1
00:00:00,851 --> 00:00:02,435
- previously
on californication...
2
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:05,254
This is not a good idea.
you're my student.
3
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:08,641
- i really thought you were
gonna kiss me just then.
4
00:00:08,692 --> 00:00:11,777
- i've never stepped outside
of my marriage before.
5
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:15,498
- i am flattered, but i--i'm...
6
00:00:15,532 --> 00:00:17,500
- what? were you just gonna
leave me behind?
7
00:00:17,534 --> 00:00:19,051
- the gods have seen fit
8
00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:21,087
To give me another shot
at the soul mate.
9
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:22,654
I gotta be ready for her.
10
00:00:22,672 --> 00:00:23,672
- maybe it's time to stop
bangin'
11
00:00:23,707 --> 00:00:24,990
The entire college campus.
12
00:00:25,008 --> 00:00:27,325
- right you are...
[high pitch] motherfucker!
13
00:00:27,343 --> 00:00:29,294
- you wanted to see me,
professor moody?
14
00:00:29,328 --> 00:00:31,163
- look, here's the thing--
- oh, my god.
15
00:00:31,181 --> 00:00:32,497
You're trying to end this thing.
16
00:00:32,515 --> 00:00:34,633
- i've been doing some thinking.
- yeah. me, too.
17
00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:36,118
- so look, here's the thing.
18
00:00:36,152 --> 00:00:37,786
- you're quitting. i know.
[doorbell rings]
19
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:39,454
David.
- hey.
20
00:00:39,488 --> 00:00:41,757
- you're doing it, aren't you?
cashing in your freebie.
21
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:42,758
- i beg your pardon?
22
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:43,876
- fine, i'll do it.
23
00:00:43,927 --> 00:00:46,011
You want to throw
your life away? use me.
24
00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:47,679
- please! go!
25
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:48,931
Oh!
26
00:00:48,932 --> 00:00:56,932
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
27
00:01:00,509 --> 00:01:02,110
- come on, show me something.
28
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:05,180
The hint of a nipple,
the suggestion of an areola.
29
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:06,782
We'll start small,
we'll take it from there.
30
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:09,284
See how you feel.
no pressure...
31
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,036
Unless you want to see
my ? schween ?
32
00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:12,871
Because i will totally unfurl
for you.
33
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,373
I'm not shy.
34
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:17,993
- stop it. your daughter
could walk in any second.
35
00:01:18,027 --> 00:01:20,045
- oh, that's impossible.
36
00:01:20,079 --> 00:01:22,414
- it's unlikely,
but it's not impossible,
37
00:01:22,465 --> 00:01:25,000
And i'm convinced she does not
want to see your...
38
00:01:25,034 --> 00:01:26,201
? schween ?
39
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,203
- oh, why you gotta
talk to me like that?
40
00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:31,974
Besides, there's like
0.0% chance of that happening.
41
00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:33,225
She's not even on the premises.
42
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,344
- where is she?
43
00:01:35,378 --> 00:01:36,895
- huh?
44
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,180
- where is she?
45
00:01:38,214 --> 00:01:41,316
- oh. she went down
to the liquor store for me.
46
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,652
Uh, what? oh, i hear
the front door.
47
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:45,070
We're gonna have
to skype you later.
48
00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:48,323
- do not hang up. hey!
- honey, you're pixelating.
49
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:49,741
- listen, she's with them,
right?
50
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:50,742
- what?
51
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,661
- she's with them.
- them?
52
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:54,079
They're not an alien race
53
00:01:54,113 --> 00:01:55,948
Bent on intergalactic
domination.
54
00:01:55,999 --> 00:01:58,450
- well, how do you know that?
do you have proof?
55
00:01:58,501 --> 00:01:59,734
- no, but you're right.
56
00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:01,069
Maybe i should
check the grounds.
57
00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:03,288
Perhaps there's
some sort of portal
58
00:02:03,339 --> 00:02:04,756
Somewhere in the topiary.
59
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,174
- okay, i'm gonna sign off.
60
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:09,094
- no, no, no, come on.
no virtual sexy time?
61
00:02:09,128 --> 00:02:10,212
Look, i'll start,
62
00:02:10,246 --> 00:02:11,964
And you can join in
whenever you want.
63
00:02:12,015 --> 00:02:14,716
- no, you know what?
you kind of broke the spell.
64
00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,718
You know, you blew it.
65
00:02:16,752 --> 00:02:18,553
- you were agin it when you
thought she was in her bedroom,
66
00:02:18,587 --> 00:02:19,855
And you're agin it now
you think
67
00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:21,440
She's spending the night
with the tudors.
68
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:25,444
I can't win with you, woman.
69
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:26,812
Oh, yeah.
70
00:02:26,863 --> 00:02:28,780
Yes.
71
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:29,781
Yes.
72
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,267
That's it. oh.
73
00:02:32,285 --> 00:02:34,536
There you go.
oh, yeah, come on.
74
00:02:34,570 --> 00:02:39,741
Whoa, oh! god damn you,
that's unfair,
75
00:02:39,775 --> 00:02:42,377
To say nothing of bad
for my prostate.
76
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,296
Skypus interruptus.
77
00:02:46,382 --> 00:02:47,782
[knock at door]
78
00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:56,391
[knock at door]
79
00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:02,464
- want to party?
80
00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:03,765
- hi.
81
00:03:08,604 --> 00:03:11,573
[upbeat music]
82
00:03:11,607 --> 00:03:18,947
? ?
83
00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:55,067
[phone ringing and vibrating]
84
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,327
- [groans]
85
00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:12,584
[phone ringing and vibrating]
86
00:04:20,143 --> 00:04:21,259
Hello.
87
00:04:22,711 --> 00:04:24,096
Hello.
88
00:04:41,164 --> 00:04:42,247
Wake up, sleepy head.
89
00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:43,898
You don't want to be late
for class.
