1
00:00:00,980 --> 00:00:02,364
previously
on californication...
2
00:00:02,398 --> 00:00:04,149
- i'd like to introduce you
to richard bates, the writer.
3
00:00:04,183 --> 00:00:05,484
- big fan.
4
00:00:05,518 --> 00:00:07,953
- who wants to see me tuck
and do the pee pee dance?
5
00:00:07,987 --> 00:00:09,187
- [laughs loudly]
- [growls]
6
00:00:09,205 --> 00:00:11,573
- whoa!
7
00:00:11,624 --> 00:00:13,875
- we're really gonna do this,
sell the place?
8
00:00:13,910 --> 00:00:16,461
- isn't that what we want?
- yeah, sure. i guess.
9
00:00:16,496 --> 00:00:18,297
- i just want to be done
with it already.
10
00:00:18,331 --> 00:00:19,865
I want to sell
this fucking house
11
00:00:19,899 --> 00:00:21,249
And get on
with the rest of my life.
12
00:00:21,301 --> 00:00:23,468
- so what, you're saying
just pack up and leave l.a.?
13
00:00:23,503 --> 00:00:25,420
The three of us move back
to new york together?
14
00:00:25,471 --> 00:00:28,056
- yeah, end of the semester,
whatever.
15
00:00:28,091 --> 00:00:29,725
[crunches loudly]
16
00:00:29,759 --> 00:00:31,009
- so which one
are you sleeping with?
17
00:00:31,043 --> 00:00:32,177
- excuse me?
18
00:00:32,211 --> 00:00:34,513
- my bets are on
the young, voluptuous student.
19
00:00:34,547 --> 00:00:36,982
- this is so not fair.
20
00:00:37,016 --> 00:00:39,384
- i'm in love with you,
hank moody.
21
00:00:39,402 --> 00:00:40,736
- ho--
22
00:00:40,770 --> 00:00:42,938
- i've never stepped
outside of my marriage before.
23
00:00:42,989 --> 00:00:44,489
Please, go.
24
00:00:44,524 --> 00:00:45,524
Oh.
25
00:00:45,558 --> 00:00:46,742
- oh, something
must be different.
26
00:00:46,776 --> 00:00:48,610
Oh, that's right.
you fucked my wife.
27
00:00:48,661 --> 00:00:49,894
- well, there's that.
28
00:00:49,912 --> 00:00:51,279
- what does that mean?
- it's not my fault.
29
00:00:51,331 --> 00:00:52,614
- you didn't tell her?
- tell me what?
30
00:00:52,665 --> 00:00:54,700
- becca's father and i
had a slight indiscretion.
31
00:00:54,734 --> 00:00:56,952
- she's got to be
kidding me, right?
32
00:00:57,003 --> 00:00:59,338
I don't want to hear about
felicia and her midlife crisis.
33
00:00:59,372 --> 00:01:01,590
- wait, who else
has he been fucking?
34
00:01:01,624 --> 00:01:02,624
- you're a goddamn
girl whisperer.
35
00:01:02,675 --> 00:01:03,925
- okay.
36
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,927
- i can't believe
you slept with all of them.
37
00:01:05,962 --> 00:01:08,296
- will you live?
- i'm trying.
38
00:01:08,348 --> 00:01:09,881
- well, that's all
anybody can ask for.
39
00:01:09,915 --> 00:01:11,433
Oh, hey, check this out.
40
00:01:11,467 --> 00:01:13,635
Yeah.
41
00:01:23,396 --> 00:01:25,313
- [sighs]
42
00:01:25,365 --> 00:01:29,534
Lordy bagordy, we made
some fucking love, woman.
43
00:01:29,569 --> 00:01:31,870
they should put us
in the joy of sex--
44
00:01:31,904 --> 00:01:34,206
A nice little pencil sketch
of us doing it.
45
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,374
We're that good.
46
00:01:35,408 --> 00:01:38,377
- [laughs]
who are you right now?
47
00:01:38,411 --> 00:01:41,380
- i'm not sensing
the same level of enthusiasm.
48
00:01:41,414 --> 00:01:44,549
- oh, no.
i--it was good.
49
00:01:44,584 --> 00:01:46,551
- come to think of it,
you weren't quite as vocal
50
00:01:46,586 --> 00:01:47,803
As you normally are.
51
00:01:47,837 --> 00:01:49,971
I mean, you've never been
a screamer per se,
52
00:01:50,006 --> 00:01:53,392
But i can always count on you
for a little intense moaning.
53
00:01:53,426 --> 00:01:54,976
[mimicking karen's moaning]
54
00:01:55,011 --> 00:01:56,795
- hank, stop it.
- [mimicking continues]
55
00:01:56,813 --> 00:01:59,398
- thank you.
thank you for that.
56
00:01:59,432 --> 00:02:01,983
A woman does love
a reenactment
57
00:02:02,018 --> 00:02:04,236
Of the most vulnerable moment.
58
00:02:04,270 --> 00:02:05,821
- oh, baby.
59
00:02:05,855 --> 00:02:08,023
But you got there, right?
60
00:02:09,692 --> 00:02:11,693
- close.
61
00:02:11,744 --> 00:02:14,496
- oh, i see what you're saying.
it was, like, a tiny one.
62
00:02:14,530 --> 00:02:16,164
That happens.
that's understandable.
63
00:02:16,199 --> 00:02:17,999
- not so much.
64
00:02:18,034 --> 00:02:19,918
- what?
are you serious?
65
00:02:19,952 --> 00:02:21,837
You mean
not even a little one,
66
00:02:21,871 --> 00:02:23,672
Like a micro-orgasm?
- no.
67
00:02:23,706 --> 00:02:26,208
- are you sure?
jesus, this is upsetting.
68
00:02:26,259 --> 00:02:28,844
- the truth is, hank,
we've been through some--
69
00:02:28,878 --> 00:02:31,213
We've been through
some really hard times.
70
00:02:31,264 --> 00:02:32,681
- i know that.
- so--
71
00:02:32,715 --> 00:02:36,685
- but we've always had
our fire and our passion.
72
00:02:36,719 --> 00:02:39,688
Our beautiful sex organs
don't know about our problems,
73
00:02:39,722 --> 00:02:41,523
And we should definitely
keep them out of it.
74
00:02:41,557 --> 00:02:43,308
You got to give me another
chance to please you, woman.
75
00:02:43,342 --> 00:02:44,643
- no.
no, no, no, no.
76
00:02:44,677 --> 00:02:46,111
We, we can't.
it's too late.
77
00:02:46,145 --> 00:02:48,697
It's not gonna work.
no, there's too much pressure.
78
00:02:48,731 --> 00:02:51,283
Ah! no, no, no.
anyway, we have plans.
79
00:02:51,317 --> 00:02:53,869
- it's saturday.
i can do this all day.
80
00:02:53,903 --> 00:02:55,871
- felicia.
81
00:02:55,905 --> 00:02:57,456
- felicia.
- your new friend.
82
00:02:57,490 --> 00:02:58,490
- what?
- yes.
83
00:02:58,524 --> 00:02:59,825
- no.
- she invited us for lunch.
84
00:02:59,859 --> 00:03:01,159
- oh.
- i know.
85
00:03:01,193 --> 00:03:03,211
And i had to say yes, because--
- no, you didn't.
86
00:03:03,246 --> 00:03:05,380
- god, that woman
is so annoying.
87
00:03:05,414 --> 00:03:06,915
She's so irritating.
argh!
88
00:03:06,966 --> 00:03:07,999
- ooh, yeah, that's good.
89
00:03:08,033 --> 00:03:10,252
Like that,
only louder and deeper.
90
00:03:10,303 --> 00:03:12,003
I can work with that.
- no, no, no, no, it's over.
