1 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,542 (birds chirping) 2 00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:09,577 Hi. 3 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,491 (Dave humming) 4 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,527 (instrumental music playing over computer) 5 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,562 Dave, we don't have time. 6 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,498 (Dave vocalizing) 7 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,700 (auto-tuned): * Slow down, come be with me... * 8 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:35,236 Okay, I've got everything you need right here. 9 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,437 (hums) 10 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,005 * You're the best... * 11 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,241 Dave, how much longer are you gonna be doing this? 12 00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:42,743 * So long, I can't stop... * 13 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,178 -Dave. -Do it with me. 14 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,214 I'm leaving. 15 00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:48,916 * Have it your way * 16 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:51,785 * I know I'm late * 17 00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:55,089 -* But it's okay... * -No. 18 00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:57,758 (auto-tuned): * We don't have time to wait... * Oh. 19 00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:00,461 * We're gonna have the best time... * 20 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,130 -Dave, you have to change. -(grunts) 21 00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:04,398 * Do you remember when you got all mad * 22 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,634 * 'Cause I threw out that flyer? * 23 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:10,271 That was not a flyer. I told you. 24 00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:12,473 -* Yes, it was * -(laughs) 25 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,908 * No, it was a save the date * 26 00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,710 * It's the same thing, it's gonna end up * 27 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,912 * On a fridge either way... * 28 00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:20,548 -Fine. -* This weekend * 29 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,316 * You're gonna dance with me * 30 00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:25,219 * Yes, of course, I love you * 31 00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:28,088 * But we really got to go right now * 32 00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:30,224 * Fine, it was fun while it lasted. * 33 00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:32,460 Mm-hmm. (chuckles) 34 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:41,235 I got to export this. 35 00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:44,972 That was high art. Oh, my God. 36 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,574 -Great work. -(chuckles): Yeah. 37 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,409 Okay. We got to go. 38 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,911 -Can I use this on my album as an interlude? -Dave. 39 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,913 -* Hi, I'm Dave * -* I'm Lil Dicky * 40 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,348 -* Hi, I'm Dave * -* Who's Dave? * 41 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:55,516 * Hi, I'm Dave. * 42 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,017 ALLY: "If there was one word 43 00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,787 I would use to describe my big sister, 44 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,590 -it would be 'hilarious.'" -Hmm. 45 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,193 "When I wanted to invite Anthony Turner to my eighth grade dance, 46 00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:08,996 Julie was all, 'But, Ally, how will he dance?'" 47 00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:11,432 -(whispers): Why? -Because Anthony Turner had actually-- 48 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,033 He broke both of his legs in, like, 49 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:16,003 a really bad skiing accident. 50 00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,105 But I-I guess people don't-- Should I say that 51 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,107 -at the beginning or at the end of the joke? -Wait a minute. 52 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,643 I'm very-- Like, I thought you were giving the speech, and now, 53 00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,178 like, you're talking t-- I'm like, just-- 54 00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,813 I don't know when the fourth wall broke, 55 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,681 when you started talking to me, it's all very... 56 00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,383 I'm asking if you think it's, if that's... 57 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,151 -Oh. -Well, that's like-- people are gonna laugh. 58 00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:33,787 You know, I don't know, I wouldn't make fun of a kid 59 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,357 for being crippled or whatever you just spoke about. 60 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,891 I don't know how I'm expected to give, like, 61 00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:40,228 an even okay maid of honor speech, 62 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,863 when I have no idea why I'm the maid of honor. 63 00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,299 Like, we-we're not even friends. 64 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,335 Use that. Start with that-- that's raw. 65 00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,737 There's, like, emotion there. There's, like, earnestness. 66 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,473 There's a real, you know, zeal. 67 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,476 No matter what I do, my family's gonna judge it. 68 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:59,146 -Hmm. -You know both of my parents are Libras? Both of them. 69 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,148 Uh, I never understand why people say "don't judge me." 70 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,550 That-- I mean, we human beings judge. 71 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,318 That's, like, our total predisposition. 72 00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:06,320 That's how we select. 73 00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:08,556 -Or-or not "select," but... -(phone vibrating) 74 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:12,393 Oh. Mike. 75 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,528 -Hey, man. -Hi, Mike. 76 00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:16,196 MIKE (over phone): Yes, hi, Ally. Whatever. 77 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,831 Dave, heads up. 78 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,668 Uh, Jim Moreno from Random Gem called, and, uh, 79 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:25,072 he says they're gonna have a deal memo by the end of the day. 80 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:28,709 All right. Um, and that-- What does that mean? 81 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,545 Like, you know, for real. 82 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,547 Dude, it is a precontract, right? 83 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,082 It's establishing a relationship with you 84 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,718 as an artist without, you know, 85 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,186 getting fully into a contract. 86 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,188 I love it when you talk dirty. 87 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,856 It's the best thing that's come across our desk so far. 88 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,892 -Oh, my gosh! Oh! (gasps) -(thumping) 89 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,227 What the f-- Uh... 90 00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:49,897 Hello? 