1
00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:02,350
Previously
on Californication...
2
00:00:02,547 --> 00:00:04,239
I have a wonderful idea.
3
00:00:04,397 --> 00:00:08,801
I give you one of daddy's
long, slow tongue baths.
4
00:00:08,835 --> 00:00:10,736
Hey, I want you
to meet Gabriel.
5
00:00:10,770 --> 00:00:11,904
Oh.
6
00:00:11,938 --> 00:00:13,906
You were getting sucked off
by your sponsor.
7
00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:17,143
The penis is not only
a disgusting appendage,
8
00:00:17,176 --> 00:00:19,344
it is also a deadly weapon.
9
00:00:19,379 --> 00:00:20,880
What the fuck do you think
you're doing?
10
00:00:20,913 --> 00:00:23,315
He was my best friend,
a childhood mate.
11
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:27,119
I'm sorry I was such a bitch.
12
00:00:27,153 --> 00:00:30,689
God, I'm so sorry
I fucked your husband.
13
00:00:30,723 --> 00:00:32,991
Do you know that fucker?
14
00:00:33,026 --> 00:00:35,461
This fucker is supposed
to be in rehab right now.
15
00:00:35,495 --> 00:00:36,662
Did you sign Robbie Mac?
16
00:00:36,729 --> 00:00:38,997
Yeah, I-I wasn't sure
if it was gonna stick.
17
00:00:39,032 --> 00:00:42,201
Well, it stuck all right.
It's on Deadline.
18
00:00:42,235 --> 00:00:43,236
Oh, he's no 'mo.
19
00:00:43,269 --> 00:00:44,336
No, he's just pretending.
20
00:00:44,370 --> 00:00:45,571
He wanted to sign
the Mac Attack.
21
00:00:45,605 --> 00:00:47,740
There's a party
in your mouth tonight,
22
00:00:47,774 --> 00:00:48,875
and I'm coming.
23
00:00:48,908 --> 00:00:51,010
I can't!
24
00:00:52,712 --> 00:00:54,914
I'm not exactly sure how
I feel about you in general.
25
00:00:54,947 --> 00:00:57,316
You know,
you did fire me.
26
00:00:57,350 --> 00:00:58,417
Should we assume
the deal is off?
27
00:00:58,451 --> 00:00:59,618
Fuck you, Hank.
28
00:00:59,652 --> 00:01:01,253
I'm going off
to write something.
29
00:01:01,287 --> 00:01:02,421
You're gonna write something?
30
00:01:02,455 --> 00:01:03,656
- I don't know what it is.
- Really?
31
00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:06,159
Interesting.
Prepare to be John Woo'd.
32
00:01:15,501 --> 00:01:23,775
♪ ♪
33
00:01:27,313 --> 00:01:31,283
♪ I'm gonna take you with me,
find someplace to hide ♪
34
00:01:31,317 --> 00:01:34,219
♪ if and when they find us ♪
35
00:01:34,253 --> 00:01:36,788
♪ at least we can say
we tried, yeah ♪
36
00:01:36,823 --> 00:01:39,826
♪ I'm gonna get
my motor movin' ♪
37
00:01:39,859 --> 00:01:41,794
♪ I'm gonna dress in black ♪
38
00:01:41,828 --> 00:01:44,163
♪ walk down that red carpet ♪
39
00:01:44,197 --> 00:01:46,799
♪ show everybody I'm back ♪
40
00:01:46,833 --> 00:01:49,569
♪ show everybody I'm back ♪
41
00:01:49,602 --> 00:01:58,010
♪ ♪
42
00:02:06,483 --> 00:02:07,626
Hi, woman.
43
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:08,695
Where you going?
44
00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:10,453
I have a meeting.
45
00:02:10,454 --> 00:02:12,956
Oh, you want
to grab some coffee?
46
00:02:12,990 --> 00:02:14,458
Well, I have a meeting.
47
00:02:14,492 --> 00:02:17,428
Well, can't you be late?
48
00:02:17,461 --> 00:02:20,230
- I have a meeting.
- I don't understand.
49
00:02:20,264 --> 00:02:22,799
Okay, so some people,
they have to work for a living.
50
00:02:22,833 --> 00:02:25,068
Oh, when I works,
I works hard.
51
00:02:25,102 --> 00:02:26,303
Well, get to it, then.
52
00:02:26,337 --> 00:02:28,706
Well, I need a muse, you know.
Where you going?
53
00:02:28,739 --> 00:02:31,208
I can drive you,
and we can talk on the way.
54
00:02:31,242 --> 00:02:33,410
- Atticus Fetch's house.
- Mm.
55
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:35,446
Hmm, I think
you've been there.
56
00:02:35,479 --> 00:02:36,713
I have.
It's all a bit blurry, though.
57
00:02:36,747 --> 00:02:37,748
Mm, I can imagine.
58
00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,617
Hey, why'd you blow him off?
59
00:02:39,650 --> 00:02:40,717
'Cause I didn't want
60
00:02:40,751 --> 00:02:42,786
to write a fucking
Broadway musical, Karen.
61
00:02:42,820 --> 00:02:44,154
The guy seems like a nutter,
62
00:02:44,221 --> 00:02:46,890
and I think he might threaten
my sobriety.
63
00:02:46,924 --> 00:02:49,593
Says the guy with whiskey
on his breath.
64
00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:51,495
That was
a creative lubricant,
65
00:02:51,529 --> 00:02:53,197
and it's not working so well.
66
00:02:53,230 --> 00:02:55,699
No, so don't do--
I got to go.
67
00:02:55,733 --> 00:02:57,701
So you're refusing
to be my muse?
68
00:02:57,735 --> 00:02:59,236
Oh, sweetie.
69
00:02:59,270 --> 00:03:00,471
I'm gonna remember this
70
00:03:00,504 --> 00:03:01,938
when you need something from me,
all right?
