1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,560
Should I compare thee
to a summer's day?
2
00:00:02,576 --> 00:00:05,056
Thou art more lovely.
You're laughing at that?
3
00:00:05,168 --> 00:00:07,887
I am allowed to laugh.
4
00:00:07,888 --> 00:00:10,487
It's him! It's Rudy 2!
5
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:13,327
Stand back!
Are you a doctor?
6
00:00:13,328 --> 00:00:14,488
I'm an electrician.
7
00:00:20,248 --> 00:00:21,647
There's someone inside
of there?
8
00:00:21,648 --> 00:00:22,687
Yeah.
9
00:00:22,688 --> 00:00:25,527
It's someone with a power.
10
00:00:25,528 --> 00:00:26,607
All right, mate.
11
00:00:26,608 --> 00:00:30,207
Who's that on top of the
building?
12
00:00:30,208 --> 00:00:32,847
Maybe it's you.
13
00:00:32,848 --> 00:00:36,687
What if we all become
superheroes?
14
00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:37,767
Oh!
15
00:00:37,768 --> 00:00:39,967
What you doing?
Noth... Nothing.
16
00:00:39,968 --> 00:00:43,968
Shit, I'm sorry, I just...
I thought it was his neck.
17
00:01:07,048 --> 00:01:11,048
Leah?
18
00:01:11,248 --> 00:01:14,048
I can hear you.
I know you're in there.
19
00:01:16,168 --> 00:01:17,408
Leah!
20
00:01:18,928 --> 00:01:22,928
I know something
happened to you in the storm.
21
00:01:23,488 --> 00:01:26,767
Something happened to me, too.
22
00:01:26,768 --> 00:01:30,768
I've been going to this group...
23
00:01:32,248 --> 00:01:36,248
It's for people like us.
24
00:01:38,048 --> 00:01:39,887
You don't have to
go through it on your own.
25
00:01:39,888 --> 00:01:41,887
We could go together.
26
00:01:41,888 --> 00:01:45,888
I miss hanging out with you.
27
00:01:48,168 --> 00:01:52,168
Call me.
28
00:02:49,648 --> 00:02:50,688
Leah?
29
00:03:12,362 --> 00:03:52,377
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
30
00:03:53,528 --> 00:03:54,807
From man-to-smaller-man,
31
00:03:54,808 --> 00:03:57,047
you're never going to get over this
childish infatuation with Jess
32
00:03:57,048 --> 00:04:01,047
until you find a girl who looks up
at you with little puppy-dog eyes
33
00:04:01,048 --> 00:04:05,048
and says the words, "Your tiny little cock
tastes like marmalade, Finlay."
34
00:04:06,128 --> 00:04:10,128
Now, look at her - she looks
like a fun girl. Eh? Lady Marmalade!
35
00:04:11,448 --> 00:04:15,447
Some people say tears
are the best form of lubricant.
36
00:04:15,448 --> 00:04:16,527
No-one says that.
37
00:04:16,528 --> 00:04:18,287
Oh...
Ow!
38
00:04:18,288 --> 00:04:19,727
Sorry. I'm so...
39
00:04:19,728 --> 00:04:22,607
Lubricant!
40
00:04:22,608 --> 00:04:24,607
It's the best form of lubricant.
41
00:04:24,608 --> 00:04:28,247
Better than tears...
42
00:04:28,248 --> 00:04:30,207
marmalade.
43
00:04:30,208 --> 00:04:31,447
Because it's more
lubricating...
44
00:04:31,448 --> 00:04:35,448
Just fuck off!
45
00:04:41,808 --> 00:04:45,527
Tea?
46
00:04:45,528 --> 00:04:47,967
Hope it starts soon -
got work to do.
47
00:04:47,968 --> 00:04:49,967
Bloody paperwork - never
stops, eh?
48
00:04:49,968 --> 00:04:52,327
I know.
49
00:04:52,328 --> 00:04:56,328
What d'you do?
Probation worker.
50
00:04:56,888 --> 00:04:59,167
Oh, my God, I'm... I'm so
sorry.
51
00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:01,127
Oh, my God.
52
00:05:01,128 --> 00:05:05,007
I was just going to clean the biscuit off.
I kind of splattered ya.
53
00:05:05,008 --> 00:05:06,087
O-OK.
54
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:10,088
I don't usually spit tea and
biscuits in a girl's face.
55
00:05:10,488 --> 00:05:13,287
Unless she's asking for it.
I'm not saying...
56
00:05:13,288 --> 00:05:15,047
you were asking for it...
57
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,127
No. No means no.
58
00:05:17,128 --> 00:05:19,647
And that's coming from a guy
who gets told no a lot.
59
00:05:19,648 --> 00:05:23,648
I mean, it's not like I'm out
there, forcing myself on girls.
60
00:05:23,688 --> 00:05:25,487
I don't know what the fuck
is wrong with me.
61
00:05:25,488 --> 00:05:28,207
I'm really sorry. Just don't talk
to me.
62
00:05:28,208 --> 00:05:31,407
I'm... I'm a twat.
63
00:05:31,408 --> 00:05:35,408
I'm Leah.
64
00:05:36,648 --> 00:05:37,967
Finn.
65
00:05:37,968 --> 00:05:39,528
I'm Finn.
66
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:03,647
Oh!
67
00:06:03,648 --> 00:06:07,648
Pick'n'mix! You've been holding out
on me, Finlay.
68
00:06:08,048 --> 00:06:09,768
Little bastard.
69
00:06:14,048 --> 00:06:16,567
I know what you're doing.
70
00:06:16,568 --> 00:06:20,247
Just a minute!
71
00:06:20,248 --> 00:06:24,248
This is about Jess, isn't it?
72
00:06:24,448 --> 00:06:25,607
What are you talking about?
73
00:06:25,608 --> 00:06:29,608
I'm talking about you taking Finn to
the support group to hit on girls
74
00:06:29,968 --> 00:06:33,968
so you don't feel so guilty
about your feelings for Jess.
75
00:06:38,048 --> 00:06:39,887
Well, I refute that.
76
00:06:39,888 --> 00:06:41,807
Or at least, I think I do.
What does "refute" mean?
77
00:06:41,808 --> 00:06:43,727
It means you don't accept
something.
78
00:06:43,728 --> 00:06:45,127
Yeah, well, I refute that.
79
00:06:45,128 --> 00:06:47,647
What if I was to tell Finn why you're
so keen on him getting a girlfriend?
80
00:06:47,648 --> 00:06:50,047
Don't, you can't. I really like
Jess...
81
00:06:50,048 --> 00:06:53,407
Just stay away from the
support group, please.
82
00:06:53,408 --> 00:06:57,408
Fine, I will! I'll stay away from
your ridiculous support group, pal.
83
00:06:58,008 --> 00:06:59,687
Oi, I'm still the boss of you,
pal.
84
00:06:59,688 --> 00:07:01,727
I refute that.
85
00:07:01,728 --> 00:07:03,567
Oh, do you? Well,
86
00:07:03,568 --> 00:07:07,407
when I learn how to fly, I'm going
to soar like a friggin' eagle.
87
00:07:07,408 --> 00:07:10,247
And I'm gonna take a massive shit on
your head from a very great height.
88
00:07:10,248 --> 00:07:12,407
It isn't you on the jumper.
89
00:07:12,408 --> 00:07:13,807
You don't know that!
90
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,967
It's very difficult getting
a good likeness in wool.
91
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:19,968
I will not let you screw up
the future for all of us.
