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Previously on Californication...
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Man, what are the odds I end
up next to the most beautiful
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woman in the Tri-state area?
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00:00:06,567 --> 00:00:08,798
He wants Hank to come to him.
5
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Who the fuck is he?
6
00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:12,333
Samurai Apocalypse.
7
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I wanna do my own thing.
My own moment.
8
00:00:14,699 --> 00:00:17,807
Santa Monica Cop-- that's my
Eddie Murphy moment right now.
9
00:00:17,842 --> 00:00:19,777
I don't know.
It's not really my thing.
10
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:22,849
Get your sexy ass over here, mama.
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I'm Charlie Runkle.
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We spoke on the phone.
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No, I'm just the nanny,
but come on in.
14
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Are--are you okay?
15
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I just got fired.
16
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Are you looking for a new gig?
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Hank Moody, better not be
hittin' on my girl.
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You should be at Starbucks
writing me some funny shit.
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I don't think I can do it.
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How's Becca?
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Boyfriend.
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I want to kill him, Hank.
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Tyler.
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This--this is not what
it looks like.
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This is my sister.
26
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What the fuck was that all about?
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Some guy my daughter's seeing.
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I think he's gonna break her heart.
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Maybe you should break his legs first.
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Tyler was leaving some club
in Hollywood
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and he got jumped
by a bunch of gangbangers.
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♪ I was sitting in the ♪
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♪ Hollywood Hawaiian hotel ♪
34
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♪ I was staring in my empty
coffee cup ♪
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Fade the fuck out.
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The end, motherfucker.
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Charlie!
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Way ahead of you, buddy.
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Print, bitches.
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Wait!
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Don't you want to spellcheck?
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00:01:34,769 --> 00:01:36,936
Nah, something tells me
the Samurai isn't much of
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00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,772
a typo Nazi,
and I gotta get out of here.
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I gotta get my brown eye
on the red-eye.
45
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I gotta a plane to catch.
46
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- Please stay.
- Mm-mm.
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I came, I saw, I turned
some words into cash.
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The coffers are full.
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Besides, I don't want to
get myself killed
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by a trigger-happy rapper.
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It's just not the same
without you, buddy.
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Just go down to the bar
and grab yourself one of your
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00:01:59,096 --> 00:02:01,131
messy bessies, and you'll feel
better in the morning.
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That's the thing, Hank.
It don't work anymore.
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I'm lonely.
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I long for companionship.
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Is this it?
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Is this the moment
I've been waiting for?
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Are you finally coming out
to me, Charlie?
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Female companionship.
Fee-hee-male.
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- Grab yourself a lady friend.
- It's not that easy.
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I'm old and bald and lacking
in social skills.
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Yeah, but you do make a decent living.
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And you have this groovy pad.
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And that's really good
for the hedonist.
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It impresses the shit out of
the strippers and the barmaids.
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But what if I want something more?
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00:02:35,069 --> 00:02:37,704
Sometimes it's better
not to touch your dreams.
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Take it from someone who knows.
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That is profound--ly
depressing.
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Speaking of which, I gotta go
say good-bye to Becca.
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Then I gotta drop this puppy off
at MTV Cribs.
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What are you gonna do?
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I don't know.
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I guess I'll probably masturbate
to something dirty
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on the Internet while I wait
for Stuart to show up
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and spend the night.
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Solid plan.
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What's on the menu these days?
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I'm glad you asked.
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I'm extremely partial these days
to live sex-cams.
82
00:03:02,735 --> 00:03:04,068
Yeah, for just a couple of bucks
a minute,
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they'll do anything you want.
84
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I got this girl to drink her own
pee the other day.
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What is wrong with you?
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What?
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This is why you can't find a girl.
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You're too busy making them do
disgusting things
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on the Internet.
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You should be ashamed of yourself.
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- I am.
- Good.
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Now hug me.
I gotta go.
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- Charlie?
- Yes.
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Is that a dildo in your pocket
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or are you just happy to see me go?
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I think I must have been
reliving that pee thing.
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Now it's just a shame boner.
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Oh, ow!
100
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- Fuck, fuck!
- Hey...
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What'd that poor house ever do to you?
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Nothing!
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It's what that pansy-ass
little pussy fart
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is doing in my house.
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I gotta walk this shit off
before I end up back in prison.
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Fucker!
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Fucker!
108
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Hey.
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00:05:01,859 --> 00:05:04,027
Hey.
110
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What's with the hubby out there?
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00:05:06,163 --> 00:05:07,830
Oh...
112
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Tyler got into his 40-year-old
bottle of Chivas.
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What the huh?
114
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I thought Batesy was on the wagon.
115
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Yeah, he is.
116
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But you know, he keeps it around
as a symbol of his sobriety.
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Oh, right on.
118
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So how's patient zero?
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- Demanding.
- Yeah?
120
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- Mm.
- Mm-hmm?
121
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I'm waiting.
My props?
122
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I told you the kid was an asshole.
123
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Well, yeah, but you think
everyone's an asshole.
124
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Yes.
Yes, I do.
125
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But that doesn't make me
any less right
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about this particular asshole.
127
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I gotta go to the drugstore.
Tyler needs more Vicodin.
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Hi, Becca.
Remember me?
129
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Oh, hey, dad.
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Hey, I'm leaving...
131
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on a jet plane...
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Don't know when I'll be back again.
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Maybe a hug?
134
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Safe travels, dad.
135
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All right, I love you.
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See you soon.
137
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Yeah...
138
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Hey, a quick one while they're away?
139
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Come on.