90
00:04:43,916 --> 00:04:45,083
- [moans]
91
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,952
- i remember killing
that bottle of jack,
92
00:04:47,003 --> 00:04:49,037
But i do not recall you
making the sex
93
00:04:49,071 --> 00:04:50,738
With betty
and veronica here.
94
00:04:50,756 --> 00:04:53,375
- oh, no, they, uh...
95
00:04:53,409 --> 00:04:55,510
They pretty much
just amuse themselves.
96
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,012
Could you blame
a girl though?
97
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:59,598
It's not like you wanted
to have anything to do with us.
98
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:00,932
- want has nothing
to do with it.
99
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,584
I'm trying to be a good boy,
you know?
100
00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:04,769
- mm, i don't see
what's so good about it.
101
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:07,355
It's a waste
of perfectly lovely
102
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,090
Private parts
if you ask me.
103
00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:11,759
- you never told me
104
00:05:11,777 --> 00:05:13,478
What you were celebrating
last night anyway.
105
00:05:13,529 --> 00:05:16,815
- oh, yeah, that.
my last dance.
106
00:05:16,866 --> 00:05:18,900
I'm done.
107
00:05:18,934 --> 00:05:20,152
- with what?
108
00:05:20,203 --> 00:05:21,486
- the stripping.
109
00:05:21,537 --> 00:05:23,738
- oh, wow, you don't say.
110
00:05:23,772 --> 00:05:24,873
Really?
111
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,291
- yep. i'm out.
112
00:05:26,325 --> 00:05:29,161
No more grinding up
on middle-aged hard-ons for me,
113
00:05:29,212 --> 00:05:30,912
Except for yours, of course.
114
00:05:30,946 --> 00:05:32,797
- who you calling middle aged?
115
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,783
- you, my old dude boyfriend.
116
00:05:35,801 --> 00:05:39,287
- oh, stop it.
you're gonna make me blush.
117
00:05:39,305 --> 00:05:41,139
So what is next for you?
118
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,257
- writing.
119
00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:43,758
I'm gonna give it a shot.
120
00:05:43,792 --> 00:05:46,261
I mean, fuck, it's what
makes me the happiest, right?
121
00:05:46,295 --> 00:05:49,147
Who cares if i die poor,
drunk, and alone?
122
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,632
- well, who's to say
123
00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:52,684
That you're not gonna end up
like that anyway?
124
00:05:52,735 --> 00:05:56,821
- mm. well, thank you
for showing me the light, teach.
125
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,824
- well, it's been my pleasure
and an honor.
126
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,143
Just happy
that my half-baked wisdom
127
00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:04,112
Could assist you
in any way...
128
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:06,314
- oh, no.
129
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:08,816
Don't tell me you're trying
to break up with me again.
130
00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:10,585
- well,
to be fair and balanced
131
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,420
The term "breaking up" implies
132
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,156
That once upon a time,
we were together.
133
00:06:15,174 --> 00:06:18,426
- okay, so then,
just to be clear,
134
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,545
The sheer amount
of no-holds-barred sex
135
00:06:20,596 --> 00:06:23,181
That we've been having recently
does not indicate
136
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,883
A certain level
of intimacy.
137
00:06:24,934 --> 00:06:30,004
- sure. sure, it does.
what's your point?
138
00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:31,773
- god, for someone who loves
women so much,
139
00:06:31,807 --> 00:06:34,025
You sure don't understand them
very well.
140
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,978
- i know this seems
all bridges of madison county
141
00:06:37,012 --> 00:06:38,196
Right now, but...
142
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,481
- oh. [laughs]
- it's really just more
143
00:06:39,515 --> 00:06:41,483
Of a rite of passage
for you.
144
00:06:41,517 --> 00:06:45,570
Every comely college-age
undergrad has an affair
145
00:06:45,621 --> 00:06:47,739
With her favorite
middle-aged professor.
146
00:06:47,790 --> 00:06:49,407
- oh.
- even my old lady had one,
147
00:06:49,458 --> 00:06:51,493
And it used to bum me out,
but now i get it.
148
00:06:51,527 --> 00:06:53,861
It's like she was fucking me
before she met me.
149
00:06:53,879 --> 00:06:55,914
[telephone rings]
150
00:06:55,965 --> 00:06:58,583
Her ass is ringing.
151
00:06:58,634 --> 00:06:59,751
Here, will you hold this?
152
00:06:59,802 --> 00:07:01,886
[telephone rings]
153
00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:07,892
[telephone rings]
154
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:13,315
Oh, i should take
this somewhere else.
155
00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:14,382
Santa monica perhaps.
156
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,435
- tell her i said hi.
- i will not.
157
00:07:17,486 --> 00:07:19,604
City morgue. you kill 'em,
we chill 'em.
158
00:07:19,655 --> 00:07:21,773
- hey, did she get off
to school okay?
159
00:07:21,824 --> 00:07:23,692
- one would hope. jesus.
160
00:07:23,726 --> 00:07:25,076
- well, that's
not very comforting.
161
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,078
- oh, well, you know,
the peoples of the dean,
162
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,196
They are many things,
163
00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:29,748
But not punctual
is not one of them.
164
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:30,749
Don't worry so much.
165
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,033
- i tried to check in with her.
166
00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:34,402
I texted,
i checked her twitter page.
167
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,204
I got nothing.
i mean, no response.
168
00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:38,173
- duh, we're ruining her life,
remember?
169
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,074
Or maybe it's game day
for the crimson tide.
170
00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:41,960
You know how edgy you get
when aunt flo's in town.
171
00:07:42,011 --> 00:07:44,045
- hank, are you trying
to piss me off?
172
00:07:44,079 --> 00:07:46,914
- you see?
is it arts and crafts week
173
00:07:46,932 --> 00:07:49,217
At panty camp for you, too?
174
00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:51,303
- hank!
- what was that?
175
00:07:51,354 --> 00:07:52,304
- [mouthing words]
176
00:07:52,355 --> 00:07:53,305
- uh, what was what?
177
00:07:53,356 --> 00:07:54,806
- someone just said "hank."