92
00:07:20,048 --> 00:07:21,607
Gah, whatever.
93
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,167
Refuted!
94
00:07:23,168 --> 00:07:26,647
I refute you, sir!
95
00:07:26,648 --> 00:07:29,327
Do you think I should go over and
put a good word in for him?
96
00:07:29,328 --> 00:07:30,927
What are you going to say?
97
00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:33,687
I could tell her about
his strangely weighty balls.
98
00:07:33,688 --> 00:07:37,688
They're like... hairy apples.
99
00:07:37,968 --> 00:07:40,207
Are you Alex?
Yeah.
100
00:07:40,208 --> 00:07:43,927
I was told you can help me.
101
00:07:43,928 --> 00:07:45,367
With my power.
102
00:07:45,368 --> 00:07:46,687
What's the problem?
103
00:07:46,688 --> 00:07:48,487
I turn things inside out.
104
00:07:48,488 --> 00:07:49,807
Hm.
105
00:07:49,808 --> 00:07:51,247
That doesn't seem that bad.
106
00:07:51,248 --> 00:07:52,967
It's good for doing the laundry.
107
00:07:52,968 --> 00:07:55,607
And transgender surgery.
108
00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:58,247
I turned my cat inside out.
109
00:07:58,248 --> 00:07:59,287
OK...
110
00:07:59,288 --> 00:08:02,207
Why don't we go somewhere
a bit quieter?
111
00:08:02,208 --> 00:08:05,208
OK.
112
00:08:07,048 --> 00:08:08,527
So what's your power?
113
00:08:08,528 --> 00:08:09,767
What?
114
00:08:09,768 --> 00:08:11,727
Your power.
115
00:08:11,728 --> 00:08:13,687
Why were you at the support
group? Oh...
116
00:08:13,688 --> 00:08:17,688
Er... I have super hearing.
117
00:08:18,688 --> 00:08:21,287
That's so cool.
118
00:08:21,288 --> 00:08:22,647
What?
119
00:08:22,648 --> 00:08:26,648
I said, "That's so cool."
120
00:08:27,408 --> 00:08:30,087
I said it quietly, because you
can... Right.
121
00:08:30,088 --> 00:08:32,047
It's not always on.
122
00:08:32,048 --> 00:08:36,048
It gets too loud.
OK.
123
00:08:40,328 --> 00:08:44,328
So, what about you?
What's your power?
124
00:08:57,328 --> 00:09:01,167
I can move
other stuff, too. Not just lager.
125
00:09:01,168 --> 00:09:03,167
Shit! Shit, I'm sorry.
126
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,167
I-I should go.
127
00:09:05,168 --> 00:09:09,168
Do you want me to walk
you home?
128
00:09:10,408 --> 00:09:11,487
Sorry.
129
00:09:11,488 --> 00:09:14,287
Sorry. Just let it air dry.
130
00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:17,407
Not it. The trousers.
131
00:09:17,408 --> 00:09:19,727
Let them air dry.
132
00:09:19,728 --> 00:09:23,728
Shall we...?
133
00:09:28,088 --> 00:09:29,287
Oh!
134
00:09:29,288 --> 00:09:31,127
..Hi.
135
00:09:31,128 --> 00:09:32,647
Do you... like apples?
136
00:09:32,648 --> 00:09:34,687
Er... yeah.
137
00:09:34,688 --> 00:09:38,567
You are gonna love his balls.
138
00:09:38,568 --> 00:09:40,847
Well, I hope everything works out
for you. Sorry about your cat.
139
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:44,848
Oh, never mind.
140
00:09:46,328 --> 00:09:47,807
We were just...
141
00:09:47,808 --> 00:09:51,687
We can probably guess, actually.
We don't need... any photos...
142
00:09:51,688 --> 00:09:55,688
Videos.
143
00:10:01,648 --> 00:10:03,887
Well... Have a good night.
144
00:10:03,888 --> 00:10:07,888
Having a great night anyway,
already.
145
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:10,447
Alex.
146
00:10:10,448 --> 00:10:12,207
From the bar.
147
00:10:12,208 --> 00:10:16,208
Can't keep it in his pants for more
than two seconds. It's a sickness.
148
00:10:18,888 --> 00:10:22,888
A disease.
149
00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:34,887
Can I get your number?
150
00:10:34,888 --> 00:10:36,407
Sure, yeah.
151
00:10:36,408 --> 00:10:38,418
I'll call you. OK.
152
00:10:48,350 --> 00:10:51,630
Is anyone going to the bar tonight?
153
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:54,253
I work there.
I wasn't talking to you.
154
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:57,213
I'll go with you.
Whatever.
155
00:10:57,214 --> 00:11:01,214
Sure, I'll go for a drink.
Yeah. Oh, oh... Shit, I can't.
156
00:11:02,374 --> 00:11:05,173
No, I met this girl at the support
group last night.
157
00:11:05,174 --> 00:11:08,813
Leah. Yeah, we really, really
connected.
158
00:11:08,814 --> 00:11:11,173
Went out afterwards for a drink...
159
00:11:11,174 --> 00:11:13,613
They saw me.
160
00:11:13,614 --> 00:11:15,253
So... this whole thing
161
00:11:15,254 --> 00:11:19,254
about going for a drink is so you
can tell us about this girl.
162
00:11:20,214 --> 00:11:21,293
No.
163
00:11:21,294 --> 00:11:22,693
No! I was...
164
00:11:22,694 --> 00:11:26,694
I was just interested in what your
plans were for tonight.
165
00:11:29,294 --> 00:11:32,054
Excuse me!
166
00:11:55,254 --> 00:11:58,014
Oh...!
167
00:12:00,414 --> 00:12:01,733
Something on your mind?
168
00:12:01,734 --> 00:12:04,373
You're on my mind. You are.
169
00:12:04,374 --> 00:12:06,173
You've cast a spell.
170
00:12:06,174 --> 00:12:08,653
I can't eat, I can't sleep
171
00:12:08,654 --> 00:12:10,733
and I can't shit,
172
00:12:10,734 --> 00:12:12,013
without that
173
00:12:12,014 --> 00:12:13,973
popping into me head!
174
00:12:13,974 --> 00:12:17,573
Well, um, I hate to mess up your
well-established routine of eating,
175
00:12:17,574 --> 00:12:20,773
sleeping and shitting, so...
176
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:23,653
Do you want meet up later
and talk about it?
177
00:12:23,654 --> 00:12:26,533
Yeah.
OK. Well, it's a date.
178
00:12:26,534 --> 00:12:28,773
Grr, you're a witch.
179
00:12:28,774 --> 00:12:30,413
You're a beautiful friggin' witch.
180
00:12:30,414 --> 00:12:31,694
You know that?
181
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:09,693
Hiya.
182
00:13:09,694 --> 00:13:10,893
Hi?
183
00:13:10,894 --> 00:13:12,773
Don't worry, I'm...
184
00:13:12,774 --> 00:13:16,253
not going to spit tea and
biscuits in your face.
185
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:18,373
Unless you want me to?
186
00:13:18,374 --> 00:13:21,613
Sorry, do I know you?
187
00:13:21,614 --> 00:13:23,813
Good one!
188
00:13:23,814 --> 00:13:25,613
What?
189
00:13:25,614 --> 00:13:29,013
Oh, I see.
190
00:13:29,014 --> 00:13:32,293
You like to play games.
191
00:13:32,294 --> 00:13:34,853
Well, you'd better watch yourself.
192
00:13:34,854 --> 00:13:38,293
Because if you wanna play,
then you're playing...
