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Previously
on Californication...
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The D.A.'s office is willing
to drop the assault charges.
3
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That's the good news.
4
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What's the bad news?
5
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You're being charged
with statutory rape.
6
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Yeah, you should probably
consider a little "manscaping."
7
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- You're way hairy.
- Really?
8
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Ah.
9
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Aah!
10
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- I'm late.
- Bingo.
11
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Come on, let's go get you
a pregnancy test.
12
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Fuck, the rabbit done died.
13
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I met the wife.
14
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Yeah, soon-to-be ex.
Splitsville.
15
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So you wouldn't mind
if I took a crack at her?
16
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Considering that you actually
wrote the book that I love,
17
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:32,498
how about you rewrite
the script that I loathe?
18
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And Sasha Bingham will star?
19
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Yes, she's reading as we speak.
20
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- What about Eddie Nero?
- So is there a script?
21
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Fuck, no.
22
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- But he's getting close.
- Ish.
23
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With Sasha's interest
24
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and with Hank's face
all over the news right now,
25
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,647
we could be at Sundance
this time next year.
26
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The prosecution
has a lame case,
27
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and they know it too.
28
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Have you met my attorney?
29
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You should probably
stay far away
30
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from the Mias and the Sashas
of the world right now.
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Hey, check it out.
32
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It should be
pretty cut and dry.
33
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You plead guilty
to unlawful sexual conduct.
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The statutory rape charge
goes away.
35
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Discretion, counselor...
36
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:51,077
It being the better part
of valor and whatnot.
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In any case...
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You're looking
at a $1,000 fine,
39
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18 months summary probation.
40
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,353
Uh, the only thing left
to hammer out
41
00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:02,521
is the nature and duration
of your community service.
42
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Done.
Where do I sign?
43
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:06,525
But instead of doing
community service,
44
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can I do a P.S.A.?
45
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Hi, I'm Hank Moody.
46
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Don't fuck teenagers.
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And can I borrow
a thousand bucks?
48
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Kidding...
About the P.S.A.
49
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I'll be damned.
50
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I think I'm actually seeing
51
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:23,943
some of that Hank Moody mojo
up close and personal.
52
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Is my dong out?
53
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You should probably card her
just to be safe.
54
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You are on fire.
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Hi, excuse me.
56
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Do we know each other?
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Sorry, you're, uh,
kind of famous.
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That's right.
I am kind of famous.
59
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It's good to see that the young
kids are still reading.
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Last time I checked,
my shit wasn't Kindle-worthy.
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- Ow!
- Sorry.
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Dick.
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Don't open it.
No, no.
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- Let me... God.
- Fuck you.
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She's right.
You are a dick.
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Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Nice work, asshole.
Deal's off.
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What? No fair.
Indian giver.
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As you know, the D.A.
is running for governor.
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00:03:58,538 --> 00:03:59,872
And voters
just don't take kindly
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to public officials who go soft
on child molesters.
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But nothing happened.
73
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The young ladies in question
were just screwing around,
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and I put a stop to that shit.
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I can't help it
if some cock-tard in a fedora
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00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,750
takes a picture
at the exact wrong moment.
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It doesn't matter.
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It looks like
something happened.
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It looks like you're out there
thumbing your nose
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at the state of California.
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Okay, I get it.
82
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Duly noted...
must stop thumbing nose.
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All right?
84
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,796
So what do we do now?
What's... what's the move?
85
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:26,098
- You look for a new attorney.
- What?
86
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:27,867
I should've gone with my gut
on this one.
87
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What are you saying,
you're quitting?
88
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In a word,
abso-fucking-lutely.
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00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:32,972
I'm dropping the case,
90
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leaving the opportunity
for you to find an attorney
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00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,710
who suits
your particular personality.
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You can't do that.
Can you?
93
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Hank, I have never had a client
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who makes it this difficult
for me to do my job.
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You should talk to my agent.
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I will. I'll call him,
and I'll recommend someone new.
97
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Quitter.
98
00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:54,593
Good luck to you, Hank.
99
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,695
I wish I could say
it was nice knowing you,
100
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,631
but that would be
a big, fat lie,
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because you have been
an enormous pain in my ass.
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Normally I would have
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an incredibly childish
retort to that,
104
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but I'm not going to.
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I'm gonna take the high road.