91 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,098 Whatever. 92 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:54,302 ALLY: Oh, my God. 93 00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:57,305 Oh, my God, Dave. It's a little bunny. 94 00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:58,772 DAVE: Man down. 95 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,642 -Oh, my God. -(chittering) 96 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,144 Fuck! He's still alive. 97 00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,146 His little foot is twitching. 98 00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:08,148 Very sad. 99 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:09,983 Dave. 100 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,152 -What? -We can't leave him. 101 00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:14,087 He's, u-uh, suffering. 102 00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,089 We got to, like, call a vet or something, right? 103 00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:17,991 Do you think there's, like, a vet nearby, or...? 104 00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,893 I don't know where vets are. And, no. 105 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,895 Like, vets don't apply to vermin. This thing's wild. 106 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,564 This is a free-range rabbit. I mean... 107 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,766 -Oh, my God. -I don't think you can call a vet 108 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,901 when you don't have ownership of the cr-- you know, the creature. 109 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,738 He's in pain, Dave. 110 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,806 He looks like he's-- Yeah, it looks... 111 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,642 I think he's fucking dying. 112 00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:38,011 -Okay, well, we have to kill it. -What? 113 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,448 -It-It's suffering. It's, like, slowly dying. What are you-- -You want me to...? 114 00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,816 -We got to put him out of his misery. That's like... -You want me to kill it? 115 00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:45,285 Like, uh, what do you want me to do? Stomp its head? 116 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,287 Smother-- Like, I'm not gonna kill this thing. 117 00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,957 You-you got to get back in the car and then run him over. 118 00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:53,126 Again? You want me to run it over twice? I'm not Suge Knight. 119 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,128 -Run him over, but directly. -How is that better for him? 120 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:57,431 Direct? Uh, he's fucking-- I nailed him. I mean... 121 00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,967 -No, you didn't! Or else he'd be dead! -I did. 122 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,135 Put yourself in his shoes. You want to be lying 123 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,871 in the middle of the road, bleeding, dying? 124 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,106 This thing isn't wearing shoes, Al! This is vermin. 125 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,042 Dave! It's a living thing and it's suffering. 126 00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:10,478 You have to kill it. 127 00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:11,745 (rabbit chittering) 128 00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,950 You have to cut more this-this way. 129 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,852 -Left? -You have to go on my right. 130 00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:20,954 -Dave, you have to go more right. You're not gonna... -All right, 131 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,723 I'm not a precision fucking driver. Stop yelling. 132 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,892 Dave, you just have to hit the fucking bunny. 133 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,960 -Uh... -No. 134 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,061 -(shouts) Dave! -(rabbit squealing) 135 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:30,864 You just got its ears! My God! 136 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,666 It's screaming. 137 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,402 Dave, just... do it again. 138 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,804 Move out of the way. 139 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,472 (rabbit squealing) 140 00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:41,709 (screaming) 141 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,977 -(singing gibberish) -* Suck it in, if you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn * 142 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,846 * Make a desperate move, or else you'll win * 143 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:48,682 * And then begin to see what you're doing to me * 144 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:51,151 * This MTV is not for free, it's so PC, it's killing me * 145 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,321 * So desperately I sing to thee of love, sure... * 146 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,924 This is a great Airbnb. Wow. 147 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,326 Here comes my stress headache. 148 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,894 Why? It's gonna be fine. 149 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,730 I'm gonna blow them away like I always do. 150 00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:05,165 Yeah. Nothing blows parents away like, 151 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:08,035 "Here's my boyfriend. He's an aspiring rapper." 152 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,403 There they are. 153 00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,772 Please, look at this man. Your dad wants to fuck me. 154 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,273 -The weary travelers. -DAVE: Hey! -ALLY: Hi, Dad. 155 00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,008 -Well, you guys made some great time. -DEBBIE: H-Hey! 156 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:17,678 -Ah. -Yeah. Waze is very accurate. -Yeah. Yeah. 157 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,047 -TERRY/DAVE: Hey. -Oh, Allison, you're getting skinny again. 158 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,015 -TERRY: Let me take that. All right. -Oh... 159 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,884 -You hungry? -No, not really. I... -I'm starving. 160 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,619 -Oh, well, come on in. We'll get you something. -Yeah. Hey. 161 00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,855 -Yeah, we have food. You bet. Come on. -Thank you. Thanks. 162 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,723 -DEBBIE: How was your drive? -DAVE: Easy. 163 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,525 -A little bit of an obstacle, but... -What's up, man? 164 00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,360 -You here to help me out, muscle man? Aw... -ALLY: Jules! 165 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,562 -Hi. -ALLY: Oh, my God! 166 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,096 -You look so pretty. -Hi. 167 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,632 Hi. Oh. Okay. Um, I just lotioned my hands. 168 00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,267 I don't want to get it on your little romper. 169 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,370 Oh. Uh, that's why you smell so nice. (chuckles) 170 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,573 Oh, no, this is unscented. That's just my natural smell. 171 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,074 Oh... 172 00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:48,909 -Okay. Let's go. Come on. -Do you have any Advil? 173 00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,649 Jules, you know just as well as I do, that's such a straw man 174 00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,084 argument. The guy got four consecutive life sentences. 