178
00:07:54,857 --> 00:07:57,475
- no, that was, uh,
the cleaning lady.
179
00:07:57,526 --> 00:07:58,693
The cleaning lady, that was.
180
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:01,763
- oh, so since when did we have
a cleaning lady?
181
00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:03,865
- uh, soon. recently.
182
00:08:03,899 --> 00:08:05,567
She doesn't appear
to be dusting.
183
00:08:05,601 --> 00:08:06,901
The place is a mess.
184
00:08:06,935 --> 00:08:08,370
You saw that shit.
it's fucked up.
185
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:09,821
I gotta go.
186
00:08:09,872 --> 00:08:12,106
- what the fuck is this?
- she won't wake up.
187
00:08:12,124 --> 00:08:13,274
- shitness. is she dead?
188
00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:14,492
- i don't know.
189
00:08:14,543 --> 00:08:17,245
- ooh, that's
some intense morning breath.
190
00:08:17,279 --> 00:08:18,580
Cheese doodles and beer--
191
00:08:18,614 --> 00:08:20,548
Midnight snack
of champions.
192
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,250
She's breathing.
193
00:08:22,284 --> 00:08:24,002
- what'd she take?
- i have no idea.
194
00:08:24,053 --> 00:08:25,637
She's like a walking pharmacy,
this one.
195
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,589
- she took some ex.
we both did.
196
00:08:27,623 --> 00:08:29,123
[knock at door]
197
00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:35,230
[knock at door]
198
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:37,098
[knock at door]
199
00:08:41,404 --> 00:08:42,804
- top of the morning, chumly.
200
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:44,472
- ho, what the fuck
do you want?
201
00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,474
- this guy know who i am?
- course he knows who you are.
202
00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:48,159
You met at my place,
shared a meal, in fact.
203
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,644
Broke some bread.
204
00:08:49,662 --> 00:08:51,363
- where's the respect?
why's he being such a douche?
205
00:08:51,414 --> 00:08:53,648
Hey, watch it, rick springfield.
i'm in no mood.
206
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:56,618
- yo! hey, studs, step back.
no need for a cockfight.
207
00:08:56,652 --> 00:08:58,420
We're here to see
about the porsche, okay?
208
00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:00,088
You're selling,
rick's looking to buy.
209
00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:01,623
We set this up last night,
remember?
210
00:09:01,657 --> 00:09:03,925
- yes, i remember now,
but can we reschedule?
211
00:09:03,959 --> 00:09:05,827
I've got a comatose stripper
in my bed.
212
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:09,130
- ha! i been there.
can i help?
213
00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:17,188
[thud]
- oh, ooh! ooh!
214
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,473
- man, you hear that?
215
00:09:18,507 --> 00:09:20,892
Nothing like the sound
of a stripper's head
216
00:09:20,943 --> 00:09:22,193
On a hardwood floor.
217
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,845
- what the fuck
is wrong with you?
218
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:26,114
- what?
oh, you don't rough 'em up?
219
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:28,149
Oh, excuse me,
george bailey.
220
00:09:28,183 --> 00:09:29,234
Get a load of this guy.
221
00:09:29,285 --> 00:09:31,035
Last fuckin' boy scout
over here.
222
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,371
? jessie is a friend ?
223
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,040
? yeah, i know he's been
a good friend of mine ?
224
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,076
- charlie, you gotta get
this ass clown out of here
225
00:09:38,127 --> 00:09:39,160
Before i start swinging.
226
00:09:39,194 --> 00:09:40,412
- oh, yeah?
227
00:09:40,463 --> 00:09:42,530
You want to throw down,
bad boy, huh?
228
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:43,865
You think you can take this?
229
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,083
Guess what?
230
00:09:45,134 --> 00:09:47,051
I shit a pint of blood
this morning.
231
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,753
- why?
232
00:09:48,804 --> 00:09:51,890
Charlie, could you get
this girl out of here for me?
233
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,808
- i don't know, hank.
this is kind of dirty business.
234
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,727
You know, it's
a little shady for me.
235
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,679
- when was the last time i asked
you to do something for me?
236
00:09:57,713 --> 00:09:59,514
- what are you talking about?
i got you those reservations
237
00:09:59,548 --> 00:10:01,048
You wanted that time
at mr. chow's.
238
00:10:01,066 --> 00:10:03,050
- yes, you did,
spring of 2003.
239
00:10:03,068 --> 00:10:04,886
I remember. i was still
with karen back then.
240
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:05,987
- you think that shit
is easy, hank?
241
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:07,071
You try it sometime.
242
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,890
Restaurant people
can be very dismissive.
243
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:11,526
- okay, all right, all right.
here's how it's gonna go.
244
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:12,861
Me and rick, we're gonna
take her to the e.r.,
245
00:10:12,895 --> 00:10:14,946
See what's what.
we'll leave your name our of it.
246
00:10:14,997 --> 00:10:17,699
And while we're there,
we should really look into
247
00:10:17,733 --> 00:10:18,900
Why you're shitting
so much blood.
248
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:20,535
Let's go.
249
00:10:21,837 --> 00:10:24,456
Easy does it, easy does it.
250
00:10:24,507 --> 00:10:26,674
- [grunting]
251
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,075
- narrow doorway.
252
00:10:28,093 --> 00:10:29,544
Safety first.
253
00:10:29,578 --> 00:10:31,212
- hey, you're rick springfield,
aren't you?
254
00:10:31,246 --> 00:10:32,680
- that's right, tiny dancer.
255
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,798
Hey, you look
kind of familiar.
256
00:10:33,849 --> 00:10:34,883
You ever shake
your ass for me?
257
00:10:34,917 --> 00:10:37,251
- no, but my mom did,
back in the day.
258
00:10:37,269 --> 00:10:39,103
I think you guys boned.
259
00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:40,939
- right on. she say good things
about my big ten-inch?
260
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,090
- she said you refused
to put a rubber on it.
261
00:10:43,108 --> 00:10:44,442
- that's right, baby.
skin on skin,
262
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,027
Let the love begin.