For old time's sake.
140
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You're hitting on a married woman.
141
00:06:02,756 --> 00:06:03,723
- I know.
- Yeah.
142
00:06:03,757 --> 00:06:04,958
What's your point?
143
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You really want me to sic
my husband on you
144
00:06:06,427 --> 00:06:08,260
in the state he's in?
145
00:06:08,295 --> 00:06:09,562
You're right.
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00:06:09,596 --> 00:06:10,964
That kind of thing
could lead a man to drink.
147
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Yes.
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And then his glorious mangina
149
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might make an appearance.
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Wouldn't want to see that
happen, would we?
151
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Actually, I would.
152
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I'm dying to see that thing again.
153
00:06:20,107 --> 00:06:21,073
- Come on, let's do it.
- Stop it.
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Come on.
155
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Karen, is dinner ready yet?
156
00:06:24,111 --> 00:06:26,012
Yeah.
I'm gonna take this...
157
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No, allow me.
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Well, put it on the--
159
00:06:28,715 --> 00:06:31,217
Hey, fuck that.
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Thank, God.
I was about to eat my foot.
161
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Oh...
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00:06:36,990 --> 00:06:38,290
Hey, Hank.
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Wow, you've really moved in,
haven't you?
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I hope you're not expecting to get
165
00:06:41,961 --> 00:06:44,162
your security deposit back, are you?
166
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Hey, listen, they insisted, okay?
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- Mmm! It's good.
- Ha-ha.
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Aww!
169
00:06:50,637 --> 00:06:52,004
My folks are out of town, all right?
170
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That's what your folks told you.
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They actually hate your guts
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and rue the day that your father
ever failed to pull out in time.
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00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:58,410
Ha-ha.
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00:06:58,444 --> 00:06:59,845
Why don't you go easy on me, man?
175
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I got my ass beat about a week ago.
176
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I know.
I know that.
177
00:07:03,517 --> 00:07:05,851
And I was almost sad
when I heard the news.
178
00:07:05,885 --> 00:07:07,720
And then I was vaguely
disappointed when I heard
179
00:07:07,754 --> 00:07:09,888
you weren't gonna die
or anything like that.
180
00:07:09,923 --> 00:07:12,491
But knowing you were in great
pain did make me smile.
181
00:07:12,525 --> 00:07:14,026
It's the little things, you know?
182
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:15,294
Mm.
183
00:07:15,329 --> 00:07:16,863
But if you break my daughter's
heart...
184
00:07:16,897 --> 00:07:18,431
Being stomped on by
a bunch of gangbangers
185
00:07:18,466 --> 00:07:21,201
is gonna seem like a playdate
compared to the can of rape-ass
186
00:07:21,236 --> 00:07:25,072
I will open up on your...
187
00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:29,076
ass.
188
00:07:29,111 --> 00:07:30,378
Mm...
189
00:07:30,412 --> 00:07:32,680
Well, I have no intention
of breaking her heart.
190
00:07:32,714 --> 00:07:34,749
- Good.
- She's a cool chick.
191
00:07:34,783 --> 00:07:36,417
And if you respect her coolness,
192
00:07:36,452 --> 00:07:38,819
you will tell her that
you are a lying, cheating,
193
00:07:38,854 --> 00:07:40,821
skullduggerous little manwhore.
194
00:07:40,856 --> 00:07:41,956
You hear me?
195
00:07:41,990 --> 00:07:44,292
I hear you.
196
00:07:44,327 --> 00:07:45,593
Are we cool?
197
00:07:45,628 --> 00:07:48,296
No, never.
198
00:07:48,331 --> 00:07:50,832
- Can I bum a smoke?
- Sure.
199
00:07:51,934 --> 00:07:55,069
Got a light?
200
00:07:55,104 --> 00:07:57,138
Ah! See, it's this damn
finger of mine.
201
00:07:57,172 --> 00:07:58,673
- Oh, yeah. I bet it's...
- Oh!
202
00:07:58,707 --> 00:08:00,375
- It's hard to...
- God!
203
00:08:10,286 --> 00:08:12,520
Oh, yeah.
204
00:08:12,555 --> 00:08:14,789
This is how it was done...
205
00:08:14,823 --> 00:08:16,858
Back in the day.
206
00:08:16,892 --> 00:08:19,861
When the bushes were big...
207
00:08:19,896 --> 00:08:22,931
And the boobies was real.
208
00:08:24,067 --> 00:08:25,334
Shit! Shit!
209
00:08:25,368 --> 00:08:27,936
Shit, shit, shit!
210
00:08:27,971 --> 00:08:29,538
Shit, shit, shit!
211
00:08:33,143 --> 00:08:34,743
Shit.
212
00:08:45,889 --> 00:08:49,358
Hello!
213
00:08:49,392 --> 00:08:51,426
Not too much boob tube, okay?
214
00:08:51,461 --> 00:08:53,595
Okay, okay, okay.
Relax, relax.
215
00:08:53,630 --> 00:08:55,364
We only watch what's educational.
216
00:08:55,398 --> 00:08:56,598
Uh-huh.
217
00:08:56,632 --> 00:08:58,433
Little baby Einstein, perhaps.
Who knows.
218
00:08:58,468 --> 00:08:59,801
Maybe he'll even say something.
219
00:09:01,170 --> 00:09:04,906
- Whoa!
- Jesus Christ, Charlie!
220
00:09:04,940 --> 00:09:06,374
Oh, my God.
221
00:09:06,409 --> 00:09:08,810
I can't trust you alone
with this kid for one second.