175 00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,952 -What are you talking about? -I completely disagree with you. 176 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,988 -You know it's far more nuanced than that. -It's not. 177 00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,623 Yes, it is. It is. 178 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,658 Let me ask you lawyers this while I have you here. 179 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:07,327 Why do they even give people multiple life sentences? 180 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,762 Is the government really implying 181 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,564 that reincarnation is a possibility? 182 00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:12,800 That can't be right, because then it's a total s-separation 183 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,669 of church and state violation by the government. 184 00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:17,838 N-Nobody's saying that, and it's far more complicated. 185 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,107 -More complicated? -More complicated. 186 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,743 -Than reincarnation? -More complicated. 187 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,245 -Hey, how's school going, Al? -Really great. 188 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,447 Uh, the kids just put on a play about global warming 189 00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:28,816 -that went really well. -Mm-hmm. 190 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,183 It was great. I was there. 191 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,819 And it was a really big project for me. 192 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,854 Mm, I'm surprised they let you delve 193 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,857 into such political topics. 194 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,592 I mean, it's not a-a political issue. 195 00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:42,195 It's, like, a... human issue. 196 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,998 You ca-- It has pulp. You can't... 197 00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:47,434 -What? -Do you think you can shake the pulp out of it? 198 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,269 Isn't that-- The shake-- No? You can't? 199 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,704 -I thought it disintegrates if you shake it. -No. 200 00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:52,372 -No. -No. -TERRY: So, Dave, 201 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,808 last time you were here, you were an ad man. 202 00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,476 -Ugh, the dog days. Am I right, Terry? -(chuckles): That's right. 203 00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,145 DEBBIE: Oh, David, please tell me. 204 00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,013 How's this whole "rap" thing going? Huh? 205 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,849 You know what? No need for quotes anymore. 206 00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,350 It's actually completely legitimate 207 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:06,219 and borderline unbelievably successful. 208 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,021 -NICK: No way. -Yeah, no. It's, uh, it's kind of absurd. 209 00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:09,723 Like, every single one of my songs 210 00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:12,292 has millions and millions of streams across platforms. 211 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,328 -Really? -Yeah. So many different labels are courting me left and right, 212 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,565 -trying to throw so much money at me. -Huh. 213 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,400 I was just in the studio last week with Justin Bieber. 214 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:21,635 -What? -TERRY: Wow. -What? 215 00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:23,871 -Justin Bieber? Wow. -Justin Bieber, yeah. 216 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,573 -Oh, my goodness. -It's not a huge deal, but it's certainly something 217 00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,008 -that we should talk about. -I'm so proud of you. 218 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,743 You know what a good metaphor is? I feel like, you know how 219 00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,178 when a snake sheds its skin 220 00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,846 and gets that fresh layer of epidermis? 221 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,147 That's where I'm at. 222 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,348 I'm in that transitional phase. 223 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:36,483 And I'm shedding my skin and, like, 224 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,386 this new layer of skin has so much sheen. 225 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,822 -TERRY: Sheen. Like, yeah, shiny. -Just gloss. 226 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,356 -Oh, that's beautiful. -JULIE: Well, Dave, 227 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:45,893 you certainly have confidence. 228 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,761 Oh, I know. If only he could share some with Ally. 229 00:08:47,795 --> 00:08:50,397 -JULIE: I know. -What does that mean? 230 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,599 I just meant you have so much potential. 231 00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:53,100 I wish sometimes you would... 232 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,869 use it on some kids who might remember you, that's all. 233 00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,506 I remember my kindergarten teacher. 234 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,908 And I love my job. 235 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:04,544 I teach the future. Which... 236 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:08,515 -Oh, yeah. -...is a big deal, I-- in some people's minds. 237 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,283 I don't remember my kindergarten teacher, but, 238 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,285 -uh, I do like my job, though. -TERRY: So, Dave, 239 00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:15,388 are you diversifying your revenue streams? 240 00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,791 Like, uh, like, that rapper-- the one that's, uh, 241 00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:19,893 part owner of the Nets. Um... 242 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:21,061 -Jay-Z. -Jay-Z. 243 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,030 -Like Jay-Z? -DEBBIE: Ooh. He's the one 244 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,531 that's married to Beyoncé. I love her. 245 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,533 -She's so beautiful. -DAVE: You know, I'm working 246 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,201 -on a few different things. -TERRY: Mm. 247 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,137 -DAVE: I-I... -I need water. Excuse me. 248 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,872 I'm actually, I'm-I'm trying to get in, 249 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,641 like, the condiment space. 250 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,308 -You know, different sauces. -TERRY: Mm-hmm. 251 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,911 -DAVE: Food goes in and out of style. Sauce... -He's so fun. 252 00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,647 He is fun. 253 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,915 Hey, um, I wanted to talk to you. 254 00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:44,117 Don't worry about giving Chloe any money for my bachelorette, 255 00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:45,919 because honestly, you didn't even get a chance to go. 256 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,288 Oh, no, but I'm-I'm-- of course I'm still gonna help 257 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,556 pay for it. 258 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,158 No, I know, I know. It's just... 259 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,960 like, it-it wasn't cheap, 260 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,262 so I don't want you to get stressed out, or... 261 00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,264 No, but as a gift, I should... 