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You have a great ass.
107
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And the thought
that I have brought it any pain
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brings me pain.
109
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All I want to do
is bring your ass pleasure.
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That's how highly I regard it.
111
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And there it goes,
Abby's fantastic ass.
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Fare thee well.
Take care.
113
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We'll always have Century City.
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I'm fucked.
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Go the fuck away.
116
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I don't want
any more fucking chocolates.
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It's you.
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- What do you want?
- Settle down, grumpy.
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Can I come in?
120
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Haven't you caused me
enough trouble?
121
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This is my fault?
122
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Well, seeing as I'm
in no mood to blame myself,
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yes, yes, it is.
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Come on in.
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You live like a fucking animal.
126
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Which is exactly why it would
never work out between us.
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Well, that and the fact
that you're old enough
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to be my grandfather.
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Oh, fuck, are you trying
to make me kill myself?
130
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So I have some good news
and some bad news.
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Which would you prefer?
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Do it whatever way you want,
133
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fucking diva.
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I'm dropping out.
135
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Of high school?
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The movie.
137
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Oh, that.
138
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All right,
I will... I will write you
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00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,949
that big Oscar speech
that you wanted at the end.
140
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- No, no, it's not that.
- Okay, you got it.
141
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:27,653
This is a lot
of bad press for me.
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00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:30,556
And while a scandal
can be a good thing,
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this whole thing
is getting a little unsavory.
144
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,094
Hmm.
145
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,596
Okay, so no movie.
146
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,398
Movie, no.
147
00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:40,766
What's the good news?
148
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,402
The good news is that I still
want to have sex with you,
149
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:44,904
at least once more,
150
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,438
if not twice.
151
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:47,840
That's the good news?
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00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:49,942
Mm-hmm.
153
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Oh, my.
154
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:55,447
You know,
that is pretty good news.
155
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:57,149
Maybe a little something
for the pain.
156
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Shit.
157
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,392
Put your shirt back on.
158
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,127
Could be the law.
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00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:16,435
Just as I suspected, the law.
160
00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:18,704
Karen, come on in.
161
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:21,206
Hey.
162
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,742
Karen, I'd like you
to meet Sasha Bingham.
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They tell me
she's a big movie star.
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Personally, I don't see it.
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Hi, you're so beautiful.
166
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Oh, my God,
I totally get it now.
167
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,652
- How'd you fuck this up?
- Thank you.
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00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:36,155
That's helpful.
You can go now.
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00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,457
It's nice to meet you, Sasha.
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00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:40,960
Um, of course,
I know exactly who you are,
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00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,828
because I've seen
all the photos.
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And that's my cue.
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Peace.
174
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Wow.
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00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,936
I am disappointed
in you, Karen...
176
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,038
Reading all those stupid blogs.
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00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,206
Becca showed me.
178
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,241
Bec... Oh, fuck.
179
00:07:58,712 --> 00:07:59,979
How is she?
Is she okay?
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00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,113
Okay?
181
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,215
W-what does that even mean
at this point?
182
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:07,186
Wha... Uh, what do you want
from me, Karen?
183
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,221
Look around.
Welcome to rock bottom.
184
00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:12,858
I'm living in this shitty,
filthy hotel room.
185
00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:14,660
My... my career's
in the shitter.
186
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:16,795
You obviously hate me.
Becca hates me.
187
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:20,232
My attorney dumped me.
188
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:21,634
Your attorney dumped you?
189
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,168
How does that even happen?
190
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,170
I don't know.
She got tired of my shit.
191
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:26,438
It's a trend.
192
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:27,806
What the fuck?
Whatever.
193
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,174
But wasn't she
one of the good ones?
194
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,442
I think so.
She seemed good.
195
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:32,745
She's smart, snappy dresser,
nice briefcase.
196
00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:34,780
What the fuck do I know
about lawyers?
197
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:36,715
Did you think to apologize?
198
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,385
I mean, you can really switch
the charm on when you want to.
199
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,186
I don't have a switch.
The switch is gone.
200
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:45,124
I can't find the switch.
201
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:48,527
Can you just...
202
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,195
Apologize to Becca for me
203
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:53,499
and... and... and tell her that
I'll... I'll make it up to her?
204
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,869
You know how you can
make it up to her?