71
00:03:01,972 --> 00:03:03,206
When I need something
from you?
72
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,876
- Should that day arrive.
- Yeah.
73
00:03:06,911 --> 00:03:08,345
I don't like you working.
74
00:03:08,379 --> 00:03:10,247
You're kind of--
you're kind of curt and brusque,
75
00:03:10,281 --> 00:03:12,549
and, you know,
you're always on the go.
76
00:03:15,619 --> 00:03:19,619
♪ Californication 6x05 ♪
Rock and a Hard Place
Original Air Date on February 17, 2013
77
00:03:19,644 --> 00:03:24,644
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
78
00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:09,506
Ken. Jesus!
79
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:12,042
I didn't even see you there.
80
00:04:12,076 --> 00:04:14,078
You--you scared the shit
out of me.
81
00:04:14,111 --> 00:04:15,779
- Sorry, Charlie.
- Whew.
82
00:04:15,813 --> 00:04:17,781
Didn't want to scare you,
never want to scare you.
83
00:04:17,815 --> 00:04:20,517
I appreciate that.
84
00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:22,686
- What's going on this morning?
- Not too much--
85
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:26,323
just another day
of living the dream.
86
00:04:26,357 --> 00:04:28,258
How was the party last night?
87
00:04:28,292 --> 00:04:31,228
Ah, well...
88
00:04:31,262 --> 00:04:33,130
Guys in black leather,
89
00:04:33,163 --> 00:04:35,331
smell of moist ass hair...
90
00:04:35,366 --> 00:04:38,602
What's not to like?
91
00:04:38,636 --> 00:04:44,541
Ken, I think I feel your penis
in the small of my back.
92
00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:47,544
Think of it as a loaded gun
pointed at your head.
93
00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:51,582
Do I have to?
94
00:04:51,615 --> 00:04:54,784
Are you gay, Charlie?
95
00:04:54,818 --> 00:04:58,321
No.
No, I'm not.
96
00:04:58,355 --> 00:05:00,357
And I'm sorry I lied, Ken.
97
00:05:00,391 --> 00:05:02,760
But I'm a good agent.
98
00:05:02,793 --> 00:05:05,762
Get up.
99
00:05:08,565 --> 00:05:10,967
Ooh!
100
00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:12,635
You're a mid-level hack,
Runkle.
101
00:05:12,670 --> 00:05:15,973
Check Deadline.
102
00:05:24,682 --> 00:05:27,217
I don't care that you lied.
103
00:05:27,251 --> 00:05:29,353
I don't care that your not gay.
104
00:05:29,386 --> 00:05:31,788
I wouldn't fuck you
if I was dying
105
00:05:31,822 --> 00:05:34,858
and your batch was
a magic potion.
106
00:05:34,892 --> 00:05:39,563
I care that you lost this agency
a major piece of business.
107
00:05:39,596 --> 00:05:42,599
Ooh!
108
00:05:55,946 --> 00:05:59,049
How'd it go, buddy boy?
109
00:05:59,083 --> 00:06:01,852
I'm sitting in the dark
in my underwear, Hank.
110
00:06:01,885 --> 00:06:04,654
- Aw.
- And I'm day drinking.
111
00:06:04,688 --> 00:06:06,823
Got it.
112
00:06:06,857 --> 00:06:10,961
What's next for us, buddy boy?
113
00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:13,364
What are your thoughts
114
00:06:13,397 --> 00:06:16,533
on a good old-fashioned
murder-suicide pact?
115
00:06:16,567 --> 00:06:18,235
Nah, not yet.
116
00:06:18,268 --> 00:06:20,303
Let's save that shit
for a rainier day.
117
00:06:20,337 --> 00:06:22,839
Oh, like it's not pouring
right now?
118
00:06:22,873 --> 00:06:25,141
I'm a fucking failure, Hank.
119
00:06:25,175 --> 00:06:28,178
I'm unemployed, divorced.
120
00:06:28,212 --> 00:06:31,048
I'm a shitty father.
No, you're not.
121
00:06:31,081 --> 00:06:33,716
Really, Hank?
You think I'm a good father?
122
00:06:33,751 --> 00:06:36,286
Not especially,
but you're not shitty.
123
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,855
I mean, you are sometimes,
but we're all shitty sometimes.
124
00:06:38,889 --> 00:06:40,924
Cat's in the Cradle
and whatnot.
125
00:06:40,958 --> 00:06:44,227
Do you have any idea how
expensive this place is, Hank?
126
00:06:44,261 --> 00:06:45,929
The rent is insane.
127
00:06:45,963 --> 00:06:47,464
Why are you living
beyond your means?
128
00:06:47,498 --> 00:06:49,132
It's the only way I know how.
129
00:06:49,166 --> 00:06:52,702
My ex-wife went off and married
a big-time movie producer.
130
00:06:52,736 --> 00:06:56,439
So I went out
and rented a Malibu pussy pad.
131
00:06:56,473 --> 00:06:59,242
God, if these walls could talk.
132
00:06:59,276 --> 00:07:01,177
They'd tell you
to put your clothes back on,
133
00:07:01,211 --> 00:07:03,079
you depraved simian.
134
00:07:03,113 --> 00:07:05,815
Depraved or not, I'm living
paycheck to paycheck, Hank.
135
00:07:05,849 --> 00:07:09,552
And there are
no more paychecks!
136
00:07:09,586 --> 00:07:12,021
What am I gonna do?
137
00:07:12,089 --> 00:07:15,058
Look, I've got an idea.
138
00:07:15,092 --> 00:07:16,626
It's not
a particularly good one,
139
00:07:16,693 --> 00:07:18,227
and I'm sure I'm gonna suffer
as a result.
