1 00:00:00,899 --> 00:00:01,898 Excuse me, sir. 2 00:00:01,899 --> 00:00:03,322 Do you have a moment to save the children? 3 00:00:03,344 --> 00:00:04,898 I'm sorry, man. I'm-- I'm running late, 4 00:00:04,948 --> 00:00:06,614 and I just don't have time to chat right now, so... 5 00:00:06,616 --> 00:00:07,773 I understand that. I understand that. 6 00:00:07,773 --> 00:00:09,376 It's just that, every minute, another child 7 00:00:09,376 --> 00:00:11,283 dies unnecessarily, a child who could live 8 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,466 a fruitful life with the help of just one small donation. 9 00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:15,127 Yeah, I'm-- I don't have the time. 10 00:00:15,193 --> 00:00:16,377 - I'm sorry. - I understand that. 11 00:00:16,439 --> 00:00:20,184 It's just, all it takes is $1 to save a child. 12 00:00:21,285 --> 00:00:23,284 All right. You know what? 13 00:00:23,559 --> 00:00:24,751 Fine, you're right. Yup. 14 00:00:24,796 --> 00:00:26,548 Who doesn't want to help a child? 15 00:00:26,574 --> 00:00:27,675 Let's save five children. 16 00:00:27,749 --> 00:00:29,249 Tommy! 17 00:00:39,899 --> 00:00:40,898 All right, come on, come on, come on. 18 00:00:40,899 --> 00:00:43,898 One, two, three, four, five. 19 00:00:43,899 --> 00:00:47,898 Not so fast. Just five. 20 00:00:47,899 --> 00:00:48,898 - Thanks a lot, sir. - Help! 21 00:00:48,899 --> 00:00:51,898 Help! Help! 22 00:00:55,899 --> 00:00:57,898 Oh, my God. I have another dollar. 23 00:00:57,899 --> 00:00:59,898 I have another dollar. Sir, I have another dollar. 24 00:01:21,613 --> 00:01:25,356 Sync & corrections by dwigt addic7ed.com 25 00:01:26,599 --> 00:01:28,598 Like one time, I was in church, 26 00:01:28,599 --> 00:01:31,394 and I was talking to an elderly friend 27 00:01:31,411 --> 00:01:32,598 of my mother's at the time, 28 00:01:32,599 --> 00:01:36,053 very classy lady, very decorous. 29 00:01:36,174 --> 00:01:37,444 - And-- - "Decorous"? 30 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,598 Decorous. It means proper, 31 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:40,893 a person who does everything proper. 32 00:01:40,954 --> 00:01:41,682 Mm-hmm. I know. 33 00:01:41,683 --> 00:01:42,932 And, um... 34 00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:45,437 I was talking, 35 00:01:46,104 --> 00:01:49,676 and in the middle of a sentence, unbeknownst to me, 36 00:01:49,916 --> 00:01:51,484 I dropped an f-bomb. 37 00:01:52,326 --> 00:01:54,001 In church. In church, 38 00:01:54,087 --> 00:01:55,869 after church, before social period, 39 00:01:55,887 --> 00:01:58,598 we about to go get some coffee and donuts up in this boinks. 40 00:01:58,599 --> 00:01:59,598 I'm talking to my girl. 41 00:01:59,599 --> 00:02:01,050 - What'd you say? - She shall remain name-- 42 00:02:01,065 --> 00:02:02,338 I don't remember. I don't remember. 43 00:02:02,357 --> 00:02:03,786 - I just remember talking about-- - You're just like, 44 00:02:03,838 --> 00:02:05,837 "I'm gonna get some fucking-- fucking communion." 45 00:02:05,923 --> 00:02:07,137 And that's-- 46 00:02:21,104 --> 00:02:22,662 Happy Sunday, Esther. 47 00:02:22,741 --> 00:02:24,926 Happy Sunday, Georgina. 48 00:02:25,606 --> 00:02:26,605 How was your week? 49 00:02:26,658 --> 00:02:29,194 - Oh, the Lord is with me. - Mm-hmm. 50 00:02:29,210 --> 00:02:30,321 But the Devil, 51 00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:33,449 he got his hands on my grandniece Grace. 52 00:02:33,506 --> 00:02:35,065 - Oh, no. - Mm-hmm. 53 00:02:35,176 --> 00:02:38,690 Out there smoking the reefer, doing the hanky-panky with boys. 54 00:02:38,743 --> 00:02:40,003 No, Georgina. 55 00:02:40,019 --> 00:02:41,505 Oh, Esther, you know 56 00:02:41,915 --> 00:02:45,505 that I love all things that are good and holy. 57 00:02:45,506 --> 00:02:48,505 - Mm-hmm. - But if he doesn't let go 58 00:02:48,506 --> 00:02:51,505 of my grandniece Grace, 59 00:02:51,506 --> 00:02:53,911 I'm gonna cut the Devil's dick off 60 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,505 and shove it in his ass. 61 00:02:55,506 --> 00:02:57,505 Mm-hmm. 62 00:02:57,506 --> 00:03:00,505 - With my prayers. - I know you will, Georgina. 