193
00:13:38,294 --> 00:13:39,413
..with a player.
194
00:13:39,414 --> 00:13:42,053
I've got no idea
what you're talking about.
195
00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:46,054
Or who you are.
196
00:13:47,574 --> 00:13:50,933
Of course you don't.
197
00:13:50,934 --> 00:13:54,934
..Game on.
198
00:13:55,374 --> 00:13:56,413
Do me a favour?
199
00:13:56,414 --> 00:13:57,733
I'd love to.
200
00:13:57,734 --> 00:14:01,734
Stay the fuck away from me!
201
00:14:07,334 --> 00:14:09,813
So, do you want to talk about
what's going on with us?
202
00:14:09,814 --> 00:14:11,013
Yeah, I do.
203
00:14:11,014 --> 00:14:14,973
Right, now, when it comes to
Finlay, there is no "us".
204
00:14:14,974 --> 00:14:17,373
Honestly, I'll just deny I even
know you.
205
00:14:17,374 --> 00:14:20,253
"Jess? Who's Jess? Is she that
Chinese fella with a bit of a limp?"
206
00:14:20,254 --> 00:14:22,733
So we can't just be honest
about it?
207
00:14:22,734 --> 00:14:24,613
Of course we can be honest!
We can be honest about it.
208
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:27,853
That's my middle name -
Rudy Honest Geoffrey Wade.
209
00:14:27,854 --> 00:14:30,133
You go first.
210
00:14:30,134 --> 00:14:31,973
I like you.
Whoa!
211
00:14:31,974 --> 00:14:35,413
.Which is really weird, because you
can be such a total dick.
212
00:14:35,414 --> 00:14:37,413
Hey, whoa! Well, I refute that.
213
00:14:37,414 --> 00:14:39,173
That's...
214
00:14:39,174 --> 00:14:41,933
That is refuted.
215
00:14:41,934 --> 00:14:45,213
If you want to start seeing me,
I'm not going to sneak around.
216
00:14:45,214 --> 00:14:47,493
We have to tell Finn.
217
00:14:47,494 --> 00:14:49,973
Or we could just not tell him.
Bingo.
218
00:14:49,974 --> 00:14:52,573
If you...
219
00:14:52,574 --> 00:14:56,574
want to be with me,
then we have to tell Finn.
220
00:14:56,614 --> 00:14:59,933
I don't know, isn't there, like, a
middle ground where we just...
221
00:14:59,934 --> 00:15:01,213
where we don't tell him?
222
00:15:01,214 --> 00:15:05,214
Just...
223
00:15:06,094 --> 00:15:07,693
Yeah, all right. I'll tell him.
224
00:15:07,694 --> 00:15:09,933
Man-to-smaller-man, I'm just going
to have a word with him.
225
00:15:09,934 --> 00:15:11,293
It's not a problem. Oh!
226
00:15:11,294 --> 00:15:12,693
Ugh!
227
00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,093
Finlay's here!
228
00:15:14,094 --> 00:15:15,253
Finlay's here.
229
00:15:15,254 --> 00:15:17,653
Women.
Where?!
230
00:15:17,654 --> 00:15:19,133
I'm saying.
231
00:15:19,134 --> 00:15:20,853
One minute, you're...
232
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:24,854
spitting tea and biscuits in their
face and they're being all coy and shy
233
00:15:24,894 --> 00:15:28,093
and the next minute, they're
acting like they don't even know you.
234
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,053
I'm done with this bullshit.
235
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,773
Wahey, where's he going?
Come here.
236
00:15:31,774 --> 00:15:35,413
You mean, like, done with all
women? Everywhere?
237
00:15:35,414 --> 00:15:39,414
Jesus, man - women are beautiful.
They've got lovely little...
238
00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,693
..shapely eyebrows,
smell of pain au chocolat...
239
00:15:41,694 --> 00:15:43,533
Who are you talking about?
240
00:15:43,534 --> 00:15:45,333
What?
241
00:15:45,334 --> 00:15:47,293
Talking about me mum.
She stinks of pastry.
242
00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:48,533
Absolutely hums of the stuff.
243
00:15:48,534 --> 00:15:50,173
It's probably her hormones,
I don't know.
244
00:15:50,174 --> 00:15:53,093
Right.
245
00:15:53,094 --> 00:15:54,653
It's Jess.
246
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,213
Ah.
247
00:15:56,214 --> 00:15:57,533
She's the only girl for me.
248
00:15:57,534 --> 00:16:00,733
Now listen, between me and you,
don't say anything, I just...
249
00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:02,453
I think Jess might be a bit of a
cunt.
250
00:16:02,454 --> 00:16:04,413
Whoa, you can't say that!
Why not?
251
00:16:04,414 --> 00:16:08,414
Because she's perfect.
252
00:16:08,974 --> 00:16:12,974
Yeah, she is perfect, mate.
She is.
253
00:16:14,054 --> 00:16:18,054
She's perfection.
254
00:16:23,094 --> 00:16:25,173
Eurgh!
255
00:16:25,174 --> 00:16:28,173
Oh, God's sake!
256
00:16:28,174 --> 00:16:31,254
So what are you gonna do?
257
00:16:33,294 --> 00:16:35,293
Are you going to tell Finn
about your feelings for Jess?
258
00:16:35,294 --> 00:16:39,133
Are you out of your friggin'
mind?
259
00:16:39,134 --> 00:16:41,734
There is only one thing I can do.
260
00:17:04,614 --> 00:17:06,454
Gah!
261
00:17:12,734 --> 00:17:16,734
Finlay?
262
00:17:17,094 --> 00:17:18,133
Check your messages.
263
00:17:18,134 --> 00:17:20,573
Might find a little... present
there.
264
00:17:20,574 --> 00:17:22,814
What is it?
Check it out. Enjoy.
265
00:17:24,854 --> 00:17:28,173
Gah!
266
00:17:28,174 --> 00:17:29,493
Is she taking a shit?
267
00:17:29,494 --> 00:17:32,533
She's taking the Mother
Teresa of all shits, dude.
268
00:17:32,534 --> 00:17:34,453
Her face is all contorted -
what the fuck?
269
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:35,533
I know!
270
00:17:35,534 --> 00:17:37,493
It's enough to put you off her,
isn't it?
271
00:17:37,494 --> 00:17:39,773
Eurgh, I can't watch...
Oh, my God!
272
00:17:39,774 --> 00:17:42,293
Consider yourself cured
of your childish infatuation.
273
00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:45,533
Why have you sent me a
video of Jess taking a shit?
274
00:17:45,534 --> 00:17:47,573
Eh?
Yeah, I got one of those, too.
275
00:17:47,574 --> 00:17:49,573
I thought it was one of those
e-greeting cards.
276
00:17:49,574 --> 00:17:51,133
Are you fucking kidding?
277
00:17:51,134 --> 00:17:52,453
Gah!
278
00:17:52,454 --> 00:17:56,454
Shit!
279
00:17:58,734 --> 00:18:00,893
Morning!
280
00:18:00,894 --> 00:18:01,973
Morning.
281
00:18:01,974 --> 00:18:03,253
Good... good morning,
Jessica.
282
00:18:03,254 --> 00:18:05,453
What the fuck are you doing?
That's my phone!
283
00:18:05,454 --> 00:18:07,893
Yeah, I know, I've only gone
and bloody liberated you,
284
00:18:07,894 --> 00:18:10,533
freed you from the tyrannies
of friggin' texting.