205
00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:59,071
You can get your head
out of your fucking ass
206
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:01,540
and get your shit together.
207
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,008
Hank, you're slipping.
208
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,244
You're know,
you're really fucking slipping.
209
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,312
I mean, whatever happens
between us,
210
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,982
you have always managed
to be a decent father.
211
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:13,052
If you let that go,
you're fucked.
212
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:17,790
You're totally fucked forever.
213
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:19,892
No, no, no, no, no.
This is your shit.
214
00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:22,027
I'm... I'm gone.
215
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,763
You figure it out.
216
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:35,974
♪
♪
217
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,910
- Hola.
- Hola.
218
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,579
Okay.
219
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:45,317
Please, you wait.
220
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,119
You got it.
221
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,421
Oh, hey, listen.
222
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,323
Um, your boss...
223
00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:54,359
How hairy are we talking here?
224
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:55,894
Pardon?
225
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,497
It's just that, uh, I have
to get back to the West Side,
226
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:01,200
and I want to kind of
wrap it up before rush hour.
227
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:04,269
So how hairy is the missus?
228
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:05,871
Mrs. Hairy?
229
00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:07,639
I no understand,
but you no worry.
230
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:08,741
I put perfect.
231
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,909
Irma, thank you very much.
232
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,244
I will take over from here,
233
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,213
and you always put perfect.
234
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,348
Gracias, señor.
235
00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:19,718
Marcy, we meet again at last.
236
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,019
Stu...
237
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,755
You made the appointment
with me?
238
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,957
No, no, Irma booked
the appointment
239
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:26,625
on my behalf.
240
00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:28,961
So you want
the full Kardashian?
241
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:31,630
No, no.
God, no.
242
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,632
I would rather explode.
243
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:35,868
No, when Irma called hot lips,
244
00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:37,102
they said that's
what it would take
245
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,437
for you to make a house call.
246
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,873
You got to be
fucking kidding me.
247
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:42,808
Listen, I called.
I texted.
248
00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:44,143
And in return, zilch.
249
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,978
So I had to get
a little creative.
250
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:47,112
Unbelievable.
251
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,515
Baby, I'm a producer,
so I produce.
252
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:50,749
What can I say?
253
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:53,619
Well, you could
say sorry, asshole,
254
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,820
because I canceled
255
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,655
a whole afternoon's worth
of appointments.
256
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:58,157
Do you know how much
this little stunt of yours
257
00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,158
is gonna cost me?
258
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,492
Wait, wait, I'm sorry.
259
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,294
I didn't mean to...
260
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:05,197
It's just that
I wanted to see you...
261
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:06,398
So much.
262
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:09,835
I'll be glad to pay you
for your time.
263
00:11:09,869 --> 00:11:12,437
I-I mean, if you would
just stay here
264
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:13,572
and hang out for a while.
265
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,240
I stay, I wax.
266
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,975
Take it or leave it.
267
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,678
Oh.
268
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,682
All right, then.
269
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:26,251
The full Kardashian it is.
270
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:29,755
Sasha dropped out.
271
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,456
I know.
272
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:32,591
Abby too.
273
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:33,992
I know.
274
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,295
I've brought shame
upon my family.
275
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:37,596
Oh, I know.
276
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,331
Yeah, that's it.
It's decided, then.
277
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,333
I'm going out tonight.
278
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:44,303
Like zig,
I'm jerking myself to Jesus.
279
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:45,704
Good knowing you, Runks.
280
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:47,039
Sounds like a plan.
281
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:49,274
But you might want
to reconsider.
282
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,976
Yeah, I don't think so.
283
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:53,345
Guess who's back
in the picture.
284
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,180
Hmm?
285
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,015
Someone who can
get this thing green-lit
286
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,684
with one magic word.
287
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,253
Come on, come on.
Hmm, hmm?
288
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:02,521
Barack Obama.
289
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:03,989
Eddie fucking Nero.
290
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:05,891
Oh, what the fuck
does that psycho want?
291
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,759
He says the script
is keeping him up nights.
292
00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:10,929
Yeah, he says he can't get
the character out of his head.
293
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:13,966
He wants to hang out with you.
294
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,035
He says he wants to try
the role on for size
295
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,804
before he commits, you know?
296
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:21,707
Experience a night in the life
297
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,709
of the infamous Hank Moody.
