1
00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:05,286
Wasn't that the turn
for our polling station?
2
00:00:05,371 --> 00:00:07,379
Why, no, young man.
3
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:11,567
We-- We know
a shorter route to your--
4
00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:14,044
to our Democratic
polling station.
5
00:00:14,118 --> 00:00:16,291
You know how us Democrats
like a shortcut,
6
00:00:16,346 --> 00:00:19,037
like government spending
to prop up the economy.
7
00:00:19,092 --> 00:00:22,190
There's nothing more we love
than those federal programs.
8
00:00:22,855 --> 00:00:24,771
You two are Democrats,
aren't you?
9
00:00:24,815 --> 00:00:25,847
What?
10
00:00:27,109 --> 00:00:28,275
Of course we are.
11
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,194
You see the color of our skin,
don't you?
12
00:00:30,229 --> 00:00:32,529
How could we
not blindly vote Democratic?
13
00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:34,756
- I mean, that would be ridiculous.
- Whatever.
14
00:00:34,823 --> 00:00:37,067
All I know is my polling place
closes in 15 minutes.
15
00:00:37,119 --> 00:00:38,869
- Why, that would be terrible.
- Awful.
16
00:00:38,904 --> 00:00:41,511
I mean, how are you going to
elect tax-and-spend politicians
17
00:00:41,574 --> 00:00:42,956
if you can't vote?
18
00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:46,243
It's hard enough to vote
with all those voter I.D. laws.
19
00:00:46,328 --> 00:00:47,661
- Republicans.
- Argh!
20
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:51,081
Those gosh-darn Republicans.
21
00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:53,884
- I know. I'm just like, "Grr!"
- Yeah, ten and two, Douglas.
22
00:00:53,919 --> 00:00:55,141
- Right.
- You know what?
23
00:00:55,159 --> 00:00:57,567
If there were any Republicans
here, whoa-ho-ho-oh,
24
00:00:57,623 --> 00:00:59,089
I'd be pissed.
25
00:00:59,141 --> 00:01:00,674
- I'd be royally pissed.
- Me too. Me too.
26
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,060
In fact, I would take
their hard-fought principles,
27
00:01:03,095 --> 00:01:05,345
and I'd shove it
right up their keisters.
28
00:01:05,431 --> 00:01:06,897
Of course you would.
29
00:01:06,932 --> 00:01:10,100
We seem to be driving
in circles.
30
00:01:10,186 --> 00:01:12,820
Don't worry.
We're almost there.
31
00:01:14,323 --> 00:01:17,157
Look, it appears
we've hit somebody.
32
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:19,359
We should get out and help him.
33
00:01:19,445 --> 00:01:21,695
Oh!
Oh, my leg!
34
00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:22,780
Oh, my leg.
35
00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:24,281
Oopsy daisy. Oopsy daisy.
36
00:01:24,333 --> 00:01:26,083
Here you go.
37
00:01:26,118 --> 00:01:27,701
I am pissed.
38
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:29,920
I am royally pissed.
39
00:01:29,955 --> 00:01:32,756
Now, although it was only
this one man's fault,
40
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:35,042
I will be using
all of your tax dollars
41
00:01:35,127 --> 00:01:36,710
to get healthy,
42
00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:38,629
thanks to the Affordable
Healthcare Act.
43
00:01:38,714 --> 00:01:40,180
I know it doesn't seem fair,
44
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,883
but that's supposedly the law
of the land nowadays.
45
00:01:42,968 --> 00:01:45,385
- That's what I've heard.
- You don't look that hurt.
46
00:01:45,471 --> 00:01:47,805
Why y'all wearing
those same leather jackets
47
00:01:47,857 --> 00:01:49,106
and those dad jeans?
48
00:01:49,141 --> 00:01:50,808
Disperse!
49
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,589
Black Republican
motherfuckers!
50
00:02:21,233 --> 00:02:24,269
Sync & corrections by dwigt
addic7ed.com
51
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,594
If we were criminals on--
52
00:02:30,349 --> 00:02:33,317
on a trip to create mayhem,
53
00:02:33,352 --> 00:02:37,020
what-- what style criminal do you
think you would be?
54
00:02:37,072 --> 00:02:39,273
I might try to go that
Natural Born Killers situation.