91
00:03:12,037 --> 00:03:14,005
- me love you long time.
- ah. it's over.
92
00:03:14,039 --> 00:03:15,340
I got to go.
- oh...
93
00:03:15,374 --> 00:03:16,508
- i got to get ready.
94
00:03:16,542 --> 00:03:19,678
- all right.
just give me a moment...
95
00:03:19,712 --> 00:03:23,482
While i talk my testicles
into descending.
96
00:03:23,516 --> 00:03:26,601
[faucet turns on]
97
00:03:26,652 --> 00:03:27,936
Guys?
98
00:03:27,987 --> 00:03:30,939
[upbeat music]
99
00:03:30,990 --> 00:03:38,997
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
100
00:04:12,899 --> 00:04:15,901
[woman laughing]
101
00:04:15,935 --> 00:04:18,537
- wow.
102
00:04:18,571 --> 00:04:20,989
Looks like there's some kind
of a book club or something.
103
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:22,624
- of a sort.
104
00:04:22,658 --> 00:04:24,659
[indistinct chatter]
105
00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:25,994
Oh, dear.
106
00:04:26,045 --> 00:04:28,713
- at least it won't be
a dull saturday afternoon.
107
00:04:28,748 --> 00:04:32,250
- welcome.
hello. come in.
108
00:04:32,284 --> 00:04:34,252
Oh, you shouldn't have.
thank you.
109
00:04:34,286 --> 00:04:35,921
- no, it is you
who shouldn't have.
110
00:04:35,955 --> 00:04:38,006
This is quite a surprise.
111
00:04:38,057 --> 00:04:39,841
- i think pleasure is the word
you were looking for.
112
00:04:39,892 --> 00:04:41,343
- or surprise.
113
00:04:41,394 --> 00:04:42,644
- they all heard
that i was having you over.
114
00:04:42,678 --> 00:04:44,679
- guess the whole
ya-ya sisterhood
115
00:04:44,730 --> 00:04:46,014
Had to get in on it, huh?
116
00:04:46,065 --> 00:04:48,183
- yeah, well,
we can't let you skip town
117
00:04:48,234 --> 00:04:49,601
Without a fond farewell.
118
00:04:49,635 --> 00:04:51,519
- oh, yeah, our last class
was very unsatisfying,
119
00:04:51,571 --> 00:04:53,188
Since you
didn't teach us anything.
120
00:04:53,239 --> 00:04:55,023
- karen?
this is jill.
121
00:04:55,074 --> 00:04:57,659
She was hank's teaching
assistant this semester,
122
00:04:57,693 --> 00:04:59,494
And that's jackie.
123
00:04:59,528 --> 00:05:01,363
- hey, jackie.
we--we met in class, right?
124
00:05:01,414 --> 00:05:03,582
- we were all there--
- in a way.
125
00:05:03,616 --> 00:05:05,450
- why--why don't i come
with you guys?
126
00:05:05,484 --> 00:05:07,953
We can hang out,
try on some lip gloss,
127
00:05:07,987 --> 00:05:09,120
You know, sparkly?
128
00:05:09,154 --> 00:05:10,422
- you made your bed.
129
00:05:10,456 --> 00:05:13,375
- yeah, and now you're gonna
have to lie in it.
130
00:05:13,426 --> 00:05:14,659
Have fun, hank.
131
00:05:21,267 --> 00:05:25,003
- wake the fuck up, runkle.
132
00:05:25,021 --> 00:05:27,472
[exhales sharply]
open house time.
133
00:05:27,506 --> 00:05:29,173
You know the house
won't sell
134
00:05:29,191 --> 00:05:31,676
If we're
within five miles of it.
135
00:05:31,694 --> 00:05:34,012
- give me ten minutes,
ten minutes.
136
00:05:34,030 --> 00:05:37,232
Come on!
we got to jet.
137
00:05:37,283 --> 00:05:39,851
Buyers can smell
our impending divorce
138
00:05:39,869 --> 00:05:41,319
From the freeway.
139
00:05:41,353 --> 00:05:44,022
- coming!
i'm coming.
140
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:45,790
- oh, my god. oh, my god.
oh, my god.
141
00:05:45,825 --> 00:05:48,243
- oh, god, you really
are coming. barf.
142
00:05:48,294 --> 00:05:49,828
- i told you.
143
00:05:49,862 --> 00:05:50,912
And i told you.
144
00:05:50,963 --> 00:05:53,214
She never fucking listens,
am i right?
145
00:05:56,969 --> 00:05:57,919
- hi.
146
00:05:57,970 --> 00:05:59,304
Um, you must be marcy.
i'm--
147
00:05:59,338 --> 00:06:01,640
- getting your pants and getting
the fuck out of my house.
148
00:06:01,674 --> 00:06:03,642
Now, please.
thank you.
149
00:06:03,676 --> 00:06:06,227
There's a good girl.
off you go.
150
00:06:06,262 --> 00:06:08,146
Yeah.
151
00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:10,765
- i'll call you.
- [scoffs]
152
00:06:10,816 --> 00:06:13,068
Really?
the floor, that's your move?
153
00:06:13,102 --> 00:06:14,402
- you said
not to mess up the bed
154
00:06:14,437 --> 00:06:15,553
If we're showing the house.
155
00:06:15,571 --> 00:06:17,022
- christ, runkle!
156
00:06:17,056 --> 00:06:18,907
- oh, i'm sorry she's not
a coke-snorting teen idol
157
00:06:18,941 --> 00:06:20,659
Or a big black rapist.
158
00:06:20,693 --> 00:06:22,527
Not everyone can have
class up the ass.
159
00:06:22,561 --> 00:06:25,697
- no ass, just class.
160
00:06:29,201 --> 00:06:30,335
- oh, my god.
161
00:06:30,369 --> 00:06:32,671
I could take the stubbornness,
really i could,
162
00:06:32,705 --> 00:06:35,206
And the substance abuse
and the lateness
163
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,459
And the "cooler than school
and all the rest of us
164
00:06:37,510 --> 00:06:38,593
Ne'er do well" attitude,
165
00:06:38,627 --> 00:06:40,929
But the thing
that absolutely got me
166
00:06:40,963 --> 00:06:44,265
Was the unwarranted advice
about my biological clock.
167
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:48,186
- oh, but, you know,
he's fully qualified to do that,
168
00:06:48,220 --> 00:06:50,105
Because he has such
a deep understanding
169
00:06:50,139 --> 00:06:51,222
Of womanhood.
170
00:06:51,256 --> 00:06:52,857
- shouldn't you be defending me?
- yes!
171
00:06:52,892 --> 00:06:54,642
- you, talking up
my good points?
172
00:06:54,694 --> 00:06:56,528
- well, yeah, i will later.
173
00:06:56,562 --> 00:06:58,530
Right now i'm really enjoying
174
00:06:58,564 --> 00:07:02,033
This kind of appraisal
of your little idiosyncrasies,
175
00:07:02,068 --> 00:07:04,619
You know, the things
that i have grown to know
176
00:07:04,653 --> 00:07:06,121
And love about you.
177
00:07:06,155 --> 00:07:07,906
- yeah, well, the cracks--
that's how the light gets in.
178
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:09,791
- more pimm's, anyone?
179
00:07:09,825 --> 00:07:11,109
- oh, yeah, hit me with that.
180
00:07:11,127 --> 00:07:13,161
You know, it's not an act--
this whole thing.
181
00:07:13,212 --> 00:07:15,630
I'm--i'm very sensitive to
the pain and suffering of women.
182
00:07:15,664 --> 00:07:17,966
I listen to them.
i'm aware of that shit.
183
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,335
- okay, yeah, that's true.
- yeah, thank you.
184
00:07:20,386 --> 00:07:22,754
- in his defense,
i must say that he paid me
185
00:07:22,788 --> 00:07:24,672
Tons of special attention
in class.