298
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,210
I don't think he'd enjoy
299
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,379
watching me go
all autoerotic on myself.
300
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,380
Do you?
301
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,649
Maybe.
Maybe not.
302
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,918
Maybe you save that
for another night.
303
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,920
Maybe, yeah.
304
00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:37,322
It'd be kind of rude to do to
housekeeping, don't you think?
305
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,390
Totally rude.
306
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,625
You'd have to leave
a pretty big tip
307
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:40,826
to make up
for something like that.
308
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:43,362
Totally.
309
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,564
You're coming with, right?
310
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,033
Yeah, I don't think Eddie
likes me very much.
311
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,401
Oh, I don't think
he does either,
312
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,069
but you're coming with, right?
313
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,372
Yeah!
Sounds like a party.
314
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:54,706
That chemically
imbalanced freak
315
00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:56,675
better stay the fuck
away from my balls.
316
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:01,013
♪
♪
317
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:03,949
Wait, how did you go
from waiter to producer?
318
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:06,051
Robert Evans was a regular,
319
00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:07,519
and he always sat
in my section.
320
00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:08,787
And one day he asked me
321
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,223
to be his assistant
on Urban Cowboy and...
322
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:13,358
Get out.
323
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:14,893
You worked on that movie?
324
00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:16,194
Oh, my God!
325
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,697
That is one of my top ten
guilty pleasure flicks
326
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:19,731
of all time.
327
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,733
I fucking love that shit, Stu.
328
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:22,734
Really?
329
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:26,305
Yeah, you don't say.
330
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,473
Okay, look.
331
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:31,276
You don't have to go through
the whole full-body meshugas.
332
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,946
Oh, mercy, Marcy.
333
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,580
Okay, one more.
Tighten up.
334
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,649
Oh!
335
00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:39,885
There you go.
336
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:42,120
- Wow, Urban Cowboy.
- Oh...
337
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,422
Yeah.
338
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:46,425
God, I haven't seen that
in, what, decades?
339
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,560
I got to Netflix that shit.
340
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:49,928
Hey, no, no, no, no, no, no.
341
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,797
Hey, you're in luck.
342
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,832
See, I happen to have
a digitally restored
343
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,300
35-millimeter print
right here.
344
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,568
I mean... I mean, we could...
345
00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:58,603
We could go watch it
in my screening room right now.
346
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:01,907
Oh, God, I would love to,
but I got to get back.
347
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,108
Maybe some other time.
348
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:04,576
No, no, there's gonna be
no other time.
349
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:07,512
I'm gonna be donating my entire
film collection to U.S.C....
350
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:10,115
Every picture I ever worked on...
like, next week.
351
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:11,350
Why are you doing that?
352
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,919
Well, it's not like
I have a family
353
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:15,354
I can pass it down to.
354
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:18,623
And I don't know...
I guess maybe it's my attempt
355
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,525
to leave some kind of legacy.
356
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,362
You never got married, Stu?
357
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,931
Oh, no, I did...
358
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:27,599
Three times.
359
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:30,569
You know, work...
360
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,171
Work is a cruel mistress.
361
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,173
And I mean, she took,
and she took,
362
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,309
and she gave nothing back.
363
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:40,979
You call this nothing?
364
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:44,383
Well, without a wife
and family to share this with,
365
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:47,686
what's any of this for?
366
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,792
♪
♪
367
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,794
Let's get this over with.
368
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:58,030
Where is that
fucking Billy Goat?
369
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,564
- Huah!
- Ow!
370
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,968
I fucking missed you, Moody.
371
00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:05,303
Ow.
372
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:06,838
You too, Goldilocks.
373
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:08,240
Hey, let's do some drinking.
374
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:11,043
Let's talk some story.
375
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,311
Does she have to be 16?
376
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,747
What are you talking about?
377
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,916
I don't know, is there
any value in her being 18
378
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:19,151
or 19, even?
379
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:20,685
But that's not illegal.
380
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,954
Yeah, but I'm trying
to make the character
381
00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:24,222
a little more likeable,
382
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,191
'cause on the page,
he's an asshole.
383
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:28,927
You understand that you are
384
00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:30,595
kind of talking
about me right now?
385
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:33,565
Okay, could she be younger,
like 10 or 11?