222
00:09:08,844 --> 00:09:10,745
Yeah, well, feel free
to take him with you
223
00:09:10,780 --> 00:09:12,080
out on date night, then.
224
00:09:12,114 --> 00:09:14,116
Oh, let's not be rash, Marcy.
225
00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:16,651
You know, my assistant had
to work some serious magic
226
00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:18,853
- for these rezzies.
- Believe me.
227
00:09:18,887 --> 00:09:21,089
I need a break from all things mommy.
228
00:09:21,123 --> 00:09:22,623
Right, right.
229
00:09:22,658 --> 00:09:24,759
So that whole hiring someone
to watch your kid
230
00:09:24,794 --> 00:09:26,527
while you go out all day shopping
231
00:09:26,562 --> 00:09:29,297
and having your toes done thing
not working for ya?
232
00:09:29,331 --> 00:09:31,332
Die young and suffer, dickless.
233
00:09:31,367 --> 00:09:34,001
Really kicking it back
old-school with the porn there,
234
00:09:34,036 --> 00:09:36,337
- hey, Runkle?
- Well, if you must know,
235
00:09:36,371 --> 00:09:38,873
I'm trying to ween myself off
the hardcore stuff.
236
00:09:38,907 --> 00:09:41,175
Yeah, I'm trying to rediscover
237
00:09:41,210 --> 00:09:44,021
the simple pleasures of
a masturbating teenager.
238
00:09:44,141 --> 00:09:48,249
When girls were magical
creatures who didn't go ATM.
239
00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:50,685
- Ugh.
- What?
240
00:09:50,719 --> 00:09:52,787
Ass to mouth.
241
00:09:52,821 --> 00:09:53,887
That's disgusting.
242
00:09:53,922 --> 00:09:56,323
Yet intriguing.
243
00:09:56,357 --> 00:09:57,624
Don't get any ideas, okay?
244
00:09:57,659 --> 00:09:59,893
You're way too big
for mommy's cornhole.
245
00:09:59,927 --> 00:10:02,362
Yeah, that's what daddy likes to hear.
246
00:10:02,396 --> 00:10:04,263
You're welcome.
247
00:10:08,735 --> 00:10:10,836
Hey, hey, what's the matter, buddy?
248
00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:13,605
Hey, what's the matter, huh?
249
00:10:13,639 --> 00:10:15,941
- Where's Mr. Blanky?
- What?
250
00:10:15,975 --> 00:10:18,844
Where is Mr. Blanky?
251
00:10:18,878 --> 00:10:20,012
You--
252
00:10:20,046 --> 00:10:21,347
- Did you--
- You brought--
253
00:10:21,381 --> 00:10:24,383
You put it in the backpack.
254
00:10:24,418 --> 00:10:25,618
Okay.
255
00:10:25,652 --> 00:10:27,387
You know, the traffic
is really terrible
256
00:10:27,421 --> 00:10:29,089
right now on PCH.
257
00:10:29,123 --> 00:10:31,992
- I think maybe we should jet.
- Yeah.
258
00:10:32,027 --> 00:10:33,461
Sorry, Charlie.
259
00:10:33,495 --> 00:10:35,497
- Okay, buddy, you're okay.
- You wanted weekday overnights.
260
00:10:35,531 --> 00:10:38,467
- You're a big boy, right?
- Mommy loves you!
261
00:10:38,501 --> 00:10:40,435
Oh, no.
Ohhhhh!
262
00:10:40,469 --> 00:10:44,206
Oh, you're a big boy.
You're a big boy, okay.
263
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,008
Okay, okay.
264
00:10:51,814 --> 00:10:53,148
♪ Let's get it poppin' ♪
265
00:10:53,182 --> 00:10:54,850
♪ coppin'
I'm blazed and rockin' ♪
266
00:10:54,884 --> 00:10:56,552
♪ loud and crazed
got the crowd amazed ♪
267
00:10:56,586 --> 00:10:58,220
♪ I'm shockin' knock 'em for a loop ♪
268
00:10:58,254 --> 00:11:00,722
♪ drop my loot on some booze
and get retarded man ♪
269
00:11:00,757 --> 00:11:02,990
Shit.
270
00:11:03,025 --> 00:11:04,859
I'm excited to read this shit, yo.
271
00:11:04,894 --> 00:11:06,995
I'm excited that you're excited, yo.
272
00:11:07,029 --> 00:11:08,663
You're a funny
motherfucker, Moody.
273
00:11:08,697 --> 00:11:10,098
You know that, right?
274
00:11:10,132 --> 00:11:14,702
Right back at you, Sam.
May I call you Sam?
275
00:11:14,737 --> 00:11:16,904
Call me Calvin.
My moms call me Calvin.
276
00:11:16,939 --> 00:11:18,773
I'd be honored.
277
00:11:18,807 --> 00:11:22,510
- You should.
- I am.
278
00:11:22,544 --> 00:11:23,944
All right, nigga.
279
00:11:23,978 --> 00:11:25,746
- I'm gonna read this shit.
- You do that.
280
00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:27,214
No, I mean right now, yo.
Wait right here.
281
00:11:27,248 --> 00:11:28,248
No, I can't.
282
00:11:28,282 --> 00:11:30,817
No, no, no, I gotta run.
I gotta go.
283
00:11:30,851 --> 00:11:32,552
What if I gotta make changes
or some shit like that?
284
00:11:32,586 --> 00:11:34,153
You can email 'em to me.
285
00:11:34,188 --> 00:11:35,655
That way I can ignore it more easily.
