1 00:00:00,834 --> 00:00:03,736 (murmuring indistinctly) (baby cooing) 2 00:00:04,403 --> 00:00:06,571 Hey, watch where the [bleep] you going. 3 00:00:06,639 --> 00:00:09,070 - Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. - Oh. 4 00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,609 (baby giggles) 5 00:00:10,702 --> 00:00:12,135 I didn't see you had a baby there, man. 6 00:00:12,203 --> 00:00:14,504 I'm sorry. I ain't trying to fight nobody with a baby. 7 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:16,481 (baby gurgles) 8 00:00:16,949 --> 00:00:19,149 Yeah, h-hell yeah, you won't. 9 00:00:20,112 --> 00:00:21,697 Pfft. (clears throat) 10 00:00:24,393 --> 00:00:26,895 - Lucky mother[bleep]. - Oh, yeah? 11 00:00:26,952 --> 00:00:29,099 Well, you're lucky I'm carrying this baby. 12 00:00:29,186 --> 00:00:30,503 What's up with that? 13 00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:33,189 Look, man, you need to move on, all right? 14 00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,204 I already told you I'm not gonna fight you. 15 00:00:35,226 --> 00:00:37,594 Huh. That's what I thought, punk. 16 00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,033 - Psh. - You wanna go? 17 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,460 'cause we can go right now, dog. 18 00:00:40,481 --> 00:00:41,682 What's goin' on, brother? 19 00:00:41,749 --> 00:00:43,124 Man, what the hell are you doing, man? 20 00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:44,693 What, what, what? You tr... what, what? 21 00:00:44,761 --> 00:00:45,994 Tryin' to bo... I can bob and weave it. 22 00:00:46,037 --> 00:00:47,104 - What? - You bitch-ass, 23 00:00:47,121 --> 00:00:48,555 punk-ass mother[bleep], let's go. 24 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:49,707 Come on, man. Come on. 25 00:00:49,707 --> 00:00:51,368 No, no, don't look at your boys. Look at me, man. 26 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,484 (high-pitched voice) Don't look at your b... 27 00:00:52,727 --> 00:00:53,535 Ow. 28 00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:55,720 Oh, okay, you think you hard. 29 00:00:55,730 --> 00:00:56,806 All right, but you know what? 30 00:00:56,873 --> 00:01:00,505 I'ma show you what time it is right now. Okay? Slap me. 31 00:01:00,535 --> 00:01:02,410 I'm just... right? How 'bout this, huh? 32 00:01:02,470 --> 00:01:04,260 Now what you gonna do, huh? Now what you gonna do? 33 00:01:04,305 --> 00:01:05,863 You ready? 'cause we can do it right now. 34 00:01:05,873 --> 00:01:07,120 'cause I could take you out, man. 35 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:07,951 You're nothing... (whack) 36 00:01:07,975 --> 00:01:09,042 Ow! 37 00:01:09,060 --> 00:01:11,328 Oh! Oof. 38 00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:12,504 (wincing) Okay. 39 00:01:12,547 --> 00:01:13,814 Oh, it's on now. 40 00:01:13,831 --> 00:01:14,998 That's... yep. 41 00:01:15,041 --> 00:01:16,808 You dead. You dead. 42 00:01:16,926 --> 00:01:17,926 (dramatic action music) 43 00:01:18,294 --> 00:01:19,527 Excuse me, I need this. 44 00:01:19,745 --> 00:01:20,845 Yeah. 45 00:01:20,856 --> 00:01:21,831 ♪ ♪ 46 00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:23,765 Necesito un bebe. 47 00:01:23,766 --> 00:01:25,284 (gasps) - Gracias. 48 00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,539 ♪ ♪ 49 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:34,459 Listen. (babies crying) 50 00:01:34,477 --> 00:01:35,510 What the... 51 00:01:35,953 --> 00:01:38,588 What now, man? What now? 52 00:01:38,648 --> 00:01:39,848 Let's go. 53 00:01:40,041 --> 00:01:43,592 You know what? It's not even worth it, man. 54 00:01:43,695 --> 00:01:45,873 Ahh, ha ha. 55 00:01:45,930 --> 00:01:47,363 That's what I thought! 56 00:01:47,431 --> 00:01:48,665 So keep walking! 57 00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:50,475 Oh. Okay, that's vomit. 58 00:01:50,843 --> 00:01:52,610 That is vomit. (baby burps) 59 00:01:52,752 --> 00:01:53,880 Oh, dear. 60 00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:55,912 (soul music) 61 00:01:56,549 --> 00:02:00,301 ♪ ♪ 62 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:08,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 63 00:02:09,101 --> 00:02:12,670 Sync & corrections by dwigt www.addic7ed.com 64 00:02:13,260 --> 00:02:15,394 (cheers and applause) 65 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:16,935 You know what's going on. 66 00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:18,037 - Thank you. - Yeah. 67 00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:20,372 - Thank you! - Oh, yeah. 68 00:02:21,334 --> 00:02:22,436 Hello! 