386
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:36,201
That's disgusting.
387
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:40,138
Pedophiles aren't
very likeable either, Eddie.
388
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:41,606
It's a fine line, isn't it?
389
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:44,342
Look, I'm not a prude, okay?
Not... not by any stretch.
390
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:45,877
I think you know that about me.
391
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,312
I'm just trying to build
392
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:51,416
the most three-dimensional
character I can.
393
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,086
I need to see you fuck.
394
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,388
Mm-hmm.
What? What?
395
00:15:56,422 --> 00:15:57,923
I need to watch you
make love to a woman.
396
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:58,924
No.
397
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,725
What you say,
how you touch her,
398
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:04,062
how you move your hips,
how you thrust.
399
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:07,532
I need to know these things.
400
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,868
Agent, get us some whores.
401
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,536
I think I see a couple
over by the bar.
402
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:12,704
I'll be right back.
403
00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:14,139
No, no, no,
you stay right there.
404
00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:16,441
That's it. I'm out.
I quit this time.
405
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:17,809
It's over.
406
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,211
Wait a minute, wait.
407
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,613
Just sit down
for a minute here, "Broseph."
408
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,149
Are you an artist
or a pretender?
409
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:25,317
Neither.
410
00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:26,451
I'm a writer.
411
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,153
I think, I type, I drink.
412
00:16:28,187 --> 00:16:30,155
Lather, rinse, repeat,
not always in that order.
413
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:31,356
As far as I'm concerned,
414
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:33,225
art's just another guy
from Brooklyn.
415
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:34,860
I used to be a pretender.
416
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:37,596
Now I'm an artist.
417
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,831
Wow, do you get a certificate
with that or something?
418
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:43,502
Yeah, it's called
the Motherfucking Academy Award,
419
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:44,836
and I won mine
420
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:47,506
for a Michael Mann movie
called John.
421
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,908
Great fucking movie.
422
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,944
I have sutures in my scrotum.
423
00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:58,717
I played John,
the gay hit man...
424
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,586
H.I.V. Plus.
425
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,321
You know how
I prepared for that?
426
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,623
No.
427
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:05,957
I took a man in my mouth.
428
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:07,993
That's right.
429
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,095
I played his skin flute
like Kenny G,
430
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:12,531
like Kenny G on ecstasy.
431
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,499
I engineered his orgasm...
432
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,035
My hands,
433
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:18,670
my mouth,
434
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,005
my tongue.
435
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,111
And then he gave me his gift.
436
00:17:26,145 --> 00:17:27,546
Gave it to me on the inside.
437
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:30,515
And that's the day I graduated.
438
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,051
That's the day
I stopped pretending
439
00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:34,486
and started being,
440
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,088
because until you've savored
both sexes,
441
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:40,358
until you know how to make both
of them come like baby gorillas,
442
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,861
you do not know
shit from Shinola.
443
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,566
I agree.
444
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,235
I know you do, friend.
445
00:17:50,269 --> 00:17:52,971
I can smell it on you...
446
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,173
The ambivalence.
447
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,859
I think we should kill
someone tonight.
448
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:21,032
I mean, like a hobo
or something.
449
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:24,569
Thank God.
450
00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:28,473
Yes?
451
00:18:28,507 --> 00:18:29,741
Oh, hey, sweetie.
452
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,943
Anything to get me
out of where I am right now.
453
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:33,445
You sit tight.
I'll be right over.
454
00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:35,146
That's my kid.
I got to jet.
455
00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:36,581
Nice talking to you,
cocksucker.
456
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,283
Hey, hey,
I completely understand.
457
00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:39,951
That's what being
a parent's all about.
458
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,686
Listen, when my nanny calls
with a problem,
459
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,822
my assistant takes that call
no matter what.
460
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:45,290
Look, I'll go with you.
461
00:18:45,324 --> 00:18:46,858
- Uh-uh.
- Come on!
462
00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:48,093
- No.
- Let's go!
463
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,361
Dark and deep!
464
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:56,268
♪
♪
465
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,836
So I'm thinking Japanese.
466
00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,971
Say it ain't so, short round.
467
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:01,806
Hey, she's 100 bucks short.
468
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,541
I didn't want to call the cops.
469
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,444
Appreciate it.
Let me see.
470
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,646
Oh.