285
00:18:10,534 --> 00:18:12,933
You're free now. Just take off
your shackles, get rid of them,
286
00:18:12,934 --> 00:18:14,653
throw it in there.
287
00:18:14,654 --> 00:18:17,333
♪ Free-ee, Nelson Mandela
288
00:18:17,334 --> 00:18:20,213
♪ Shoes too small to fit his
feet... ♪
289
00:18:20,214 --> 00:18:23,853
He should have gone to Clarks - they
do a bit of a wider fit, don't they?
290
00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:25,173
You're paying for a new phone.
291
00:18:25,174 --> 00:18:27,733
What d'you mean, you don't have
insurance? Bloody hell.
292
00:18:27,734 --> 00:18:29,773
Well, some people might call
that a bit irresponsible.
293
00:18:29,774 --> 00:18:32,813
Know what I mean?
294
00:18:32,814 --> 00:18:34,533
Not me, I think it's adorable.
295
00:18:34,534 --> 00:18:36,053
I call it adorable.
296
00:18:36,054 --> 00:18:39,253
I call it not having a fucking
phone.
297
00:18:39,254 --> 00:18:41,613
Adorable!
298
00:18:41,614 --> 00:18:45,614
Fuck!
299
00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:10,854
What the fuck are you doing?
300
00:19:12,294 --> 00:19:14,574
So suddenly, you know me again?
301
00:19:21,534 --> 00:19:23,973
Oi - you need to see this.
302
00:19:23,974 --> 00:19:26,653
Yeah, I know.
It's all over the internet.
303
00:19:26,654 --> 00:19:28,893
No! Fuck!
304
00:19:28,894 --> 00:19:30,773
The shit's hit the fan, Finlay.
305
00:19:30,774 --> 00:19:32,293
By fan, I mean fuckin' World
Wide Web.
306
00:19:32,294 --> 00:19:34,253
I'll see you later.
Where are you going?
307
00:19:34,254 --> 00:19:36,453
To see Leah.
308
00:19:36,454 --> 00:19:38,533
The girl I met at the support
group.
309
00:19:38,534 --> 00:19:40,973
You are? That's brilliant.
310
00:19:40,974 --> 00:19:42,493
Get gone. Go on.
311
00:19:42,494 --> 00:19:45,333
You know, I saw him coming out of
the bar with her the other night
312
00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:47,373
and she looked like she
pissed herself.
313
00:19:47,374 --> 00:19:51,093
Or maybe her vagina had
become so moist, it just...
314
00:19:51,094 --> 00:19:54,373
..soaked through her clothing?
315
00:19:54,374 --> 00:19:57,293
And when has that ever
happened?
316
00:19:57,294 --> 00:19:59,773
Summer 2006, Lisa King.
317
00:19:59,774 --> 00:20:03,774
Her vagina so moist,
it was like a...
318
00:20:04,134 --> 00:20:08,134
..gently bubbling brook
on a beautiful spring day.
319
00:20:57,054 --> 00:20:58,573
Hi.
320
00:20:58,574 --> 00:21:02,574
Hi...
321
00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:09,333
Who are you?
322
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:10,773
Where am I?
323
00:21:10,774 --> 00:21:12,053
You're in my flat.
324
00:21:12,054 --> 00:21:14,653
I found you unconscious in
the corridor.
325
00:21:14,654 --> 00:21:18,653
I think you must have been in
an accident.
326
00:21:18,654 --> 00:21:22,654
Shit!
327
00:21:23,494 --> 00:21:25,533
I don't know what happened.
You're OK.
328
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:29,534
That's the main thing.
329
00:21:29,854 --> 00:21:30,973
Do I know you?
330
00:21:30,974 --> 00:21:32,333
No!
331
00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:36,334
But it's weird, because I feel like I
know you, too.
332
00:21:39,094 --> 00:21:40,373
I-I should go.
333
00:21:40,374 --> 00:21:41,733
You don't have to!
334
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:44,533
Stay, if you like.
Do you want a beer?
335
00:21:44,534 --> 00:21:48,013
I... I've got to get back,
I'm on community service.
336
00:21:48,014 --> 00:21:49,653
Stay. We'll have some pizza.
337
00:21:49,654 --> 00:21:53,493
D'you like Chinese food?
Anything you want.
338
00:21:53,494 --> 00:21:55,893
I...I'd love to.
339
00:21:55,894 --> 00:21:59,613
Honestly, I would, but I've got things
to do, you know, like litter to pick up.
340
00:21:59,614 --> 00:22:03,614
There's everything we need right
here! We don't have to go anywhere.
341
00:22:04,094 --> 00:22:06,813
..OK.
342
00:22:06,814 --> 00:22:09,053
This has been fun, you know...
343
00:22:09,054 --> 00:22:11,373
whatever... this is.
344
00:22:11,374 --> 00:22:15,374
I'll see you around.
345
00:22:16,494 --> 00:22:19,293
Don't.
346
00:22:19,294 --> 00:22:23,294
You've had your fun, the party's
over and I'm leaving.
347
00:22:26,814 --> 00:22:28,894
Fuck off! No!
348
00:22:43,774 --> 00:22:47,493
Wh...?
349
00:22:47,494 --> 00:22:50,733
D'you wanna tell me what's
going on?
350
00:22:50,734 --> 00:22:53,773
We're in a virtual world.
351
00:22:53,774 --> 00:22:57,413
I had us converted into
electronic signals.
352
00:22:57,414 --> 00:23:01,414
We're just a long stream
of ones and zeros.
353
00:23:03,254 --> 00:23:04,493
Here's a question.
354
00:23:04,494 --> 00:23:08,494
Why the fuck would you do that?!
355
00:23:10,494 --> 00:23:11,733
I like you.
356
00:23:11,734 --> 00:23:13,213
You don't even know me!
357
00:23:13,214 --> 00:23:15,733
It's me.
358
00:23:15,734 --> 00:23:18,373
Leah.
359
00:23:18,374 --> 00:23:20,613
The other night?
360
00:23:20,614 --> 00:23:22,613
At the support group?
361
00:23:22,614 --> 00:23:25,813
You spat biscuit in me face!
362
00:23:25,814 --> 00:23:28,373
That was me.
363
00:23:28,374 --> 00:23:32,374
I was... downloaded into my
friend's body.
364
00:23:32,774 --> 00:23:34,693
OK.
365
00:23:34,694 --> 00:23:36,133
I don't want to get heavy with
you,
366
00:23:36,134 --> 00:23:39,853
but I'm done with all your little
computer games, OK?
367
00:23:39,854 --> 00:23:41,253
I want out.
368
00:23:41,254 --> 00:23:42,533
Game over!
369
00:23:42,534 --> 00:23:45,013
I thought you liked me.
370
00:23:45,014 --> 00:23:48,533
Well, call me old-fashioned, but
you kind of blew it when you turned me
371
00:23:48,534 --> 00:23:50,493
into a string of ones and zeros
372
00:23:50,494 --> 00:23:52,933
and kept me prisoner in a
virtual bedsit.
373
00:23:52,934 --> 00:23:54,733
It's better this way!
374
00:23:54,734 --> 00:23:55,893
I hate it out there.
375
00:23:55,894 --> 00:23:57,653
You're a fucking nutter!
376
00:23:57,654 --> 00:24:00,413
Just great - perfect.
377
00:24:00,414 --> 00:24:02,133
I-I finally meet a girl that I
really... Oh!
378
00:24:02,134 --> 00:24:03,213
What?