286
00:11:35,689 --> 00:11:39,860
- Come on.
- You ready?
287
00:11:39,894 --> 00:11:41,495
Damn.
288
00:11:41,529 --> 00:11:43,430
Damn, mama, I gotta read this script.
289
00:11:43,464 --> 00:11:44,965
But you said we were
going out tonight.
290
00:11:44,999 --> 00:11:46,200
I know, I know.
291
00:11:46,234 --> 00:11:48,335
I'll make it up to you, all right?
292
00:11:48,370 --> 00:11:50,004
I'll make it up to you.
293
00:11:50,039 --> 00:11:51,639
Whatever.
294
00:11:51,674 --> 00:11:53,508
Oh, man.
295
00:11:53,542 --> 00:11:54,776
Yo, is it me, man?
296
00:11:54,810 --> 00:11:57,880
Or is she just hot
beyond logic and reason?
297
00:11:57,914 --> 00:12:00,015
She be fine as wine.
298
00:12:00,049 --> 00:12:02,251
- Hey, I told you about--
- Sorry, I'm sorry.
299
00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:03,853
Why don't you just
take her out, you know?
300
00:12:03,887 --> 00:12:05,021
You can read the script later.
301
00:12:05,055 --> 00:12:06,189
Later, fuck no, man.
302
00:12:06,223 --> 00:12:07,456
That's my motherfuckin' career, man.
303
00:12:07,491 --> 00:12:09,291
I take this shit serious, man.
304
00:12:09,326 --> 00:12:10,993
I'm gonna sit in my favorite
chair and read every page.
305
00:12:11,027 --> 00:12:12,495
Even the parts I'm not in.
306
00:12:12,529 --> 00:12:15,064
Put a pen to this bitch,
correct all the typos.
307
00:12:15,099 --> 00:12:16,666
I hate typos.
That shit is lazy.
308
00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,067
Yeah.
I hate typos too.
309
00:12:18,102 --> 00:12:20,269
Shit...
310
00:12:20,303 --> 00:12:22,271
I do like when a girl come home
from a club, though.
311
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:23,606
After dancing and drinking,
312
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,776
they be hot as a fuck, ready to go.
313
00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:29,512
- What time's your flight?
- Uh, 11:40.
314
00:12:29,546 --> 00:12:31,080
Well, that's plenty time
to take Kali out for me, man.
315
00:12:31,115 --> 00:12:32,114
- No, it's not plenty of time.
- Get her hot for a nigga.
316
00:12:32,149 --> 00:12:34,050
- Not plenty at all.
- Come on, man.
317
00:12:34,084 --> 00:12:35,518
Do me a solid.
Take one of my whips.
318
00:12:35,552 --> 00:12:37,353
That's tempting, would that I
could, but I can't.
319
00:12:37,387 --> 00:12:38,788
- My hands are tied.
- What you gonna do,
320
00:12:38,822 --> 00:12:39,956
go to a fucking airport,
321
00:12:39,990 --> 00:12:41,491
or spend time with a beautiful woman?
322
00:12:41,525 --> 00:12:43,225
I've spent many a time
with many a beautiful woman.
323
00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:45,294
- So what's the problem?
- I can't do it.
324
00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:46,495
- I can't, I can't.
- That's fucked up, man.
325
00:12:46,530 --> 00:12:47,797
- I gotta run.
- Look, look...
326
00:12:47,831 --> 00:12:48,998
I did you a solid with fucking
little Romeo, right?
327
00:12:49,032 --> 00:12:50,332
Ah, no.
328
00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:51,333
Put his fuckin' ass
in the hospital for you.
329
00:12:51,368 --> 00:12:52,601
I did not ask you for that.
330
00:12:52,636 --> 00:12:54,170
Yeah, but you needed that.
I felt what you needed.
331
00:12:54,204 --> 00:12:55,871
That's what brothers do
for each other.
332
00:12:55,906 --> 00:13:00,877
They feel each other.
Feel me.
333
00:13:00,912 --> 00:13:02,779
All right, a quick bite, but
that's it.
334
00:13:02,814 --> 00:13:04,048
Hey, that's all I'm fucking
asking for.
335
00:13:04,082 --> 00:13:06,050
Nigga, what?
Shit...
336
00:13:06,084 --> 00:13:07,051
All right, okay.
337
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:08,319
But yo.
338
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,422
Keep your motherfuckin' paws off
her, Moody.
339
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:13,825
And your fuckin' penis.
340
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,828
- All right.
- I'm serious, man.
341
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,230
- I heard that.
- I'm serious, man.
342
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:19,698
- No, I heard that.
- You be playing too much, yo.
343
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:21,633
- You got it?
- Communication delivered.
344
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:22,901
All right, come on.
345
00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:24,869
I got this fuckin' caddy
with the hydraulics.
346
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:26,571
This shit's gonna be like,
"bong-bong!"
347
00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:27,572
Bong-bong.
348
00:13:51,963 --> 00:13:53,164
I'm so sorry.
You must be going nuts.
349
00:13:55,033 --> 00:13:56,868
Charlie, I can't breathe.
350
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:58,636
I can't breathe.
351
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:31,669
Hmm.
352
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,105
I'm sorry, can I get you
something to drink?
353
00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:36,140
No, I should probably go.
354
00:14:36,174 --> 00:14:37,375
No!
355
00:14:37,409 --> 00:14:40,044
No, please, please, please, don't go.
356
00:14:40,979 --> 00:14:42,046
Please...
357
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,116
Okay.