63 00:03:00,506 --> 00:03:02,352 I know you will. 64 00:03:03,242 --> 00:03:04,469 How was your week, girl? 65 00:03:04,493 --> 00:03:06,253 Oh, you know me. 66 00:03:06,284 --> 00:03:08,505 I'm blessed and thankful for everything. 67 00:03:08,506 --> 00:03:10,227 Mm-hmm. All right. 68 00:03:10,282 --> 00:03:13,962 But you know my grandson Jason got hisself wrapped up 69 00:03:14,045 --> 00:03:16,323 in the leathery claws of Satan. 70 00:03:16,506 --> 00:03:19,282 - Not Jason. - He got hisself arrested 71 00:03:19,295 --> 00:03:21,334 for the spray-painting and the vandalism. 72 00:03:21,361 --> 00:03:22,360 Oh, Lord. 73 00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:25,505 And I tell you, I never 74 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,505 raise my hand in anger, 75 00:03:27,506 --> 00:03:31,505 but if he don't let Jason go, 76 00:03:31,506 --> 00:03:35,505 I'm gonna punch that nigga Satan in the nuts so hard, 77 00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:38,779 it wipe the dick-licking smirk off his horned-ass face. 78 00:03:38,794 --> 00:03:39,793 Mm-hmm. 79 00:03:40,506 --> 00:03:41,890 - With my prayers. - Amen. 80 00:03:41,927 --> 00:03:44,505 I know you will, Esther, I know you will, 81 00:03:44,506 --> 00:03:46,877 but Esther, I gotta tell you something else, now. 82 00:03:46,903 --> 00:03:48,017 Mmm, let it out. 83 00:03:48,110 --> 00:03:49,109 You know, Esther, 84 00:03:49,347 --> 00:03:52,835 that I have found serenity in the glory of Heaven. 85 00:03:52,969 --> 00:03:53,880 Yes. 86 00:03:53,992 --> 00:03:56,496 But my daughter's husband Bernard 87 00:03:56,501 --> 00:03:58,277 has got himself wedged 88 00:03:58,335 --> 00:04:01,177 between the cleft hooves of Lucifer hisself. 89 00:04:01,190 --> 00:04:02,464 - Mmm. - She opened up 90 00:04:02,506 --> 00:04:04,505 his laptop computer 91 00:04:04,506 --> 00:04:06,252 and found the pornography of women. 92 00:04:06,283 --> 00:04:07,505 Not the pornography of women. 93 00:04:07,506 --> 00:04:09,266 Absolutely the pornography of women. 94 00:04:09,285 --> 00:04:10,505 Not on the laptop computer. 95 00:04:10,506 --> 00:04:12,505 On the laptop computer found the pornography of women. 96 00:04:12,506 --> 00:04:13,505 Mmm. 97 00:04:13,506 --> 00:04:16,505 I am a pacifist under God's request, 98 00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,505 but if he don't let go of Bernard, 99 00:04:18,506 --> 00:04:22,505 I'm gonna sneak up on that bitch-ass Lucifer 100 00:04:22,506 --> 00:04:24,505 right in the midst of his sleep time. 101 00:04:24,506 --> 00:04:26,505 - Oh. - And then I'm gonna sit 102 00:04:26,506 --> 00:04:28,505 on that motherfucker's head, 103 00:04:28,506 --> 00:04:31,505 and I'm gonna spread my booty cheeks on that pig's face, 104 00:04:31,506 --> 00:04:33,505 and I'm gonna just pucker up my stank hole... 105 00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:34,505 Whoo. 106 00:04:34,506 --> 00:04:36,505 And just toops, toops, toops, 107 00:04:36,506 --> 00:04:38,505 scoops, bedoop-scoop-scoop-skedoops 108 00:04:38,506 --> 00:04:41,505 until that nigga got a brown dot on his nose 109 00:04:41,506 --> 00:04:43,505 that I can use for target practice. 110 00:04:43,506 --> 00:04:44,505 Sha-plow! 111 00:04:44,506 --> 00:04:45,505 - Shoot that. - Sha-plow! 112 00:04:45,506 --> 00:04:46,505 - Shoot that! - Sha-plow! 113 00:04:46,506 --> 00:04:49,505 - Whoo, shoot that nigga in the shit-nack. 114 00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:50,505 With my prayers. 115 00:04:50,506 --> 00:04:52,756 With your prayers, of course, of course. 116 00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:55,505 Oh, Georgina, Georgina, Georgina. 117 00:04:55,506 --> 00:04:56,505 Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup? 118 00:04:56,506 --> 00:05:00,373 Oh, I got nothing but faith in God and Heaven above, 119 00:05:00,506 --> 00:05:03,505 but I tell you, my son's wife Crystal, 120 00:05:03,506 --> 00:05:06,226 she got herself wrapped up in the fiery wings 121 00:05:06,226 --> 00:05:07,505 of Mephistopheles hisself. 