471
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,481
I'm not paying
for that, sweetie.
472
00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:11,082
I thought you said
he'd be cool with this.
473
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:12,584
I thought he would.
474
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:15,120
- I need the money, dad.
- Yeah? Get a job.
475
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,389
Okay, guess I'm calling
the fucking cops.
476
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:18,423
Nobody's calling
the fucking cops!
477
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:20,392
- Whoa!
- What the fuck are you doing?
478
00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:23,395
Oh, yeah, I knew it was
gonna get dark tonight.
479
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:25,530
Yeah, sometimes
you can just feel it.
480
00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:26,898
Here's what we're gonna do.
481
00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:29,234
We're gonna back up slowly
and get the fuck out.
482
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:30,835
I got your back, rapist.
483
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:31,970
You can't afford any more
trouble with the police.
484
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,938
Hey, isn't that Eddie Nero?
485
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,141
Holy shit, that's Eddie Nero.
486
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,909
Holy shit, you're right.
487
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:39,244
You guys fans?
488
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:40,345
It is Eddie Nero.
489
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:41,479
Aah! Ow!
490
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,580
God damn it!
491
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,683
Hank, the movie!
492
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:46,618
Agent, pay him.
493
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:48,520
You fucked up my face.
You fucked up the moneymaker.
494
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:49,988
Okay, okay.
495
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,456
Queens of Dogtown...
496
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:53,124
Here we go.
Should be a hundred there.
497
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,559
Now, listen, while we're here,
498
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:56,094
I'd like to get
your professional opinion.
499
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:57,762
Could you do something cool
with this?
500
00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:58,797
- No, whoa!
- What? What?
501
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,765
Get this fucking guy
out of my shop.
502
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,601
What? What?
Okay, I'm going, I'm going.
503
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,737
- I'm Karen.
- Abby. Nice to meet you.
504
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:07,005
Please, have a seat.
505
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,741
Thank you so much for, um...
for seeing me.
506
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:11,843
Oh, my pleasure.
507
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,511
Uh, to be perfectly clear,
508
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,481
I am no longer
representing Mr. Moody.
509
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:18,183
I know.
That's why I'm here.
510
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,185
Um...
511
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,321
I want to try to convince you
to give him a second chance.
512
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:25,490
Why?
513
00:20:25,524 --> 00:20:27,826
Because I've given him
too many already,
514
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:30,695
and it's someone else's turn.
515
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,031
He is an absolute mess, Karen.
516
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,366
I know.
517
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,801
Believe me, I have 16 years'
experience in the field.
518
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:39,371
To be honest, I-I-I've never
seen anything like it.
519
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,206
I-I don't think
I can help him.
520
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,907
I don't think
he even wants to be helped.
521
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,509
I think
he wants to be punished.
522
00:20:44,543 --> 00:20:46,878
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
523
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:48,213
You're smart.
524
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,848
That's why he needs you.
525
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:53,017
I don't mean to be rude,
but I-I have to ask.
526
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:54,686
How in the hell
did you put up with this
527
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,354
for as long as you did?
528
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:58,790
That's a good question.
That's a very good question.
529
00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:00,792
I don't even know
if I have an answer.
530
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:03,762
Um...
531
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,730
I think the world sees Hank
532
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,500
as this fabulous fuck-up.
533
00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:11,336
And, um, I know that guy.
534
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:13,805
I've spent a lot of time
with that guy.
535
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:17,809
But I am better acquainted
with the other guy...
536
00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:22,614
The one that listens
and hears everything,
537
00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:26,851
the one that looks at you
and sees right into your soul,
538
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:30,722
the one that makes you believe
in every fucking fairy tale
539
00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:32,924
that you've ever been told.
540
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,727
Ultimately, I may not
even be the woman
541
00:21:35,761 --> 00:21:38,496
who gets to enjoy the man
that I know he can be,
542
00:21:38,531 --> 00:21:40,565
but I still want
the best for him,
543
00:21:40,599 --> 00:21:42,567
because I want the best
for my daughter.
544
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:49,107
I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean
to lay all this on you.
545
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:52,410
I-it's okay.
I appreciate your candor, I do.
546
00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:55,113
Nice to meet you.
547
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:57,749
Yeah, nice to meet you.