379
00:24:03,214 --> 00:24:04,573
Nothin'.
380
00:24:04,574 --> 00:24:07,533
You just need some time
to get your head around it.
381
00:24:07,534 --> 00:24:09,493
I've got me head round it.
382
00:24:09,494 --> 00:24:10,853
Yeah, I think I have.
383
00:24:10,854 --> 00:24:11,933
Er, I want out!
384
00:24:11,934 --> 00:24:15,373
I know we can be happy!
385
00:24:15,374 --> 00:24:17,413
Where are you going?
386
00:24:17,414 --> 00:24:19,413
You can't keep me in here!
387
00:24:19,414 --> 00:24:22,294
Let me go!
388
00:24:26,734 --> 00:24:30,093
You can't do this!
389
00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:31,627
Let me go!
390
00:24:49,677 --> 00:24:52,556
It was really weird, because
I was walking across the estate
391
00:24:52,557 --> 00:24:54,817
and people were looking at me...
392
00:24:54,827 --> 00:24:56,827
..and laughing.
393
00:24:56,831 --> 00:25:00,151
It's happened three times now.
394
00:25:00,219 --> 00:25:04,819
This one guy was really staring at
me with this big smirk on his face.
395
00:25:04,854 --> 00:25:07,853
Oh, honestly! Bloody hell.
396
00:25:07,854 --> 00:25:11,854
What a strange and unpredictable
world we all bloody live in.
397
00:25:12,374 --> 00:25:15,013
My office.
398
00:25:15,014 --> 00:25:19,014
Now. Yep.
399
00:25:23,814 --> 00:25:27,013
I want to tell you a story...
400
00:25:27,014 --> 00:25:28,973
OK.
401
00:25:28,974 --> 00:25:32,974
This story involves a young man who
developed an affection for another
402
00:25:33,454 --> 00:25:34,733
young man.
403
00:25:34,734 --> 00:25:38,533
When the young man could
repress his feelings no longer,
404
00:25:38,534 --> 00:25:40,933
he made a video...
405
00:25:40,934 --> 00:25:44,934
..expressing his desires
via the medium of poetry.
406
00:25:46,214 --> 00:25:49,373
And the young man sent the
video by electronic mail,
407
00:25:49,374 --> 00:25:53,374
or e-mail, as it was to become
known.
408
00:25:54,374 --> 00:25:58,013
Five minutes later,
there was a ping in his inbox
409
00:25:58,014 --> 00:26:00,013
and then another...
410
00:26:00,014 --> 00:26:03,413
and then another.
411
00:26:03,414 --> 00:26:07,414
It transpires that the other young
man did not share his feelings...
412
00:26:09,374 --> 00:26:11,813
He found the poem amusing,
413
00:26:11,814 --> 00:26:14,573
so he shared it with
everyone he knew
414
00:26:14,574 --> 00:26:18,574
who shared it with everyone
they knew and so on and so forth.
415
00:26:19,334 --> 00:26:22,613
And the young man was understandably
upset by this cruel rejection,
416
00:26:22,614 --> 00:26:24,813
so confronted the
object of his desires
417
00:26:24,814 --> 00:26:28,773
in a deserted
underground car park.
418
00:26:28,774 --> 00:26:32,774
And with tears
streaming down his face...
419
00:26:33,294 --> 00:26:37,294
..he recited the poem again...
420
00:26:38,374 --> 00:26:42,374
..as he beat the other
young man to a bloody pulp.
421
00:26:45,214 --> 00:26:48,533
Do you see my point?
422
00:26:48,534 --> 00:26:52,534
Not really.
423
00:26:58,134 --> 00:27:01,773
Perhaps this will help you.
424
00:27:01,774 --> 00:27:05,774
Gah!
425
00:27:11,174 --> 00:27:13,453
Korean mash-up.
426
00:27:13,454 --> 00:27:15,573
Gah-gah-gah Uh! Uh!
427
00:27:15,574 --> 00:27:18,373
Gah-gah-gah Uh! Uh!
428
00:27:18,374 --> 00:27:22,374
Hnn, hnn, hnn, hnn...
429
00:27:22,734 --> 00:27:26,734
Why is there a video of me
shitting on the internet?
430
00:27:26,814 --> 00:27:27,853
What d'you mean?
431
00:27:27,854 --> 00:27:29,853
Making toilet on the internet?
432
00:27:29,854 --> 00:27:32,013
Damn you, Bill Gates!
That's out of order, man.
433
00:27:32,014 --> 00:27:35,933
Can't believe it.
It was you, wasn't it?
434
00:27:35,934 --> 00:27:38,973
Can I just... Let me just say...
Let me just say in me defence...
435
00:27:38,974 --> 00:27:40,813
Look, we've all made
bloody mistakes.
436
00:27:40,814 --> 00:27:44,093
Aaaah!
Fucking 'ell! Jess!
437
00:27:44,094 --> 00:27:46,133
What the fuck?! Jess!
438
00:27:46,134 --> 00:27:47,493
Ow!
439
00:27:47,494 --> 00:27:49,453
Jesus fucking Christ!
440
00:27:49,454 --> 00:27:53,454
Argh!
441
00:27:57,174 --> 00:28:00,173
I brought you some pizza.
442
00:28:00,174 --> 00:28:04,093
You think you can just win me over
with a few slices of pizza?
443
00:28:04,094 --> 00:28:05,173
Pathetic!
444
00:28:05,174 --> 00:28:06,413
I'll come back later.
445
00:28:06,414 --> 00:28:09,333
Whoa, wait...
What kind of pizza is it?
446
00:28:09,334 --> 00:28:13,334
Hawaiian.
447
00:28:17,854 --> 00:28:20,773
You're the one who wanted to
come and talk about our issues,
448
00:28:20,774 --> 00:28:24,493
which, for the record, are
all in your weak little mind.
449
00:28:24,494 --> 00:28:27,693
But that is before I realised
how important this group is.
450
00:28:27,694 --> 00:28:31,694
Do you know, honestly, you are like
a bull with an 'ard-on in a china shop,
451
00:28:32,014 --> 00:28:34,293
it's ridiculous.
452
00:28:34,294 --> 00:28:37,613
Is this about Jess?
I just... I don't know what to do...
453
00:28:37,614 --> 00:28:40,373
You try and do the good thing,
the right thing, the noble thing,
454
00:28:40,374 --> 00:28:41,813
and what d'you have to show for it?
455
00:28:41,814 --> 00:28:44,053
A friggin' broken 'eart
and a ruptured testicle.
456
00:28:44,054 --> 00:28:45,333
Hm.
457
00:28:45,334 --> 00:28:49,334
I'll see you later.
Brilliant.
458
00:28:53,494 --> 00:28:55,493
Fuck me.
459
00:28:55,494 --> 00:28:59,494
All right?
460
00:28:59,814 --> 00:29:02,173
Don't ever let your testicles
get viciously beaten
461
00:29:02,174 --> 00:29:03,373
with a wooden broom handle.
462
00:29:03,374 --> 00:29:05,253
I'll keep that in mind.
463
00:29:05,254 --> 00:29:06,773
Do.
464
00:29:06,774 --> 00:29:09,813
So I hear you and Finn
were in the bar the other night,
465
00:29:09,814 --> 00:29:12,533
it was all getting a little bit Lisa King
in the crotch department, wasn't it?
466
00:29:12,534 --> 00:29:13,613
Eh?
467
00:29:13,614 --> 00:29:16,653
The brook does bubbleth over.