55
00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:41,024
- Yeah, yeah, right.
- You know what I mean?
56
00:02:41,110 --> 00:02:42,693
- Well, they were lovers.
- I don't mean--
57
00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:44,194
- No, that's crazy.
- They were having sex.
58
00:02:44,246 --> 00:02:45,337
We wouldn't necessarily
do that.
59
00:02:45,389 --> 00:02:47,197
- So what do you mean by that?
- You know what made me say it?
60
00:02:47,249 --> 00:02:49,032
You said mayhem, and they
were just wreaking mayhem.
61
00:02:49,118 --> 00:02:50,534
No, but the first thing
that came to your head
62
00:02:50,586 --> 00:02:51,702
was a couple...
63
00:02:51,787 --> 00:02:53,253
- But that's--
- that murdered people.
64
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:54,922
But that's not what I was
thinking about when I said it.
65
00:02:55,007 --> 00:02:56,599
I was thinking about the fact
that they were spreading
66
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:58,041
mayhem all over the jim jam.
67
00:02:58,093 --> 00:02:59,670
Dude, you're not thinking
about it.
68
00:02:59,693 --> 00:03:02,373
You might as well
have said a porn movie.
69
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:09,386
It's a weird one--
nothing out of place,
70
00:03:09,471 --> 00:03:11,388
- no murder weapon.
- And no motive.
71
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,691
There's just a couple
lying dead in their bed.
72
00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:16,977
The proof is always
out there, detectives.
73
00:03:17,062 --> 00:03:19,313
You just have to know
where to find the pudding.
74
00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:21,291
Excuse me, sir, you can't be
here-- this is a crime scene.
75
00:03:21,354 --> 00:03:23,483
Samwell, it's okay.
76
00:03:23,569 --> 00:03:26,954
He's the greatest sex-crime
investigator in history.
77
00:03:27,039 --> 00:03:28,238
If it isn't
detective Chuck Vaughan.
78
00:03:28,324 --> 00:03:29,873
Detective Sally Ferguson.
79
00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:31,523
We could use a genius
right now.
80
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,657
Tom Samwell.
81
00:03:34,413 --> 00:03:36,079
What have we got, Samwell?
82
00:03:36,165 --> 00:03:38,966
Well, Vaughan, we've got
ourselves a hard case here.
83
00:03:39,051 --> 00:03:41,585
- All we've got is--
- Two bodies, both dead, naked--
84
00:03:41,670 --> 00:03:44,254
one man, one woman in the bed,
85
00:03:44,340 --> 00:03:46,173
two scented candles
by the nightstand.
86
00:03:46,258 --> 00:03:47,391
- How did you--
- Shh.
87
00:03:47,426 --> 00:03:50,093
No sign of forced entry.
88
00:03:50,179 --> 00:03:51,395
He loved the way they smelled.
89
00:03:53,265 --> 00:03:54,731
He wanted to cross
the threshold
90
00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,984
the way they had
on their wedding day.
91
00:03:57,069 --> 00:03:59,770
You dirty dog.
92
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:05,275
He would've experienced
that pleasure right here.
93
00:04:15,287 --> 00:04:17,788
Anniversary-- the couple
was together for a while,
94
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,958
wanted to spice things up.
95
00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:22,843
Check the date
on the photograph.
96
00:04:28,684 --> 00:04:29,967
Vaughan's right.
97
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:32,185
Today was their 15th wedding
anniversary.
98
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:33,804
This is huge.
99
00:04:33,889 --> 00:04:36,640
And what the fuck
was that?
100
00:04:36,725 --> 00:04:38,308
You just pulled your dick out
101
00:04:38,394 --> 00:04:40,978
and started jerking off
at the crime scene.
102
00:04:41,063 --> 00:04:43,458
Samwell,
he's the best there is.
103
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,899
By putting himself
in the perpetrator's mind-set,
104
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:48,151
he's able to solve crimes
that involve sex.
105
00:04:48,203 --> 00:04:49,319
Bag this up.
106
00:04:49,405 --> 00:04:52,289
Some call it a blessing.
107
00:04:52,324 --> 00:04:53,707
It's more like a curse.
108
00:04:53,792 --> 00:04:55,125
Is that what it feels like?
109
00:04:57,329 --> 00:04:58,745
Threesome.