548
00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:04,322
So I'm the guy you call
549
00:22:04,356 --> 00:22:05,857
when you think your mother's
gonna have a shit fit?
550
00:22:05,891 --> 00:22:07,725
Otherwise you don't want
to have anything to do with me?
551
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,695
I just thought
you'd understand.
552
00:22:10,729 --> 00:22:12,030
You have tattoos.
553
00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:14,199
- Mom has tattoos.
- That's not the point.
554
00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:15,900
What is the point, then?
555
00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:17,969
These are my friends.
They wanted me to do it.
556
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:20,505
Yeah, and if your friends
wanted you to do drugs,
557
00:22:20,539 --> 00:22:22,040
would you do that?
558
00:22:22,074 --> 00:22:23,875
Of course I would.
559
00:22:23,909 --> 00:22:25,477
Wouldn't you?
560
00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:29,080
A little bit of hypocrisy
is fine, dad,
561
00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:31,115
but I'm the normal one here.
562
00:22:31,150 --> 00:22:34,486
I'm supposed to be out getting
fucked up with my friends.
563
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,522
You're supposed to be home
watching TV with mom.
564
00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:40,191
Instead you're out there
fucking teenagers
565
00:22:40,226 --> 00:22:43,728
and prancing around
like a poor man's Bukowski.
566
00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:47,765
I'm sorry I called you.
567
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,868
Hey, hey.
568
00:22:49,902 --> 00:22:52,170
Take it easy
on your old man, okay?
569
00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:54,105
He's as cool as they come.
570
00:22:54,139 --> 00:22:55,540
Really?
571
00:22:55,574 --> 00:22:58,476
Yeah, that's why I'm gonna
play him in a movie.
572
00:22:58,511 --> 00:22:59,811
Really?
573
00:22:59,845 --> 00:23:01,746
You already said that.
574
00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:03,615
You know who should play you?
575
00:23:03,649 --> 00:23:05,183
K-stew.
576
00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:07,118
I should give her a call.
577
00:23:13,659 --> 00:23:15,693
- I should fucking hit you.
- Yeah, take a shot.
578
00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:17,495
I'll hit you right back,
you fucking nutter.
579
00:23:17,530 --> 00:23:19,497
I said I should.
I didn't say I was gonna.
580
00:23:19,532 --> 00:23:21,432
But I am gonna do your movie.
581
00:23:21,467 --> 00:23:23,234
Why?
582
00:23:23,269 --> 00:23:25,837
Because now I know
what it's about.
583
00:23:25,871 --> 00:23:29,073
And it sure the fuck isn't
about warm, wet pussy.
584
00:23:29,108 --> 00:23:30,909
It's about a guy
trying to keep it together
585
00:23:30,943 --> 00:23:33,278
while falling apart.
586
00:23:33,312 --> 00:23:35,179
It's about life, love, sex,
587
00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:38,850
and the ever-lurking presence
of the grim fucking reaper.
588
00:23:38,884 --> 00:23:40,952
It's about men...
589
00:23:40,986 --> 00:23:43,688
Husbands, wives...
590
00:23:43,722 --> 00:23:45,823
Daughters, and fathers.
591
00:23:45,891 --> 00:23:50,228
It's Cassavetes
meets Judy Blume!
592
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,030
It's about
the motherfucking dark side.
593
00:23:52,064 --> 00:23:54,666
You and the motherfucking
dark side.
594
00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:55,867
Come here.
595
00:23:55,901 --> 00:23:58,503
Come on.
596
00:23:58,537 --> 00:24:00,905
Come here, pussy fart.
597
00:24:03,008 --> 00:24:05,009
Get in on this.
598
00:24:13,686 --> 00:24:15,053
Whoa.
Yeah, hell.
599
00:24:15,087 --> 00:24:18,222
Some got to win,
and some got to lose there, yep.
600
00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:21,826
If the bull don't kill him,
the clowns will.
601
00:24:23,362 --> 00:24:25,997
Whoa.
602
00:24:26,031 --> 00:24:28,666
What's all this, then, Stu?
603
00:24:28,701 --> 00:24:31,336
I'm making my move.
604
00:24:31,370 --> 00:24:33,671
- Seriously?
- This is it.
605
00:24:33,706 --> 00:24:34,939
That's your move,
606
00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:38,176
the old "fake yawn,
surreptitious grope" combo?