140
00:07:18,262 --> 00:07:20,397
But it's something that
could benefit the both of us--
141
00:07:20,431 --> 00:07:22,065
you mostly, though.
142
00:07:22,099 --> 00:07:25,702
Do I have to be gay again?
143
00:07:25,736 --> 00:07:26,903
- But you passed, Hank.
- Yes, I know.
144
00:07:26,937 --> 00:07:28,838
But I was not a well woman
at the time.
145
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:30,941
Not only did you pass,
146
00:07:30,974 --> 00:07:34,444
you puked all over his piano...
Yes.
147
00:07:34,511 --> 00:07:37,413
And his cocaine.
No, it is uncool, dude.
148
00:07:37,448 --> 00:07:38,882
Yes, but we've made up since.
149
00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:40,550
You know, we've broken bread.
150
00:07:40,584 --> 00:07:42,719
We've shared women and cocaine.
151
00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:45,155
I think he likes me again.
Come on, Stu.
152
00:07:45,189 --> 00:07:46,356
Help us out here.
153
00:07:46,390 --> 00:07:48,191
Look, fellas,
as a producer,
154
00:07:48,225 --> 00:07:49,859
there's only so much I can do.
155
00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:54,731
The talent is driving the train
on this one.
156
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:56,399
But...
157
00:07:56,433 --> 00:07:58,067
I will put in a call.
158
00:07:58,102 --> 00:07:59,636
Thank you.
159
00:07:59,670 --> 00:08:02,739
In the meantime, there is
something you got to do for me.
160
00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:04,007
Anything.
161
00:08:04,041 --> 00:08:07,177
You have got to convince Marcy
to sit down with me.
162
00:08:07,211 --> 00:08:09,313
I have got to plead my case.
163
00:08:09,346 --> 00:08:11,348
My business is going
to shit without her.
164
00:08:11,381 --> 00:08:13,149
I can't do that, Stu.
165
00:08:13,183 --> 00:08:15,251
She won't listen to me.
166
00:08:25,696 --> 00:08:28,231
Smurfy tits?
It's Hankness.
167
00:08:28,265 --> 00:08:30,600
Yeah, you got
to do me a favor.
168
00:08:30,634 --> 00:08:33,436
You got to sit down with Stu.
169
00:08:33,470 --> 00:08:36,573
I know he's a lying,
cheating scumbag.
170
00:08:36,607 --> 00:08:38,342
But he misses you
something fierce.
171
00:08:38,375 --> 00:08:41,177
Yeah, he misses
that sweet little blue pussy
172
00:08:41,211 --> 00:08:44,347
and that tight little raisin
of a cornhole.
173
00:08:44,381 --> 00:08:46,916
All you got
to do is sit down with him.
174
00:08:46,950 --> 00:08:48,685
He won't munch your box,
I promise.
175
00:08:48,719 --> 00:08:50,053
- Scout's honor!
- He won't munch your box.
176
00:08:50,087 --> 00:08:51,221
No, I won't.
177
00:08:51,255 --> 00:08:53,690
It's just she tastes
so fucking good.
178
00:08:53,724 --> 00:08:54,791
- Shush.
- If you say so.
179
00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:55,992
Hold on a second, all right?
180
00:08:56,026 --> 00:08:57,427
I never was
the pussy-eater you were.
181
00:08:57,461 --> 00:08:59,396
Well, you really should have
thought about it, Charlie--
182
00:08:59,429 --> 00:09:01,531
you know, compensate
for your shitty hang time
183
00:09:01,598 --> 00:09:02,932
and your serious lack
of inches.
184
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,101
Jesus, fuck you, Stu.
185
00:09:04,134 --> 00:09:06,302
- Sorry, just keeping it real.
- Hold on.
186
00:09:06,336 --> 00:09:09,639
Will you shut the fuck up,
both of you?
187
00:09:09,673 --> 00:09:11,875
Yeah?
So you'll do it?
188
00:09:11,909 --> 00:09:14,945
Oh, she'll do it.
Mm!
189
00:09:14,978 --> 00:09:17,613
Later,
female ejaculator.
190
00:09:20,651 --> 00:09:22,552
♪ ♪
191
00:09:22,619 --> 00:09:24,420
Fuck you.
192
00:09:24,454 --> 00:09:27,957
Now, when you say "fuck you,"
what do you mean exactly?
193
00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:29,793
I mean just that--fuck you.
And fuck him.
194
00:09:29,826 --> 00:09:32,428
That arrogant motherfucker
was face-to-face
195
00:09:32,462 --> 00:09:34,564
with rock royalty,
and he fucking blew it.
196
00:09:34,598 --> 00:09:36,066
I really thought
we mended fences.
197
00:09:36,099 --> 00:09:37,834
We did. We have.
198
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:40,203
I like you, Hank.
I'm a fan.
199
00:09:40,237 --> 00:09:42,872
But I can't collaborate with you
if you're not a fan of mine.
200
00:09:42,906 --> 00:09:45,441
- Why not?
- Because it's not natural!
201
00:09:45,475 --> 00:09:47,076
If I work with you, there will
always be this little voice
202
00:09:47,110 --> 00:09:48,277
in the back of my head--
203
00:09:48,312 --> 00:09:49,946
"He's not a fan.
204
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:52,716
He thinks you suck.
Maybe you do suck."
205
00:09:52,749 --> 00:09:53,983
Who wants to live like that?
206
00:09:54,017 --> 00:09:55,451
"What are you? Tone deaf?"
207
00:09:55,485 --> 00:09:56,919
Like that?
Hank.
208
00:09:56,954 --> 00:09:57,955
What?
209
00:09:57,988 --> 00:10:01,558
You are a fan.
Aren't you?
210
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:06,462
Yeahyeah, you know what?
I did what you asked me to do.
211
00:10:06,496 --> 00:10:08,130
You said, go back, listen
to your early stuff.
