They're not paying you enough for this.
Well, it's the same each term. My room.
Oh, there's this. Sorry.
Dr Graham?
Sorry!
# Who's cooking monsters in the kitchen
# Who keeps a knife tucked in her garter
# Who keeps you nervous
# Like screaming motorcycles
# You keep the fires burning
# I'll keep the water running
# We'll know it's over when they turn out the lights #
There's been a break-in at his high school.
Type Three, I'd say.
The secretary must have disturbed it.
Well, she didn't say. She's dead.
We're compromised, we're compromised to hell. They know where he lives.
OK. Gotta go.
Show time.
Welcome to the Dark Ages.
Mum?
Oh...
Well, hi. You must be Luke.
What are you doing? Did I wake you?
I can't get the damned ice machine to work.
Sorry. I'm Galvin. Rupert Galvin.
Can I get you anything?
There's no word in the English language to describe the correct state of the perfect omelette.
It's all to do with internal temperature.
Neither raw nor cooked. Like this. See?
The French... Thanks.
..have a word for it.
Baveuse.
Don't you love it?
Do they have a word for someone who stays away for years and years and doesn't even write?
Idiot. The same in English. What can I say? I'm sorry, Jenny.
Well. It doesn't matter.
You're here now. And it's a wonderful surprise.
How long are you in town?
Oh, a while.
You know, I haven't slept in 36 hours.
Where are you staying? You could stay here. Rupert...could stay here, couldn't he?
No, it's fine. I have a reservation at Compton's Hotel. Have you heard of it?
Ah...yes, I have. It's down by Southwark Bridge.
OK. I need some sleepee.
I would drive you over there but school's in the opposite direction, I'm afraid. Sorry.
Maybe Luke could take me.
Yes. Why not?
Good idea.
Go to the corner. Grab a cab.
Let him finish his breakfast.
He never eats breakfast.
Mum!
I've got stuff to do.
Who is this guy anyway?
Mum?
Something you want to tell me?
No.
He's your boyfriend.
Rupert is not my boyfriend.
Yeah, yeah! Who is he, then?
He's your godfather.
You're kidding.
You know, I knew your father.
Did your mom tell you?
Yeah, we were good friends.
Yes, indeed. It was a bad time when we lost him.
A very bad time.
Do you ever see things, Luke?
Do you ever see things?
What kind of things?
Oh, I don't know.
Out of the corner of your eye.
But when you look...
they're not there.
How about, you and me...
tonight, boys' night out. What do you say?
I can't. Sorry.
I've got to be somewhere.
Cancel. She'll understand.
I assume it's a she. It's not like that. It's a party.
But you're not planning on going home alone, right?
I like you. Tonight, my friend, the ladies can wait.
Your godfather has spoken.
7:30, Royal Festival Hall. Meet me.
Good.
Oh, and, ah...Luke.
Don't open it until you get home.
And if you do see anything...
take care.
Remember - they bite.
Hiya. Ruby.
It's Luke. Yeah?
You know this party?
The one we're going to tonight. Yeah. I've got a problem.
Oh. OK.
What's happened?
This guy turned up. He was a friend of my dad's.
Apparently, he's my godfather.
He wants a boys' night out.
You're joking. Listen...I've got your art folder.
Do you need it? Bring it into college with you.
No, I'll stay here to work, I have the place to myself.
Well, I could come to yours and get it?
OK. Cool. See ya.
I thought we had rats, but it was big.
More like a monkey.
You've got monkeys!
Wow. Well, there goes the neighbourhood.
It ate our mop.
Mmmm. You should call the council.
They have men in vans to deal with this kind of thing.
Forget it. Listen.
I'm sorry about tonight.
It's OK.
No, it's not. It's Amber's birthday. I said I'd go.
She'll be off her face by half 10.
She'll never know.
You won't be missing much anyway.
It was rubbish last year.
"Abraham V.H."
Who's he? No idea.
And what about J and R?
R's Rupert. My godfather.
J's my dad.
See? 1990. The year I was born.
The year he died.
Old Abraham was the look of him.
See a family resemblance?
Er...maybe. Apart from the beard.
"The new V.H." The little sprog. Is that you?
I suppose - so.
I'll find out.
Pardon me. Thank you.
Excuse me, ma'am. Thank you.
Mina!
Rupert! Mina.
You were amazing. You didn't tell me you were coming.
No, I'm a wild, impetuous guy.
Somebody I'd like you to meet.
Mina Harker, this is Luke.
Luke Rutherford. Hi.
Mina, your fans are waiting. We got to move along here.
Seeing is believing, Luke.
You must believe even when it seems impossible.
Thank you, Mina.
You were fabulous. As ever.
Through here, come on.
Beautiful girl, huh?
I didn't realise she was...
Blind? Don't let that fool you. Mina's unique.