122 00:05:07,506 --> 00:05:09,505 Here we go. 123 00:05:09,506 --> 00:05:12,740 You know, she got caught using profanity with her own children. 124 00:05:13,151 --> 00:05:14,813 - What? - At the dinner table. 125 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,505 Oh, Lord, child, child. 126 00:05:17,506 --> 00:05:20,505 Georgina Darlene Martin! 127 00:05:20,506 --> 00:05:26,505 Oh, I have nothing but love for every creature on this planet, 128 00:05:26,506 --> 00:05:29,505 but if he don't let my darling Crystal go, 129 00:05:29,506 --> 00:05:31,989 - I'm gonna flirt with the devil. - Oh. Oh. 130 00:05:32,130 --> 00:05:33,836 Show him a little bit of shoulder. 131 00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:35,109 "How you doin'?" 132 00:05:35,190 --> 00:05:37,189 He gonna start looking away, I'm gonna start twerking. 133 00:05:37,506 --> 00:05:39,505 Start twerking, he gonna be like, "Whoo." 134 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,505 He gonna be, he gonna be drawn in. 135 00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:41,505 Mm-hmm. 136 00:05:41,506 --> 00:05:43,505 Seduce that little motherfucker. 137 00:05:43,506 --> 00:05:44,753 Give him one of these. "Hi." 138 00:05:44,795 --> 00:05:46,505 Batting my eyelashes at him. 139 00:05:46,506 --> 00:05:48,505 Then when he least expects it, 140 00:05:48,506 --> 00:05:52,505 and I got his trust, that's when I'm gonna ride that nigga. 141 00:05:52,506 --> 00:05:54,505 I'm gonna give him the night of his life, 142 00:05:54,506 --> 00:05:56,027 a night he ain't never gonna forget. 143 00:05:56,066 --> 00:05:57,505 - Go get him. - I'm gonna give him this way. 144 00:05:57,506 --> 00:05:58,937 I'm gonna give him that way. 145 00:05:58,953 --> 00:06:01,505 And then, right when he about to climax, 146 00:06:01,506 --> 00:06:04,505 that's when I'm gonna clench up my pussy 147 00:06:04,506 --> 00:06:06,505 on that motherfucker's red dick, 148 00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:09,476 and I'm gonna snap that nigga cock off 149 00:06:09,650 --> 00:06:11,650 with a divine kegel. 150 00:06:11,823 --> 00:06:13,979 Well, you gonna snap that nigga dick off. 151 00:06:14,043 --> 00:06:16,185 - Whoo! - Snap it off! Whoo! 152 00:06:16,215 --> 00:06:17,505 - With my prayers. - With your prayers. 153 00:06:17,506 --> 00:06:18,505 - With your prayers. - With my prayers. 154 00:06:18,506 --> 00:06:19,505 Of course. With the prayers, yeah. 155 00:06:19,506 --> 00:06:21,312 - But that's right, girl. - Yes. 156 00:06:21,351 --> 00:06:22,505 - You go get him, Esther! - Yes! 157 00:06:22,506 --> 00:06:24,000 - Fuck Satan! - Fuck him! 158 00:06:24,056 --> 00:06:26,056 - Fuck him in the-- 159 00:06:31,506 --> 00:06:34,886 Wha-- What's happening, Georgina? 160 00:06:34,927 --> 00:06:36,576 Georgina isn't here anymore. 161 00:06:39,506 --> 00:06:42,505 It is I, Satan. 162 00:06:42,506 --> 00:06:43,505 Ah! 163 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:48,132 Ah! No, Esther! 164 00:06:48,147 --> 00:06:49,389 - I'm in here, though! - Oh! 165 00:06:49,416 --> 00:06:50,505 I'm kicking this nigga's ass. 166 00:06:50,506 --> 00:06:52,505 Yeah! 167 00:06:52,506 --> 00:06:54,505 Oh, help me. Somebody help me. 168 00:06:54,506 --> 00:06:55,973 I ca-- can't get out of this bitch. 169 00:06:56,006 --> 00:06:58,273 Oh, get him, Georgina! Get him! 170 00:06:58,316 --> 00:06:59,505 I stuck a safety pin 171 00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:00,505 in this nigga's urethra. 172 00:07:00,506 --> 00:07:02,505 - Ooh! - Oww! 173 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:04,505 Fuck! That hurts! 174 00:07:04,506 --> 00:07:05,767 Right now I got his dick 175 00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,505 in my hands like a old rag. 176 00:07:07,506 --> 00:07:10,505 I'm wringing out! I'm wringing it out! 177 00:07:10,506 --> 00:07:12,505 Oh, give me some of that. 178 00:07:12,506 --> 00:07:14,505 I want a piece of him, yes. 179 00:07:14,506 --> 00:07:17,505 Tag me in. 180 00:07:22,506 --> 00:07:24,505 Who is this crazy bitch, now? 181 00:07:24,506 --> 00:07:26,155 Ah, it's me, motherfucker! 182 00:07:26,175 --> 00:07:28,505 Your worst nightmare, bitch! 