[thud]
263
00:10:46,061 --> 00:10:48,596
- oh, hey, watch what the fuck
you're doing, rick springfield.
264
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:53,284
- you know what? i've just
about had it with this guy
265
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,036
And his snotty fucking comments.
266
00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:57,572
I will fuck you
till your ass bleeds, cowboy.
267
00:10:57,606 --> 00:10:59,273
- thank god,
'cause i don't think
268
00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:01,042
That's gonna take very long.
269
00:11:01,076 --> 00:11:02,043
[knock at door]
270
00:11:02,077 --> 00:11:03,077
Fuck!
271
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:06,748
Really?
272
00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:09,801
Shit.
273
00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:17,675
- i know you're in there,
hank moody.
274
00:11:17,726 --> 00:11:21,012
I heard the footsteps.
open up.
275
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,468
- get in the bedroom.
back in the bedroom.
276
00:11:36,478 --> 00:11:37,612
Jilly!
277
00:11:37,646 --> 00:11:39,480
- [laughs] good morning.
278
00:11:39,498 --> 00:11:42,650
- good mor--just stopping by,
huh? look at you.
279
00:11:42,668 --> 00:11:44,836
- yeah, i figured i'd catch you
before you left for work.
280
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,320
- caught me you did.
- uh-huh.
281
00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:47,488
- you caught me.
- yeah.
282
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,790
It's a pretty safe bet,
283
00:11:48,824 --> 00:11:50,458
Considering
you're almost always late.
284
00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:51,459
- [laughing]
285
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:52,827
- you gonna invite me in,
or what?
286
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:55,496
- [laughs]
287
00:11:55,514 --> 00:11:56,831
I have something
i want to tell you.
288
00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:58,332
I have news, really big news.
- okay, all right,
289
00:11:58,350 --> 00:11:59,384
But can it wait?
290
00:11:59,435 --> 00:12:01,019
I was just about to jump
in the shower.
291
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:03,021
- oh, perfect.
i'll join you,
292
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,389
And tell you in there.
- no, no, no.
293
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,107
I thought we agreed to stop
those kind of shenanigans
294
00:12:06,141 --> 00:12:07,525
For now.
295
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,310
- yeah, but that's what i want
to talk to you about.
296
00:12:09,344 --> 00:12:10,845
- okay. well, i'm gonna
grab some coffee.
297
00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:12,614
Would you like some coffee?
'cause i'm gonna grab--
298
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:13,898
- ah, not so much.
299
00:12:13,949 --> 00:12:15,567
I just brushed
and had a couple of altoids.
300
00:12:15,618 --> 00:12:16,985
- oh, nice, but i'd like a cup.
301
00:12:17,019 --> 00:12:19,120
- all right.
go on, go on,
302
00:12:19,154 --> 00:12:21,289
And then just meet me
in the boudoir when you get it.
303
00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:23,291
- no, no!
don't go in there.
304
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:24,358
- why?
305
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:26,578
- just please don't.
306
00:12:26,629 --> 00:12:29,664
- oh, my god, do you have
a fucking girl in there?
307
00:12:29,698 --> 00:12:32,083
- give a guy some credit.
308
00:12:32,134 --> 00:12:36,888
Maybe he just laid down
some serious wolf bait.
309
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:38,723
I just took
my morning dump.
310
00:12:38,757 --> 00:12:40,308
It reeks
to high heaven in there.
311
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:42,209
- lovely.
- yeah, it was.
312
00:12:42,227 --> 00:12:43,428
An almost
perfect bowel movement,
313
00:12:43,479 --> 00:12:45,229
Clean as a whistle,
barely had to wipe.
314
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,732
- but you did, right?
315
00:12:47,766 --> 00:12:50,051
- i'm not a fucking animal.
of course i did.
316
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:52,720
What was it that you wanted
to talk about, doll?
317
00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:54,322
- okay, i've been doing
some thinking.
318
00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:55,657
- oh, you mean
some over-thinking.
319
00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:58,242
- [laughs] shut up, you.
320
00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:00,528
- you!
- yes?
321
00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:01,562
- i accept you.
322
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:03,698
- what?
323
00:13:03,732 --> 00:13:06,034
- [laughs] no, i accept you
for who you are.
324
00:13:06,068 --> 00:13:09,370
- oh, you accept me.
thanks, i guess.
325
00:13:09,404 --> 00:13:11,506
- you're not listening, stupid.
- i'm listening.
326
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:12,707
- i accept you for who you are.
327
00:13:12,741 --> 00:13:15,009
I don't want to change you.
328
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,045
[coffee maker beeps]
329
00:13:17,079 --> 00:13:19,263
I think we work well
together, you know?
330
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,515
Kid or no kid,
331
00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:23,217
Snip or no snip,
i want to be with you.
332
00:13:23,251 --> 00:13:25,252
I think i spent years
idolizing--
333
00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:26,587
- sure you
don't want some coffee?
334
00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:28,756
- no. i think i was in love
with the idea of love.
335
00:13:28,774 --> 00:13:30,224
- tea?
- no, thanks.
336
00:13:30,258 --> 00:13:32,060
I like what we have.
337
00:13:32,094 --> 00:13:33,478
- are you hungry?
338
00:13:33,529 --> 00:13:37,949
- no, but now i know
that i'm in love with you.
339
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:40,201
I'm in love with you,
hank moody.
340
00:13:40,235 --> 00:13:42,620
- [laughs] oh, jill.
341
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,122
[jill laughing]
342
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,124
- this--it's wo--but--
343
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:50,044
- no, don't "but" me.
don't "but" me now.
344
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,279
- ho!
345
00:13:52,297 --> 00:13:55,383
- yeah, or i just might
butt you back.
346
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:57,001
[knock at door]
347
00:13:57,052 --> 00:14:01,956
- fuck! okay, you hold
that very naked thought.
348
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:05,677
- yeah.
349
00:14:13,268 --> 00:14:16,404
? who is it? ?