69 00:02:27,544 --> 00:02:29,686 Good evening. I am Keegan-Michael Key. 70 00:02:29,702 --> 00:02:31,506 - I am Jordan Peele. - And we are Key and Peele. 71 00:02:31,506 --> 00:02:33,140 - Key and Peele. - Thank you for coming out. 72 00:02:34,064 --> 00:02:36,386 That's our names. 73 00:02:37,063 --> 00:02:38,181 All right. 74 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,841 So one thing that is true 75 00:02:39,877 --> 00:02:42,243 is that I would never, uh, last in a gang. 76 00:02:42,343 --> 00:02:43,376 - Nor would I. - No. 77 00:02:43,395 --> 00:02:44,507 Nor would I, not for one moment. 78 00:02:44,575 --> 00:02:47,491 I mean, I don't get the whole hand sign thing. 79 00:02:47,508 --> 00:02:48,708 - Mm-hmm. - I'd be throwing up, 80 00:02:48,849 --> 00:02:50,684 "Hey, live long and prosper, mother[bleep]." 81 00:02:50,751 --> 00:02:52,319 You know? (laughs) 82 00:02:52,337 --> 00:02:54,171 - That's what I got. - I... 83 00:02:54,190 --> 00:02:56,124 I would be too concerned about the colors. 84 00:02:56,172 --> 00:02:57,591 - Right. - I would just be too c... 85 00:02:57,604 --> 00:02:59,062 I would... 'cause I don't understand the colors. 86 00:02:59,062 --> 00:03:00,490 I don't understand the rhyme or the reason. 87 00:03:00,490 --> 00:03:02,495 Now, Bloods... I get that one. 88 00:03:02,938 --> 00:03:04,529 Why are Crips blue? 89 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,953 Is that a arbitrary choice? Is there a Crip in the house? 90 00:03:08,315 --> 00:03:09,955 (scattered laughter) Nobody? Nobody? 91 00:03:10,415 --> 00:03:11,615 I'm just... I'm just... 92 00:03:11,855 --> 00:03:13,463 Yes, ma'am, please. Why are the Crips blue? 93 00:03:13,505 --> 00:03:14,605 She just r... 94 00:03:14,618 --> 00:03:16,986 "I'm a Crip. I'm a Crip. 95 00:03:16,986 --> 00:03:18,884 "I'm a Crip. Say somethin' else." 96 00:03:21,023 --> 00:03:22,691 - "Watch yourself." - "Say somethin' else." 97 00:03:22,709 --> 00:03:24,310 "Watch yourself. 98 00:03:24,354 --> 00:03:26,889 "'cause, [bleep], I got three guns 99 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:28,307 on me right now." 100 00:03:28,570 --> 00:03:30,538 (sirens wailing in the distance) 101 00:03:30,582 --> 00:03:33,617 (ominous music) 102 00:03:33,709 --> 00:03:35,973 ♪ ♪ 103 00:03:36,510 --> 00:03:38,010 (gun cocks) What? What? What? 104 00:03:38,078 --> 00:03:39,939 What? What? What? Check yo'self, 105 00:03:39,956 --> 00:03:42,089 before I body pierce your damn skull. 106 00:03:42,107 --> 00:03:44,272 Think you can pull that trigger 'fore I blow your personality 107 00:03:44,330 --> 00:03:45,357 out the back of yo' head? 108 00:03:45,357 --> 00:03:47,091 Then go right ahead and test the hypothesis 109 00:03:47,257 --> 00:03:48,424 and see what happens. 110 00:03:48,466 --> 00:03:51,620 A'ight, I'ma give you a straight-up vampire C-section, 111 00:03:51,685 --> 00:03:53,571 - like we was... - Both: Edward and Bella. 112 00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:58,910 Hold up. You like Twilight? 113 00:03:58,924 --> 00:04:00,537 Yeah, I like Twilight, [bleep]. 114 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,009 You like Twilight? 115 00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,476 [bleep], Twilight's my jam. 116 00:04:06,359 --> 00:04:08,527 You a Edward [bleep] or a Jacob [bleep]? 117 00:04:09,312 --> 00:04:10,879 Answer that [bleep] together. 118 00:04:10,922 --> 00:04:13,192 - Three, two, one. - Both: Edward. 119 00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,387 - Shi... - Shi... 120 00:04:15,774 --> 00:04:18,024 - Are you [bleep]ing with me? - Are you [bleep]ing with me? 121 00:04:18,031 --> 00:04:19,727 You either playing some [bleep]ed-up game, 122 00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,728 or you are straight-up inside my head. 123 00:04:21,746 --> 00:04:23,653 Yo, and when you said you was gonna blow 124 00:04:23,668 --> 00:04:25,669 my personality out the back of my head, 125 00:04:25,713 --> 00:04:26,946 I'm like, 126 00:04:27,083 --> 00:04:28,917 "That sounds like some [bleep] I would say." 127 00:04:29,334 --> 00:04:31,103 - Psh. - And now this Twilight [bleep]? 128 00:04:31,118 --> 00:04:32,204 - It's wavelength, [bleep]. 129 00:04:32,229 --> 00:04:34,890 - So I guess we friends then. - Oh, we best friends now. 130 00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:36,309 We the best of friends! 