21:26,857
We both have had her. No.

489
00:21:26,890 --> 00:21:28,057
Now. right here.

490
00:21:28,091 --> 00:21:30,157
Oh, no. no, no, no. Trixie, you know I'm a fan.

491
00:21:30,191 --> 00:21:32,657
You got mad skills and all -- whip it out, Moody!

492
00:21:32,690 --> 00:21:35,057
One girl, two cocks -- ultimate showdown.

493
00:21:35,091 --> 00:21:37,223
So, so tempting. but I'm still gonna have to pass.

494
00:21:37,256 --> 00:21:39,590
-What's that word again? Uh, "pussy."  -Yes, thank you.

495
00:21:39,623 --> 00:21:42,824
But any scenario involving two cocks I'm generally not down with.

496
00:21:42,857 --> 00:21:44,256
Unless they're my own.

497
00:21:44,290 --> 00:21:46,623
Don't you sometimes wish you had two cocks?

498
00:21:46,657 --> 00:21:47,990
I know I do. Oh!

499
00:21:48,024 --> 00:21:49,057
I guess not.

500
00:21:49,091 --> 00:21:50,710
For the sake of, uh, business,

501
00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:53,724
That little prick should think I'm kicking your ass.

502
00:21:53,757 --> 00:21:56,457
Feel free to fight back anytime.

503
00:22:09,290 --> 00:22:11,724
What's going on?

504
00:22:11,757 --> 00:22:14,124
Typical male-ego bullshit.

505
00:22:16,191 --> 00:22:17,277
I've had both of them,

506
00:22:17,277 --> 00:22:20,690
But what they seem to forget is that they both paid for the sex.

507
00:22:20,724 --> 00:22:23,124
It is my job to make them feel good.

508
00:22:26,423 --> 00:22:29,407
Though I must say that the brown-haired one,

509
00:22:29,407 --> 00:22:33,223
Hank -- he's pretty damn good in the sack department.

510
00:22:35,457 --> 00:22:36,423
Have we met?

511
00:22:36,457 --> 00:22:38,757
No. Trixie.

512
00:22:38,790 --> 00:22:40,356
Karen.

513
00:22:40,390 --> 00:22:41,657
You're Karen.

514
00:22:42,590 --> 00:22:43,857
Hank's Karen.

515
00:22:43,890 --> 00:22:45,057
That's right.

516
00:22:45,091 --> 00:22:48,223
You jumped in the car! Happily ever after.

517
00:22:48,256 --> 00:22:50,557
That's awesome! good for you!

518
00:22:50,590 --> 00:22:51,623
Thanks.

519
00:22:57,490 --> 00:22:59,091
Karen.

520
00:22:59,124 --> 00:23:01,957
Hey! hey! sweetie!

521
00:23:03,457 --> 00:23:05,390
Hey, did you get the job?

522
00:23:05,423 --> 00:23:06,356
Yeah.

523
00:23:06,390 --> 00:23:08,191
Oh, fantastic.

524
00:23:10,191 --> 00:23:12,857
So, you want to...

525
00:23:12,890 --> 00:23:15,924
Get something to eat?

526
00:23:15,957 --> 00:23:18,356
Moroccan? Ethiopian?

527
00:23:18,390 --> 00:23:20,490
Italian.

528
00:23:20,523 --> 00:23:22,757
Indian!

529
00:23:26,523 --> 00:23:28,223
Hey, sweetie.

530
00:23:29,457 --> 00:23:32,824
Are you tucking me in or avoiding mom?

531
00:23:32,857 --> 00:23:36,223
What, I can't do two things at once?

532
00:23:37,857 --> 00:23:39,623
Was it worth it?

533
00:23:39,657 --> 00:23:40,623
What?

534
00:23:40,657 --> 00:23:43,423
Whatever you did to piss her off.

535
00:23:46,557 --> 00:23:48,256
How was school?

536
00:23:49,490 --> 00:23:50,990
Fine.

537
00:23:51,024 --> 00:23:52,423
"fine"?

538
00:23:52,457 --> 00:23:54,590
Already your vocabulary has decreased.

539
00:23:54,623 --> 00:23:58,757
I met someone with frontal-lobe capacity.

540
00:23:58,790 --> 00:24:00,157
-Name?  -Damien.

541
00:24:00,191 --> 00:24:03,457
They have girls named Damien now? wow.

542
00:24:03,490 --> 00:24:04,757
We're i.m.ing as we speak.

543
00:24:06,157 --> 00:24:08,523
Not anymore, honey.

544
00:24:08,557 --> 00:24:11,724
T.t.y.l., Damien. t.t.y.l.

545
00:24:11,757 --> 00:24:13,323
I heart you.

546
00:24:25,390 --> 00:24:27,824
Oh, my god. you reek of cigarettes.

547
00:24:27,857 --> 00:24:30,356
Yes, but they're not my cigarettes.

548
00:24:34,657 --> 00:24:36,191
Hank...

549
00:24:36,223 --> 00:24:37,724
What are you doing?

550
00:24:37,757 --> 00:24:40,957
I am charming you into

551
00:24:40,958 --> 00:24:42,958
our first post-snip, safe/unsafe romance explosion.

552
00:24:42,990 --> 00:24:45,024
Are you as excited as I am?

553
00:24:45,057 --> 00:24:47,057
No.

554
00:24:47,091 --> 00:24:48,390
No?

555
00:24:48,423 --> 00:24:50,157
That's it? no?

556
00:24:50,191 --> 00:24:53,223
Nothing about you is really turning me on right now.

557
00:24:53,256 --> 00:24:54,824
There's always angry sex.