- it's felicia.
350
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:17,855
- felicia? fuck.
351
00:14:17,906 --> 00:14:19,440
- fuck, yeah. you'll be cool?
352
00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:21,308
- okay.
- all right.
353
00:14:21,326 --> 00:14:23,528
Stay in there.
- oh!
354
00:14:23,579 --> 00:14:25,446
Whoo!
355
00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:33,004
- good morning.
- good morning to you.
356
00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:35,673
- [sighs] i can't stop
thinking about it.
357
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:36,924
- what?
358
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,260
Oh. oh, that.
359
00:14:39,294 --> 00:14:41,162
Mm, you liked that, did you?
360
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:42,513
- i did.
361
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:45,800
That was some very intense
and powerful love-making, hank.
362
00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:48,136
- mmm.
363
00:14:48,170 --> 00:14:49,637
- what's wrong?
364
00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:51,172
- not a big fan
of that term--
365
00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:52,673
Love-making, making love.
366
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:56,644
I prefer boning, stuffing,
schtupping, banging,
367
00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,563
Porking, boffing.
368
00:14:58,614 --> 00:14:59,847
[smacking lips]
369
00:14:59,865 --> 00:15:02,400
Anything, take your pick,
just not love-making.
370
00:15:02,451 --> 00:15:04,318
- so much for the afterglow.
371
00:15:04,352 --> 00:15:08,122
- all right, so what can i do
for you this a.m.?
372
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,524
- i told him.
373
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:12,827
- him?
374
00:15:12,861 --> 00:15:15,830
Fuck. please tell me
that by "him"
375
00:15:15,864 --> 00:15:16,998
You mean your therapist?
376
00:15:17,032 --> 00:15:19,200
- no such luck, i'm afraid.
377
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:22,303
- felicia, why on earth would
you do something like that?
378
00:15:22,337 --> 00:15:23,721
- he knew, hank.
379
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:27,425
He saw it in my face--
the pure joy, the glow
380
00:15:27,476 --> 00:15:29,894
Of a freshly fucked
and properly tended-to woman.
381
00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:31,763
So i told him.
i came clean.
382
00:15:31,814 --> 00:15:33,598
It felt so good.
383
00:15:33,649 --> 00:15:35,183
It was the right thing to do.
384
00:15:35,217 --> 00:15:36,684
- jesus fuck.
385
00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:39,720
- jesus fuck is right.
guess what?
386
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:41,489
- what?
387
00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:42,690
- i'm leaving him.
388
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,525
- oh, no!
oh, no, you're not!
389
00:15:44,559 --> 00:15:47,411
- yes, i am. stacy and i
don't make sense anymore.
390
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:48,996
We haven't
for quite some time now.
391
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:50,832
And i was thinking,
life is short.
392
00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:52,834
Fuck it. i want to spend
the rest of my days
393
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,235
With someone
i feel passionate about,
394
00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:55,837
Someone who gives me
butterflies,
395
00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:58,339
And for better or for worse,
hank, that someone is you.
396
00:15:58,373 --> 00:16:00,842
- whoa, whoa, whoa, just
slow the fuck down, felicia.
397
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,243
One session of love-making,
398
00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:03,961
Now matter how inspired
or transcendent,
399
00:16:04,012 --> 00:16:06,097
Does not a relationship make.
what about the chelsea?
400
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,215
- what about her?
401
00:16:07,249 --> 00:16:08,933
- i don't care
how bratty or snotty
402
00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:10,084
That little shit is.
403
00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:11,385
She doesn't deserve
a broken home.
404
00:16:11,419 --> 00:16:12,687
- oh, she'll get over it.
405
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,188
Becca's clearly weathered
the storm.
406
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:16,858
- no, she hasn't. she's totally
fucked up, that kid.
407
00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:18,359
Karen and i made
a huge mistake.
408
00:16:18,393 --> 00:16:20,394
We should have stayed together
at all costs for her.
409
00:16:20,428 --> 00:16:22,780
But we were stubborn,
and we were foolish,
410
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,782
And retarded, we were young.
- why don't you just shut up
411
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,534
And make love
to me already?
412
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:31,289
Or you can fuck me, bang me,
stuff me. take your pick.
413
00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:34,909
Who's that?
414
00:16:34,943 --> 00:16:38,996
- that'd be my agent,
my representation.
415
00:16:39,047 --> 00:16:41,949
Charlie runkle,
felicia koons.
416
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:44,468
- oh, hey, hey, hey,
the dean's wife.
417
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,087
- mm-hmm.
- oh, shit.
418
00:16:46,121 --> 00:16:47,471
Nice to meet you, missus.
419
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,257
- lovely to meet you.
420
00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:56,314
- so where were we?
421
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,766
- i was leaving
my husband for you.
422
00:17:01,970 --> 00:17:03,688
- hold on a second.
423
00:17:09,494 --> 00:17:10,995
- whoo-hoo!
424
00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:13,664
- [laughing]
425
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:16,534
Hey, come on, man,
you want to get in on this?
426
00:17:16,585 --> 00:17:18,085
- you guys are fucking foul.
427
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,921
- you sure?
we got an open hole.
428
00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:22,540
- sweetheart, you okay?
429
00:17:22,591 --> 00:17:24,175
- don't worry.
they're paying for it...
430
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,676
Handsomely.
431
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,595
- well, i'm paying for it
very handsomely.
432
00:17:27,629 --> 00:17:28,846
- hey, i left my wallet at home.
433
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,548
Don't be such a fucking
schnorr, runkle.
434
00:17:30,599 --> 00:17:31,832
Jesus. i'm losing my wood.
435
00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:33,500
Come on, say it, baby,
say it.
436
00:17:33,518 --> 00:17:36,270
- i'm getting fucked
by rick springfield.
437
00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:37,504
[springfield laughing]
438
00:17:37,522 --> 00:17:41,359
? you better love somebody ?
whoo!
439
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:45,363
? oh, i think
you better love somebody ?