110
00:05:03,466 --> 00:05:05,135
You wanted to see them,
didn't you?
111
00:05:05,170 --> 00:05:07,888
You wanted to watch.
112
00:05:07,973 --> 00:05:10,057
25 feet from the bedroom,
113
00:05:10,142 --> 00:05:12,509
across the kitchen, you...
114
00:05:14,179 --> 00:05:17,347
You didn't want
to see their flesh yet, did you?
115
00:05:17,399 --> 00:05:21,268
No. He stood right here.
116
00:05:34,366 --> 00:05:35,999
Role play gone wrong.
117
00:05:36,035 --> 00:05:38,535
Check the logs.
118
00:05:43,959 --> 00:05:45,926
We've got a bloody fire poker.
119
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:48,045
We've got our murder weapon.
120
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:50,597
Um, why do your revelations
121
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,266
require masturbation?
122
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:54,885
Why do kittens require milk?
123
00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:57,220
- Nope, not the same thing.
- Hey.
124
00:05:57,272 --> 00:06:01,108
Hey, he's the most brilliant
goddamn detective I know.
125
00:06:01,193 --> 00:06:03,527
Put your ego aside
and give Vaughan his space.
126
00:06:03,577 --> 00:06:06,730
My ego?
We got Captain Pudpuller
127
00:06:06,782 --> 00:06:08,699
flinging his fluids
all over the crime scene.
128
00:06:08,734 --> 00:06:09,866
Wait.
129
00:06:09,902 --> 00:06:12,703
He knew them.
130
00:06:12,738 --> 00:06:13,987
He--
131
00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:16,907
They were close, so close,
too close.
132
00:06:16,992 --> 00:06:20,243
He-- He...
133
00:06:20,295 --> 00:06:24,297
I think he knew the house.
134
00:06:24,383 --> 00:06:27,134
Why?
135
00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:31,421
What did you want,
you sick bastard?
136
00:06:31,473 --> 00:06:34,591
You wanted to see...
137
00:06:34,643 --> 00:06:37,677
What he saw every day...
138
00:06:37,763 --> 00:06:40,063
Only closer...
139
00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:41,598
Closer.
140
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,186
He was close to home.
141
00:07:01,036 --> 00:07:02,953
There's our man.
142
00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:04,454
All right, let's go get him.
143
00:07:04,540 --> 00:07:06,233
- Go, go!
- How did you--
144
00:07:09,803 --> 00:07:12,629
Vaughan, that was amazing.
145
00:07:12,714 --> 00:07:15,799
I'm sorry that I doubted you.
146
00:07:15,884 --> 00:07:19,136
Your methods
are unorthodox, but...
147
00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:20,887
I cannot argue
with your results.
148
00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:24,474
No hard feelings?
149
00:07:24,526 --> 00:07:26,026
Uh, no, nope,
not gonna do that.
150
00:07:31,990 --> 00:07:34,210
I only got cable, like,
in the '90s.
151
00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:35,545
That's the best time
for cable.
152
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,581
Best time for cable,
especially on Cinemax.
153
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:42,218
Cinemax didn't be showing
nothing but soft-core porn.
154
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:44,254
This is what bugs me
about these movies.
155
00:07:44,306 --> 00:07:45,922
- It's an action movie.
- Mm-hmm.
156
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:48,091
In the first scene,
the wife always dies.
157
00:07:48,143 --> 00:07:49,592
Mm-hmm.
158
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:52,262
And then they're reluctant to
get into this new relationship
159
00:07:52,314 --> 00:07:53,846
with this hot, young
journalist...
160
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:54,931
Right, right.
Excuse me.
161
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:57,767
who's covering the--you know.
162
00:07:57,819 --> 00:08:00,234
- Kumite?
- Kumite, thank you.
163
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,105
Mm-hmm.
164
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:04,774
And it's-- to me,
it's always an excuse to, like,
165
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:09,217
live the dream of having
"two different women,
166
00:08:09,311 --> 00:08:10,894
"a brunette and a blonde.
167
00:08:10,979 --> 00:08:14,719
"Then I reluctantly have
to have sex with both of them..."
168
00:08:14,764 --> 00:08:16,201
With both these gorgeous
women, right.
169
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:17,544
- During this hour and a half.