212
00:10:08,165 --> 00:10:10,400
That's what I did.
Really?
213
00:10:10,434 --> 00:10:11,635
I did, yeah.
214
00:10:11,668 --> 00:10:12,869
Which record?
215
00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:13,970
Which record?
216
00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:14,938
Which record?
217
00:10:14,972 --> 00:10:18,675
Which record?
Um...Uh...
218
00:10:18,709 --> 00:10:20,277
It was so good.
219
00:10:20,310 --> 00:10:23,279
It was, um...
220
00:10:23,313 --> 00:10:25,548
Go Fetch.
221
00:10:25,582 --> 00:10:27,450
You don't sound very sure
of yourself.
222
00:10:27,484 --> 00:10:29,018
No, no.
I mean, that was--
223
00:10:29,052 --> 00:10:30,253
you know what?
224
00:10:30,287 --> 00:10:32,455
That was really solid shit
right there.
225
00:10:32,489 --> 00:10:33,890
I really, really enjoyed it.
226
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:36,626
- What was your favorite song?
- What song did I like best?
227
00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:38,194
On Go Fetch,
what was your favorite song?
228
00:10:38,228 --> 00:10:39,495
It's like children.
229
00:10:39,529 --> 00:10:41,297
How do you choose
a favorite song?
230
00:10:41,331 --> 00:10:43,266
But if I had to choose,
231
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:45,302
like, if you put a gun
to my head...
232
00:10:45,335 --> 00:10:48,171
Uh...Sss...
233
00:10:48,205 --> 00:10:51,474
Step and Fetch It.
234
00:10:51,508 --> 00:10:54,444
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
235
00:10:54,478 --> 00:10:55,779
- That's my favorite too!
- Well, good.
236
00:10:55,812 --> 00:10:58,781
Yeah, I wrote that
in 15 minutes on the shitter.
237
00:10:58,815 --> 00:10:59,916
I think it's responsible
238
00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:01,418
for one of my least favorite
hemorrhoids.
239
00:11:01,451 --> 00:11:03,186
- Wow, that's a good story.
- ♪ Step and fetch it ♪
240
00:11:04,588 --> 00:11:05,822
♪ Step and fetch it ♪
241
00:11:05,856 --> 00:11:07,624
♪ I'm fucking crazy ♪
242
00:11:07,658 --> 00:11:10,961
Look, I'm in the middle
of an epic shit storm right now.
243
00:11:10,994 --> 00:11:14,130
I fired my manager last week,
because he's useless,
244
00:11:14,164 --> 00:11:15,865
and I think
he's stealing from me.
245
00:11:15,899 --> 00:11:17,634
They all steal.
246
00:11:17,668 --> 00:11:21,738
Mostly 'cause he was just
a useless fucking glad-hander.
247
00:11:21,772 --> 00:11:24,508
And I'm all out of cocaine,
248
00:11:24,541 --> 00:11:27,610
and my dealer's
not answering my calls.
249
00:11:27,644 --> 00:11:31,547
And I just miss
my magic songwriting powder.
250
00:11:31,581 --> 00:11:34,584
God, it makes me want
to take a dump
251
00:11:34,618 --> 00:11:37,687
just thinking about it.
252
00:11:37,721 --> 00:11:39,189
- Charlie?
- Yes?
253
00:11:39,222 --> 00:11:41,123
You're a useless fucking
glad-hander, aren't you?
254
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:42,792
Yes, yes, I am.
255
00:11:42,826 --> 00:11:44,761
Oh, oh.
256
00:11:44,795 --> 00:11:47,964
Might you be in the market
for new representation, Atticus?
257
00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:50,767
Dude, you're
a Hollywood Agent--
258
00:11:50,801 --> 00:11:52,769
a wanker in a suit.
259
00:11:52,803 --> 00:11:55,739
What the fuck would you know
about managing rock bands?
260
00:11:55,772 --> 00:11:58,107
Hey, hey, don't judge
the wanker by the suit.
261
00:11:58,141 --> 00:12:01,277
This dude,
however bald and pasty--
262
00:12:01,311 --> 00:12:03,146
as rock and roll
as they come.
263
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,681
And loves to pound the pussy.
264
00:12:04,715 --> 00:12:06,049
This is true.
265
00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:07,684
I love
to pound the pussy.
266
00:12:07,718 --> 00:12:09,019
He does.
267
00:12:09,052 --> 00:12:11,154
Look...
268
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:14,057
If you can get me
some Peruvian flake,
269
00:12:14,091 --> 00:12:17,761
I'll maybe, possibly think
about throwing you in the mix.
270
00:12:17,794 --> 00:12:19,829
One thing
of Bolivian flake--done.
271
00:12:19,863 --> 00:12:22,298
Peruvian! Peruvian flake,
you fucking moron!
272
00:12:22,332 --> 00:12:24,200
Any country you want.
273
00:12:24,234 --> 00:12:26,603
- Oh, one more thing.
- Anything.
274
00:12:26,636 --> 00:12:28,004
I need you to find me
275
00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:30,940
the 1945 Martin D-28
acoustic guitar
276
00:12:31,007 --> 00:12:32,475
that used to belong
to the childhood friend
277
00:12:32,509 --> 00:12:33,910
I buried a few weeks ago.
278
00:12:33,944 --> 00:12:36,212
I'm recording
this tribute song for him,
279
00:12:36,246 --> 00:12:39,215
and I have
to have that fucking guitar.
280
00:12:39,249 --> 00:12:41,217
It was so beautiful.
281
00:12:41,251 --> 00:12:43,453
Talk about a gorgeous sound.
282
00:12:43,487 --> 00:12:47,791
It was like listening
to Jesus ejaculate
283
00:12:47,824 --> 00:12:50,326
into the mouth
of the Angel Gabriel.