358
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,522
♪ Boom boom boom boom boom ♪
359
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,059
♪ I want you I want you ♪
360
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:55,594
♪ I need you I need you ♪
361
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,562
♪ gotta have you ♪
♪ gotta have you ♪
362
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,765
♪ have you ♪
♪ have you ♪
363
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,433
♪ I want you ♪
♪ I want you ♪
364
00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:03,602
♪ I need you ♪
♪ I need you ♪
365
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,704
Yeah, this not exactly
what I had in mind.
366
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,707
I'm sure, but whatever you had
in mind is something I probably
367
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,476
couldn't stand for longer
than five minutes, so...
368
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:13,311
This will have to do.
369
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,946
You like torturing me, don't you?
370
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:17,081
I do.
Very much so.
371
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:19,583
- Hey, don't do that.
- Do what?
372
00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:21,152
Don't look like that
and talk like that.
373
00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:22,954
It makes my weiner feel weird.
374
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:26,090
Well, we wouldn't want that,
now, would we?
375
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:34,199
- What was that?
- Self preservation.
376
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:36,668
I was warned not
to put my hands on you.
377
00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,770
Well what if I want your hands on me?
378
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:41,439
You're shit out of luck.
They're gone.
379
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:42,840
Arms too.
Blown off in the war.
380
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:44,342
I'm nothing but a torso now.
381
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,811
Oh yeah, laugh.
Laugh at the torso guy.
382
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,713
You're a mean and vicious woman.
383
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,615
You know he doesn't own me.
384
00:15:50,649 --> 00:15:52,684
Yeah?
Well, be that as it may,
385
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:55,186
he does seem like the jealous type.
386
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:57,722
That is one way to put it.
387
00:15:57,756 --> 00:16:02,059
He almost chopped off one
of his bodyguard's fingers
388
00:16:02,093 --> 00:16:04,127
for looking at me in an impure manner.
389
00:16:04,162 --> 00:16:07,029
Like there's any other way
to look at you.
390
00:16:07,064 --> 00:16:08,831
Okay.
391
00:16:08,866 --> 00:16:10,933
So that's when I tell you
don't talk to me like that.
392
00:16:10,967 --> 00:16:12,834
'Cause I might have to put hands
on you.
393
00:16:12,869 --> 00:16:15,103
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
394
00:16:15,138 --> 00:16:17,439
So he's crazy...
395
00:16:17,473 --> 00:16:19,608
And you're crazy beautiful.
396
00:16:19,642 --> 00:16:22,911
What's in it for you?
397
00:16:22,946 --> 00:16:26,282
Well, he discovered me,
398
00:16:26,316 --> 00:16:27,984
and he signed me to his label,
399
00:16:28,018 --> 00:16:30,086
and he's producing my album.
400
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,756
And that's it?
401
00:16:32,791 --> 00:16:35,592
No.
402
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:38,796
You know, it's not like we're
exclusive to each other.
403
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,399
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
404
00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:44,035
I honestly can't even count
how many babymamas he's got.
405
00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:45,770
Oh, that sounds complicated.
406
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:50,842
I like to keep it simple.
I only have the one babymama.
407
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:52,944
Yeah.
You told me about that.
408
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:54,479
Mm-hmm.
409
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:55,914
- Dance with me.
- No.
410
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,415
- No, no, no.
- Come on.
411
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:01,052
No.
Hankie don't dance.
412
00:17:01,086 --> 00:17:03,921
Hold my purse.
413
00:17:05,423 --> 00:17:07,325
You've got a really beautiful
place here, Charlie.
414
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,160
Well, thank you, thank you.
415
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:10,428
I'm jealous.
416
00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:11,896
You seem like you have it all
figured it out.
417
00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:15,566
Are you kidding?
418
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,368
I don't know anything about anything.
419
00:17:17,402 --> 00:17:18,736
What are you talking about?
420
00:17:18,770 --> 00:17:22,906
You've got this great kid,
a successful career,
421
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,341
a working automobile.
422
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:26,277
True, true and true.
423
00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:29,080
I also have a failed marriage,
424
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:32,950
a number of truly humiliating
career turns,
425
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:34,952
and I haven't got an ounce
of love in my life.
426
00:17:34,986 --> 00:17:37,221
Hmm, join the club.
427
00:17:37,255 --> 00:17:41,291
Come on.
A beautiful girl like you?
428
00:17:41,325 --> 00:17:43,093
I bet you have your pick
of the litter.
429
00:17:43,127 --> 00:17:44,728
Of creeps, yes.
430
00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:46,863
Any creep I want is mine
for the taking.
431
00:17:46,898 --> 00:17:49,099
It's hard to find a nice
guy in L.A.,
432
00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:51,001
and I'm not beautiful.
433
00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:52,269
- Really?
- Hmm.
434
00:17:52,303 --> 00:17:54,472
You're insane.
435
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:57,474
And you're sweet.
But I don't really fit the mold.
436
00:17:57,508 --> 00:17:59,176
Don't even know if I really
belong here.
437
00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:00,777
I mean, I want to write
children's books,
438
00:18:00,811 --> 00:18:02,846
- not screenplays.
- Wait a second.
439
00:18:02,881 --> 00:18:04,414
Didn't you tell me you were
working your way
440
00:18:04,449 --> 00:18:06,217
through cooking school?
441
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,385
Yeah, that's the other thing.
I can't make up my mind.
442
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:11,689
I want to be someone new every
other week.
443
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,768
You like that?
Tell me you like it.
444
00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:27,072
Tell me you want Charlie's dirty
fingers inside your pudding.