183 00:07:28,506 --> 00:07:29,505 - Shoot that motherfucker! - That's right. 184 00:07:29,506 --> 00:07:31,505 I'm on top of you. I'm on top of him. 185 00:07:31,506 --> 00:07:32,646 What's going on? 186 00:07:32,672 --> 00:07:34,724 This feels good. Why would you do this to me? 187 00:07:34,761 --> 00:07:36,104 Oh, you'll see in a second, 188 00:07:36,117 --> 00:07:37,505 - motherfucker. - Just wait, motherfucker. 189 00:07:37,506 --> 00:07:39,505 Oh, I'm waiting, but oh, here I cum. 190 00:07:39,506 --> 00:07:40,505 Here I cum. 191 00:07:40,506 --> 00:07:41,505 Here you go, ha! 192 00:07:41,506 --> 00:07:43,505 Grabbed it! Snap! 193 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:46,505 - Ooh! - Ooh, I got him good. 194 00:07:46,506 --> 00:07:47,505 I'll do anything you say. 195 00:07:47,506 --> 00:07:48,505 I'll do anything you say. 196 00:07:48,506 --> 00:07:50,505 Too late now. Too late now, Satan. 197 00:07:50,506 --> 00:07:51,505 Oh, shh. We should probably go. 198 00:07:51,506 --> 00:07:53,505 Oh, yeah, let's go, let's go. 199 00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:54,505 We don't want to disturb the service. 200 00:07:54,506 --> 00:07:55,505 Ooh, I got a hold of him. 201 00:07:55,506 --> 00:07:57,505 I'm gonna-- We gonna go medieval on his ass. 202 00:07:57,506 --> 00:08:00,505 No, no! Oh, lordy! I can't take it. 203 00:08:00,506 --> 00:08:01,505 I can't take it. 204 00:08:01,506 --> 00:08:02,736 Get over here, mister. 205 00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:04,215 Please, please! 206 00:08:04,216 --> 00:08:07,505 Get these crazy bitches off of me. 207 00:08:07,506 --> 00:08:10,465 Jesus Christ is my personal Lord and savior, I swear. 208 00:08:10,466 --> 00:08:11,506 You're too late for that now. 209 00:08:20,022 --> 00:08:24,021 "Been trying to reach out to you all day. 210 00:08:24,022 --> 00:08:25,642 Are we on for tonight?" 211 00:08:26,980 --> 00:08:28,979 Jeez. 212 00:08:29,006 --> 00:08:30,592 What? You can't catch me. 213 00:08:30,623 --> 00:08:31,622 You can't catch me. 214 00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,307 I'm Lance Moore. Touchdown, bitch. 215 00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:34,509 What? Pause. 216 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:44,192 Oh, shoot. 217 00:08:44,443 --> 00:08:46,351 Keegan's been texting me. 218 00:08:48,134 --> 00:08:51,133 "Sorry, dude, missed your texts. 219 00:08:51,302 --> 00:08:53,503 "I assumed we'd meet at the bar. 220 00:08:54,006 --> 00:08:56,410 "Whatever. I don't care." 221 00:09:03,622 --> 00:09:05,621 "Sorry, dude, missed your texts. 222 00:09:05,622 --> 00:09:07,621 "I assumed we'd meet at the bar. 223 00:09:07,952 --> 00:09:09,887 "Whatever. I don't care." 224 00:09:10,963 --> 00:09:12,811 "Whatever. I don't care"? 225 00:09:14,329 --> 00:09:16,252 What the fuck is his problem? 226 00:09:17,583 --> 00:09:20,582 "Do you even want to hang out?" 227 00:09:20,622 --> 00:09:22,621 "Do you even want to hang out?" 228 00:09:22,622 --> 00:09:23,991 Oh, that's considerate. 229 00:09:26,095 --> 00:09:28,094 "Like I said, whatever." 230 00:09:28,095 --> 00:09:30,094 "Like I said, whatever"? 231 00:09:30,164 --> 00:09:31,526 Fuck this guy. 232 00:09:32,368 --> 00:09:33,367 Jesus, "You..." 233 00:09:33,417 --> 00:09:35,416 "...are fucking priceless." 234 00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:39,093 Aww. "You're the..." 235 00:09:39,134 --> 00:09:41,226 "...one who's fucking priceless"? 236 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,016 This m-- 237 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,919 This motherfucker right here. 238 00:09:46,622 --> 00:09:48,535 Oh, he wants to-- okay, mm-hmm. 239 00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:50,880 Mm-hmm. Okay. 240 00:09:51,622 --> 00:09:52,621 "You want to go..." 241 00:09:52,622 --> 00:09:53,621 "right now?" 242 00:09:53,622 --> 00:09:54,557 Hmm. 243 00:09:55,622 --> 00:09:57,075 Guess I could do that. 244 00:09:58,622 --> 00:09:59,621 "Okay..." 245 00:09:59,622 --> 00:10:00,997 "Okay, let's go"? 246 00:10:00,997 --> 00:10:03,613 He said oka-- "Okay, let's go"? 