131 00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:39,116 - BFFs? - We are BFFs, M.F. 132 00:04:41,287 --> 00:04:44,995 (happy music) ♪ When I'm with you ♪ 133 00:04:47,176 --> 00:04:50,871 ♪ The world stops turning around ♪ 134 00:04:51,019 --> 00:04:54,768 ♪ When I'm with you ♪ 135 00:04:55,786 --> 00:04:59,178 ♪ Our feet are off the ground ♪ 136 00:04:59,711 --> 00:05:03,233 ♪ When I'm with you ♪ 137 00:05:05,106 --> 00:05:08,325 ♪ Trumpets start to sound ♪ 138 00:05:08,524 --> 00:05:11,796 ♪ When I'm with you ♪ 139 00:05:13,825 --> 00:05:16,615 ♪ It's Heaven when you're around ♪ 140 00:05:17,270 --> 00:05:19,321 ♪ La, la, la, la... ♪ 141 00:05:19,351 --> 00:05:21,151 (laughing) No, you didn't! 142 00:05:21,842 --> 00:05:23,178 - No, you didn't. - Yes, I did! 143 00:05:23,203 --> 00:05:25,938 (laughing) That is a cra... That's a crazy story, man. 144 00:05:26,023 --> 00:05:28,227 (both laughing) 145 00:05:28,843 --> 00:05:30,410 Whew, too much, boy. 146 00:05:30,453 --> 00:05:31,553 (wheezing) 147 00:05:31,571 --> 00:05:34,773 (coughing) 148 00:05:34,791 --> 00:05:37,726 (gasps) 149 00:05:37,769 --> 00:05:42,006 (sad music) 150 00:05:42,098 --> 00:05:45,200 (chokes) 151 00:05:45,243 --> 00:05:47,177 (gasping) Team... 152 00:05:47,295 --> 00:05:49,730 Edward. 153 00:05:49,748 --> 00:05:50,621 ♪ ♪ 154 00:05:50,704 --> 00:05:52,259 (siren blips) 155 00:05:55,170 --> 00:05:56,837 Mm, mm, mm. 156 00:05:56,855 --> 00:06:00,236 Well, looks like another gang-related killing. 157 00:06:00,249 --> 00:06:01,849 (chuckles) 158 00:06:01,892 --> 00:06:05,622 Surprise, sur-mother[bleep]- prise. 159 00:06:05,661 --> 00:06:07,595 (chuckles) 160 00:06:08,061 --> 00:06:10,062 (soul music) 161 00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:13,421 You guys remember the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers? 162 00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:14,806 (cheers and applause) 163 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,555 - Awful show. - That show was crazy. 164 00:06:16,602 --> 00:06:18,703 It was, like, the worst editing in the history of TV. 165 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:19,779 Just bad sound effects. (fighting noises) 166 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:21,829 Yeah, totally. Yeah, I mean... 167 00:06:21,847 --> 00:06:23,948 When was the last time you heard a hit sound like that? 168 00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:26,031 - That doesn't sound like any... - (pssh) No, never. (wapssh) 169 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,553 No, I've never... I've never heard that, yeah. 170 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,122 I love in kung fu movies, and it, probably... it'd be like, 171 00:06:30,189 --> 00:06:33,224 just the wind, just... (whipping wind noises) 172 00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:36,461 And you just hear that noise. (whistling wind noises) 173 00:06:36,721 --> 00:06:37,821 Nobody... well, yeah... 174 00:06:37,821 --> 00:06:38,585 (whistling wind noises) 175 00:06:38,624 --> 00:06:40,078 - No, you can't. - Exactly, no, you can't do that. 176 00:06:42,351 --> 00:06:44,085 (rock music) ♪ Saving Earth from space ♪ 177 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:47,289 ♪ Power Falcons! ♪ 178 00:06:47,289 --> 00:06:50,725 (roars) 179 00:06:54,293 --> 00:06:56,482 (falcon screech) 180 00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,951 (growls) 181 00:06:59,269 --> 00:07:01,370 Yellow Falcon, what do your senses tell ya? 182 00:07:01,437 --> 00:07:02,737 Destructo is a killing machine. 183 00:07:02,780 --> 00:07:04,180 (growls) 184 00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:06,584 His armor is impervious to our blasters. 185 00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:08,919 You got any ideas, Red Falcon? 186 00:07:08,936 --> 00:07:10,637 Sure do, Yellow Falcon. 187 00:07:10,679 --> 00:07:13,572 Blue Falcon, you remember our battle at Dango Bluff? 188 00:07:13,841 --> 00:07:16,042 I'll take the legs, you take the blasters. 189 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:18,529 It was Beaver Creek, and I took the legs. 190 00:07:19,044 --> 00:07:21,138 Make sure you shore up that flank, Black Falcon. 191 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,266 Um, are you talking to me? 192 00:07:24,385 --> 00:07:26,967 Because I'm the Green Falcon. 193 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,748 No time for that, Black Falcon. 194 00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:29,982 Purple Falcon, arm missiles! 195 00:07:30,499 --> 00:07:32,367 Roger that. Arming missiles now. 196 00:07:32,423 --> 00:07:33,786 (machinery whirring) Uh... 197 00:07:33,979 --> 00:07:35,873 Battle formations. We're going in. 198 00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:36,854 - Hey. - Roger that. 199 00:07:36,872 --> 00:07:37,708 - Hold up. - Copy that. 200 00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:40,284 - Roger. - My Falcon is green. 