186
00:07:24,724 --> 00:07:25,840
- not special.
187
00:07:25,891 --> 00:07:28,259
- no, jackie.
he did not.
188
00:07:28,293 --> 00:07:30,311
- jackie's writing's
actually very good.
189
00:07:30,346 --> 00:07:32,147
I-i read some
of her short stories, darling.
190
00:07:32,181 --> 00:07:33,848
- you have.
- yeah, sure i have.
191
00:07:33,899 --> 00:07:35,400
I had to write her
a recommendation
192
00:07:35,434 --> 00:07:36,818
To the graduate
writing program.
193
00:07:36,852 --> 00:07:38,319
She couldn't very well
ask you.
194
00:07:38,354 --> 00:07:40,655
- hey, when is luncheon
gonna be served?
195
00:07:40,689 --> 00:07:42,323
That's why we're here, right?
196
00:07:42,358 --> 00:07:43,658
And i'm curious.
197
00:07:43,692 --> 00:07:45,827
I want to know how it's
different from actual lunch.
198
00:07:45,861 --> 00:07:49,414
- well, we have one last guest,
who's a late arrival.
199
00:07:49,448 --> 00:07:50,832
Oh, here's the latecomer now.
200
00:07:50,866 --> 00:07:53,168
- it's not a lady.
please say not a lady.
201
00:07:53,202 --> 00:07:55,920
- mm...
- oh, my--
202
00:07:55,955 --> 00:07:57,872
Is that richard bates?
203
00:07:57,923 --> 00:07:59,924
- yeah, richard bates,
crack the sky, you know him?
204
00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:02,343
- know him?
- yeah.
205
00:08:02,378 --> 00:08:04,045
- karen, is that you?
206
00:08:04,096 --> 00:08:05,346
- richard.
207
00:08:05,381 --> 00:08:08,299
- oh, my god,
you look exactly the same.
208
00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:10,635
- exactly the same
as what exactly?
209
00:08:10,669 --> 00:08:12,637
- i mean, even more beautiful.
- my god.
210
00:08:12,671 --> 00:08:14,973
- i can picture you right now
standing under the arch
211
00:08:15,007 --> 00:08:17,776
In washington square park,
wind blowing your hair.
212
00:08:17,810 --> 00:08:19,944
- and you blowing me off,
you asshole.
213
00:08:19,979 --> 00:08:22,147
- oh, asshole--
i like where this is going,
214
00:08:22,181 --> 00:08:23,948
Him being
an asshole and all,
215
00:08:23,983 --> 00:08:27,035
But you want to fill me in
on the--the rest of this shit?
216
00:08:27,069 --> 00:08:28,820
- oh, my g--you gave me a "c."
- oh, please.
217
00:08:28,854 --> 00:08:30,538
- i mean, like, when you sleep
with your professor,
218
00:08:30,573 --> 00:08:33,208
Isn't that, like,
you're meant to get a "b"?
219
00:08:33,242 --> 00:08:35,627
- hey, what,
you slept with him?
220
00:08:35,661 --> 00:08:36,878
The glorious "mangina" here?
221
00:08:36,912 --> 00:08:38,746
- this is my professor
that i had an affair with
222
00:08:38,798 --> 00:08:39,964
As an undergraduate.
223
00:08:39,999 --> 00:08:42,300
I mean, i know it's, like,
100 years ago.
224
00:08:42,334 --> 00:08:44,836
- you know,
it feels just like yesterday.
225
00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:46,004
- worst day of my life.
226
00:08:46,038 --> 00:08:48,173
- god, you look great.
- thank you.
227
00:08:48,207 --> 00:08:50,341
Well, you're not
with bush league here, are you?
228
00:08:50,375 --> 00:08:51,593
- oh--
- fuck, yeah, she...is.
229
00:08:51,644 --> 00:08:55,180
- well, kind of.
- really?
230
00:08:55,214 --> 00:08:56,981
- what?
231
00:08:57,016 --> 00:08:59,517
No, do--don't keep secrets
from the rest of the class.
232
00:08:59,551 --> 00:09:01,519
- you planted the seed--
that writer thing,
233
00:09:01,553 --> 00:09:03,771
My attraction to writers.
234
00:09:03,823 --> 00:09:06,274
- oh, hey, hey, hey.
have a drink.
235
00:09:06,325 --> 00:09:07,609
- [laughs]
236
00:09:07,660 --> 00:09:09,994
- how'd you snag her, anyway--
237
00:09:10,029 --> 00:09:12,080
The old "i'm an agent" spiel?
238
00:09:12,114 --> 00:09:15,033
- hey, it's not a spiel.
i'm an agent.
239
00:09:15,067 --> 00:09:17,502
She has a dream,
she's a waitress.
240
00:09:17,536 --> 00:09:19,537
- in your language,
waitress means stripper.
241
00:09:19,571 --> 00:09:20,705
She's a stripper.
242
00:09:20,739 --> 00:09:21,906
- no, no, no.
243
00:09:21,924 --> 00:09:24,092
She is a cocktail waitress
with a screenplay.
244
00:09:24,126 --> 00:09:26,127
- [snorts]
- okay, okay.
245
00:09:26,178 --> 00:09:27,962
An idea for a screenplay.
246
00:09:28,013 --> 00:09:30,014
Still, i see potential,
and i just--
247
00:09:30,049 --> 00:09:32,550
- oh, please.
you see blow job.
248
00:09:32,584 --> 00:09:36,020
- do i detect a note
of jealousy?
249
00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:37,805
- mm.
250
00:09:37,857 --> 00:09:40,475
Like i could be jealous
of a food-service professional
251
00:09:40,526 --> 00:09:43,111
With an idea
for a screenplay
252
00:09:43,145 --> 00:09:44,279
And her boobs.
253
00:09:44,313 --> 00:09:45,480
- [laughs]
you are.
254
00:09:45,531 --> 00:09:47,649
Marcy runkle is jealous.
255
00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:49,317
I never thought
i'd see the day.
256
00:09:49,368 --> 00:09:51,152
- eh.
go with god.
257
00:09:51,203 --> 00:09:53,621
I got mine.
it's only right you get yours.
258
00:09:53,656 --> 00:09:57,325
- hey, marcy,
i have said all along
259
00:09:57,376 --> 00:09:59,827
I still love you.
260
00:09:59,879 --> 00:10:01,579
- it's not
what you say, charlie.
261
00:10:01,613 --> 00:10:02,997
- what do you mean?
262
00:10:03,048 --> 00:10:04,832
- it's out of sight,
out of mind.
263
00:10:04,884 --> 00:10:06,668
See marcy, want marcy.
264
00:10:06,719 --> 00:10:09,220
No see marcy,
want boobies.
265
00:10:09,255 --> 00:10:11,639
[cell phone ringtone plays
jessie's girl]
266
00:10:11,674 --> 00:10:13,791
- really? still?
267
00:10:13,809 --> 00:10:16,460
- jesus fuck,
i forgot to change my ringtone.
268
00:10:16,478 --> 00:10:17,628
- please allow me.
269
00:10:17,646 --> 00:10:20,515
Eat my bent wang,
rick springfield.
270
00:10:20,566 --> 00:10:23,017
- wait, get that.
it's sharon.
271
00:10:23,068 --> 00:10:24,018
- oh.
272
00:10:24,069 --> 00:10:26,487
- sharon.
273
00:10:26,522 --> 00:10:27,972
Mm-hmm.
274
00:10:27,990 --> 00:10:29,473
You're shitting me.
275
00:10:29,491 --> 00:10:30,858
Yeah.
276
00:10:30,910 --> 00:10:34,078
[cell phone beeps]
277
00:10:34,113 --> 00:10:35,246
We have an offer.