Very special.
I've been seeing really weird stuff.
I was attacked...
by a...a monkey thing.
And there was a creepy-looking guy watching the place.
And who is Abraham?
You know you asked me what I did?
Well, the truth is...
I'm a warrior.
You're a warrior?
You're joking, right?
So was your old man and so was Abraham.
All of us warriors in the coldest of cold wars.
The struggle between human and inhuman.
Us and them.
It's people like us keep the freaks in their place, down in the half-lif where they belong.
Freaks?
What are you talking about? Who are these people?
They're not people. What I'm talking about are inhumans.
A different species.
Supernatural beings.
You know, in most cities you're never more than 20 feet from a rat.
They outnumber the human population seven to one.
How often do you see them?
Inhumans are the same.
Whether you see them or not.
They exist?
Oh, they exist all right. You know they exist. You've seen them.
Like vampires and werewolves?
We don't care to name them.
We just grade 'em and smite 'em.
You smite them?
Oh, yes, sir. With extreme prejudice.
Swiftly and surely.
Like the wrath of God.
Cheers.
You asked about Abraham.
Abraham Van Helsing, of Leyden, Holland.
Rutherford is Jenny's name.
Your daddy's name was Van Helsing.
Come on, you are taking the piss.
You're saying I'm related to some character from a book.
Identity theft. Bram Stoker stole your name.
Now if it was me, I'd be mad as hell.
I think I'm going home.
I have stuff I could be doing.
You think he invented Van Helsing?
I'm guessing no?
Abraham Van Helsing was real.
Come on, drink up. I'll show you.
Is everything all right, sir?
Do you want your bill?
You know this place?
Smithfield. It's a market.
Meat market.
It had a cold store deep underground.
In 200 years, the ice never melted.
Perma-frost.
It took the construction guys months to thaw it out.
Do you know what they found?
McDonald's?
Rivers, boy.
Rivers.
The Flaxman and the Hawk.
People thought they'd dried up in the Middle Ages.
But nothing changes.
The old waters still flow.
Will this take long?
Not long.
Why, you got someone waiting for you?
No. I've got revision to do.
Schoolwork.
Well, sorry.
That's what goes on.
You know, up there in the real world.
What are you doing?
Pulse gun. You could have killed me!
Works on microwaves. Everything has its perfect internal temperature.
Like an omelette. Exactly.
For an entity, it's about 30 below.
Warms 'em up pretty good, huh?
Anything from a Type Seven, Eight, maybe.
Then what? Then we're after big numbers.
What was that monkey thing?
Type Three. Small potatoes. Forget about it.
Is this an entity?
No, Luke, that is a rat.
What?
The locket.
Ready?
You got it?
No.
One more time, it locks us out. Use the force, Luke.
Yeah, very funny.
Ready.
Did you get it that time?
I think so.
Good.
Shazzam.
The library of Abraham Van Helsing.
The world's number one authority on inhuman life forms.
We call them the Stacks.
It kinda works, doesn't it?
What?
Built for keeps. State of the art in the early 90s.
Hello, Luke.
This is very strange for me.
I'm talking to you out there and yet I'm got you right here in my arms.
But if you are watching this,
it means we never really got to know each other.
And I can't tell you how sorry I am.
Everything you see around you is yours.
Use it wisely.
Good luck, Luke.
The time has come to act.
What happened?
Mum said it was an accident on a business trip.
It was business.
There is no accident.
The freaks got him.
Were you there?
Yes.
Does Mum know about any of this?
No, and she never will.
Not from me anyway.
It was a car smash. End of story.
Me and your daddy, we tried so hard to...
..to keep you both out of it.
Is that why you went away?
You said you had your reasons.
Yeah, believe me it wasn't easy. I know Jenny was hurt, but...
Well, it would have made you a target too.
Me?
Luke...
Last night your school was broken into.
Today a Type Three shows up at your apartment.
Now I don't think that's coincidence.
Now they're on to you. They know where you live.
So I'm supposed to drop everything and join the struggle,
start smiting entities? Is that what you want?
It's not what I want. Your cover's been blown wide open.
Like your old man said. The time has come. You have no choice.
Everyone has a choice.
No. Other people have a choice, you have a destiny. You're the last Van Helsing.
Denial is not an option.
Incredible.
Did you ever ask yourself how you do that?
Other people, they can't do that, Luke.
It's in here.
In the genes. Talk tomorrow.
I don't think so, Mr Galvin. We've talked enough.
You can't just hijack someone's life, OK?
I have plans!
Hey! You came.
Yeah, better late than never.
How's the godfather?
Weird. Deeply weird.
I'll tell you later. How's the party?
Hi, Luke.
Hello, Amber.
Where have you been hiding?
He just got here.
Then you've got some catching up to do.
Urrgh! Great!