262 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,967 How about you get us something off the registry? 263 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,234 Something small. 264 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:05,172 -Something small? Perfect. -Okay. Great. Perfect. 265 00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:08,608 Oh, that's the one where George Clooney's the fox, right? 266 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,811 No-no-no. Breaking Bad is a TV show. 267 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,646 It's, like, about meth. 268 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,248 -You're thinking of Fantastic Mr. Fox... -Yeah, that's right. 269 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,684 David, you're not gonna try my carrots? 270 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,118 I got them at the farmers market. 271 00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:20,120 No, that is a nonstarter for Dave. 272 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:22,856 He doesn't eat fruits or vegetables. 273 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:24,257 But I'll say this. 274 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,759 I feel like you guys are embracing me right now, 275 00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,995 -and I'm willing to try my first carrot. -NICK: Do it, man. 276 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,930 I'll try the typical orange Bugs Bunny one. 277 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,265 -Why does it look like a witch? -TERRY: Mmm. 278 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:35,535 -It does. -Do-do I take the tail off, or you eat the tail? 279 00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:36,670 -Yeah, eat the whole thing. -JULIE/NICK: Yeah. 280 00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:39,773 -Okay. -TERRY: A little more. 281 00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:42,309 -(gags, coughs) -TERRY: Yeah. 282 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,145 It's good, right? Yeah? 283 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,314 -TERRY: Mmm... -He did it. 284 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,216 -Can I spit it out or no? -ALLY: No, Dave. 285 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,451 (chuckling): Your mother never made you eat vegetables? 286 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,453 She said it wasn't worth ruining her own life. 287 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,455 -(Debbie chuckles) -Makes sense. 288 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,859 And then she said, "You can just get something small 289 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,627 off of the registry." 290 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:05,032 Like, do you not remember the $90 olive oil decanter 291 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,566 that we got for your engagement? 292 00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,369 Do you, do you not decant your olive oil 293 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,537 every night, Julie? 294 00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,505 Are you listening? 295 00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:14,541 I'm almost done with my 15 minutes of daily 296 00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:15,976 fan interaction. 297 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,712 There are so many comments lately about me being "hot." 298 00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,213 -(chuckles) -Hey, 299 00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,349 when did I make the transition from cute to hot? 300 00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,351 Is there a moment you can point to? 301 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:28,055 Are you gonna be like this all weekend, or...? 302 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:31,191 My bad, they've been working me late at the Hot Guy Factory; 303 00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,860 I can't even remember how to think. 304 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,527 What's going on? Julie's being 305 00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,764 -mean to you, or something? -(chuckles) Yeah. 306 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,565 I'm sorry that's happening, but it-it is her wedding weekend. 307 00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:40,067 You kind of have to let it go. 308 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:43,270 I'm let-- I'm letting it go. I'm telling you about it. 309 00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:46,506 Enough is enough! You need to shut your yap! 310 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:47,775 (laughs) What? 311 00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:48,876 -(grunts) -Hmm. 312 00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,110 Do you want to work on your speech? 313 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:52,512 -I should, but I don't want to. -Okay. 314 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,414 -Let me just inspect you for a second. -(laughs): No. 315 00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,349 -I don't want an inspection. -Ooh. 316 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,418 Can we finish season two of Handmaid's Tale? 317 00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:00,253 I feel like I've had enough woman-on-woman abuse 318 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,022 for one day. 319 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,690 -Oh, I see. -Sorry. (laughs) 320 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,459 -I know what you want. -(laughing): Oh, yeah, what do I want? 321 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:09,196 -You want me to get in the nooks and the crevices. -(laughing) 322 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,099 -I hate when you say "crevices." -You want me to inspect-- You want me to get in the nooks? 323 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,034 (laughing): I don't like "nooks," either. 324 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,203 I'm picking up what you're putting down. 325 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,939 And just so you know, I'm ready. 326 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:21,041 Start it off. Get the ball rolling, I'm ready. 327 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,776 -Do something to me. -(laughs) 328 00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:26,880 I-I'm sensing all the cues, I'm picking it up. Fuck me. 329 00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,648 My parents are in the next room. 330 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,984 -(whispers): Just fuck me. -Just-- My parents are in the next room. 331 00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:33,420 You can fuck me quick. Really? 332 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,288 If so, you're parents aren't listening, A; 333 00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:37,224 B, we can do it very quietly. 334 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,658 I require very little friction. 335 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,660 Yeah, that doesn't sound like fun to me. 336 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,429 You know I can ejaculate hands-free? 337 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,597 -I did not know that. -You know what that means? 338 00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:48,435 -Nope. -That-that means that I can literally lie down... 339 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,237 think... 340 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,440 push my innards out... 341 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,608 and in the right circumstance, I will cream. 342 00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:59,980 Well... sounds like you don't need me then, 343 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:03,616 for your, uh, Bluetooth orgasm. 344 00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:07,754 -It's not the preferred method, but... -(sighs) 345 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,457 I guess I'll take what I'm given. 