284
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:55,565
Great.
Excellent.
285
00:12:55,632 --> 00:12:58,234
You tell us where,
and we will get it for you.
286
00:12:58,268 --> 00:13:00,803
If I knew where,
287
00:13:00,837 --> 00:13:05,041
why the fuck would I need you?
288
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:18,355
Hey.
289
00:13:18,388 --> 00:13:21,524
- Hey, yourself, young lady.
- We're looking for faith.
290
00:13:21,558 --> 00:13:23,192
Then you've come
to the right place.
291
00:13:23,226 --> 00:13:26,062
Come on in.
292
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,068
Hank Moody.
293
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:34,671
You don't seem that surprised
to see me.
294
00:13:34,704 --> 00:13:37,073
Well, I suppose
I conjured you.
295
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:38,808
How do you like the book
so far?
296
00:13:38,842 --> 00:13:40,476
Thank you for buying
the hardcover, by the way.
297
00:13:40,510 --> 00:13:42,144
So far, so good.
298
00:13:42,179 --> 00:13:44,481
You got it right--
the rock world.
299
00:13:44,514 --> 00:13:46,349
Few writers do.
300
00:13:46,383 --> 00:13:48,651
Mmm...
301
00:13:48,685 --> 00:13:49,919
Will you settle down, Runks?
302
00:13:49,953 --> 00:13:51,988
Have you never seen a pair
of breasteses before?
303
00:13:52,022 --> 00:13:53,323
I wasn't looking at the--
304
00:13:53,356 --> 00:13:54,924
No offense.
They're lovely.
305
00:13:54,958 --> 00:13:56,092
None taken.
I know they are.
306
00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:57,961
- Good for you.
- She knows.
307
00:13:57,994 --> 00:13:59,228
Yeah, she knows.
308
00:13:59,262 --> 00:14:00,763
So how's your sobriety
treating you, Hank?
309
00:14:00,797 --> 00:14:02,532
Not as good as yours, I see.
310
00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:06,837
Well, what can I do you for?
311
00:14:06,903 --> 00:14:09,171
Well, I need a guitar.
312
00:14:09,206 --> 00:14:12,042
Mm.
You know what?
313
00:14:12,075 --> 00:14:14,210
I think I saw a guitar center
just down the road a piece.
314
00:14:14,244 --> 00:14:15,578
Can't miss it.
315
00:14:15,612 --> 00:14:17,113
And some cocaine.
316
00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:19,816
- Ooh.
- Ow!
317
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:21,718
- Not just any guitar.
- Not just any cocaine--
318
00:14:21,751 --> 00:14:24,120
Peruvian flakes.
Ow!
319
00:14:25,589 --> 00:14:28,992
It belonged to your D.R.S.B.--
Your dead rock star boyfriend.
320
00:14:29,025 --> 00:14:30,526
Coining it.
321
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:31,727
It's an old acoustic.
322
00:14:31,761 --> 00:14:32,828
A Martinelli.
323
00:14:32,863 --> 00:14:35,532
A Martin, jackass.
324
00:14:35,565 --> 00:14:36,699
I know it well.
325
00:14:36,733 --> 00:14:38,568
He used to leave it here
all the time.
326
00:14:38,602 --> 00:14:40,804
Said he loved the idea
of his favorite guitar
327
00:14:40,837 --> 00:14:42,638
spending time
with his favorite girl.
328
00:14:42,672 --> 00:14:44,340
Oh, that is sweet.
329
00:14:44,374 --> 00:14:47,009
So it's here?
330
00:14:47,043 --> 00:14:48,778
The guitar is here?
No, not anymore.
331
00:14:48,812 --> 00:14:50,413
He got in pretty deep
332
00:14:50,447 --> 00:14:52,182
with this crazy
fucking drug dealer.
333
00:14:52,215 --> 00:14:54,250
So he gave it to him to pay off
the money he owed him.
334
00:14:54,284 --> 00:14:57,754
- Oh, shit. Bummer.
- Doesn't have to be.
335
00:14:57,787 --> 00:15:01,924
I suppose I could take
you guys over there.
336
00:15:01,958 --> 00:15:03,326
Do a little one-stop shopping.
337
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,096
Yeah, that would be
most groovy of you.
338
00:15:06,162 --> 00:15:07,296
Do you think
339
00:15:07,330 --> 00:15:11,067
that this guy might have
some cocaine as well?
340
00:15:14,070 --> 00:15:16,072
He's retarded, isn't he?
341
00:15:19,242 --> 00:15:20,543
You're Hank Moody.
342
00:15:20,577 --> 00:15:22,645
Hank Moody I am be.
How'd you know that?
343
00:15:22,679 --> 00:15:24,647
What, you don't think
I can read?
344
00:15:24,681 --> 00:15:26,716
Could you be any more
fucking condescending?
345
00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:28,284
You think just 'cause
I sell narcotics,
346
00:15:28,318 --> 00:15:30,853
I don't know how
to crack a fucking book?
347
00:15:30,887 --> 00:15:32,788
My shit just got
more expensive,
348
00:15:32,822 --> 00:15:33,956
Motherfucker.
349
00:15:33,990 --> 00:15:35,124
Hey, wait, I say
350
00:15:35,158 --> 00:15:36,292
Motherfucker just like that--
351
00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:37,593
That's my thing.
352
00:15:37,627 --> 00:15:39,195
Well you're not the only one,
motherfucker.
353
00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:42,532
- Motherfucker.
- Motherfucker.
354
00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:46,970
Sir, we need one pound
of your best Peruvian blend.
355
00:15:47,003 --> 00:15:49,538
We will be on our way.
"Flake," jackass.
356
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:52,208
A pound?
You seriously want a pound?
357
00:15:52,242 --> 00:15:54,077
Yes, yes.