440
00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:47,448
- you okay out here?
what are you doing?
441
00:17:47,482 --> 00:17:48,816
- what does it look like?
442
00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:51,369
- oh, that? i got
an apartment full of classics,
443
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:52,787
And you gotta go
with that one?
444
00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:54,739
- what's the big deal?
i've heard good things.
445
00:17:54,790 --> 00:17:57,325
- yeah? well, what do you think?
thoughts, criticisms?
446
00:17:57,359 --> 00:17:58,525
What do you got?
447
00:17:58,543 --> 00:18:00,795
- i like it a lot.
she's a good writer.
448
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:02,964
My kind of girl obviously.
449
00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:05,199
So, uh, can we leave yet?
450
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:07,752
- uh, no, i still got
some fires to put out.
451
00:18:07,803 --> 00:18:10,704
- okay. are you proud of me
for quitting?
452
00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:12,340
- absolutely.
453
00:18:12,374 --> 00:18:13,841
You done good, kiddo.
454
00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:15,393
- thanks.
455
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,378
Hey, don't think we're done
456
00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:19,546
With the boyfriend/girlfriend
conversation just yet.
457
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,391
- hello, hank.
458
00:18:33,228 --> 00:18:34,495
- morning, stacy.
459
00:18:34,529 --> 00:18:36,080
- the front door was open.
460
00:18:36,114 --> 00:18:39,834
- oh, i can be
very neighborly that way.
461
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,235
- you never called me
stacy before.
462
00:18:41,253 --> 00:18:42,420
Wonder why.
463
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:43,754
- i don't know.
just kind of rolled
464
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,206
Trippingly off the tongue
this morning.
465
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:46,757
- oh, something
must be different.
466
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,542
Oh, that's right.
you fucked my wife.
467
00:18:48,576 --> 00:18:52,246
- okay. well, there's that.
468
00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:53,580
- what could you say?
469
00:18:53,598 --> 00:18:55,466
What could you
possibly say, hank,
470
00:18:55,517 --> 00:18:58,853
To take away the hurt
and the pain of being cuckolded?
471
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,307
- i got nothin'.
i got nothin' at all.
472
00:19:03,358 --> 00:19:06,811
Uh, i'm sorry.
the well is dry.
473
00:19:06,862 --> 00:19:08,479
I think you should hit me.
you want to hit me?
474
00:19:08,530 --> 00:19:10,781
Head, gut--it doesn't matter.
it's only fair.
475
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,599
- no, i don't want
to hit you, hank.
476
00:19:12,617 --> 00:19:14,785
I just want to try
to understand, how do you do it?
477
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,103
- do what?
478
00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:19,156
- well, you obviously
have this--this--
479
00:19:19,207 --> 00:19:22,543
This thing with women,
some very strong connection,
480
00:19:22,577 --> 00:19:23,911
That no matter what you do,
481
00:19:23,945 --> 00:19:25,913
No matter how big
of an ass you are,
482
00:19:25,947 --> 00:19:28,716
They seem to respond.
you're a goddamn girl whisperer.
483
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,284
- okay.
484
00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:32,619
Have you listened
to your wife lately?
485
00:19:32,637 --> 00:19:34,221
- have you? because she gives
every indication
486
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,289
Of being a woman scorned.
487
00:19:35,307 --> 00:19:36,474
Now, far be it from me
488
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:37,975
To poke my nose
into the dean's business,
489
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:41,345
But it seems to me
like you hurt her first.
490
00:19:41,396 --> 00:19:43,848
- you're right, i did.
491
00:19:43,899 --> 00:19:45,266
I was weak. i cheated.
492
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:47,685
- well...
- stepped outside my marriage.
493
00:19:47,736 --> 00:19:49,470
Humiliated my better half.
494
00:19:49,488 --> 00:19:50,988
- it happens.
495
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,774
- but she was so hot, hank,
this student of mine.
496
00:19:53,808 --> 00:19:55,642
You should have seen her.
- dean-o.
497
00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:57,278
- a priest would have
defiled this girl.
498
00:19:57,312 --> 00:19:58,612
- wow. well,
you might want to keep
499
00:19:58,646 --> 00:20:00,331
Those kind of details
to yourself.
500
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,533
- oh, felicia is wonderful.
501
00:20:02,584 --> 00:20:05,286
A beautiful wife,
a beautiful mother.
502
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:06,287
I was in love with her
503
00:20:06,321 --> 00:20:07,671
The first moment
i set eyes on her.
504
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:08,839
I knew she was the one.
505
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,758
She was always a little reserved
in the sack.
506
00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,543
The british, you know.
- yeah.
507
00:20:12,594 --> 00:20:14,328
- there was never a surplus
of oral,
508
00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:17,348
And whatever there was dried up
right after the wedding.
509
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,350
- okay.
- i never understood that.
510
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:20,634
- yeah. here you go.
511
00:20:20,668 --> 00:20:22,103
- a man likes to get
his dick sucked.
512
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:23,387
Well, you know.
513
00:20:23,438 --> 00:20:26,474
- maybe if you took a goddamn
shower once in a while.
514
00:20:26,508 --> 00:20:28,526
Do you really think a woman
wants to go down on a man
515
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,194
Who just walked in
off the tennis court?
516
00:20:30,228 --> 00:20:32,179
Or just came in
from a ride, huh?
517
00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:34,782
You think i want to peel off
those sweaty bike shorts
518
00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:36,617
And go to town? disgusting!
519
00:20:36,651 --> 00:20:39,703
- i'm sorry, felicia,
but that just so happens to be
520
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:41,655
When this man
is at his horniest.
521
00:20:41,689 --> 00:20:42,689
You know that.
522
00:20:42,707 --> 00:20:44,291
- have you heard
of compromise, stacy?
523
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:46,127
- compromise--i like
where this is going.
524
00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:48,379
- divorce court--
that's where this is going.
525
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:49,914
- hey, what are you
doing here anyway?
526
00:20:49,965 --> 00:20:51,999
A free pass means once--
no repeat business.