558
00:24:56,356 --> 00:24:58,523
You actually think this is funny?

559
00:24:58,557 --> 00:25:00,358
It's a little funny -- you think

560
00:25:00,358 --> 00:25:02,890
Sleeping with prostitutes is fucking funny?!

561
00:25:02,924 --> 00:25:06,057
One prostitute, and I didn't even know she was a prostitute until after.

562
00:25:06,091 --> 00:25:09,191
You mean until after you paid her to have sex with you?

563
00:25:09,223 --> 00:25:11,657
Well, technically, Charlie paid for the sex. that's disgusting.

564
00:25:11,690 --> 00:25:13,057
But you met her. she was nice, right?

565
00:25:13,091 --> 00:25:14,590
She didn't seem like a prostitute, did she?

566
00:25:14,623 --> 00:25:16,623
I have no idea, hank.

567
00:25:16,657 --> 00:25:18,890
I mean, you're the expert. you tell me.

568
00:25:18,924 --> 00:25:20,890
Is there like a group-discount thing?

569
00:25:20,924 --> 00:25:23,290
Do you have a little punch card that you use?

570
00:25:23,323 --> 00:25:25,290
One time. I was lonely. she was nice.

571
00:25:25,323 --> 00:25:28,057
And I don't think that's any worse than buying somebody a drink.

572
00:25:28,091 --> 00:25:29,423
Actually, I think it's more honest.

573
00:25:29,457 --> 00:25:30,957
There's no bullshit element of seduction.

574
00:25:30,990 --> 00:25:33,635
You know, what right does the government have -- Oh, please!

575
00:25:33,635 --> 00:25:35,024
Shut the fuck up, Hank, okay?

576
00:25:35,057 --> 00:25:35,366
I mean,

577
00:25:35,366 --> 00:25:37,108
Don't give me one of your fucking

578
00:25:37,108 --> 00:25:39,590
Bullshit lectures on libertarianism right now!

579
00:25:39,623 --> 00:25:41,096
But, honey, that makes me kind of sad,

580
00:25:41,096 --> 00:25:43,724
Because you used to love my bullshit lectures on libertarianism.

581
00:25:43,757 --> 00:25:45,024
You're still fucking joking.

582
00:25:45,057 --> 00:25:46,924
No, I mean, how could I be -- we weren't together.

583
00:25:46,957 --> 00:25:50,523
I'm not gonna be held accountable for those sins. no, of course not.

584
00:25:50,557 --> 00:25:52,457
You're not accountable for any of it.

585
00:25:52,490 --> 00:25:54,757
"oops, I accidentally went down on her.

586
00:25:54,790 --> 00:25:55,990
Not my fault."

587
00:25:56,024 --> 00:25:58,390
"oh, officer, you know, that cop, he provoked me."

588
00:25:58,423 --> 00:26:01,423
I mean, hank, you always have some fucking excuse!

589
00:26:01,457 --> 00:26:04,577
-And I'm just meant to stand here and accept it... -no, no -- ...

590
00:26:04,577 --> 00:26:06,590
Over and over again and I'm sick of it!

591
00:26:06,591 --> 00:26:08,390
Fuck, karen, you want to be mad about that shit?

592
00:26:08,423 --> 00:26:10,008
Then go ahead, be mad about that shit,

593
00:26:10,008 --> 00:26:12,662
But just don't give me some bullshit about how you forgive me

594
00:26:12,662 --> 00:26:15,490
And then dredge up shit from the past that I can't possibly fix!

595
00:26:15,523 --> 00:26:17,124
That's not forgiveness!

596
00:26:17,157 --> 00:26:18,757
That's not giving it another shot!

597
00:26:18,790 --> 00:26:20,924
I'm not talking about the past, okay?

598
00:26:20,957 --> 00:26:22,657
I'm talking about right now.

599
00:26:22,690 --> 00:26:25,390
I'm talking about trying to make this work, hank!

600
00:26:25,423 --> 00:26:27,423
Okay, well, how am I different from this morning?

601
00:26:27,457 --> 00:26:29,124
What's changed?

602
00:26:29,157 --> 00:26:32,124
Yeah, nothing's changed. you're right.

603
00:26:32,157 --> 00:26:33,490
That's the fucking problem.

604
00:26:33,491 --> 00:26:33,615
No,

605
00:26:33,615 --> 00:26:35,586
I'll tell you the fucking problem is that

606
00:26:35,587 --> 00:26:36,524
I won't sit here

607
00:26:36,525 --> 00:26:39,025
And be crucified for shit that I did while we were apart.

608
00:26:39,057 --> 00:26:40,702
Did I fuck half of Venice? yes.

609
00:26:40,704 --> 00:26:41,954
oh, plea-- I -- no, not really.

610
00:26:41,954 --> 00:26:43,590
I really don't need to hear that.

611
00:26:43,591 --> 00:26:45,024
But for the sake of this argument -- yes.

612
00:26:45,057 --> 00:26:46,354
But I didn't move in with any of them.

613
00:26:46,356 --> 00:26:47,770
And I didn't set up house

614
00:26:47,771 --> 00:26:49,416
with Becca and the fucking dial tone.

615
00:26:49,417 --> 00:26:49,980
Okay, right.

616
00:26:50,236 --> 00:26:53,423
Well, you know, now who's crucifying who?!

617
00:26:53,457 --> 00:26:55,990
I mean, that's not very forgiving, hank, is it?

618
00:26:56,024 --> 00:26:57,223
It's not very nice.

619
00:26:57,256 --> 00:26:58,657
Oh, I fucking hate you!