247 00:10:03,613 --> 00:10:05,246 All right, you know what? 248 00:10:05,292 --> 00:10:06,870 You know what? "You want to really..." 249 00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:10,099 "...do this now?" Keegan, you nut. 250 00:10:10,622 --> 00:10:12,621 You're not putting me out. 251 00:10:12,622 --> 00:10:14,621 "Fuck yeah, let's do it"? 252 00:10:14,622 --> 00:10:16,084 Oh, you fucking asshole! 253 00:10:16,163 --> 00:10:17,621 "First round's mine." 254 00:10:17,622 --> 00:10:18,621 Oh, no! Oh, no! 255 00:10:18,622 --> 00:10:20,621 There ain't gonna be no rounds, asshole! 256 00:10:20,622 --> 00:10:22,621 It's gonna be a fucking street fight! 257 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,590 This son of a-- 258 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,621 ♪ 'cause tonight we gonna party and the party don't stop ♪ 259 00:10:26,622 --> 00:10:27,621 You! 260 00:10:27,622 --> 00:10:28,621 Buddy! 261 00:10:28,622 --> 00:10:30,894 Like I said, first round's mine. 262 00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:33,927 A beer and a gimlet for my partner right-- 263 00:10:35,622 --> 00:10:37,621 What's that? 264 00:10:37,622 --> 00:10:40,622 Uh, I-I got you a baseball bat with nails in it. 265 00:10:43,238 --> 00:10:45,621 For my post-apocalyptic Jackie Robinson costume. 266 00:10:45,622 --> 00:10:47,117 How did you know? 267 00:10:49,797 --> 00:10:51,330 I'm gonna try to freestyle for a second. 268 00:10:51,363 --> 00:10:51,996 Yup, yup. 269 00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:53,165 Off the top of the dome. 270 00:10:53,358 --> 00:10:54,718 Off the top of the dome. Break it down. 271 00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:58,421 ♪ Witness violence every day 272 00:10:58,422 --> 00:11:00,505 ♪ Wake up in the morning 273 00:11:00,506 --> 00:11:03,421 ♪ Bullets flying by my head 274 00:11:03,422 --> 00:11:05,421 ♪ Without any warning 275 00:11:05,653 --> 00:11:09,582 ♪ I live in the pressure cooker the most urbanest of jungles ♪ 276 00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,404 ♪ Mr. Bungle 277 00:11:15,422 --> 00:11:17,421 I can't really get Mr. Bungle. 278 00:11:17,422 --> 00:11:19,238 - Let's just stop. - You want to stop? 279 00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:22,167 I shouldn't be saying Mr. Bungle in that. 280 00:11:39,422 --> 00:11:42,421 It's Friday night. Make some noise! 281 00:11:43,422 --> 00:11:45,421 Aw, yeah! 282 00:11:45,422 --> 00:11:48,421 Put your motherfucking hands in the air. 283 00:11:48,422 --> 00:11:51,421 Aw, yeah! Put 'em up. 284 00:11:51,422 --> 00:11:54,421 If you cool like a pimp, put your hands up. 285 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:57,421 If you cool like a pimp, put your hands up. 286 00:11:57,776 --> 00:12:01,102 'cause you're an actual pimp, put your hands up. 287 00:12:01,271 --> 00:12:04,421 If you own a bunch of women, put your hands up. 288 00:12:10,422 --> 00:12:13,977 If you gonna hit it all night, put your hands up. 289 00:12:14,065 --> 00:12:16,582 If you gonna hit it all night, put your hands up. 290 00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:17,634 Yeah, all right. 291 00:12:17,716 --> 00:12:20,699 If you maintain an erection for 12 hours, 292 00:12:20,828 --> 00:12:22,421 put your hands up. 293 00:12:22,422 --> 00:12:24,421 Whoo! 294 00:12:24,445 --> 00:12:27,014 Without the benefit of Viagra, 295 00:12:27,144 --> 00:12:29,421 put your hands up. 296 00:12:33,422 --> 00:12:36,421 If you a real-life player, put your hands up. 297 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:37,421 What? Yeah. 298 00:12:37,422 --> 00:12:40,636 If you abuse women's trust, put your hands up. 299 00:12:40,699 --> 00:12:43,868 If you treat them like objects, put your hands up. 300 00:12:50,422 --> 00:12:53,421 If you a real-life gangster, put your hands up. 301 00:12:53,422 --> 00:12:56,864 If you a real-life gangster, put your hands up. 302 00:12:57,162 --> 00:13:00,421 If you kill other people, put your hands up. 303 00:13:03,422 --> 00:13:06,878 If you the biggest boss here, put your hands up. 304 00:13:09,924 --> 00:13:13,701 If you run an actual drug ring, put your hands up. 305 00:13:16,895 --> 00:13:19,733 If you just realized that you're full of shit, 306 00:13:19,822 --> 00:13:21,421 put your hands up. 307 00:13:27,256 --> 00:13:28,255 All right. 