445
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,540
No, Charlie.
446
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:29,975
I won't tell you that,
and I don't like it.
447
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,343
What?
448
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:34,446
You kind of just finger
blasted me out of nowhere.
449
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,047
I know, I know.
450
00:18:36,081 --> 00:18:37,348
I'm sorry.
451
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:38,683
Look, I don't know who you've
been talking to,
452
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:40,819
or what kind of porn
you've been watching,
453
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:42,887
but girls in the real world,
we don't go from kissing
454
00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:45,489
to finger banging
in a matter of seconds.
455
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:47,625
You're right, you're right.
You're absolutely right.
456
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:52,329
I've been watching so much porn
on the Internet lately.
457
00:18:52,364 --> 00:18:54,765
And I've been seeking so much
sexual gratification,
458
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,200
that it's like I don't even know
how to relate
459
00:18:57,235 --> 00:18:58,573
to real women anymore.
460
00:18:58,693 --> 00:18:59,791
Clearly.
461
00:18:59,911 --> 00:19:02,838
Yeah, it's as if going ATM
has become de rigueur.
462
00:19:03,295 --> 00:19:05,616
Um...What--
463
00:19:05,873 --> 00:19:07,641
Ass to mouth.
464
00:19:07,675 --> 00:19:09,743
- Oh, that's not good.
- I know.
465
00:19:09,777 --> 00:19:11,678
No, I mean you could get an infection.
466
00:19:11,712 --> 00:19:15,882
I know.
Been there.
467
00:19:27,260 --> 00:19:31,663
Oh, what do we have here?
468
00:19:34,733 --> 00:19:36,901
Hey, who's this clown?
469
00:19:36,935 --> 00:19:38,569
Just some old guy from earlier
who keeps hitting on me.
470
00:19:38,603 --> 00:19:42,139
Said he'd give me $30 for a hand job.
471
00:19:42,174 --> 00:19:44,341
Oh, are we playing that game
now, are we?
472
00:19:44,375 --> 00:19:45,741
Yo, pal...
473
00:19:45,776 --> 00:19:47,710
Why don't you just
take a walk somewhere?
474
00:19:47,744 --> 00:19:50,179
Why don't you just kiss my
turd cutter, little lumberjack?
475
00:19:50,213 --> 00:19:52,347
Okay.
So what's up?
476
00:19:52,381 --> 00:19:54,082
- Oh, no.
- You wanna get hit?
477
00:19:54,116 --> 00:19:56,818
You wanna dry thumb up the ass?
478
00:19:56,852 --> 00:19:58,019
You had to think about it, right?
479
00:19:58,053 --> 00:19:59,287
You wanna just get out of here?
480
00:19:59,321 --> 00:20:00,488
No, no, no.
Come...
481
00:20:00,522 --> 00:20:01,655
- Gladly.
- No, no, no.
482
00:20:01,690 --> 00:20:03,023
- You don't want to do that.
- Why not?
483
00:20:03,058 --> 00:20:05,092
'Cause I'm in charge of
getting you home safely.
484
00:20:05,126 --> 00:20:06,527
No, I'm in charge of getting
me home safely.
485
00:20:06,561 --> 00:20:08,262
Now you're just splitting hairs.
486
00:20:08,296 --> 00:20:09,930
Little hairs.
Pubic hairs.
487
00:20:09,965 --> 00:20:11,265
Well that's impossible.
488
00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:12,733
'Cause I don't have any pubic hairs.
489
00:20:12,768 --> 00:20:14,335
Oh, come on.
Why would you want to do that?
490
00:20:14,369 --> 00:20:16,471
What's wrong with a little hair
down there?
491
00:20:16,505 --> 00:20:18,907
You kids today with your
self-loathing pube abuse.
492
00:20:18,941 --> 00:20:20,308
What about you, Buster?
493
00:20:20,342 --> 00:20:22,510
- Keep a clean playground?
- What the fuck?
494
00:20:22,544 --> 00:20:24,278
It's a simple question, brosephine.
495
00:20:24,313 --> 00:20:27,081
Broseph--yeah, yeah,
of course, everyone does.
496
00:20:27,115 --> 00:20:29,450
- Ah...
- Homo.
497
00:20:29,484 --> 00:20:31,151
Say what?
498
00:20:31,185 --> 00:20:32,985
What?
499
00:20:33,019 --> 00:20:35,154
You really think you're having
better sex than your parents?
500
00:20:35,188 --> 00:20:37,656
You think that your father loved
your mother's beautiful pussy
501
00:20:37,690 --> 00:20:39,391
any less because she had more
hair down there?
502
00:20:39,425 --> 00:20:40,992
Don't be talking about my mom's pussy.
503
00:20:41,026 --> 00:20:42,761
What?
I said it was beautiful, man.
504
00:20:42,795 --> 00:20:44,562
What are you doing?
505
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,801
Whoo! Oh, sorry.
506
00:20:57,275 --> 00:21:00,511
Now this is more like it.
507
00:21:00,545 --> 00:21:02,680
I still can't believe you gave
that guy a titty-twister.
508
00:21:02,714 --> 00:21:04,948
Mm...
509
00:21:04,983 --> 00:21:08,084
The titty-twister is frowned
upon in some circles,
510
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:12,422
but it's actually a remarkably
effective street-fighting tool.
511
00:21:12,457 --> 00:21:15,326
And it can diffuse a potentially
incendiary situation.
512
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:16,760
And it provokes laughter.
513
00:21:16,795 --> 00:21:18,295
You see that?