527
00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:53,867
And we're gonna be discussing
this in therapy.
528
00:20:53,885 --> 00:20:55,553
Just you watch.
- that's an excellent idea.
529
00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:57,221
Therapize the fuck
out of this shit.
530
00:20:57,255 --> 00:20:58,556
- and you're coming
with us, hank.
531
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,541
- oh, that's an awful idea.
- it is awful.
532
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:01,675
Do you know
how much of my life
533
00:21:01,709 --> 00:21:03,210
I've wasted on that couch
pretending
534
00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:04,711
We can just jabber
through our issues?
535
00:21:04,729 --> 00:21:07,481
No more, stacy. no more.
536
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,316
I'm in love with someone else.
537
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:11,385
- yee...
538
00:21:11,403 --> 00:21:13,654
- are you in love
with my wife, hank?
539
00:21:16,658 --> 00:21:18,659
- that's a ridiculous question.
540
00:21:18,693 --> 00:21:20,561
- well, she seems to be
in love with you.
541
00:21:20,579 --> 00:21:21,996
Do you feel the same?
542
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:25,399
- feel the same?
543
00:21:25,417 --> 00:21:27,168
- do you love her?
544
00:21:31,072 --> 00:21:33,574
[door thuds]
545
00:21:33,592 --> 00:21:35,676
- [laughs]
546
00:21:35,710 --> 00:21:37,094
What do we have here?
547
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,929
- what are you doing home?
548
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:41,081
- uh, school closed?
what is it, a snow day?
549
00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:42,216
- what are you guys
doing here?
550
00:21:42,250 --> 00:21:43,684
- i believe that question
551
00:21:43,718 --> 00:21:45,252
Should be directed at you,
young lady.
552
00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:46,637
- copy that, motherfucker.
553
00:21:46,688 --> 00:21:48,939
- i left one of my books here.
i needed it.
554
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:51,108
- well,
you could have called me.
555
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,526
I would have brought it to you.
556
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:54,228
You know what? i'm gonna
take you right back to school
557
00:21:54,262 --> 00:21:55,596
Right now,
you little guttersnipe.
558
00:21:55,614 --> 00:21:56,730
No more
of your double-talk.
559
00:21:56,764 --> 00:21:58,232
I'm taking your lying,
no-account ass
560
00:21:58,266 --> 00:21:59,533
Back to school, pronto.
come on.
561
00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:01,702
- excellent idea, what he said.
let's go, chelsea.
562
00:22:01,736 --> 00:22:03,270
- no, wait a second.
why are you guys here?
563
00:22:03,288 --> 00:22:05,623
- actually,
we were chatting about you.
564
00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:07,825
- that's right, we were talking
about your offensive behaviors,
565
00:22:07,876 --> 00:22:09,276
Which apparently seem now
566
00:22:09,294 --> 00:22:11,545
To be not so unjustified,
do they?
567
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,831
Hey, becca. becca?
568
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,589
- dad?
- yes, daughter?
569
00:22:21,623 --> 00:22:25,309
- why is there a naked lady
in my bedroom?
570
00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:26,627
Is that my kimono?
571
00:22:26,645 --> 00:22:27,928
[chelsea laughs]
- yeah.
572
00:22:27,962 --> 00:22:29,296
- way to go, hank.
573
00:22:29,314 --> 00:22:30,464
- oh, my god.
574
00:22:30,482 --> 00:22:32,966
Were you sleeping
with your t.a.
575
00:22:32,984 --> 00:22:34,652
The whole time
you were sleeping with me?
576
00:22:34,686 --> 00:22:36,136
- what? mom!
577
00:22:36,154 --> 00:22:37,855
- well, to be fair,
it was only the once.
578
00:22:37,906 --> 00:22:38,939
- bullshit.
579
00:22:38,973 --> 00:22:41,275
- no, i was referring
to flea and i.
580
00:22:41,309 --> 00:22:42,476
- i counted three times.
581
00:22:42,494 --> 00:22:43,994
- all in one night
doesn't count.
582
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:47,248
- your dad's
fucking my mom.
583
00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:48,666
Dad, anything to say
about this?
584
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,651
- i think this calls
for a family meeting.
585
00:22:50,669 --> 00:22:51,752
- good thinking.
- oh, anyway?
586
00:22:51,786 --> 00:22:53,420
[smoke alarm beeping]
- what is it?
587
00:22:53,455 --> 00:22:54,622
- oh, whoa! oh!
588
00:22:54,656 --> 00:22:56,957
- oh, boy.
- oh, my god!
589
00:22:56,991 --> 00:22:58,209
- [muttering]
590
00:22:58,260 --> 00:23:00,961
- what the fuck?
is that rick springfield?
591
00:23:00,995 --> 00:23:02,963
- you bet your khaki-clad ass,
white man.
592
00:23:02,997 --> 00:23:05,683
- oh, holy shit.
- you a fan?
593
00:23:05,717 --> 00:23:07,685
- where the fuck's that
fire extinguisher, runkle?
594
00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:09,853
- hey, what's up, sweetheart?
595
00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:11,355
- sorry.
596
00:23:11,389 --> 00:23:13,224
- oh, you have got
to be shitting me.
597
00:23:13,275 --> 00:23:15,559
Please tell me you have not been
fucking her this entire time.
598
00:23:15,610 --> 00:23:17,895
- hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,
not in front of the children.
599
00:23:17,946 --> 00:23:19,697
And not last night, i didn't.
i was being good.
600
00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:21,482
I was an officer
and a gentleman. you tell her.
601
00:23:21,516 --> 00:23:22,983
- are these my pants?
602
00:23:23,017 --> 00:23:25,786
- wait, who else
has he been fucking?
603
00:23:25,820 --> 00:23:27,020
You?
604
00:23:27,038 --> 00:23:28,355
Oh, gross.
605
00:23:28,373 --> 00:23:31,125
- sorry, man, i just...
- so you, too, then?