308 00:13:28,256 --> 00:13:29,465 Third time's the charm. 309 00:13:33,256 --> 00:13:37,088 ♪ All of my life, I've crushed dreams and crushed bitches ♪ 310 00:13:38,256 --> 00:13:42,678 ♪ No one ever has come to me without leaving in stitches ♪ 311 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,641 ♪ I'm a monster 312 00:13:45,838 --> 00:13:47,837 ♪ I grant wishes 313 00:13:48,256 --> 00:13:51,470 ♪ Like a genie, I dream of Jeannie ♪ 314 00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:53,558 ♪ I'm a meanie 315 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:54,846 Why does it always just go-- 316 00:13:54,951 --> 00:13:56,255 I don't know. You keep getting-- 317 00:13:56,256 --> 00:13:57,461 You-- you're doing really well, 318 00:13:57,484 --> 00:13:58,957 and then you get in this TV reference. 319 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,255 Yeah, that's what's doing me. 320 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,256 And it's-- it's the tough part. 321 00:14:08,046 --> 00:14:09,503 Welcome to Papard Mattress Liquidators. 322 00:14:09,534 --> 00:14:11,255 How can I help you today? 323 00:14:11,256 --> 00:14:13,255 I need to buy a new bed. 324 00:14:13,256 --> 00:14:14,255 Okay. Yeah, good, good. 325 00:14:14,268 --> 00:14:15,951 You came to the right place. I'll be more than happy 326 00:14:16,039 --> 00:14:17,074 to help you with that. Uh... 327 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,534 What size you need? A full, queen, king? 328 00:14:19,552 --> 00:14:21,255 - Queen. - Queen, oh. 329 00:14:21,256 --> 00:14:23,587 - We got a big sel-- - And just so you know, 330 00:14:24,104 --> 00:14:25,255 it needs to be sturdy. 331 00:14:25,256 --> 00:14:26,255 All right. 332 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:29,255 Shit gets kind of crazy in my room. 333 00:14:29,727 --> 00:14:31,886 Oh, okay. 334 00:14:31,925 --> 00:14:33,924 I got you, brother. 335 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:34,960 I got you. 336 00:14:38,489 --> 00:14:41,681 Well, this posturepedic mattress we got right here, 337 00:14:41,739 --> 00:14:43,255 this is extremely comfortable 338 00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:45,360 and, uh... durable. 339 00:14:46,256 --> 00:14:47,611 Do you mind if I try it? 340 00:14:47,660 --> 00:14:49,256 No, not at all. Go ahead. 341 00:14:53,256 --> 00:14:57,255 I should also mention, there's 100% money-back guarantee on-- 342 00:14:57,256 --> 00:14:58,255 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 343 00:14:58,256 --> 00:15:00,255 Who got that good "D"? 344 00:15:00,256 --> 00:15:01,255 I got that good "D"! 345 00:15:01,256 --> 00:15:02,630 Yeah! Yeah! 346 00:15:04,681 --> 00:15:06,680 No, it's too hard. 347 00:15:06,977 --> 00:15:09,053 Do you have anything softer? 348 00:15:10,256 --> 00:15:12,255 Um... 349 00:15:12,256 --> 00:15:14,256 Of course. 350 00:15:16,256 --> 00:15:20,643 This-- This is one of our, um, natural latex mattresses. 351 00:15:21,256 --> 00:15:25,625 It's on sale, too, today, at $1,200. 352 00:15:25,733 --> 00:15:27,621 Can I try it? 353 00:15:28,210 --> 00:15:30,210 Sure. 354 00:15:33,256 --> 00:15:34,675 Who got that good "D"? 355 00:15:34,765 --> 00:15:36,255 I got that good "D"! 356 00:15:37,256 --> 00:15:39,688 Who got that good "D"? I got that good "D"! 357 00:15:41,256 --> 00:15:42,984 It seems a little pricey. 358 00:15:43,013 --> 00:15:44,501 Okay. No, it's a little pricey. 359 00:15:44,535 --> 00:15:45,708 I ain't gonna lie to you. 360 00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:48,229 But, uh, no problem. We got other choices. 361 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:50,715 Um... 362 00:15:51,029 --> 00:15:53,467 This a great memory foam mattress, right here. 363 00:15:53,664 --> 00:15:55,663 It's a little cheaper, and-- 364 00:15:55,751 --> 00:15:57,750 Can I try it out? 365 00:15:58,256 --> 00:16:00,255 Right. Right, yeah. 366 00:16:00,256 --> 00:16:02,255 I mean, of course, of course you want to try. 367 00:16:02,256 --> 00:16:04,255 You know how it goes. 368 00:16:04,256 --> 00:16:05,255 Yeah. Oh, yeah. 369 00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,520 Coming up on them late nights. 