278
00:10:35,281 --> 00:10:38,199
- oh!
279
00:10:38,250 --> 00:10:39,701
- where were you off to
when you dumped me?
280
00:10:39,752 --> 00:10:40,702
Was it nepal?
281
00:10:40,753 --> 00:10:43,121
- it was egypt.
282
00:10:43,155 --> 00:10:45,373
You know,
i etched your name in stone
283
00:10:45,424 --> 00:10:46,674
Atop the pyramid at giza.
284
00:10:46,709 --> 00:10:49,010
- i wish that were true.
- bullshit!
285
00:10:49,044 --> 00:10:50,094
- [laughs]
- jesus christ.
286
00:10:50,129 --> 00:10:51,679
Staying home
is very nice too.
287
00:10:51,714 --> 00:10:53,214
It's cozy.
288
00:10:53,265 --> 00:10:55,166
You don't need a passport,
no shots.
289
00:10:55,184 --> 00:10:56,384
- so overall
you would recommend
290
00:10:56,435 --> 00:10:58,937
The experience
of sleeping with your teacher?
291
00:10:58,971 --> 00:11:00,671
- you see that? you see
what you've gone and done?
292
00:11:00,689 --> 00:11:02,173
You've set
a bad example, woman.
293
00:11:02,191 --> 00:11:03,441
- you were just so sexy.
294
00:11:03,475 --> 00:11:05,026
- you know, i can't exactly
be judgmental,
295
00:11:05,060 --> 00:11:07,845
Because that is
how i met chelsea's father.
296
00:11:07,863 --> 00:11:09,513
I was in graduate school,
297
00:11:09,531 --> 00:11:12,533
And i took one of his ridiculous
civil war classes.
298
00:11:12,568 --> 00:11:13,684
Loved to teach,
299
00:11:13,702 --> 00:11:15,519
You know, so passionate
about what he was doing.
300
00:11:15,537 --> 00:11:16,520
- that's it.
301
00:11:16,538 --> 00:11:18,022
You were so passionate.
302
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:19,741
That--that's what turns me on.
303
00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:22,243
I just--the passion...
- yes, but that kind of passion,
304
00:11:22,294 --> 00:11:23,694
That burns you out.
305
00:11:23,712 --> 00:11:26,197
that kind of intensity,
no bueno.
306
00:11:26,215 --> 00:11:28,082
- look at him.
he's not burnt out.
307
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:30,368
- the man had
a serious breakdown recently.
308
00:11:30,386 --> 00:11:34,422
Public nudity and singing.
309
00:11:34,473 --> 00:11:35,840
Smuggling dr. johnson.
310
00:11:35,874 --> 00:11:38,542
- oh, my poor love.
i'm so sorry.
311
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,560
- don't be.
312
00:11:39,595 --> 00:11:41,045
Truthfully,
it was the best thing
313
00:11:41,063 --> 00:11:42,546
That's happened to me
in years.
314
00:11:42,564 --> 00:11:44,382
For a man to be just
broken down
315
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:47,435
To his most naked,
most vulnerable self.
316
00:11:47,486 --> 00:11:49,153
- mm-hmm.
317
00:11:49,188 --> 00:11:51,155
- just stripped of all irony,
all vanity.
318
00:11:51,190 --> 00:11:52,774
I mean, i don't think
i've ever been
319
00:11:52,825 --> 00:11:55,827
So deeply in touch
with my feminine side.
320
00:11:55,861 --> 00:11:57,028
- oh, my god,
that's beautiful.
321
00:11:57,062 --> 00:11:58,562
- no, it wasn't.
it was queer.
322
00:11:58,580 --> 00:12:01,282
A-and not queer as in gay--
it was queer as in odd.
323
00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:02,950
Downright lunatic,
as a matter of fact.
324
00:12:03,002 --> 00:12:05,670
And i had to step in
for him at that point
325
00:12:05,704 --> 00:12:08,172
With my passion,
my intensity,
326
00:12:08,207 --> 00:12:10,341
'cause i'm all about
that stuff.
327
00:12:10,376 --> 00:12:11,793
- yeah, the guy
who once fell asleep
328
00:12:11,844 --> 00:12:13,761
During his own lecture.
- one time--
329
00:12:13,796 --> 00:12:15,013
I did that one time.
330
00:12:15,047 --> 00:12:17,015
I was boring myself,
and i thought
331
00:12:17,049 --> 00:12:19,750
It was an honest reaction
to actually fall asleep.
332
00:12:19,768 --> 00:12:21,102
- well, moody,
word on the street
333
00:12:21,136 --> 00:12:22,854
Is you couldn't teach your way
out of a paper bag.
334
00:12:22,888 --> 00:12:24,772
- where'd you hear that?
335
00:12:24,807 --> 00:12:26,557
- oh, i may have lobbed
a few random emails
336
00:12:26,591 --> 00:12:27,725
Here and there.
337
00:12:27,759 --> 00:12:29,477
- moody!
338
00:12:29,528 --> 00:12:30,645
[slams door]
339
00:12:30,696 --> 00:12:32,864
- that sounds like stacy.
that's odd.
340
00:12:32,898 --> 00:12:36,317
- justice will be served!
341
00:12:36,368 --> 00:12:37,785
[laughter]
342
00:12:37,820 --> 00:12:39,103
- oh, dear.
343
00:12:39,121 --> 00:12:41,372
- ladies.
344
00:12:41,407 --> 00:12:43,207
Moody.
345
00:12:43,242 --> 00:12:45,960
I demand satisfaction.
346
00:12:45,994 --> 00:12:49,630
- well, general sherman,
nice of you to join us.
347
00:12:49,665 --> 00:12:51,549
- william tecumseh sherman, no.
348
00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:53,885
Yet another sign
of your blazing ignorance.
349
00:12:53,919 --> 00:12:56,721
No, major general
george henry thomas,
350
00:12:56,755 --> 00:12:59,557
Rock of chickamauga.
- oh.
351
00:12:59,591 --> 00:13:01,092
- well, pleased to make
your acquaintance.
352
00:13:01,126 --> 00:13:02,793
I don't know
whether to shake your hand
353
00:13:02,811 --> 00:13:05,179
Or to--
your sword or--
354
00:13:05,230 --> 00:13:06,814
- the day of reckoning
is at hand.
355
00:13:06,849 --> 00:13:08,733
It's time for you to answer
for your sins.
356
00:13:08,767 --> 00:13:11,152
You and i will duel
on this fine day...
357
00:13:11,186 --> 00:13:13,154
Like men!
358
00:13:13,188 --> 00:13:15,356
- ah.
men of what century?
359
00:13:15,407 --> 00:13:17,308
- dear god,
he's completely blotto.
360
00:13:17,326 --> 00:13:19,160
- how can you tell?
361
00:13:19,194 --> 00:13:21,162
- he must have gone out drinking
with those reenactment people.
362
00:13:21,196 --> 00:13:23,481
- you mock me?
- guilty.
363
00:13:23,499 --> 00:13:25,750
- i challenge you to a duel,
and this is how you respond?
364
00:13:25,784 --> 00:13:27,668
- personally,
i love a good duel.
365
00:13:27,703 --> 00:13:29,670
[laughs]
- bates!
366
00:13:29,705 --> 00:13:32,507
You're back and looking good.
367
00:13:32,541 --> 00:13:35,659
Let's go, moody.
you've defiled my wife.
368
00:13:35,677 --> 00:13:37,495
You've brought dishonor
to this house,
369
00:13:37,513 --> 00:13:39,097
The university.
370
00:13:39,131 --> 00:13:40,214
I'll stand for it no more.
371
00:13:40,265 --> 00:13:43,334
And get your filthy car
out of my driveway.
372
00:13:43,352 --> 00:13:44,352
- stacy.