358
00:15:54,110 --> 00:15:55,277
How much is that gonna run me?
359
00:15:55,312 --> 00:15:57,547
- 35.
- Hundy?
360
00:15:57,614 --> 00:15:58,681
That's a bit expensive.
361
00:15:58,715 --> 00:15:59,916
We're gonna have
to make another stop
362
00:15:59,950 --> 00:16:01,251
back at the
automatic money machine.
363
00:16:01,284 --> 00:16:03,486
Grand.
35 grand.
364
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:07,891
We're also gonna need
Tony's guitar.
365
00:16:07,924 --> 00:16:09,125
Why?
366
00:16:09,159 --> 00:16:11,127
Atticus Fetch.
367
00:16:11,161 --> 00:16:13,396
He's desperate
to record with it.
368
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:14,964
Fuck that pompous dinosaur.
369
00:16:14,998 --> 00:16:16,833
Hey, that's exactly
what I said,
370
00:16:16,866 --> 00:16:18,467
to his face.
371
00:16:18,501 --> 00:16:22,771
- Boom.
- My man.
372
00:16:22,806 --> 00:16:27,177
So you want a guitar that is
currently in my possession
373
00:16:27,210 --> 00:16:31,614
and some
of my precious narcotics.
374
00:16:31,648 --> 00:16:34,517
The question is...
375
00:16:34,551 --> 00:16:36,853
What are you prepared
to do for me?
376
00:16:39,990 --> 00:16:42,592
Look...
377
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:47,263
I think we both know that guitar
doesn't really belong to you.
378
00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:50,033
Sure, Tony gave it to you
to pay off his tab,
379
00:16:50,066 --> 00:16:53,135
but it really belongs
to the world.
380
00:16:53,169 --> 00:16:54,904
It should be out there
making music,
381
00:16:54,938 --> 00:16:57,140
not hidden in some dark lair.
382
00:16:57,173 --> 00:16:58,474
And who knows?
383
00:16:58,508 --> 00:17:01,077
That guitar could be the thing
that gets Atticus back
384
00:17:01,111 --> 00:17:05,014
to making some
beautiful fucking music again.
385
00:17:05,048 --> 00:17:08,551
You make
a convincing case, Faith.
386
00:17:08,585 --> 00:17:11,921
Always fancied myself a...
387
00:17:11,955 --> 00:17:13,790
patron of the arts.
388
00:17:13,823 --> 00:17:17,092
Mm, I got into dealing
so I could be closer
389
00:17:17,127 --> 00:17:20,163
to my favorite musicians.
390
00:17:20,196 --> 00:17:23,566
But...
I don't know.
391
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:27,403
Also, Shari will give you
a blow job
392
00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:29,472
that could cure cancer.
393
00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:30,573
What?
394
00:17:30,607 --> 00:17:33,610
Why do you always do this to me?
395
00:17:33,643 --> 00:17:35,745
You said so yourself--
you need the practice.
396
00:17:35,779 --> 00:17:39,082
This pleases me.
397
00:17:39,115 --> 00:17:41,183
Usually I get head
from ugly strippers
398
00:17:41,217 --> 00:17:42,418
in exchange for drugs.
399
00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:45,955
But that's not gonna
get it done, folks.
400
00:17:45,989 --> 00:17:47,590
You know, if you want,
you can throw a shot
401
00:17:47,624 --> 00:17:48,691
into his mouth too.
402
00:17:48,725 --> 00:17:50,259
Up until recently,
he was a homo--
403
00:17:50,326 --> 00:17:52,594
big, big, big homo.
- Look, look...
404
00:17:52,629 --> 00:17:54,664
I tried to suck a man's dick.
405
00:17:54,731 --> 00:17:55,765
I couldn't do that shit.
406
00:17:55,799 --> 00:17:58,501
I'm too straight
for that shit, okay?
407
00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:02,605
Is there anything else
I can do for you?
408
00:18:02,639 --> 00:18:06,242
I like that suit.
409
00:18:06,276 --> 00:18:08,378
You like this suit?
410
00:18:08,411 --> 00:18:10,946
I know just where you
can get this suit.
411
00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:12,314
They got all sizes.
412
00:18:12,348 --> 00:18:13,782
I can point you
in the right direction.
413
00:18:13,817 --> 00:18:16,252
Boom!
414
00:18:16,286 --> 00:18:18,354
Take it off.
415
00:18:29,999 --> 00:18:32,167
Thank you so much
for seeing me.
416
00:18:32,202 --> 00:18:33,803
Go in the living room.
417
00:18:33,837 --> 00:18:36,773
I'll be right with you.
418
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:44,247
Oh, hello.
419
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,249
Uh, I'm Stu,
420
00:18:47,283 --> 00:18:49,285
Marcy's estranged hubby.
421
00:18:49,319 --> 00:18:50,820
Ophelia.
422
00:18:50,854 --> 00:18:54,490
Pleasure to meet you,
Ophelia.
423
00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:58,928
I understand
you betrayed Marcy's trust.
424
00:18:58,962 --> 00:19:01,397
That's true.
I did--most certainly did.
425
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:04,167
I understand you put
your dirty cock
426
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,802
in some young woman's mouth...
427
00:19:06,836 --> 00:19:07,970
twice.
428
00:19:08,004 --> 00:19:10,072
I'm sorry.
Who are you exactly?
429
00:19:10,106 --> 00:19:11,941
And now you, uh--
430
00:19:11,975 --> 00:19:14,210
you're trying to get back
in her good graces?
431
00:19:14,244 --> 00:19:15,812
It's true.
432
00:19:15,845 --> 00:19:17,079
I am.
433
00:19:17,113 --> 00:19:19,048
I-I'll do anything.
434
00:19:20,817 --> 00:19:21,884
And you think the sweater
435
00:19:21,918 --> 00:19:23,753
and the bottle of wine
is going to do it?