370 00:16:06,570 --> 00:16:09,255 Aye! Aye! Boom, boom, boom, boom! 371 00:16:09,256 --> 00:16:12,255 "Yes! Si, papi! Si, papi! Si, papi!" 372 00:16:12,256 --> 00:16:15,255 Yeah, man, right. 373 00:16:15,256 --> 00:16:17,255 Yeah, man. Um... 374 00:16:17,256 --> 00:16:18,548 Sex happens. 375 00:16:18,549 --> 00:16:20,312 Yip! 376 00:16:21,877 --> 00:16:23,255 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 377 00:16:23,256 --> 00:16:25,255 Who got that good "D"? I got that good "D"! 378 00:16:25,256 --> 00:16:26,255 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 379 00:16:26,256 --> 00:16:27,255 Who got that good "D"? 380 00:16:27,256 --> 00:16:28,255 I got that good "D"! 381 00:16:28,256 --> 00:16:30,255 Oh! Oh, here it comes! 382 00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:34,255 Here it comes! Here it comes! 383 00:16:34,256 --> 00:16:37,255 Hoo-ah! 384 00:16:37,256 --> 00:16:38,587 Yup, that's the one. 385 00:16:38,681 --> 00:16:41,478 - I'll take it. - Okay, let me ring you up. 386 00:16:42,695 --> 00:16:45,255 Aye! Aye! Aye! 387 00:16:45,256 --> 00:16:47,255 Who got that good "D"? I got that good "D"! 388 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,255 Aye, papi! 389 00:16:48,256 --> 00:16:50,255 Who got that good "D"? I got that good "D"! 390 00:16:50,256 --> 00:16:51,255 Si, papi! 391 00:16:51,256 --> 00:16:53,255 Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! 392 00:16:53,256 --> 00:16:56,256 Who got that good "D"? I got that good "D"! 393 00:16:59,508 --> 00:17:01,508 Thank you. 394 00:17:06,822 --> 00:17:07,821 - Mike. - Brody. 395 00:17:07,822 --> 00:17:09,306 Yeah. Hey, how are you, man? 396 00:17:09,327 --> 00:17:10,532 - What's up, man? - Good to see you. 397 00:17:10,552 --> 00:17:11,821 Hey, I'm glad I ran into you. 398 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:14,578 What is that joke that you told recently at the office? 399 00:17:14,622 --> 00:17:16,821 Everybody is just, like, giggling about it all the time, 400 00:17:16,822 --> 00:17:17,821 and I haven't heard it yet. 401 00:17:17,822 --> 00:17:18,821 Oh, gosh. 402 00:17:18,822 --> 00:17:19,821 Okay. Um... 403 00:17:19,822 --> 00:17:21,821 - All right, it goes like this. - Yeah. 404 00:17:21,822 --> 00:17:23,063 So, there's this woman, and-- 405 00:17:27,822 --> 00:17:29,821 - Okay. - I'm sorry! 406 00:17:29,822 --> 00:17:30,821 Good audience. 407 00:17:30,822 --> 00:17:32,821 Yeah, I'm sorry. I love it already. 408 00:17:32,822 --> 00:17:34,821 I love it already. 409 00:17:35,178 --> 00:17:36,388 Awesome. Okay. 410 00:17:36,443 --> 00:17:38,821 Well, this should go well. Um... 411 00:17:39,148 --> 00:17:43,165 So there's-- there's a woman, and she goes to her doctor. 412 00:17:43,217 --> 00:17:46,821 She goes to her doctor! It's already funny. 413 00:17:46,822 --> 00:17:48,510 It's already funny. 414 00:17:48,549 --> 00:17:50,821 No, I haven't even gotten to the setup yet. 415 00:17:53,598 --> 00:17:56,597 So, she goes to her doctor, and she, um... 416 00:17:56,633 --> 00:17:58,771 She says to her doctor, "Kiss me." 417 00:18:00,115 --> 00:18:01,821 No, that's not it. 418 00:18:01,822 --> 00:18:04,821 That's not it. That-- That's not the punch line. 419 00:18:06,822 --> 00:18:08,821 You got to stop already. 420 00:18:08,822 --> 00:18:10,091 You're killing me over here. 421 00:18:10,112 --> 00:18:11,317 Oh, you-- 422 00:18:11,353 --> 00:18:13,773 I don't know if you think the joke is over, but it's not. 423 00:18:13,822 --> 00:18:15,091 It's actually just starting. 424 00:18:18,822 --> 00:18:20,102 Okay. So I'm gonna-- 425 00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:21,488 I'm just gonna speed up. 426 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:23,516 So she says to her doctor, "Kiss me," 427 00:18:23,533 --> 00:18:25,821 and he says, "I can't. It would be unprofessional." 