373
00:13:44,386 --> 00:13:46,020
Stacy, you might want
to rest up.
374
00:13:46,054 --> 00:13:47,838
Hank doesn't want to play
these games.
375
00:13:47,856 --> 00:13:49,056
- no, hank don't want to play.
376
00:13:49,108 --> 00:13:50,508
- they always lose,
you see.
377
00:13:50,526 --> 00:13:52,360
The union army gets defeated
at the battle of chickamauga,
378
00:13:52,394 --> 00:13:53,694
And then they go out drinking.
379
00:13:53,729 --> 00:13:55,196
- he held until nightfall,
380
00:13:55,230 --> 00:13:57,698
Preventing an even greater
union defeat.
381
00:13:57,733 --> 00:13:59,567
How?
because general thomas
382
00:13:59,618 --> 00:14:01,519
Refused to surrender
horseshoe ridge.
383
00:14:01,537 --> 00:14:03,488
Was he the flashiest
civil war general?
384
00:14:03,522 --> 00:14:05,323
No.
385
00:14:05,357 --> 00:14:07,208
Did he impress the ladies?
386
00:14:07,242 --> 00:14:08,326
Hmm?
387
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:09,860
Was he a highly functioning
alcoholic
388
00:14:09,878 --> 00:14:12,213
Like ulysses s. grant?
389
00:14:12,247 --> 00:14:14,332
Maybe.
390
00:14:14,366 --> 00:14:16,501
- [chuckles]
391
00:14:16,535 --> 00:14:18,753
- you know, you might want
to play along with him.
392
00:14:18,804 --> 00:14:19,921
- what?
393
00:14:19,972 --> 00:14:22,423
And let him bust
civil war-era cap in my ass?
394
00:14:22,474 --> 00:14:23,641
I don't think so.
395
00:14:23,675 --> 00:14:25,176
- no, no, no, no,
they're harmless.
396
00:14:25,210 --> 00:14:27,011
They're--they're just blanks.
you won't feel anything.
397
00:14:27,045 --> 00:14:29,096
- [laughs]
yes!
398
00:14:29,148 --> 00:14:30,314
- general?
399
00:14:30,349 --> 00:14:32,266
- i'll be waiting
in the field of valor.
400
00:14:34,219 --> 00:14:37,321
For love and honor!
401
00:14:37,356 --> 00:14:38,990
- it's really quite fun.
402
00:14:39,024 --> 00:14:41,442
- [laughs]
403
00:14:41,493 --> 00:14:44,662
- we're gonna sell this house.
404
00:14:45,914 --> 00:14:46,948
To moving on.
405
00:14:46,999 --> 00:14:49,116
- and to my favorite roommate.
406
00:14:49,168 --> 00:14:50,501
- aw.
407
00:14:50,536 --> 00:14:53,204
And just think, we don't have
to be roommates anymore.
408
00:14:53,238 --> 00:14:55,039
You can fuck
whoever you want,
409
00:14:55,073 --> 00:14:56,574
However you want.
- whoo!
410
00:14:56,592 --> 00:14:59,544
- cowgirl, reverse cowgirl,
downward facing dog,
411
00:14:59,578 --> 00:15:00,795
Whatevs.
412
00:15:00,846 --> 00:15:02,413
- i think that's a yoga term.
413
00:15:02,431 --> 00:15:05,132
- it is both a sex term
and a yoga term.
414
00:15:05,184 --> 00:15:06,634
I learned that
from rick springfield.
415
00:15:06,685 --> 00:15:09,604
- please don't tell me
any more.
416
00:15:09,638 --> 00:15:10,805
- that's the beauty of it.
417
00:15:10,856 --> 00:15:13,307
I fuck who i want,
you fuck who you want,
418
00:15:13,358 --> 00:15:15,860
And we don't have to discuss
the details.
419
00:15:15,894 --> 00:15:17,311
I don't have to hear
all your shit
420
00:15:17,362 --> 00:15:19,647
About your pieces of class
up the ass.
421
00:15:19,698 --> 00:15:21,765
- you know,
not to go back on this,
422
00:15:21,783 --> 00:15:23,985
But you actually did
offer me the ass one time,
423
00:15:24,036 --> 00:15:25,987
Right here
in this very living room.
424
00:15:26,038 --> 00:15:27,371
- what was i thinking?
425
00:15:27,406 --> 00:15:28,656
Dr. drew says you could get
426
00:15:28,707 --> 00:15:30,608
A prolapsed anus
from that shit.
427
00:15:30,626 --> 00:15:31,659
- ooh.
428
00:15:31,710 --> 00:15:33,711
- once you hit 80,
your ass is like,
429
00:15:33,745 --> 00:15:35,830
"why did you have to take it
in the pooper that one time?
430
00:15:35,881 --> 00:15:38,499
Now you're gonna have to carry
me around with you all day."
431
00:15:38,550 --> 00:15:41,719
- oh, oh, oh.
and right over here, huh?
432
00:15:41,753 --> 00:15:43,721
The year that i got
that utk bonus, remember?
433
00:15:43,755 --> 00:15:46,807
I came in.
i bent you over the couch and--
434
00:15:46,842 --> 00:15:49,310
- and gave me the worst
back pain i've ever experienced.
435
00:15:49,344 --> 00:15:51,178
- ha ha!
436
00:15:51,230 --> 00:15:53,014
- for years, i had a man
who liked to take it
437
00:15:53,065 --> 00:15:55,816
Out of the comfortable bedroom,
take it on the road.
438
00:15:55,851 --> 00:15:58,319
Great.
- [chuckles] that's right.
439
00:15:58,353 --> 00:16:00,655
Wow.
440
00:16:00,689 --> 00:16:03,574
We really have humped
all over this house, haven't we?
441
00:16:03,609 --> 00:16:05,326
- remember
the kitchen-counter encounter?
442
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,978
- best night of my life.
- not mine.
443
00:16:07,996 --> 00:16:11,482
Days later, i was still finding
crumbs in my folds.
444
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:13,200
- what about the powder room?
445
00:16:13,252 --> 00:16:16,254
- we never did it there.
- that's true.
446
00:16:16,288 --> 00:16:17,755
There's one room in this house
447
00:16:17,789 --> 00:16:20,124
That was spared
our unholy alliance.
448
00:16:20,158 --> 00:16:21,342
Okay, let's go.
449
00:16:21,376 --> 00:16:23,044
Let's go, come on, come on.
- where? what?
450
00:16:23,095 --> 00:16:24,995
- we can't leave one room
uninitiated.
451
00:16:25,013 --> 00:16:26,213
- charlie, we're moving on.
452
00:16:26,265 --> 00:16:27,632
- we cannot leave
that room pristine,
453
00:16:27,666 --> 00:16:29,500
Because that would be a tragedy,
and this is a happy day.
454
00:16:29,518 --> 00:16:30,501
Let's go.
- what?
455
00:16:30,519 --> 00:16:32,002
- you move it, schoolgirl.
- no.
456
00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:33,337
- you--come on, let's go.
let's go.
457
00:16:33,355 --> 00:16:34,672
- no, you can't tell me
what to do.
458
00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:36,274
- daddy's coming, yah-hah!
459
00:16:36,308 --> 00:16:37,858
- you sure these
aren't actually loaded?
460
00:16:37,893 --> 00:16:39,677
- oh, just pick one, moody.
461
00:16:39,695 --> 00:16:41,679
- so ten paces and then turn?
462
00:16:41,697 --> 00:16:43,114
- i don't believe
i have ever met
463
00:16:43,148 --> 00:16:44,682
A bigger pussy in my life.
464
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,734
You slept with the man's wife,
didn't you?
465
00:16:46,785 --> 00:16:48,619
The code of honor
demands it.