468
00:29:16,654 --> 00:29:19,373
I don't know what you're talking
about. Of course you don't know.
469
00:29:19,374 --> 00:29:21,133
A lady doesn't speak of such
matters.
470
00:29:21,134 --> 00:29:24,253
Was Madame satisfied?
471
00:29:24,254 --> 00:29:26,613
No, really, I don't know
what you're talking about.
472
00:29:26,614 --> 00:29:27,853
I'm talking about Madame.
473
00:29:27,854 --> 00:29:29,893
And Master Finlay,
I presume he's to be found
474
00:29:29,894 --> 00:29:31,973
in a pool of his own
bodily fluids somewhere.
475
00:29:31,974 --> 00:29:34,693
Who's Finlay? For God's sake,
Finlay is the small,
476
00:29:34,694 --> 00:29:37,133
well-intentioned monkey-ish
little fellow. You...
477
00:29:37,134 --> 00:29:41,134
You are L...
You're Leah, aren't you?
478
00:29:42,254 --> 00:29:44,253
Oh, I get it. I'm sorry.
479
00:29:44,254 --> 00:29:45,653
You're embarrassed.
480
00:29:45,654 --> 00:29:46,933
And deeply ashamed.
481
00:29:46,934 --> 00:29:48,613
Just wink three times and I'll know.
482
00:29:48,614 --> 00:29:50,893
It wasn't me.
483
00:29:50,894 --> 00:29:53,733
I think it was my friend, Leah.
484
00:29:53,734 --> 00:29:57,734
I think she did something to me.
485
00:30:01,814 --> 00:30:04,693
Look, in a couple of days,
everybody is going to be going crazy
486
00:30:04,694 --> 00:30:08,694
about a new video of a...
of a dancing cat, or...
487
00:30:09,574 --> 00:30:12,813
Or the grizzly bear
chasing the dwarf!
488
00:30:12,814 --> 00:30:16,814
It's a classic, his little legs...!
489
00:30:18,014 --> 00:30:20,013
Anyway, my point is,
no-one remembers it.
490
00:30:20,014 --> 00:30:21,653
You obviously remember it.
491
00:30:21,654 --> 00:30:24,133
I think you looked
rather cute, actually,
492
00:30:24,134 --> 00:30:26,493
your face all screwed up
and contorted.
493
00:30:26,494 --> 00:30:29,893
Will you please just
shut the fuck up?!
494
00:30:29,894 --> 00:30:31,813
Guys! No! Stop!
495
00:30:31,814 --> 00:30:33,973
Can I just say, in my defence...
496
00:30:33,974 --> 00:30:35,893
No, you f...! Don't!
497
00:30:35,894 --> 00:30:37,173
Not the testicles!
498
00:30:37,174 --> 00:30:39,613
For God's sake!
499
00:30:39,614 --> 00:30:43,614
I think Finn's in trouble.
500
00:30:44,214 --> 00:30:46,373
So... how does
this girl's power work?
501
00:30:46,374 --> 00:30:48,173
Well, I don't know.
Her mate seems to think
502
00:30:48,174 --> 00:30:49,733
it's something to do with computers
503
00:30:49,734 --> 00:30:51,773
and friggin' inserting yourself
into people.
504
00:30:51,774 --> 00:30:54,573
I don't really understand it, but
she has got our little monkey man
505
00:30:54,574 --> 00:30:56,773
and I, for one, will not
let him be experimented on.
506
00:30:56,774 --> 00:30:59,293
Unless she's dressing him up, man,
like one of them chimps
507
00:30:59,294 --> 00:31:03,294
in the PG Tip adverts,
then colour me amused.
508
00:31:07,254 --> 00:31:11,254
Can I just say, in my defence...?
509
00:31:12,014 --> 00:31:14,774
Oh, my God!
510
00:31:17,934 --> 00:31:19,413
Finn?
511
00:31:19,414 --> 00:31:21,293
Oh, shit!
512
00:31:21,294 --> 00:31:23,353
She's fucking killed him!
513
00:31:23,354 --> 00:31:24,873
Finn,
514
00:31:24,874 --> 00:31:27,854
I never had a chance to
tell you, dude, it was me!
515
00:31:27,882 --> 00:31:30,122
I stole the birthday money
from your gran,
516
00:31:30,137 --> 00:31:31,776
but I were only borrowing it, dude!
517
00:31:31,777 --> 00:31:33,296
I were going to pay you back!
518
00:31:33,297 --> 00:31:36,496
He's got a pulse,
he's still alive.
519
00:31:36,497 --> 00:31:40,497
He doesn't need to know about the birthday
money from his gran, it was only 20 quid.
520
00:31:40,737 --> 00:31:42,816
He's in here.
521
00:31:42,817 --> 00:31:46,817
She's got him on a memory stick.
522
00:31:49,217 --> 00:31:50,256
It's good pizza.
523
00:31:50,257 --> 00:31:52,336
I'm glad you like it.
524
00:31:52,337 --> 00:31:56,337
This doesn't mean I want to stay
here.
525
00:31:57,457 --> 00:32:00,216
It's not even real.
526
00:32:00,217 --> 00:32:03,816
It's just ones and zeros.
527
00:32:03,817 --> 00:32:07,817
This isn't even real tinned
pineapple, is it?
528
00:32:12,697 --> 00:32:16,176
When was the last time
you left your flat?
529
00:32:16,177 --> 00:32:17,576
The day of the storm.
530
00:32:17,577 --> 00:32:19,456
Wow!
531
00:32:19,457 --> 00:32:22,736
You really need to get out more.
532
00:32:22,737 --> 00:32:25,496
Really!
533
00:32:25,497 --> 00:32:28,816
I used to go out.
534
00:32:28,817 --> 00:32:30,936
Gradually, I just...
535
00:32:30,937 --> 00:32:32,736
stopped.
536
00:32:32,737 --> 00:32:35,296
Everything's easier online.
537
00:32:35,297 --> 00:32:38,256
You chat to who you want to chat to,
you decide you don't like them,
538
00:32:38,257 --> 00:32:39,856
one click and they're gone.
539
00:32:39,857 --> 00:32:43,096
You never have to see 'em again.
540
00:32:43,097 --> 00:32:45,216
They take the piss.
541
00:32:45,217 --> 00:32:48,216
Click.
542
00:32:48,217 --> 00:32:52,217
They act like a dick. Click.
543
00:32:53,217 --> 00:32:56,696
You embarrass yourself... Click.
544
00:32:56,697 --> 00:33:00,697
See, it's not like being out there,
you're in control.
545
00:33:01,737 --> 00:33:04,336
If it works for you, great.
546
00:33:04,337 --> 00:33:07,536
'I like it out there.
547
00:33:07,537 --> 00:33:10,576
'You stay here and click away,
because I'm going to be on my way.'
548
00:33:10,577 --> 00:33:13,776
We can be happy in here, I know
we can. We've everything we need.
549
00:33:13,777 --> 00:33:15,136
If you're so happy,
550
00:33:15,137 --> 00:33:18,416
then why were you
at the support group?
551
00:33:18,417 --> 00:33:20,456
Why were you there if...
552
00:33:20,457 --> 00:33:22,456
you didn't want help?
553
00:33:22,457 --> 00:33:24,936
If this is so great,
why were you there?
554
00:33:24,937 --> 00:33:26,616
Why were you there?
555
00:33:26,617 --> 00:33:30,617
Because I'm lonely!
556
00:33:38,017 --> 00:33:42,017
Of course you're lonely.