201 00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,828 Hey, hey, hey. We can talk about 202 00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:44,430 our Falcon colors when we get back to base, Black Falcon. 203 00:07:44,473 --> 00:07:46,073 Right now, we got a mission to do. 204 00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:47,582 Fall into Falcon formation. 205 00:07:47,725 --> 00:07:49,779 (screaming, explosion) 206 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,539 Well, now, here's the issue is that, you're gonna 207 00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:56,207 give me an order, I'm not gonna know you're talking to me. 208 00:07:56,348 --> 00:07:58,411 'cause...I'm not in a Black Falcon. 209 00:07:58,452 --> 00:08:00,371 Come on, chill it out, Black Falcon. 210 00:08:00,414 --> 00:08:02,615 Yeah, Black Falcon, relax. 211 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:03,982 First of all, I don't like the way 212 00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:05,174 you guys are saying "black." 213 00:08:05,492 --> 00:08:07,360 Second of all, there is no Black Falcon! 214 00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:08,661 I'm Green Falcon! 215 00:08:08,729 --> 00:08:10,630 Black Falcon, homie, 216 00:08:10,673 --> 00:08:12,707 no one's trying to get up in your grill here. 217 00:08:12,725 --> 00:08:15,300 Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Don't talk to me like that. 218 00:08:15,519 --> 00:08:17,720 No, don't say "grill" like that. 219 00:08:17,813 --> 00:08:20,648 I'm the Green Falcon, and I... 220 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:23,067 Oh, stop being so Black Falcon about it. 221 00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:24,819 What the [bleep] do you mean by that? 222 00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:26,629 Black Falcon, brother, 223 00:08:26,647 --> 00:08:28,148 I understand what you're going through. 224 00:08:28,215 --> 00:08:30,448 Do you? No, I don't think you do. 225 00:08:30,818 --> 00:08:33,705 How would you feel if I called you Red Falcon, huh? 226 00:08:33,771 --> 00:08:34,871 Whoa! 227 00:08:34,888 --> 00:08:35,960 And Purple Falcon, 228 00:08:36,041 --> 00:08:39,810 how would you feel if I called you Yellow Falcon, huh? 229 00:08:40,027 --> 00:08:41,794 - That's racist. - That was racist. 230 00:08:41,837 --> 00:08:44,739 - Yeah, that's racist. - Ooh, that is racist. 231 00:08:44,907 --> 00:08:46,171 That's racist? 232 00:08:46,534 --> 00:08:49,413 Oh, see, okay, nope, forget it. 233 00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,412 Black Falcon out... Green Falcon! 234 00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:54,165 (whoosh) Green Falcon! Damn it! 235 00:08:54,540 --> 00:08:57,744 Hey! Why'd that Green Falcon fall out of Falcon formation? 236 00:08:57,763 --> 00:09:00,297 Black Falcon, get on that and report back. 237 00:09:00,614 --> 00:09:03,409 Black Falcon? Black Falcon, come in. 238 00:09:03,552 --> 00:09:05,423 (rock music) ♪ Saving Earth from space ♪ 239 00:09:05,465 --> 00:09:07,480 ♪ Power Falcons! ♪ 240 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:13,176 You know what's ridiculous? When people go to prison 241 00:09:13,394 --> 00:09:15,592 because they... they're trying to cover for somebody else. 242 00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,076 - Yeah. - Don't go to prison. 243 00:09:17,194 --> 00:09:19,729 If you... if you do... if you didn't do the crime... 244 00:09:20,051 --> 00:09:22,185 Both: Don't do the time. 245 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,253 It's true. 246 00:09:23,299 --> 00:09:25,941 And that's one to grow on. (laughter) 247 00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,669 But, you know, in prison they, you know... 248 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,203 It's not worth anything. 249 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,939 - No, it's not. - It's not worth anything 250 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,741 to just straight-up get manhandled, and horseplayed, 251 00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,377 and monkeyed around. No, you don't want any... 252 00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:40,145 - Eh, yeah, no. - You don't want to have 253 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,516 animal interactions with another man behind bars. 254 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,060 I don't want any rascally behavior. 255 00:09:45,082 --> 00:09:46,456 - I don't need... - You don't want... 256 00:09:46,472 --> 00:09:48,821 everybody's undying respect when I get out is not worth it. 257 00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,290 - No, and as a matter of fact... - I don't care. 258 00:09:50,361 --> 00:09:52,061 you might not get that undying respect... 