466
00:16:48,654 --> 00:16:50,454
- what do you know
about honor,
467
00:16:50,489 --> 00:16:51,956
You numb nuts?
- silence.
468
00:16:51,990 --> 00:16:54,024
I'll have none of that filthy
talk on this field of valor.
469
00:16:54,042 --> 00:16:55,793
- my bad.
470
00:16:55,827 --> 00:16:57,078
- this is quite fun,
chels, isn't it?
471
00:16:57,129 --> 00:16:58,529
Reminds me
of the good old days
472
00:16:58,547 --> 00:17:00,047
When we used to follow
your father around
473
00:17:00,082 --> 00:17:01,532
From battlefield
to battlefield.
474
00:17:01,550 --> 00:17:03,634
- ladies...
- shh.
475
00:17:03,669 --> 00:17:06,053
- come on.
- start your egos.
476
00:17:08,340 --> 00:17:11,041
Oh, for fuck's sake, moody,
stop fucking around.
477
00:17:11,059 --> 00:17:12,476
Come on!
478
00:17:12,511 --> 00:17:14,378
- huh!
479
00:17:14,396 --> 00:17:17,148
- come on,
let's do this thing.
480
00:17:17,182 --> 00:17:18,733
- come on.
- come on, let's go.
481
00:17:18,767 --> 00:17:20,434
- there, stand there.
482
00:17:20,485 --> 00:17:21,902
- i hope dad shoots him
right in between the eyes.
483
00:17:21,937 --> 00:17:23,821
- come on, moody, you're not
getting out of this one.
484
00:17:23,855 --> 00:17:26,857
- i'll let that slide
since this isn't a real duel.
485
00:17:26,891 --> 00:17:31,061
- one, two, five, six...
486
00:17:31,079 --> 00:17:33,030
Nine, ten.
487
00:17:33,064 --> 00:17:34,615
[gun clicks]
[felicia yelps]
488
00:17:34,666 --> 00:17:36,784
- oh, damn it to hell.
489
00:17:36,835 --> 00:17:38,902
Well, moody, take your shot.
490
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:40,671
- wait, you want me
to shoot you?
491
00:17:40,706 --> 00:17:42,239
Nah, it's all right.
i'm good.
492
00:17:42,257 --> 00:17:44,759
[gun clicks]
ugh.
493
00:17:44,793 --> 00:17:46,744
- moody, i demand
that you shoot me.
494
00:17:46,762 --> 00:17:47,762
- oh, no can do.
495
00:17:47,796 --> 00:17:49,513
This whole thing
is way too gay for me.
496
00:17:49,548 --> 00:17:51,248
- hold on a second.
[gun clicks]
497
00:17:51,266 --> 00:17:54,135
You fucked the man's wife,
and now you refuse to shoot him?
498
00:17:54,186 --> 00:17:56,270
- you know something,
if it's all the same to you--
499
00:17:56,304 --> 00:17:59,390
- aaah!
500
00:18:01,893 --> 00:18:04,278
- is this what's supposed
to happen?
501
00:18:04,312 --> 00:18:05,780
- cool down, girls.
502
00:18:05,814 --> 00:18:07,448
- ahh.
503
00:18:07,482 --> 00:18:09,450
- ahh.
504
00:18:09,484 --> 00:18:11,202
- well, i guess
i deserved that.
505
00:18:13,155 --> 00:18:15,740
- i'm sorry.
i apologize.
506
00:18:15,774 --> 00:18:16,774
- no biggie.
507
00:18:16,792 --> 00:18:19,460
- no, it was ungentlemanly
of me.
508
00:18:19,494 --> 00:18:22,880
The purpose of a duel
is to fight with honor
509
00:18:22,914 --> 00:18:24,281
And decorum.
510
00:18:24,299 --> 00:18:26,801
- ooh.
[laughs]
511
00:18:26,835 --> 00:18:29,470
Nice one, dean.
that was--
512
00:18:29,504 --> 00:18:31,972
- oh, you liked that, huh?
- yes, i did.
513
00:18:32,007 --> 00:18:33,974
- well, you know something?
you offend my honor.
514
00:18:34,009 --> 00:18:35,793
You offend my lady's honor.
515
00:18:35,811 --> 00:18:36,844
- your lady?
516
00:18:36,895 --> 00:18:38,896
Are you so sure
she's really yours?
517
00:18:38,930 --> 00:18:41,465
Shit, moody, you couldn't own
a woman like that.
518
00:18:41,483 --> 00:18:43,567
Christ,
i still remember the sound
519
00:18:43,602 --> 00:18:45,486
Of her approaching climax--
520
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,805
Fucking choir of angels.
521
00:18:47,823 --> 00:18:50,191
- ooh!
522
00:18:50,242 --> 00:18:53,160
[all grunting]
523
00:18:53,195 --> 00:18:54,812
- that's my ass!
524
00:18:54,830 --> 00:18:58,482
- i can't tell
if they're joking or not.
525
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:00,785
- [shouting indistinctly]
526
00:19:00,819 --> 00:19:02,152
Got him!
527
00:19:02,170 --> 00:19:04,505
- oh, god, i think
they're actually fighting.
528
00:19:04,539 --> 00:19:06,490
- can i take you up
on that drink?
529
00:19:06,508 --> 00:19:07,491
[laughs]
530
00:19:07,509 --> 00:19:09,210
- [laughing]
531
00:19:09,261 --> 00:19:12,930
- [moaning]
- [growling]
532
00:19:12,964 --> 00:19:14,799
- fuck your pussy.
fuck your pussy.
533
00:19:14,833 --> 00:19:15,883
- fuck my pussy?
534
00:19:15,934 --> 00:19:17,885
Or your pussy
is my pussy, or--
535
00:19:17,936 --> 00:19:20,104
- shut up and pound me.
- okay.
536
00:19:20,138 --> 00:19:23,691
[both grunting]
537
00:19:23,725 --> 00:19:24,775
[loud crash]
538
00:19:24,810 --> 00:19:27,144
- oh, shit!
ow! oh, my back.
539
00:19:27,178 --> 00:19:29,847
Oh!
- holy mother of fuck!
540
00:19:29,865 --> 00:19:31,699
- ow.
help, help.
541
00:19:31,733 --> 00:19:33,350
- why did i let you
sit on the sink?
542
00:19:33,368 --> 00:19:35,152
The chick is supposed
to sit on the sink.
543
00:19:35,186 --> 00:19:37,187
That's bathroom boning 101!
544
00:19:37,205 --> 00:19:39,240
- i can't move,
i'm fucking drowning here.
545
00:19:39,291 --> 00:19:41,208
- you're drowning, really?
546
00:19:41,243 --> 00:19:42,710
- yeah, a person can drown
in this amount of water
547
00:19:42,744 --> 00:19:43,878
In certain circumstances.
548
00:19:43,912 --> 00:19:46,464
- oh, god.
- oh, ow!
549
00:19:46,498 --> 00:19:48,749
Ow!
- okay, you big baby.
550
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,885
- okay.
ow, oh!
551
00:19:50,919 --> 00:19:52,136
- get over here.
- oh.
552
00:19:52,170 --> 00:19:53,637
Okay.
553
00:19:53,672 --> 00:19:56,173
Okay, climbing
the toilet bowl.
554
00:19:56,207 --> 00:19:57,541
- oh, fuck.
555
00:19:57,559 --> 00:20:00,644
- we're almost home.
- sit, sit.
556
00:20:00,679 --> 00:20:02,346
- [groaning]
557
00:20:02,380 --> 00:20:03,380
- wait.
558
00:20:03,398 --> 00:20:05,850
What the fuck is that?
559
00:20:05,884 --> 00:20:08,519
You had my name tattooed
above your ass crack?
560
00:20:08,553 --> 00:20:09,854
- oh, jesus, i was drunk.