557
00:33:42,257 --> 00:33:45,856
You never leave your flat.
558
00:33:45,857 --> 00:33:47,656
You tell her, Finn.
559
00:33:47,657 --> 00:33:49,656
You soft twat.
560
00:33:49,657 --> 00:33:50,816
Shut up, this is good.
561
00:33:50,817 --> 00:33:54,096
'Life is just passing you by.'
562
00:33:54,097 --> 00:33:55,336
Real life.
563
00:33:55,337 --> 00:33:58,176
And yeah, it's shit sometimes.
564
00:33:58,177 --> 00:34:02,177
But you need the shit
to appreciate the good things.
565
00:34:02,457 --> 00:34:03,496
Like...
566
00:34:03,497 --> 00:34:07,497
the first time you meet
a girl you fancy.
567
00:34:08,537 --> 00:34:09,856
That...
568
00:34:09,857 --> 00:34:12,616
shy little flutter.
569
00:34:12,617 --> 00:34:16,617
I had that when I met you.
570
00:34:19,657 --> 00:34:22,096
At the support group,
I asked you for a drink.
571
00:34:22,097 --> 00:34:23,536
That wasn't even me.
572
00:34:23,537 --> 00:34:24,776
It was.
573
00:34:24,777 --> 00:34:27,256
It was you, it was your
personality.
574
00:34:27,257 --> 00:34:31,216
You're prettier than
your friend, anyway.
575
00:34:31,217 --> 00:34:33,296
I'm... I'm not saying, like,
she's a munter...
576
00:34:33,297 --> 00:34:35,616
or...
577
00:34:35,617 --> 00:34:38,136
You're prettier.
578
00:34:38,137 --> 00:34:42,137
We could give it a try,
out there.
579
00:34:42,257 --> 00:34:45,176
I like ya. You're just saying that
so I let you go.
580
00:34:45,177 --> 00:34:48,016
You'll leave and you'll
never come back. No!
581
00:34:48,017 --> 00:34:51,176
If you like me, you can
stay in here with me.
582
00:34:51,177 --> 00:34:53,456
No, no! No!
583
00:34:53,457 --> 00:34:54,936
Finlay!
584
00:34:54,937 --> 00:34:56,096
Finlay!
585
00:34:56,097 --> 00:34:57,256
Finlay!
586
00:34:57,257 --> 00:34:59,296
Let him go!
587
00:34:59,297 --> 00:35:03,297
Right...
588
00:35:03,937 --> 00:35:06,416
Shit!
589
00:35:06,417 --> 00:35:10,417
I'm all out of brilliant ideas.
590
00:35:10,897 --> 00:35:12,496
You don't know what you're missing.
591
00:35:12,497 --> 00:35:16,497
Five foot four-and-a-quarter
inches of sheer magnificence.
592
00:35:22,737 --> 00:35:23,856
No.
593
00:35:23,857 --> 00:35:27,857
No!
594
00:35:37,817 --> 00:35:40,456
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
595
00:35:40,457 --> 00:35:44,457
Quick, quick, quick!
596
00:35:45,857 --> 00:35:47,816
He's in.
597
00:35:47,817 --> 00:35:51,817
Where's the memory stick?
I've got it.
598
00:35:56,377 --> 00:36:00,377
His phone!
599
00:36:02,297 --> 00:36:06,297
OK, so how are we going to get Finn
out of here and into his body?
600
00:36:06,577 --> 00:36:07,616
Well...
601
00:36:07,617 --> 00:36:10,216
Guys, luckily for young Finlay
down here,
602
00:36:10,217 --> 00:36:12,336
one of us has a masters
degree in computer science.
603
00:36:12,337 --> 00:36:14,936
Yeah, but you don't actually have a
masters degree in computer science,
604
00:36:14,937 --> 00:36:17,577
do you? You have a fake certificate
that you printed off the internet.
605
00:36:18,617 --> 00:36:21,977
It this about the shitting? Because
seriously... For fuck's sake.
606
00:36:22,257 --> 00:36:23,577
Hello?
607
00:36:30,472 --> 00:36:32,392
That was refreshingly easy.
608
00:36:32,438 --> 00:36:34,757
I think we're getting better
at this stuff, guys.
609
00:36:34,758 --> 00:36:37,317
Why don't I take him home with me
and then I can look after him
610
00:36:37,318 --> 00:36:38,837
while we all figure out what
we're going to do?
611
00:36:38,838 --> 00:36:42,838
You? You want to look after him?
What are you gonna do with him?
612
00:36:44,155 --> 00:36:45,194
Give him a bath.
613
00:36:45,195 --> 00:36:46,554
Scented candles.
614
00:36:46,555 --> 00:36:48,874
Everyone likes a scented candle.
Mm-hm.
615
00:36:48,875 --> 00:36:52,594
Yeah, and, um, you can drive him
home in your new car,
616
00:36:52,595 --> 00:36:53,714
can't you?
617
00:36:53,715 --> 00:36:55,634
Yeah.
618
00:36:55,635 --> 00:36:57,314
Have you got a new car?
619
00:36:57,315 --> 00:36:59,554
Am I on the insurance? Oh, my God!
620
00:36:59,555 --> 00:37:01,274
Let's get a caravan.
Give me the memory stick.
621
00:37:01,275 --> 00:37:03,394
We'll get on the ferry, we'll just go
to France, load up with baguettes,
622
00:37:03,395 --> 00:37:05,634
just fucking drive, guys,
you know what I mean?
623
00:37:05,635 --> 00:37:07,755
It's her.
She's downloaded into Alex.
624
00:37:07,756 --> 00:37:11,176
Look, we can be together...
625
00:37:11,194 --> 00:37:12,934
I can make him happy.
626
00:37:13,018 --> 00:37:14,838
Handsome Barman, dude, seriously.
627
00:37:14,865 --> 00:37:16,504
Are you in there at all?
628
00:37:16,505 --> 00:37:20,504
Argh!
Gimme the memory stick.
629
00:37:20,505 --> 00:37:22,024
Don't make me hurt you.
630
00:37:22,025 --> 00:37:26,025
OK.
631
00:37:31,065 --> 00:37:33,424
Jesus Christ!
632
00:37:33,425 --> 00:37:37,425
Go, go, go!
633
00:37:46,705 --> 00:37:50,705
Whoa!
634
00:37:55,465 --> 00:37:58,024
What's happening? Ssh!
635
00:37:58,025 --> 00:38:00,744
He's talking to the caretaker.
636
00:38:00,745 --> 00:38:04,745
The most noble of all professions.
637
00:38:04,785 --> 00:38:06,944
Argh!
638
00:38:06,945 --> 00:38:10,945
He's fucking head-butted him!
Do one!
639
00:38:12,825 --> 00:38:16,825
Shit!
640
00:38:19,105 --> 00:38:23,105
It's a dead end!
641
00:39:31,705 --> 00:39:33,865
I think he's gone. Argh!
642
00:40:11,385 --> 00:40:13,944
Well... nailed to the floor.
643
00:40:13,945 --> 00:40:16,544
That's a first.
Speak for yourself.
644
00:40:16,545 --> 00:40:20,225
School play, Crucifixion
re-enactment gone badly awry.
645
00:40:42,945 --> 00:40:46,945
Hi.
646
00:40:48,145 --> 00:40:52,145
Hi.
647
00:40:58,265 --> 00:40:59,784
Help!
648
00:40:59,785 --> 00:41:00,864
Hi!
649
00:41:00,865 --> 00:41:04,865
Hello? Hi!