Bet you wish you'd stayed with Amber.
Forget it, we'll get a cab.
I've got no money. Ruby!
Oh, God!
Listen to me!
What's up? What's up? What happened?
Down there, there's a freak. Grabbed at me!
What sort of freak?
I dunno - tall, teeth. Does it matter? What are you - an expert?
All right...lads?
Can you turn the lights on?
Come on.
I'm so proud!
What a hero!
Luke!
Someone wants to have a word with you, Luke.
So be nice.
Come quietly.
Let him go.
Do it now or I will most surely smite thee, you freak.
Watch out!
I'm getting way too old for this.
Hi. I'm Rupert, Pleased to meet you.
Are you OK?
How about you?
He knew me. Whatever it was.
He knew my name.
He'd been sent to find me.
What did I do?
Nothing. It's what you might do that worries them.
Oh(!)
Terrific.
And what about you? Did you just happen along or did you follow me?
He wants to thank me. He just can't find the words.
Were you following me?
Protecting my assets by saving your ass. Like I said, denial is not an option.
Excuse me - Just a minute, Ruby.
Do you know who sent them?
Not exactly.
The hoodies were Type Four.
The big one a Type Five.
So you have to figure it wasn't their idea.
Why not?
Type Fives don't have ideas.
And Type Fours can barely keep track of their own saliva.
But you're wanted by just about every freak in the Half-Life, so...
Excuse me, wha -
Who is she?
Who am I?
Who is SHE?
Ruby's a friend of Luke's.
Friend. Is that entirely safe?
Where he goes...
I go.
Sweet.
So, Luke, you opened the Stacks. Were you impressed?
The point is...
they're no to us. Luke and Ruby were attacked.
And Ruby wants to know what is going on?
So would someone please be kind enough to explain?
Let's see.
Luke is the last Van Helsing. The Inhuman want to kill him, and you don't tell anybody.
Clear so far?
Luke is way under-prepared.
This is where you come in, Mina.
Go back with him to the Stacks.
Mina will find the weapons you need.
Excuse me. Another dumb question I suppose, but...
how?
How will she?
Just leave it, Ruby.
I mean, I'm not being funny, but I wouldn't have thought
she was the obvious choice for finding stuff, that's all.
Luke is not the the only one with an illustrious family.
Jonathan Harker...
Van Helsing's assistant, first curator of the Stacks.
If it's in there, Mina will find it.
While you're gone, I'll do some digging.
We need to find a name.
We have to know who we're up against here.
Luke, don't go.
Come on, Ruby, I have to.
You so don't.
Luke, I have a really bad feeling about this.
Don't go. Please.
I'll call you. OK?
You got your car, Mina?
Of course.
Oh(!) Is that entirely safe?
And my driver.
And what am I supposed to do?
Not a thing. You've had quite a night. I'll take you home.
You don't need to patronise me, you know. I'm not stupid.
Hmmm!
Halfway up at the back.
I can see it!
Careful. It's heavy.
Well?
Weird ammo.
Glass. Two liquids. One silver, one green.
Not glass, actually. Soluble plastic.
On a human target, you'd get a bump.
A bump. Knocked down but no tissue damage.
No long-term effects. Fire at a freak, and it's a different story.
They vaporise.
The original magic bullet.
Not magic, science.
And I'm supposed to use this?
I don't think so.
Maybe you'll feel differently when the time comes.
Is this it?
Sorry it's not up to Luke's standards.
Will you be OK?
Yeah. No self-respecting freak'd be seen dead round here.
Wait.
Any time, day or night, if anything happens...
you call me.
Give him time to adjust, Ruby.
It really has been quite a night.
Yeah.
You could say that.
Thanks for the lift, Rupert.
Errrgh.
Ahhhh!
Thanks.
Rupert, it's Ruby.
You know what I said about freaks?
Boo.
Rupert, it's Ruby.
You know what I said about freaks?
Do you think I should call Ruby?
Won't she be tucked up in her little bed by now?
You don't like her much, do you?
I don't know her.
Anyway, that's irrelevant, She's your girlfriend.
No, she's not.
Ohhh, she thinks she is.
She wants to be.
Come on. You don't know that.
How do you know that?
Ohhh, it's this spooky sixth sense that only blind people have.
Yeah, well, you're wrong.
We're just friends. I've known her since she was four.
We were at nursery, for God's sake.
Whatever you say. It's not my business.
But...your life is changing.
Do you really want to get her involved?
She's not involved.
We were attacked.
It happened.
And it won't happen again.
Look, it's late. I should go.
Don't forget this.
I'm not good with stuff like this.
I'd probably 'bump' my foot off.
You'll be just fine.
Hi, love. Good time?
It was different. Different's good.
Come and tell me all about it.
Mina, Rupert. Yeah.