259 00:09:52,076 --> 00:09:53,960 - Respect, yes. - If, you know... 260 00:09:54,309 --> 00:09:56,696 when you fart it goes... wooh... like a bottle. 261 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:57,830 (laughter) like a bottle. 262 00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,765 Like an empt... 263 00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:01,926 (crowd groans, applauds) 264 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:04,776 I'm sorry. (laughter) 265 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:13,312 (laughs hysterically) (laughter) 266 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,549 Ma'am... Breathe. 267 00:10:24,636 --> 00:10:26,759 Yo, man, you okay in here? 268 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:29,228 Everyone on the outside know you didn't talk. 269 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,364 We got mad respect for you, dog. 270 00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,167 All right? Mad respect. 271 00:10:34,214 --> 00:10:35,301 Yes. 272 00:10:35,496 --> 00:10:38,914 And I am still happy with that decision. 273 00:10:39,663 --> 00:10:41,125 The first time I was in lockup, 274 00:10:41,901 --> 00:10:44,389 dog, I was scared [bleep]less, man. 275 00:10:44,481 --> 00:10:47,113 Scared [bleep]less, yes. That is an... 276 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,881 accurate way to describe it. 277 00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,416 Yeah, man, but, you know, 278 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:52,827 it wasn't too long before I made this place my bitch. 279 00:10:52,866 --> 00:10:56,455 Oh, eh, there's plenty of that going on. 280 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,090 Yo, I ran this place, man. 281 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,526 Come on, man, you must be running this [bleep]hole. 282 00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:03,429 (laughs) Well, I am doing quite a bit of running. 283 00:11:03,472 --> 00:11:05,789 Man, you know there's a certain pecking order in prison. 284 00:11:05,854 --> 00:11:07,579 You know, you got the brothers on the top, 285 00:11:07,642 --> 00:11:09,343 and you got the brothers on the bottom. 286 00:11:09,601 --> 00:11:10,635 You understand. 287 00:11:10,652 --> 00:11:13,220 Yes, I understand that very clearly 288 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,807 and very frequently. 289 00:11:15,307 --> 00:11:16,662 That's my dog. 290 00:11:18,049 --> 00:11:19,146 Now... 291 00:11:19,215 --> 00:11:23,020 the reason I came, though, is we got kind of a problem. 292 00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:27,568 You know a crazy brother in here go by the name of "Seven Inch"? 293 00:11:27,636 --> 00:11:30,438 Yes. I definitely know Seven Inch. 294 00:11:30,505 --> 00:11:31,939 All right, well Seven Inch run 295 00:11:31,956 --> 00:11:33,890 with the Willis brothers, all right? 296 00:11:33,907 --> 00:11:35,416 And he knows some [bleep] that... 297 00:11:36,127 --> 00:11:38,466 Well, let's just say we can't have this guy naming names. 298 00:11:38,491 --> 00:11:39,728 All right? 299 00:11:41,022 --> 00:11:42,841 We thought since you on the inside, 300 00:11:42,907 --> 00:11:44,341 you could take care of it. 301 00:11:44,875 --> 00:11:46,210 You know what I'm talking about? 302 00:11:46,277 --> 00:11:48,288 You want me to take care of Seven Inch? 303 00:11:48,384 --> 00:11:50,369 Yeah, you know, just take him out the equation. 304 00:11:50,536 --> 00:11:53,045 The problem is getting time with him. 305 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,828 Oh, I can get time with him. 306 00:11:55,687 --> 00:11:58,173 Oh, yes, I do believe I will most likely 307 00:11:58,210 --> 00:11:59,658 be seeing him this evening. 308 00:11:59,695 --> 00:12:00,930 That's awesome. 309 00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:02,825 Okay, but you... you gotta get him alone, though. 310 00:12:02,851 --> 00:12:05,935 Ohhh... That won't be a problem. 311 00:12:05,984 --> 00:12:07,051 Okay, well, uh... 312 00:12:07,264 --> 00:12:09,187 What's your plan, man? How you gonna do it? 313 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,933 What do you say I bite his [bleep] off? 314 00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:13,883 Excuse me? 315 00:12:14,588 --> 00:12:18,396 Just bring my teeth down hard on his [bleep]. 316 00:12:19,588 --> 00:12:21,455 Dog, how you... how you gonna get that close? 