606
00:23:31,159 --> 00:23:33,294
- god, no. thanks.
he's just fucking my mom.
607
00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:35,028
- chelsea, watch your mouth.
608
00:23:35,046 --> 00:23:36,914
- dad, seriously, man up
and grow a pair already.
609
00:23:36,965 --> 00:23:38,799
You're gonna let this asshole
steal your wife?
610
00:23:38,833 --> 00:23:41,201
- hey! that's my father
you're talking about.
611
00:23:41,219 --> 00:23:42,536
- thank you, becca.
612
00:23:42,554 --> 00:23:44,054
- i really can't believe
i quit stripping for you.
613
00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:45,706
- i still think
it's a solid move.
614
00:23:45,724 --> 00:23:47,141
Now, if you'll all excuse me,
615
00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:51,145
I appear to have
an actual fire to put out.
616
00:23:51,179 --> 00:23:53,013
- sorry about that, dude.
617
00:23:53,047 --> 00:23:54,148
- that's rick springfield.
618
00:24:02,490 --> 00:24:05,159
[fire alarm beeping]
619
00:24:15,337 --> 00:24:16,370
- okay.
620
00:24:16,404 --> 00:24:19,006
- [moaning]
621
00:24:36,975 --> 00:24:39,393
- come on, honey, we should
really get you to school.
622
00:24:39,427 --> 00:24:42,196
- i can't believe you slept
with all of them.
623
00:24:42,230 --> 00:24:44,431
- it's not that simple,
sweetheart.
624
00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:45,932
- all of them.
625
00:24:45,950 --> 00:24:49,770
- yes, i suppose i did.
yeah.
626
00:24:49,788 --> 00:24:50,954
- why?
627
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:53,240
- i don't know.
i don't know.
628
00:24:53,274 --> 00:24:56,377
- that's not good enough.
i want to know why.
629
00:24:56,411 --> 00:24:57,795
There has to be a reason.
630
00:24:57,829 --> 00:24:59,279
Make me understand.
631
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,083
- it just sort of happened.
632
00:25:03,117 --> 00:25:04,802
- why do you do things
like that?
633
00:25:04,836 --> 00:25:08,305
- because i'm an idiot,
obviously.
634
00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:10,758
- no, you're not allowed
to feel sorry for yourself,
635
00:25:10,792 --> 00:25:12,760
Not right now.
636
00:25:12,794 --> 00:25:14,595
You need to talk to me.
637
00:25:14,629 --> 00:25:17,648
You need to tell me
why you do the things you do
638
00:25:17,682 --> 00:25:20,818
When you know that people
can get seriously hurt,
639
00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:22,436
Myself included.
640
00:25:22,470 --> 00:25:26,824
- god damn it, i hate it
when you're mad at me.
641
00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:28,275
- i'm not mad at you.
642
00:25:28,309 --> 00:25:30,778
You wouldn't get mad
at a big, dumb dog
643
00:25:30,812 --> 00:25:32,529
For shitting on the rug,
would you?
644
00:25:32,580 --> 00:25:34,248
- i would,
but i'm a harsh taskmaster.
645
00:25:34,282 --> 00:25:35,416
That's just me.
646
00:25:35,450 --> 00:25:37,284
- what do you want me
to take away from this,
647
00:25:37,318 --> 00:25:38,419
From how you treat women?
648
00:25:38,453 --> 00:25:39,620
- oh, jesus.
649
00:25:39,654 --> 00:25:42,339
- is that all they are to you,
walking vaginas?
650
00:25:47,712 --> 00:25:51,265
- there's no excuse
for my behavior.
651
00:25:51,299 --> 00:25:54,718
There's no defense if somebody
got hurt, especially you.
652
00:25:54,769 --> 00:25:56,603
But i need you to know
that i started out
653
00:25:56,638 --> 00:25:58,004
With the best of intentions.
654
00:25:58,022 --> 00:26:02,393
I guess i just wanted
them all to see it,
655
00:26:02,444 --> 00:26:05,946
The thing
that makes them special.
656
00:26:05,980 --> 00:26:07,948
I guess that's all anybody wants
is to be seen,
657
00:26:07,982 --> 00:26:11,351
To be recognized.
658
00:26:11,369 --> 00:26:12,703
Then the lines get blurry,
659
00:26:12,737 --> 00:26:18,075
And the fact that your mom and i
are in such a weird place.
660
00:26:18,126 --> 00:26:22,212
Yeah. hence,
the big stinking mess.
661
00:26:24,382 --> 00:26:26,834
But i'm sorry
if i let you down, sweetie,
662
00:26:26,868 --> 00:26:29,553
And i don't know
how much more
663
00:26:29,587 --> 00:26:30,971
I'm gonna be able
to say i'm sorry
664
00:26:31,005 --> 00:26:34,541
Before it doesn't mean anything
anymore.
665
00:26:34,559 --> 00:26:38,429
- i don't know, either.
666
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,047
But i have this funny feeling
we're gonna find out.
667
00:26:41,065 --> 00:26:43,049
[telephone ringing]
668
00:26:50,057 --> 00:26:52,192
- hey, honey.
669
00:26:52,226 --> 00:26:55,729
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
she's, uh, at school...
670
00:26:55,747 --> 00:26:58,415
Receiving her education.
671
00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:00,000
Mm-hmm. yeah,
i'm gonna pick her up
672
00:27:00,034 --> 00:27:03,454
And take her to get
some ice cream,
673
00:27:03,505 --> 00:27:05,672
Shoot the shit,
bridge the gap,
674
00:27:05,707 --> 00:27:08,342
Just like old times.
mm-hmm. yeah.
675
00:27:11,262 --> 00:27:13,597
Well, i love you, too.
676
00:27:13,631 --> 00:27:17,351
Skype you later?
all right.
677
00:27:21,422 --> 00:27:25,392
- ? oh, soul, all i want ?
- where are my fucking clothes?
678
00:27:25,426 --> 00:27:28,061
- ? is freedom ?
679
00:27:30,571 --> 00:27:38,652
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