Luke's friend, Ruby...
She never made it home.
I know it's my fault. Whatever, just meet me at the Stacks now.
So, you liked him?
Got on OK?
Sure. He's, um...
interesting.
Had an interesting life.
Loads of colourful stories, I bet.
Oh, yes. He tells a good story.
Well, they were young.
Travelling the world.
It was great for them really.
Then it was all over.
Yes.
Then it was all over.
Did Rupert...talk about it?
Not really.
He mentioned the trip, when Dad died.
I didn't realise he was there.
Oh, yes. Rupert was there.
He was great then.
Brilliant, really.
Dealt with everything.
Then he disappeared?
Yes.
Well...
We all have our own ways of dealing with things.
I won't disappear.
I know.
We're a team, right?
I'm going to go to bed.
You go. I'll do this.
Not too long. You've got that test tomorrow, remember.
Ruby?
What's the matter?
I don't know what he wants. He won't tell me.
Who? Ruby, where are you?
Baltic Stairs.
You got that?
Baltic Stairs.
Let me speak to her.
I want to know she's all right.
She won't be. Unless you come on your own.
I want to talk to her!
And that means without...Galvin.
Ruby!
# Ruby, Ruby, Ruby
What?
On his way. Guvnor.
# Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby #
Do you know who I am?
(GROWLING)
Do you have...any idea what has befallen you?
You have entered a world of sorrow.
Dark streets, rain falling on cobbles.
All...comfort...fled.
The thin taste of anguish and despair.
In short, girly...
you have entered my world.
Gladiolus Thrip...
at your service.
Are you getting anything?
Don't you just hate that?
How can you respect an individual who doesn't use the john,
just hawks it all up?
It's an old building.
Somewhere near water, down by the river, I think.
Anything else?
Yeah.
Another face, a shadow, right near the end.
I think I know who it is.
His name's Thrip.
Hmmm. You know him?
Yeah. Type 12, bounty hunter.
Do you think you can locate him?
I think so.
Thrip is nasty but he's not stupid.
Ruby will be OK until he gets his hands on Luke.
Luke is safe home, right?
Of course.
Don't worry.
You're safe. I've got you.
I'm sorry, dear boy, forgive me.
But your face.
It's a picture.
Gladiolus Thrip, at your service.
Where's Ruby?
What have you done with her?
Oh, quite safe. Quite safe.
Just had to make sure you'd do as you were told.
The smiter smit, eh, Mr Redlip?
Well?
Is he on his own?
There's a thing.
Good boy.
You said if I came on my own, you wouldn't hurt her.
No, I think we said if you didn't come on your own, we would hurt her!
Subtle distinction, but I'm a bit of a stickler.
Where is she?
You want to know where she is?
Hold out your hands and I'll show you.
Come along.
My word is my bond.
We're only going to cuff you.
Cuff him, Mr Redlip.
Like taking sweetbreads from a baby.
She's right...beneath you.
Put the gun down or forever know my wrath, you freak.
Whoopee.
Well done, Mr Galvin.
That's more like it.
Forever know my wrath, eh?
Marvellous.
Oh, shut up, Gladys, you cancerous piece of garbage.
Sticks and stones, Mr Galvin.
Sticks and stones.
So have we come to negotiate? Is that the style of the thing?
Oh, I don't negotiate with freaks. I just grade 'em and I smite 'em.
And very well you do it, if I might say.
Mind you...that said,
we all have a trick or two up our sleeves.
Ohhh. Scary.
My turn.
Where's Ruby?
Thrip said she was down there under the grate. Come on!
Come on.
Let her go.
Of course. It's you I want.
Put - the - gun - down!
I don't trust you.
Trust?
This isn't about trust, matey.
It's about me stabbing her in the neck if you don't do as I tell you.
Shoot, Luke. She'll be OK.
What?
Shoot her, and then shoot him.
You must believe, Luke.
Even when it seems impossible.
Bring it on, laddie.
If you think you've got the oomph, that it.
Oh dear.
Smiters aren't what they were.
Ruby.
Get off! You shocked me.
She's fine. She's ok.
Thanks, Mina. -No problem.
You shocked me with a sodding raygun!
You did well last night. - You think so? - Yes, I do.
How's Ruby? - She yelled all the way home because I shot her,
****
Very good. Here, I....
I have something yours.
Where did you get this?
***
you have been diagnosed with very rare condition
*** syndrome,
**** and notice your private psychisian.
And who is he?
What "e" stands for? - Expensive.
**** keep it with you at all times.
Oh, and...****
check under the bed, don't forget, they bite!
Mr.****, did you actually do any *** for your test?
Yeah, some. - Congratulatons, you hid it well.
Have you considered extra tuitions? - No, I haven't thought... - Well you should.
Hello? I have to take this.
transcript:chocolate sync:innuit
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