436
00:19:23,820 --> 00:19:26,389
No, no, no.
Of course not.
437
00:19:26,422 --> 00:19:30,759
But it is
a 1964 Georges de La Tour.
438
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:33,830
I just hope
it's not too jammy.
439
00:19:38,001 --> 00:19:39,869
Uh, what on earth
is that thing?
440
00:19:39,903 --> 00:19:42,639
It's a cock cage.
441
00:19:42,672 --> 00:19:45,274
Oh, my.
442
00:19:45,308 --> 00:19:46,842
What is a cock cage?
443
00:19:46,876 --> 00:19:49,778
It is a male
chastity device...
444
00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:52,015
Available on my website.
445
00:19:52,048 --> 00:19:55,418
It traps your cock
in a flaccid state, Stu,
446
00:19:55,451 --> 00:19:57,553
which is very nice and cozy.
447
00:19:57,587 --> 00:20:00,456
But if you get aroused,
448
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:03,226
if you surrender
to your baser instincts,
449
00:20:03,259 --> 00:20:06,128
it can make things
very unpleasant
450
00:20:06,162 --> 00:20:07,229
for little big man down there.
451
00:20:07,263 --> 00:20:09,932
- Oh, dear.
- Mm.
452
00:20:09,966 --> 00:20:11,701
Are you suggesting
I wear that thing?
453
00:20:11,734 --> 00:20:13,469
I'm not suggesting anything.
454
00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:15,238
I mean, you're the one who said
you wanted to make it up to me.
455
00:20:15,271 --> 00:20:20,075
Don't you think you
should wear that thing, Stu?
456
00:20:55,111 --> 00:20:56,512
He's right.
457
00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,748
It does sound like Jesus coming
in someone's mouth.
458
00:20:58,781 --> 00:21:01,617
Well done, gents.
459
00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:07,123
Now, where's
my fucking cocaine?
460
00:21:15,965 --> 00:21:17,032
That's it?
461
00:21:17,066 --> 00:21:18,667
That's what you got me?
462
00:21:18,701 --> 00:21:21,937
That's all
we could afford, Atticus--
463
00:21:21,971 --> 00:21:25,140
Mr. Fetch, sir.
464
00:21:25,174 --> 00:21:26,909
This piddly amount
of cocaine
465
00:21:26,943 --> 00:21:28,811
will last me
all of about 12 minutes.
466
00:21:28,845 --> 00:21:34,050
You stupid, useless,
bent motherfucker!
467
00:21:34,083 --> 00:21:36,218
Never get a suit
to do a man's job!
468
00:21:36,252 --> 00:21:37,620
"A suit"?
469
00:21:37,654 --> 00:21:38,821
You call me a suit?
470
00:21:38,855 --> 00:21:42,558
I gave up my suit for you,
literally.
471
00:21:42,592 --> 00:21:45,561
Don't you fucking dare.
472
00:21:58,007 --> 00:21:59,208
You're right.
She's right.
473
00:21:59,242 --> 00:22:00,376
You're absolutely right.
474
00:22:00,410 --> 00:22:02,979
This is--this is
a magnificent piece
475
00:22:03,012 --> 00:22:04,279
of rock and roll history,
476
00:22:04,314 --> 00:22:07,483
and it must be treated
accordingly.
477
00:22:07,517 --> 00:22:09,352
And, by the way,
478
00:22:09,385 --> 00:22:12,388
your defiance...
479
00:22:12,422 --> 00:22:15,792
gave me a thunderous erection.
480
00:22:19,028 --> 00:22:22,264
Aah!
481
00:22:22,298 --> 00:22:23,999
Look in the case.
482
00:22:24,033 --> 00:22:25,601
Check the compartment.
483
00:22:25,635 --> 00:22:29,405
He always kept drugs in there.
484
00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:34,911
Here you go,
rock-star asshole.
485
00:22:41,351 --> 00:22:44,387
This calls
for a celebration.
486
00:22:44,420 --> 00:22:45,621
Well done, gents.
487
00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:49,825
It'll be an honor
to work with both of you.
488
00:22:50,927 --> 00:22:53,729
See you bright and early
tomorrow...
489
00:22:53,763 --> 00:22:56,265
afternoon.
490
00:23:06,542 --> 00:23:10,112
Okay, so we're gonna go
to dinner now.
491
00:23:10,146 --> 00:23:11,580
Can I come?
492
00:23:11,614 --> 00:23:16,285
No, you filthy animal.
493
00:23:16,319 --> 00:23:20,256
Marcy, maybe you should leave
the TV on for him.
494
00:23:20,289 --> 00:23:23,258
- Good idea.
- Yeah? Yeah.
495
00:23:26,562 --> 00:23:29,331
Oh, no!
Not girl-on-girl porn!
496
00:23:29,365 --> 00:23:31,133
- Marcy!
- What?
497
00:23:31,167 --> 00:23:33,135
Don't forget to kiss
your hubby good night.
498
00:23:33,169 --> 00:23:36,172
You're right.
Of course.
499
00:23:36,205 --> 00:23:40,309
How rude of me.
Baby. No!
500
00:23:40,343 --> 00:23:43,479
Ooh! Ouchy.
501
00:23:45,348 --> 00:23:48,617
Oh, oh.
502
00:23:54,690 --> 00:23:55,957
No.
503
00:23:55,992 --> 00:23:57,927
Ouch.
504
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:02,097
Aah!
505
00:24:02,131 --> 00:24:05,033
Oh, the wine
and the weed
506
00:24:05,068 --> 00:24:08,905
has made this
big-time rock manager sleepy.
507
00:24:08,938 --> 00:24:10,306
And sloppy.
508
00:24:10,339 --> 00:24:11,807
If you're gonna hang out
with rock stars,
509
00:24:11,841 --> 00:24:14,043
you better learn how
to handle your dope, buddy boy.