607
00:24:38,210 --> 00:24:40,845
- It's a classic.
- It's a clam, Stu.
608
00:24:40,879 --> 00:24:41,946
The next thing I know,
609
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:43,214
you're gonna be
sticking your dick
610
00:24:43,248 --> 00:24:45,183
up through the bottom
of that tub of popcorn,
611
00:24:45,217 --> 00:24:46,784
diner style.
612
00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,119
Would that have worked?
613
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:51,089
Wouldn't you like to know, Stu?
614
00:24:51,123 --> 00:24:54,125
Actually, I would.
615
00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:56,327
I have to be honest
with you, Marcy.
616
00:24:56,362 --> 00:24:58,062
I suck with women.
617
00:24:58,097 --> 00:25:01,399
Ask my first three wives.
618
00:25:01,433 --> 00:25:04,936
But I like you,
619
00:25:04,970 --> 00:25:08,206
and, um,
thanks for hanging out.
620
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,675
And it's been a wonderful day.
621
00:25:10,709 --> 00:25:12,877
Aw, sweet.
622
00:25:12,911 --> 00:25:15,413
Oh, okay.
623
00:25:31,463 --> 00:25:32,830
You're mean.
624
00:25:32,865 --> 00:25:34,799
Why do you say that?
625
00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:36,668
You fire me in the morning,
then you strut your stuff
626
00:25:36,702 --> 00:25:38,136
in my neck of the woods
in the evening...
627
00:25:38,170 --> 00:25:40,304
Cruel and unusual, counselor.
628
00:25:40,339 --> 00:25:42,173
Life goes on, Hank.
629
00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:43,841
So it does.
630
00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:45,143
I'm sorry, by the way.
631
00:25:45,177 --> 00:25:46,411
For what?
632
00:25:46,445 --> 00:25:49,047
I know I can be a world-class
stone in your shoe.
633
00:25:49,081 --> 00:25:51,683
I make life pretty fucking
impossible for those around me.
634
00:25:51,717 --> 00:25:54,118
It's an issue.
I'm working on it, whatever.
635
00:25:54,153 --> 00:25:56,854
Tomorrow's another day.
636
00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:59,857
Have fun on your "date."
637
00:25:59,892 --> 00:26:03,695
Who says I'm on a date?
638
00:26:03,729 --> 00:26:05,496
Maybe I came here to see you.
639
00:26:05,531 --> 00:26:07,699
Really?
Why?
640
00:26:07,733 --> 00:26:11,836
Maybe I was a little rash
this morning.
641
00:26:11,870 --> 00:26:13,871
I-I get it.
I bring it out in people...
642
00:26:13,906 --> 00:26:15,506
Rashes and whatnot.
643
00:26:15,541 --> 00:26:18,676
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?
644
00:26:18,711 --> 00:26:22,013
Depends what you think
I'm saying.
645
00:26:22,047 --> 00:26:24,015
That you're my lawyer again.
646
00:26:24,049 --> 00:26:25,416
Maybe.
647
00:26:25,451 --> 00:26:27,218
Tomorrow's another day.
648
00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:28,486
Tomorrow?
649
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,556
Yeah, there's not a lot
of legal work
650
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:32,790
I can do for you tonight.
651
00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:37,562
Right, so... so...
so technically,
652
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:40,665
you're not my lawyer right now?
653
00:26:40,699 --> 00:26:44,368
Technically, uh, no, I'm not.
654
00:26:44,403 --> 00:26:46,704
Right now I'm just
a girl in a bar.
655
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:52,910
Hmm, that's funny,
656
00:26:52,945 --> 00:26:55,012
'cause right now
I'm just a guy in a bar.
657
00:26:55,047 --> 00:26:57,415
That is funny.
658
00:26:57,449 --> 00:26:59,751
Well, it's nice to meet you.
659
00:26:59,785 --> 00:27:01,819
Hank Moody.
660
00:27:01,854 --> 00:27:02,820
- Abby.
- Abby?
661
00:27:02,855 --> 00:27:03,988
- Mm-hmm.
- Abby.
662
00:27:04,022 --> 00:27:06,491
Well, nice to meet you.
663
00:27:09,261 --> 00:27:14,365
♪
♪
664
00:27:14,399 --> 00:27:24,368
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com