What'd I tell you?
514
00:21:18,330 --> 00:21:21,799
Oh, gosh.
515
00:21:21,833 --> 00:21:23,234
I'm having fun.
516
00:21:23,268 --> 00:21:24,402
Well, of course you are.
517
00:21:24,436 --> 00:21:26,270
I know how to show a girl a good time.
518
00:21:26,305 --> 00:21:28,239
A few drinks, some dancing,
a little titty-twisting,
519
00:21:28,273 --> 00:21:30,241
toss a few burgers down our throat.
520
00:21:30,275 --> 00:21:32,410
Get her home before this
lowrider turns back
521
00:21:32,444 --> 00:21:36,047
into a pumpkin.
Bong-bong.
522
00:21:36,081 --> 00:21:39,417
- This is amazing.
- That?
523
00:21:39,451 --> 00:21:42,387
- Bargain basement promise land?
- Um.
524
00:21:42,421 --> 00:21:46,424
Say what you want, but this is
where dreams come true.
525
00:21:46,459 --> 00:21:50,228
Or come to die.
Where you from?
526
00:21:50,262 --> 00:21:53,164
Born and bred in the Bronx.
527
00:21:53,199 --> 00:21:54,699
- The Bronx.
- Mm-hmm.
528
00:21:54,734 --> 00:21:56,201
Well, that's an amazing place...
529
00:21:56,235 --> 00:21:58,403
- Yeah.
- To be from.
530
00:21:58,438 --> 00:22:00,772
Well how many of us make it
from there to here?
531
00:22:00,806 --> 00:22:02,507
Doesn't matter.
You did.
532
00:22:02,541 --> 00:22:06,011
- We'll see how long I last.
- I heard your music.
533
00:22:06,045 --> 00:22:09,281
I don't think you have anything
to worry about.
534
00:22:12,953 --> 00:22:15,588
So...
You leave tonight.
535
00:22:15,623 --> 00:22:17,857
Yes sirree ma'am.
536
00:22:17,892 --> 00:22:19,292
- Let me ask you a question.
- Mm-hmm.
537
00:22:19,326 --> 00:22:21,461
If you're leaving tonight,
like, this very night...
538
00:22:21,495 --> 00:22:22,962
Yeah.
539
00:22:22,997 --> 00:22:27,801
What's the harm
in a good-bye kiss?
540
00:22:27,835 --> 00:22:30,103
Well, when you put it that
way, it's hard to see the harm.
541
00:22:30,138 --> 00:22:32,339
I know, right?
542
00:22:32,374 --> 00:22:37,945
- Maybe just one.
- Oh, yes. Of course.
543
00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:12,281
What the fuck you got to say
for yourself now, motherfucker?
544
00:23:12,315 --> 00:23:13,983
- Uh...
- Come on!
545
00:23:14,018 --> 00:23:18,088
Santa Monica Cop cannot
be my last credit.
546
00:23:18,122 --> 00:23:21,325
Oh, my God.
547
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,428
I'm just fuckin' with you, Moody.
548
00:23:23,462 --> 00:23:24,729
Funny how at peace I was with it.
549
00:23:24,763 --> 00:23:28,534
Yeah, well you seemed like you
were really relaxed.
550
00:23:28,568 --> 00:23:30,102
What's up, mama?
551
00:23:30,137 --> 00:23:31,838
Man, the fucking script
was off the charts, homie.
552
00:23:31,872 --> 00:23:33,139
You like it?
553
00:23:33,173 --> 00:23:34,808
Like it?
Nigga, I love it, man.
554
00:23:34,842 --> 00:23:37,077
Made me one bad-ass
motherfucker.
555
00:23:37,111 --> 00:23:38,779
I'll be able to walk on that set
with confidence, dude.
556
00:23:38,813 --> 00:23:41,515
My dick just swinging everywhere, man.
557
00:23:41,549 --> 00:23:43,951
Thank you, Moody.
558
00:23:43,986 --> 00:23:45,787
You're welcome, Calvin.
559
00:23:45,821 --> 00:23:47,622
He show you a good time, mama?
560
00:23:47,657 --> 00:23:48,857
Yeah, it was all right.
561
00:23:48,892 --> 00:23:52,061
Kind of limited, boring white guy.
562
00:23:52,095 --> 00:23:54,797
Guilty as charged.
563
00:23:59,537 --> 00:24:00,604
Y'all two motherfuckers
knocked boots, man?
564
00:24:00,639 --> 00:24:01,672
What the fuck?
565
00:24:01,707 --> 00:24:02,707
Babe, I mean honestly, come on.
566
00:24:02,741 --> 00:24:03,708
I mean, this guy?
Are you serious?
567
00:24:03,742 --> 00:24:04,876
Well, way to knock a guy
568
00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:09,447
when he's got a gun to his throat.
569
00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:13,451
I'm just fucking with you, bro.
570
00:24:13,485 --> 00:24:14,986
I can't stop fucking with you, man.
571
00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:17,021
- Ha ha ha.
- I'm in character.
572
00:24:17,055 --> 00:24:19,223
Understood.
573
00:24:19,258 --> 00:24:21,493
You got a flight to catch, right?
574
00:24:21,527 --> 00:24:23,128
Mos def.
575
00:24:23,162 --> 00:24:24,863
Sorry.
576
00:24:24,897 --> 00:24:27,399
I do have a flight to catch.
577
00:24:27,434 --> 00:24:29,268
Safe travels.
578
00:24:29,303 --> 00:24:30,703
See you around, Hank.