346 00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,625 I'm not gonna do it right now. 347 00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,928 Okay. I wasn't worried. 348 00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:18,331 -I'm gonna let the cream brew. -Mm-kay. 349 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,671 MIKE: This is a really good deal, Dave. 350 00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,373 -I think we should take it. -I don't know, man. 351 00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,341 200 grand for my whole catalog and my first album? 352 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,010 Yes, Dave, that's how deals work, okay? 353 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,278 And just to be clear, dude, 354 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,380 they're offering you $200,000 355 00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:36,216 for two songs about your penis and your first album, okay? 356 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,118 I can't believe we're having a conversation 357 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,288 -about this right now. -All right, I need you to turn over a few more stones. 358 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,290 Get it to the ideal place, okay? 359 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,724 Okay, bud. 360 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:47,294 I'll keep turning over stones. (clears throat) You got it. 361 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,797 Turn it over. Good morning, my little cherub. 362 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,165 Are you ready to hike? 363 00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:56,469 Um... I-- This is a required activity? 364 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,538 -Dave... -I'm just joking. 365 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,840 My whole family is going. This is a whole thing. 366 00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,375 Well, then, I'd better saddle on up, 367 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:03,843 'cause I got a hike to hike. 368 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,212 Okay, thank you. 369 00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,014 Is this the type of thing where I could potentially 370 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,482 hop on a horse? 371 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:13,053 Or maybe even, like, ride a yak? 372 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,422 (indistinct chatter nearby) 373 00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:19,159 -Jesus Christ. -What is wrong now? 374 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,861 There's terrible footing out here, and I lost my step. 375 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,263 This hike is so robust, 376 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,598 and I'm, like, very close to being out of water, so... 377 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:28,035 Okay, Dave, it's a hike. So you can get a grip. 378 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:30,904 Fuck hikes. I'm saying it right now. 379 00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:34,707 Uh, fuck hikes. That's actually an interesting song title. 380 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,543 "Fuck Hikes." 381 00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,845 -* Fuck hikes, fuck hikes * -(giggles) 382 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,347 * They really hurt my back * 383 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,449 * Wait, fuck hikes, huh, fuck hikes * 384 00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,717 * I'd rather ride a yak. * 385 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,753 You know, you know it sounds like you're saying, 386 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,556 "Fuck Jews," right? But, like, worse? 387 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,691 How am I saying "fuck Jews"? Fuck hikes. 388 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:52,926 "Fuck kikes"? 389 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,294 Oh, my God. Controversy sells, so, you know... 390 00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,895 -Dave... -I got to write this down. 391 00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,797 -No, come on. -Got to write-- I got to write it down. 392 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,599 What are you talking about? I got to write this down. 393 00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,935 I get one good idea every three months. 394 00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,470 Okay, if you're feeling creative, 395 00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,772 can we talk about my speech? 396 00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:08,575 So now you want to brainstorm on the hike, huh? 397 00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:11,078 Of course, let's... where you at with it? Let's talk about it. 398 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:14,281 -I got nothing. -Really? No progress been made, okay. 399 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,616 Think back to your childhood. What did you guys do? 400 00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,485 Where did you go as a group? 401 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:21,454 I don't know. I mean, my parents would bring us to, 402 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:25,425 -like, circuses and random shows and stuff. -What? 403 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:27,927 Oh, wait-wait-wait. (gasps) 404 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:31,965 -Oh, I do have something. Oh, I do, I do. -We do. 405 00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:34,634 Oh, Dave, we did it, I'm so happy! 406 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,770 -And I could, like, tie it in as a cool... -Oh... I'm sorry. 407 00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:40,173 -Huh... just-- oh... -What is wrong? 408 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,574 Shh. I have to poop. 409 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,310 Please don't say another word for a second. 410 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:47,314 -You have to poop? -Yes. Please stop talking to me for one second. 411 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,349 Okay, can we walk it off? 412 00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,818 I don't believe so, no. This is not a drill at all. 413 00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:54,121 Please turn away or something. I need to figure this out. 414 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,355 You have to hold it in. 415 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,090 You can't, like, erase the past. 416 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,358 If you can make your innards come, 417 00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,993 you can make 'em stay. Let's go. 418 00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,328 I'm not a fucking scientist, man. 419 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:02,795 -What? -There's honestly no time. 420 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,497 What do I-- Can I shit right here? Can I do it right here? 421 00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:05,632 -No, you can't shit right here, Dave. -Why? Why? 422 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,267 Grow up, and let's go! 423 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,637 -It's the fucking carrots! -Dave, you had one bite of a carrot. 424 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,205 You're not fucking exploding! 425 00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:14,041 Oh, my God. 426 00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:16,209 Oh, my God. Look away! Look away! Look away! 427 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:17,877 -(exclaims) -ALLY: No, no! 428 00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,947 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 429 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,549 (groaning) Oh, my God. 430 00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:25,485 -(groaning) -No! No, no, no! 431 00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:27,520 (groaning) 432 00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:28,955 Okay. Oh. 433 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,758 (exhales) I reinvented diarrhea. 