317 00:12:21,923 --> 00:12:24,866 Just...Way ahead of you on that one. 318 00:12:26,052 --> 00:12:27,246 (laughs) 319 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:30,429 Oh, man. You bad, man. 320 00:12:30,568 --> 00:12:32,969 That's... that's some hard [bleep], dog. 321 00:12:33,088 --> 00:12:35,361 This place has changed you, man. 322 00:12:37,146 --> 00:12:38,612 You have no idea. 323 00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,094 (exhales sharply) 324 00:13:03,099 --> 00:13:05,067 (soul music) 325 00:13:05,644 --> 00:13:07,745 - I'm scared of cops. - You're scared of cops? 326 00:13:07,813 --> 00:13:09,113 I'm scared of cops. 327 00:13:09,201 --> 00:13:11,461 I-I mean, I'm generally afraid of cops because 328 00:13:11,461 --> 00:13:13,621 when I walk around with, like, a black friend, 329 00:13:13,734 --> 00:13:14,752 like you... 330 00:13:15,352 --> 00:13:17,454 (laughter) 331 00:13:17,522 --> 00:13:20,109 I start... I start talking a little bit more thug 332 00:13:20,115 --> 00:13:21,463 - 'cause, you know... - No, I know. 333 00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:23,513 - We nee... yeah. - Because we need the extra power. 334 00:13:23,532 --> 00:13:25,933 - We need this. - To make one full black person. 335 00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:27,956 - We need this. - So, you know. (laughter) 336 00:13:29,325 --> 00:13:30,587 It's gotta be right about 337 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:31,736 - this level right... - I swear to God... 338 00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:32,578 But you know what I'm saying, brother? 339 00:13:32,620 --> 00:13:33,640 You know what I'm saying? 340 00:13:33,689 --> 00:13:35,059 Didn't you just get more comfortable all of a sudden? 341 00:13:35,069 --> 00:13:36,844 Yeah, all right. (laughter, applause) 342 00:13:37,378 --> 00:13:40,686 So, but a cop... if a cop comes up to me on the street and, 343 00:13:40,703 --> 00:13:41,735 "Hey, what are you guys doing?" 344 00:13:41,751 --> 00:13:43,526 I-I turn into [bleep] Ned Flanders. 345 00:13:43,574 --> 00:13:45,232 It's all, "Hi-dee-oh. 346 00:13:45,445 --> 00:13:47,103 "Doing just fine. Just walking down the street 347 00:13:47,146 --> 00:13:48,752 "on a stroll, my friend. 348 00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:50,321 "Come on, follow me. 349 00:13:51,022 --> 00:13:53,321 "We'll find some criminals together, let's do it." 350 00:13:53,385 --> 00:13:54,458 Oh, man. 351 00:13:54,526 --> 00:13:56,278 - "I'll tell on anyone." - So... 352 00:13:56,387 --> 00:13:57,728 "I'll tell on..." (laughs) 353 00:14:03,071 --> 00:14:06,303 (indistinct radio chatter) 354 00:14:09,090 --> 00:14:10,374 (tapping on glass) 355 00:14:12,870 --> 00:14:14,344 Was I speeding, officer? 356 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,835 You don't look like you're from around here. 357 00:14:17,931 --> 00:14:19,637 No, sir. 358 00:14:22,354 --> 00:14:23,929 You been doing any drugs tonight? 359 00:14:23,951 --> 00:14:24,952 No, sir. 360 00:14:25,022 --> 00:14:26,432 - Nope? - No. 361 00:14:29,534 --> 00:14:30,840 Why don't you pop that trunk, 362 00:14:30,856 --> 00:14:32,563 step out of the vehicle for me, please. 363 00:14:33,264 --> 00:14:34,829 - Really? - Yeah. 364 00:14:37,603 --> 00:14:39,070 (trunk pops) 365 00:14:39,110 --> 00:14:39,977 (sighs) (seatbelt clicks) 366 00:14:42,057 --> 00:14:43,540 No drugs, huh? 367 00:14:43,918 --> 00:14:45,922 Nope. (indistinct radio chatter) 368 00:14:47,656 --> 00:14:49,210 Well, well, well. 369 00:14:51,977 --> 00:14:53,611 (trunk closes) What have we here? 370 00:14:53,653 --> 00:14:57,180 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You planted that in my car. 371 00:14:57,222 --> 00:14:58,907 Oh, did I? 372 00:15:01,579 --> 00:15:02,942 Or... did I plant this? 373 00:15:02,961 --> 00:15:04,977 Uh... I real... I guess... 374 00:15:05,018 --> 00:15:06,230 Up against the car, right now. 375 00:15:06,298 --> 00:15:07,201 - Oh! - Spread 'em! 376 00:15:07,242 --> 00:15:09,170 - Uh... - Huh, what's going... 377 00:15:09,234 --> 00:15:11,144 Whoa, whoa. What do we have here, huh? 378 00:15:11,187 --> 00:15:13,054 - What? - These your colors, homie? 379 00:15:13,122 --> 00:15:14,674 - That's... that's not mine. Huh... - Huh? 380 00:15:14,756 --> 00:15:16,136 - No, I don't know what that... - What? No? 381 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,801 Or are these your colors? 382 00:15:17,869 --> 00:15:20,370 Or perhaps these are your colors. 383 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:22,723 Or are these... ? Look at all these colors. 384 00:15:22,739 --> 00:15:24,653 Man, you sure got a lot of colors. 385 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,981 - I don't... - Look at all of these colors. 386 00:15:27,075 --> 00:15:29,166 - What, this is... - Wasah! 