428 00:18:25,822 --> 00:18:27,821 No. No, not even close. 429 00:18:27,822 --> 00:18:31,821 She says-- he says, "That would be unprofessional," 430 00:18:31,822 --> 00:18:34,119 and then she says, she keeps asking him, 431 00:18:34,138 --> 00:18:35,821 and he says, "No, no, no." 432 00:18:35,822 --> 00:18:37,821 Happens three times like that. 433 00:18:38,149 --> 00:18:40,363 Finally, at the end, she says, 434 00:18:40,822 --> 00:18:42,821 "Kiss me," and he says, 435 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:45,919 "I shouldn't even be having sex with you right now." 436 00:18:49,822 --> 00:18:51,370 Then what happens? 437 00:18:54,248 --> 00:18:56,247 I don't--I don't know. 438 00:18:56,373 --> 00:18:58,821 Then, I guess she-- she probably sued him 439 00:18:58,822 --> 00:18:59,821 for malpractice? 440 00:19:02,822 --> 00:19:06,821 Sued him for malpractice. 441 00:19:09,101 --> 00:19:11,454 So you know that wasn't-- that wasn't the punch line? 442 00:19:11,822 --> 00:19:13,459 That wasn't the punch line? 443 00:19:13,483 --> 00:19:14,821 - No. The punch-- - There's more? 444 00:19:14,822 --> 00:19:16,821 No, there's not. 445 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:17,821 There's not more. 446 00:19:17,822 --> 00:19:19,821 There's more to the joke? 447 00:19:19,822 --> 00:19:21,860 No, there-- there's actually less. 448 00:19:22,596 --> 00:19:25,830 Well, that's it! You turned it around! 449 00:19:26,684 --> 00:19:28,821 - No, there's-- - You turned it around! 450 00:19:28,822 --> 00:19:30,821 - The joke-- - He said less! 451 00:19:30,822 --> 00:19:32,821 - The joke was-- - There can't be less. 452 00:19:32,822 --> 00:19:35,699 The punch line was the only part that you didn't laugh at. 453 00:19:41,411 --> 00:19:44,821 What the fuck? 454 00:19:44,822 --> 00:19:45,821 - You got me! - You got me. 455 00:19:45,822 --> 00:19:48,821 You were doing a joke the whole time! 456 00:19:48,822 --> 00:19:51,377 You were doing a weird character the whole time. 457 00:19:51,425 --> 00:19:53,363 Oh, my God, yes. Yes. 458 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,821 I love the malpractice stuff. 459 00:19:55,821 --> 00:19:59,100 The malpractice punch line is hilarious. 460 00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:00,818 So you weren't doing a character? 461 00:20:00,822 --> 00:20:03,192 - What charact-- What character? - Okay. 462 00:20:03,219 --> 00:20:05,033 This is some crazy shit. 463 00:20:07,633 --> 00:20:09,158 Hey, yo, did you ever hear my theory 464 00:20:09,173 --> 00:20:10,586 about flying, though? 465 00:20:10,649 --> 00:20:11,821 Mm-mm. 466 00:20:11,822 --> 00:20:15,524 The reason you have to jerk off before you fly-- 467 00:20:15,822 --> 00:20:17,243 Who does? What? 468 00:20:18,428 --> 00:20:21,821 Everybody jerks off before they fly. 469 00:20:21,822 --> 00:20:23,821 I think you need to look up the word "everybody." 470 00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:24,821 Well, look. Okay. 471 00:20:25,467 --> 00:20:27,821 Maybe... 472 00:20:28,221 --> 00:20:29,665 you're an exception to the rule, 473 00:20:29,705 --> 00:20:32,350 but I'm fairly certain that everybody else 474 00:20:33,083 --> 00:20:36,082 gets massive boners or whatever and jerks off-- 475 00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:37,821 I'm sorry. Gets massive boners 476 00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:38,961 - before they get on the plane? - Yeah. 477 00:20:38,961 --> 00:20:40,429 I think there's a physiological reason. 478 00:20:40,465 --> 00:20:42,138 You're about to fly. You might die. 479 00:20:42,173 --> 00:20:43,821 Your body knows you might die. 480 00:20:43,822 --> 00:20:45,821 It's like going off to war. 481 00:20:45,822 --> 00:20:47,821 You need to get that sperm out. 482 00:20:48,153 --> 00:20:49,578 Propagate the species. 483 00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,052 Just like right before this trip. 484 00:20:54,291 --> 00:20:56,359 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 485 00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:57,822 Oh, yeah. 486 00:20:57,973 --> 00:21:00,229 Sync & corrections by dwigt addic7ed.com