579
00:24:30,738 --> 00:24:32,873
Yeah, good luck with that
whole becoming a star thing.
580
00:24:32,908 --> 00:24:34,675
Ah, thank you, and good luck
with that whole
581
00:24:34,710 --> 00:24:36,143
keeping it simple thing.
582
00:24:36,177 --> 00:24:38,980
Ah, speaking of which, look.
It's from the babymama.
583
00:24:39,014 --> 00:24:41,116
Ah, shit, I got a lot
of those motherfuckers.
584
00:24:41,150 --> 00:24:42,517
Yeah, how many?
585
00:24:42,552 --> 00:24:43,819
Shit, I'm not sure.
I got it written down somewhere.
586
00:24:43,853 --> 00:24:48,224
- Yes.
- Hello.
587
00:24:48,258 --> 00:24:50,026
Hey.
588
00:24:50,060 --> 00:24:52,628
Where is she?
589
00:24:52,663 --> 00:24:56,133
She's in her room.
She won't come out.
590
00:24:56,167 --> 00:24:59,936
I mean, I haven't seen her
this upset since...ever.
591
00:24:59,971 --> 00:25:02,773
- You're burying the lead.
- Which is saying something.
592
00:25:02,807 --> 00:25:06,277
This is good news.
They broke up. He's gone.
593
00:25:06,311 --> 00:25:08,246
Yeah, but I'm not going
to break out the champagne
594
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:09,780
when she's this upset.
595
00:25:09,815 --> 00:25:12,050
He was cheating on her, Hank.
596
00:25:12,084 --> 00:25:14,752
You're kidding.
I'll alert the media.
597
00:25:14,787 --> 00:25:18,723
- Nice.
- Why would he tell her that?
598
00:25:18,757 --> 00:25:23,361
I don't know.
599
00:25:23,395 --> 00:25:25,297
These things, they--
600
00:25:25,331 --> 00:25:30,235
they hurt, you know?
601
00:25:30,269 --> 00:25:32,938
I know.
602
00:25:35,474 --> 00:25:37,709
Can I come in or are
visiting hours over?
603
00:25:37,743 --> 00:25:41,713
- Shut up.
- There's my girl.
604
00:25:41,747 --> 00:25:45,984
You can come in,
but you better not gloat.
605
00:25:46,018 --> 00:25:48,653
Gloat?
Me?
606
00:25:48,688 --> 00:25:50,555
Never.
607
00:25:50,589 --> 00:25:53,725
- Please, you hated him.
- Yes, I did.
608
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,527
But I hate everybody.
609
00:25:55,562 --> 00:25:57,429
And you've got a tough road
ahead of you.
610
00:25:57,463 --> 00:26:00,799
Nobody's gonna be good enough
for my little girl.
611
00:26:03,936 --> 00:26:05,770
Guess I finally understand why mom
612
00:26:05,805 --> 00:26:08,306
put up with your shit for so long.
613
00:26:08,340 --> 00:26:11,642
What do you mean?
614
00:26:11,677 --> 00:26:15,946
He's an asshole and I hate his
stinking guts right now.
615
00:26:15,981 --> 00:26:19,650
But it doesn't mean
that I don't love him.
616
00:26:19,684 --> 00:26:24,355
Yeah.
I get that.
617
00:26:24,389 --> 00:26:28,259
And he was a great lover.
618
00:26:28,293 --> 00:26:33,030
That's gross, honey.
619
00:26:33,065 --> 00:26:35,366
Sorry.
620
00:26:35,401 --> 00:26:37,702
Thought I was talking to a
friend for a minute there.
621
00:26:37,736 --> 00:26:40,004
Yeah, no, you are,
and that's a great compliment.
622
00:26:40,039 --> 00:26:44,075
But it doesn't make it any less grody.
623
00:26:44,110 --> 00:26:46,544
Have to hand it to the guy, though.
624
00:26:46,579 --> 00:26:49,114
He was honest.
625
00:26:49,148 --> 00:26:53,585
Okay, that's good, right?
626
00:26:53,619 --> 00:26:56,188
In a totally soul-crushing,
heart-breaking
627
00:26:56,222 --> 00:26:59,491
kind of way, sure.
628
00:26:59,526 --> 00:27:02,829
He fessed up to being
a lying, cheating,
629
00:27:02,863 --> 00:27:05,365
skullduggerous little manwhore.
630
00:27:12,539 --> 00:27:14,173
Come on, let's go.
631
00:27:14,208 --> 00:27:16,208
We'll go to the canals.
We'll walk on the canals.
632
00:27:16,243 --> 00:27:18,277
Remember we used to do the shit
out of that when you were a kid.
633
00:27:18,312 --> 00:27:20,112
It's like penicillin for the lovelorn.
634
00:27:20,147 --> 00:27:23,082
Come on.
Come on, let's go.
635
00:27:23,116 --> 00:27:24,717
Don't you have a plane to catch?
636
00:27:24,751 --> 00:27:27,186
I can always get one tomorrow.
637
00:27:27,220 --> 00:27:29,521
Or the next day, or the next day.
638
00:27:29,555 --> 00:27:31,890
There's no place I'd rather be.
639
00:27:31,924 --> 00:27:37,896
♪ The other end I'll be
waiting there for you ♪
640
00:27:37,930 --> 00:27:40,498
♪ you are not alone ♪
641
00:27:40,533 --> 00:27:41,933
I'm sorry, sweetie.
642
00:27:41,968 --> 00:27:44,051
♪ You are not alone ♪
643
00:27:44,275 --> 00:27:54,361
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com