387 00:15:32,856 --> 00:15:34,924 - Are you a real cop? - Freeze! 388 00:15:34,992 --> 00:15:36,823 What is that? 389 00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:37,928 Mm. 390 00:15:38,465 --> 00:15:40,030 Well, well, well. 391 00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:42,434 It looks like an illegal firearm. 392 00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:44,672 Or... 393 00:15:45,970 --> 00:15:47,805 Is it? Ahh. (dove cooing) 394 00:15:47,872 --> 00:15:48,866 Oh. 395 00:15:53,993 --> 00:15:55,861 I'm... I don't... I don't know what this is. 396 00:15:55,953 --> 00:15:57,788 - I'm sorry. - Pick a card. 397 00:15:58,268 --> 00:15:59,842 That's not even a good fan. 398 00:15:59,883 --> 00:16:01,751 Any card. You can just stick... there. 399 00:16:01,768 --> 00:16:03,335 - Okay, you took that card? - Yeah. 400 00:16:03,377 --> 00:16:05,146 - Now, can you remember that card? - Yes. 401 00:16:05,156 --> 00:16:06,464 Can you commit that card to memory? 402 00:16:06,502 --> 00:16:08,374 - This is unbelievable. - Have you done so? 403 00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,177 - Have you done so? - Yes. 404 00:16:10,401 --> 00:16:13,478 Please insert the card back into the deck randomly. 405 00:16:13,492 --> 00:16:14,131 Done. 406 00:16:14,199 --> 00:16:16,934 It's in a different place than where you took it originally? 407 00:16:17,002 --> 00:16:19,596 - There. - There we are. There we are. 408 00:16:19,661 --> 00:16:22,880 - This is ridiculous. - Now, I take the deck like so. 409 00:16:23,311 --> 00:16:27,063 I give it a "skasloisles" and "abracasloish." 410 00:16:28,398 --> 00:16:31,304 (gunshot) Uh, fu... wha... 411 00:16:32,051 --> 00:16:34,151 Okay... (gasps) 412 00:16:35,757 --> 00:16:39,123 Ahh. Is this... your card? 413 00:16:39,150 --> 00:16:41,051 - No! - Are you sure? 414 00:16:41,051 --> 00:16:42,318 I want your badge number. 415 00:16:42,389 --> 00:16:43,752 (coughing) 416 00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:46,404 Oh. Oh. Oh! 417 00:16:47,665 --> 00:16:50,601 (coughing) 418 00:16:50,668 --> 00:16:53,274 Uh... uh... wha... 419 00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:55,145 Okay... 420 00:16:56,111 --> 00:16:57,344 - Oh! - Haah. 421 00:16:57,490 --> 00:16:58,661 Uh... 422 00:16:59,206 --> 00:17:00,940 It's my ca... How did you do that? 423 00:17:01,085 --> 00:17:02,463 Ahh. 424 00:17:04,464 --> 00:17:05,664 And... 425 00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:07,894 that is for you. 426 00:17:09,969 --> 00:17:12,370 After all that, you're still giving me a ticket? 427 00:17:12,697 --> 00:17:14,061 Is it a ticket? 428 00:17:14,474 --> 00:17:17,982 Or is it a two-for-one coupon for my show 429 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,442 at the Magic House Thursday night at 11:00 p.m.? 430 00:17:21,046 --> 00:17:22,868 Your call. 431 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:28,133 I'll take the ticket. 432 00:17:28,783 --> 00:17:30,150 Great. Okay. 433 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,151 (soul music) 434 00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:34,419 (applause) 435 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,388 Do you want to talk about that tweet? 436 00:17:36,455 --> 00:17:38,115 - Well there... yes, there was... - Yeah. 437 00:17:38,188 --> 00:17:40,660 Wha... uh, a few months ago, I did a... 438 00:17:40,724 --> 00:17:44,162 a tweet that, uh... it was a... 439 00:17:44,919 --> 00:17:46,353 basically, a hypothetical. 440 00:17:46,353 --> 00:17:48,155 - Mm-hmm. - And it asked the question, 441 00:17:48,222 --> 00:17:51,024 "What if names were farts?" (laughter) 442 00:17:51,092 --> 00:17:52,026 - Mm-hmm. - What if, 443 00:17:52,093 --> 00:17:55,264 instead of names, we had signature farts? 444 00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:58,518 We were identified, personally, by farts. 445 00:18:00,890 --> 00:18:02,649 And we felt that it was a good idea... 446 00:18:05,065 --> 00:18:07,860 to use lots of Comedy Central's money 447 00:18:09,935 --> 00:18:13,358 to bring you this scene based on that very premise. 448 00:18:13,815 --> 00:18:15,415 Shame on you if you laugh. 449 00:18:15,457 --> 00:18:16,857 (laughter) 450 00:18:16,951 --> 00:18:18,285 Please, enjoy. (cheers and applause) 451 00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:21,499 (crowd chattering) 452 00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:24,233 - Honey, someone's here. - Oh. Okay. 453 00:18:27,936 --> 00:18:30,471 Oh, hey (farts), good to see you. 454 00:18:30,591 --> 00:18:32,325 Thanks for having us, (farts). 455 00:18:32,392 --> 00:18:34,427 This is my girlfriend, (farts). 