650
00:41:06,905 --> 00:41:08,344
Oh!
651
00:41:08,345 --> 00:41:10,624
You're electro girl,
me doppelganger's looking for you.
652
00:41:10,625 --> 00:41:12,704
He wants to speak to you
about a jumper or something.
653
00:41:12,705 --> 00:41:15,224
What are you doing?
654
00:41:15,225 --> 00:41:16,464
I... I know it's a big ask,
655
00:41:16,465 --> 00:41:18,224
but is there any chance at all
656
00:41:18,225 --> 00:41:20,704
that you could pull these
nails out of us?
657
00:41:20,705 --> 00:41:24,224
I'm...
on my way to a job, so...
658
00:41:24,225 --> 00:41:26,584
"I'm on my way to a job."
659
00:41:26,585 --> 00:41:29,064
That's what the Good Samaritan said
to Jesus when he found him
660
00:41:29,065 --> 00:41:30,704
nailed to the Cross,
but do you know what?
661
00:41:30,705 --> 00:41:31,984
He friggin' un-nailed him
662
00:41:31,985 --> 00:41:34,584
and then he said, "Do you want to
kip in me stable with that donkey
663
00:41:34,585 --> 00:41:36,824
"from... Bethlehem?"
664
00:41:36,825 --> 00:41:39,144
And Jesus said...
Do you know what he said? He went,
665
00:41:39,145 --> 00:41:41,744
"Oh, cheers, mate.
See that water over there?
666
00:41:41,745 --> 00:41:44,744
"I'm gonna turn that into wine.
667
00:41:44,745 --> 00:41:45,824
"And fish."
668
00:41:45,825 --> 00:41:47,464
You really know your Bible,
don't you?
669
00:41:47,465 --> 00:41:51,024
Me faith's very important to me.
670
00:41:51,025 --> 00:41:52,984
For fuck's sake.
671
00:41:52,985 --> 00:41:54,864
Whoa, careful, careful, careful.
672
00:41:54,865 --> 00:41:56,584
Come with me.
673
00:41:56,585 --> 00:41:59,904
Don't. You can do this!
674
00:41:59,905 --> 00:42:03,905
I'll be with you.
675
00:42:15,625 --> 00:42:19,625
Come on.
676
00:42:21,185 --> 00:42:23,464
Don't worry,
there's nothing to be scared of.
677
00:42:23,465 --> 00:42:25,264
Nobody's going to hurt you.
678
00:42:25,265 --> 00:42:27,224
Get off my monkey, you crazy bitch!
679
00:42:27,225 --> 00:42:30,224
Leave her alone!
What happened?
680
00:42:30,225 --> 00:42:32,824
She has been inserting herself
into you, dude,
681
00:42:32,825 --> 00:42:34,664
and not in a fucking
"I'm not gay,
682
00:42:34,665 --> 00:42:37,424
"I just want to know how it feels"
kind of way, neither.
683
00:42:37,425 --> 00:42:38,864
I'll handle this.
684
00:42:38,865 --> 00:42:41,824
I think you'll find
she's already been handled.
685
00:42:41,825 --> 00:42:45,264
By me.
686
00:42:45,265 --> 00:42:49,265
In there.
687
00:43:04,345 --> 00:43:06,824
Can I just say in my defence...
Just don't, just stop!
688
00:43:06,825 --> 00:43:09,224
Jess! Please, just...
There are things
689
00:43:09,225 --> 00:43:11,064
I need to tell you and I just...
690
00:43:11,065 --> 00:43:12,544
You need to listen.
691
00:43:12,545 --> 00:43:14,904
The business with the defecation,
692
00:43:14,905 --> 00:43:17,024
perhaps that was an error of...
No, it was,
693
00:43:17,025 --> 00:43:19,144
it was an error of judgment
on my part,
694
00:43:19,145 --> 00:43:23,145
but my motives,
they were true and bloody noble.
695
00:43:25,825 --> 00:43:28,224
Watching you defecate your guts out,
696
00:43:28,225 --> 00:43:30,024
it didn't put me off you at all.
697
00:43:30,025 --> 00:43:31,224
At all!
698
00:43:31,225 --> 00:43:34,024
There is no greater test
of a man's feelings.
699
00:43:34,025 --> 00:43:38,025
I have seen you turn shit-ugly.
700
00:43:38,785 --> 00:43:40,904
But...
701
00:43:40,905 --> 00:43:42,384
But to me, it was shit beautiful.
702
00:43:42,385 --> 00:43:43,704
You are...
703
00:43:43,705 --> 00:43:47,705
You're a beautiful shitter.
704
00:43:55,225 --> 00:43:59,225
What?
705
00:44:15,305 --> 00:44:18,024
Hang on, hang on.
706
00:44:18,025 --> 00:44:22,025
It's not just a one-off thing,
is it? I mean...
707
00:44:22,425 --> 00:44:26,425
You are going to be my girlfriend,
aren't you?
708
00:44:27,025 --> 00:44:30,064
I'll be your girlfriend.
709
00:44:30,065 --> 00:44:34,065
Yeah? Yeah.
710
00:45:00,825 --> 00:45:02,064
Oh...
711
00:45:02,065 --> 00:45:03,304
Um...
712
00:45:03,305 --> 00:45:05,624
I... I'm sorry... Um...
713
00:45:05,625 --> 00:45:09,544
Last week, you shocked me
and you restarted my heart.
714
00:45:09,545 --> 00:45:12,384
I didn't look like this,
I was an 80-year-old man,
715
00:45:12,385 --> 00:45:13,744
I had senile dementia.
716
00:45:13,745 --> 00:45:15,784
That was you?
717
00:45:15,785 --> 00:45:19,785
Yeah, I just... I didn't get chance
to say thank you or anything and...
718
00:45:21,545 --> 00:45:25,545
Thank you.
719
00:45:30,785 --> 00:45:32,864
Ooh! No, can I just...?
720
00:45:32,865 --> 00:45:35,464
I'm sorry to bother you,
it's about a jumper.
721
00:45:35,465 --> 00:45:38,904
Are you some kind of
knitwear salesman?
722
00:45:38,905 --> 00:45:41,544
I've seen the future.
723
00:45:41,545 --> 00:45:45,545
And I think it might be your future.
724
00:45:48,905 --> 00:45:51,744
So what happens to me?
725
00:45:51,745 --> 00:45:55,745
I think you become
a proper superhero.
726
00:45:57,825 --> 00:46:00,384
It's a support group for terminally
ill young people.
727
00:46:00,385 --> 00:46:02,424
I'm one of their care assistants.
728
00:46:02,425 --> 00:46:04,904
It's not fucking fair.
729
00:46:04,905 --> 00:46:05,944
What can you do?
730
00:46:05,945 --> 00:46:07,664
Yes!
731
00:46:07,665 --> 00:46:11,304
Fuck you, you fucking loser!
732
00:46:11,305 --> 00:46:12,784
Holding someone, it...
733
00:46:12,785 --> 00:46:14,585
It makes me feel alive.
734
00:46:15,625 --> 00:46:17,184
What's going on?
735
00:46:17,185 --> 00:46:19,464
I don't know what's going
on with him.
736
00:46:19,465 --> 00:46:21,304
I've got something for you.
737
00:46:21,305 --> 00:46:24,744
Yeah?
738
00:46:24,745 --> 00:46:26,704
This has been a good day.
739
00:46:26,705 --> 00:46:28,952
Yeah, it has been a good day.
740
00:46:28,977 --> 00:47:10,040
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