434 00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,329 DAVE: Mmm... 435 00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,731 Thank you. 436 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,500 You know, I had an interesting thought for your speech. 437 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,235 -Really? -What if you, like, twisted... 438 00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:45,472 Excuse me. I'm such a huge fan of yours. 439 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,507 -DAVE: Oh. -Your music always puts a smile on my face. 440 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:48,741 Any way we can flick up? 441 00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:49,742 Sure, yeah. 442 00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,511 Awesome. Thanks, man. 443 00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:52,579 Let's flick up. 444 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,281 Can you take it for us? 445 00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,084 Yeah. 446 00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,052 Thanks, puddin'. 447 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,522 WAITER: Horizontal, please. 448 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,591 The man has preferences. 449 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,759 Thanks so much. 450 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,428 Hey, uh, y-you smoke? 451 00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:09,762 I'd love to burn you down, brother. 452 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,731 Oh! Yeah, I like the way you think. 453 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:12,732 Any interest in smoking 454 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,934 -after this? -No. No. 455 00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,503 -Oh. Not tonight. -It's all good. 456 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,171 Really, really appreciate everything you do, man. 457 00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,507 I appreciate the way you guys make Shirley Temples here. 458 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,908 Great ratio. 459 00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,676 I'm sorry. I am getting mobbed tonight. 460 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,846 -What was the speech idea? -Uh... 461 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,548 -You said, the beginning of the speech, I should... -Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. 462 00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:31,084 Let me get back to it. Oh, I have the worst memory. 463 00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:32,519 I forgot it. 464 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,521 I'll get it back. Hold on, let me... 465 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,922 (phone chimes) 466 00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:36,923 What was it? 467 00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,625 It was about the... 468 00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:39,926 Hold on. 469 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:42,262 Hang on. This is Mike about the thing. 470 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:43,763 I got to... 471 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:46,299 Geez, Louise. 472 00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:49,736 (sighs) 473 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:53,072 This entire thing is... 474 00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:55,508 (indistinct chatter) 475 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:02,482 Hey. Where you going? 476 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:03,983 I'm going to bed. I'm tired. 477 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,585 -What's wrong? -Nothing. 478 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,987 -Let me inspect you. What do... -I-- It's... 479 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,323 Like, is it something I did? Tell me. 480 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,159 I mean... (chuckles softly) 481 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:15,595 You haven't been here all weekend, Dave. 482 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,264 You're, like, thinking about other stuff. 483 00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:19,466 -It's like... -Thinking about other stuff? 484 00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,468 Yeah. You're thinking about this record label 485 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,903 or songs about hikes, and I-I'm-- 486 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,938 I-- It's tiring. I'm tired. 487 00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:28,508 -Well, how can I not... -And I-I... 488 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,510 I don't want to take pictures of you, okay? 489 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:33,079 I-I want to be in pictures with you. 490 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,981 Okay, let's go up there, kick that guy's ass, 491 00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,283 and flick up together. I'll take any... 492 00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:37,450 No, I'm not joking. I'm not, like, 493 00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,018 -making a joke, Dave. -Okay. 494 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:40,520 I'm being serious. 495 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,822 -All right. I'm sorry. -You're not present. 496 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,257 Okay? 497 00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:45,825 And I'm not just talking about here. 498 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,160 Like, you're never present, 499 00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:49,662 and I need you to be present with me. 500 00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,431 -Really, I'm never present? -You're... 501 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,999 Our whole rela-- I'm just never present? 502 00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:54,867 That seems like a big blanket statement. 503 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,603 I know that I have so much going on right now, 504 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,938 but, like, I have to be thinking about this stuff and 505 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,007 be thinking ahead at all times with the music... 506 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,477 Right, okay, do you ever think ahead about us? 507 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,145 About me and you? 508 00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,281 -Yeah. -Yeah, yeah, of course. What do you mean? 509 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,383 What do you mean, what do I mean? Like, you... 510 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,718 Are you asking-- like, what do you-- 511 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,052 like, what, do you want to marry me or something? 512 00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,487 Like, what are we doing? Is this...? 513 00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,956 No, I'm not asking you to marry me, Dave. 514 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,826 I'm not, like, on one knee right now. I'm... 515 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,794 Okay, so, like, please... give me clarity. 516 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,197 I don't know what you mean-- like, speak to me with clarity. 517 00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:28,067 I want to be in a relationship where I'm not always put second. 518 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,669 You're not always put second. 519 00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:32,339 -I'm... -Look-look right now, look where we are! 520 00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:33,906 You realize that I have, like, the biggest decision 521 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,742 to make of my whole career this weekend. 