- Right.
170
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,640
Right, right, right,
right, right.
171
00:08:18,652 --> 00:08:20,802
- "No! My wife died."
- Yeah.
172
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,926
"And now this reporter
173
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,129
"is trying to sleep
with me months later."
174
00:08:26,181 --> 00:08:27,463
Right.
Right, right, right.
175
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:31,032
"I have to give in.
It's too much."
176
00:09:11,876 --> 00:09:13,843
Front of house is clear.
177
00:09:13,912 --> 00:09:15,478
Huh?
Did you hear that?
178
00:09:20,151 --> 00:09:22,185
Must've been nothing.
179
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,240
Back patio's clear.
180
00:10:56,047 --> 00:10:57,613
Shh.
181
00:11:07,258 --> 00:11:09,125
Now it's my turn to play.
182
00:11:40,391 --> 00:11:41,591
Oh.
183
00:11:45,029 --> 00:11:46,462
Carol.
184
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:48,698
Teague!
185
00:11:48,766 --> 00:11:52,735
I thought I killed you
the first time, Mr. Teague.
186
00:11:52,804 --> 00:11:56,439
I promise I will not make
the same mistake twice.
187
00:12:03,615 --> 00:12:06,349
You are a good cop,
Mr. Teague,
188
00:12:06,417 --> 00:12:08,518
but a lousy fighter.
189
00:12:08,586 --> 00:12:10,453
Ugh! Ah!
190
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:13,322
Ugh! Ugh! Oh! Ugh!
191
00:12:13,391 --> 00:12:16,158
Ugh! Oh! Ugh! Oh! Ugh!
192
00:12:16,227 --> 00:12:17,693
Oh!
193
00:12:20,398 --> 00:12:23,533
No! Teague!
194
00:12:23,601 --> 00:12:24,834
No!
195
00:12:27,071 --> 00:12:29,772
Oh, snap, Mr. Teague.
196
00:12:36,347 --> 00:12:38,514
Snap indeed.
197
00:12:41,819 --> 00:12:45,555
Oh.
198
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,860
Teague...
199
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:54,347
You saved my life.
200
00:12:54,519 --> 00:12:56,653
No, Carol...
201
00:12:56,669 --> 00:12:58,102
You saved mine.
202
00:13:10,848 --> 00:13:13,015
Oh.
203
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:14,517
Oh, shit.
204
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,152
Oh, shit.
205
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,659
That's just--
206
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:43,823
Good evening,
my fellow Americans.
207
00:13:44,414 --> 00:13:47,332
With me, as always,
is my anger translator, Luther.
208
00:13:47,384 --> 00:13:49,334
- What it do?
- Oh.
209
00:13:49,419 --> 00:13:53,254
As you know,
for the past six years, uh...
210
00:13:53,340 --> 00:13:55,340
I've received my fair share
of criticism
211
00:13:55,425 --> 00:13:56,841
from the Republican Party.
212
00:13:56,927 --> 00:13:59,260
I can't even give Malia
an allowance
213
00:13:59,346 --> 00:14:02,764
without them accusing me
of wealth redistribution!
214
00:14:02,849 --> 00:14:05,350
It's all part
of rough-and-tumble politics.
215
00:14:05,402 --> 00:14:09,437
I hate you!
216
00:14:09,522 --> 00:14:13,908
Uh, in recent years,
I've also received a good amount
217
00:14:13,994 --> 00:14:16,578
of criticism
from my fellow Democrats.
218
00:14:16,663 --> 00:14:18,529
Oh, my God,
these motherfuckers right here--
219
00:14:18,582 --> 00:14:21,532
How am I s-- Oh.
220
00:14:21,585 --> 00:14:23,084
Do these-- I'm gonna get 'em.
221
00:14:23,169 --> 00:14:24,702
I'm gonna get these--
222
00:14:24,788 --> 00:14:26,204
Tell me--
223
00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:28,506
I'ma-- Not you, though.
224
00:14:30,427 --> 00:14:33,678
I'ma bust all you niggers
in the lip.
225
00:14:33,713 --> 00:14:35,763
Now, I know
226
00:14:35,849 --> 00:14:38,016
the right to express
one's opinion
227
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:40,134
about the powers that be
228
00:14:40,220 --> 00:14:42,894
is the very thing
that makes this country great.