561
00:20:09,888 --> 00:20:11,772
I don't even remember
getting it done.
562
00:20:11,823 --> 00:20:12,940
- [gasps]
charlie.
563
00:20:12,991 --> 00:20:14,742
- what?
i'm getting it removed. i am.
564
00:20:14,776 --> 00:20:17,244
- no, you're not.
- what?
565
00:20:17,279 --> 00:20:18,612
You like it?
566
00:20:18,663 --> 00:20:20,781
- no, i don't like it.
it's fucking retarded.
567
00:20:20,832 --> 00:20:22,032
- ow.
568
00:20:22,066 --> 00:20:24,702
- retarded and sweet...
569
00:20:24,736 --> 00:20:26,203
Just like you, runkle.
570
00:20:26,237 --> 00:20:28,506
- ow. ow.
571
00:20:28,540 --> 00:20:31,074
Ow.
572
00:20:31,092 --> 00:20:35,078
- i guess i'd better take
my walking wounded home, right?
573
00:20:35,096 --> 00:20:38,432
That's if he ever
comes out of the bathroom.
574
00:20:38,466 --> 00:20:40,050
Are you--are you okay
575
00:20:40,084 --> 00:20:42,186
With, uh, becca
spending the night?
576
00:20:42,220 --> 00:20:43,220
- oh, yeah.
577
00:20:43,254 --> 00:20:44,722
Yeah, of course.
it's no problem.
578
00:20:44,756 --> 00:20:45,890
You know, it's nice
for the girls
579
00:20:45,924 --> 00:20:48,142
To spend
one last sleepover together
580
00:20:48,193 --> 00:20:50,144
Before becca leaves
for new york.
581
00:20:50,195 --> 00:20:51,195
- right.
582
00:20:51,229 --> 00:20:52,730
- good luck with that,
by the way.
583
00:20:52,764 --> 00:20:54,648
- thank you.
584
00:20:54,699 --> 00:20:55,933
[toilet flushing]
585
00:20:55,951 --> 00:20:57,535
Are you always so civilized?
586
00:20:57,569 --> 00:20:59,203
- [laughs]
587
00:20:59,237 --> 00:21:00,371
Well, the wife of a general
588
00:21:00,405 --> 00:21:02,156
Has certain responsibilities,
you know?
589
00:21:02,207 --> 00:21:03,941
- of course.
- uh-huh.
590
00:21:03,959 --> 00:21:06,160
- well...
591
00:21:06,211 --> 00:21:08,829
I'll never be
as pretty as i once was.
592
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,164
And i'm peeing blood.
593
00:21:10,215 --> 00:21:12,716
- i got myself
more of a foot soldier--
594
00:21:12,751 --> 00:21:15,636
Some cannon fodder,
really.
595
00:21:15,670 --> 00:21:18,172
- what did i miss?
596
00:21:18,223 --> 00:21:19,957
- [laughs]
- what did i miss?
597
00:21:19,975 --> 00:21:23,344
- ah, look at that.
598
00:21:23,395 --> 00:21:27,681
One semester ends,
another begins.
599
00:21:27,732 --> 00:21:30,017
- you gonna do something
about that?
600
00:21:30,068 --> 00:21:31,852
- what's the point,
you know?
601
00:21:31,903 --> 00:21:33,520
Nothing ever really changes
around here.
602
00:21:33,572 --> 00:21:35,305
That's the beautiful thing
about academia.
603
00:21:35,323 --> 00:21:37,992
None of us can really function
in the real world,
604
00:21:38,026 --> 00:21:39,743
So that's why we end up here.
605
00:21:39,778 --> 00:21:41,412
It sort of works
for everyone, really.
606
00:21:41,446 --> 00:21:42,613
- mm-hmm.
607
00:21:42,647 --> 00:21:44,949
- we can't function
anywhere else but here.
608
00:21:44,983 --> 00:21:46,867
- [imitating felicia]
hmm. you can't.
609
00:21:46,918 --> 00:21:48,669
No, you can't.
- ignore him.
610
00:21:48,703 --> 00:21:50,537
- what's he saying?
611
00:21:50,589 --> 00:21:53,374
- okay, i'm gonna go say
good night to richard.
612
00:21:53,425 --> 00:21:55,542
- no, you can't.
613
00:21:55,594 --> 00:21:57,044
[normal voice]
go. i'm timing you.
614
00:21:57,095 --> 00:21:58,879
- thank you for lunch.
615
00:21:58,930 --> 00:22:00,497
- well, i hope
we didn't give you
616
00:22:00,515 --> 00:22:01,882
Too hard a time of it today.
617
00:22:01,933 --> 00:22:03,834
- no, no worries.
i'm fine.
618
00:22:03,852 --> 00:22:06,837
My ass is a little sore,
but that's normal for me.
619
00:22:06,855 --> 00:22:08,555
- it's all done
with great affection.
620
00:22:08,607 --> 00:22:10,507
You know, you're such a mess,
and you cause such chaos,
621
00:22:10,525 --> 00:22:12,009
But i wouldn't change anything.
622
00:22:12,027 --> 00:22:13,777
- you sure about that?
- really, truly.
623
00:22:13,812 --> 00:22:16,847
It was a fabulous disaster.
- hmm.
624
00:22:16,865 --> 00:22:18,515
- come here.
be happy in new york.
625
00:22:18,533 --> 00:22:19,683
- oh, there you go.
626
00:22:19,701 --> 00:22:20,734
What about general sherman?
627
00:22:20,785 --> 00:22:21,869
You gonna let him
back in the house?
628
00:22:21,903 --> 00:22:23,070
'cause if you don't,
629
00:22:23,121 --> 00:22:24,688
I think he's gonna call in
reinforcements--
630
00:22:24,706 --> 00:22:25,956
The cavalry, perhaps.
631
00:22:25,991 --> 00:22:27,524
- mm, he does seem
very determined.
632
00:22:27,542 --> 00:22:28,525
- yeah.
633
00:22:28,543 --> 00:22:30,527
Passionate, one might say.
634
00:22:30,545 --> 00:22:33,030
- oh, i do like that
in a man.
635
00:22:33,048 --> 00:22:35,866
- felicia, i'm in a fever!
636
00:22:35,884 --> 00:22:37,868
- i better go tend
to the general.
637
00:22:37,886 --> 00:22:39,369
Toodle-loo.
- toodle-loo.
638
00:22:39,387 --> 00:22:41,705
- my brow!
639
00:22:43,425 --> 00:22:45,042
- did you ladies have fun
640
00:22:45,060 --> 00:22:46,877
Twisting the knife
this afternoon?
641
00:22:46,895 --> 00:22:49,379
- absolutely.
- too much fun.
642
00:22:49,397 --> 00:22:52,215
- well, i'm so happy
that i could give you a reason
643
00:22:52,233 --> 00:22:55,052
To come together
and become friends.
644
00:22:55,070 --> 00:22:56,720
- yeah, we're like bffs now.
645
00:22:56,738 --> 00:22:58,388
She's gonna teach me
how to pole-dance.
646
00:22:58,406 --> 00:23:00,658
- mm, such
a crying shame, hank.
647
00:23:00,692 --> 00:23:03,827
Just think of all
of the missed opportunities.
648
00:23:03,862 --> 00:23:04,995
- ow...
649
00:23:05,030 --> 00:23:06,497
[both laugh]
650
00:23:06,531 --> 00:23:09,750
Mm-hmm.
- moody...
651
00:23:09,784 --> 00:23:11,835
If i hear you've gone
and blown it
652
00:23:11,870 --> 00:23:13,504
With this gorgeous filly,
653
00:23:13,538 --> 00:23:17,091
I will kick your ass
and make her my queen.
654
00:23:17,125 --> 00:23:18,842
Ladies.