522 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:38,511 -I know. -Has to be made this weekend. I'm here with you 523 00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:40,046 and your family, didn't even consider staying back. 524 00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:41,481 Mike's like, "Why the fuck are you not there?" 525 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,749 -I'm not saying... -What-what do you want me to do? 526 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,917 De-prioritize my dreams? 527 00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,819 -That's not what I'm asking. -Just so you don't feel bad every now and then? 528 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,088 -Like, that'd be kind of crazy. -It's not crazy. 529 00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:50,990 It is not crazy to want 530 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,893 your boyfriend to be emotionally present with you. 531 00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:55,928 And I know that you are, like... 532 00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:59,866 an undeniable superstar, or whatever, but it's 533 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,768 kind of turning you into a shitty boyfriend. 534 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,770 Okay, well, listen to how you're saying that, 535 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,037 'cause you're a shitty-- yeah, 536 00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:06,105 you're a shitty girlfriend for using my own 537 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,106 self-belief against me 538 00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:08,174 in an argument. 539 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,409 You have no idea what it's like 540 00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,177 to be dating a narcissist. 541 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,212 It is so draining. 542 00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,382 It's not narcissism when it's real, okay? 543 00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,616 -Like, no... -It's... 544 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:19,185 -Do you hear yourself?! -I do! 545 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,920 I know it's, I know it's not, but you don't realize, 546 00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:23,290 like, how high the stakes are for me, okay? 547 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,692 Thank God I believe in myself the way that I do, 548 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,394 -or I'd never get anything done! -Do you...? 549 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,862 -What? -Because you treat it like it's your whole life! 550 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,864 There, like, has to be something else in life besides this one, 551 00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,566 -like, fucking single-minded goal! -Something else in life?! 552 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,235 Something more than, like, actualizing my sense of self 553 00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,204 -and feeling like I'm maximizing my potential?! -Oh, my God, Dave. 554 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,806 -You don't... -You're asking me to sacrifice that?! 555 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,140 That's fucking absurd! 556 00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:43,109 -All I do is... -Dave, you don't get it! 557 00:20:43,142 --> 00:20:45,612 No, you don't get it, and I, and I can't keep apologizing 558 00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,414 for my ambition just 'cause you don't have any. 559 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,081 (short laugh) 560 00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:50,650 (exhales) 561 00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:53,185 (sighs) 562 00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:57,189 Listen, just... 563 00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:02,929 (sighs) 564 00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:12,839 Okay, everyone look at me, and squish together. 565 00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:15,342 One, two... smile. 566 00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:16,809 -Perfect. -All right. 567 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,978 -Good, we done? -Yeah. 568 00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:21,581 -(exhales) -What are you, uh, doing next? 569 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,082 (indistinct chatter) 570 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,885 * 571 00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:30,056 (phone buzzing) 572 00:21:33,993 --> 00:21:35,962 Yo. Give me a sec. 573 00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:38,765 (indistinct chatter) 574 00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:41,468 I'm really not ready to make this decision right now, dude. 575 00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:44,103 Dave, their responses are getting not good, okay? 576 00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:46,773 A-And they're gonna pull the deal, which I got up to 250, 577 00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,375 by the way, all right? 578 00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:50,343 Dude, this is the best possible scenario 579 00:21:50,377 --> 00:21:52,311 that we're gonna see-- you need to move on it. 580 00:21:52,345 --> 00:21:53,880 There are so many horror stories of people 581 00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:55,548 that sign to labels and, like, lose creative control. 582 00:21:55,582 --> 00:21:57,283 -You know that's true. -Yeah. 583 00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,318 I do know that and we've talked about this 584 00:21:59,352 --> 00:22:01,120 with them, remember? 585 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:03,055 Th-They're not gonna step on your toes. 586 00:22:03,089 --> 00:22:05,992 Dave, they like your song "My Dick Sucks." 587 00:22:06,025 --> 00:22:08,461 Like, come on, man, they know who they're signing, dude. 588 00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:10,129 If you want this to be your career, 589 00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,731 you got to start making money doing it. 590 00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:13,299 That's the only way to succeed. 591 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,134 You're, you're waiting for, like, a perfect moment. 592 00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:16,636 This is it, dude. 593 00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:17,837 Like, this is it right now. 594 00:22:17,870 --> 00:22:18,905 I need more time. 595 00:22:18,938 --> 00:22:20,473 I-If you don't sign the deal, 596 00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,308 they're gonna pull it, all right? 597 00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:24,411 And then we have to start this whole fucking thing over again. 598 00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:25,645 These people get you. 599 00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:26,713 You like them, dude. 600 00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:28,147 Sign the deal! 601 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:29,749 -Sign the deal, Dave. -(glass clinking) 602 00:22:29,782 --> 00:22:31,183 -It's that easy. -I got to go, I got to go. 603 00:22:31,217 --> 00:22:33,352 I got to go right now, I got to go, bye. 604 00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,726 So, I'm Ally, 605 00:22:39,759 --> 00:22:42,194 Julie's sister. 606 00:22:42,228 --> 00:22:45,598 And as sisters, Julie and I competed 607 00:22:45,632 --> 00:22:47,567 for everything. 608 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,437 The slice of pizza with the most pepperoni on it, 609 00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:52,905 our Harry Potter books, 610 00:22:52,939 --> 00:22:55,442 our parents' attention, of course. 