229
00:14:42,952 --> 00:14:45,139
Like I ain't got enough
shit to do!
230
00:14:45,225 --> 00:14:47,525
We got a James Bond villain
running Russia!
231
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,310
I got a Congress
full of tea baggers!
232
00:14:49,396 --> 00:14:51,613
The Earth is burning up!
233
00:14:51,698 --> 00:14:54,332
And now I got to deal with
all these whiny-ass biotches
234
00:14:54,382 --> 00:14:55,700
from my own party!
235
00:14:56,223 --> 00:14:59,434
Some have cited
my inability to make good
236
00:14:59,496 --> 00:15:01,992
on my campaign promise
to, uh...
237
00:15:03,197 --> 00:15:04,480
close Guantanamo Bay.
238
00:15:04,565 --> 00:15:06,231
Congress shut me down!
239
00:15:06,317 --> 00:15:07,983
I'm a president, y'all!
240
00:15:08,068 --> 00:15:10,514
I'm a president, not a king!
241
00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:11,987
They checked
and balanced my ass!
242
00:15:12,072 --> 00:15:14,957
I mean, goddamn!
243
00:15:15,571 --> 00:15:18,243
And then there are those
on the left
244
00:15:18,295 --> 00:15:20,963
who have criticized
my continued usage
245
00:15:21,048 --> 00:15:22,164
of drone strikes.
246
00:15:22,249 --> 00:15:23,513
You know what?
247
00:15:23,626 --> 00:15:25,876
Y'all can't have it
both ways, man!
248
00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:28,835
What do you-- You can't have
the soldiers coming home
249
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,504
hugging the moms
and then also at the same time
250
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,005
have me killing--
251
00:15:33,091 --> 00:15:35,174
with the-- in the caves!
252
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,506
Y'all should be
embracing this technology
253
00:15:37,556 --> 00:15:38,889
'cause it's
pretty amazing, man.
254
00:15:38,945 --> 00:15:40,790
It's awesome. All you got to do
is pick up the phone
255
00:15:40,877 --> 00:15:42,682
and say, "Excuse me, I'd like
to order two dead terrorists."
256
00:15:42,758 --> 00:15:44,581
Blip.
Kablam!
257
00:15:44,618 --> 00:15:45,985
- Luther.
- It's amazing!
258
00:15:46,106 --> 00:15:48,780
I mean, we can murder people
259
00:15:48,804 --> 00:15:50,656
with flying robots!
260
00:15:50,744 --> 00:15:51,637
Luther, Luther--
261
00:15:51,692 --> 00:15:53,127
It's like we
in Star Wars world, dog.
262
00:15:53,189 --> 00:15:54,415
And I'm Darth Vader
up in this bitch.
263
00:15:54,415 --> 00:15:56,448
I'm like-- I know you are--
264
00:16:04,522 --> 00:16:07,607
Luther, what is wrong
in your head?
265
00:16:07,807 --> 00:16:10,808
Why would you compare
the president
266
00:16:10,901 --> 00:16:13,569
to one
of the lords of the Sith?
267
00:16:16,353 --> 00:16:18,720
Thank you and good night.
268
00:16:24,610 --> 00:16:29,446
If Obama needed to snuggle,
I'd snuggle.
269
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:31,982
Yeah, I'd spoon
the president in a second.
270
00:16:32,067 --> 00:16:33,867
You would get spooned
by the president.
271
00:16:33,902 --> 00:16:35,786
- Uh-oh.
- You can't--you can't risk
272
00:16:35,871 --> 00:16:38,905
Paparazzi coming up
and seeing you spooning him.
273
00:16:38,958 --> 00:16:41,792
Yeah, but that'd be a boost
for my career.
274
00:16:41,877 --> 00:16:43,243
Any of this, any moment.
275
00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:46,580
In any configuration,
spoon, spooner, or spoonee...
276
00:16:46,665 --> 00:16:47,998
- You're gonna be--
- I'm in good shape.
277
00:16:48,083 --> 00:16:49,916
You're like
a modern-day Marilyn Monroe.
278
00:16:49,969 --> 00:16:52,135
Oh, hell, yeah. I'm on the
cover of In Touch for a week.