456 00:18:34,443 --> 00:18:35,621 We're so happy you could join us. 457 00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,504 And this is my wife, (farts). 458 00:18:37,767 --> 00:18:39,635 So this is the infamous 459 00:18:39,707 --> 00:18:41,816 (farts) and (farts). 460 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,295 (farts) has told me so much about you both. 461 00:18:44,338 --> 00:18:45,872 (laughs) All good things I hope. 462 00:18:45,964 --> 00:18:47,860 (laughter) You can never trust (farts). 463 00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:49,820 Hey, wait a minute. (laughter) 464 00:18:49,887 --> 00:18:51,760 And please, please, don't call me (farts). 465 00:18:51,827 --> 00:18:53,559 It makes me think my mother's around someplace. 466 00:18:53,606 --> 00:18:54,577 Oh. 467 00:18:55,611 --> 00:18:58,213 Hey, you know, where is little (squeaking fart)? 468 00:18:58,255 --> 00:19:01,790 Oh, she's at (farts)'s house for a slumber party. 469 00:19:01,858 --> 00:19:05,583 - Ah. - Oh, um, (farts) and (farts), 470 00:19:05,601 --> 00:19:07,170 there's... this is the couple from New York 471 00:19:07,209 --> 00:19:08,742 that we wanted you guys to meet. 472 00:19:08,759 --> 00:19:12,374 Uh, this is (farts) and her husband (honking fart). 473 00:19:12,390 --> 00:19:14,146 They're gonna be in New York for a few weeks, 474 00:19:14,146 --> 00:19:15,794 so we were hoping you could give them some tips. 475 00:19:15,794 --> 00:19:16,521 - Ooh. - Sure. 476 00:19:16,551 --> 00:19:17,751 Oh, that'd be great. 477 00:19:17,921 --> 00:19:21,457 So, how do you know (farts) and (farts)? 478 00:19:21,499 --> 00:19:23,814 Oh, well (farts) and I went to 479 00:19:23,909 --> 00:19:26,845 (deep, rumbling fart) School of Dramatic Arts, 480 00:19:26,886 --> 00:19:29,555 back when (honking fart) was working in midtown. 481 00:19:29,623 --> 00:19:31,223 - Mm. - Oh, where did you work? 482 00:19:31,291 --> 00:19:35,069 I was at (farts), (farts), (farts), 483 00:19:35,116 --> 00:19:36,858 and (bellowing fart). 484 00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:37,928 Oh, the law firm. 485 00:19:37,970 --> 00:19:39,804 - Hey! - Oh, hey. 486 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,379 - Ha! - How are you? 487 00:19:41,421 --> 00:19:43,289 - It's so good to see you. - Good to see you. 488 00:19:43,331 --> 00:19:44,390 Come here. Hey, everybody, 489 00:19:44,437 --> 00:19:47,709 this is (high-pitched fart). 490 00:19:47,803 --> 00:19:49,256 I want you meet one of my dearest, 491 00:19:49,287 --> 00:19:50,668 oldest friends, (farts). 492 00:19:50,685 --> 00:19:51,619 This is his girlfriend, (farts). 493 00:19:51,634 --> 00:19:52,580 - Hi. - Hey. 494 00:19:52,597 --> 00:19:53,973 - Hello. - Of course, you know (farts). 495 00:19:54,014 --> 00:19:55,948 - Oh, hi. - This is (farts), 496 00:19:55,965 --> 00:19:58,576 and this is her husband, (honking fart). 497 00:19:58,593 --> 00:20:00,661 - Hi. - What a beautiful name. 498 00:20:00,703 --> 00:20:03,338 You know, I knew a (high-pitched fart) 499 00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:04,974 in grad school. 500 00:20:05,010 --> 00:20:06,078 All: Oh. 501 00:20:06,095 --> 00:20:08,196 Well, thank you, but it's actually pronounced 502 00:20:08,367 --> 00:20:10,445 (high-pitched fart). 503 00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:14,017 Wow, I swear that sounds like what you were saying (farts). 504 00:20:14,050 --> 00:20:14,446 I don't know. 505 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:15,973 Anyways, it's lovely to meet you all. 506 00:20:15,992 --> 00:20:18,324 Yeah, yeah, okay, yes. (laughter) 507 00:20:18,569 --> 00:20:20,174 Robert! 508 00:20:22,793 --> 00:20:24,821 I'm so sorry. Heinrich! 509 00:20:26,210 --> 00:20:27,425 I'll... 510 00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:29,128 show myself to the restroom. 511 00:20:29,255 --> 00:20:30,522 (sighs) Wow, uh... 512 00:20:30,642 --> 00:20:32,743 - Jeez. - So rude. 513 00:20:32,784 --> 00:20:35,219 Well, for (farts)'s sake. 514 00:20:36,261 --> 00:20:38,829 (applause) Thank you, everybody. 515 00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:40,631 Thank you so much for coming out. 516 00:20:40,671 --> 00:20:42,672 I am the Yellow Falcon. 517 00:20:42,687 --> 00:20:44,725 I am the Black Fal... Green Falcon! 518 00:20:44,746 --> 00:20:46,165 - Green, oh-- - Green Falcon! 519 00:20:46,460 --> 00:20:47,994 Good night, everybody. Take care. 520 00:20:48,061 --> 00:20:50,963 (cheers and applause) (soul music) 521 00:20:51,031 --> 00:20:54,653 Sync & corrections by dwigt www.addic7ed.com 522 00:20:54,694 --> 00:20:57,462 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 523 00:20:57,714 --> 00:20:59,581 Oh, yeah. 523 00:21:00,305 --> 00:21:06,674 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org