611 00:22:55,475 --> 00:22:57,243 -(laughter) -And when Julie and I 612 00:22:57,276 --> 00:23:00,513 competed, she always won. 613 00:23:00,547 --> 00:23:05,217 Because Julie is one of the most ambitious people I know. 614 00:23:05,251 --> 00:23:09,355 When she wants something, she works for it tirelessly 615 00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:12,925 until inevitably she gets it. 616 00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:15,294 It's, uh, a personality trait 617 00:23:15,327 --> 00:23:17,964 I can't seem to get away from. 618 00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:20,066 Uh, I want to tell 619 00:23:20,099 --> 00:23:22,401 a quick story. 620 00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:26,238 When we were little, our parents brought us to a magic show. 621 00:23:26,272 --> 00:23:29,542 And the magician needed a volunteer, so, of course, 622 00:23:29,576 --> 00:23:31,644 he picked Julie. 623 00:23:31,678 --> 00:23:33,412 And she went onstage. 624 00:23:33,446 --> 00:23:36,215 The magician counted to three and poof! 625 00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:37,817 Julie was gone. 626 00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:41,821 And in her place was this cute little bunny. 627 00:23:41,854 --> 00:23:43,723 And everyone clapped and it was great. 628 00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:45,825 Then Julie came back, 629 00:23:45,858 --> 00:23:49,462 and I played it cool for maybe ten seconds 630 00:23:49,496 --> 00:23:52,264 before I had to know where did she go? 631 00:23:52,298 --> 00:23:53,633 What's the secret? 632 00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:54,834 Just tell me. 633 00:23:54,867 --> 00:23:56,569 But all she would say was, 634 00:23:56,603 --> 00:23:59,806 "Ally, I got turned into a bunny." 635 00:23:59,839 --> 00:24:01,774 (laughter) 636 00:24:01,808 --> 00:24:03,676 -Do you remember this? -Yeah. 637 00:24:03,710 --> 00:24:05,277 Of course she does. 638 00:24:05,311 --> 00:24:08,347 Because to this day, all she'll say about it is, 639 00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:10,850 "I got turned into a bunny." 640 00:24:10,883 --> 00:24:13,953 Which has always made me really angry. 641 00:24:13,986 --> 00:24:16,422 Because, honestly, I want to know. 642 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:19,125 I still want to know. (chuckles) 643 00:24:19,158 --> 00:24:21,360 But then this weekend... 644 00:24:21,393 --> 00:24:24,831 I realized something about magic. 645 00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:26,999 And honesty. 646 00:24:27,033 --> 00:24:29,201 And love. 647 00:24:29,235 --> 00:24:32,672 The magic behind... magic, 648 00:24:32,705 --> 00:24:34,974 uh, isn't the illusion. 649 00:24:35,007 --> 00:24:37,677 It's that someone cared enough 650 00:24:37,710 --> 00:24:40,813 to create the illusion for you. 651 00:24:40,847 --> 00:24:42,782 The real magic is all 652 00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:44,851 of the work that goes into making somebody believe 653 00:24:44,884 --> 00:24:48,454 that magic is real. 654 00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:51,290 So... what I thought for years 655 00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:53,325 was you messing with me... 656 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:57,463 was really just your way of preserving the magic 657 00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,832 for me. 658 00:24:59,866 --> 00:25:04,136 And, Nick, she will do the same for you. 659 00:25:04,170 --> 00:25:07,807 Because you mean the world to her. 660 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,076 And if there is anything on this earth 661 00:25:10,109 --> 00:25:12,745 that she could do to make you happy, 662 00:25:12,779 --> 00:25:15,147 she will work for it tirelessly 663 00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:17,817 until she inevitably gets it 664 00:25:17,850 --> 00:25:19,351 for you. 665 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:24,724 And that's what makes her so special... 666 00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:29,829 ...is that she uses her ambition 667 00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:32,732 to work just as hard in her relationship 668 00:25:32,765 --> 00:25:34,901 as she does at her career. 669 00:25:34,934 --> 00:25:38,237 And I didn't realize until this weekend 670 00:25:38,270 --> 00:25:42,041 how much that mattered. 671 00:25:42,074 --> 00:25:45,411 But it's... everything. 672 00:25:52,084 --> 00:25:54,386 (voice breaking): Love... 673 00:25:54,420 --> 00:25:56,555 Sorry. (chuckles) 674 00:25:56,589 --> 00:25:59,058 Love is just like magic. 675 00:25:59,091 --> 00:26:02,762 Two people build a world for themselves 676 00:26:02,795 --> 00:26:05,698 and preserve it at all costs 677 00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:07,700 together. 678 00:26:07,734 --> 00:26:11,103 And I am so excited to see the magic 679 00:26:11,137 --> 00:26:14,607 that you two create for each other. 680 00:26:16,142 --> 00:26:17,576 (chuckles) 681 00:26:17,610 --> 00:26:19,712 To Julie and Nick. 682 00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:21,948 ALL: To Julie and Nick. 683 00:26:21,981 --> 00:26:23,950 (applause) 684 00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:30,757 DAVE: * So long, I can't stop * 685 00:26:30,790 --> 00:26:32,424 -ALLY: Dave. -* Do this with me * 686 00:26:32,458 --> 00:26:36,262 -I'm leaving. -* Have it your way * 687 00:26:36,295 --> 00:26:38,998 * I know I'm late * 688 00:26:39,031 --> 00:26:41,567 * But it's okay * 689 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,304 ALLY: * No, we don't have time to wait * Oh. 690 00:26:45,337 --> 00:26:47,907 DAVE: * We're gonna have the best time * 691 00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:49,976 ALLY: Dave, you have to change. 692 00:26:50,009 --> 00:26:51,744 DAVE: * Do you remember when you got all mad * 693 00:26:51,778 --> 00:26:53,980 * 'Cause I threw out that flyer? * 694 00:26:54,013 --> 00:26:55,682 ALLY: That was not a flyer. 695 00:26:55,715 --> 00:26:57,183 I told you. 696 00:26:57,216 --> 00:26:59,251 DAVE: * Yes, it was * 697 00:26:59,285 --> 00:27:02,521 -ALLY: * No, it was a save the date * -(harmonizing) 698 00:27:02,554 --> 00:27:04,090 DAVE: * It's the same thing, it's gonna end up * 699 00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:05,992 * On a fridge either way * 700 00:27:06,025 --> 00:27:07,760 -ALLY: Fine. -* This weekend * 701 00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:09,962 * You're gonna dance with me * 702 00:27:09,996 --> 00:27:12,598 ALLY: * Yes, of course, I love you * 703 00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:15,334 * But we really got to go right now * 704 00:27:15,367 --> 00:27:17,804 DAVE: * All right, well, this was fun while it lasted. * 705 00:27:17,837 --> 00:27:19,772 ALLY: Mm-hmm. (chuckles) 706 00:27:19,806 --> 00:27:23,743 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 707 00:28:19,065 --> 00:28:20,099 (gasps) Another. 708 00:28:22,234 --> 00:28:23,903 -(throaty hiss) -Ooh, ooh, ooh. 709 00:28:25,772 --> 00:28:27,073 -Text me. -Nope. 710 00:28:27,106 --> 00:28:30,309 (whistling) 711 00:28:35,647 --> 00:28:37,316 GUILLERMO: The journey was perilous, 712 00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:41,053 but Nandor the Relentless stood tall and proud. 713 00:28:41,087 --> 00:28:45,557 Thus, the noble vampire set sail to conquer the new world 714 00:28:45,591 --> 00:28:47,894 for the greater glory of the undead. 715 00:28:47,927 --> 00:28:51,263 -Does my hair really look that billowy? -(wind blows) 716 00:28:51,297 --> 00:28:52,899 Looks fantastic. 717 00:28:52,932 --> 00:28:55,334 I'd never wear anything like that. 718 00:28:56,502 --> 00:28:58,905 (retching) 719 00:29:01,407 --> 00:29:03,810 (gagging, coughing) 720 00:29:03,843 --> 00:29:04,844 (squeaks) 721 00:29:06,512 --> 00:29:07,847 Oh, damn! 722 00:29:07,947 --> 00:29:09,248 (classical music playing) 723 00:29:18,324 --> 00:29:20,626 Pulling hair is wrong, mate. 724 00:29:20,659 --> 00:29:23,930 I mean, all violence is wrong, but at least punching's a sport. 725 00:29:23,963 --> 00:29:25,497 -Is it? -Yes, boxing. 726 00:29:25,531 --> 00:29:27,633 Boxing's in the Olympics. Hair pulling isn't. 727 00:29:28,835 --> 00:29:31,871 -It would be funny if it was. -It really would be. 728 00:29:38,144 --> 00:29:39,345 (laughter) 729 00:29:39,378 --> 00:29:41,380 How did you come to write The Feminine Mystique? 730 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,149 I thought there was something wrong with me 731 00:29:43,182 --> 00:29:46,318 because I didn't have an orgasm waxing the kitchen floor. 732 00:29:46,352 --> 00:29:47,653 -(laughing) -(audience claps) 733 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:55,294 What is Devs? 734 00:29:56,328 --> 00:29:57,629 What is Devs? 735 00:29:57,663 --> 00:29:58,998 What is Devs? 736 00:30:00,232 --> 00:30:01,500 (screams)