279
00:16:52,221 --> 00:16:54,137
Talk about happy birthday,
mr. President.
280
00:16:54,223 --> 00:16:56,723
Yeah, I'm in just--
you kidding me?
281
00:16:56,759 --> 00:16:58,675
Get up in there
and get some slippers on.
282
00:16:58,761 --> 00:17:00,143
Play a little basketball
beforehand.
283
00:17:00,229 --> 00:17:01,428
Take a shower.
284
00:17:01,513 --> 00:17:03,597
Put on the night clothes.
285
00:17:03,649 --> 00:17:05,265
You ready, O?
You ready, Barama?
286
00:17:05,317 --> 00:17:06,316
Barama.
287
00:17:13,172 --> 00:17:14,967
So you got to keep
the toppings full.
288
00:17:15,052 --> 00:17:17,459
Okay, got it.
I'm on top of that.
289
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,045
You gonna fit in
just fine here.
290
00:17:19,345 --> 00:17:21,362
Hey, someday...
291
00:17:21,447 --> 00:17:23,364
That might be your picture
on the wall.
292
00:17:23,449 --> 00:17:26,283
Oh, employee of the year.
293
00:17:26,369 --> 00:17:27,618
When does she work?
294
00:17:27,670 --> 00:17:28,919
What?
295
00:17:28,955 --> 00:17:31,956
I was just wondering
when she works.
296
00:17:32,041 --> 00:17:36,210
Girl, it's me.
297
00:17:36,295 --> 00:17:38,796
Oh...
298
00:17:38,848 --> 00:17:40,965
Congrats.
299
00:17:41,050 --> 00:17:43,768
Now, here's the best part
about working at a yogurt shop,
300
00:17:43,803 --> 00:17:45,487
is you get
all the free froyo you want.
301
00:17:45,609 --> 00:17:46,687
Mm-hmm.
302
00:17:46,773 --> 00:17:48,639
And you can't believe
how delicious it is
303
00:17:48,691 --> 00:17:49,723
and also fat free.
304
00:17:49,809 --> 00:17:51,525
Thank God,
because my boyfriend--
305
00:17:51,611 --> 00:17:53,727
He just got back
from his tour in Afghanistan,
306
00:17:53,813 --> 00:17:55,563
and he's coming here
to pick me up.
307
00:17:55,648 --> 00:17:58,250
He should be here in a minute.
I haven't seen him in a year.
308
00:17:59,485 --> 00:18:00,951
A whole year, you say.
309
00:18:00,987 --> 00:18:03,954
Mm-hmm. Have some.
310
00:18:03,990 --> 00:18:05,990
I'm good.
311
00:18:06,042 --> 00:18:08,042
Now, if you need a extra shirt
or anything,
312
00:18:08,127 --> 00:18:10,661
they gonna be in there,
because these seem to shrink.
313
00:18:10,746 --> 00:18:11,829
- Uh-huh.
- Okay, you know what, girl?
314
00:18:11,914 --> 00:18:13,914
I can't get enough
of this stuff.
315
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,800
I mean, you should have some.
It's free.
316
00:18:15,835 --> 00:18:18,919
No, I'm okay.
I'm-- I'll have some later.
317
00:18:19,005 --> 00:18:21,672
Come on, girl, it's fat free.
318
00:18:24,510 --> 00:18:26,620
Hi. I just got back
from Afghanistan.
319
00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:28,346
I'm here looking
for my girlfriend, Latia.
320
00:18:28,409 --> 00:18:29,346
Aah!
321
00:18:29,432 --> 00:18:30,931
Baby!
322
00:18:32,735 --> 00:18:34,568
Baby, what-- what?
It's me.
323
00:18:34,654 --> 00:18:36,403
No, it's not.
324
00:18:36,489 --> 00:18:39,657
What? It's me.
325
00:18:39,692 --> 00:18:41,358
Apparently she doesn't work
here anymore.
326
00:18:41,444 --> 00:18:42,860
Thanks.
327
00:18:42,912 --> 00:18:45,696
What?
328
00:18:46,188 --> 00:18:48,999
Oh, my God!
He's leaving me!
329
00:18:49,035 --> 00:18:52,086
Desmona, is he leaving me?
Desmona, why would he leave me?