510
00:24:14,110 --> 00:24:15,945
That's dope advice.
511
00:24:15,978 --> 00:24:17,679
You can crash here.
Shari, can you--
512
00:24:17,713 --> 00:24:19,047
I'm not sucking his dick.
513
00:24:20,450 --> 00:24:22,819
I wasn't asking you to.
514
00:24:22,852 --> 00:24:25,721
I meant "Can you show him
the guest room?"
515
00:24:25,755 --> 00:24:27,923
Oh.
Okay, sure.
516
00:24:30,827 --> 00:24:33,696
- Can I see your boobies again?
- No.
517
00:24:33,729 --> 00:24:36,798
Just one?
518
00:24:36,833 --> 00:24:37,967
- Okay.
- Whoo-hoo.
519
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,569
In answer
to your question from earlier,
520
00:24:40,603 --> 00:24:42,605
yes, he is retarded.
521
00:24:42,638 --> 00:24:44,006
But--but he means well.
522
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,808
- He's funny.
- Mm.
523
00:24:45,842 --> 00:24:50,613
But you two are
especially cute together.
524
00:24:50,646 --> 00:24:52,414
Thanks for your help today.
525
00:24:52,448 --> 00:24:54,583
No.
526
00:24:54,617 --> 00:24:56,652
You were great the other day
at the funeral.
527
00:24:56,686 --> 00:24:59,755
I'm happy I get
to repay the favor.
528
00:24:59,789 --> 00:25:01,891
Boom.
529
00:25:01,924 --> 00:25:05,060
I like your writing, Hank.
530
00:25:07,130 --> 00:25:08,164
Yeah, go on.
531
00:25:08,197 --> 00:25:09,431
I like where this is going.
532
00:25:09,465 --> 00:25:10,966
Don't--don't stop yourself.
533
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,134
I will say nothing.
534
00:25:12,168 --> 00:25:15,771
Well, you were...
535
00:25:15,805 --> 00:25:20,342
irritating in rehab,
but, uh...
536
00:25:20,376 --> 00:25:22,911
You've got that thing
that I keep an eye out for.
537
00:25:22,945 --> 00:25:24,313
What thing?
538
00:25:24,347 --> 00:25:25,781
The thing that's hard
to describe--
539
00:25:25,815 --> 00:25:29,084
that flash, that spark.
540
00:25:29,118 --> 00:25:30,786
You know,
some would call that genius.
541
00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:32,888
Oh, some might,
but I won't.
542
00:25:32,922 --> 00:25:35,958
I think "genius"
is the single most overused word
543
00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:37,293
of our lifetimes.
544
00:25:37,326 --> 00:25:38,927
Word.
545
00:25:38,995 --> 00:25:41,964
But I will say
that you're clearly doing
546
00:25:41,998 --> 00:25:44,100
exactly what you were put
on this planet to do.
547
00:25:44,133 --> 00:25:46,001
You are making use
of your gift,
548
00:25:46,035 --> 00:25:49,238
and that is attractive.
549
00:25:49,272 --> 00:25:50,973
It's just--
let me get this straight.
550
00:25:51,007 --> 00:25:53,576
You met me,
and you found me irritating.
551
00:25:53,609 --> 00:25:55,310
Thoroughly.
552
00:25:55,344 --> 00:25:56,511
And then you read my work,
553
00:25:56,546 --> 00:25:58,214
and you found me
less irritating,
554
00:25:58,247 --> 00:26:01,750
even attractive.
555
00:26:01,817 --> 00:26:03,418
Something like that.
556
00:26:03,452 --> 00:26:05,487
God, that is--that is,
like, every writer's dream.
557
00:26:05,521 --> 00:26:09,992
And that never happens, ever.
558
00:26:10,026 --> 00:26:13,929
No, once it did happen--
once, once before.
559
00:26:13,963 --> 00:26:16,265
I could really do something
with you.
560
00:26:16,299 --> 00:26:18,367
Huh?
561
00:26:18,401 --> 00:26:20,936
You're obviously
very talented.
562
00:26:20,970 --> 00:26:24,106
But you haven't nailed it yet.
563
00:26:24,140 --> 00:26:25,741
Classic underachiever.
564
00:26:25,775 --> 00:26:27,143
That's what my folks
always said.
565
00:26:27,176 --> 00:26:28,844
Oh, it's pretty exciting,
really.
566
00:26:28,878 --> 00:26:31,947
- What is?
- 'Cause I could be the hammer.
567
00:26:31,981 --> 00:26:33,449
Gulp.
568
00:26:33,482 --> 00:26:37,452
The only question left is,
do you want to be great, Hank?
569
00:26:40,823 --> 00:26:44,793
'Cause that's how I make
my mark on the world...
570
00:26:44,827 --> 00:26:48,664
by helping you
make your mark on the world.
571
00:27:07,650 --> 00:27:09,385
Good night.
572
00:27:09,418 --> 00:27:11,653
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no.
573
00:27:11,687 --> 00:27:13,789
Don't you want to help me
make my mark over here?
574
00:27:13,823 --> 00:27:16,826
I didn't say
this would be easy.
575
00:27:16,892 --> 00:27:19,094
♪ She looked past the scars ♪
576
00:27:19,128 --> 00:27:23,899
♪ and burned-out eyes ♪
577
00:27:23,933 --> 00:27:29,138
♪ and could see
I'm no easy ride ♪
578
00:27:29,171 --> 00:27:32,040
♪ she's just the kind ♪
579
00:27:32,074 --> 00:27:37,312
♪ who might get you to buy ♪
580
00:27:37,346 --> 00:27:39,993
♪ some strange religion ♪
581
00:27:40,093 --> 00:27:45,093
== sync, corrected by elderman ==