- yes.
655
00:23:18,877 --> 00:23:21,962
- take care, karen.
- bye, have fun.
656
00:23:22,013 --> 00:23:23,580
- bye.
657
00:23:23,598 --> 00:23:26,016
- i can't believe
i used to love that guy.
658
00:23:26,051 --> 00:23:27,685
- you'll get over it.
659
00:23:27,719 --> 00:23:29,937
Come on, soldier,
let's get you home.
660
00:23:29,971 --> 00:23:33,524
You still have battles to fight,
realms to conquer.
661
00:23:33,558 --> 00:23:36,527
- the child--
what about the child?
662
00:23:36,561 --> 00:23:39,897
- the child
is staying here tonight.
663
00:23:45,070 --> 00:23:47,037
- oh.
664
00:23:47,072 --> 00:23:48,989
Oh, wow.
665
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,208
No wonder we never did it
in the powder room, huh?
666
00:23:51,242 --> 00:23:53,711
That was--that was really not
pleasant at all.
667
00:23:53,745 --> 00:23:56,130
- it wasn't great.
668
00:23:56,164 --> 00:23:58,281
- i don't mean the first part,
of course.
669
00:23:58,299 --> 00:23:59,550
I meant the second part.
670
00:23:59,584 --> 00:24:01,468
I enjoyed the shit
out of humping you at first.
671
00:24:01,503 --> 00:24:02,803
- yeah, well, we could sleep
672
00:24:02,837 --> 00:24:04,304
Knowing we gave
the next homeowners
673
00:24:04,339 --> 00:24:06,473
A dirty sink
and a plumbing problem.
674
00:24:06,508 --> 00:24:08,892
[both mimicking laughter]
675
00:24:11,312 --> 00:24:13,463
Holy shit.
- mm?
676
00:24:13,481 --> 00:24:14,648
- they came--
677
00:24:14,682 --> 00:24:17,484
The divorce papers.
678
00:24:17,519 --> 00:24:21,155
- whoa.
679
00:24:21,189 --> 00:24:24,408
- big day, charlie--
signing time.
680
00:24:24,442 --> 00:24:26,360
- well, i-i can't move.
681
00:24:26,411 --> 00:24:28,112
You're gonna have
to bring me a pen.
682
00:24:30,031 --> 00:24:33,117
- [sighs]
683
00:24:33,151 --> 00:24:35,002
[clears throat]
684
00:24:36,871 --> 00:24:39,590
- hey, how was the first part
for you, marce, hmm?
685
00:24:39,624 --> 00:24:40,841
You never said.
686
00:24:40,875 --> 00:24:43,010
- well, what do you
want me to say, charlie?
687
00:24:43,044 --> 00:24:45,345
The first part with you
was great.
688
00:24:45,380 --> 00:24:47,881
It's the last part
that ended in disaster.
689
00:24:47,932 --> 00:24:50,884
- yeah, yeah, but it
doesn't have to, you know?
690
00:24:50,935 --> 00:24:54,188
Because we
could keep going, right?
691
00:24:54,222 --> 00:24:57,191
You know,
we--we turn the last part
692
00:24:57,225 --> 00:24:58,559
Into the middle part.
693
00:24:58,610 --> 00:25:01,779
- and what happens when we get
to the next shitty part?
694
00:25:01,813 --> 00:25:04,364
- there doesn't have to be
a shitty part.
695
00:25:04,399 --> 00:25:06,984
- baby...
696
00:25:07,018 --> 00:25:10,654
There's always
a shitty part with us.
697
00:25:16,911 --> 00:25:19,863
- [grunting]
ow.
698
00:25:21,866 --> 00:25:22,916
Hey.
699
00:25:36,547 --> 00:25:40,217
- [sniffles]
700
00:25:42,220 --> 00:25:44,855
- i appreciate the interest,
i really do.
701
00:25:44,889 --> 00:25:46,940
- you do?
- yes, i'm just--
702
00:25:46,991 --> 00:25:48,892
I'm just not sure
703
00:25:48,910 --> 00:25:52,196
I'm in the moody.
704
00:25:52,230 --> 00:25:53,697
- oh, no.
705
00:25:53,731 --> 00:25:56,399
But i am.
i--i really am.
706
00:25:56,417 --> 00:25:58,035
I mean,
today was so exciting.
707
00:25:58,069 --> 00:26:00,120
I could, like,
totally just, like,
708
00:26:00,171 --> 00:26:02,623
Carry on from where
we left off this morning.
709
00:26:02,674 --> 00:26:05,425
My mind and my body
are totally in sync.
710
00:26:05,460 --> 00:26:07,127
- i'm not sure
711
00:26:07,178 --> 00:26:09,630
That i like the implication
of that.
712
00:26:09,681 --> 00:26:13,467
- what? it's very sexy for a man
to fight for your honor.
713
00:26:13,518 --> 00:26:14,635
- is it also very sexy
714
00:26:14,686 --> 00:26:16,303
To run into some old geezer
you let bone you
715
00:26:16,354 --> 00:26:17,604
When you were 19 years old?
716
00:26:17,639 --> 00:26:18,972
- well, you know,
it just reminded me
717
00:26:19,023 --> 00:26:20,440
Of being back at college again,
718
00:26:20,475 --> 00:26:23,260
When life was so simple,
and he was so--
719
00:26:23,278 --> 00:26:26,396
- he was so passionate,
so full of enthusiasm.
720
00:26:26,430 --> 00:26:28,315
I know, i know.
721
00:26:28,366 --> 00:26:30,433
- he was so big, actually.
722
00:26:30,451 --> 00:26:32,319
- oh, gross.
723
00:26:32,370 --> 00:26:35,822
- i mean, not that that matters
or anything, but, um...
724
00:26:35,874 --> 00:26:37,908
Well, you know, right?
you saw.
725
00:26:37,942 --> 00:26:39,159
- i saw nothing.
- the whole deal.
726
00:26:39,210 --> 00:26:41,778
- as far as i know,
the man is a hermaphrodite.
727
00:26:41,796 --> 00:26:43,664
- really?
god, he was--
728
00:26:43,715 --> 00:26:46,500
He was, like, the hottest
assistant professor
729
00:26:46,551 --> 00:26:47,834
On the campus.
730
00:26:47,886 --> 00:26:49,753
Everybody wanted
to sleep with him.
731
00:26:49,787 --> 00:26:50,888
My friends were so jealous.
732
00:26:50,922 --> 00:26:53,173
One time we were doing it
in his office,
733
00:26:53,224 --> 00:26:55,509
And there was, like,
this line down the hall--
734
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:56,727
- okay, that's it.
735
00:26:56,761 --> 00:27:00,463
I demand satisfaction.
- yes, yes, it worked!
736
00:27:00,481 --> 00:27:03,300
Good. mm.
are you gonna punish me?
737
00:27:03,318 --> 00:27:04,651
- you do know
i'm gonna have to live
738
00:27:04,686 --> 00:27:06,570
With that image in my head
for the rest of my life.
739
00:27:06,604 --> 00:27:08,071
- i know.
740
00:27:10,992 --> 00:27:12,976
- i'm just not sure
that my mind and my body
741
00:27:12,994 --> 00:27:14,978
Are in sync either.
742
00:27:14,996 --> 00:27:16,813
You know,
the--the events of the day,
743
00:27:16,831 --> 00:27:19,482
All this fun you've had,
it's bruised my mind.
744
00:27:19,500 --> 00:27:20,817
It's traumatized me.
745
00:27:20,835 --> 00:27:24,321
It may very well undermine
my ability to please you.
746
00:27:24,339 --> 00:27:26,089
- really?
747
00:27:26,124 --> 00:27:28,959
- no, not really.
748
00:27:28,977 --> 00:27:36,979
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com