330
00:18:52,171 --> 00:18:56,040
What-- What possible reason could
there be for him leaving me?
331
00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:59,009
For him leaving me?
332
00:18:59,045 --> 00:19:01,879
Maybe he--
maybe he got that PSD. PSD.
333
00:19:01,964 --> 00:19:04,632
- What? Oh, you mean the PTSDs?
- The PTSDs.
334
00:19:04,717 --> 00:19:08,102
You mean the post-traumatic
stress disorder.
335
00:19:08,187 --> 00:19:10,137
It's got to be that.
336
00:19:10,223 --> 00:19:13,271
Oh, my God!
My baby got the PTSD!
337
00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:15,643
My baby got the PTSD!
338
00:19:15,728 --> 00:19:19,196
That could be the only reason!
339
00:19:19,232 --> 00:19:21,065
Oh, my baby!
340
00:19:21,117 --> 00:19:24,952
My poor, poor baby
got the PTSDs!
341
00:19:25,037 --> 00:19:27,404
Oh, my baby!
342
00:19:38,217 --> 00:19:39,466
Ain't nobody caring
about centaurs.
343
00:19:39,552 --> 00:19:41,001
These dudes just running
around raping women.
344
00:19:41,087 --> 00:19:42,386
- Centaurs?
- Human women.
345
00:19:42,421 --> 00:19:43,754
Oh, yeah, them too.
They were bad at it.
346
00:19:43,839 --> 00:19:46,390
How does a centaur
even have sex with a human?
347
00:19:46,425 --> 00:19:47,591
Oh, they do it.
348
00:19:47,643 --> 00:19:52,012
If I was a woman
and I saw a centaur,
349
00:19:52,098 --> 00:19:53,847
why would I not get up on that?
350
00:19:53,933 --> 00:19:56,734
The dude is half man,
half horse.
351
00:19:56,769 --> 00:19:58,602
- You would want--wait.
- I'm just saying.
352
00:19:58,688 --> 00:20:00,354
You're saying
if you were a woman--
353
00:20:00,427 --> 00:20:01,655
If I'm a woman
354
00:20:01,727 --> 00:20:04,227
and the centaur had a really
nice personality, you know...
355
00:20:04,694 --> 00:20:06,994
Personality aside,
what are you saying?
356
00:20:07,079 --> 00:20:08,362
You know
exactly what I'm saying.
357
00:20:08,447 --> 00:20:09,663
The dude is half man...
358
00:20:09,749 --> 00:20:11,665
You would fuck a horse.
359
00:20:11,751 --> 00:20:14,451
Half-- No.
Half man, half horse.
360
00:20:14,537 --> 00:20:16,670
So you're saying
you want to have sex with a--
361
00:20:16,756 --> 00:20:18,756
The important half is a--
is the horse half,
362
00:20:18,791 --> 00:20:20,631
but then you have a man
connected in there too.
363
00:20:20,682 --> 00:20:21,675
That's all I'm saying.
364
00:20:21,761 --> 00:20:24,178
Dude, that is the craziest,
sickest shit
365
00:20:24,263 --> 00:20:25,679
you've ever said
in your fucking life.
366
00:20:25,765 --> 00:20:27,681
I'm talking
about a mythological creature.
367
00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:29,966
Dude, you could've said
"I would have sex
368
00:20:29,991 --> 00:20:32,190
"with a female centaur",
and just that.
369
00:20:32,212 --> 00:20:34,385
I would-- I wouldn't have sex
with a female centaur.
370
00:20:34,421 --> 00:20:36,778
But then, you would have sex
with a male centaur.
371
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:40,031
If I-- If, perhaps, I was a woman,
and I had that--
372
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,119
Did you see Fantasia?
373
00:20:42,476 --> 00:20:45,240
- Yeah.
- Those female centaurs was hot.
374
00:20:45,289 --> 00:20:46,818
Oh, my God. I--
375
00:20:46,929 --> 00:20:48,502
- But okay. No, I got you.
- I'm saying--
376
00:20:48,555 --> 00:20:50,265
You'd rather have sex
with a male centaur
377
00:20:50,277 --> 00:20:51,925
- than a female centaur.
- Not me.
378
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,012
♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪
379
00:20:54,075 --> 00:20:55,701
Oh, yeah!
380
00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:59,547
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